OF KINGS AND PRINCES

ALONSO de Valentia , hauing yeelded to Ferdinando king of Spaine , the Forte of Samora , it pleased the king at his entry therinto , to view the King of Portugall his rich wardrop there : where hauing suruaid a good space , al his royall robes and iewels , hee refused in the ende to ransacke it , neither would he bestow any one garment or iewell vpon any of his traine : Wherupon a Gallant then standing by , thus said vnto him . Pleaseth your Maiestie , the King of Portugall hath not forborn any rapine that euer he could attaine vnto , either vpon your Graces proper goods , or any of your subiects , and wil your Maiesty then daigne to deale thus ciuilly with him ? Whereunto the King answered : All that I desire of my Nephew of Portugall , is but to take away the bad conceipts and opinions of his will , and not the attires of his person .

A Portugall deliuered a Forte to the foresaid Ferdinando , King of Spaine , and being shortly after with the King in other seruice against his Countrimen ( who very brauely defended their holde ) hee saide vnto him , And it like your Maiestie , I ●endred you my Forte with halfe this adoe . Yea mary ( answered the King ) and therfore had I rather trust this defendantes sonnes with my Fortes , then yours .

A Portugall Gentleman besought his King of a protection against certaine his enemies , who had vowed his death : The King thereunto condiscended , and gaue it him . Shortly after he came againe vnto the King , and complained to him of the great feare he went in , notwithstanding his protection : whereunto the King answered : From feare I cannot protect you .

The Duke of Nazareth , comming to the Court to doe his dutie to the Emperour in most riche and sumptuous robes , and his liueries most gallant : The Emperess● seeing him out at a window , saide : It seemeth that Nazareth comes rather to bee seene of vs , then to see vs .

A Moore-King of Granada , called Chiquito , yeelded the said towne to Ferdinando , King of Spaine vppon composition , and being marched away with his troops a mile or two from thence made a stande , and from a high hill turned backe to viewe the towne , as his last farewell thereunto : and beholding it , he fell a weeping , & said : Better had I lost my life then so faire a towne . His Mother hereunto answered : You doe well ( son ) to weepe like a woman , seeing you did not defend it like a man .

A Moore King shewing his Nobles much treasure , and a great heap of iewelles , they all commended his Maiesty for so rich spoiles ouer his enemies . And one amongst the rest saide . And it like your Maiesty , how great a felicity were all this , if a man were to liue euer . The King answered , You haue spoken very fondly , for were not men mortall , I had neuer beene a King .

Ferdinando King of Spaine asked Auennamer , a Moore king , his prisoner , how he liued so long , being a man of great yeares . He answered , I neuer stood when I might sit , I married late , I was a widower betimes , and I meane neuer to ma●ie more .

Salladine the Moore , that last of all won Ierusalem from the Christians dying , commanded a winding sheet to bee borne in pompe at his funerall vpon the point of a Launce , and a Herald to pronounce aloud these wordes Salladine great Lord of Asia , of all his wealth and glory , only this winding sheete he carrieth away with him .

Ferdinando King of Spaine made choice of a certaine Gentleman , who was not the best of fight , to employ him in an especial affaire , and the Queene bespake the King to choose some fitter person , namely one of a better sight : The King would not , but imployed him , who very happily effected the affaire . Shortly after , the King vsing him in another peece of seruice , it was the Gentlemans chaunce to succeed il therein : Wherupon at his succeslesse returne , the Queene commaunded her Treasurer to giue him two hundred poundes for his paines . The Treasurer maruelling why her Maiesty was so bountifull to one , whome she so ill conceited , and had so ill deseru'd . The Queene said : As for his former seruice , in that he did it wel , he did it out of kind , but now that he hath failed herein , I tel you , he hath duly done his kind , and fitted my expectation .

Isabell Queene of Spaine , willed a Gentleman to buy her a Nagge of such a proportion , and of such a collour : The Gentleman not finding any such , presented her with a most goodly horse and a mare , but she still demanding the aforesaid Nag , at last he answered . And it like your Maiesty , such a Nag I can not finde , and therefore doe heere present you this horse and mare : May it but please your Grace to bid them engender you such a nagge as you would haue , and I dare say they wil doe it in the best maner .

The aforesaid Queene of Spaine woonted to say , that euery ones good gesture is a letter in his commendation .

Philip the first , King of Spaine , seeing a Faulcon kill an Eagle , commanded the head to bee wrong off , saying , Let none presume against his Soueraigne .

The Earle of Warwicke asked King Henrie the sixt , why it pleased his Maiesty to goe so meanly attyred : The King answered , It beseemes a king to excell his Subiects in vertue , not in vesture .

Alonso king of Arragon washing his handes before dinner , deliuered to a Gentleman that stood by a couple of ringes of great value to holde whilst he had done : and after washing not demaunding them againe , it pleased the Gentleman to keepe them as his owne : A ten yeeres after the King washing his hands as before , this Gentleman chanced then to stand by , and proffering to receiue his rings againe : The King knew him , and calling to mind his former villany , deliuered them to an other , and said to him : Nay , soft friend , no moe rings for you till you restore me my first couple .

Alonso King of Arragon vsed to say , that fiue olde thinges pleased him passing well , viz. Olde wood for fewel ; an olde horse for easie riding ; wine of a yeare olde ; olde friendes , and olde books .

An Archdeacon of Ciuill in Spaine , slew a shoomaker , and the shoomakers sonne besought iustice , and he had it thus . viz. That the Archdeacon for penance of the fact , should not say Masse the space of a whole yeare after : This iustice sufficed not the young Shoomaker : but chauncing in the meane time that Pedro King of Spaine came thether in progresse : The Shoomaker then renued his suit to his Maiestie . Wherupon the Iudge stepped foorth and informed the King how that Iustice was already passed vpon the said Archdeacōn , and told him al how it was . Neuertheles the yong shoomaker mainly importuning his Maiesty for better iustice : at last the King asked him , whether he thought himselfe man ynough to kill the Archdeacon : He answered : Yes : Doe it then said the King . Hereupon the next day , ( being Corpus Christi day ) and the Archdeacon passing along in procession amongst the rest of the Clergie : The Shoomaker makes me no more adoe , but rushing vppon his person , stabbes him with his dagger . The King being complained vnto of this fact , and the fellow brought before him : It pleased the King in full notice of all the matter thus to pronounce sentence against him , namely : That in as much as the Archdeacon was pennanced for his foresaid murther , but only not to say Masse of a whole yeare ; that in like maner this shoomaker should now not cobble any shooes the space of a whole yeare .

Alfred King of England vsed to say , that it is much safer to take aduise of the dead , then of the liuing , meaning Bookes , which neither for feare , nor yet for flatterie abstaine to tell a trueth .

A Moore-king of Granada vnderstood the Spanish tongue reasonable well ▪ and seldome or neuer spake it . Being asked why he refused so to doe when occasion was offered : He answered : Because a King ought neither doe nor say any thing , bee it neuer so trifling , which may not beseeme him passing well .

A Queene asking a country Gentleman when his wife was to be brought a bed , he answered : When so euer it shall please your Highnesse to command .

Vpon the first discouery of the Indies , it was discoursed before Isabell Queene of Spaine , that hardly any of her subiectes would be found , that would aduenture so farre and daungerous a voyage by sea : The Queene answered : Yes , Fooles and Misers will .

Isabell Queene of Spaine woonted to say , that shee lou'd a life these foure sightes : An armed man in the fielde , a Bishop in Pontificalibus : a Ladie in estate , and a Theefe vppon the gallowes .

Henrie the third , King of Fraunce the very same morning that he had murthered the Duke of Guize in Bloyes , comming to the olde Queene his mother with the newes , and asking her how she liked thereof : She answered : It is well done , ( sonne ) if it be well done .

Queene Isabell of Spaine abhorred Garlike , and it chaunced on a time through the Cookes negligence that a dish of Fish was seru'd to her boorde , all couered ouer with Percely , which had laine among Garlicke : Assoone as the Queene smelt it : she said : A way with that Villaine , see where he is come disguised in greene .

The Emperour Nero hearing that his predecessor Claudius was related among the Gods , and knowing that he died of a poysoned Sallade , said : I had not thought that sallades had beene the food of the Gods .

OF NOBLEMEN AND Ambassadors .

DON Iohn first Duke of Medina Sydonia , being aduertisd by his Treasurer that his expences were most excessiue , and his gifts all to liberall ; he answered : I will haue the glorie of my house known to the world , not by possessing much treasure , but by expending much treasure .

Don Fredericke of Tolledo , Duke of Alua , being besought vnto by a poore widdow Gentlewoman to prefer with his liberality her daughter in marriage ; he was easily inclined so to do : Wherupon he willed his treasurer to giue her an hundred Marks : The Treasurer mistook the Duke , & gaue her an hundred poundes : who shortly after comming to giue vp his accompts to his L. this hundred pounds came then in sight : wherunto the Duke excepted , and said : Why , I awarded but one one hundred Markes . The Treasurer had then no other shift , but to say , that his eares mistooke his Honors pleasure . Nay , replide the Duke , rather do I thanke God that he hath affoorded thee better eares , then me a good tongue , and so he past the accompt for currant .

A plaine Countrey-man came to demaund iustice of the Lord high Constable of Castile , and thus he said . I am come to craue Iustice of your Worship , I beseech your Excellence to dispatch me , for I am a poore man my Lord , and vnlesse your Reuerence fauour my case , I am vtterly vndone : I pray your good Mastership to bee good to mee , and I will truly pray God to blesse your Alteze whiles I liue . The Constable hereat broke foorth a laughing and saide : This poore Swaine will be sure to hit me either high or lowe .

The said Lord Constable of Castile , lying on his death-bed , his Treasurer came vnto him , & besought him to forgiue him the value of xi . hundred pounds , wherof he had defeated him in his former accompts . I doe ( said the Constable ) and I wish it were twentie millions more , that I might as frely forgiue thee ●t all , as I pray God to forgiue me all .

The Fortresse of Buitrago by negligence was set on fire , and burnt downe to the ground , the Duke of Infantasgo being therof Lord : The Captaine of the place was the first man that brought the Duke newes of the mischance , beseeching his Altez , that seeing it hapned through his meere default , he would seuer his detested head from his shoulders , for an example to all carelesse Captains euer after . Then the Duke asked him whether his nettes and toyles which he had there for Deere , were also perished with the fire ; he answered , No my Lord , they are safe : That 's well , said the Duke : As for the Fortresse , I tell theeCaptaine , take no care , for I did mean to haue rased it long agoe .

A poore Gentleman of the country had bred vp a horse to the perfection of a daintie good one , in so much that he made accompt to be a great gainer therby , and vpon diligent inquirie after a good Copesmate , hee vnderstood that the Duke of Infantasgo would out of doubt giue him more for him than any in all the country besides , so greatly that Duke delighted in choyse of good horses . To him then this Gentleman needes would with his horse , and trauelling on the way , the weather being extreame hot , and the horse no lesse fat and foggie with ouer much former ease , fell downe and died . The Gentleman neuertheles got the horse flayed , and carried the skin to shew the Duke , and said vnto him , Your Honor may iudge by this skin what a goodly horse it was , and God is my Iudge , my L. I was bringing him to offer vnto your Lordship before all others . Gramercy , said the Duke : But tel me , what did you value the horse at . Beleeue me my Lord ( he answered ) not vnder an hundred pounds could haue bought him of me . With that the Duke commaunded his Treasurer to giue the poore Gentleman two hundred poundes , and saide vnto him : I giue you these two hundred poundes as a charge , that through your default you neuer suffer any so gallant horse miscarrie any more so mischanceablie vnder your hands .

Sir Thomas Moore woonted to say , that a Lyer as a Lyer resembled counterfeit Coyne , and in his other vices is like to light Coyne .

A Pick-thanke told Don Lopez de Haro , that such a one had greatly misused him in tearmes behind his backe , aduising him to reuenge the iniurie highly : Wherunto Don Lopez answered : Now I giue God thankes , that though he be able to speak ●ll of me , yet hath he not the power to hurt me .

The Earle of Vrenia meeting an Archbishoppe in the street , saluted him with all due reuerence : And the Prelate but slightlie resaluted him , touching only his hat brim : Which the Earle noting , stepped to one of his Gentlemen and tolde him : It seemes your Lord is either balde , mangie , or earelesse , that he dares not venture off his hatte , for feare belike to haue it seene .

The Earle of Vrenia being to send a letter to a faire Lady , was desirous to make proofe of the bearers su●ficiency , as concerning his due performance of the ceremony thereunto belonging : And he called vnto him a newe page of his and said : Sirra I am to send you foorth with with a letter to a very faire Ladie , let me see how well you can doe your message : imagine that I am she , and heere hold the Letter , and get you gone out at yonder doore , and then come in againe , and l●t me heare what you will say : The Page tooke the letter , went foorth , and came in againe , and being come somwhat neere the Earle . he doft his hat , and downd his knee , and kissed the Letter , and gaue it him , saying : Madam ▪ my Lord of Vrenia greets your Ladiship , & hath sent you this Letter . The Earle at this instant his hand was in his codpiece , and stood stooping , & thus he answered : Welcome my Lad , how fareth my Lady the Countesse ? The Page answered : Well & like your Honor ▪ And the Earle how fareth his L. what is he now a doing ? He answered My Lord is likewise wel ( Madam ) his hand in his codpeece , all to bescratching somewhat .

A poore Gentleman seldome dined from the Earle of Vrenia his boord . It chaunced in a forenoone that a tumult arose in the Earles Pallace , the Gentleman not being yet come : but anon after he came ( for it was dinner time ) Whom the Earle seeing , sayd vnto him : Sir , you are welcome , though resembling the Smithes dog , euermore awake at meale , and asleepe at the Anuill .

The Earle of Vrenia asked one that came from the Court , what was reported of him there : Who answered : Neither good nor bad ( my Lord ) that I could heare : With that the Earle commanded him to be throughly blowe-basted and beaten ▪ and then afterward gaue him fiftie Duckets , saying : Now maist thou report of Vrenia both good and bad .

An ancient Captaine , whose beard was hoare-white with age , brought word to the Earle of Vrenia how the enemy had surprisd his Forte : Trust me ( Captaine ) good newes , ( answered the Earle , ) Thou hast lost the ●ort , and preseru'd the Barba●ane . Barbacane , signifying in Spanish , a white beard , and also a Blockhouse .

Francisco Symenes Archbishop of Tolledo being deputed high Gouernour ouer Spaine , during the Emperours absence in the lowe Countries ; vpon occasion of some seruice , sent for the Earle of Vrenia to come to him to Madryll . The Earle arriued as farre as Guadalaiara ( which was a two dayes iourney off the Court ) and walking there in the Goldsmyths street , chanced to cast his eie vpon a curious peece of plate in one of the shoppes , and with that hee stept to it , and viewing it , and liking it well , hee willed the Goldsmith to bring it to his lodging . The Goldsmith knew him not , and therefore craued his name . Then the Earle remembring his olde grudge towardes the Archbishop , and taking it in foule scorne to be at his call , answered . Na , na ( my friend ) it skils not who I am , seeing I am come thus farre .

A Gentleman , neighbour to the Earle of Vrenia in a deere yeare of Corne , besought the Earle to supply his present necessity . The Earle was well pleased so to doe , and willed his Secretorie to drawe a warrant to his Stewarde to measure him out twentie quarters : meane while the Earle stood talking with the Gentleman at a window . At last the Secretorie hauing drawne the warrant , brought it to the Earle to signe : Which he perusing , and finding that the words went thus , I will you to deliuer twentie quarters of wheat to Don Pedro de Gusman , wherwith I am willing to pleasure him at this time . He straight tore the warrant , and all to beknau'd the Secretorie , and said : Write that he deliuer him twenty quarters , for that it pleaseth Don Pedro de Gusman to doe me the honour to accept it .

A Seruitor of the Earle of Vrenia , who was but a poore mans sonne , besought his Lords leaue to goe into the Cuntrey for a time , for as much as his Father had prouided him a wife there . The Earle was content and willed his Chamberlaine to giue him withall a suit of Apparel out of his Wardrop . The seruing man assaying many , and finding none to fit him , in the end the Chamberlaine came and told the Earle of it , whereunto the Earle answered . Then bid my Treasurer giue him an hundred pounds to buy him one withal . The Treasurer paid it , and he had it .

Isabell Queene of Spaine willed Don Alonzo de Aguilar to entitle himselfe Marques of Pliego ▪ ( which was the name of his Manour house : ) He answered : That were all one as if your Maiestie would aduise me to marrie my maide .

The Marques of Cenete was woont to say , That to bee rich was not to increase treasure , but to diminish appetites .

Gonzalo Fernandes , a braue Spanish Generall , walking in a Church , heard a Priest loudly praying : To whome hee sayd : Father , what prayer is that you say ? Hee answered , the Prime : Straine it not then so high ( replyd the General ) least you break it : For Prime in Spanish signifieth also a treble Lute string .

Gonzalo Fernandes vsed to passe much by a poore mans dore , who had two very faire daughters : which the poore man perceiuing , and conceiuing withall that Gonzalos abusiue loue of his daughters might greatly redound to his reliefe : He came to him , and besought him to help him to some doinges in the Countrey , thinking by such his absence the better to leaue his daughters to Gonzalos lust , and without that the worlde might iustly suspect any his priuity therunto . Gonzalo perceiuing such the poore mans drift & desperation , took compassion of his case , & drawing him into an inner roome , gaue him two hundred Crownes in two seuerall bags , saying : I marie wil I ( my friend ) doe for thee : Hold heere these two bags and be gone ; see thou bestow thy daughters presently therwith , and as for thy selfe , I will prouide for thee besides .

Gonzalo Fernandes still vsed to say , that he remayned debtor to none so much as to them , to whom he gaue most : So much he esteemed the honour of his bounty .

The Earle of Cifuentes woonted to say , that Noblemen in times past vsed to cast accompt with their Launces , and now adaies with compters .

Don Diego de Mendoza Earle of Melito , was woont to say , That in the house where is a fountaine , there needeth no Cesterne , and the Lord that hath fee ynough , need hoord vp no treasure .

The Earle of Cenete being a verie yoong Gentleman at the siege of Perpenian , ventured close vnder the wall , and darted a Launce into the Castle , and came safe away : Anon after a couple of hors-men salied foorth of the place , and he seeing them would haue ventured to encounter one of them , But his Tutor would not suffer him , but said : Soft Sir , first I will go before & kill one of them , and then come you after and cut off his head : Nay ( reply'd the Earle ) rather let me goe before and kill one of them , and then come you after and kisse his taile .

The Earle of Lenios awarded Iustice to a Vass●ll of his : wherwith the party found himselfe greatly agrieued , & highly exclaimed of the Earles iniustice therin , and belike the Earle indeed mistook the matter : Whereupon he sent for the party the next day ▪ and sayde vnto him : My friend , thy ●peeches deserue laughter , and my errour reformation .

A Duke of Feria was so honourable in his bounties , that he neuer bid his Treasurer any set value to disburse , but thus : Giue such a one fourty or fifty Crownes , 100. or 1●0 . pounds : so as the Treasurer rested euermore perplexed how to perform the Dukes pleasure . Wherfore being on a time commanded to giue a certain Gentleman 200. or 250. Crownes , he came to the Duke , to demand his exact ple●sure therin : Why pesant ( answered the Duke ) seekst thou to alter my maner of phrase , I tell thee now for good and all , vnderstand alwayes the most of my pleasure , and there an end .

Don Bernardin de Velasco delighted so exceedingly in cros-bowes , that he deputed an especial roome in his house for their safe custody . It chanced on a time , that being to purchase a goodly manour , & much cuntrey about it in Andaluzia , he had stored vp treasure , to the value of 60000 pounds , which , his Treasurer for more safety had coffered vp , & disposed in the said cros-bow roome , as being the strongest place in all the house . Don Bernardin one day comming thether , to see his cros-bowes , and seeing those coffers there , asked what trumpery it was . The Treasurer answered : Treasure . Treasure ( said Velasco ) t is trash ; away with it , what makes it here to endanger my cros-bowes ?

A Constable comming to arrest a shomaker within his house ; the shoomakers wife so well bestirred her , that she brauely belamb'd the constable , whiles in the mean time her husband got away : The Constable then came vnto the Duke of Infantasgo & complained vnto him of the battery , and of the shoomakers wiues misusage ; alledging that if so scandalous a fact were not very seuerely , & that eftsoones corrected , it would greatly redound to his L. disgrace : wherunto the Duke answered : Seeing as thou saist , the disgrace will be mine , I forgiue the shoomakers wife .

Don Bernardin de B●badilia entring into the Earle of Beniuenta his priuy chamber , the Earle did not arise to salute him : Wherupon al in a chafe he flung out , & said ; your L. is good for a vassal

A worshipful Gentleman saying in complement to th' Earle of Vrenia : ( I rest euer your Honors poore friend ) and with that sucesing , and adioyning afterward ( and your humble seruiture . ) The Earle answered : I had taken you at your first word : viz. for a friend , had you not afterward adioyned seruiture .

A King of Spaine commanded a gallerie to bee built vpon Arches all along a streete from his pallace to Don Inigo Lopez his pallace , and vnderstanding that it was all finished , hee sent a Gentleman of his priuie chamber to goe view the work , and bring him true report therof , and withall to salute in his name Don Inigo Lopez . The Gentleman being arriued there , view'd the work , and did the Kingssalute vnto the Nobleman : who answered : Most humble thankes vnto the Kings salute , and I pray tell his highnesse I am well , and doe rest ready at all his Maiesties employance , only I maruell why it hath pleased his Highnes to daigne so vnnecessary a prop to my strong house .

At the funeral of the King of Hungary , the Emperour Charles passed along in a mourning robe , & the Earle of Nassao bore vp his traine . An officious Gentleman , retainer to the said Earle supposing it no lesse curtesie to doe the like to his Lord , tooke vp his traine , and bore it vp after him a good way : At last the Earle looking backe , espy'd him , and said : Let downe sir foole and be gone in a knaues name .

A Dutchesse was iealious of a faire Gentlewoman , conceipting that she vsed some vnlawfull meanes to distray her Duke to her amitie : and in this mind sent for her to murther her . The innocent Gentlewoman suspecting no such daunger , came ; and being in the place of death , the Dutchesse regarding her exceeding rare beautie , dismist her againe , saying : It is thy beautie hath slaine me , and saued thee .

Certaine Ladies comming to visite an honorable person , who was become a Friar , and had left the world , they said : That they greatly meruelled that so high a state as hee would leaue the world , who had alwayes liued most honorably therin and at his hearts ease : He answered : Euen as you say ( Ladies ) I haue alwayes hetherto bestow'd my fine floure on the world , and now therfore is it meet , that at leastwise I giue my bran vnto my God , if so it please him to accept it .

A widow Gentlewoman in a dearth of corne , came to the Earle of Vrenia , and besought him of his charity to releeue her With that the Earle called his Secretarie vnto him , & bid him draw a warrant to his Bailiffe , to deliuer her so much . The Secretarie , whether he mistook his L pleasure , or whether he was willing to vse his owne discretion therein , set downe lesse then the Earles award , namely but xx . bushels ; and so brought it to the Earle to signe : Who seeing so small a quantity , as but twentie bushels , was highly displeasd , and blotted it out , and wrote ouer it fiue hundred . Whereat his Secretary seeming greatly to muse , the Earle sayd : Thus hath thy folly made me a more Foole : but goe to , so it shall passe for this once . And hee passed it so .

The Earle of Cabra , being a very valiant Gentleman , arming himselfe on a time to goe skirmishe the enemie , his Gentlemen greatly meruelled to see him so tremble and quiuer all the time he was of arming : which the Earl perceiuing , said : See see ( Sirs ) how basely my flesh quakes to think in what a pecke of troubles my aduenturous hart wil put it in anon .

A Nobleman had his young sonne vp to the Court , who being a delicate youth , the Ladies eyes were neuer off him , neglecting all other gallants , he being in place : Which the Nobleman perceiuing , said vnto them . Are you so ouer-ioyed with the sight of gre●ne barley , that you forget your prouander afore you ?

Don Bernardino Piementel had his house plentifullie furnished with all maner rich and necessarie things : In so much as it pleased the King his Liege to grace it in his progresse time with his suruey : Who when he had view'd it all from one office to another , in the end he greatly commended him , saying : That he was a good common-wealthes-man : Whereupon a Noble man , this Piementels ill-willer , then by , said vnto the King . And like your Maiestie , there is not the least citie or town in al your land , but is better furnished . True answered Piementell , and yet I assure you ( my Lord ) not any whit of all this prouision came from your towne of Burgos .

Alauarda in Spanish signifies a Halberd , and Aluarda a pack saddle . A Nobleman willed his Secretarie to write a Letter to a Gentleman a friend of his in Tolledo , for a dozen of Alauardas , viz. Halberds . Now the Secretarie through negligence wrote Aluardas , viz. Pack-saddles : Which the Noble man set his hand to without ere reading it , & so sent it away . The Gentleman meaning simply bought a dosen of Pack-saddles , and sent them to the Nobleman , according to the contents of his letter : Which being presented to his view , & withal perceiuing by the Gentlemans letter , such the contents of his own , he straight found out his Secretaries errour , whome he presently called vnto him , and gaue him in regard of such his grosse ouersight , one halfe of the pack-saddles , and th' other sixe he reserued to himself , as in respect he was so carelesse , as to set his hand to a letter before ere he red it .

The Marques of Santiliana customed to say , that ceremonies are ynough for strangers , but deeds befit friends .

The Marques of Santiliana was a great student , and being on a time merrily reprehended therfore by his illiterate friends , he said : I conuerse better with my books then with you .

The Marques of Comares talking with the President of Cordua said vnto him , that the Romaines maintained a rich Common wealth , and but meane houses , and the Spaniards rich houses , and but a hungrie common-wealth .

A Commendador-Maior of Spaine , whose steward was all to miserlie for his thrift , said vnto him : I pray thee N. lesse profite and more honour .

A Noble man hauing many Guestes vpon a time at dinner with him and his bord not very wel furnisht , call'd his steward vnto him and said : Why N. this dinner is like a leaden blade , the point and the pummel soon bent together .

The Earle of Cifuentes being Ambassadour for his Spanish King at the Court of Rome , & being present at a Councel holden in the Popes Consistory , at which were present Ambassadours from most Christian nations ; and a many Cardinals , and the Pope himselfe , and seeing there the French king his chaire placed aboue his Lieges , he push'd it downe with great impacience . A Bishop that sate by , rebuking him therfore , and affirming that that was no meet time nor place to commit scandals . Tut reuerend father he answered ) say you as beseemes a diuine and doe I as fitteth a Gentleman .

A Duke of Florence inuited to his pallace at Rome the Earle of Tendilia , Spaines Ambassadour to Supper , & the Duke wold haue placed him at the vpper end of the boord vnder his cloth of estate ; but the Earle greatlie gainsaide it , and refused it . Then the Duke waxing hereat ciuilly angrie , commaunded one of his Gentlemen to bring him foorthwith the keies of his pallace , to the end to yeeld them vp to the Earle ,

Frances King of France in a Letter that he wrote to the Emperours Ambassador , endorsed it thus . To th' Ambassadour of Kings , and King of Ambassadours , &c.

Cardinall Saluiates , the Popes Legate in Spaine , at the Emperour Charles his espousall , being in mery conuersation , said : That Fraunce tasted of pride , Spaine of malice , Italie of wisdom , England of vanity , Portugall of fooles .

OF GENTLEMEN .

A Gentleman asking a Dier , whether he could die his silk stockings of the collour of a womans honesty : Fie , said a Gentlewoman that stood by , what a question is that ? Say you fie ( repli'd the Gentleman ) Beleeue me I had not thought a womans honesty had been of the collour of ( Fie . )

A Sodomitical Gentleman walking in a Chu●chyard with an other poore Gentleman , whom he greatly disdained , and asking him where he would be buried when he were dead : The other answered : With you in Sodome .

Isabell Queen of Spaine , saying to a yong gentleman , whose father had before time sustained some iust disgrace at her highnes hands . I trow N. you wil trimly raise vp your house again , and make vs good amends for your fathers fault . He ( being a silly sot ) answered Yea , and like your Maiesty , one end of my barne indeed is sore decayed with the last windes , by reason that it stands somewhat high , but my mother hath promised me to be at the charge of that reparation .

A Gentleman sitting at a play , a Marchant by chaunce sate afore him , whose hat was so high and broade , that it hindered his view of the play ; wherupon he saide vnto him : My good ●riend , I beseech you doe off your hatte a while , for I assure you it will greatly benefite my eie-sight .

A Spanish Gentleman had a many Moores to his slaues , and in the winter time he kept them cold and bare : A Church-man rebuking such his vncharitie and hard heart , and saying that it was a shame vnto him : He answered ▪ : Passe they ouer the cold and I le passe ouer the shame wel ynough .

A Gentleman in regarde of a Gentlewomans rude behauiour towards him , estranged himself for a season from conuersing with her . Whereupon a friend of hers asking him on a time , why hee became so great a straunger to that house , hee answered : Because better is ciuill strangenesse , than rude familiarity .

A Gentleman riding along where sate a many Gentlewomen at the street doore , an vgly Mastiffe curre flewe at him : Whereupon the Gentleman desirous to view the Gentlewomen , took this as an occasion to turne back , and said vnto them : Gentlewoman , this Curre is hell , and all you are heauen .

A Gentleman bespake a paire of shooes of a shoomaker , who at the monthes end brought them him : Whereat the Gentleman somwhat angry with his so long delay , say'd vnto him : Euen as you came ( my friend ) so be gone ; for I weare not my shooes by your foot , but by mine owne .

On S. Steuens day it is the custome , all horses to be let bloud and drench'd . A Gentleman being that morning demaunded whether it pleased him to haue his horse let bloud and drencht according to the fashion . He answered : No sirra , my horse is not diseasd of the fashions .

A young Gentleman said vnto an olde Gentleman ( who was but his equal both in linage , & liuing , and all other respects onely age excepted ) Sir I beseech you let mee kisse your reuerend hand . Th' other was content , and offered it him to kisse : But the young Gentleman , seeing such his vanitie , only shooke him by the hand , and said : Good faith Sir , you and I against any other two .

A poore Gentleman that for wealths sake had maried a rich pesants daughter , compared such his mariage to a pudding , whereinto hee had put the bloud , and his Father in law the Chibbols .

A Ge●tleman came hungry home , and called for dinner , and his man answered : That it was but new stroken tenne . Tut ( said the Gentleman ) tellest thou me of ten by the clocke , being twelue by my stomacke ?

A poore Gentleman dying , had three faire haukes , which he thus disposed of : viz. Th' one to be sold for the benefit of his soule ; th' other for the discharge of certain dribling debts ; and the third to remaine to his sonne , whome he made his Executor . This good Executor within a while after missing one of the hawkes , sayd : So wel fare thy heart ( hawke ) be thou gone for my fathers soule .

A Gentleman being releast out of prison , the porter at parting demanded his fee , and the Gentleman gaue him but a common prisoners fee , viz. three pence : Wherunto the Porter excepting , and challenging sixe pence . The Gentleman shaming belike to haue been prisoner for so foule a matter : answered : I am content thou take me for a pesant for this once .

A very ciuill Gentleman walking in conuersation with other his companions , stayd talking by the way with a plaine Cuntryman , who met him , and deliuered him a letter : And because his parly was somewhat long , th' others were discontented and walk'd on afore , leauing him behind , who at last ouertaking them , said : Gentlemen , it is no lesse honourable to answere an inferiour , then to comply with an equall .

A yoong Gentleman that had followed the warres , complained when he came home of the Sciatica : And being asked how he came by that ache , he answered : By lying in franke tenements , viz. Vpon the bare earth .

One asking a Gentleman his acquaintance what good horses he had , he answered : As stately a one as euer you saw . Th' other then desirous to see it , to the stable they went ; where when they came , a piteous poore iade it was ( God wot ) of pure skin and bone But looking still about for the foresaid stately horse , and not seeing any such there , he maruelled , and often asked where he was become . Then th' other answered : Why loe heer where he standes ( pointing to the poore lade ) I warrant yee ( quoth he ) that he goes not aboue halfe a mile an houre to dy for it , and can you haue a statelier horse then so ?

A Gentleman seeing his man gallop a horse ilfauoredly , said vnto him : I assure thee ( N. ) thou doest not a whit discr●dit thy mother : The seruing man asking him how so Mary ( quoth he ) because when one doth a thing passing wel & with a good grace ( as now thou doest ) I haue hard it often said : The whorson hath done it passing wel .

A Nobleman came to the Courte with a gallant traine of golde-chaines after him : And one of his Gentlemen being asked how it chanced that he had ne'r a chaine as wel as the rest : He answered : I doe not gnawe .

A vertuous Gentleman seeing a malicious person looke downe on the ground , and continue gazing thereon a good space , said : Questionlesse either some mischiefe is befallen yonder man , or some good to some other body .

A Gentleman that had been to see the Peake , trauelling the same day homeward again , alighted that night in an In : where , when hee was to goe to bed , a bonny-Lasse stepped into his chamber and offred him her seruice all night : Hee seeing her impudence , answered : I lift not ( wench ) to enter into the Peake twise in twelue houres : and so dismist her .

A Gentleman put out his mule to a Horse-courser to break and bid him make it a widdow-mule : The horse-courser maruelling at such a tearme , demanded his meaning therein . Mary ( sayd the Gentleman ) a widdow hath these three good properties : she is fat , she feeds well , and she goes well , such a one would I haue you make my mule .

M. William Goring of Sussex had left him by Sir Henrie his father a chest of treasure so close pyl'd vp together , that hard it was to finger out any one peece , much les●e to gripe out any . This Gentleman hauing lost the key of that chest , offered a lock-smith in bargaine for a new , eyther to take his full gripe of mony out of it , at the opening therof ; or els to stand to the bare price of his key . The Smith chose rather th' aduenture of his gripe : Whichwhen it came to passe , & that withal the iniurie he did vnto his fingers , he could neither gripe , nor pick out any one peece : At last hee was faine to stand to the Gentlemans curtesie , who like a Gentleman requited his auarice with farre more bounty then the key was worth .

An Officer whose daughter was detected of dishonestie , and generally so reported , vpbraided a gentleman that his brother was a Papist , & therfore he himselfe haply not much better . The Gent. hereunto answered : Aswell may an honest man haue a knaue to his brother , as an errant whore to his daughter

A Gentleman accompanying on the way a great Commendador of Spaine , who wore a huge chaine about his necke , with a great S. Iames hanging downe his breast before ; at parting this Gent. horse was so vnweldy , that he could not easily rule him , but still he ●risked and carabetted & crost the Commendador on the way : Wherupon the Commendador asking him , what his horse ayled , he answered : And like your Honour , he is like a Hackney iade , which wheresoeuer it sees a signe hang out , thinks strait it is an In , & will not passe it to die . So is it with my horse , and your Honours habit about your necke .

Two Gentlemen were at factions with one an other , & the one of them sent his trusty seruant to an old Gent. his neighbor , to sollicit his partiality on his behalf : Wherunto the old Gent. made this answere , that he for his part , was rather sorie of their mutuall enmities ( being both his very good neighbors ) them that he would any waies be a party therin , other then in way to attone them to his power , & make them good friendes againe . The seruing-man deliuering this answere to his maister : The Gentleman all in a snuffe said : What an old foole is he , that will be angry with no body .

A Gent conuersing merrily among a many Gentlewomen , they said vnto him : Ware you speak no more such follies , for feare we bind you , he answered : Being your selues all loose wil you bind me ?

A Spanish Gentleman was buying of Porke , and another that was not a Gentleman , but so seemed , came and cheapened it of the butcher , as though he meant to buy it out of th' others hand : Wherat the Gentleman half angry , said vnto him . Well seeing you come to cheapen my porke , I le ( sure ) one of these dayes come cheapen your pease .

A poore Gentleman and a rich Cormougeon being at chollericke tearmes with one another , the Churle ●ware that hee was as good a Gentleman as he . Euen so ( repli'd the gent●eman ) then I assure thee , I am the veriest pesant in the world :

A pick-thanke was telling a vertuous Gentleman , howe such a one spake ill of him behind his back in the presence of a great many Of a great many ? ( answered the gentleman ) Beleue me , so I had rather one should say ill of mee before many , then many before one .

One told a Gentleman that his men tatled much disgrace of him behinde his backe He answered : Let them tattle what they list , and doe I what I list .

A Gentleman hearing theeues in the night time scaling his neighbours house , sayd : Harke how yonder poultry mount vp to their pearches .

A Gentleman of Tolledo hauing a peece of riche Taffeta brought him from a friend of his out of India , sent for a Marchant to buy it of him : Who seeing it , and liking it well ▪ tolde the gentleman , that if it pleased him to take saffron in exchange for it , he would gladly rid him of it : Wherunto the gentleman answered : Gramercy ( my good friend ) But know you not that my L. Cardinals grace is at this day Inquisitor general ouer all Spaine ? Goe but to him , and obtaine of his Grace , that whereas Saffron is now most vsde in fry'd meates , he to en●oine all men to vse it hereafter in boil'd meats ; and this being once granted and proclaimed , then come to mee againe , and I will shew you more of my mind .

One saying to a Gentleman : Sir , me thinks you haue built your house wel for Summer , but not for winter : He answered : Belike you thinke I haue lesse wit then wilde geese , that cannot shift my abode with euery season .

There was a certaine poore Gentleman , who , in regard of his pouerty , euery one thowed , and not any vouchsafed him the title of Mastership : Wherupon one that noted it said : This argueth that neither God nor the K. euer created mastership .

One asking a Gentleman what he thought of one that was newly taken in adultery : He answered : Taken tarde .