May Day

MAY-DAY .

Actus prima ,

Scaena prima . Chorus Iuuenum cantantes & saltantes . Exeunt saltan . Interim , Intrat Lorenzo , Papers in his hand . Lor.

WEll done my lusty bloods , Well done . Fit , fit obseruance for this May-morning ; Not the May-Moneth alone , they take when it comes ; Nor the first weeke of that Moneth ; Nor the first day ; but the first minute of the first houre , of the first day . Loose no time bloods , loose no time ; though the Sunne goe to bedde neuer so much before you , yet be you vp before him ; call the golden sluggard from the siluer armes of his Lady , to light you into yours , when your old father Ianuary here in one of his last dayes , thrusts his fore-head into the depth of Mayes fragrant bosome : What may you Aprilles performe then ? O what may you doe ? Well yet will I say thus much for my selfe , wheresoeuer the affections of youth are , there must needs be the instruments , and where the instruments are , there must of necessity be the faculties ; What am I short of them then ? A sound old man , ably constituted , holsomly dyeted , that tooke his May temperately at their ages , and continued his owne ; why should he not continue their ages in his owne ? By the Masse I feele nothing that stands against it , and therefore sweet May I salute thee with the yongest : I haue loue to employ thee in , as well as the prowdest yong princock , and so haue at you Mistris Frances China : haue at you Mistris Franke : I 'le sprede my nets for you yfaith , though they be my very purse nets , wherein what heart will not willingly lye panting ? ( Enter Angelo . )

Ang.

How now ? Gods my life , I wonder what made this May-morning so cold , and now I see 't is this Ianuary that intrudes into it ; what paper is that he holds in hand trow we ?

Lor.

Here haue I put her face in rime , but I feare my old vaine will not stretch to her contentment . O haire , no haire but beames stolne from the Sunne .

Ang.

Out vpon her , if it be shee that I thinke , shee has a Fox red cranion ;

Lor.

A fore-head that disdaines the name of faire .

Ang.

And reason , for 't is a folwe one .

Lor.

A matchlesse eye .

Ang.

True , her eyes be not matches .

Lor.

A cheeke , vermillion red .

Ang.

Painted I warrant you .

Lor.

A farre commanding mouth .

Ang.

It stretches to her eares in deede .

Lor.

A nose made out of waxe .

Ang.

A red nose , in sincerity .

Lor.

This could I send , but person , person does it : A good presence , to beare out a good wit ; a good face , a prety Court legge , and a deft dapper personage , no superfluous dimensions , but fluent in competence ; for it is not Hector but Paris , not the full armefull , but the sweet handfull that Ladies delight in .

Ang.

O notable old whyniard .

Lor.

Such a size of humanity now , and braine enough in it , it is not in the strength of a woman to withstand ; well shee may hold out a parlee or two , for 't is a weake fort that obeyes at the first or second summons , if shee resist the third shee is discharg'd , though shee yeeld in future : for then it appeares it was no fault of hers : but the man that would take no deniall . What rests now ? meanes for accesse : True . O an honest Baude were worth gold now .

Ang.

A plague vpon him , I had thought to haue appear'd to him , but now if I doe , he will take me for the man he talks on : I will therefore post by his dull eye-sight , as in hast of businesse .

Lor.

What Signior Angelo ? soft I command you .

Ang.

Gods precious , what meane you Sir ?

Lor.

I would be loth to be out-runne I assure you Sir : was I able to stay you ?

Ang.

Your ability stood too stiffe Sir , beshrow me else .

Lor.

O most offencelesse fault , I would thou would'st blaze my imperfection to one thou know'st , yfaith .

Ang.

Well Sir another time , tell me where shee is , and I le doe so much for you gratis . Good morrow Sir .

Lor.

Nay stay good Angelo .

Ang.

My businesse sayes nay Sir , you haue made me stay to my paine Sir , I thanke you .

Lor.

Not a whit man I warrant thee .

Ang.

Goe to then , briefly , to whom shall I commend your imperfections , will you tell me if I name her ?

Lor.

That I will , yfaith Boy .

Ang.

Is not her haire , no haire , but beames stolne from the Sunne ?

Lor.

Blacke , blacke as an Ouzell .

Ang.

A fore-head that disdaines the name of faire .

Lor.

Away Witch , away :

Ang.

A matchlesse eye .

Lor.

Nay fie , fie , fie . I see th' art a very Deuill Angelo . And in earnest , I iested , when I said my desire of thy friendship touch'd my selfe , for it concernes a friend of mine iust of my standing .

Ang.

To whom then would he be remembred that I can sollicite ?

Lor.

To sweet Mistris Franciscina : with whom I heare thou art ready to lye downe , thou art so great with her .

Ang.

I am as great as a neare Kinseman may be with her Sir , not otherwise :

Lor.

A good consanguinity : and good Angelo , to her with thou deliuer from my friend , in all secrecy , these poore brace of bracelets ?

Ang.

Perhaps I will Sir , when I know what the Gentleman and his intent is .

Lor.

Neuer examine that man ; I would not trouble you with carrying too much at once to her , only tell her , such a man will resolue her , naming me : and I doe not greatly care , if I take the paines to come to her , so I stay not long , and be let in priuily : and so without making many wordes : here they be , put them vp closely I beseech thee , and deliuer them as closely .

Ang.

Well Sir , I loue no contention with friends , and therefore pocket many things , that otherwise I would not : but I pray Sir licence me a question . Doe not I know this Gentleman that offers my Cozen this kindnesse ?

Lor.

Neuer saw'st him in thy life , at least neuer knew'st him ; but for his bounty sake to all his well willers , if this message be friendly discharged , I may chance put a deare friend of him into your bosome : Sir , and make you profitably acquainted .

Ang.

But I pray you Sir , is he not a well elderly Gentleman ?

Lor.

Wide , wide ; as yong as day , I protest to thee .

Ang.

I know he is yong too , but that is in ability of body , but is he not a prety little squat Gentleman , as you shall see amongst a thousand ?

Lor.

Still from the cushion , still , tall and high , like a Cedar .

Ang.

I know he is tall also , but it is in his minde Sir , and it is not Hector but Paris , not thy full armefull , but the sweet handfull that a Lady delights to dandle .

Lor.

Now the good Deuill take thee , if there be any such in hell , hell I beseech thee .

Ang.

Well , well Signior Lorenzo , yfaith the litle Squire is thought to be as parlesse a peece of flesh , for a peece of flesh , as any hunts the hole pale of Venus I protest t' ee .

Lor.

I cannot containe my selfe , yfaith Boy , if the Wenches come in my walke , I giue 'em that they come for , I dally not with hem .

Ang.

I know you doe not Sir , his dallying dayes be done .

Lor.

It is my infirmity , and I cannot doe withall , to die for 't .

Ang.

I beleeue you Sir .

Lor.

There are certaine enuious old fellowes , my neighbours , that say , I am one vnwieldly and stiffe : Angelo , didst euer heare any wench complaine of my stiffenesse ?

Ang.

Neuer in my life : your old neighbours measure you by themselues .

Lor.

Why ther 's the matter then ?

Ang.

But yfaith Sir : doe you euer hope to winne your purpose at my losing hands , knowing her ( as all the world does ) a woman of that approued lowlynesse of life , and so generally tryed ?

Lor.

As for that take thou no care , shee 's a woman , is shee not ?

Ang.

Sure I doe take her to haue the flesh and blood of a woman .

Lor.

Then good enough , or then bad enough , this token shall be my Gentleman Vsher to prepare my accesse , and then let me alone with her .

Ang.

I marry Sir , I thinke you would be alone with her ; Well Sir , I will doe my best , but if your Gentleman Vsher should not get entrance for you now , it would be a griefe to me . ( Enter Gasparo an old Clowne . )

Lor.

Feare it not man : Gifts and gold , take the strong'st hold ; Away , here comes a snudge that must be my sonne in law : I would be loth he should suspect these tricks of youth in me , for feare he feare my daughter will trot after me .

Ang.

Fare you well Sir . Exit .

Gasp.

Godge you God morrow Sir , godge you God morrow .

Lor.

God morrow neighbour Gasparo : I haue talk't with my daughter , whom I doe yet finde a greene yong plant , and therefore vnapt to beare such ripe fruit , I thinke I might haue said rotten , as your selfe : But shee is at my disposition , and shall be at yours in the end , here 's my hand , and with my hand take hers .

Gasp.

Nay by my faith Sir , you must giue me leaue to shake her portion by the hand first .

Lor.

It is ready told for you Sir , come home when you will and receiue it , ( Enter Aemilia . ) and see , yonder shee comes ; away , shee cannot yet abide you , because shee feares shee can abide you too well .

Gasp.

Well , I will come for her potion Sir , and till then , God take you to his mercy . Exit .

Lor.

Adiew my good sonne in law , I le not interrupt her , let her meditate a my late motion . Exit .

Aemi. 'T is strange to see the impiety of parents , Both priuiledgd by custome , and profest , The holy institution of heauen ; Ordeyning marriage for proportiond minds , For our chiefe humane comforts ; and t' encrease The loued images of God in men : Is now peruerted to th' increase of wealth ; We must bring riches forth , and like the Cuckoe Hatch others egges ; Ioyne house to house , in choices Fit timber-logs and stones , not men and women : ( Enter Aurelio . ) Ay me , here 's one I must shunne , woude embrace . Exit . Aur.

O stay and heare me speake or see me dye . ( Enter Lodouico and Giacono . )

Lod.

How now ? what haue we here ? what a loathsome creature man is being drunke : Is it not pitty to see a man of good hope , a toward Scholler , writes a theame well , scannes a verse very well , and likely in time to make a proper man , a good legge , specially in a boote , valiant , well spoken , and in a word , what not ? and yet all this ouerthrowne as you see , drownd , quite drownd in a quarte pott .

Giac.

O these same wicked healths , breede monstrous diseases .

Lod.

Aurelio , speake man , Aurelio ?

Giac.

Pray heauen all be well .

Lod. O speake , if any sparke of speech remaine . It is thy deare Aemilia that calles . Aur.

Well , well , it becomes not a friend to touch the deadly wounds of his friend with a smiling countenance .

Lod.

Touch thee ? sblood I could finde in my heart to beate thee ; vp in a fooles name , vp : what a Scene of foppery haue we here ?

Aur.

Prethee haue done .

Lod.

Vp Cuckoe Cupids bird , or by this light I le fetch thy father to thee .

Aur.

Good Lodouico , if thou lou'st me , leaue me ; thou com'st to consaile me from that , which is ioynd with my soule in eternity : I must and will doe what I doe .

Lod.

Doe so then , and I protest thou shalt neuer licke thy lips after my Kinsewoman , while thou liu'st : I had thought to haue spoken for thee , if thou hadst taken a manly course with her : but to fold vp thy selfe like an Vrchine , and lye a caluing to bring forth a husband : I am asham'd to thinke on 't : sblood I haue heard of wenches that haue been wonne with singing and dancing , and some with riding , but neuer heard of any that was wonne with tumbling in my life .

Aur.

If thou knew'st how vaine thou seem'st .

Lod.

I doe it of purpose , to shew how vaine I hold thy disease , S'hart art thou the first that has shot at a wenches heart and mist it ? must that shot that mist her wound thee ? let her shake her heeles in a shrowes name : were shee my Cozen a thousand times , and if I were as thee , I would make her shake her heeles too , afore I would shake mine thus .

Aur.

O vanity , vanity .

Lod.

S'death , if any wench should offer to keepe possession of my heart against my will , I 'de fire her out with Sacke and Sugar , or smoke her out with Tobacko , like a hornet , or purge for her , for loue is but a humor : one way or other I would vent her , that s infallible .

Aur.

For shame hold thy tongue , me thinks thy wit should feele how stale are these loue stormes , and with what generall priuiledge loue pierses the worthiest . Seeke to help thy friend , not mocke him .

Lod.

Marry , seeke to helpe thy selfe then , in a halters name , doe not lie in a ditch , and say God helpe me , vse the lawfull tooles he hath lent thee . Vp I say I will bring thee to her .

Aur.

Shee 'll not endure me :

Lod.

Shee shall endure thee doe the worst thou canst to her , I and endure thee till thou canst not endure her ; But then thou must vse thy selfe like a man , and a wise man , how deepe soeuer shee is in thy thoughts , carry not the prints of it in thy lookes ; be bold and carelesse , and stand not sautring a farre of , as I haue seene you , like a Dogge in a firmetypot , that licks his chops and wags his taile , and faine would lay his lips to it , but he feares t is too hot for him : that s the only way to make her too hot for thee . He that holds religious and sacred thought of a woman , he that beares so reuerend a respect to her , that he will not touch her but with a kist hand and a timorous heart ; he that adores her like his Goddesse : Let him be sure shee will shunne him like her slaue . Alas good soules , women of themselues are tractable and tactable enough , and would returne Quid for Quod still , but we are they that spoile 'em , and we shall answere for 't another day . We are they that put a kind of wanton Melancholie into 'em , that makes 'em thinke their noses bigger then their faces , greater then the Sunne in brightnesse ; and where as Nature made 'em but halfe fooles , we make 'em all foole . And this is our palpable flattery of them , where they had rather haue plaine dealing Well , in conclusion , I le to her instantly , and if I doe not bring her to thee , or at the least some speciall fauour from her , as a feather from her fanne , or a string from her shoo , to weare in thy hat , and so forth , then neuer trust my skill in poultry whilst thou liu'st againe . Exit .

Enter Quintiliano , A purse of twenty pound in gold . Innocentio , Fransischina , Angelo , and Fannio . Fran.

THou shalt not to the warres , or if thou do'st I le beare thee company , deare Quint . doe not offer to forsake me .

Quint.

Hands off wife , hang not vpon me thus ; how can I maintaine thee but by vsing my valour ? and how can I vse that , but in action and employment ? goe in , play at cardes with your Cozen Angelo here , and let it suffise I loue thee .

Ang.

Come sweet Cozen , doe not cloy your husband with your loue so , especially to hinder his preferment ; who shall the Duke haue to employ in these Marshall necessities if not Captaine Quintiliano , he beares an honorable minde , and t is pitty but he should haue employment . Let him get a company now , and he will be able to maintaine you like a Duches hereafter .

Innoc.

Well said Signior Angelo , gossaue me you speake like a true Cozen indeede , does he not Quint ?

Quint.

He does so , and I thanke him ; yet see how the foole puts finger i th' eye still .

Ang.

I le cheere her vp , I warrant you Captaine ; come Cuze , le ts in to tables .

Innoc.

Farewell sweet Mistris .

Fran.

Farewell my good seruant .

Ang.

Now take away thy hand , and show thou didst laugh all this while ; good Lord who would not marry to haue so kinde a wife make much on him ? Exit .

Quint.

After Boy , giue your attendance .

Fann.

Could you not spare me money for mine hostesse , where you put me to boarde ? y' are a whole fortnight arrerages .

Quint.

Attend I say , the hostes of the Lyon has a legge like a Gyant , want for nothing Boy , so shee score truly .

Fann.

Faith Sir , shee has chaulk't vp twenty shillings already , and sweares shee will chaulke no more .

Quint.

Then let her choke , and choke thou with her : S'blood hobby horse , and she had chaulkt vp twenty pounds , I hope the world knowes I am able to pay it with a wet finger .

Fann.

Alas Sir , I thinke y' are able , but the world does not know it .

Quint.

Then the worlds an ignorant Sir , and you are an innocent , vanish Boy , away .

Fann.

I hope he will foist some money for my score , out of this gull here . Exit .

Innoc.

'T is a plaguy good wagge Quint . i st not ?

Quint.

I le make him a good one 'ere I ha done with him ; but this same louing foole my wife now , will neuer leaue weeping , till I make her beleeue I will not haue a company . Who would be combred with these soft hearted creatures , that are euer in extreames , either too kinde , or too vnkind ?

Innoc.

Saue me , 't is true , 't is a hard thing must please 'em in sadnesse .

Quint.

Damne me , if I doe not pitty her with my heart ; plague on her kindnesse , she has halfe perswaded me to take no company .

Innoc.

Nay sweet Quint : then how shall I be a Lieftenant ?

Quint.

Well , and my promise were not past to thee , I am a villaine if all the world should part Franke and me ; thinke I loue thee therefore , and will doe thee credit : It will cost me a great deale a this same foolish money to buy me drum and ensigne , and furnish me throughly , but the best is I know my credit .

Innoc.

Sfut Quint , wee 'll want no money man , I le make my row of houses flie first .

Quint.

Let 'em walke , let 'em walke ; Candle rents : if the warres hold , or a plague come to the towne , thei ll be worth nothing .

Innoc.

True , or while I am beyond Sea , some sleepy wench may set fire i th bed-straw .

Quint.

Right , or there may come an earthquake , and ouerturne 'em .

Innoc.

Iust , or there may be coniuring , and the winde may downe with 'em .

Quint.

Or some crafty petty-fogger may finde a hole in the title , a thousand casualties belongs to 'em .

Innoc.

Nay , they shall walke , that s certaine , I le turne 'em into money .

Quint.

That s thy most husbandly course yfaith Boy , thou maist haue twenty i th' hundred for thy life , I le be thy man for two hundred .

Innoc.

Wil't yfaith Quint ? gossaue me t is done .

Quint.

For your life , not otherwise .

Innoc.

Well , I desire no more , so you 'll remember me for my Lieftenantship .

Quint.

Remember thee ? 't is thine owne already Boy , a hundred pounds shall not buy it from thee ; giue me thy hand . I doe here create thee Lieftenant Innocentio .

Innoc.

If you haue a company Captaine .

Quint.

If I haue : damne me if such another word doe not make me put thee out a th' place againe ; if I haue a company , Sfut , let the Duke deny me one , I would t were come to that once , that employment should goe with the vndeseruer , while men of seruice sit at home , and feede their anger with the blood of red lattices . Let the Duke denie me to day , I le renounce him to morrow . I le to the enimy point blanke , I 'me a villaine else :

Innoc.

And I by heauen I sweare .

Quint.

Well if that day come , it will proue a hot day with some body .

Innoc.

But Captaine , did not you say that you would enter me at an Ordinary , that I might learne to conuerse ?

Quint.

When thou wilt Lieftenant ; No better time then now , for now th' art in good clothes , which is the most materiall point for thy entrance there .

Innoc.

I but how should I behaue my selfe ?

Quint.

Marry Sir , when you come first in , you shall see a crew of Gallants of all sorts :

Innoc.

Nay Captaine if I come first in I shall see no body .

Quint.

Tush man , you must not doe so , if you haue good clothes and will be noted let am all come in afore you , and then as I said shall you see a lusty crew of Gallants , some Gentlemen , some none ; but that s all one : he that beares himselfe like a Gentleman , is worthy to haue beene borne a Gentleman : some aged haue beards , and some haue none , some haue money , and some haue none , yet all must haue meate : Now will all these I say at your first entrance wonder at you , as at some strange Owle : Examine your person , and obserue your bearing for a time . Doe you then a th' tother side seeme to neglect their obseruance as fast , let your countenance be proofe against all eyes , not yeelding or confessing in it any inward defect . In a word be impudent enough , for that s your chiefe vertue of society .

Innoc.

Is that ? faith and I neede not learne that , I haue that by nature I thanke God .

Quint.

So much the better , for nature is farre aboue Art , or iudgement . Now for your behauiour ; let it be free and negligent , not clogg'd with ceremony or obseruance , giue no man honour , but vpon equall termes ; for looke how much thou giu'st any man aboue that , so much thou tak'st from thy selfe : he that will once giue the wall , shall quickly be thrust into the kennell : measure not thy carriage by any mans eye , thy speech by no mans eare , but be resolute and confident in doing and saying , and this is the grace of a right Gentleman as thou art .

Innoc.

Sfut , that I am I hope , I am sure my father has beene twise Warden on 's company .

Quint.

That s not a peare matter man , ther 's no prescription for Gentility , but good clothes and impudence : for your place , take it as it fals , but so as you thinke no place to good for you ; fall too with ceremony whatsoeuer the company be : and as neere as you can , when they are in their Mutton , be thou in thy Wood-cocke , it showes resolution . Talke any thing , thou car'st not what , so it be without offence , and as neere as thou canst without sence .

Innoc.

Let me alone for that Captaine I warrant you .

Quint.

If you chance to tell a lye , you must binde it with some oath , as by this bread , for breads a binder you know .

Innoc.

True .

Quint.

And yet take heede you sweare by no mans bread but your owne , for that may breede a quarrell : aboue all things you must carry no coales .

Innoc.

By heauen not I , I le freeze to death first .

Quint.

Well Sir , one point more I must remember you of . After dinner there will be play , and if you would be counted compleate , you must venture amongst them ; for otherwise , thei ll take you for a Scholler or a Poet , and so fall into contempt of you : for there is no vertue can scape the accompt of basenesse if it get money , but gaming and law ; yet must you not loose much money at once , for that argues little wit at all times .

Innoc.

As gossaue me , and that s my fault ; for if I be in once , I shall loose all I haue about me .

Quint.

Is true , Lieftenant ? birlady Sir I le be your moderator , therefore let me see how much money haue you about you ?

Innoc.

Not much , some twenty marke or twenty pound in gold .

Quint.

'T is too much to loose by my faith , Lieftenant ; giue me your purse Sir , hold yee , heer s two brace of Angels , you shall venture that for fashion sake , I le keepe the rest for you , till you haue done play .

Innoc.

That will be all one , for when that s lost I shall neuer leaue till I get the rest from you : for I know thou wilt let me haue it if I aske it .

Quint.

Not a penny by this gold .

Innoc.

Prethee doe not then , as gossaue me and you do :

Quint.

And I doe , hang me ; Come le ts to the Duke .

Exeunt .

Finis Actus Primi .

Actus Secundi ,

Scaena prima . Enter Lucretia and Temperance , seuerall wayes . Tem.

NAy Mistris , pray eene goe in againe , for I haue some inward newes for you .

Lucr.

What are those pray .

Tem.

T is no matter Mistris till you come in , but make much a time in the meane time , good fortune thrusts her selfe vpon you in the likenesse of a fine yong Gentleman , hold vp your apron and receiue him while you may , a Gods name .

Lucr.

How say by that ? y' are a very wise counsailer .

Tem.

Well Mistris , when I was a Maide , and that 's a good while agoe I can tell you .

Lucr.

I thinke very well .

Tem.

You were but a little one then I wisse .

Lucr.

Nor you neither I beleeue .

Tem.

Faith it 's one of the furthest things I can remember .

Lucr.

But what when you were a Maide ?

Tem.

Marry Mistris I tooke my time , I warrant you . And ther 's Signior Leonoro now , the very flower of Venice , and one that loues you deerely I ensure you .

Lucr.

God forgiue him if he doe , for I le be sworne I neuer deseru'd his loue , nor neuer will while I liue .

Tem.

Why then , what say to Signior Collatine ! ther 's a dainty peece of Venzon for you , and a feruent louer indeed .

Lucr.

He ? I dare say , he knowes not what wood loues shafts are made of , his Signiory woud think it the deepest disparagement could be done to him , to say that euer he spent sigh for any Dame in Italy .

Tem.

Well , you haue a whole browne dozen a suters at least , I am sure ; take your choice amongst 'em all , if you loue not all , yet you may loue three or foure on 'em to be doing withall .

Lucr.

To be doing withall ? loue three or foure ?

Tem.

Why not , so you loue 'em moderately . What must that strange made peece Theagines that you cry out vpon so often , haue all from other , and yet know not where he is ?

Lucr.

O my Theagine , not Theagines , thy loue hath turn'd me woman like thy selfe , shall thy sight neuer turne me man againe . Come le ts to the Minster , God heare my prayers as I intend to stop mine eares against all my suters .

Tem.

Well Mistris , yet peraduenture , they may make you open afore the Priest haue a penny for you ,

Exeunt . Enter Lodouico and Aemilia . Lodo.

HEer 's a coyle to make wit and women friends : come hither wench , let me haue thee single ; now sit thee downe , and heare good counsaile next thy heart , and God giue thee grace to lay it to thy heart .

Aem.

Fie Cozen , will this wilde tongue of yours neuer receiue the bridle ?

Lod.

Yes , thou shalt now see me stroke my beard , and speake sententiously : thou tellest me thy little father is in hand with a great rich marriage for thee , and would haue thee commit matrimony with old Gasparo , art thou willing with it ?

Aem.

I rather wish my selfe marryed to a thousand deaths .

Lod.

Then I perceiue thou know'st him not ; did he neuer wooe thee ?

Aem.

I protest , I neuer chang'd three words with him in my life ; he hath once or twice woo'de my father for me , but neuer me .

Lod.

Why that s the reason thou lou'st him not , because thou tak'st in none of his valiant breath to enflame thee , nor vouchsaf'st his knowledge ; I le tell thee what he is , an old saplesse trunke , fit to make touch-wood of hollow , and bald like a blasted Oke , on whose top Rauens sit and croke the portents of funerals ; one that noints his nose with clowced creame , and Pomatum . His breath smels like the butt end of a shoo-makers horne . A leprous scaly hide like an Elephant . The sonne of a Sow-gelder , that came to towne ( as I haue heard thy father himselfe say ) in a tottred russet cote , high shooes , and yet his hose torne aboue 'em ; A long pike-staffe in his necke ( and a tord in his teeth ) and a wallet on his right shoulder , and now the cullion hath with Nouerint vniuersi eaten vp some hundred Gentlemen : he must needs rise a Gentleman as 't were out of their Ashes , or disparage a Gentlewoman , to make himselfe a Gentleman , at least by the wiues side .

Aem.

The wurse my fortune to be entangled with such a winding bramble .

Lod.

Entangl'd ? Nay if I thought t would euer come to that , I 'de hire some shag-ragge or other for halfe a chickeene to cut 's throat , only to saue thy hands from doing it ; for I know thou wouldst poison him within one moneth ; loue thee he will neuer , and that must be thy happinesse : for if he doe , looke to be coop't vp like a prisoner , condemn'd to execution , scarce suffred to take the aire , so much as at a window , or waited on continually by an old beldame : not to keepe thee company , but to keepe thee from company : thy pocket searcht , thy cabinets ransackt for letters : euer in opposition , vnlesse ( like the Moone ) once a Moneth in coniunction ; wealth thou maist haue indeede , but enioy it as in a dreame , for when thou wak'st thou shalt finde nothing in thy hand ; ( Enter Gasparo ) and ( to keepe my tale in goodnesse ) see how all the ill that can be spoken of him is exprest in his presence .

Aem.

O ougly , and monstrous spectacle .

Lod.

Now tell me whether thou wouldst make choice of him or a yong gallant in prime of his choicenesse ; one that for birth , person , and good parts , might meritoriously marry a Countesse ; and one to whom his soule is not so deere as thy selfe . ( Enter Aurelio ) For all the world such another as he that comes here now : marke him well , see whether Gasparo and he be not a little different . Exit Aemilia . How now ? Sownds Aurelio ? stay beast , wilt thou make such a blest opportunity curse thee ? I le fetch her out to thee . Exit Lod.

Aure.

Wretch that I am , how shee lothes me ? if I abide her , I shall consume in the lightnings of her anger . ( Enter Lodouico with Aemilia . )

Exit Aure. Lod.

Here 's a life indeede ; what 's he gone ? passion of death , what a babe 't is ? I could finde in my heart to ierke him , but temper me friendship , no remedy now ; now wit turne his defects to perfection . Why Cuze hee 's quite out of sight . By my life I commend him ; why this is done like thy selfe Aurelia , were shee the Queene of loue and woude runne from thee , flie thou from her ; why now I loue thee , for I see th' art worthy of my loue , thou carriest a respect to thine owne worth , and wilt expresse it with spirit ; I dare say , thou look'st to haue had him fall on his knees , and ador'd thee , or begge his life at thy hands : or else turn'd Queene Dido , and pierce his tender heart with sword full sharpe ; no faith wench , the case is altered , loue made Hercules spin , but it made him rage after : there must goe time to the bridling of euery passion ; I hope my friend will not loue a wench against her will , if shee woude haue met his kindnesse halfe way , so : if shee skit and recoile , he shootes her off warily , and away he goes : I marry Sir , this was a Gentlemanly part indeede . Farewell Cuze , be thou free in thy choice too , and take a better and thou canst a Gods name . Exiturus .

Aem.

Nay deere Cuze , a word .

Lod.

A word ? what 's the matter ? I must needs after him , and clap him a th' backe , this spirit must be cherisht .

Aem.

Alas what would you wish me to doe ?

Lod.

Why , nothing .

Aem.

Would you counsaile me to marry him against my fathers will ?

Lod.

Not for the world , leaue him , leaue him , leaue him : you see hee 's resolu'd , hee 'll take no harme an you , neuer feare to embrew your hands with his liuer I warrant you .

Aem.

Come you are such an other .

Lod.

This same riches with a husband , is the only thing in the world , I protest ; good Gasparo , I am sorry I haue abused thee yfaith , for my Cozens sake ; how prettily the wretch came crawling by with his crooked knees euen now : I haue seene a yong Gentlewoman , liue as merry a life with an old man , as with the proudest yong vpstart on 'em all : farewell Cuze , I am glad th' art so wise yfaith .

Aem.

If you goe , I die : fie on this affection , it rageth with suppression . Good Cuze , I am no longer able to continue it , I loue , Aurelio better then it is possible for him to loue me .

Lod.

Away , away , and could not this haue beene done at first , without all these superfluous disgracings ? O this same vnhearty nicenesse of women , is good for nothing but to keepe their huswife hands still occupied in this warp of dissembling .

Well wench redeeme thy fault , and write a kinde letter to him presently , before this resolution of his take too deept roote in him .

Aem.

Nay sweet Cuze , make me not so immodest , to write so sodainly , let me haue a little time to thinke vpon 't .

Lod.

Thinke me on nothing till you write : thinke as you write , and then you shall be sure to write as you thinke . Women doe best when they least thinke on 't .

Aem.

But rather then write I will meete him at your pleasure .

Lod.

Meete him ? dost thou thinke that I shall euer draw him againe to meete thee , that rush't from thee euen now with so iust a displeasure ?

Aem.

Nay good Cuze , vrge not my offence so bitterly , our next meeting shall pay the forfeit of all faults .

Lod.

Well th' art my pretty Cuze , and I le doe my best to bring him to thee againe , if I cannot , I shall be sorry yfaith , thou wr't so iniuriously strange to him . But where shall this interview be now .

Aem.

There is the mischiefe , and we shall hardly auoide it , my father plies my haunts so closely : and vses meanes by our maide to entrap vs , so that this Tarrasse at our backe gate is the only place we may safely meete at : from whence I can stand and talke to you . But sweet Cuze you shall sweare , to keepe this my kindnesse from Aurelio , and not intimate by any meanes that I am any thing acquainted with his comming .

Lod.

Slife , do'st thinke I am an Asse ? to what end should I tell him ? hee and I le come wandring that way to take the aire , or so , and I le discouer thee .

Aem.

By meere chance as t' were .

Lod.

By chance , by chance , and you shall at no hand see him at first , when I bring him for all this kindnesse you beare him .

Aem.

By no meanes Cuze .

Lod.

Very good : And if you endure any conference with him , let it be very little ; and as neere as you can , turne to your former strangenesse in any case .

Aem.

If doe not Cuze , trust me not .

Lod.

Or if you thinke good , you may flirt away againe as soone as you see him , and neuer let your late fault be any warning t' ee .

Aem.

I will doe all this , I warrant thee Cuze .

Lod.

Will you so Cozen foole ? canst thou be brought to that silly humour againe by any perswasions ? by Gods Lord , and you be strange againe , more then needs must , for a temperat modesty , I le break 's necke downe from thee , but he shall doe as he did to thee .

Aem.

Now , fie vpon you Cuze , what a foole doe you make me ?

Lod.

Well Dame , leaue your superfluous nicety in earnest , and within this houre I will bring him to this Tarrasse .

Aem.

But good Cuze if you chance to see my chamber window open , that is vpon the Tarrasse , doe not let him come in at it in any case .

Lod.

Sblood how can he ? can he come ouer the wall think'st ?

Aem.

O Sir , you men haue not deuices with ladders of topes to scale such walles at your pleasure , and abuse vs poore wenches .

Lod.

Now a plague of your simplicity , would you discourage him with prompting him ? well Dame , I le prouide for you .

Aem.

As you loue me Cuze , no wordes of my kindnesse from me to him .

Lod.

Goe to , no more adoe . Exit Lodouico and Aemilia .

Enter Leonoro Lionell and Temperance . Tem.

GOd yee God morrow Sir , truly I haue not heard a sweeter breath then your Page has .

Leo.

I am glad you like him Mistris Temperance .

Tem.

And how d ee Sir ?

Leo.

That I must know of you Lady , my welfare depends wholly vpon your good speede .

Tem.

How say Sir ? and by my soule I was comming to you in the morning when your yong man came to me ; I pray let him put on , vnlesse it be for your pleasure .

Leo.

He is yong , and can endure the cold well enough bare-headed .

Tem.

A pretty sweet child 't is I promise you .

Leo.

But what good newes Mistris Temperance , will your Mistris be wonne to our kinde meeting ?

Tem.

Faith I le tell you Sir , I tooke her in a good moode this morning , and broke with her againe about you , and shee was very pleasant as shee will be many times .

Leo.

Very well , and is there any hope of speede ?

Tem.

No by my troth Gentleman , none in the world , an obstacle yong thing it is , as euer I broke with all in my life : I haue broke with a hundred in my dayes , tho I say it , yet neuer met her comparison .

Leo.

Are all my hopes come to this Mistris Temperance ?

Tem.

Nay 't is no matter Sir , this is the first time that euer I spake to any in these matters , and It shall be the last God willing .

Leo.

And euen now shee had broke with a hundred and a hundred .

Tem.

But doe you loue her Sir indeede ?

Leo.

Do'st thou make a question of that ?

Tem.

Pardon me I pray Sir , I meane d ee loue her as a Gentleman ought to doe , that is , to consummate matrimony with her as they say ?

Leo.

That s no matter to you Mistris Temperance , doe you procure our meeting , and let my fauour be at her hands as I can enforce it .

Tem.

You say like an honest Gentleman ; a woman can haue no more : and faith Sir I wish you well , and euery day ter dinner my Mistris vses to go to her chaire or else lie down vpon her bedde , to take a nappe or so , to auoide idlenesse as many good huswifes do , you know , and then doe I sit by her and sew , or so : and when I see her fast a-sleepe , Lord doe I thinke to my selfe , ( as you know we waiting women haue many light thoughts in our heads ) Now if I were a man , and should beare my Mistris an ill will , what might I doe to her now .

Leo.

Indeede then you haue very good opportunity .

Tem.

The best that may be , for shee sleepes like a sucking Pigge , you may jogge her a hundred times , and shee 'll stirre no more then one of your stones , here .

Leo.

And could you put a friend in your place thinke you ?

Tem.

Nay birlady Sir , backe with that legge , for if any thing come on 't but well , all the burthen will lye vpon me .

Leo.

Why what can come of it ? only that by this meanes I may solicite her loue my selfe .

Tem.

I but who knowes if the Deuill ( God blesse vs ) should be great wee ' , how you would vse her ?

Leo.

What do'st thou take me for a beast , to force her that I would make my wife ?

Tem.

Beast Sir ; Nay ther 's no beastlinesse in it neither , for a man will shew like a man in those cases : and besides , you may marre the bedde , which euery body will see that comes in ; and that I would not for the best gowne I shall weare this twelue Moneth .

Leo.

Well , to put thee out of that feare , it shall be worth such a gowne to thee .

Tem.

I thanke you for that Sir , but that s all one , and thus Sir , my old Master Honorio , at two a clocke will be at Tilting , and then will his sonne Signior Aurelio , and his man Angelo , be abroad ; at which houre if you will be at the backe gate , and muffle your selfe handsomely , you may linger there till I call you .

Leo.

I marry Sir , so I may be there long enough .

Tem.

Nay , but two a clocke , now , now is my houre Sir .

Leo.

Very well , and till then farewell .

Tem.

Boye to you hartily .

Leo.

Boy to him indeede if he knew all . Exeunt .

Enter Lodouico and Aurelio . Lod.

I Haue prouided thee a ladder of ropes , therefore resolue to meete her , goe wash thy face , and prepare thy selfe to die , I le goe make ready the ladder .

Aur.

But when is the happy houre of our meeting ?

Lod.

Marry Sir , that s something vncertaine , for it depends wholly vpon her fathers absence , and when that will be God knowes : but I doubt not it will happen once within this twelue-Moneth .

Aur.

Sownds a twelue-Moneth .

Lod.

Nay harke you , you are all vpon the spurre now , but how many louers haue seru'd seauen twelue-Moneths prenticeships , for the freedome of their Mistris fauours ? notwithstanding to shorten your torments , your man Angelo must be the meane , to draw the lap wing her father from his nest , by this deuice that I tell you . Enter Angelo .

Ang.

I did euer dreame that once in my life good fortune would warme her cold hand in my naked bosome . And that once is now come , I le lay hold vpon 't , yfaith ; I haue you my little squire , I haue you vpon mine Anueill , vpon which I will mallet you and worke you ; coyning crownes , chickins , bracelets , and what not out of you ; for procuring you the deere gullage of my sweete heart mistresse Francischina .

Aure.

I am glad it rests in my kinde seruant Angelo . Angelo , well met , it lies in thee now , make me no more thy master , but thy friend , and for euer happy in thy friendship .

Ang.

In what part of me does that lie Sir , that I may pull it out , for you presently ?

Aure.

My friend Lodouico heere hath told me , what thou reuealedst to him to day , touching his vncle Lorenzo , and his louesute to Francischina .

Ang.

Slight I told it him in secret sir .

Lod.

And so did I tell it him Angelo , I am a Iew else .

Ang.

It may well be sir , but what of that ?

Lod.

This Angelo , he would haue thee procure my olde vnckles absence from home this afternoone , by making him meete or pretending his meeting with his mistresse , and thy sweete heart Francischina .

Aure.

Which if thou do'st Angelo , be sure of reward to thy wishes .

Ang.

What talke you of reward sir ? to the louing and dutifull seruant , 't is a greater encouragement to his seruice to heare his master say , God a mercy Angelo , spie out Angelo , I le thinke of thy paines one day Angelo , then all your base rewards and preferments : yet not to hinder your hand sir , I will extend mine to his seruice presently , and get your old vncle ( Signior Lorenzo ) out of the waies long enough I warrant you .

Lod.

T is honestly said , which when thou hast performed , enforce vs Exeunt .

Ang.

I will not faile sir , I was resolu'd to make him away afore they spake to me , in procuring his accesse to Francischina , for what is his presence at her house , but his absence at his ownes ? and thus shall I with one trewell daube two walles , ( Enter Francisc. ) see how fitly shee meetes me . I will stand close heere as if it were in my shop of good fortune , & in respect of all ornaments I can help her to , I will out of the fulnesse of my ioy , put her out of her studie and encounter her thus ; Hold vp the bracelets . D' ee lacke gentlewoman , d' ee lacke : very fayre new gownes , kirtles , petticots , wrought smocks , bracelets , d' ee lacke gentlewoman , d' ee lacke ?

Fran.

What means my loue by these strange salutations ?

Ang.

Pre thee aske me no questions ; hold take these bracelets , put vp this purse of gold quickly , and if thou wilt haue any of these things , I haue cried to thee , speake and t is performed .

Fran.

From whose treasury comes all this , I pre thee ?

Ang.

Lorenzo , Lorenzo , a gentleman of much antiquitie , and one that for his loue hath burn'd hundreds of hearts to powder ; yet now it fals out , that his tree of life is scorch't and blasted with the flames of thy beauty , readie to wither eternally , vnlesse it be speedily comforted with the sweete drops of thy nose .

Fran.

Gods my life , is that old squire so amorous ?

Ang.

You wrong him to terme him old , he can draw his bow , ride his horse , vse his sword , and traile his pike vnder Loues colours , as well as euer he did .

Fran.

I beleeue that easily .

Ang.

Well , go thy waies in and prepare to entertaine him now thy husband is from home , only with good words , and best kindnesses , making him put all into deeds till his treasury be deedlesse .

Fran.

You speake as if I had nothing to respect but his entertainment , when you know how close and timely it must be put in execution , considering with what enuious eyes my neighbours suruey mee .

Ang.

Think'st thou , I consider not all this ? he shall come in disguis'd , wench , and do thou deuise for our mirth , what ridiculous disguise he shall come in , and he shall assume it .

Fran.

What a magnifico of the Citie , and one of the Senate , thinkest thou he will not see into that inconuenience ?

Ang.

No more then no Senator , for in this case , my assurance is that Cupid will take the scarfe from his owne eyes , and hoodwinke the old buzzard , while two other true turtles enioy their happinesse : get thee in I beseech thee loue , tell thy gold , and say thy prayers . ( Enter Lorenzo . ) Now for a farre fetch 't deuice to fetch ouer my loue-squire . Exit

Fran.

I see him within eare-shot ; well may beauty inflame others , riches may tempt others ; but for mee , mine eares and mine eyes , are proofe against all the Syrens , and Venusses , in all the seas of the world ; beauty is a whore , riches a baud , and I le trust none an you .

Lor.

What ailes poore Angelo ?

Ang.

Nay mistresse Franke , if you proue disloyall once , farewell all constancy in women .

Lor.

How now man ? what 's the matter ?

Ang.

O Sir are you so neare ? I shall trust your experience in women the better while I liue .

Lor.

I pre thee why so ?

Ang.

Say true Sir , did you neuer sollicite your loue-sute to fayre mistresse Francischina ?

Lor.

Neuer I protest Angelo .

Ang.

Vpon my life 't is a strange thing ; I would haue sworne all Italy , could not so sodainly haue fastned a fauour vpon her , I look't for a siege of Troy at least , to surprize the turrets of her continence ; but to yeeld at the first sight of her assaylants colours , and before any Cannon was mounted afore her , 't is one of the loosest parts of a modest woman that euer I heard of .

Lor.

How saist thou ? did not I tell thee as much ? beware of an old colt while you liue , he can tell when to strike I warrant you .

Ang.

Women and fethers ? now fie on that affinity .

Lor.

Alas Angelo , a feeble generation , soone ouercome God knowes , the honester minde , the sooner ouercome .

Ang.

Gods my life , what light huswife would yeeld at first to a stranger , and yet does this whirligig stand vpon termes of honour forsooth ? tenders her reputation as the Apple of her eye ; she has a ielous and a cutting husband , enuious neighbours , and will die many deathes rather then by any friends open accesse to her , be whip't naked with the tongues of scandall and slander ; and a whole sanctuary of such ceremonies .

Lor.

O she does worthily in that Angelo , and like a woman of honour , thou hast painted her perfection in her faults thou find'st , and tickil'st me with her appetite .

Ang.

And to auoid all sight of your entrance , you must needs come in some disguise she sayes ; so much she tenders your high credit in the Citie , and her owne reputation , forsooth .

Lor.

How , come in some disguise ?

Ang

A toy , a very toy which runnes in her head with such curious feete Sir , because if there be any resemblances of your person seene to enter her house , your whole substantiall selfe will be called in question ; any other man she saies , might better aduenture with the least thing chang'd about 'em then you with all ; as if you were the onely noted mutton-monger in all the Citie .

Ang.

Well Angelo , heauen forgiue vs the sinnes of our youth .

Ang.

That 's true Sir , but for a paltry disguise , being a magnifico , she shall goe snicke vp .

Lor.

Soft good Angelo , soft , let 's think on 't a little : what disguise would serue the turne saies shee ?

Ang.

Faith , I know not what disguise shee would haue for you : shee would haue you come like a Calfe with a white face , I thinke , shee talkes of Tinkers , pedlers , porters , chimney-sweepers , fooles and Physitians , such as haue free egresse and regresse into mens houses without suspicion .

Lor.

Out vpon 'em , would she haue me vndergoe the shame and hazard of one of those abiects ?

Ang.

Yfaith I told her so , a squire of that worship , one of the Senate , a graue Iusticer , a man of wealth , a magnifico ?

Lor.

And yet by my troth , for the safegard of her honour , I would doe much ; me thinks a Friers weede were nothing .

Ang.

Out vppon 't , that disguise is worne thread bare vpon euery stage , and so much villany committed vnder that habit ; that 't is growne as supicious as the vilest . If you will hearken to any , take such a transformance , as you may be sure will keepe you from discouery : for though it be the stale refuge of miserable Poets , by change of a hat or a cloake , to alter the whole state of a Comedie , so as the father must not know his owne child forsooth , nor the wife her husband , yet you must not thinke they doe it earnest to carry it away so : for say you were stuffed into a motley coate , crowded in the case of a base Violl , or buttond vp in a cloak-bag , euen to your chinne , yet if I see your face , I am able to say this is signior Lorenzo , and therefore vnlesse your disguise be such that your face may beare as great a part in it as the rest , the rest is nothing .

Lor.

Good reason , in faith Angelo ; and what , shall I then smurch my face like a chimney sweeper , & weare the rest of his smokinesse ?

Ang.

I le tell you sir , if you be so mad to condescend to the humour of a foolish woman , by consideration that Ioue for his loue tooke on him the shape of a Bull , which is farre worse then a chimney sweeper , I can fit you rarely .

Lor.

As how I pre thee ?

Ang.

There is one little snaile you know , an old chimney sweeper .

Lor.

What , hee that sings , Maids in your smocks , hold open your locks , fluds .

Ang.

The very same sir , whose person ( I borrowing his words ) you will so liuely resemble , that himselfe in person cannot detect you .

Lor.

But is that a fit resemblance to please a louer Angelo ?

Ang.

For that sir , she is prouided : for you shall no sooner enter but off goes your rustie skabberd , sweete water is readie to scoure your filthy face , milk , & a bath of fernebraks for your fustie bodie , a chamber perfum'd , a wrought shirt , night cap , and her husbands gowne , a banquet of Oysters pyes , Potatoes , Skirret rootes , Eringes , and diuers other whetstones of venery .

Lor.

O let me hugge thee Angelo .

Ang.

A bed as soft as her hayre , sheets as delicate as her skinne , and as sweete as her breath , pillowes imitating her breasts , and her breasts to boote , Hypocras in her cups , and Nectar in her lips , Ah , the gods haue bene beasts for lesse felicitie .

Lor.

No more good Angelo , no more , how shall I requite the happinesse thou wilt bring me too ? haste any mind of marriage ?

Ang.

Not much sir , but an extraordinary wife might tempt me .

Lor.

By my troth and she were not promist , thou shouldest haue my daughter : but come le ts to our disguise , in which I long to be singing .

Ang.

I le folow you presently . Exit . Signior Lodouico .

( Enter Lodouico and Giouenelle . ) Lod.

How now Angelo ?

Ang.

Why sir , I am prouiding meanes to leade your old vncle out a th' way , as you will'd me , by drawing him into the way of Quintilianoes wife , my sweet heart , and so make roome for him by Quintilianoes roome : you that lead him any way , must needes seeke him out and employ him to some tauerne .

Lod.

He will be with me presently Angelo , and here 's a freshman come from Padua , whom I will powder with his acquaintance , and so make him an excellent morsell to rellish his carouses .

Ang.

Goe to Sir , by this light you 'll be complain'd on , there cannot be a foole within twenty mile of your head , but you engrosse him for your owne mirth : Noble-mens tables cannot be seru'd for you .

Lod.

Stut , I le complaine of them man , they hunt me out and hang vpon me , so that I cannot be ridde on 'em , but they shall get some body else to laugh at , or I le turne 'em ouer to our Poets , and make all the world laugh at 'em .

Ang.

Well Sir , here comes your man , make him sure from his wife , and I 'le make the tother sure with her . Exit .

Enter Quintiliano , Innocentio , Fannio , Taylor , Taylors sonne , he Reades a bill . Lod.

SEe Signior Gionanelle , here comes the famous Captaine you would so faine bee acquainted withall ; be acquainted with him at your perill : I le defend you from his swaggering humor , but take heede of his cheating .

Gio.

I warrant you Sir , I haue not beene matriculated at the Vniuersity , to be meretriculated by him : salted there to be colted here .

Lod.

Very well Sir , le ts heare him .

Quin.

I haue examin'd the particulars of your bill Master Taylor , and I finde them true Orthographie , thy payment shall be correspondent : marry I will set no day , because I am loth to breake .

Tailor .

Alas Sir , pray let this be the day : consider my charge . I haue many children , and this my poore child here whom I haue brought vp at schoole , must loose all I haue bestowed on him hitherto , if I pay not his Master presently the quartridge I owe him .

Quint.

Foole do'st thou delight to heare thy sonne begge in Latin , pose him Lieftenant .

Innoc.

How make you this in Latin boy ? My father is an honest Taylor .

Boy .

That will hardly be done in true Latin Sir .

Innoc.

No ? why so Sir ?

Boy .

Because it is false English sir .

Quint.

An excellent Boy .

Innoc.

Why is it false English ?

Boy .

Marry sir , as bona Mulier is said to be false Latin , because though bona be good , Mulier is naught ; so to say my father is an honest Taylor , is false English ; for though my father be honest , yet the Taylor is a theefe .

Quint.

Beleeue it a rare shred , not of home-spunne cloth vpon my life : Taylor , goe , send the schoole-master to me at night and I le pay him .

Tay.

Thanke you good Captaine , and if you doe not pay him , at night my wife will come to you her selfe , that 's certaine , and you know what a tongue shee has .

Quint.

Like the sting of a Scorpion , shee nailes mine eares to the pillory with it , in the shame and torment shee does me . Goe I will voide this Bill and auoide her .

Tay.

I thanke you sir . Exit cum filio .

Quint.

Lieftenant , is not this a braue gullery ? The slaue has a pretty wife , and shee will neuer haue me pay him , because shee may euer come to my chamber , as shee sayes , to raile at me , and then shee goes home and tels her husband shee has tickled me yfaith .

Innoc.

By my life , a rare jest .

Quint.

Thou maist see this Boy is no shred of a Taylor , is he not right of my looke and spirit ?

Innoc.

Right as a line , yfaith .

Lod.

And will agree in the halter . — Saue you Captaine Quintiliano .

Quint.

And do'st thou liue my noble Lodouico ? Boy , take my cloake , when shal s haue a rouse , ha ? my Lieftenant and I were drunke last night , with drinking health on our knees to thee .

Giou.

Why , would not your legs beare you Sir ?

Quint.

How many miles to midsommer ? S'blood , whose foole are you ? are not you the tassell of a Gander ?

Giou.

No indeede not I Sir : I am your poore friend Sir glad to see you in health .

Quint.

Health ? S'fut , how meane you that ? d ee thinke I came lately out a th' powdering Tubbe ?

Giou.

Gossaue mee Sir 't was the furthest part of my thought .

Quint.

Why y' are not angry , are you ?

Lod.

No , nor you shall not be .

Quint.

S'blood , I hope I may and I will .

Lod.

Be and you dare Sir .

Quint.

Dare ?

Lod.

I , dare .

Quint.

Plague on thee , th' art the mad'st Lodouico in the world , s'fut doe thou stabbe me , and th' ast a minde too 't , or bid me stabbe my selfe , is this thy friend ? do'st thou loue Lodouico ?

Giou.

With my heart I protest Sir .

Quint.

S'heart , a lyes in 's throate that does not ; and whence com'st thou wagge , ha ?

Giou.

Euen new arriued from Padua Sir to see fashions .

Quint.

Giue me thy hand , th' art welcome ; and for thy fashions , thou shalt first drinke and wench it : to which end we will carouse a little , some sixe or seauen miles hence , and euery man carry his wench .

Innoc.

But where shall we haue them Captaine ?

Quint.

Haue 'em Lieftenant ? if we haue 'em not , my Valentine shall be one , and shee shall take a neighbour or two with her to see their nurst childes or so ; wee 'll want for no wenches I warrant thee , ( Enter Cuthbert Barber . )

Lod.

But who comes here ?

Quint.

O t is my Barber .

Lod.

S'blood how thy trades men haunt thee .

Quint.

Alas they that liue by men , must haunt 'em ,

Cut.

God saue you Sir .

Quint.

How now Cutberd , what newes out of Barbary ?

Cut.

Sir , I would borrow a word with you in priuate .

Quint.

Be briefe then Cutbeard , thou look'st leane me thinks , I thinke th' art newly marryed .

Cut.

I am indeede Sir .

Quint.

I thought so , keepe on thy hat man , t will be the lesse perceiu'd , what , is not my Taylor and you friends yet ? I will haue you friends that s certaine , I le maintaine you both else .

Cut.

I know no enmity betwixt vs Sir , you know Captaine I come about another matter .

Quint.

Why but Cutbeard , are not you neighbours ? your trades Cosen german , the Taylor and the Barber ? does not the Taylor sow ? doest not thou Barber reape ? and doe they not both band themselues against the common enemy of mankinde , the louse ? are you not both honest men alike ? is not he an arrant knaue ? you next dore to a knaue , because next dore to him ?

Cut.

Alas Sir , all this is to no purpose , there are certaine odde crownes betwixt vs you know .

Quint.

True Cutbeard , wilt thou lend me as many moe to make 'em euen Boy ?

Cut.

Faith Sir , they haue hung long enough a conscience .

Quint.

Cut 'em downe then Cutbeard , it belongs to thy profession if they hang too long .

Cut.

Well Sir if this be all , I le come by 'em as I can , and you had any honesty .

Giou.

S'blood honesty you knaue ? doe you taxe any Gentleman in this company for his honesty ?

Cut.

Blame me not sir , I am vndone by him , and yet I am still of as good credit in my Parish as he too .

Quint.

S'blood Rascall , as good credit as I ?

Lod.

Nay pre thee Captaine forbeare .

Innoc.

Good Captaine be gone .

Quint.

Let me alone ; I le not strike him by this hand , why hearke yee Rogue : put your credit in ballance with mine ? do'st thou keepe this company ? here 's Signior Lodouico , one of the Clarissimi , a man of worship : here 's a Gentleman of Padua , a man of rare parts , an excellent scholler , a fine Ciceronian .

Cut.

Well sir .

Quint.

And here 's my Lieftenant , I hope thou know'st the Worshipfull man his father with the blew beard , and all these are my companions ; and dare you a barbarous slaue , a squirting companion , compare with me ? but here 's the point ; now behold and see : Signior Giouenelle , lend me foure or fiue pounds , let it be fiue pounds , if you haue so much about you .

Giou.

Here 's my purse sir , I thinke there be iust so much in 't .

Quint.

Very good , now Cutbeard , are you a slanderous cut-throat or no ? will thy credit doe this now ? without scrip or scrowle . But thou wilt thinke this is done for a colour now ; doe you not lend it me simply ?

Giou.

What a question 's that ?

Quint.

For how long ?

Giou.

At your pleasure Captaine .

Quint.

Why so , here you poling Rascall , here 's two crownes out of this money : now I hope wilt beleeue 't is mine , now the property is altered .

Cut.

Why you might a done this before then .

Quint.

No Cutbeard , I haue beene burnd i th' hand for that , I le pay n'ere a knaue an yee all money , but in the presence of such honest Gentleman that can witnesse it ; of my conscience I haue paid it thee halfe a dozen times ; goe to sir be gone .

Cut.

Fare yee well sir .

Quint.

Thanke you Signior Giouenelle ; though y' are sure of this money againe at my hands , yet take heede how this same Lodouico get it from you , he 's a great sharker ; but th' ast no more money about thee hast thou ?

Giou.

Not a doit , by this candle .

Quint.

All the better , for hee 'd cheat thee on 't , if thou had'st euer so much , therefore when thou com'st to Padua , ply thy booke and take good courses , and 't is not this againe shall serue thy turne at my handes , I sweare to thee .

Giou.

Thanke you good Captaine .

Quint.

Signior Lodouico , adiew .

Lod.

Not so sir , we will not part yet , a carouse or two me thinks is very necessary betwixt vs .

Quint.

With all my heart Boy , into the Emperours head here .

Lod.

Content .

Exeunt ,

Actus secundi Finis .

Actus Tertius . Lodouico , Angelo . Ang.

Say Sir , haue you plaid the man and hous'd the Captaine ?

Lod.

I haue hous'd and lodg'd him in the Emperours head Tauerne , and there I haue left him glorified with his two guls , so that presume of what thou wilt at his house , for he is out of the way by this time both waies .

Ang.

T' is very well handled sir , and presume you & your friend my master Aurelio of what may satisfie you at your vncles , for he is now going out of the way , and out of himselfe also : I haue so besmeard him with a chimney sweepers resemblance , as neuer was poore Snaile , whose counterfaite he triumphes in , neuer thinking I haue daubd his face sufficient , but is at his glasse as curiously busied to beautifie his face ( for as of Moo'rs so of chimney sweepers ) the blackest is most beautifull as any Lady to paint her lips .

Lod.

Thou art a notable villaine .

Ang.

I am the fitter for your imployment Sir : stand close I beseech you , & when I bring him into the streets , encounter and bayte him in stead of Snayle , but in any case let none else know it .

Lod.

Not for the world .

Ang.

If you should tell it to one , so you charge him to say nothing , 't were nothing , and so if one by one to it play holy water frog with twentie , you know any secret is kept sufficiently ; and in this , we shall haue the better sport at a Beare baiting , fare ye well Sir .

Enter Honorio and Gasparo . Hon.

SIgnior Lodouico good euen to you .

Lod.

The like to Signior Honorio , and harke you Sir , I must be bound with my vncle Lorenzo , and tell you a pleasant secrete of him , so in no sort you will vtter it .

Hon.

In no sort as I am a Gentleman .

Lod.

Why Sir hee is to walke the streets presently in the likenesse of Snayle the chimney sweeper , and with his crie .

Hon.

What is hee Sir ? to what end I beseech you Sir wil hee disfigure himselfe so ?

Lod.

Yfaith Sir I take it for some matter of pollicy , that concernes towne gouernment .

Hon.

Towne-bull gouernment , do you not meane so Sir ?

Lon.

O no Sir , but for the generall businesse of the Citie I take it .

Hon.

Well sir well we will not examine it too farre , but gesse at it .

Lod.

So sir when he comes forth do you take one corner to encounter him as I will doe another , and taking him for Snayle , imagine hee went about stealing of Citie venison , ( though he do not , ) and make what sport you thinke good with him , alwaies prouided it be cleanly , and that he may still thinke he goes inuisible .

Hon.

I warraut yee Signior Lodouico , and thanke you hartily for this good cause of our honest recreation .

Lod.

Scarce honest neither sir , but much good do it you , as it is ,

Hon.

O that my sonne , your friend Aurelio , were heere to helpe to candy this ieast a little .

Lod.

Alas sir , his sicke stomacke can abide no sweete meates , hee 's all for aye me , wee 'll make the Ieast rellish well enough I warrant you : Lorenzo my vncle an old Senator , one that has read Marcus Aurelius , Gesta Romanorum , the Mirror of Magistrates , &c. to be led by the nose like a blind Beare that has read nothing . Let my man reade how hee deserues to be bayted .

Hon.

'T is a pretty wonder yfaith Signior Lodouico .

Lod.

Slife , 't were a good deed , to get boyes to pinne cards at his backe , hang squibs at his tayle , ring him through the towne with basons , besnowball him with rotten egges , and make him asham'de of the Commission before hee scale it .

Gasp.

What saies Signior Lodouico , I beseech you sir ? me thinkes his pleasant disposition should intend some waggerie .

Hon.

I will tell you Signior Gasparo , but in any case you must say nothing .

Gasp.

In no case will I say any thing sir .

Hon.

Then this is the case : Signior Lorenzo ( your probable father in law ) in the case of Snayle the chimney sweeper , will straight tread the streets for his pleasure .

Gasp

For his pleasure ?

Hon.

For his pleasure sir , say it be so , wonder not , but ieast at it , consider what pleasure the world sayes he is most giuen to , and helpe baite him hereafter , but in any case cleanly , and say nothing .

Gasp.

O monstrous , I conceiue you , my father in law , will his daughter haue his tricks thinke you ?

Hon.

Faith for that you must euen take fortune de la pace , kisse the Paxe , and be patient like your other neighbours . So , here stand I , chose you another place .

Gasp.

O me , what if a man should call him to sweepe a chimney in earnest , what would he doe ? I le put him too 't a my credit , and here will I stand . ( Enter Lorenzo with his glasse in his hand , and Angelo with a pot of painting . )

Ang.

How now sir , are you well yet thinke you ?

Lor.

A little more here good Angelo .

Ang.

Very well sir , you shall haue enough .

Lor.

It will be the most perfect disguise that euer was imitated .

Ang.

I le warrant you that yfaith sir ; ya 're fitted beyonde the forehead for a right counterfaite ; It is well now sir ?

Lor.

Yet a little more heere Angelo , and then master Painter let Michael Angelo himselfe amend thee .

Ang.

For a perfect naturall face , I care not if all the world explaine it .

Lor.

So now take this glasse , and giue me my furniture , and haue at your smoaky chimney .

Ang.

Haue at your smoakie chimney Mistresse Franke : heere sir take vp your occupation , and downe with Snayle for a chimney sweeper .

Lor.

Away , see if the coast be cleare .

Ang.

I will sir .

Lor.

Take good view , looke about to the doores and windowes .

Ang.

Not a dogge at a doore , not a cat at a window . Appeare in your likenesse , and not with your quality .

Lor.

Chimney sweepe ; worke for chimney sweepe , wilt do sirha ?

Ang.

Admirably .

Lor.

Does my sute become me ?

Ang.

Become you sir ? would to heauen mistresse Franke could bring you to the wearing of it alwaies .

Lor.

I le forth yfaith then ; Maids in your smocks , set open your locks , Downe , downe , downe : Let Chimney sweeper in : And he will sweepe your chimneys cleane , Hey derry , derry , downe . How do'st like my crie , ha ?

Ang.

Out of all crie , I forbid Snayle himselfe to creepe beyond you .

Lor.

As God helpe , I begin to be proud on 't : Chimney sweepe .

Ang.

Gods pitty , who comes yonder ?

Lor.

My nephew Lodowicke ; Gods me , I le start backe againe .

Ang.

Nay ther 's no starting now , hee 'll see you go into your house then ; fall into your note ; stand to Snayles person and I warrant you . ( Enter Lodouico . ) Exit Ang.

Lor.

Chimney sweepe .

Lod.

How now Snayle , how do'st thou ?

Lor.

Thanke your good worship .

Lod.

Me thinkes thy song is more hearty then 't was wont to be , and thou look'st much better .

Lor.

Thanke God and good friends sir ; and a merry heart that prolongs life . Chimney sweepe .

Lod.

Nay good Snayle , le ts talke a little , you know Rose mine vncle Lorensoes maide Snayle !

Lor.

That I do well sir .

Lod.

She complaines of you Snayle , and sayes , y' are the bawdiest old knaue in venery .

Lor.

Alas sir , she wrongs me : I am not fedde thereafter , let her looke for that commendation in her richer customers .

Lod.

Who are they Snayle ? I hope you doe not meane mine vncle her Master ; hee 's mine vncle and I loue him well , and I know the old lickspiggot will be nibling a little when he can come too 't : but I must needs say he will do no hurt , hee 's as gentle as an Adder that has his teeth taken out .

Lor.

Y' are a merry Gentleman sir ; and I haue hastie labour in hand , I must craue pardon . ( Enter Honorio . ) Chimney sweepe .

Hono.

What old Snayle ? how do'st thou and thy chimneyes ?

Lod.

Marry sir I was asking him questions about one of them .

Hono.

What Signior Lodouico ? what one is that I pray ?

Lod.

Mine vncle Lorenzos maide Rose sir , and hee will needs perswade me , her old master keepes her for his owne saddle .

Hono.

Her old master ? I dare sweare they wrong him that say so ; his very age would make him asham'd to be ouertaken with those goatish licences .

Lod.

True sir , and his great authority in the Citie , that should whippe such vnseasonable letchers about the wals of it .

Hono.

Why , y' are i th' right sir , and now you talke of your vncle , I heard say Captaine Quintiliano cheated him yesterday of fiue pounds , as hee did a yong Gentleman of Padua this morning of as much more .

Lod.

Faith sir he drew such a kinde of tooth from him indeede .

Hono.

Is it possible he should be so wrought vpon by him ? Now certaine I haue euer held him a most wise Gentleman .

Lod.

An arrant Rooke by this light ; a capable cheating stocke ; a man may carry him vp and downe by the eares like a pipkin .

Hono.

But do you thinke he will let the Captaine passe so ?

Lod.

Why alas , what should he doe to him sir ? the pasture is so bare with him , that a goose cannot graze vpon 't .

Hono.

Marry sir then would I watch him a time when he were abroad , and take out my penniworthes of his wife , if hee drew a tooth from me , I would draw another from her .

Lod.

Well , God be with your worships : chimney sweeper , I thought I should neuer haue bene ridde of them , ( Enter Gasparo ) Chimney sweepe .

Gasp.

What old Snayle , do'st thou crie chimney sweepe still ? why they say thou art turnd mightie rich of late .

Lor.

I would they said true sir ?

Gasp.

Yes by the masse , by the same token , that those riches make thy old name for venery encrease vpon thee .

Lor.

Foolish tales sir , foolish tales .

Gasp.

Yes by the masse , Snayle , but they be told for such certaine tales , that if thou hast a daughter to marrie with tenne thousand crownes , I would see her pithole , afore I would deale with her , for feare she should trot through her fathers trumperies .

Lor.

Alas sir your worship knowes , I haue neither daughter nor riches , Idle talke sir , Idle talke : chimney sweepe .

Gasp.

Nay stay Snayle , and come into my house , thou shalt earne some money of mee , I haue a chimney to sweepe for thee .

Lor.

I thanke your worship , I will waite vpon you next morning early sir : but now I haue promi'st to sweepe another mans chimney in truth .

Gasp.

But good Snayle take mine in the way .

Lod.

What does he crie chimney sweepe , and refuse to sweepe 'em ?

Lor.

No master , alas you know I liue by it , and now I crie as I go to worke that I haue promi'st , that I may get more against other times : what would ye haue me do thee ?

Hono.

Alas poore Snayle ; farewell good Snayle , farewell .

Lor.

Lord keepe your good worship . — And a very vengeance , I beseech the blacke father of vengeance .

Lod.

Poore vncle , he begins to be melancholy , has lost his song among 's

Gasp.

Was neuer such man touch't with such ouersight ?

Hon:

Beare with age , Signior Gasparo , beare with age , and let vs all tender his credite as we haue vow'd , and be silent ; he little thought to haue beene thus betrayed as he is ; and where secrecy is assur'd , it beares with many bad actions in the very best I can tell you , and so good Signior Lodouico adew , and I heartily thanke you .

Lod.

Adue good Signior Honorio .

Gasp.

Adue to you likewise sir . Exeunt Gasparo & Honorio .

Lod.

Likewise to you sir . Alas poore vncle , I haue monstrously abused him ; and yet maruellous worthie , for he disparageth the whole bloud of vs ; and I wish all such old sheepebiters might alwaies dippe their fingers in such sauce to their mutton ; but thus will he presently bee safe ; for by this hee is neere his sweete hearts house , where he is like to be entertain'd with worse cheere then we made him . Quintilliano is now carousing in the Emperours head , while his owne head buddes hornes to carouse in ; and in the meane time will my amorous friend and I , make both their absences shooing hornes to draw on the presence of Aemilia . Exit .

Enter Lorenzo and Angelo . ( Francisco aboue . ) Ang.

WHat sayes your worship now ? Do you not walke inuisible , all your ancient acquaintance , your owne nephew to talke with you and neuer discouer you ?

Lor.

But Angelo , a villanous feare shooke me the whiles I sweare , for still I was afraid my tongue would haue likt away the soote of my face , and bewrayed me ; but Snayle , hitherto thy rustie shell has protected me : perseuer till I haue yonder house a my head , hold in thy hornes , till they looke out of Quintillianoes forehead : for an old man to make a yong man cuckold , is one of Hercules labours .

Ang.

That was the cleansing of other mens stables .

Lor.

To make youth rampant in age , and age passant in youth , to take a man downe at his owne weapon ; to call backe time in one , and thrust him headlong vpon another .

Ang.

Now your worship is Oracle to your owne miracles ; how you shine in this smoaky cloud ? which you make the golden net to embrace Venus , y 'aue past the pikes yfaith and all the Iayles of the loue-god swarme in yonder house , to salute your recouery .

Lor.

Wel Angelo , I tell thee , now we are past the danger , I would not for 40 crowns but haue heard , what I haue heard .

Ang.

True sir , now you know what the world thinks on you , 't is not possible for a great man , that shines alwaies in his greatnesse , to know himselfe ; but O twice yong Leander , see where your Hero stands with torch of her beauty to direct you to her tower , aduance your sweet note , & vpon her .

Lor.

Chimney sweepe , worke for chimney sweepe .

Fran.

Come in chimney sweeper .

Lor.

O Angelo .

Ang.

Why now sir thine Angelo is your good Angell ; enter and prosper , and when you are in the mid'st of your happinesse , thinke of him that prefer'd you . Exit Lorenzo .

Fran.

Angelo , giue him not too much time with me , for feare of the worst , but goe presently to the backe gate , and vse my husbands knocke , then will I presently thrust him into my cole-house : and there shall the old flesh-monger fast for his iniquity . Exit .

Ang.

Well said mine owne Franke yfaith , we shall trim him betwixt vs , I for the most slouenly case in the towne ; shee , for the most sluttish place in the house : Neuer was old horse-man so notoriously ridden ; well , I will presently knocke him into the cole-house , and then haste to Lodouico , to know when he shall be releast . Exit .

Enter Lodouico with a ladder of ropes , Aurelio , ( Aemilia aboue . ) Lod.

HEre 's thy ladder , and ther 's thy gallowes , thy Mistris is thy hangman , and must take thee downe : This is the Tarrasse where thy sweet heart tarries ; what wouldst thou call it in Rime ?

Aur.

Celestiall spheare , wherein more beauty shines .

Lod.

Roome for a passion .

Aur. Then on Dardanian Ida , where the pride Of heauens selected beauties striu'd for prize . Lod.

Nay you shall know , we haue watred our houses in Helicon . I cannot abide this talking and vndoing Poetry , leaue your mellifluous numbers : yonder 's a sight will steale all reason from your rime I can tell you ; downe of your knees you slaue , adore . Now le ts heare you inuocate , O the saple hammes of a louer , goe to , doe not , stand vp close , for she must not see you yet , though she know you are here .

Aem.

Cozen Lodowicke ?

Lod.

Who cals Lodowicke ?

Aem.

What tempest hath cast you on this sollitary shore ? Is the party come ?

Lod.

The party ? now a plague of your modesty , are your lips too nice to name Aurelio ?

Aem.

Well , is he come then ?

Lod.

He , which he ? s'fut name your man with a mischiefe to you , I vnderstand you not .

Aem.

Was there euer such a wild-braine ? Aurelio .

Lod.

Aurelio ? Lord how loth you are to let any sound of him come out an you , you hold him so deare within , I le present her with a sight , will startle her nicety a little better ; hold you , fasten the end of this ladder I pray .

Aem.

Now Iesus blesse vs , why cosen , are you mad ?

Lod.

Goe to you spirit of a feather , be not so soft hearted , leaue your nicety , or by this hemp I le so hamper thy affections in the halter of thy louers absence , making it vp in a gordian knot of forgetfulnesse , that no Alexander of thy allurements , with all the swordes of thy sweet words , shall euer cut in peeces .

Aem.

Lord , how you roule in your rope-ripe termes .

Lod.

Goe to , tell me , will you fasten the ladder or no ?

Aem.

I know not what I should say t' ee : I will fasten it , so only your selfe will come vp .

Lod.

Only my selfe will come vp then .

Aem.

Nay sweet Cuze , sweare it .

Lod.

If I should sweare thou wouldst curse me : take my word in a halters name , and make the ladder as fast to the Tarrasse , as thou would'st be to Aurelio .

Aem.

Nay see if he doe not make me giue ouer againe ?

Lod.

Was there euer such a blew kitling ? fasten it now , or by heauen thou do'st loose me for euer .

Aem.

Well sir , remember your word ; I will fasten it , but yfaith Cuze , is not the Gentleman , and his parting choller parted yet ?

Lod.

Yfaith with much adoe :

Aem.

Nay , nay , choose him ; I shall liue , if they be not : and if I liue till his choller kill me , I shall liue till he leaue louing me , and that will be a good while first .

Lod.

Lord , Lord , who has enform'd you of such amorous feruency in him : are you so confident in his kindnesse ?

Aem.

Nay by my troth , t is but a carelesse confidency neither , which alwaies last longer then that which is timorous : well Cuze , here I haue fastned it for your pleasure ; but alas , the feare of my fathers comming does so distract me that I scarce know what I doe or say .

Lod.

Your father ? do'st thinke we would venture all this preparation , and not make him safe ?

Aem.

But are you sure he is safe ?

Lod.

Am I sure this is Aurelio ? looke vpon him wench , is it not thy loue ? thy life ? come sir , mount .

Aem.

O cosen Lodwicke , doe you thus cosen and betray me ?

Lod.

Cuze , Cuze , thou hast acted thy dissembling part long enough , in the most modest iudgement , and passing naturally : giue ouer with thy credit then , vnmaske thy loue , let her appeere in her natiue simplicity , striue to conceale her no longer from thy loue , for I must needs tell thee he knowes all .

Aem.

What does he know ?

Lod.

Why all that thou told'st me , that thou lou'st him more then he can loue thee , that thou hast set vp thy resolution , in despight of friends or foes , weales or woes , to let him possesse thee wholly , and that thou didst wooe me to bring him hither to thee : All this he knowes ; that it was thy deuice to prepare this ladder , and in a word , all the speech that past betwixt thee and me he knowes , I told him euery word truly and faithfully God s my Iudge .

Aem.

Now was there euer such an immodest creature ?

Lod.

Via , with all vaine modesty , leaue this colouring , and strip thy loue starke naked , this time is too precious to spend vainly ; mount I say .

Aur.

Modell of heauenly beauty .

Lod.

Sownds , wilt thou melt into rime a the tother side ? shall we haue lines ? change thy stile for a ladder , this will bring thee to Parnassus , vp I say .

Aur.

Vnworthy I t' approach the furthest step to that felicity that shines in her .

Lod.

O spurblinde affection , I haue seene a fellow , to a worse end ascend a ladder with a better will , and yet this is in the way of marriage , and they say , marriage and hanging haue both one constellation . To approue the which old saying , see if a new ladder make 'em not agree .

Aem.

Peace , some bodie comes .

Lod.

That you heard , was but a mouse , so boy I warrant thee .

Aur. O sacred goddesse , what soe're thou art That in meere pitty to preserue a soule From vndeseru'd destruction , hast vouchsaf't To take Aemiliaes shape . Lod.

What a poeticall sheepe is this ? S'life , will you stand riming there vpon a stage , to be an eye-marke to all that passe ? is there not a chamber by ? withdraw I say for shame , haue you no shame in you ? heere will come some bodie presently I lay my life on 't .

Aur. Deare mistresse , to auoid that likely danger , Vouchsafe me onely priuate conference , And 't is the fulnes of my present hopes . Exeunt . Lod.

Aurelio , Occasion is bald , take her by the forelock ; so , so . In Hymens name get you together , heere will I stand Sentinell . This is the backe gate to Honorios house , which shall be Aurelios , if God giue him grace to weepe for his fathers death in time . And in this garden , if I could see the chaste Lucresse , or the affable mistresse Temperance , I might ( thus wrapt in my cloake ) steale a little courtship through the chinke of a pale . But indeed I thinke it safer to sit closer , and so to cloud the summe of my visnomy , that no eye discerne it . ( He sits downe , and muffles himselfe in his cloake . ) So be it , that s my resolution . Now to my contemplation , this is no Pandarisme , is it ? No , for there is neither money nor credit propos'd or expected , and besides there is no vnlawfull act intended , no not this same lasciua actio animi : I thinke for his part , much lesse hers : go to , let me do my kinswoman , and her sex right , sit at rest with me then reputation , and conscience , fall asleepe with the world , but this same idle attendance is the spite of it , Idlenesse is accounted with other men a sinne , to me 't is a penance , I was begot in a stirring season , for now hath my soule a thousand fancies in an instant , as what wench dreams on when she lies on her backe , when one hen layes an egge and another sits it , whether that hen shall mother that chicken ? If my bull leape your cow , is not the calfe yours ? yes no doubt , for Aedificium cedit solo saies the Lawyer : and then to close all comes in a sentence , Non omnia possumus omnes : for some are borne to riches , others to verses , some to be bachelers , others to be cuckolds , some to get crownes , and others to spend 'm , some to get children , and others to keepe 'em : and all this is but idlenesse , would to God I had some scuruy poeme about me to laugh at , ( Enter Temperance . ) but marke , yonder s a motion to be seene .

Temp.

Yonder he sits yfaith , well done true loue , good Signior Leonoro , he keepes promise the best , he does not see me yet .

Lod.

'T is the stai'd Madam Temperance , a pretty pinnace she has bene in her daies , and in her nights too , for her burthen , and reasonable good vnder sayle , and see she hath discouered a sayle , see , see , she hales him in , ha ? t is this way to the rewards , slight 't is this way : I hope the baud knowes not me , and yet I know not , she may be a witch , for a whore she was before I knew her , a baud I haue knowne her any time this dozen years , the next step to honour then is a witch , because of Nature , for where the whore ends , the baud begins , and the corruption of a baud , is the generation of a witch . And Pythagoras holds opinion , that a witch turnes to a wild Cat , as an old Ostler turnes to an ambling nagge . Enter Leonoro muffled in his cloake with Lyonell .

Leo.

This is the backe gate , where Temperance should meete me at this howre .

Lyon .

I wonder she fayles , for I see her not .

Leo.

Why sits that fellow there troe ? come let 's houer here abouts 't will not be long er'e we encounter . Exit .

Lod.

So , now this riddle is expounded , this baud tooke me for this aduenturer whom ( twentie to one ) she attended , to waft him into Lucretias chamber , what a beast was I , not to apprehend this aduantage , thus muffled as I am , she could not haue perceiued mee till I had been in , And I might safely haue staid a while without endangering my louers : ( Enter Temperance stealing along the stage . ) S'light she takes me still for her first man .

Tem.

Come , come , gingerly for Gods sake , gingerly .

Exeunt . Enter Leonoro and Lyonell . Leo.

See Lyonell , yet she is not come , and the priuy attendant is gone .

Lyo.

I wonder what it was .

Leo.

I feare me some other clyent of hers , whom she preferres before me , come , we must not linger here too long together , wee 'll enter on this backside , to the Emperours head , where we will stay a little , and then make the last triall of this bauds honesty . ( Enter Quintiliano , Giouenelli , and Fannio in their doublet and hose . )

Quint.

Come Ancient , le ts leaue our company a little , and ayre our selues in this backside . — Who goes there ?

Leo.

A friend .

Quint.

The word .

Leo.

God saue you Captaine Quintiliano .

Quint.

Shote him Ancient , a spie , the word 's the Emperours head , and thither you shall go sir .

Leo.

Pardon me good Captaine .

Gio.

Come , be not retrograde to our desires .

Leo.

I attend a friend of mine .

Quint.

Th' ast attended him already , I am witnesse too 't , deni 't and he dare , whatsoe're he bee , and he shall attend thee another while , and he will : Th' art as good a man as he , and he be the Duke himselfe , for a Clarissimo ; entertaine him Ancient , bid the Clarissimo , welcome , I le call a drawer , and wee 'll haue some wine in this Arbor . Exit .

Gio.

Y' are very welcome Signior Clarissimo , desire you more acquaintance sir .

Leo.

My name is Leonoro sir , & indeed I scarce know you .

Gio.

No sir , and you know me , you must know as much as I know , for Scientia and Scientificus is all one ; but that 's all one , in truth sir , you shall not spend a penny here , I had money , I thanke God euen now , and peraduenture shall haue againe e're we part , I haue sent to a friend of mine .

( Enter Quintilliano and a drawer with a cup of wine & a towell . ) Quint.

Here honourable Clarissimo , I drinke to thee .

Leo.

Thanke you good Captaine .

Quint.

S'fut , winesucker , what haue you fild vs heere , baldredash ? taste Leonoro .

Leo.

Me thinks 't is sacke .

Geo.

Let vs taste sir , 't is claret , but it has beene fetch 't againe with Aqua vitae .

Quint.

S'light me thinks t 'as taken salt water , who drew this wine you rogue ?

Draw .

My fellow Sam drew it sir , the wine 's a good neat wine , but you loue a pleasanter grape , I 'le fit your pallate sir . ( He stands close . )

Quint.

Is this thy boy Leonoro ?

Leo.

For fault of a better sir .

Quint.

Afore heauen 't is a sweete fac't child , me thinks he should show well in womans attire : and hee tooke her by the lilly white hand , and he laid her vpon a bed . I le helpe thee to three crownes a weeke for him , and she can act well . Ha'st euer practis'd my pretty Ganimede ?

Lyo.

No , nor neuer meane sir .

Gio.

Meane sir ? No marry Captaine , there will neuer be meane in his practise I warrant him .

Quint.

O finely taken ; Sirha , Clarissimo , this fellow was an arrant Asse this fore-noone , afore he came to be an Antient .

Leo.

But where 's your Lieftenant Captaine ?

Quint.

Sownds man , hee 's turnd swaggerer .

Leo.

I st possible ?

Quint.

Swaggerer by this light he ; and is in the next roome writing a challenge to this tall Gentleman my Antient here .

Leo.

What , mutinous in your owne company ?

Quint.

S'fut man , who can bridle the asses valour ?

Giou.

S'blood and any man thinke to bridle me .

Leo.

But what was the quarrell ?

Quint.

Why sir , because I entertaind this Gentleman for my Antient , ( being my deare friend and an excellent scholler ) he takes pepper i th' nose and sneeses it out vpon my Antient ; now sir ( he being of an vncole-carrying spirit ) fals foule on him , cals him gull openly ; and euer since I am faine to drinke with 'em in two roomes , dare not let 'em come together for my life , but with pen and inke-hornes , and so my Lieftenant is in the next chamber casting cold Inke vpon the ( Enter Innocentio . ) flame of his courage , to keepe him from the blot of cowardise , see where he comes with his challenge : good Clarissimo hold my Antient .

Leo.

Good Antient , forbeare in a Tauerne .

Quint.

Reuenge noble Lieftenant , hast thou done it ?

Innoc.

S'light I thinke I haue pepperd him , but t was his owne seeking you know .

Quint.

That s certaine .

Giou.

Sownds my seeking sir ?

Quint.

Hold him Leonoro ; and if it be possible , perswade him to heare the challenge from the enemies owne mouth .

Leo.

I le vndertake he shall Captaine : Good Antient let me entreate you .

Giou.

Well sir , because y' are a stranger to me , you shall doe more with me .

Leo.

Thanke you good ancient .

Quint.

Reade fiery Lieftenant , reade boy , legibly .

Innoc.

Here it is sir : Signior Giouenelli , it is not ignorant vnto you , that euen now you crost me ouer the cocks-comb .

Giou.

I did so sir : I will not denie it I warrant you .

Leo.

Good Ancient peace .

Innoc.

And that openly , or else it would neuer haue greeu'd me .

Quint.

That openly was all indeede .

Innoc.

And moreouer , very vnreuerendly to call me gull , and asse to my face : And therefore , though I held it good discretion in me to winke at the blow , not seeing to take notice of it .

Leo.

Good discretion in deede .

Innoc.

Yet know that I will haue satisfaction from you .

Giou.

Well sir , and you shall .

Quint.

Nay good Ancient heare him .

Innoc.

And desire you to send me word , whether you will maintaine it or no , hoping that you will not offer that discourtesie to doe me wrong , and stand to it when you haue done .

Leo.

That were foule indeede .

Innoc.

And as for the words , in that you call'd me gull , and Asse to my face , resolue me by letter ( for I do not thinke fit we should meete ) first whether you spake any such words or no : and secondly by whom you meant 'em . And it by me ( as I thinke you durst not ) confesse you are sorry for 'hem : and if I haue offended you , I heartily aske you forgiuenesse . And so farewell .

Quint.

Afore heauen Ancient , this would haue tickled you , but good Leonoro , and thou bee'st a right Clarissimo , le ts make 'em friends , and drinke to one another : S'fut , we haue no wine here me thinks , where 's this Aperner ?

Drawer .

Here Sir .

Quint.

Haue you mended your hand sir .

Draw .

I Captaine , and if this please not your taste , either you or I cannot tast a cup of wine .

Quint.

Sounds y' are very saucy sir , here Lieftenant , drink to thy Ancient , and voide mutinies with your officer , marshall law is dangerous .

Innoc.

Is he content I should drinke to him ?

Leo.

He is I warrant thee .

Innoc.

Why then Ancient good lucke t' ee .

Giou.

Let come Lieftenant , I pledge you .

Quint.

Why so , now my company is cur'de againe , afore 't was wounded . Come honorable Clarissimo , le ts retire to our strength , taste a fresh carouse or two , and then march home with Musicke . Tapster , call vs in some Musicke .

Draw .

I will sir .

Finis Actus Tertij .

Actus Quartus . Enter Quintiliano , Leonoro , Innocentio , Lionello , Fannio , with Musicke . Quint.

Strike vp Scrapers , honorable Clarissimo , and thy sweet Adonis , adieu , remember our deuice at the show soone .

Leo.

I will not faile Captaine , farewell t' ee both : come Lionel , now let vs trie the truth of Madam Temperance , and see if shee attend vs .

Innoc.

I hope by this time shee remembers her promise sir . Exeunt Leo . and Lio.

Quint.

How now Lieftenant , where 's my Ancient ?

Innoc.

Marry Captaine y 'aue left him casting the reckoning i th' chimney .

Quint.

Why then his purse and his stomacke wil be empty together , and so I cashier him ; let the scholler report at Padua , that Venice has other manner of learning belongs to it : what does his Continuum & Contiguum here ? let 'em goe to the Inke pot and beware of the wine pot . Fill red cheek't Bacchus , let the Burdeux grape Skip like la voltos in their swelling vaines . Te dan , dan tidle , te dan de dan tidle didle , &c.

Innoc.

O God Captaine that I could dance so .

Quint.

He tooke her by ( strike vp fidlers ) the lilly white hand and he laid her vpon the bedde . Oh what a spirit haue I now ? I long to meete a Sergeant in this humor , I would but haue one whiffe at one of these same peuter button'd shoulder-clappers , to trie whether this chopping knife or their pestels were the better weapons . Here 's a blade Boy , it was the old Dukes first predecessors ; I le tell thee what Lieftenant , this sword has dubd more Knights then thy knife has opened Oysters .

Innoc.

I st possible Captaine , and me thinks it stands a little .

Quint.

No matter for that , your best mettald blades will stand soonest : so , now we haue attaind our Mansion house . At which I le sing a verse shall breake the dores . O noble Hercules , let no Stygian lake . Te dan dan tidle , te dan de dan tidle didle , &c. Farewell scrapers , your reward now shall be that I will not cut your strings nor breake your fidles , via , away .

Innoc.

Come Captaine , le ts enter , I long to see my Mistris , I warrant shee 's a heauy Gentlewoman for your absence .

Quint.

S'fut she 's an Asse , honour wooes me , preferment cals me , and I must lye pampred in a wenches lap , because shee dotes on me . Honour saies no , Lieftenant , Pugna pro patria , we must too 't yfaith and seeke our portion amongst the scratcht faces .

Lorenzo

within . Mistris , Mistris , is he gone ?

Quint.

Whoe 's that cals there ?

Innoc.

I heard no body .

Quint.

No ? there was one cald Mistris : I say who cald Mistris , s'blood I hope I am not drunke .

Fann.

In truth sir I heard no body .

Quint.

I tell thee I smelt a voice here in my entry , s'fut I le make it smell worse and' cheare it againe .

Innoc.

O me , hee 'll draw vpon his owne shaddow in this humour , if it take the wall of him . Follow him Fannio , looke he doe no harme for God sake .

Lor.

Helpe , helpe , helpe .

Innoc.

Name of God , what 's there to doe ? ( Enter Quintil. and Lorenzo . )

Lor.

Good Captaine doe not hurt me .

Quint.

Sounds is hell broke loose ? why Snaile , though you can sing songs and doe things Snaile , I must not allow yee to creepe into my wiues cole-house , what Snaile into my withdrawing chamber ?

Lor.

I beseech your Worship heare me speake .

Quint.

O Snaile , this is a hard case ; no roome serue your turne , but my wiues cole-house , and her other house of office annext to it ? a priuy place for her selfe , and me sometimes , and will you vse it being a stranger ? s'light how comes this about ? vp sirha and call your Mistris .

Lor.

A plague of all disguises . Exit Fannio .

Innoc.

Alas poore Snaile , what didst thou make here ?

Lor.

I protest sir for no harme , my Mistris cald me in to sweepe her chimney , and because I did it not to her minde , shee made me doe pennance in her cole-house .

Innoc.

Search him Captaine and see , if he haue stolen nothing .

Lor.

Kill me , hang me , if I haue .

Quint.

Yes Snaile , and besides I heare complaints of you , y' are an old luxurious hummerer about wenches Snaile , does this become your grauity sir ? Lieftenant , fetch me a cole-sacke , I le put him in it and hang him vp for a signe .

Lor.

I beseech your Worship be good to me .

Innoc.

Good Captaine pardon him , since he has done nothing but swept your chimney worse then my Mistris would haue it swept , he will doe it better another time .

Quint.

Well Snaile , at this Gentlemans request , ( to whom I can denie nothing ) I release you for this once , but let me take you no more thus I aduise you .

Lor.

Not while I liue good Captaine .

Quint.

Hence , trudge you drudge , goe away .

Lor.

A plague of all disguises . Exit Lorenzo .

( Enter Fannio . ) Fann.

I haue look't about all the house for my Mistris sir , but I cannot finde her .

Quint.

Goe then , looke all about the towne for her too ; come in Lieftenant , le ts repose a little after our liquor .

Exeunt . Enter Aurelio and Aemilia , aboue . Aur. DEare life , be resolute , that no respect Heighted aboue the compasse of your loue , Depresse the equall comforts it retaines ; For since it finds a firme consent in both , And both our births and yeares agree so well , If both our aged parents should refuse , For any common obiect of the world , To giue their hands to ours , let vs resolue To liue together like our liues and soules . Aem. I am resolu'd my loue ; and yet alas , So much affection to my fathers will Consorts the true desires I beare to you , That I would haue no sparke of our loue seene , Till his consent be ask'd , and so your fathers . Aur. So runnes the mutuall current of my wish , And with such staid and circumspect respects , We may so serue and gouerne our desires , That till fit obseruation of our fathers , Preferre the motion to them ; we may loue Without their knowledge and the skill of any , Saue only of my true friend Lodowicke . Aem. I wonder where he is . Aur. Not farre I know , For in some place , he watcheth to preuent The feared danger of your fathers presence . Enter Lorenzo and Angelo running . Ang.

SOunds stay for the loue of your honour sir .

Lor.

A plague of all disguises Angelo .

Ang.

What reason haue you to curse them ? has not one of them kept you safe from the shame of the world , as much as a poore disguise might doe ; but when your ridiculous feares will cast it off , euen while it is on , so running through the streets , that they rise all in an vprore after you ; alas what is the poore disguise to blame sir ?

Lor.

Well then fortune is to blame , or some thing ; come as thou didst helpe to dawbe me , helpe to cleanse me , I prethee .

Ang.

Let alone a while sir for Gods sake , I le goe see whether the Captaine be gone from home or no .

Lor.

Out vpon that course Angelo ; I am frighted out of it , come enter my house , enter .

Ang.

What , will you enter your house sir afore you know who is in it : keepe your selfe close , and let me first enter and discouer .

Lor.

I know there is no body .

Ang.

You cannot know it sir , I heard euen now that diuers of the Senate were determin'd to come and sit in Counsell there .

Lor.

A tale , a very tale Angelo , enter for the loue of heauen , enter and vnsmother me . Exit .

Ang.

What shall I doe ? my poore Master is berai'd , O that same faithlesse Lodowicke , that could drowne the swaggering Captaine no better in his drunkennesse ; alas how should I salue this ? Exit .

( Enter Lorenzo and after him Angelo . ) Lor.

How now ? whom doe I see ? my daughter and a yonker together ? passion of death , hell and damnation , what lecherous capricorne raignes this vnhappy day ? old and yong in a predicament ? O fie of filthy sinne and concupiscence , I will conceale my rage a while that it may breake forth in fury ; I le shift me presently Angelo , and goe fetch the Prouost .

Ang.

O vnspeakable madnesse , will you for euer dishonour your daughter , and in her your selfe sir ?

Lor.

Talke not to me , out vpon this abhominable concupiscence , the pride of the flesh , this witchcraft of the Diuell : talke not to me , iustice cries out an 't in the streets , and I will see it punish't , come good Angelo to helpe to shift me .

Ang.

I le follow you Sir instantly ; Master , Master .

Aur.

Angelo ? what newes ?

Ang.

Miserable Master , cast downe your ladder , and come downe instantly .

Aem.

Alas , why , Angelo is my father comming .

Ang.

Let vs not talke but come downe I say .

Aur. Deere life , farewell , wee 'll shortly meete againe , So parts the dying body from the soule ; As I depart from my Aemilia . Aem. So enter frighted soules to the low world , As my poore spirit vpon this soddaine doubt , What may succeede this danger . Ang.

Come away , you 'll be whipt anone for your amourosity , hast for shame hast , &c.

Aem.

Once more and euer , fare my deere life well .

Exit Aemil . Ang.

Leaue your amorous congeis & get you in Dame ; sir you and I will talke as 't were betwixt the pales , now , get you and shift you of this sute presently .

Aur.

Shift me Angelo ? why man ?

Ang.

Aske me no questions , but goe home and shift you presently , and when I haue done a little businesse here within , I le come and tell you my deuice : there hath more chanc't then you are aware of , and then I can stand to tell you ; away therefore presently goe home and shift you .

Aur.

Very good sir , I will be ruld by you , and after learne the misteries . Exit Aurel.

Ang.

Now will I let the little squire shift and cleanse himselfe without me , that he may be longer about fetching the Prouost , and in the meane time will I take my Masters sute ( of which the little squire tooke note ) and put it on my sweet heart Francischina , who shall presently come and supply my Masters place , with his Mistris ; for the little squire amaz'd with his late affrights and this suddaine offencefull spectacle of his daughter , tooke no certaine note who it was that accosted her ; for if he had , he would haue blam'd me for my Master , only the colour of his garment sticks in his fancie , which when he shall still see where he left it , he will still imagine the same person weares it , and thus shall his daughters honour and my Masters be preseru'd with the finest sugar of inuention . And when the little squire discouers my sweet heart , shee shall sweare , shee so disguised her selfe , to follow him , for her loue to him ; ha , ha ha , O the wit of man when it has the winde of a woman . Exit .

Enter Lodouico and Lucretia , with Rapiers fighting . Lod. HOld , hold , I pre thee hold ; I yeeld my rapier , Let my submission , my presumption salue . Lucr. Ignoble Lodwicke , should I take thy life , It were amends too little for the wrong . Lod. O the precious heauens : How was I gul'd ? haud , hide thy selfe for shame . And henceforth haue an eye before thy fingers . Lucr. Well do not ieast it out , for I protest If this disguise , which my inhumane fate Puts on my proper sexe , be by thy meanes Seene through , by any other then thy selfe , The quarrell twixt vs shall be more then mortall . And thy dishonour to a friendlesse stranger ( Exild his natiue countrey , to remaine Thrall to the mercy of such vnknowne maids As fortune makes the rulers of my life ) Shall spread it selfe beyond my misery , Lod. Nay , mixe not cause of mirth with passion , Do me the grace t' vnfold thy name and state , And tell me what my whole estate may doe , To salue this wrong vnwittingly I did thee ? And set the plantife thoughts of thy hard fate In such peace , as my friendship may procure : And if I faile thee , let Ioue fayle my soule , When most this earth makes it need help of heauen . Lucr. In the more then temper my late rage And show your vertues perfectly deriu'd From the Venetian noblesse ; for my name It is Lucretio , which to fit this habit I turn'd Lucretia : the rest that rests To be related of my true estate , I le tell some other time : least now your presence Might dumbly tell it ( if it should be seene ) To all the world , or else make it suspect My femall life of lightnesse : then with thanks And vow of all true friendship , for th' amends Your kindnesse makes me , take your sword againe , And with it while I liue the power of mine In any honor'd vse shall commaund . Then till we meete , and may laugh at this error , I le once more trie the free peace of my chamber . Exit . Lod. Do so sweet friend : a plague of Gingerly ? Where is that stale and fulsome Gingerly , She brought me to a fury , I le be sworne Rather then man or woman : a flat beating : I found her suppos'd mistresse fast asleepe , Put her to the touchstone , and she prou' a man . He wak't , and with a more then manly spirit Flew in my face , and gaue me such a dash In steed of kissing , of these licorish lips That still my teeth within them bled I sweare He spits . Gengerly , Gingerly , a plague a you . He spits againe . But now how does my louers on the Tarrasse ? Enter Aurelio with Angelo , shifting his Apparell . Aur.

HOld , take my dublet too , my hat and all , and quickly hie thee to thy sweete .

Ang.

S'ounds , see sir see , your proper Sentinell , that when you needed him , gaue you a slip .

Anr.

Friend Lodouico , by my life , well welcome to this my fathers backeside .

Lod.

Well sir , well , I would I had kist almost your fathers backeside so I had neuer knowne it .

Ang.

A my life he faints extremely , he left you euen now to purchase him the amorous enteruiew of your fayre cuze Lucretia that lies heere .

Aur.

Gods me , sweete friend , would'st thou vse such a slight to any one that lay within my walke ? who was thy meane to her ?

Ang.

I lay my life , tame madam Temperance , the notorious Pandar .

Aur.

S'fut friend , wat a notorious ouersight was that ? and what a violent iniury vnto thy friend ?

Lod.

A plague vpon you both , you scuruy hinde , haue you no gull but me to whet your wit vpon ?

Aur. My friend a priuie louer ? I 'de haue sworne Loue might spend all his shafts at butterflies As well as at his bosome . Ang. 'T was your fault then , For I haue noted a most faithfull league Betwixt him and his barber now of late , And all the world may see , he does not leaue One haire on his smooth chinn , as who should say , His haplesse loue was gone against the hayre . Lod. S'bloud & these rogues knew how I was deceiu'd , They'd stout me into motley , by this light . Ang. Well sir , I euer thought y 'ad the best wit Of any man in Venice next mine owne , But now I le lay the bucklers at your feete , Lod. A poxe vpon thee , tame your bald hewed tongue , Or by the Lord of heauen I le pull it out . Aur. O my sweet friend , come I le know more of this , And tell thee all our fortune , hence good Angelo . Ang. O , if this man had patience to his braine , A man might load him till he smart againe . Exit Ang. Lod.

Patience worthy friend , hee knowes you loue him for his knauish wit . Exeunt .

Enter Leonoro , Temperance and Lyonell . Leo.

THou shalt not stay sweet Temperance , tell vs the manner of our warre and wee 'll leaue thee presently .

Temp.

Why that perl's man Lodowicke , according to your appointment was iumpe at three with mee , iust , beene full at your hower ; Muffled as I wild you , ee'ne your fashion and your very leg for all the earth , and followed me in so gingerly , that by my troth I must needs say , he was worthy the pleasuring ; but in what a taking was I when I perceiued his voyce ? & when I saw my mistresse & he together by the eares ?

Leo.

What did thy mistesse fight with him ?

Temp.

O king a heauen , she ranne vpon his naked weapon the most finely that euer liu'd , and I ran away in a swoone for feare .

Leo.

Has she a good courage ?

Lio.

It seemes she is too honest for our companies , a little more good Temperance .

Temp.

And when he saw me , he call'd me punke , and pandor , and doxie , & the vilest nicknames as if I had ben an arrand naughty-packe .

Leo.

'T is no matter Temperance , hee 's knowne and thou art knowne .

Temp.

I thanke heauen for it , and ther 's all indeed , I can stay no longer . Exit .

Leo.

Farewell honest Temperance : how was it possible , Lodouico should fit all these circumstances without the confederacy and trechery of this beldam ? well Lodouico must satisfie this doubt when I see him .

Lio.

That will be at the May night shew at Signior Honorios .

Leo.

I would not meet him there , I shall offend him , but there I must needs be , and haue thee disguis'd like a woman .

Lio.

Me sir ?

Leo.

No remedy , the Captain Quintilliano and I haue deuis'd it to gull his Lieutenant : for thou shalt dance with him , we will thrust him vpon thee , and then for his courting and gifts , which we will tell him he must win thee withall , I hope thou wilt haue wit enough to receiue the tone , and pay him againe with the tother , come Lionell let me see how naturally thou canst play the woman . Exit .

Lio.

Better then you thinke for .

Enter Quintiliano and Innocentio . Quint.

COme Lieutenant , this nap has set a nap of sobriety vpon our braines , now le ts sit heere & consult , what course were best for vs to take in this dangerous mansion of mans life .

Inno.

I am for you yfaith Captaine & you go to consult once .

Quint.

I know it Lieutenant , say then what think'st thou ? we talk't of employment , of action , of honor , of a company & so forth .

Inno.

Did we so Captaine ?

Quint.

Did we so Asse ? S'fut , wert thou drunke afore thou went'st to the tauerne , that thou hast now forgotten it ?

Inno.

Crie you mercy good Captaine , I remember I am your Lieutenant .

Quint.

Well sir , and so thou shalt be called stil , and I Captaine , though we neuer leade other company then a sort of quart pots .

Inno.

Shall we Captaine , by th masse then le ts neuer haue other company in deed .

Quint.

Why now th' art wise , and hast a minde transform'd with maine right , and to confirme thee , I will compare the noble seruice of a feast with the honourable seruice of the field , and then put on thy hand to which thou wilt .

Inno.

Thanke you good Captaine , but do you thinke that warre is naught sir ?

Quint.

Exceeding naught .

Inno.

Why then sir take heede what you say , for 't is dangerous speaking against any thing that is naught , I can tell you .

Quint.

Thou saist wisely Lieutenant , I will not then vse the word naught , nor speake ill of eyther , but compare them both , and choose the better .

Inno.

Take heede then good Captaine , there be some prickear'd intelligencers conuaid into some wall or other about vs .

Quint.

If there were I care not , for to say true , the first modell of a battell was taken from a banquet . And first touching the offices of both : for the generall of the field , there is the master of the feast , for the Lieutenant Generall , the mistresse , for the Sergeant Maior , the Steward , for the Gentleman vsher , the Marshall , for master o th' Ordinance the Sewer , and all other officers .

Inno.

Yet y' are reasonable well Captaine .

Quint.

Then for the preparation , as in a field is all kinde of artillery , your Cannon , your Demicannon , Culuerings , falkons , Sacres , minions , & such goodly ornaments of a field , I speake no hurt of em thou seest , I le haue nothing to do do with ' am .

Inno.

Hold you still there Captaine .

Quint.

Besides other munition of powder and shot , and so for the feast , you haue your Court , cubbords planted with flagons , cannes , cups , beakers , bowles , goblets , basens and ewers : And more glorious shew I wisse then the tother , and yet I speake no hurt of the other .

Inno.

No I le be sworne Captaine .

Quint.

Besides your munition of manchet , napery plats , spoons , glasses and so forth ; Then for your kitchen artillerie , there shall you see all your brasse peeces mounted in order , as your beefe-pots , your chaldrons , your kettles , chafingdishes , ladies , spits , a more edifying spectacle then your Cannon & Culuering , and yet I speake no hurt of them neither .

Inno.

No Captaine , thus farre , I goe wee .

Quint.

Then sir , as in the field the drumme , so to the feast the dresser giues the Alarme , Ran tan tara , tan tan tantara tan .

Inno.

O how it stirres my stomacke ?

Quint.

First then sets forward a wing of light horse , as sallads , brothes , sauces , flew'd meats , and other kickshores , and they giue a charge , then do the battell ioyne Captaine Capon in white-brith , Lieutenant calues head .

Inno.

That s my place .

Quint.

Ancient Surloigne , a man of a goodly presence , and full of expectation , as you ancient ought to bee , then haue you Sergeant Piemeat , Corporall Conny , Lanceprizado Larke , Gentlemen , Panbakex , & all the species of a company .

Inno.

Would we might fall to the fight once .

Quint.

Why now growes the fight hot man , now shall you see many a tall piece of beefe , many a tough capon go downe , and hee'r 's the triall of a mans stomacke , all the while the Artillery playes on both hands , the Canons lay about them , the flagons go off , thicke and threefold , and many a tall man goes halting off , some quite ouerthrowne both horse and foote .

Inno.

O my heart bleeds .

Quint.

That is , thy teeth water . In conclusion , as the remnant of the feast , ( I meane such dishes as scap't the fury of the fight ) if they be seruiceable , are reseru'd to furnish out another day if they be maim'd or spoyld , they are sent abroad to relieue prisons and hospitals . So the remainder of the fight , if they be seruiceable , they are reseru'd to supply a second field , for the fragments of the fight , viz. the maimd soldiers , they are sent likewise to furnish prisons and hospitals , how sayest thou now Lieutenant , shall we to the feast , or to the fight ?

Inn.

No fighting good Captain , to the feast for Gods sake .

Quint.

Tha' rt a my mind right , and so will we presently march on to the sacke of the Emperours head , then to the May-night feast , and shew at Signior Honorios , and there will be a wench there boy , a delicate yong morsell , a kinswoman of Signior Honorios , and her fathers only child , he a mighty rich Clarissimo , and her shalt thou court , winne her and weare her , thou hast wit at will .

Inno.

But shall that wench be her fathers sonne and heire Captaine ?

Quint.

Shee shall be his heire , a mine honesty .

Innoc.

But shall not my Mistris your wife bee at that show ?

Quint.

Shee shall , and we could finde her ; Fannio has beene abroade this houre to seeke her : the Asse is stept into some corner or other mourning for my absence . ( Enter Angelo and Francischina in disguise . ) See who comes here ?

Ang.

Come Cuze , march faire , me thinks thou becom'st a Page excellent naturally , cheere vp thy heart wench . Kisse her .

Franc.

Fie for shame kisse in the streets ?

Ang.

Why not ? truth seekes no corners , and 't was a true loues kisse , and so is this .

Quint.

Ware riot , do'st thou marke Lieftenant ?

Franc.

Gods pitty , my husband . Exeunt Franc. Ang.

Innoc.

What were these Captaine ?

Quint.

Vpon my life the hindermost of them , is a wench in mans attire , didst thou not marke besides his slabbering about her , her bigge thighs and her splay feete .

Innoc.

By the meskin me thought they were so indeede .

Quint.

S'life , the hungry knaue her squire , could not hold in the open streets .

Innoc.

What should shee be ?

Quint.

The Doxie was muffeld in her cloake , I had but a glimpse of her ; but s'light I will know her , shee passes not so , come wee 'll follow . I le beate the Rogue and take away 's whore from him . Exeunt .

Enter Angelo and Francischina . Ang.

COme courage Cuze , wee haue sail'd the man of Warre out of sight , and here wee must put into harbour . Hist , hawe Amila ?

Amil.

O welcome good Angelo .

Ang.

Here take in , goe , get vp lightly , away , take heed you slip not Cuze , remember y' are short heel'd .

Franc.

Hold fast for Gods sake .

Ang.

Nay hold you fast , you 'll shame vs all else ; so Ioue receiue thy soule : I take away the ladder : Now till you haue deceiued the Prouost , farewell , remember your lesson Cuze . Exit .

Franc.

I warrant you . ( Enter Quintil. and Innocentio )

Quint.

How vnhappily did we misse 'em ? they slipt into some vaulting house , I hold my life .

Innoc.

Faith it 's good we mist 'em , she was some stale punke I warrant her .

Quint.

Twenty to one shee is some honest mans wife of the Parish that steales abroade for a trimming , while he sits secure at home , little knowing , God knowes , what hangs ouer his head ; the poore Cuckold esteeming her the most vertuous wife in the world . And shoude one tell him , he had seene her drest like a Page following a knaue thus , I le lay my life he would not beleeue it .

Innoc.

Why no Captaine , wiues take all the faith from their husbands . And that makes 'em doe so many good workes as they doe .

Quint.

Mercy for that yfaith Lieftenant , stand close . ( Enter Fannio and Giacono )

Fann.

My Mistris in mans apparell saist thou ?

Giac.

Thy Mistris in mans apparell I assure thee , and attended by Angelo .

Fann.

Would to heauen I had seene her , canst tell whither shee went .

Giac.

Full butt into Lorenzoes house , and if thou knewst him , thou know'st wherefore , an ill-fauourd trimming is her errand .

Fann.

'T is very well , shee trims my Captaine prettily , in the meane time his head paies for all , and yet alas poore hornestocke , he thinks her to haue no fault , but her too much dotage vpon him , well my conscience will not let me keepe her counsaile , he shall know on 't .

Giac.

Why man if both of vs should tell him her fault he will not beleeue vs .

Fann.

No , nor if he had seene it with his owne owne eyes I thinke , I shal neuer forget how the profound Cockatrice hung on his sleeue to day , and he shoude not from her sight , shee 'd follow him into the warres , one day should make an end of both their loues and liues , and then to see him the wittall , my Captaine began to stroote , and batle the pride of his merits that so heightned her affection .

Giac.

True , and how the foppasty his Lieftenant , stept in to perswade with her , to take it patiently , for friends must part , we came not all together , and we must not goe all together .

Fann.

Well , 't will not be for any man to follow him , if this were knowne once .

Giac.

Lord how all the boyes in the towne would flocke about him as he walks the streets , as 't were about a bagge-pipe , and hoote the poore Cuckold out of his hornecase .

Fann.

Well , and I were worthy to giue him counsaile , he should e'ne faire and well hang himselfe .

Giac.

No , no , keepe it from him , and say thou found'st her at a womans labour .

Fann.

A plague of her labour , the Captaines browes sweate while shee labours .

Giac.

If I were in thy case , I should laugh out right when I saw him .

Fann.

That dare not I doe , but as often as he turnes his backe to me , I shall be here V with him that s certaine : or when I follow him and his cheating stocke Innocentio , in the streets , I shall imagine still I am driuing an Oxe and an Asse before me , and cry phtroh , ho , ptrough .

Innoc.

S'light Captaine take this and take all .

Quint.

Not a word for the world , for if we should take notice of his words the slaue would denie all , leaue it to me to sift it in priuate . Now sir , what newes with you ? where 's your Mistris , that you range thus at your pleasure ?

Fann.

In health sir I trust .

Quint.

Come forward you rogue you : come forward , whither creepe you behinde so ? where 's your Mistris sir ?

Fann

At a poore womans labour sir .

Quint.

Very well sir , come Lieftenant , goe you afore , and doe you follow him sir .

Fann.

What afore my Captaine sir : you shall pardon me .

Quint.

Afore you rogue , afore . Exeunt

Finis Actus Quarti .

Actus Quintus . Enter Honorio , Lorenzo , Gasparo and Angelo . Hon.

SIgnior Lorenzo , and Gasparo , y' are very welcome , we shall haue good company and sport to entertaine you ere long I hope , shall we not Angelo ?

Ang.

Yes sir , I haue enuited all you commanded me .

Lor.

This is the honest man indeede , that tooke the paines to come for me .

Gasp.

And for me also .

Ang.

No paines but pleasure sir , I was glad I had such good meanes to be knowne to your Worship .

Lor.

Nay , I haue knowne you before , to be the seruant of Signior Honorio here , I take it .

Hon.

Not my seruant Signior Lorenzo , but my sonnes .

Lor.

O , your sonne Aurelios seruant ? beleeue me you or your sonne ( in mine opinion , though I say it before him ) made good choice of him : for he hath a good honest face , and to a man of iudgement ( I tell you ) that 's as good as a good surety for him . I will be better acquainted with you sir , pray you giue me your hand .

Ang.

Both my hand and heart sir , shall be euer at your seruice .

Lor.

Thanks my good friend , I le make thee laugh anone Angelo .

Ang.

I thanke your Worship , you haue done so often .

Hon.

A notable wagge Signior Gasparo .

Gasp.

How curiously Lorenzo thinks he carries the matter ?

Lor.

How now Gentlemen , i st a merry secret , that you smile so ?

Hon.

No secret Signior Lorenzo , but a merry conceipt we were thinking on , to furnish our show anone , if it had beene thought on in time .

Lor.

What was that I pray ?

Hon.

Marry sir , we had good sport to day with Snayle the chimney-sweeper .

Lor.

Had you so sir ?

Gasp.

That euer was .

Lor.

Lord that I had beene amongst you , but what more of him sir ?

Hon.

Marry sir , we were thinking how we might merrily deceaue our company that is to come , if we could haue gotten him some magnificoes sute of the Citty , whom for his little stature and leane face he might resemble , that in that habit he might haue stolen some kinde fauours from the Ladies , to make him amends and please him for the anger we put him in .

Lor.

It would haue made excellent merriment .

Ang.

You are his best Master sir , and if it please you to send me for him by some token , I le goe for him ; otherwise he will not come to these Gentlemen .

Lor.

Shall he come Gentlemen ?

Amb.

If you please sir .

Lor.

Why then hearke thee Angelo ; not for the world .

Ang.

Thinke you me such an Asse sir ?

Lor.

Shall he haue one of my little brothers suites , and come in amongst the Dames for him ?

Hon.

If you could , it would fit him exceedingly .

Lor.

Much ; now laugh Angelo : what Gentleman was that I spi'd aloft with my daughter think'st thou ?

Ang.

I know not sir ; I beseech your Worship who was it ?

Lor.

Franke , in mans apparell Angelo .

Ang.

O wonderfull .

Lor.

We cannot inuent a token , for my loue Angelo .

Ang.

O excellent .

Lor.

We will hit it anone Gentlemen .

Amb.

At your leasure sir .

Lor.

The swaggerer her husband , had note of it by his Page , and yet the same Page hath perswaded him , since that 't was but a gullery .

Ang.

'T is a notable cracke ; and his Master hath such a pure beleefe in his wife , that hee 's apt to beleeue any good of her .

Lor.

True Angelo , enough for this time ; thou shalt make as if thou went'st for Snaile , and returne without him , saying thou canst not finde him .

Ang.

Agreed sir .

Lor.

Now Gentlemen , we haue deuis'd a wile to bring Snaile amongst vs , and I haue giuen Angelo order for a sute for him , that is my little brothers , and him he shall counterfeit ; goe Angelo seeke him out .

Ang.

I will sir . Exit Ang.

Hon.

Thanke you for this good Signior Lorenzo .

Gasp.

It will quicken the company well . Enter Aemilia , Lionell , Francischina and another woman .

Lor.

For their sakes and yours , I haue done it Gentlemen ; and see the faire flocke come vpon vs .

Hon.

Welcome faire Ladies , but especially you Lady , that are so meere a stranger , Signior Lorenzo you know yong Leonoro ?

Lor.

Very well sir , a gallant sparke .

Gasp.

And I thinke you know his father .

Lor.

Know him ? I faith sir there was a reueller , I shall neuer see man doe his lofty tricks like him while I liue .

Hon.

This Gentlewoman is his Neice sir .

Lor.

His Neice ? shee shall doe her selfe wrong not to be acquainted with her deere vnkles companion : Kisse her .

Gasp.

You know not this Gentlewoman sir ?

Lor.

Not very well sir indeede , but entertainement must be giuen , mercy Franke for thy mans apparell , a plague of all swaggering husbands . Nay I must forth yfaith , Signior Honorio , this is for your sake , am I not a kinde helpe to your entertainement ?

Hon.

An exceeding kinde one sir , and I exceedingly thanke you . ( Enter Messenger . )

Mess.

The maskers are come sir .

Hon.

Doe you and your fellowes attend them in .

Mess.

We will sir . Exit Mess.

Hon.

Sit gentle Ladies till the maskers raise you to dance .

Enter Aurelio , Leonoro , Quintiliano , and Innocentio , in a maske dancing . Hon.

WElcome Gallants , O the roome 's too scant , a hall Gentlemen .

Leo.

See how womanly my Boy lookes Quintiliano .

Quint.

'T will be rare sport ; Lieftenant , that sweet wench in the brancht gowne is the heire I told thee of .

Innoc.

Gods me , I le to her and kisse her .

Quint.

O no , you must not vnmaske .

Innoc.

No , no , I le kisse her with my maske and all .

Leo.

No Lieftenant , take her and court her first , and then kisse her .

Omnes .

To her slaue .

Aur.

There 's thy wife too , Quintiliano .

Quint.

True , little knowes shee I am so neere her ; I le single her out , and trie what entertainement a stranger may finde with her .

Aur.

Doe so , and wee 'll take vp the tother . ( Enter Angelo . )

They dance . Ang.

I can by no meanes finde Snaile sir .

Hon.

The worse lucke , but what remedy ?

Lor.

Gramercy Angelo ; but Signior Lorenzo , mee thinks I misse one flower in this femall garland .

Hon.

Whos 's that ?

Lor.

Your Neice Lucretia ,

Hon.

By my soule 't is true ; what s the reason Angelo Lucretia is not here ?

Ang.

I know no reason but her owne will sir .

Gasp.

Ther 's somewhat in it certaine . They dance againe .

Inno.

Did you see the play to day I pray ?

Lio.

No , but I see the foole in it here .

Inno.

Doe you so forsooth ? where is he pray ?

Lio.

Not farre from you sir , but we must not point at any body here .

Inno.

That s true indeede , cry mercy forsooth , doe you know me through my maske ?

Lio.

Not I sir , shee must haue better skill in bak't meats then I , that can discerne a woodcocke through the crust .

Inno.

That s true indeede , but yet I thought I 'de try you . ( Enter Lodouico . ) They dance .

Lor.

What Nephew Lodwicke , I thought you had beene one of the maskers .

Lod.

I vse no masking sir with my friends .

Hon.

No signior Lodowick , but y' are a very truant in your schoole of friendship , that come so late to your friends .

Gasp.

Somewhat has crost him sure .

Leo.

Somewhat shall crosse him ; Lodouico let me speake with you .

Lod.

With me sir ?

Leo.

You are the man sir , I can scarse say the Gentleman , for you haue done a wrong the credit of a Gentleman cannot answere .

Lod.

Would I might see his face , that durst say so much .

Lod.

Obserue him well , he shoes his face that will proue it when thou dar'st .

Aur.

How now Leonoro , you forget your selfe too much , to grow outragious in this company .

Leo.

Aurelio , doe not wrong me , and your selfe , I vndertake your quarrell , this man hath dishonord your Kinswoman Lucretia , whom ( if I might ) I intended to marry .

Aur.

Some error makes you mistake Leonoro , I assure my selfe .

Hon.

What interruption of our sport is this gentlemen ?

Lor.

Are not my Nephew and Leonoro friends ?

Lod.

He charges me with dishonoring his mistris Lucretia .

Hon.

Birlady Lodouico , the charge touches you deeply , you must answere it .

Lod.

I only desire I may sir , and then will referre me to your censures .

Lor.

Well Nephew , well ; will you neuer leaue this your haunt of fornication ? I schoole him , and doe all I can , but all is lost .

Lod.

Good Vnkle giue me leaue to answere my other accuser , and then I le descend , and speake of your fornication , as the last branch of my diuision .

Lor.

Very well , be briefe .

Lod.

I will sir ; The ground vpon which this man builds his false imagination , is his sight of me at Honorios backe gate , since dinner , where muffled in my cloke , kinde Madam Temperance , the attendant of Lucretia , from the Tarrasse , wafted me to her with her hand ; taking me ( as now I vnderstand ) for this honest Gentleman , I not knowing what vse shee had to put me to , obaid the attraction of her signall , as gingerly as shee bad me . ( A plague vpon her gingerly ) till shee lockt me into Lucretias chamber , where Lucretia lying asleepe on her bed , I thought it rudenesse to wake her ; and ( imagining when shee wak't shee had something to say to me ) attended her leasure at my ease , and lay downe softly by her ; when ( hauing chaster and simpler thoughts then Leonoro imagines ) because he measures my wast by his owne ) in the very coldnesse and dulnesse of my spirit , I fell sodainly a-sleepe . In which my fancy presented me with the strangest dreame , that euer yet possest me .

Lor.

Pray God you did but dreame Nephew .

Lod.

You shall know that by knowing the euent of it .

Hon.

Goe to , pray let vs heare it .

Lod.

Me thought Lucretia and I were at mawe , a game Vnkle that you can well skill of .

Lor.

Well sir I can so .

Lod.

You will the more muse at my fortune ; or my ouersights . For my game stood , me thought , vpon my last two tricks , when I made sure of the set , and yet lost it , hauing the varlet and the fiue finger to make two tricks .

Lor.

How had that beene possible ?

Hon.

That had beene no misfortune sure but plaine ouersight .

Gasp.

But what was the reason you thought you lost it sir ?

Lod.

You shall heare ; shee had in her hand the Ace of Hearts , me thought , and a Coate-carde , shee led the bord with her coate , I plaid the varlet , and tooke vp her coate , and meaning to lay my fiue finger vpon her Ace of hearts , vp start a quite contrary card ; vp shee rises withall , takes me a dash a the mouth , drew a rapier he had lay by him , and out of dores we went together by the eares .

Hon.

A rapier he had lay by him ?

Lor.

What a shee turned to a he ? do'st thou not dreame all this while Nephew .

Lod.

No nor that time neither , though I pretended it ; let him be fetcht , I warrant you he will show as good cards as the best on you , to proue him an heir Male , if he be the eldest child of his father .

Hon.

This is exceeding strange : goe Angelo , fetch her and her hand-maide .

Ang.

I will sir , if her valure be not too hot for my fingers . Exit .

Hon.

Could such a disguise be made good all this while without my knowledge ? to say truth , shee was a stranger to me , her father being a Sicilian : fled thence for a disausterous act , and comming hither grew kindly acquainted with me , and called me brother . At his death committing his supposed daughter to my care and protection , till she were restor'd to her estate in her natiue Country .

Lor.

Was he in hope of it ?

Hon.

He was , and in neere possibility of it himselfe , had he liu'd but little longer . ( Enter Angelo and Lucretia . )

Ang.

Here 's the Gentlewoman you talkt of sir , nay you must come forward too graue Mistris Temperance .

Lod.

How now sir ? who wants gentility now I beseech you ?

Leo.

Who haue we here ?

Lucr.

Stand not amaz'd , nor disparage him : you see sir , this habit truly doth sute my sexe , howsoeuer my hard fortunes haue made me a while reiect it .

Hon.

What hard fortunes ?

Lucr.

Those you know of my father sir : who feard my following of him in my natiue likenesse , to the hauen , where he by stealth embarqu't vs , and would haue discouer'd him , his offence being the slaughter of a Gentleman , that would haue slaine him .

Hono.

But did you not tell me you were betroth'd before this misfortune hapned , to a yong Gentleman of Sicily , call'd Theagines ?

Lucr.

I told you I was betroth'd to one Theagine , not Theagines , who indeed was a woman ,

Lio.

And yet whosoeuer had seene that Theagine since might haue taken him for a man .

Lucr.

Do you know her Gentlewoman ?

L●o.

It seemes you will not know her .

Leo.

Hearke how my boy plaies the knaue with her .

Quint.

A noble rogue , S'fut Lieutenant , wilt thou suffer thy nose to be wipt of this great heire ?

Inno.

S'light sir you are no handkercher are you ?

Lucr.

Pre thee forbeare , more happy then vnlookt for Is this deere accident : adopted and noble father , this is the Gentlewoman to whom I told you I was betroth'd , the happy newes she had to relate to me , made her a traueller , the more search of her passage made her a Page , and her good fortune obtaind her — this honest Gentleman to her Master , who I thanke him , being ( as he supposed me ) lou'd me , accept vs both for your children .

Hono.

Most gladly and with no lesse care , then mine owne protect you .

Quint.

S'fut , how now Leonora ? new fireworkes ?

Lod.

New sir , who wants gentility ? this is a gentlemanly part of you to keepe a wench in a Pages furniture ?

Leo.

It was more then I knew Sir , but this shall be a warning to me while I liue , how I iudge of the instrument by the case againe .

Lucr.

Nay it is you friend Lodouico that are most to blame , that holding the whole feminine sexe in such contempt , would yet play the pickpurse , and steale a poore maids maidenhead out of her pocket sleeping .

Leo.

'T was but to cousen mee .

Aur.

And to be before me in loue .

Lor.

And to laugh at me .

Lod.

Nay , ieast not at me sweete Gentles , I v'sd plaine and mannerly dealing , I neither v'sd the brokage of any , as you know who did Leonoro , nor the help of a ladder to creep in at a wenches chamber window ( as you know who did Aurelio . ) Nor did I case my selfe in buckrame , and crie chimney sweepe ( where are you vncle ? ) but I was train'd to it by this honest matron here .

Temp.

Meddle not with me sir .

Lucr.

I am beholding to her , she was loth to haue me leade apes in hell .

Quint.

Looke that you keepe promise with me Ladie , when will thy husband be from home ?

Fran.

Not so soone as I would wish him , but whensoeuer you shall be welcome .

Quint.

I very kindly thanke you Lady .

Fran.

Gods me , I tooke you for Signior Placentia .

Quint.

S'fut , thou liest in thy throte , thou knewst me as well as my selfe .

Hono.

What , Signior Quintilian , and friend Innocentio ? I look't not for you here , & y' are much the better welcome .

Quin.

Thanks dad Honorio , and liues my little squire ? when shall I see thee at my house lad ?

Lor.

A plague a your house , I was there too lately .

Lod.

See Lordings , her 's two will not let go till they haue your consents to be made surer .

Lor.

By my soule , and because old Gasparo heere has bene so cold in his loue sute , if she be better pleas'd with Aurelio , and his father with her , heauen giue abundance of good with him .

Hono.

So you stand not too much vpon goods , I say , Amen .

Lor.

Faith vse him as your sonne and heire , and I desire no more .

Hono.

So will I of mine honour , are you agreed youths ?

Ambo .

And most humbly gratulate your high fauors .

Gasp.

Faith & Ioue giue 'em ioy together for my part .

Lod.

Yet is heere another nayle to be driuen , heer 's a vertuous Matron , Madam Temperance , that is able to doe much good in a commonwealth , a woman of good parts , sels complexionn helpes maids to seruices , restores maidenheads , brings women to bed , and men to their bedsides .

Temp.

By my faith , but saue votre grace sir .

Lod.

Hath drinks for loue , and giues the diet .

Temp.

Birladie , and that s not amisse for you sir .

Lod.

For me , with a plague tee ?

Temp.

No nor for any man that s not sound I meane sir .

Lod.

S'fut masters these be good parts in the old wench , wilt thou haue her Lieutenant ? shee le be a good stay to the rest of thy liuing , the gallants will all honour thee at thy house I warrant thee .

Inno.

Fore God Captaine I care not if I haue .

Temp.

Well yong Gentleman , perhaps it should not be the worst for you .

Quint.

Why law , thy vertues haue own her at first sight , shee shall not come to thee emptie , for I le promise thee that I le make her able to bid any Gentleman welcome to a peece of mutton and rabbet at all times .

Lor.

Birladie , a good Ordinarie .

Quint.

Thow 't visit sometimes Dad .

Lor

That I will yfaith boy in authority wise .

Quint. Why then strike hands , and if the rest be pleas'd , Let all hands strike as these haue strucke afore , And with round Ecchoes make the welken rore . Exeunt . Finis Actus Quinti & vltimi .