Nosce te, (humors.) By Richard Turner

NOSCE TE , ( Humors . ) NOsce te , ( Humors ) fantasticke , know thy selfe , The ape of fashions , Natures very Elfe , Here learne , abhorre , reforme thy infamous rumors , Platter fac't Proteus ( Nosce te , Humors . ) MEete swearing Samme ; and say you are glad he 's wel , Euen so is he by you ; he is by hell : Aske him if he a pinte of wine will take , He 'le giue it you ; aye by the Stygian lake : Tell him t' is spoke his dealings are but euill , His humor scorneth rumor , aye by the diuell . This his detested swearing , each man loathes , His oathes are his , God grant , he not his oathes . SEarch from the orient to the occident To find some vnknowne-land by accedent : Wring Prester Iohn by the beard , draw Cham by 'th heeles , Tie such as Hector to our chariot wheeles , Pish , what were this ? now none are famde but drinkers ; Le ts to a tauerne , be as drunke as Tinkers , Drag vp some whores into the roome by'th'haire , Swingde vp the Vintner , throw the Drawer down staires , Rouse out with such a horrid thunder , score . Make Errabus amasde , the Welkin rore , Fall out , scolde , fight , and after all these quarrels , Sucke out the very entrals of the barrels : O had we neuer ended Spanish iarres , Then these had neuer beene our English warres . OTher mens ioyes chifefly from those Ioise descend , Yet ( cruel Ioise ) my ioyes in Ioise haue end , My onely ioyes , by onely Ioise are crost , Ioise is my loue , in whome my ioyes are lost . HArke how he blowes , puffe , he 'l cassear you all Gallants , alane , giue Gurmandise the ●all : O Buttockes ! bigger then a paire of butt's , The very paragon of grease and guts , Atturney , I crie you mercy , now I le sweare T is he hath made tuftaffatie so deare , A sixeyearde iacket's nothing , for i le tell ye Th' ers a huge circuit bout his boundles belly ; Ale by whole runnes , the vastiles conceales , T is strange , no tripe-wife for his garbage deales , Yet all 's not lost by feeding Gurmandise , Then weepe not ( Besse ) for when thy husband dies , Doe thou but seeth the entrals of the chuffe , Thou art worth at least fiue marke in kitching stuffe ; Yet soft , i le make a Proclamation , That cloth and stuffe , may ioine in supplication ; And pray ( O mutton pasties ) goose and pigge , That bellies may breake before they grow so bigge . BLessed Creator ) turne thy cursed creature , The best by name 's become the badst by nature Grace , now giue ore that name , be Grace no more O Grace is graceles , for Grace is a whore . SHine hollow Caues , and thou celestiall round , Droppe downe harmonious accents from thy sphears , Let heaven and earth with merry noise resound , The Flagge hanges out to day thei 'l baite the beares , For how to spend my time I could not tell , Cause al the whores of Lambeth , be in Bridewel . Thus idle Libertines consume their liues , In some detested sinne , some horrid vice , Rauishing maides , dishonesting mens wiues . At tauernes , bawdy houses , playes , whores , dice , They that haue libertie , do thus abuse it , Cursed , nay all most dambd , are they that vse it . MVmme chancing Tom to his eternall grace , The dicing-heraldes did create sise ace , This Tom in gamling was ( forsooth ) so nice No tricke escapte his knowledge on the dice : Barde cater trayes , fullomes , high cuts , low cuts Nay Tom did know the dices very guts , But what auaileth skill , if lucke be bad , Ingratum fatum , Tom lost all he had . When loe to dire reuenge Thomas is drawne , And put his cloake ( despight the dice ) to pawne , But valiant dice better at blowes then brawle Conquerde at armes , cloke , doublet , hose and all , Quoth furious Tom , is this my merit's meede ? A plague vpon 't , heer 's bare — lucke indeed Then cals all villanes , rogues , panders and whores , And in his summer's sute , swinges out of dores , Catch-poles , and bruers horses , giue the wall , Or breechles Thomas sweares hee 'l bang you all . MEndoso's turnd , what ? swaggerer , by this light , I am sure he is not , beleaue't he is , hee 'l fight , Hee 's rich and valiant , as a man may be , London affordes none properer then he , See how he laughes , nay , prethee doe not score it , I am sure t is true , I heard him when he swore it , Trust me you wrong the Gentleman , nay fie , T is a lest indeed , Mendoso sweare and lie . A Gentleman , why ? he hath beene once or twise Why , I hope to God a Seruing man may rise , Why name you Ambodexter mongst the rest , Did he follow him ? t is true , he did in iest , The other morning to disgest his canne , To cut Tobacco , he swore he mist his man , Disgrac't to fil't himselfe , in a great rage Can curse the Earle , that needes would haue his Page , He had a Page , he lies that dare say nay , Three daies he seru'd him , ere he runne away : He 's turnd I assure you , lies as well as many , Bids God renounce his soule better than any : Cries ( villaines ) I haue learnd a new Carouse , No man comes neere me in a Bawdie house : When others pawnd their land , he spent no ground , Because he had none : but almost three hundred pound . He spent indeed a little which he got , Question not how , perchance it was his lot . AS my yong Mistris walked by her gate , A Beggar askt her worship for a pennie , Shee prizing worship at the lowest rate , Bade him be packing for he gote not any : Another kneeling , came with ( good your honor ) And t' was no maruell , for shee wore a Hood : Shee hearing such a title put vpon her , I warrant ( quoth shee ) his breeding hath bin good : Out came her purse , and money , read how much , A penny faith , her honors bounty was such . TOuch not my Rapier , for by my rapiers hilt , If thou defile my rapier with thy sight , Then by the radiance of my rapiers gilt , My rapier sends you to eternall night : But see it quoth a ? know slaue , my rapier scornes The vile beholding of so base a groome . What will you faith ? come , come , I le cut your cornes : Die ( villaine ) die , or quickly leaue the roome , C ham not so simple , quoth the countrey clowne , To runne away for euery Mouse that cries . Chau beene the lustiest man in all our town : Quoth Hot-spurre ( O my spleene ) by Ioue he dies . Plain-dealing Tom , esteeming that course best , Drew a hudge Ale-house dagger from his backe : Put vp , quoth Hot-spurre , canst abide no iest , In conscience I should beate thee like a sacke : Rusticke was ready , Hot-spurre gan to fawne , Faith hee 'd haue beate him , if he had not drawne . OBtaine of me my liuing , lands and life , Obtaine the nightly lodging with my wife : Commaund me hang my selfe , nay fight for thee , Nay ( sweet friend ) my rapier must be free What else I haue , by your name is knowne , What 's mine 's my friende's , saue only that 's mine owne : Of mettels strange , of composition rare , Like Mars his sword , my rapier scornes compare , Is not possession to thefts fier fuel ? Whoe'd trust security such a iewel ? Who hath your rapier that you doe not feare it ? Nay , where 's your rapier that you do not weare it ? O sir , so many cans of expence , Why doe you laugh ? faith t is not pawnd for sixpence . SPlendor of nature , luster of a nose , Whose colour far exceeds the reddest rose , A radiant nose , for brightnes glorious , A nose whose greatnes is notorious , All moderne noses this nose farre out goes , A handfull brode , why t is monstrous for a nose . Mirosos comming to a tauerne neere , In gallant tearmes began to curse and sweare , This roguish house , what the poxe brought me hither , What are these rogues and whores gone altogether : T is a maingie house , here gentlemen may starue , Whilst knaues and drabs are playing that should serue : Anone saies one , may it please your worship dine , My leasure is ( you slaue ) to drinke some wine . What smell is this ? faugh , here is a filthy fogge , A shaking roome , able to choke a dogge : Such durty towels , rude cushions , rotten stooles , Plague on such Beggar-masters , and men fooles . A quart of Ipocras fresh , neat , and pure , Now by my bl●de , I shall be angrie sure : The boy with humble flexure doth decline , And ●●dging to the Celler downe for wine , Meane while Miroso's gone , and wot you why ? ●oxe take the Beaker , must he stand so nie . I Haue a loue by whom the morning rise Lookes still to haue her blushing glory tainted , Were they not bleard , O shee had excellent eies ▪ The world affoards a face no better painted : A lippe like to Diana , her fountaines brincke , Heauens for a breath , O that it did not stincke . Didst thou but see with what facilitie Shee winnes a louer with an amorous looke , Thou 'dst consecrate to all eternitie Her famous name , within some brasen booke . Lightning of Nature , beauties amazing thunder , The rogue doth smile , t' would make your worshippe wonder . Compared to her priceles-valued minde , Perfections richest jewell is but poore , One cannot wish a wench to be more kind , Mistake me not for a Pandor , her a whore : For if you doe , you wrong vs not a little , You may know we are honest , cause we liue at Spittle . MY Ladie 's sicke , no earthly thing can cure her , Shee lookes so grimme , no creature can endure her , O fetch no Doctors , t' were but idle cost , Her boxe , pomatum , life , and all , are lost . SEeke not to comfort me , my wife is dead , Gush forth salt tears , drown euery sence with weeping , Last night I was so troubled in my bedde , That for my life , I could not wake for sleeping : Nor can I stand for leaping , weepe for wincking , Nor hardly eate a bit of bread for drinking . Thus in most pittious manner haue I liu'd , This too too tedious time , two daies with my maid , Neuer like me was any creature grieu'd , Ere since her death , for very woe I haue plaid : No maruell , for I could not worke for sweating , Nor could the egges be butterd ere I was eating . Yet now at last , it 's time , it 's time , adue , Liue ( loued soule ) for euer in sweet blisse : When the old is gone , t' is time to seeke a new , I loue thee deerely ( Besse ) aye by this kisse ; The match is made , and here 's an end of sorrow , Wee 'l lie together to night , marrie to morrowe . HEr nicenesse pleasure is to walke , Roome there for Madam Minx , O fie vpon this bawdie talke , Now faugh , by gisse it stinkes . Why will you not giue place ( sir knaue ) He 'l not attend your fables , Shee loues not to heare of , nor to haue Such fowle euill fauour'd bables . O touch her not , for Dian's sake , Shee 's Venus chiefest scorner , The place you greatly doe mistake , I hope this is no corner . One snatcht her keyes that sate her neere , Because the chaine was gawdie , And put them I 'le not tell you where , Because t is somwhat bawdie . Polluted things , touch not her rings , Your stinking heat shee 'l coole : For fingers twaine , scarce toucht the chaine , And carri'd them to a poole , Where till shee had bestowed great store Of washing the defiled , Shee to her keyes a crowne before , Could not haue reconciled : But happiest men crosses endure , When Fate her might aduances , Nor puritanisme is secure . From greatest of mischances . For within a month , and twenty daies , This Minx surnam'd the Milde , Did make the fowler of her keyes , The father of a childe . SCud coward valour , flie my tempestuous ire And the turbouse tumbling of my whirlewinde fury , So raging spleene , belke out thy sparkling fire , My hands are iudges , and my sword 's the Iury : None scapes with lesse , that dares approch my sight , Than condemnation to eternall night . The extreame torture of his fatall houre , Attends the villaine that 's next obuious , Stretch out my legs , I le walke fiue mile an houre , Soft , now I know , what makes me so outragious : Knew I who would trust me , I 'de goe ease my minde , I am hudge and hungrie cause I haue not din'd . MOngst liquids , R. and L. surpasse the rest , Of consonants , S. X. were , and are best . O Harke my Mistresse comes , where shall I hide me Her ratling silkes prognosticate shee 'l chide me . This peeuish dreaming whore , where is she mising ? That doth so well attend me whilst I am rising , No cussion for my feete , no chaire to sit in , Nor any bason set ( forsooth ) to spit in , A haire lay on my stockinges , doe you ginne to crie ? Nay more ( you queane ) my buske-points stood awry , My shooes an inch asunder , with no sockes in , My kirtle wrinckled bigge as any pinne , Pox on your fingers , are they growne so nise , My girdle trust me , was as cold as ise , Whether runne you ( sirrogue ) what are you blind ? I hold my life , my munkey hath not dinde : Come , dood a , dood a , this villaine must be beaten , This silly worme no bit to day hath eaten , O God is this a life ? iudge ( Gentlemen ) A Gentleumans Monkey fast till ten , With that vnto the trembling boy she skips , And set's her signet seales vpon his lips , And also with the maide shee kindly dealde , Who could not passe in law till shee was sealde , Admire the rising of this curious charmer , Her father is so poore a countrie farmer , That in my conscience t' would content his mind , To eate the scrappes her munkey leaues behind , Farmer ? ( poore man ) ay , and with care obserues To farme the stable as occasion serues GEorge hath a wife which for his dagger cares not , Cause she dares fight when Georges dagger dares not : For when he fell at strawes , and leapt ore stockes , Coursing the can vntil he had catcht a foxe ; She with her nailes examinde so the matter , That he was faine to draw his dagger at her , But yet poore Nouerint conquerde by the cup , Being soundly bangde he sheathde his dagger vp . MIssa will needsly marry with a foole . her reason ; O sir , because he hath an exlent — peace , treason : And reasons moe , the maid doth show , of perfect approbation , Witnes my eare that heard her sweare , it was the Ladies fashion . An other reason that doth moue her take him , I will vnfould , Because ( forsooth ) she doth intend to make him a — Your nicest dames , that dwell by Thames , of fooles are nothing scorning : For the veriest clowne in all the towne , will best endure the horning . TOm had a peny but he had no purse , Tom then a purse esteemb'd , a peny worse , Tom grew in choler , and gan sweare and curse , Tom sould his peny and did buy a purse , Tom was a foole , because in summes disburse , Toms peny is more currant then his purse . TOm waxed thirsty , and went to his brother His purse and belly emptie each as other : His brother kept an honest alehouse neare , Sould exlent bottle ale and double beare , When Tom came there he merily gan fawne , And for a pot would put his purse to pawne , To sell for purses his brother had not any , Tom might haue had a pot now for his peny . O Tom was wise , pence haue too speedy vent , Tom hath his purse , his peny had beene spent , And now if any peny Tom can winne , Tom hath a purse to put his peny in , But now let Tom his purse and peny rest , Tom's good , his purse is better , his peny's best . COme ( gossippe ) sit and talke , looke there 's a stoole I le tell you a wonder , Prudence is a foole , Will wooes , nay woode her , did , nay would ( to be short ) For hee askt , she answearde no , and lost the sport , He askt againe ( O willing wretch ) she would not But strait she wilde , he nilde , she would , he could not . LOoke ( Ladies ) here 's a face , for Gods sake turne you , Pack hence ( ●hacht houses ) or good faith t wil burn you So set with carbuncle , ruby and pearle , T'might well beseeme the wearing of an earle , A nose touching his mouth ( which euer gapes ) Which crusht yeeldes liquor like a bunch of grapes , A chinne as free from beard as any dogge , Saue stubbes more hard then brisles of a hogge : And yet thereof the owner is so nise , No weeke escapes it without shauing twise , O cry you mercy , now the cause I haue learnde He feares lest by his nose , it should be burnde , Why say it should , the course were not so deare , T' would saue him forty shillinges euery yeare , Ay , but therein another danger lies , His burning beard might burne out both his eyes . And that 's the cause his shauing course is such , Such scuruy faces must they cost so much . A Monied foole , is like a woman witty , Neither of either knowing the right vse Should no dies rise , wantons grow wise ? t' were pitty , If one , of one , if both t' weare both's abuse , He would be miserable of his money , Shee prodigall of wit , if she had any , He like a sw●et perfume in stinking shrowde , Shee like one Sunne-shine added to another , Hee 'd be too slauish base , shee too too proud , The flame would burne her's out , the smoake his smother But this conuersion seemes to me the boniest . Let him be wise and rich , she onely honest . FLaminio's chinne scornes euery cut but bare , And yet his head scornes nought , saue onely haire . TI 's merry when gossips sit vpon a bench , To talke of risting Robbin and his wench , Of faire Philip and of Besse the browne , And euery Ducke and Broodgoose in the towne , My henne , saieth one , each weeke seuen egges doth lay , What 's that ? quoth another , mine laies two euery day , The third complaines , she broke her hatchil handels , The fourth hatt the Ouen , the fift made candels , The sixt beganne to sneuill , snore and sneese , The seuenth on fryday made a morninges cheese , By this ; confused babling all doth smother , The lyes are lost , one cannot heare another , Strait all fall out , bout fathering of a fart , They rise , and scold , and scrach , and so depart . A Countrie fellow courser cloth'd then witted , A foolish Lawyer wisely thus hee fitted ; Good sir ( quoth he ) are you necessitie , The Lawyer was amasde exceedingly , And askte him why necessitie ? ( sir Daw ) Forsooth ( quoth he ) because you haue no law . SVsinne's all mettle , onely aire and fire , A wench as merry as one would desire . She 'l looke , she 'l laugh , she 'l dance , she 'l play , she 'l sing , She 'l clippe , she 'l kisse , nay she 'l doe any thing , With any one at cardes she 'l haue a say , And laugh and lie downe , is her common play She playes at tables wel , and true as any , Onely sometimes she 'l beare a man too many : At bowles she beates your cheefest alley-lubbers , Alwaies prouided that they hold out rubbers ; Nay , if you 'l nocke the shafte , she 'l shoote at prickes , She 's nothing else but mirth and meretrix . RObbin doth rise , and forth must needesly goe , Onely to speake but with a friend , or so , But Robbin's wit in wetting's euer shrunke , For Robbin neare comes home , but Robbin's drunke . WIll you not pledge me sir ? now by this light , I care not of a bul rush if I fight : Nay now my resolution naught withstands , Horror and blood attend my murdrous hands : Intreats are vaine , for when I once am willing , The world cannot disswade my blade from killing . He draw'd , and winckt , and thrust and shak't , & swore , And kept him off his rapiers length and more ; Well plaid in faith , masse that had spoild your sport , Had it not beene at least a yard too short . Bullie , put vp , I see thou art a man , Come Tom , by Christ , I le giue thee halfe a Canne . O Face , no face , hath our Theophiles , But the right forme of Mephostophiles : I know t' would serue , and yet I am no wizard , To playe the Diuel in 'th Vault without a vizard ; ( Nature ) be it spoke to thy eternall grace , That a man hath mettle euen in 's very face . NIcke weares three noses in an vnion , Each richly died with skarlet of the best : Nichol●s refused the Communion , Because the parson praied not for his smel-feast : He onely praied for triple-nosed Nicke , Now Nicke was well , but 's nose was hugely sicke . Nicke plaies at tables well ; but O his noses ! For with his eies , the worme-eate slaues play bootie : His lucke in casting's good ; yet still he loses : How can he choose , when 's things are so vnsutie ? For his fellow gamster makes his sincke a sice , Whilst he remooues his nose to see the dice . THe great dispencer of small conscience , Hath made his niggard-name most richly knowne , His money-thirsting soule , that conscious ens Is sure the diuels , though his coyne's his owne : How doth that chuile abuse his pyles of pelfe , That worse then any diuell damnes himselfe . Reply not ( Chance ) though I call thee incestuous whore , Bringing forth golden bastards to thy sonne , To him that hath too much , still giuing more , And yet his auarice hath neuer done . You must be pleas'd with what I said before , For our sir Iohn can prooue you are a whore . Doe you see yon Munkie in the silken hat , His cloake of veluet , and his Ierkin leather , May 't please your worship heare the coxcombe chat , And see him draw his mouth and eies together : So impudently bold , that none can feare him , And sweares and lies , t' would doe you good to heare him . He hath left his reformation now of lockes , How thinke you then his liuing doth come in ? Why he mends the burning feauer , cures the poxe , And gets his liuing by the peoples sinne : Good his head hath , and Rich his heele doth craue , Rich if you will , but good ? in troth he 's a knaue . IF he 's no slaue , that to all vice is thrall , Begges ierkins , hats , hose , dublets , the diuell and all : And of no man of Note , but still doth craue ; Why then praedictus Mounsieur is no slaue . FOrbeare ( impure ) staine not her thought cleare name , The saint's deuoted to the Queene of shame : Most beastly-wicked , man packe speedy hence , O God , come hether with vnchast pretence , Wrinckle ( alluring face ) eies , wanton , nise , Come , come , i le scrach you out , must you entise ? Strait to her maid the gallant doth deliuer A satten gowne , which he had bought to giue her , Which she espying , thus endes her churlish frowne ; Busse me ( Ducke ) sweet , who 'd haue thought , thou hadst had a gown ? CRambde be the guts of begger slaues with mutton , And greasie licking of the dripping panne : I care not for such grosse meates of a button , Giue me a Capon . Zoundes a man 's a man : Must Gallants stand like pusse-cats crying mew ? Drink ( villains ) why ground , I hope you wil look blue Attend vs ( rogues ) Vintner , bring heer your wife And shift her , ( sirra ) in her satten gowne , What is thy Ordinary ? now by Pharoes life , I le leaue it , if 't be vnder halfe a crowne . Ti 's but two shillinges : O extreame disgrace , He scornes to suppe , when suppers grow so base . WHat ailes ( my Fisco ) , prethee ( chucke ) be merry , Thy sadnes makes my sorow passe all boundes : Come Busse thy Mistresse , is my puppy weary ? Some Aquavitae quickly Fisco soundes , I faint with griefe , O beare me to my bed , The paragon of fisting dogs is dead . Then to an Epitaph my selfe i le taske , And thus in brasen letters be it written , Fisco loude butter , and did die of'th laske , For such a prety dogge , O death too shitten , Now all you mourning curres in griefe perseuere , That Fiscoes sifting may be famous euer . BIfronted Peter's head , growne bigge with wife , Yet a loues her whoreshippe as he loues his life , Ay , ( Peter ) winke at small faultes for thy wench Hath a pocky sort of crownes , all onely French . WHat giue ten pound for counsell ? giue a straw , Do you think ther 's any so basely-low prisd law ? Well , yet i le take it , and somewhat I will doe , But t' will not be aboue a word or two , So foule a case as this hath neuer past , Nay , I am as sure as can be , you 'l be cast : With that the discontented Client frownes , And makes a rusling consort mongst his crownes , The which no sooner ( laugh not ) Conscience heares , But presently the case is changde , he sweares , Pardon me ( sir ) I did mistake the course , Assure your selfe , the land is firmely yours . I Know Ann Hill , and yet it is not mons , Both springde , and bridgde , with neither sons nor pons : This Hill hath a wil , O strange , a Hill a will ! Nor fons , pons , mons , yet spring , bridge , yea Ann Hill , Ay , ( Hill ) leaue thy will , or else ( wil ) leaue thy Hill , For Will with Hill , or Hil with Will , doth ill . RIchard and Robert with intent to gull them , Borrowed of Will and Wat a hundred pound , But marke how finely Will and Wat did pull them : For Wat was wit , and Will was wily found : They said themselues had not to ease their sorrow , but if they 'd bring a pawne , they would it borrow . They pawnde a lease of threescore poundes a yeare , Thinking to get it backe againe by craft , For not long after , both come backe and sweare , They are in sute of law , and needes must haue 't . For if it be not showne within three howres , T is lost ( quoth they ) and then nor yours nor ours . Wat laught at this , and Wil or rather wile , With doubled Negatiues their cunning crost , They walkt away in choller , and meane while The time of pay was past , the lease was lost . Thus were these crowes guld by the other dawes , But fallere fallentes non est fraus . OBserue the ponderous sense of euery word : And looke you heer 's a face for any Lord : Doest see this beard ? I tell thee ( groome ) each haire , Then Prester Iohn his crowne , I prize more deare , Note but my carriage , thou seest I am most valiant , Then iudge if I am not a perfect gallant : He learnde coniunction when he went to schoole , For wordes , face , beard , behauiour , als but foole . MAt grewe of late most miserable poore , But of his vncle he was sure of helpe , And comming to his house , knockt at the doore , But marke the currish nature of this whelpe : He knew him not , nor bade him once come in , Knowing torne breeches could not be his kinne . But neuer-alwaies-bad-imperious fortune Rais'd his deserts soone from thridbare to braue , When loe , this worme-eate Churle , seemes to importune The lou'd acquaintance of his Cuzze to haue : What incantation this prowd world bewitches , When men are lesse esteemb'd , then veluet breeches . MIca is turnd religious : why ? he fasteth Long as his pennilesse religion lasteth . A poxe take Pierce , for since his Supplication , Poore Mica's purse was nere in reparation : Goe fagget , how sir ? a seminarie Priest , Why I haue not any crosse about me , seest ? Which croslesse crosse , made Mica's case so cleare , And therefore faire fall nothing once a yeare . WHat 's he that walkes with such a stately grace , And puts downe any Coach-horse for a pace : With a hat as long , and sharpe , as the Dutch steeple , Able to feare ten groates worth of poore people : Who his mustachoes so ascendent weares , They seeme to whisper rebellion in his eares : With a nose , in circuit like a new chang'd moone , And for a face , puts downe your best Baboone . With rapier by his side , halfe a yard more Than would measure Prick-markes off at halfe a score ? Why doe you aske ? cause I may say to you , I heard one sweare , that fellow was neuer true : Hee 'l make a match to day , and firmely speake it , Nay sweare , to morrow , forsweare , the third day break it . Nay more ; he said he was tyranys chiefe iewell , No Turke , no Pagan , no wild Boare so cruell : He was naught , nay worse , he neuer meanes to mend ; Hee 'd gull , deceiue , nay more , hee 'd rob his friend : To say what country man he is , t' is hard , It is indeed : for I thinke he is no — who 'd thinke yon gallant by the boy attended Did lie a bed , mean while his hose were mended ? Or that they liu'd hid in a hiue like Bees , Onely with barley bread , and Bridgenorth cheese ? Yet shall you heare him , and his boy protest , That Beefe and Mutton 's but a skuruie feast : He skornes to feed at night , on goose , or ducke , Yet ( Fortune ) I perceiue that you haue stucke Vpon his wittie nap , your wealthy burre , For in wit , he 's farre ; and yet in wealth , he 's fur . MY mistresse loftines , who i' th light doth marke , Thinkes not shee 'd be so lowly in the darke , There ( prostrate wretch ) doue-like , deuoid of gaull , How long so ere the wrong , shee puts vp all . Yet ( Wat ) your iealousie with you plaies bootie , When you come home , I hope she doe's her dutie . To clip , and coll , and kisse , shee neuer misses , What ? cannot husbands be content with kisses ? Fasingo hath a backe , is t possible ? Aye , and a bellie , but as vnsociable As any backe , and belly you shall finde , For 's backe goes braue , marry his bellie's pin'd : His backe weares silke , His belly scornes milke , Because he cannot get it : But if he can robbe A Herring of a cobbe , You 'd blesse you to see him eate it . Fasingo hath another tricke well noted , No Pilchers head escapes him , though vnbloted : But he cares not much for marmelet or gelly , But if a cheese will find parings , he 'l find bellie . When any he seeth , Hee 'l picke his teeth , As he sits at his dore : When he hath not eate , One bit of meat , In three daies space before . MY Mistresse goes each day in her Scotch hat , Yet sets me downe to supper with a sprat , And walkes her selfe meane while about the hall , To see I eate both head , and taile and all , My swaggering stomacke brooks head , taile , skin & bone Whip sayes my mouth , and then the sprat is gone , Then learnedly my Mistresse gins to chat , The wondrous vertues of a bloted sprat , First how it fils , next how it doth restore One from a hundred sicknesses and more , But in my throat I scorne this phisicke diet , Nor can my belly keepe my guts in quiet , Which she perceiuing gins to scold outright , Bids giue me the other sprat , and choke me quite , When loe , my teeth as quicke as any cats , Soone make two simple fellowes of the sprats , I thinke you 'l neere haue supt ( quoth she ) sir gull , I rise , she saies , I hope you are farting full , Ti 's true , with aire , therein we both accord , But to preserue , I do beseech the Lord , Tom Weningtons blue breeches from the rats , And me , and all good men , from supping with sprats . AN honest Vicker , a wisard or a witch A Chimney-sweeper , Tom Tinker and his bitch . Met altogether at a tipling house , To trie each other's valour at carouse , Sir Iohn did reason , the witch did also well , Chimny-sweepe better , the Tincker did excell , And surely Tom had quickly got the best , But that his bitch past him , and all the rest , They wondred much at Tom , but at Tib more , Faith ( quoth the Vicker ) ti 's an exlent whore , Chimny-sweepe and the Tincker fell to fighting , Kicking grew in vse , with pinching , scratching & biting , The witch and the bitch fell out , and gan to brawle : Sir Iohn spoke latine enough to choke them all , And neare leaues off vntill the fray he ends , Cals for the other pot , then all are friends ; And then a fresh they fall againe to swill : But the Chimny-sweeper takes Tobacco still , Doe you aske why ? O his Commission 's large , For he may sweep his nose himselfe , and saue that charge And presently the Tincker gins to sucke it , Till he makes his chappes as blacke as any bucket , O then let Gentlemen leaue off to thinke on 't : When Tinkers and such rascall slaues do drink on 't . ZAy ( Zisse ) canst fancy ? then prethe constant proue , For in conscience I am beastly deepe in loue : I be sworne those frownes will make me to abhorre thee , Come , if thou 't haue me , heer 's a pinne-purse for thee , Ah Rostemeat ( Sisse ) , I am sure to me thy marriage , Would be as good or better then plumme-porrage , Sure thou 't be plag'y sweet to him shal trie thee , I know no butfer-milke will ere come nie thee , And furthermore Sisse comes so neare to souse , That I could almost eate my blacke-bricht mouse , And I mongst youthes haue euer bore the bell , Thou seest my heeles be whole , and all things well , My head and beard ( as rusty bacon ) yellow , Nay I am sure an extreame admirable fellow , Sisse laught and let a fart , there loue was showne : And runne away , iudge , is not shee his owne . TIm speaketh common , what 's proper to a king , Calling for 's doublet , he bids our doublet bring , Why ours you 'l aske ? O ( sir ) he hath good reason , That our's as cleare ( as he of shift ) from treason : For he and 's brother , freti simplicibus , Wear'th sute , and'th shirt , alternis vicibus . WHy ( Will ) art thou my brother ? then giue mee a thump Come bezle to me , let 's be drunk in pomp : Let the Iackes grone , the Iugges be all confounded , The Cruzes crusht , Cans crackt , Pitchers expounded : The blacke pots pincht , bowles bang'd , cups canoniz'd , The fawsets fir'd , the spiggots anatomiz'd : Now noses twang , guts grone , ( Will ) throw thy cloake off Who 'd die infamous , neuer to be spoke of ? Shal 's hawle the house by 'th heeles out at the dores , You , hostesse , bawd , come ; where be all your whores ? O rise not spleene , by 'th Lord I am offended , What cannot dubbed drunkards be attended ? That 's skuruie ale , this sweete , the other sower , I haue drunke a barrell better within this hower . Rouse off thy tipple ( Will ) be not afraid , They drinke , they stincke , hose , roome , and all 's beraid . Thus Peter Potus euery morning praies , Diuellish , pray God not damned are his daies . VS , ours , all , the world , the flesh , the diuell , With wealth , lust , craft , allures , deceiues , orecomes , Fathers , sonnes , both , none can escape that euill , Which by transgression from olde Adam comes : Yet grace , adoption , faith , pure , holy , ciuill , Withstands , deludes , orecomes , world , flesh , & diuell . YOu horrid sinnes , that heauen hath named deadly , Cease to suggest the wretched soules of men : You that of all the world haue made a medly , Yet now at last sleepe in your hellish denne : If not , yet be vnited ; be seauen no more , For seauen are one , one worse than seauen ; a whore .