The ravens almanacke foretelling of a [brace] plague, famine, and ciuill warre, that shall happen this present yeare 1609, not only within this kingdome of Great Britaine, but also in France, Germany, Spaine, and other parts of Christendome : with certaine remedies, rules, and receipts, how to preuent or at least to abate the edge of these vniuersall calamities.

THE Rauens Almanacke .

The Dominion of the Moone in Mans bodie . Aries The head and face .

Gemini Armes & shoulde●

Leo Heart & backet

Libra Reines & lynes .

Sagitari the Thighes Aquarius●egges ●egges .

Taurus Neck● & throate . Cancer . Brest stomacke & Lunges . Virgo●uts ●uts & belley ,

Scorpio secrets & bladler ,

Caprico nus the knees .

pisces The Feete .

AT the beginning of euery Almanacke , it is the fashion to haue the bo●i● of a man drawne as you see and not onely ●aited , but bitten and shot at by wilde beasts and m●nsters , And this fellow , they that lye all the yeare long ( that is to say , those that deale with Kalenders ) cal the Man of the Moone , or the Moones man , or the man to whom the Moone is mistris But how rediculous a shape do they bestowe vppon the silly wretch ? hee standes as if he had bene some notorious malefa●or , and being stript stark naked , to goe to execution : do not those Roundels hang about him , sh●w like so many pardons , tyed to the parts of his body with Labels ? or rather does he not looke ( when he lyes along ) like a thee●e begd for an Anatomie in Surgeons Hall , so many Barbers figured in those beastes ( slashing and slycing , and quartering & cutting him vp , truely he does .

But why ( in the name of the moon , & the rest of the Planets ) doe both our Neotericall and the more antique Astronomers , publish euerie yeare in print , that euerie mans body dwells thus at 12. Signes ? Is man such an asse that he cannot finde his own selfe without the helpe of so many signes ? or were there none but tradesmen in the world , when Almanacks were first inuented ? for all men know , that Noblemen , Gentlemen , and those of the best and formost ranckes in any common-wealth vse to dwell at no signe at all : much labour therefore me thinks might be saued by the Printers euerie yeare , and much cost by the Stationers , if they would crosse this poore creature out of their bookes . For what Cuckold ( vnlesse his hornes hang too much in the light of his wit● will not sweare that Aries ( which signifies a Ram ) doth gouerne the head ? Is he not thereuppon in mockerie , or rather to put him in minde of the points of the Rauens Almanack ( cald a Ram-headed Cuckold ? And what Butchers wife , ( nay almost what Butchers Dog ) or what gamster that loues the Beare-garden , but knowes that Taurus ( the Bul ) dominieres ouer the necke , yea , and sometimes breakes the neck of the strongest Mastiffe that sets vpon him ? Will not the least Fishmongers boy assure you ( either in lent or in the open times ) that Cancer the Crab , is very good meat for the brest , Stomacke and ribs : else wherefore should our Letchers buy them vp so fast ? And I pray ask any Wench if she once ariue at thirtéene , if Virgo ( the Uirgin ) beare not a greate stroke ouer the bowels and the belly ? As for the secret members , it may well be said that Scorpio ( the Scorpion ) has to doe with them because many times in the yere they are bitten as it were with the stings of Scorpions , for their euill dooing . And wisely did the Moone appoint ( in the lowerhouse of heauen ) that Capricornus the Goat , should gouerne the knées of Gemini● for the Goate being of all Beasts most letcherous , it is a morrall , that those men who run after nothing but wenches , must ( by course of nature ) be broght on their knees . Now that Gemini ( the Twins ) haue a hand ouer the armes & shoul●ers , ( either of man or woman : ) euerie woman that hath had two children at a b●rth , or euerie countri● Nurse that hath giuen sucke to a couple at one time , will I am sure testifie . Then doth Leo , the Lyon rule the heart ●nd backe : the meaning of which is , to make men ashamde of cowardice , whose hearts are no bigger then chickens hearts : But what Gr●cer , Silkeman , Apothecarie , or any other that handles the Scales of Citie Iustice , but can sweare , and all the world knowes they neuer sweare but truly , that Libra , the Ballance , holds the measure of the Reynes and Loyns : for if , those members haue not their full weight , all the bodie paies for it . As for the Thinges , ouer which Sagitarius the Archer , carries sway , any Fletcher in Grub-streete , or any that euer shot in a Long-bows , either at Buts or at Prickes , will if the case were to be decided , stand to the proofe thereof . The Legs are next , and that those are gouernd by Aquarius , the Waterman , any Sculler , whose legs get his liuing by a Stretcher , will not deny it . We are now as lowe as the feete , whose steps are guided by Pisces , the two Fishes , any man that walkes into Fish-streete for a fish dinner , knowes the morrall of that .

And thus haue I showne vnto you the right natures and meaning of these Celestiall gouernors , according to that true and new doctrine of the Science Astrological , whose misteries haue bene for the good of this yeare 1609. reuealed to me : and therefore doe I request you my Countrym●n especially , for whose benefit I haue made onely this priuie search amongst the Starres , to account al other quarterings of mans sinfull body , as barbarous and butcherly , and the rules that teach how to doe it , friuolous and rediculous .

The twelue moneths of this yeare . 1609.

NOw if I fought vnder the coulors of vulgar Astronomers should I strike vp my drumme , and leade into the field the 12. moneths , marching in single File one after another , euerie moneth wearing in his Cap , insteede of a F●ather , foure vnha●some rymes , teaching men when to eate hot meates , and when to drinke n●w wines with euery gull ( that has mony in his purse , and hunts out any 〈◊〉 ) can do● without a Kalender .

Then shold eu●ry moneth haue his followers , some of them being thi●tie in n●mber , some ●1. onely one ( by ●ailing into decay , or else because he keepes but a colde house , keeping but 28. And amongst these Seruingmen or retainers , should I giue you the names of the Geutlemen who goe in red , and wea●e Dominicall Letters on their winter and Sommerliueries , as badges to disti●guish their moneth from the rest : but scorning to haue a hand in g●●uding such base c●llours , suffer me to cary vp your thoughts vppon nimbler winges , where ( as if you sat in the most p●rspicuo●s place of the two-penny Gallecy , in a play-house ) you shall cleerely , and with an open eye beholde all the partes , which I ( your new Astrologer ) act amongst the Startes , and those are these :

The worky-daies of euerie month this yeare , shall not bee kept as they haue bene in yeares before : for by meanes of certaine disease that are likely to raigne amongst trades-men , as the lazie euill , the Letharg●e , which is a forget fulnesse of our owne estate : dizines of the head , ( caused by the fumes of good drinke ) and such like : Men of occupations shall in spite of order or the rules of Almanacke-writers , turne wor●y-dayes into holly-da●es : yea , and women shall this yere holde holy-daies in such base contempt , that though their husbands doe then shut vp shoppe , and vtter not their wares , yet shall the wiues fall to worke in their secret Chambers .

Amongst Gentlemen that haue full pursses , and those that crie trillil , let the world slide , the weeke shall run out so quickly and so merrily , that on the Satterday ●orning it shall be hard for them to tell whether the day that went before were friday .

The same losse of memorie will fall vpon many that shal goe drunks to bed : but to those who shut themselues vp in Counters and other places of deere reckning , because they hate the vanities of the world , And to those that shal be whipped either with French birch , or be strucke with any English disease , the shortest day in winter shall seeme more teadious , yea , and indeede shahllaue more hours thyn Saint Barnabies day , which is the longest in the yeare : The sundaies , ( as if it were Leape years ) shall b● a number be leaped ouer , so that a blindenes falling into their eyes they shal not for foure or fiue , or sire mone●hs together , be able ( by the help of those that make the best waters to reco●er sight , or to cure sore eyes ) to see a Church , but shall be strucke with such Megrims and turnings of the braine , that insteed of going to Church , they will ( if my Arte falle me not ) stumble into ●●●uerne . The Dog daies will all this yeare raigne thrice , or twice euerie week at least , & that verie hotly , but their soarest rage will be about the Beare-garden .

As touching the r●sing and setting of the Sunne , it will bee more strange this yeare then euer it was : for albeit hee shine ne●er so brightly in our Horizon yet there are certaine persons ( & those no small fooles neither ) that shall not haue power at high noone to be●ol●e it . The Moone ( like a Bowle ) will kéep her olde byas , onely she will be verie various in her influence : for as well men as women shall bee more madde in the other quar●ers then in that wherein are playd such trickes by the Midsommer Moone .

I haue a moneths minde to trauell thus through the whole yeare , but the glasse which time bestowes vpon me , beeing not ●ed with many houres , I must he●re hoyst vp new Sailes , & discouer ( as it were foure seuerall countries ) the foure Seasons of the yeare .

A Description & prediction of the foure quarters of the yeare . 1609.

Of Winter .

WInter , the sworne enemie to Summer , the friend to none but Colliers and W●o●mon●ers : the f●●st-bitt●n churie the hangs his nose stil ouer the 〈◊〉 dog that bites ●●uites , and the deuill that cuts downe trees , the vnconscionable binder vp of Uint●ers Faggots and the onely consumer of burnt Sacke and Suger : This Cousen to death , further to sicknes , and brother to olde age , shall not shew his hoarie bald-pate in this climate of ours according to our vsuall computation , vpon the 12. day of ●ecember , at the first entring of the Sunne into the first minute of the signe Capricorn , when the said Sunne shall be at his greatest South Declination from the Equinoctiall line , and ●o foorth , with much more such stuffe then any meere Englishman can vnderstand : no my countriemen , neuer beate the bush so long to finde out Winter , where he lies like a begger shiuering with colde , but take these from me as certaine , and most infallible rules , know when Winterplomes are ripe & ready to be gathered .

When Charity blowes her nailes , & is ready to starue , yet not so much as a Watchman will lend her a flap of his freeze Gowne to keepe her warm : when trades-men shut vp shops , by reason their frozen-hearted Creditors goe about to ●ip them with beggerie : when the price of Sea-cole riseth , and the price of mens labours falleth : when euerie Chimney castes out smoak , but scarce any dore opens to ●ast so much as a maribons to a Dog to gn●w : when beastes ●ie for want of fodder in the field ; and men are ready to famish for want 〈◊〉 in the Citie : when the first word that a Wench speaks at your comming into her Chamber in a morning is , Prethee send for some fagots , and the best comfort a Lawyer heates you withall is , to say , what will you ●giue me ? when olde men and their wiues deuide the holy bed of marriage ; When gluttons blowe their P●ttage coole them : and Prentices blow their their nailes to heate them : and lastly when the Thames is couered ouer with yce , & mens hearts caked ouer and crusted with crueltie : Then maist thou or any man be bolde to sweare t is winter .

Now because I finde in the Ephemerides of heauen , certain vnlucky Criticall , and dangerous daies set down , whose foreheads are full of plagues , and vnder whose wings are hid other dismall miseries , that threaten this Region : It shall not be amisse if first I open the bosome of Winter , and shew vnto you what diseases hang vpon him .

I finde therefore that .12 . great and gréeuous plagues , shal e●pecially fall vppon the heads of this our English nation : and those are these , viz.

1. Saint Paulus plague is the first , yea , and one of the heauiest , & that is , when a man hath neuer a penny in his pursse , c●edit with his Neighbors , nor a hole to hide his head in : alack , how many poore people will lye languishing of this disease ? how many that haue bowling Alleys , nay , how many that walke in the middle I le of Paules in reasonable good cloathes , will bee strucke with this plague ? it is hardex to reckon them , then to reckon vp the Uertúes of a woman which are without end .

2. Saint Chads plague is next , and that is , when a man that trauels hath a long iourney , a tyred horse , and little money : this plague threatens many poore Yorkeshire Clyents , and , vnlesse they keepe it off with their hooks , some welchmen .

3. Saints Benets plague is the third , & that is , colde-cheare , hot words , and a Scoulding wife : many Coblers wil be subiect to this disease , but not lye long for it , but euerie day be of the mending hand , marry it is thought their wiues will prooue worse and worse .

4. Saint Magnus plague is next , but not altogether so dangerous as the former , and that is , when a man is rich , enioyes it but a while , and leau●s a foole behinde him to spend it : It is doubted that some rich Cittizens and others cannot escape this plague .

5. Saint Tronions plague steps into the fift place , and that is when a man is olde in yeares , yet a childe in discretion : when his wife is a drunkard , and his daughter a Wanton , and his Seruant a pilferer , this plague is expected to fall vpon brokers , their bodies being subiect to much infection , and their consciences to corruption , So that t is thought Lord haue Mercy vpon vs will stand on most of the doores in Houns●itch and Long-lane , and that people who loue themselues , will shun those places and those persons , as being able to poison a whole Citie .

6. Saint Bridge●s plague is likely to be verie hot , and that is , when a Maideis ●aire and has no portion , of ripe yeares , yet troubled with the greene sicknes , and longs for a husband , yet nobody woes her . This plague of all the rest , though it will spred far , yet will it prooue so mortall , because those that shal be strucke with it , haue a tricke to help themselues .

7. The wiues plague followes in the seau●nth rancke , and that is , when a woman has a husband that is very poor , yet Iealious yong , yet a hastie foole . Seruingmens wiues is thought will die of this disease or if not dye yet lye for it a long time .

8. The Blacke plague is when a man hath much to pay , little to spend , and an vnmercifull Creditor : this blacke plague will flye ouer into the Low-countries , and sorely trouble our English Souldiers , who feede vppon prouant , and take more care how to wipe of Oes in chalke , them to winne a towne from the enemy .

9. The Fryers plague , is no holy Plague , but a hollowe plague , and that is when a man sees or smels good cheare , has an excellent stomacke , but knowes not how to get it : if any complaine of this sicknes , it will be the Guard , and those that are the bare attandants at Court , or else such as walke snuffing vp and downe in winter euenings through Pye●corner , yet haue no siluer to stop Colon.

10. The deuils Plague is one of the moste damned plagues of all , and that is , when a man is marryed to a wanton , must be beholden to his enemie , yet dares not be reuenged . The tokens of this plague will stand thicke vpon a number of young banck●outs , who haue had dealing with Courtiers .

11. The Horne plague is too wel knowne , and so comm●n , that albeit it be incurable , yet none can dye of it : that ●●ing plague takes a man first in the head , and he ●ickens of it , that is a Cuckold , a Wittall and a Suff●agan : In verrie many parishes will there he houses infected with this pestilent disease .

12. Gods plague is the last and the most heauie , and that is when a man hath much wealth and no conscience , cont●nuall health , but is past grace , and can talke of God , yet keeps company with the ●●uill This plague sore strikes to the heart , & will st●cke by many , enen of the better sort : Besides these Capitall Plagues there be many boyles , Carbunckles and blisters ( not so mortall as the other ) that will lye sucking the bones of the common people ▪ For Hackney-men are likely to smart this yere , in letting out good Horses to Cittizens , & hauing them turned home like tyred Iades , the reason being that Citizens , Schollers and Saylers , thinke a horse neuer goes fast enough , though he run a maine gallop , and no sooner are they set in the saddle but they ride post .

And slthēce vpon Saint Lukes day bitter stormes of winde and ●aile are likely to happen about Cuckolds hauen , it foresheweth a strange mortallity amongst Caterpilliers , especially towards Catch poles , who this yeare shall dye so thicke , that in all the 24. wardes in London , nor in all those 109. parishes that stand in those wards , will there ●ee found one honest man liuing of that clapping vocation .

Take heede you my nimble fingred Gentlemen , that come to your possessions by fiue and a reach : you Foistes , Nips and Cony catchers , that sit at Duke Humphreis owne table , and turn● your commodities into mony vpon the Exchange : I aduize you all to purge your ●oules , & let blood your consciences , for otherwise a Hempon plague wil so hang vpon you , that the pest-cart of Newgate will carrie your bodyes away in heapes to be buried vnder Tyborne .

O you common Fidlers likewise that scrape out a poore liuing out of dryed Cat●●uts : I prophecie that many of you shall this yeare be troubled with abominable noises and singing in your heads , insomuch that a great part of you shall dye beggers , and those that suruiue shall féede vppon melody for want of meate , playing by two of the clock in a frostie morning vnder a ●indow , and then bee mock'd with a 〈◊〉 tyed ( through a hole ) to a string , which shall be 〈◊〉 to make it Iingle in your ●a●s , but presently be drawn vp againe , whilst you rake in the 〈◊〉 for a largesse .

O you generation of Apes without tailes , made so onely to make 〈◊〉 ! you Players that crie out your commodies : you that féede vpon the hony of other mens wits , yet haue nothing in your bowels but gall : a pestilent 〈◊〉 will run ouer all your bodies : looke therefore to your selues betimes , and let some skilfull-water-caster too t vpon your vrinall : cast away a groat vpon your selues , for many haue beene cast away vppon you : foure peny worth of phisicke may do you foure pounds worth of good , for I spye by your colours that you are infected with pride , loosenes of life , Inconstancy , ingratitude , and such like crude & indegested humors , & reumaticke diseases ▪ So that both P●olomy and Auicen set this downe as a principle , that Saint Iulians plague ( which is not dreampt amongst you yet ) shall light on your heads , And that is , you shall weare gay cloathes , carrie lofty lookes , but a number of you ( especially the hirelings be with emptie purses at least twice a weeke . But if any of you bee so prouident as to Phlebotomize , or to buy pilles to euacuate these rotten infectious impostumes , yet he shal not escape this plague , hee shall be glad to play three houres for two pence to the ●asest stinkard in London , whose breath is stronger then Garlicke , and able to poison all the 12. penny roomes : you see a farre of how sharpe a winter wee are like to haue , let vs now trye if the spring will proou● any more cheerefull .

Of the Spring .

SPring , the Bride of the Sun , the Nose-gay giuer to weddings , the onely and richest Hearbe-wife in the world : the rarest Gardner , sweetest perfumer , cunningst Weauer , noblest Musition , for all sorts of Birdes are her Schollers , this mother of health , phisition to the s●cke , Surgeon to the wounded : this daughter of plenty , and Sister to Summer , comes not in attired in her greene roabes , as t is published in print , vpon the 10 day of March , as it were in Maies tryumph after the sun ( with an Herculean Uigor ) hath conquered his twelue labours , and ( like a skilfull Charioteere ) hath driuen his golden wagon through the twelue signes , ready on that tenth day ( as some giue out ) to begin his race againe , by making his entrance vpon the first minute of the Equinoctialt signe of the Ram whose hornes stand in such an euen proportion a sunder that the day and night take them for their measure , and are contented to be of an equall length .

But shall I tel you at what signe the Spring dwelleth ? cast vp your eies and behold , for by these marks shal you know her when she comes . When the nightingale ●its ●inging with a brier at her brest , & the adulterer ( that rauished Philomell ) sits singing at the Thornes which pricke his conscience : When young teares put on new liueries , and old whoremongers pul off vizards of their vices : when the earth beares all kindes of flowers , and the Courts of Princes bring foorth all sorts of vertue : when Gardens begin to be dressed , and the Church to be mended : when beastes waxe wanton by nature , ( without violating her lawes , ) onely to multiply their kinde for the good of man : & when men no longer put themselues into the shapes of beastes . Then and onely then doe the vernall gates flye wide open , then maist thou be sure to sweare it is the Spring .

But as your fairest faces hath often times the sowlest b●dies , so this beautifull daughter of old Ianus ( who is Maister Porter to the twelue moneths ) is by dealing with some few vnwholsome Planets , thought not to be free from diseases . A spice therefore of one plague or other , will lye in her tender bones , by with meanes the spring to some people ( especially the French , and as it is thought the English cannot goe scot-free ) proue as fatall and as bus●e in priuie Searches , as the fall of the Leafe .

The brests of this delicate young bed-fellow to the Sunne will so flowe with the Milke of profitte and plentye , that ( of all other men ) players , by reason they shal haue a hard winter , and must trauell on the hoofe , will lye sucking there ●or pence and two pences , like young Pigges at a Sow newly farrowed .

It is like wise thought that in this time of copulation betweene the planets & the earth , 〈◊〉 yeres wil grow vp so thick that they will scarce liue one by another , & most of them shall be to their Clients as ●a●es are to a field of Corne , they shall prosper best when they choake those by whome they are nourished : yet on the contrary side shall maiden-heads be so scant , that if fiue hundred be to bee had ouer night , foure hundred & nine teens of those will be strucke of before the next morning .

The disposition of this season is to be hot and moist : by which meanes those moist-handed creatures , whose blouds begin to feele warmth , when the spring of desire boyles ; within them , shall haue the other qualitie likewise , they shall be hot in their tongues : But if any woman happen to fall into that pestilent infirmitie , let the poore man vpon whose handes any such light commodities lyes , apply this medicine , for it is apresent cure .

A Medicine to cure the Plague of a womans tongue , experimented on a Coblers wife .

A M●●y Cobler there was , ( dwelling at Ware ) who for ioy that he mended mens broken & corrupted soles , did continually sing , so that his shop seemed a verrie bird cage , & he sitting there in his foule linnen and greasie Apron , shewed like a black bird . It was this poore Sowters destiny not to be hang'd , but ( worse then that ) to be marryed : & to what creature thinke you ? to a faire , to a young to a neate delicate countries Lasse , that for her good partes was able to put downe all War● : but with all this honny that flowed in her , did there drop such aboundance of gal and poison from her Scorpiō-like tongue , that monsieur Shoo-mender wished his life were set vpon the shortest last , and a thousand times a day was ready to dye Caesars death : O valiant Cordwaynerland to stab himselfe not with a bodkin , but with his furious Awle , because hée knew that would goe through stitch : hee neuer tooke vp the endes of his threed , but he wished those to bee the endes of his threed of life : he neuer parde his patches , but hee wished his knife to be the sheeres of the fatall Sisters three , hee neuer handled his Ball of waxe but he compared them to this wife , & sighe● to think that he that touches pitch , must be de●●led .

Now did his songs as heauily come from him as musick does from a Fidler , when in a Tauerne he plaies for nothing . Now did sig●eur Cobler stand no more on his pantofles , but at his shutting in of shop , could haue bene content to haue had all his neighbours haue throwne his olde sho●es after him when hee went home , in signe of good lucke .

But alas , hee durst not doe that neither , for shee that plaide the Deuill in womans apparell ( his wife I meane ) made her Caualero Cobler , to giue her account euerie night of euerie patch that went through his fingers . In this purgatorie did our graduate in the Gentle craft liue a long time , but at lenght he was thrust into hell , for his wife ( not following the steps of her husband , who was euer on the mending hand , but growing from bad into worse ) cast as●de her Wedding stockings , & drew on a paire of yellow hose : then was my miserable Cobler more narrowly watched than a Mouse by a Cat , or a debter by a Catch-pole : he durst not vnlock his lippes afte● a Wench , but his teeth were ready to flie out of his head with her ●eating : to haue touched any Petticoate but his wife was more dangerous then for a Cat to eate fire : if any maide brought but her shooes to mending , his wife swore presently that hee had the length of her foote , and that he sowed loue-●●itches into euerie peece , though it were no bigger then a Chandlers token .

Wearied therefore with this ( worse then a beare-baiting ) and being almost worne to the ●are-bones , his heart fretting out euen to the elbowes by rubbing vp and downe in this miserie , At the length my braue boote-haler sifted his wits to the verie bran , for some hooke to fasten into his wiues ●ostrils , and the pill which he founde either to choake her or p●rge her , was this :

A Doctor of whome all Ware was affraid , because the Uicar of the towne suck'd more sweetnesse out of his Patients whome he sent to him ( by reason all that came vnder his hands , went the way of al flesh ( then out of all his tithe-Pigs ) ha●ned to dwell close by this distressed Cobler : to him ( hauing saued his water ouer night ) repaires my reformer of decayed Shoo-leather , betimes in the morning . The Bonjour being giuen and returned , the Coblers water was looked into , much tossing and tumbling of it there was for a prettie while , and at last it was demaunded whose the Urine should bee ? Mine ( quoth the Cobler ) So it may be replyed our Galenist , for I spie neither any disease swimming about thy body in this water , and thy verry lookes shew that thou art sound : Sound , ( cries out the infected Cobler ) alas sir I see now that some diseases haue power to make dunces of Doctors themselues , Sound ( quoth a ) why sir I am sicke at heart , I am struck with the Plague , I haue a Plague sore vppon mee ( your Doctors Capis not able to couer it , t is so broade ) it eates and spreds more and more into my flesh , and if you apply not some present remedie , Ware must & shall trudge to some other , when their olde shooes want mending , for the Cobler's but a deade man .

At this the Doctor stood amazed , and wondred that his skil should shoote so wide as not to finde out a greefe so common , so dangerous and so palpable : wherupon hee bidding the Cobler to open his brest , and not to feare to shew him that Plague-sore , where of hee so complained : the Cobler presently tolde him hee would but steppe foorth of doores , and at his return he should see it : at length the Cobler comes backe againe with his wife ●orne on his backe like a Sowe new scalded on the backe of a Butcher , and for all her kicking , rayling , cursing and swearing , yet to the Doctor hee came with her , crying looke you heere Maister Doctor , this is my plague-sore that so torments mee : in the night it keepes mee from sleepe , in the day it makes me madde : in my bed this serpent stings me , at my boord shee stabs mee , and all with one weapon ( her villanous tongue , her damnable tongue ) If I reply she fights : if I say nothing shee raues : if you call not this a plague Maister Doctor , then such a plague light on you Maister Doctor teach me therefore how to cure it , or else if you giue me ouer I shall grow desperate and cut mine owne throate .

The Doctor at this laughed , the Coblers wise rayled , the Cobler himselfe bid her lye still , & held her so long till a number of his neighbors came about him to beholde this seeane of mi●th : all of them ( knowing how dangerously the Cobler was infected with this mariage-plague , desiring the Doctor to play the right phisitian , and to cure their neighbour . The Doctor heereupon swore hee would doe it , and stepping into his study hee returned immediately with a paper in one hand , & a faire cudgell in the other , deliuering both to the Cobler , protesting that neither Gallen , Auarois , nor Hippocrates can prescribe any other remedie then this , and that if this medicine cure not the womans euill , nothing can The Cobler hauing neither the wrighting nor reading tongue , requested the Doctor to reade the receipt , as for the cudgell he vnderstood that well enough .

The paper therefore after a solemne O yes by all the standers by was read , & contained thus much : Take this salue Cobler for thy Plague-sore , A crabbed cudgell fits a froward Whore , Beate her well and thrif●ily : Whilst she cries out lustily : Neuer let thy hand giue ore , Till she sweares to scolde no more .

At the end of this , the Audience gaue a plauditie , in token they liked well of the Doctors phisicke : the Cobler thanked him , and thus insteede of an Epilogue spake to his neighbors , neighbors ( qd , he ) you know , & I know , nay the deuil himselfe knowes , that my wife hath stucke vppon mee like a Plague thus many yeares , to apply either the sirrop of a Salt Eele , or the oile of holly to her shoulders , I heatherto was affraid● , because I had no warrant that a man might lawfullye beate his wife .

But now sithence Ma●ster D●ctor , ( who wears not a veluet night cap for nothing ) hauing turned ouer his bookes , findes that no hear●e , mineral , salue , nor plaister , no purging nor any other blood-letting will cure or take out that worme vnder a womans tongue , ( which makes her mad ) but onely a sound beating : I will ( God willing ) giue her the dyet hee sets downe , & if euer I complaine her●after to any Phisition for the griefe of this plague , let all Ware laugh at me ●or an asse , & swear that my wife-weares the breeches .

Upon this resolution brauely does the Cobler march home , his wife ( like a furie ) following , railing , reuiling and casting di●t and stones , aswell at him as at the youthes of the parish that went showting after her heeles . But being within dores and the lockes made fast by my valiant Cobler , her tongue serued as a drum ortrumpet to sound an alla●um , whilst my braue desper view prepared for the onset with a good bast●ado : the assault was not so furious , but the Coblers wife was as ready to receiue it : to the skirmish fall they pell mel , the Coblers Co●ecombe , being first broken , but he being no Welchman ( to faint at sight of his owne blood ) so plide his businesse , and so thrash'd out all the Chaffe in his wife ( who was nothing but Rye ) that in the end she fell on her knees , cried for the 〈◊〉 of the Coblers mercy , & fed vpon them hungerly he liuing euer after more quietly for her scolding , then if hee had dwelt in a Steeple full of bels , that had lost their claps .

Thus much for the vniuersall plagues , that threaten our kingdome this present yeare 1609. Now let vs arme our heads to beare of the other miseries that are ready and must ( by decree in the vpper house in the heauenly parliament ) full vpon mankinde .

A prediction of Summer . 1609.

SUmmer the Minion of the yeare , and mistris of the earth : daughter and heyre to the spring , and empresse ouer manye kingdomes : whose robes are fieldes of standing Corne , and whose crowne is a garland of all sorts of fruits : Summer , the reléener of the poore , and Landlady to the rich : the Ploughmans Goddesse , to whom hée prayes , the Husband mans Quéene whom he worships : the filler vp of barnes , the féeder of Birds , the fatner of men and beastes , the treasurer of the world : the nurse of plentie , the enimie to dearths and famine : Summer , that is the Saint , to whom Bowyers and Fletchers knéele , in whose praise Archers send forth show●s , and Hay-makers merry songs . This high coloured red lip'd , liuely fac'd creature , comes not by turn to her coronation , ( to take her rule ouer the fourth part of the diuided yeare , vpon the eleuenth day of Iune ( according to common A●●ronomical computation , when the Sunne ( the Coachman of the light ) hath fetcht a carrier vp as hie as the vtmost and loftiest place of his eare , namely , to the first degrée of the Es●iual Sols●ice ( Cancer ) which is his greatest declination to the North , from the Equinoctiall , &c. But the Buckles of the Girdle ( with 12. Studs ) which he weares , being this yeare 1609 ) turned behinde him , & the celestiall houses , at which he vses to lie ( in his summer progresse ) being now remooued and builded in other places , I find that he shal enter at other gates , & that these shall be the harbingers to make way before his comming , or the Heralds to proclaime the time when he is come .

When therefore our aged gran●am ( the earth ) shall ( albeit in her latter dayes ) be great with childe with Corne , flowers & fruites , & be ioyfully deliuered of them , yet other creatures ( indued with reason ) shall be barren of all goodnesse : When the heat of the Sunne beames , begets golde in the veines of the earth , yet gold when t is brought forth shall worke a coldnesse in mens hearts : when Rin●rs shall swel with Spring-tides , and the fountaines of Art and learning be drawne dry : when shéep flie to broad trées , to defend themselues from the wrath of heauen vnder their shades , and when innocencie is guarded vnder the wings of greatnes from 〈◊〉 rage of oppression , when cuckows sing merrily , and cuckolds laugh at their owne hornes : when Courtiers ride the Wilde goose Chase , whilst farmers stand by and praise their horsemanship : when haruesters come singing from the field , because the corne lies in shea●es : and when Citizens wiues walk to their Gardens , yet bring from thence to their husbands no Nose-gaies stuck with Rue . These and no other but these are the badges that Summer weares , and neuer comes in but when she puts on these li●eries .

And albeit this Lady of the yeare , be ( like her couzen the Spring ) of a swéet and delicate complection , and that her body is by nature so fruitfull , that still and anon she is in labour ●o bring forth , yet that cursse which at first was laid vpon the earth , shall now this yeare 1609. fall vpon her , insomuch that her lusty and strong limbes shall grow weake by want , and her entra●les be ready to dry and shrinke vp to nothing , by reason of a strange famine , that most assuredly will féed vpon her .

Many deare yeares are set downe in our abridgements of Chronicles , but she face of this shall looke more leane then euer did any : I reade that in Edward the 2. time , there was such a famine , that Horseflesh was eaten and held as good or better meate then some mutton now : and that ●at dogs , were then catched vp as fat pigs at Bartholmew ●ide : yea , that in many places , they had the dead bodyes of their owne children to deuoure them , and that théeues in prison made roastme●t one of another . In other Kings raignes likewise haue I noted other effects of hunger , as that shéepe haue béene sold at this price : Hogs , Chickens , Pigs , Géese , Ducks , with all other broodes of poultry-ware , at such & such excessiue rates , which haue béene lamentable to endure , and ●ragicall now to rem●mber . But in this yeare 1609. beasts shall not bée sold déere , but men , yea men shall be bought and sold like Oxen and Cal●es in Smithfield , and young Gentlemen shal be eaten vp ( for daintie meat ) as if they were pickled Géese , or baked Woodcocks .

Neither shall the teeth of this famine feare out the gu●s of she poore Farmer alone , nor shall the Country village cry out vpon this misery , but it shall euen step into Lords , Earles , & Gentlemens houses : Insomuch the Cour●iers shall this dismal yéere féed vpon citizens , & citizens on the contrary side lay about them like tall trencher-men to deuoure the Cour●iers . The Clergie in this gréedy-gutted time shal haue thin chéeks , for euery body shall fléece or rather vnfléece them , and count it heauenly purchase , to pull feathers from their backs .

If any complaint this yéer be made for the scarcity of bread , let none be bla●ed for it but Tailors , for by al the consent of the Planets , it is set downe that they will be mighty bread-eaters , insomuch that half a score half-peny lo●ues wil make no shew vpon one of their stals . But least we make you hungry that shall read of this mise●y , by discoursing thus of so terrible a famine , let vs make hast to g●t out of the heart of this dry and mortall Summer , and ●●ye what wages the yeare will bestow vpon vs the next quarter .

Of Autumne , or the fall of the leafe .

AUtumne , the Barber of the yeare , that sha●es bushes , hedges and trées the ragged prodigall that consumes al and leaues himself nothing , the arrantest begger amongst all the foure quarters , and the most diseased , as being alwayes troubled with the falling sicknesse , and ( like a french man ) not suffring a hair to stay on his head : this murderer of the spring this théef to summer , and bad companion of Winter , scornes to come in according to his old custome , when the Sunne sits like Iustice with a pair of scales in his hand , weying no more hours to the day then he does to the night , as he did before in his Uernal progresse , when he rode on a Ram. But this bald-pate Autumnus , wil be séen walking vp & down groues , medowes , fields , woods , parks and pastures , blasting of fruites , and beating leaues from their trées , when common high-wayes shall be strewed with bo●ghes in mockery of Summer , & in triumph of her death , & when the doores of vsurers shall bée strewed with gréene hearbes , to doe honour to poore brides that haue no ●dwrie ( but their honestie ) to their marriage : when the world lookes like the old Chaos , and that plenty is turned into penurie , and beautie into vglinesse : when Men ride ( the second time ) to Bathe , and carry another Cornelius Tub with them , and when 〈◊〉 flye amongst hen sparrowes , yet bring home all the feathers they carryed out , Then say that Autumne raignes , then is the true fall of the lease , because the world and the yéere turne ouer a new leafe .

You haue heard before of certaine plagues , and of a Famine that hang ouer our heads in the cloudes : misfortunes are not borne alone , but like marryed fooles they come in couples , A Ciuill warre must march at the héeles of the former miseries , and in this ●uarter will he strike vp his drum .

The dissention that hapned once at Oxford , Ed. 3 . Anno. Reg. 29. betwéene a Scholler and a Uintner , about a quart of paltry wine , was but a drie-beating , nay rather a flea-biting to this , for Uprore and noise will fill all Countries , insurrections or risings vp will be within the cittie , and much open villany will be without the walles .

The hottest and heauiest Warre the blackest and bitterest day of battaile that is prognos●icated to happen , shall bée betwéene Lawyers and their clyants , and Westminster-hall is the field where it shall be fought : What thundring , what threatning , what mustring , what marching , what brauing & out-brauing , with summoning to parlé●s , and what defiance will there be on both sides ? dismall will be these conflicts to some , deadly to others , and ioyfull to a third sort : It is not yet doomb'd by the celes●iall arbiters , on whose side the victory shall flye , but by all Astrologicall likeli-hoods it is thought that the Lawyers will carry it away ( be it but with wrangling ) and they that goe armed with buckram bagges , and pen and Inkhornes instéede of flaske and touch●boxe , by the trée sides , you shoote nothing but paper-bullets , will haue those that march with black boxes at their girdles , and billes in their hands , in sudden and terrible execution .

Another ciuill war doe I finde will fall betwéene players , who albeit at the beginning of this fatal yéere , they salute one another like sworne brothers , yet before the middle of it , shall they wish one anothers throat cut for two pence . The contention of the two houses , ( the gods bée thanked ) was appeased long agoe , but a deadly warre betwéene the thrée houses will I feare burst out like thunder and lightning . For it is thought that Flag will bée aduanced ( as it were in mortall def●ance against Flag ) numbers of people will also be mustred and fall to one side or other , the drums and trumpets must be sounded , parts will then ( euen by the chiefest players ) bée taken : words will passe too and fro , spéeches cannot so be put vp , hands will walke , an Alarum be giuen , fortune must fauour some , or else they are neuer able to stand : the whole world must stick to others , or els all the water in the theames will not serue to carry those away that will be put to flight , and a third faction must fight like wilde buls against Lions , or else it will be in vaine to march vp into the field .

Yea , and this ciuill mutinie in the Suburbs , and this sitting vpon the skirts of the Citie , will I doubt kindle flames in the heart of it : for all Astronomers conclude , and all the bookes of the Constellations being turned ouer , speake thus : that vpon the very next day after Simon and Iude , the warlike drum and ●ife shall be heard in the very midst of Cheapside , at the noyse whereof people ( like mad-men ) shall throng together , and run vp & downe , striuing by all meanes to get into Merces , Silkemens and Gold-smithes houses , and to such height shal this land-water swell , that the 12 Conduits themselues are like to be set one against another , and not only the Lord Maior , Sheriffes and officers , but also many of the Nobilitie of the land shall haue much a doe with their troopes of horse , to breake through the disordered heapes of Tradesmen , and others that will on that fearful day be assembled together . In vaine shall it be for any man for to Cry peace , nothing will be heard but noyse , and the faster that fire-workes are throwne amongst these perditious children , the lowder will grow their rage , and more hard to bée appeased . Other discentions , mutinies , rebellions , battailes , combats , and combinations could I héere discouer to you my countrimen , but doubting that I put your hearts out of their right places already with too much horrour and affrightment , héere doe I sound a Retreate , intreating all men ( with mée ) to draw supplications , and to exhibit them to the whole body of the celestiall Counsell , who sit in twelue houses of heauen , beséeching them , that their influences may be more milde , that men may not bée so mad , and that women may turne from their euill doing .

I haue ( if you remember ) applyed certaine salues to some of those plagues set downe before , which I thought curable , It shall not be amisse , if now likewise I ●eate out a plaine and leuell path , in which you may walke safely , as well to auoide the famine threatned , as to escape perishing in the ciuill war .

The comfort men haue in a time when victuals grow déere or scant , is either to be well furnished , or else to haue the gift of abstinence , and to be content with little : Now because flesh is a great preseruer of mans life , I will shew you one Stratagem how you may get much into your owne hands , how to vse it when you haue it , and how to refraine from taking of it , albeit your hunger be neuer so great : then will I set downe other rare medicinable and polliticke receipts , or rather Warlike engines , by which in time of such ciuill insurrections as are this yéer like to happen , A man or woman may inforce themselues from the shot of all danger . For I would account that surgeon or that phisition , a mad man or a foole , that comming to me when I am hurt or diseased , and should onely tell me where my sicknes lyes , or how déep and dangerous my wounds are , but should not minister phisicke , or balmes , to recouer me 〈◊〉 therfore I haue discouered vnto you , where and how , and with what weapons you shall bée smitten , So doe I prepare medicinable compositions to restore you when you are strucke . And hé●re they follow .

An excellent Stratagem , how in the time of Famine , to be well prouided of flesh , how to preserue it along time from corruption , and how ( when hunger is most sharp set ) a man shall haue no lust to fall too , but may grow abstinent .

IN the Cittie of Caliz ( being an Iland bordering & belonging to the kingdome of Spaine ) ther was built a Colledge of Fryers , amongst whom there was one lusty Church-man aboue the rest , who was better limmed then learned , & could better skill in composing an amorous sonnet then in soing solemne dirges . This Fryer notwithstanding bare such a holy shew , was so demure in his manners , and so couertly cloaked his holinesse , that he was supposed the holiest fryer of all the fraternity , and therfore was appointed a confessor to a nunry , that was famous in this Iland , for women of most seuere forme of life & godly conuersation . Under the iurisdiction of the Abbesse , there were some twenty Nuns , all young , lusty , and full of fauour : very deuout , and yet not such recluses , but they had eies as other seculer women had , to iudge of beauty , and hearts to wish wanton thoughts , which after grew to light ( as time is the discouerer of most hidden secrets : ) for it so fel out , amongst these holy she saints , that one was either more wise or more wanton then the rest , called Madona barbadora , issued of good parentage , and only daughter , though not only child to Signieur Peagnes Bontolus , a man of great reputation in the Citie of Caliz . This Barbadora comming oftentimes to be confessed of this fryer , whose name was Father Pedro Ragazoni , noted that he was a man of comely personage , & so began somwhat fauourably to conceit of him : til at length frier Pedro marking her glances , perceiued them to be amorous , & with that hearing her sigh sundry times ( ere he had confest her ) did straight imagin that either she was a great sinner , & déeply repentant , or else sore ouerladen with the maidens plague , ( which is ouer large chastitie ) and therfore so full of outward sorrow & contrition : the frier taking her one day by the hand as she was alone with him in a pew , wisht her to vncouer her face . Barbadora obeying her'ghostly fathers command , threw off her vaile & blusht , which Fryer Pedro espying , ●●ssing her chéeke , began to salute her in this manner .

fayre Nun , and fayre maid , as I am your confessor , and haue power to absolue , so if you conceile any sinne from me , it will cra●e the greater punishment : therfore briefelly and faithfully answere me to my question . There be many sinnes that trouble maids which may be eas de , if they be pr●uented by some friend , or faithfull counsellor : as vnchast wishes , wanton glan●es , amorous thoughts , and such veniall scapes which are ingrafted by nature , and therefore craue pardon by course , and yet all deseruing pennance , but séeing they are but sins of the minde , they are but motions . What say you Barbadora , are you troubled with any of these trifling follies ? The Nun holding downe her head , onely answered , she was a woman , and her mothers daughter .

Fryer Pedro smelling a pad in the straw , prosecuted thus plesantly . And is it swéetmaiden ( q● . he ) for those sins you sigh ? oh no holy father ( quoth she ) for they bée déeper pasions that make me so sorrowful . Why ( saies the Fryer ) is it pride , couetousnesse , gluttony , enuy , wrath , sloath , or any such deadly sinnes that driue you into those dumps ? I would said Ba●badora ) I were as frée from all other as from these : Then said the Fryer , my life for yours , it is some womans plague you are troubled with al , and if it be so , take héed , it is dangerous , the sinne is more easie then the sicknesse .

I pray you sir saith she , what tearm you tha plague ? marry answers the frye● , that plague is , when a Maiden is fayre , young , of ripe yeares , and hath neuer a ●aithfull friend to her loue , but must to great distresse dye a Uirgin : that , that my reuerend Confessor , quoth the Nun is my grief● : you haue censurd right of my sorrow , I am troubled , with that burning plague , and if your counsell comfort me not , I am like to fall into greater inconuenience : séeing therefore you are priuie to my disease , as you are a Ghostly father , and haue care of my soule to absolue my sins ( for I hold you as a surgeon ) therefore yours be the charge to prouide for the health of my body . The Fryer hearing the Nunne in so good a minde whisperd in her eare , but what I cannot tel , but I am sure hée applyed such plaisters to help her , that shée complained no more of the plague a long time after .

Barbadora being thus set frée from her often sighes , could not kéepe her owne counsell , but shée reuealed it vnto her bed-fellow ( for the closet of a womans thoughts hangs at her tongues end ) in such sort discourst the conceit of her cure vnto her , that Iulia longed for the confessing day , ( for so was the Nuns bedfellow called ) which being once come , and shée in secret with Fryer Pedro , after hée had questioned her of many sinnes , and giuen much deuout and holy counsaile , at last shée burst forth into plaine tearmes , and told him shée was troubled with the same sicknesse her bed-fellow Barbadora was , and therfore craued the like assistance at his hands . The Frier smiling at this , was content to play the Surgeon to cure this plague , stil vnder the color of auricular confession , shadowing his villany , till of twenty Nuns , fiftéene were with childe .

At last time began to babble , and the Nuns bellies to grow big , so that before thrée moneths were past , they began to féele that for the amending of their plague , they had a spice of Timpany not long after , the world was quick , that the Nuns grew big , and to be briefe , they feard their fellows should perceiue their fault , and so bewray it to the Abbesse , wherupon with a generall consent they all agréed at their next confession to bewray it to the fryer , which was not long before it hapned . So Barbadora cunningly dissembling the matter , being formost of the rest , because she was eldest and of greatest account with the Abbesse , came to confession . And when fryer Pedro began with many a smiling looke , and holy kisse to gréet her , and question her about her sinnes , fetching a great sigh , made him this answere . Deuout father , to make a rehearsall of my sinnes is folly ; to tell what particular offences haue scapt from me is néedlesse , because in one briefe word , as he that sinnes in one of the ten commandements breakes all , so shée that by Frier is gotten with Childe , hath blemisht all her other vertues . And sir , therefore I confesse héere that my belly is bigge , and your swéete sugery hath wrought it , so eyther you must bestirre your wits to helpe now at a pinch , or else your discredit will be as great as my dishonour . The Fryer although this motion had greatly amazed him , yet he would not shew it in countenance , least he might discourage his faire Lemman , but bad her be of good chéere , and not to feare , for he would be charie of her honor and credit , and salue what was a misse to both their contents . I sir ( qd. she ) were my selfe onely in this perple●ities , I would not doubt of your pr●sent deuise , but there is fourtéene more besides my selfe , all troubled with the like swelling : what sister , quoth the Fryer , & with that hée fetcht a great sigh , and saide , I haue made the olde saying true , who sowes shall reape . I quoth , Barbadora , if it be but a whip and a white shéete , and therefore good Fryer , take héede that your pennance be not worse then our punishment , for your ghostly surgery hath brought vs to this diuellish sicknesse . Feare nothing Darling ( quoth he and smild ) Friers haue wit , as w●men haue willes , and therefore doubt not of any conceit , but tell me what is your greatest care . Marry ( quoth shée ) that the fiue that are frée perceiue vs not , and so discouer our ●aults to the Abbesse . Leaue that to me ( quoth he ) I will take order for that , to your high content , and so with great comfort to his holy sister , be sent her away with a kind confession , and tooke himselfe to the rest , who all sung the same song that Barbadora did , which put the poore Fryer to his shifts , but when hée had confest them all , subtilly hée went to the Abbesse & saluted her , and shée returned him as kindely gréetings , questioning how her twelue Nuns profited in vertue . Truely Madam ( sayde Pedro ) well , but amonst twe●ue Disciples , there was one Iudas , and when Adam had but two Sonnes , one proued a murderer , in Noahs Arke there was one Cham , and where God hath a Church , the diuell hath a Chappell .

The Abb●sse hearing the holy Father beginning such an enigmaticall exordium , began to suspect that there was some mischance amongst her Nuns , and therefore called him into the Dorter , and desired him to bewray vnto her what was amongst the Sisters , the 〈◊〉 ( that had fed vpon so much mutton ) cunningly began to ins●nuate himselfe vnder the shape of Abacuk , thus Madam you know that it behooues a confessor to be as secret as seuere , and to conceale offences , as well as hée appoints correction for sinnes ▪ therefore I may not nor bare not for mine oath reueale what either I know or they haue confest , but this in priuate I giue you as a Caueate if they stay long in your Cloister , they will discredit your house , and bring it in great approbatious question : with that hée named the f●ue honest Nuns , and with a solemne protestation , admonisht the Abbesse as spéedily as might be to co●uey them out of the Nun●y with credit . She thanking the holy father for his care he had of her honour , gaue him gold for his paines , & bad him farewell , still imagining what this matter might be , and examine them she ●urst not , least they should suspect their confes●or had discouered their confession , and so vpon their complaint bring the Fryer to further trouble , yet willing to haue them remoued ( so to saue her house from blemish ) ●he sent for their friends , and dealt so couertly and cunningly with them , that they were taken home for a time , till further tryall of their fortunes might bée had , their friends and parents sorrowfull and grieuing , that they aboue the rest should miscarry yet conceald all , and shadowed their home comming by sundry excuse ; and yet not so cunningly but the common people began to imagine diuersly of their departure , but none durst censure openly , though they muttered in secret , so that after many dayes all was whisht , and the other Nuns were glad , for all were ●eathered of one wing , and did so closely comfort themselues , that the Abbesse suspected nothing , and Fryer Pedro had more frée accesse to Clergi●ie his holy Uirgins and confessants , and made an agréement that which of them was brought to ●edde first , should giue him their Childe , and hée would conuay it away to their content and his owne credit .

Liuing thus as pleasantly as a Cock amongst so many Hennes , it fell so out at the last that Barbadoraes good houre was come , and that at such an unhappie time , that neither the deuise of the fryer , nor the secrecy of the Nuns , nor her own pollicie could saue her honesty , for rising as their custome is at twelue a clock at night to sing certaine Himmes . Barbadora in the midst of the quire fell i● trauell , and though she sought by all meanes to conceale , and to bide many sore pangs , yet at last she was faine with a loud alarum to cry hier then they sung , which the Abbesse hearing , s●aid their Mattins and went to Barbadora , asking her what she ailde , and what extreame disease painde her so , that she made such heauy shriking ? the great bellyed Nun , half dead with paine , wold giue the Abbesse no answere but oh my belly , my belly , Fryer Pedro , Pedro , oh my belly ! the old matron ( perhaps in her youth had ben cured of the maides plague ) perceiued straight where her shooe wrung her , and therefore charged the Nuns to holde her back , and she plaid so cunningly the Midwiues part , that Barbadora was deliuered of a pretie Boy , which the Abbesse séeing , after she knew that all danger was past , she raged and railed against the poore Nun , laying open not onely the gréeuousnesse of the sin ▪ but also her owne discredit , and chiefly the blemish that should redound to her , to the house , & all her fellow Nuns , through her only lightnesse of her life : after she had almost chast her selfe out of breath , shée questioned who was the Father , and Barbadora in great contrition of minde . tolde her how her holy Father Fryer Pedro did it . The Abbesse swearing a mortall reuenge against the Fryer for the loue she bare to Barbadoras , father Signior Ideaques Bartolos , and for the care shée had , least if this fact were knowne , her Nunrie shold grow in open contempt , she began to salue the matter amongst the Nuns : I cannot deny sisters quoth she , but as your how is holy , so the breach of virgin●tie in this case , deserues no lesse then hell fire , & without repentance can haue no absolute pardon , for the scape of a Nun is more then of another ordinary Woman , and for that course onely vpon suspition , I remoued f●ue of your fellowes which I thought faultie , yet flesh is fraile , & women are weake vessels , especially tempted by such a subtill S●rpent as Fryer Pedro is , and therefore the fault is the lesse , & the more willingly to be shadowed , so that I charge you héere to conceale the matter both for your own & mine honour : and if any of you all haue ben by him perswaded to the like folly , tell it to me now in secret , and I will be as silent as your selues , to salue and saue your honesties . The Nuns hearing this ; all fourtéene fell down on their knées before the Abbesse and cried out vpon frier Pedro ( letcherous Fryer Pedro ) and curst him : the Abbesse suspecting nothing of the whole 14. bad them beware not only of him ( for he should no more come within their Dortor ) but of all others that hereafter should be their confe●●ors . Alas Madam ( qd Iuliana ) it is to late , for we all 14. are with childe by him , marry God forbid ( qd the Abbesse ) and blest her , what ( qd she ) 15 at a clap with childe , & onely by one Fryer ! Then I sée well the diuell is grown deuout , when Friers deale their Almes so franckly : but by swéet S. Anne ( said she ) I will be reuenged on the Fryer , and all the Couent shall pay swéetly for ingrossing the market , and buying so much flesh for his owne dyet .

So she fell to more strickt examination of them , whether any moe fryers came with him or no ? and they confest that he had procured euery one of them a louer , & deliuered their names , which she taking note of , deferde not reuenge very long , least suspition might be had , but thus cunningly sought to acquite the wrongs profered both to her & her house : she sent her steward abroad to buy great prouision of victuals , & then her own selfe went to the Abbot , and desired that her confessor and 14. of his friends might take part of a feast which she had prouided : the Abbot granted , & the Fryers gaue her great thanks , & promised to come , all laughing in their sléeues that she should giue the faire Nuns and them leaue to haue one merry supper together , séeing in secret they had so many nights lodging with them . The Abbesse went home smiling , and prouided certaine tall st●rdy knaues for the purpose , that were tennants , and belonging to the lands of the Nunry , & conu●ied them all néere vnto the backe place of the Chappell , and had giuen them her minde out plainly , to deale with the friers as she had decréed : and thereupon placed in that back roome fiftéene great blocks all standing one by another as orderly as might bée .

Hauing thus fitted all things to the purpose , she put vp the Nuns euery one into their Cels , least they should giue any inckling vnto the Fryers of her determination . At the houre appointed these frolicke fryers came clad in their coules with smooth faces , and dissembling hear●s , hauing great shew of prayers in their eies , and hope of lechery in their thoughts : but howsoeuer , the old stbbesse gaue them a most courteous & friendly welcome , telling them that the Nuns were all this day busie cookes about the Feast , onely her selfe was le●t to giue entertainement : they gra●ulated her curtesies , and shée led them all into a great Parlor , where she caused the Steward to bring them in Wine : then the place being strong , shée went forth and called the Confessor to her , land then leading him into the backe roome appointed for the purpose , the tall knaues laid hold on him , and there stripping him into his shirt they tooke a great thrée forked , naile , and fastened the Fryers Dow●ets of dimissories fast to the blocke , to the great paine & amasing of the Fryer . Well , howsouer hée complained , hée could not get any answere of the Abbesse , but that she laught heartely , and thus by one and one shée drew out the Fryers , and nayled them fast in their shirts to the blockes , then laying downe by euery one of them a sharp knife , she began to make her Oration thus : Gentle Father Pedro , and you the rest of the holy Fryers , you know the smallest sin craues some pennance in the Lay people , then what doe great offences in Fryers ? hée which knowes his maisters will and doth it not , must be eaten with many stripes , so you that know lecherie was a deadly sin , and had all by solemne oathes vowed chastitie , haue gotten all the Nuns of my house with child . Therfore I in charitie haue for your soules health appointed you this pennance At that word all the country fellowes set fire in the thach , and the house began so burne : you sée ( quoth she ) either burn to death , or els héere lye kniues to frée your selues , now it is at your owne choice whether you will burne or geld your selues , and hereafter endeuour to kéepe chastitie .

The Fryers hearing this hard resolution , began with humble lookes to intreat her , but in vaine she made them all a low curtes●e and went her wayes .

The Fryers in great perplexitie séeing the house all on fire , and that they began to fri● in their shirts , and the house ready to fal about their eares . Fryer Pedro learning first to play the man : tooke the knife and whipt off his geni●ories , and away he runs towards the Abbey , and euery frier fearing the fire , plaid the like part , and away they run bléeding as fast as their legs would carry them , the fire grew great , and it was perceiued a farre off , so that Signior Ideaques Bartolos ( Barbadoras Father ) espyed it , fearing his daughters mishap , ran thither himselfe . The Abbot being told the Nunry was on fire , made no little hast for feare of his Fryers , & an infinite of other people being deuoutly minded to the Nunry ran thither , and as they went , Signior Bartolos and the Abbot , met the fryers running away in their shirts , which amazing them , the Abbot said what newes Fryer Pedro ? what , the Nunry a fire , and you run away in your shirts , what meaneth this ? I know not , I know not sir ( said ●e ) we were there late enough , the diuell burne house , Abbesse , Nuns and all , and away ●rudged the Couent , euery man to his lodging , and sending spéedily for a skilful surgeon , the Abbot with the rest of the townes-men , and Signior Bartolos came thither , & by the time the roofe was pulled down , and all quencht , and they found the Abbesse ready to entertain them friendly . They wondring at this , demaunded how the fire came , and what the reason was the fryers run away in their shirts ? The Abbesse recounted vnto them from point to point , what had hapned , and how fiftéene of the Nuns were with child vnder the shadow of confession , by those 15. fryers , and therfore she had sought reuenge to cléere her selfe of that crime , & because your e●es shal witnes what bitter punishment I haue appointed them for pennance , come all with me , & so she led them into the back roome , where she shewed them the kniues , and what the fryers for feare had left behind them . At this they all fell into a great laughter , except Bartolos ( who grieued for his Daughter Barbadora ) yet hée highlye commended the Abbesse for her reuenge , & shée was honoured through the citie : the Nuns banisht ther religious house , the Fryers put out of these Dortors , and the fiue poore Nuns that were thrust out ( without cause ) entertained againe , and euer after the Nunry was in great fame and credit : now to a second remedy , how to stop the mouth of a Usurer , when his couetousnes complaines of famine and cannot bée satisfied .

An excellent dyet for an Vsurer , when his conscience is starued .

IN Rauenspurge , in Germany , there dwelled a Iew that was a vsurer , who liued by the spoile of his purloining faculty and reapt with ease what others had purchast with labor , rich he was , and well monied , & ready to lend vpon any reasonable assurance : but as he was swéet to pleasure at the first , so at the last , whosoeuer tasted of his fauors , found them bées with stings , and faire panthers with deuouring pan●hes , that al his curtesies were but fowlers gins to bring a bird to the snare , & then to pray vpon them like Crocodiles aliue , for this miserable Iew was plyant to the suite of any man , that brought him either sufficient surety or pawne : but if he broke one minut of his appointed houre , he took the forfeits with all extremitie : gathering thus infinite treasures into his hands , hée grew by this extorting qualitie to bée one of the richest men in Rauenspurge , yet though his wealth was great , & he in debt to none , his belly sued an action of trespasse ( damage fiue hundreth pounds ) against him , as being indebted to it , in so much for hungry meales , and hard chéere , that hée had past ouer in his life time , for he was not only spare in his diet , but miserable , granting himselfe oftentimes , no other then water to quench his thirst , and féeding vpon nothing but the most refuse meate in the shambles to satisfie his hunger . This Iew called Ioachlm Gorion , thus flourished and tooke his onely felicitie in féeding his eyes with the sight of infinite treasure not respecting the ruine of many poore men , so he by their miseries might enrich himselfe . Wherevpon he grew in open contempt , and hatred of all the people , but as the Fox the more he is ●urst , the better hee fareth , so Ioachim the more the poore exclaimed against him , the more his profits and reuenewes came in .

At last it fortuned that a Farmer bordering néere vnto Rauenspurge , being called Hans Van Limericke , hauing a sum of money to pay , or else to loose certain commodities f●ue times worth the value , not knowing how to furnish himselfe with so much coyne , and finding friends ●●acke in time of necessitie , at length called to minde this wretched Usurer Gorian , and though he knew him to be a man of no conscience , yet assuring himselfe how he was able to pay his money that he borrowed againe at the day , was the better encouraged to deale with him , so that coueting rather to brooke an inconuenience , then suffer a mischiefe . He went to the house of Ioachim , and broke the matter vnto him : the Iew neuer denied but friendly promised him to lend him so much , so he might haue sufficient assurance for his mony . Hans hearing this was glad , and said he ment to lay him his farme , and all his Lands in morgage , with a letter of defeisance recognised , that al the land should be his , if either he broke the day or houre . The couetous Iewe was content , so that taking a déede of guift with a prouis● of him , he tendered downe the mony , and so fitted and supplyed the Farmers present want , who went home merily , & dispatched such Creditors as he was vpon that day to discharge . The Iew knowing the Farme to be a pretty plot , well scituated and three times worth the money , wisht Limericke dead , that he might ●réely enter possession of his goods and landes , but it fell out contrary to his desire and expectation , for the Farmer carefull of his day , because he knew the hard conscience of the Usurer , straind himselfe and his friendes , & prouided the money , and at the time appointed came and brought it to Gorions house ▪ now the money was to be paide betwéene two and thrée in the after noone , which Hans knowing , was there halfe an houre after two to deliuer his money : the Usurer hearing that he was come , was greatly gréeued that he had kept touch so well , and therefore thought to ouer-reach him with flat poli●i●ke co●senage , which he performed thus .

The Usurer had a clocke in his house , which went with such vices and gim●●als , that by letting downe , a pullie , he coulde make it strike what a clocke himselfe would : so that sending downe word to him that he would come by and by , hee went himselfe and straind the pully , and the clocke , presently struck thrée : wherevppon the Iewe came downe , and demaunded of Limericke , what hee would haue ? Marrie sir ( quoth he ) I haue brought you home the mony I borrowed of you , with that appoyn●ed loane , and a thousand thanks , besides : promising for this fauour euer to rest yours whilst I liue . My money Hans ( qd. he ) why dost not know the effects of the recognisance ? I pray thée at what houres was the money to be payde ? betwéene twoo and thrée ( quoth Limericke ) why so then it is now past thrée , and therefore I le none of the money , but stand to the forfeit of the bands that are l●st to me by morgage : at this the poore farmer was some thing amazed , yet thinking tha Iew had but iested , he smild , and began to turne the money on the boord , to tender it : but Ioachim tolde him flat that he was in earnest , and would none of the money : why Sir , ( quoth Hans ) though your clocke hath strucken thrée , by other clock as if is little past two , and therefore I hope you will not so vniustly stand vppon the aduantage : the Usurer answered him that his clocke went right and he would take none , vpon which they fell at great debate , till at last other clocks in the towne strucke thrée also , which when the Iewe heard hée was glad , and bad him if he could count what it was a clocke , to be briefe he would not receiue a penny , but stoode to the extreamity of the morgage .

The poore Farmer grieuously perplexed , intreated him with teares , obiecting that if it were so a minutes breach was not much : but in vaine all his perswasions were bootelesse breathed into the ayre , for the Iew that had his hart as flinty as Adament , felt no remorse , but went into his closset , and left poore Limericke , with his complaints , who sorrowfully going home to his wife , bewraide the matter vnto her , who pertaking her husbands griefe with equall discontent , perswaded him to patience , and told him he had no better remedy then to make his complaint to the Signorie and rulers of the Cittie , which he did and cald the Iew at a Law day before the iudge , and there reuealed his case at large , for might ouercomming right , and money peruerting the truth , he went home with a flea in his eare , vtterly vndone and beggered , and the vsurer merily tryumphing in the verdite of his reuenues .

This past on a yeare or twoo , till at last poore Hans grew to that extreame want , that he● had neither money , credit , nor house to put his head in , which so vexed him , that at length he grew weary of his life , for being falne from a man of some account to great contempt by his pouerty , hee waxed into a kind of despairing lunacy , and had oftentimes in his melancholly humor slaine himselfe , had not his wife preuented him by her carefull diligence .

While thus Limericke liued in beggars estate with his wife and thrée small Children , this Iew ( this Ioachim ) this wretched Usurer , as he ●ryumphed in his wealth , was one day suddenly stricken with sicknes that he went to his bed , and there lay till hee grew quesie at the heart , and then ●e sent for phisitions whome he greased with golde , and ●ad them spare for no cost , so he might recouer his former health : they applyed Potions , Electuaries , Glisters , Purgations , and Pilles , but in vaine . Contra vim mortis , non est medicamen in hortls .

They could find out no simple Hearbe , Stone nor Minerall , Drugge nor compound so comfortable , that any waye might mittigate his disease , so that growing past helpe of man , the Phisitiaus left him , and certaine deuout men of the towne came to perswade him to God , séeing hee was no man of this world , wishing him to enter with déepe insight into his owne minde , and to search his conscience for many wrongs and extorting iniuries hée had offered to poore men setting before his eyes the paynes of Hell due to sinners , as condigne punishment . Ioachim hearing all , a long time with patience answered not a word , but only desired them to depart , and to trouble him no more for a while : which they did , and he turning himselfe , lay two or thrée houres in a trance considering and repeating in his mind , the infinite wrongs & palpable iniuries he had offered the poore , the widdow & fatherlesse , which striking a remorse into his conscience , séeing hee must die , and measuring his sins with the instice of God , and hauing no grace to thinke vpon his mercy , he started vp , and with his eyes staring , cryed vnto his man and saide , oh the Plague , the plague , the plague is here my Ben , the plague : his man thinking he had ra● ' de for want of sléep , desired him to be patient , and to leaue off those franticke exclamations . Oh thou of my tribe ( qd ▪ he ) I am in my right mind , the plague is here euen in my conscience , in my inward soule , I am worse then Cain or Iudas : I haue murdered more then they two by extortion , and therefore I cannot be saued : the plague in my conscience , my Ben , the plague : his man ( although he hated his maister , ) and wisht him at the Deuill , yet to blind the world with the opinion of a dutifull seruant , he presently ran for the chiefe Burgamasters of the towne , who comming hastily to comfort and counsaile him , found him in this dispairing humor , & could by no means draw him to any hope of grace , wherevpon they left him as he liued , and so gaue him ouer to die , he continuing stil in this melancholly despaire . While thus he languished in this mad moode , Hans and his family harbored in poore estate in the Citty , and hearing of this extreame sicknes of the I●w , was glad that God had so sharply auenged him of his enemy : but yet this mishap bred him small help , whervpon desirous to die , he went , & at an Apothecaries shop bought him a mortall confection , which he purposed to take to rid him from his present misery .

Hauing kept it a long while in a Uioll , at last he sat in a great studdy vpon his present hard fortunes , and houering betwéen grace & dispaire , at last he resolued to go try now what this Usurer would doe , happily ( sayd he to himselfe ) his sicknes hath altered his conscience , and his minde is better now toucht with the doubt of death , then when before hee had no other thoughts but vpon life , so that I will make experience if hée will compassionate my miserie , and make some restitution of that which so wrongfully hee detaineth from mée . In this minde the poore man went to Gorions house , and knocking at the doore , be found none there but poore Beniamin , who was almost wearie of his life , with the extreame trauell that hée had with his lunaticke Iewish Master , and he poore soule began to turne Christian , and to pitty the Farmer , and wisht him to come in .

It may be ( saith he ) grace yet will be sent to him , and the touch of his extortion will turne his conscience , therfore come vnto him , and speake face to face with him : The Farmer glad of this , came into the chamber and saluted him in most humble manner . Who is that ( oh Ben ) saies the Iew , that salutes me ? It is sir ( quoth he ) the poore farmer whose lands you entred vpon by a forfeit of morgage . At that as wel as he could , he raised himselfe vp in his bed , and cryed out Uillaine take héed , he comes to rob me , beware of him , looke to my Coffers , to my Gold , to my writings : where are my kepes ? Sir ( saith Beniamin ) they be about your necke : for in his most extreamity , no , not till his latest gaspe would hée part from them , so that in a couetous lunacy hee gropt for them , held them fast , and cryed out the Plague , the Plague , oh Hell , ●ell , the Deuill , the deuill .

So his man Ben perswaded him to be quiet and to remember the poore man : the poore man , I marrye Ben , well sayd ( quod the Iew ) where is he ? I will giue him his land again , I tooke from him wrongfully , and then he stoode staring him on the face , hee will not liue long saith his man stay you with him and talke with him , till I go out and call some neighbors to be with me .

The farmer was content , and so Beniamin went out and left them two together : as soone as hee was gone , the poore man began to instruct him to God-ward , and séeing he was ready to dye , to make restitution of such goods or Lands as hee with-held from any man by extortion .

At this the Iew● lookt on him very ghas●ly , and spyed the Uioll that the poore man held in his hand vnder his cloak , with that in a rage hee cryed out what hast thou there in the glasse ? phisicke to coole my conscience that burnes like hell , hath the Deuill sent to heale me .

The Farmer séeing this desperate Iewe voide of all grace and giuen ouer by God into a reprobate sence , answered him briefly , he hath sent me to thée , and vild Usurer I haue broght thée phisicke from the Deuill to helpe thée . Oh welcome , welcome saies the Iew , what is in it ? what is in it ? Marie saith the Farmer , there is in it these simples following .

Heere are the teares of poore men , distilled from their eyes through the anguish of thy extortion , and they are made luke-warm with the scalding s●ghes that throbs from their sorrowfull hearts , tempered with the curses of Widdowes and Orphanes , whom thou hast brought to beggery : these boyld with the fire of Gods wrath , and put vp by the Deuill into a violl of despaire & prepared for thée to drinke , that after thou hast taken this potion , thou maist go to deuill without repentance .

Then giue it me ( quoth he ) and so he snatcht the violl of poison out of the poore mans hand , and drunke it off , the confection being strong began to suffocate his sences , that he lay stil : perceiuing that he could not liue long , thoght now , séeing no body was there , to prouide for himselfe : conuey any chests he could not , steale any goods he might not , for hee had no oportunity , and therefore God putting it into his mind , hee tooke penne and paper , and writ a scedule to this effect .

The Scedule that the Farmer writ .

Ioachim Gorion being whole of minde , though s●●ke in body , toucht with remorse of conscience for the manifest wrongs that I haue proffered to insinit poore men , Widdowes , and Fatherlesse Children , hoping that the mercie of God is more then my sins , do ordaine Hans van Limericke my lawfull heire and Executor , as a man whome aboue all I haue most wronged , conditionally that hee reward my man Beniamin , for his faithfull seruice : and for the surplu●age let it be to him and to his ●eires for euer , of all my goods , lands , Cattles and mooueables , and that this is my last will and testament , I haue thereto set my seale at armes .

Hans Limericke hauing thus cunningly written it , and being a good pen man , so excellently well counterfeited his hand that it might not easily be disc●rned , but the Iew himselfe had written it : so pulling his seale off from his finger , he sealed it , and then wrapping it vp put it in a purse that hung about the Iewes necke , for Ioachim was already sencelesse , and lay staring , but the poison had so suffocated his pipes , that he could not speake .

By that came Beniamin with twoo or thrée poore men and Women to watch with him , whervpon the Farmer tooke his leaue , and his man asked him what newes : I can get no other answere of him than this , that when he is dead , I shall heare what he will doe . At that the Iew lookt Ben in the face , and as well as he could pointed to Hans , meaning how he had poisoned him , but they tooke it that he meant some good should be done vnto Hans .

After his death , as soone as he was gone , the poison came to the last exigent , and the pangs of death ●rewe on , and they all perceiued that there was no hope of life , which sorted according to their expectations , for within one halfe houre after the Iew died .

As soone as Beniamin saw him dead hée shed teares , more for fashion then for loue , and hauing like a wise Cooke lickt his owne fingers , that he neede no further legacy to shadowe the matter , sent one straight to signifie the matter vnto the Burgamasters , that Ioachim the Iewe was dead , and séeing that he had neither made will , nor yet had any kindred that might claime it as his heire , it were best for them to looke for the disposing of his goods .

The Burgamasters comming thither , with a generall consent , began to suruay euery chest in the house , and to search each corner putting all into an inuentory that they ●ound , wt●eing summed together , redounded to an infinite wealth : besides his lands , leases , and tenements , that he had in the Cittie and country thereabout : At last missing the keyes of certain cheste that could not be vnlockt , Beniamin told them they hung about his necke at his purse , they wondering at the excéeding couetousnes of such a miserable man , smiled and took his purse , and searching what was in it , found the scrowle which Limericke had written , sealed with the Iewes seale at armes , which when they had well read ouer and determined vpon , they all censured that God had put some remorse into his conscience , both to make him heire whome he had so highly wronged , and that he was in so good a mind to make restitution of his misdéeds ; Upon this they called a conuocation in their State-house , they sent after Hans , and by a generall decrée , made him lawfull inheritour to the Iewe , so Hans from a beggar became richer than any Burgamaster , did many good d●eds to the poore , made restitution and well rewarded Beniamin , thanking God that the miserable vsurer had couetously gathered and had him to be his heire , whom he neuer so much as once dreamt of .

How in a houshold of ciuill warre , a woman may be safe from a cruell husband .

IN the County of Deuonshire , not farre from Exceter , there dwelled a Rope-maker whose name I conceale : this Rope-maker ( whome I will call Richard ) was about the age of some forty yeres , and he was a parlous sowre fellow , ill loued of his neighbours because he so vnkindly liked of his wiues : for this iolly companion had bin maried to thrée wiues in ten yeares , and had vsed them all so hardly , that he killed them all with kindnes .

This brought him in such hatred amongst all his nieghbors , that though he were a man of verry good wealth , and besides his occupation , landed : yet the poorest and basest wench in the whole country , did disdaine to match herselfe with such a franticke husband , so that being a widdower , hee had no hope euer to match himselfe againe , where he was knowne , and therefore apparelling himselfe hansomely , and putting store of crownes in his purse , he went into Somersetshire hard by Tanton , and there was a sutor to a widdowes daughter ▪ that was a good propper maide and wellfauoured , but of no great wealth , & therfore the easier to be wooed , & won of a stranger .

This rope-maker being a good propper man , and of a comely personage , became a sutor to this maide , whose name was Mary , a wench of a good bone and a lusty complexion , much like to Lancashire breed , the maiden entering into consideration of her mothers estate , and her owne pouertie , and seeing she had few sutors , because the hope of her dowry was but small , listened the rather to Richards motion , who beeing of a smoothe tongue , and could set out himselfe well in talke , as the tiger when he meanes to prey , then euer hideth his claws , and where the Foord runnes smoothest , there is it deepest : so as the olde prouerbe is , the still Sow eates vp all the draffe : and he could vse such ciuill behauiour , trickt out with such eloquent and glorious tearmes , that in short time he wonne the wench and married her , and after that he had remained a weeke or two at home with her mother , hee tooke his leaue to carry her home to his owne house : although there was some sorrow at parting betweene the mother and the daughter , yet because she loued Richard well , she tooke it patiently , and beeing hony moone , he seemed so chairy ouer her , that it grieued him the winde should blowe on her ; well , home they went , and when she came where he dwelt , she found a house well stored with all things necessary , but she wondered as the custome was in their country , that none of his neighbors did come to welcome him to the towne : well , this past on till Sunday , and then she went to Church : when they of the towne did see that rich man the Rope-maker had gotten so propper a woman to his wife , they began to say that the more knaue had euer the better lucke , and indeed fortune was blinde when she suffered such a buzzard to light on such a chicken , and to pittie the poore womans mishappe , that had chaunced on such a froward and Hare braind Husband : yet foothing all vp with a good countenance , they after seruice was done , welcommed her vnto the parrish , and she returned them thankes very ciuillie . It chanced one wife amongst the rest , whose sister this Rope-maker had married and kild with kindenes , did long till she spake with Richards wife , that shee might make her priuy vnto her husbands vntoward qualities : and tarrying a great while to speake with her , at last finding oportunitie , discoursed vnto her how her husband had bene marryed vnto three wi●es , and how cruelly he had dealt with them all , abusing them so , that they tooke such griefe , that for verie sorrow they all dyed , telling her from point to point a number of his ill conditions , which although they went colde to her heart , yet chearefully made the Woman answere , that what her husband had done before , it little toucht her : the woman hearing Richards wife speake so modestly , and in the defence of her husband , onely prayed God she might finde it so in the end , and so friendly they parted .

The Rope-makers wife being in a great perplexitie , that she had made such a choice in hast● , that she might so deepely repent at leysure , hoping the best , shee went about her huswiferie till her husband came home , who returning within two daies after , she welcommed him with all curtesie that a woman could affoord to her husband : he thanked her , but not with the same familiar countenance he was wont to doe , which streight made her suspect that her neighbors tale would prooue a true prophecie , but patiently brooking some vnkinde Frownes , shee dealt so carefully , louingly , and kindely with him , that he could find● no cause to beate her , insomuch that his olde dogged nature within one halfe yeare began to breake out , so that she easily perceiued he sought a knot in a rush , and aymed earnes●lye to finde some Cauell that hee might hansell her bones with a cudg●ll if shee lookt merrily on him , shee flowted him , and streight he lent her a boxe on the eare for her fleering .

If her countenance were solemnly modest , then she loathed him , and what he did : and cound about the house he went with a fayre Holly wand , if shee spoke vnto him she was talkatiue ; and streight she had a blow on the lippes : if shee saide nothing she was ●ullen : and he wold make her finde her tongue with a Ropes-ende , which he called a Salt-Eele , and with which against her will shee broake her fast , dinde , & supt many a time : whatsoeuer she did huswifly in the house , what meat she drest , what businesse she performed , al was misconstrued and rewarded with blowes , which draue the poor woman into such a quandarie , that she wisht herselfe out of the world , her estate growing worse & worse , at last his habit grew to a custom & so she neuer went vnbeaten to bed , so that as now gentlewomen weare their Maskes , so shee euerie Sunday went to Church with a black● Face , which her neighbours espying ▪ as they pittied her , so they smiled , that at length she had found their forewarnings to bee no other but meere prophecies , but although they had libertie to les● , so she had occasion to sorrowe , for the miserable man would driue her into great extremities , and make tryall of her patient nature , with wondrous contrarieties : for some time comming home late in the night , hee would bring sundrye of his Neighbor● with him , and to shewe how hee could domineere ouer his wife , hee would make her light a pound of Candles at the great ende , which if either in iest or earnest shee refusde to doe , str●ight about the house shee went , and had a gentle remembrance to remember his fingers a mo●th after .

And amongst the rest , one day to haue the world thinke in what seruile slauerie his wife stood of him , hee caused her to stand by him , while hée made Ropes , and fill a Siue with water , a labour as endlesse , as painefull and contemptible , so that the ne ghbor● and passengers noting it , some praised the w●m●ns patience ▪ that executed her husbands foolish charge , with so stedfast and resolute a countenance : the poore wise liuing in this miser●e by the space of some three or four● yeares ▪ so one day being alone by her selfe , looking in a glasse , and considering aduisedly how her wonted countenance was blemisht by her husbands vnkindenes , shee fetcht a great figh , and sware a m●rtall and fatal reuenge , so that a deepe hate of his ill qualities entring into her thoughts , shee resolu'd to make him repent those many yeares he had made her leade in such s●ruile miserie .

In this determination she gathered her wits together , and sought how to crie quit●ance with her husband , yet could shee finde no certaine meanes speedily to auo●de the shrewish disposition of such an earthly Deu●ll , but bearing the Crosse with patience , ●ested the verse subiect of distresse : to run away shee would not , to withstand him she could not , she shamd to make complaint to the Iustices : and thus euerie way she was voide of any remedie , so that she brookt al , and went about her busines , till on a time fortune smiling vppon her , and intending to giue truce to this poore woman , it chanced that as shee was gathering r●she● to make her house cleanly , against the next Holly-day , sitting & sighing at her vnhappines , she heard one sing a merrie song , which she gaue eare vnto : The effect wherof , agreed greatly with her melancholly disposition , for it armed a salue for that sore , that so pincht her , and applide a medicin● for her continuall malladie : the contentes of the song were these .

A song sung by an olde Woman in a Medowe . OF all the plagues which make poore wigh●s , vnhappy and accurst : I thinke a wicked husband is , ( next to the Deuill ) the worst . But will young women come to mee , i le shew them how they shall : With prettie sleights and priuie tricks streight rid them from such thrall . The husband frownes , & then his fist lights on her tender cheeke : And if she doe reply a word , a Staffe is not to seeke . But will , &c A iealious eye the husband beares , then is he out of quiet , And she must fit her humors then , to feede his braine-sicke dyet . But wil , &c. Else round about the house shee goes , the holy wand must walke : And though his words bee reasonles . yet must she brook his talke , But will , &c. Thus men doe tryumph like to kings and poore wiue● must obey : and though he be a verry foole , Yet must he beare the sway . But will young women come to me , I le showe them how they shal With pre●tie sleights and priuie trick : streight rid them from such thral .

THe olde woman hauing thus ended her song , the poore wife that with teares for ioy , heard some hope of her redresse , drew neere to finde out this olde woman , who had sung such a pleasant Dittie , and finding her foorth , shee saluted her and after sundry broken sighes , flowen out of a pensiue conscience , she began to breake with her in this manner .

Mother ( quoth she ) as your age is great , so your experience is much , and therefore would I willingly discouer some parte of my griefe vnto you : the ●uld woman seeing the wiues face , full of sorrow , noting in her the very An●atomie of a pensiue woman , began to compassionate her fortunes , and therefore wisht her miloely and friendly , to r●ueal● the cause of her distresse , & if any way it lay in her power , to satisfie her thoughts , her cares should be cured with either counsaile or comfort : the poore wife hearing the old woman speak with such a familiar relish vnto her , began her complaint thus :

The wiues complain● , of the conditions of an ill husband .

MOther I cannot conce●t my 〈◊〉 without ●ighes , nor manifest my sorrowes without ●eares , so bitter is the estate of my fortunes , and so ha●lesse is the euent of my redresse : I was once as you haue be●● , a maide , and then the countrie Farmers reported my beautie to be as great , as now my miserie is extreame : Fate so appointed that I was woed and wonne by a rope-maker , a man I think ( mother ) not vnknowne vnto your selfe , if for no other cause , yet for the hard vsage of his wiues , and with that the poore woman bu●st into bitter teares , and the olde woman began to ●●gh , in vttering her conceit with an oath , asked if she were the maide that Richard the rope-maker had maried ? I am mother quoth she , that vnfortunate wife , that was once a maide , whose fortunes are made intollerable , by the bad nature of a froward husband ▪ whose custome is neither at bed or at boord , to shew me any good countenance : if I looke so●erly , then I am t●oubled with the sull●ns , and then he wakeneth me with a hollie w●●and : if I salute any of my neighbours with good-morrow , he saieth they are my Copesma●es , and then my bones beares the burthen : If I speake to none , he saith I scorne such as are his friends , and hee will make me find my tongue : if in my bed I fall asleepe , beeing wearied with labor , he pincheth me wickedly , and cals me drowsie drunkard : if I ouer-wake him , then he puls me by the haire of the head , and saith I watch to cut his throat , when he is asleepe : yet mother , these are not the greatest sorrowes , for he hath a maide at home which he loues better then mee , and her be setteth on his knee before my face hee , cuts her the first morsell of the meat , and oftentimes in the night he riseth from me to goe to her , and in the day if I but wish her to goe to her worke , if she frowne , then am I most pittifully beaten , as you may witnes with your eies , and with that shee discouered her naked bodie to her , which was all brused blacke and blew , with stripes , and yet mother ( quoth she ) these are not the greatest sorrowes .

The olde woman colde at the heart , with th● rehearsall of this poore wiues calamities , made her this ●inde answere : daughter inough , I knowe by the man much ill , as this sixteene yeares that I haue knowne him , I haue entred into many discourses of his villanies , but le●ting him passe as he is , to the present redresse of thy miseries , what , sayes shee , hast thou no friends to goe vnto , whose abillitie may counteruaile his currishnes , and bridle him by the lawe , for such beastlines ? Alas aunswered she , I haue none but an olde woman and poore like your selfe to my mother , and it grieues me to make a bootlesse complaint vnto her : why then ( saith the olde woman ) hast thou no friend who for the possession of thy loue may haue him about the pate , and so reuenge thy iniuries ? Alas ( mother ) better had I dye miserably , then dishonestly , I haue none , And saith the olde Matron , I see thou art not strong inough to match him with blowes , and therefore must I flye for thy succour to my last phisicke : whose principles be so auth●nticall and sure , that they neuer misse , therfore tell me , hast thou any woman , that thou dar'st commit thy secrets vnto ?

O Mother ( saith she ) two or three his mortall enemies , and my greatest friends : then Daughter feare not ( replyed the old● Counsellor ) but listen well to my aduise : goe thy wa●es home , and doe somthing that may displease . Alas ( said she ) that I may easily doe , for I cannot doe any thing that can please him : but what then , shall I seeke my owne destruction to bee beaten ? for once daughter ( qd. she ) when thou maist for that beating liue at quiet for euer ▪ But as soone as he offers to strike thee , stand in de●●ance of him , and say thou hast praied vnto our Lady for helpe , and she hath promised to helpe thee , and to reuenge all thy iniuries , and therefore bid him if he dares , but once while he liues touch thee againe in anger . If then he● wil swinge thee , beare it patiently , and take this powder that I shall giue thee , and when thou knowst he goes to worke alone by himselfe , giue it him in drink : the vertue of the powder is to ●uffocate and choake vp his sences , so that he shall not haue any feeling for the space of ●ire honres , but he shall lye like a liuelesse carkasse , and his dreames shall bée of women , & Angells : then daughter ( & then she whispred many matters in her eares ) whether they were charmes or spelles I cannot tell , but this I am sure it was some good conceit , for the poore wife wept for ioy , and on her knees thanked the woman for her aduise , and so they parted , she promising to bring her word within ten daies how her phisicke had taken effect : well , to be short , merrily goes this good wife home , and findes her husband dallying with her maide , at which sight her stomacke rose , and began to take him vp sharpely , and to sweare that if she tooke her Maide and him so suspitiously together againe , she would complaine of him to the Iustices , and cut off her mades nose for a generall example to such whor●s as she was .

The Rope-maker ( this gentle Richard ) pondering at his wiues vnaccustomed brauling , began to start vp , and to séeke for a ●udgell , with that shée as a woman resolued to follow her late counsell , made this reply :

Nay brain-sicke villaine , strike me if thou darst , for through thy long abuses I haue hartily praied to our Lady for reuenge and she hath this day appeared to me , and promised me , that if thou doost heereafter , but touch the hemme of my vesture in anger , she will be auenged vppon thee so extreamely , that thou shalt repent the abuses thou hast proffered me , as long as thou dost liue . Richard smiling at this reply , made his wife this answere , huswife ( quoth he ) if our Lady haue appeared vnto you , our Lord her sonne hath shewed me a vision , that he that hath an ill wife and will not ●eat her , shall lead apes in hell for his labor , and with that he fell vppon her , and pumnield her so soundly , that he had almost kild her , and she began halfe to repent that she followed the olde womans counsaile , yet hoping for time to reuenge , she bare all things with the more patience , and finding oportunitie vppon a day or two after to speake with her gossips , she reuealed vnto them the contents of the ould wiues counsaile , whereat they triumphing and glorying in this determination , they promised to plague him , and to performe whatsoeuer should redound to her commoditie , auowing such secrecie , as that it should neuer come out by any meanes whatsoeuer .

Time passing on thus , it fortuned that our Rope-maker , and his maide , were wont euery weeke twice , to goe to a strange house , and there she turned the wheele while he twisted his ropes , when their busines was done , what excercise they vsed I knowe not : one day amongst the rest Richard and his maide going alone to this solitarie place , to make their ropes , he commaunded his wife to fill them a bottle full of drinke , for he could not returne before night : she glad of this oportunitie , put the dormitarie powder that the ould wife had giuen her into the bottle , which they ●aking went their waies merrily together , and the drink and the powder with iogging was made a mere potion , as soone as they were gone ▪ she stept out and went to her 〈◊〉 , and discourst vnto them the whole matter , and with that shee drew out from vnder her ke●●le two three stringed whippes of sharp and hard twisted cordes , with ●ound knots vpon the endes , able to cut the slesh with a small stroak , these she be queathed vnto them , and humbly vppon her knees , desired them not to spare for pittie to punish them to the highest extreamitie : they promised to shewe iustice without mercie & especialy one of them who was sister to one of his former wiues , that he had kild with kindenesse , who for an olde grudge did intend now to bee fully ●euenged , and so they went to the graunge house , where leauing them consulting together , and the good wife gone home full of hope , let vs returne to the Rope-maker ( Richard and his maide . )

Richard after hee had dispatched some part of his businesse , would to dinner or drinking , and after his Maide and he had louingly broken their Fast , they would like Doues fall to billing , but hauing drunke soundly of the potion , it began to mortifie their sences , that hee desirous to take a nappe , laying his head in his Maides lappe , fell fast a sleepe , and shee as heauie as he , leaning her head on her maisters shoulders was in a deade traunce .

When these two Gossips came and foun● them thus drowsely tumbled together , although they saw them soundly a sleep , yet were they aff●aide vntill they had made experience of the effects of the potion : for they shooke them , prickt them with pinnes , and vsed all meanes to awake them , but it was impossible , whereupon they grew ●olde , and pulled off his apparel not so much as leauing his shirt vppon him , and they fell vnto belabouring of him with their whips , in such monstrous manner , that the blood came downe aboundantly from all partes of his bodie , and they cut him with their lashes to the verie sinewes , so then at length they ceaste , pulled on his apparell as it was before , and drest him vp verie mannerly , not so much as leauing his points vntrust , or any thing vndone , whereby he might perceiue hee had bene made vnready .

Hauing thus drest him in his kinde , they fell to his Maide , and serued her with the same sauce , that her maister was vsed with all , and when they had punished her throughly , they drest her againe , laced vp her cloathes , and laide them together as they found them , and went their waies merrily to the Rope-makers house , discoursing vnto their Gossip all what had hapned , who ioyfull of this newes , made them the best cheere in her house , and thanked them heartily for their labours , promising the next day to tell them what her husband would suspend in this tragedie .

Wel , the time of the working of the potion being at an end , sith they drunke together , they began to awake together , but the Maide being youngest , had the strongest sences , and therefore the operation ●oonest wasted in her , and halfe between s●umber and awake about to stretch herselfe as drowsie folkes doe , her smocke so cleaued to her skin ▪ that the verie smart thereof made her not onely awake but to shrieke out , so that when shee was come to her selfe she wondred what shee ailed , that all her flesh was so sore , so that pulling vp her petticoate and looking vpon her thighes , shee found them all in a gore blood , lasht and cut in with Whip-corde almost halfe an inch deepe , which made her to stand in a mase , wondring how she should become so greeuouslie tormented . At last vnlas●ng herselfe , shee found all her body worse , so that shee could not lift her hands to her head . Whereupon she cried out ▪ and her maister awoke , & being halfe in a dreame , and his eyes scarce open , as hee was about to stretch him ▪ his shirt claue so to his backe , that hee felt intollerable paines .

Oh Isabell ( quoth he ) what aile I ? or where am I ? what haue I drempt ? and what doe I feele ? Alas Maister , I am almost whipt to death since I fell a sleepe . I thinke it is some accursed Fa●ries that haue done this deede , and shee shewed him all her body , whereat hee fell into bitter teares , and then shee tolde him that shee was laced and braced as shee was before . Alas Isabell ( quoth hee ) helpe mee ●o vnbutten mee , for I cannot stirre my hand to my bossome I am so sore , then vntrussing him hee found himselfe worse whipt then his Maide , whereupon hee fel into consideration of the wordes of his wife vsed against him , threatning him that our Lady would reuenge her wrongs , so that he told his maid , no doubt it was the Uirgine Marie that had thus punisht them both for the wrongs hee had proffered against his wi●e , promising if euer God sent him to his health , hee would neuer strike her againe , nor misuse her so long as hee liued . So he desired his Maide to helpe him home , and shee as Lame as hée could scarse rise , yet one of them helping one another , they went cra●ping home as well as they could .

As the w●nt lamenting home by the way , they mette with the Uicar of the Parish : this olde Sir Iohn meeting his neighbors ( and one of his friends and parishioners ) in this woful perple●t●e asked him how he fared .

Oh Maister Uicar ( quoth hee ) not as a man in this world , you seeme weake ( quoth the Uicar ) sit downe and rest you , and tell me where your greefe lyes , happily I may gi●e you some good counsaile . Oh Maister Uicar ( quoth hee ) I am in no case to sit downe , I am so beaten with whipps , that I cannot stirre any ioint of my body without paines . Why what ayle you ? how should it come so to passe ? with that the Rope-maker told him from point to point what had hapned to him , and to his Maide , and how his wife threatned him the other day , how that our Lady had appeared vnto her , and promised reuenge , and I thinke it is she or some of her holy Angells that hath whipt me and my Maide , for wee slept but a nappe , and when wee awoke , wee found neither hand nor foote stirred , nopoint vntrust , no button vnbuttoned , nothing out of order , and yet our selues so whipt , that I thinke I cannot liue till the morning , wherefore good Maister Uicar pray for me .

Sir Iohn hearing this , was wonderfully astonied , & wisht him to goe home to his wi●e , to mend his manners , and reconcile himselfe vnto her , and hee would pray for him the next day in the Church : so they parted , and hom● stumbles Richard and his Maide , and comming to the doore found his wife sitting in the entrieat her wheele , she seeing her husband comming so simply and weakely with his Maide , although shee tickled at her heart for ioy that they were so well whipt , yet shee fained great sorrowe at their present sight , and throwing downe her wheele for hast●ran and met him , and weeping fained teares , said alas , alas , what ailes my husband ? and offered to take him by the arme to ●●ay him , he cryed out : oh wife touch mée not , I am sore sicke and cannot escape death , our Lady at thy request hath giuen me I feare me my deathes wound , for shée hath almoste whipt me and my maide to death : oh wife forgiue vs , and pray for vs , and if we euer hap to liue together , I will amend my life , and become a new man , and neuer speake angrie word to thee againe while I haue breath in my bodye , the Wife séeming passing sorrowfull at this , wisht that our Lady had giuen her so much , so that he had escaped , so helping him in , shee laide him downe vppon a soft pallet , and came and tolde her Gossips what had hapned , and how her husband came home , and his maide with him So they came with her hastilye laughing amongst themselues , but to his face pittying the chance so that by their helpe his maid and he were holpen to their beds , where when they had lyen a little , and were come to some warmth , their flesh ●ell on bleeding a fresh , so that the Surgeon being sent for to stanch the blood , seeing their woundes , and hearing the strange case , fel in a great amase with himselfe and said the dooing of God was wonderfull : much adoe hee had to stop the Fluxe of the blood , yet at last he got it stauncht , but they lay in moste miserable perplexitie , almoste slaine with the whipping .

Well , the newes of this ( as women are borne blab● ) began to goe about the towne , yet the two Gossips wondered at it , as much as the rest , and this hapning vpon a satterday , the next day being sunday , ( good honest Sir Iohn ) came to visite his neighbour , and finding him almost speechles , after some words of comfort vnto him ▪ he went to Church , where after the first Lesson , he began a certaine prayer for the health of the Rope-maker , who hee saide lay speechlesse , and at the mercie of God , and that through a strange and wonderfull fortune , and therefore desiring all them that were present to pray for him , he began to take his text out of Saint Peter , how wiues shold obey their husbands , and husbands cherrish their wiues , sith they were but one flesh , and therein for an example brogh● in the strange aduenture of Richard the Rope-maker how hée had abused himselfe to all his wiues , and so making manifest the wickednes of his life , did tell them what reuenge our blessed Lady had taken vpon him in a dreame , and so from point to point discourst vnto them what had hapned vnto him , wishing them by his example to amend their liues , least for beating their wiues the like punishment fall vpon them This text no little pleased the wiues of the parish , for they tickled at it ▪ and the men they were amazed to heare of such a wonderful chanc● so that in the after noone , al the parish came to see him and beholde him , as if Lazarus had bin rizen from the dead , there finding a more pittifull spectacle then maister Uicar had told them of , they all saide that as the case was verry strange , so the reuenge was iust , such as were to shrewes to their ●iues , bit the lip , and were afraide of our Ladies whipping . At last Richard gathering his spirits , and his speeches together , exhorted his Neighbours by his ex●mple , not to abuse and beate their wiues , telling vnto them th● full 〈◊〉 of this Tragedie .

This discourse pleased the Wiues , and affrighted the husbands , so that if any in the towne offered to strike his wife ▪ shée would streight vow to make her complaint at our Ladies shrin● , and so they scapte many a sharp scoure ▪ But to be bréefe ▪ Richard lay long sicke and his maide , and his wife tended and comforted them so well , that at length they recouered some part of their strength ▪ and when he was able to walke abroad , he humbled himselfe to his wife , and ●urst not abuse her al his life after , & if by chance they had fallen out , she would say streight , wel , I say no more , but our Lady requi●e my iniuries : and then would her husband neuer goe abroad till his wife and hee were reconciled and made friendes , so euer after shee war● the breeches , & was Maister , and all the Wiues in the parrish fared the better , and were all greater benefactors to the Shrin● of our Lady , that rid them from the hands of their iniu●ious husbands .

And thus with a Rauens quill haue I written this Almanacke , which foretelleth strange , ominou● & most dir● euents , The plagues whereof I haue spoke shall as certainely fall out , as the Famin , and the Ciuill wars : all three are dreadfull , all three are at hand . Make b●n●●res therefore in your streets , ( O you Cittizens ) to purge the ayre of all infection , albeit you kéep the inward houses of your bodies neuer so vncleane it is no matter . Open your gates to let in the countrie folkes , with prouision , to beate backe famin , but let the markets bee looked vnto as mens consciences are : that is to say , euerie one to racke it how he listeth , As for ciuill warres there is good hope , they shall quickly be quenched , because so many hundreds of Constables watch day and night within the walles to keep the peace : But by no meanes step you in and bee sticklers when the Church is at ●arre within he● selfe by schismes or by Temporizer● , or when the husband and wife , the Father and Son , the Maister and Seruant , or when any other limbe of the politicke body challengeth the combat against him , whome by nature hee is bound to defend : if any predictions bring thée in pleasure or proffit , thou wil● encourage mee to play the right Almanacke maker , and in another yeare to sing mor●ie tunes of my faire weather , as in this I haue strucke a dull string , sounbing onely stormes . In the meane time suffer my Rauen ( being wearie ) to flye to some tree of rest , and there to prune her selfe of this s●cke Feathers , which she hath caught by medling with the diseases of 1609.

FINIS .