Newes from Bartholmew Fayre

Newes from Bartholmew Fayre . THose that will heare any London newes , Where some be merrie and some do muse : And who hath béene at Bartholmew Faire . And what good stirring hath beene there . Come but to mée and you shall heare , For among the thickest I haue béene there . There double beere and bottle ale , In euerie corner had good sale . Many a pig and many a Sow , Many a Iade and many a Cow , Canole rushes , Cloth , and leather , And many things came in together . Many a pound and penny told , Many a bargaine bought and sold , And Tauernes full in euery place . And yet they say wine wil be scarse : And this was all the heauy newes . That made the copper noses muse . For nose qui viuimus being there , Dranke Rosa solis in the fayre . And Libera nose cald for Sack , For euery nose was loath to lacke . And when the cheere was at the best , And welcome giuen to euery guest : Suddenly there came a Post , With weeping teares and told mine host : Be it knowne to all noses red , Nos maximus omnium is gone and dead . This is strange and this is true , Therefore mine host it belongs to you : And all that sell good Béere and Ale . To haue regard vnto my tale . And send vnto the Uintners hall , Present word to warne them all . To make ready to his funerall . And bury him in a malmesey tunne , For the good deedes that he hath done : For he was free of the old haunce , And much good wine procured from France , With Sack and sugar out of Spaine , Whereby he did more noses gaine , Under his baner for to be , Then all the noses that be frée , and a very commodious nose had he , A long nose like a mazer , Of murrey colour in stéed of azur . And he had a ripe and reddy head And yet his nose was neuer red . But he bare such a maiestie . To the copper noses company , He sent to Turkie and Candie , For Muscadell and good malmesey : And all in a ship called the Minion . Which did more good in my opinion , With many voyage that she made , For sacke and sugar to the trade . That ship and the Iulian did more good To copper noses by the roode : Then all the ships that went abroad , And wheresoeuer they lay at roade : There should you sée red noses swarme , Like hony bées in a charme . But hearing of these tidings sad , The Can maker cried , as if he had bin mad , O slicks and stones , briebats and bones , Briers and brambles , Cookes shops and shambles , O fishers of Kent , Heycockes and bent , O cockatrices & herneshawes that in woods do dwel , O colliers of Croydon ; O rusticks of Roydon , O Deuills of hell , O Pewterers and Tinkers , O Swearers and swinkers : O good ale drinkers , O honest Wooers , O painted whores , O Grauesend Barge , O honest George : O rimers and ridlers , O Fencers and Fidlers : O Taylors and tumblers , O Ioy●ers and Iumblers , Whores and whoremongers : No● Maximus is dead , Yet we will haue an Epitaph shall be read : Where many a thousand weeping eyes , Shall tipple for sorrow if they be wise . Let all that are free of copper-smiths hall , Make ready to his buriall , And summon first , all good ale Drapers , To make them ready to carry tapers : And all noses that looke blacke , Shal come mourning after with cups of sack Noses beaten blacke and blew . Shall drink cl●ret wine , to change their hew Noses that be tawny like Tanners , Shall ring the bells , and carry the banners . Noses full of precious stones Shall coffin vp his body and bones , Sencer noses all full of cragges , Shall carry cakes in emptie bagges . Nose Scabiosus now and then , Shal carry sheeps heads to spittlemen , And all noses that looke pale , Shall serue poore folks with bottle ale . Nose Matrialis pray for those , That faine would haue a better nose . Ne nose that hath no Nose at all , Shall broach the hogshead next the wall , Letifica nose the dirige shall sing , Laudate nose the bookes must bring : Beatus nose , shall make his graue , Because nose maximus the worms must haue At his head shall lie a tunne of Sack , Within his life he would not lacke . And a butt of Malmesey at his féete , And a suger loafe in his winding shéete : And three cups of bottle-ale standing by , To tipple for euer when he is drie . And to his buriall there shall go , All manner of noses that can make any show , The Goldsmiths first and chiefe , The Copper-smiths next to giue reliefe . The blacksmiths with their hammering trade . To see the tombe sufficiently made . The siluer-smiths if any will be , To giue money to the pouertie . And noses rich shall stand by his hearse . With this most lamentable verse . Here lyeth nose maximus god of faces , That maintaind noses in all places , With pearle , stones and rubies , Too good to giue loobies : But such as loue napping . While the good ale is tapping : Hang him at Wapping . That will not tipple and be merry , With a Nose red as a cherry : Hey ouer the ferry , Into Bucklars berry , Where good men be dwelling , That haue sugar selling : To make Clarret wine , In the goblet to shine , And make noses fine , like thy nose and mine . But Nose abrannucio : To this buriall shall not go . Nor Nose nihil valet , But Noses like Scarlet , And full of bay berries , And red cheekes as cherries . Let M. Sexten prepare to ring , And all our holy brothers sing .

The Masse for his soule . Bibite multum , Esse sepultum , Sub pede stultum , Asinum et multum , The Deuill kisse his lultum , Amen With hey ho rumbulo , Horum populorum , per omnia secula seculorum Amen . , Sepultus est among the wéedes , God forgiue him his misdeeds . Iam iacet hic starke dead , Neuer a good tooth left in his head . Then let vs take an other boule , And euery man sing for his soule . with Candle booke and bell , We curse the beadles of Bridewell , And wish them all at the infernall pit of hell . Te rogamus audi nose . Sancta tui Genetrix , With a paire of Fidling stickes , An old capcase , a cushion , A capon , a leg of mutton , And a Codpeece , Ora pro nobis , Forma mirabilis facies immutabilis , lux incomparabilis — Neuer a nose Domine ▪ From wine not the Ritum , But somewhat to Whitum . And omne finitum . - Neuer a nose Domine . But while the Post thus tarried heere ; Still walking vp and downe the Fayre . There came out euery where , Galiant gay noses there , Some came out off the cloth faire , Some were sellers of other ware . Some came out off the fayre of Leather , And tipling houses altogether : That all the Fayre began to shine , With the beauty of noses fine . But stil the newes came more and more , Euen as the Post had said before : Whereupon at last they al agreed , To sell away their ware with speed , Against the election day should be , Who should be maister then to see . For he was chosen long ago , By God Bacchus , as al men know . And now that he is gone and dead , Such a Company without a head . Would fall to ruine and decay , Therefore let be autious noses pray : To glorious Bacchus once againe , To comfort nose defunctus his men . Then the Uintners which had the first view Stept to the Gods and began to shew : That old father Bleuin lieutenant might bée Of all the vine presses , in euery degrée . That they being Uintners , and liue by their wines , Might haue this suite granted to them for their coynes . And if any one , claimd any custome by right , Under father Bleuins banner they should fight . And further the Uintners made this supplication , As here you may heare the manner and fashion .

The Supplication . In most humble wise we beséech you and show , Unto your Godheads all in a row , The Uintners remaining in all kind of places , That whereas by maintayning of noses and faces : There hath beene great sale and vtterance of wine , Besides beere and ale , and Ipocras fine : In euery country , region , and nation , Chifely at Billingsgate at the salutation , At the Bores head , néere London stone . The Swan at Dowgate , a tauerne well knowne . The Miter in Cheape , and then the Bull head , And many like places , that make noses red . The Bores head in old fishstréet , thrée cranes in the vintrée , And now of late S Martins in the Sentree . The windmill in Lothbury , the ship at th' Exchange , Kings head in new fishstréete , where roysters do range The Mermaid in Cornhill , Red-lion in the Strand , Three tuns Newgate market , old fishstreet at the swan . Of late ( may it please you ) for want of good order , The colours are decaid in euery good border : By such as intrude and seeme to oppresse , Forestalling country markets with wines that be lesse They are great dealers in vttrance of wine , And are but ale stealers , and put water in their wine . May it therefore please your godheads we may be be frended To haue this disorder among them amended And graunt we beseech you of mercy and pittie , Your licence to our new master nose of this citty , To apprehend , arest , and take in all places , All manner of men , hauing mettle in their faces . And that euery one arested in this manner , Shall carry a pot vnder the Uintners banner . That if any man denay , Your licence to obay : Then while his nose is hot , We may ply him with the pot : And banish him his ale , And set his coat to sale : Till he hath protested , Good fellowship with the rest . God Bacchus as soone as he vnderstood , Their earnest request , and all for his good , He presently granted with princely diseretion , To good father Bleuin a generall commission ▪ The teneur whereof you may vnderstand , Giuen vnder God Bacchus owne hand .

The Commission . Bacchus the God of wi●es , With the consent of his concubines . Incensing fiery faces , Sends geéeting euen , To old father Bleuin , From the Almightie graces . That whereas there doth remaine , In England , France , and Spaine , Italy , Barbery , Turkie , and Candy , As goodly red noses and faces as can be . With purple & pumple to furnish the place , To set out the glory of the nose or the face . With colours most lusty and liuely of hew : Crimson , violet , purple , and blew ▪ Which are commodious many a way , To lighten the darke waies for men gone astray And also to inrich the Iewellers shops , With amber & pearle stones , that growe on nose tops . We haue thought good of our priucely grace , Aboue all other thou hauing the place . To giue thee authority vnder our seale , For the generall good of euery weale : Superior power ouer faces , In citties , and townes , Corporations , and places . In this good cause whatsoeuer thou doe . Of our princely grace we meane to allow , Giuing thee power to search among guests , In euery tauerne , at euery messe . That those that haue the richest faces , May be set in the highest places .

Giuen at Candy , Among the good malmsey

Under the shadow and shape of the vines , And seald with the signet of our copper coines The same being granted , the Gods did agrée , Then home came the Uintners so frank and so free . Such pot sale , and hot sale was made in all places , That vp start the good ale in their noses and faces . And they that went thither pale as a clout , Came liuelier home hither , then euer they went out . Which made them appoint a parliament day , To set their decrees at an excellent stay . When all Uintners would come in , The Parlament should begin : For then comes home , of euery trade , Enow to see these orders made . But chiefely those that came from Candy , And bring vs in true harted malmcsey . And other good company , That I dare warrant ye : As butchers and bakers , Brewers and tanners , Inkeepers and grasiers . And the Cornehill brasiers . And old Custome enterers , And old marchant Uenturers , That from the old hance , Haue noses that will daunce .

ANd when S. Martins day was come , The day appointed of all and some . Especially such as were : The highest in the liuery there : The whole house did soone agree , That malmesey nose should speaker be , Because they did perceiue and see : That he had more strength to tell his tale , Then scuruie double beere or ale . And being on this merry pin . The first statute that came in : Was An act of Conformity , For the Copper noses company . Which the speaker very wiselie , Did argue there precisely : Then shaghaird ruffin he stept vp , For he came lately from the cup , And swore it were not out off square , That it might be inacted there , That all noses wan or pale , That loued wine , beere , and ale . With a constant mind ; and a merry heart , They should stick to the pot , and neuer part . And be made Denizens , Amongst vs Citizens . The yonger warden then spake he , But he that will a denizen be , Must first of all compound with mee . For I haue authority vnder seale , To amend their noses a great deale : God forbid quoth the speaker else , But that officers that carry seales , Should haue their fées and duties paid , Ere any Pattents should be made . Then came there a statute in , Whereof the title did begin : A Statute of preheminence , To giue red noses reuerence . Against Barber-surgions & Pothecaries which Decay many noses rich , With Guaycum drinke and lignum vitae , Qui habetis nasos huc venite . With purges drugges , and paines , To drie away red veines : Disordering so the head , Whereby the nose is fed : There can no red iuyce remaine , Which ne nose did maintaine . To be maruailous good and necessary ▪ Nay quoth the house , by S. Mary : Let it rather be enacted , That noses putrifacted . With muscadine they shall be mended , Whereof the reume ascended : So the nose will soone reniue , And so the Uintners may quickly thriue : And if any Pothecary , Say or doe contrary . It shall be fellony in the foole , And so his nose will coole .

Then came for good rule . Whereas at diuers and sundry meetings , Many men are scornesull in their greetings . To laugh , and mock , and scoffe at noses , With many filthy strange purposes : As painters , Imbrotherers , & such occupations Which say red noses take vp their fashions , Be it enacted now therefore , As many as laugh at noses any more , Shall pay the shot , And loose the pot : For hindering noses that would be hot . And whereas at the last session of Parliament , By the vintners owne consent , There was an act made , yet to be read , For the maintayning of noses red : Crimson , purple , and all other , To salute them like a louing brother . With a cup of wine when they come by , which the vintners performe but slenderly , Be it therefore inacted and made , By the authority aforesaid : That such as do vse the vintners trade , And shall hereafter see any one passe , Hard by his dore with copper or brasse , In any part of his nose or his face . He shall fill him a quart and hie him apace , Straight wayes to greet him , Assoone as they meete him , With a cup of good wine , To kéepe his colour fine , Upon paine that he shall lose , The custome of a copper nose , Prouided alwaies , that none come in cleare , But shew a red nose , once a yeare . And if any one chance , To claime the freedome of the old hance . Let his nose be ragged like a rock , Full of blew veines of an ancient stock . Enacted further let it be , If any Uintners see : Any man that hath little mottle in his face , So he haue a good will to tipple apace . That he giue him a pot or twaine , It will come home double againe . For the more men drinke the more they may And that wil be the ready way . To make a good nose of a bad , Whereof dilligence had néede he had . For if néede require , A good red nose will serue a dier . To dye of a liuely hue , A crimson in graine , That neuer will staine : A purple or a blew . These gifts and many mo , The very trueth is so . Are giuen to good faces , Besides a merry heart , And a trueth that will not start , From friends in friendly places . Then came the ale-drapers bill , Saying their drinke was brewed very ill , With bromestalkes & bayberryes , the Diuell and al :

FINIS