A pleasant tale of an Vsurer .

IT fortuned that a yoong gentleman not farre off from Cockermouth , was somewhat sl●pt behind hand , and growne in debt , so that he durst hardly shew his head for feare of his creditors , and hauing wife and children to mai●taine , although he had a pr●per land , yet wanting money to s●ocke his ground , he liued very bare : whereupon he determined with himselfe to goe to an olde penny-father that dwelt hard by him , and so borrow some money of him , and so to lay his land in morgage for the repayment of it .

He no sooner made the motion but it was accepted , for it was a goodly Lorship , worth in rent of assise seuen score pound by the yeare , and did ab●ut vpon the Usurers ground , which drew the old churle to be maruellous willing to di●burse money , so that he was content to lende him two hundred markes for three yeare according to the statute , so that he might haue the land for assurance of his money .

The ge●tleman agreed to that , and promised to acknowledge a statute staple to him , with letters of defeysance . The Usurer ( although he lik● this wel , and s●w the yong man offere● more than reason required ) yet had a further setch to haue the land his whatsoeuer should chaunce , and therefore he began to verse vppon the poore Conny thus .

Sir ( quoth he ) if I did not pittie your estate , I would not lende you my money at such a ●ate : for whereas you haue it after ten pounds in the hundred ▪ I can make it worth thirtie . But seeing the distresse you your wife and children are in , and considering all growes through your owne liberall nature , I compassionate you the more , and would do for you as for mine owne sonne : therefore if you shal thinke good to follow it , I wil giue you fatherly aduise , I knowe you are greatly inde●ted , and haue many vnmercifull creditors , and they haue you in suit , and I doubt ere long wil haue some ex●ent against your lands , so shal you be vtterly vndone , and I greatly incumbred . Therefore to auoyd all this , in my iudgement it were best for you to make a deed of gift of all your landes , without condition or promise , to some one faythful friend or other , in whom you may repose credite , so shal your enemies haue no aduauntage against you : and seeing they shall haue nothing but your bare body lyable to their executions , they wil take the more easie and speedy composition . I thinke this the surest way , and if you durst repose your selfe in me , God is my witnesse , I would be to you as your father if he liued . How say you to this compendious tale Maister R. G. ●●uld the proudest setter or verser in the world haue drawne on a Conny more cunningly ?

Wel , againe to our yoong gentleman , who simply ( with teares in his eyes to heare the kindnes of the Usurer ) thankt him hartily , and deferred not to put in practise his counsell , for he made an absolute deed of gift from wife and children to this Usurer of all his Lordshippe , and so had the two hundred markes vpon the playne forfait of a ●and .

To be short , the money made him and his merry , and yet he did hus●and it so wel , that he not onely duly paid the interest , but stockt his grounds , and began to grow out of debt , so that his creditors were willing to beare with him . Against the three yeares were expired , he made shift by the helpe of his friends for the money , and carryed it home to the Usurer , thanking him greatly , and crauing a returne of his deed of gift . Nay soft sir ( sayth the olde Churle ) that bargaine is yet to make , the land is mine to mee and mine heyres for euer , by a deed of gift from your owne hand , and what can be more sure : take the money if you please , and there is your band , but for the Lordship I wil enter on it to morrow : yet if you wil be ●y tenant , you shall haue it before another , and that is all the fauour you shal haue of me .

At this the Gentleman was amazed , and began to plead conscience with him , but in vaine : whereuppon he went sorrowfully home and told his wife , who as a woman halfe lunatike ran with hir little children to his house , and cryed out , but bootlesse : For although they called him before the chiefe of the country , yet 〈◊〉 the law had graunted him the fee simple thereof he would not part withal : so that this distressed gentleman was faine to become tenant to this Usurer , and for two hundred marks to lofe a Lordship worth six or seuen thousand pounds . I pray you was not this an old Conycatcher M. R. G. that could lurtch a poore Conny of so many thousands at one time ? whether is our cros●ing at cardes more perillous to the commonwelth than this cossenage for land ? you winke at it , but I wil tel all , yet heare out the end of my tale , for as fortune fel out , the Usurer was made a Cony himselfe .

The gentleman and his wife smothering this with patience , she that had a reaching wit , & ha●● brain reuenge in hir head , counseld hir husband to make a voyage from home , & to stay a weeke or two : and ( q. she ) before you come againe you shal see mee venter faire for the land . The gentleman willing to let his wife practise hir wits , went his way , and left al to his wiues discretion . She after hir husband was foure or fiue dayes from home , was visited by the Usurer , who vsed hir very kindly , and sent victuals to hir house , promising to sup with hir that night , and that she should not want any thing in hir husbands absence . The gentl●woman with gratious acceptance thankt him , and bad diuers of hir neighbors to beare him company , hauing a further reatch in hir heade then he suspected . For the olde Churle comming an hower before Supper time , euen as she hir selfe would wish , after an amorous wehe or two , as olde Iades wynnie when they cannot wagge the tayle , began to be very pleasant with his tenant , and desired her to shew him al the roomes in hir house , and happily ( saith he ) if I die without issue , I may giue it to your children , for my conscience bids me be fauorable to you .

The gentlewoman lead him through euery part , and at last brought him into a backe roome much like a backhouse , where she ●aid thus vnto him .

Sir , this roome is the most vnhandsomest in all the house , but if there were a dormar built to it , and these shut windows made bay windows and glazd , it would make the properest parlour in al the house : for ( saith she ) put your head out at this window , and looke what a sweet prospect belongs vnto it .

The Usurer mistrusting nothing , thrust out his craftie sconce , and the Gentlewoman shut to the windowe , and called her maids to helpe , where they bound and pinyond the caterpillers armes fast , and then stood he with his head into a backeyard , as if he had beene on a pillory , and struggle he durst not for stifling himselfe . When she had him thus at the vauntage , she got a couple of sixe peny nayles and a hammer , and went into the yard , hauing her children attending vpon her , euery one with a sharpe knife in theyr handes , and then comming to him with a sterne countenance , shee looked as Medea did when she attempted reuenge against Iason . The Usurer seeing this tragedie , was afraid of his life , and cryed out , but in vaine , for her maydes made such a noyse , that his ●hr●king could not be heard , whilest she nayled one ea●e fast to the windowe , and the other to the stanshel , then began she to vse these words vnto him .

Ah vile and iniurious caterpiller , God hath sent thee to seeke thine owne reuenge , and now I and my children wil performe it . For sith thy wealth doth so couutenance thee , that we cannot haue thee punisht for thy coossenage , I my selfe wil bee Iustice , Iudge , and Executioner : for as the Pillory belongs to such a villaine , so haue I nayled thy eares and they shal be cut off to the perpetuall example of such purloining reprobates , and the executers shal bee these little infants , whose right without conscience or mercie thou so wrongfully deteinest . Looke on this old Churle litle babes . this is he that with his coossenage wil driue you to beg and want in your age , and at this instant brings your Father to all this present miserie , haue no pittie vppon him , but you two cut off his eares , and thou ( quoth she to the eldest ) cut off his nose , and so be reuenged on the villaine whatsoeuer fortune me for my labour . At this the Usurer cryed out , and bad her stay her children , and hee would restore the house & land again to hir husband . I cannot beleeue thee base churle q. she , for thou that wouldst periure thy selfe against so honest a Gentleman as my husband , wil not sticke to forsweare thy selfe were thou at liberty and therefore I wil mangle thee to the vttermost . As thus she was ready to haue her children fal vpon him , one of hir maydes came running in , and told her , her neighbors were came to supper : bid them come in , quoth she , and behold this spectacle . Although the Usurer was passing loath to haue his neighbors see him thus tyranously vsed , yet in they came , and when they saw him thus mannerly in a new made pillory , and his eares fast nayled , some wondred , some laught , and all stood amazed , till the Gentlewoman discourst to them all the coosenage , and how she meant to be reuenged : some of them perswaded her to let him go , others were silent , and some bad him confesse : he hearing them debate the matter , and not to offer to helpe him , cryed out : why , and stand you staring on me neighbors , and wil not you saue my life ? No quoth the Gentlewoman , he or she that stirs to helpe thee shal pay dearely for it , and therefore my boyes , off with his eares : then he cryed out , but stay , and he would confesse all , when from point to point he rehearst how he had coossened hir husband by a deed of gift only made to him in trust , and there was content to giue him the two hundreth markes freely for amends , and to yeeld vp before any men of worship the land againe into his possession , and vpon that he bad them all beare witnes . Then the gentlewoman let loose his eares , and let slip his head , and away went he home with his bloody lugges , and tarryed not to take part of the meat he had sent , but the gentlewoman & her neighbors made merry therwith , and laught hartily at the vsage of the vsurer . The next day it was bruted abroad , and came to the eares of the worshipful of the country , who sate in commission vppon it , and found out the coossenage of the Usurer , so they praised the witte of the Gentlewoman , restored her husband to the land , and the old churle remained in discredit , and was a laughing stocke to all the country all his life after .

I pray you what say you to Mounser the Miller with the gilden thumbe , whether thinke you him a Conny catcher or no ? that rob● euery poore man of his meale and corne , and takes towle at his owne pleasure , how many Conyes doth hee take vp in a yeare ? for when he brings them wheat to the Mill , he sels them meale of their owne corne in the market . Iomi● Miles the Millers coossenage for wenching affaires , as no doubt in these causes they bee mighty Cony-catchers , and meane to speake of their pollicie in ●●ltching and stealing of meale . For you must note , that our iolly M●ller doth not only verse vpon the poore and rich for their towle , but hath false hoppers conueyed vnder the fal of his Mill , where al the best of the meale runs by , this is , if the partie be by that bringeth the corne : but because many men haue many eyes , the Miller will driue them off for their griest for a day or two , and then he playes his pranks at his owne pleasure . I need not tel that stale ●east of the Gentlemans Miller that kept Court and Leet once euery weeke , and vsed to set in euery sacke a candle , ●nd so summon the owners ●o appeare by their names , if they came not , as they were farre inough from that place , then he amerced them , and so tooke treple towle of euery sacke . One night amongst the rest , the Gentleman his maister was vnder the Mill , and heard all his knau●ry , how euery one was called , and paid his amerciament , at last he heard his owne name called , and then stepping vp the Ladder , he had stay , for he was there to make his appearance . I do imagine that the Miller was blanke , and perhaps his Maister called him knaue , but the For the more he is curst the better he fares , and the oftener the Miller is called theefe , the richer the waxeth : and therefore doe men rightly by a by word did the Miller put out , and if he asketh what , they say a theeues head and a theeues paire of eares : for such graund Cony-catchers are these Millers , that he that cannot verse vpon a poore mans lacke , is said to be borne with a golden thumbe . But that you may see more plainly theyr knauery , I le tel you a pleasant tale , performed not many yeares since by a Miller in Enfield Mil , ten miles from London , and an Alewiues boy of Edmondton , but because they are al at this present aliue , I wil conceale their names , but thus it fel out .

A pleasant Tale of a Miller and an Alewiues Boy of Edmondton .

AN Alewife of Edmondton , who had a great vent for spiced Cakes , sent her sonne often to Endfield Mill for to haue her wheat ground , so that the Boy who was of a quicke spirit & rype wit , grew very familiar both with the Miller and his man , and his man , and could get his corne sooner put in the Mil then any Boy in the country beside . It fortuned on a time , that this good wife wanting meale , bad her Boy hie to the Mil , and be at home that night without faile , for she had not a pint of floure in the house . Iacke her sonne , for so we wil cal his name , layes his sacke on his mares backe , and away he rides singing towardes Endfield : as he rode , he mette at the washes with the Miller , and gaue him the time of the day , Godfather quoth he , whither ride you ? to London Iacke quoth the Miller : Oh good Godfather quoth the boy , tel mee what store of griest is at the Mil ? marry great store quoth the Miller : but Iacke if thou wilt do me an arrant to my man , i le send thee by a token that thou shalt haue thy coru cast on & ground assoone as thou commest , I le say and doe what you wil to be dispatcht , for my mother hath neyther Cakes nor floure at home : then Iacke saith the Miller , bid my man grind thy corne next , by that token he looke to my Bitch and feed her wel . I wil Godfather saith the Boy , and rides his way , and marueiled with himself what Bitch it was that he bad his man feede , considering for two or three yeares he had vsde to the Mil , and neuer saw a Dog nor Bitch , but a little prickeard Shault that kept the Mil doore . Riding thus musing with himselfe , at last he came to Endfield , and there he had his corne wound vp : assoon as he came vp the stairs , the Millers man being somewhat sleepy began to aske Iack drowsily what newes , Marry quoth the Boy , the newes is this , that I must haue my corne laide on next : soft Iacke quoth the Millers man , your turne wil not rowe afore midnight , but ye are alwayes in hast , soft fire makes sweet mault , your betters shal be serued afore you this time . Not so quoth the Boy , for I met my Godfather at the washes-riding to London , and tolde him what hast I had , and so he bids my griest shal be layde on next , by that token you must looke to his Bitch and feed her wel . At that the Millers man smilde , and said he should be the next , and so rose vp and turned a pinne behind the Hopper . Iacke markt al this , and beeing a wily and a witty Boy , mused where this Bitch should be , and seeing none began to suspect some knauery , and therefore being very familiar , was bold to looke about in euery corner , while the man was busie about the Hopper , at last Iacke turning vp a cloath that hung before the Trough , spied vnder the Hopper belowe , where a great P●ake was tyed with a cord almost ful of fine floure , that ranne at a false hole vnderneath , and could not be spyed by any meanes . Iacke seeing this , beganne to suspect this was the Millers Bitch that hee commanded his man to feede , and so s●●led and let it alone : at last when the corne was ground off that was in the Hopper , Iacke layde on his , and was very bus●e about it himselfe , so that the Millers man set him downe and tooke a nap , knowing the Boye could looke to the m●ll almost as wel as himselfe , Iacke all this while had an eye to the Bitch , and determined at last to slip her haul●er , which he warily performed , for when his corne was ground and he had put vp his meale , he whipst asunder the cord with his knife that held the Poake , & thrust it into the mouth of his sacke , now there was in the Poake a bushell and more of passing fine floure , that the Millers Bitch had eaten that day , assoone as Iacke had tyed vp his sacke , there was str●●●ng who should laye on corne next , so that the Millers man wakte , and Iacke desiring one to helpe him vp with his corne , tooke his leaue and went his way , ryding merely homeward , smiling to thinke how he had cousoned the Miller , as he roade , at that same place where hee mette the Miller outward ▪ he met him homeward , How now Ia●ke quoth the Miller hast ground , I , I thanke you Godfather quoth the Boy , but didst remember my arrant to my man sayes he , didst bid him looke to my Bitch wel , Oh Godfather quoth the Boy , take no care for your Bitch she is wel , for I haue her here in my sacke whelpes and all , away rydes Iacke at this laughing , and the Miller grieuing , but when he found it true , I leaue you to gesse how hee and his man dealt togither , but how the Alewife sported at the knauery of her sonne when he told her all the ieast , that imagine , but how soeuer for all that , Iack was euer welcome to the Mill and ground before any , and whose soeuer sacke fedde the Bitch , Iackes scapte euer towle-free , that hee might conceale the Millers subtiltie .

Was not this Miller a Conny-catcher maister R. G ? What should I talke of the baser sort of men , whose occupation cannot bee vpholden without craft , there is no mysterie nor science almost , wherin a man may thriue , without it be lincked to this famous Art of Conny-catching . The Alewife vales she ●●cke her P●ts and Conny-catch her gue●tes with stone Pottes and petty Cannes , can hardly paye her Brewer , nay and yet that wil not serue , the chalke must walke to set vp now & then a shilling or two too much , or else the rent wil not bee answered at the quarter day , besides ostrey , faggots , and faire chambring , and pretty wenches that haue no wages , but what they get by making of beddes . I know some Taphouses about the Subberbes , where they buy a shoulder of mutton for two groats , and sel it to their ghuest for two shillings , and yet haue no female friends to sup withall , let such take heed , least my fathers white Horse loose saddle & bridle & they go on foote to the diuel on pilgrimage . Tush maister R. G. God is my witnesse , I haue seene Chaunlers about London , haue two paire of waites , and when the searchers come , they shew● them those that are sealed , but when their poore neighbors buy ware , they vse them that lack weight , I condemne not all , but let such amend as are toucht at the quick . And is not this flat Conny-catching , yes , if it please your maship & worser . Why the base sort of Ostlers haue their shifts , & the crue of S. Patrickes Costerdmongers , can sell a simple man a crab for a pipping . And but that I haue loued wine wel , I wold touch both the Uintner and his bush , for they haue such brewing and tunning , such chopping and changing , such mingling & mixing . what of wine with water in the quart pot , and tempering one wine with an other in the vessel , that it is hard to get a neate cup of wine and simple of it selfe , in most of our ordinary Tauerus , & do not t●ey make poore men connies , that for their currant mony giue them counterfeit wine .

What say you to the Butcher with his prickes , that hath pollicies to puffe vp his meate to please the eye , is not al his craft vsed to draw the poore Conny to ryd him of his ware . Hath not the Draper his darke shop to shadow the dye and wooll of his cloth , and all to make the country Gentleman or Farmer a conny . What trade can maintaine his traffique ? what science vphold it self ? what man liue , vnles he growe into the nature of a Cony-catcher ? Doo not the Lawyers make long Pleaes , stand vpon their demurres , and haue their quirks and quiddities to make his poore Client a Cony ? I speake not generally , for so they be the ministers of iustice , and the Patrons of the poo●e mens right , but particularly of such as hold gaines their G●d , and esteeme more of coyne then of conscience . I remember by the way a merry iest performed by a Foole , yet wittily hit home at hazard , as blinde men shoote the Crow .

A pleasant Tale of Will Sommers .

KIng Henry the eight of famous memory , walking one day in his priuy Garde● , with Will Sommers his Foole , it fortuned that two Lawyers had a sui●e vnto his maiestie for one piece of grounde that was almost out of lease and in the Kinges gift , and at time put vp their Supplication to his highnesse , and at that instant one of the Pantry that had been a long seruiture , had spyed out the same land , and exhibited his petition for the same gift , so that in one houre , all the three Supplications were giuen to the King , which his highnesse noting , and being as then pleasantly disposed , he reuealed it to them that were by him , how there were three Fishes at one b●yte , and all gapte for a benefice , and hee stood in doubt on whome to bestowe it , and s● shewed them the Supplications , the Courtiers spoke for their felow , except two that were feed by the Lawyers , and they ●articularly pleaded for their friendes , yelding many reasons to the King on both sides . At last his maiestie sayd , hee would referre the matter to Will Sommers , which of them his Foole thought most worthy of it should haue the lande . Will was glad of this , and loued him of the Pan●rie wel , and resolued he should haue the ground , but the Foole brought it about with pretty iest , Marry quoth he , what are these two Lawiers ? I Will saide the King , then quoth the Foole , I wil vse them as they vse their poore clients . Looke here quoth he , I haue a Walnut in my hand , and I wil diuide it among the three , so Will crackt it , and gaue to one Lawyer one shel , and to an other the other shel , and to him of the Pantry the meat , so shal thy gift be Harry , quoth he , this Lawyer shal haue good Bookes , and this faire promises , but my felow of the Pantry shal haue the land . For thus deale they with their clyents , two men goe to two , and spende all that they haue vpon the Lawe , and at last , haue nothing but bare shales for their labour . At this , the King and his Noble men laught : the Yeoman of the Pantry had the gift , and the Lawyers went home with fleas in their eares , by a Fooles verdite . I rehearst this Act to shew how men of Lawe , feede on poore mens purses , and makes their country clyents , oftentimes simple connyes . But leauing these common courses and trinial examples , I wil shew you maister R. G. of a kinde or Conny-catchers , that as yet passeth al these .

There bee in Englande , but especially about London , certayne quar●t , pickt , and neate com●anions , attyred in their apparel , eyther alla mode de Fraunce , with a side Cloake , and a hat of a high blocke and a broad brimme , as if hee could with his head cosmographise the world in a moment , or else Allespanyole , with a straight bombast● fleeue like a quaile pipe , his short Cloake , and his Rapier hanging as if he were entering the List to a desperate Combate : his beard squared with such Art , eyther with his mustachies after the lash of Lions , standing as stiffe as if he wore a Ruler in his mouth , or else nickt off with the Italian cut , as if he ment to professe one faith with the vpper lippe , and an other with his nether lippe , and then hee must be Marquisad●d , with a side peake pendent , eyther sharpe lyke the single of a Deere , or curtold lyke the broad ende of a Moule spade . This Gentleman forsooth , hanteth Tabling houses , Tauerns , and such places , where yong nouices resort , & can fit his humor to all companies , and openly shadoweth his disguise with the name of a Traueller , so that he wil haue a superficiall insight into certaine phrases of euerie language , and pronounce them in such a grace , as if almost hee were that Countryman borne : then shal you heare him vaunt of his trauels , and tel what wonders he hath seene in strange countries : how be hath bin at Saint Iames of Gompostella in Spaine , at Madril in the Kings Court : and then drawing out his blade , hee claps it on the boord , and and sweares he bought that in Toledo : then wil he roue to Venice , and with a sigh , discouer the situation of the citie , how it is seated two Leagues from Terra frenia , in the Sea , and speake of Rialto Treuiso and Murano , where they make Glasses : and to set the young gentlemans teeth an edge , he wil make a long tale of La Strado Courtizano , wher the beautiful Curtizans dwel ▪ discribing their excellency , and what angellical creatures they be and how amorously they wil entertaine strangers . Tush , he wil discourse the state of Barbary , and there to Esc●●tes and Alcaires , and from thence leape to Fraunce , Denmarke , and Germany , After all concluding thus .

What is a Gentleman ( saith he ) without trauaile ? euen as a man without one eye . The sight of sundry c●untries made V●isses so famous : bought witte is the sweetest , and experience goeth beyond all Patrymon●es . Did young Gentlemen , as wel as I , know the pleasure & profit of 〈◊〉 , they would not keep them at home within their 〈…〉 : but visit the world , & win more wisedome in trauelling two or three yeeres , then all the wealth their Ancestors left them to poss●sse . Ah the sweet sight of ladies , the strange wonders in cities , and the diuers manners of men and theyr conditions , were able to rauish a yong Gentlemans sences with the sur●et of content , and what is a thousand pound spent to the obtaining of those pleasures .

All these Nouelties doth this pip●ed Bragout boast on , when his only trauaile hath been to look on a faire day , from Douer Clifts to Callis , neuer hauing stept a foot out of England , but surueyed the Maps , and heard others talke what they knew 〈◊〉 experience . Thus decking himselfe like the Daw with the faire feathers of other birds , and discoursing what he heard other men report , hee grew so plausible among yoong Gentlemen , that he got his ordinary at the least , and some gratious thanks for his labour . But happily some amongst many , tickled with the desire to see strange countries , and ●rawne on by his alluring words , would ioyne with him , and questi●n if he meant euer to trauaile againe . He straight after he hath 〈◊〉 his peake by the end , Alla Neopoli●ano begins thus to reply .

Sir , although a man of my 〈…〉 experienc● might be satisfied in the sight of countries , yet so 〈◊〉 in the desire of trauailing , that if perhaps a yong Gentleman of a 〈◊〉 and courteous nature , were desirous to see Ierusalem or Constantinople , would he wel acquit my paines and followe my counfaile , I would bestow a yeare or two with him out of England . To be breefe , if the Gentleman ●umpe with him , then doth he cause him to sel some Lordship , and put some thousand or tw● thousand pound in the banke to be receyued by letters of exchange : and because the gentleman is ignorant , my yong Maister his guide must haue the disposing of it : which he so wel sets out , that the poore gentleman neuer sees any returne of his mony after . Then must store of suites of apparel he bought and furnisht euery way : at last , he names a ship wherein they should passe , and so downe to Grauesend they go , and there he leaues the yoong nouice , fleest of his money and wo begone , as farre from trauaile as Miles the merry Cobler of Shorditch , that swore he w●uld neuer trauaile further , than from his shop to the Alehouse . I pray you cal you not these fine witted fellowes Conny-catchers Maister R. G. ?

But now Sir by your leaue a little , what if I should proue you a Conny-catcher Maister R. G. would it not make you blush at the matter ? I le go as neare to it as the Frye● did to his Hostesse mayde , when the Clarke of the parish tooke him at Leuatem at midnight . Aske the Queens P●ayers , if you sold them not Orlando Furio so for twenty Nobles , and when they were in the country , sold the same Play to the Lord Admirals als men for as much more . Was not this plaine Conny-catching Maister R. G ?

But I heare when this was obiected , that you made this excuse : that there was no more faith to be held with Plaiers , than with them that valued faith at the price of a feather : for as they were Comaedians to act ▪ so the actions of their liues were Cameleon like , that they were vncertaine , variable , time pleasers , men that measured honestie by profite , and that regarded their Authors not by desart , but by necessitie of time . If this may serue you for a shadow , let mee vse it for an excuse of our Car● Conny-catching : for when we meet a country Farmar with a fulpurse , a miserable 〈◊〉 , that eyther rockes his Tenants rents , or selles his graine in the market at an vnreasonable rate : we hold it a deuotion to make him a Conny , in that he is a Caterpiller to others , and gets that by pilling and polling of the poore , that we strip him of by ●●eight and agilitie of wit .

Is there not heere resident about London , 〈◊〉 crew of terryble Hacksters in the habite of Gentlemen , wel 〈◊〉 , and yet some wear● bootes for want of stockings , with a locke worne at theyr lefte eare for their mistrisse fauour , his Rapyer Alla reuoloto , his Poynado pendent ready for the sta● , and cauileuarst like a warlike Magnifico : yet for all this outward shew of pride , inwardly they be humble in minde , and despise worldly welth , for you ●hal neuer take them with a pen●y in theyr purse . These Souldados , for vnder that profession most of them wander , haue a pollicie to scourge Alehouses , for where they ●ight in , they neuer leape out , till they haue shewed theyr Arithmatike with chalke on euery post in the house , figured in Cyphers like round Os , till they make the goodman cry O , O , O , as if hee should cal an O yes at Size or Sessions . Now sir , they haue sundry shifts to maintaine them in this versing , for eyther they creep in with the goodwife , and so vndoo the goodman , or els they beare it out with great brags if the Host be simple , or els they trip him in some wordes when he is tipsy , that he hath spoken against some Iustice of peace or other , or some other great man : and then they hold him at a bay with that , til his b●cke almost breake . Thus shift they from house to house , hauing this prouerbe amongst them : Such must eate as are hungry and they must p●y that haue money . Call you not these Conny-catchers Maister R. G. ?

It were an endlesse peece of work , to discouer the abhominable 〈◊〉 of brokers , whose shops are the very temples of the deuil , themselues his priests , and their books of account more damnable , th●n the Al●or●n set out by Mahomet : for as they induce yoong gentlemen to pawne their lands , as I said before : so they are ready ( the more is the pitty that it is suffered ) to receiue any goods , howsoeuer it bee came by , hauing their shoppes , ( as they say ) a lawful market to buy and sel in , so that whence growes to mony Lifts about London , but in that they haue Brokers their friends , to ●uy whatsoeuer they purloyne & fleale ? And yet is the Picklocke , Lift , or Hooker , that brings the stolne goods , made a 〈◊〉 Conny , and vsed as an Instrument onely of theyr villany : for suppose he hath lifted a gowne or a cloake , or so many parcels as are worth tenne pounds , and 〈◊〉 his life in hazard for the obtaining of it : the miserable Caterpiller the Broker , wil thinke hee dealeth liberaily with him if he giue him forty shillings , so doth he not onely maintaine fellony , but like a theefe ●●●ssens the th●e●e . And ar● not these graund Conny-catchers 〈◊〉 R. G. ?

I knew not farre from Fleetbridge a 〈◊〉 , it were a good deed to take Paine . Paine . to tel his name , that tooke of a boy of seuen yeere old a Rapier worth forty shillinges , and a stitcht taffata Hat woorth ten , and all for fiue shillinges the Gentleman , father to the child , was sicke when necessitie dro●● him thus nigh , to lay his weapon and his Bonnet to pawne , and 〈◊〉 as he recouered , which was within sixe weeks after , sent the money and twelue pence for the lone , to haue the parcels againe . But this Cutthrotes answer was , the Boy had made him a bil of sa●e of his hand for a moneth , and the day was broken , 〈…〉 and he had made the best of the Rapier and Hat . Was not this a Iewe and a notable Conny-catcher Maister R. G.

It had beene wel if you had rould out your Rhetorike against such a rakehel . But come to theyr honest kinde of life , and you shal see how they stand vpon circumstances : if you borrow but two shillings , there must be a groat for the money , and a groat for the Bil of sale , and this must bee renewed euery moneth : so that they resemble the Boxe 〈◊〉 , which beeing wel payd all night , will in the morning be the greatest winner .

Wert not a merry ieast to haue about againe Maister R. G. with your poetical Brethren : amongst the which , one learned Hypocrite , that could brooke no abuses in the Commonwealth , was so zealous , that he began to put an English she Saint in the Legend , for the holinesse of her life : and forgot not so much as her dogge , as Tobies was remembred , that wagged his tayle at the sight of his olde Mistresse . This pure Martinist ( if he were not worse ) had a combat betweene the flesh and the spirite , that he must needes haue a Wife , which he cunningly conny-catcht in this manner .