Speake no more sentences , my good lord , but slip hence ; you see they are but fits , i le rule him I warrant ye . I , so , treade gingerly , your Grace is heere somewhat too long already . Sbloud the jeast were now , if having tane some knockes o' th pate already , he should get loose againe , and like a madde Oxe , tosse my new blacke cloakes into the kennell . I must humour his lordship : my lord Hipolito , is it in your stomacke to goe to dinner ?

Where is the body ?

The body , as the Duke spake very wisely , is gone to be wormd .

How your love lookes ? worse than a scarre-crowe , wrastle not with me : the great felow gives the fall for a duckat .

I shall forget my selfe .

Pray do so , leave your selfe behinde your selfe , and go whither you will . Sfoote , doe you long to have base roags that maintaine a saint Anthonies fire in their noses ( by nothing but two peny Ale ) make ballads of you ? if the Duke had but so much mettle in him , as is in a coblers awle , he would ha beene a vext thing : he and his traine had blowne you vp , but that their powlder haz taken the wet of cowards : you le bleed three pottles of Aligant , by this light , if you follow em , and then wee shall have a hole made in a wrong place , to have Surgeons roll thee vp like a babie in swadling clowts .

What day is to day , Mathaeo ?

Yea mary , this is an easie question : why to day is , let me see , thurseday .

Oh , thurseday .

Heere s a coile for a dead commoditie , sfoote women when they are alive are but dead commodities , for you shall have one woman lie vpon many mens hands .

Shee died on monday then .

And that s the most villainous day of all the weeke to die in : and she was wel , and eate a messe of water-grewel on monday morning .

O yes my Lord , so soone : why I ha knowne them , that at dinner have bin aswell , and had so much health , that they were glad to pledge it , yet before three a clocke have bin found dead drunke .

Strange feeders they are indeede my lord , and like your jeaster or yong Courtier , will enter vpon any mans trencher without bidding .

You le doe all these good workes now every monday , because it is so bad : but I hope vppon tuesday morning I shall take you with a wench .

If you have this strange monster , Honestie , in your belly , why so Iig-makers and chroniclers shall picke somthing out of you : but and I smell not you and a bawdy house out within these tenne daies , let my nose be as bigge as an English bag-pudding : I le followe your lordship , though it be to the place aforenamed . Exeunt .

How now porter , will she come ?

If I may trust a woman sir , she will come .

There s for thy paines , godamercy , if ever I stand in neede of a wench that will come with a wet finger , Porter , thou shalt earne my mony before anie Clarissimo in Millane ; yet so god sa mee shee s mine owne sister body and soule , as I am a christian Gentleman ; farewell , i le ponder till shee come : thou hast bin no bawde in fetching this woman , I assure thee .

No matter if I had sir , better men than Porters are bawdes .

O God sir , manie that have borne offices . But Porter , art sure thou wentst into a true house ?

I thinke so , for I met with no thieves .

Nay but arte sure it was my sister Viola .

I am sure by all superscriptions it was the partie you ciphered .

Not very tall .

Nor very lowe , a midling woman .

T was she faith , t was she , a prettie plumpe cheeke like mine .

At a blush , alittle very much like you .

Gods so , I would not for a duckat she had kickt vp hir heeles , for I ha spent an abomination this voyage , marie I did it amongst sailers and gentlemen : there s alittle modicum more porter for making thee stay , farewell honest porter .

I am in your debt sir , God preserve you . Exit .

Not so neither , good porter , gods lid , yonder she coms . Sister Viola , I am glad to see you stirring : it s newes to have mee heere , i st not sister ?

Yes trust me : I wondred who should be so bolde to send for me , you are welcome to Millan brother .

Troth sister I heard you were married to a verie rich chuffe , and I was very sorie for it , that I had no better clothes , and that made me send : for you knowe wee Millaners love to strut vpon Spanish leather . And how does all our friends ?

Very well ; you ha travelled enough now , I trowe , to sowe your wilde oates .

A pox on em ; wilde oates , I ha not an oate to throw at a horse , troth sister I ha sowde my oates , and reapt 200. duckats if I had em , heere , mary I must intreate you to lend me some thirty or forty till the ship come , by this hand i le discharge at my day , by this hand .

These are your olde oaths .

Why sister , doe you thinke i le forsweare my hand ?

Well , well , you shall have them : put your selfe into better fashion , because I must imploy you in a serious matter .

I le sweare like a horse if I like the matter .

You ha cast off all your olde swaggering humours .

I had not sailde a league in that great fish-pond ( the sea ) but I cast vp my very gall .

I am the more sory , for I must imploy a true swaggerer .

Nay by this yron sister , they shall finde I am powlder and touch-box , if they put fire once into me .

Then lend me your eares .

Mine eares are yours deere sister .

I am married to a man that haz wealth enough , and wit enough .

A linnen Draper I was tolde sister .

Very true , a grave Cittizen ; I want nothing that a wife can wish from a husband : but heere s the spite , hee haz not all things belonging to a man .

Gods my life , hee 's a verie mandrake , or else ( God blesse vs ) one a these whiblins , and that s woorse , and then all the children that he gets lawfully of your body sister , are bastards by a statute .

O you runne over me too fast brother , I have heard it often said , that hee who cannot be angry , is no man . I am sure my husband is a man in print , for all things else , save onely in this , no tempest can move him .

Slid , would he had beene at sea with vs , hee should ha beene movde and movde agen , for I le be sworne la , our drunken ship reelde like a Dutchman .

No losse of goods can increase in him a wrinckle , no crabbed language make his countenance sowre , the stubburnnes of no servant shake him , he haz no more gall in him than a Dove , no more sting than an Ant: Musitian will he never bee , ( yet I finde much musicke in him , ) but he loves no frets , and is so free from anger , that many times I am ready to bite off my tongue , because it wants that vertue which all womens tongues have ( to anger their husbands : ) Brother , mine can by no thunder : turne him into a sharpenes .

Belike his blood sister , is well brewd then .

I protest to thee Fustigo , I love him most affectionately , but I know not — I ha such a tickling within mee — such a strange longing ; nay , verily I doo long .

Then y' are with childe sister , by all signes and tokens ; nay , I am partly a Phisitian , and partly something else . I ha read Albertus Magnus , and Aristotles emblemes .

Y' are wide at h bow hand still brother : my longings are not wanton , but wayward : I long to have my patient husband eate vp a whole Porcupine , to the intent , the bristling quills may sticke about his lippes like a flemmish , mustacho , and be shot at me : I shall be leaner than the new Moone , vnlesse I can make him borne mad .

Sfoote halfe a quarter of an houre does that : make him a cuckold .