The Coblers tale , Conteining the merrie Iestes passed betweene the Prior of Caunterburie , and a Smith of Saint Austins .

THe Prior of Caunterburie had a couent of Friar Augustines that were indued with great liuings , for the king and hee himselfe had great reuenues , that he liued like a Potentate and was had in great estimation throughout all the Citie : Liuing thus at ease pampred vp with delicates and idlenes the two Nurses of Lechery , hee minded not so much his booke , but that passing one day through the stréetes , he glaunced his eies to see where he might finde some handsome trull that might be his Paramour : many he sawe and many he liked , but at last comming by a Smiths forge , he spied a proper tall woman meanly attired after the pouerty of hir husband ; but of such a beautifull visage and faire countenance , that shée pleased greatly the Priors eie , that he thought hir the fairest in all Caunterburie : he returned home that way hee went out , because he would haue an other looke at the Smiths wife , and as hee passed by he gaue hir a curtesie for his farewell . Well home he went to his Chamber , & there he bethought him of his new loue , and cast in his minde a thousand waies how he might come to his purpose : At last hee sent for the Smith to come looke on his horse , who very hastily hied him to the Priory , where the Prior welcommed him and intertained him with great curtesie , kissing the Nurse ( as the olde prouerbe is ) for the childs sake , and making much of blacke Vulcan for faire Venus sake : the poore Smith very carefully lookt to the horse , and where ought was amisse amended it : The Prior and all his Couent gaue him great commendations and thankes , and bidde him into breakefast , where he had good cheare and store of strong drink , which made the Smith passing pleasant : as they sate at breakefast the Prior tolde him , sith they had made experience of his skill , and that he was cunning about horses , he was content to make him Farrier for the Priorie : At this the Smith was very glad : Nay more quoth the Prior because thou shall haue more gaines out of the Dorter , séeing thy wife is a good clenly woman , shée shal be Landresse for mee , and the whole Couent . The Smith hearing this , perceiued by the weathercocke which way the wind blew , shakt the head and began to smile : The Prior demaunded of him why he laught : marry syr quoth he , séeing we are at meate , and mirth is good for digestion , I will tell you a merry Iest . There was such a poore man as my selfe that dwelt as I doe hard by a Priory , and he had brought vp in his house a litle Lambe , which growing to a shéepe woulde wander all abroade and returne home safe at night without any hurt ; at last this litle shéepe beeing the poore mans treasure , séeing the Priory gate open and the yarde full of grasse went in and fedde there : The wanton Fryars that were idle , would oft sport with the Lambe and play withall , and pulled off the wooll of the backe , that it had almost left nothing but the bare pelt : which the poore man espying kept vp his shéep and would not suffer it to go any more abroad : yet it had gotten such a swéet sauour in the Priory yarde , that assoone as it brake loose , it would thither ; where the Prior and the Fryars spying it againe , consented and eate it vp all : the good man came to aske for his shéepe , and they laughing at him gaue him no other mendes but the hornes : So my Maisters if my wife should bee your Landresse , I warrant you , if I came to inquire for hir , I might haue such fées as the poore man had for his losse : No , no I am well I thanke you , if my selfe may serue for a Farrier so it is , but my wife ( of all men shall not haue to deale either with Priors or Fryars . At this they all laught , but the Prior not willing to giue ouer the chase , thus made this answere . Why Smith ( quoth he ) thou art a foole , thou maist haue a prouiso for that , for though shée wash our clothes , yet shée shall neither fetch them nor bring them home , neither shall there euer a Fryar come at thy house , onely the Scull of the kitchin , and I hope thou fearest not him . No quoth the Smith , they bee these bréechlesse yeomen that I stand so much in doubt of : but vpon these conditions aforesaide , that shée shall neither fetch them nor carry them home , shée shal be your Landresse , vpon this they agréed , and the Smith went to his house and tolde his wife all . Shée that was a wily wench thought with hir selfe that whatsoeuer hir husband fisht for he would catch a frog ; and that dealt hee neuer so warily , yet shée woulde make him one of the head men of the parish as well as his neighbours . Shée coniecturing thus with hir selfe , the next morning came the Scull early ( by that the Smith was vp and at his worke ) with foule clothes , God spéede syr quoth he . I haue brought your wife the Priors linnen ; ah welcome good fellow quoth he , goe thy waies vp the Chamber to my wife , shée is aboue , and I thinke a bed : the Scul trotted vp the staires & saluted the woman : Mistres quoth he , the Prior hath sent you his cloathes & praies you they may bee done on wednesday next : they shall be done quoth shée with all spéede : and quoth the Scull , his worship wild me in secrete to giue you a Ring for a token , and to desire you to thinke that he loues you as heartily as any woman in the worlde : the poore woman séeing a gold Ring , and hauing neuer had any before in hir life , helde hir selfe a proude woman , and bethought her what good gifts shée should daily haue if shée had such a louer as the Prior : wherefore shée returned him this answere by the Scull , that shée had euer thought well of him , but hir husband was a iealous foole & watcht hir narrowly wheresoeuer shée went , but as far as shée might , shée was his at command . Home went the Scul , and the Prior was risen by that hee returned , and askt him what newes : what newes quoth the Scull , marry thus syr , assoone as I came to the doore I founde the Smith hard at his worke , and I saluted him by the time of the day , and asked him where his wife was , saying , I had brought the Priors linnen . Goe vp the staires , good fellow quoth he , for I thinke my wife is in bed , and Syr there indéede I found hir , and truely Syr if you will beleeue me , me thought shée lay to louely in hir bed to lie with a Smith , so syr I gaue hir your token and tolde hir what you bad me : and she made answere that your worship was the man whom shée had euer thought well of , but hir husband was a iealous foole , yet as farre as shée could shée was at his commaund . This satisfied the Priors expectation , and on wednesday morning when the Scull shoulde goe for his cleane linnen , the Prior compounded with him and gaue him a brase of Angels to kéepe his counsaile : saying , Tom ( for so was the Sculs name ) thou knowest al flesh is fraile , and we are men as well as others , though our profession be more holy , therfore Tom so it is , that I haue loued the Smiths wife a long time , & now may I haue opportunity to fill my desires , I wil this morning take thy clothes on , & besméere my face and with the basket hie for the cleane clothes , onely I care for nothing if thou kéepe my counsaile . Feare not that syr , quoth the Scull , but I will bee so secrete as you can desire : with that the Prior was briefe for because he longd to be there , and on with the Sculs rags , and taking his basket on his necke , hied him very orderly to the Smiths house by that time day did appeare , where he found him hard at worke : God morrow syr quoth the Prior , I am come for the linnen , goe vp the staires fellow quoth the Smith , thou commest very early , my wife is yet in bed . Vp trudgd the Prior , and there he founde his Paramour in a swéete sléepe , the Prior stept to hir and kist hir , and with that shée wakte , and seeing the Scull , why how now syr sauce , quoth shée , can you not speake before you come vp ? my husband is a wise man to send such companions vp into the Chamber where I am in bedde , t were no matter and the match were equall , to make him weare the horne for it . Oh bee content good loue quoth the Prior , for knowe I am not Tom the Scull , but the Prior himselfe that sent thée the Ring , who for thy sake is come thus disguised : with that he discouered him selfe , and shée perceiued it was he and blusht : hee kist hir , and so coniured hir , that while the poore Smith was knocking at the Smithy he had dudeb him knight of the forked order , and for feare of suspition putting his linnen in the basket away he went , bidding the Smith farewell . Thus the Prior and the Smiths wife contented and inioying their hearts desire , the poore Smith loued hir not a whit the worse , neither did he suspect any thing , for the blind eates many a flie , and much water runs by the mill that the miller wottes not on : so plaid it with this Smith , for twise a wéeke came the Prior in his Sculs apparrell to his lemmon , thus it continued till on one morning the Prior was not well , so that he could not goe ; but Tom Scul after his woonted manner went to carry foorth the linnen , and as hee went by the way , he began to thinke with himselfe what a faire woman the Smiths wife was , and how faine he would be partaker with his Maister , hammering this in his head , on hee went to the Smiths house : Nowe Smith quoth he good morrow , is thy wife vp . No quoth the Smith but shée is awake , goe vp and carry your linnen a Gods name : Vp came the Scull , and rushing in at the Chamber doore threw downe his basket , and séeing the Chamber darke that he could not be discouered , slipt to bed and entred Commens with the Prior , and with that got him away without saying one worde : The Smiths wife maruailed at this , and supposing that hee had heard some ruffling , and for feare of hir husband had gone away so hastily . Well within two daies after came the Prior againe , and after his accustomed maner went vp with his basket and saluted hir after the old fashion : I pray you tell me maister Prior quoth shée , what meant you yesterday morning that you came so quiet , and slipt away with such silence after you got out of bed : by this the Prior perceiued that the Scull had cut a shiue on his loaf , and so thought to dissemble the matter . Faith swéet heart quoth he , I heard a noise , and thought it had béene thy husband that had come vp so I coniectured quoth the Smiths wife , and therefore after you were gone , séeing you were freighted with your owne shadowe I laught hartily : thus as long as they durst they chatted , but at last the Prior vp with his basket and away . When he came home , in a great chafe hee sent for the Scull and made inquiry of the matter , the poore fellow afraide of sore threatninges , confessed the matter and craude pardon : but the Prior forgetting his patience fell vpon poore Tom the Scull and beate him so sore , that he had almost kild him : afterwards swearing him on a booke , if euer after hee went with any clothes , hee should go no further then the Chamber doore . The Scul agréed to this , and confirmd it with a solemne oath : but the remembrance of his sore blowes , bred him a minde to reuenge : wherevpon resoluing to doe any mischiefe to the Prior that he might , one day he went very orderly to his Smith and carried him to the Alehouse , and there after a long protestation of silence , reuealed the whole matter vnto him , how the Prior euery day came in his apparrell to his wife , and so made him weare the horns whiles he was busie about his hammers : at this the Smith fetcht a great sigh ; alas quoth he , and am I a Cuckolde ? why not you quoth the Scul , as well as your betters ? Indéede quoth the Smith , that is all the comfort that I haue , that my betters haue had as hard hap : for the Abbot of saint Peters that is an holy man , had but one Lemman , and yet shée was not content with twenty morsels : and I am a poore Smith & a lay man , no maruaile then if my fortune be as forked as the rest : but by the holy Roode of Rochester quoth he , I will bee so reuengd on the Prior , that after I haue taken him , he shall hate Lechery the worse while he liues . I but quoth the Scul , take héede thou plagust not me in stéede of the Prior. To auoid therefore all insuing danger , if I come to morrow thou shalt knowe mee by this token , I will aske thée whether thou hast drunke this morning or no : if thou hearest no such watchword , then knowe it is the Prior. So bee it quoth the Smith , and vpon this they drunke their drinke and departed . The next morning the Smith was early at his worke , and the Prior that longde to be with his Lemmon was assoone awake , and vp hee got , and on with the Sculs apparrell , and to the Smiths house , and after his accustomed maner bad him good morrow and vp the staires . The Smith perceiuing it was the Prior , because hee wanted his watchworde , hied vp presently after him , and tooke the Prior in bed with his wife : why how nowe Scull quoth hee ? will no worse meate go downe with you then my wife ? Before you and I part , I will learne you howe you make Vulcan of mee without you were more like Mars then you be . Whereupon his man and he ( two lusty knaues ) stept to him and puld him out of bed , and thrust him in a great sacke wherein he was woont to put chaffe : when he had done , carried him into the stréet , and laid him downe before his doore , and then made his wife take a flaile in hir hand , and thresh as hard as shée coulde : but because hee perceiued hir stroakes were laide on with fauour , himselfe stoode behind hir with a great Carters whip , and euery time shée fainted in hir blowes hee lent hir a lash , that he fetcht the bloud through hir petticoate : the people that came by maruailed at this Antick , and askt the Smith , what he was a doing ? killing of fleas quoth the Smith , that I found this morning in my bedde , and because my wife is so idle and will not strike home , I stand with my whip to whet hir on . Neighbours therefore giue good eare , and marke the end , and sée when my wife hath beaten them enough what foul fleas they be , and by my example learne whensoeuer you take such great fleas in your wiues bedde , to put them to the like punishment . The people flocked together to see this sport , and although the Prior was almost bruised to death ( though for fauouring of him the Smiths wife bore many a lash ) yet he durst not cry for feare of further discredit , but lay still and suffered all with patience . At last a multitude of people flocking together , it chaunced that vppon serious businesse the Abbot of saint Peters came by , who séeing such a throng , sent one of his men to knowe what the matter meant . Oh may it please your Lordship quoth the Smith , such a sight as you neuer saw ! wherfore for Christs sake I aske it , that you would take so much paines as to come ouer the way and sée : the Abbot stept ouer the Channell , and when hee came and saw the Smiths wife with hir flaile , and him with his whip , he woondred , & the Smith told him as the rest , that it was a flea that he tooke in his wiues bed : all this while lay the Prior with a heauy heart , for feare the Smith shoulde shake him out of the sacke : wishing to abide twise as much torment , so hee might escape vnknowne . As the Abbot about this matter stoode questioning with the Smith , the Scull that mist the Prior that past his howre , thought the Smith had plaid some mad prancke with him , went and put on the Priors apparrell , and his Coole ouer his heade that hee might not be knowen , and went downe to the Smiths house ward , where séeing a concourse of people hee hasted him thither . At last the Smith spied him and cryed , Oh my Lord Abbot yonder comes the Prior of saint Austins , it was one of his fleas . Wel knew the Smith it was Tom Scull , but his wife supposing it to be the Prior , and that he in the sacke was the Scul that had deceiued hir , in despight for reuenge laid on such blows , that shée néeded no whipping to mend hir strokes . When the Prior came , & after most humble maner had saluted the Abbot , he desired to knowe the cause of this strange sight : marry quoth the smith , Maister Prior , I may thanke you for this , for a flea of your Priory hath leapt from the Dorter to my wiues bed , and finding it there this morning , I put it in a sacke and caused my wife to thresh it , and for that both you & Master Abbot , & al my neighbors shall sée what parlous fleas oft happen into womens beds ; I will shake him out before you all , & with that he vnbound the sacke , and he threwe out the Prior , who beeing in the sculs apparrell , was so besmiered and so bloudy , that he could not be knowen : Looke here Maister Prior quoth the smith , here is the scull of your Priory . Oh notable knaue knaue quoth Tom scull , so to discredit our house , what thinke you of this my Lorde Abbot ? is this a sufficient punishment or no , considering by this fault he shal giue occasion of slaunder to the whole Priory ? He is quoth the Abbot , within the iurisdiction of your censure , and therefore deale with him as you list . Marry quoth the scul then thus : because it is an open fault , it shal haue a more open punishment ; for if it be smothered vp thus , they wil say that I am a fauourer of sinne : with that he cald to certaine of his couent , for most of the Monkes of the Priory were come thither , howe say you brethren quoth he , is it not best that he stand all this forenoone on the Pillory , and haue a paper written on his heade containing the whole matter of his offence ? and the smiths wife shall stand vnder him with hir flaile , and the smith with his whip : and so quoth the smith shall all Caunterburie laugh at me that come into the market place to proue my selfe a Cuckolde . No goodman scull quoth he , it shal not be so , and with that he puld of his Coole and said , Masters and neighbours , sée here is the scul of the house , and this beaten in the sacke is the Prior himselfe that came to my wife in the sculs apparrell : at this all the people clapt their hands , laught & made good game , to sée howe simply the Prior stood and in what a maiestie the scull was in the Priors abiliments . At this sight the Abbot abasht , and the Friars were ashamde : but the scull nothing amased , began afore all the people to say thus : my Maisters quoth hee , I was once a scholler , though I am now a scul , and then I learned this old saying in Latin ; Caute , si non Caste : Liue charily , if not chastly : Bee not so forwarde in your follies that you discouer your faults to the whole worlde , and especially was this spoken to men of the Churche , for in that they knowe much , and doe dehort others from vice , the people looke their liues and their learning shoulde agrée : but when they offend so grossly as Maister Prior through his ill example , to bring a whole house in slaunder , then are they worthy of double punishment : for we know Friars are men , and I warrant you , there is a great many in England haue done as much to others as he hath done to the smiths wife , & yet haue scapt without discredit : I hope my Lord Abbot , if you enter into your owne conscience , you can verifie as much , and therefore séeing hee was so carelesse of his credit , let him for euer after ( to auoid perpetuall infamie of the house ) be banisht out of the Priorie . To this they agréed , and the people that heard this collation said , Tom scull was worthy to be Prior : wherupon the Abbot and the Fryars consenting , and séeing he had good learning , turned away the old Prior and made Tom scull Prior in his roome : thus was the Prior punisht for his Lechery , the Smith reuengde for his Cuckoldry , and the scull for his blowes stumbled on a good promotion .

At this merry tale of the Cobler , all they in the barge laught and saide the smith was well reuenged : I but quoth the Cobler , so he was made a Cuckold , and with a heauy head was the poore smith faine to goe to his hammers , beeing euer after noted for a Cuckolde through all Caunterburie . There sate a smith hard by , who grieued at this , that hee shoulde descant so vpon his occupation , and the rather perchaunce hee tooke pepper in the nose , because he was of the same fraternity , if not with a Prior , yet with some other good fellowe , and therefore in a snuffe he beganne thus to reply : Why Cobler quoth hee , dost thou hold the smith in such derision because hee was a Cuckold ? I tell thée Cobler , Kinges haue wore hornes : and t is a fault that Fortune excepteth from none : yea , the olde writers haue had it in such questions , that they haue set downe diuers degrées of Cuckoldes . I marry quoth the gentleman , Tarlton in his Purgatory hath diuided them into thrée sorts . Tush quoth the smith , Tarlton was a foole or hee that writ the booke , for to tell you truth there bee eight degrées , and that I can prooue : At this there was a great laughter , and euery man desired him to tell what they were : that I will quoth the smith , they be these .

The eight orders of Cuckolds .

Cuckold . 1 Machomite . 2 Hereticke . 3 Lunaticke . 4 Innocent . 5 Incontinent . 6 By consent . 7 By Act of Parliament . 8 Quem facit Ecclesia .

And because quoth the Smith they may séeme darke and obscure to you , I will briefly make an exposition of them to you , and that is in this manner .

The Smiths tale , Conteining a pleasant iest of a iealous Cobler , and how for all his suspition , he was cunningly made Cuckold .

IN Rumney Marshe by the sea coast , there dwelled a Cobler , a merry fellow , and of his middle age : who was woont on working-dayes to chaunt it out at his worke , and on holy-dayes to besturre his stumpes in the Churchyard so merrily after a crowd , that he was wel-beloued of all the countrey wenches , and noted for the flower of good fellowship throughout all the parish . This Cobler kéeping shop for himselfe , had in house with him an old mother of his , who being as it were his seruant , desirous to liue more at ease , wisht him to take a wife : the Cobler was loth to be perswaded to marriage , and the reason was , for that he feared to be a Cuckold : yet at last he cast his eye on a countrie lasse , that was a blythe and bonny wench , and the chéefe of all the maides of old Rumney : to hir was this iolly Cobler a suter , and after a little wooing ( as women must be got with praises and promises ) the Cobler caught her , and married they must be in all haste , which doone , they liued pleasantly together , as fools do presently after their wedding : but after the honnie moone was past , she like a good huswife fell to her worke , to spin and carde , and such other déedes of huswiferie as belonged to the profite of her house : the Cobler loued hir well , and shee wanted nothing that might satisfie hir humor , onelye she was charged by hir husband , not to goe abroad a gossipping with hir neighbours : insomuch that either on working-dayes or on holy-dayes , when all the wiues in Romney went to bee merry , shee was faine as a poore prisoner to kéepe home : which although she passed ouer with sylence and patience , so yet séeing his iealousie was without cause , she vowed with hir selfe if euer a fréend and oportunitie serued to hir minde , to make him weare a horne an inch longer then all his neighbours : but he kept hir short from that , for euery day when shee was at home , she sat by him in the shop , where he soong like an Nightingale , hauing his eye neuer of his wiues face ; or if she sat within , hir mother in law an olde iealous woman bore hir company ; if she went to fetch water , hir mother was at hir elbow ; whatsoeuer she did , or whether so euer she went , to be bréefe , hir husband , or hir mother was at one end , which gréeued the yoong woman . So suspitious and iealous was this Cobler , that all Romney talked of his folly : and to vexe him as they passed by , would say to him ; ah neighbour good morrow , now that you haue gotten a faire wife , we hope to haue you one of the brotherhood , and that the Cuckow in Aprill may sit and sing in your house as well as with your poore neighbours . I feare not that quoth the Cobler , let hir doo hir woorst , I will giue hir leaue , meaning that he kept such narrow watch ouer hir , as he could neuer be deceiued , and therefore euery day his wife sitting by him when he was yerking of his shooes , and she at hir whéele , then he would chat out this song .

The Coblers song . WHen as the Nobilitie pull downe their towers , Their mansion houses and stately bowers : And with stone and timber make hospitals free , Then the Cobler of Romney shall a Cuckold be . When Gentlemen leaue of their Peacockly sutes , And that all their workes are charities fruites : Tendring the poore which needy they see , Then the Cobler , &c. When Vsurers run vp and downe with their gould , And giue it to them from whome it was pould : And Colliers sackes ouer great you do see , Then the Cobler , &c. When Westminster hall is quite without benches , And Southwarke Banckeside hath no prettie wenches , When in Smithfield on Fridaies no iades you can see , Then the Cobler , &c. When Maides hate mariage , and loue to liue chast , Virgins forsooth till fourescore be past : And loue not that yoong men their beauties should see , Then the Cobler , &c. When wiues are not wilfull , but needs will obay , When silent and speechlesse they sit a whole day : When Gossips do meete , and no words there wil be , Then the Cobler , &c. When womens toongs doo cease for to wagge , And shoomakers giue not their maisters the bagge : When Cuckolds and keepers want hornes for their fee , Then the Cobler , &c. When tapsters and alewiues from Berwick to Douer , Fill thirding deal pots till the drinke run ouer , When the quart is so full that no froth you may see , Then the Cobler , &c. When Smithes forsweare to drinke of strong Ale , And liue without liquor whiles their noses be pale : When in Vintners wine no mixture you see , Then the Cobler , &c. When Dutchmen hate butter , and the Spaniards pride , When Cardnars do want a trull by their side : When the Pope like Peter humble you see , Then the Cobler , &c.

Euery day did the Cobler vse to sing this song , and there dwelled next vnto him a Smith that was a tall and a yoong lusty fellow , proper of personage , of a comely visage , curteous , gentle , and debonaire , such a one as this Coblers wife could haue wished to hir Paramour , if time and oportunity would haue fauoured hir fancie : and the Smith séeing what a smocker wench the Coblers wife was , and what a iealous foole shée had to hir husband , sorrowed at the good fortune of the Cobler , that hee had so faire a wife , and wished that hee coulde finde meanes to haue such a one to his friend : vpon this , being next neighbours , and their houses ioining together , the Smith woulde oftentimes when his leisure serued him come to the Coblers shop and talke with him ; where betwéen the Smith & the Coblers wife passed such glaunces , that he perceiued there was no want , but place and oportunity to fulfill their desires . One day amongst the rest , Fortune so fauored this yoong couple , that the Cobler went foorth to buy Leather , and left his mother and his wife in the shop : the old woman not hauing slept the last night was heauy and fell a sléepe , and the young woman sate singing at hir worke . The Smith perceiuing this , laid by his hammers and went to the stal , where he saluted his neighbour , and she returned him the like curtesie .

At last séeing the olde beldame was sure , he began to reueale vnto hir how long hee had loued hir , and how hee was sorry that shée was combred with such a one as for his iealousie , aboue all other men deserued to be made a Cuckolde : sundry spéeches past betwéene the Smith and the Coblers wife , till at last shée rose , and gaue him hir hand , that shée loued him better then any man in the world , and woulde if any occasion woulde serue , euer striue to content him . Then swéete heart quoth he , doe mee but this fauour , faine to morrow some occasion to go to your Mothers , and come on the further side of the way fast by such a doore , and then let mee alone for oportunity to satisfie both our desires : To this shee agréed , and the Smith went to his Shoppe : presently the olde woman wakte , the Cobler came home , and all was well .

At night when they were in bed , taking him about the necke shée kist him , and tolde him that certaine of hir friendes met to morrowe at hir Mothers , and that shée woulde faine goe and sée them , I pray you good husband quoth shée , let your mother and I goe thither , I will not part out of hir sight , neither will we make any long tarriance : the husband for shame could not deny this request , but granted it : whereupon the next morning shée got hir vp , and on with hir holyday apparrell , and made hir as sine as sine might bee : the Cobler séeing his wife so trickt vp in hir cleane Linnen , beganne to bee iealous , and calde his Mother aside , and charged hir by that loue shée bare him , not to let his wife part out of hir company till shée came home againe , which shée promised with an oath : so away they went , & the Cobler he set him downe and began to sing .

The Smith that all this day was not idle , had compounded with an olde woman by whose house shée must passe , to fauour them with house roome , and reuealed vnto hir all the matter : whose wife it was , and howe hee woulde haue his purpose brought to passe : by my troth sonne quoth she , I haue hard much talke of that iealous Cobler , and I would do my indeuour to make the Asse were a horne : vpon this they resolued , & she likt well of his policie , & said loue had many shiftes , at last the Smith spied his mistresse all in her brauerie , comming with her mother in law : the old wife was readye , as shee past by the doore , threw a great bowle full of bloudy water right vpon hir head , that all her cloathes , and cleane lynnen was marred , being so berayde that shee could goe no further : alas mistresse quoth the old woman , I crie you mercie , what haue I done ? full sore it was against my will : but for Gods sake come into the house , and shift you with cleane linnen : if you haue none at home , I will lend you of the best that I haue , goe in daughter , quoth hir olde mother in law , it is a chance , and against an ill turne sometime no man may be : i le goe home as fast as I can , and goe fetch you cleane linnen , the whiles drie your gowne , and make all things els ready . I pray you do good mother ( quoth she ) and next way goes hir mother in lawe : and assoone as she was out of doores , the old woman led hir into an inwarde Parlour where the Smith was , and there these two louers by this policie made the iealous Cobler were the horne .

Whiles thus they were solacing themselues , the old wife she came stumbling home , and for haste had like to breake hir necke ouer the threshould , her fall made the Cobler start , and when he saw it was his mother , and that he mist his wife , he was halfe mad , and askt his mother hastily where she was : the old woman short winded was almost out of breath , and for a good space sat puffing and blowing to fetch winde ; at last she cryed out : alas deare sonne , such a chaunce as neuer was hard of : as we went through old Romney , hard by the church , a woman threw out a bowle of bloudie water right vpon your wiues head , which hath so berayed hir linnen and hir gowne , that she could go no further , and so I as fast as I could came running home for clean clothes : oh for the passion of God mother quoth he , hie to hir chest , and get hir cloathes ready , for it may be a fetch to make the poore Cobler a Cuckhold ; a horne mother is soone grafted : with that the old woman got all in a readines , and away ran the Cobler & his mother together . Well the two louers out at a little hole kept good watch and warde , that anon they spied where the Cobler and his mother came trudging : in went his wife , and sat hir downe by the fier , where the Cobler found her onely sitting with the old woman in hir petticoate , drying hir gowne , assoone as she saw him she wept : and he although he gréeued at the mischance , yet for that hee spied hir in no companie , he was satisfied , and wisht hir to be content , & sent for a pot of béere or two to make hir drinke : and after he had séene all well , and his wife in hir cleane apparell , setting them a little on the way ; home he went againe to his shop , and his wife went to hir mothers , where an houre or two she past away the time in chat , and then returned home with hir mother in law . Thus the Cobler was not suspitious of his wiues being abroad , but tooke hir misfortune for a chaunce , and the Smith euery day according to his woonted custome , would come and chat with his neighbour the Cobler , and sometimes found opportunitie to talke with the wife , but neuer out of the shop : on a day the Cobler being from home , and the old woman within péecing of hir hose , the Smith came to the shop , and finding hir alone , began to lay a plot , how to make hir husband a Cuckold , while he held the doore : she promist if he would deuise it , she would put it in practise , and so agréed they concluded betwéene themselues , and they brought it cunningly to passe , thus .

It chaunced within a fortnight after , that as the Cobler and his wife lay in bed , she fell on a great laughter , hir husband demaunding the cause , she made him this answer . I will tell you husband a strange thing , so it is , that this other day when you went to buie Lether , my mother and I sat in the shop , and she fel fast a sléepe , your neighbour the Smith , he , as his custome is , came to the window , and séeing my mother a sléepe , began to court me with faire words and large promises , and told me , that if I would find the meanes that when you were out , I would let him lie with me , he would giue me fortie shillings . I shakt him off as well as I could , but he would haue no nay at all , but threw foure Angels into my lap : wherevpon I tooke the golde , for me thought they were foure fayre péeces , and promised him that to morrow you went foorth , and my mother to , and then he should finde me alone in the chamber . Vpon this hee went away , and left me the gold , and therfore if it please you , to morrow I thinke good you should faine your selfe to go abroad , and my mother to , and then hide you in a chamber bard by , and assoone as he is come in , you may stand at the doore and heare all our talke : when you heare me consent , then break in , and take the Cobler , and swindge him well , and I warrant you husband there will diuerse commodities rise of it : for not onely we shall haue this gold , and get more for amends , but euer after be rid of such a knaue .

This motion pleased the Cobler well , & the rather because the Smith profest to be his great fréend , and yet would séeke to doo him such disgrace : vpon this conclusion they resolued , and so fel a sléepe . The next day in the afternoone , the Cobler fained himselfe to go out , and his mother with him , and after comming home at a backe doore went vp into the next chamber , & hid themselues , by and by according vnto promise came the Smith , and went roundly vp to the chamber , where hee found the Coblers wife : wherefore straight shutting the doore with a boult in the inside , he fell to set vp plumes on the Coblers head-péece , the Cobler he very eastlie got to the doore with a great pollax in his hand , and began to listen : with that he hard the smith offer faire to his wife : nay ( quoth she ) I haue kept promise with you , for I onely promised to let you vp into my Chamber : tush quoth he , this is but a cauill ? and many words past betwéene them : the Cobler and his mother standing at the doore , with her naye and his yea , till the Cobler had a new browantler growne out of his old hornes ; and then shee answered him , séeing nothing would content him , hee should haue his pleasure : with that the Cobler was readie to rush in , but that his mother staid him , and bid him harke further : and doost thou meane good faith , quoth the Smith ? I wherefore else ( quoth the Coblers wife ) came we into this place ? why then ( quoth the Smith ) heare what I will say to thée : Doost thou thinke , though we be héere in secret , that our faults will not be séene openly ? that though thy husband knowes not of , and that it is kept close from the world , that there is not one aboue that sées all , & wil reuenge it ? yes vilde strumpet as thou art , & for this cause came I to trie thée : thou hast an honest man to thy husband , who loues thée more déerly than himselfe , who works hard , to suffer thée that thou shalt not want , and wilt thou in his absence wrong him ? thinke if euer thou doost it , it will come out , & thou shalt be reuenged with open shame : I am thy husbands déerest friend , with whom I am daily conuersant , and doost thou thinke I could find in my hart , to offer him such iniury ? no : & then art not thou more to blame , that being the wife of his bosome , wilt betray thy husband , who is déerer to thée then all friends ? fie vpon thée vild woman , fare thée wel & amend : I wil not yet tell thy husband , vnlesse I spie thée prooue light , but I shall neuer thinke well of thée while I liue : & with that he opened the chamber doore , & the cobler chopt in , & taking the smith by the hand , said , neighbor , I thank you for your good counsel , I haue hard al the communication that past betwéene you and my wife , and truelie : and with that the Cobler wept , I am heartily glad I haue such a trustie friend , to whom in my absence at any time , because my mother is an old woman , I commit the ouersight of my wife : and truely neighbour quoth hee , I pray you thinke neuer the worse of hir , for she told me the whole matter , & appointed me to stand at the doore , that when you should haue offered hir any discurtesie , I might haue rusht in and haue taken you : so that I perceiue you are as honest as she , and she as honest as you , and that your meanings were both a like . I am glad of that quoth the Smith , that you haue so vertuous a wife , I hope I haue done the part of a fréend , to pleasure my neighbour : you haue doone so quoth the Cobler , and therefore ere we part , wée le drinke a quart of wine . So the Cobler bestowed good chéere on the Smith , and euer after accompted him for his friend , and whensoeuer he went out of towne , committed the charge of his wife to the Smith , who at all times had frée egresse and regresse to the Coblers house without suspition .