I thinke so . Thou were pockily distempered .

Wil 't please you to proceede ? let 's heare some more of your goodly squires conditions .

Thirdly . When he meanes to ride to his countreyhouse , he goes three daies before to some groomes at court . And if from them he learne any newes ( if it be but of a posy given the king of Fraunce by his nurse , or that a fisher man sayling by the Barmoothes saw a fire at singing of a hog ) this carries him scot-free to all the gentlemens houses of his acquaintance scituate , set , lying , & being within seaven miles of the high way of any side vntill at length he set foot at his owne stable dore pecunijs numeratis remaining entire in his right pocket . And the like he can doe retrogrado to London , but by variety of friends because the same newes may be newes forward and backward .

This is a very plaine tricke , and needes no such encomions , and Epithets of commendation as you bestow on it .

Is it so Sir ? ther 's your iudgement , and bolt soone shot . But if I shew that it is a very difficill , ambiguous , perilous , perplexed and involved stratagem , what will become of your opinion hereafter ?

Who ? here 's a busines about riding a few miles by many gentlemens houses , as though it requires such ingenious circumstances .

I , that it does Sir . And I vndertake to make it appeare though perhaps you haue nere a capcase to put it in .

First Segnior Anthony so soone as he puts foot in the stirrop , is to feare least the Master & Mistres should not be at home & his perplexity in that case is very hardly dissolved .

Secondly how to carry his tales and discourses methodically .

Thirdly to take heede he discover no familiarity with the gentlemans adversary .

Lastly what kinde of farewell he were best to take at parting . These be matters of mighty moment ( as thou seest ) which he hath to cast , and recast ; to meditate , and ponder ; to tosse , and tumble ; to revolue , and resolue ; to put forwarde with Pro , and pull backe with contra , to obiect , and confute ; to throw doubts and mishaps like snow-bals , and against them erect bulwarks & defences , to admit wounds & scars , and to apply salues ; to conclude , come what come will to haue cordials in store , & all little enough to saue his best beloved in his purse . And yet thou Dunstable breed thoughtst it as easie a matter to performe them handsomely as to make a good posset with a quart of new like and a quantity of cleere chamberly .

Sir I confesse all these be farre aboue my element : and that in many yeares study I cannot comprehend one of them , therefore , I leaue thē to your cavaglyer without Peere in mine opinion . Hath he any more qualities of this nature ? Let s haue them , for at least I shall learne some wit out of them .

Thou learne wit out of them ? never while thou livest : not honestly neither . They will rather rob thee of those wits thou hast , he hath infinite such as these , which in verie pitty to thee I forbeare to relate at this time . These are enough to conceiue at once . For if I should driue them all into thy braines togither , though it were with a tenne-pennynaile , thou couldst not carry them away : but rather they would make thee madde in the case thou art now .

Why ? what case am I in thinkst thou ?

Not sit I was to receiue such potions without due preparation .

What shall I doe to be made fit for their operation ? I le take any course thou wilt prescribe me to get perfection . And I can imitate like an Ape .

Thou makst a large offer , & a rash , which full soone ( I doubt ) thou wilt revoke : but i le try thee . Before thou begin to professe this art , thou must forget all rules and instructions of manners taught thee by thy fathers , godfathers , or schoolemasters , and renounce all good counsaile given thee from the beginning of the world to this day : that so being an empty and voide vessell thou maist be the more apt to receiue the tincture and impression applyed . And thus begin thy A.B.C. in matchevillaines schoole . Otherwise ; if thou shouldst reserue but so much as a secret intention to keepe thine old honesty on the one side of thy head , and lay open the tother side to entertaine these restlesse and still stirring cratchets , there would be such hurly burly in thy brain , that all the wit thou hast will not keepe them in order . Therefore , if thou desirest to be of the cunning crue , and withall lov'st thine own peace , come cleere without wit or honesty , wee le teach enough in a weeke to serue thee all thy life time . I le bring thee acquainted , and then i le turne him loose to teach and furnish thee with destructions enough for a whole country .

Destructions . What should I doe with them except it were to destroy others . But I doubt I shall pay deare for my schooling , and that I like not . But for the other point of parting with my former good lessons , faith , I can quickly doe that for I never gain'd any thing by them , therefore I can be content to come to him as naked as ever I was born .

That 's great step to your well profiting I may say to you ; and t is a great signe of grace to be obedient , and wholly to resigne your selfe to good inspirations : but canst thou tell when thou hast good counsell giuen thee ?

Not I ; more then a child : For now you hau made me put off all my old learning I am become a very innocent , as if I were this day taken from my mammee : but I trust you because you are my frend . I hope you le put me to none , but such as shall teach me enough for my mony . And you say he is wise and will giue me samples enough , & then I warrant you I le take um like a spunge till I be twice so big as I am .

Well , then thus farre we are agreed . And I wish you not to stand vpon his getting by you , least you be penny-wise , and pound foolish .

How learn'd you his cunning so perfectly ? haue you knowne him long .

O , I ? why I haue knowne him these 30 yeares at least , and convers'd with him in his best times ; somewhat it cost me you must thinke , but that 's past . I would not for any thing but that I did knowne throughly .

Has he beene in Italy then as you said before ?

I that he has , and caried from thence more than all the townes in Italy could spare .

what 's that ?

I will not tell thee , thou hast already more then thou canst well beare : thou art almost drunke with the very smell of his wit , or else thou wouldst never so idly aske me a question which I told thee twentie times .

Mounsieur Proberio , I have heard all the conference between you and Simplo : and I doe so much mislike your discourse that I cannot chuse but oppose my selfe in my frends behalfe whom I heare egregiously to be wrong'd by you Proberio .

In what Noverindo , haue I done him injury ?

In all your speech generally : and in many particulars .

O vniversall Noverindo in what particulers ?

T is no matter . I le tell him all when we meet next .

That 's not matter . but canst thou disproue me in any thing I said ? or dost thou knowe any good by him that I haue not spoken of ?

Faith , or else I knowe but little : for if you praise a frend on this fashion I prethee speake the worst thou canst by me .

Sir , it may bee I le pleasure you so much : but to the matter ; canst thou disproue me in any thing I said ?

Yes , that I can , & that I will . I can disproue thee in that thou saidst hee never deales with any man but hee cavills , and wrangles with him , which is vntrue . And I had much adoe to keepe in my mother tongue , but could haue found in my heart presently to haue put the lye downe thy throat , but I did bridle my nature to heare all thou wouldst speake . And now to demonstrat thy falshood , I say , and will iustifie that he is as good a 10 i th 100 man either to giue or take as any is in London ; and that he keeps his daies ( especially of receit ) as strictly to an howre as any man . And further , that hee cavelleth or wrangleth not with any in this Kind : therefore you are a lying fellow .

Not to forward with your lyes Noverindo if you loue your selfe : for though I will not fight for feare of the proclamation yet knowe I can make you giue me satisfaction vpon your knee if I would complaine : but I will seek no such advantage ; for the cause it selfe giue mee victory enough over thee , and returnes the lie most brauely into thy gullet . I can proue Nody Noverindo , that in thy owne trade and his of decem per cent . when he lost 100l which the scriuener deliuered his owne messenger after the bond sealed , ( who ran away with the mony ) he brake his day , and sued the scriuener striuing to recouer the whole , or some composition by that meanes .

But did he recover any ? or did the scriuener giue him any thing ? 000 ?

He recouer'd not ; nor got any thing from the scriuener . But was not this a wrangle , and a shamefull cavill ? yea and with a Noverint man himselfe which thou deniest ? 000 now thou lyest in thy swallowing place Noverindo .

Segnieur Simple , Helpe me a little . Canst thou say no good of this gentleman ? it frets me to the heart to heare a man of our owne making to be thus misus'd .

Faith not I , not much , sauing that I haue heard many yeares agoe that he was a reasonable honest man but for 's religion , and they say still hee s a kinde of a Papist .

What a rascall s tis ? doe I call thee to speake in his behalfe , and dost thou prate of religion ? what has he or I to doe with religion ? I dare sweare that hee s an honest man of no religion . ( Intrat Antonio ) and younder s the man , let 's see now who dares charge him with religion . I hope he and I haue worke enough and neuer busie our felues about religion . So many banckrupts , and housekeepers now adaies t is time to looke about vs .

What ? dost thou finde fault with housekeepers : you le please him never a whit with that , for an t were not for good housekeepers he would haue many hungry meales .

I finde fault with such housekeepers as dare not shew their faces without their owne doores . I cannot indure this . I le complaine to him on you both , if euer hee light on you within the lash of the law , ther 's no mercy : and t is no matter , teach you to speake so evill of him behind his backe .

Why cockscombe ; how canst thou tell his backe was towards vs .

Well , mocke on , t was in his absence , that 's all one : I le tell him if you le giue me nothing .

Giue thee , yes a rope ( Noverindo turnes toward Antonio ) these caterpillers are al for what will you giue me like Iudas .

Bonus dies ▪ Segnieur Antonio , Magnifico ; the worthiest gentleman that ever consorted with the bankers of this citie . Sir I hope you make no doubt nos teneri & firmiter obligari tibi aut tuo certo atturnato , &c. And further obligamus nos , & quemlibet nostrum , heredes , & executores nostros &c. The condition is to bee ever ready at your lowest service .

What a rogue s tis ? he can speake nothing but obligations as Ovid did verses .

Gramarcees gentle Noverindo : how goe the rates now ?

Sir you may haue as much as you will at eight in the hundred , others pay ten .

I thanke you : then I haue a match already : a frend of mine must vse a thousand pound and intreats my band ; I le say he shall haue it by my meanes . Thou shalt haue forty shillings in the hundred for brocage : and I will gaine other fortie shillings , this is but twelue in the hundred that 's dog cheape , I knowe some pay a great deale more : And I le haue good land twice the worth for my counter security . Let me alone to hamper them .

You are wiser sir , fast bind fast find . And if they faile ye ull trice them . I trow vpon the mortgage .

Ah ha , art avis'd of that ? surely I shall doe them good to make the fooles take heed of others . And what falt is in me , a bargaine is a bargaine : and if I giue them a little more for their land when it is forfeited , they may thanke me but no parting with the land , for it is so deep if a man would dig it that it reacheth to hell , and ther 's no redemption .

Well , this is agreed : and if you will haue 3000l speake but the word , and giue three daies warning , wee le come at your whistle as your wife was wont to doe : but there s a thing I must impart to you which ( I hope ) you will take well at my hands , being but the relator .

What ? is any Backrupt that hath my summes put forth ?

Not one , they are as safe as in your chest .

Let it be what it will then , I care not a rush .

Sir it is some discredit to you if it be true .

If it be true , and discredit I weigh it not .

Ah noble Antony ( he imbraceth him ) pardon me if I be bold with your worship , for no man could haue spoken more pithely , and more like our owne corporate brother then this was : why Sir for all the world so are wee , never mou'd say what men will : wee could not liue richly if men had cause to speake well of vs , giue me your hand , I le liue & die with you for that word ; and loe here with this hand of mine I reach you the hearts of all our company ; now I dare say any thing to you without feare , or blushing . That which I was so vnwilling to vtter was no more but this : it is very credibly reported that you never deale , or contract with any but you cavill , wrangle , paulter , wrench , shift , chapp , change , deny , refuse , goe backe from your word , breake off , and play all manner of fowle play ; wherevpon all men speak evill of you , and as many as had once commerce will never more meddle with you .

All this is nothing , I haue heard twentie times so much with my owne eares , and smile at the poore fellowes that they spend their time with talking of me . But didst thou euer heare but I gain'd by them all .

Nay , that 's certaine : they all agree on that as a verdict .

Why , there 's it then . Now thou seest where wit lodgeth , with me , or with them .

Faith 't is true . And they haue nothing to charge a man withall but Conscience and Religion , and such impertinent stuffe . But I thinke I haue taken downe some of them about the word Religion of the oldest stampe , that you should be tainted withall , and I trow I haue so silenc'd them that you shall not neede to trouble your selfe with studying to revenge it .

I , they talke their pleasure behind my backe , but I wish they would speake one word to ground an action vpon . Didst thou heare him ( whosoeuer he was ) say , I am a Papist ?

O , no Sir , I warrant you , they dare not for fortie pound say so . But that you were one , that you looke like one , that your heart is so still , if you durst for losing some of your goods , that you were honester when you stucke to it . That now you dissemble . And such like words full of suspition , but not to beare an action . They are crafty enough for that . But I trow . Sir , you are too wise , and so I answered for you .

Thou didst well . I know some of them would gladly catch me in a trip . But I le watch them well enough .