HOlla Marocco , whose mare is dead , that you are thus melancoly , vp I saie , and let you and me conferre a little vppon the cause , wherby matters & dealings may seeme to be so , you know my meaning .

Whereby matters and dealinges may seeme for to be . Verie good sir , spoke like a wholesome haberdasher , and as wisely by Lady master , as he that was sworne to his wiues friends , not to credit out his wares to anie man for the first fifteene yeeres hee was married .

And therewith mee thinkes I see him hang the hat vpon the pin againe . Wast not so Marocco ? I am glad sir to heare you so pleasant in the threshold of my discourse , for I am come in purpose to debate a while and dialogue with you , and therefore haue at you after your watering . Laie out your lips and sweep your manger cleane , and summon your wits together , for I meane ( by mine host leaue ) to recreate my selfe awhile with your horsemanship .

And I am as like master to shew you some horse plaie as ere a nag in this parish , for t is a iade can neither whihie nor wag his taile , & you haue brought me vp to both I thanke you , and made me an vnderstanding horse , and a horse of seruice , master , and that you know .

I Marocco I know it and acknowledge it , & so must thou if thou haue so much ingenuitie , confesse my kindnes , thou art not onely but also bound to honest Bankes , for teaching thee so many odde prankes . I haue brought thee vp right tenderly , as a Bakers daughter would bring vp a Cosset by hand , & allow it bread and milke by the eie .

Maius peccatum habes , master you haue the more to answere , God helpe you . For I warrant you , ( though I saie it that should not saie it ) I eat more prouender in foure and twentie houres , than two of the best geldings that Robin Snibor keeps , that a hires for two shillings a daie a peece .

Two shillings Marocco , nay what saist thou by halfe a crowne , and ten groats .

Marie I say , three daies hire is worth foure such horses , saddles , and all . For a buyes them for ten pence a saddle at S. Giles one with another , and those accoutrements are sutable to his steeds .

Me thinkes such steedes should stand a man in small stead , by that he had ridde some fiue miles out of towne .

Yea bee sure , or halfe fiue miles either . And commonly the saddle fals asunder and splits in two peeces at the towns end , and one side takes his iourney towards Vxbridge , and the other towards Stanes , to stop mine Hosts cushions of the George .

Why that s Suum cuique boye , for the waine-men of the West countrie , and the Carryers of Gloucestershire commonlye barter awaye their broken ware with the hostlers for pease and horsebread , and they returne them a horsebacke to Peter Pympe the patchpannell . Marocco thou knowest where I am now .

Not I truely master , vnlesse you meane that shrewde Sadler that serued you so ill the last Tearme , and as I trowe his name was not Peter , his name was Iohn Indifferent , for a wrought me thought as if a had not cared whether a had earned your money or no.

Beshrew him Marocco , a deceiued my hope , in a good part of purple veluet hose , that I purposde should haue made mee a seemely saddle .

Yea Marocco , as well as of him that sold it for eighteene shillings a yearde , being not worth ten .

O he gaue time Master : And then take heed of that while you liue , In space , growes grace And in prosperitie of the Satten , will swell wonderfully .

I am fall as fast in a cunning stealers hand .

A hard harte hath hee that hath such a hande to cut such large thonges of another mans lether , and lappe him selfe in a gentle mans liuery .

Tush , this is but a pettye matter to stande vpon : And yet Marocco I dare saie it and sweare it to thee , because thou art no talker : this petty matter hath pyncht neerer than euery man weenes for . I am vndone , nowe young genleman . Well , Motos praestat componere fluctus .

Why maister of whome should you bee afraide , I am able to iustifye as much as you say . Indeed those be the young men that neuer sawe the Lyons . Young maisters and gentlemen of the carelesse cut , such as care not howe they bee cut , or of what cut they bee like , so they may haue , to follow al fashions , and then they are cut indeed , noforce , so they fall into a fashion , and walke but twentie foure turnes in Paules , let it packe the next daye for the third peny . Maister M. Nemo ceditur nisi a seipso . Byrch and greene holly , and thou be beaten boy , thank thine owne , follie : He that will thrust his necke into the yoke , is worthy to be vsed like a iade . He that hath been a gentleman of faire demeanes , and will so demeane him selfe to let landes and lordeshippes flie for a little brauery Luat paenas & in pistrino , let him crye and let him lye , yea and dye to , for any pittie hee is like to haue at my handes .

Why how now Marocco . O ye are too sowre . Dare you tell mee of my splene agaynst the Sadler , and bee so bitter against the young gallantes of our age . What man , nay horse rather , nay asse as thou art , to become odious to the flower of Englande with thy foule manners . It is as naturall for young men to be braue and amorous , as for olde men to be graue and serious . Why colte then , you le take vppon you I see ? Doo you not heare what they saie that scarse vouchsafe you an answere ? Patres aequum esse censent nos iam iam a pueris illico nasci senes , neque illarum assines essse rerum , quas fert adolescentia .

Maister you mistake me , I am no such seuere horse nor sullen asse , but I can allowe a yong Gentleman his madde trickes , yea , and his merrie trickes too for a need . But master , this Latine I learned when I gambolde at Oxforde , Est modus in rebus sunt , certi denique fines . This is it vrgesth me thus farre , and I speake it in passion too , and wyth the action of my head and heeles , that a Mercadore , naye , a mechanicall fellowe shall go so farre into a Gentleman , and a Gentleman so farre out of himselfe & all a has , that for one or two tearmes arraie , a shall for his liues tearme , and tearme of life become beggeries bondman , and vsuries vassall , O tempora , O mores , O Poetarum flores . You shall finde in an olde Tracte printed by Winkin de Woorde , this olde sayde sawe , What s a Gentleman but his pleasure , O pleasure , what a treasure is it to take pleasure with measure .

Measure Marocco , nay , nay , they that take vp commodities make no differnce for measure betweene a Flemishe ell and an Englishe yard .

I knowe an ell Flemish cost English Anthonie halfe a yard of the best ware he had .

That ware will neuer see ware againe , in so good sorte as it hath done , nor sit in a shower of raine on the top of Amwell hill .

Go to master , hum drum is sauce for a cunnie , you and I should doo verie ill to speake in priuate , we are so plaine .

Plaine Marocco , nay and I were as plaine as I will bee , I should crie out-right , for in this I agree with thee , and with thee the world agrees , and besides teares and commiseration on the state of Gentlemen that haue vngentlefied , why I might saie , dishonored themselues by buying and selling .

Haue they so master ? Why woulde hee bee a buyer then ? Why woulde hee bee a seller ?

Ho , ho , good Marocco , I see now a dozen of bread dooes as much with you , as three pipes of Tobacco taken in an odde alehouse , to a weake braine .

I am not dronke master , after my watering , that you need to challenge mee thus : I know what I saie , and I saie what I knowe :

Go to master , he is a bad waster , that consumes his daies and houres , and reapes Pour vn plaisure , mille . Cambridge and Oxford can record : and the foule dolorous fortune of many a faire boorde , What it is ?

I tell you master , for a truth I tell you too , I knowe a man that in this towne , had a Bible lying on his shoppe boorde , and solde but three yardes of satten vnto a Gentleman , and forswore himselfe at least three times in the coping , and yet the booke laie open before him , and hee came newe from reading of Salomons Prouerbes .

That had beene somwhat grosse in him if he had beene reading the twentith of Exodus .

No , no , his minde was on the twentith daie of the moneth following , when his money was due .

T is good to haue an eie to the maine : house keeping is chargeable , and rent must bee paide , the Landlord will haue his due , Caueat emptor , let the Tenant looke to it .

The Landlord will leade to the deuill , & the Tenant will follow after .

What else ? they be relatiues : Landlord and Tenant are as Pater and Filius .

O master , I could relate to you of these relatiues , if it became me to speake like a common-wealths man , what an abuse is ingendered twixte the Landlord and Tenant .

Occasion of what Marocco .

Of more amisse by gis , than easily amended is , of bauderie , and beggerie , and such lyke matters , master . Ambubaiarum collegia , pharmacapolae , mendici mimi balatrones , hoc genus omne . Crie out and complaine for the losse of this good landlordes worship , God rest his soule , sayes T. B. wee could haue had no wrong while hee liued : so hee had had his rent at the daie , the deuill and Iohn of Comber shoulde not haue fetcht Kate L. to Bridewell , no nor all the Court whipt C. F. at the cart , I le tell you master , come what complaint coulde haue come against Peticoate lane , Smocke Alley , Shordich , or Rotten rowe , there were champions and spokes men for this crue , other manner of felowes Iwis , than you thinke for , such as sit in their sattens and riche furres , and wyth a dash of a penne in a counting house , coulde doo more than the proudest plaintiefe that commenceth anie matter or sute against this sisterhoode , yea , and seale vp his letter and theyr lyps both at once , that murmur● anie thing against the inhabitantes of this holy corner . Master I coulde haue shewed you the coppie of a Letter that was lost in this yarde by chaunce , written by a man of some account , so fauourably to the Treasurer of Bridewell , in the behalfe of an honest Tenaunt of his , such a Tenant , master , as had her name a Tenendo , and would holde so fast betweene the thighs , that shame it was for him that had anie shame , to be so shamelesse to vse anie meanes to keep her from open shame .

Thou speakest of mallice against some or other Marocco , and perhappes thou meanest that drabbe that the last daie when shee sawe thee heere doo thy trickes , sayd thou wert a deuill & I a coniurer .

Against her Master , no of mine honestie , she is but a poore whoore , to her I meane . Tush , she that I talke of can entertaine you with a duzen of tiffite taffetie girles in a morning , I , and the worst of them , when she is at the worst , shall haue a wrought wastcoate on her backe , and a lockram smocke worth three pence , as well rent behind as before , I warrant you .

Those rents by your leaue Marocco , helpe to paie the Landlords rent at the quarters end .

That s but a tricke of youth lad● Omnis homo mendax , Euerie man may amend .

True master , Et vt hora sic vita , A loues a whoore as his lyfe . For hee will forbeare as long as shee will beare , and that s ka mee , and ka thee , knaue he , and queane she .

Had neede bee of exceeding patience Marocco , to forbeare as long as shee le beare , for a better bearing beast is not in all Shordich , nor Hounds dich neither , than this beastly beast that I thinke thou meanest . But speake not so loude , for and if her landlord heard you , hee would aunswere for her .

I thinke so , has answered so long for her , that a can scarce answere for himselfe , and I speake not so loude that I feare him , Male audit vbique , master , a heares verie badlye euerie where : and worse a will heare , and a holde on , yea master , and loose hearing and seeing to , and a vi● it and see it , as a has done these duzen yeres .

Well , what s that to the purpose , these wrongs are priuate , and touch himself , and wrack not the common wealth , as thou exclaymest .

O master , then you know nothing : For vnderstand you as of Nownes , some be substantiues , some be adiectiues : so of Landlords , some of them bee couetous , and some bee lecherous , and hee is both .

Sayest mee so . Well then Marocco , whether does more harme in the commonwelth , the couetous or the lecherous Landlord .

Tush master , that question is no question . For though it bee a question betweene the couetous and the prodigall , yet is it no question betwixt the couetous and the lecherous . The lecherous Landlord hath his wench at his commandement , and is content to take ware for his money , his priuate scutcherie wounds not the common-wealth farther than that his whoore shall haue a house rent free , when his honest neighbours wife and children shall neither haue a peece of a house or householde loafe for him . Let him passe for a farting churle , and weare his mistres fauors , viz. rubies and precious stones on his nose , &c. And this Et caetera shall , if you will , bee the perfectest poxe that euer grewe in Shordich or Southwarke .

And there haue beene bigge inflamations , and more vnquenchable than the great fire that burnt so much blew threed on the toppe of Fishstreet hill .

But the couetous Landlord is the caterpiller of the common-wealth , hee neither feares God nor the deuill , nor so hee maye racke it out , cares not what Tenant he receiues : he is no wencher ( praie God he be no bencher ) hee fits warme at home , and sets downe his accounts , and saies to himselfe , my houses goe nowe but for twentie poundes by the yeere , I le make them all baudie houses , and they will yeeld mee twice as much . Vppon the Exchange comes to him one or two honest men to take them at his hands , the poore artificer or his lyke , of what trade so euer , offers him the rent it hath gone for , & sureties perhaps . Yea , saie so , good securitie , and foure pounds a yere for a house , comes Pierce Pandor , and baudie Bettrice his wife , two that I warrant you were knowen well inough what they were , I two that had beene as well carted and whipt , and couerd with durt ouer head and eares , and they forsooth will begin the world anue again , hauing a fresh wench or two that came but from the carryers that morning , though shee had tapt many a canne in long lane at Barthelmew tide . With this stocke of wenches will this Trustie Roger and his Bettrice set vp forsooth with their pamphlet pots , and stewed prunes , nine for a tester , in a sinfull saucer , and they will offer this couetous and wretched landlorde fiue poundes by the yeere , yea sixe pounds to haue his house and his countenaunce wythall . But hee that will go to the deuill for money , will admit them with fauour , and so let them haue his house , with promise of anie thing whatsoeuer in his power , yea , and if occasion serue , will write , and speak , and take paines and plaie the sutor , and beare wyth them in anie thing , so there bee anie meane to doo it , and hee to bee sure of his rent . God is his iudge hee does it for no fleshly respect , but euen of a mere worldly motion , to beare sinne out with sinne , and lecherie with couetousnesse . Let the Parish complaine , why ( sayes hee ) what should I doo , I haue my rent paid mee at my day . I must make money of my lande , and so let them doo their heartes out , thinkes hee , I shall haue my rent the readier . This cormorant is hee that cares not how he get it so hee haue it . This Stymphalist is he that with fiue or sixe Tenements , and the retinue thereunto belonging , infectes the aire with stench , and poisons that parish , yea and twentie parishes off with the contagion of such carrion as lies there in their bumble baths , and stinke at both ends like filthie greene elder pipes . For him and them master , such Landlordes and such Tenants . Good master wish as I wish .

What s thy wish Marocco ?

That at the quarter daie the parish would of their owne deuotion to the common wealth , bestow a banket vpon them of ale and cakes in the cage , & a hundred or two of good faggots , to consume the bodies and bones of them all and euerie mothers child , such Landlords and such Tenants as so much against conscience , receiue & deceiue , and daie by daie , and houre by houre cheat , coosen , catch , and dcuour in pillage from gentlemen , prentises , and good fellowes , abvno vsque ad mille , euen from the outside to the inside , from the cloak to the shirt , leauing Nicol Neuerthriue neuer a wench in the chamber or penie in the purse .

Marocco , Praie thy wish take effect , I wish for euerie parish so pestered with such tenants and tenements , God put into their mindes to be but at cost and charges for the faggots , for ale and cakes I were mearst , if it cost fiue markes . But how does this landlord fall into this Praemunire ? Why is thy mallice so great against them , when t is the baude and the whoore that make all this stirre ?

O master , miserable landlords are cause of all this mischiefe . T is he that because he will haue an vnreasonable rent , will vpholde anie villanie in his tenant : a slaue to monie , a pandor to the baud , a piller , nay a pillow & a bolster to all the roguerie committed in his houses . And yet will this filthie felow sit at his doore on a sonday in the high street and my mistres his wife by him , & there forsooth talke so saint-like of the sermon that day , and what a good peece of worke the young man made , and what a goodly gift of vtterance he had , but not the value of a pound of beefe wil a giue him , were his gift of vtterance comparable to S. Augustines , or Chrisostomes eloquence . Sweare a will and forfweare vpon the worke day , as well as anie . And if percase a sit in place of authoritie , O howe seuere will he be in all his proceedings against a youg or good fellow in anie trifling matter . Then a takes vpon him not a little : Sir ( sayes hee ) what did you in such an house ? Wherefore came you thether ? And laie the lawe and the Prophetes too , and so rate a Gentleman well descended , meerely priuiledged with a furd gowne and a nightcap : when in deede his bringing vp hath beene in beggerie and slauerie illiberally , hauing spent his time in conference with the water tankard at the Conduit , lying miserably , and for sparing of wood , loding his gowne sleeue with fuell from the haberdashers , and wearing his handes in a frostie morning by the fugitiue flames of a few wast papers , a naturall enemie to all learning and liberalitie . O master , such a churle as you and I sawe heere last daie talke with two souldiers in the yard , and put his hand in his pouch , & gaue them nere a penny .

Didst thou see that Marocco ? Well , there be too many such as he , yet there is a choice number of sober citizens that haue golden mindes , and golden purses withall .

That I know well master , and to them that haue such golden mindes , I wish golden mines : master , I protest to you I speake it not to flatter , but in reproach of those money-mongers , those lease-mongers , those caniballs , that dishonour the citie wherein they dwell , but vprightly I speake it , that you may not think I raile vpon mallice against any priuate man for anie priuate quarrell : There are many that beautifie London for their good parts , who being ciuily and well brought vp , are affable to straungers , charitable to the poore , liberall to schollers , and such as Citizens should be , dutifull to their prince , and deuout to their citie .

T is almost supper time Marocco , I heare mine host call , you haue done pretily well for two pointes , referre the rest till another time .

As you please master , and let this be our first lecture of the Anatomie of the world . If the Trance holde me but till the next Tearme , where now I haue but with a drie foote ouerleapt these matters , I may chance of these and more leaue a deeper print , and hauing handled a case of commodities , will saie somewhat further of their discommodities and differences , euen as the bit of reason shall leade mee . And so I commit you to your supper , and my selfe to my litter , for I promise you I am not a little weary with gambolling this after noone .