VVits bedlam ----vvhere is had, whipping-cheer, to cure the mad.

Against Pse●cus the too cunning Palmister , and Poet. Epigram. 1. PSe●cus is perfect in Chirosophy : That is ; hee 's hand-wise , stealing coningly : But , oft he 's well laugh'd at for stealing Rimes ; So hee 's Hand-wise , & Head-foole too , somtimes .

Vpon one named R● Holland , who kept one Nell Cotton . Epigram. 2. A Light yong-man , who lou'd the like yong-woman Desir'd their Things to either might be common : So , gaue her , when her good wil he had gotten , A Yard of Holland , for a N. -ell of Cotton .

Against the nobly-desended Muscus , who wedded a Butchers fat Daughter . Epigram. 3. THe well-borne Muscus wedded hath , of late , A Butchers Daughter Fat , for Pounds & Plate : Which Match is like a Pudding ; sith in That He puts the Bloud ; her Father all the Fat.

Against Faber , the Earelesse forger . Epigram. 4. FAber , the Forger , would himself bestow , In marr'age faine ; and sweares he nought doth owe True : for , hee 's Earelesse , and hyres all he weares : So , oweth not so much as Clothes , or Eares !

Against Dromus , the Borrowing barraine , or bankroupt Discourcer . Epigram. 5. DRomus , in talke , repeates but old-said Sawes Of other M●s ; & then Discourse with-draws : So , ( like a rotten Naile ) he cannot bore Through rotten wood without a way before .

Of Leoena , and her two friends ; Spot , and Fuller . Epigram. 6. LEoena , hath two friends , that still maintain her ; The one , hight Fuller ; the other called Spot : Hauing a Fuller , she should haue no Spot ; And yet the Fuller with that Spot doth staine her : Then , if thou canst not put away her Spot , Fuller , thou and thy Mill , are ouer-shot .

Of a poore Curate that wold haue pawn'd his Bible to a rich Precisians for a Crowne . Epigram. 7. ACurat , poore ▪ a rich Precisian , praide To lend him but a Crowne but for a Day ; But his request ( precisely ) he denaide : Then on his Bible , he the same did pray ; But he ( like a precise illiberall Clowne ) Would take nor his , nor Gods-Word for a Crown .

Against selfe-conc●ited nine-bibbing - Phagus . Epigram. 8. PHagus , is wise in his owne Eyes ( they say ) Then hee 's a Foole to drinke them so away .

Against Gaulus the writing-country Schole-master . Epigram. 9. GAulus , thou w●it'st thy selfe my scholer ; and Thou saist thou do●● it Scholers so to get : But , for thine owne , thou still dost shew my hand : So , thou deal'st plaine , thou canst not Counterfet .

Of Mutius , and Phormius bloudles single-Combate . Epigram. 10. MVtius , in Field , hath ●ought with Phormius , ( Sith he thought Phormius oft his wife did smack ) where , of the Surgeon , was but little vse ; Yet , after , Mutius ran him through the Back : But , Mutius ran him in behind so sore Sith Phormius oft so vsd his Wife before .

Against Mollius , that i● a most religious Turner . Probatum est . Epig. 22. MOllius is most religious ; but , the spight is , He , like a Topp , set vp , still turnes : then he Must still bee whipt , to runne the way that right is , Els , like a Topp , hee 'l rather turne then flee .

Of the poore , Lady Minthes frugality in taking a faire Howse . Epi. 23. MInthe , hath tane an House ( with little pelfe ) As faire , as highly r●●ted : but shee setts Her fore-roomes out ; and backward lies her selfe ; And so she liues vppon the Roomes she let● : Then , if by lying Back-ward she doth liue , She ne're goes Back-ward , but she stil doth thriue .

Of the French Fencer that challenged Church the Fencer at all weapons . Epi. 24. THe fencing - Gaule ( in pride and gallant vant , Challengd the English at the fencing-skill ; The Fencer Church , or the Church Militant , His Errors soone reproou'd , and knockt him still : But sith our Church him disciplind so sore , He ( ranck Recusant ) comes to Church no more .

Of Galla'es true lying . Epi. 25. GAlla still sweares she is a maid : but then If true she swears , she is vnknowne of Men : But all men know her commonly ( it 's said ) Then she doth lie , or is their seruing-maid .

Of Caylus his rest in motion . Epi. 26. ALl Motion ceaseth when it hath its end ; ( So say Philosophers ) Then , how is it That Caylus louing long old Kate ( his friend ) ( Loue being a Motion ) now in mar●age knit ) Doth be at her euery day : what rest is this ? Why , Rest of Loue , while Hate in Mo●ion is .

Against the freenesse of Franks Loue . Epi. 27. HOw is t that Franke so many doth be foole ? Beare all in hand ; and loue protest to all ? Faith her Hearts like her Soule : whole in the whole And whole in euery part , ●ee't nere so small : So , had she hundreds , she might be alone , Among them One ; yet whole to euery One .

Of Caius his loosing his Game by missing to take a Blott . Epi. 28. CAius his Loue , came to his Chamber late ; But , hee that grace did not congratulate , But with too bashfull ●hat ; who , for the same , ( missing to take her Blot ) qu●te lost her Game .

Of Flaccus his two Shadowes to his one body . Epi. 29. FLaccus is follow'd with a paire of men , That ( good for nought ) do no●ght but do him ill , And yet he shaddowes it : what maruell then One Body should haue two such Shadowes still●

Againe . Epi. 30. FLaccus is almost sunke : of that I muse ; Hauing two Bladders which he s●ill doth vse .

Of one that l●st a great Stomacke . Epigram. 31. MAr● swears he ' hath lost his Stomack : then if one that 's poore hath found it , he is quite vndon .

Of old Lixus his young choyce . Epi. 32. LIxus the weake old Dotherd married late , a Maid , whom friends en●or●ed to that match So she , perforce , made him her wedded Mate ▪ But he , ●ans force , doth marriage Rites dispatch .

Of Maurus his Orpheus-like melody . Epi. 33. MA●rus , last morne , at 's Mistris window plaid An Hunts-vp on his Lute : But she ( it 's said ) Threw Stones at him : So , he , like Orpheus , there , Made Stones come flying , his sweet notes to heare .

Of Womens Maskes , Epi. 34. IT seems that Masks do Women much disgrace , Sith when they weare them they doe hide their face .

Of their Mantles . Epi. 35. I Muse that Mantles , which were made to hide , Should but discouer Vanity and Pride .

Of the Precedency of Lawyers or Phisitions , Epi. 36. OFt Lawyers and Ph●sitions striue for place ; But well ye wot the Fellons go before The Hangman to the Gallowes ▪ Then the case Is cleare ; the Lawyer should go first therefore .

Of Crispus mistak●rg things . Epi. 37. CRispus tooke Phryna vp ere downe shee was , He takes things ill : it 's not alone her Case .

Of old Linus his young seruice to Women . Epi. 39. OLd Linus brags , hee 's such a womans man , As neuer yet was tir'de in seruing them : The old Slaue lies : for aske his young Maid Nan , And she will sweare ( and yet doth not blasph●me ) Hee 's like a leaden Tuck , at Foynes , or Blowes , Whose Point & Pommel streight together goes . Then what a shamelesse beast is this to vant Of that foule sin which he , in Deed , doth want .

Of Glaucus his mirth and madnes . Epi. 40. GLaucus , his mirth doth cheere , his rage doth And so by both he gets both loue and ●eare : Then he ( like Cheese ) doth help ( when he 's at best ) Digestion well ; himselfe hard to digest .

Of Dauus his selling his great horse , for a small fault . Epi. 41. DAuus hath sold his St●ed for starting back At sight of Armor , or the sound of Drum . I muse he sold him then , that knew his knacke : And bought him backward still , to fight to come : But comming on so , late , his Lord ●ay vnder , Then though a Iade a Iade sold 't is no wonder .

Of Fuluiaes feather . Epi. 42. FVluia still in her haire a feather weares ! So , still the lighter farre , the heauier beares .

Of Wolfangus his great Nose and thin beard . Epi. 42. I Muse Wolfangus Beard so thinly growes ; Yet 't is no maruell hauing such a Nose : For being huge , it yeelds such shade and breath , That nought can prosper growing vnderneath .

Of one called Hoopes , his late embailment from Newgate for filching . Epi. 43. ONe Hoopes , for filching , late being in the Iayl Two greazye Guts , ere tryall , were his Bayle : So cut is he , and they are in for him , Where now they fret while they in swet do swim : But ●●e be bound the i le neuer close their loops , If such great Ba●rells get no better Hoopes .

To the most fortunate M. Robert Rooke , who married a most faire and vertuous wife . Epi. 44. ROoke thou art treble blessed in thy fate , That without check , giues Beauties Queen the Mate .

Of Ianus the Iustice , his imprisoning Angels comming from the hands of sinners . Epi. 45. IAnus ( they say ) the Iustice , lately had Some A●gels for a Bribe : But damned he , That put such Creatures ( that ou● hearts do glad ) Into the hands of Iustice , for a Fee !

Against Libiduis common protestations to his Dabbe . Epi. 46. SWeet-lipt Libiduis to his whore doth swea●e , He loues her as his Soule : But better 't were He lou'd her as his Body ; for , he doth Please that with whatsoere likes Taile or Tooth , As for his Soule , I thinke he truely sweares , for he cares least for that , as well appeares .

Of Sir Grobolus his valiant Stomacke . Epi. 47. CHiron the Centaure young Achilles fed , With Bloud & Lions ma●row ( meat , & drinke ) To make his Stomack great ; Then so was bred Sir Grobolus the greazie Guts , I thinke , Whose stomack is so great ( where his good wil is ) That at the Trencher , hee puts downe Achilles .

Honor , is Vertues Shadow . Epi. 48. IF Vertue make not Lords aswell as Birth , The Stiles but Honors Stampe vpon base Earth .

Againe , Epigram. 49. YEt some base Lords are Nobles ( right ) of blood but , if they were right gold , they were as good .

Of the prodigall begger Plasmus his great charity . Epi. 50. PLas●us , is vtterly vndone by play , And for his liuing , now , doth fast and pray : But though he fast and pray thus , still he breeds , A Multitude , which , with his flesh he feeds .

Against Plutus his being penny-wise and pound f●olish . Epi. 51. PLutus doth giue him that his horses breaks Fu●l fifty pounds a yeare : But to him giues That breaks his Sonnes but fi●e , with fifty Gleeks : Thus his Sons breaker breaketh while he grieues : So , Plutus Beast's well broken : but his Child Will ( like a Beast vnbroken ) still be wilde .

Against the ●●iudicious deprauers of men of Art. Epi. 52. SOme empty heads , with too ful enuious hearts , Depraue what comes from heads stil full of Arts : So , those obscuring Clouds with black reproches , Thunder against bright Art like empty Coaches .

A Couplet or two fastned to Sir Io: Harrington his Epigramme , to doe his Ladies Knight , Yeomans Seruice . Epigram ▪ 53. A Vertuous Lady sitting in a Muse ( As many times some vertuous Ladies vse ) Did leane her Elbow on her knee full hard , The other distant from it halfe a yard ; Her Knight to taunt her by a pri●y Token , Said , Wife a wake , your Cabinet stands open : She rose and blusht , and smil'd , and soft doth say , Then , lock it , if you lust , you keepe the Kay . BVt he might haue replide ; good Wife , you mock ; My Key can open , but not shut the Lock . Sit● t is a Spring ; and Kayes in generall Will doo 't , if it so openly to all .

Against wiues that will not worship Baal . Epigram. 54. BAal the Hebrue Word doth signifie Husband & Lord ( as Linguists haue vs taught ) But many wiues ( t' avoide Idolatry ) Refuse to worship Baal ; yet are naught !

How bad Husbands recompence a good House-wife . Epigram. 55. A Good Wife's ( like a Snaile ) nere out of doore ( Except her Head ) to shun , and let abuse : That makes bad husbands goe abroad the more To horne their wiues ( poore Snales ) for keeping house

A good wife should be vnlike the Moone . Epigram. 66. A Good-wife should vnlike the Moone appeare , ( Which most appeares when most she 's from the Not once appere but when her Sun is neere : ( Sun ) But some , like Lunaticks , abroad doe runne , Most when their Sunnes are furthest from their vewes , So , multiply the Beames on their Sunnes Browes !

Of Nell that was married to some Thing , her selfe hauing Nothing . Epigram. 68. NEll , no Thing hath ; which breeds her husband lothing : Then this he onely knowes , that he knowes nothing .

Of a Wanton Paires marriage in the night . Epigram. 69. CLaro , for hast , was married in the night : That was because his wife and he were light .

Of Witty Stophus that married a faire Foole. Epigram. 70. STophus , with his great wit , a foole hath wed ; Strange death the liuing's bound so to the dead .

Of Spongius , ouerthrowne by the Kings Armes . Epigram. 60. THe Kings-armes-Tauerne , Spongius brings full low : No maruell : Kings-armes Subiects ouerthrow .

Against Beastias his filthy Tongue . Epigram. 61. BEastias foule Tongue still talkes , and 's Taile among , Which shews more wit & grace then his foule Tongue .

Of some Merchants Wiues coniuring . Epigram. 62. SOme Merchants Wiues coniure their Maids , in stormes , With Wands inchanting , working wonders so : But on their husbands heads some coniure hornes , By their Familliers stil , with them below !

Ag●inst perfum'd fellows . Epigram , 63. THey that smel least , smel best ; which intimates , They smell like Beasts that smell like Cynet-cats .

Of the trauelling Eboracian Casus h●s strange fortune . Epigram. 64. CAsus , the Eboracian , made aboade , Two yeares in Palestine , and one at St●ade : Whose wife , at his returne , he found with Child ; Whereat when she perceau'd him to grow wild She sai'd he got it ; 't is his owne ( she sweares ) But then ( if it be true ) it well appeares His Organ of begetting longer is Than the Turks Arme , that falls far short of this : Then that must needs be propt vp with a Forke , That reaches from Ierusalem to Yorke !

Of Friscus his secret iesting with a too earnest Lady . Epigram. 65. FRiscus in secret , iested with a Lady , ( Which iesting Chaucer far more broadly stiles ) Who , fearing fainting , call'd him Foole and Baby ; But he with iesting plide her all the whiles : Then , if she call'd him foole , she did not fable : For , fooles are euer iesting with their Bable .

Of Hipocrites , pretending to haue the Spirits Vnction . Epigram. 66. THe Vnction of the Spirit some seeme to haue ; So , seeme they pure whom vices most depraue : Yet with that Vnction sleeke them selues about , Too like leane Kidneies , onely fat without .

Against s●lfe-flattery . Epigram. 67. THat flattery merits most contempt and blame , Where flatterer , and the flattered is the same .

Of a most Honorable Error . Epigram . 68 CAliusius Sabine thought his Learning deepe , Sith he about him Clarks profound did keepe : O● that our Nobles would so nobly erre , They ne're should liue their glory to interre !

Of a Flatterer . Epigram. 69. A Flatterer ( like a Wrastler ) stoupeth low To him he flatters ; so , to ouerthrow : God blesse good Princes from such stoupers ; and , Place such about them as doe vpright stand .

Of a Free-man made too fast . Epigram. 80. THe whore Lenaea wiues a Knight at last ; So she , being loose , makes this free Knight too fast !

Of no fish call'd Salmon . Epigram. 81. A Man , call'd Salmon , Siuern bancks dwelt vnder That his wife Salmons spawn'd then , was no wonder !

Of Curtius open-handednesse . Epigram. 82. CVrtius , doth vse his money as his slaue ; But better t' were he vs'd it as his Friend : For , otherwise t will leaue him by his leaue ; So will his friends without leaue , in the eud : Then vse it Curtius as thy slaue ; yet so , That thou make much of it , before it goe .

Of Bestius hate . Epigram. 73. BEstius doth hate , not enuy good men : why ? A Beast doth hate , but neuer can enuy .

Against Faustus , the prophane swearing Swaggerer his hate . Epigram. 74. FAustus still sweares he lothes the married state : But it must needs be good which she doth hate .

Against Metra her deafnesse . Epigram. 75. WHen Metra is solicited to Do , She seemes as if she gaue no Eare thereto ; Put ( dallying ) vseth strange diuerticles Vntill she heares th' agreements Articles : And then ioynes issue with the Suters streight , Who lightly ends the matter with some weight .

Of Cleobulinas darke Discourse . Epigram. 76. CLeobulina , speakes by Parrables , In Riddles ( darke ) her sence she doth insold : No Eagles eye ( though holpe with Spectacles ) Can see the way her meaning to vnfold : But aske her for a Gowne , what she will do ? Those words shee 'le eccho plainly , She will doo .

What Lawyers are like . Epi. 92. LAwyers are like the Tongues of Ballances , Foes to th' ore weighd with Coyne & Countnances , Who still encl●●e vnto the weightiest side ; And there while weight remaines , they do abide .

Lawes were better to be like Hunters Toyles , which they be not : Than like Cob-webs , which they be . Epi. 93. LIke Cob-webs , Lawes still take the little flyes , When as the Waspe & Hornet scapes with ease But Hunters Toyles the great Beasts do surprise ; And let the little scape : were Lawes like these , The great should haue less power the small to hurt Or , if they did , they should be ha●p●●d sort .

Of the vnbloudy warres of Poets . Epi. 79. THe Banquet of the Centaures made ( ●t's sed ) The Cups to flye at one anothers head : And oft such Banquets are with Mars his Mates , Where Boles let out and take in blood of P●tes : But Poets are more wise and merry m●n , That freely drinke and war but with the P●n .

Of Blaynus the Beggers cunning counterfetting . Epigram. 80. BLaynus the Begger , and sly Counterfet , With Birdlime , Meale , & Bloud with ease , doth set Sores on his Limbes ; so , Crus●ed cunningly , That Hearts of Ste●le melt at his misery . Thus , he being whole doth breake ; yea thus breake out , To moue mens mercy , as he sits without : But if your Birdlime ( Blayre ) so take men sitting , You make Men Dottrells , caught with Counterfetting .

Against Phanus his Modesty . Epigram. 81. PHanus , the bashfull Leacher , dares not name those Parts which to abuse he counts no shame : O monstrous modesty● that shames to say That which to Doe he holds but sport , or play .

Of Fluxus his constant change . Epigram. 82. IN euery Month eu'n as the Moone doth change ; So ●luxus state a change doth still sustaine ; Now fills , them falls ( with Course vnstaid , as strange ) Like a stronge Felt , soone downe , then vp againe : Were he starke Lunatick t' would not do so : Yet like his Braines , his state doth ebbe and flow !

Against Phannius sad lookes , linde with lightnesse . Epigram. 82. PHannius , doth send his Conscience to the Stews ; Yet vp his Countenance demurely Mewes , Like an Italians wises the worse for that ; For so it more deceaues in I know what .

Of Nichus good fortune , being robd . Epigram. 83. COpper-nos'd Nichus swears that rob'd he was : But I suppose the Theefe was but an Asse ; For that he left behinde him , and did lose , The precioust Thing he had ; which was his Nose !

Against Curtezans that colour their whoredome with a catholike pretence . Epi. 84. NAis , Lais , & ●hais , were not so neere in name As in their Trade , 3 whores past grace & sham So whore , whore , whore come not in sound more neere Then som pure fasters , to that Belly-cheere .

Of a Knight , that did a worke of darkenesse in the Light , and my sight . Epi. 85. OF late , I chanc'd to see a Lady , light ( Light I may wel say ) from her bright Caroch Wher hous'd she was ; wherin soone went a Knight , Which I obserued sitting in a Porch . The Knight gon vp the waiting-maid came down ; And left them in a Chamber next the Street : The Maide , at doore , conuerst ; while ( as his owne , Though nothing lesse ) the Knight his Loue doth greet . , ,But Loue is blind ; & so saw neither louer that through the glass they might be seen by day : So in my sight , he did Knights-seruice to her Against the Window , this light Ladies Stay : For , sith the Deed was darke , this vertuous Knight , ( With a free spirit ) still pusht it into Light .

Of my Selfe . Epigram. 86. COrnelius , Gallus , Sappho , Pindarus , Anacreontes , Alceon , Orpheus , Propertius , Virgill , Ouid , Inuenall Callimachus , Philotes , Martiall , Catullus and Tibullus ; These haue sung In seu'rall Straines of Loue and whores among : Then , haue , I Precedents for what I do Against or'e doing Drabbs that men vndo ; But if the Bridwell Lash them nothing irks , They will but laugh at these poore paper-Iirks .

Of Frontus his Formosity and Deformity . Epi. 87. FRontus , the Gallant , is both faire , and foule ; Which Contradiction , faith can hardly win : Yet being braue in Body , soild in Soule , Maks good hee 's faire without , and soule within : And though his Suits be silks of seuerall formes , He 's but inuolud with Excrements of Wormes ; For which he 's sued both within , and out ; And so his onely beauty is in Sute .

Of Phormus his gelded Purse . Epigram. 88. PHormus , had in his Purse two Rubies ( rich ) When with his Turkesse ( damned drab ) he lay ▪ To find which Purse & Stones she sought his brich While he found sport for which he de●re did pay : For , when she found his Purse , she made no Bones To g●ld it , 'ere he found it , of the Stones .

Of Rufus his mirry-sory night . Epigram. 89. RVfus hath found a Thousand pound ( they say ) In but one merry night ; and that in play Which some call Game : but so much lost , in brief , Was won in Game , but lost in deadly griefe .

Against the false suruey of one W : Pearch ( a foul● deformed Low● ) who , with his mathematicall Instrument , measur'd one Kate A●re amisse ; yet made it full e're he had done . Epi. 90. A Pearch , that wanted mans proportion , Measur'd an Acre standing , in a Vale : Who found it full when he the Worke had done ; Yet it refus'd sith false he found the Dale :

Of Ladies silke-stocks emboss'd vpon the Top● , and S●ames with gold . Epigam . 96. LAdies , is t not enough Silke-stocks to weare , But they o● Seames , and Tops must be embost , With gold , or siluer , though it ne're appeare ? Nere ? That were hard , & all that Charge were lost . Who knowes not , beauty still vnseene , is vayne As is our brauery ▪ but , who brauest be ; Or fair'st , desire to haue it seene , to gaine Some notice or respect ; then , surely , she That weares such Stocks , her knees discloseth oft , That some may see the Charge that is a loft .

Of two Gallants that agreed to ●ight , went out , were hurt , and return'd without bleeding Epigram. 97. TWo Gallants needs would fight ; Sword , Time , Appoin●ed were , & all agreed vpon : ( & Place , Then both rode out , and ran a Wild-goose-chase ; But both mistooke t●e place : so , both , alone , Returnd againe , both swearing they were there ; T●ue : there where both we●e hurt a like with feare : Then sith their fearefull hurts so equall were ; Let them shake hands to heale their hurts of Feare .

Of Iuliaes book●shnesse . Epigram. 98. IVlia , is Bookish ; and , doth study still To fashion Natures fauoures to her will : Her Mirrour is her Booke , her time to passe ; And so she euer studies on her Glasse .

Of Zenius his taking Tobacco with a whiffe . Epigram. 99. ZEnius stil takes Tobacco , with a Whiff ; Which ( so ) doth make him drunk , that , when he speakes , His Tongue doth faulter in his Mouth , as if He parting were : yet , when to part he seeks , He falls ; so , cannot part : and , so , he dies In Shew at least , but yet , in Deed , he lies !

Of the small respect had of learned men in generall . Epigram. 100. CAligula , enuying the bright ●ames Of Homer , Virgill , and graue Liuius , Or●ethrew their statuaes , to or'ethrow their Names But would these times had none more barbarous , For , in this age , Caligula●s we find That let them starue , that shine in either kind . And so the Douch would be , but for the Pot.

Against the fantasticall Attire that many Ladies weare now a daies . Epi. 114. IF Ladies Maners with their Ga●ds agree ; Then they Seeme such , they would not seeme to Bee ; But if they would not Bee as th' are in sight . Let them not weare what makes them seeme so light

Of the strange dareing of yong gallants of the●● familier times . Epi. 115. VErtumuus was a God the Romans seru'd , That gouernd Mindes & could all shapes assume ; Oh! if that Quality were yet reseru'd For some audacious Lads that would presume : What Ladies Locks , nay what Queenes Clossets shold Be left vnlockt the Wags would be so bold !

Of Dawlus his vnkind kindnesse . Epi. 116. CRowes will not feed their yong til 9. daies old , Because their vnkind colour makes them doubt Them to be theirs ; which makes them to with-hold Their helpe , till Time the truth by proofe brings out , If Dawlus then were witty as a Daw , Hauing a Child so farre vnlike him selfe , He would from him his helping-hand with-draw , And let 〈◊〉 vndoubted ●ather keepe the 〈◊〉 : But ( Nat'rall ) he , is kinder than a Crow , To keepe the Brat , whose Sire he doth not know ,

Against D. Tangus his swelling phisick , Epi. 117. TAngus , the Phisick-doctor , loues a Whoore Better then giuing phisick to the poore . He hath the arte of Bawdry better farre Than Phisick : yet , in both doth make and Marr● : He makes a Maide a Whoore ; so , mares her quite : And makes a sound man sick , or dead out-right . What Virgin can resist , when he doth boast He can restore her Maydenhead , if lost : Which at her marriage shal be found as strict As any Gi●les that Loue did ne're aflict . When he doth promise , by a phisick-feate , To let the Wombe & Pappes from growing great . To giue her Vnguents and Complexions store To make her Beauties rare Reflex●ons more : To keepe her Body still , in healthfull state ; And make her mirry in despight of Fat● . Which hauing Will to promise , Skill , to do ; What Wench can choose but loue & please him too ? Tangus , your Arte your Nature truly hits . That helpes or hinden Loues stil-burning si●s . But take heed ( Tangus ) how you empty still The Wombes which you with working-phisick fill , Least some repentant wench which vsde you haue Say at her end you vsde her like a Knaue : Then , let mee thee admonish ( without stripes ) Giue no more Phisick with such Glister-pipes .

Of the Phisitions meanes and opportunity to be baudy . Epi. 118. NO Craft , like that of Phisick , hath such times , For baudy-matches , & such carnall crimes : No houses are so close , nor walls so strong , No Prisons nor no Monastries , among , Which may or can the Emperick shut out : Nay , more , he maketh iealous husbands pout : For , sole he must be with their Loue sicke wiues , To minister what they loue as their liues . Eudemus so did Phisicke L●uia , ( sicke ) And Vectius Valentinus did the like To Messalina : So , they nere do faile Of time to giue close Phisicke at the ( )

Of Leuis his Colours . Epi. 119. LEuis goes al in coluors , light , as bright ; sweare And stalkes , speaks bigge : so that a man would That he some Peacock were at the fi●st sight ; For , he more colours hath , and much more deare : Yet he no colour hath , or small at most ) To keepe a Lords wife at the Bare ones cost .

Of Curius his courage neuer cooled . Epi. 120. BY Conquest Proculus , the Emperour , Took , of Sarmatiam Maids , an hundred , which In fifteene dayes and nights he did deflowre ; But , Her●'les in a night did hafe as much . And Theophrastus tells in India growes An Hearb so rare , whereof when one hath eaten , He thre●score times and ten , at once , did cl●se , In the Ven●●●an fight ; yet scapt vnbeaten . Well ; these are Prodigies , and are beleeu'd No further than their tellers credit goes : But Curius sweares ●e ne're was yet depriu'd Of force for that : so , all his time bestowes In Venus seruice ; But , at last , some knocks He needs must haue ; els scapes well with a Poxe .

Against Glossus immoderate desire of glory . Epi. 121. GLossus will doe no good without you praise him , So , in his goodnes stil vaine glory stayes him : Like a full pierced vessell in his bent , That will not run vnlesse you giue it vent .

Of f●lse Prophets . 122. IF Prophets were deriu'd of profitting , Then Lawyers Prophets be , still Prophesying .

Of couetous Patrons . Epi. 123. PAtrons are Latrous : then , by this , Th' are worst of greedy People : Whose Cognizance a Wolfes-head is ; And in his Mouth a Steeple .

Of Fluscus the proud Miser , and his more proud and miserable wifes making their Tombe before their death . Epig. 124. FLuscus , & his grim wife their Tomb haue made Before their death ; and in the Church it pight ; As some do make a Deaths-head and a Spade To mor●ifie them with that mortall sight : Yet These are humble made by This they make ; But Those do make That only for Prides sake : Then how their thoughts should there entombed be , Yet here liue proud and harde , I hardly see .

Againe . Epi. 125. TO make that which bereaues vaine Pride of breath , Prides life in life , is pride in life and death .

Of Caylus getting by gi●ing ground to his enemies . Epi. 126. CAylus , doth thriue in giuing ground t' his foes ; So he in going backward , foreward goes : Much like a Wyer-drawer , who hath the kna●k , To draw the more , the more he draweth backe .

How a Man more then Woman is s●rewd . Epigram. 127. A False speech , Custome hath for true , alow'd In calling curst Wiues s●rewed : when in truth , The Husbands of such wiues are truely shrew'd ; For , of th' ensuing Sayings , it ensuth : Who gets a Wife ( we say ) he wiued is ; Or , if apparrell ; hee 's appar●elled : If Riches ; hee 's enritched : So , by this , When he hath got a Shrew , he is Shrewed , For , names of Sheepe or Shrews all woemen keep ; Then men are Shrew'd whose women ar not Sheep .

That which is farre fetcht and deere b●ught is good for Ladies . Epi. 128. MY Lady calls for Wine ; yet ere shee drinkes , She curiously demands what cost the Tun ? If it be said Ten-pound ; she from it shrinkes ; And , mewing sayes shee 'le none : But , let it run Into another Bowle ; then , bring it her , And say it cost m●ch more ; shee drinks it straight , And sweares it's much more delicate , than deere : So , wine she measures by the prices weight ; This is a feauer of the Minde ; then , she Should still , be kept from drink ; so , cur'de to be .

Of my venturing in the Lottery . Epigram. 129. I Long'd to venture in the Lottery An Angell ; but was loth to part with that : Did I both long , and loath ? yes , that did I ; Long for a Prize , yet loath to be laught at . But yet I ventur'd ; and for that I haue That which I had ; No hope my selfe to saue . If what I had I haue , I 'me as I was : True : for I am , and was for this , an Asse .

My Rimes that ran before my reason into the Lottery . Epi. 130. CRownes are inestimable : yet if I With halfe one get 4000. Crownes I lye : Yet that this lying Sin I should eschue ; Fortune ( I find ) hath made me speak too true .

Of Leuis his heauines and lightnes . Epigram. 131. LEuis , is light and heauy both at once ; Strange Paradox ! for , he is euer drunke : And therefore drinkes he freely ( for the nonce ) Vntill he other sinkes , or quite is sunke : And then ( as Drunkard know ) himselfe he feeles Light in the Head and heauy in the Heeles .

Against those that taxe this present Age for blind ignorance , sith it sees not how to commend their pretended knowledge . Epi. 132. TO taxe the Age wherein we liue for want Of Learning , Wit , or Grace , is but to vant Our priuate glory in the Ages shame : Which is ( alas ! ) too deerely purcha'st Fame : Sith hee that seeks to rise by all mens fall , His fame is , like himselfe , still loth'd of all : For , be it that most men , ( meere lead ) doe sincke Ore-head , that seeke to swim in learned Inke ; And , quite are drown'd when they do seek to gage The ground of Arts full Sea , that swells with rage Of heauenly Windes high raptures : yet there bee Some , that with diuing , can the bottome see ; And each least thing that in it mooues or lyes , Sith , ●kilfully , they diue with open eyes . Now , if this Some be not the greater heape Of men : t' was so when Learning was most cheape : Men of all Ages were none otherwise ; Fooles still surpast the number of the wise . Then , let this Age that ( on the Brow of Time ) Sees writ the former best of Prose and Rime ; And well can adde ( as former Ti●es haue done ) To all Arts that were formerly begun , With heauy Taxes not be so opprest ; , ,The Bird 's too bad that fileth her owne Neast .

Againe . Epigram. 133. THe Wits ( though wilde in this ) haue now a Straine When they applaud each others versing● Veine To say , they write three Ages , if not more , From being well conceiu'd . Lord ! this lies sore Vpon the Stomack of the present Age Which saith ; It knowes such Poets write in rage Which still blinds Reason ; so , they maddly write : Then would they haue the Age , but at first sight , So mad to know that Language ; which ( perchance ) Them selues , in that , must oft plead ignorance Were they examined throughly to the quick ? God shield the Age should be so Lunatick : As all Arts grow with Age ; so , Wit hath growth : Then , th' Age wants no Discretion , but the Youth .

Epigram. 134. GReat Alexander , A●istotle Will'd To end his Booke , of Beasts , which he began ; For which his paines he so his Cosers fill'd As might suffize to make a Beast a Man ! It was eight hundred Talents mounting to Foure hundred , some score , thous●nd Crowns ( at least ) And all for writing but of Beasts ; which do Make men no wiser than to know a Beast . But though some moderne Writers write of Men And of their better Parts ( the Soule and Minde ) Yet of our moderne Ke●sars ( now , and then ) They get a Gird ( perhaps ) or els but Winde : Belike to saue their Arte they guird them so ; And giue no vent , lest it abrode should slow .

Of the vnutterable idlenesse of our She-gallants ( vngentle ▪ gentlewomen ) of these times . Epigram. 135. LOrd ! how it would a Cato vex to heare The sad'st discourses of some Courtly Dames : As how the Gown doth fit ; how stand the Haire : How the face slikt : how trickt their outward frams . What Looks do most become ; what gate is best : How they should Sit , Lie , Rise ; ( and these last two They Stand on most ) how such & such were drest : Wo giues them place , and who do take it too . What bowings they salute with ; how they kisse , ( Or Lippe or Cheeke ) and who the same deserues : Who they doe visit ; who their seruant is : Who they least loue ; and who then most obserues . What women should be Coacht , ( or Horst at least ) And who Caroch't with Horses full of life : ( O wanton Mares ! ) and where they late did feast . Who Gold may wear : who Pearl or Stones less rife Then be there old Crones ( mothers of such Maids ) Who tell , how many Sutors they haue had ; How many Guifts ; how many louing Ayds : Who makes them me●ry , & who makes them sad . How faire they were in youth , what they haue seen , Heard felt , or ( fe●lingly ) what vnderstood ? What Lords once lou'd them ; who they might haue beene , Who are of sullen , who of merry mood . All this and ( O fie , fie ! ) much more then this , These , old and young , ( no Barrell better hearing ) Still twattle to spoyle Tim: ( that pretious is ) When they do meet ; which irks a wise mans hearing And if a sober young-man lights among them , His staidnes makes them reele with mirth , as drunk With girds they wrong him , sith he doth not wrong them And , at his chast behauiour flee● like Punks . But a right courtly lad , that will be bold , And tosse , & touse , & wring , & wrong them most : That Reacher onely hath their h●●rts in hold ; The Sober soule they hold a simp●● Ghost . Well Wanto●s take your time it wil away : Laugh while yea can , ye shall not while yee would , Make fooles of wise men ; ( fooles so euer may ) And shew good Carriage in your being bold : But , when yee haue done all , if I obserue yee , To After-times , in Bryne , I will preserue yee .

Against the no lesse vaine dis●ourses of our as idle He-Gallants . Epigram. 136. BVt do vaine Women herein onely sinne ? I would they did for Mens sa●es ; but ( alas ! ) It is too true that Men offend herein No lesse than Women ▪ for , each golden Asse , Or gaudy Cocks-c●mb : whole Meal-times engrose In talke of Plaies ( that 's now a Common-place ) And Censuring of Plaiers ; which is drosse Of Wit ; and thus they question , too , the Case . What Q●arrells ( stil'd the Bysnesse ) now depend ? Anh who about tha same haue crost the Seas ? Who seconds are , and who besids intend The like ? and when we shall heare more of these ? Who must call such and such t'accompt ? for what ? Nay , that 's no matter , sith there 's notice tane Now of that Bissnesse , ( so , ingag'd by That ) For , sowre lookes past in Powls or Milford-lane . Who are behind hand for the Foole or Lye ? Who for a smarting ●est , or bruizing knock ? Who for a Stak● miss-taken on the Bye ? Who for a w●●ooke , or directer mock ? Who do our London fine-Wiues Husbands horne ? What Punks are extant ? where they may be found ? What Feather's best ? what Colour most is worne ? What Gallants store ? and which are now a Ground ? What Fashion's in request ? what Tailors go Of rest to France for new ? Who makes a Hose , Or Doublet best ? who steales most stuff ? and who By Taylors Bills and filchings most do lose ? Who 's most fantastick ? and who weares his Weeds After the newest Garbe ? what Lords we haue Like , or vnlike themselues ? who are but Weeds ? And who but emp●y heads held high and br●ne ? Whose Hawk slew best ? what hound most glory won ? What Matches , late , wer bowld ? by whom , & where ? What rule was at the Race ? what Race was run ? Who won or lost at either ; here , or there ? How many Train-sents run were in a Day ? What Lords were at them ? whose Horse got the Bell ? Who most did brag ? and who most Bets did Lay ? Who odds did giue ? who giue , and take aswell ? T●●se are the Common-places which they vse That be our brightest Gallants in discourse ; And oft among Relate they flying Newes ( How euer false ) which is as bad , or worse . Then , our She-gallants , foolish with excesse , Still come beneath like Hees for foolishuesse !

The Miseries of Marriage . Epigram. 137. COntinuall Care ; tormenting Ielousie ; Domestick Iarrs ; vnbraidings with the Dowr Comparisons of eithers liberty ; The doubtfull end of Children ; lookes too so●r ; Wiues Parents powrings ; strang heires ; death of right ; Traitor & Theef , in Bozome , house , & Bed ; These miseries on most men married , light ; Yet thinke they liue no life till they are Wed : It s true indeed , they liue no life till then ; That is ; they liue no life of wretch men .

Of Manes his obsession . Epigram. 138. ER'e he was married , Manes saith that he Was tempted by the Deuill ; but , ere since , The Deuill hath him in sat● Custody Whose fell tormentings passe his patience : Then better tempted still , then so to marry ; Yet some had rather damned be than tarry .

On the death of Henry the fourth French King murdered . Epigram. 139. THough Kings are Gods , yet shal they die like men : ( What shal be , shal be ) but , most christian Kings Haue dide like Beasts ; nay , like Beasts most vnclean , Sought but for slaughter , like pernitious Things ! Two Henries , Kings , most Christien Kings of France , ( Now drown'd in their own bloud ) this truth desend ; And though the last had eu'n predominance Of Fates and Men , yet both haue wrought h●● end ▪ Once dryv●n to Diepe , by Fate ( in deepe distresse ) He was ; and thence by Fate brought back againe . Warre making way ) to reigne in quietnesse : So , when he fled , his Fates bid Neptune reigne ▪ His Flight , that so he might both liue and die In Purple ; fatall , to French - Maiesty !

Of the force of Beauty , ioyn'd with pompe , and Maiesty . Epi. 140. MArcus Antonius ( as Plutarch shoes ) Commanding Cleopatra to appeare Before him ( sith she succored his fo●s ) She came in pompe ( as one that had no Peere ) Along the Riuer Cydnus in a Gallion , The Poope whereof was all of mas●y Gold ; And vnderneath the like most rich Pauillion She lay her selfe , more rich a thousand fold , Surrounded with sweet Singers ; and , with all , The heau'n li●t Instruments that Songs could grace ; Her Seruants clad in Robes maiesticall Brodred with Pearle , t'wixt richest Golden-lace , Thus came she gliding , on the Siluer Streame , Forced with siluer Oares , and silken Sailes ; ( Crowned her selfe with deerest Diadem ) Towards Anthony ; with whom she so preuailes That she Captiu'd him , being Conquerour ; For , she on Beauties Priuiledge did stand ( Consorted with this Wealth , Port , Pompe & Pow'r ) That She Commands him , that did her Command . But though she made this Pagan much transgesse ; Some Saints in shew , do oft much worse with lesse !

Against Marcus his insatiablenesse , and basenesse in his leachery . Epi. 141. SO deerely did Darius still esteeme Of his night-pleasures , that his Bed was spred Like a Pauillion ; ouer which did seeme A Vine to grow , all Gold enamelled ! Which as an Arbour , did the Bed inuolue ; The Grapes whereof were Pearl as big as Plumbes ; Whose price was more than Algri●● can resolue ; His Pillowes value worth vnualued Summes ! Yet Marc had rather lie with 's Drab ( thogh sunck ) In Straw , than in this State , without his Punck .

Of making Aurum potabile . Epi. 142. LApis Phylosophorum , nor ( as yet ) Quinta-essentia could e're well be made : But Aurum pot-abile ( being wet ) Many drie Wags do make ; and then doth vade ; For , in proiecting Tauernes ( night , and day ) Gold oft to liquer runnes , to run away .

Of Florus his holsome Tongue . Epi. 143. FLerus , did once affect the name of Man ; And then he sought a Virgin-●ray ; since when Hee hath fresh-ayr'd it so , with his Tongues Fan , That it is now as ●●●sh as it was then . But since that priuat fights so fatall grew , That one , or both must die , or lye by it ; ( As Hell and vengance ) he doth such eschue ; And , on his Manhoods old-Store , liues by Wit. But yet his Tongue is potent , full of spight , That all Affections ( tame or wild ) commands ; And therein now consists his greatest might : So , hath Tongue the valour of his ●ands : A good and gratious Tongue hath Florus then , Sith it will rather make , than marr good-men .

On the gaging of Fumus his Iewell by his man , Epigram. 144. FUmus , locks vp his wife , as is the guize Of the Italian ; and , doth put a Lock Vpon her Iewells sith he deere doth prize What , being abused , base doth make his Stock ▪ But his Mans K●y still opes it , who can do well ; So , opes the Lock to gage his Masters Iewell .

On Light bright Lucilla her white going . Epigram. 145. LVcilla , lightly all in white doth goe , To lay her Chastity a whiting so .

Of one speaking ill of me before many . Epig. 149. ONe , before many , spake but ill of mee . Yet rather I had one spake ill ( alone ) Of mee , to many , that indifferent be , Then many so should speake , before but One.

On Fugus his cooling his flaming fury with discretion , Epi. .150 . THat Fugus , in a Duell , hotly f●ught , Is no great wonder , being so well wrought By his too busie foe : but , that he flew ( Without wings ) from the field , is scarsely true : It was no flight from fighting with his foe ; He did but walke to coole his fury so .

That the men of these new times , are much wiser then those of the old . Epi. 151. IN old time , men were much less wise than now ; For , but with good they then could hinder ill : But now , men ( wiser growne ) doe well know how To let one Mischiefe with another still . Some stones to take , but ( frozen ) tooke vp none : Then ( being Crost ) thus Gallus curst alow'd ; Pox on 't ( quoth he ) while that dog tare his hose , Where Stones are tyde , and Ban-dogs be so loose .

Of one that refused to lend friend 20. nobles , when he sent to him for it with , and without a sure Token . Epigam . 157. A Gamster borrow'd fiue pound of a Friend ; which lost , he sent to him for fiue pound more By'th'Token he fiue pounds before did lend : But he refused vtterly ; and swore That not a Mite , of him should more begotten Vntill he truely had receau'd that Token .

Of a Crook-back that defir'd an vpright Iudge to right his wrong . Epi. 158. A Crook-back praid a Iudge to right his wrong Whe●eto the Iudge replid , I would I could : But ( O! ) you haue been wrong your selfe so long , That now I cannot right you , though I would . When ●a●●ng but one onely Thing in store , You let an hundred vse the same and more .

Of a Single ey'd Fencer his blind match . Epigram. 160. A Fencer , with one Eye , desir'd to play For th' other : which another would not do ; ( As he had reason : ) for , though it were day , He could not stake , and see to play well too .

Of Tullus his d●sprouing a Tailors Will . Epigram. 161. BRaue Tullus made a S●ite of trym Attire ; For which his Tailor brought him in his Bill Who therein so did Crosse his due desire , That he did quite disproue the Taylors Will : Who , in a fu●● , thus said , he ●euer knew Any braue Gentile deale so like a Iew !

Of Drusus his guift in reuersion t●ken too soone in possessi●n . Epigram. 1●● . WHen I leaue off this Sute which now I weare , ( quoth Drusus to his Man ) I le giue it thee : But when , at night , he vncasd him ( without feare , Of his Sutes losse ) his man , that promis'd Fee , Soone seis'd vpon ; and , wore the same : but , lo , His Master chast he was so sawcy growne ; And askt him , what he m●ant to serue him so ? Why Sir ( quoth he ) I do but weare mine owne : For , when you left them off , you promis'd me They should be mine : and so they are you see .

Of the Sacrifice of Lent . Epi. 163. A Country-parrish ( Westward-ho ) call'd Lent , By chance was set on fire , and burnd amayne ; One askd the name thereof , as by he went ; T' was told him Lent : who streight replide againe , Fridaies and Saturdaies ( that make vs wither ) Pray'ye put in too , and burne them altogether .

Against fighting in fashion . Epi. 164. IF thou wouldst fight in fash'on , now , thou must Scorne all defence as Valor● onely shame ; And come vp close , that Brest to Best may iust ▪ Vpon no guards , but at the Heart to ame . This is the fashon'd fight this Time affords , For ( Sw●z●r-like ) we fight for ( s●n●l●sse ) spoile : Then all as good to fight with Kniues as Swords , Sith all Defence doth but our honor foile ! Then Fencers , wherto serues your fencing-skill Which you stile Noble science ? you ( I thinke ) Should , to the Parliament prefer a Bill Trepeale this Act of Custome , least it sinck : For , Custome , and the Deuill , do men perswade To damne themselues , by fight , to spoile your trade .

Of mis-reading the lines of Crustus his face . Epigram. 165. CRustus , the Roarer , getting in his face A slash of late , an old friend did embrace That knew him not till he himselfe bewraide , Which don ; his gamesome friend to him thus said ; " Pardon me , Sir , your faces Lines , by spight , " So blotted be , I could not read them right .

In Medio consistri Vertus . Epigram. 166. A Gallant , Courting of a gamesome Maide , Said ; Sweete , Oh let me kisse your Hands and Feet In signe of humblest loue ! Good Sir ( she said ) Both those for your sweet Lips are most vnmeete ; , ,But Vertue 's in the middst ; than , ( Vertue ) there , If you will kisse , you may : if not , forbeare !

Epigram. 167. MAdge once set Hodge to watch when Puddings plaid That on the fire were seething in a Pan : Boy , play they now ( quoth she ? ) not yet ( he said ) At last they , boyling , brake , and all out ran . Lad , play they yet ( qd she ) quoth he yong ( Goose ) They now play all ( like Gepsies ) vast and loose . So , chast , why chaf'st qd she ? why , quoth the Elfe ? To zee a Pudding creepe out of himselfe .

Of a Maids light hearing . Epi. 168. I Haue heard of you , Claius , said a Maide ; O , ●●t ( quoth he ) recant what you haue saide , Least you be shent : for , if you heard of me T' was i● a Bawdy-house , where euer be Those I conuerse with : then if there you heare Of me , or of mine Actions , it is cleare You are too blame to hearken for me , so , Wher Maids ne're come , but Whoores away they go .

Of Caprus his going a Procession . Epi. 196. CAprus to pay his wife , in her owne Coyne , Procession went , to finde a Punke , he got ; Then pay'd his Vowes , and Offrings ; so , did ioyne , But though she were as cold as he was hot ; Yet , in pure zeale , she sacrifis'd the Oxe In Venus seruice , with her Tinder-box .

Of Quacus , his cooling his heate with Whey . Epigram. 170. QVacus , drinks nought but Wha● , himselfe to coole , Yet loues a Drab , as nought by Wine , he drunk So , with his Bable , still he pla●es the Foole , To make his wife , to weepe , to laugh , his Puncke ; But , were I her ; I would not foole it too , To weepe , but laugh ; yet , for him , euer Doo .

Epigram. 177. A Wife , whose Husband lay a Bed diseas'd , Went with his Water ( scarse conceal'd from To seeke for help , or how he might be eas'd , ( vew ) And meeting with another wife she knew , Who with her there did then expostulate , About what then she bare , and how she far'd : Who told her straight , it was her Husbands State ; And went for help for p●ine about his Yard : Hath he a Yard ( quoth she ) and Cupids Martir ? O! you are blest : would mine had but a Quarter ! But , she should haue a Yard her Back to mete , For playing so , her Quarters in the Street .

Of Rampa , and her fowle trading at the Faire . Epigram. 172. RAmpa , the Sempster goes to Faires a pace To sell her ware ; and , so , to mend her Case : But , there her case is mar'd ; for on each pack , Shee , packing loosly , proues a naughty-pack . The while , at home , her husband keeps the shop ; And of that Faire sowne seed still reapes the Crop .

Of mine Ou●rs●er . Epi. 173. MY o'reth wart neighbor though , for debt , by night He scarse dares shew his scalp ; yet builds so hie ( With quarter staues ) as he ore looks me quite ; So , hee 's mine Oue●-scer●ere I dye . Then shall my Will , to Ill , still foreward run ; For , he hath hornes , of powr to see that done .

Of Homouthius his chast adultery . Epi. 174. HOmouthins hath an Oare in each mans boat ; So , sinks his state & fame that els might float : Thus commits Folly and Adultery too , That hath to-doe , with that h 'as nought to-do .

Of Hornsbie's Incredulity . Epi. 175. TEll Hornsby ( that doth keep a Tabling-house ) His Wife too fast doth bear men in his Tables Hee le not beleeue the same for twenty Nobles ; No , though he see 't , yet dumb is as a Lowse : For , should he speak his liuing quite would faile , Sith all he hath he holds but by the Tayle .

Against the faith , hope , and charity , of our yoeng Maister Hal. Epi. 176. YOung Hal is wanton , with expectance still , And , longs to haue his Sire curb'd of his will By vnexpected death ; that , so , he might Be Heyre of all ; and be an arrant Knight : And so he may ; for , of him proofe I haue , He may bee errant Knight , or arrant Knaue .

To mine ingenious friend M. Iohn Dumbarre . Epig. 177. FOwre for her foure Lines I bequeath her ; Vp Pernassus often breath he● : So , thy Muse , in latine-Ditty , Shall sing long , low'd , short , and witty .

Of Nais her keeping an Ordinary and her being ordinary . Epi. 178. NAis keepes and Ordinary , and entertaines ( like Ven●ce ) all Gods good , or Diuells Ills : Protestants , Papists , Brownists , Puritanes , Hand ouer Hip-well shee their Bellies fill : As some doe hers ; yea , in her husbands sight ; So , with his leaue , shee dubs him Vulcans Knight .

Againe . Epi. 179. NAis still doth vaunt she is a Gentle-wo-man ; It 's true ; for , shee in loue refuseth no man : Then , why do I so much misname her , Nais , That is to men so sparing of her Nayes ?

Againe , for a parting blow . Epi. 180. NAies keeps a house of carding , but , nere spins , ( Yet , often relies ) vnlesse it be the webbs Of others woes : She , ( lately lowe ) begins To rise apace : so , Flouds do follow Ebbs : She needs not , now , to ply Wheels Reels , or Rocks Her Guests and Gamesters do so ply her Box.

Of Pagus the Pedagogus proud all-tong'd-Daughter . Epi. 181. PAgus , the Pedant , learns his daughter Greeke , Hebrue , and Latine : nor is she to seeke In Spanish , French , and the Italian , Douch , Danish , Spruce , and the Slauonian : Yea , Verses makes in all these . Wondrous thing ! That any man a maid ●o vp should bring , While he commits Idolatry with her . Which makes her scorne her mother her should beare , Or he beget her ( proud foole ! ) yet , I say , When ●ire● doe play the Puppies , Puppies may .

Againe of his vncharitable prayer . Epi. 182. WHen Pagus Pupills play the wags , hee bringes Them in his prayer , which he , saying , sings : So for their pennance , plagues them in pure prayer As if a murraine yet , were in that Ayre : For , all his houshold , so , doe know their crimes ; For which Clock like he strikes , and after chimes : Then praying thus without pure charity , His prayer turnes to pure iniquity .

Of Roring Neds endlesse Ende . Epig. 193. THe wise-man Pogg , shewes needy roring Ned ( Who often blood hath brocht , & often ble● ) His endlesse ende : which ( well ) he cannot choose ; For all may see 't will be an end●esse Noose .

A hard choyce . Epi. 184. I Faine would marry ; but , more faine li●e sole , Though without wife , I am but halfe my whole : For , man and wife one body make ; and some By marrying , ma●re two Bodies . I am dumbe , Or , know not what to say : For , this good-naught Makes me a fickle Sheptick in my thought : Yet , when I meane to wed , I le leaue their Schoole , And , to be held more wise , play more the foole .

Of a Curat 's hauing two wiues at once giuen him in marriage . Epi. 185. A Parson , that one only Daughter had Match'd her vnto a Curat ; but was glad To giue , for lack of Portion to lay downe ; A Benefice , he held beside his owne . But , in this Guift , he gaue his so made Sonne , Two Wines at once , whereof this Guift was one : For , Papall Constitutions are of force , In this glad Match to make a sad diuorce . With which two wiues he liues , with much ado ; The Teithe of one being Dowry to the two .

Of rich Rooke his kitchen-phisick against Vertigo . Epi. 186. RIch Rooke eates bitter Almonds , as a Trick To keepe downe Fames , e're to the wine he● wends And , so , he drinks til he with healths , be sick ; So , bitter Meanes haue . thus , more bitter Ends : But if this bitternesse had turn'd to hony He would haue sunck the World with Meath for money .

Of Flauias paynting ; and playing the Squirell . Epigram. 187. FLauia is faire ; yet paints her selfe : oh strange , That true , to feined Beauty so should change ! She brauely goes ; and yet her Case is thought Bare , as her Pin-case , worne , with Pins , to nought : For , she for Coyne ( Like Venice ) takes all Nations To exercise , in her , their Occupations ; While she goes ( like a Co●ntesse ) in her Va●le ; So , ( Squirrell-like ) she 's couer'd with her Taile .

Against Kit's weake wooing of Kate. Epigram. 188. KIt , art a Man ? yet , get Kate canst thou not ? Oh shame ! sith with a Child she late was got .

Of Fuluiaes recreation , and occupation . Epigram. 189. FVluia , for recreation ( as she sweares ) Danceth each day , as she were made therefore ; The while her Dancing-Mate so charms her eares That soone she is bewitch't to play the whore : So she ( good hows-wife ) turnes her Recreation ( Which takes vp all her Time ) t' an Occupation .

On Phraxus his euer-secret passions . Epigram. 190. BVt of his secret Passions Phraxus speakes To his deere Mistresse , while his griefe she mocks Sith probably she weenes ( sith so he breaks ) His greatest secret Passion is the Pox.

Of Barbus his triall of a foolish conclusion . Epigram. 191. BArbus , by night , once reading in a Booke That broad Beards argu'd folly ; tooke a Glasse And Light , with all , vpon his own to looke ; Who burnt it ▪ ●hen he saw how broad it was : Then , in the margent , for this earnest iest , He verily may write Probatum est .

Of the goodnesse and nec●ssity of Phisitions . Epigram. 192. SOme hold Phisitions well may spared be In eu'ry State where men , in order , liue ; With whose opinion I can ne're agree ; And I haue reason too ; which thus I giue ; If they were spar'd , then Men would ( like a floud ) O'●ewhelm the World ; Phisitions then are good .

Of their Deerenesse . Epi. 193. LIke Ha●kes , Phisitions euer are esteem'd ; Which as they kill Thrush , Partridge , Duck , or Crane Are p●●z'd thereafter : so , is euer deem'd Phisitions skill by those they kill , or ●●ne . If but poore Clownes or Trade●-men they destroy , Th' are held of small accompt : if Lords , or Ea●les , Then more much , more : but if they skill employ To kill a Prince , th' are h●ld as d●ere as Peales : Then all Phisitions , that would faine be deere , Employ their skill ( at least ) to kill a Peere .

On trauersing the error of an Action . Epigram. 194. ONe Lawier once an others wife did woo That she with him would 〈◊〉 t●o : The issue ioyn'd , the husband 〈…〉 ( Seeing th' intruder quite his 〈…〉 ) He right well swing'd them both for that comp●ction : So , Canuased the error of their Action .

Of Poggius his poore successe in Palmisiry and wooing Epigram. 195. POggius ( whose skill in Palmistrie is poore ) Tooke vp his Mistris hand , therein to p●y ; Then said ( and therewithall he sighed sore ) Sweet , all my fortunes in your hand doth lye : Then safe I le keep them for , and from you too , Quoth , she againe ; so , he for nought doth woo .

Of true Loue . Epi. 196. TRue Loue 's in talke , and in society ; The rest , can Asses do aswell as wee .

Against the corrupt iudgement of Bullus in choise , of his Wi●e . BVllus hath chose his wife but with his Eyes ▪ And left his Eares , lest they should them controule , So she plaid faire in sight them ▪ now , he cries His choyce , before his Choosers , playe● him foule : If foule she play , and he doth see the same , His Eyes , and not his Eares , are still too blame .

Of the Bastard Fluctus his beeing vndone by his Drab . Epi. 197. FLuctus his doing Drab did him vndoe : And so a Drab hath made and mar'd him too .

Of roring Robulus his bloudlesse combats . Epi. 198. SOme men fight brauely without brauing word But roring Robulus nere fighteth so ; Who euer braules ; but , neuer drawes his Sword ; Or , if he do , puts vp without a Blow : Yet , he being round with all , ( not round to smite ) Ciphers their Number that will roundly fight .

Of Rufus his giuing the lie , without a Stabbe . Epigram. 199. RVde Rufus to his Mistris gaue the lie ; For which she did protest Reuenge , with speed : But She no reason hath for that ; for why ? When women lie , they stand men most in steed .

Ioan's as good as my Lady . Epi. 200. IOane in the Darke's as good as my Ladie ; But I know a Ioane farre better in Light : Yet I le not deny but my Lady may bee As lusty ( at least ) as Ioane in the night .

Of Gnuffus his mis-matching his matchlesse faire Daughter . Epiram . 200. THe Crazier Gnuffus match'd his daughter late To no great rich , though ancient , gentleman The good old man ( according to his State ) Lo●es-duties paies her , yearely ( as he can ) But sith She spends so fast , she pines ( I feare ) For want of Commings in her Charge to beare .

Against a foolish Pra●ler . Epi. 202. THy Tong 's so loose and light , that eu'n thy breath Makes it so wagge as it ●e●e still doth stand ; Whose fustian Strains work Appr●hensions Death : For , neither sad , nor mad them vnderstand .

Of our English Gallant● going in blacke in Lent . 203. OVr Gallants euery Lent go al in black As if with time they mourn'd for their offence But their life shewe ; it 's but to hide the knack Of s●btill lightnesse clokt with gr●●● pre●ence : Then , were it but for that , they black should weare Sith they are not so good as they appeare .

Of Poets beeing deiected . Epig. 204. SOme Lands there are where men are without heads : Some , all hermaphrodits ; some where the seeds Of men are black as Inke : Some , where they hie Without feet : Some , where they haue but one Eye Plac'd in their forehead , hauing heads like dogs : S●me , where they are halfe fish ; & liue ( like frogs . ) In , or about the Waters : Some , where they Haue brows so hard that no steel p●●●ce them may . Some wher men change to wolues & beasts more vile And they resume their shape they had ere while . Some , where they mouthlesse are , and liue by smel : Some , wher their length lacks halfe of halfe an Ell● Some , where they G●ants be : Some , where they are Foure footed , hayrie , and like Beasts do fare . Some , where they haue a Foote of such ex●ent That from the Sunne it shrouds then like a Tent : But Time nor Place such men could euer show , That liue quite hartlesse as m●st Poets now .

Of Womens Metamorphosis accord●ng to time and place . Epigram. 205. SOme Women are in Churches Saints , or more ; Angells abroad ; at home too like 〈◊〉 Diuell : At Windowes , Syrens : Parrots , at the Dore : And in their Gardens ●oats , or more vnciuill : Yet tradesmen that nere match til they haue much , In deadly danger are to meet with such .

T is merry , when knaues meet . Epi. 206. COnceipted youths ▪ when they at wine are met Mong other matters lig●●●y they inquire What well pend Pamphlet la●ely out is set ? What merry Epigrams of ●oure Satire ? Then fall they to rep●at some ●ugred Li●es Of this or that mans : When some lustfull Gull , Comes in with Nashes choosing V●lentines ; To wit , his Dildo knowne to euery Trull . I come ( saith he ) sweet Linnen by thy leaue ; ( O good , ifaith , ( saith one ) then on hee goes ) Softly my fingers vp their Curtaines heaues : And there Gomorrahs ●ilth ( at full ) he showes . All that can say this as their Pater noster Haue seene the Lions , sweet well seasoned youths About the Muses Minions still they muster To get some swelling lines to fill their mouthes : But for their owne Muse it doth euer sing , Rime without Reas'n a common English thing .

Against Balladders . Epi. 207. CHerillus , that : of many verses , made Seauen only good : for which his poesie He had seauen gobbes of Gold ; and for the bad , He had a buffet on the V●snomy : If Balladers , that but defloure the Muse , Were so rewarded for their versif●ing . It would ( like Pan ) appeare vpon their Browes , Sith out of tune they doe so often sing : For if seauen lines they chance to draw aright , They millions make that would make Patience smite .

None can be sad and glad at once ; if it be not in contrition . Epi. 126. STella , the Padua Poet , pleasant was ; Pox on 't , how Puppie-like , with P. I play : Asse for example : fye , away with Asse , Asse , cannot set a Sample ( I dare say ) He writes so ill : and so those Po●ts doe That will at once write light and heauy too , For , at one time whose Muse is light and sad , I muse not though his Muse doth write as mad .

Of and against the word creepe . Epig. 209. CReepe , is a Metaphor that 's euer vs'd In controuerted questions of our faith ; Wherein the word ( orevs'd ) is much abusd ; For , this Schisme then crept in , th' opponent saith . Though Creepe bee most significant to show How Errors came in slowly , more and more ; Yet so to spur-gall Creepe to make it goe still on that errand , shewes our Tongs too poore , Or Wit 's too bare : But now such questions deepe , Do run abroad too fast they doe not creepe .

Of the power and price of gold . Epi. 110. O Gold ( the Darling of this later Season , Sole Load-starre to all hearts , Star to all eyes That canst doe all without or Rime or Reason ) How blest are they that most doe thee surprise ? By thee the iealous husband is appeased ; The desperat● Riuall is well pacifi'de : By thee , the watchful'st Keepers soone are seisd ; By thee , th' vniustest wrongs are iustifide : By thee , the Vest●ll , true Wise , Widdow , Trull Are bought and sold : the noblest Lady too , Will wiue a Mony-Bag , if huge , and full , Who know their seruice , then , poore Knights will do . By thee each Lock is pickt , each Gate ●lies ope ; Nay more ; thy crowns can mightiest kings vncrown By ●hee , all things beaneth the heau'nly Coape In Natures pow'r , are rais'd , or ouer●hrowne : Nay more , the very Lord of all this All ( Who can no more beguile , than be beguil'd ) Was sold for money ; and a sum but small ; So thou art Dominus fac totum Stilde . Yet run'st from me in Earnest , and in Game , Though oft I write with thee , to spread thy fame !

Againe of the same . Epi. 211. THe great'st are caught with Gold : for , giue me It , I le , make the Great'st my friend with little wit : But once if Gold and I at variance be , The Great will scorne ; the Small , abandon me Though Wit and Grace I had ▪ for , Wit , & Grace Are precious made with Gold : els both are base !

Against Plumus his foolish pride . 212. PLumus is high , yet higher is his Heart : Loud , Pla●e and Coyne he hath ; yet hath he more ; More Lands than Wit ; more Coyne and Plate , than Art : And yet the Arts ( he sweares ) he doth adore : Hard-hearted Arts , that for his kind good will , Permit base folly his high Heart to fill .

Of my incountring a Wa●-taile , while I held my tongue . Epiram . 213. WHy fliest thou Muse , at Fame , that flies from thee ? Or seek'st to retriue that thou canst not trusse ? Spare , spare thy Paines , & after Angels flee , That make their Takers Great , as Glorious ! As at a Stationr's Shop I stood , at gave , There chanst to light a Wag-taile ( light as sine ) And ask'd for Epigrams in Caged Phraze : Wherewith the Shop-man foorth-with shew'd her mine . What he ( quoth She ? ) them pull'd her mouth ascue ) Alasse ( good man ) is this his Poetrie ? Yea ( said my friend ) them from her them she threw , As if she felt them touch her honesty . Still saying , He ? yea , ( said the seller 〈◊〉 ; And good they be , or else good Wits mistake That h●ld them such ; So let them be ( q●●th she ) And , therewith all , another mouth did make , Thus by a mouth so wrested quite away , Had I like sentence : meane while mute I stood ( Poore Innocent ) and durst not a●ke her why She so did sleight them that were held so good : For , they are still defil'd that Pitch do touch ; So , I forbare to touch this ●l●●y Thing , Although She made mee swell , and g●●eue , and grutch ; Vowing this bitter wayward Waspe t'vn●ling : But t is not possible I should preuaile ; For , spight of me shee le haue it in her tayle .

My Corollary . But yet her pride , exprest with such disdaine , Humbled me much , that lookt for much applause : That Puttocke made me Peacocke vaile my Traine : And thought her sent of purpose for that cause : Thus waxt my mind more sweet b'her bitter doom And so , sometimes the bad do better some !

Of roring boyes Resolutions . Epi. 214. THe roring Boyes exclaime against their Peter , And say , he dide not as he liud a space : Who melted at his death like Shelto●s Meeter That 's harsh ; but yet inclinde t' a little grace : But he that holds it out , when he is in ( In Newgate ) till they be at Tiburne trust , Like a true Diuell : ( whose grace is all in Sin ) This man , in their accompt , is onely iust : But , if at last to grace he once but yeeld , Hee 's like a Boy , and dide but like a Child .

Against carnall desire . Epigram. 215. O Damd Desire , what spirit hath thee inspir'd , That ( like the Moone ) dost waxe and wane in change Afflictions water cannot quench thee , fir'd : Nor loathd Dis●ase estrange thee from the strange Thy pleasure 's but a moment ( if it bee A pleasure which so soone to Paine doth turne . ) And thought it wasts the Marrow feeding thee , Yet stil thou burn'st while thou hast ought to burn Thine heate is hatefull ( falsly called loue ) Made by the motion of the fowlest Mynd : For when thou dost thy sweetest pleasures proue , They cloy , but not content thee : so , behind Thy pleasure rests : which thou ( tir'de ) canst not try ; So , thou art made but weake , not holpe thereby .

Against Chione her feeding on fat Woodcocks . Epigram. 116. O Chione thine Eyes all Eyes do feast , Thy Lake-laid Cheekes excel the reddest Rose ; Thine Iuory Front , and Alabaster Brest Do m●n entice , as Carion ticeth Crowes : I see great men thou drawst ; and smile to see How thou dost plume on them , and they on thee .

Against Aglaope , her sweete voice , and sow'r vice . Epigram. 154. AGlaope , ( that courted is of States , Whose Angells voyce the Angells imitates ) Still lullabies all mortall Cares asleepe , Such due proportion still her voice doth keepe ; But yet her voice ( as voice of People goes ) Doth nought but ( Siren-like ) worke people woes .

Of Phagus his being a Papist inward . Epigram. 218. PHagus his Panch is grown beneath his knees , So many fat Recusants he deuours ; But does it but for good , the World well sees : That 's for good Cheare , as long as life endures : Than sith he feeds on sheepe Catholicall ! His Guts ( at least ) are most papisticall !

In defence of Womens well clothing and dressing themselues . Epigram. 219. GAmphalantes , ( that naked Labians are ) Liue peaceably ( poore Soules ) sith bare they be : Adam and Eue the while they naked were , They liu'd ( good Soules ) in great tranqui●lity ! And yet while men are bare , they liue in peace , As h●uing nought wherewith to vex each other : But wom●n being bare , men would oppresse And so insult vpon them altogether : That makes all wo-men couet still good Clothing , Lest men should fall to Lusting or to Lo●thing .

Of Knights of famous memory . Epigram. 220. OF Cirus thus the Histories report He knew his Soldiers names by memory , Although they were ( almost ) a countlesse sort , Yet he by name knew all that Company ! T' was strang ( wer 't done by Nature or by Art . ) But some Knights of my knowledge can do this ; Let any Pezant dwelling in that Part , At New-yeares-tyde , but of a Present misse Thei 'l know him after twenty yeares ( perhaps ) ( O memory of rate continuance ! ) Poore Pezant be thou ware of After-claps : For , thou art well remembred with a vengance : Such Art of memory such Land-Lords vse , As Capon-cram their kitchins with their Muse.

Against telling of incredible Truths . Epigram. 221. SOoth-sayer Accius , in Tarquins sight , they say , Did with a Razor forthwith cut in two A Whet-stone ; which I thinke ( as well I may ) Is wondrous hard for men of God to doe : And if a man somewhere should this maintaine He sure should haue the Whet-stone for his paine . Then better leaue ( sometimes ) some Truths vntold Least some men should true men for lyers hold .

Against Canizius his witty familiarity . Epigram. 222. CAnizius hath a fine face't conceipt ; A pleasant Wit , but most vnprofitable : To Cheate by Rules of Arte he hath the fleight ; And therewithall he is most affable ; For in an Howre , aswell as in an Age , Familiar growes , and shewes his Consenage !

Of Aristotles faith concerning womens flesh . Epigam . 223. ARistotle , ( who had no common Wit ) Thought common women should haue adoration : For , he t' his Hermia performed it ; Yea , sacrifiz'd to her with veneration : If all his Doctrines were like this , I knew , His true disciples would not be so few .

Of Dawlus his finding of a light Iewell in the Darke Epigram. 224. DAwlus , vpon his Way , late , in the Darke , A Iewell found , which eu'ry man Might weare . T' was full of Spirit ; nay more a firy Sparke , That stood , t' enflame Desire of Vseing , There : It was a precious Punck , yet seem'd too cheape , But found too deere : for , while he Cultur'd her And therein sowing , She his Purse did reape Growne to the full'st ; and Inn'd it other where . And so , at once his Crime and Crosse he bore For Closing in a Common to the poore : Nay , sure , his Crosses She did all ingrosse ; For , for his paines , She left him ne're a Crosse !

Of the best Playmakers deere-bought praise . Epigram. 225. PLay-wrights your Trade is tickle , full of toile ; For , you are bound to please the thwartest Minds Who ( like cros-seas , that rough Winds stil turmoile ) Tosle vp & down your praise , with various Winds ! It 's easie to cry Hisse ; but , t is not so To silence it , and Claps of hands to raise : Not as at brawling Dogs , where both We do ; But into Claps , that Clap vp all with praise . Those whom yee trade with , weigh your skill and paines By their owne gaines ; & , though al three be great , They weigh not you according to their Gaines ; But by your Skils , that Fame and Famine get : Then of all Glory , purchasd by the small , A Play-wright , for his Praise , payes most of all !

Againts Iustice Boniface his iniustice . Epigram. 226. THough Iustice Boni-face do lack much law , Yet lacks no lawlesse skil huge Bribes to draw So , sells ●e Iustice for a currant Fee , That all may Iustice currant from him see : If all his Iustice currant be , like this ; He may passe currant where nought currant is .

Against the maner of our moderne Duells . Epigram. 227. STay Gallants ; ●un not on , with wrong too rise ; Away with this damn'd Custome which ye vse : Is t not inough to venture Soule and Life On Valors tearmes , and no man to refuse ? But must I come vp too , vpon no Guards , That Bulke to Bulke may iustle ; ( hit , or misse ; ) And they expos'd to scorne , that scorne not Wards ; Are we turn'd Beasts to thinke vs Men for this ? Sir , do your worst ; here stand I That to dare , It I defendant bee : If Challenger ; Haue at yee , with braue courage ; yet with Care Of being Foild , that here but once can erre : If this no Manhood be , thus well to passe , I hold the brauest Man , the plainest Asse .

Of my Foes and their dwelling . Epigram. 228. MOst of my Foes dwell (o) (o) At the signe of Ierusalem betweene Strawberry Bancke , and Prim-rose hill . in Ierusalem ; Then , most are Turks , few Christians are with them .

Of a letter in fauour , that prou'd an ●inderer in fact . Epigram. 229. PAvlinus , prai'd a friend , of noble Bloud , To write his Letter for a Benifice Vnto a Bishop for Paulinus good , Which he did to Paulinus preiudice : For , he writ coldly : so , the Letter prou'd A letter of the suite the Letter mou'd .

On Glaius and bri●ht M●strisse Grace a Light-one , that lightened a worke of Darknesse . Epigram. 230. GRace in the Darke , stood full in Glaius way , Whose brau'ry ( like the sum ) turn'd night to day She would not mo●● althogh she mou'd him much Nor speake ; although he did her homely touch ; Yea toucht her to the quick in Sinfull Case : So , Glaius quickly deadly sin●d with Grace .

Of Signior Shancus his feeding vpon Weedes turn'd into good Meate . Epig. 231. SPruce Signior Shancus hath good Clothes , and 〈◊〉 Escheated to him oft , ( great Lord of ●●●tle ) Yet oft , in sommer pawns his winter-weeds ▪ And them redeemes with those which Sommer breeds : So , makes great shift with smal ; great cause ( I think ) His Clothes must yeeld him coyne , & meate , & drink : For , if , with Coyne he should redeeme his Clothing , He should be Somthing that shuld feed on nothing . So , Still should cry any food any feeding . &c.

On a worke of Supererogation . Epigram. 231. THere is a place vpon this middle Earth , Wher men , that vs'd much fasting , oft did eate : There , certaine Tearmes of yeares they fed with mirth ; And , honesty the Place did then entreat . But when an hous-wife , that was Catholik , Or too too Vniuersall , had set vp An Ordinary neere , for dull and quicke , Away went they , with her , to dine ; and sup : T' was Charity to helpe a poore Begynner ; And , for her gayne , in loue , to vse this Sinner .

Gf Vlalia's Visitations . Epigram. 232. VLalia , in a Choch , as bright as Sunn's , To visit Ladies goes from Place to place ▪ And , as she goes , the thundring Chariot runnes To shew ( as Phoebus doth ) her bright-light ●ace : But , while she visits Ladies in pretence , She entertaines some Lords Incontinence .

To Sir Iohn Harrington . Epigram. 233. I Dare not say your Wit was wisedome pointed , When you in Aiax had your Wit annoynted : Sith by no small Fooles , yet accompted wise , Such straines of Wit are held but Fooleries : But , this I say , and say what well I wot , ( Vlisses vpon Aiax plaid the Sot : For , what you put in Aiax , was more woorth , By odds , than what Vlisses then put forth .

Of Faustine's plaine and pert well-doing . Epigram. 234. FAustine delights to dance , to Mask , and Mum , But while she either doth she doth agree ( In sight , yet secretly ) to Doo with so●e ; Yet , so she doth that euery Eye may see She 's a good Dooer : ( badly-good ) the whiles She ner'e deceaues those Eyes she to beguiles .

Of Fuluia her high flying . Epigram. 235. FVluia now flies abrod ( flye high my Muse ) Vpon the restlesse Wings of high Desire : She stoupes to none but Lords : for she doth vse To fly no lower , but flies ofter higher : She is wel born and bred ; so beares to breed ( seed ) Braue Barns , full stuft with bright ( though Bastard

Of the Game call'd ; Laugh and Lye downe , Epigram. 236. I See and laugh , still laugh at what I see , De●ocritus , therein I play thy Part : I see some Mad-dames , honest held to be , That oft in sport doe whore it , by their Art : Yet ( meerely ) seeme chast , till they be ny downe , So still I laugh to see them laugh and lye downe .

Of the force of my Lo: Mayors Pageant . Epigram. 237. MY Lord Maiors Pageant , though it be ( I grant ) Weake for inuention , ( but of strong effect ) Yet drawes some Mad-dames , like an Adamant , So light they be , and light Shewes so affect : No ; t is no Pag an t maks them thether go ; But to be prest for Venus seruice so .

Against saplesse Sottus his vnkind heate . Epigram. 238. A Thousand pound a yeare , yet haire , nor heire . Hath Sottus ; but still weares , a Coife , or Cap : If Man b●a Tree ( turn'd vpward ) and his Haire , Be as the Rootes ; then Sottus hath no Sap In Winter : no ; for Virgoes heate before Hath dride him , with a Pox , and will do more .

On Sirrah and his Wife Sarahs false play with him , for his profit . Epigram. 239. SIrrah , come hither ; let me speake with thee : hark in thine Eare ; thy Wi●e plates false ( they say ) With thee at Tick-tack : Peace ; ô silent be : She hurts thee not ; yet winnes much by her play ! A while ago , thou know'st , thou ●ast but poore ; But , since , by false play she so much hath got That now thou keep●st he Woolfe well , from the dore ; Though yet ( perhaps t●ou canst not keep the Goates For , she beares men a pace , ( as rich a● daynty ) So still she wins , for thee , the Horne of Plenty !

Of Gallae's too good agreement with me . Epigram. 240. Euen as a Glasse reflects a mans owne shape Vpon himselfe ; so Galla doth to me ; Sin les , when I sim●●e ; nay gapeth when I gape ; And sigheth when I sigh ; as one were we : But ô my mind this hollow Glasse suspects : Because she burnes aswell as she reflects .

Of Fannius his feare . Epigam . FAnnius with fear of death , now , dead doth lye : And so he dy'd , to kill his feare to dye .

Of Frigus that died the first night he lay with his wife . Epigram. 250. FRig●s ioy-drown'd , dyed lying with his Wife , So dide through too 〈…〉 , or too much life .

Of one who being a Dwarfe , or little higher , kept a great tall fellowes wi●e . Epigram. 251. FAlina , hath good sport at home full oft Betweene her Oxe , and Ape : Iack , come a loft .

Of Flauius single combat : who had a valiant man to his sire , was so himselfe ; but had a Whore to his mother , and a Rig to his daughter . Epi. 252. THat Flauius fought brauely ; and maimed his Foe He as his Fathers owne true Son did so : But being thrust into the Belly , Yet receau'd it with laughter , He tooke that of his mother , And gaue it his daughter .

The best Kings Ire burnes more than Fire . Epigam , 253. WHen the darke Cloud of Princes secret hate Is ready to breake out , out Flies it then With lightning and lowd thunder , to amaze And quite roote out the hated Man from Men ! Then as thou wouldst not die by thunder-claps , Incur no hate of Kings what euer haps .

Video et taceo . Epigram. 254. AS he that ( ouer-curious ) Bane receaues To know the quality and force of it , Dies , by that force , er he th' effect perceaues ; ( And worthy too , for fooling so with Wit ) So , they that loue to looke too curiously Into the liues of Kings , their fault to know , Oft so ore see themselues , in what they see , That they , thereby , themselues quite ouerthrow ! For , such as are not pleas'd with Phoebus Raies , That yeelds all comfort vnto all that liue , But needs must see how he his Beames displayes , And the whole Body , that such light doth giue : No maruel though they blind themselues thereby ; Then winck ( with Sem ) when thou dost faults discry , For , no Spie's in such danger as this Spy .

To my deare Liege Lord King Iames. Epigram. 255. VTopicall State-Writers ( who doe pen With Idlenesse , and haue no inte●rest Nor knowledge in the rules tha● gouer●e Me● ) New Models make of Rule , that still do rest On disproportion'd Ioynts of Reg●m●nt Of Nations different in their Rules extent : Which in the State of ▪ kindle quenchlesse fires : But thou rul'st right without these skyruy Squires .

Againe to my Liege Lord King Iames. Epi. 256. WHen those curst hearts and hands ( that sought thy death ) Distrest thee ( deer Lieg ) neer thy latest Breath , Yet then , like Gold in fire , thy Vertue shone ; That is ; in worth , to looke , and Be all one .

On Sir Iohn Roe . Epitaph . 257. ROe , thou art gon in height of Youth and Fame , As from a Feast , ere Surfet thee o'●ecame .

Of and against Earelesse Praxus . Epi. 258. THe handle for true Vertue to take hold Of old and young by ; is the open Eare ; But , Praxus hauing lost his Eares , how should He ere be vertuous or not vitious ere .

Against Sottus ●is long wronge knowledge . Epi. 259. IT is vnmeet that Sense abroad should stirre , And ( like a wanton Rigge ) at randome run : But when her soueraigne Reas'n commandeth her Vpon some vrgent cause ; which being done , T'returne with speed to her , that sent her out , T' informe her in her doubt's of good or ill : Then like a sober Hand-maid , keepe about Her Soueraigne Reas'n , to doe what else she will : But , Sot , his sense from Reas'n hath rangd so long , ( And do●es on all ) that all he knowes is wrong .

Of the Carpet Knights Sir Sim Soust Gurnerd his Quater-braules . Epi. 260. SIr Sim Soust-Gurnerd , loues notes fresh & sweet , And hath an Organ Chamberd next the street , Whereon he playes of purpose as appeares , To haue all passers by him by the Eares : Yet sweetly braules in tune with stroakes of Art , But dares not strike a Discord for his heart .

Of Cracus his facing out Fals●ood or facing truth . Epi. 261. CRacus if thou did'st know , ( but O thou breakst The heart of Knowledge with thine ignorance ) how il thou gard'st thy faith , for which thou speakst Thou nere wol'st speak but with thy countenance : For that scar●s babes sith thou fightst ( being stout ) Better with swords than words : than face it out .

Of false praise . Epi. 262. THe praise of Arts , which ill we deeme , Like smoke goes out as soone as seeme :

The rightest Seruingmen are the rightest Courtiers . Epi. 263. COurtiers may seruingmen be stil'd : what then ? Then , cannot they serue God , for seruing men .

How an Harlot is like Hell . Epi. 263. A Strumpet 's like the vgly mouth of Hell , That night and day is open to receiue All sinners that will pay for sinning well ; Which still she stakes and of● the Poxe doth giue .

Counterfeit Piety is double iniquity . Epigram. 264. OLd Will vpon the Sabath will not lose A Sermon for his Dinner ; yet ( though pure ) Cheates like a Deuill : for , about he goes , At play , all simple sinners to deuoure : He needs not then , at Sermons sit so ciuill For feare of hell , being an incarnat Diuill .

Against powdered Haire . Epigram. 265. THe Daies of old did Ashes vse to throw ( In signe of meekenesse ) on the humbled Head : But now , in signe of Pride ( in Heart , and Shew ) Our Mad-dames cast sweet-powder in their stead : But they whose Tops are euer powder'd so , Their T — ( most commonly ) are Pickel'd too ,

Against Gallus , his treachery and tyrrany to Galla. Epi. 266. GAllus found Galla ( e're she quite was lost ) Where Time & Place betraide her to his lust : Yet first the faire-Maide his sowle offer croft , But he ( like Ioab ) stabb'd , as her he bust : Which she tooke patiently : how e're afraide : And so a Goate like Man the Maide dis-Maide .

Against the stincke of Marens his sweetnes . Epi. 267. LAsciuious Marc goes stil perfum'd I thinke , But yet his sweetnes makes his fame to stinke .

Of the compassing of his lusts designes . Epig. 268. MArc in the compasse of his Lusts designes , Is like a Circle in Geometry : Hee ; goes from point , to point , vntill he ioynes ; Then puts a Period to his Letchery : A Period call it , or full point , or ( . ) All 's one to him , so he therein doth stick .

Against Gella and her consumption . Epi. 268. GElla is light , and like a candle wasteth , Eu'n to the snuffe that stinketh more than lasteth ,

Against the ill cure of Gallus the Surgeon , vpon Gaila . Epi. 70. GAllus the Surgeon , now , is poore as Iob For healing Galla whom with Child he got : He cu'rde one Wound , another with his Probe Hee gag'd too deepe : and so was ouer-shot In his owne craft ; who made her , to his shame , So swell , that all his worth scarse heales the same .

Against Fuluiae's Transcendency . Epi. 271. FVluia is brought to nought ; then cannot she In the Predicaments comprized be , So , some Transcendent she must be of force ; But how that is , transcendeth my discourse● Yet now I ha 't t' a haire ; she doth transcend All that the Poxe can m●rre & nought can mend .

Against proud great-bellied Ventus , the Smell feast . Epi. 272. THe word Maiestas , of these two compos'd Maior and Status , argues great estate : Then O , how vainely Ventus is dispos'd , To strut and looke as if he had no M●te : When ( God doth know ) that if his state be great , It s in his Panch with eating others meat .

Against Vulpus his endlesse distinguishing . Epig. 273. EXact Distinctions breed perspicuousnesse ; But many breed but loath'd Obscurity : This , Vulpus makes , to shew his nimblenesse ; In argui●g , to distinguish endlesly : Which if he do , but truth so to depraue , I 'le prooue him without Logick but a Knaue : If this Stile be to common ; him I 'le make A learned Knaue for true distinctions sake .

Poets gaine is Fame and Famine . Epigram. 274. THe Poets proper Ensigne is the Swan Sole Bird of Phoebus : so it well may be ; For , she doth sing before her death : so , Man ( Turn'd Gull ) call'd Poet , makes that melody : Because he sings before his death and Fame , So , perisheth , through want , to get a Name !

Against the enuy of Muranus . Epigram. 275. MEagre Muranus feeds on his owne Heart , Still enuying all that are of good desart : So , he is like an Eye diseas'd , whose sight Is still offended with what e're is bright .

Against gurmandizing miserable minded Fagus . Epigram. 276. FAgus is fat , and swelleth more and more As if Cram'd-Capons did but poison him : He nought but feeds , thogh neuer feeds the poore And like a Panch in sweat , doth , sincking , swim : His Mind is so chok'd vp with Greace and bloud , That though he e're be Great he 'l ne're be good .

Against the bare Brests of too well cloth'd wenches . Epigram. 277. WHy bare yee so your Brests , audacious dames ? Is it to giue mens eyes a taste of that You yet do hide , t' augment their lustfull Flames ? Or else to draw their tongues to wanton Chat ? It seemes y' are hot , that so low naked go , And looke for cooling at some Vent below .

No Kingdome to Content . Epigram. 278. WIlt thou be rich ? then thy desire decrease ; So shall thy wealth , in want , amaine increase .

Spare , to spend ; like thine owne friend . Epigram. 279. RVfus liu'd hard , to make his Heire liue soft , But his Heire liu'd as hardly for his Heire : So they like Conduct-pipes conueied oft ( from pipe to pipe ) great store of water faire Reteyning none themselues ; till , at long running , By some hole in their Coate ( how euer gay ) The Prince cuts off the Pipe , in Fortunes sunning , And turnes the Water-course an other way :

Againe , on the same Subiect . Epigram. 286. BOtts on these Masks & Cl●ut● which now are set To hyde such Fronts that for such lyes excell ; Well-colour'd Gorgons made when Nature sweat Too much to hold her Working-toole too well : So , are but Natures shame , and Graces scorne ; Yet in Charoches beare they , and are borne .

Of Lord Volsus his ●is-v●●g his friends . Epigram. 287. THe guilefull great Lord , Volsus , vseth still His friends like Bottles through his Court●ly skill : For , he ( ô fy , what friend can him abide ? ) The full drawes dry , the empty casts aside .

Against golden Asses . Epi 288. MAny men - Beasts go gilt now at all Peeces , who are at best , but Sheep with golden-flee●es : If that in Cholcos had beene of this sort ▪ Iason had plaid the Sheepe ere Shipt him for 't .

Of Phisitions abyding at Bathe . Epigram. 289. LEeches , at Bath , for Wealth , not health do waite , So , come not to the Bathe , but to the Bayte .

Of Flauia ●s lookes after her fall . Epigram. 290. FLauia lookes feebly since she caught a fall : So , lookes as if She could not Doe withall .

Against the wretchednesse of rich-men . Epigram. 291. THe Griffons 'mong the Indians keepe their Mines Of Gold , yet they no vse thereof do make : So , a monied-Miser mid'st his plenty pines ; And Money keepes for Monies only sake : Kepthe a Whore as well , then Sin they would not : For , her he would not vse , and others should not .

Against Flexus his being sick of the Fashions . Epigram. 292. FLexus , still goes in many Fashions light Like a Chamelion that all Colours takes : Or not vnl●ke a Creature ( Nabis hight , ) Which hauing many shapes , one Monster maks .

Of Rutus his indifferency in Religion . Epigram. 293. RVtus holds all Religions ; and in all He is of none ; like a still slyding Bourne That takes all colours which therein doe fall It hauing none : then hee 'l not burne but turne . He that 's without Religion , is , at least , For his Soules sake , a faire immortall ●east .

Against Flauiae's leuity . Epi. 295. LIght of beliefe , of word , and promise light Is wanton Flauia : light in Mi●d and Will : Light of her Body : and her Eyes ( though bright ) Are light , and light to workes of darkensse still : The weeds she wears are light , as bright : then she , ( Being all so light must needs selfe lightnes be .

Of a Tricke of Youth . Epi. 296. CArnus , calls lechery a Tricke of youth : So , he grows old , but this trick lets his grouth .

Against great Vardingales . Epig. 297. DOwne with your Vardingales , Trulls out of frame ( sick of the Fashion ) for , they mount too hie : They hide your Wast : O no , they shew the same ; That is ; your Antick Superfluity : The time hath been , they did the heeles surround ; But now they doe the head ; and men must leane Vpon your shoulders , from the vpper Ground , To looke downe for your middle , without meane : Your Waste is shamefull then , sith it to hide , Your English Bummes are still so Frenchifide .

Against promise-breaking . Epi. 298. VEntus doth promise much ; yet stil doth break ; So all his promises are great , and weake , Like Bubbles in the water ( round and light ) Swelling so great that they doe breake outright .

Against the misery of rich M●sers . Epi. 299. VArus shuts vp his Coyne from all with Sparrs ; And , from himselfe , he locks it most of all : For all his Thoughts ( too hard●like Iron Batres ) Keepe it from him , so liues on pittance small : Hee ha●h not what he hath ; wealth makes him want , Yet thinkes he still to last , being Adamant ; If so he should , in ca●es that so excell , Hee 's damn'd already : for hee 's heere in hell .

O● and against Pegus his oft change of faith : Epig. 300. PEgus is pleas'd his faith now thrice to turne , Yet ne'rethelesse is hot as fire therein : But , dares not hang ; and , much lesse dares he burne : No ; that 's to lose but , he doth change to win : But , while he sought to win so , it ensu'th , His Tongue at Trey-trip plaid ; so , lost his truth . That might be Kings for wit though his be vile , Yet for that Ierke of Wit for clapping lookes : Where he well clapt , he should be cla●t for it In Bridewell to correct his Will and Wit : There , sith he liues by such dull Iurks a Iurke , Of Iustice hand would make the Player worke ▪

Of a Man in Print . Epi. 313. A Man in Print ; once such a Man I saw Who whipt but Vice in Print ; and then did draw Himselfe in Print , so much in Print , that hee Comes thus in Print , reform●d , in Print , to be ; While he that whipt but Vice in Print doth storme , For being a Vice in Print so much in Forme .

Of a Master of Art that lay , by the instinct of Nature , with one Mistris Barbara all night . Epi. 314. BOssius and Barbara ( his Loue ) one night , Chop 't Logick with their Tongues , and other things , He prest her to the point in Loues delight And that vnto the Issue still she brings : So , while she argued vnlike Debora , Hee Sillogizd all night in Barbara . But had the Proctors heard his Master-ship , The Moderator should haue beene a whip .

Of my lying betweene two Queanes . Epi. 315. BEtweene two Drabs I lye ( with much adoe ) Each night ; yet lye in seuerall houses too : They ( Starchers ) neighbour me so neere , that I May well be said betweene them both to lye . They will ( good - Doers ) let me nere , be idle ; For , with their Tongues ( as sharp as is their needle ) They prick me forward to be doing still ; So my Part play they ; and my Belly full With Throes of these : deere Brid-well do thy part , Deliuer me of these , to ease my Hart.

Against Iacks Periurie , in prouing his honesty . Epigram. 316. NOw , as I am an honest Man , saith Iacke , ( Whose lookes , & life , religiously , are blacke ) At eu●ry word , which wounds his faith ( they say ) And is belyu'd the cleane contrary way . Yet out-talks all , to all his hearers woe ; And , by that no-oath sweares , 't is so , or so . He liues by Carding ; yet the State may stand Without his labour , languor to the Land . False to his friend ; and so to God may be , Yet as I am an honest Man ( cries he ) The truth is so ; I's t so Iohn ( Yes ▪ T is true Thou art to God , and to thy Friend , a Iew.

Of Calpus his making much of a Little . Epigram. 317. CAlpus , hath little Latin ; yet he makes , Much of that little : for , he vndertakes To teach his Friends ; yet , while to them he reads , With Art he cheats them ; so , in Art proceeds ; And , learnes them little Latine with much Art ; Which ere they learne , thus ierks them til they smart So , with his little Latine much he makes ; Which is his Snare to cousin all it takes .

Against Rollus his great building for little fame . Epi. 317. ROllus , still builds aliue to keepe his name : But , L●●e and Stone keeps no immortall fame For , they will wast ; then , in that wast ( yee wot ) His Fame must lye ; and , so his Name must rot .

Against Don Puffes incomperable adaciousnes . Epi. 318. LOrd ! how Don Puffe , with his left handed Face Scrues himselfe into Action in high Place : May men do so that better can deserue ? No , i● they be not Scrues some holes to serue .

The Teares of Peace . WHy do these Times complain of want in Peace ? Are Peace and Plenty our , that blest increase Hath left vs ? No ; they are not out , but in ; In strife While Plenty leaues vs Peace in sin .

Against the worst of Lawyers . Epi. 320. LAwyers , how is it that such Fees yee take , not concord , ( which ye should ) but strife to make I's t for that strife , not Peace , maintaines your life ? Than , striue by peace to liue ; so , liue by strife .

Of an ill Custome ●eere good Customers . Epi. 321. THere is a thing some call the Custome-house , Which when as Tradesman hath a Spider tane , At point to breake , preuents the deadly Bane , By wayes familier ; so , too oft in vse ; With Hundreds they of others hold in chiefe , They buy a Place there , to displace their griefe .

Epi. 322. SIr Volsus doore is still with Sutors throng'd ; His dore the more opprest ; & , he more wrong'd : For , if this Wit and honesty ye waigh , Himselfe at euery dore should stay , and pray .

Of stupid Binus his preuenting of time . Epigram. 323. SIth Time flies fast away , his fastest flight Binus preuents with dreaming day and night .

Against despertate Harrius his contempt of goodnes . Epi. 324. FOole-hardy Ha●rius , when himselfe he heares A Good-man call'd ; he holds himselfe too good : So to be Stild , because ( belike ) he feares That Title hits not home his Manhoods moode : Sith he , to be a good-man , scor●es ( t' appeare ) I would he were a Saint , so hang'd he were .

Of Bombus the Buffon , and his laughing Patronesses . Epigram. 325. THe Buffon , Bombus feeds , by laughter , fat ; Yet , maks he Ladies laugh a lowd thereat : So , liues by laughter : and I laugh to see Both him , and Them ●so both my Buffons be .

Of Luscus his great Faith , and small Performance . Epigram. 326. LVscus , at last , hath got his Wife with Child . For , t is like him , her bribed Midwife sweares : Which he beleeues : but , for he is beguild , He hath his false Faith euer by the Eares .

Of Rorers , soft speaking . Epigram. 327. SInce Duells damn'd were , by a Souraignes doom The lowdest Rorers speake in eithers Eares : Yet dare not for their Eares to Calis roame , But , in the Streets , still end their Fraies , and Feares : So , by the high-way now , their Manboods liue , Like Theeue that steale , in hope of a Repriue .

Of Scalpus his Haires humility . Epigram . 328 SCalpus , his Haire apparent , leaues his Crowne , As fast as , in the Aire , doth Thistle-downe : But , This with Aire doth so ; but That , with Fire , Becomes so humble , that would else aspire .

Of Phrynas , huge-limbd Husbands Metamorphosis . Epigram. 329. WHat ! Phryna , is your Pheare become your Maide ? Make you a Woman of so huge a Man ? Sets he your Russes for Cuffes , without your aide ? O Hercules ! belike then spin he can : But , were I yours , though I ( perhaps ) might reele , Yet , ere I spun , you should the Distaff feele .

Of Soare Times hard to cure . Epigram. 330. THe Times are soare for Priests or Poets now To speake or write : if truth they do a●ow : Because the Times being soare , the●l ill endure The Corasines that , soarely , them must cure .

Of Sir Lauoltas high sol'd shooes and valting in his going . Epigram. 331. LOrd ! be these Shooes or Stilts that Knight goes on A Peacocks pace ? who is t ? Laualta , Sir . What! Sir Laualto ? is he such a one ? Yes ; and his name doth in his nature , s●irre , For , as he stalkes he striues himselfe to reare : As if his steps Lauolta-paces were .

Of heauy load-●earing Birds . Epigram . 332 OF the Bird Ruc , that beares an Elephant , Writes good Sir Iohn , surnamed Mandeuile ; Encrease my fayth , deere Loue ; for 't is too scant To credit this ; but yet , here , in this Isle , There be some Bride-wel Birdes that wel wil beare ( How euer ill ) huge Men as Mice they were .

Of the great traueller Fagus . Epi. 333. FAgus , Land-leaper , ali-as Grasse-hopper , Returnd is from the Pigmies ( pretty fooles ! ) With his Hyde full of Newes : Nay , soft , ho there , It cannot be it is so full of Holes : For what with Scabs & Scars where such haue bin , It will hould nought : then no Newes lie therein .

Against fond at furiors Frontus , his swaggering to regaine his pawn'd Apparell . Epigram. 334. THe Brokers haue fond Frontus cloths as pledges , For Coyne to keepe his Corps in sweetest sinne : And beeing forfeited , he them besiedges With thundring oaths and blowes his cloaths to win : But they hold hard ( hard horsons ) without dread ; So , Anuile like , endure the Hammer-head .

Against Spongus , a plaine Farmers Bastard , that had gotten to be of a great Lords bed-chamber . Epigram 335. SPongus , what makes you so your Sire to scorne ? Is it because he all in Frize doth goe , And you in golden coates , though ouerworne ; That 's cast Apparell of your Lords , or so ? He honours you ; you him in scorne forsake : So , makes an Idoll of a Golden-Asle ; While you your selfe thereby a Diuell make . That speaketh through a head whose brow is brasse : Then spirituall whordome he commits thereby , To honour him he made adulterously .

Against Signior Snap-haunce , the rude fooli●h Rorer . Epigram. 336. SNap-haunce speakes quicke & lowd ; but stil amisse White powder then were best for him ; for , when He spits his spight , but leaden stuffe it is , Which euermore annoyes the sence of Men : Than Snap-haunce , cease to snap ; for thy lowd sounds : Do yeeld such noisom stuffe that sence confounds .

Against Rufus the Appollo ger . Epigram. 337. RVfus , you write Appollogies to Cloud Your trechery with which you men delude ; That , like a Cuttle ▪ you may so , vnuiew'd , Abuse th' insipient plumbeus multitude : Than sith you knauishly thus Cuttleize ; I may , lesse lauishly , thus Inkhornize .

Against a Marchants as light as bright Wife , still wearing a great Chaine of Gold or'ethwart . Epigram. 338. SEe you yo●'d Merchants wife , in Satten clad ? It is Lucilla , Light as Leuity . It cannot be , her Chaine must make her sad , It is so heauy past all grauity . Nay ▪ more , she 'l Car'd ( that shewes her houswifery ) Away her Pence , by Pound● ; her Pounds , by scores To make her Light : O then t' was cleane awry To call he● Light ; for , Lightly , so be whores . That Stile 's too soule for one so Faire and Rick : Than , better call her Fancy ; or Proud - ( . )

Of my Selfe . Epigram. 339. A Friend of mine reproud me , sith I was Too Busie in correcting Leebery ; Saying I was too open . But , alasse , I cannot helpe it handsomly ; for I Must , ere I scourge it , open it ( you know ) That I my ierkes the righter may bestow .

Against Iugus , his truth-swearing . Epigram. 340. IVgus still sweares that he a true Man is , Than say so I● ; for , still thou swear'st amisse , Sith thou woul'st steale our good conceites therby , Against our wills : so , thy true oaths do lye .

What rich men must doe to gaine and retayne the worlds fauour . Epigram . 341 A Rich man that would haue the world to friend Must either giue ( or at least ) Spend or Lend : If neither ; either he must liue alone , Or , with too many push't , be ouerthrowne .

Against the gallant Glossus his mis-measuring . Epigram. 342. GLossus is gallant , yet doth measure keepe ; He eats and drinkes in measure ; so doth sleep : He measures Lands in trauell ; so doth Seas : In Measure he doth dance , toyles , takes his ease : Yet ( Robin-Hood ) metes , something● might be left He metes Maid●marions by the Bow , and Shaft .

Of the Vyoll . Epigram 343. THe Violl speaks the language of the Hands ; And , by the Fingers , Sense it vnderstands . Yet , Fingers are the Vi●ls Fe●te : and so , As they do● runne , the Violl still doth Goe .

How Maides resemble Eue. Epigram . 344 MOst Maides resemble Eue now , i● their liues ; Who are no soner Women but are Wiues : As Eue knew no Man 〈◊〉 Fruite wrought her Woe , So , these haue Fruite ( of● ) ere their Pheares they know .

Against Myntha , that would haue bin my Tenant for a fowle Fine . Epigram. 345. Mintha ( ripe Medler ) would be medling still , With things that most concerne mee , by her will She vnder me would sain haue liu'd by doing Thinges in my house , for which she stil was woing : Her Lippes , and Hippes , in grosse , she offer'd mee For Fine ▪ if so she might my Tenant bee . So , I shou●d be her Tenant , and she mine . For no great Rent , but for too grosse a Fine : So●t Mintha , in some others house go prancke yee ; Yours is an Ordinary ; I 'le none , I thanke yee .

Of a man that prou'd a Slipper . Epigram. 34● . FRiscus tooke Slippers vpon trust ; and then He Slipt away ; So Slippers ( oft ) are men .

No good Wiues in London . Epigram. 347. THe Countrie 's full of good-wiues ; specially The Wiues of all the Clo●nes and Yeomanry : But Tripe-wi●es , Broome-wiues , Oyster-wiues , & all ▪ W●e still , in London , Mistresses doe call : Then London hath no good-wiues , sith they bide All in the Country , better occupide .

Against the too too common , as most shawelesse countersetting the Stampe of Heauen ( Beauty ) by Painting ; and the excessiue brauery of Men , and Women of these Times . Epigram. 348. THomas Thomasius , an outlandish Witch , Sould Diu'ls for Dolors : Fame else lowdly lyde : And , as they were in pow'r , he price did pitch : So , liu'd by selling Diuells till he dy'de . A pretty Occupation ●and ●ere hee . Aliue , and here to sell his Ware , he might Gaine what he would , if his curst Diu'ls would be Pleas'd to make Men and Women faire and bright For , now men fairely play the women too ; Then , for his gaine he might the Land vndoe : Nay , though they painted & but bo●rrowed raiment Tom , for his Diu'ls , should haue royall payment .

Of Raggus and his proiect . Epigram. 349. RAggus , with open mouth pursues strange Proiects , And of the State , reuiles the Eye of wit ; That , hauing open'd it , so many Prospects To worldes of wealth ; yet , sees no benefit : Saw it as thou dost ( Ragge ) that so dost raue , It saw but how to play the Foole and Knaue : For with thy sight ( at best ) it would perceiue It selfe , and others how but to deceiue .

Probatumest . How Clearke Tho. his Clearkeship sau'd his Queane . Epigram. 350. CLearke Thomas kept a whore at his command , ( Whom al commanded that had welth or will ) Yet kept her from the Gallowes vnder-hand , That vnder him she might be do●ng still . Fye Tom ( great Clearke ) thy skil doth kil thy fame For , by thy Clergy thou hast sau'd thy shame .

Fast and loose . Epi. 351 PAphus was maried all in hast , And and now to wracke doth runne : So , knitting of himselfe too fast , He hath himselfe vndone .

Of Long 's being the least part of himselfe . Epigram. 352. ONe Long being seru'd with processe to appeare , Appear'd forth with ; but 't was another where Than where he should : and so , for his contempt , Was taken by a writ , no place exempt : Then , quite beside himselfe , came all agast ; Shewing , That was not Long that came at last .

To a blind Har: Par: Epigram. 353. SOme neighbour Nations when their Out-lawes flye , Hang vp their pictures which should them betide , So ( ●or thou Out-law art in Poetry ) Thy Picture I trust vp on Times backe-side . For which ( too like it , without grace or wit ) Thou martyrd'st me in thy Wits feeble fire : But shall I malice ? no , I pitty it : Sith thou art worthy of no witty Ire : For , thy Lines weakenes all men wonder at , That ( like a Parrat ) prat'st thou wot'st not what .

Eundem . A blinde Harper . Epi. 353. YEt with the Hornes of thy weake pow're whose Roote G●●●s through thy bro●s , but coms not ny thy Thou but'st at wales ; but I le say nothing to 't , ( brain ( Though I be Welsh ) sith all thou dost is vaine : Thy best is but to filch from good Sir Iohn , Some Epigrams ; whereof a Welsh is one . Then sith thy best is stol'ne from Sir Iohn Har : Thou art no Poet , but a blinde Har: Par :

He stole some Epigrams from Sir Iohn Har. verbati● Of Casse and her Case . Epigram. 354. CAsse was in Case to drawe on Suters ; which She lou'd a life : yet lou'd none but the rich : So , a heauy-mettel'd Boore , in C●sses Case , Ca●r●●d her●●eaden Sowe ) from ●it and Grace .

After the fall o● Man , of the fall of Wo-men . Epigram. 355. NOw scarce a Wastcoteere or Chamber-maid , ( Much les , much more ) can go , though by the wall But by some Friend or Vsher must be staid , W●men are now so weake , and apt to ●all : Heauen stre●gth● them ; for many a woman grown A Pages breath now often tilteth downe .

As the 〈…〉 crowes , so doth the old . Epigram. 356. YOung Taurus , like his Sire doth fare & doe , And , like his Wife doth beare as well as strike ▪ That 's done by nature ; and , by nature too , Olde Taurus needs must get ( this Calfe ) his like .

Against lame Hipp. Epi. 357. OLd Hip ; well , let him goe ; he is not worth The talking of ; yet setts himselfe still forth As if he were a man might weare a Robe , Although the old Scabbe , be as poore as Iob● . Nay , now I lye ; for , Iob , though he had nought , Yet nought he ow'd ; but , this poore pach is thought Much worse than Nought with wrangling ; he is ●so ) Poorer then Iob ; for , Iob but scabs did owe .

Against M●rnezetus , the well knowne Sharker , co●se●●●● me of a Cloake . Epig. 366. SIrrah , Marnezetus , me no more prouoak ; Go , cheat els where ; with me y' haue shorn your sheep Y' haue Clok't y'●r knauery : so , haue got a Cloake , By c●eating of your friend ; well , safe it keepe : Yet , it restore to Cloake my Spleene and Mee , Or lie vncloake thy name , thy shame , and Thee . But maugre Sp●ght thy Name and fame shall gaine A Place , and Name with Stars call'd great Charles-waine : Which stil I wish ; & who doth't not desire , Would they were nought as naught ; or Tow in Fire .

To the no lesse than most graue Counsellor of Counsellors , Thomas Vicount Brackley Lord Chancellor of England . Epi. 369. Y 'Aue past the Storms of Youth and Passion too ; And now , in Calmes of Ages Hau'n remayne : Now sees your Soule most clearely what to doe ; And those vndo that doe their Conscience straine : In Summe , for all ( that may your glory spread ) Your pain your Braine , to ease , & please your Head .

To the true President of Honor , William Earle of Pembroke Lord Chamberlain . &c. Epig. 370. DEare Lord , to whom I wish a world of Good ; If so ; a World of Grace is vnderstood , Agreeing to that World of Worth in Thee Too little Lord that great Worlds Lord to bee . Grace , Art , and Nature , still in thee doe striue Which most shall make thy praise Superlatiue ; And make thee most like Him , that all things can , And Phillip , more than M●cedonian : Then , ●●ll be like thos● Two ▪ as now thou art ; And , as thou hast ; so , 〈◊〉 shalt haue my Heart .

To the Right noble , and my much honored Lord , Phillip Earle of Montgomery . Epi. 371. A Mother sooner can forget her Child , Than I Thee ( Lord of my best Memory ) Could I mind more , thou shouldst be higher stil'd ; But , this is all I can , vnlesse to dye For Thee and thy most Noble House : whereof I am an Ex●rement not yet cut off .

To the true Patterns of Noblesse and Heroicall vertue , Richard Earle of Dorset , and Sir Edward Sackuill Knight of the ●ath his most nolle Brother . Epigram. 372. YOu Starres that in our States Spheare shine as bright As Suns fixt neere our Zenith , daying Night : Stil on such Dayes-eyes shine ( though planted low ) By Fortunes hand , as turne to such as you To be set open , when ●hey ( hid ) hang downe Their heads for want of Grace to make them known . I need not force the free ; you shine on such , No Starres within our Hemispheare so much : So much for that ; but this much more for you , ( Though more you cannot haue then is your due ) You , for your high Worthes Rayes , I 'le Raise to be Castor and Pollux both to Heau'n and me .

To the Right noble Lord , Theophilus , Lord Walden . Epigram. 373. My Cunning sooner shall my right hand leaue Than not to giue where once it did receiue : But , Golden Ayre to giue , for Golden Earth , Is lesse Materiall , and no cause of Mirth : Yet , Ca 〈…〉 M●rth 〈◊〉 Papers do infold : That I , in 〈◊〉 , do gieue thee for thy Gold : But wh●● , in earnest I would giue ( with mirth ) To thee , is glory ; both in Heau'n , and Earth .

To the Right Honorable Sir Francis Bacon Knight . &c. Epi. 259. THi'admired Sire was Wit & Wisdomes Source ; And thou his Sonne , resemblest him in those : Thy Hand is open ; close is thy Discourse : For ; much in few , thy thy Iudgement doth inclose . But , when thou art disposed to set ope A Flood of Eloquence , to Wha●t all Eares With head-long sway ) vnto thine v●mos● scope , ●hen , stubborn'st Rocks of Le●s it ouerbeares : So , thou do'st grace the Law , as it doth Thee ; But , of all Lawyers , Thou alone for me .

To my much honored the Lord Hayes . Epigram. 375. THou do'st the Court Lord too much grace , To be forgotten in this place : Where I desire to praise such Ones As ( worthy ) are Court-Minions . Then , this thou art ( I dare auo●ch ) A Good , Great Courtier ( seldome such ! ) That 's honest with due Complement ; Which is most noble in e●tent : Heere , sith no further Grace , hath gon , ●●e put a Prick . To driue It on .

To my Noble , highly valued friend , Pupill , and Alyes Man , Sir Edward Herbert , of Montgomery , Knight of the Bath . Epi. 376. SIth thou thy Name and Nation honorest With Worth ( like Britains Crown ) past price at least , Giue me leaue ( ●east worth of thy least Alyes ) To tell the World thus much , and then it dyes : For , in this World , where Grace doth liue by Sin , Can nothing liue that is not dead within .

To my honorable , ingenious , worthy , friend , Sir Iohn Constable , Knight . Ep● . 377. DIdst thou but know ( deer Knight ) how much my heart Desires to Stellifie thee for thine Art : And what e're else by Worth can be possest , Thou would'st beleeue my Heart ●s thine , at least . Then take my Heart , which thus on thee is whorl'd And loue it ; so , my Heart is worth a World .

To my much honored and intirely beloued Sir William Alexander Knight . Ep● . 378. THy Pe● , which from some Angel is acquir'd , With heauenly Grace to shew thy Wit & skil , So farre out-shines my poore Rookes ruder Quil , That , in it's beames mine seemes a Cole vn●ir'd ; But , let them lie till they become intir'd , Then , thine shall mine with equall glory fill ; Yet so as , knowne , t' was so by thine attir'd , That al the Glory thine may merit still : Yet , here my lauish Pen runs o're so much With blurring inck ▪ be blotting blacker Crimes , That ( loosly ) it , the Times too neere doth touch ; That is ; too br●adly blots these looser Times : But , sooth to say ; my Muse became thus loose Through vice ; at which she hisseth like a goose .

To my venerable friend Master Doctor Goade . Epi. 379. THou art not l●ke , but cu ▪ n a reall Goad , Sharpe at one End ( thy Head ) to driue men on ( That are opprest with sad sinnes heauie Load ) Where they may rest from being we●be●gon : Then , he that will not goe , when thou dost prick , Is dull , in sense ; or else , an Halter-sick .

To my worthy , and beloued friend Doctor Pierce ; Parson of Saint Christophers , London . Epigram. 380. IN this but Froth of Wit to sowse your name Is but to soile it ; so , incurre your blame . These Purgings of my Braine become not you In any sort to See ; much less● alowe . You needs must say , my Leisure I abuse To make these lests the Stasions of my Muse. What will you more ( deere Doctor ) I confesse I am all yours , but not my Foolishnesse . Yet , Garce , Art , Wit , and Worth ( and all diuine ) May make you ( bright Sun ) on this Dunghill shine Without defiling of your spotlesse Raies : Then , scowre my guilt with Birch ; but , gilde my Ba●●s .

To my best beloued friend , and aliz-man , Master Iohn Sanford . Epi. 381. IOhn , thou art like a Hand that changeth not His Name , or Nature ; clouched , or dilated : So , thou art One , what euer be thy Lot : And still , by Fortune , rather chekt , than Mated : North But , if she had but Eyes to see thy Worth , The North should grace thee , as thou dost the North With radiant Beames , On Learnings Streames . In Fortunes Spheare long be his Grace & place , That , like the Sunne , exhald thy streames to grace .

To the all witty , Sir Io: Har : SIR , you and I ( but Oh I doe you wrong , To rank with you , for friends , means , wit , or art ) Are like ( they say ) in setting of a Song , Tho you sing more in tune , in euery Part. But , as I can , by Nature , I doe hit Those Notes you strike , vpon a iarring string : And it is true ▪ we haue one fashion'd Wit , Which may ( alike ) to vs displeasure bringe . But shall wee cease to sing for this ? Oh no , We can no more doe that , than cease to say God saue the Kinge : and they that would not so , Would some straite lines had trust out of the way . But on our gamesome Numbers who doth ●orce , Their Sence , not Ours , to vexe vs ; ill they wot What powre are in ( our Pates ) the wodden Horse , To doe their Names away with Wits hot-shot . But wee will L●be●l none ; for t is vnfit , The world 's not worth a Libell of rich Wit.

To my in●enious deere friend and Country-man Mr. ●ohn Hoskins , Councellor at Law . ONe County first susteind our weight ; yet wee Doe li●e no burthen to the place , so prest ; Bu● Luster : else some flatter thee and mee , Yet , say they what they will ▪ our soules know best : And for my part , I hope that Thou , and I , Ere wee 'le disgrace it , wee with Grace will dye .

To my worthy , ingennus , and ingenius Pupill Mr. Thomas Bond. VNder my hand I had you once ; and now Y'ate failen vnder but my Pen , my Plow ; Wherewith your Name I culture thus ; you bee A Bond that binds , because you a●e so Free .

To my witty and worthy friend , Inigo Iohnes Esquie● , surueigher of his Maiestie● workes . WITS mirrour , I●●g● , wherein Men see Their Figure ; which thou dost to them reflect By forming , or , to them , conformi●g ●hee : For which thou win'st both riches and respect : Fortune and Fauour with great Art conspir'd , To make thee Modell out each Edisce Ere it be squar'd for Court ; which thee hath Squird ; And may doe , SIR , for many a rare Deuice ! Thy Place I wish not ; but thy wake full Wits , To make my Place fit mee , as thine thee fits : Then , lend me , while thou sleepst , thy pure acumen To Knight me ( old Boy ) after many Ne●-men .

To my learnedly witty friend , Mr Beniamin Iohnson . THy sconse ( that guards thy wits as it they guard ) Is sound , & large , yet no whit can be spard For thy Wits throng : that Plenty makes thee scarce , Which makes thee slow , as sure in Prose or Verse , As say thy worst detractors ; then , if thou For all eternity , writ'st Sure and Slowe , Thy Wits , as they come thronging out of Dore , Do sticke a while , to spread their praise the more .

To my darling-friend Mr. Richard Dorington . DIcke , I am thine : then ( thou hast to the end , A sore disease , that Physicke will not mend : Yet , t is no Falling-sicknes , for I le stand As fast to thee , as is thy Heart and Hand : And I haue reason for it ; for thou art As deere to mee as is my Hand or Heart . Then , if I doe disease thee , it shall bee , As Physicke doth , of good , to better thee ▪ Sith thou aforehand giu●st mee Fee on Fee .

To my beloued , and most praise worthy friend , Mr. Lyte of Lytes-cary . SIth Art and Nature did agree , To make thee Lyte of Lyte ; Thou art a Type of Christ , sith hee Is very Light of Light : Though light'st ( like him ) with Wit and grace , Whose Fame ( like his ) fils Time and Place .

To my beloued , Mr. Robert Branthwaite . I Loue thee Robin ; If I should not , I Should giue my heart the s●ab , my tongue the lie : The Sword of sorrow still should pierce my heart , If it should not affect thy deere desert : In few , I know no man more worthy loue For all that may Affection Stay , or Moue .

To my worthy approued deere friend Mr. Iackson , Manciple of All Soules Colledge in Oxford . IF wee must speake as we haue found ; why then , Th' hast beene to me and mine , the best of Men : For , of all those that euer yet I prou'd , Thou best deseru'st of mee to be belou'd . Thine Out-sides plaine , but yet within thy Brest , A Heart ( I finde ) as braue and free doth rest As that great Caesars , who would euer moane The paffed day , wherein he pleasur'd none . Thou art a Townseman , yet the Countrey mend'st , & glad'st it with what there thou get'st & spend'st For , two Months , in a time of pestilence , There , freely cheer'd , I saw thy great expence . While thou in Oxford ( plagu'd ) wast then expos'd To death : thy family and mine dispos'd In safety there , where wee , besides , were fed ; While thou for vs did'st liue among the dead . Iackson's thy name ; then thou art mine ( al●cke Th art haplesse so ) for so●e doe ca●l me Iacke . But , like a Father , thou to Iacke hast bin ; That is , in kindnesse , farre beyond his Kin. Then , Iack's thy sonne , to loue and honour thee ; And so , for fostring both , must Iack's * * Siluanu● Sonne bee . Thus , enough Iacke can not giue thee reason for 't , Hee 'le giue thee Rime , Renowne & good report . And if that be too thyn for thy desert . Wer 't thou not all heart , thou shouldst haue his Heart , Yet , for thine may be sicke , when his is sound , He giues it thee , sith so to thee it 's bound .

To my worthy approued friend Mistris Sisley Tyle . THy Vertues do intice me , Tyse , to set Thy name ( for Loue and Fames sake ) in my Rimes Least Time should either Them or Thee forgett , Whose Wisdome , Woman-hood , & parts ( like crimes ) Do staine most Wiues , as Phoebus doth the Fire ; Then , liue thou in my R●me , till Time expire .

Of my Selfe , and my Booke . I Must confesse my Muse is in the wrong , Though rightly she doth scourge what is amisse : But being pregnant , Shee to lash doth longe , Though her complexion quite be mar'd by this ▪ For most will say , Shee like a Diuell lookes : Yet , let none iudge , but such as can write Bookes .

Against Yellow , starcht bands . For a Farewell . THese Ruffes , sick of the Ia●●●ize ( black , or Yellow ) Do shew their Wearers are or Deep or Shallow In Pouerty , or Wit : Then , would they were Al black with Cuffes that Yellow Ruffes do weare : And he whose Wife doth weare them , I suppose With Cause still feares he weares the Yellow-hose .

To my deare Mother ; the Citty of Hereford . THou gau'st me breath ; and I wil giue thee fame By writing , in a double Kind : thy Name I Borrow'd once to adde to mine : and yet I hold it to it still ; for which the debt Is clearest fame I le pay thee , at long running ; Else shall my hand and head forget their cunning .

FINIS .