Greene's Tu Quoque, or The City Gallant Cooke, Joshua This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A19260 of text S105001 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 5673). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Hannah Bredar This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A19260.xml Greenes Tu quoque, or, The cittie gallant. As it hath beene diuers times acted by the Queenes Maiesties seruants, written by Io. Cooke Gent. Cooke, Jo., fl. 1614. 44 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 March (TCP phase 1) 99840731 STC (2nd ed.) 5673. Greg, I, 323(b). 5260 A19260 2264187450

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 Greenes Tu quoque, or, The cittie gallant. As it hath beene diuers times acted by the Queenes Maiesties seruants, written by Io. Cooke Gent. Greenes Tu quoque Cittie gallant. Tu quoque, or, The cittie gallant. Cooke, Jo., fl. 1614. Heywood, Thomas, d. 1641, Greene, Thomas, d. 1612. [88] p. [By Nicholas Okes] for Iohn Trundle, Printed at London : 1614. 1614

Editor's note "to the reader" signed: Thomas Heywood.

With a title-page woodcut.

Printer's name from STC. "Quires G-K may be by a different printer or compositor".

Signatures: A2 B-L4 M2.

Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.

 A19260 shc Greene's Tu Quoque, or The City Gallant Cooke, Joshua Hannah Bredar 1611 play comedy shc no A19260 S105001 (STC 5673). 88 31066 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 A This text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago British Museum, C. 34 c. 19; later facs 1913, Robarts - University of Toronto, ABH-2914

Greenes Tu quoque , OR , The Cittie Gallant . As it hath beene diuers times acted by the Queenes Maiesties Seruants , Written by IO. COOKE Gent.

Printed at London for Iohn Trundle . 1614 .

To the Reader .

TO gratulate the loue and memory of my worthy friend the Author , and my entirely beloued Fellow , the Actor , I could not chuse being in the way iust when this Play was to be published in Priut , but to prefixe some token of my affection to either in the frontispire of the Booke . For the Gentleman that wrote it , his Poem it selfe can better speake his praise , then any Oratory from me . Nor can I tell whether this worke was diuulged with his consent or no : but howsoeuer , since it hath past the Test of the stage with so generall an applause , pitty it were but it should likewise haue the honour of the Presse . As for Maister Greene , all that I will speake of him ( and that without flattery ) is this ( if I were worthy to censure ) there was not an Actor of his nature in his time of better ability in performance of what he vndertooke ; more applaudent by the Audience , of greater grace at the Court , or of more general loue in the Citty , and so with this briefe character of his memory , I commit him to his rest .

Thomas Heywood .
Vpon the death of Thomas Greene . How fast bleake Autumne changeth Floraes dye , What yesterday was ( Greene ) now 's seare & dry . W. R.
Greenes Tu Quoque . A Mercers Shop discouered , Gartred working in it , Spendall walking by the Shop : M Ballance walking ouer the Stage : after him Longfield and Geraldine . Francis .

WHat lacke you sir ? faire stuffes , or veluets ?

Ball.

Good morrow Franke .

Fran.

Good morrow master Ballance .

Gerald.

Saue you master Long-field .

Long.

And you sir , what businesse drawes you toward this end o' th towne ?

Gerald.

Faith no great serious affaires , onely a stirring humour to walke , and partly to see the beauties of the Citie ; but it may be you can instruct me : pray whose shop 's this ?

Long.

Why t is Will Rashes fathers , a man that you are well acquainted with . Enter a wench with a basket of linnen

Ger.

As with your selfe ; and is that his sister ?

Long.

Marry is it sir .

Ger.

Pray let vs walke , I would beholde her better .

Wench .

Buy some quaifes , handkerchers , or very good bonelace Mistris .

Gart.

None .

Wench .

Will you buy any handkerchers , sir ?

Spend.

Yes , haue you any fine ones ?

Wench

I le shew you choice , please you looke sir ?

Spend.

How now ! what newes ?

Wench .

Mistris Tickleman has sent you a Letter , and expects your company at night , and intreats you to send her an angell , whether you can come , or whether you can not . He reades .

Spend.

Sweet rascall ! if your loue be as earnest as your protestation , you will meete me this night at Supper , you know the randeuows , there will be good company , a noise of choice Fidlers , a fine boy with an excellent voice , very good songs and bawdy ; and which is more , I doe purpose my selfe to be exceeding merry : but if you come not , I shall powt my selfe sicke , and not eate one bit tonight .

Your continuall close friend , Nan Tickle-man .

I pray send me an angell by this bearer , whether ye can come , or whether ye cannot . What 's the price of these two ?

Wench .

Halfe a crowne in truth , sir .

Spend.

Hold thee , there 's an angell , and commend me to my delight , tell her I will not faile her , though I loose my freedome by 't . Exit wench .

Wench .

I thanke you sir ; buy any fine handkerchers ?

Long.

You are taken sir extreamely , what 's the obiect ?

Gerald.

Shee 's wonderous faire .

Long.

Nay , and your thoughts bee on wenching I le leaue you .

Gerald.

You shall not be so vnfriendly , pray assist mee ; Wee 'l to the shop and cheapen stuffes or sattins .

Spend.

What lacke you Gentlemen ? fine stuffes , veluets , or sattins ? pray come neare .

Ger.

Let me see a good sattin .

Spend.

You shall sir , what colour ?

Ger.

Faith I am indifferent , what colour most affects you Lady ?

Gart.

Sir !

Ger.

Without offence ( faire creature ) I demaund it .

Gart. Sir , I beleeue it , but I neuer did Tie my affection vnto any colour . Ger. But my affection ( fairest ) is fast tied Vnto the crimson colour of your cheeke . Gart.

You rellish too much Courtier , sir .

Long.

What 's the price of this ?

Spend.

Fifteene indeede sir .

Long.

You set a high rate on 't , it had neede be good .

Spend.

Good ! if you find a better i' th towne , I le giue you mine for nothing : if you were my owne brother , I 'de put it into your hands , looke vpon 't , t' is close wrought , and has an excellent glasse .

Long.

I , I see 't .

Spend.

Pray sir come into the next roome ; I 'le shew you that of a lower price shall ( perhappes ) better please you .

Long.

This fellow has an excellent tongue , sure hee was brought vp in the Exchange .

Spend.

Will you come in sir ?

Long.

No , t' is no matter , for I meane to buy none .

Gerald.

Pre thee walke in , what you bargaine for , I le discharge .

Long.

Say so ; fall to your worke , I le be your chapman .

Ger.

Why doe you say I flatter ? Exeunt Spend. Long .

Gart. Why ? you doe ; And so doe all men when they women wooe . Ger. Who lookes on heauen , and not admires the worke ? Who viewes a well cut Diamond , does not praise The beauty of the Stone ? if these deserue The name of Excellent , I lacke a word For thee which meritst more , More then the tongue of man can attribute . Gart.

This is pretty Poetry , good fiction this : Sir , I must leaue you .

Ger.

Leaue with me first some comfort .

Gart.

What would you craue ?

Gerald.

That which I feare you will not let me haue .

Gart.

You doe not know my bounty ; Say what t' is .

Ger.

No more ( faire creature ) then a modest kisse .

Gart.

If I should giue you one , would you refraine , on that condition , ne'r to begge againe .

Ger.

I dare not grant to that .

Gart. Then't seemes you haue , Though you get nothing , a delight to craue , One will not hurt my lippe , which you may take , Not for your loue , but for your absence sake . So farewell sir . Ger. O fare thee well ( faire regent of my soule ) Neuer let ill sit neere thee , vnlesse it come To purge it selfe ; be as thou euer seemst , An Angell of thy Sex , borne to make happy The man that shall possesse thee for his Bride . Enter Spendall and Longfield . Spen.

Wil you haue it for thirteene shillings and six pence ? I le fall to as lowe a price as I can , because I le buy your custome .

Long.

How now man ! what ! intranced ?

Ger.

Good sir , ha you done ?

Long.

Yes faith , I thinke as much as you , and t' is iust nothing : where 's the wench ?

Gerald.

Shee 's heere sir , heere .

Long.

Vds pitty ! vnbutton man , thou 'lt stifle her else .

Ger.

Nay good sir , will you goe ?

Long.

With all my heart , I stay but for you .

Spen.

Doe you heare sir ?

Long.

What say ?

Spend.

Will you take it for thirteene ?

Long.

Not a penny more then I bid . Ex. Ger. & Long .

Spend.

Why then say you might haue had a good bargaine ; Where 's this boy to make vp the wares ? heere 's some tenne peeces opened , and all to no purpose . Enter Boy .

Boy .

O Franke ! shut vp shop , shut vp shop .

Spend.

Shut vp shop , boy , why ?

Boy .

My Master is come from the Court knighted , and bid vs , for he sayes he will haue the first yeare of the reigne of his Knighthood kept holiday ; here he comes . Enter sir Lionell .

Spend.

God giue your worship ioy , sir .

Sir Lion .

O Francke ! I haue the worship now in the right kinde , the sword of Knighthood sticks stil vpon my shoulders , and I feele the blow in my purse , it has cut two leather bagges asunder ; but all 's one , honour must be purchac'd : I will giue ouer my Citty coate , and betake my selfe to the Court iacket ; as for trade , I will deale in 't no longer , I will seate thee in my shop , and it shall be thy care to aske men what they lacke , my stocke shall be summed vp , and I will call thee to an account for it .

Spend. My seruice sir , neuer deseru'd so much , Nor could I euer hope so large a bounty Could spring out of your loue . Sir Lion . That 's all one , I do loue to do things beyond mens hopes , To morrow I remooue into the Strand , There for this quarter dwell , the next at Fulham : He that hath choice , may shift , the whilst shalt thou Be maister of this house , and rent it free . Spend.

I thanke you sir .

Sir Lion .

To day I le go dine with my Lord Maior : to morrow with the Sherifes , and next day with the Aldermen , I will spread the Ensigne of my knighthood ouer the face of the Citty , which shall strike as great a terrour to my enemies , as euer Tamberlaine to the Turkes .

Come Franke , come in with me , and see the meate , Vpon the which my knighthood first shall eate . Ex : omnes . Enter Staines . Staines .

There is a diuell has haunted me these three yeares , in likenesse of an Vsurer , a fellow that in all his life neuer eat three groat loaues out of his owne purse , nor neuer warmed him but at other mens fires , neuer saw a ioynt of mutton in his owne house these foure and twenty yeares , but alwayes cosoned the poore prisoners , for he alwayes bought his victualls out of the almes-basket , and yet this rogue now feedes vpon capons which my tenants sent him out of the Countrey ; he is Landlord forsooth ouer all my possessions : well , I am spent , and this rogue has consumed me ; I dare not walke abroade to see my friends , for feare the Serieants should take acquaintance of me : my refuge is Ireland , or Virginia ; necessitie cries out , and I will presently to Westchester . Enter Bubble . How now ! Bubble hast thou pack'd vp all thy things ? our parting time is come : nay pre thee doe not weepe .

Bub.

Affection sir will burst out .

Staines .

Thou hast beene a faithfull seruant to me , go to thy vncle , hee 'l giue thee entertainement , tell him vpon the stonie rocke of his mercilesse hart my fortunes suffer shipwracke .

Bub.

I will tell him he is an vsuring rascall , and one that would do the Common-wealth good , if he were hanged .

Staines .

Which thou hast cause to wish for , thou arte his heire , my affectionate Bubble .

Bub.

But Master , wherefore should we be parted ?

Staines .

Because my fortunes are desperate , thine are hopefull .

Bub.

Why but whither doe you meane to goe Maister ?

Staines .

Why to Sea .

Bub.

To sea ! Lord blesse vs , me thinks I heare of a tempest already , but what will you doe at Sea ?

Staines .

Why as other Gallants doe that are spent , turne pyrate .

Bub.

O Maister ! haue the grace of Wapping before your eyes , remember a high tide , giue not your friends cause to wet their handkerchers : nay Maister , I le tell you a better course then so , you and I will goe and robbe mine vncle ; if we scape , wee 'le dominiere together , if we be taken , wee 'le be hanged together at Tyburne , that 's the warmer gallowes of the two .

Enter a Messenger . Mes.

By your leaue sir , whereabouts dwels one M. Bubble ?

Bub.

Doe you heare , my friend , doe you know M. Bubble if you doe see him ?

Mes.

No in truth doe I not .

Bub.

What is your businesse with Maister Bubble ?

Mes.

Marry sir , I come with welcome newes to him .

Bub.

Tell it , my friend , I am the man .

Mes.

May I be assured sir , that your name is master Bubble ?

Bub.

I tell thee , honest friend , my name is master Bubble , Master Bartholomew Bubble .

Mes.

Why then sir , you are heire to a million , for your vncle the rich vsurer is dead .

Bub.

Pray thee honest friend , goe to the next Haberdashers , and bid him send me a new melancholy hat , and take thou that for thy labour .

Mes.

I will sir . Exit .

Enter another Messenger hastily , and knockes . Bub.

Vmh , vmh , vmh .

Sta.

I would the newes were true ; see how my little Bubble is blowne vp with 't !

Bub.

Doe you heare , my friend , for what doe you knocke there ?

2. Mes.

Marry sir , I would speake with the worshipfull Master Bubble .

Bub.

The worshipfull ! and what would you doe with the worshipfull Master Bubble ? I am the man .

2. Mes.

I cry your worship mercy then , Master Thong the Belt-maker sent me to your worship , to giue you notice , that your vncle is dead , and that you are his onely heire . Exit .

Bub. Thy newes is good , and I haue look'd for 't long , Thankes vnto thee , my friend , and goodman Thong . Enter Maister Blancke . Staines .

Certainely , this newes is true : for see another , by this light his Scriuener ! now M. Blancke , whither away so fast ?

Bla.

Maister Staines , God saue you , where is your man ?

Staines .

Why looke you sir , do you not see him ?

Bla.

God saue the right worshipfull master Bubble ; I bring you heauy newes with a light heart .

Bub.

What are you ?

Bla.

I am your worships poore Scriuener .

Bub.

He is an honest man it seems , for he has both his eares .

Bla.

I am one that your worships vncle committed some trust in for the putting out of his mony , and I hope I shall haue the putting out of yours .

Bub.

The putting out of mine ! would you haue the putting out of money ?

Bla.

Yea sir .

Bub.

No sir , I am olde enough to put out my owne mony .

Bla.

I haue writings of your worships .

Sta.

As thou lou'st thy profite , hold thy tongue , thou and I will conferre .

Bub.

Do you heare , my friend , can you tell me when , and how my vncle died ?

Bla.

Yes sir , he died this morning , and hee was kill'd by a Butcher ?

Bub.

How ! by a Butcher ?

Bla.

Yes indeed sir , for going this morning into the Market , to cheapen meate , hee fell downe starke dead , because a Butcher ask'd him foure shillings for a shoulder of Mutton .

Bu.

How stark dead ! & could not aqua vitae fetch him again ?

Bla.

No sir , nor Rosa solis neither , and yet there was triall made of both .

Bu.

I shall loue aqua vitae & rosa solis the better while I liue .

Sta.

Will it please your worship to accept of my poore seruice , you know my case is desperate , I beseech you that I may feed vpon your bread , tho it be of the brownest , and drinke of your drinke tho it be of the smallest , for I am humble in body , and deiected in minde , and will do your worship as good seruice for forty shillings a yeare , as another shall for 3. pounds .

Bub.

I will not stand with you for such a matter , because you haue beene my master , but otherwise , I will entertaine no man without some Knights or Ladies Letter for their behauiour , Geruase I take it is your christen name .

Sta.

Yes if it please your worship .

Bub.

Well Geruase , be a good seruant , and you shall finde me a dutifull master : and because you haue beene a Gentleman , I will entertaine you for my Tutor in behauiour ; Conduct me to my pallace . Exeunt omnes .

Enter Geraldine as in his study reading . Ger. As little children loue to play with fire , And will not leaue till they themselues doe burne , So did I fondly dally with Desire : Vntill Loues flames grew hote , I could not turne , Nor well auoyde ; but sigh and sob , and mourne As children doe , when as they feele the paine , Till tender mother kisse them whole againe . Fie , what vnsauery stuffe is this ? but shee , Whose mature iudgement can distinguish things , Will thus conceit ; tales that are harshest told , Haue smoothest meanings , and to speake are bold : It is the first-borne Sonet of my braine , We suck'd a white leafe from my blacke-lipp'd penne So sad employment , Enter Will Rash and Long field . Yet the dry paper drinkes it vp as deep , As if it flowed from Petrarkes cunning Quill . Rash .

How now ! what haue we heere , a Sonet and a Satire coupled together like my Ladies Dogge and her Munkie ; As little children &c.

Ger.

Pre thee away , by the deepest oath that can be sworne , thou shalt not reade it , by our friendship I coniure thee , pre thee let goe .

Rash .

Now in the name of Cupid , what want'st thou , a pigeon , a doue , a mate , a turtle , dost loue fowle , ha ?

O no , shee 's fairer thrice then is the Queene ,

Whom beauteous Venus called is by name , pre thee let mee know what she is thou louest , that I may shunae her , if I should chance to meete her .

Long.

Why I le tell you sir what she is , if you do not know .

Rash .

No not I , I protest .

Long.

Why t' is your sister .

Rash .

How ! my sister ?

Long.

Yes , your eldest sister .

Rash .

Now God blesse the man , he had better chuse a wench that has been borne and bred in an alley , her tongue is a perpetuall motion , Thought is not so swift as it is ; and for pride , the woman that had her Ruffe poak'd by the diuell , is but a Puritan to her , thou could'st neuer haue fastned thy affection on a worse subiect , shee 'l flowt faster then a court-waiting woman in progresse , any man that comes in the way of honesty does she set her marke vpon , that is , a villainous leaft ; for she is a kinde of Poetesse , and will make Ballads vpon the calues of your legges : I pre thee let her alone , shee 'l neuer make a good wife for any man vnlesse it be a Leather dresser ; for perhaps he , in time , may turne her .

Ger. Thou hast a Priuiledge to vtter this , But by my life my owne bloud could not scape A chasticement for thus prophaning her , Whose vertues sits aboue mens calumnies , Had mine owne brother spoke thus liberally , My fury should haue taught him better manners . Long.

No more words as you feare a challenge .

Rash .

I may tell thee in thine eare , I am glad to heare what I do ; I pray God send her no worse husband , nor he no worse wife : do you heare loue , will you take your Cloak and Rapier , and walke abroad into some wholesome aire ? I do much feare thy infection , good councell I see will do no good on thee , but pursue the end , and to thy thoughts , I le proue a faithfull friend .

Enter Spendall , Nan Tickleman , Sweat man , Pursenet , and a Drawer . Exit . Spend.

Here 's a spacious roome to walke in , sirra set downe the candle , and fetch vs vp a quart of Ipocras , and so wee 'l part .

Sweat .

Nay faith Sonne , wee 'l haue a pottle , let 's ne'r be couetous in our yong dayes .

Spend.

A pottle sirra , doe you heare ?

Dra.

Yes sir , you shall .

Spend.

How now Wench ! how dost ?

Tickle.

Faith I am somewhat sicke , yet I should be well enough if I had a new gowne .

Spend.

Why heere 's my hand , within these three dayes thou shalt haue one .

Sweat .

And will you ( sonne ) remember me for a new fore-part , by my troth , my old one is worne so bare , I am asham'd any body should see 't .

Spend.

Why , did I euer faile of my promise ?

Sweat .

No in sinceritie didst thou not . Enter Drawer .

Dra.

Heere 's a cup of rich Ipocras .

Spend.

Here sister , mother , and master Pursnet ; nay good sir , be not so deiected , for by this wine , to morrow I will send you stuffe for a new suite , and as much as shall line you a cloake cleane through .

Purs.

I thanke you , and shall study to deserue .

Spend.

Heere boy , fill , and hang that eurmogin that 's good for no body but himselfe .

Purs.

Heroickly spoken by this Candle , t' is pity thou wert not made a Lord .

Spend.

A Lord ! by this Light I doe not thinke but to bee Lord Maior of London before I die , and haue three Pageants carried before me , besides a Shippe and an Vnicorne ; prentices may pray for that time , for whensoeuer it happens , I will make another Shrouetuesday for them . Enter Drawer .

Dra.

Yong master Rash has sent you a quart of Maligoe .

Spend.

M : Rash ! zownds how does he know I am here ?

Dra.

Nay , I know not sir .

Spend.

Know not ! it comes through you and your rascally glib-tongu'd companions , t' is my Masters sonne , a fine gentleman he is , & a boon companion , I must go soe him . Exit Spend.

Sweat .

Boy , fill vs a cup of your maligo , wee 'l drinke to M. Spendall in his absence , there 's not a finer spirit of a Cittizen within the walles , here master Pursnet you shall pledge him .

Purs.

I le not refuse it were it puddle : by Stix he is a bountifull Gentleman , and I shall report him so : heere M Tickleman , shall I charge you ?

Tickle.

Doe your worst Sergeant , I le pledge my yoong Spendall a whole sea , as they say , fa la la la la , would the Musicke were heere againe , I doe beginne to be wanton , Ipocras sirra , and a drie bisket ; here bawd , a carowse .

Sweat .

Bawd ! I faith you beginne to grow light i th head , I pray , no more such words , for if you doe , I shall grow into distempers .

Tickle.

Distempers ! hang your distempers , be angry with me and thou dar'st , I pray , who feedes you , but I ? who keepes the feather-beddes from the Brokers , but I ? t is not your sawsege face , thicke clowted creame rampallion at home , that snuffles in the nose like a decayed Bagge-pipe .

Purs.

Nay , sweete Mistris Tickle-man , be concordant , reuerence Antiquitie .

Enter Rash , Longfield , and Spendal . Rash .

Saue you , sweete creatures of beauty , saue you : How now olde Belzebub , how dost thou ?

Sweat .

Belzebub ! Belzebub in thy face .

Spend.

Nay , good words Mistris Swearman , hee 's a young Gallant , you must not weigh what he sayes .

Rash .

I would my lamentable complayning Louer had beene heere , heere had beene a Supersede as for his melancholy , and yfaith Francke I am glad my father has turn'd ouer his shop to thee , I hope I , or any friend of mine , shall haue so much credite with thee , as to stand in thy bookes for a suite of Sattin .

Spend.

For a whole peece , if you please , any friend of yours shall command me to the last remnant .

Rash .

Why God a mercy Francke , what , shall 's to dice ?

Spend.

Dice or drincke , heere 's forty crownes , as long as that will last , any thing .

Rash .

Why there spoke a gingling Boy .

Spend.

A pox of money , t' is but rubbish , and he that hoord's it vp , it but a Scauenger : if there be cardes i th house , let 's goe to Primero .

Rash .

Primero ! why I thought thou hadst not been so much gamster as to play at it .

Spend.

Gamster ( to say truth ) I am none , but what is it I will not be in good company ? I will fit my selfe to all humors , I will game with a Gamster , drinke with a drunkard , be ciuill with a cittizen , fight with a swaggerer , and drabbe with a whoore-master .

Enter a Swaggerer puffing . Rash .

An excellent humour yfaith .

Long.

Zownds what haue we heere ?

Spend.

A land Porpoise , I thinke .

Rash .

This is no angry , nor no roaring boy , but a blustering boy ; now Eolus defend vs , what puffes are these ?

Swag.

I doe smell a whoore .

Dra.

O Gentlemen , giue him good words , hee 's one of the roaring boyes .

Swag.

Rogue .

Dra.

Heere sir .

Swag.

Take my cloake , I must vnbuckle , my pickled oysters worke ; puffe , puffe .

Spend.

Puffe , puffe .

Swag.

Dost thou retort , in opposition stand .

Spend.

Out you swaggering Rogue , Zownds I le kicke him out of the roome . Beates him away .

Tickle.

Out alas ! their naked tooles are out ,

Spend.

Feare not ( sweet heart ; ) come along with me .

Enter Gartred sola . Exeunt omnes . Gart. Thrice happy dayes they were , and too soone gone , When as the heart was coupled with the tongue , And no deceitfull flattery or guile : Hung on the Louers teare-commixed smile : Could women learne but that imperiousnesse , By which men vse to stint our happinesse , When they haue purchast vs for to be theirs , By customarie sighs and forced teares , To giue vs bittes of kindnesse lest we faint , But no aboundance , that we euer want , And still are begging ; which too well they know Endeeres affection , and doth make it grow : Had we these sleights , how happy were we then , That we might glory ouer loue-sicke men ? But Arts we know not ; nor haue any skill , To faine a sowre looke to a pleasing will , Enter Ioyes . Nor cowch a secret loue in shew of hate : But if we like , must be compassionate ; Yet I will striue to bridle and conceale , The hid affection which my heart doth feele . Ioyce

Now the boy with the Bird-bolt be praisde : nay faith sister forward , t' was an excellent passion , come let 's heare , what is hee ? if hee be a proper man , and haue a blacke eye , a smooth chinne , and a curld pare , take him wench , if my father will not consent , runne away with him , I 'le helpe to conuey you .

Gart.

You talke strangely sister .

Ioyce

Sister , sister , dissemble not with me , though you doe meane to dissemble with your louer , though you haue protested to conceale your affection ; by this tongue you shall not , for I 'le discouer all as soone as I know the Gentleman .

Gart.

Discouer , what will you discouer ?

Ioyce

Mary , enough I le warrant thee , first and formost , I le tell him thou readst loue-passions in print , and speakest euerie morning without booke to thy looking-glasse ; next , that thou neuer sleep'st , till an houre after the Bell man ; that as soone as thou art asleepe , thou art in a dreame , and in a dreame thou art the kindest and comfortablest bed-fellow for kissings and embracings ; by this hand , I can not rest for thee , but our father . —

Enter sir Lyonell . Lyonell .

How now ! what are you two consulting on , on husbands ? you thinke you loose time I am sure , but holde your owne a little Girles , it shall not be long ere I 'le prouide for you : and for you Gartred , I haue bethought my selfe already ,

Whirle-pit the vsurer is late deceast , A man of vnknowne wealth , which he has left Vnto a prouident kinsman as I heare , That was once seruant to that vnthrift Staines . A prudent Gentleman they say he is , And ( as I take it ) called maister Bubble . Ioyce Bubble ! Lyonell Yes nimble-chappes , what say you to that ? Ioyce Nothing , but that I wish his Christen name were Water . Gart. Sir , I 'm at your disposing , but my minde Stands not as yet towards marriage , Were you so pleasde I would a little longer Enioy the quiet of a single bed . Lyonell Heere 's the right tricke of them all , let a man Be motion'd to vm , they could be content To leade a single life forsooth , when the harlotries Doe pine and runne into diseases , Eate chalke and oate-meale , cry and creep in corners , Which are manifest tokens of their longings , And yet they will dissemble . But Gartred , As you doe owe me reuerence , and will pay it , Prepare your selfe to like this Gentleman , Who can maintaine thee in thy choice of Gownes , Of tyres , of seruants , and of costly Iewells ; Nay for a neede , out of his easie nature , Mai'st draw him to the keeping of a Coach For Countrey ; and Carroach for London , Indeed what mightst thou not . Enter a Seruant . Seruant .

Sir , here 's one come from Master Bubble , to inuite you to the funerall of his vncle .

Lyonell Thanke the Messenger , and make him drinke , Tell him I will not faile to wait the coarse , Yet stay , I will goe talke with him my selfe : Gartred , thinke vpon what I haue tolde you , And let me er| 't be long receiue your answere . Exeunt Lyonell & Ser. Ioyce

Sister , sister .

Gart.

What say you sister ?

Ioyce

Shall I prouide a Cord ?

Gart.

A Cord ! what to doe ?

Ioyce

Why to let thee out at the window ; doe not I know that thou wilt runne away with the Gentleman , for whom you made the passion , rather then indure this same Bubble , that my father talkes of , t' were good you would let mee bee of your councell , lest I breake the necke of your plot .

Gart. Sister , know I loue thee , And I 'le not thinke a thought thou shalt not know ; I loue a Gentleman that answeres me , In all the rites of loue as faithfully , Has woo'd me oft with Sonets , and with teares , Yet I seeme still to slight him . Experience tells , The Iewell that 's enioy'd is not esteem'd , Things hardly got , are alwayes highest deem'd . Ioyce

You say wel sister , but it is not good to linger out too long , continuance of time will take away any mans stomacke i' th world ; I hope the next time that he comes to you , I shall see him .

Gart.

You shall .

Ioyce

Why goe to then , you shall haue my opinion of him , if he deserue thee , thou shalt delay him no longer ; for if you can not finde in your heart to tell him you loue him , I 'le sigh it out for you ; come , we little creatures must helpe one another .

Exeunt . Enter Geraldine . Ger. How cheerefully things looke in this place , T is alwayes Spring-time heere , such is the grace And potencie of her who has the blisse , To make it still Elizeum where she is : Nor doth the King of flames in 's golden fires , After a tempest answer mens desires , When as he casts his comfortable beames , Ouer the flowrie fields and siluer streames , As her illustrate Beautie strikes in me , And wrappes my soule vp to felicitie . Enter Gartred and Ioyce aloft . Ioyce

Doe you heare sir ?

Gart.

Why sister , what will you doe ?

Ioyce

By my mayden-head , an oath which I ne'r tooke in vaine , either goe downe and comfort him , or I 'le call him vp , and disclose all : What , will you haue no mercie ? but let a proper man , that might spend the spirit of his youth vpon your selfe , fall into a consumption , for shame sister .

Gart.

Y' are the strangest creature , what would you haue me doe ?

Ioy.

Marry , I would haue you goe to him , take him by the hand , and grype him , say y' are welcome , I loue you with all my heart , you are the man must doe the feat , and take him about the necke , and kisse vpon the bargaine .

Gart. Fie how you talke , 't is meere immodestie , The common'st strumpet would not doe so much . Ioy. Mary the better , for such as are honest , Should still doe what the common strumpet will not : Speake , will you doe it ? Gart.

I le loose his company for euer first .

Ioyce .

Doe you heare sir ? heere 's a Gentlewoman would speake with you .

Gart.

Why sister , pray sister .

Ioyce .

One that loues you with all her heart , yet is asham'd to confesse it .

Gart.

Good sister hold your tongue , I will goe downe to him .

Ioyce .

Doe not ieast with me , for by this hand I 'le eyther get him vp , or goe downe my selfe , and reade the whole History of your loue to him .

Gart.

If you le forbeare to call , I will goe downe .

Ioyce .

Let me see your backe then , and heare you ? doe not vse him scuruily you were best ; vnset all your tyrannical looks , and bid him louingly welcome , or as I liue , I 'le stretch out my voice againe ; vds foot , I must take some paines I see , or wee shall neuer haue this geare cotton : but to say truth , the fault is in my melancholy Monsieur , for if hee had but halfe so much spirit , as he has flesh , hee might ha boorded her by this . But see , yonder she marches ; now a passion of his side of halfe an houre long , his hatte is off already , as if he were begging one poore penny-worth of kindnesse . Enter Gart.

Ger.

Shall I presume ( faire Mistris ) on your hand to lay my vnworthy lip ?

Ioyce .

Fie vpon him , I am asham'd to heare him , you shall haue a Country fellow at a Maie-pole , go better to his worke : he had neede to be constant , for hee is able to spoile as many Maides as he shall fall in loue withall .

Gart.

Sir , you professe loue vnto me , let me intreate you it may appeare but in some small request .

Ger.

Let me know it ( Lady ) and I shall soone effect it .

Gart. But for this present to forbeare this place , Because my father is expected heere . Ger.

I am gone Lady .

Ioyce .

Doe you heare sir ?

Ger.

Did you call ?

Ioyce .

Looke vp to the window .

Ger.

What say you Gentlewoman ?

Gart.

Nay pray sir goe , it is my sister call's to hasten you .

Ioyce .

I call to speake with you , pray stay a little .

Ger.

The Gentlewoman has something to say to me .

Gart.

She has nothing , I doe coniure you , as you loue me , stay not . Exit Ioyce .

Ger.

The power of Magicke can not fasten me , I am gone .

Gart. Good sir , looke backe no more , what voice ere call you , Imagine , going from me , you were comming , And vse the same speede , as you loue my safety . Exit Ger. Wilde witted sister , I haue preuented you , I will not haue my loue yet open'd to him , By how much longer 't is ere it be knowne , Enter Ioyce . By so much dearer 't will be when 't is purchast : But I must vse my strength to stop her iourney , For she will after him : and see , she comes ; Nay sister , you are at furdest . Ioyce .

Let me goe you were best , for if you wrastle with me I shall throw you , passion , come backe , foole , louer , turne againe , and kisse your belly full ;

For heere she is will stand you , doe your worst : Will you let me goe ? Gart.

Yes , if you le stay .

Ioyce .

If I stirre a foote , hang me , you shall come together of your selues , and be naught , doe what you will , for if ' 'ere I trouble my selfe againe , let me want help In such a case when I need .

Gart.

Nay but pre thee sister be not angry .

Ioyce .

I will be angry , vdsfoot , I cannot indure such foolerie , I , two bashfull fooles that would couple together , and yet ha not the faces .

Gart.

Nay pre thee sweete sister .

Ioyce .

Come , come , let me goe , birds that want the vse of reason and speach , can couple together in one day , and yet you that haue both , cannot conclude in twenty .

Gart.

Why what good would it doe you to tell him ?

Ioyce .

Doe not talke to me , for I am deafe to any thing you say , goe weepe and crie .

Gart.

Nay but sister . Exeunt ambo .

Enter Staines , and a Drawer with wine . Sta. Drawer , bid them make haste at home , Tell them they are comming from church . Dra.

I will sir . Exit Drawer .

Sta.

That I should liue to be a seruing-man , a fellow which scalds his mouth with another mans porredge , brings vp meat for other mens bellies , and carries away the bones for his own , changes his cleane trenchor for a fowle one , and is glad of it , and yet did I neuer liue so merry a life , when I was my masters master , as now I doe , being man to my man , and I will stand too 't for all my former speeches , a seruing-man liues a better life then his Master , and thus I prooue it ; the saying is , The nearer the bone the sweeter the flesh : then must the seruing-man needes eate the sweeter flesh , for hee alwayes pickes the bones . And againe the Prouerb sayes , The deeper the sweeter : There has the seruing-man the vantage againe , for he drinks still in the bottome of the pot , hee filles his belly , and neuer askes what 's to pay ? weares broad-cloth , and yet dares walke Watling-streete , without any feare of his Draper : and for his coloure , they are according to the season , in the Summer hee is apparrelled ( for the most part ) like the heauens , in blew , in the winter , like the earth , in freeze .

Enter Bubble , sir Lionell , and Long-field and Sprinckle . But see , I am preuented in my Encomium , I could haue maintained this theame these two houres . Lyon .

Well , God rest his soule , hee 's gone , and we must all follow him

Bub.

I , I , hee 's gone sir Lionell , hee 's gone .

Lyonell .

Why tho he be gone , what then ? 't is not you that can fetch him againe , with all your cunning , it must bee your comfort , that he died well .

Bub.

Truly and so it is , I would to God I had eene another vnckle that would die no worse ; surely I shall weepe againe , if I should find my handkercher .

Long.

How now ! what , are these onions ?

Bub.

I , I , sir Lyonell , they are my onions , I thought to haue had them roasted this morning for my cold : Geruase you haue not wept to day , pray take your onions Gentlemen , the remembrance of death is sharpe , therefore there is a banquet within to sweeten your conceits : I pray walke in Gentlemen , walke you in , you know I must needes be melancholie , and keepe my Chamber , Geruase , vsher them into the banquet .

Sta.

I shall sir , please you sir Lyonell .

Gentlemen and Geruase goe out . Lyonell Well Master Bubble , wee 'le goe in and taste of your bountie . In the meane time , you must be of good cheere . Bub. If griefe take not away my stomacke , I will haue good cheere I warrant you Sprinckle . Sprin.

Sir .

Bub.

Had the women puddings to their dole ?

Sprin.

Yes sir .

Bub.

And how did they take them ?

Sprin.

Why with their hands , how should they take vm ?

Bub.

O thou Hercules of ignorance ! I mean , how were they satisfied ?

Sprin.

By my troth sir , but so so , and yet some of them had two .

Bub.

O insatiable women ! whom two puddings would not satisfie , but vanish Sprinckle ; bidde your fellow Geruase come hither : Exit Sprinckle .

And off my mourning roabes , griefe to the graue , For I haue golde , and therefore will be braue : In silkes I 'le rattle it of euery colour , And when I goe by water , scorne a Sculler , In blacke carnation veluet I will cloake me , Enter Staines . And when men bid God saue mee , Cry Tu quoque : It is needefull a Gentleman should speake Latine sometimes , is it not Geruase ? Sta.

O very gracefull sir , your most accomplish't Gentlemen are knowne by it .

Bub. Why then will I make vse of that little I haue , Vpon times and occasions , heere Geruase , take this bag ,

And runne presently to the Mercers , buy me seuen ell , of horse flesh colour'd taffata , nine yards of yellow sattin , and eight yards of orenge tawney veluet ; then runne to the Tailers , the Haberdashers , the Sempsters , the Cutlers , the Perfumers , and to all trades whatsoe'r that belong to the making vp of a Gentleman ; and amongst the rest , let not the Barber bee forgotten : and looke that hee be an excellent fellow , and one that can snacke his fingers with dexteritie .

Sta.

I shall fit you sir .

Bub.

Doe so good Geruase , it is time my beard were corrected , for it is growne so sawsie , as it beginnes to play with my nose .

Staines .

Your nose sir must indure it : for it is in part the fashion .

Bub.

Is it in fashion ? why then my nose shall indure it , let it tickle his worst .

Sta.

Why now y' are i th right sir , if you will be a true Gallant , you must beare things resolute , as this sir , if you be at an Ordinary , and chance to loose your money at play , you must not fret and fume , teare cardes , and fling away dice , as your ignorant gamster , or country-Gentleman does , but you must put on a calme temperate action , with a kind of carelesse smile , in contempt of Fortune , as not being able with all her engins to batter down one peece of your estate , that your means may be thought inuincible , neuer tell your money , nor what you haue wonne , nor what you haue lost : if a question be made : your answer must be , what I haue lost , I haue lost , what I haue wonne , I haue wonne , a close heart and free hand , makes a man admired , a testerne or a shilling to a seruant that brings you a glasse of beere , bindes his hands to his lippes , you shall haue more seruice of him , then his Master , hee will be more humble to you , then a Cheater before a Magistrate .

Bub.

Geruase , giue mee thy hand , I thinke thou hast more wit then I that am thy Master , and for this Speech onely , I doe here create thee my steward : I do long me thinkes to be at an Ordinary , to smile at Fortune , and to be bountifull : Geruase about your businesse good Geruase , whilest I goe and meditate vpon a Gentleman-like behauiour , I haue an excellent gate already Geruase , haue I not ?

Sta.

Hercules himselfe sir , had neuer a better gate .

Bub.

But dispatch Geruase , the sattin and the veluet must be thought vpon , and the Tu quoque must not bee forgotten : for whensoeuer I giue Armes , that shall be my Motto . Exit Bub.

Sta.

What a fortune had I throwne vpon me , when I preferred my selfe into this fellowes seruice ! indeede I serue my selfe , and not him , for this Golde heere is mine owne truely purchased : he has credite , and shall runne i th bookes for 't , I 'le carry things so cunningly , that he shall not be able to looke into my actions , my morgage I haue already got into my hands : the rent hee shall enioy a while , till his riot constraine him to sell it , which I will purchase with his owne money , I must cheate a little , I haue beene cheated vpon , therefore I hope the world will a little the better excuse mee , what his vnckle craftily got from me , I will knauishly recouer of him , to come by it , I must vary shapes , and my first shift shall be in sattin :

Proteus propitious be to my disguise , And I shall prosper in my enterprise . Exit . Enter Spendall , Pursenet , and a boy with Rackets . Spend.

A Rubber sirra .

Boy .

You shall sir .

Spend.

And bid those two men you said would speak with me , come in .

Boy .

I will sir . Exit Boy .

Spend.

Did I not play this Sett will ?

Enter Blancke and another . Purs.

Excellent well by Phaeton , by Erebus , it went as if it had cut the Line .

Bla.

God blesse you sir .

Spend.

Master Blanke ! welcome .

Bla.

Here 's the Gentlemans man sir has brought the mony .

Ser.

Wil t please you tell sir ?

Spend.

Haue you the Bond ready master Blanke ?

Bla.

Yes sir .

Spend.

T is well , Pursenet , help to tell — 10.11.22 . What time haue you giuen ?

Bla.

The thirteenth of the next Month .

Spend.

T is well , here 's light golde .

Ser.

T' will be the lesse troublesome to carry .

Spend.

You say well sir , how much hast thou tolde ?

Purs.

In golde and siluer here is twenty pounds .

Bla.

T is right M. Spendall , I 'le warrant you .

Spend.

I 'le take your warrant sir , and tell no further , come let me see the Condition of this Obligation .

Purs. A man may winne from him that cares not for 't , This royall Casar doth regard no Cash , Has throwne away as much in Duckes and Drakes , As would haue bought some 50000 Capons . Spend. T is very well ; so , lend me your penne . Purs. This is the Captaine of braue Citizens , The Agamemnon of all merry Greekes , A Stukely or a Sherley for his spirit , Bounty and Royalty to men at armes . Bla. You giue this as your deed . Spend. Mary do I sir . Bla. Pleaseth this Gentleman to be a witnesse . Spend. Yes Mary shall he , Pursenet , your hand . Purs. My hand is at thy seruice , Noble Brutus . Spend. There 's for your kindnesse master Blanke . Bla. I thanke you sir . Spend. For your paines . Ser. I 'le take my leaue of you . Spend. What , must you be gone too , maister Blancke ? Bla. Yes indeede sir , I must to the Exchange . Spend. Farewell to both , Pursenet , Take that twenty pounds , and giue it mistris Sweatman : Bid her pay her Landlord and Apothecarie , And let her Butcher and her Baker stay , They 're honest men , and I 'le take order with them . Purs.

The Butcher and the Baker then shall stay .

Spend.

They must till I am somewhat stronger purst .

Purs.

If this be all , I haue my errand perfect . Exit Purs.

Spend.

Heere sirra , heere 's for balls , there 's for your selfe .

Boy

I thanke your worship .

Spend.

Commend me to your mistris . Exit Spend.

Boy

I will sir ; in good faith 't is the liberall'st Gentleman that comes into our Court , why he cares no more for a shilling then I doe for a box o' th eare , God blesse him . Exit .

Enter Staines Gallant , Long-field and a Seruant . Sta.

Sirra , what a clocke i' st ?

Ser.

Past tenne sir .

Sta.

Heere will not be a Gallant seene this houre .

Ser.

Within this quarter sir , and lesse , they meete heere as soone as at any Ordinary i' th towne .

Sta.

Hast any Tobacco ?

Ser.

Yes sir .

Sta.

Fill .

Long.

Why thou report'st miracles , things not to be beleeued : I protest to thee , had'st thou not vnrip't thy selfe to me , I should neuer haue knowne thee .

Sta.

I tell you true sir , I was so farre gone , that desperation knocked at mine elbow , and whispered newes to mee out of Barbarie .

Lon. Well , I 'm glad so good an occasion staid thee at home , And mai'st thou prosper in thy proiect , and goe on , With best successe of thy inuention . Sta. False dice say Amen , for that 's my induction , I do meane to cheat to day without respect of persons : When sawest thou Will Rash ? Long.

This morning at his Chamber , helle be heere .

Sta.

Why then doe thou giue him my name and character , for my aime is wholy at my worshipfull Master .

Lon.

Nay thou shalt take another into him , one that laughs out his life in this Ordinary , thankes any man that winnes his money ; all the while his money is loosing , he sweares by the crosse of this siluer , and when it is gone , hee changeth it to the hilts of his sword .

Enter Scatter-good and Ninnie-hammer . Sta.

Hee 'le be an excellent coach-horse for my captaine .

Scat.

Saue you Gallants , saue you .

Lon.

How think ye now ? haue I not caru'd him out to you ?

Sta.

Th' ast lighted me into his heart , I see him throughly .

Scat.

Ninni-hammer .

Nin.

Sir .

Scat.

Take my cloake and rapier also : I thinke it be early Gentlemen , what time doe you take it to be ?

Sta.

Inclining to eleuen sir .

Scat.

Inclining ! a good word ; I would it were inclining to twelue , for by my stomacke it should be high Noone : but what shall we doe Gallants ? shall we to cardes , till our Company come ?

Long.

Please you sir .

Scat.

Harry . fetch sir Cardes , me thinkes 't is an vnseemely fight to see Gentlemen stand idle , please you to impart your smoake .

Long.

Very willingly sir .

Scat.

In good faith a pipe of excellent vapour .

Long.

The best the house yeeldes .

Scat.

Had you it in the house ? I had thought it had beene your owne : 't is not so good now as I tooke it to be : Come Gentlemen , what 's your game ?

Sta.

Why Gleeke , that 's your onely game .

Scat.

Gleeke let it be , for I am perswaded I shall gleeke some of you ; cut sir .

Long.

What play we , twelue pence gleeke .

Scat.

Twelue pence , a crowne ; vds foote I will not spoile my memory for twelue pence .

Long.

With all my heart .

Sta.

Honnor .

Scat.

What is t , Harts ?

Sta.

The King , what say you ?

Long.

You must speake sir .

Scat.

Why I bid thirteene .

Sta.

Foureteene .

Scat.

Fifteene .

Sta.

Sixteene .

Long.

Sixteene , seuenteene .

Sta.

You shal ha 't for me .

Scat.

Eighteene .

Long.

Take it to you sir .

Scat.

Vdslid I 'le not be out-brau'd .

Sta.

I vie it .

Long.

I 'le none of it .

Scat.

Nor I .

Sta.

Giue me a mournauall of aces , and a gleek of queens .

Long.

And me a gleeke of knaues .

Scat.

Vdslid , I am gleek't this time . Enter Will Rash .

Stay .

Play .

Rash .

Equall fortunes befall you Gallants .

Scat.

Will Rash , well , I pray see what a vile game I haue

Rash .

What 's your game , Gleeke ?

Scat.

Yes faith , Gleek , and I haue not one Court carde , but the knaue of Clubbes .

Rash .

Thou hast a wilde hand indeed : thy small cardes shew like a troupe of rebelles , and the knaue of Clubbes their chiefe Leader .

Scat.

And so they doe as God saue me , by the crosse of this siluer he sayes true . Enter Spendall .

Sta.

Pray , play sir :

Long.

Honnor .

Rash .

How goe the stockes Gentlemen , what 's won or lost ?

Sta.

This is the first game .

Scat.

Yes this is the first game , but by the crosse of this siluer heere 's all of fiue pounds .

Spend,

Good day to you Gentlemen .

Rash .

Francke , welcome by this hand , how dost lad ?

Spend.

And how does thy wench yfaith .

Rash . Why fat and plump Like thy geldings : thou giu'st them both good prouender It seemes , go to , thou art one of the madd'st wagges , Of a Cittizen 'i th towne , the whole company talkes of thee already . Spend.

Talke , why let vm talke , vdsfoot I pay scot and lot , and all manner of dueties else , as well as the best of vm : it may be they vnderstand I keepe a whoore , a horse , and a kennell of hownds , what 's that to them ? no mans purse opens for 't but mine owne ; and so long , my hownds shall eate flesh , my horse bread , and my whore weare veluet .

Rash .

Why there spoke a courageous Boy .

Spend.

Vdsfoote , shall I be confin'd all the dayes of my life to walke vnder a pent-house ? no , I 'le take my pleasure whiles my youth affoords it .

Scat. By the crosse of these hilts , I 'le neuer play at Gleeke againe , whilst I haue a nose on my face , I smell the knauery of the game . Spend.

Why what 's the matter ? who has lost ?

Scat.

Mary that haue I , by the hiltes of my sword , I haue lost forty crowns , in as small time almost , as while a man might tell it .

Spend. Change your Game for dice , We are a full number for Nouum . Scatt.

With all my heart , where 's M. Ambush the Broaker Ninni-hammer ?

Nin.

Sir .

Scat.

Go to M. Ambush , and bid him send me twenty marks vpon this Diamond . Enter Bubble .

Nin.

I will sir .

Long.

Looke you ( to make vs the merrier ) who comes here .

Rash .

A fresh Gamster , M. Bubble , God saue you .

Bub.

Tu quoque sir .

Spend.

God saue you Maister Bubble .

Bub.

Tu quoque .

Sta.

Saue you sir .

Bub.

Et tu quoque .

Long.

Good maister Bubleb

Bub.

Et tu quoque .

Scatt.

Is your name Master Bubble ?

Bub.

Maister Bubble is my name , sir .

Scat.

God saue you sir .

Bub.

Et tu quoque .

Scat.

I would be better acquainted with you .

Bub.

And I with you .

Scat.

Pray let vs salute againe .

Bub.

With all my heart sir .

Lon.

Behold yonder the oke and the Iuy how they imbrace .

Rash .

Excellent acquaintance , they shall be the Gemini .

Bub.

Shall I desire your name sir ?

Scat.

Maister Scattergood .

Bub.

Of the Scattergoods of London ?

Scat.

No indeed sir , of the Scattergoods of Hampshire .

Bub.

Good Maister Scattergood .

Sta.

Come Gentlemen , heere 's dice .

Scat.

Please you aduance to the Table ?

Bub.

No indeede sir .

Scatt.

Pray will you goe ?

Bub.

I will goe sir ouer the whole world for your sake , But in curtesie I will not budge a foote . Enter Ninnihammer .

Nin. Heere is the Cash you sent me for , and master Rash , Heere is a Letter from one of your sisters . Spend.

I haue the dice , set Gentlemen .

Long.

From which sister ?

Rash .

From the mad-cap , I know by the hand .

Spend.

For me , six .

Omnes .

And six that .

Sta.

Nine ; 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , and 8 : eighteene shillings .

Spend.

What 's yours sir ?

Scat.

Mine 's a Bakers dozen : master Bubble tel your mony .

Bub.

In good faith I am but a simple Gamster , and doe not know what to doe .

Scat.

Why you must tell your money , and hee 'le pay you .

Bub.

My mony ! I do know how much my mony is , but he shall not pay me , I haue a better conscience then so : what for throwing the dice twice , yfaith he should haue but a hard bargaine of it .

Rash .

Witty rascall , I must needes away .

Long.

Why what 's the matter ?

Rash .

Why the louers can not agree , thou shalt along with me , and know all .

Long.

But first let mee instruct thee in the condition of this Gentleman , whom dost thou take him to be ?

Rash .

Nay , hee 's a stranger , I know him not .

Long.

By this light but you doe , if his beard were off , 't is Staines .

Rash .

The diuell it is as soone : and what 's his purpose in this disguise ?

Long.

Why cheating , doe you not see how he playes vpon his worshipfull Maister , and the rest .

Rash .

By my faith he drawes apace .

Spend.

A pox vpon these dice , giue 's a fresh bale .

Bubb.

Ha ha , the dice are not to be blamed , a man may perceiue this is no Gentlemanly gamster , by his chasing : do you heare , my friend , fill me a glasse of beere , and ther 's a shilling for your paines .

Dra.

Your worship shall sir .

Rash .

Why how now Franke , what hast lost ?

Spend.

Fifteene pounds and vpwards : is there neuer an honest fellow .

Amb.

What doe you lacke money sir ?

Spend.

Yes , canst furnish me ?

Amb.

Vpon a sufficient pawne sir .

Spend.

You know my shop , bid my man deliuer you a piece of three pile veluet , and let me haue as much money as you dare aduenture vpon 't .

Amb.

You shall sir .

Spend. A pox of this lucke , it will not last euer : Play sir , I 'le set you . Rash .

Franke , better fortune befa'l thee : and Gentlemen , I must take my leaue , for I must leaue you .

Scat.

Must you needes be gone ?

Rash .

Indeede I must .

Bub.

Et tu quoque ?

Long.

Yes truely .

Scat.

At your discretions Gentlemen .

Rash .

Farewell . Exeunt Rash & Long .

Sta.

Cry you mercy sir , I am chanc'd with you all Gentlemen : heere I haue 7 , heere 7 , and heere 10.

Spend.

T' is right sir , and ten that .

Bub.

And nine that .

Sta.

Two fiues at all . Drawes all .

Bub.

One and fiue that .

Spend.

Vmh , and can a suite of Sattin cheate so grossely ? By this light there 's nought on one die but fiues and sixes , I must not be thus gull'd .

Bub.

Come Maister Spendall , set .

Spend.

No sir , I haue done .

Scatt.

Why then let vs all leaue , for I thinke dinner 's neare ready .

Dra.

Your meat 's vpon the Table .

Scat.

On the Table ! come Gentlemen , we do our stomackes wrong : M. Bubble , what haue you lost ?

Bub.

That 's no matter , what I haue lost , I haue lost ; nor can I chuse but smile at the foolishnes of the dice .

Sta.

I am but your steward Gentlemen , for after dinner I may restore it againe .

Bub.

M. Scatter-good , will you walke in ?

Scat.

I 'le wait vpon you sir , come Gentlemen , will you follow ? Exit : manent Spendall & Staines .

Sta.

Yes sir , I 'le follow you .

Spen.

Heare you sir , a word .

Sta.

Ten if you please .

Spend.

I haue lost fifteene pounds .

Sta

And I haue found it .

Spend. You say right , found it you haue indeed , But neuer wonne it : doe you know this die ? Sta. Not I sir . Spend. You seeme a Gentleman , and you may perceiue . I haue some respect vnto your credite , To take you thus aside , will you restore What you ha drawne from me vnlawfully ? Sta. Sirra , by your out-side you seeme a cittizen , Whose Cockes-comb , I were apt enough to breake , But for the Lawe ; goe y' are a prating Iacke , Nor ' is t your hopes , of crying out for clubbes , Can saue you from my chasticement , if once You shall but dare to vtter this againe . Spend.

You lie , you dare pot .

Sta.

Lie ! nay villaine , now thou tempest me to thy death .

Spend. So 't , you must buy it dearer , The best bloud flowes within you is the price . Sta.

Darst thou resist , thou art no Cittizen .

Spend.

I am a Cittizen .

Sta. Say thou arte a Gentleman , and I am satisfied , For then I know thou 'lt answer me in field . Spend. I le say directly what I am , a Citizen , And I will meete thee in the field as fairely As the best Gentleman that weares a sword . Sta.

I accept it , the meeting place .

Spend.

Beyond the Maze in Tuttle .

Sta.

What weapon ?

Spend.

Single rapier .

Sta.

The time .

Spend.

To morrow .

Sta.

The houre .

Spend.

Twixt nine and ten .

Sta.

T is good , I shall expect you , farewell . Ex. omnes .

Spend.

Farewell sir .

Enter Will Rash , Long-field , and Ioyce . Rash .

Why I commend thee Gerle , thou speak'st as thou thinkst , thy tongue and thy heart are Relatiues , and thou wert not my sister , I should at this time fall in love with thee .

Ioyce .

You should not need , for and you were not my brother , I should fall in loue with you , for I loue a proper man with my heart , and so does all the Sex of vs , let my sister dissemble neuer so much , I am out of charity with these nice and squemish tricks , we were borne for men , and men for vs , and wee must together .

Rash .

This same plaine dealing is a Iewell in thee .

Ioyce .

And let mee enioy that Iewell , for I loue plaine dealing with my heart .

Rash .

Tha' rt a good wench yfaith , I should neuer be ashamed to call thee sister , though thou shouldst marry a Broomeman : but your louer me thinkes is ouer tedious .

Enter Geraldine . Ioyce .

No , looke ye sir , could you wish a man to come better vpon his q , let vs withdraw .

Rash . Close , close , for the prosecution of the plot , wench , See he prepares . Ioyce . Silence . Gerald. The Sunne is yet wrapt in Auroraes armes , And lull'd with her delight , forgets his creatures : Awake thou god of heate , I call thee vp , and taske thee for thy slownesse ; Poynt all thy beames through yonder flaring glasse , And raise a beauty brighter then thy selfe ; Musicke . Musitions , giue to each Instrument a tongue , To breathe sweete musicke in the eares of her To whom I send it as a messenger . Enter Gartred aloft . Gart.

Sir , your musicke is so good , that I must say I like it ; but the Bringer so ill welcome , that I could be content to loose it : if you plaid for mony , there 't is ; if for loue , heere 's none ; if for goodwill , I thanke you , and when you will you may be gone ,

Ger. Leaue me not intranc'd : sing not my death , Thy voyce is able to make Satires tame , And call rough windes to her obedience . Gart.

Sir , sir , our eares itch not for flattery , heere you besiege my window , that I dare not put forth my selfe to take the gentle Ayre , but you are in the fieldes , and volley out your woes , your plaints , your loues , your iniuries .

Ger.

Since you haue heard , and know them , giue redresse , True beauty neuer yet was mercilesse .

Gart.

Sir , rest thus satisfied , my minde was neuer woman , neuer alter'd , nor shall it now beginne : So fare you well . Exis Gart.

Rash .

Sfoot , she playes the terrible tyrannizing Tamberlaine ouer him , this it is to turne Turke , from a most absolute compleate Gentleman , to a most absurd ridiculous and fond louer .

Long.

Oh , when a woman knowes the power and authoritie of her eie .

Ioyce .

Fie vpon her , shee 's good for nothing then , no more then a iade that knowes his owne strength : The windowe is clasped , now brother , pursue your proiect , and deliuer your friend from the tyranny of my domineering sister .

Rash .

Doe you heare , you drunkard in loue , come in to vs and be ruled , you would little thinke , that the wench that talked so scuruily out of the window there , is more inamored on thee then thou on her : nay , looke you now , see if hee turne not away slighting our good councell : I am no Christian if shee doe not sigh , whine , and grow sicke for thee : looke you sir , I will bring you in good witnesse against her .

Ioyce .

Sir , y' are my brothers friend , and I 'le be plaine with you , you doe not take the course to winne my sister , but indirectly goe about the bush : you come and fiddle heere , and keepe a coile in verse : holde off your hatte , and beg to kisse her hand , which makes her prowd . But to bee short , in two lines thus it is :

Who most doth loue , must seeme most to neglect it , For those that shew most loue , are least respected . Long.

A good obseruation by my faith .

Rash . Well this instruction comes too late now , Stand you close , and let me prosecute my inuention , Sister , O sister , wake , arise sister . Enter Gartred aboue . Gart.

How now brother , why call you with such terrour ?

Rash . How can you sleepe so sound , and heare such groanes , So horride and so tedious to the eare , That I was frighted hither by the sound ? O sister , heere lies a Gentleman that lou'd you too deerely , And himselfe too ill , as by his death appeares , I can report no further without teares ; Assist me now . Long. When he came first , death startled in his eyes , His hand had not forsooke the dagger hilt , But still he gaue it strength , as if he feard He had not sent it home vnto his heart . Gart. Enough , enough , If you will haue me liue , giue him no name , Suspition tells me 't is my Geraldine : But be it whom it will , I 'le come to him , To suffer death as resolute as he . Exit Gart. Rash .

Did not I tell you 't would take , downe sir downe .

Ger.

I ghesse what y 'ould haue me doe .

Long.

O for a little bloud to besprinckle him .

Rash .

No matter for blood , I 'le not suffer her to come neare him , till the plot haue tane his full height .

Ger.

A scarffe ore my face , left I betray my selfe .

Enter Gartred belowe . Rash . Heere , heere , lie still , she comes , Now Mercurie , be propitious . Gart. Where lies this spectacle of blood ? This tragicke Sceane . Rash . Yonder lies Geraldine . Gart. O let me see him with his face of death ! Why doe you stay me from my Geraldine ? Rash . Because , vnworthy as thou art , thou shalt not see The man now dead , whom liuing thou didst scorne , The worst part that he had , deseru'd thy best , But yet contemn'd , deluded , mock'd , despisde by you , Vnfit for aught but for the generall marke Which you were made for , mans creation . Gart. Burst not my heart before I see my Loue , Brother , vpon my knees I begge your leaue , That I may see the wound of Geraldine , I will embalme his body with my teares , And carry him vnto his sepulcher , From whence I 'le neuer rise , but be interr'd In the same dust he shall be buried in . Long. I doe protest shee drawes sad teares from me , I pre thee let her see her Geraldine . Gart. Brother , if e're you lou'd me as a sister , Depriue me not the sight of Geraldine . Rash . Well , I am contented you shall touch his lippes , But neither see his face nor yet his wound , Gart. Not see his face ? Rash . Nay , I haue sworne it to the contrary : Nay , harke you further yet . Gart. What now ? Rash . But one kisse , no more . Gart. Why then no more . Rash . Marry this liberty I 'le giue you , If you intend to make my speach of repentance Ouer him , I am content , so it be short . Gart. What you command is Law , and I obey . Ioyce . Peace , giue eare to the passion . Gart. Before I touch thy body , I implore Thy discontented ghost to be appeasde : Send not vnto me till I come my selfe : Then shalt thou know how much I honor'd thee . O see the colour of his corall lippe ! Which in despight of death liues full and fresh , As when he was the beauty of his Sex : T' were sinne worthy the worst of plagues to leaue thee : Not all the strength and pollicie of man Shall snatch me from thy bosome . Long. Looke , looke , I thinke shee 'l rauish him . Rash . Why how now sister ? Gart. Shall we haue both one graue ? here I am chain'd , Thunder nor Earthquakes shall shake me off . Rash .

No ? I 'le try that , come dead man , awake , vp with your bag and baggage , and let 's haue no more fooling .

Gart.

And liue's my Geraldine ?

Rash . Liue ? faith I , Why should he not ? he was neuer dead , That I know on . Ger. It is no wonder Geraldine should liue , Tho he had emptied all his vitall spirites , The Lute of Orpheus spake not halfe so sweete , When he descended to th' infernall vaults , To fetch againe his faire Euridice , As did thy sweete voyce to Geraldine . Gart. I 'le exercise that voyce , since it doth please My better selfe , my constant Geraldine . Ioyce . Why so la , heere 's an end of an old Song , Why could not this haue beene done before I pray ? Gart. O y' are a goodly sister , this is your plot : Well , I shall liue one day to requite you . Ioyce .

Spare me not , for wheresoeuer I set my affection , although it be vpon a Colliar , if I fall backe , vnlesse it bee in the right kinde , binde mee to a stake , and let mee be burned to death with char-coale .

Rash .

Well , thou art a mad wench , and there 's no more to be done at this time , but as wee brought you together , so to part you , you must not lie at racke and manger : there be those within , that will forbid the banes , Time must shake good Fortune by the hand , before you two must be great , specially you sister ; come leaue swearing .

Gart.

Must we then part ?

Rash .

Must you part ? why how thinke you ? vdsfoote , I do thinke we shall haue as much to do to get her from him , as we had to bring her to him : this loue of women is of a strange qualitie , and has more trickes then a Iuggler .

Gart.

But this , and then farewell .

Ger.

Thy company is heauen , thy absence hell .

Rash .

Lord who 'ld thinke it ?

Ioyce .

Come wench . Exeunt omnes .

Enter Spendall , and Staines . Spend. This ground is firme and euen , I 'le goe no further . Sta. This be the place then , and prepare you sir , You shall haue faire play for your life of me , For looke sir , I 'le be open breasted to you . Spend. Shame light on him that thinkes his safety lieth in a French doublet . Nay I would strippe my selfe , would comelinesse Giue sufferance to the deed , and fight with thee , As naked as a Mauritanian Moore . Sta. Giue me thy hand , by my heart I loue thee , Thou art the highest spirited Cittizen , That euer Guild-hall tooke notice of . Spend. Talke not what I am , vntill you haue tried me . Sta. Come on sir . They fight . Spend. Now sir , your life is mine . Sta. Why then take it , for I 'le not begge it of thee . Spend. Nobly resolu'd , I loue thee for those words , Heere take thy armes againe , and if thy malice Haue spent it selfe like mine , then let vs part More friendly then we met at first incounter . Sta. Sir , I accept this gift of you , but not your friendship , Vntill I shall recouer 't with my honour . Spend. Will you fight againe then ? Sta. Yes . Spend. Faith thou dost well then , iustly to whip my folly . But come sir . Sta. Hold , y' are hurt I take it . Spend. Hurt ! where ? zownds I feele it not . Sta. You bleed I am sure . Spend. Sblood , I thinke you weare a cattes claw vpon your Rapiers point , I am scratcht indeed , but small as 't is , I must haue blood for blood . Sta. Y' are bent to kill I see . Spend. No by my hopes , if I can seape that sinne , And keepe my good name , I 'le neuer offer 't . Sta. Well sir , your worst . Spend. We both bleed now I take it , And if the motion may be equall thought , To part with clasp'd hands : I shall first subscribe . Sta. It were vnmanlinesse in me to refuse The safety of vs both , my hand shall neuer fall From such a charitable motion . Spend. Then ioyne we both , and heere our malice ends , Tho foes we came to 'th field , wee 'l depart frends . Exeunt . Enter sir Lyonell and a Seruant . Lyon .

Come , come , follow me knaue , follow me , I haue the best nose 'i th house , I thinke , either wee shall haue rainie weather , or the vaults vnstop'd : sirra , goe see , I would not haue my guesse smell out any such inconuenience : Doe you heare sirra Symon ?

Ser.

Sir .

Lyon .

Bid the Kitchin-maide skowre the sincke , and make cleane her backe-side , for the wind lies iust vpon 't .

Ser.

I will sir .

Lyon .

And bid Anthonie put on his white fustian doublet , for hee must wait to day : It doth mee so much good to stirre and talke , to place this , and displace that , that I shall neede no Apothecaries prescriptions , I haue sent my daughter this morning as farre as Pimliko to fetch a draught of Darby ale , that it may fetch a colour in her cheekes , the puling harlotrie looks so pale , and it is all for want of a man , for so their mother would say , God rest her soule , before she died . Exit Seruant .

Enter Bubble , Scattergood and Staines . Ser.

Sir , the Gentlemen are come already .

Lyon .

How knaue , the Gentlemen !

Ser.

Yes sir , yonder they are .

Lyonell .

Gods pretious , we are too tardie , let one be sent presently to meete the gerles , and hasten their comming home quickely : how dost thou stand dreaming ? Gentlemen , I see you loue me , you are carefull of your houre ; you may be deceiued in your cheare , but not in your welcome .

Bub.

Thankes , and Tu quoque is a word for all .

Scatterg.

A pretty concise roome : sir Lyonell , where are your danghters ?

Lyon .

They are at your service sir , and forth comming .

Bub.

Gods will Geruase ! how shall I behaue my selfe to the Gentlewomen ?

Sta.

Why aduance your selfe toward them , with a comely steppe , and in your salute , be carefull you strike not too high , nor too lowe , and afterward for your discourse , your Tu quoque will beare you out .

Bub.

Nay , and that be all , I care not , for I 'le set a good face on 't , that 's flat : and for my neather parts , let them speake for themselues : here 's a legge , and euer a Baker in England shew me a better , I 'le giue him mine for nothing .

Sta.

O that 's a speciall thing that I must caution you of .

Bub.

What sweete Geruase ?

Sta.

Why for commending your selfe ; neuer whilest you line commend your selfe : and then you shall haue the Ladies themselues commend you .

Bub.

I would they would else .

Sta.

Why they will I 'le assure you sir , and the more vilely you speake of your selfe , the more will they striue to collaud you .

Enter Gartred and Ioyce . Bub. Let me alone to dispraise my selfe , I 'le make my selfe the arrantest Cockes-combe within a whole Countrey . Lyonell . Heere come the Gipsies , the Sunne-burn'd gerles , Whose beauties will not vtter them alone , They must haue bagges although my credite cracke for 't . Bub. Is this the eldest sir ? Lyonell . Yes marry is she sir . Bub. I 'le kisse the yongest first , because she likes me best . Scat. Marry sir , and whilest you are there , I 'le be heere : O delicious touch ! I thinke in conscience Her lippes are lined quite through with Orenge Tawny veluet . Bub.

They kisse exceeding well , I doe not thinke but they haue beene brought vp too 't , I will beginne to her like a Gentleman in a set speech : Faire Ladie , shall I speake a word with you ?

Ioyce .

With me sir ?

Bub. With you Lady , — this way , — a litle more , — So now t is well , vmh — Euen as a Drummer , — or a Pewterer . Ioy. Which of the two no matter , For one beates on a Drumme , tother a Platter . Bub. In good fayth sweet Lady you say true : But pray marke me further , I will begin againe . Ioy. I pray Sir doe . Bub. Euen as a Drummer , as I sayd before , — Or as a Pewterer . Ioy.

Very good Sir .

Bub.

Doo — doo — doo .

Ioy.

What doe they doo ?

Bub.

By my troth Lady , I doe not know : for to say truth , I am a kind of an Asse .

Ioy.

How Sir , an Asse ?

Bub.

Yes indeed Lady .

Ioy.

Nay that you are not .

Bub.

So God ha mee , I am Lady : you neuer saw an arranter Asse in your life .

Ioy.

Why heer 's a Gentleman your friend , will not say so .

Bub. Y fayth but he shall : How say you sir , Am not I an Asse ? Scatt.

Yes by my troth Lady is he : Why I le say any thing my brother Bubble sayes .

Gart.

Is this the man my Father choose for mee , to make a Husband of ? O God , how blind are parents in our loues : so they haue wealth , they care not to what thinges they marry vs .

Bub.

Pray looke vpon mee Lady .

Ioy.

So I doe sir .

Bub.

I but looke vpon mee well , and tell mee if you euer saw any man looke so scuruily , as I doe ?

Ioy.

The fellow sure is frantique .

Bub.

You doe not marke mee ?

Ioy.

Yes indeed sir .

Bub. I , but looke vpon mee well : Did you euer see a worse timberd Legge ? Ioy. By my fayth t is a pretty foure square Legge . Bub. I but your foure square Legges are none of the best . Oh! Iaruis , Iaruis . Sta.

Excellent well sir .

Bub.

What say you now to mee Lady , can you find ere a good inch about mee ?

Ioy.

Yes that I can sir .

Bub. Find it , and take it sweete Lady : There I thinke I bobd her , Iaruis ? Ioy. Well sir , disparadge not your selfe so : for if you were The man you 'd make your selfe ; yet out of your Behauiour and discourse , I could find cause enough To loue you . Bub.

Augh ! now shee comes to mee : My behauiour ? alas , alas , t is clownicall ; and my discourse is very bald , bald : You shall not heare mee breake a good Ieast in a twelue month .

Ioy.

No sir ? why now you breake a good Ieast .

Bub. No , I want the Boone Ioure , and the Tu quoques , Which yonder Gentleman has : Ther 's a bob for him too : There 's a Gentleman , and you talke of a Gentleman ? Ioy.

Who hee ? hee 's a Coxcombe indeed .

Bub.

We are sworne Brothers in good fayth Lady .

Enter Seruant . Scatt.

Yes in truth wee are sworne Brothers , and do meane to goe both alike , and to haue Horses alike .

Ioy.

And they shall be sworne Brothers too ?

Scatt.

If it please them , Lady .

Ser.

M. Ballance , the Gold smith desires to speake with you .

Lyo.

Bid him come , knaue .

Scatt.

I woonder ( Sir Lyonell ) your sonne Will Rash is not heere ?

Lyo.

Is hee of your acquaintance , sir ?

Scatt.

O very familiar ; hee strooke mee a boxe on the eare once , and from thence grew my loue to him .

Enter Ballance . Lyo.

It was a signe of vertue in you sir ; but hee le be heere at dinner . Maister Ballance , what makes you so strange ?

Come , you 're welcome : what 's the Newes ?

Balla. Why sir , the old Newes : your man Francis royots still , And little hope of thrift there is in him ; Therefore I come to aduise your Worship , To take some order whilst there 's something left , The better part of his best Ware 's consumd . Lyo. Speake softly Maister Ballance . But is there no hope of his recouerie ? Ball.

None at all sir ; for hee s already layd to be arested by some that I know .

Lyo. Well , I doe suffer for him , and am loath Indeed to doe , what I am constraind to doe : Well sir , I meane to ceaze on what is left . And harke you one word more . Ioy. What haynous sinne has yonder man committed , To haue so great a punishment , as waite vpon the humors of an idle Foole : A very proper Fellow , good Legge , good Face , A Body well proportiond : but his minde Bewrayes he neuer came of Generous kinde . Enter Will Rash and Geraldine . Lyo. Goe to , no more of this at this time . What sir , are you come ? Rash .

Yes sir , and haue made bold to bring a Guift along .

Lyo.

Maister Geraldines sonne of Essex ?

Ger.

The same sir .

Lyo

Ye 're welcom sir , when wil your Father be in towne ?

Ger.

T' will not be long , sir .

Lyo.

I shall be glad to see him when he coms .

Ger.

I thanke you sir .

Lyo. In the meane time you 're welcome ; pray be not strange , I le leaue my Sonne amongst you Gentlemen , I haue some busines : harke you M. Ballance , Dinner will soone be readie ; one word more . Exit Lyo . & Bal. Rash .

And how does my little Asinus and his Tu quoque here ? Oh you pretty sweet-fac'd rogues , that for your countenances might be Alexander and Lodwicke : What sayes the old man to you ? wil 't be a match ? shall wee call Brothers ?

Scatt.

I fayth with all my heart ; if Mistris Gartred will , wee will be married to morrow .

Bub.

S'fott , if Mistris Ioyce will , wee 'le be married to night .

Rash .

Why you couragious Boyes , and worthy Wenches , made out of Waxe . But what shall 's doe when wee haue dinde , shall 's goe see a Play ?

Scatt.

Yes fayth Brother : if it please you , let 's goe see a Play at the Gloabe .

Bub.

I care not ; any whither , so the Clowne haue a part : For Ifayth I am no body without a Foole .

Ger.

Why then wee 'le goe to the Red Bull ; they say Green 's a good Clowne .

Bub.

Greene ? Greene's an Asse .

Scatt.

Wherefore doe you say so ?

Bub.

Indeed I ha no reason : for they say , hee is as like mee as euer hee can looke .

Scatt.

Well then , to the Bull .

Rash .

A good resolution , continue it : nay on ?

Bub.

Not before the Gentlewomen ; not I neuer .

Rash . O while you liue , men before women : Custome hath plac'd it so . Bub.

Why then Custome is not so mannerly , as I would be .

Rash .

Farewell M. Scatter-good : Come Louer , you 're too busie heere , I must tutor yee : Cast not your eye at the table on each other , my Father will spie you without Spectacles ,

Hee is a shrewd obseruer : doe you heare mee ? Ger.

Very well sir .

Rash . Come then go wee togeather , let the Wenches alone . Doe you see yonder fellow ? Ger.

Yes : prethee what is hee ?

Rash .

I le giue you him within , he must not now be thought on : but you shall know him . Exit Rash . & Gerald .

Gart. I haue obseru'd my sister , and her eye Is much inquisitiue after yond fellow ; Shee has examin'd him from head to foot : I le stay and see the issue . Ioy. To wrastle gainst the streame of our Affection , Is to strike Ayre , or buffet with the Winde , That playes vpon vs : I haue striu'd to cast This fellow from my thoughts , but still he growes More comely in my sight ; yet a slaue Vnto one worse condition'd then a Slaue : They are all gone , heer 's none but hee , and I , Now I will speake to him : and yet I will not . Oh! I wrong my selfe , I will suppresse That insurrection Loue hath traind in mee , And leaue him as he is : once my bold spirits Had vowed to vtter all my thoughts to him On whom I setled my affection : And why retyres it now ? Sta. Fight Loue on both sides ; for on mee thou strik'st Strokes that hath beat my heart into a flame : She hath sent amorous glaunses from her eye : Which I haue backe returnd as faythfully . I would make to her , but these seruile Roabes , Curbes that suggestion , till some fitter time Shall bring mee more perswadingly vnto her . Ioy. I wonder why he stayes ; I feare hee notes mee , For I haue publiquely betrayde my selfe , By too much gazing on him : I will leaue him . Gart. But you shall not ; I le make you speake to him Before you goe . Doe you heare sir ? Ioy. What meane you sister ? Gart. To fit you in your kind , sister : doe you remember How you once tyranizd ouer mee ? Ioy. Nay prethee leaue this iesting , I am out of the vaine . Gart.

I , but I am in : goe speake to your Louer .

Ioy.

I le first be buried quicke .

Gart.

How , ashamd ? S'fott Itro , if I had set my affection on a Collier , I de nere fall backe , vnlesse it were in the right kind : if I did , let mee be tyed to a Stake , and burnt to death with Charcoale .

Ioy.

Nay then wee shall hate .

Gart.

Yes marry shall you . Sister , will you speake to him :

Ioy.

No .

Gart.

Doe you heare sir ? heer 's a Gentlewoman would speake with you .

Ioy.

Why Sister , I pray Sister .

Gart One that loues you with all her heart , Yet is ashamd to confesse it . Sta.

Did you call , Ladyes ?

Ioy.

No sir , heer 's no one cald .

Gart.

Yes sir t was I , I cald to speake with you .

Ioy.

My Sister 's somewhat frantique ; there 's no regard to be had vnto her clamors : Will you yet leaue ?

In fayth you 'le anger mee . Gart.

Passion : Come backe foole louer , turne againe and kisse your belly full , heer 's one will stand yee .

Sta.

What does this meane troe ?

Ioy.

Yes , is your humor spent ?

Gart. Come let me goe , Birds that want the vse of Reason and of Speech , can couple together in one day ; And yet you that haue both , cannot conclude in twentie : now Sister I am euen with you , my venome is spit , As much happinesse may you enjoy with your louer as I with mine : And droope not wench , not neuer be ashamd of him , The man will serue the turne , though he be wrapt In a blew Coate , I le warrant him , come . Joy . You 're merely disposed , Sister . Exit Wenches . Sta. I needs must prosper , Fortune & Loue worke for mee . Be moderate my Ioyes ; for as you grow to your full height , So Bubbles waxeth low . Exit . Enter Spendall , Sweatman , and Tickleman . Tick.

Will my sweete Spendall be gone then ?

Spend. I must vpon promise ; but I le be heere at supper : Therefore Mistris Sweatman , provide vs some good cheare . Sweat .

The best the Market will yeeld .

Spend.

Heer 's twentie shillings ; I protest I haue left my selfe but a Crowne , for my spending mony : for indeed I intend to be frugall , and turne good husband .

Tick.

I marry will you , you 'le to play againe , & loose your Monie and fall to fighting ; my very heart trembles to thinke on it : how if you had been kild in the quarrell , of my fayth I had been but a dead woman .

Spen.

Come , come , no more of this ; thou dost but dissemble .

Tick. Dissemble ? do not you say so ; for if you doe , God s my iudge I le giue my selfe a gash . Spend. Away , away , prethee no more : farewell . Tick. Nay busse first : Well , There 's no aduersitie in the world shall part vs . Enter Sergiants . Spend.

Thou art a louing Rascall ; farewell .

Sweat .

You will not fayle supper ?

Spend.

You haue my word ; farewell .

1. Ser.

Sir , wee arrest you .

Spend.

Arrest mee , at whose suite ?

2. Ser. Marry there 's suites enough against you , I le warrant you . 1. Ser.

Come , away with him .

Spend.

Stay , heare mee a word .

2. Ser.

What doe you say ?

Enter Purssuet . Tick. How now Purssuet , why com'st in such haste ? Purss. Shut vp your doores , and barre young Spendall out , And let him be cashieard your companie , He is turnd Banquerout , his wares are ceazd on , And his shop shut vp . Tick. How , his wares ceazd on ? thou dost but iest , I hope . Purss. What this tongue doth report , these eyes haue seene , It is no Aesops fable that I tell , But it is true , as I am faythfull Pander . Sweat . Nay I did euer thinke the prodigall would proue A Banquerout ; but hang him , let him rott In prison , he comes no more within these doores I warrant him . Tick. Come hither , I would he would but offer it , Wee le fier him out with a pox to him . Spend. Will you doe it ; To carrie me to prison , but vndoes me ? 1. Sar. What say you fellow Gripe , shall we take his 40. shillings . 2. Sar. Yes fayth , we shall haue him againe within this weeke . 1. Sar. Well Sir , your 40 shillings ? and wee le haue some compassion on you . Spend. Will you but walke with me vnto that house , And there you shall receaue it . Sar. What , where the women are ? Spend. Yes sir . Sweat. Looke yonder , if the vngratious rascall be not comming hither , Betwixt two Sargiantes : he thinkes belike , That wee le relieue him ; let vs goe in , And clap the doores against him . Purss. It is the best course Mistres Tickleman ? Tick But I say no , you shall not stirre a foote , For I will talke with him , Spend. Nan , I am come Euen in the Minute that thou didst professe Kindnesse vnto mee , to make tryall of it , Aduersitie thou Sees layes hands vpon mee , But Fortie-shillings will deliuer mee , Tick. Why you Impudent Rogue , do you come to me for Mony ? Or do I know you ? what acquaintance pray , Hath euer past betwixt your selfe and mee ? Sar. Zounds do you mocke vs , to bring vs to these women that do not know you ? Sweat . Yes in good Sooth , ( Officers I take 't you 're ) Hee 's a meere stranger heere : onely in charitie , Sometimes we haue reliued him with a meale . Spend. This is not earnest in you ? Come , I know My guistes and bountie cannot be soone buried : Goe prethee fetch Fourtie shillings ? Tick. Talke not to mee ( you slaue ) of Fourtie shillings ; For by this light that shines , aske it againe , I le send my Knife of an earrand in your Guttes : A shamelesse Roge to come to mee for Money ? Sweat . Is he your Prisoner , Gentlemen ? Sar. Yes marry is hee . Sweat . Pray carry him then to Prison , let him smart for 't , Perhaps t will tame the wildnesse of his youth , And teach him how to lead a better life : Hee had good counsell heere , I can assure you , And if a would a tooke it . Purss. I told him still my selfe , what would insew . Spend.

Furies breake loose in mee : Sargeants , let me goe , I le giue you all I haue , to purchase freedome but for a lightning while , to teare yond Whore . Baud , Pander ; and in them , the Diuell : for there 's his Hell , his habitation ; nor has hee any other locall place . Takes Spendals Cloake .

Sar.

No sir , wee le take no Bribes .

Spend. Honest Sargeants , give me leaue to vnlade A heart ore-chargd with griefe ; as I haue a soule , I le not breake from you . Thou Strumpet , that wert borne to ruine men , My fame , and fortune : be subiect to my Cursse , And heare mee speake it : Mayst thou in thy youth , Feele the sharpe Whippe ; and in thy Beldame age , The Cart : when thou art growne to bee An old Vpholster vnto Venerie , ( A Bawd I meane , to liue by Fether-beds , ) Mayst-thou be driven to sell all thou hast Vnto thy Aqua vite Bottle ; that 's the last A Bawd will part withall ; and line so poore , That being turnd forth thy house , mayst die at doore . Ser. Come sir , ha you done ? Spend. A little further giue mee leaue , I pray , I haue a charitable Prayer to end with . May the French Canniball eate into thy flesh , And picke thy bones so cleane , that the report Of thy Calamitie , may draw resort Of all the common Sinners in the towne , To see thy mangled Carcasse : and that then , They may vpon 't , turne honest ; Bawd , say Amen . Exit . Sweat . Out vpon him wicked villaine , how he blaspheames ; Purss. Hee will be damn'd for turning Heretique . Tick. Hang him Banquerout rascall , let him talke in Prison , The whilst wee le spend his Goods : for I did neuer Heare , that men tooke example by each other . Sweat . Well , if men did rightly consider 't , they should find , That Whores and Bawdes are profitable members In a Common-wealth : for indeed , tho wee somewhat Impaire their Bodyes , yet wee doe good to their Soules ; For I am sure , wee still bring them to Repentance . Purss. By Dis , and so wee doe . Sweat .

Come , come , will you Dis before : thou art one of them , that I warrant thee wilt be hangd , before thou wilt repent . Exit .

Enter Rash Stayns and Geraldine . Rash .

Well , this Loue is a troublesome thing , Iupiter blesse mee out of his fingers : ther 's no estate can rest for him : Hee runnes through all Countries , will trauell through the I le of Man in a minut ; but neuer is quiet till hee come into Middle-sex , and there keepes his Christmas :

T is his habitation , his mantion , from whence , Hee le neuer out , till hee be fierd . Ger.

Well , do not tyranize too much , least one day he make you know his Deitie , by sending a shaft out of a sparkling eye , shall strike so deepe into your heart , that it shall make you fetch your breath short againe .

Rash .

And make mee cry , O eyes no eyes , but two celestiall Starres ! A pox on t , I de as leiue heare a fellow sing throngh the nose . How now Wench ?

Enter Gartred . Gart.

Keepe your station ; you stand as well for the incounter as may be : shee is comming on ; but as melancholy , as a Base-vyollin Consort .

Rash .

Which makes thee as Sprightly as the Trebble .

Now dost thou play thy prize : heer 's the honorable Sciense one against another : Doe you heare Louer , the thing is done you wot off ; you shall haue your Wench alone without any disturbance : now if you can doe any good , why so , the Siluer Game be yours , wee le stand by and giue ayme , and hallow if you hit the Clout .

Sta. T is all the assistance I request of you , Bring mee but opportunatly to her presence , And I desire no more : and If I cannot win her , Let mee loose her . Gart. Well sir , let me tell you , perhaps you vndertake A harder taske then yet you doe imagine . Sta.

A taske , what to win a Woman , & haue opportunitie ? I would that were a taske ifayth , for any man that weares his wittes about him : giue me but halfe an houres

Conference with the coldest creature of them all , And if I bring her not into a fooles Paradice , I le pul out my tongue , & hang it at her doore for a draw-latch . Vdsfoot , I 'de nere stand thrumming of Caps for the matter , I le quickly make tryall of her if shee loue : To haue her Beautie prays'd , I le prayse it : if her Witte , I le commende it : if her good parts , I le exalt them . No course shall scape me ; for to what soeuer I saw her inclind too , to that would I fit her . Rash .

But you must not doe thus to her , for shee 's a subtile flouting rogue , that will laugh you out of countenance , if you solicit her seriously : No , talke me to her wantonly , slightly & carelesly , and perhaps so you may preuaile as much with her , as wind does with a Sayle , carry her whither thou wilt , Bully .

Enter Ioyce . Sta. Well sir , I le follow your instruction . Rash . Do so . And see she appeares ; fall you two off from vs , Let vs two walke togeather . Ioy. Why did my enquiring eye take in this fellow , And let him downe so easie to my heart ; Where like a Conquerour he ceases on it , And beates all other men out of my Bossome ? Rash . Sister , you 're well met , Heer 's a Gentleman desires to be acquainted with you . Ioy. See , the Seruingman is turnd a Gentleman , That villanous Wench my Sister , has no mercy , Shee and my Brother has conspired together to play vpon me ;

But I le preuent their sport : for rather then my tongue shall haue scope to speake matter to giue them mirth , my heart shall breake .

Rash . You haue your desire sir , I le leaue you ; Grapple with her as you can . Sat. Lady , God saue you . She turns backe vpon the motion , Ther 's no good to be done by braying for her , I see that ; I must plunge into a passion : now for a peece of Hero and Leander : t' were excellent ; and prayse be to my memorie , It has reacht halfe a dozen lines for the purpose : Well , shee shall haue them . One is no Number ; Maydes are nothing then Without the sweete societie of Men . Wilt thou liue single still ? one shalt thou bee , Though neuer singling Hymen couple thee . Wild Sauages that drinke of running Springs , Thinkes Water farre excells all other thing . They that dayly taste neat Wine , despise it . Virginitie albeit some highly prize it , Compard with Marriage ; had you tryde them both , Differs as much , as Wine and Water doth . No ? Why then haue at you in another kind .

By the fayth of a Souldier ( Lady ) I doe reuerence the ground that you walke vpon : I will fight with him that darts , say you are not faire : Stabbe him that will not pledge your health ; and with a Dagger pierce a Vaine , to drinke a full health to you ; but it shall be on this condition , that you shall speake first .

Vds-foot , if I could but get her to talke once , halfe my labour were ouer : but I le try her in an other vaine . What an excellent creature is a Woman without a tongue ?

But what a more excellent creature is a Woman that has a tongue , and can hold her peace ? But how much more excellent and fortunate a creature is that man , that has that Woman to his wife ? This cannot choose but madde her ;

And if any thing make a Woman talke , t is this . It will not doe tho yet I pray God they haue not guld mee : But I le try once againe . When will that tongue take libertie to talke ? Speake but one word , and I am satisfied : Or doe but say but Mum , and I am answerd ? No sound ? no accent ? Is there no noyse in Woman ? Nay then without direction I ha don . I must goe call for helpe . Rash .

How , not speake ?

Sta. Not a syllable , night nor sleepe , is not more silent : Shee 's as dumbe as Westminster Hall , in the long vacation . Rash . Well , and what would you haue mee doe ? Sta. Why , make her speake . Rash . And what then ? Sta. Why , let mee alone with her . Rash . I , so you sayd before , Giue you but opportunitie , And let you alone , you 'd desire no more : but come , I le try my cunning for you : See what I can doe . How doe you Sister , I am sory to heare you are not well , This Gent. tels mee you haue lost your tongue , I pray lels see ? If you can but make signes whereabout you lost it , Wee le goe & looke for t ' : in good fayth Sister , you looke very pale , In my conscience t is for griefe : will you haue Any comfortable Drinkes sent for , this is not the way ; Come walke , seeme earnest in discourse , cast not an eye Towards her , and you shall see weaknesse worke it selfe . Ioy. My heart is swolne so big , that it must vent , Or it will burst : Are you a Brother ? Rash . Looke to your selfe Sir , The Brazen head has spoke , and I must leaue you . Ioy. Has shame that power in him , to make him fly : And dare you be so impudent to stand Iust in the face of my incensed anger ? What are you ? why doe you stay ? who sent for you ? You were in Garments yesterday , befitting A fellow of your fashion ; has a Crowne Purchast that shyning Sattin of the Brokers ? Or is t a cast Suite of your goodly Maisters . Sta. A Cast suite , Lady ? Ioy. You thinke it does become you : fayth it does not , A Blew Coat with a Badge , does better with you . Goe vntrusse your Maisters Poynts , and doe not dare To stop your Nose when as his Worship stinkes : t a's been your breeding . Sta. Vds'life , this is excellent : now she talkes . Ioy. Nay , were you a Gentleman : and which is more ; Well Landed , I should hardly loue you : For , for your Face , I neuer saw a worse , It lookes as if 't were drawne with yellow Oacker Vpon blacke Buckram : and that Haire That s on your Chin , lookes not like Beard , But as if t had been smeard with Shoomakers Wax . Sta. Vdsfoot , shee le make mee out of loue with my selfe . Ioy. How dares your Basenes once aspyre vnto So high a fortune , as to reach at mee : Because you haue heard , that some haue run away With Butlers , Horskeepers , and their fathers Clearks ; You forsooth , cockerd with your owne suggestion , Take heart vpon 't , and thinke mee , ( that am meate , And set vp for your Maister ) fit for you . Sta. I would I could get her now to hold her tongue . Ioy. Or cause , some times as I haue past along , And haue returnd a Curtcie for your Hatt ; You ( as the common trickes is ) straight suppose , T is Loue , ( sirreuerence , which makes the word more beastly . ) Sta. Why , t is worse then scilence . Ioy. But wee are fooles , and in our reputations We find the smart on 't : Kindnesse , is tearmed Lightnesse , in our sex : And when we giue a Fauour , or a Kisse , Wee giue our Good names too . Sta. Will you be dumbe againe . Ioy. Men you are cald , but you 're a viperous brood , Whom we in charitie take into our bosomes , And cherish with our heart : for which , you sting vs . Sta. Vds'foot , I le fetch him that waked your tonge , To lay it downe againe . Rash . Why how now man ? Sta. O reliue mee , or I shall loose my hearing , You haue raysde a Furie vp into her tongue A Parliament of women could not make Such a Confused noyse as that she vtters . Rash . Well , what would you haue mee do ? Sat. Why make her hold her tongue . Rash . And what then ? Sta. Why then let me alone againe . Rash . This is very good I fayth , first giue thee but oppertunitie , and let thee alone : then make her but Speake , and let Thee alone : now make her hold her tongue , and then Let her alone : By my torth I thinke I were best to let Thee alone indeed : but come , follow mee , The Wild-cat shall not carry it so away , Walke , walke , as we did . Ioy. What , haue you fetcht your Champion ? what can he do ? Not haue you , nor himselfe from out the storme Of my incensed rage ; I will thunder into your eares , The wrongs that you haue done an innocent Mayde : Oh you 're a cupple of sweet : What shall I call you ? Men you are not ; for if you were , You would not offer this vnto a Mayde .

Wherein haue I deserued it at your handes ? Haue I not been , alwayes a kind Sister to you ; & in signes & tokens shewed it ? Did I not send Money to you at Cambridge when you were but a Freshman , wrought you Purses and Bandes ; and since you came to th' Inns a Court , a faire payre of Hangers ? Haue you not taken Rings from mee , which I haue been faine to say I haue lost , when you had paund them : and yet was neuer beholding to you for a payre of Gloues ?

Rash . A Womans tongue I see , is like a Bell , That once being set a going , goes it selfe . Ioy. And yet you to ioyne with my sister against mee , Send one heere to play vpon mee , whilst you laugh and leere , And make a pastime on mee : is this Brotherly done ?

No it is Barberous , & a Turke would blush to offer it to a Christian : but I will thinke on 't , and haue it written in my heart , when it hath slipt your memories .

Rash . When will your tongue be wearie ? Ioy. Neuer . Rash . How neuer ? Come talke , and I le talke with you , I le try the nimble footmanship of your tongue ; And if you can out-talke mee , yours be the victorie . Heere they two talke and rayle what they lift ; then Rash speakes to Stayns . All speake . Vds'foot , dost thou stand by , and doe nothing ? Come talke , and drowne her clamors . Heere they all three talke , and Ioyce giues ouer weeping , and Exit . Gerald.

Alas , shee s spent yfayth : now the stormes ouer .

Rash .

Vds'foot , I le follow her as long as I haue any breath .

Gart. Nay no more now Brother , you haue no compassion , You see shee cryes . Sta. If I do not wonder she could talke so long , I am a villaine , She eats no Nuts I warrant her : sfoot , I am almost out of breath With that little I talkt : well Gent. Brothers I might say ; For shee and I must clap hands vpon 't : a match for all this . Pray goe in ; and Sister , salue the matter , collogue with her Againe , and all shall be well : I haue a little businesse That must be thought vpon , and t is partlie for your mirth ; Therefore let mee not ( tho absent ) be forgotten : Fare well . Rash .

We will be mindfull of you sir , fare you well .

Ger.

How now man , what tyerd , tyerd ?

Rash .

Zounds , and you had talkt as much as I did , you would be tyrd I warrant : What , is shee gone in ? I le to her againe whilst my tongue is warme : and if I thought I should be vsde to this exercise I woulst eate euery morning an ounce of Lickorish . Exit .

Enter Lodge the maister of the Prison , and Lock-fast his man . Lodge .

Haue you sumd vp those Reckonings ?

Hold .

Yes Sir .

Lodg.

And what is owing mee ?

Hold .

Thirtie-seuen pound odd monie ,

Lodg.

How much owes the Frenchman ?

Hold .

A fourtnights Commons .

Lodg.

Has Spendall anie monie ?

Hold .

Not any sir : and he has sold all his Cloaths .

Enter Spendall . Lodg. That fellow would wast Millions , if he had them ; Whilst he has Monie , no man spends a pennie : Aske him monie , and if he say he has none , Be plaine with him , and turne him out o' th Ward . Exit Lodg. Hold . I will sir . Maister Spendall , My Maister has sent to you for monie . Spend. Monie , why does he send to mee ? does he thinke I haue the Philosophers Stones , or I can clip or coyne ? How does he thinke I can come by monie ? Hold .

Fayth sir , his occasions are so great , that hee must haue monie , or else he can buy no Victuals .

Spend. Then we must starue , belike : Vdsfoot thou seest I haue nothing left , that will yeeld mee two shillings . Hold . If you haue no monie , You 're best remoue into some cheaper Ward . Spend.

What Ward should I remoue in ?

Hold .

Why to the Two-pennie Ward , is likliest to hold out with your meanes : or if you will , you may goe into the Holl , and there you may feed for nothing .

Spend. I , out of the Almes-basket , where Charitie appeares In likenesse of a peece of stinking Fish : Such as they beat Bawdes with when they are Carted . Hold . Why sir , doe not scorne it , as good men as your selfe , Haue been glad to eate Scraps out of the Almsbasket . Spend. And yet slaue , thou in pride wilt stop thy nose , Scrue and make faces , talke contemptibly of it , and of the feeders ; surely groome . Enter Fox . Hold . Well sir , your mallapertnes will get you nothing . Fox . Fox .

Heere .

Hold .

A prisoner to the Holl , take charge of him , and vse him as scuruily as thou canste you shall be taught your duetie sir , I warrant you .

Spend. Hence slauish tyrants , instruments of torture , There is more kindnesse yet in Whores , then you , For when a man hath spent all , hee may goe And seeke his way , they le kicke him out of dores ; Not keepe him in as you doe , and inforce him To be the subiect of their crueltie . You haue no mercie ; but be this your comfort , The punishment and torturs which you doe Inflict on men , the Diuels shall on you . Hold . Well sir , you may talke , but you shall see the end , And who shall haue the worst of it . Exit Lock . Spend. Why villaine , I shall haue the worst , I know it , And am prepard to suffer like a Stoicke , Or else ( to speake more properly ) like a Stocke ; For I haue no sence left : dost thou thinke I haue ? Fox . Zounds , I thinke hee 's madde ? Spend. Why , thou art i' th right ; for I am madde indeed , And haue been madde this two yeare . Dost thou thinke I could haue spent so much as I haue done In wares and credite , had I not been madde ? Why thou must know , I had a faire estate , Which through my ryot , I haue torne in peeces , And scattered amongst Bawdes , Buffoons , and Whores , That fawnd on mee , and by their flatteries , Rockt all my vnderstanding faculties Into a pleasant slumber ; where I dreampt Of nought but ioy and pleasure : neuer felt How I was luld in sensualitie , Vntill at last , Affliction waked mee : And lighting vp the Taper of my soule , Led mee vnto my selfe ; where I might see A minde and body rent with Miserie . A Prisoner within . Pris. Harry Fox , Harry Eox. Fox . Who calles ? Enter Prisoners . Pris.

Heer 's the Bread and Meate-man come .

Fox .

Well , the Bread and Meate-man may stay a little .

Pris. Yes indeed Harry , the Bread and Meat-man , may stay : But you know our stomacks cannot stay . Enter Gatherscrap with the Basket . Fox .

Indeed your Stomacke is alwayes first vp .

Bris.

And therefore by right , should be fire serued : I have a stomacke like Aqua fortis , it will eate any thing :

O Father Gatherscrap , here are excellent bits in the Basket . Fox .

Will you hold your Chops further ; by and by you le driuell into the Basket ?

Pris.

Perhaps it may doe some good ; for there may be a peece of powderd Beefe that wants watering .

Fox .

Heere sir , heer 's your share .

Pris.

Heer 's a bit indeed : what s this to a Gargantua stomack ?

Fox .

Thou art euer grumbling .

Pris.

Zounds , it would make a Dogge grumble , to want his Victuals : I pray giue Spendall none , hee came into 'th Holl but yester-night .

Fox .

What , doe you refuse it ?

Spend.

I cannot eate , I thanke you .

Pris.

No , no , giue it mee ; hee 's not yet seasond for our companie .

Fox .

Deuide it then amongst you . Exit Fox & Prisoners .

Spend. To such a one as these are , must I come , Hunger will draw mee into their fellowship , To fight and scramble for vnsauerie Scraps , That come from vnknowne hands , perhaps vnwasht : And would that were the worst ; for I haue noted , That nought goes to the Prisoners , but such food As either by the weather has been tainted , Or Children , nay sometimes full paunched Dogges , Haue overlickt , as if men had determind That the worst Sustenance , which is Gods Creatures , How euer they 're abusde , are good enough For such vild Creatures as abuse themselues . O what a Slaue was I vnto my Pleasures ? How drownd in Sinne , and ouerwhelmd in Lust ? That I could write my repentance to the world , And force th' impression of it in the hearts Of you , and my acquaintance , I might teach them By my example , to looke home to Thrift , And not to range abroad to seeke out Ruine : Experience shewes , his Purse shall soone grow light , Whom Dice wastes in the day , Drabs in the night : Let all auoyde false Strumpets , Dice , and Drinke ; For hee that leaps in Mudde , shall quickly sinke . Enter Fox and Longfield . Fox . Yonder 's the man . Long. I thanke you . How is it with you , sir ? What on the ground ? Looke vp , there 's comfort towards you . Spend. Belike some charitable Friend has sent a Shilling , What is your Businesse ? Long. Libertie . Spend. There 's vertue in that word ; I le rise vp to you . Pray let mee heare that chearefull word againe . Long. The able , and wel-minded Widdow Raysby , Whose hand is still vpon the poore mans Box , Hath in her Charitie remembred you : And beeing by your Maister seconded , Hath taken order with your Creditors For day , and payment ; and freely from her Purse , By mee her Deputie , shee hath dischargd All Duties in the House : Besides , to your necessities , This is bequeathd , to furnish you with Cloaths . Spend. Speake you this seriously ? Long. T is not my practise to mocke Miserie . Spend. Be euer praysed that Deuinitie , That has to my oppressed state raysd Friends : still be his blessings powred vpon their heads : Your hand , I pray , That haue so faythfully performd their willes : If ere my industrie , ioynd with their loues , Shall rayse mee to a competent estate , Your name shall euer be to mee a friend . Long. In your good wishes , you requite mee amply . Spend. All Fees , you say , are payd ? there 's for your loue . Fox . I thanke you sir , and glad you are releast . Exit . Enter Bubble gallanted . Bub.

How Apparell makes a man respected ; the very children in the streete do adore mee : for if a Boy that is throwing at his lacke-alent chaunce to hit mee on the shinnes : Why I say nothing but , Tu quoque , smile , and forgiue the Child with a becke of my hand , or some such like token : so by that meanes , I do seldome goe without broken shinnes .

Enter Stains like an Italian . Sta. The blessings of your Mistres fall vpon you , And may the heat and spirit of Hee-lip , Endue her with matter aboue her vnderstanding , That she may only liue to admire you , or as the Italian sayes ; Que que dell fogo Ginni Coxcombie . Bub. I doe wonder what language he speakes . Doe you heare my friend , are not you a Coniurer ? Sta. I am sir , a perfect Traueller , that haue trampled ouer The face of this vneuerss . and can speake Greeke and Latine as promptly , as my owne naturall Language : I haue composd a Booke , wherein I haue set downe All the Wonders of the world that I haue seene , And the whole scope of my Iornies , togeather with the Miseries and lowsie fortunes I haue endured therein . Bub. O Lord Sir , are you the man ; giue me your hand : How doe yee : in good fayth I thinke I haue heard of you . Sta. No sir , you neuer heard of mee , I set this day footing Vpon the Wharffe , I came in with the last peale of Ordinance , And dind this day in the Exchange amongst the Marchants . But this is friuelous and from the matter : you doe seeme To be one of our Genteell spirrits that doe affect Genorositie : Pleaseth you to be instituted in the nature , Garb . and habit , Of the most exactest Nation in the world , the Italian : Whose Language is sweetest , Cloaths nearest , and hauiour Most accomplisht : I am one that haue spent much monie , And time ; which to me is more deare then monie , in the Obseruation of these things : and now I am come , I will sit me downe and rest , and make no doubt , But by qualitie , to purchase and build , by professing this Art , Or humane Science ( as I may tearme it , ) to such Honorable And Worshipfull personages as meane to be peculiar . Bub. This fellow has his tongue at his fingers endes : But harke you sir , is your Italian the finest Gentleman ? Sta.

In the world Signeor , your Spaniard is a meere Bumbard to him : hee will bounce indeed ; but hee will burst : But your Italian is smooth and loftie , and his language is , Cozen germane to the Latine .

Bub.

Why then hee has his Tu quoque in his salute ?

Sta. Yes sir , for it is an Italian word as well as a Latine , And infoldes a double sence : for one way spoken , It includes a fine Gentleman like your selfe ; And another way , it imports an Asse , like whom you will . Bub.

I would my man Iaruis were heere , for hee vnderstands these thinges better then I . You will not serue ?

Sta.

Serue , no sir , I haue talkt with the great Sophy .

Bub.

I pray sir , what s the lowest price of being Italianated ?

Sta. Sir , if it please you , I will stand to your bounty : And marke me , I will set your face like a Grand signeors , And you shall march a whole day , vntill you come opounctly to your Mistirs , And not disrancke one hayre of your phisnomie . Bub. I would you would doe it Sir , if you will stand to my Bounty , I will pay you , as I am an Italian tu quoque . Sta. Then sir , I will first disburthen you of your Cloake , You will be the nimbler to practise : Now sir , obserue mee , Goe you directly to the Lady to whom you deuote your selfe . Bub. Yes sir . Sta. You shall set a good stay'd face vpon the matter then . Your Band is not to your Shirt , is it ? Bub.

No sir , t is loose .

Sta.

It is the fitter for my purpose .

I will first remooue your Hatte , it has been the fashion ( as I haue heard ) in England , to weare your Hatte thus in your eyes ; But it is grosse , naught , inconuenient , and proclaymes with a loude voyce ; that hee that brought it vp first , stood in feare of Sargiants . Your Italian is contrarie , hee doth aduance his Hatte , and sets it thus .

Bub.

Excellent well : I would you would set on my head so .

Sta.

Soft , I will first remoue your Band , and set it out of the reach of your eye ; it must lie altogeather backward : So , your Band is well .

Bub.

Is it as you would haue it !

Sta.

It is as I would wish ; onely sir , this I must condition you off ; in your affront or salute , neuer to mooue your Hatte : But heere , heere is your curtesie .

Bub.

Nay I warrant you , let mee alone ; if I perceiue a thing once , I le carrie it away : Now pray sir , reach my Cloake .

Sta.

Neuer whilst you liue , sir .

Bub.

No , what doe your Italians weare no Cloakes ?

Sta.

Your Signeors neuer : you see I am vnfurnisht my selfe .

Enter Sir Lyo Will Rash , Geraldine , Widdow , Gartred , and Ioyce . Bub.

Sa 'y so' prethee keepe it then . See , yonder 's the companie that I looke for ; therefore if you will set my face of any fashion , pray doe it quickly ?

Sta.

You carry your face as well as eare an Italian in the world , onely inrich it with a Smyle , and t is incomparable : and thus much more , at your first appearance , you shall perhaps strike your acquaintance into an extasie , or perhaps a laughter : but t is ignorance in them , which will soone be ouercome , if you perseuer .

Bub.

I will perseuer , I warrant thee ; onely doe thou stand aloofe and be not seene , because I would haue them thinke I fetcht it out of my owne practise .

Sta.

Do not you feare , I le not be seene , I warrant you . Exit .

Lyo. Now Widdow , you are welcome to my house , And to your owne house too ; so you may call it : For what is mine , is yours : you may command heere , As at home , and be as soone obayde . Wid. May I deserue this kindnesse of you , sir ? Bub. Saue you Gent. I salute you after the Italian fashion . Rash . How , the Italian fashion ? Zounds , he has drest him rarely Lyo. My sonne Bubble , I take it ? Rash . The nether part of him I thinke is hee , But what the vpper part is , I know not . Bub. By my troth hee 's a rare fellow , he sayd true : They are all in an extasie . Gart.

I thinke hee 's madde ?

Ioy

Nay that can not bee ; for they say , they that are madde , loose their wits : and I am sure he had none to loose .

Enter Scattergood . Lyo. How now sonne Bubble , how come you thus attyrde What , do you meane to make your selfe a laughing stocke , ha ? Bub. Vm ; Ignorance , ignorance . Ger. For the loue of laughter , looke yonder , Another Hearing in the same pickle . Rash . The tother Hobby-horse I perceiue is not forgotten . Bub. Ha , ha , ha , ha . Scat. Ha , ha , ha , ha . Bub. Who has made him such a Coxcombe troe ? An Italian tu quoque . Scat. I salute you according to the Italian fashion . Bub. Puh , the Italian fashion ? the tatterd-de-malian fashion hee meanes . Scat. Saue you sweete bloods , saue you . Lyo. Why but what ligge is this ? Scat. Nay if I know father , would I were hangd , I am e'ne as Innocent as the Child new borne . Lyo.

I but sonne Bubble , where did you two buy your Felts ?

Scat. Felts ? By this light , mine is a good Beauer : It cost mee three pound this morning vpon trust . Lyo.

Nay , I thinke you had it vpon trust : for no man that has any shame in him , would take mony for it : behold Sir .

Scat.

Ha , ha , ha .

Lyo.

Nay neuer doe you laugh , for you 're i' th same blocke .

Bub.

Is this the Italian fashion ?

Scat. No , it is the Fooles fashion : And we two are the first that follow it . Bub. Et tu quoque , are we both cozend : Then le ts shew our selues brothers in aduersitie , and imbrace . Lyo. What was hee that cheated you ? Bub. Marry sir , he was a Knaue that cheated mee . Scat. And I thinke he was no honest man , that cheated mee , Lyo. Doe you know him againe , if you see him ? Enter Stayne . Bub. Yes I know him againe , if I see him : But I doe not know how I should come to see him . O Iaruis , Iaruis , doe you see vs two , Iaruis ? Sta. Yes sir , very well . Bub. No , you doe not see vs very well ; For we haue been horribly abused : Neuer were Englishmen so guld in Italian , as we haue been . Sta. Why sir , you haue not lost your Cloake and Hatte . Bub. Iaruis you lie , I haue lost my Cloake and Hatte : And therefore you must vse your credite for another . Scat. I thinke my old Cloake and Hatte , must be glad to serue mee till next quarter day . Lyo. Come , take no care for Cloakes , I le furnish you ; To night you lodge with mee , to morrow morne Before the Sunne be vp , prepare for Church , The Widdow and I haue so concluded on 't : The Wenches vnderstand not yet so much , Nor shall not , vntill bedtime : then will they , Not sleepe a wincke all night , for very ioy . Scat. And I le promise the next night , They shall not sleepe for ioy neither . Lyo. O Maister Geraldine , I saw you not before : Your Father now is come to towne , I heare ? Ger. Yes Sir . Lyo. Were not my businesse earnest , I would see him : But pray intreat him breake an howers sleepe To morrow morne , t' accompanie mee to Church ; And come your selfe I pray along with him . Enter Spendall . Ger. Sir , I thanke you . Lyo. But looke , heere comes one , That has but lately shooke off his Shackles . How now sirra , wherefore come you ? Spend. I come to craue a pardon sir , of you , And with heartie and zelous thankes Vnto this worthy Lady , that hath giuen mee More then I ere could hope for : Libertie . Wid. Be thankfull vnto Heauen , and your Maister : Nor let your heart grow bigger then your Purse , But liue within a limit , least you burst out To Ryot , and to Miserie againe : For then t' would loose the benefite I mean it . Lyo. O you doe graciously , t is good aduice : Let it take roote firra , let it take roote . But come Widdow come , and see your Chamber ; Nay your companie too , for I must speake with you . Exit . Spend. T is bound vnto you Sir . Bub. And I haue to talke with you too , Mistris Ioyce : Pray a word . Ioy.

What would you , Sir ?

Bub.

Pray let me see your hand : the line of your Maydenhead is out . Now for your Finger ; vpon which Finger will you weare your wedding Ring ?

Ioy.

Vpon no Finger .

Bub. Then I perceiue you meane to weare it on your thumb . Well , the time is come sweet Ioyce , the time is come . Ioy. What to doe , sir ? Bub. For mee to tickle thy Tuquoque ; to doe the act of our forefathers : therefore prepare , provide , To morrow morne to meete mee as my Brde . Exit . Ioy. I le meete thee like a Ghost first . Gart. How now , what matter haue you fisht out of that foole ? Ioy. Matter as poysning as Corruption , That will without some Antidote strike home Like blew Infection to the very heart . Rash . As how , for Gods sake ? Ioy. To morrow is the appoynted Wedding day . Gart. The day of doome it is ? Ger. T' would be a dismall day indeed to some of vs . Ioy. Sir , I doe know you loue mee ; and the time Will not be dallyed with : bee what you seeme , Or not the same : I am your Wife , your Mistris , Or your Seruant ; indeed what you will make mee : Let vs no longer wrangle with our Wittes , Or dally with our Fortunes ; lead mee hence , And carry mee into a Wildernesse : I le fast with you , rather then feast with him . Sta. What can be welcommer vnto these armes ? Not my estate recouerd , is more sweete , Nor strikes more ioy in mee , then does your loue . Rash . Will you both kisse then vpon the bargaine , Heer 's two couple on you ; God giue you ioy , I wish well to you , and I see t is all the good that I can doe you : And so to your shiftes I leaue you . Ioy.

Nay Brother , you will not leaue vs thus , I hope .

Rash .

Why what would you haue me do , you meane to run away togeather , would you ha me run with you , and so loose my Inheritance : no , trudge , trudge with your backes to mee , and your bellies to them : away .

Ger. Nay I prethee be not thus vnseasonable : Without thee wee are nothing . Rash .

By my troth , and I thinke so too : you loue one another in the way of Matrimonie , doe you not ?

Ger.

What else man ?

Rash . What else man ? why t is a question to be askt ; For I can assure you , there is an other kind of loue : But come follow mee , I must be your good Angell still : T is in this braine how to preuent my Father , and his brace Of Beagles : you shall none of you be bid to night : Follow but my direction , if I bring you not , To haue and to hold , for better for worse , let me be held an Eunuch in wit , and one that was neuer Father to a good Feast . Gart. Wee 'le be instructed by you . Rash . Well , if you bee , it will be your owne another day . Come follow mee . Spendall meetes them , and they looke strangely vpon him , and Exit . Spend. How ruthlesse men are to aduersitie , My acquaintance scarce will know mee , when wee meet They cannot stay to talke , they must be gone ; And shake mee by the hand as if I burnt them : A man must trust vnto himselfe , I see ; For if hee once but halt in his estate , Friendship will prooue but broken Crutches to him : Well , I will leane to none of them , but stand Free of my selfe : and if I had a spirit Daring to act what I am prompted too , I must thrust out into the world againe , Full blossomd with a sweete and golden Spring : It was an argument of loue in her To fetch mee out of Prison , and this night , She claspt my hand in hers , as who should say , Thou art my Purchase , and I hold thee thus : The worst is but repulse , if I attempt it : I am resolud , my Geneus whispers to mee Goe on and win her , thou art young and actiue ; Which she is apt to catch at , for there 's nought That 's more vnsteadfast , then a womans thought . Enter Sir Lyo , Will Rash , Scatter-good , Bubble , Widdow , Gartred , Ioyce , Phillis , and Seruant . Lyo. Heere 's ill lodging Widdow : but you must know , If wee had better , wee could affoord it you . Wid. The lodging Sir , might serue better Guestes . Lyo. Not better , Widdow , nor yet welcommer : But wee will leaue you to it ; and the rest . Phillis , pray let your Mistris want not any thing , Once more Good night , I le leaue a kisse with you , As earnest of a better Guift to morrow . Sirrah , a Light . Wid. Good rest to all . Bub. Et tu quoque , forsooth . Scat. God giue you good-night , forsooth , And send you an early resurrection . Wid. God-might to both . Lyo. Come , come away , each Bird vnto his nest , To morrow night 's a time of little rest . Exit . Manet Widdow and Phillis . Wid. Heere vntie : soft , let it alone , I haue no diposition to sleepe yet : Giue mee a Booke , and leaue mee for a while , Some halfe houre hence , looke into mee . Phil. I shall forsooth . Exit Phillis . Enter Spendall . Wid. How now , what makes this bold intrusion ? Spend. Pardon mee Lady , I haue busines to you . Wid. Busines , from whom , is it of such importance That it craues present hearing ? Spend. It does . Wid. Then speake it , and be briefe . Spend. Nay gentle Widdow , be more plyant to mee . My suite is soft and courtious : full of loue . Wid. Of loue ? Spend. Of loue . Wid. Why sure the man is madde ? bethinke thy selfe , Thou hast forgot thy errand ? Spend. I haue indeed , faire Lady ; for my errand Should first haue been deliuered on your lippes . Wid. Why thou impudent fellow , vnthrift of shame , As well as of thy purse ; What has mooud thee To prosecute thy ruine ? hath my bountie , For which thy Maister was an orator , Importune thee to pay mee with abuse ? Sirra retire , or I will to your shame , With clamors rayse the house , and make your Maister For this attempt , returne you to the Dungion , From whence you came . Spend. Nay then I must be desperate : Widdow , hold your Clapdish , fasten your Tongue Vnto your Roofe , and do not dare to call , But giue mee audience , with feare and silence : Come kisse mee : No ? This Dagger has a poynt , doe you see it ? And be vnto my suite obedient , Or you shall feele it too : For I will rather totter , hang in cleane Linnen , Then liue to scrub it out in lowsie Lynings . Goe too , kisse : You will ? why so : Againe : the third time ? Good , t is a sufficient Charme : Now heare mee , You are rich in Mony , Lands , and Lordships , Mannors , and fayre Possessions , and I haue not so much As one poore Coppy-hold to thrust my head in . Why should you not then haue compassion vpon a reasonable handsome fellow , That has both youth and liuelihood vpon him ; And can at midnight quicken and refresh Pleasures decayed in you ? You want Children , And I am strong , lusty , and haue a backe Like Hercules , able to get them Without the helpe of Muscadine and Eggs : And will you then , that haue inough , Take to your Bed a bundle of diseases , Wrapt vp in threescore yeares , to lie a hawking , Spitting , and coffing backwards and forwards That you shall not sleepe ; but thrusting forth Your face out of the Bed , be glad to draw The Curtaines , such a steame shall reeke Out of this dunghill . Now what say you ? Shall we without further wrangling clap it vp , And goe to Bed togeather ? Wid. Will you heare mee ? Knocke within . Spend. Yes with all my heart , So the first word may bee , Vntrusse your Poynts . Zounds one knocks : do not stirre I charge you , Nor speake , but what I bid you : For by these Lippes , which now in loue I kisse , If you but struggle , or but rayse your voyce , My arme shall rise with it , and strike you dead . Go too , come on with mee , and aske who 's there ? Wid. It is my Mayde . Spend. No matter , doe as I bid you : say , Who 's there ? Wid. Who 's there ? Within Phillis . T is I , forsooth . Spend. If it be you , forsooth , then pray stay . Till I shall call vpon you . Wid. If it be you forsooth , then pray you stay , Till shall call vpon you . Spend. Very well , why now I see Thou 'lt prooue an obedient wise , come , let 's vndresse . Wid. Will you put vp your naked weapon sir ? Spend. You shall pardon mee ( Widdow ) I must haue you grant first . Wid. You will not put it vp . Spend. Not till I haue some token of your loue . Wid. If this may be a testimonie take it . Kisse him . By all my hopes I loue thee , thou are worthy Of the best widdow liuing , thou tak'st the course ; And those that will win widdowes must doe thus . Spen. Nay , I knew what I did , when I came with my naked weapon in my hand ; but come , vnlace . Wid. Nay my deare loue , know that I will not yeeld My body vnto lust , vntill the Priest Shall ioyne us in Hymens sacred nuptiall rites . Spend. Then set your hand to this , nay 't is a contract Strong and sufficient , and will holde in Lawe , Heere , heere 's pen and incke , you see I come prouided . Wid. Giue me the penne . Spend. Why here 's some comfort , Yet write your name faire I pray , And at large ; why now 't is very well , Now widdow you may admit your Maid , For i' th next roome I 'le goe fetch a nappe . Wid. Thou shalt not leaue me so , come pre thee sit , Wee 'l talke a while , for thou hast made my heart Dance in my bosome I receiue such ioy . Spend. Thou art a good wench yfaith , come kisse vpon 't . Wid. But will you be a louing husband to me , Auoyde all naughty company , and be true To me , and to my bedde ? Spend. As true to thee , as Steele to Adamant . Binde him to the poas . Wid. I 'le binde you to your word , see that you be , Or I 'le conceale my bagges , I haue kins folkes , To whom I 'le mak 't ouer , you shall not haue a penny . Spend. Push , pre thee doe not doubt me , How now , what meanes this ? Wid. It means my vengeance ; nay sir , you are fast , Nor doe not dare to struggle , I haue libertie , Both of my tongue and feet , I 'le call my maid : Phillis come in , and helpe to triumph , Enter Phillis . Ouer this bolde Intruder , wonder not wench , But goe vnto him , and ransacke all his pockets , And take from thence a Contract which he forc'd From my vnwilling fingers : Spend. Is this according to your oath . Phillis Come sir , I must search you . Spend. I pre thee do . And when thou tak'st that from me , take my life too . Wid. Hast thou it gerle ? Phill. I haue a paper heere . Wid. It is the same , giue it me , looke you sir , Thus your new fancied hopes I teare asunder : Poore wretched man , t' hast had a golden dreame , Which guilded o're thy calamitie : But being awake thou findst it ill laid on , For with one finger I haue wip'd it off : Goe fetch me hither the Casket that containes My choicest Iewells , and spread them heere before him ; Looke you sit : Heere 's gold , pearle , rubies , saphires , diamonds ; These would be goodly things for you to pawne , Or reuell with amongst your Curtizans , Whilst I and mine did starue : why dost not curse , And vtter all the mischiefes of thy heart , Which I know swells within thee , powre it out , And let me heare thy fury . Spend. Neuer , neuer : When ere my tongue shall speake but well of thee , It prooues no faithfull seruant to my heart . Wid. False traitor to thy maister , and to me , Thou liest , there 's no such thing within thee . Spend. May I be burn'd to vglinesse , to that Which you and all men hate , but I speake truth . Wid. May I be turn'd a monster , and the shame Of all my Sex , — and if I not beleeue thee , Take me vnto thee , these , and all that 's mine , Were it thrice trebled , thou wert worthy all : And doe not blame this triall , cause it shews I giue my selfe vnto thee , am not forc'd , And with 't alone , that ne'r shall be diuorc'd . Spend. I am glad 't is come to this yet , by this light Thou putt'st me into a horrible feare : But this is my excuse : know that my thoughts Were not so desperate as my actions seem'd , For fore my dagger should ha drawne one droppe Of thy chaste blood , it should haue sluc'd out mine : And the cold point strucke deepe into my heart : Nor better be my fate , if I shall moue To any other pleasure but thy loue . Wid. It shall be in my Creed : but lett 's away , For night with her blacke Steeds drawes vp the day . Exeunt . Enter Rash , Staines , Geraldine , Gartred , Ioyce , and a Boy with a Lanthorne . Rash .

Softly Boy , softly , you thinke you are vpon firme ground , but it is dangerous ; you 'l neuer make a good thiefe , you rogue , till you learne to creepe vpon all foure : if I do not sweare with going this pace : euery thing I see , mee thinkes , should be my father in his white beard .

Sta. It is the property of that passion , for feare Still shapes all things we see to that we feare . Rash .

Well said Logicke , sister , I pray lay hold of him , For the man I see is able to giue the Watch an answere , if they Enter Spendall , Widdow , and Phillis . should come vpon him with Interrogatories : zownds wee are discouered , boy , come vp close , and vse the property of your Lanthorne : what dumbe shew should this be ?

Geral. They take their way directly , intend nothing gainst vs . Sta. Can you not discerne who they are ? Ioyce . One is Spendall . Gart. The other is the Widdow as I take it . Sta. T' is true , and that 's her maid before her . Rash .

What a night of conspiracie is heere , more villanie ? there 's another goodly mutton going , my father is fleeced of all , griefe will giue him a box yfaith , but 't is no great matter , I shall inherit the sooner , nay soft sir , you shall not passe so currant with the matter , I 'le shake you alittle : who goes there ?

Spend.

Out with the Candle , who 's that askes the question ?

Rash .

One that has some reason for 't .

Spend. It should be , by the voyce , yong Rash . Why we are honest folkes . Rash . Pray where do you dwell ? not in towne I hope . Spend. Why we dwell , zownds where doe we dwell ? I know not where . Rash .

And you 'l be married you know not when , zownds it were a Christian deed to stoppe thee in thy iourny : hast thou no more spirit in thee , but to let thy tongue betray thee . Suppose I had beene a Constable , you had beene in a fine taking , had you not !

Spend. But my still worthy friend , Is there no worse face of ill bent towards me , Then that thou merrily putt'st on . Rash .

Yes , heere 's foure or fiue faces more , but ne'r an ill one , though neuer an excellent good one , Boy , vp wish your lanthorne of light , and shew him his associats , all running away with the flesh as thou art , goe yoake together , you may be oxen one day , and draw all together in a plough , go march together , the Parson staies for you , pay him royally , come , giue me the Lanthorne , for you haue light sufficient , for night has put off his blacke Cappe , and salutes the morne , now farewell my little children of Cupid , that walke by two and two as if you went a feasting : let mee heare no more words , but be gone .

Spend. & Sta.

Farewell .

Gart. & Ioyce

Farewell brother . Manet Rash .

Rash .

I , you may crie farewell , but if my father should know of my villanie , how should I fare then ? but all 's one , I ha done my sisters good , my friends good , and my selfe good , and a generall good is alwaies to be respected before a particular , ther 's eight score pounds a yeare saued , by the conueyance of this widdow , I heare footesteps , now darkenesse take me into thy armes , and deliuer me from discouery . Exit .

Enter sir Lyonell . Lyonell

Lord , lord , what a carelesse world is this , neyther Bride nor Bridegroome ready , time to goe to Church , and not a man vnroosted , this age has not seene a yoong Gallant rise with a candle , we liue drowned in feather-beds , and dreame of no other felicitie : this was not the life when I was a yong man , what makes vs so weake as wee are now ? a feather-bed : what so vnapt for exercise ? a feather-bed : what breedes such paines and aches in our bones ? why a feather-bed or a wench , or at least a wench in a feather-bed : is it not a shame , that an olde man as I am should be vp first , and in a wedding day , I thinke in my conscience there 's more mettall in laddes of three score , then in boyes of one and twenty . Enter Basket hilt . Why Basket hilt .

Bask.

Heere sir .

Lyon .

Shall I not be trussed to day ?

Bask.

Yes sir , but I went for water .

Lyon .

Is Will Rash vp yet ?

Basket .

I thinke not sir , for I heard no body stirring in the house .

Lyon . Knocke sirra at his chamber , Knocke within . The house might be plucked downe and builded againe Before hee 'd wake with the noyse . Rash aloft . Rash . Who 's that keepes such a knocking , are you madde ? Lyon . Rather thou art drunke , thou lazy slowch , That mak'st thy bed thy graue , and in it buriest All thy youth and vigor ; vp for shame . Rash . Why 't is not two a clocke yet . Lyo.

Out sluggish knaue 't is neerer vnto fiue ,

The whole house has out-slept themselues , as if they had drunk wilde poppy : Sirra , goe you and raise the maides , and let them call vpon their mistresses .

Bask.

Well sir , I shall . Exit .

Enter Scatergood and Bubble . Scatt.

Did I eate any Lettice to supper last night , that I am so sleepie , I thinke it be day light , brother Bubble .

Bub.

What sai'st thou brother ? heigh ho !

Lyon . Fie , fie , not ready yet ? what sluggishnesse Hath seiz'd vpon you ? why thine eyes are close still . Bub. As fast as a Kentish oyster , surely I was begotten in a Plumb-tree , I ha such a deale of gumme about mine eies . Enter Seruant . Lyon . Lord how you stand ! I am asham'd to see The Sunne should be a witnesse of your slouth , Now sir , your haste . Bask.

Marry sir , there are guests comming to accompany you to church .

Ly. Why this is excellent , men whom it not concerns Are more respectiue then we that are maine Actors . Bub.

Father Rash , be not so outrageous , we will goe in and buckle our selues , all in good time , how now ! what 's this about my shinnes ? Enter old Geraldine , and Long-field .

Scatt.

Me thought our shankes were not fellowes , we haue metamorphosed our stockings for want of splendor . Exit .

Bub.

Pray what 's that Splendor ?

Scatt.

Why 't is the Latin word for a Christmasse candle

Lyon . O Gentlemen , you loue , you honour mee , welcome , welcome good Master Geraldine , you haue taken paines To accompany an vndeseruing friend . Enter Phillis . Old Ger. You put vs to a needelesse labour sir , To runne and winde about for circumstance , When the plaine word , I thanke you , would haue seru'd . Lyon . How now wench , are the females ready yet ? The time comes on vpon vs , and we runne backeward : We are so vntoward in our busines , We thinke not what we haue to doe , nor what we doe . Phill.

I know not sir whether they know what to doe , but I am sure they haue beene at Church well-nie an houre , they were afraid you had got the start of them , which made them make such haste .

Lyon . I' st possible , what thinke you Gentlemen ? Are not these wenches forward ? is there not vertue in a man can make yong Virgins leaue their beddes so soone . But is the widdow gone along with them ? Phill. Yes sir ; why she was the ring-leader . Lyo. I thought as much , for she knowes what belong's to 't , Come Gentlemen , me thinkes 't is sport to see Yong wenches run to church before their husbands : En. Rash . Faith we shall make them blush for this ere night : A sirra , are you come ? why that 's well said ; I marl'd indeede that all things were so quiet , Which made me thinke th 'ad not vnwrapt their sheets : Enter Seruant with a cloake . And then were they at Church I holde my life : Maides thinke it long vntil ech be made a wife . Enter Spend Sta. Geraldine , Widdow , Gartred , and Ioyce . Hast thou my cloake knaue ? well said , put it on , Wee 'l after them ; let me goe hasten both , Both the Bridegroomes forward , wee 'l walke a little Softly on afore : but see , see , if they be not come To fetch vs now , we come . we come , Bid them returne , and saue themselues this labour . Rash .

Now haue I a quartane ague vpon me .

Lyonell .

Why how now ! why come you from Church to kneele thus publikely , what 's the matter ?

Ger.

We kneele sir for your blessing .

Lyon .

How , my blessing ! Master Geraldine , is not that your sonne ?

Old Ger.

Yes sir , and that I take it is your daughter .

Lyon . I suspect knauery , what are you ? Why doe you kneele hand in hand with her ? Sta.

For a fatherly blessing too sir .

Lyon . Hoy day ! 't is palpable , I am gull'd , and my sonne Scatter-good and Bubble fool'd , you are married ? Spend.

Yes sir , we are married .

Lyon .

More villanie ! euery thing goes the wrong way .

Spend.

We shall goe the right way anone , I hope .

Lyon .

Yes marry shall you , you shall eene to the Counter againe , and that 's the right way for you .

Wid. O you are wrong , The prison that shall hold him are these armes . Lyon .

I doe feare that I shall turne stinckard , I do smell such a matter : you are married then ?

Enter Scatter-good and Bubble . Spend.

Ecee signum , heere 's the wedding Ring t' affirme it .

Lyon . I beleeue the knaue has druncke Ipocras , He is so pleasant . Scat.

God morrow Gentlemen .

Bub. Tu quoque to all : what , shall we goe to Church ? Come , I long to be about this geare . Lyon .

Doe you heare me , will you two goe sleepe againe ? take out the tother nap , for you are both made Cockescombes , and so am I .

Scatt.

How , Cockes-combes !

Lyon .

Yea Cockes-combes .

Scatt.

Father , that word Cockes-comb goes against my stomacke .

Bub.

And against mine , a man might ha digested a Woodcocke better .

Lyon . You two come now to goe to church to be married , And they two come from Church , and are married . Bub.

How , married ! I would see that man durst marry her .

Ger.

Why sir , what would you doe ?

Bub.

Why sir I would forbid the banes .

Scatt.

And so would I .

Lyon .

Doe you know that youth in Sattin , hee 's the penner that belongs to that Inck-horne .

Bub.

How , let me see , are not you my man Geruase ?

Scat.

Yes sir . Enter a Sergeant .

Bub.

And haue you married her ?

Scat.

Yes sir .

Bub.

And doe you thinke you haue vsde me well ?

Scat.

Yes sir .

Bub.

O intollerable rascall ! I will presently be made a Iustice of Peace , and haue thee whipp'd , goe fetch a Constable .

Scat.

Come , y' are a flourishing Asse ; Sergeant take him to thee , he has had a long time of his pageantry .

Lyon .

Sirra let him goe , I 'le be his baile , for all debts which come against him .

Scat. Reuerend sir , to whom I owe the duty of a sonne , Which I shall euer pay in my obedience : Know that which made him gracious in your eyes , And guilded ouer his imperfections , Is wasted and consumed euen like ice , Which by the vehemence of heate dissolues , And glides to many riuers , so his wealth , That felt a prodigall hand , hote in expence , Melted within his gripe , and from his coffers , Ranne like a violent streame to other mens , What was my owne , I catch'd at . Lyon .

Haue you your morgage in ?

Scat.

Yes sir .

Lyon . Stand vp , the matter is well amended , Master Geraldine , you giue sufferance to this match . Old Ger. Yes marry doe I sir , for since they loue , I 'le not haue the crime lie on my head , To diuide man and wife . Lyon .

Why you say well , my blessing fall vpon you ,

Wid.

And vpon vs that loue sir Lyonell .

Lyon . By my troth since thou hast tane the yong knaue , God giue thee ioy of him , and may he proue A wiser man then his Master . Sta Sergeant , why dost not carry him to prison ? Serg. Sir Lyonell Rash will baile him . Lyon . I baile him knaue ! wherefore should I baile him ? No , carry him away , I 'le relieue no prodigalls . Bub.

Good sir Lyonell , I beseech you sir , Gentlemen , I pray make a purse for me .

Serg.

Come sir , come , are you begging ?

Bub.

Why that does you no harme Geruase , master I should say ; some compassion .

Sta. Sergeants , come backe with him , looke sir , heere is your liuery , If you can put off all your former pride , And put on this with that humilitie That you first wore it , I will pay your debts , Free you of all incombrances , And take you againe into my seruice . Bub.

Tenter-hooke let mee goe , I will take his worships offer without wages , rather then come into your clutches againe ; a man in a blew coate may haue some colour for his knauery , in the Counter he can haue none .

Lyon .

But now M. Scatter-good , what say you to this ?

Scat.

Marry I say 't is scarce honest dealing for any man to Conny-catch another mans wife , I protest wee 'l not put it vp .

Sta.

No , which we ?

Scatt.

Why Gartred and I .

Sta.

Gartred , why shee 'l put it vp .

Scatt.

Will she ?

Ger.

I that she will , and so must you .

Scatt.

Must I ?

Ger.

Yes that you must .

Scatt. Well , if I must , I must : but I protest I would not : But that I must : So vale , vale : Et tu quoque . Exit . Lyon . Why that 's well said , Then I perceiue we shall wind vp all wrong : Come Gentlemen , and all our other guests : Let our well-temper'd bloods taste Bacchus feasts , But let vs know first how these sports delight , And to these Gentlemen each bid good night . Rash . Gentles , I hope , that well my labor ends , All that I did was but to please my friends . Ger. A kind enamouret I did striue so proue , But now I leaue that , and pursue your loue . Gart. My part I haue performed with the rest , And though I haue not , yet I would doe best . Sta. That I haue cheated through the Play , 't is true , But yet I hope , I haue not cheated you . Ioyce . If with my clamors I haue done you wrong , Euer hereafter I will hold my tongue . Spend. If through my riot I haue offensiue beene , Henceforth I le play the ciuil Citizen . Wid. Faith all that I say , is , how ere it happe , Widdowes like Maids sometimes may catch a clappe . Bub. To mirth and laughter henceforth I 'le prouoke ye , If you but please to like of Greenes Tu quoque . FINIS .
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●ust Actor , I could not chuse being in the way iust when this Play was to be published in Pr●ut ●hen , I could not chuse being in the way iust when this Play was to be published in Pr●ut , Pr●ut iust when this Play was to be published in Priut , but to prefixe some token of my affection h●s Booke . For the Gentleman that wrote it , his Poem it selfe can better speake his praise Gree●● Vpon the death of Thomas Greene . ▪ O Franke ! shut vp shop , shut vp shop . ▪ O Francke ! I haue the worship now in the right kinde ●at Vsurer , a fellow that in all his life neuer eat three groat loaues out of his owne purse ▪ As little children loue to play with fire , And will not leaue till they themselues Sp●ndall a cup of your maligo , wee'l drinke to M. Spendall in his absence , there's not a finer spirit Tickl●. Tickle. Sp●ndall your worst Sergeant , Ile pledge my yoong Spendall a whole sea , as they say , fa la la la d●r'st your distempers , be angry with me and thou dar'st , I pray , who feedes you , but I ? who ●it it I will not be in good company ? I will fit my selfe to all humors , I will game with Wa●er , but that I wish his Christen name were Water . no● Should still doe what the common strumpet will not : Speake , will you doe it ? longer'tis haue my loue yet open'd to him , By how much longer 'tis ere it be knowne , when'tis By so much dearer 'twill be when 'tis purchast : But I must vse my strength indu●e I will be angry , vdsfoot , I cannot indure such foolerie , I , two bashfull fooles Wa●●ing-stre●te weares broad-cloth , and yet dares walke Watling-streete , without any feare of his Draper : and Drap●r Watling-streete , without any feare of his Draper : and for his coloure , they are according c●lour● without any feare of his Draper : and for his coloure , they are according to the season , in preu●nted But see , I am preuented in my Encomium , I could haue maintained wi●h Why with their hands , how should they take vm ? sati●fied Hercules of ignorance ! I mean , how were they satisfied ? throth By my troth sir , but so so , and yet some of them had sati●fie insatiable women ! whom two puddings would not satisfie , but vanish Sp●inckl● ; bidde your fellow Sp●inckl● puddings would not satisfie , but vanish Sprinckle ; bidde your fellow Geruase come hither Stai●es Enter Staines . m●king to all trades whatsoe'r that belong to the making vp of a Gentleman ; and amongst the rest while●t Geruase about your businesse good Geruase , whilest I goe and meditate vpon a Gentleman-like Purseuet Enter Spendall , Pursenet , and a boy with Rackets . Ma●y Mary do I sir . Sweatma●● that twenty pounds , and giue it mistris Sweatman ▪ Bid her pay her Landlord and Apothecarie ▪ twenty pounds , and giue it mistris Sweatma●● : Bid her pay her Landlord and Apothecarie Long-●ield Enter Staines Gallant , Long-field and a Seruant . S●at. Scat. Scat▪ Scat. V●slid Vdslid I'le not be out-brau'd . V●slid Vdslid , I am gleek't this time . town● of the madd'st wagges , Of a Cittizen 'ith towne , the whole company talkes of thee already who ore shall eate flesh , my horse bread , and my whore weare veluet . cur●esie ouer the whole world for your sake , But in curtesie I will not budge a foote . Ni●●ihammer Enter Ninnihammer . ▪ Heere is a Letter from one of your sisters . S●a●. Scat. St●ined● but you doe , if his beard were off , 'tis Staines. . Sp●nd. Spend. ne●●e let vs all leaue , for I thinke dinner's neare ready . St●●nes Exit : manent Spendall & Staines . Spe●. Spen. b●st So 't , you must buy it dearer , The best bloud flowes within you is the price . Aurora●s The Sunne is yet wrapt in Auroraes armes , And lull'd with her delight , forgets s●●fe glasse , And raise a beauty brighter then thy selfe ; geatle I dare not put forth my selfe to take the gentle Ayre , but you are in the fieldes , and ●s heare , you drunkard in loue , come in to vs and be ruled , you would little thinke , think● in to vs and be ruled , you would little thinke , that the wench that talked so scuruily souruily little thinke , that the wench that talked so scuruily out of the window there , is more inamored siddle indirectly goe about the bush : you come and fiddle heere , and keepe a coile in verse : holde Mereurie Heere , heere , lie still , she comes , Now Mercurie , be propitious . th'mfernall not halfe so sweete , When he descended to th'infernall vaults , To fetch againe his faire Euridice to'●h heere our malice ends , Tho foes we came to'th field , wee'l depart frends . ▪ In good fayth sweet Lady you say true : But pray marke me further , I will begin ▪ And little hope of thrift there is in him ; Therefore I come to aduise your Worship wo●d ceaze on what is left . And harke you one word more . Where●ore Wherefore doe you say so ? m● traind in mee , And leaue him as he is : once my bold spirits Had vowed to vtter all my thoughts r●tyres him On whom I setled my affection : And why retyres it now ? S'●ott How , ashamd ? S'fott Itro , if I had set my affection on a Collier tro● What does this meane troe ▪ ▪ What does this meane tro● ? ca● that want the vse of Reason and of Speech , can couple together in one day ; And yet you ▪ Dissemble ? do not you say so ; for if you doe , Gods Sweat▪ Sweat. blspheames Out vpon him wicked villaine , how he blaspheames ; Wench● a fellow sing throngh the nose . How now Wench? ? Vds●oot & hang it at her doore for a draw-latch . Vdsfoot , I'de nere stand thrumming of Caps for ceriously you out of countenance , if you solicit her seriously : No , talke me to her wantonly , slightly flightly seriously : No , talke me to her wantonly , slightly & carelesly , and perhaps so you may preuaile ▪ And beates all other men out of my Bossome ? s●llable Not a syllable , night nor sleepe , is not more silent T●a's stop your Nose when as his Worship stinkes : Ta's been your breeding . ninble talke , and Ile talke with you , Ile try the nimble footmanship of your tongue ; And if you H●ere Heere . ●ake A prisoner to the Holl , take charge of him , and vse him as scuruily ▪ haue no mercie ; but be this your comfort , The punishment and torturs which you doe Iuflict The punishment and torturs which you doe Inflict on men , the Diuels shall on you . ▪ is it with you , sir ? What on the ground ? Looke vp , there's comfort towards you . Ra●sby The able , and wel-minded Widdow Raysby , Whose hand is still vpon the poore mans so'prethee Sa'y so' prethee keepe it then . See , yonder's the apparace incomparable : and thus much more , at your first appearance , you shall perhaps strike your acquaintance ▪ Nay that can not bee ; for they say , they that are madde , loose ●ay Nay that can not bee ▪ for they say , they that are madde , loose their wits attyrder How now sonne Bubble , how come you thus attyrde What , do you meane to make your selfe a yo●der For the loue of laughter , looke yonder , Another Hearing in the same pickle . qu●que Et tu quoque , are we both cozend : Then lets shew our selues ca●● Come , take no care for Cloakes , Ile furnish you ; To night ▪ not my businesse earnest , I would see him : But pray intreat him breake an howers sleepe own● Well , if you bee , it will be your owne another day . Come follow mee . str●gely Spendall meetes them , and they looke strangely vpon him , and Exit . G●ue alone , I haue no diposition to sleepe yet : Giue mee a Booke , and leaue mee for a while m●e Pardon mee Lady , I haue busines to you . you● reeke Out of this dunghill . Now what say you? Shall we without further wrangling clap t●k'st are worthy Of the best widdow liuing , thou tak'st the course ; And those that will win widdowes ioynevs body vnto lust , vntill the Priest Shall ioyne us in Hymens sacred nuptiall rites . ●●cke will holde in Lawe , Heere , heere's pen and incke , you see I come prouided . poa● Binde him to the poas . ba●e● , To whom I'le mak't ouer , you shall not haue a penny . rans●cke wonder not wench , But goe vnto him , and ransacke all his pockets , And take from thence a starue● amongst your Curtizans , Whilst I and mine did starue: why dost not curse , And vtter all the mischiefes ▪ night of conspiracie is heere , more villanie ? there's another goodly mutton going , my i● there's another goodly mutton going , my father is fleeced of all , griefe will giue him a pas●e the sooner , nay soft sir , you shall not passe so currant with the matter , I'le shake salut●s night has put off his blacke Cappe , and salutes the morne , now farewell my little children Ma●et Manet Rash . breede● vnapt for exercise ? a feather-bed : what breedes such paines and aches in our bones ? why wa●e plucked downe and builded againe Before hee'd wake with the noyse . se● Lord how you stand ! I am asham'd to see The Sunne should be a witnesse of your slouth gu●sts Marry sir , there are guests comming to accompany you to church . Philli● Enter Phillis . has●e start of them , which made them make such haste . ●re Faith we shall make them blush for this ere night : A sirra , are you come ? why that's sheet● Which made me thinke th'ad not vnwrapt their sheets : wi●e Maides thinke it long vntil ech be made a wife . ma●ry How , married ! I would see that man durst marry her . ●ir Why sir I would forbid the banes . Ger●ase How , let me see , are not you my man Geruase ? Sergea●t Enter a Sergeant . ag●inst I'le be his baile , for all debts which come against him . imperfecti●ns gracious in your eyes , And guilded ouer his imperfections , Is wasted and consumed euen like ice , eue● his imperfections , Is wasted and consumed euen like ice , Which by the vehemence of heate ●iuide I'le not haue the crime lie on my head , To diuide man and wife . W●d. Wid. An● And vpon vs that loue sir Lyonell . ●roth By my troth since thou hast tane the yong knaue , God ●ane By my troth since thou hast tane the yong knaue , God giue thee ioy of him kna●e By my troth since thou hast tane the yong knaue , God giue thee ioy of him , and may he the●●oy thou hast tane the yong knaue , God giue thee ioy of him , and may he proue ▪ A wiser ●e knaue , God giue thee ioy of him , and may he proue ▪ A wiser man then his Master . Ger●●se Why that does you no harme Geruase , master I should say ; some compassion incomb●ances , I will pay your debts , Free you of all incombrances , And take you againe into my seruice . ●●e Tenter-hooke let mee goe , I will take his worships offer without clu●ches without wages , rather then come into your clutches againe ; a man in a blew coate may haue ●n coate may haue some colour for his knauery , in the Counter he can haue none . Sc●tt. Scatt. ▪ Well , if I must , I must : but I protest I would not : But that I must B●cchus guests : Let our well-temper'd bloods taste Bacchus feasts , But let vs know first how these fi●st bloods taste Bacchus feasts , But let vs know first how these sports delight , And to these M●ids say , is , how ere it happe , Widdowes like Maids sometimes may catch a clappe .