Eastward Ho

EAST-WARD HOE .

Actus primi , Scena prima . Enter Maister Touch-stone , and Quick-siluer at Seuerall dores , Quick-siluer with his hat , pumps , short sword and dagger , and a Racket trussed vp vnder his cloake . At the middle dore , Enter Golding discouering a Gold-smiths shoppe , and walking short turns before it . Touch-stone .

AND whether with you now ? what loose action are you bound for ? come what comrades are you to meete withall ? wher s the supper ? wher s the supper ? wher s the randeuous ?

Quick .

Indeed , and in very good sober truth , Sir .

Touch.

Indeed , and in very good sober truth Sir ? Behinde my backe thou wilt sweare faster then a french foot boy , and talke more bawdily then a common midwife , and now indeede and in very good sober truth Sir : but if a priuie search should be made , with what furniture are you riggd now ? Sirrah I tell thee , I am thy maister William Tutchstone Goldsmith : and thou my Prentise Francis Quick-siluer : and will see whether you are running . Worke vpon that now .

Quick .

Why Sir I hope a man may vse his recreation with his maisters profit .

Touch.

Prentises recreations are seldome with their maisters profit . Worke vpon that now . You shall giue vp your cloake tho you be no Alderman . Heyday , Ruffins hall . Sword , pumps , heer s a Racket indeed . Touch . vncloakes Quick .

Quick .

Worke vpon that now .

Touch.

Thou shamlesse Varlet dost thou iest at thy lawfull maister contrary to thy Indentures ?

Quick .

Why zbloud sir , my mother 's a Gentlewoman : and my father a Iustice of Peace , and of Quorum , and tho I am a yonger brother and a prentise yet I hope I am my fathers sonne : and by Gods lidde , t is for your worship and for your commoditie that I keepe companie . I am intertaind among gallants , true : They call me coozen Franke , right ; I lend them monnies , good ; they spend it , well . But when they are spent , must not they striue to get more ? must not their land flye ? and to whom ? shall not your worship ha , the refusall ? well , I am a good member of the Citty if I were well considered . How would Morchants thriue , if Gentlemen would not be vnthriftes ? How could Gentlemen be vnthrists if their humours were not fed ? How should their humours be fedde but by whit meate , and cunning secondings ? well , the Cittie might consider vs . I am going to an Ordinary now ; the gallants fall to play , I carry light golde with me : the gallants call coozen Francke some golde for siluer , I change , gaine by it , the gallants loose the gold ; and then call coozen Francke lend me some siluer . Why —

Tou.

Why ? I cannot tell , seuē score pound art thou out in the cash , but looke to it , I will not be gallanted out of my monies . And as for my rising by other mens fall ; God shield me . Did I gaine my wealth by Ordinaries ? no : by exchanging of gold ? no : by keeping of gallants company ? no . I hired me a little shop , fought low , tooke small gaine , kept no debt booke , garnished my shop for want of Plate , with good wholsome thriftie sentences ; As , Touchstone , keepe thy shopp , and thy shoppe will keepe thee . Light gaines makes heauy purses . T is good to be merry and wise : And when I was wiu'd , hauing something to stick too , I had the horne of Suretiship euer before my eyes : You all know the deuise of the Horne , where the young fellow slippes in at the Butte end , and comes squesd out at the Buckall : and I grew vp , and I praise prouidence , I beare my browes now as high as the best of my neighbours : but thou-well looke to the accounts , your fathers bond lyes for you : seuen score pound is yet in the reere .

Quick .

Why Slid sir , I haue as good , as proper gallants wordes for it as any are in London , Gentlemen of good phrase , perfect language , passingly behau'd , Gallants that weare socks and cleane linnen , and call me kinde coozen Francke , good coozen Francke , for they know my Father ; and by god ; lidde shall not I trust hem ? not trust ?

Enter a Page as inquiring for Touch-stones Shoppe . Golding .

What doe yee lacke Sir ? What i st you 'le buye Sir ?

Touch-stone .

I marry Sir , there 's a youth of another peece . There 's thy fellowe-Prentise , as good a Gentleman borne as thou art : nay , and better mean'd . But dos he pumpe it , or Racket it ? Well , if he thriue not , if he out-last not a hundred such crackling Bauins as thou art , God and men neglect industrie .

Gold .

It is his Shop , and here my M. walkes . To the Page .

Touch.

With me Boy ?

Page .

My Maister , Sir Petronel Flash , recommends his loue to you , and will instantly visite you ,

Touch.

To make vp the match with my eldest daughter , my wiues Dilling , whom she longs to call Maddam . He shall finde me vnwillingly readie Boy . Exit Page .

Ther 's another afliction too . As I haue two Prentises : the one of a boundlesse prodigalitie , the other of a most hopefull Industrie . So haue I onely two daughters : the eldest , of a proud ambition and nice wantonnesse : the other of a modest humilitie and comely sobernesse . The one must bee Ladyfied forsooth : and be attir'd just to the Court-cut , and long tayle . So farre is she ill naturde to the place and meanes of my preferment and fortune , that shee throwes all the contempt and dispight , hatred it selfe can cast vpon it . Well , a peece of Land she has , t' was her Grandmothers gift : let her , and her Sir Petronel , flash out that . But as for my substance , shee that skornes mee , as I am a Citizen and Trades-man , shall neuer pamper her pride with my industrie : shall neuer vse me as men doe Foxes ; keepe themselues warme in the skinne , and throwe the body that bare it to the dung-hill . I must goe intertaine this Sir Petronell . Goulding , My vtmost care 's for thee , and onely trust in thee , looke to the shoppe , as for you , Maister Quick-siluer , thinke of huskes , for thy course is running directly to the prodigaills hogs trough . huskes Sra. Works vpon that now .

Exit . Tuch . Quick .

Mary sough goodman flat-cap : Sfoot tho I am a prentise I can giue armes , and my father 's a iustice a peace by discent : and zbloud —

Goul.

Fye how you sweare .

Qui.

Sfoot man I am a Gentleman , and may sweare by my pedegree , God s my life . Sirrah Goulding , wilt be ruled by a foole ? turne good fellow , turne swaggering gallant , and let the Welkin roare , and Erebus also : Looke not Westward to the fall of Don Phoebus , but to the East ; Eastward Hoe , " Where radiant beames of lusty Sol appeare , " And bright Eovs makes the welkin cleare . We are both Gentlemen , and therefore should be no coxcombes : le ts be no longer fooles to this flat-cap Touchstone . Eastward Bully : this Sattin belly , & Canuas backt Touchstone ; Slife man his father was a Malt-man , and his mother sould Ginger-bread in Christ-church .

Goul.

What would yee ha me doe ?

Quick .

Why do nothing , be like a gentleman , be idle the cursse of man is labour . Wipe thy bum with testones , & make Duckes and Drakes with shillings : What Eastward hoe . Wilt thou crie , what i st yee lack ? stand with a bare pate , and a dropping nose , vnder a wodden pent-house , and art a gentleman ? wilt thou beare Tankards , and maist beare Aimes ? be rul'd , turne gallant , Eastward hoe , ta lyre , lyre , ro . , Who calls Ieronimo ? speake here I am : gods so , how like a sheepe thou lookst , a my conscience some cowheard begot thee , thou Goulding of Goulding-hall , ha boy ?

Gou.

Goe , yee are a prodigall coxcombe , I a cowheards sonne , because I turne not a drunkē whore-hunting rake-hell like thy selfe ? Offers to draw , & Goulding trips vp his heeles and holds him .

Quick .

Rakehell ? rakehell ?

Goul.

Pish , in soft termes yee are a cowardly bragging boy . I le ha you whipt .

Quic.

Whipt , that s good ifaith , vntrusse me ?

Goul.

No , thou wilt vndoe thy selfe . Alas I behold thee with pitty , not with anger ; thou common shot-clog , gull of all companies : mee thinkes I see thee already walking in Moore fields without a Cloake , with halfe a Hatte , without a band , a Doublet with three Buttons , without a girdle , a hose with one point and no Garter , with a cudgell vnder thine arme borrowing and begging three pence .

Quic.

Nay Slife , take this and take all : as I am a Gentleman borne , I le be drunke , grow valiant , and beate thee . Exit .

Goul.

Goe thou most madly vaine , whom nothing can recouer but that which reclaimes Athiests , and makes great persons sometimes religious : Calamitie . As for my place and life thus I haue read :

What ere some vainer youth may terme disgrace , The gaine of honest paines is neuer base : From trades from artes , from valor honor springs , These three are founts of gentry , yea of Kings . Enter Girtred , Mildrid , Bettrice , and Poldauy a Taylor , Poldauy with a faire gowne , Scotch Varthing all , and French fall in his armes , girted in a French head attire , & Cittizens gowne ; Mildred sowing , & Bettrice leading a Monkey after her . Gir.

For the passion of patience , looke if sir Petronell approach ; that sweet , that fine , that delicate , that — for loues sake tell me if he come . O sister Mill , though my father be a low capt tradsman , yet I must be a Lady : and I praise God my mother must call me Medam , ( does he come ? ) off with this gowne for shames sakes , off with this gowne : let not my Knight take me in the Citty cut in any hand : tear 't , pax on t ( does he come ) tear 't of . Thus whilst shee sleepes I sorrow , for her sake , &c.

Mil.

Lord sister , with what an immodest impaciencie and disgracefull scorne , doe you put off your Citty tier : I am sorrie to thinke you imagin to right your selfe , in wronging that which hath made both you and vs .

Gir.

I tell you I cannot indure it , I must be a Lady : do you weare your Quoiffe with a London licket ; your Stammell petticoate with two guardes , the Buffin gowne with the Tuftaffitic cape , and the Veluet lace . I must be a Lady , and I will be a Lady . I like some humors of the Cittie Dames well , to eate Cherries onely at an Angell a pound , good ; to dye rich Scarlet black , pretty : to line a Grogaram gowne cleane thorough with veluet , tollerable ; their pure linnen , their smocks of 3. li. a smock are to be borne withall . But your minsing niceryes , taffata pipkins , durance petticotes , & siluer bodkins : — Gods my life , as I shall be a Lady I cannot indure it . Is hee come yet ? Lord what a long knight t is ! And euer shee cride shoute home , and yet I knew one longer , and euer she cryde shoute home , fa , la , ly , re , lo , la .

Mil.

Well Sister , those that scorne their nest , oft flye with a sicke wing .

Gir.

Boe-bell .

Mil.

Where Titles presume to thrust before fit meanes to second them , Wealth and respect often growe sullen and will not follow . For sure in this , I would for your sake I spake not truth . Where ambition of place goes before fitnesse of birth , contempt and disgrace follow . I heard a Scholler once say , that Ulisses when he counterfeited himselfe madde , yoakt cattes , and foxes , and dogges togither to draw his plowe , whilst he followed and sowed salt : But sure I judge them truely madde , that yoake citizens and courtiers , trades men and souldiers , a gold-smiths daughter and a knight : well sister , pray God my father sowe not salt too .

Gir.

Alas , poore Mil . when I am a Lady , I le pray for thee yet I faith : Nay , and I le vouchsafe to call thee sister Mil still , for though thou art not like to be a Lady as I am , yet sure thou art a creature of Gods making ; and mayest paraduenture to bee sau'd as soone as I , ( dos he come ? ) And euer and anon she doubled in her song .

Now ( Ladyes my comfort ) What a prophane Ape 's here ! Tailer , Poldavis , prethee fit it fit it : is this a right Scot ? Does it clip close ? and beare vp round ? Pold.

Fine and stifly i faith , t will keepe your thighes so coole and make your waste so small : here was a fault in your bodie , but I haue supplyed the defect , with the effect of my steele instrument which , though it haue but one eye , can see to rectifie the imperfection of the proportion .

Gir.

Most aedefying Tailer ! I protest you Tailers are most sanctified members , and make many crooked thing goe vpright . How must I beare my hands ? light ? light ?

Pold.

O I , now you are in the Lady-fashion , you must doe all things light . Tread light , light . I and fall so : that 's the court-Amble . She trips about the stage .

Gir.

Has the Court nere a trot ?

Pold.

No , but a false gallop , Ladie .

Gir.

And if she will not goe to bed Cantat .

Bett.

The knights come forsooth .

Enter Sir Petronell , M. Touch-stone , and Mistris Touchstone . Gir.

Is my knight come ? O the Lord . my band ? Sister doo my cheekes looke well ? giue me a little boxe a the eare that I may see me to blush : now , now . So , there , there , there ! here he is : O my dearest delight , Lord , Lord , and how doe my Knight ?

Touch:

Fye , with more modestie .

Gir.

Modestie ! why I am no cittizen now , modestie ? am I not to bee married ? y' are best to keepe me modest now I am to be a Ladie .

Sir Petro.

Boldnes is good fashion and courtlike .

Gir.

I , in a countrie Ladie I hope it is : as I shall be . And how chaunce ye came no sooner knight ?

Sir Petro.

Faith , I was so intertaind in the Progresse with one Count Epernoum a welch knight : wee had a match at Baloone too , with my Lord Whachum , for foure crownes .

Gir.

At Baboone ? Iesu ! you and I will play at Baboone in the countrey ? Knight .

Sir Pet.

O sweet Lady : t is a strong play with the arme .

Gir.

With arme , or legge , or any other member , if it bee a court-sport . And when shal 's be married my Knight ?

Sir Pet.

I come now to consumate it ; and your father may call a poore Knight , Sonne in Law .

M. Touch.

Sir , ye are come , what is not mine to keepe , I must not be sorry to forgoe : A 100. li. Land her Grandmother left her , t is yours , her selfe ( as her mothers gift ) is yours . But if you expect ought from me , know , my hand and mine eyes open together ; I doe not giue blindly : Worke vpon that now .

Sir Pet.

Sir , you mistrust not my meanes ? I am a Knight .

Touch.

Sir , Sir ; What I know not , you will giue me leaue to say , I am ignorant of .

Mistris Touch.

Yes , that he is a Knight ; I know where he had money to pay the Gentlemen Vshers , and Heralds their Fees . I , that he is a Knight : and so might you haue beene too , if you had beene ought else then an Asse , aswell as some of your neighbours . And I thought you would not ha beene Knighted , ( as I am an honest woman ) I would ha dub'd you my self , I praise God I haue wherewithall . But as for you daughter . —

Gir.

I mother , I must bee a Ladie to morrow : and by your leaue mother ( I speake it not without my dutie , but onely in the right of my husband ) I must take place of you , Mother .

Mistris Touch.

That you shall Lady-daughter , and haue a Coach as well as I too .

Cir.

Yes mother . But by your leaue mother , ( I speake it not without my dutie but onely in my husbands right ) my Coach-horses must take the wall of your Coach-horses .

Touch-stone .

Come , come , the day growes low : t is supper time ; vse my house the wedding solemnitie is at my wifes cost ; thanke mee for nothing but my willing blessing : for ( I cannot faine ) my hopes are faint . And Sir , respect my daughter , shee has refus'd for you wealthy and honest matches , knowne good men , well monied , better traded , best reputed .

Gir.

Boddy a truth , Chittizens , Chittizens . Sweet Knight , as soone as euer wee are married , take mee to to thy mercie out of this miserable Chittie , presently , carry me out of the sent of New-castle Coale , and the hearing of Boe-bell , I beseech thee downe with me for God sake .

Touch.

Well daughter , I haue read , that olde wit sings :

The greatest riuers flow from little springs . Though thou art full , skorne not thy meanes at first , He that 's most drunke may soonest be a thirst . Worke vpon that now . All but Touch-stone , Mildred , and Goulding depart .

No , no ; yon'd stand my hopes .

Milared ,

Come hither daughter . And how approue you your sisters fashion ? how doe you phantsie her cho yee ? what dost thou thinke ?

Mil

I hope as a sister , well .

Touch.

Nay but , nay but how dost thou like her behauiour and humour ? speake freely .

Mil.

I am loath to speake ill : and yet I am sorry of this , I cannot speake well .

Touch.

Well : very good , as I would wish : A modest answere ▪ Goulding , come hither : hither Golding . How dost thou like the Knight . Sir Flash ? dos he not looke bigge ? how likst thou the Elephant ? he sayes he has a castle in the Countrey .

Gould .

Pray heauen , the Elephant carry not his Castle on his backe .

Touch.

Fore heauen , very well : But seriously , how dost repute him ?

Gould .

The best I can say of him is , I know him not .

Touch.

Ha Gulding ? I commend thee , I approoue thee , and will make it appeare my affection is strong to thee . My wife has her humour , and I will ha , mine . Dost thou see my daughter here ? shee is not faire , well-fauoured or so , indifferent , which modest measure of beautie , shall not make it thy onely worke to watch her , nor sufficient mischaunce , to suspect her . Thou art towardly , shee is modest , thou art prouident , shee is carefull . Shee 's nowe mine : giue me thy hand , shee 's now thine . Worke vpon that now .

Gould .

Sir , as your sonne , I honour you ; and as your seruant obey you .

Touch.

Sayest thou so , come hither Mildred . Doe you see yon'd fellow ? he is a Gentleman ( tho my Prentise ) & has somewhat to take too : a Youth of good hope ; well friended , wel parted . Are you mine ? You are his . Worke ( you ) vpon that now .

Mil.

Sir , I am all yours : your body gaue mee life , your care and loue hapinesse of life : let your vertue still direct it , for to your wisedome I wholy dispose my selfe .

Touch.

Sayst thou so ? be you two better acquainted . Lip her , Lip her knaue . So shut vp shop : in ▪ We must make holiday .

This match shal on , for I intend to prooue Ex. Gol. & Mil. Which thriues the best , the meane or loftie loue . Whether fit Wedlock vowd twixt like and like . Or prouder hopes , which daringly ore strike Their place and meanes : t is honest Times expence . When seeming lightnesse beares a moral sense .

Worke vpon that now . Exit .

Actus secundi . Scena Prima . Touchstone , Quickesiluer , Goulding and Mildred , sitting on eyther side of the stall . Touch.

Quickesiluer , maister Frances Quickesiluer , maister Quickesiluer ? Enter Quickesiluer .

Qui.

Here sir ; ( vmp . )

Touch.

So sir ; nothing but flat Maister Quickesiluer ( without any familiar addition ) will fetch you : will you trusse my points sir ?

Quick .

I forsooth : ( vmp . )

Touch.

How now sir ? the druncken hyckop , so soone this morning ?

Quick .

T is but the coldnesse of my stomack forsooth .

Touch.

What ? haue you the cause naturall for it ? y' are a very learned drunckerd : I beleeue I shall misse some of my siluer spoones with your learning . The nuptiall night will not moisten your throate sufficiently , but the morning likewise must raine her dews into your gluttonous wesand .

Quick .

An 't please you sir , we did but drinke ( vmp , ) to the comming off , of the Knightly Bridegrome .

Touch.

To the comming off an'him ?

Quick .

I forsooth : we druncke to his comming on ( vmp , ) when we went to bed ; and now we are vp , we must drinke to his comming off : for that s the chiefe honour of a Souldier sir , and therfore we must drinke so much the more to it , forsooth . ( vmp . )

Touch.

A very capitall reason . So that you goe to bed late , and rise early to commit drunkennesse ? you fullfill the Scripture very sufficient wickedly forsooth .

Quick .

The Knights men forsooth be still a their knees at it , ( vmp ) & because t is for your credit sir , I wold be loth to flinch .

Touch.

I pray sir , een to 'hem againe then ; y' are one of the seperated crew , one of my wiues faction , & my young Ladies , with whom & with their great match , I wil haue nothing to do .

Quick .

So sir , now I will go keepe my ( vmp ) credit with 'hem an 't please you sir .

Touch.

In any case Sir , lay one cup of Sack more alyour cold stomack , I beseech you .

Quick .

Yes forsooth . Exit . Quick .

Touch.

This is for my credit Seruants euer maintaine drunkennesse in their maisters house , for their maisters credit ; a good idle Seruing-mans reason : I thanke Time , the night is past ; I nere wakt to such cost ; I thinke we haue stowd more sorts of flesh in our bellies , then euer Noahs Arke receiued : and for Wine , why my house turnes giddie with it , and more noise in it then at a Conduict ; Aye me , euen beasts condemne our gluttonie . Well , 't is our Citties fault , which because we commit seldome , we commit the more sinfully , wee lose no time in our sensualitie , but we make amends for it ; O that we would do so in vertue , and religious negligences ; But see here are all the sober parcels my house can showe , I le cauesdrop , heare what thoughts they vtter this morning .

Enter Goulding . Goul.

But is it possible , that you seeing your sister preferd to the bed of a Knight , should containe your affections in the armes of a Prentice ?

Myl.

I had rather make vp the garment of my affections in some of the same peece , then like a foole weare gownes of two coulours , or mix Sackcloth with Sattin .

Goul.

And doe the costly garments ; the title and fame of a Lady the fashion ; obseruation , and reuerence proper to such preferment , no more enflame you , then such conuenience as my poore meanes and industrie can offer to your vertues ?

Mil.

I haue obseru'd that the bridle giuen to those violent flatteries of fortune , is seldome recouer'd ; they beare one headlong in desire from one noueltie to another : and where those ranging appetites raigne , there is euer more passion then reasons no staye , and so no happinesse . These hastie aduancements are not naturall ; Nature hath giuen vs legges , to goe to our obiects ; not wings to flie to them .

Goul.

How deare an obiect you are to my desires I cannot expresse , whose fruition would my maisters absolute consent and yours vouchsafe me , I should be absolutely happy . And though it were a grace so farre beyond my merit , that I should blush with vnworthinesse to receiue it , yet thus farre both my loue & my meanes shall assure your requitall ; you shall want nothing fit for your birth and education ; what encrease of wealth and aduancement the honest and orderly industrie & skill of our trade will affoorde in any , I doubt not will be aspirde by me ; I will euer make your contenment the end of my endeuours ; I will loue you aboue all ; and onely your griefe shall be my miserie ; and your delight , my felicitie .

Touch.

Worke vpon that now . By my hopes , he woes honestly and orderly ; he shal be Anchor of my hopes . Looke , see the ill yoakt monster his fellow .

Enter Quickesiluer vnlac'd , a towell about his necke , in his flat Cap , drunke . Quick .

Eastward Hoe ; Holla ye pampered Iades of Asia .

Touch.

Drunke now downe right , a , my fidelitie .

Quic.

( Vmp ) pulldo , Pulldo ; showse quoth the Caliuer .

Goul.

Fie fellow Quickesiluer , what a pickle are you in ?

Quic.

Pickle ? pickle in thy throate ; zounes pickle ? wa ha ho , good morow knight Petronell : morow lady Gouldsmith . come of , Knight , with a counterbuff , for the honor of knighthood .

Goul.

Why how now sir ? doe yee know where you are ?

Quic.

Where I am ? why sbloud you loulthead where I am ?

Goul.

Go to , go to , for shame go to bed , and sleepe out this immodestie : thou sham'st both my maister and his house .

Quick .

Shame ? what shame ? I thought , thou wouldst show thy bringing vp : and thou wert a Gentleman as I am , thou wouldst thinke it no shame to be drunke . Lend me some money , saue my credit , I must dine with the Seruing men and their wiues ; and their wiues sirha .

Gou.

E'ene who you will , I le not lend thee three pence .

Quic.

Sfoote lend me some money , hast thou not Hyren here ?

Touch.

Why how now sirha ? what vain 's this , hah ?

Quic.

Who cries on murther ? lady was it you ? how does our maister ? pray thee crie Eastward ho ?

Touch.

Sirha , sirrha , y' are past your hickvp now , I see y' are drunke .

Quic.

T is for your credit maister .

Touch.

And heare you keepe a whore in towne .

Quic.

T is for your credit Maister .

Touch.

And what you are out in Cashe , I know .

Quick .

So do I . my fathers a Gentleman , Worke vpon that now ; Eastward hoe .

Touch.

Sir , Eastward hoe , will make you go Westward ho ; I will no longer dishonest my house , nor endanger my stocke with your licence ; There sir , there 's your Indenture , all your apparell ( that I must know ) is on your back ; and from this time my doore is shut to you : from me be free ; but for other freedome , and the moneys you haue wasted ; Eastward ho , shall not serue you .

Quic.

Am I free a , my fetters ? Rense ; Flye with a Duck in thy mouth : and now I tell thee Touchstone —

Touch.

Good sir .

Quic.

When this eternall substance of my soule ,

Touch.

Well said , chandge your gould ends for your play ends .

Quick .

Did liue imprison'd in my wanton flesh .

Touch.

What then sir ?

Quic.

I was a Courtier in the Spanish court , and Don Andrea was my name .

Touch.

Good maister Don Andrea will you marche ?

Quic.

Sweete Touchstone , will you lend me two shillings ?

Touch.

Not a penny .

Quic.

Not a penny ? I haue friends , & I haue acquaintance , I will pisse at thy shop posts , and throw rotten Egges at thy signe : Worke vpon that now . Exit , staggering .

Touch.

Now sirha , you ? heare you ? you shall serue me no more neither ; not an houre longer .

Goul.

What meane you sir ?

Touch.

I meane to giue thee thy freedome ; & with thy freedome my daughter : & with my daughter a fathers loue . And with all these such a portion , as shall make Knight Petronell himselfe enuie thee : y' are both agreed ? are yee not ?

Ambo .

With all submission , both of thanks and dutie .

Tou.

Well then , the great powre of heauen blesse & confirme you . And , Goulding , that my loue to thee may not showe lesse then my wiues loue to my eldest daughter ; thy mariage feast shall equall the Knights and hers .

Goul.

Let me beseech you , no Sir , the superfluitie and colde meate left at their Nuptialls , will with bountie furnish ours . The grossest prodigallitie is superfluous cost of the Bellye : nor would I wish any invitement of States or friendes , onely your reuerent presence and witnesse shall sufficiently grace and confirme vs .

Touch.

Sonne to mine owne bosome , take her and my blessing : The nice fondling , my Lady sir-reuerence , that I must not nowe presume to call daughter , is so rauish't with desire to hansell her new Coche , and see her knights Eastward Castle , that the next morning will sweate with her busie setting foorth , awaye will she and her mother , and while their preparation is making , our selues with some two or three other friends will consumate the humble matche , we haue in Gods name concluded .

T is to my wish ; for I haue often read , Fit birth , fit age , keepes long a quiet bed . T is to my wish ; For Tradesmen ( well t is knowne ) Get with more ease , then Gentrie keepes his owne . Exit . Securitie solus . Secu.

My priuie Guest , lustie Quickesiluer , has drunke too deepe of the Bride-boule , but with a little sleepe he is much recouered ; And I thinke is making himselfe readie , to bee drunke in a gallanter likenes : My house is as t' were the Caue , where the yong Out-lawe hoords the stolne vayles of his occupation ; And here when he will reuell it in his prodigall similitude , he retires to his Trunks , and ( I may say softly ) his Punks : he dares trust me with the keeping of both : for I am Securitie it selfe , my name is Securitie , the famous Vsurer .

Enter Quickesiluer in his Prentises Cote and Cap his gallant Breeches and Stockings , gartering himselfe . Securitie following . Quic.

Come old Securitie , thou father of destruction : th' indented Sheepeskinne is burn'd wherein I was wrapt , and I am now loose , to get more children of perdition into thy vsurous Bonds . Thou feed'st my Lecherie , and I thy Couetousnes : Thou art Pandar to me for my wench , and I to thee for thy coosenages : K. mee , K. thee , runnes through Court and Countrey .

Secu.

Well said my subtle Quickesiluer , These K's ope the dores to all this worldes felicitie : the dullest forehead sees it . Let not mast . Courtier thinke hee carries all the knauery on his shoulders : I haue poore Hob in the countrie , that has worne hob-nayles on 's shoes , haue as much villanie in 's head , as he that weares gold bottons in 's cap .

Quic.

Why man , t is the London high-way to thrift , if vertue bee vsde ; t is but as a scrappe to the nette of villanie . They that vse it simplie , thriue simplie I warrant : Waight and fashion makes Goldsmiths Cockolds .

Enter Syndefie , with Quicke-siluers doublet , Cloake , Rapier , and Dagger . Synd.

Here sir , put of the other halfe of your Prentiship .

Quick . Well sayd sweet Syn : bring forth my brauerie . Now let my Truncks shoote foor their silkes concealde , I now am free ; and now will iustifie My Trunkes and Punkes : Auant dull Flat-cap then , Via , the curtaine that shaddowed Borgia ; There lie thou huske of my envassail'd State . I Sampson now , haue burst the Philistins Bands , And in thy lappe my louely Dalida , I le lie and snore out my enfranchisde state . When Sampson was a tall yong man His power and strength increased than , He sould no more , nor cup , nor can , But did them all dispise . Old Touchstone , now wright to thy friends , For one to sell thy base gold ends Quickesiluer , now no more attends Thee Touchstone .

But Dad , hast thou seene my running Gelding drest to day ?

Secu.

That I haue Franck , the Ostler a' th Cocke , drest him for a Breakefast .

Quick .

What did he eate him ?

Secu.

No , but he eate his breakefast for dressing him : and so drest him for breakfast . Quicksiluer . O wittie Age , where age is young in witte , And al youths words haue gray beards full of it !

Hyn.

But ah-las Francke , how will all this bee maintain'd now ?

Your place maintain'd it before .

Quickesiluer .

Why and I maintainde my place . I le to the Court , another manner of place for maintenance I hope then the silly Cittie . I heard my father say , I heard my mother sing an olde Song and a true : Tou art a shee foole , and know'st not what belongs to our male wisedome . I shall bee a Marchaunt for-sooth : trust my estate in a wooden Troughe as hee does ? What are these Shippes , but Tennis Balles for the windes to play withall ? Tost from one waue to another ; Nowe vnder-line ; Nowe ouer the house ; Sometimes Bricke-wal'd against a Rocke , so that the guttes flye out againe : sometimes strooke vnder the wide Hazzard , and farewell Mast . Marchant .

Synnedefie .

Well Francke , well ; the Seas you say are vncertaine : But hee that sayles in your Court Seas , shall finde 'hem tenne times fuller of hazzard ; wherein to see what is to bee seene , is torment more then a free Spirite can indure ; But when you come to suffer , howe many Iniuries swallowe you ? What care and deuotion must you vse , to humour an imperious Lord ? proportion your lookes to his lookes ? smiles to his smiles ? fit your sayles to the winde of his breath ?

Quick .

Tush hee 's no Iourney-man in his craft , that can not doe that .

Sinnedefie .

But hee 's worse then a Prentise that does it , not onely humouring the Lorde , but euery Trencherbearer , euery Groome that by indulgence and intelligence crept into his fauour , and by Pandatisme into his Chamber ; He rules the roste : And when my honourable Lorde sayes it shall bee thus , my worshipfull Rascall ( the Groome of his close stoole ) sayes it shall not bee thus , claps the doore after him , and who dares enter ? A Prentise , quoth you ? t is but to learne to liue , and does that disgrace a man ? hee that rises hardly , stands firmely : but hee that rises with ease , Alas , falles as easily .

Quickesiluer .

A pox on you , who taught you this morrallitie ?

Securitie .

T is long of this wittie Age , Maister Francis . But indeede , Mistris Synnedefie , all Trades complaine of inconuenience , and therefore t is best to haue none . The Marchaunt hee complaines , and sayes , Trafficke is subiect to much vncertaintie and losse : let 'hem keepe their goods on dry land with a vengeaunce , and not expose other mens substances to the mercie of the windes , vnder protection of a woodden wall ( as Maister Francis sayes ) and all for greedie desire , to enrich themselues with vnconscionable gaine , two for one , or so : where I , and such other honest men as liue by lending money , are content with moderate profite ; Thirtie , or Fortie i' th' hundred : so wee may haue it with quietnesse , and out of perill of winde and weather , rather then runne those daungerous courses of trading , as they doe .

Quick .

I Dad thou mayst well bee called Securitie , for thou takest the safest course .

Securitie .

Faith the quieter , and the more contented ; and , out of doubt , the more godly . For Marchants in their courses are neuer pleas'd , but euer repining against Heauen : One prayes for a Westerly winde to carry his shippe foorth ; another for an Easterly to bring his shippe home ; and at euery shaking of a lease , hee falles into an agonie , to thinke what daunger his Shippe is in on such a Coast , and so foorth . The Farmer hee is euer at oddes with the Weather , sometimes the clowdes haue beene too barren ; Sometimes the Heauens forgette themselues , their Haruests answere not their hopes ; Sometimes the Season falles out too fruitefull , Corne will beare no price , and so foorth . Th' Artificer , hee 's all for a stirring worlde , if his Trade bee too full and fall short of his expectation , then falles he out of ioynt . Where we that trade nothing but money , are free from all this , wee are pleas'd with all weathers : let it raine or hold vp , bee calme or windy , let the season be whatsoeuer , let Trade goe how it will , wee take all in good part ; een what please the heauens to send vs ; so the Sunne stand not still ; and the Moone keepe her vsuall returnes ; and make vp dayes , moneths , and yeares .

Quick .

And you haue good securitie ?

Secu.

I mary Francke , that 's the speciall point .

Quick .

And yet forsooth wee must haue Trades to liue withall ; For wee cannot stand without legges , nor flye without wings ; and a number of such skurvie phrases . No , I say still ; hee that has wit , let him liue by his wit : hee that has none , let him be a Trades-man .

Secu.

Witty Maister Francis !

T is pittie any Trade should dull that quicke braine of yours . Doe but bring Knight Petronell into my Parchment Toyles once , and you shall neuer neede to toyle in any trade , a my credit ! You know his wiues Land ?

Quickesiluer .

Euen to a foote Sir , I haue beene often there : a pretie fine Seate , good Land , all intire within it selfe .

Secu.

Well wooded ?

Quick .

Two hundered pounds woorth of wood readye to fell . And a fine sweete house that stands iust in the midst an 't , like a Pricke in the midst of a Circle ; would I were your Farmer , for a hundred pound a yeere .

Secu.

Excellent M. Francis ; how I do long to doe thee good : How I doe hunger , and thirst to haue the honour to inrich thee ? I , euen to die , that thou mightest inherite my liuing : euen hunger and thirst , for a my Religion , M. Francis . And so tell Knight Petrouell I doe it to doe him a pleasure .

Quickesiluer .

Marry Dad , his horses are now comming vp , to beare downe his Ladie , wilt thou lend him thy stable to set 'hem in ?

Secur.

Faith M. Francis , I would be lothe to lend my Stable out of dores , in a greater matter I will pleasure him , but not in this .

Quick .

A pox of your hunger and thirst . Well Dad , let him haue money : All he could any way get , is bestowed on a Ship , now bound for Virginia : the frame of which voiage is so closely conuaide , that his new Ladie nor any of her friendes know it . Notwithstanding , as soone as his Ladyes hand is gotten to the sale of her inheritance , and you haue furnisht him with money , he will instantly hoyst Saile , and away .

Secur.

Now a Franck gale of winde goe with him , Maister Franke , we haue too few such knight aduenturers : who would not sell away competent certainties , to purchase ( with any danger ) excellent vncertainties ? your true knight venturer euer does it . Let his wife seale to day , he shall haue his money to day .

Qui.

To morrow she shall , Dad , before she goes into the coūtry , to worke her to which actio , with the more engines , I purpose presently to preferre my sweete Sinne here , to the place of her Gentlewoman ; whom you ( for the more credit ) shall present as your friends daughter , a Gentlewoman of the countrie , new come vp with a will for a while to learne fashions for-sooth , and be toward some Ladie ; and she shall buzz prettie deuises into her Ladies eare ; feeding her humors so seruiceablie ( as the manner of such as she is you know . )

Secur.

True good Maister Fraunces .

Enter Sindefie . Quic.

That she shall keepe her Port open to any thing she commends to her .

Secur.

A' my religion , a most fashionable proiect ; as good she spoile the Lady , as the Lady spoile her ; for t is three to one of one side : sweete mistresse Sinne , how are you bound to maister Frances ! I doe not doubt to see you shortly wedde one of the head men of our cittie .

Sinne . .

But sweete Franke , when shall my father Securitie present me ?

Quic.

With all festination ; I haue broken the Ice to it already ; and will presently to the Knights house , whether , my good old Dad , let me pray thee with all formallitie to man her .

Secur.

Commaund me Maister Frances ; I doe hunger and thirst to doe thee seruice . Come sweete Mistresse Sinne , take leaue of my Wynnifride , and we will instantly meete francke Maister Frances at your Ladies .

Enter Winnifride aboue . Win.

Where is my Cu there ? Cu ?

Secur.

I Winnie .

Win.

Wilt thou come in , sweete Cu ?

Secur.

I Wynney , presently . Exeunt .

Quic.

I Wynney , quod he ? that s all he can doe poore man ; he may well cut off her name at Wynney . O t is an egregious Pandare ! what will not an vsurous knaue be , so he may bee riche ? O 't is a notable lewes trump ! I hope to liue to see dogs meate made of the old Vsurers flesh ; Dice of his bones ; and Indentures of his skinne : and yet his skinne is too thicke to make Parchment , 't would make good Bootes for a Peeter man to catch Salmon in . Your onely smooth skinne to make fine Vellam is your Puritanes skinne ; they be the smoothest and slickest knaues in a countrie .

Enter Sir Tetronell in Bootes with a riding wan . Petr.

I le out of this wicked towne as fast as my horse can trot : Here 's now no good action for a man to spend his time in . Tauerns growe dead ; Ordinaries are blowne vp ; Playes are at a stand ; Howses of Hospitallitie at a fall ; not a Feather wauing , nor a Spurre gingling any where : I le away instantlie .

Qui.

Y 'ad best take some crownes in your purse Knight , or else your Eastward Castle will smoake but miserably .

Petr.

O Francke ! my castle ? Alas all the Castles I haue , are built with ayre , thou know'st .

Quic.

I know it Knight , and therefore wonder whether your Lady is going .

Pet.

Faith to seeke her Fortune I thinke . I said I had a castle and land Eastward , and Eastward she will without contradiction ; her coach , and the coach of the Sunne must meete full butt : And the Sunne being out shined with her Lady-ships glorie , she feares hee goes Westward to hange himselfe .

Quic.

And I feare , when her enchanted Castle becomes inuisible , her Ladyship will returne and follow his example .

Petr.

O that she would haue the grace , for I shall neuer be able to pacific her , when she sees her selfe deceiued so .

Quic.

As easely as can be . Tell her she mistooke your directions , and that shortly , your selfe will downe with her to approoue it ; and then , cloath but her croupper in a new Gowne , and you may driue her any way you list : for these women Sir , are like Essex Calues , you must wriggle 'hem on by the tayle still , or they will neuer driue orderly .

Petr.

But alas sweet Francke , thou know'st my habilitie will not furnish her bloud with those costly humors .

Quic.

Cast that cost on me Sir , I haue spoken to my olde Pandare Securitie , for money or commoditie ; and commoditie ( if you will ) I know he will procure you .

Petr.

Commoditie ! Alas what commoditie ?

Qui.

Why Sir ? what say you to Figges , and Raysons ?

Petr.

A plague of Figges and Raysons , and all such fraile commodities , we shall make nothing of 'hem .

Quic.

Why then Sir , what say you to Fortie pound in rosted Beefe ?

Petr.

Out vpon 't , I haue lesse stomacke to that , then to the Figges and Raysons : I le out of Towne , though I soiourne with a friend of mine , for staye here I must not ; my creditors haue laide to arrest me , and I haue no friend vnder heauen but my Sword to baile me .

Qui.

Gods me Knight , put 'hem in sufficient sureties , rather then let your Sworde bayle you ; Let 'hem take their choice , eyther the Kings Benche , or the Fleete , or which of the two Counters they like best , for by the Lord I like none of 'hem .

Petr.

Well Francke there is no iesting with my earnest necessitie ; thou know'st if I make not present money to further my voyage begun all 's lost , and all I haue laid out about it .

Qui.

Why then Sir in earnest , if you can get your wise Lady to set her hand to the sale of her Inheritance , the bloud hound Securitie will smell out ready money for you instantly .

Petro.

There spake an Angell . To bring her to which conformitie , I must faine my selfe extreamly amorous ; and alledging vrgent excuses for my stay , behinde , part with her as passionately , as she would from her foysting hound .

Qui.

You haue the Sowe by the right eare Sir : I warrant there was neuer Childe longd more to ride a Cock horse , or weare his new coate , then she longs to ride in her new Coache : She would long for euery thing when she was a maide ; and now she will runne mad for 'hem : I laye my life she will haue euery yeare foure children ; and what charge and change of humour you must endure while she is with childe ; and how she will tie you to your tackling till she be with child , a Dog would not endure : Nay , there is no Turne-spit Dog bound to his wheele more seruily , then you shall be to her wheele ; For as that Dogge can neuer climbe the top of his wheele , but when the toppe comes vnder him : so shall you neuer clime the top of her contentment , but when she is vnder you .

Petr.

Slight how thou terrifiest me ?

Quic.

Nay harke you sir ; what Nurses , what Midwiues , what Fooles , what Phisitions , what cunning women must be sought for ( fearing sometimes she is bewitcht , some times in a consumption ) to tell her tales , to talke bawdy to her , to make her laughe , to giue her glisters , to let her bloud vnder the tongue , and betwixt the toes ; how she will reuile and kisse you ; spit in your face , and lick it off againe ; how she will vaunt you are her Creature ; shee made you of nothing ; how shee could haue had thousand marke ioyntures ; she could haue bin made a Lady by a Scotche Knight ; & neuer ha' married him : Shee could haue had Poynados in her bed euery morning ; how she set you vp , and how she will pull you downe : you le neuer be able to stand of your legges to endure it .

Petr.

Out of my fortune , what a death is my life bound face to face too ? The best is , a large Time-fitted conscience is bound to nothing : Marriage is but a forme in the Schoole of Policie , to which Schollers sit fastned onely with painted chaines , old Securities young wife is nere the further of with me .

Quic.

Thereby lyes a tale sir . The old vsurer will be here instantly , with my Puncke Syndefie , whome you know your Lady has promist mee to entertaine for her Gentlewoman : and he ( with a purpose to feede on you ) inuites you most solemnly by me to supper .

Petr.

It falls out excellently fitly : I see desire of gaine makes Iealousie venturous : Enter Gyrt :

See Francke here comes my Lady ; Lord how she viewes thee , she knowes thee not I thinke in this brauerie .

Gyr.

How now ? who be you I pray ?

Quic.

One maister Frances Quickesiluer , an 't please your Ladiship .

Gyr.

Gods my dignitie ! as I am a Lady , if he did not make me blush so that mine eyes stood awater , would I were vnmaried againe : Enter Securitie and Sindefie .

Where 's my woman I pray ?

Qui.

See Madam , she now comes to attend you .

Secur.

God saue my honourable Knight , and his worshipfull Lady .

Gyr.

Y' are very welcome ! you must not put on your Hat yet .

Secur.

No Madam ; till I know your Ladiships further pleasure , I will not presume .

Gyr.

And is this a Gentlemans daughter new come out of the countrie ?

Secur.

She is Madam ; & one that her Father hath a speciall care to bestowe in some honourable Ladies seruice , to put her out of her honest humours forsooth , for she had a great desire to be a Nun , an 't please you .

Gyr.

A Nun ? what Nun ? a Nun Substantiue ? or a Nun Adiectiue ?

Secur.

A Nun Substantiue Madam I hope , if a Nun be a Noune . But I meane , Lady , a vowd maide of that order .

Gyr.

I le teach her to be a maide of the order I warrant you : and can you doe any worke belongs to a Ladyes Chamber ?

Synde.

What I cannot doe , Madam , I would bee glad to learne .

Gyr.

Well said , hold vp then ; hold vp your head I say , come hether a little .

Synd.

I thanke your Ladiship .

Gyr.

And harke you ; Good man , you may put on your Hatt now , I doe not looke on you : I must haue you of my faction now ; not of my Knights , maide .

Synd.

No forsooth Madam of yours .

Gyr.

And draw all my seruants in my Bowe , and keepe my counsell , and tell me tales , and put me Riddles and reade on a booke sometimes when I am busie , and laugh at countrie Gentlewomen , and command any thing in the house for my reteiners , and care not what you spend , for it is all mine ; and in any case , be still a Maide what soeuer you doe , or whatsoeuer any man can doe vnto you .

Secur.

I warrant your Ladiship for that .

Gyr.

Very well , you shall ride in my coach with me into the country to morrow morning ; Come Knight , pray thee le ts make a short supper , and to bed presently .

Secur.

Nay good Madam , this night I haue a short Supper at home , waites on his worships acceptation .

Gyr.

By my faith but he shall not goe Sir ; I shall swoune and he sup from me .

Petr.

Pray thee forbeare ; shall he lose his prouision ?

Gyr.

I by Lady Sir , rather then I lose my longing ; come in I say : as I am a Lady you shall not goe .

Quic.

I told him what a Burre he had gotten .

Secur.

If you will not sup from your Knight Madam , let me entreate your Ladiship to sup at my house with him .

Gyr.

No by my faith Sir , then we cannot be a bed soone enough , after supper .

Petr.

What a Medcine is this ? well Maister Securitie , you are new married as well as I ; I hope you are bound as well : we must honour our young wiues you know .

Quic.

In pollicie Dad , till to morrow she has seald .

Secur.

I hope in the morning yet your Knight-hood will breake-fast with me .

Petr.

As early as you will Sir .

Secur.

Thanke your good worship ; I do hunger and thirst to do you good Sir .

Gyr.

Come sweete Knight come , I do hunger and thyrst to be a bed with thee . Exeunt .

Actus Tertii . Scaena Prima . Enter Petronell , Quicksiluer , Securitie , Bramble , and Wynnifrid . Petr.

Thankes for our feastlike Breakefast good Maister Securitie , I am sory , ( by reason of my instant haste to so long a voyage as Virginia , ) I am without meanes , by any kinde amends to show how affectionatly I take your kindnesse , and to confirme by some worthy ceremonie a perpetuall league of friendship betwixt vs .

Secur.

Excellent Knight ; let this be a token betwixt vs of inuiolable friendship : I am new marryed to this fayre Gentlewoman you know ; & ( by my hope to make her fruitefull though I be something in yeares ) I vowe faithfully vnto you , to make you Godfather ( though in your absence ) to the first childe I am blest withall ; and henceforth call me Gossip I beseech you , if you please to accept it .

Petr.

In the highest degree of gratitude , my most worthy Gossip ; for confirmation of which friendly title , let me entreate my faire Gossip your Wife here , to accept this Diamond , and keepe it as my gift to her first Childe , wheresoeuer my Fortune in euent of my Voyage shall bestowe me .

Secur.

How now my coye wedlock ! make you strange of so Noble a fauour ? take it I charge you , with all affection , and ( by way of taking your leaue ) present boldly your lips to our honourable Gossip .

Quick .

How ventrous he is to him , and how iealous to others !

Pet.

Long may this kinde touch of our lippes Print in our hearts al the formes of affection . And now my good Gossip , if the writings be ready to which my wife should seale , let them be brought this morning , before she takes Coache into the countrie , and my kindnesse shall worke her to dispatche it .

Secur.

The writings are ready Sir . My learned counsell here , Maister Bramble , the Lawyer hath perusde them ; and within this houre , I will bring the Scriuenour with them to your worshipfull Lady .

Petr.

Good Maister Bramble , I will here take my leaue of you then ; God send you fortunate Pleas sir , and contentious Clients .

Bram.

And you foreright windes Sir , and a fortunate voyage . Exit . Enter a Messenger .

Mess.

Sir Petronell , here are three or foure Gentlemen desire to speake with you .

Pet.

What are they ?

Qui.

They are your followers in this voyage Knight , Captaine Seagull and his associates , I met them this morning , and told them you would be here .

Pet.

Let them enter I pray you , I know they long to bee gone , for their stay is dangerous .

Enter Seagull , Scapethrift , and Spendall . Sea .

God saue my honourable Collonell .

Pet.

Welcome good Captaine Seagull , and worthy Gentlemen , if you will meete my friend Francke here , and me , at the blew Anchor Tauerne by Billinsgate this Euening , we will there drinke to our happy voyage , be merry , and take Boate to our Ship with all expedition .

Spoyl .

Deferre it no longer I beseech you Sir , but as your voyage is hetherto carried closely , and in another Knights name , so for your owne safetie and ours , let it be continued , our meeting and speedy purpose of departing knowne to as few as is possible , least your Ship and goods be attacht .

Qui.

Well aduisd Captaine our Collonell shall haue money this morning to dispatch all our departures , bring those Gentlemen at night to the place appointed , and with our skinnes full of vintage , wee le take occasion by the vantage , and away .

Spoyl .

We will not faile but be there sir .

Pet.

Good morrow good Captaine , and my worthy associates . Health and all Soueraigntie to my beautifull gossip , for you sir , we shall see you presently with the writings .

Secur.

With writings and crownes to my honorable gossip : I do hunger and thirst to doe you good sir . Exeunt .

Actus tertii . Scena Secunda . Enter a Coachman in hast in 's frock feeding . Coach .

Heer 's a stirre when Cittizens ride out of Towne indeed , as if all the house were a fire ; Slight they will not giue a man leaue , to eat 's breakfast afore he rises .

Enter Hamlet a footeman in haste . Ham.

What Coachman ? my Ladyes Coach for shame ; her ladiship s ready to come downe ;

Enter Potkinn , a Tankerd bearer . Pot.

Sfoote Hamlet ; are you madde ? whether run you now you should brushe vp my olde Mistresse ?

Enter Syndefye . Synd.

What Potkinn ? you must put off your Tankerd , and put on your blew cote and waite vpon Mistrisse Toochstone into the country . Exit .

Pot.

I will forsooth presently . Exit .

Enter Mistresse Fond , and Mistresse Gazer . Fond.

Come sweete Mistresse Gazer , le ts watch here , and see my Lady Flashe take coach .

Gaz.

A my word heer 's a most fine place to stand in , did you see the new Ship lancht last day Mistresse Fond .

Fond.

O God , and we cittizens should loose such a sight ?

Gaz.

I warrant , here will be double as many people to see her take coach , as there were to see it take water .

Fond.

O shee 's married to a most fine Castle 'i th' countrey they say ?

Gaz.

But there are no Gyants in the Castle , are there ?

Fond.

O no , they say her Knight kild 'hem all and therefore he was knighted .

Gaz.

Would to God her Ladiship would come away .

Enter Gyr. Mistris Tooch . Synd. Ham . Por. Fond.

She comes , she comes , she comes .

Gaz.

Fond . Pray heauen blesse your Ladiship .

Gyr.

Thanke you good people ; my coach for the loue of Heauen , my coach ? in good truth I shall swoune else .

Ham.

Coach ? coach my Ladies coach . Exit .

Gir.

As I am a Lady , I thinke I am with child already , I long for a coach so ; may one be with childe afore they are married Mother ?

Mist. Touch.

I by 'r ladie Madam , a little thing does that ; I haue seene a little prick no bigger then a pins head , swell bigger and bigger , til it has come to an Ancome ; & eene so t is in these cases .

Enter Ham. Ham.

Your Coach is comming , Madam .

Gyr.

That 's well said ; Now heauen ! me thinks , I am eene vp to the knees in preferment ; But a little higher , but a little higher , but a little higher , There , there , there lyes Cupids fire .

Mist. Touch.

But must this young man , an 't please you Madam , run by your coach all the way a foote ?

Gyr.

I by my faith I warrant him , he giues no other milke , as I haue an other seruant does .

Mist. Touch.

Ahlas ! t is eene pittie me thinks ; for Gods sake Madam buy him but a Hobbie horse , let the poore youth haue something betwixt his legges to ease 'hem ; Ahlas ! we must do as we would be done too ;

Gir.

Goe too , hold your peace dame , you talke like an olde foole I tell you .

Enter Petr. and Quicksiluer . Pet.

Wilt thou be gone , sweete Honny suckle , before I can goe with thee ?

Gyr.

I pray thee sweete Knight let me ; I do so long to dresse vp thy castle afore thou com'st : But I marle howe my modest Sister occupies her selfe this morning , that shee can not waite on me to my Coach , as well as her mother !

Quick .

Mary Madam , shee 's married by this time to Prentise Goulding ; your Father , and some one more , stole to Church with 'hem , in all the haste , that the cold meat lest at your wedding , might serue to furnish their Nuptiall table .

Gyr.

There 's no base fellowe , my Father , nowe : but hee 's eene fit to Father such a Daughter : he must call me daughter no more now ; but Madam ; and please you Madam : and please your worship Madam , indeede ; out vpon him , marry his daughter to a base Prentise ?

Mist. Touch.

What should one doe ? is there no lawe for one that marries a womans daughter against her will ? howe shall we punish him Madam .

Gyr.

As I am a Lady an 't would snowe , wee 'd so peble 'hem with snowe bals as they come from Church ; but sirra , Franck Quicksiluer .

Quick .

I Madam .

Gir.

Dost remember since thou and I clapt what d'ye' calts in the Garrat ?

Quick .

I know not what you meane Madam .

Gyr. His head as white as mylke , All flaxen was his haire : But now he is dead , And laid in his Bedd , And neuer will come againe .

God be at your labour .

Enter Touch . Gould . Mild. with Rosemary . Pet.

Was there euer such a Lady ?

Quic.

See Madam , the Bride and Bridegrome :

Gyr.

Gods my precious ! God giue you ioy Mistrisse What lacke you . Now out vpon thee Baggage : my sister married in a Taffeta Hat ? Mary hang you ; Westward with a waniō te' yee , Nay I haue done we ye Minion the? y'faith , neuer looke to haue my countnance any more : nor any thing I can do for thee . Thou ride in my Coach ? or come downe to my Castle ? fie vpon thee : I charge thee in my Ladiships name , call me Sister no more .

Touch.

An 't please your worship , this is not your Sister : This is my daughter , and she call me Father , and so does not your Ladiship an 't please your worship Madam .

Mist. Touch.

No nor she must not call thee Father by Heraldrie , because thou mak'st thy Prentise thy Sonne as well as she ; Ah thou misproude Prentise , dar'st thou presume to marry a Ladies Sister ?

Gou.

It pleas'd my Master forsooth to embolden me with his fauour : And though I confesse my selfe farre vnworthie so worthy a wife ( beeing in part , her seruant , as I am your Prentise ) yet ( since I may say it without boasting ) I am borne a Gentleman , and by the Trade I haue learn'd of my Master ( which I trust taints not my blood ) able with mine owne Industrie and portion to maintaine your daughter , my hope is , heauen will so blese our humble beginning , that in the end I shal be no disgrace to the grace with which my Master hath bound me his double Prentise .

Touch.

Master me nomore Sonne if thou think'st me worthy to be thy father .

Gry.

Sunne ? Now good Lord how he shines and you marke him ! hee 's a gentleman .

Gon.

I indeede Madam , a Gentleman borne .

Pet.

Neuer stand a' your Gentrye M. Bridgegrome : if your legges be no better then your Armes , you 'le be able to stand vpon neither shortly .

Touch.

An 't please your good worshippe Sir , there are two sorts of Gentlemen .

Pet.

What meane you Sir ?

Touch.

Bold to put off my hat to your worshippe .

Pet.

Nay pray forbeare Sir , and then foorth with your two sorts of Gentlemen .

Touch.

If your worship will haue it so ? I saye there are two sorts of Gentlemen . There is a Gentleman Artificiall , and a gentleman Naturall ; Now , though your worship be a Gentleman Naturall : Worke vpon that now .

Quick .

Well said olde Touchstone , I am proude to heare thee enter a set speech yfaith , forth I beseech thee .

Touch.

Cry you mercie Sir , your worship 's a Gentleman , I doe not know ? if you bee one of my acquaintance y' are very much disguisde Sir .

Quick .

Go too old Quipper : forth with thy speech I say .

Touch.

What Sir , my speeches were euer in vaine to your gratious worship : And therefore till I speake to you gallantry in deed , I will saue my breath for my broth anon . Come my poore sonne and daughter ; Let vs hide our selues in our poore humilitie and liue safe : Ambition consumes it selfe , with the very show . Worke vpon that now .

Gyr.

Let him goe , let him goe for Gods sake : let him make his Prentise , his sonne for Gods sake : giue away his daughter for Gods sake : and when they come a begging to vs for Gods sake , let 's laugh at their good husbandry for Gods sake . Fare-well sweet Knight , pray thee make haste after .

Pet.

What shall I say ? I would not haue thee goe ,

Quick . Now , O now , I must depart ; Parting though it absence moue , This Dittie knight , doe I see in thy lookes in Capitall Letters . What a grief 't is to depart , and leaue the flower that has my hart ? My sweete Ladie , and alacke for wee , why should we part so ?

Tell truth Knight , and shame all dissembling Louers ; does not your paine lye on that side ?

Pet.

If it doe , canst thou tell me how I may cure it ?

Quick .

Excellent easily ; diuide your selfe in two halfes , iust by the girdlestead ; send one halfe with your Lady , and keepe the tother your selfe : or else doe as all true Louers doe , part with your heart and leaue your bodie behinde : I haue seen 't done a hundred times : T is as easie a matter for a Louer to part without a heart from his sweete heart , and he nere the worse : as for a Mouse to get from a Trappe and leaue her taile behinde him . See here comes the Writings .

Enter Securitie with a Scriuener . Secu.

Good morrow to my worshipfull Ladie . I present your Ladishippe with this writing ; to which if you please to set your hand , with your Knights , a veluet Gowne shall attend your iourney a' my credite .

Gir.

What Writing is it Knight ?

Petrenell .

The sale ( sweete heart ) of the poore Tenement I tolde thee off , onely to make a little money to sende thee downe furniture for my Castle , to which my hand shall lead thee .

Gyr.

Very well : Now giue me your Pen I pray .

Qui.

It goes downe without chewing y'faith .

Scriue.

Your worships deliuer this as your deede ?

Ambo .

Wee doe .

Gyr.

So now Knight farewell till I see thee .

Pet.

All farewell to my sweet heart .

Mistris Touch.

God-boye , sonne Knight .

Pet.

Farewell my good Mother .

Gyr.

Farewell Francke , I would faine take thee downe if I could .

Quickesiluer .

I thanke your good Ladiship ; Farewell Mistrie Syndifie . Exeunt .

Pet.

O tedious Voyage , where of there is no ende ! What will they thinke of me ?

Quick .

Thinke what they list ; They long'd for a vagarie into the Countrie , and now they are fitted : So a woman marry to ride in a Coach , she cares not if she ride to her Ruine ; T is the great ende of many of their mariages : This is not first time a Lady has ridde a false iournie in her Coach I hope .

Pet.

Nay , t is no Matter , I care little what they thinke ; hee that wayes mens thoughts , has his handes full of nothing : A man in the course of this worlde should bee like a Surgeons instrument , worke in the woundes of others , and feele nothing himselfe . The sharper , and subtler , the better .

Quickesiluer .

As it falles out nowe Knight , you shall not neede to deuise excuses , or endure her out cryes , when shee returnes ; wee shall now bee gone before , where they can not reache vs .

Petronell .

Well my kinde Compere , you haue now Th' assurance we both can make you ; let mee now entreate you , the money wee agree'd on may bee brought to the Blewe Ancor , nere to Billings-gate , by Six a Clocke : where I and my cheife friends , bound for this voyage , will with Feastes attend you .

Secu.

The money my most honorable Compere , shall without fayle obserue your appointed howre .

Pet. Thankes my deare Gossip . I must now impart To your approued loue , a louing secret : As one on whome my life doth more relie In friendly trust , then any man aliue . Nor shall you be the chosen Secretarie Of my affections , for affection onely ; For I protest , ( if God blesse my returne , ) To make you Partner , in my actions gaine As deepely , as if you had ventur'd with me Halfe my expences . Know then , honest Gossip , I haue inioyed with such diuine contentment , A Gentle womans Bedde , whome you well knowe , That I shall nere enioy this tedious Voiage , Nor liue the lest part of the time it asketh , Without her presence ; So I thirst and hunger To taste the deare feast of her companie . And if the hunger and the thirst you vow ( As my sworne Gossip ) to my wished good Be ( as I knowe it is ) vnfainde and firme , Doe mee an easie fauour in your Power . Secur. Bee sure braue Gossip , all that I can doe To my best Nerue , is wholly at your seruice : Who is the woman ( first ) that is your friend ? Pet. The woman is your learned Counsailes wife , The Lawyer Maister Bramble : whome would you , Bring out this Euen , in honest Neighbour-hood To take his leaue with you , of me your Gossip . I , in the meane time , will send this my friende Home to his house , to bring his wife disguis'd Before his face , into our companie : For Loue hath made her looke for such a wile , To free her from his tyranous Ielosie . And I would take this course before another : In stealing her away to make vs sport , And gull his circumspection the more grosely . And I am sure that no man like your selfe , Hath credite with him to entice his Ielosie , To so long staye abrode , as may giue time To her enlardgment , in such safe disguise . Secu. A pretie , pithie , and most pleasant proiect ! Who would not straine a point of Neigh-bourhood , For such a point , de-vice ? that as the shippe Of famous Draco , went about the world , Will wind about the Lawyer , compassing , The world him selfe , he hath it in his armes : And that 's enough , for him , without his wife . A Lawyer is Ambitious , and his head , Can not bee prais'de , nor rais'de too high , With any Forcke , of highest knauerye . I le goe fetche her straight . Exit Securitie . Per. So , so , Now Franke goe thou home to his house , Stead of his Lawyers , and bring his wife hether : Who iust like to the Lawyers wife , is prison'd , With his sterne vsurous Ielosie ; which could neuer Be ouer reacht-thus , but with ouer-reaching . Enter Securitie . Secu. And M. Francis , watch you th' instant time To Enter with his Exit : t' wilbe rare , Two fine horn'd Beastes A Cammell and a Lawyer ! Quickesiluer . How the olde villaine ioyes in villany ? Enter Secur . And harke you Gossip , when you haue her here , Haue your Bote ready , shippe her to your Ship With vtmost haste , lest Maister Bramble stay you , To o're reach that head that outreacheth all heads ? T is a trick Rampant ; T is a very Quiblyn ; I hope this haruest , to pitch cart with Lawyers ; Their heads wil be so forked ; This slie tooche Will get Apes to inuent a number such . Exit . Quick .

Was euer Rascall , honied so with poyson ? He that delights in slauish Auarice . Is apt to ioy in euery sort of vice .

Wel , i le goe fetch his wife , whilst he the Lawyers .

Pet.

But stay Franck , le ts thinke how we may disguise her vpon this sodaine .

Quick .

Gods me there 's the mischiefe ; but harke you , here 's an excellent deuice ; fore God a Rare one : I will carry her a Saylers gowne and cap and couer her ; & a players beard ;

Pet.

And what vpon her head ?

Quick .

I tell you a Sailers Cap : slight God forgiue mee , what kind of figent memory haue you ?

Pet. Nay then , what kinde of figent wit hast thou ? A Saylers cap ? how shall she put it off When thou presentst her to our companie ? Quick .

Tush man , for that , make her a sawcie sayler .

Pet.

Tush tush t is no fit sawce for such sweete mutton ; I know not what t' aduise .

Enter Secur with his wiues gowne . Secur.

Knight , knight a rare deuise .

Pet.

Sownes yet againe .

Quick .

What stratagem haue you now ?

Secur.

The best that euer . You talkt of disguising ?

Pet.

I may Gossip that s our present care .

Secur. Cast care a way then , here 's the best deuice For plaine Security ( for I am no better ) I think that euer liu'd : here 's my wiues gowne Which you may put vpon the Lawyers wife , And which I brought you sir for two great reasons ; One is , that Maister Bramble may take hold Of some suspition that it is my wife , And gird me so perhaps with his law wit , The other ( which is pollicie indeede ) Is , that my wife may now be tyed at home , Hauing no more but her old gowne abroade , And not showe me a quirck , while I fyrke others . Is not this rare ? Ambo .

The best that euer sh shas .

Secur.

Am I not borne to furnish Gentlemen ?

Pet.

O my deare Gossip !

Secur.

Well hold Maister Francis , watch when the Lawyer 's out , and put it in ; and now — I will go fetch him . Exit .

Quick .

O my Dad ! he goes as t were the Deuill to fetch the Lawyer ; and deuill shall he be if hornes wil make him .

Pet.

why how now Gossip , why stay you there musing ?

Secur.

A toye , a toy runns in my head yfaith .

Quick .

A pox of that head , is there more toyes yet ?

Pet.

What is it pray thee Gossip ?

Secur.

Why Sir ? what if you should slip away now with my wiues best gowne . I hauing no securitie for it ?

Quick .

For that I hope Dad you will take our words .

Secu. I by th' masse your word that s a proper staffe For wise Security to leane vpon ; But t is no matter , once i le trust my Name , On your crackt credits , let it take no shame , Fetch the wench Franck . Exit . Quick . I le wait vpon you sir . And fetch you ouer , you were nere so fetcht : Go , to the Tauerne Knight , your followers Dare not be drunke I thinke , before their Captaine . Exit . Pet. Would I might lead them to no hotter seruise , Till our Virginian gould were in our purses Exit . Enter Seagull Spendall and Scapthrift in the Tauerne with a Drawer . Sca.

Come Drawer , pierce your neatest Hogsheades , & le ts haue cheare , not fit for your Billingsgate Tauerne ; but for our Virginian Colonel ; he wil be here instantly .

Draw .

You shall haue all things fit sir ; please you haue any more Wine .

Spend,

More wine Slaue ? whether we drinke it or no , spill it , and drawe more .

Scap.

Fill all the pottes in your house with all sorts of licour , and let 'hem waite on vs here like Souldiers in their Pewter , coates ; And though we doe not employe them now , yet wee will maintaine 'hem , till we doe .

Draw .

Said like an honourable Captaine ; you shall haue all you can command Sir . Exit Drawer .

Sea .

Come boyes , Virginia longs till we share the rest of her Maiden-head ,

Spend.

Why is she inhabited already with any English ?

Sea .

A whole Country of English is there man , bred of those that were left there in 79. They haue married with the Indians , and make 'hem bring forth as beautifull faces as any we haue in England : and therefore the Indians are so in loue with 'hem , that all the treasure they haue , they lay at their feete .

Scap.

But is there such treasure there Captaine , as I haue heard ?

Sea .

I tell thee , Golde is more plentifull there then Copper is with vs : and for as much redde Copper as I can bring , I le haue thrice the waight in Golde . Why man all their dripping Pans and their Chamber pottes are pure Gold ; and all the Chaines , with which they chaine vp their streetes , are massie Golde ; all the Prisoners they take , are fetterd in Gold : and for Rubies and Diamonds , they goe forth on holydayes and gather 'hem by the Sea-shore , to hang on their childrens Coates , and sticke in their Capps , as commonly as our children weare Saffron guilt Brooches , and groates with hoales in 'hem .

Scap.

And is it a pleasant Countrie withall ?

Sea .

As euer the Sunne shinde on : temperate and full of all sorts of excellent viands ; wilde Boare is as common there , as our tamest Bacon is here : Venison , as Mutton . And then you shall liue freely there , without Sargeants , or Courtiers , or Lawyers , or Intelligencers . Then for your meanes to aduancement , there , it is simple , and not preposterously mixt : You may be an Alderman there , and neuer be Scauinger ; you may be any other officer , and neuer be a Slaue . You may come to preferment enough , and neuer be a

Pandar .

To Riches , and Fortune inough and haue neuer the more Villany , nor the lesse wit . Besides , there , we shall haue no more Law then Conscience , and not too much of either ; serue God inough , eate and drinke inough , and inough is as good as a Feast .

Spend.

Gods me ! and how farre is it thether ?

Sea .

Some six weekes sayle , no more , with any indifferent good winde : And If I get to any part of the coaste of Affrica , I le saile thether with any winde . Or when I come to Cape Finister , ther 's a foreright winde continuall wasts vs till we come at Virginia . See , our Collonell 's come .

Enter Sir Petronell with his Followers . Petr.

Well mette good Captaine Seagull , and my Noble Gentlemen ! Nowe the sweete houre of our freedome is at hand .

Come Drawer . Fill vs some carowses ; and prepare vs for the mirth , that will be occasioned presently : Here will be a prety wenche Gentlemen , that will beare vs company all our voyage .

Sea .

Whatsoeuer she be ; here 's to her health Noble Colonell , both with Cap and Knee .

Petr.

Thankes kinde Captaine Seagull . Shee 's one I loue dearely ; and must not bee knowne till we bee free from all that knowe vs : And so Gentlemen , heer 's to her health .

Ambo .

Let it come worthy Collonell , Wee doe hunger and thirst for it ,

Petr.

Afore heauen , you haue hitte the phrase of one that her presence will touch , from the foote to the forehead , if ye knew it .

Spend.

Why then we wil ioyne his forehead , with her health , sir : and Captaine Scapethrift , here 's to 'hem both ,

Enter Securitie and Bramble . Secu.

See , see , Maister Bramble ; fore heauen their voyage cannot but prosper , they are o' their knees for successe to it .

Bram.

And they pray to God Bacchus .

Secu.

God saue my braue Colonell with all his tall Captaines and Corporalls ; see sir , my worshipfull learned Counsaile , M. Bramble , is come to take his leaue of you .

Pet.

Worshipfull M. Bramble , how farre doe you drawe vs into the sweete bryer of your kindnesse ? come Captain Seagull , another health to this rare Bramble , that hath neuer a pricke about him .

Sea .

I pledge his most smooth disposition sir : come maister Securitie , bend your supporters , and pleadge this notorious health here .

Secu.

Bend you yours likewise , M. Bramble , for it is you shal pleadge me .

Sea .

Not so , M. Securitie , hee must not pleadge his owne health .

Secu.

No Maister Captaine ? Enter Quickesiluer with Winny disguis'd .

Why then here 's one is fitly come to doe him that honour .

Quick .

Here 's the Gentlewoman your cosin sir , whom with much entreatie I haue brought to take her leaue of you in a Tauerne ; asham'd whereof , you must pardon her if she put not off her Maske .

Pet.

Pardon mee sweete Cosen , my kinde desire to see you before I went , made mee so importunate to entreat your presence here .

Secu.

How now M. Frances ? haue you honour'd this presence with a faire Gentlewoman ?

Quick .

Pray sir , take you no notice of her , for she will not be knowne to you .

Secu.

But my learn'd Counsaile , M. Bramble here , I hope may know her .

Quick .

No more then you sir , at this time , his learning must pardon her .

Secu.

Well , God pardon her for my part , and I doe I le bee sworne ; and so Maister Francis , here 's to all that are going Eastward to night , towardes Cuckolds hauen ; and so to the health of Maister Bramble .

Quick .

I pledge it Sir , hath it gone rounde , Captaines ?

Sea .

It has sweet Franck , and the rounde closes with thee .

Quic.

Wel Sir , here 's to al Eastward & toward Cuckolds , & so to famouse Cuckolds hauen so fatally remembred . Surgit .

Pet.

Nay pray thee Cuz weepe not ; Gossip Securitie ?

Secu.

I my braue Gossip .

Pet.

A word I beseech you Sir ; our friende , Mistresse Bramble here , is so dissolu'd in teares , that shee drownes the whole mirth of our meeting : sweete Gossip , take her aside and comfort her .

Secu.

Pittie of all true loue , Mistresse Bramble , what weepe you to enioy your loue ? what s the cause Ladie ? i st because your husband is so neere , and your heart earnes , to haue a litle abus'd him ? Ahlas , Ahlas , the offence is too common to be respected ; So great a grace , hath seldome chanc'd to so vnthankfull a woman ; to be rid of an old ielous Dotard ; to enioy the armes , of a louing young Knight ; that when your prick-lesse Bramble is withered with griefe of your losse , will make you floorish a fresh in the Bed of a Ladie .

Enter Drawer . Draw .

Sir Petronell , here 's one of your water men come to tell you , it wil be flood these three houres ; and that t' will bee dangerous going against the Tyde : for the skie is ouer cast , & there was a Porcpisce , euen now seene at London bridge , which is alwaies the messenger of tempests , he sayes .

Pet.

A Porcpisce ? what s that to th' purpose ? charge him if he loue his life to attend vs : can we not reach Blacke wall ( where my ship lyes ) against the tide , and in spight of Tempests ? Captaines and Gentlemen , wee 'll begin a new ceremony at the beginning of our voyage , which I beleeue will be followd of all future aduenturers .

Sea .

What s that good Colonell ?

Pet.

This , Captaine Seagull ; wee 'll haue our prouided Supper brought a bord Sir Francis Drakes Ship , that hath compast the world : where with full Cupps , and Banquets we wil doe sacrifice for a prosperous voyage . My minde giues me that some good Spirits of the waters should haunt the desart ribs of her ; and be auspicious to all that honour her memorie , and will with like Orgies , enter their voyages .

Sea .

Rarely conceipted ; one health more to this motion , & aboard to performe it . He that wil not this night be drunke , may he neuer be Sober . They compasse in Wynnifrid , daunce the dronken round , and drinke carowses .

Bram.

Sir Petronell and his honourable Captaines in these young seruices , we olde Seruitors may bee spard : We onely came to take our leaues , and with one health to you all , I le be bold to do so . Here neighbour Securitie , to the health of Sir Petronell , and all his Captaines .

Secu.

You must bend then Maister Bramble ; So , now I am for you : I haue one corner of my braine , I hope , fit to beare one carouse more . Here Lady , to you that are encompast there , & are asham'd of our company . Ha , ha , ha , by my troth , ( my learn'd counsaile Maister Bramble ) my minde runnes so of Cuckolds hauen to night , that my Head runnes ouer with admiration .

Bram.

But is not that your wife , Neighbour ?

Secu.

No by my troth Maister Bramble ; ha , ha , ha , a Pox of all Cuckolds-hauens I say .

Bram.

A' my faith , her garments are exceeding like your wiues .

Secu.

Cucullus non facit Monachum , my learn'd Counsaile ; all are not Cuckolds that seeme so , nor all seeme not that are so . Giue me your hand , my learn'd Counsaile , you and I will Supp some where else , then at Sir Frances Drakes Shipp to night . Adue my Noble Gossip .

Bram.

Good Fortune braue Captaines ; faire skies God send yee .

Omnes .

Farewell my harts , farewell .

Pet.

Gossip , laugh no more at Cuckolds-hauen Gossip .

Secu.

I haue done , I haue done Sir , will you leade Maister Bramble ? ha , ha , ha .

Pet.

Captaine Seagull , charge a boate .

Omnes .

A Boate , a boate , a boate . Exeunt .

Draw .

Y' are in a proper taking indeed to take a Boate , especially at this time of night , and against Tide and Tempest ; They say yet , drunken men neuer take harme ; this night will trie the truth of that Prouerbe . Exit .

Enter Securitie . Secu.

What Winnie ? Wife , I say ? out of dores at this time ! where should I seeke the Gad-flye ? Billingsgate , Billingsgate ,

Billingsgate .

Shee 's gone with the Knight , shee 's gone with the Knight ; woe be to thee Billingsgate . A boate , a boate , a boate , a full hunderd Markes for a boate . Exit .

Actus Quartus . Scena Prima . Enter Slitgut , with a paire of Oxe hornes , discouering Cuckolds-Hauen aboue . Slit.

All haile , faire Hauen of married men onely , for there are none but married men Cuckolds . For my part , I presume not to arriue here , but in my Maisters behalfe , ( a poore Butcher of East-cheape ) who sends me to set vp ( in honour of Saint Luke ) these necessarie Ensignes of his homage : And vp I got this morning , thus early , to get vp to the toppe of this famous Tree , that is all fruite and no leaues , to aduance this Crest of my Maisters occupation . Vp then , Heauen and Saint Luke blesse me , that I be not blowne into the Thames as I clime , with this furious Tempest ; Slight , I thinke the Deuill be abroade , in likenesse of a storme , to rob me of my Hornes : Harke how he roares . Lord ! what a coyle the Thames keepes ! she beares some vniust burthen I beleeue , that she kicks and curuets thus to cast it : Heauen blesse all honest passengers , that are vpon her back now , for the Bitte is out of her mouth I see , and shee will runne away with 'hem . So , so , I thinke I haue made it looke the right way , it runnes against London-Bridge ( as it were ) euen full butt . And now , let mee discouer from this loftie prospect , what pranckes the rude Thames playes in her desperate lunacie . O me , here 's a Boate has beene cast away hard by . Alas , alas , See one of her passengers , labouring for his life , to land at this Hauen here ; pray heauen he may recouer it : His next land is euen iust vnder me ; hold out yet a little : whatsoeuer thou art , pray , and take a good heart to thee . T is a man , take a mans heart to thee ; yet a little further , get vp a thy legges man : now , t is snallowe enough . So , so , so ! Alas , hee 's downe againe ; hold thy winde Father : t is a man in a Night-cappe . So ! now hee 's got vp againe : now hee 's past the worst : yet thankes be to heauen ; he comes toward me pretie and strongly .

Enter Securitie without his hat , in an Night-cap , wett , band , &c. Secu.

Heauen , I beseech thee , how haue I offended thee ! where am I cast a shore nowe , that I may goe a righter way home by land ? Let me see . O I am scarce able to looke about me ! where is there any Sea-marke that I am acquainted withall ?

Slit.

Looke vp Father , are you acquainted with this Marke ?

Secu.

What! landed at Cuckolds hauen ? Hell and damnation . I will runne backe and drowne my selfe . He falles downe .

Slit.

Poore man how weake hee is ! the weake water ha's washt away his strength .

See .

Landed at Cuckolds hauen ? if it had not bin to die twentie times aliue , I should neuer haue scapt death : I will neuer arise more : I will grouell here , and eate durt till I be choak't : I will make the gentle earth doe that , which the cruell water ha's denied me .

Slit.

Alas good father , be not so desperate ; Rise man : if you will , I le come presently and lead you home .

Secu.

Home ? shall I make any know my Home , that has knowne me thus abrode ? how I owe shall I crouch away , that no eye may see mee ? I will creepe on the earth while I liue , and neuer looke heauen in the face more . Exit creep .

Slit.

What yong Planet raignes now troe , that olde men are so foolish ? What desperate yong Swaggerer would haue bin abroad such a wether as this , vpon the water ? Ay me , see a nother remnant of this vnfortunate ship-wrack ! or some other . A woman ! yfaith , a woman , though it be almost at S. Kath'rins , I discerne it to be a woman for al her bodie is aboue the water , & her clothes swim about her most handsomely . O they beare her vp most brauely ! has not a woman reason to loue the taking vp of her cloathes the better while she liues , for this ? Alas , how busie the rude Thames is about her ? A pox a'th at waue . It wil drowne her , yfaith , t will drowne her . Crye God mercie , shee has scapt it ! I thanke heauen she has scapt it . O , how she swimmes like a Mermaide ! some vigilant body looke out , and saue her . That 's well said , iust where the Priest fell in , there 's one sets downe a Ladder , and goes to take her vp : Gods blessing a thy heart boy , now take her vp in thy armes and to bedde with her . Shee 's vp , shee 's vp ! Shee 's a beautifull woman I warrant her , the Billowes durst not deuoure her .

Enter the Drawer in the Tauerne before with Wynnyfrid . Draw .

How fare you now Lady ?

Wynn.

Much better , my good friende then I wishe : as one desperate of her Fame , now my Life is preseru'd .

Draw .

Comfort your selfe ; That power that preserued you from death : can likewise defend you from infamie , howsoeuer you deserue it . Were not you one that tooke Bote , late this night , with a Knight , and other Gentlemen at Billings-gate ?

Wynn.

Vnhappy that I am , I was .

Draw .

I am glad it was my good happe to come downe thus farre after you , to a house of my friends heere in S. Kath'rines , since I am now happily made a meane to your rescue , from the ruthlesse tempest ; which ( when you tooke Bote ) was so extreame , and the Gentleman that brought you forth , so desperate and vnsober , that I fear'd long ere this I should heare of your ship-wracke , and therefore ( with little other reason ) made thus farre this way : And this I must tell you , since perhappes you may make vse of it , there was left behinde you at our Tauerne , brought by a Porter ( hyr'd by the yong Gentleman that brought you ) a Gentle womans Gowne , Hat , Stockings , and Shooes ; which if they be yours , and you please to shift you , taking a hard bed here , in this house of my friend , I will presently goe fetch you .

Wynn.

Thanks my good friend , for your more then good newes . The Gowne with all things bounde with it are myne ; which if you please to fetch as you haue promist , I will bouldly receiue the kinde fauour you haue offered , till your returne : intreating you , by all the good you haue done in preseruing me hitherto , to let none take knowledge of what fauour you doe me , or where such a one as I am bestowed , lest you incurre mee much more damage in my fame , then you haue done me pleasure in preseruing my life .

Draw .

Come in Lady , and shift your selfe ; resolue , that nothing , but your owne pleasure , shall bee vsde in your discouery .

Wynn.

Thanke you good friende : the time may come , I shall requite you . Exeunt .

Slit.

See , see , see ! I hold my life , there 's some other a taking vp at Wapping , now ! Looke , what a sort of people cluster about the Gallows there ! in good troth it is so . O me ! a fine yong Gentleman ! What ? and taken vp at the Gallowes ? Heauen graunt he be not one day taken downe there : A , my life it is ominous . Well , hee is deliuered for the time , I see the people haue all left him ; yet will I keepe my prospect a while , to see if any more haue bin shipwrackt . Enter Quick , bareheade .

Quick . Accur'st , that euer I was sau'd , or borne . How fatall is my sad ariuall here ? As if the Starres , and Prouidence spake to mee , And sayd , the drift of all vnlawfull courses , ( What euer ende they dare propose themselues , In frame of their licentious policyes . ) In the firme order of iust Destinie , They are the ready high wayes to our Ruines . I know not what to doe , my wicked hopes Are , with this Tempest , torne vp by the rootes . O , which way shall I bend my desperate steppes , In which vnsufferable Shame and Miserie Will not attend them ? I will walke this Banck , And see if I can meete the other reliques Of our poore ship-wrackt Crew , or heare of them . The Knight ( alas ) was so farre gone with wine , And th' other three , that I refus de their Boate , And tooke the haplesse Woman in another , Who cannot but be suncke , what euer Fortune Hath wrought vpon the others desperate liues . Enter Petronel , and Seagul , bareheaded . Pet.

Zounds Captaine , I tell thee , we are cast vp o' the Coast of France , Sfoote , I am not drunke still , ( I hope ? ) Dost remember where we were last Night ?

Sea .

No by my troth Knight , not I . but me thinkes wee haue bin a horrible while vpon the water , and in the water .

Pet.

Aye me we are vndone for euer : hast any money about thee ?

Sea .

Not a pennie by heauen .

Pet.

Not a pennie betwixt vs , and cast a shore in France ?

Sea .

Faith I cannot tell that ; my braines , nor mine eyes are not mine owne , yet .

Enter 2. Gentlemen Pet.

Sfoote wilt not beleeue me ? I know 't by th' eleuation of the Pole ; and by the altitude and latitude of the Climate . See! hers comes a coople of French Gentlemen ; I knew we were in France : dost thou think our Englishmen are so Frenchyfied , that a man knowes not whether he be in France , or in England , when he sees 'hem ? What shal we doe ? we must cene to 'hem , and intreat some reliefe of hem : Life is sweete , and we haue no other meanes to relieue our liues now , but their Charities ;

Sea .

Pray you , do you beg on 'hem then , you can speak French .

Pet.

Monsieur , plaist il d'auoir pitie de nostre grand infortunes ? Iesuis vn poure Cheualier D'Angloterre qui a souffris infortune de Naufrage .

1. Gent.

Vn poure Cheualier D'Angliterre ?

Pet.

Oui Monsieur , il est trop vraye ; mais vovs scaves bien nous somes toutes subiect a fortune .

2. Gent.

A poore Knight of England ? a poore Knight of Windsore , are you not ? Why speake you this broken French , when y' are a whole English man ? on what coaste are you , thinke you ?

Pet.

on the coast of France , sir .

1. Gen.

On the cost of Doggs Sir : Y' are i th' I le a Doggs I tell you . I see y 'aue bene washt in the Thames here , & I beleeue ye were drownd in a Tauerne before , or els you would neuer haue tooke boate in such a dawning as this was . Farewel , farewel , we wil not know you for shaming of you . I ken the man wee l , hee 's one of my thirty pound Knights .

2. Gen.

No no , this is he that stole his knighthood o' the grand day , for foure pound giuing to a Page , all the money in 's purse I wot well . Exeunt .

Sea .

Death , Collonell , I knew you were ouer shot .

Pet.

Sure I thinke now indeede , Captaine Seagull , we were something ouershot . Enter Quicksiluer .

What ! my sweete Franck Quicksiluer ! dost thou surviue to reioyce me ? But what ? no bodie at thy heels , Franck ? Ay me , what is become of poore Mistresse Securitie .

Quick .

Faith gone quite from her Name , as she is from her Fame I thinke ; I left her to the mercie of the water .

Sea .

Let her goe , let her goe : let vs go to our ship at Blackwall and shift vs .

Pet.

Nay by my troth , let our clothes rotte vpon vs . and let vs rotte in them : twentie to one our Ship is attacht by this time ? if we set her not vnder Saile this last Tide , I neuer lookt for any other . Woe , woe is me , what shall become of vs ? the last money we could make , the greedy Thams has deuourde ; and if our Ship be attach't , there is no hope can relieue vs .

Quic.

Sfoote Knight , what an vn-knightly faintnesse transports thee ? let our Ship sinck , and all the world that s without vs be taken from vs , I hope I haue some tricks , in this braine of mine , shall not let vs perish .

Sea .

Well said Francke faith . O my nimble-spirited Quick-siluer , Foregod , would thou hadst beene our Colonell .

Petr.

I like his spirit rarely , but I see no meanes he has to support that spirit .

Quic.

Go to Knight , I haue more meanes then thou art aware off : I haue not liu'd amongst Gould-smiths and Gouldmakers all this while , but I haue learned something worthy of my time with 'hem . And , not to let thee stinck where thou standst , Knight , I le let thee know some of my skill presently .

Sea .

Doe good Francke I beseech thee .

Quic.

I will blanche Copper so cunningly , that it shall endure all proofes , but the Test : it shall endure malleation , it shal haue the ponderositie of Luna , and the tenacitie of Luna , by no meanes friable .

Petr.

Slight , where learn'st thou these tearmes , tro ?

Quic.

Tush Knight , the tearmes of this Arte , euery ignorant Quack-saluer is perfect in : but I le tell you how your selfe shal blanche Copper thus cunningly . Take Arsnicke , otherwise called Realga , ( which indeede is plaine Ratsbane ) Sublime 'hem three or foure times , then take the Sublimate of this Realga , and put 'hem into a Glasse , into Chymia , & let 'hem haue a conuenient decoction Naturall , foure and twentie houres , & he will become perfectly fixt : Then take this fixed powder , & proiect him vpon wel-purgd Copper , et habebis Magistriū .

Ambo .

Excellent Francke , let vs hugge thee .

Quick .

Nay this I will do besides ; I le take you off twelue pence from euery Angell , with a kind of Aquafortis , and neuer deface any part of the Image .

Pet.

But then it will want weight ?

Quic.

You shall restore that thus : Take your sal Achyme prepar'd , and your distild Vrine ; and let your Angels lie in it but foure and twenty howres , and they shall haue their perfect weight againe : come on now I hope this is enough to put some spirit into the liuers of you , I le infuse more an other time . We haue saluted the proud Ayre long enough with our bare skonces , now will I haue you to a wenches house of mine at London , there make shift to shift vs , and after such fortunes as the stars shal assigne vs .

Ambo .

Notable Franck ! we will euer adore thee . Exeunt .

Enter Drawer with Wynifrid , new attird . Wyn.

Nowe sweete friende you haue brought me nere enough your Tauerne , which I desired that I might with some colour be seene neare , enquiring for my husband ; who I must tel you stale thither last with my wet gowne we haue left at your friends : which , to continue your former honest kindnes , let me pray you to keepe close from the knowledge of any ; and so , with all vow of your requitall , let me now entreate you to leaue me to my womans wit , and fortune .

Draw .

All shall be done you desire ; and so , all the fortune you can wish for , attend you . Exit Draw .

Enter Securitie . Secu.

I wil once more to this vnhappy Tauerne before I shift one ragge of me more , that I may there know what is left behind , and what newes of their passengers . I haue bought me a Hat and band with the little money I had about me , and made the streets a litle leaue staring at my night-cap .

Win.

O my deare husband ! where haue you bin to night ? al night abroade at Tauernes ? rob me of my garments ? and fare as one run away from me ? Ahlas ! is this seemely for a man of your credit ? of your age ? and affection to your wife ?

Secu.

What should I say ? how miraculously sorts this ? was not I at home , and cald thee last night ?

Win.

Yes Sir , the harmelesse sleepe you broke , and my answer to you would haue witnest it , if you had had the patience to haue staid and answered me ; but your so sodaine retreate , made me imagine you were gone to Maister Brambles , and so rested patient , and hopefull of your comming againe , till this your unbeleeued absence brought me abroade with no lesse then wonder , to seeke you , where the false Knight had carried you .

Secu.

Villaine , and Monster that I was , howe haue I abus'd thee , I was sodainly gone indeede ! for my sodaine ielousie transferred me . I will say no more but this deare wife I suspected thee .

Win.

Did you suspect me ?

Secu.

Talke not of it I beseech thee , I am ashamed to imagine it ; I will home , I will home , and euery morning on my knees aske thee hartely forgiuenes . Exeunt . Nowe will I descend my honourable Prospect ; the farthiest seeing Sea marke of the World : Noe maruaile then if I could see two miles about me . I hope the redde Tempests anger be nowe ouer blowne , which sure I thinke Heauen sent as a punishment , for prophaning holy Saint Lukes memorie , with so ridiculous a custome . Thou dishonest Satyre , farewel to honest married Men ; Farewel , to all sorts , and degrees of thee . Farewel thou horne of hūger that calst th' Inns a court to their Manger ; Farewel thou horne of aboundāce , that adornest the headsmen of the Common-wealth ; Farewell thou home of Direction , that is the Cittie Lanthorne ; Farewell thou Horne of Pleasure , the Ensigne of the huntsman ; Farewell thou Horne of Destinie , the signe of the married man ; Farewell thou Horne Tree that bearest nothing but Stone fruite Exit .

Enter Touchstone . Touch.

Ha Sirah ! Thinkes my Knight Aduenturer we can no point of our compasse ? Doe wee not knowe North-north-east ? North-east and by East ? East and by North ! nor plaine Eastward ? Ha ? haue we neuer heard of Virginia ? nor the Cauallaria ? not the Colonoria ? Can we discouer no discoueries ? well , mine errant Sir Flash , and my runnagate Quicksiluer , you may drinke dronke , crack cannes , hurle away a browne dozen of Monmouth Capps or so , in sea-ceremonie to your boon voyage but for reaching any Coast saue the coast of Kent ; or Essex , with this Tide , or with this fleete , I le be your warrant for a Grauesend Tost : There 's that gone afore , wil stay your Admiral and Vice-admirall , and Rere-admirall , were they al ( as they are ) but one Pinnace , and vnder saile , as wel as a Remora , doubt it not ; and from this Sconce , without eyther pouder or shot , worke vpon that now . Nay , and you 'll shew trickes , wee 'l vie with you , a little . My Daughter , his Lady , was sent Eastward , by land , to a Castle of his , i' the ayre ( in what region I knowe not ) and ( as I heare ) was glad to take vp her lodging in her Coach , she and her two waiting women , her maide , and her mother , like three Snailes in a shall , and the Coachman a top on 'hem , I thinke . Since they haue all found the way back againe by weeping Crosse . But i le not see them . And for two on 'hem , Madam , and her Malkm , they are like to bite o the bridle for William , as the poore horses haue done al this while that hurried 'hem , or else go graze o' the common : So should my Dame Touchstone too , but she has bene my Crosse these thirty yeares , and i le now keepe her , to fright away sprights ; Ifaith . I wonder I heare no news of my sonne Goulding ! He was sent for to the Guild-hall , this Morning betimes , and I maruaile at the matter , if I had not layd vp Comfort , & hope in him , I should grow desperate of al . See , He is come I' my thought ! How now Sonne ? what newes at the Court of Aldermen ?

Enter Goulding . Gould .

Troth Sir , an Accident somewhat strange , els it hath litle in it worth the reporting .

Touch.

What ? It is not borrowing of money then ?

Gold .

No sir it hath pleasd the worshipful Commoners of the citty , to take me one i' their number at presentation of the inquest

Touch.

Ha!

Gould .

And the Alderman of the warde wherein Idwel , to appoint me his Deputy —

Touch.

Howe !

Gold .

In which place , I haue had an oath ministred me , since I went .

Touch.

Now my deare , & happy Sonnellet we kisse thy new worship , & a litle boast mine own happines in thee : What a fortune was it ( or rather my iudgment indeed ) for me , first to see that in his disposition , which a whole Citty so conspires to second ? Tane into the Liuory of his copany , the first day of his freedōe ? now ( not a weeke maried ) chosen Commoner ? and Aldermans Deputie in a day ? note but the reward of a thrifty course . The wonder of his Time ! Wel , I wil honour M. Alderman , for this act , ( as becomes me ) & shall think the better of the cômon Councels wisdōe , & worship , while I liue , for thus meeting , or but coming after me in the opinion of his desert . Forward , my sufficient Sonne , and as this is the first , so esteeme it the least step , to that high and prime honour that expects thee .

Goul.

Sir , as I was not ambitious of this , so I couet no higher place ; it hath dignity enough , if it will but saue me from contempt : and I had rather my bearing , in this , or any other office , should adde worth to it ; then the Place giue the least opinion to me .

Touch.

Excellently spoken : This modest Answer of thine blushes , as if it said , I will weare Scarlet shortly . Worshipfull Sonne ! I cannot containe my selfe , I must tell thee , I hope to see thee one o' the Monuments of our Citty , and reckon'd among her worthies , to be remembred the same day with the Lady Ramsey , and graue Gresham : when the famous fable of Whittington , and his Pusse , shall be forgotten , and thou and thy Actes become the Posies for Hospitals , when thy name shall be written vpon Conduits , and thy deeds plaid i' thy life time , by the best companies of Actors , and be call'd their Get-peny . This I diuine . This I Prophecie .

Gold .

Sir , engage not your expectation farder , then my abilities will answer : I that know mine owne strengths , feare 'hem ; and there is so seldome a losse in promising the least , that commonly it brings with it a welcome deceipt . I haue other newes for you Sir .

Touch.

None more welcome , I am sure ?

Gould .

They haue their degree of welcome , I dare affirme . The Colonell , and all his company , this morning putting forth drunke from Belinsgate , had like to haue been cast away o' this side Greenwich : and ( as I haue intelligence , by a false Brother , ) are come dropping to towne , like so many Masterlesse men , i' their doublets and hose , without Hatte , or Cloake , or any other —

Touch.

A miracle ! the Iustice of Heauen ! where are they ? le ts goe presently and lay for 'hem .

Goul.

I haue done that already Sir , both by Constables , and other officers , who shall take 'hem at their old Anchor ; and with lesse tumult , or suspition , then if your selfe were seene in 't : vnder coulour of a great Presse , that is now abroad , and they shall here be brought afore me .

Touch.

Prudent , & politique sonne ! Disgrace 'hem all that euer thou canst ; their Ship I haue already arrested . How to my wish it falls out , that thou hast the place of a Iusticer vpon 'hem ! I am partly glad of the iniury done to me , that thou maist punish it . Be seuere i' thy place , like a new officer o' the first quarter , vnreflected : you heare how our Lady is come back with her traine , from the inuisible Castle ?

Gould .

No , where is she ?

Touch.

Within , but I ha' not seene her yet , not her mother ; who now begins to wish her daughter vndub'd , they say , and that she had walkd a foot-pase with her sister . Here they come , stand back .

Touchstone , Mistresse Touchstone , Gyrtrude , Goulding , Mildred , Syndefie .

God saue your Ladiship ; 'saue your good Ladiship : your Ladiship is welcome from your inchanted Castell ; so are your beautious Retinew . I heare your Knight errant is trauayld on strange aduentures : Surely in my minde , your Ladiship hath fish'd faire , and caught a Frog , as the saying is .

Mist. Tou.

Speake to your Father , Madam , & kneele downe .

Gyrt.

Kneele ? I hope I am not brought so low yet : though my Knight be run away , & has sold my land , I am a Lady , stil .

Touch.

Your Ladiship says true , Madam , & it is fitter , and a greater decorum , that I should curtsie to you that are a knights wife , and a Lady , then you be brought a' your knees to me , who am a poore Cullion , and your Father .

Gyr.

Law ! my Father knowes his duty .

Mist. Tou.

O child !

Touch.

And therefore I doe desire your Ladiship , my good Lady Flash in all humility , to depart my obscure Cottage , and returne in quest of your bright , and most transparent Castell , how euer presently conceald to mortall eyes . And as for one poore woman of your traine here , I will take that order , she shall no longer be a charge vnto you , nor helpe to spend your Ladiship ; she shall stay at home with me , and not goe abroad , not put you to the pawning of an odde Coach-horse , or three wheeles , but take part with the Touchstone : If we lacke , we wil not complaine to your Ladiship . And so good Madam , with your Damoselle here , please you to let vs see your straight backs , in equipage ; for truly , here is no roust for such Chickens as you are , or birds o' your feather , if it like your Ladiship .

Gyrt.

Mary , fyste o' your kindnesse . I thought as much . Come away Sinne , we shall assoone get a fart from a dead man , as a farthing of court'sie here .

Mild.

O , good Sister !

Gyrt.

Sister , sir reuerence ? come away , I say , Hunger drops out at his nose .

Goul.

O Madam , Faire words neuer hurt the tongue .

Gyrt.

How say you by that ? you come out with your golde ends now !

Mi. Tou.

Stay Lady-daughter : good husband .

Touch.

Wife , no man loues his fetters , be they made of gold : I list not ha' my head fastned vnder my childs girdle ; as she has brew'd , so let her drinke , a Gods name : she went witlesse to wedding , now she may goe wisely a begging . It 's but hony-Moone yet with her Ladiship ; she has Coach horses , Apparell , Iewels yet left , she needs care for no friends , nor take knowledge of Father , Mother , Brother , Sister , or any body : When those are pawn'd , or spent , perhaps we shall returne into the list of her acquaintance .

Gyrt.

I scorne it ifaith . Come Sinne . ( Exit Gyrt .

Mi. Tou.

O Madam , why do you prouoke your Father , thus ?

Touch.

Nay , nay , eene let Pride goe afore , Shame wil follow after , I warrant you . Come , why doost thou weepe now ? thou art not the first good Cow hast had an ill Calfe , I trust . What 's the newes , with that fellow ? Enter Constable .

Goul.

Sir , the Knight , and your man Quickesiluer are without , will you ha 'hem brought in ?

Touch.

O by any meanes . And Sonne , here 's a Chaire ; appeare terrible vnto 'hem , on the first enter view . Let them behold the melancholy of a Magistrate , and taste the fury of a Citizen in office .

Goul.

Why Sir , I can do nothing to 'hem , except you charge 'hem with somwhat .

Touch.

I will charge 'hem , and recharge 'hem , rather then Authority should want foyle to set it of .

Gould .

No good Sir , I will not .

Touch.

Sonne , it is your place ; by any meanes .

Goul.

Beleeue it , I will not Sir .

Enter Knight Petronell , Quickesiluer , Constable , Officers . Pet.

How Misfortune pursues vs still in our misery !

Quic.

Would it had beene my fortune , to haue beene trust vp at Wapping , rather then euer ha' come here .

Pet.

Or mine , to haue famisht in the Iland .

Quic.

Must Goulding sit vpon vs ?

Consta.

You might carry an M. vnder your girdle to Maister Deputis worship .

Gould .

What are those , maister Constable ?

Const.

And 't please your worship , a couple of Maisterlesse men , I prest for the Low-countries , Sir .

Goul.

Why do you not cary 'hem to Bridewell , according to your order , they may be shipt away ?

Const.

An 't please your Worship , one of 'hem sayes he is a Knight ; and we thought good to shew him to your worship , for our discharge .

Goul.

Which is he ?

Const.

This Sir .

Goul.

And what 's the other ?

Const.

A Knights Fellow Sir , an 't please you .

Goul.

What ? a Knight , and his Fellow thus accoutred ? Where are their Hattes and Feathers , their Rapiers , and their Cloakes ?

Quic.

O they mock vs .

Const.

Nay truely sir , they had cast both their Feathers , and Hattes too , before wee see 'hem . Here 's all their furniture , an 't please you , that we found . They say , Knights are now to be knowne without Feathers , like Cockrels by their Spurres , Sir .

Goul.

What are their names , say they ?

Touch.

Very well this . He should not take knowledge of 'hem in his place , indeeed .

Con.

This is Sir Petronell Flash .

Touch.

How !

Con.

And this Francis Quickesiluer .

Touch.

Is 't possible ? I thought your Worship had beene gone for Virginia , Sir . You are welcome home sir . Your Worship has made a quick returne , it seemes and no doubt a good voyage . Nay pray you be couer'd Sir . How did your Bisquet hold out Sir ? Me thought , I had seene this Gentlemen afore ; good Maister Quickesiluer ! How a degree to the Southward has chang'd you .

Gould .

Doe you know 'hem Father ? Forbeare your offers a litle , you shall be heard anon .

Touch.

Yes , Maister Deputy : I had a small venture with them in the voyage , a Thing , cald a Sonne in Lawe , or so . Officers , you may let 'hem stand alone , they will not runne away , I le giue my word for them . A couple of very honest Gentlemen . One of 'hem was my Prentise , M. Quicksiluer , here , & when he had 2. yeare to serue , kept his whore , & his hunting Nag , would play his 100. pound at Gresco , or Primero , as familiarly ( & al a' my purse ) as any bright peice of Crimson on 'hem all , had his changable trunks of Apparel , standing at liuery , with his Mare , his Chest of perfumd linnen , and his Bathing Tubbs , which when I told him off , why he — he was a Gentleman , and I a poore Cheapeside Groome . The remedie was , we must part . Since when he hath had the gift of gathering vp some small parcels of mine , to the value of 500. pound disperst among my customers to furnish this his Virginian vēture ; wherin this knight was the chiefe , sir Flash : one that married a daughter of mine , Ladefied her , turn'd two thousand poundes worth of good land of hers , into Cash , within the first weeke , bought her a new Gowne , & a Coach , sent her to seeke her fortune by land , whilst himselfe prepared for his fortune by sea , tooke in fresh flesh at Belingsgate , for his owne diet , to serue him the whole voyage , the wife of a certaine vsurer , cald Securitie , who hath bene the broker for 'hem in all this businesse : Please Maister Deputy , Worke vpon that now .

Goul.

If my worshipfull Father haue ended .

Touch.

I haue , it shall please M. Deputy .

Goul.

Well then , vnder correction . —

Touch.

Now sonne , come ouer 'hem with some fine guird , as thus , Knight you shall be encountred , that is , had to the Counter ; or Quicksiluer , I will put you in a crucible or so .

Gould .

Sir Petronell Flash , I am sory to see such flashes as these proceede from a Gentleman of your Quality , & Rancke ; For mine own part , I could wish , I could say , I could not see them : but such is the misery of Magistrates , and men in Place , that they must not winke at Offenders . Take him aside , I wil heare you anone sir .

Tou.

I like this wel yet : there 's some grace i' the knight , left , He cries .

Goul.

Francis Quick-siluer , would God thou hadst turnd Quack-saluer , rather then run into these dissolute , & lewd courses ; It is great pitty , thou art a proper yong man , of an honest and cleane face , somewhat neere a good one , ( God hath done his part in thee ) but , thou haste made too much , and beene to proud of that face , with the rest of thy body ; for maintenance of which in neate and garish attire , ( onely to be look'd vpon by some light houswifes ) thou hast prodigally consumed much of thy Masters estate : and being by him gently admonish'd , at seueral times , hast returnd thy selfe haughty , and rebellious , in thine answers , thundring out vnciuill comparisons , requiting al his kindnes with a course and harsh behauiour , neuer returning thanks for any one benefit , but receiuing all , as if they had bin Debts to thee , & no Courtesies . I must tel thee Francis , these are manifest signes of an ill nature ; and God doth often punish such pride , and outrecuidance , with scorne and infamy , which is the worst of misfortune . My worshipfull father , what do you please to charge them withall ? from the presse I wil free 'hem Maister Constable .

Const.

Then i le leaue your worship , Sir .

Gold .

No , you may stay , there will be other matters against 'hem .

Touch.

Sir I do charge this Gallant , Maister Quicksiluer , on suspicion of Felony ; and the Knight as being accessary , in the receipt of my goods .

Quick .

O God Sir !

Touch.

Hold thy peace , impudēt varlot , hold thy peace . With what forehead or face , dost thou offer to choppe Logick with me , hauing run such a race of Riot , as thou hast done ? Do's not the sight of this worshipful mans fortune & temper , confound thee , that was thy yonger fellow in houshold , and now come to haue the place of a Iudge vpon thee ? Dost not obserue this ? Which of al thy Gallants , & Gasters , thy Swearers & thy Swaggerers , will come now to mone thy misfortune , or pitty thy penurie ? They le looke out at a window , as thou rid'st in triumph to Tiborne , and crye , yonder goes honest Franck , mad Quicksiluer ; He was a free boone companion , when hee had money , sayes one ; Hang him foole , saies another , he could not keepe it when he had it ; A pox o' the Culliō his Mr. ( sais a third ) he has brought him to this : when their Pox of pleasure , & their piles of perdition , would haue bene better bestowed vpon thee , that hast ventred for 'hem with the best , and by the clew of thy knauery , brought thy selfe weeping , to the Cart of Calamity .

Quic.

Worshipfull Maister .

Touch.

Offer not to speake , Crocodile , I will not heare a sound come from thee . Thou hast learnt to whine at the Play yonder . Maister Deputy , pray yon commit 'hem both to safe custody , till I be able farther to charge 'hem .

Quic.

O me , what an infortunate thing am I !

Pet.

Will you not take security Sir .

Touch.

Yes mary will I sir Flash , if I can find him , & charge him as deepe as the best on you . He has beene the plotter of all this : he is your Inginer , I heare . Maister Deputy , you 'll dispose of these ? In the meane time , I le to my Lo. Mayor , & get his warrant , to seize that Serpent Securitie into my hands , & seale vp both house , and goods , to the Kings vse , or my satisfaction .

Goul.

Officers take 'hem to the Counter .

Qui. & Pet.

O God .

Touch.

Nay on , on : you see the issue of your Sloth . Of Sloth commeth Pleasure , of Pleasure commeth Riot , of Ryot comes Whoring , of Whoring comes Spending , of Spending comes Want , of Want comes Theft , of Theft comes Hanging ; and there is my Quickesiluer fixt . Exeunt .

Actus Quintus . Scena Prima . Gyrtrude . Sindefie . Gyr.

Ah Sinne ! hast thou euer read i' the Chronicle of any Lady , and her waiting-woman , driuen to that extremity , that we are , Sinne ?

Syn.

Not I truely , Madam , and if I had , it were but colde comfort , should come out of bookes , now .

Gyr.

Why , good faith Sinne , I could dine with a lamentable storie , now . O hone , hone , o no nera , &c. Canst thou tell nere a one , Synne ?

Sin .

None , but mine owne , Madam , which is lamentable inough ; first to be stolne from my Friends , which were worshipfull , and of good accompt , by a Prentile , in the habite and disguise of a Gentleman , and here brought vp to London , and promis'd mariage , and now likely to be forsaken ( for he is in possibility to be hangd . )

Gyr.

Nay weepe not good Sinne . My Petronell , is in as good possibilitie as he . Thy miseries , are nothing to mine , Sinne : I was more then promis'd marriage , Sinne , I had it Sinne : & was made a Lady ; and by a Knight , Sin : which is now as good as no Knight , Sin : And I was borne in London , which is more then brought vp , Sin : and already forsaken ; which is past likelihood , Sin : and in stead of Land i' the Countrey , all my Knights Liuing lies i' the Counter , Syn . there 's his Castle now ?

Syn.

Which hee cannot be forc't out off , Madam .

Gyr.

Yes , if he would liue hungry a weeke , or two . Hunger they say breakes stone wals . But he is eene wel inough seru'd , Sin , that so soone as euer he had got my hand to the sale of my inheritance run away from me , and I had bene his Punke , God blesse vs . Would the Knight o' the Sunne , or Palmerin of England , haue vsd their Ladies so , Syn ? or sir Lancelot ? or sir Tristram ?

Syn.

I doe not know , Madam .

Gry,

Then thou know'st nothing , Syn . Thou art a Foole , Syn . The Knighthood now a daies , are nothing like the Knighthood of old time . They rid a horseback Ours goe afoote . They were attended by their Squires . Our by their Lacquaies . They went buckled in their Armor , Ours muffled in their Cloaks . They trauaild wildernesses ; & desarts , Ours dare scarce walke the streets . They were stil prest to engage their Honour , Ours stil ready to paune their cloaths . They would gallop on at sight of a Mōster , Ours run away at sight of a Serieant . They would helpe poore Ladies , Ours make poore Ladies .

Syn.

I Madam , they were Knights of the Round-Table at Winchester , that sought Aduētures , but these of the Square Table at Ordinaries , that sit at Hazard .

Gyr.

True Syn , let him vanish And tel me , what shal we pawne next

Syn.

I mary , Madā , a timely consideration , for our Hostes ( prophane woman ) has sworne by bread , & salt , she will not trust vs another meale .

Gyr.

Let it stinke in her hand then : I le not be beholding to her . Let me see , my Iewels begone , & my Gownes , & my red veluet Petticote , that I was maried in , & my wedding silke stockings , & al thy best apparel , poore Syn . Good faith , rather them thou shouldest pawne a ragge more , I l'd lay my Ladiship in lauender , if I knew where .

Syn.

Alas , Madam , your Ladiship ?

Gir.

I , why ? you do not scorne my Ladiship , though it is in a Wastcoate ? Gods my life , you are a Peate indeed ! do I offer to morgage my Ladiship , for you , and for your auaile , and do you turne the Lip , and the Alas to my Ladiship ?

Syn.

No Madam , but I make question , who will lend any thing vpon it ?

Gyr.

Who ? marry inow , I warrant you , if you 'le seeke 'hem out . I 'm sure I remember the time , when I would ha' giuen a thousand pound , ( if I had had it ) to haue bin a Ladie ; and I hope I was not bred and borne with that appetite alone : some other gentle-borne o' the Citie , haue the same longing I trust . And for my part , I would afford 'hem a peny'rth , my Ladiship is little the worse , for the wearing , and yet I would bate a good deale of the summe . I would lend it ( let me see ) for 40 li. in hand , Syn , that would apparrell vs ; and ten pound a yeare : that would keepe me , and you , Syn , ( with our needles ) and wee should neuer need to be beholding to our sciruy Parents ? Good Lord , that there are no Fayries now adayes , Syn .

Syn.

Why Madame ?

Gyr.

To doe Miracles , and bring Ladyes money . Sure , if we lay in a cleanly house , they would haunt it , Synne ? I le trie . I le sweepe the Chamber soone at night , & set a dish of water o' the Hearth . A Fayrie may come , and bring a Pearle , or a Diamonde Wee do not know Syn ? Or , there may be a pot of Gold hid o' the backe-side , if we had tooles to digge for 't ? why may not wee two rise earely i' the morning ( Syn ) afore any body is vp , and find a Iewell , i' the streets , worth a 100. li. ? May not some great Court-Lady , as she comes from Reuels at midnight , looke out of her Coach , as 't is running , and loose such a Iewell , and wee finde it ? Ha ?

Syn.

They are prettie waking dreames ; these .

Gyr.

Or may not some olde Vsurer bee drunke ouer-night , with a Bagge of money , and leaue it behinde him on a Stall ? for God-sake , Syn , let 's rise to morrow by breake of day , and see . I protest law , If I had as much money as an Alderman , I would scatter some on 't , i' th' streetes for poore Ladyes to finde , when their Knights were layd vp . And , nowe I remember my Song o' the Golden showre , why may not I haue such a fortune ?

I le sing it , and try what luck I shall haue after it .

Fond Fables tell of olde , How loue in Danaes lappe Fell in a showre of Gold , By which shee caught a clappe ; O , had it beene my hap , ( How ere the blow doth threaten ) So well I like the play , That I could wish all day And night to be so beaten . Enter Mistris Touchstone .

O , heer 's my Mother ! good lucke , I hope . Ha' you brought any money , Mother ? Pray you Mother , your Blessing . Nay , sweet Mother , doe not weepe .

Mistris Touch.

God blesse you ; I would I were in my Graue .

Gyr.

Nay , deare Mother , can you steale no more money from my father ? dry your eyes , & comfort me . Alas , it is my Knights fault , and not mine , that I am in a Wast-coate , and attyred thus simply .

Mistris Touch.

Simply ? T is better then thou deseru'st . Neuer whimper for the matter . Thou shouldst haue look'd , before thou hadst leap't . Thou wert a fire to be a Lady , and now your Ladishippe and you may both blowe at the Cole , for ought I know . Selfe doe , selfe haue . The hastie person neuer wants woe , they say .

Gyr.

Nay then Mother , you should ha look'd to it ; A bodie would thinke you were the older : I did but my kinde , l. He was a Knight , and I was fit to be a Lady . T is not lacke of liking , but lacke of liuing , that seuers vs . And you talke like your selfe and a Cittiner in this , yfaith . You shew what Husband you come on Iwys . You smell the Touch-stone . He that will doe more for his daughter , that he has marryed a sciruie Gold-end man , and his Prentise , then he will for his t'other Daughter , that has wedded a Knight , and his Customer . By this light , I thinke hee is not my legittimate Father .

Syn.

O good Madam , doe not take vp your mother so .

Mistris . Touch.

Nay , nay , let her cene alone . Let her Ladishippe grieue me still , with her bitter taunts and termes . I haue not dole inough to see her in this miserable case , l ? without her Veluet gownes , without Ribbands , without Iewels , without French-wires , or Cheat bread , or Quailes , or a little Dog , or a Genttleman Vsher , or any thing indeed , that 's fit for a Lady . —

Syn.

Except her tongue .

Mistris Touch.

And I not able to releiue her neither , being kept so short , by my husband . Well , God knowes my heart . I did little thinke , that euer shee should haue had need of her sister Golding .

Gyr.

Why Mother , I ha not yet . Alas , good Mother , bee not intoxicate for mee , I am well inough . I would not change husbands with my Sister , I . The legge of a Larke is better then the body of a Kight .

Mistris Touch.

I know that . But —

Gyr.

What sweete Mother , What ?

Mistris Touchstone .

It 's but ill food , when nothing's left but the Claw .

Gyr.

That 's true Mother ; Aye me .

Mistris Touchstone .

Nay , sweete Lady-bird , sigh not . Child , Madame . Why doe you weepe thus ? Bee of good cheere . I shall die , if you crye , and marre your complexion , thus ?

Gyr.

Alas Mother , what should I doe ,

Mistris Touch.

Goe to thy Sister's Childe , Shee 'le be proude , thy Lady-ship will come vnder her roofe . Shee 'le winne thy Father to release thy Knight , and redeeme thy Gownes , and thy Coach , and thy Horses , and set thee vp againe .

Gyr.

But will shee get him to set my Knight vp , too ?

Mistris Touchstone .

That shee will , or any thing else thou 'lt aske her .

Gyr.

I will begin to loue her , if I thought she would doe this .

Mistris . Touch.

Try her good Chucke , I warrant thee .

Gyr.

Doost thou thinke shee 'le doo 't ?

Syn.

I Madame , and be glad you will receiue it .

Mistris . Touch.

That 's a good Mayden , shee tells you trew . Come , I le take order for your debts i the Ale-house .

Gyr.

Goe , Syn , and pray for thy Franck , as I will , for my Pet.

Enter Touchstone , Goulding , Woolfe . Touch.

I will receiue no Letters , M Woolf , you shal pardon me .

Gould .

Good Father let me entreat you .

Touch.

Sonne Goulding , I will not be tempted , I finde mine owne easie nature , and I know not what a well-pend subtile Letter may worke vpon it : There may be Tricks , Packing , doe you see ? Returne with your Packet , Sir .

Woolfe .

Beleeue it Sir , you need feare no packing here . These are but Letters of Submission , all .

Touch.

Sir , I doe looke for no Submission . I will beare my selfe in this like Blinde Iustice , Worke vpon that now . When the Sessions come , they shall heare from me .

Gould .

From whom come your Letters , M. Woolfe ?

Woolfe .

And 't please you Sir . One from Sir Petronell . Another from Francis Quickesiluer . And a third , from old Securitie , who is almost madde in Prison . There are two , to your worship : One from M. Francis , Sir . Another from the Knight .

Touch.

I doe wonder , M. Woolfe , why you should trauaile thus , in a businesse so contrarie to kinde , or the nature o' your Place ! that you beeing the Keeper of a Prison , should labour the release of your Prisoners ! Whereas mee thinkes , it were farre more Naturall , & Kindely in you , to be ranging about for more , & not let these scape you haue alreadie vnder the Tooth . But they say , you Wolues , when you ha' suck't the blood once , that they are drie , you ha' done .

Woolfe .

Sir , your Worship may descant as you please o' my name , but I protest , I was neuer so mortified with any mens discourse , or behauiour in Prison ; yet I haue had of all sorts of men i' the Kingdome , vnder my Keyes , & almost of all Religions i' the land , as Papist , Protestant , Puritane , Brownist , Anabaptist , Millenary , Family o' Loue , Iewe , Turke , Infidell , Atheist , Good Fellow , &c.

Gould .

And which of all these ( thinkes M. Woolfe ) was the best Religion ?

Woolfe .

Troth , M. Deputie , they that pay Fees best : we neuer examine their consciences farder .

Gould .

I beleeue you M. Woolfe . Good faith , Sir , Here 's a great deale of humilitie i' these Letters .

Woolfe .

Humilitie , Sir ? I , were your Worshippe an Eye-witnesse of it , you would say so . The Knight will i' the Knights-Ward , doe what wee can Sir , and Maister Quickesiluer , would be i' the Hole , if we would let him . I neuer knew , or saw Prisoners more penitent , or more deuout . They will sit you vp all night singing of Psalmes , and aedifying the whole Prison onely , Securitie sings a note to high , sometimes , because he lyes i' the Two-penny ward . farre of , and can not take his tune . The Neighbours can not rest for him , but come euery Morning to aske , what godly Prisoners we haue .

Touch.

Which on 'hem is 't is so deuout , the Knight , or the to'ther ?

Woolfe .

Both Sir . But the young Man especially ! I neuer heard his like ! He has cut his hayre too . He is so well giuen , and has such good gifts ! Hee can tell you , almost all the Stories of the Booke of Martyrs , and speake you all the Sicke-mans Salue without Booke .

Touch

I , if he had had grace , he was brought vp where it grew , I wis . On Maister Wolfe .

Wolfe .

And he has conuerted one Fangs a Sarieant , a fellow could neither write , nor read , he was call'd the Bandog o' the Counter : and he has brought him already to pare his nailes , and say his prayers , and 't is hop'd , he will sell his place shortly , and become an Intelligencer .

Touch.

No more , I am comming all ready . If I should giue any farder eare , I were taken . Adue good Maister Wolfe . Sonne , I doe feele mine owne weaknesses , do not importune me . Pity is a Rheume , that I am subiect too , but I will resist it . Maister Wolfe , Fish is cast away , that is cast in drye Pooles : Tell Hipocrisie , it will not do , I haue touchd , and tried too often ; I am yet proofe , and I will remaine so : when the Sessions come , they shall heare from me . In the meane time , to all suites , to all intreaties , to all letters , to all trickes , I will be deafe as an Adder , and blind as a Beetle , lay mine care to the ground , and lock mine eyes i' my hand , against all temptations . Exit .

Gold .

You see , maister Wolfe , how inexorable he is . There is no hope to recouer him Pray you commend me to my brother Knight , and to my fellow Francis , present 'hem with this small token of my loue ; tell 'hem , I wish I could do 'hem any worthier office , but in this , 't is desperate : yet I will not faile to trie the vttermost of my power for 'hem . And sir , as farre as I haue any credit with you pray you let 'hem want nothing : though I am not ambitious , they should know so much .

Wolse.

Sir , both your actions , and words speake you to be a true Gentleman . They shall know onely what is fit , and no more . Exeunt .

Holdfast . Bramble . Security . Hold.

Who would you speake with , Sir ?

Brā.

I would speake with one Securitie , that is prisoner here .

Hold.

You' are welcome Sir . Stay there i le call him to you . Maister Securitie .

Secu.

Who call's ?

Hold.

Here 's a Gentleman would speake with you .

Secu.

What is he ? Is 't one that grafts my forehead now I am in prison , and comes to see how the Hornes shoote vp , and prosper .

Hold.

You must pardon him Sir : The old man is a little craz'd with his imprisonment .

Secu.

What say you to me , Sir ? Looke you here . My learned Counsaile , M. Bramble ! Crye you mercie , Sir : when sawe you my wife ?

Bram.

Shee is now at my house , Sir , and desir'd mee that I would come to Visite you and inquire of you your Case , that we might worke some meanes to get you foorth .

Secur.

My Case , M. Bramble , is stone walles , and yron grates ; you see it , this is the weakest part on 't . And , for getting me forth , no meanes but hang my selfe , and so to be carryed foorth , from which they haue here bound me , in intollerable bands .

Bram.

Why but what is 't you are in for , Sir ?

Secu.

For my Sinnes , for my Sinnes Sir , whereof Mariage , is the greatest . O , had I neuer marryed , I had neuer knowne this Purgatorie , to which Hell is a kinde of coole Bathe in respect : My wiues confederacie Sir , with olde Touchstone , that shee might keepe her Iubilaee , and the Feast of her New-Moone . Doe you vnderstand me Sir ? Enter Quickesiluer .

Quick .

Good Sir , goe in and talke with him . The Light dos him harme , and his example will bee hurtfull to the weake Prisoneis . Fit , Father Securitie , that you 'le bee still so prophane , will nothing humble you ? Enter two Prisoners , with a Friend .

Friend .

What 's he ?

Pri. 1.

O hee is a rare yong man . Doe you not know him ?

Frien.

Not I . I neuer saw him . I can remember .

Pri. 2.

Why , it is he that was the gallant Prentise of London , M. Touchstones man .

Frien.

Who Quickesiluer ?

Pri. 1.

I , this is hee .

Frien.

Is this hee ? They say , he has beene a Gallant indeede .

Pris.

O , the royall est fellow , that euer was bred vp i' the Citie . He would play you his thousand pound , a night at Dice ; keepe Knights and Lords Companie ; go with them to baudie houses ; had his fixe men in a Liuerie ; kept a stable of Hunting horses ; and his Wench in her veluet Gowne , and her Cloth of siluer . Here s one Knight with him here in Prison .

Frien.

And how miserably he is chaung'd !

Pris. 1.

O , that 's voluntary in him ; he gaue away all his rich clothes , assoone as euer hee came in here , among the Prisoners : and will eate o' the Basket , for humilitie .

Friend .

Why will he doe so ?

Pris. 2.

Alas hee has no hope of life . Hee mortifies himselfe . He dos but linger on , till the Sessions .

Pris. 2.

O , he has pen'd the best thing , that hee calles his Repentance , or his Last Fare-well , that euer you heard : Hee is a pretie Poet , and for Prose — You would wonder how many Prisoners he has help't out , with penning Petitions for 'hem , and not take a penny . Looke , this is the Knight , in the rugge Gowne . Standby .

Enter Petronel , Bramble , Quickesiluer , Woolfe . Bram.

Sir , for Securities Case , I haue told him ; Say he should be condemned to be carted , or whipt , for a Bawde , or so , why I le lay an Execution on him o' two hundred pound , let him acknowledge a Iudgement , he shal do it in halfe an howre , they shal not all fetch him out , without paying the Execution , o' my word .

Pet.

But can we not be bay'ld M. Bramble ?

Bram.

Hardly , there are none of the Iudges in Towne , else you should remoue your selfe ( in spight of him ) with a Habeas Corpus : But if you haue a Friend to deliuer your tale sensibly to some Iustice o' the Towne , that hee may haue feeling of it , ( doe you see ) you may be bayl'd . For as I vnderstand the Case , t is onely done , In Terrorem , and you shall haue an Action of false Imprisonment against him , when you come out : and perhaps a thousand pound Costes . Enter M. Woolfe .

Quick .

How now , M , Woolfe ? What newes ? what returne ?

Woolfe .

Faith , bad all : yonder will bee no Letters receiued . He sayes the Sessions shall determine it . Onely , M. Deputie Golding commends him to you , and with this token , wishes he could doe you other good .

Quick .

I thanke him . Good M. Bramble , trouble our quiet no more ; doe not molest vs in Prison thus , with your winding deuises : Pray you depart . For my part , I commit my cause to him that can succour mee , let God worke his will . M. Woolfe , I pray you let this be distributed , among the Prisoners , and desire 'hem to pray for vs .

Woolfe .

It shall bee done , M. Francis .

Pris. 1.

An excellent temper !

Pris. 2.

Nowe God send him good-lucke . Exeunt .

Pet.

But what said my Father in Lawe , M. Woolfe ?

Enter Hold . Hold.

Here 's one would speake with you , Sir .

Woolfe .

I le tell you anon Sir Petronell . who is 't ?

Hold.

A Gentleman , Sir , that will not be seene . Enter Gold .

Woolfe .

Where is he ? M. Deputie ! your wor: is wel-come . —

Gold .

Peace !

Woolfe .

Away , Srah .

Gold .

Good faith , M. Woolfe , the estate of these Gentlemen , for whome you were so late and willing a Sutor , doth much affect mee : and because I am desirous to doe them some faire office , and find there is no meanes to make my Father relent , so likely , as to bring him to be a Spectator of their Miseries ; I haue ventur'd on a deuice , which is , to make make my selfe your Prisoner : entreating , you will presently goe report it to my Father , and ( fayning , an Action , at sute of some third person ) pray him by this Token , that he will presently , and with all secrecie , come hether for my Bayle ; which trayne , ( if any ) I know will bring him abroad ; and then , hauing him here , I doubt not but we shall be all fortunate , in the Euent .

Woolf.

Sir , I wil put on my best speede , to effect it . Please you come in .

Gold .

Yes ; And let me rest conceal'd , I pray you .

Woolfe .

See , here a Benefit , truely done ; when it is done timely , freely , and to no Ambition . Exit .

Enter Touchstone , Wife , Daughters , Syn , Winyfred . Touch-stone .

I will sayle by you , and not heare you , like the wise Vlisses .

Mild.

Deare Father .

Mistris Touch.

Husband .

Gyr.

Father .

Win. & Syn.

M. Touchstone .

Touc.

away syrens , I will inmure my selfe , against your cryes ; and locke my selfe vpto our Lamentations .

Mistris Touch.

Gentle Husband , heare me .

Gyr.

Father , It is I Father ; my Lady Flash : my sister and I am Friends .

Mil.

Good Father .

Wyn.

Be not hardned , good M. Touchstone .

Syn.

I pray you , Sir , be mercifull .

Touch.

I am dease , I doe not heare you ; I haue stopt mine eares , with Shoomakers waxe , and drunke Lethe , and Mandragora to forget you : All you speake to mee , I commit to the Ayre . Enter Woolfe .

Mil.

How now , M. Woolfe ?

Woolfe .

Where 's M. Touchstone ? I must speake with him presently : I haue lost my breath for hast .

Mild.

What 's the matter Sir ? pray all be well .

Wolfe .

Maister Deputy Goulding is arrested vpon an execution , and desires him presently to come to him , forthwith .

Mild.

Aye me ; doe you heare Father ?

Touch.

Tricks , tricks , confederacie , tricks , I haue 'hem in my nose , I sent 'hem .

Wol.

Who 's that ? maister Touchstone ?

Mi. Tou.

Why it is M. Wolfe himselfe , husband .

Mil.

Father .

Touch.

I am dease still , I say : I will neither yeeld to the song of the Syren , nor the voice of the Hyena , the teares of the Crocodile , nor the howling o' the Wolfe : auoid my habitatio mōsters ,

Wolfe .

Why you are not mad Sir ? I pray you looke forth , and see the token I haue brought you , Sir .

Touch.

Ha! what token is it ?

Wolf .

Do you know it Sir ?

Tou.

My sonne Gouldings ring ! Are you in earnest Mai. Wolfe ?

Wolf .

I by my faith sir . He is in prison , and requir'd me to vse all speed , and secrecie to you .

Touch.

My Cloake there ( pray you be patient ) I am plagu'd for my Austeritie ; my Cloake : at whose suite maister Wolfe ?

Wolfe .

I le tell you as we goe sir . Exeunt .

Enter Friend . Prisoners . Frie.

Why , but is his offence such as he cannot hope of life ?

Pri. 1.

Troth it should seeme so : and 't is great pity ; for he is exceeding penitent .

Fri.

They say he is charg'd but on suspicion of Felony , yet .

Pri. 2.

I but his maister is a shrewd fellow , Hee le proue great matter against him .

Fri.

I 'de as liue as any thing , I could see his Farewell .

Pri. 1.

O t is rarely written : why Tobis may get him to sing it to you , hee 's not curious to any body .

Pri. 1.

O no . He would that all the world should take knowledge of his Repentance , and thinkes he merits in 't , the more shame he suffers .

Pri. 1.

Pray thee try , what thou canst doe .

Pri. 2.

I warrant you , he will not deny it ; if he be not hoarce with the often repeating of it . Exit .

Pri. 1.

You neuer saw a more courteous creature , then he is ; and the Knight too : the poorest Prisoner of the house may command 'hem . You shall heare a thing , admirably pend .

Fri.

Is the Knight any , Scholler too ?

Pris. 1.

No , but he will speake verie well , and discourse admirably of running Horses , and White-Friers , and against Baudes ; and of Cocks ; and talke as loude as a Hunter , but is none .

Enter Wolfe and Touchstone . Wolf .

Please you stay here sir , i le cal his worship downe to you .

Pris. 1.

See , he has brought him , and the Knight too . Salute him I pray , Sir , this Gentleman , vpon our report , is very desirous to heare some piece of your Repentance . Enter Quick . Pet. &c.

Quic.

Sir , with all my heart , & as I told M. Tobie , I shall be glad to haue any man a witnesse of it . And the more openly I prosesse it , I hope it will appeare the hartier and the more vnfained .

Touch.

Who is this ? my man Francis ? and my sonne in Lawe ?

Quick .

Sir , it is all the Testmonie I shall leaue behind me to the World , and my Master , that I haue so offended .

Friend .

Good Sir

Qui.

I writ it , when my spirits were opprest .

Pet.

I , I le be sworne for you Francis .

Quick .

It is in imitation of Maningtons ; he that was hangd at Cambridge , that cut of the Horses head at a blow .

Frie.

So sir .

Quick .

To the tune of I waile in woe , I plunge in paine .

Pet.

An excellent Ditty it is , and worthy of a new tune .

Qui. In Cheapside famous for Gold & Plate , Quicksiluer I did dwel of late : I had a Master good , and kind , That would haue wrought me to his mind . He bad me still , Worke vpon that , But alas I wrought I knew not what . He was a Touchstone black , but true : And told me still , what would ensue , Yet , woe is me , I would not learne , I saw , alas , but could not discerne . Frien.

Excellent , excellent well .

Gould .

O let him alone , Hee is taken already .

Quic. I cast my Coat , and Cap away , I went in silkci , and saitens gay , False Mettall of good manners , I Did dayly coint valawsully . I scornd my Master , being drunke . I kept my Golding , and my Punke , And with a knight , sir Flash , by name , ( Who now is sory for the same ) Pet.

I thanke you Francis .

I thought by sea to runne , But Thames , and Tempest did me stay .

Touch.

This cannot be fained sure . Heauen pardon my seucrity . The Ragged Colt , may prooue a good Horse .

Gould .

How he listens ! and is transported ? He has forgot me .

Quic. Still Eastward hoe was all my word : But Westward I had no regard . Nor neuer thought , what would coine after As did alas his youngest Daughter , At last the black Oxe trode o' my foote , And I saw then what longd vntoo 't , Now try I , Touchstone , touch me stil , And make me currant by thy skill . Touch.

And I will do it , Francis .

Wolfe .

Stay him M. Deputie , now is the time , we shall loose the song else .

Frie.

I protest it is the best that euer I heard .

Quick .

How like you it Gentlemen ?

All .

O admirable , sir !

Quic.

This Stanze now following , alludes to the story of Mannington from whence I tooke my proiect for my inuention .

Frin.

Pray you goe on sir .

Quic. O Manington thy stories shew , Thou cutst a Horse-head off at a blow But I confesse , I haue not the force For to cut off the head of a horse , Yet I desire this grace to winne , That I may cut off the Horse-head of Sin . And leaue his body in the dust Of sinnes high way and bogges of Lust , Wherby I may take Vertues purse , And liue with her for better , for worse . Frin.

Admirable sir , & excellently conceited .

Quic.

Alas sir .

Touch.

Sonne Goulding & M. Wolfe , I thank you : the deceipt is welcome , especially from thee whose charitable soule in this hath shewne a high point of wisedome and honesty . Listen . I am rauished with his Repentance , and could stand here a whole prentiship to heare him ,

Frien.

Forth good sir .

Quick .

This is the last , and the Farewell .

Farewel Cheapside , farewell sweet trade Of Goldsmithes all , that neuer shall fade Farewell deare fellow Prentises all And be you warned by my sall : Shun Vsurers , Bauds , and dice , and drabs . Auoide them as you would French scabs Seeke not to goe beyond your Tether , But cut your Thongs vnto your Lether So shall you thriue by little and little , Scape Tiborne , Coūters , & the Spitle Touch.

And scape them shalt thou my penitent , & deare Frances .

Quick .

Master !

Pet.

Father !

Touch.

I can no longer forbeare to doe your humility right : Arise , and let me honour your Repentance , with the hearty and ioyfull embraces , of a Father , and Friends loue . Quicksiluer , thou hast eate into my breast , Quicksiluer , with the dropps of thy sorrow , and kild the desperate opinion I had of thy reclaime :

Quick .

O sir , I am not worthy to see your worshipfull face .

Pet.

Forgiue me Father .

Touch.

Speake no more , all former passages , are forgotten , and here my word shall release you . Thanke this worthy Brother & kind friend , Francis . — M. Wolfe . I am their Bayle ;

A shoute in the Prison . Secu.

Maister Touchstone ? Maister Touchstone ?

Touch.

Who 's that ?

Wolfe .

Securitie , Sir .

Secu.

Pray you Sir , if you le be wonne with a Song , heare my lamentable tune , too :

SONG . O Maister Touchstone , My heart is full of woe ; Alasse , I am a Cuckold : And , why should it be so ? Because I was a Usurer , And Bawd , as all you know , For which , againe I tell you , My heart is full of wot . Touch.

Bring him forth , Maister Wolfe , and release his bands . This day shal be sacred to Mercy , & the mirth of this Encounter , in the Counter . — See , we are encountred with more Suters .

Enter Mist. Touchst. Gyr. Mil. Synd. Winnif . &c.

Saue your Breath , saue your Breath ; All things haue succeeded to your wishes : & we are heartely satisfied in their euents .

Gyr.

Ah Runaway , Runaway ! haue I caught you ? And , how has my poore Knight done all this while ?

Pet.

Deare Lady-wife ; forgiue me .

Gert.

As heartely , as I would be forgiuen , Knight . Deare Father , giue me your blessing , and forgiue me too ; I ha' bene proud , and lasciuious , Father ; and a Foole , Father ; and being raisd to the state of a wanton coy thing , calld a Lady , Father ; haue scorn'd you , Father ; and my Sister ; & my Sisters Veluet Cap , too ; and would make a mouth at the Citty , as I ridde through it ; and stop mine eares at Bow-bell : I haue said your Beard was a Base one , Father ; and that you look'd like Twierpipe , the Taberer ; and that my Mother was but my Midwife .

Mi. Tou.

Now God forgi' you , Child Madame .

Touch.

No more Repetitions . What is else wanting , to make our Harmony full ?

Gould

Only this , sir . That my fellow Francis make amends to mistresse Sindefie , with mariage .

Quic.

With all my heart .

Gould .

And Security giue her a dower , which shall be all the restitution he shall make of that huge masse , he hath so vnlawfully gotten .

Touch.

Excellently deuisd ! a good motion . What sayes Maister Securitie ?

Secu.

I say any thing sir , what you 'll ha me say . Would I were no Cuckold .

Wini.

Cuckold , husband ? why , I thinke this wearing of Yellow has infected you .

Touch.

Why , Maister Securitie , that should rather be a comfort to you , then a corasiue . If you be a Cuckold , it 's an argument you haue a beautiful woman to your wife ; then you shall be much made of ; you shall haue store of friends ; neuer want mony ; you shall be easd of much o' your wedlock paine ; others will take it for you : Besides , you being a Vsurer , ( and likely to goe to Hell ) The Deuills will neuer torment you : They 'll take you , for one o their owne Race . Againe , if you be a Cuckold , and know it not , you are an Innocent ; if you know it , and endure it , a true Martyr .

Secur.

I am resolu'd sir . Come hether Winny .

Touch.

Well then , all are pleasd ; or shall be anone , Maister Wolfe : you looke hungry , me thinkes . Haue you no apparrell to lend Frauncis to shift him ?

Quic.

No sir , not I desire none ; but here make it my sute , that I may goe home , through the streetes , in these , as a Spectacle , or rather an Example , to the Children of Cheapeside .

Touch. Thou hast thy wish . Now London , looke about , And in this morrall , see thy Glasse runne out : Behold the carefull Father ; thrifty Sonne , The solemne deedes , which each of vs haue done , The Vsurer punisht , and from Fall so steepe The Prodigall child reclaimd , and the lost Sheepe . Exeunt .

EPILOGVS .

STay Sir , I perceiue the multitude are gatherd together , to veiw our comming out at the Counter . See , if the streets and the Fronts of the Houses , be not stucke with People , and the Windowes fild with Ladies , as on the solemne day of the Pageant !

O may you find in this our Pageant , here , The same contentment , which you came to seeke ; And as that Shew but drawes you once a yeare , May this attract you , hether , once a weeke . FINIS .