A bride-bush, or A vvedding sermon compendiously describing the duties of married persons: by performing whereof, marriage shall be to them a great helpe, which now finde it a little hell.

A BRIDE-BVSH : OR A Wedding Sermon .

IF it were not growne out of custome to preach without a text , I should thinke that the fittest course for meetings of this nature . No one place of Scripture doth either directly containe , or plainly expresse the full dutie of the married couple : which yet from many places may well bee collected into the body of one discourse . But lest I should seeme to affect nouelty , in recalling the long disused practise of antiquity , I will make the ground of all my speech , those words of the Apostle Paul , Ephes. 5.23 . where hee saith ,

The Husband is the Wiues head .

THe comparison which the holy Ghost heere vseth , affords this generall point , That there is a mutuall bond of duty standing betwixt man and wife . They are indebted each to other in a reciprocall debt . The parcels and specials of which debt , I am at this time to declare vnto you for the direction of all such as either are or shall be entred into this estate .

2 Now that we may proceed in some order for the help of our owne and your memories , these duties are all of two kinds . Some be principall , some lesse principall . Principall I terme those , by the breach whereof this knot is dissolued and quite vndone : and which being obserued ( other smaller infirmities notwithstanding ) the bond remaines entire on both sides .

3 These maine duties are two . The first is , the chaste keeping of each ones body each for other . The Husband must not dare to giue himselfe to any woman in this world but to his wife ; nor the wife to company with any vnder heauen besides her owne husband . Against which duty if either of them shall offend , the party so transgressing , hath committed adultery , broken the couenant of God , remooued the yoke from the yoke fellowes neck , and laide himselfe open ( if the Magistrate did as Gods law commands ) to the bloody stroke of a violent death . Leu. 20.40 . Deut. 21.22 .

But if it be demanded , whether the party wronged may lawfully admit the other party againe , after the offence knowne : I answer , that in case the man or woman haue offended once or so , through , infirmity , and yet beeing conuicted , shall by manifest outward tokens , testifie his or her repentance , and sure desire of amendment , then it is meet and conuenient that this offence bee by the yoke-fellow passed by : for the loue of the married couple should be very feruent and abundant , and therefore able to passe by great , yea the greatest wrongs , so farre as it may with safe conscience be done . And we reade not of any expresse commandement which enioynes a finall separation . But againe I say , that in case the party transgressing , shall continue in the begunne fault , and declare himselfe irreformable , the party thus iniuried is bound in conscience both to complaine of the sinne , and separate himselfe vtterly : for no man must make himselfe a member of an harlot , nor woman of an whore-master . The chiefe thing therefore that married people must take heed of , is this , lest by any means they should so farre offend God , neglect their publick couenant , wrong their yoke-fellow , scandalize the Church , pollute their bodies , and aduenture their soules to damnation , as to follow strange flesh , and receiue vnto the vse of their bodies any besides themselues , whom God hath coupled together , and sanctified one for another . Yet not alone the grosse act of adultery , but all such ouer-familiar and light behauiours , as may giue either occasion or suspition of an euill meaning , must be by them forborne & shunned ; alwayes bearing in minde the graue speech of wise Salomon , Prou. 6 , 29. [ Whosoeuer toucheth her ( speaking of his neighbors wife ) shall not be innocent . ] Let no man therfore , let no woman take this burning fire into their bosomes , or walk vppon these scorching coales . And for the principall dutie so much .

4. The next is cohabitation or dwelling together , enioined in expresse termes to the husband by the Apostle Peter ( who bids him , 1 Peter 3 , 7 Dwell with his Wife ) and therefore by good consequent extending to her also : for who can dwel with a woman that will runne from him ? And the Apostle Paul commands the husband to giue vnto the wife due beneuolence , 1 Cor. 7 , 3.5 . and the wife to giue the same to the husband ; which cannot be without this cohabitation : yea , he especially forbids them to defraud each the other , vnlesse it be by consent , and afterwards to come together againe . Which doth necessarily import the abode in one home . So that the married man or woman may not abide or dwell where each of them pleaseth , but they must haue the same habitation as one bodie . I deny not , that the seruice of the countrey , and needefull priuate affaires , may cause a iust departure for ( euen ) a long time : but a wilfull and angry separation of beds or houses must not be tollerated . And if it so fall out , that either partie doe frowardly and peruersty withdraw him or herselfe from this matrimoniall society ( which fault is tearmed desertion ) the man or woman thus offending , doth so far violate the couenant of marriage , that ( the thing being found incureable , through the obstinacie of that party , after iust care had to redresse it ) the other is loosed from the former band , and may lawfully ( after an orderly proceeding with the Church or Magistrate in that behalfe ) ioyne him or her selfe to another . Of which there is very great reason . First , because such a separation is a wilful frustrating of the proper purpose & end of matrimony , annihilating the same through his default and sinnefulnesse ( euen presumptuous ) which is found guilty , and for this cause deserueth ( yea constraineth ) that hee should bee reiected , as no longer a yoke-fellow . Secondly , because such vnfaithfull desertion is almost neuer separated from adultery , as the Apostle intimateth in the forenamed place , saying , Lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency . 1 Cor. 7 , 5. Hee doth vnauoidably cast himselfe vpon vncleannesse that so lewdly casts off marriage , which he might auoide . And for this matter , wee haue receyued cleare direction from the holy Ghost by the Apostle , who saith , 1 Cor. 7.15 . If the vnbeleeuer depart , let him depart : a brother or a sister is not bound in such thing . In which words , he permits not to the vnbeleeuer such separations as lawfull , but casts the fault vpon him alone , and after frees the other party from the band by which he or shee was formerly tied : as if hee had saide ; If he will needes be gone , let him ; and trouble not your selues about it , the sin lyes wholly vpon his owne soule . A Christian man or woman , when cases of this nature fall out , is no longer tied to the former couenant , nor to the former partie , which hath himselfe first broken it . Neither is this any whit contrary to that of our Sauiour , who forbids a man to put away his wife & marry another , vnlesse it be for adultery . Matth. 19 , 9. For we allow not to him or her , any such liberty of putting away , but vpon that only cause . Yet if he or she be wrongfully put away ( the yoke-fellow withdrawing him or herselfe out of the way , so that there be no hope to recall them , or else not returning vpon good perswasion or meanes vsed ) we yeelde with the Apostle , a freedome to the party so wronged . And these things you see may well stand together . No man may lawfully forsake his wife , nor the wife the husband ( but in case of adultery ) to marry another ; and yet any man or woman , being wrongfully forsaken by his or her yoke-fellow , may lawfully then marry another , as being disburdened of the former yoke , without any sinne , on their parts , in that thing , procuring it . Onely we professe , that in cases of this nature , a iust and orderly course must bee taken . Euery one may not headdily , and vpon a sudde , carue to themselues : but seeke direction , and craue helpe from the Church and Magistrate , whose dutie bindes them to prouide remedy for such inconueniences . So that this thing also must bee diligently auoided by married people , that they doe neuer vpon occasion of discontentment , or the like , absent themselues , or runne away from each other ; which to doe , were to vntie that knot , which God before had knit betwixt them , and to separate the things which God ( and man by Gods allowance ) had conioyned . Yea , they must not alone beware of making an vtter rent and totall breach in their society , but auoid also those smaller iarres and cracks , that make way thereunto . They must not through passionate fallings out , and proud distasting of each others behauiour , separate house , bed or table , no not for a short space . They must not seeke occasions of long and needlesse absence , through carelesnesse or slight respect each of other , or following vaine pleasures and company-keeping abroad . For , is it not a madnes to procure a strangenesse betwixt themselues , which ought to bee most familiar ? And were it not better , not to depart , than to make an open iarre of that which might haue beene priuately reconciled ?

5. And for the maine and principall duties required in matrimony , viz. chastity and cohabitation , so much . The lesse principall follow , to which , men and women are indeed bound by their promise and vow , but yet not with so much strictnes , that any offence in them should make the former bargaine voide : wants in these matters , doe stretch the corn of matrimony , and giue ( as I may say ) a sore gird vnto it , but breake it not : onely they breake Gods Commaundement exceedingly , that haue not in these things also great care to confirme that vnion , which should bee made indissoluble , by their diligence . Now these also are of two sorts , whereof the first respecteth their ordinary society ; the second looketh to the society of the marriage-bed . Againe , those which concerne their ordinary society , are of two sorts : Some bee mutuall , pertayning to both : others speciall pertayning to eyther of them .

6. The mutuall therefore ( that wee may speake of them in order ) are requyred both of man and wife , though not in an equall measure of both . For in all these common duties , the husband should bee most abundant , knowing that more of euery grace is looked for from him , then from the weaker vessell . Wee call them not therefore common or mutuall , because both should haue a like quantity of them ; but because both must haue some of all , and the husband most of all . And for these common duties , you must know in generall , that whatsoeuer is requyred of all men and women , generally towards other , by the Law of Christianity and Charity , as they bee men and neighbors ; the same is in an higher degree and larger measure requyred from the husband toward the wife , and from her to him . So that looke what the Law of Loue or Religion bids thee performe to any person , as a man or Christian , that it bindes thee much more diligently and carefully to performe to thy yoke-fellow . The neerer band of matrimony weakens not , but confirmes the more common of humanity . But it shal be needfull more particularly to describe these common duties .

7. They bee of two kindes : The former respecting themselues ; the latter their families . Vnto themselues they owe in common ; first loue ; secondly , faithfulnesse and helpefulnesse ; ioyned together , a faithfull helpefulnesse , and an helpefull faithfulnesse . As for loue , it is the life , the soule of marriage , without which it is no more it selfe , than a carcase is a man ; yea , it is vncomfortable , miserable , and a liuing death . For this , all must labour , as all will yeeld , that take marriage vpon them . The want of this , causeth defectiuenesse in all other duties : the abundance of it , supplyeth what is wanting in the rest . Loue seasons and sweetens all estates : Loue breakes off , and composeth all controuersies : Loue ouer-ruleth all affections , it squareth all actions ; in a word , it is the King of the heart , which , where it preuayleth , marriage is it selfe indeede , viz. a pleasing combination of two persons , into one home , one purse , one heart , and one flesh . But to commend it , and the good effects of it , ( which all doe confesse ) were needlesse paynes . Let vs rather shewe what a kinde of loue it must bee , and how it may bee gotten .

8. This loue therefore which wee speake of , must bee first spirituall , then matrimoniall . Spirituall I say , that is , grounded principally vpon the Commaundement of God that requyres it , ( for I speake of Christians ) not vpon the face , fauour , proportion , beauty , dowrie , nobility , gifts or good parts of him or her , to whom it is due : for that naturall loue which builds it selfe vpon such sandy considerations , as the fore-named , will either bee blowne downe by some storme or tempest of displeasure , or fall of it selfe , or else degenerate into iealousie , the most deuouring and fretting canker that can harbour in a married persons brest : but spirituall loue , that lookes vpon God , rests vpon his will , yeeldes to his Commaundement , and resolues to obey it , cannot change it selfe , because the cause thereof is vnchangeable . Thou louest thy Wife , for that shee is faire , well-spoken , courteous , of good feature , brings much , and is huswifely . It is well . But what will become of thy loue , when all those things faile , as all may , the most must faile ? Thou louest thine husband , because hee is a proper man , and hath an actine and able body , is of good health , wit , carriage ; because hee is kinde , louing , of faire condition , vseth thee well . But where shall we finde thy loue , if an alteration come to these things , as to all earthly things it may come ? Loe then how there is no constancy or firmitude in other causes . But he which loues his wife , and shee which loues her husband , because God hath so bidden , the maker of all things hath enioyned it , the Lord and Master of the heart , who alone may command the very affections , appoints it so ; shall finde his or her loue lasting and durable , as God alters not , and his Law continues alwayes the same . This right foundation of loue , is Gods Commandement , and then it is spirituall when built vpon this rocke .

9. It must be also matrimoniall : Wee are to loue our friends , our kindred , our neighbours , yea forreiners , and our vtter enemies , euen all men euery-where : but the nuptiall loue of yoke-fellowes , is a speciall and peculiar loue , farre more deare and inward than all , or any of all these . It is the fixing of their hearts in the good liking each of other , as the onely fit and good match that could bee found vnder the Sunne for them . The husband must rest his heart in his wife , as the best wife that the world could haue yeelded him . The wife must settle her very soule vpon her husband , as the best husband that might haue beene had amongst men for her . Thus doing , they should loue perfectly ; thus striuing to doe , they loue intirely . They may lawfully thinke others better men or women , but none a better husband or wife for them than their yoke-fellow : for this were to admit the desire of changing , which cannot stand with true loue . Who would change his Childe with any man ? Euery mans owne son pleaseth him best , though perhaps his qualities displease ; so should the husband , so the wife . They therefore that are still vpbraiding each other with the by-past matches , which they might , or should haue had , loue not soundly , though they may smile vpon each other . Marriage-loue admits of no equall , but placeth the yoke-fellow next of all to the soule of the party louing ; it will know none dearer , none so deare . And of this quality is the loue we require .

10. But how shall one that wants this loue , attaine it , and he which hath some portion thereof , gaine a larger increase ? I answere , there bee two things which will euen cement and glew the foules of man and wife together ; the first is , that they take speciall notice of Gods gracious prouidence , for good in their match . They which looke to God as the match-maker , and that in fauour take each other as loue-tokens from Heauen , and therefore cannot but loue that well , which comes as a signe of his fauour , whom they striue to loue aboue all . But they which see not his hand mercifully coupling them in this fellowship , must needes fall out speedily , seeing they want this third thing , as it were the ligament and iuncture of their affections . A matter of small value is not smally respected , when it comes in good-will , from a great friend , and deare withall . Hee that loues the giuer , will loue his gift also , though not so pretious : So the husband or wife . though not of the best parts , shal be deare to the yoke-fellow that loues God , if he or she resolue in their hearts , God in great goodnesse hath bestowed this man or woman vpon mee . Yea , say hee or she be somewhat froward and sullied ( as I may say ) with ill conditions , the dearenesse of the giuer wil counteruaile some blemishes in the gift . Say the Lord did correct thee , in giuing thee this husband , this wife : It was in sauour , and for thy good . Canst thou chuse but kisse and loue euen the rod that comes from a fathers hand ? But to this meanes adde a second ( which will also further vnto this ) and loue shall grow without faile : Let married couples ioyne together in priuat prayer , good conference , singing of Psalmes , and other like religious exercises betwixt themselues alone . 2. Pet. 3.7 . S. Peter would not haue the prayers of the married interrupted : for hee knew full well , that these were the best meanes of nourishment to their loues . In these things , the bright beames of Gods Image will shine forth , which haue power to make them amiable each to other . Heere they shall bring so much profite and good to each others soule , euen to their owne feelings , as will effectually prouoke their affections to bee mutually feruent . Heere they shall see themselues to bee children of the same father , seruants of one Master , strangers of one Countrey , & Pilgrims trauailing both to one & the same home . So when the sudden land-floud of youthfull & violent affections are quite dryed vp , these fountaines of spirituall loue , which prayer , and other exercises of Religion shall haue digged , will still runne with a more moderate and sober , but yet more lasting and constant streame . Let them season their naturall society with this spirituall communion , in the secret seruing of God , and they shall auoyde the surfet of satiety , which choaketh loue . Religion will knit the hearts of strangers fast in one , making them deare to each other euer after , that for the space but of one moneth or weeke , shall conuerse and ioyne together in the same ; how much more effectuall will it bee to fasten their soules that are tyed with so many and perpetuall bandes besides ? Therefore to you all that are , to you that shall bee husbands and wiues , bee this deliuered as a direction ; which if you faile to obserue , you heare without profite . Pray together one with and for another in secret ; conferre , reade the Word of God together , and sing Psalmes alone : this will so riuet your hearts , that no contention shall disseuer them . For if you doe fall to some actions of vnkindnesse , when you meete together againe in prayer , in stead of faulting each other , the husband will blame himselfe , the wife herselfe : she comming in Gods presence , wil see the greatnesse of her owne sinnes , hee of his , and then the offences one of another shall appeare but small . Thus they shall bee ashamed after to iarre , considering they must shame themselues before God for iarring : so that if any grudge arise , prayer will heale and compose the same , that it doe not fester , rankle , or grow to a continued hard conceite . And let euery man aske counsell of his owne heart , if the little praying together of husbands and wiues , the seldome ioyning together in any good exercises , be not the true cause of their little loue . Fond hee or shee may bee , that pray not betweene themselues , louing they cannot be .

11. And for the first common dutie thus much . The second is faithfulnesse , and helpefulnesse conioyned . Prou. 31. Salomon sayth , that the Husbandes heart may trust in his Wife . If shee bee a good Wife , shee must bee trustie to him , how much more hee to her ? Hee sayth also , that shee will doe him good all the dayes of her life . It was the ende of her creation to bee an helper : hee must bee a greater helper to her , and doe more good , by how much his place is better . Now these two graces are well vnited , when they bee carefull , not to doe themselues , or suffer ( through their carelesnesse , or wittingly ) to bee done by any other , any manner of hurt each to other ; and when they bee diligent , so farre as in them lyes , to doe , and procure by others to bee done , all good one to another . Now , man and wife must bee thus faithfull , and helpefull ; first to each others foule , in wife and due care , to heale each others faults , and chiefly to preuent the same . If the Husband liue in any grosse sinne , the Wife must labour by all kinde , louing , and Christian meanes to draw him out of it : which , if her own skill faile to effect , she must procure a Physician for his soule , as she would doe for his body , being sick & diseased . Only , if after all good meanes vsed , he proue a dog , a swine , that grunts & barks , & regards no admonition , she hath now discharged her duty , & for the rest , must wait and pray to God , the great Physician of the soule to redresse the matter , enioying still in the meane this comfort , that she hath vsed the best meanes with faithfulnes to procure his amendment . And so must the husband also deale with the wife : yea , they must both obserue the dyet , temper , and constitution ( as I may speake ) of each others soule , till they perceiue what infirmities they be specially inclined and subiect vnto , that so hee may with-draw from her , she from him , all occasions and prouocations to that euill , and shun all occasions that might cause them so to ouer-shoot themselues . And againe , that they may apply all meanes to weaken and hinder the ouer-flowing of such faults , and to stay them from extremity , if they haue begunne to slip therein . They must labour to be thus acquainted with the diseases and distemperatures of one anothers hearts , not to vpbraide , not to disgrace , not to vilifie , but to helpe and support one another , by diligent auoyding all things , which will cause such euils to breake out , and vsing whatsoeuer will heale or mitigate the same . So that they deserue to bee condemned as treacherous and vntrusty to one another , that for their owne ease sake , will quietly permit their yoke-fellowes to sleepe in any sinne almost . Let the soule of the husband be infected with swearing , with breach of the Sabbath , with vniustice , or any such like ; the wife feares an angry passion , if she should admonish him , and holds her peace ; and so deales he sometimes with her . Is not this to betray one another to the diuell , and damnation ? to suffer one another goe to hell in quiet ? And they be also most harmefull and mischieuous yoke-fellowes , that are ready to spy into the frailties of one another , with an euill and malicious eye , to vpbraide , to prouoke , to vexe one another . If hee perceiue his wife to bee passionately inclined , hee is in heate , and will doe this and this to vexe her ; shee also will doe so and so to anger him : so that what infirmities they espy , as it were gawled places , or sores , one vpon another , they loue to fret , chafe & rubbe the same , and make them worse . Sorry helpe it is , that such persons afforde vnto the soules of their married companions . But they must be helpefull also , and faithfull to each others body , by a free and ready vnder-going any cost or paines ( to their power ) to procure whatsoeuer dyet , Physick , or other-like necessaries , may make for the preseruing of health , and preuenting or remedying of sicknes . He must not thinke any paines or charges too much , that is this way bestowed ( with wisedome , and according to his power ) vpon her ; nor she , which is spent vpon him . They must auoide that niggardice , which possesseth many folks harts , that they cannot finde in their hearts to allow one another , fire , candle , food conuenient , or the expence of Physicke , when sicknesse commeth . This is not to be helpfull , but to doe harme rather : and argues a most vnlouing disposition . Thirdly , they must bee careful of others good name , that they preserue it by honest secrecie and concealement . They must shunne , as a monstrous treacherie , the publishing of one anothers faults and frailties , or the discouering of one anothers secrets ; I meane those things , which , in hope of priuacie , they haue communicated one to another . The wife is worthy all hard measure , that spreads abroad euery thing which shee sees amisse in her husband , still complayning and crying out in euery company , what an ill match she hath met withall . And that husband cannot be requited with bad vsage sufficiently answerable to his deserts , that can finde almost none other talke , but what a bad wife he hath light vpon . These bee ill birds , that defile their owne nests , and franticke folke , that vncouer each others nakednes , and throw dirt in each others faces . When man and wife fall to peaching , what soule loathes it not ? If they that be inward in such a degree seeke to deface their names mutually ; what man , what woman can bee free from reproch ? Yea , they must not onely couer each others nakednesses , but also conceale each others secrets . For , if whatsoeuer he tels her , she will talke of to another , by this meanes it comes to another , and so successiuely to a fourth and fift , till that thing be ( to his griefe ) made publick to the whole towne , that he left in his wiues bosome , as it were vnder the locke and key of trustinesse , and he doe the like to her ; what peace can they haue , what concord ? How can they auoyde , but such occasions will bring forth discontentment and dissention ? There can bee no quiet and comfortable liuing , where there is not vse of concealement and secrecy . Now therefore , let these parts of faithfulnesse and helpefulnesse , to the soules , bodies , and names one of another , be commended to all married people , which desire to enioy themselues in this estate .

12. And now hauing spoken of that ranke of common duties , which concerne their owne persons , I come to them which concerne their families and housholds . For men and women that before were parts of some other family , doe therefore marry , that they may bee the chiefe of a new family ; and begetting children , ( and trayning them vp , together with seruants , according to their place ) may store the world with people , and prouide plants , as it were , for the Church , Gods owne Vineyard . Wherefore they shall not haue thorowly discharged their duty , by performing all the afore-mentioned things mutually to themselues , vnlesse they regard their families also ; wherein the husband , as the first mouer and chiefe ; the wife as a subordinate and good furtherer , must both ioyne together for good . These things themselues which shall bee named . I confesse to belong to them , as they be gouernors , & stand in relation to seruants and children ; but the ioyning together in them is the matter that I would presse , as a part of their marriage-duty . Now this their family they must maintaine and gouerne , keepe it , and guide it ,

13. For maintenance therefore : first , both must be laborious and industrious in their calling , and set themselues with diligence to doe somthing , for which their family may fare the better . The husband must not be a drone , and make his wife a drudge . The wife must not giue her selfe to lazines , and cast all the paines & care vpon her husband : but he in things that concerne him without ; & she ( in things that concerne her most within ) must vnite their paines for their profite . If either liue idly as a doe-nothing , that party is a burden , & ( as a gowty leg , or diseased member ) troubles & molests an whole houshold , Salomon hath much commended the painfulnes of a good huswife , & he hath also spoken more then once , in commendation of a good diligent hand , for the mans part . They must therefore ioyne as partners in labouring . Secondly , they must ioyne in honest and thrifty sauing , from cost & needles expences : They must not pinch from Mercy and Iustice , but saue from prodigality and mispending . He must not cast away the goods in gaming and following the Ale-house & Tauerne , or other places of vnthrifty meetings : neither must she be lauish to her talking gossips : but both must auoyde that sinne , which declares a man to be worse euen then an Infidell ; I meane , not caring for them of his owne houshold . They must neither nourish sweet toothes , or finish & costly backs ( these be theeues : ) they must neither make priuate purses for themselues , or let all things goe at randome as they come , but vnite their endeauours for the common benefite , as the right hand & the left . Thirdly , they must haue a common care , that no necessary thing , through their default & improuidence be wanting to their family in time of neede ; no hurtfull thing come vpon them at vnawares . They must ioine in foresight & due consideration , what is or may be needfull and vsefull for them , to the end it may be procured ; and what dangerous , to preuent it . Two eyes see more then one : and for this intent they bee linked in so neare and close a fellowship , that they may bee but as one in all these things , in labour , thrift and fore-sight : which whilest they doe , the Lord will blesse their endeauours , and their hands shall finde abundance . Otherwise the idle person walkes vpon an hedge of thornes , which shall surely pricke his feete . The vnwise and vnthrifty person thrusts his foote into the snare that will intangle him , neither shall they euer bee without vexation , disquietment , discontent and brawlings , that neglect those duties . Alwayes prouided , that they bee both moderate in this matter . For , if they fall to pinching , carking , coueting , and eager affecting of wealth ; Heauen and earth cannot keepe a family diseased with this dropsie , from many sicke , troublesome and froward fittes .

14. But what shall it auaile to maintaine a familie , without gouernment ; or how can it bee gouerned but by them ? so that they must also bee good rulers at home , and ioyne in guiding the houshold : the man as Gods immediat officer , and the King in his family : the woman as the Deputie subordinate , and associate to him , but not altogether equall ; and both in their order must gouerne . Now to this end , their first care must be to see , that Religion flourish in their families , and bee truely planted in their seruants and children ; by their care to catechize them , to reade the Scripture , and call vpon the name of God in the midst of them . And that they being instructed , may grow further ; they must also bring them to the publick assemblies ; examining them also of their profiting by those meanes . These things , the husband being present , must performe ; and the wife in his absence , and both must haue care to finde conuenient time for the same ; wherein if hee grow slacke , shee must helpe him , and hee her . Better ( in respect of themselues ) keepe no family , then a family of little diuels ; and such shall they be without Gods more then ordinary worke and grace , if they performe not these things . He keepes an houshold of fiends , a Seminary for the diuell , a nurcerie for hell and the kingdome of death , which is not carefull by these fore-named meanes , to make his children and seruants become seruants and children to God . Which , how often it falles out , wofull experience can testifie . Sometimes the husband would haue God ferued in the family ; the wife hangs off , and counts it lost time . Sometimes the wife desires to haue the worship of God finde place vnder the roofe ; and hee like a profane beast calles it precisenes , and will not haue an houre so ill spent . Sometimes both conspire in negligence & omission : but how seldome doe their desires and endeauours meete in this most needfull point ? How seldome do they one prouoke , animate and incourage one another in so profitable workes ? This is the fountaine of all disorder in families ; where God is not serued , what can abound but impiety and profanenesse , in Master , Mistris , seruants , children , and the whole houshold ? But now , let all that feare God take care , that they faile not in vsing all good meanes to establish Religion and the exercises of it in their houses , remembring with feare that curse , which the Prophet prayes God may come vpon the family , Ier. 10.25 . wherein his Name is not called vpon . Secondly , they must ouer-see the wayes of their family . Prou. 31.27 . This thing Salomon commendeth in the vertuous wife , by a word worthy noting , which signifies to stand as a watch-man in a watch tower , to looke on euery side , that no enemy doe surprise the same at vnawares . So she doth diligently looke into the behauiour of all vnder the roofe , that no disordered nor sinfull practice may finde quiet entrance and abode there : and it were a great shame for the husband , if the wife should exceede him in this watchfulnesse . Both of them must vse their eyes with care then , to preuent all idlenesse and wickednesse in their seruants and children , and to looke that they faithfully doe their busines committed to them , and carry themselues Christianly towards one another , and all men . If inferiors of themselues would bee carefull enough of their carriage , what neede a gouernour in an house ? But God knowing that the best seruants , and the best children , will not want infirmities , yea , will be many wayes subiect to infirmities , as idlenes , twatling , discord , and many of the like nature ; would that the Master and Mistris should haue their eyes open to preuent the same seruants Children must bee followed , their behauiour must be obserued , they must be set to worke , and the eye of the gouernours , with their care conioyned , must effect it , or else the family shall proue disordered , be the gouernours for other things neuer so godly . Thirdly , they must ioyne together in admonishing , or incouraging ; in reprouing , or if neede be , also correcting their inferiours . And in these things both must be carefull to maintayne each others authority to the full . If one do think it meet to encorage any in the family with some little kindnes that is fit , the other must not seeme to grudge at it , or be vnwilling . If the one wil reproue , the other must not defend . When the husband goes about to correct the children , the wife must not grow angry & saue them , as if she thought it much to haue them kept vnder nurture ; neither must he doe so towards her . Suppose either of them exceed , chiding or correcting without cause , or aboue the measure that agrees to the fault : the other must then quietly speake of it in the absence of the inferior , & not make a braule about it before their faces , as it were bolstering them out against the authority of the yoke-fellow . For if he doe , and she vndoe ; or if she correct , & he cocker ; what will be the fruite , but heart-burning and distemper betwixt themselues , & contempt first of one , after both their authorities from the party to whom they haue shewed themselues so indiscreete ? So at length , as in a Boate , wherein all the weight lyes vpon one side , the whole family wil be turned ouer into the waues of contention and strife : whereas if they did sit together in good concord , to further the fruite of one anothers admonitions , reproofes , corrections , exhortations or incouragements ; they should both preserue their owne authority in the family , and keepe peace betweene themselues , and finde good amendment in their inferiours by these meanes . And for the common duties of man & wife to themselues & their families , for maintaining & gouerning them , thus much . We come now to speake of those that are peculiar to either of them .

15. And first I will informe the man ; then the woman after . Now for the husbands speciall duties , they may fitly be referred to these two heads : The keeping of his authority , and the vsing of it . First , he must keepe his authority , and maintaine himselfe in that place , wherein his Maker hath set him . Nature hath framed the lineaments of his body to superiority , & set the print of gouernment in his face , which is more sterne , lesse delicate then the womans . He must not suffer this order of nature to be inuerted . The Lord in his Word cals him the head ; hee must not stand lower than the shoulders ; if he doe , that is a deformed family . It is a sin to come lower than God hath set one . It is not humility , but basenes , to be ruled by her whom he should rule . No Generall would thanke the Captaine , for surrendring his place to some common souldier : nor will God the husband , for suffering the wife to beare the sway . The authority is Gods , inuested in his person ; he must not commit , that it bee troden downe & despised . But , will some man say , my wife is disordered & froward , how shal I then hold mine own ? It is sooner said than done , if a man meete with women of stirring spirits : direct vs therefore how to do it . I answer , that most men do wrongfully cast the blame vpon their wiues , of abusing their authority , when it is due to themselues alone . It is not extorted from them by the wiues violence , but cast away , & lost by their owne folly & indiscretion . Know then that authority in this society , must not be kept by maine force , and by violence , but by skil : not by big looks , & great words , & cruel behauiour , as of a great mastiffe towards a silly curre ; but by a milder & more artificiall course . And that you may practise it , this it is . First , the husband must giue a good example , walking vprightly , Christianly , soberly , religiously in his family . The wife must needes then giue him the better place , if he shew himself to be the better person . No inferior can chuse but in his hart stoop to that superior , in whom grace & Gods Image do appeare . A vertuous man shal be regarded , in the conscience euen of the worst woman : yea , & in her behauior also , if she be not monstrous . A godly wise cariage will draw good respect , & willing subiection , neither can any man bring forth one thus qualified , troden down in contempt . In a mad fit & passionate distemper , the wife of the best may sling forth , & be vndutifull , but afterwards her hart will condemne her selfe , & iustifie him , and so he loseth not authority , though it bee assaulted ; yea , he recouers his owne with aduantage . And as in generall , wee prescribe a godly conuersation in the family , to bee the preseruer and vpholder of the mans authority ; so specially must hee be counselled to shunne and abandon three speciall and disgracefull euils , that haue this effect , to make euery man seeme vile and base in all eyes that behold him thus defiled . The first is bitternesse : So Paul willeth the husband ; Bee not bitter . The sauour of violent and raging passions , wil smell so lothsomely in the wiues nostrils , comming from the husband , that she shal hardly chuse , but first hate him , and despise him after . This distasteful bitternesse of speech and behauiour , bewrayes impotency of affection , and that great want of wisdome ; and this will produce great want of reuerence . If thou be an husband , and wouldest bee regarded , tumble not thy selfe in those foule , dirty and stinking guzzels of passionate rayling , stryking , or the like . That which bewrayes so great folly , must it not procure exceeding great contempt ? Secondly , beware of vnthriftines , that is another great enemy to authority , and as a worme , rottes and consumes the same . Whatsoeuer man giues himselfe to drinking , gaming , ill-company keeping , ( which three vices go commonly together ) shall at once lose his wit , wealth , estimation . When drinke hath dispossessed reason , gaming prouidence , ill-company good conditions ; the carriage wil be foolish , wicked , beast-like , and the person base , hated , loathed . Neuer did vnthrift keepe his place , as not his money . For who can regard him that will not be worth any thing ? Thirdly , lightnes must be auoyded , foolish behauiour and carriage , chyldish and vnsober trickes , that haue no print or stampe of grauity vpon them ; these expose a man to contempt . For if the husband put on a fooles Coate , and take a bable in his hand , ( and what else be these odde and toyish demeanures ? ) can hee blame his wife , though shee take vp laughter at him ? The bitter man is as a franticke head , troublesome : the vnthrifty man as a scald head , fulsome : the light man , the Iester , as a giddy head , ridiculous . Such will soone displease themselues , though none goe about to vndermyne them . But l●t euery godly man abhorre these base euils , and striue for holynesse of conuersation , that hee may bee indeede a gouernour , and his superiority remaine entire vnto him .

16. Yet what auailes to keepe authority , if hee vse it not ? or how can it but rust without vsing ? Wherefore the husband must exercise his authority , and wee must direct him for that purpose . Now , to the intent he may gouerne well , it behoues him to know both the end of his gouernment , and the manner of it , The end of this , as all other gouernment , in Nations , Kingdomes , Countries , Cities and Townes , is not the satisfying of his desires , or procuring of his ease , pleasure , credit , which hath the chiefedome : ( for then all things runne out of order , as when a bowle is not set with a right byas : ) but the good and benefit of the party gouerned , to the glory of God the chiefe Lord and Gouernour of all . Thus one thing alone being well obserued , would stoppe out a great streame of inconueniences , from breaking in vpon the family : For therefore most men gouerne not well , because they doe wholly serue themselues in gouerning , and not the wife ; therefore they will doe any thing to please their owne humors , though it bee neuer so dangerous to the wife ( which is the greatest absurdity in gouernment that can bee committed , ) because they conceiue that the place was giuen them to fulfill their owne desires , and not so much to procure their wiues good ; which conceit is altogether false . For as the Ministers must watch ouer the soules of their flocke for their profite and saluation , not for their own priuate wealth and aduantage : so must the husband deale with his wife : for this is the end why God hath ordained gouernours , priuate and publique vnder him , that the inferiours might the better bee drawne vnto him by meanes of them , which alwayes should be ( as they be called ) their betters .

17. And yet to intend this , if he doe not in some measure attaine it , were to little purpose : so that as hee must aime at her good , so must hee effect it , by gouerning in a right manner , to the nourishing and encreasing of whatsoeuer vertue , rooting out and weakning of whatsoeuer corruption hee shall meete with in her . Now then hee rules in a right manner , when in ruling , he rules himselfe by three principall vertues , which are of greatest vse and note in all gouernments , and in this domesticall kingdome , as I may so terme it .

18. The first of these three vertues is wisedome ; which is the sterne of authority , that doth guide it in an euen and steady course , that it dash not against those two dangerous rockes , slauish feare on the one side , and contempt on the other . And the chiefe vse of wisedome is to carry ones selfe so , that loue and reuerence may not enterfiere , cut , and so destroy each the other . It s hard of an inferiour so familiar , to be loued and not slightly set by ; harder to be reuerenced , not slightly feared , not hated . Prudence therefore must so manage the matter , that they may keepe these two affections in their due temper , free from excesse , free from defect , so doing good according to the dignity of the place . Now this wisedome must bee vsed in giuing commandements and reprooses ; with which two it is fit euery wise man should content himselfe in this society . We dare not allow him to proceede so farre as to correct by blowes . Indeed what Christian woman will carry her selfe so , that a man of any indifferent good behauiour should neede to strike ? Let his wisdome rather appeare in abstayning from blowes , & preuenting the breaking forth of such enormities as may challenge them , than in giuing them moderately , and ( as he thinkes ) in due manner . But for commandements and reproofes he may , he must giue them : and herein we will direct him as we are able .

19. First , in commanding hee must regard these two rules chiefly . One is , that he doe not command senselesse and vnreasonable ( much lesse wicked & vnlawfull ) things , that are grounded meerely vpon his wilfulnesse , and no iust besides . Such commandings make her take him for an heady foole , not a wise head : and that conceit neuer riseth but with the vtter ruine of reuerence , and so of his authority . The wife indeed should cast her eye onely vpon the lawfulnesse or vnlawfulnesse of the thing , asking none other question but whether it offend God , yea or no : but the husband must consider further , that that which hee giues in charge be discreete , vsefull and commodious , and whereof himselfe can yeeld some sufficient cause to make it appeare fit and needfull to be done . He that doth not so , shuts out his commandements , as a childe doth his arrow ( a cock-height , as they say ) not at any marke ; and what is more ridiculous than such childishnesse in a man of yeares ? Hee that bids his wife doe a thing without reason , doth as if it were ride without a bridle . If such a mans horse be not exceeding gentle and well broken , he will sure either run out of the way , or stumble and cast the rider . So if such a mans wife be not more then ordinary in meekenes and patience , she will either rebell against him , or contemne him . For the good that commeth from the thing commanded , yeeldeth sufficiency of argument to the womans vnderstanding , whereby shee may controlle her tumultuous rising of her passions ( that will aske , Why should I bee at all that paines for the mans will ? ) lending ayde as it were to bring them soone into subiection . Which if it bee wanting , it is hardly possible , but they will mutiney at the least , if not breake out into open act of rebellion . Looke therefore that thou bid thy wife doe nothing , which reason ( not onely will ) doth not first bid thee . Againe , in commanding it must be regarded , that authority descend not vnto low , meane , and triuiall things , which are not of any moment or importance in the family . The life of the head must bee deriued euen vnto the feete ; so the husbands authority doth indeed guide all , euen the meanest things in the family ; but the head is not alwayes actually stooping vnto the foote ; for then the body would grow crooked and ill shapen : so must not the husband be charging , bidding and intermedling by strict commandements in the small matters of the family ; putting his hand ( as it were ) to euery matter . For that garment which is much worne , must needes become thread-bare : and this power of commanding is like a vesture for high dayes , to be put on , for some speciall and needfull occasions . When the husband wil be huswife and all , and bee dealing with brewing , baking , washing , and the particulars of these and the like businesses , it comes to passe that his wife can helpe in nothing , because he will do all things . When the man will bid and charge so eagerly in a thing of nothing , as if his whole estate did depend vpon seruing the swine , or washing the bucke , &c. this disvalues his word , and makes his charge of no regard . In such things he should let his wife rule vnder him , & giue her leaue to know more than himselfe which hath greater maters and more neerely concerning the family to exercise his knowledge . And if he see any thing in these and the like matters done disorderly , it were his part to aduise and counsell , rather than command . He that will be drawing out his commaundements for euery light thing , shall finde it at length regarded in nothing . See then that the matter be so much worth , before thou lay a charge concerning it . And these be the two speciall rules of wisedome for commandements . Let them bee concerning things vsefull and also weighty for the family .

20. The same vertue must be practised in the matter of reprouing ; wherein , if in any thing , great warinesse ought to bee vsed . This is a thing needfull , I meane reproofe , and if it speed well , doth much good ; if ill , is very dangerous : so that in administring it , discreete care must be had , that a man poyson not , in stead of healing . Now for the prudent giuing a reproofe , three things are of needfull obseruation : First , that a man open not his mouth to tell his wife of a fault , when he perceiues himselfe to be hot & burning with violent passion . A man is indeed most ready to speake then ; but least able to speake well . If an admonition bee Vomited forth , how can it doe good ? how shall that prosper , which proceedeth from the meere drunkennes of wrath ? No man goes to iudge of a colour with a moath in his eye : & what other thing is passion to the iudgement ? So that hee which then will become a reprouer , shall disgrace himselfe , not the fault ; and make his wife contemne him , not condemne her selfe . For in such case men vse not to speake what they should , but what they like ; nor what is most fitting the fault , but most sutable to their distempers . Thus the reprehension is not proportioned to the offence , but as licour it sauoureth of the caske , and is outragious , as was the heart whence it came . By which meanes in seeking to mend a fault in another , he commits a greater himselfe , and makes the other worse , not better . If thou beest an husband therefore , take this aduice . When there is neede of an admonition , there is also neede of wisedome to giue it . Doe it therefore when thou art in thy right wits . Passion is a short madnesse : can any thing bee done disc●●●●ly in that fit ? When thou art quiet , when thy iudgement is cleare , when thy heart is setled , when thou art thy selfe , then shew thy wife her fault ; else thou shalt neuer bring her to the sight of it . Secondly , it is a point of wisedome for the husband to consider his wiues temper also , and obserue if shee bee fit to receiue , as well as hee to vtter wholesome words . For when shee is enraged by passion , or deiected by griefe and sicknesse , which make a ready way for passion , it is no time to bring forth a reproofe . No man will hoyse vp sayle in a tempest ; no Physician will administer Physicke vpon a full stomacke . Those words are cast away that are vttered when passion hath both stopped vp the eares , and brought the minde out of taste . She will not rellish a reproofe when her heart is imbittered . Al is then taken as proceeding from ill will and hatred , though neuer so meant : for she iudgeth with a distempered iudgement . At such times therefore powre not forth all thy minde , but deferre it till afterwards . When thou seest a man drunken , thou first gettest him to sleepe , before thou chide him for his drunkennesse . Thinke not that strong drink is more violent then strong passion . They both make him in whom they are with excesse , vncapable of all good counsel Say not , I will not suffer her to beare away the last word ? This were to scold with her , a thing absurd for a man . Better that she haue the last word , then both multiply worse words , till thy selfe also bee cast into the same phrensie . For it is extremely difficult to talke long with an angry man , & not grow hot for company : but to contend with him , & not be like him , is impossible . And what more vndecent and vnsightly thing then to infect thy selfe in stead of amending her ? as if the Physician & the patient should fal together by the eares about taking the potion . Wherefore as thou lookest to haue all other things fit to receiue what thou puttest into them , as the vessell the liquor , the ground the seed , &c. So look that thy wiues hart be fit to entertaine the reproofe , & that there be roome for thy words ; which is then when she is quiet , well pleased & pacified , not sowred & leauened with rash anger , or much griefe . Now the third & most necessary part of wisedome is to giue a reproofe in secret . Euery man is most willing then to heare of his faults , when none is present to report them againe but himselfe . We are all naturally iealous of our credit ; women are so principally ; & if they take a thing as done in way of disgrace , they are prouoked to doe worse , not induced to amend . So that it is a matter and loue equally , to see that none eare be priuy to the fault reproued , but her owne . Men that lay plasters to sores , chuse a chamber , not the market place ; they loue not to doe such things with a witnesse . Christ bids reproue thy neighbour ; Mat. 18.5 . first betwixt him and thee ; then take two more with thee , and so proceede further . More loue is required to a wife , and so more secrecie . But say shee offend in publique before the seruants , children , strangers . Then shew thy dislike in a patient manner of speaking , that al may see thou winkest not at the fault , and be much in expressing griefe rather then anger . Leaue the lawfull sharpnesse and wholesome launcing ( as I may terme it ) for a reproofe till you come alone . By that time shee will shame to remember how she ouer-shot herselfe , if thou giue her not aduantage of replying , by committing the like absurdity at the same time . Neither feare that faults so healed in secrecy should infect the children & seruants . Nay thy present griefe & dislike wil worke more vpon them then any reproofe ; & there is time in her absence to warne them of so offending , in theirs euen to chide her for giuing so bad an example . They may know thou hast reproued , though they heare thee not reprooue . So that we can in no sort allow the foolish rashnes of those husbands ( yea wee most sharply condemne it ) which must needs out with their reproofe before children , seruants , and perhaps also strangers ( as if their stomack were surcharged with it ) not hauing the wit to refrain til the oporrunity of priuatnes . These men disgrace themselues in discrediting their wiues , as the head gaines the knocke if the heeles be taken vp . For now the wife conceiues that her disgrace is aymed at : hence she becomes more cholericke , perhaps also to iustifie the matter , that prouokes him to more anger , kindles more heat ; & so in conclusion that growes to a plain braule or fray , which should haue bin a kind & Christian reproofe . Had not these bin better well saued till another time , then so dangerously misspent at this time to both their hurts , both their disgraces ? And this is the practise of wisedome .

21. The next vertue is mildnes . This society comes neerest to equality , & therefore allowes familiarity ( which must not be suffred in other couplings of superiors & inferiors ) & requires more gentlenes . This is the sweet sauce of this gouernment , which makes it not to seem ouer tart , it is the soft lining of this yoke of authority , which without it , is vnsupportable . No woman can endure gouernment , if gentlenes do not temper it .

22. Now this gentlenes must be vsed in commandements and reproofes . In commandements , both for the matter of them , and for the manner , For the matter of them it must bee regarded , that a man extend not his commanding power ( in the vse thereof ) too farre ; neither shew himselfe rigorous in euery thing , but bee content to gratifie his wife in some things , that shee may lesse vnwillingly , yea with more cheerefulnesse bee subiect in other things . Obedience would be inticed and allured , and as it were by committing it to it owne disposing in matters of inferiour nature , that it may follow more dutifully , when more necessity requires more speedy and voluntary obsequiousnesse . The Sunamite is a noble paterne for this matter . 2 Kings 2.22 His wife in the middest of haruest ( he not knowing any cause ) required a man and two asses from that needful and hasty worke , to attend her vnto the Prophet . He is not vrgent in asking the cause , nor peremptory in repelling the suite , but grants her desire , though it might seeme something inconuenient . He knew her to bee no gadder , and one day was not much . Thus shee had liberty to depart ; and hee himselfe was a gayner by it , as being freed from a great deale of sorrow , which the newes of his sonnes death would haue procured ; and obteyning vnspeakable comfort in his reuiuing : for she saw him raysed vp , before hee knew of his disease . It was in Abraham also more than ordinary gentlenesse , that in a matter so neerly concerning him , would condescend to his wiues passionate request , about her mayde Hagar . Let not the husband bee as churlish Nabal to his wife , but follow these paternes of husbandly mildnesse , which will beget at once both loue and reuerence , testifying kindnesse , and procuring it . Hee that will bee Lord in euery thing , stretcheth the authority of his string so high , that it is at least in danger of breaking . So carry thy selfe to thy wife , that she may perceiue herselfe to haue entred , not into seruile thraldome , but louing subiection .

23. Then when neede requireth a commandement to be giuen , it must be , for the manner , not imperious , not in the heate and extremity of inforcing and charging words ; but with a sweet instinct of kindenesse ( as the head doth moue the members of the body ) by louing perswasions and familiar requests . Indeed if the wife try the mastery , and cast off the yoke of obedience , such her distemper makes it not alone lawfull , but very meere , that the husband ( with good words and behauiour , not bitter , not raging ) doe stand for his authority euen stifly and peremptorily , professing that he will haue his will in things lawfull . But such a course would be seldome vsed , and that alone in matters of some importance , that are worth so much earnestnesse . It is more safe , and as honourable subduing a rebellious City by treaties of peace with good and fauorable conditions , than by the battery of ordinance , and fierce dint of the sword . So that husband doth with most praise and happines subdue his wiues passions of disobedience , that can effect it by faire meanes . Yea indeed she must be a monstrous and vnwomanly woman , that being drawne by entreatie will not yeeld . Authority is like the arts of Logick and Rhetoricke , that must in speaking be vsed , and yet concealed : and then they most preuaile when being vsed , they are least seene . It preuents resisting , to request when thou mayst charge . There is nothing to striue for , when a man doth not , as it were vaunt his superiority . Things are also best done when the will is allured , rather than the body compelled . If thou stand vpon it , and come with flat commandements ( as , you shall ; and , I will make you ; and , you were as good as you did ; and , you shall know that I am master , &c. and the like big words , ) the heart goes against that which the hand performes ; and thou art disliked inwardly , though perhaps obeyed in shew : and if obedience come not from the heart , can it last long ? This is the way to preuaile with least burden to the inferiour , & toyle to the superiour , if with milde words hee wish this and this , rather then with imperious speeches enioyne it . Men that ride horses haue a wand and a spurre , both ; they wil rather set forward their horses with the whisk & sound , or perhaps little touch of the smal stick , then with the sharpnesse of their iron spurre . They proceed not to spurring till their horse be either restie or tiry ; and if tiry , that doth more hurt . So the husband should gouerne his wife , & prouoke her to accomplish his will with quiet , pleasing and insinuating termes , rather than open and expresse , much lesse violent commandings , vnlesse shee bee more then ordinarily vnruly . Christ beseecheth his Church most an end , which hee might with most right command . Let the husband imitate that best husband , and beware of , Doe it , or you had best ; and , You shall whether you will or no ; I will haue it so to crosse you , &c. Such an husband will crosse himselfe most . Violent things are neuer of long continuance . And this is mildnesse in commanding .

24. It must bee vsed in reprouing , where it is rather more necessary , by how much bitternesse is lesse to bee brooked , and a reproofe lesse easie to bee borne . And this must also be shewed in the matter , and in the manner of a reproofe . For the matter , in not finding fault for euery trifle that he sees amisse , nor chiding for euery infirmity . Many things must be passed by ( yea all things that be not somewhat grosse , and would endanger the wiues selfe , if she should not heare of them roundly ) with none or halfe a word . This effect of loue is very needfull towards strangers , that it passeth by wants and weakenesses ; much more in the houshold , and in the nearest couple of the houshold . Charity is in this sense a great couer-fault ; it will see none but where they be ; and many it will see and not see , and not speake of , and it descends to a reproofe with a willing vnwillingnesse . This vertue should abound in this society . Heere Christs example must bee followed of all husbands . He shuts his eyes as it were , and will not spy out all his Churches faults ; hee will not marke extremely what is done amisse ; he knowes she is but dust , and is assured that she cannot but offend in many things : Yet hee puts it vp , and not so much as checkes her , vnlesse she comes to some wilfulnes in sinning . Let all that be husbands doe likewise : consider you be matched with women , the weaker vessels : thinke how many faults your selues haue ; and if they haue some , wonder not that they be so many , but that not more ; and with silence , so much as is possible ; and when it is lawfull to be silent ( viz. in weakenesses and infirmities ) striue to amend them . It is a great deale safer heere to bee defectiue than to exceed ; to be somewhat purblinde , than too Eagle-eyed . In this inwardnes of conuersation , it is impossible but diuers wants shall offer themselues to be seene : and he that will prye for them , and take occasion vpon euery slight matter , to draw forth his reproofe , shal himselfe liue in perpetuall discontentment , & yeeld but little quiet to his wife . For from hence shee will conceiue , ( and that not without some cause ) that he loues her not much ; and this will cause their affections to warpe and chap , till all be full of dissention . Be not extreme heere , be not rigorous ; but as a mothers tendernes of loue makes her not respect or obserue many deformities in her owne childe ; so stand thou affected to thine owne wife . Pray to God against all her faults , commend vnto her all vertues ; reproue not lesser wants & natural weaknesses : let her perceiue closely that thou knowest , but art not willing to take notice of them , that she may take the more diligent notice thereof herselfe , and be more carefull to reforme them .

25. Moreouer for the manner of reprouing , when the thing is most needfull , it must yet be gentle . The words and behauiour vsed to declare and presse the fault vpon her , must be milde , and such as breathe forth loue & pity . A reproofe must be applied as a plaster , not with rating , but with moaning rather . It cannot be auoided , no not in the best , but this medicine wil be needed : yet the husband must remember , not to vse more roughnes than is fit to his owne flesh . Reproofe of it selfe , as it were a potion goes against the stomack : we neede not by our bitternes make it more lothsome , as it were by a foule & vnsightly cup. The mothers care must be shewed heere . She giues the childe worme-seede to kill the wormes , and raisins to till downe the worme-seed : so must a man reprehend to reproue the fault , and yet with great louingnes of speech and countenance , to sweeten the reprehension . No patient was neuer yet so sicke and desirous of health , that he could be perswaded to drinke a potion scalding hot : that which burnes the lips would neuer finde admittance into the stomack , though it were the most wholsome drink . It is iust so with a reproofe : if it scalde the eare , as I may so speake , with vpbraiding and disgracefull speeches , with bitter taunts , scoffes and mocks , with vilifying and rayling words , with a fierie looke , and as arkling eye , with a raging exaltation of the voyce and demeanure of the body , it will neuer gaine passage to the hart . Compassion , loue , kindnes , declaration of ones sorrow for the fault , desire of their good , and will of their amendment , these be the things that frame the will to accept an admonition , and do much helpe the kindly working of it . I am not against the wholesome earnestnesse of reprouing , and that sharpnes which in some cases God commands ; this may stand without bitternesse , without violence of words and gesture , without that fiercenesse against which we speake . A thing need not to be key-cold , though it scalde not ; there is a large difference betweene these two . Then an admonition is healthfully sharpe and earnest , when a man in plainnesse & with good termes layes open the absurdity , naughtinesse and danger of the sinne , enforcing these considerations vpon the heart and conscience of the party , euen somewhat lamentably , and with some mouing , but still with declaration of sorrow more then anger : and this ought to bee done . In one word therefore let thy reproofes bee warme , not hot . And thus much for the practise of mildnes .

26. The third vertue to bee shewed by the husband , is Iustice , the soule of gouernment , the true temperature of authority , without which it rots and putrifieth , and degenerates into the most fulsome and stinking carrion of tyranny . Now the husband must deale iustly with his wife in foure things : First , in allowing her sufficient maintenance , agreeable to his place and ability , and that willingly , and with a liberall hand . Hee must not thinke himselfe so absolutely Lord of all , but that shee must also haue the free and plentifull vse of all , according as his calling requires , and his sufficiency will beare . Indeed if she should exceede both , or either of these , his authority must sound retraite vnto her lauishnesse ; neither must he weaken , much lesse ouerthrow his estate by pranking her body , and feeding her tooth : this were after a sort to kill himselfe , her , his children , and whole family , with fondnesse towards her , a part full of vnrighteousnesse . But let her be made equall partner of that which her husband hath . So be it she cut her coate according to her cloath , Iustice will not permit that she should be scanted with niggardice , which is so neere a companion . The husband must communicate maintenance to the wife , as the head doth animal spirits to the body , plentifully , willingly : for if any stoppance grow in this conueyance , great distempers must of necessity insue : yea , not alone whilest himselfe liueth , but euen after his decease also : and supposing him to leaue the world , must he prouide , after his ability , that her estate be competent , and that shee be not inferiour to her children , and forced to stand beholding vnto them , ouer whom shee should command . And this is one point of Iustice . Another , and the second is , that the husband compell not his wife by his authority to attempt things vnlawfull . Where God hath commanded , let not him forbid ; where God hath forbidden , let not him command . What a madnes is it to force either to disobey God , or him ? Will he exceede his commission , and thinke to be yeelded vnto ? Is not this vnrighteous in the highest degree , for the Deputie to take vpon him euen against the Soueraigne Lord ? This is to iustle her into some stinking guzzle or ditch : whence it must follow , that if shee proue stronger than himselfe , and will not be thrust in , yet he renders himselfe odious that attempted to do her harme : if she proue weake , and fall in , he must be at the paines to pull her ( out ) and make her cleane againe : otherwise both must perish ; the one for sinning , the other for driuing vnto sin . Wherefore in some doing he violates both Iustice & Wifedome , shewing himselfe in one action , both a foole before her , and a rebell against God . Nay , he must not alone abstaine from vrging her vnto things that indeed are , but vnto such also , as shee vpon some supposed reason , grounded on the Word of God , thinkes to be vnlawfull . The conscience is Gods immediate officer , and commanding by vertue of its commission , which is Gods reuealed wil ; though it erre in construction of that commission , yet must it be obeyed , and ouer-weigh the authority of all other commanders , till it be satisfied and set downe with reasons , manifesting such mistaking : for whosoeuer goes against conscience in things thought to be sinfull , and are not , will at length offend against it in such things as both are , and are thought to be faults . Indeed if shee will pretend conscience , and cannot alleage a reason out of the Word of God , yet may carry some shew , this is obsunacy ; and in such case the thing being of waight and vse , it is safe , yea needfull , if reason perswade not , to compell her . But when shee grounds vpon the Word of God , though mis-interpreted and mistaken , she must be resolued , and not compelled . Not euery scruple of conscience makes a thing sin to a man , but that which is grounded vpon Gods Word , by which alone-conscience must bee informed and guided : which when it is , though it bee mis-informed through want of iudgement , yet it retaines its owne authority ; and then to enforce the wife against it , were to force her to sinne , the most vnrighteous thing that can bee in a Gouernour . None is Lord , but onely the Lord of Heauen and earth . Bee not therefore so vnrighteous towards thy wife , as to vrge her either to displease GOD , or her conscience , leaning on his word . The third part of Iustice , is , not to reproue without a fault , nor sharply for a lesser fault : The former of these is to lay a plaster on a found place , which is a needlesse labour at all times , and often dangerous : for it may cause a sore . So to finde fault without a cause , may procure a fault . The latter is to seare , and cut and cauterize , where a Lenitiue would serue ; and to giue a violent strong purgation , where an easie pill would suffice for health . This comes from cruelty , and breedes distemper . A reproofe must come forth , not when a man is angred , but when God is offended : not when our profit or pleasure is crossed , but when Gods commandement is broken . And as the plaster must bee fitted to the wound , the medicine to the disease ; so the admonition to the fault . For of those sinnes which necessarily call for an admonition , there are degrees , according to the increase whereof , a man should shew more or lesse anger and dislike . So that the husband must bee more earnest in reprouing , not when shee hath committed a smaller sinne against GOD , that turneth more to his losse ; but when shee hath done a greater euill against GOD , though hee bee a small , yea , no loser ; yea a gainer by it for his outward profit . And alwayes when the fault is amended , cease vpbraiding : this is a most vnequall thing . When the fire is thorowly quenched , who would stand casting on water ? Now the last point of Iustice followes , which is , that a man endeauour to confirme and increase the good things that are in his wife , by all good incouragement and testification of his loue and good liking , as-well as to reforme and diminish the euill things by reproofe . Wee prouender an horse as well as whip and spurre him , else the best would tyre : and the wife must bee animated to good things , and not onely withdrawne from euill . A man should vse his right eye as well as his left . Nothing can bee more base then to bee a faultspier , a fly-blower , that is , alwayes nibling where the skinne is off . Fie vpon that husband , which like a flye seekes euer for a galled place to blow his maggots on ; this healeth not , but pricks , and makes all things worse . It is a great vnrighteousnes to looke onely to the worst things . Iustice giues one his due for well and ill both ; which not to doe is the bane of loue , on both sides causing iarres , heart-burnings , secret dislike , and open contention at the last . Therefore if euer thou will liue with comfort , consider as well what vertues thy wife hath , as what vices ; what good , as what bad ; & what help and benefit thou hast by her , as what hindrance ; to comfort & strengthen her in the one , as help her out of the other : yea & let her see that thou takest notice rather of the best things . Surely these good herbes will grow best & safest in the sun-shine . And thus much for the mans duty : wherein I haue bene more long , because disorders in him are more dangerous and hurtfull , as diseases in the head ; and any thing amisse in the great wheele of a clocke .

27. Now proceede we to the womens duty , and giuing the men leaue to chew the cud awhile , request the women to listen with more diligence than before . The whole duty of the wife is referred to two heads . The first is , to acknowledge her inferiority : the next , to carry her selfe as inferiour . First then the wiues iudgement must be conuinced , that she is not her husbands equall , yea that her husband is her better by farre ; else there can bee no contentment , either in her heart , or in her house . If shee stand vpon termes of equality , much more of being better than he is , the very root of good carriage is withered , and the fountaine thereof dryed vp . Out of place , out of peace . And woe to these miserable aspiring shoulders , that content not themselues to take their roome , next below the head . If euer thou purpose to be a good wife , and to liue comfortably , set downe this with thy selfe . Mine husband is my superiour , my better ; he hath authority and rule ouer mee : Nature hath giuen it him , hauing framed our bodies to tendernes , mens to more hardnesse . God hath giuen it him , saying to our first mother Euah , Gen. 3.16 . Thy desire shal be subiect to him , and hee shall rule ouer thee . His will is the tye and tedder euen of my desires and wishes . I will not striue against GOD and nature . Though my sinne hath made my place tedious , yet I will confesse the truth , Mine husband is my superiour , my better . If the wife doe not learne this lesson perfectly , if she haue it not without booke , euen at her fingers ends , as we speake , if her very heart condescend not to it , there will bee wrangling , repining , striuing , viyng to be equall with him , or aboue him ; and thus their life wil be but a battell , and a trying of masteries . A wofull liuing .

28. Secondly , the wife being resolued that her place is the lower , must carry herselfe as an inferiour . It little bootes to confesse his authority in word , if shee frame not to submission indeede . Now shee shall testifie her inferiority in a Christian manner , by practising those two vertues of reuerence and obedience , which are appropriate to the place of inferiours .

29. And first for reuerence , the wife owes as much of that to her husband , as the children or the seruants doe to her , yea , as they doe to him : onely it is allowed that it bee sweetned with more loue and more familiarity . The wife should not thinke so erroniously of her place , as if she were not bound equally with the children and seruants to reuerence her husband ; all inferiours owe reuerence alike . The difference is onely this , she may be more familiar , not more rude then they , as being more deare , not lesse subiect to him .

30. Also this reuerence of hers must bee both inward and outward . First , her heart must bee kept inwardly , in a dutifull respect of him , and shee must regard him as Gods Deputy , not looking to his person but his place ; nor thinking so much who and what an one hee is , as whose officer . This the Apostle doth very strictly inioyne , saying , Let the wife see that shee feare her husband . Ephes 5. last verse . As if hee had said : Of all things let her most carefully labour not to faile in this duty : for if shee doe , her whole life besides will bee rude and vnbeseeming . And you must know that the Apostle meanes heere not a slauish , but a louing feare , such as may well stand with the nearest vnion of hearts , as between Christ and his Church . And this feare is when , in consideration of his place , shee doth abhorre it as the greatest euill , next to the breach of Gods Commandement , to displease and offend her husband . Men stand in right awe of God , when they loath it as the greatest of al euils , to breake his Commandement and grieue his Spirit ; and the wife feares her husband in good manner , when she doth shunne it as the next euill , to displease , grieue and disobey her husband , who is next to GOD aboue her in the family . Such regard her heart must haue of her head , that it keepe hand and tongue and all from disorder . I know this is not customable , nay it is scarce thought seemely amongst many women ; nay they are as little for their husbands , as they for them ; yea they despise him , yea they haue inuerted this precept , and cause their husbands to feare them . This impudencie , this vnwomanhood tracks the way to the harlots house , and giues all wise men to know , that such haue , or would , or soone will cast off the care of honesty , as of loyaltie . But if thou wilt bee a vertuous wife , deale with thine heart to make it stand in awe of thine husband : and know that God hath not for nought giuen the former Caueat to women . As thou growest in this inward reuerence , so looke to get the better of all other infirmities : as thou art carelesse herein , so shalt thou bee pestered with all other enormities . Where the heart sets light by any one , the words and gestures wil be contemptuous . If the fountaine be muddy with neglect , so shall the streames .

31. And as the heart principally , so next the outward behauiour must be regarded in three speciall things . First , in speeches and gestures vnto him . These must carry the stamp of feare vpon them , and not be cutted , sharpe , sullen , passionate , teechie , but meeke , quiet , submissiue , which may shew that she considers who herselfe is , and to whom she speakes . The wiues tongue towards her husband must bee neither keene , nor loose , her countenance neither swelling nor deriding : her behaurour not flinging , not puffing , not discontented ; but sauouring of all lowlinesse and quietnesse of affection . Looke what kinde of words or behauiour thou wouldst dislike from thy seruant or childe , those must thou not giue to thine husband : for thou art equally commanded to be subiect . Herein Sarah once faulted , she was aloft in the boughes ; God be Iudge betweene me and thee . Heerein also Rachel offended , that in a pelting chase came suming , and chod with her husband ; Giue me children , or I die . Iacob could not brooke this without anger , though he loued her tenderly . Herein Micol also was out of the way , when she came scoffing and flouting to her husband Dauid : 2. Sam. 6.20 . How glorious was the King of Israel to day , &c. when her husband in her conceite ( though not indeed ) carried himselfe somewhat vnfit for a Kings place ; shee cannot admonish him in good sort , but with bitter taunting breakes a iest vpon him . These examples shew how subiect women are to disreuerent behauiour ; and withall how lothsome , how vnwomanly they bee . Yet for all these warnings wee haue some women that can chase and scold with their husbands , and raile vpon them , and reuile them , and shake them together with such termes and carriage , as were vnsufferable towards a seruant . Staines of woman-kinde , blemishes of their sexe , monsters in natures , botches of humane society , rude , gracelesse , impudent , next to harlots , if not the same with them . Let such words leaue a blister behinde them , and let the canker eate out these tongues . But besides these so notorious ones , euen women otherwise vertuous , must see their faults in this behalfe . They can take vp their husbands with quicke speeches sharpely set on . They can set them downe short , with a cutted answer , with a frowning countenance , with a disdainfull looke , and the side turned towards them in displeasure . Why wilt thou teach thy children to bee rebellious , and shew thy seruants how to swell , pout , and fume ? Thinkest thou such behauiour will not infect ? Shall not they also vse it to thee ? or is it lesse tollerable in thee ? Bee submissiue rather , and let them learne reuerence from thee to practise to thee . That woman makes her selfe vile , that sets her husband at nought , or else seemes to doe it .

32. Secondly , the wife must expresse reuerence towards her husband in her speeches and gestures before him and in his presence to others . His company must make her more respectiue how shee carries herselfe towards any else . Her words must not be loud and snappish to the children , to the seruants in his sight . If shee perceiue a fault , yet must consider , that her better stands by , and not speake without necessity ; and then vtter that in more still and milde manner , which in his absence shee may set on with more roundnes . No woman of gouernment will allow her children and seruants to bee loud and brawling before her ; and shall shee before her husband bee so herselfe ? What is become of inferiority then ? Yea her reuerence doth inioyne her silence when shee stands by . I meane not vtter abstinence from speech , but vsing few words , and those low and milde , not eagre , 2 Tim 2.11 . not loud . Paul commands the women to learne in silence . The word is , in quietnesse : wherein be not alone inioynes a publicke , but euen a generall silence to hold in the house and other like meetings : for why should that bee restrained without any neede , which doth well receiue a larger extent ? The reason of which duty is grounded euen vpon the consideration of the two sexes : for euen as youth is inferiour to age , and the yong folke to the aged ( vnlesse some other respect doe ouer-ballance this difference , as sometimes it falles out that the younger is in authority , and the elder vnder it ; the younger hath more excellent gifts ; the elder fewer , and such like ; by which the inferiority of young men is shadowed , and as it were couered : ) so is the male sexe preferred before the female in degree of place & dignity , as all men will yeeld that read what the Scriptures speake in that behalfe . Now if there bee an inferiority of the sexe , by what thing should it bee better expressed , rather then this , by which also younger people must testifie theirs , namely , to speake little and low before them ? For what lesse thing can bee required in witnesse of this difference ? Let women then either excuse chat and loudnesse in young folkes before their ancients , in children and seruants before them ; or else condemne it in themselues before their husbands , yea before any men . I know this duty goes against the haire : for where there is suddennesse of wit , and scarcity of wisedome ( as in the most of this sexe comparatiuely ) there is readines to speake , and multitude of words ; but amongst all wise-men , talakatiuenes of women ( chiefly when it comes to loud and earnest words ) hath bene reputed a fault most of all in the husbands presence . Now then let women learne silence , and let the reuerent account of their husbands worke in them a speciall moderation of speech whilest they bee in place .

33. Thirdly , the womans speeches of the husband behinde his backe , must bee dutifull and respectiue . Shee must not call him by light names , nor talke of him with any kinde of carelesnesse and slightnes of speech , much lesse with despitefull and reprochfull termes . Heerein the godly fact of Sarah , commended to our imitation , must be followed in practice . When shee thought of her husband in the absence of all company , shee intituled him by the name of my Lord . If in her priuate conceit shee gaue him so good and honourable titles , what would she haue done in company ? what in his owne presence ? what vnto himselfe ? So the women must inure themselues to submissiuenesse of thoughts and speeches in their husbands absence , that they may the better practise the same in their presence : for custome in this thing hath great force . Who would brooke a childe speaking disgracefully and murmuring . of his father behinde his backe ? And shall it be suffered in a wife ? By how much heere is more certaine tryall of her her inward affection & disposition , by so much must she be more attentiue to her words in such case . Very dread may make a woman giue good words before her husbands face , because she dares do no other , and he will brooke none other ; but this shewes a conscionable subiection , when she will not thinke nor speake of him , though hee be farre from hearing , without some note of good regard , that those which heare may perceiue shee doth account of him as her Gouernour and her better . He that allowes not an euill thought of the Prince , will not allow euill speeches of the husband in priuate talke betweene neighbours : for hee is the houshold Prince , the domesticall King ; Though thinke husband bee from thee , let thy feare of him bee with thee , that in mentioning him to others thou shew not contempt . And for Reuerence thus much .

34. Obedience followes : as concerning which duty a plaine text auers it to the full , saying ; Let the Wife bee subiect to her husband in all things , in the Lord . What need wee further proofe ? Why is shee his wife , if shee will not obey ? and how can shee require obedience of the children and seruants , if shee will not yeeld to the husband ? doth not shee exact it in his name , and as his deputie ? But the thing will not bee so much questioned , as the measure : Not whether shee must obey , but how farre . Wherefore wee must extend it as farre as the Apostle , to a generality of things , to all things , so it bee in the Lord . In whatsoeuer thing obeying of him doth not disobey God , shee must obey : and if not in all things , it were as good in nothing . It is a thankelesse seruice , if not generall . To yeeld alone in things that please her selfe , is not to obey him , but her owne affections . The tryall of obedience is , when it crosseth her desires . To doe that which hee biddes , when shee would haue done without his bidding , what praise is it ? But this declares conscionable submission , when shee chuseth to doe what her-selfe would not , because her husbands wils it . And seeing shee requireth the like largenesse of duty in his name from the seruants , her-selfe shall bee Iudge against her-selfe , if shee giue not what shee lookes to receiue . But if sufficeth not that her obedience reach to all things that are lawfull , vnlesse it bee also wiling , ready , without brawling , contending , thwarting , sowrenesse . A good worke may bee marred in the manner of doing . And as good stuffe is spilt by bad making , so doth the wife disgrace and disfigure her obedience if shee hang off and contend , and bee impatient , and will not , till shee cannot chuse . Needes must , needes shall , wee say in the Prouerbe . Such kinde of yeelding declares no reuerence , deserues no praise . Then it is laudable , commendable , a note of a vertuous woman , a dutifull wise , when shee submits her-selfe with quietnesse , cheerefully , euen as a wel-broken horse turnes at the least turning , stands at the least check of the riders bridle , readily going and standing as he wishes that fits vpon his backe . If you will haue your obedience worth any thing , make no tumult about it outwardly , allow none within .

35. And for the lesse principall duties of husband and wife concerning their ordinary society , thus much . I come now to such as concerne the marriage-bed , which are as needfull to bee knowne as the former , because offences in that kinde are more capitall and dangerous , though not so publique . Their matrimoniall meetings must haue these three properties . First , it must be cheerefull : they must louingly , willingly and familiarly communicate themselues vnto themselues , which is the best means to continue and nourish their mutuall naturall loue , and by which the true and proper ends of matrimony shall bee attained in best manner : for the husband is not his owne , but the wifes , and the wife the husbands . Secondly , their meeting must bee sanctified . Paul saith , meate , drinke and marriage are good , being sanctified by prayer . Men and women must not come together as brute creatures and vnreasonable beasts , through the heate of desire ; but must see their Maker in that his ordinance , and craue his blessing solemnely as at meales , ( the Apostle speakes of both alike ) that marriage may indeede bee blessed vnto them . To sanctifie the marriage-bed , and vse it reuerently with prayer and thanks-giuing , will make it moderate , and keepe them from growing wearie each of other ( as in many it falls out , ) and cause that lust shall bee asswaged , which else shall bee increased by these meetings . Propagation and chastity , the two chiefe ends of marriage , are best attained by prayer and thanks-giuing in the vse thereof , without which they will hardly come , or not with comfort . Neither is it more then needs , to see God in that which so nearely toucheth our selues , as the hope of posterity : him , as the increase of his kingdome . Let Christians therefore know the fruite of prayer euen in all things . Thirdly , their nuptiall meetings must bee seasonable , and at lawfull times . There is a season when God and Nature seioynes man and wife in this respect . The woman is made to be fruitfull ; and therefore also more moist and cold of constitution . Hence it is that their naturall heate serues not to turne all their sustenance into their owne nourishment ; but a quantity redounding is set apart in a conuenient place to chearish and nourish the conception , when they shall conceiue . Now this redundant humour ( called their flowers or termes ) hath ( if no conception bee ) it monethly issue or euacuation , ( and in some oftner ) vnlesse there bee extraordinary stoppings and obstructions , lasting for sixe or seuen dayes in the most : Sometimes also this issue , through weakenes and infirmitie of nature , doth continue many more dayes . Alwayes after child-birth there is a larger and longer emptying , because of the former retention , which continueth commonly for foure , fiue or sixe weekes , & in some longer . Now in all these three times and occasions , it is simply vnlawfull for a man to company with his own wife . The Lord telles vs so , Leuit. 15. c. 19.25 . ver. also chap. 18 ver. 19. also chap. 20. ver. 18. Of which places it is needfull , that married people should take notice : to which I send them . Neither let women thinke themselues disgraced , because I haue laid this matter open in plaine , but modest speeches . Where God threatens death to the offender , can the Minister bee faithfull , if he doe not plainely declare the offence ? This fault is by GOD condemned to the punishment of death , Leuit. 20.18 . Beare then with necessary plainnesse . And let no woman grieue that the cause of her fruitfulnes is knowne , when shee reioyceth to bee found fruitfull . Say not , that I may let them reade it . What if they cannot ? what if they will not ? Can the Minister so discharge his office , of giuing men warning that they sinne not , because they may reade it ? But if any through nicenesse or otherwise , doe take snuffe at this opennesse ( for immodest and obscene speech they haue heard none , ) they shall argue themselues guilty of the sinne , which they would not haue knowne ; and shew rather a willingnes to commit euill , then proue it euill to teach that plainely which God hath plainely reuealed to be knowne . In a word , we must speake all the truth , you should with willingnes heare all ; if not , you must against your will . Though men will be offended , wee must not conceale what God will haue knowne . And thus you haue heard the duties of married people , principal , and lesse principall , for their common society both mutuall and speciall ; and for their nuptiall society in the marriage-bed . Now though I haue bene long , I will tarry to make some vse and application .

36. And first , this ministers a good instruction to young and vnmarried people , that they doe not vnaduisedly rush into this estate . A thing of such difficulty should not bee lightly vndertaken . They shall haue their hands full of duty , if they get not their hearts full of grace , and their heads full of wisedome ; they shall finde an house full of trouble , and a life full of woe , meeting with gall in stead of hony , and grauell in stead of nourishing morsels . Wouldst thou be married ? See what wisedome , what patience , what grace fit to gouerne or fit to obey thou findest in thy selfe . Get these against thou come to vse them , or else marriage will not yeeld thee such contentment , as thine imagination promiseth . Vaine youths grow wanton and fall in lust , and must marry before they haue any power to practise , any vnderstanding to know their duties ; so they trouble themselues , and discredit their estate both at once . He that leapes ouer a broad ditch with a short staffe , shall fall into the midst ; and hee that enters vpon matrimony without care to attaine great grace , shal be mired and doussed in disquietment and vexation . Let vnmarried people thinke of this , and be wise .

37. Secondly , I must aduise all married persons , to grow acquainted with these duties , and to marke their fallings in the same But mistake me not . I would that the wife should know hers , the husband his , and both the common duties . I desire that they should obserue each their owne , not so much each others faylings . Indeed it may be feared , that diuers hearers now will bee worse for hearing , because they heard amisse . The husband may perhaps ring his wife a peale of her duty when hee comes home , and tell her how her faults were ript vp ; and yet neuer consider or meditate of his owne duties or faults . The wife also may likely tell him of his owne at home , when she hath little or nothing to say to her-selfe . Thus both shall be worse , when they seeke to vpbraide each other , not to amend each ones selfe . Thou husband didst listen attentiuely when the womans duties were handled , and thoughtst , There he met with my wife ; such a time shee shewed little reuerence , lesse obedience . Thou wife hadst the like thoughts concerning thine husband : There hee told him home of his duty . It is not long since hee shewed himselfe neither wise nor gentle . I would hee would see to amend . Vnwise man , vnwise woman : why hadst thou not most care of thine owne soule ? Couldst thou marke what was good for anothers disease , not what for thine owne ? Wilt thou grow skilfull in his way , and not know one foot of that wherein thy selfe must trauell ? Brethren , sisters , let this be altered in vs . If thou be a Christian husband , haue more care to know that , and bee more frequent in considering that , for which thine owne soule must answer , then what lie , to the accounts of another . So doe thou that art a Christian wife . And that man or woman that sees not more faults and failings in him or her-selfe then the yoke-fellow , bewraies wondrous great pride , ignorance and hypocrisie , if hee or shee be not matched with one too too notorious for ill demeanours . If the heart were well touched , it owne sinnes would bee more grieuous the husbands or wiues lesse . Contend therefore , not how short thy yoke-fellow comes , but not to come short thy selfe . Passe by the others failings more easily , be more censorious towards thine owne : this were to deale as a Christian , euen to iudge thy selfe . He neuer yet learnt to worke well in any work , that would cast his eye more vpon his neighbors fingers than his owne . Neither was hee euer good scholler that would con his fellowes , and not regard the taske imposed vpon himselfe . And that makes husbands and wiues such ill pay-masters one another , because they looke often what is owing to them , not what they owe . I doubt not but experience will backe my speech , if I pronounce that they be not the best husbands & wiues , which are heard to complaine much of their yoke-fellowes defects in dutie , little of their own . And yet is not this ordinary ? Euery man would be a good husband , if his wife were not so bad : & she a good wife , were not he so excessiuely faulty . Al the accusations , al the iudgings are datted at each other . What folly is this ? Vnderstand idle man and woman , it is not the requiring or receiuing of duty from others , but the knowing & performing of what pertaines to thy selfe , that will proue thee a Christian , comfort thee in temptation , reioice thee in death , and stand for thee in iudgment . And yet art thou soloud and much in calling for duty , so mute and dumbe and ignorant in yeelding it ? To conclude therefore , know thine owne dutie best , marke most thine owne transgressings of duty ; then shalt thou bee free from brawles with thy yoke-fellow , if thou be taken vp with paines about thy selfe : and there is no better meanes of peace in families , than that euery one should learne and ply his own worke , see and labour to mend his owne faults . Haue you then bene both or either vnchaste , vnlouing , vnfaithful ? repent both ; and straine not curtesie who shall beginne : but let either set other a copie of goodnesse . And if you will needs striue , let it be , which shall be the best , which mend first . Hast thou bene a foolish , passionate , vniust husband , full of bitter words , perhaps also ( which is monstrous ) of blowes in anger , seeking and seruing thy selfe alone , and not regarding thy wiues good , so thou mightest goe away with thine owne wil ? Diue not into her faults , cry not out , she hath bene thus and thus to me : but repent of thy bitternes , vnthriftines , folly of all sorts : confesse it to God ; beseech him to make thee a better husband , that thy wife may bee better . Hast thou bene a disdainfull , contemptuous , brawling , impatient , discontented , and disobedient wife ? aske thine heare before God , and dissemble nor . If yea , clamour not against thine husbands folly , exclaime not of his rashnes and hardnes ; but condemne thy selfe before , and call vpon God , to make thee feare and obey thine husband , as a Commander vnder him . Entreat him of mercy to make thee better , that thy husband also may be better . Follow the Prouerbe , and let euery of you mend one , I meane himselfe , and contention wil cease . Pray for each ones selfe first , then for each other . Where you haue offended , labour to see it , confesse , bewaile it , and call for power to reforme , and bee not skilfull to cast the fault vpon another , but to cast it out of thy selfe . So shall your loues bee sure , your hearts comfortable , your example commendable , your houses peaceable , your selues ioyfull , your liues chearefull , your deaths blessed , and your memories happie for euer .

〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 FINIS .