Satiromastix, or The Untrussing of the Humorous Poet Dekker, Thomas This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A20081 of text S105263 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 6521). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Madeline Burg Lydia Zoells This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A20081.xml Satiro--mastix. Or The vntrussing of the humorous poet. As it hath bin presented publikely, by the Right Honorable, the Lord Chamberlaine his seruants; and priuately, by the Children of Paules. By Thomas Dekker. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632. 49 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 September (TCP phase 1) 99840992 STC (2nd ed.) 6521. Greg, I, 195(A). 5547 A20081 2240853119

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. Searching, reading, printing, or downloading EEBO-TCP texts is reserved for the authorized users of these project partner institutions. Permission must be granted for subsequent distribution, in print or electronically, of this text, in whole or in part. Please contact project staff at eebotcp-info@umich.edu for further information or permissions.

 Satiro--mastix. Or The vntrussing of the humorous poet. As it hath bin presented publikely, by the Right Honorable, the Lord Chamberlaine his seruants; and priuately, by the Children of Paules. By Thomas Dekker. Satiro-mastix Satiro--mastix. Or The untrussing of the humorous poet. Vntrussing of the humorous poet. Untrussing of the humorous poet. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632. [96] p. Printed [by Edward Allde] for Edward VVhite, and are to bee solde at his shop, neere the little north doore of Paules Church, at the signe of the Gun, London : 1602. 1601

A reply to Ben Jonson's satires of Marston and other rival dramatists.

Partly in verse.

Printer's name from STC.

Signatures: A-M4.

The last leaf is blank.

Running title reads: The vntrussing of the humorous poet.

A variant has "Printed by E.A. .." in the imprint.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 Jonson, Ben, -- 1573?-1637 -- Drama. A20081 shc Satiromastix, or The Untrussing of the Humorous Poet Dekker, Thomas Madeline Burg martinmueller@northwestern.edu shaunnow@buffalo.edu Lydia Zoells 1601 play comedy shc no A20081 S105263 (STC 6521). 98 29780 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 A This text no longer has any defective tokens identified at the time of transcription and marked by gap elements. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago Boston Public Library, PR2489.S21

Satiro-mastix . OR The vntrussing of the Humorous Poet . As it hath bin presented publikely , by the Right Honorable , the Lord Chamberlaine his Seruants ; and priuately , by the Children of Paules . By Thomas Dekker .

Non recito cuiquam nisi Amicis idque coactus .

LONDON , Printed for Edward White , and are to bee solde at his shop , neere the little North doore of Paules Church , at the signe of the Gun . 1602 .

Dramatis personae . 1. William Rusus . 2. Sir Walter Terill . 3. Sir Reesap Vaughan . 4. S. Quintilian Shorthose . 5. Sir Adam Prickshaft . 6. Blunt . 7. Crispinus . 8. Demetrius Fannius . 9. Tucca . 10. Horace . 11. Asinius Bubo . 12. Peter Flash . 13. Caelestine . 14. Mistris Miniuer . 15. Ladies .
Ad Detractorem . Non potes in Nugas dicere plurameas , Ipse ego quam dixi . — Qui se mirantur , in illos Virus habe : Nos hae nouimus esse nihil .
To the World .

WOrld , I was once resolu'd to bee round with thee , because of know t is thy fashion to bee round with euery bodie : but the winde shifting his point , the Veine turn'd : yet because thou wilt sit as Iudge of all matters ( though for thy labour thou wear'st Midasses eares , and are Monstrum horrendum , informe : Ingens cui lumen ademptum ; whose great Poliphemian eye is put out ) I care not much if I make description ( before thy Vniuersality ) of that terrible Poetomachia , lately commenc'd betweene Horace the second , and a band of leane-witted Poetasters . They haue bin at high wordes , and so high , that the ground could not serue them , but ( for want of Chopins ) haue stalk'd vpon Stages .

Horace hal'd his Poetasters to the Barre , the Poetasters vntruss'd Horace : how worthily eyther , or how wrongfully , ( World ) leaue it to the Iurie : Horace ( questionles ) made himselfe beleeue , that his Burgonian wit might desperately challenge all commers , and that none durst take vp the foyles against him : It 's likely , if he had not so beleiu'd , he had not bin so deceiu'd , for hee was answer'd at his owne weapon : And if before Apollo himselfe ( who is Coronator Poetarum ) an Inquisition should be taken touching this lamentable merry murdering of Innocent Poetry : all mount Helicon to

I could heere ( euen with the feather of my pen ) wipe off other ridiculous imputations : but my best way to answer them , is to laugh at them : onely thus much I protest ( and sweare by the diuinest part of true Poesie ) that ( howsoeuer the limmes of my naked lines may bee and I know haue haue bin , tortur'd on the racke ) they are free from conspiring the least disgrace to any man , but onely to our new Horace ; neyther should this ghost of Tucca , haue walkt vp and downe Poules Church-yard , but that hee was raiz'd vp ( in print ) by newe Exorcismes . World , if thy Hugenes will beleiue this : doe , if not , I care not : for I dedicate my booke not to thy Greatnes , but to the Greatnes of thy scorne : Defying which , let that mad Dog Detraction bite till his teeth bee worne to the stumps : Enuy feede thy Snakes so fat with poyson till they burst : World , let all thy Adders shoote out their Hidra-headed-forked Stinges , Ha , Ha , Nanci ; if none will take my part , ( as I desire none ) yet I thanke thee ( thou true Venusian Horace ) for these good wordes thou giu'st me : Populus me sibylat at mihi plaudo . World farewell .

Malim Conuiuis quàm placuise Cocis .
Ad Lectorem .

IN steed of the Trumpets sounding thrice , before the Play begin : it shall not be amisse ( for him that will read ) first to beholde this short Comedy of Errors , and where the greatest enter , to giue them in stead of a hisse , a gentle correction .

In letter C. Page . 1. for , Whom I adorn'd as Subiects : Read , Whom I ador'd as , &c.

In Letter C Pa. 3. for , I le starue thence poore : Read , I le starue their poore , &c.

In Letter C Pa. 6. for , her white cheekes with her dregs and bottome : Read , her white cheekes with the dregs and , &c.

In the same Page , for , Strike off the head of Sin : Read , Strike off the swolne head , &c.

In the same Page , for , that of fiue hundred , foure hundred fiue Read , that of fiue hundred : foure .

In Letter G. pa. 1. for , this enterchanging of languages : Read , this enterchange of language .

In Letter L. pa. 5. for , And stinging insolence should : Read , And stinking insolence , &c.

The Vntrussing of the Humorous Poet . Enter two Gentlewomen strewing of flowers . 1

COme bedfellow come , strew apace , strew , strew : in good troth t is pitty that these flowers must be trodden vnder feete as they are like to bee anon .

2

Pitty , alacke pretty heart , thou art sorry to see any good thing fall to the ground : pitty ? no more pitty , then to see an Innocent Mayden-head deliuered vp to the ruffling of her new-wedded husband . Beauty is made for vse , and hee that will not vse a sweet soule well , when she is vnder his fingers I pray Venus he may neuer kisse a faire and a delicate , soft , red ' plump-lip .

1.

Amen , and that 's torment enough .

2.

Pitty ? come foole fling them about lustily ; flowers neuer dye a sweeter death , than when they are smoother'd to death in a Louers bosome , or else paue the high wayes , ouer which these pretty , simpring , ietting things , call'd brides , must trippe .

1.

I pray thee tell mee , why doe they vse at weddings to furnish all places thus , with sweet hearbes and flowers ?

2.

One reason is , because t is — ô a most sweet thing to lye with a man .

1.

I thinke t is a O more more more more sweet to lye with a woman .

2.

I warrant all men are of thy minde : another reason is , because they sticke like the scutchions of madame chastity , on the sable ground , weeping in their stalkes , and wincking with theyr yellow-sunke eyes , as loath to beholde the lamentable fall of a Maydenhead : what senceles thing in all the house , that is not nowe as melancholy , as a new set-vp Schoolemaster ?

1.

Troth I am .

2.

Troth I thinke thou mournst , because th' ast mist thy turne , I doe by the quiuer of Cupid : you see the torches melt themselues away in teares : the instruments weare theyr heart stringes out for sorrow : and the Siluer Ewers weepe most pittifull Rosewater : fiue or sixe payre of the white innocent wedding gloues , did in my sight choose rather to be torne in peeces than to be drawne on ; and looke this Rosemary , ( a fatall hearbe ) this dead-mans nose-gay , has crept in amongst these flowers to decke th' nuisible coarse of the Brides Maydenhead , when ( oh how much do we poore wenches suffer ) about eleuen or twelue , or one a clock at midnight at furthest , it descends to purgatory , to giue notice that Caelestine ( hey ho ) will neuer come to lead Apes in hell .

1.

I see by thy sighing thou wilt not .

2.

If I had as many Mayden-heads , as I haue hayres on my head I 'de venture them all rather then to come into so hot a place ; prethy strew thou , for my little armes are weary .

1.

I am sure thy little tongue is not .

2.

No faith that 's like a woman bitten with fleas , it neuer lyes stil : fye vpon t , what a miserable thing t is to be a noble Bride , there 's such delayes in rising , in fitting gownes , in tyring , in pinning Rebatoes , in poaking , in dinner , in supper , in Reuels , & last of all in cursing the poore nodding fidlers , for keeping Mistris Bride so long vp from sweeter Reuels ; that , oh I could neuer endure to put it vp without much bickering .

1.

Come th' art an odde wench , hark , harke , musicke ? nay then the Bride 's vp .

2.

Is she vp ? nay then I see she has been downe : Lord ha mercy on vs , we women fall and fall still , and when we haue husbands we play vpon them like Virginall Iackes , they must ryse and fall to our humours , or else they 'l neuer get any good straines of musicke out of vs ; but come now , haue at it for a mayden-head .

strew . As they strew , enter Sir , Quintilian Shorthose with Peeter Flash and two or three seruingmen , with lights . Sir quin.

Come knaues , night begins to be like my selfe , an olde man ; day playes the theefe and steales vpon vs ; O well done wenches , well done , well done , you haue couered all the stony way to church with flowers , t is well , t is well , ther 's an Embleame too , to be made out of these flowers and stones , but you are honest wenches , in , in , in .

2.

When we come to your yeares , we shal learne what honesty is , come pew-fellow .

Exeunt . Sir quin.

Is the musicke come yet ? so much to do ! I st come ?

Omnes .

Come sir .

Sir quin.

Haue the merry knaues pul'd their fiddle cases ouer their instruments eares ?

Flash .

As soone as ere they entred our gates , the noyse went , before they came nere the great Hall , the faint hearted villiacoes sounded at least thrice .

Sir quin.

Thou shouldst haue reuiu'd them with a Cup of burnt wine and sugar ; sirra , you , horse-keeper , goe , bid them curry theyr strings : Is my daughter vp yet ?

Exit . Flash .

Vp sir ? she was seene vp an houre a goe .

Sir quin.

Shee 's an early sturrer , ah sirra .

Flash .

Shee 'l be a late sturrer soone at night sir .

Sir Quint.

Goe too Peeter Flash , you haue a good sodaine flash of braine , your wittes husky , and no maruaile , for t is like one of our Comedians beards , stillith stubble : about your busines , and looke you be nymble to flye from the wine , or the nymble wine will catch you by the nose .

Flash .

If your wine play with my nose Sir , I le knocke 's coxcombe .

Sir quin.

Doe Peeter , and weare it for thy labour ; Is my Sonne in Law Sir Walter Terell ready yet ?

Omnes .

Ready sir .

Exit another . Sir Quin.

One of you attend him : Stay Flash , where 's the note of the guestes you haue inuited ?

Flash .

Here Sir , I le pull all your guestes out of my bosome ; the men that will come , I haue crost , but all the Gentlewomen haue at the tayle of the last letter a pricke , because you may read them the better .

Sir quint.

My spectacles , lyght , lyght , knaues : Sir Adam Prickshaft , thou hast crost him , hee le come .

Flash .

I had much a doe sir , to draw Sir Adam Prickeshaft home , because I tolde him t was early , but hee le come .

Sir quint.

Iustice Crop , what will he come ?

Flash .

He tooke phisicke yesterday sir .

Sir quint.

Oh then Crop cannot come .

Flash .

O Lord yes , sir yes 't was but to make more roome in his Crop for your good cheare , Crop will come .

Sir quint.

Widdow Mineuer .

Flash .

Shee 's prickt you see sir , and will come .

Sir quint.

Sir Vaughan ap Rees , oh hee 's crost twise , so , so , so , then all these Ladyes , that fall downewardes heere , will come I see , and all these Gentlemen that stand right before them .

Flash .

All wil come .

Sir quint.

Well sayd , heere , wryte them out agen , and put the men from the women ; and Peeter , when we are at Church bring wine and cakes , be light & nimble good Flash , for your burden will be but light .

Enter sir Adam a light before him . Sir Adam

Prickeshaft God morrow , god morrow : goe , in , in , in , to the Bridegroome , taste a cup of burnt wine this morning , t will make you flye the better all the day after .

Sir Adam .

You are an early styrrer Sir Quintilian Short-hose .

Sir qui.

I am so , it behoues me at my daughters wedding , in , in , in ; fellow put out thy torch , and put thy selfe into my buttery , the torch burnes ill in thy hand , the wine will burne better in thy belly , in in .

Flash .

Ware there , roome for Sir Adam Prickeshaft : your Worship —

Exit . Enter Sir Vaughan and Mistris Mineuer . Sir quin.

Sir Vaughan and Widdow , Mineuer , welcome , welcome , a thousand times : my lips Mistris Widdow shall bid you God morrow , in , in , one to the Bridegroome , the other to the Bride .

Sir Vaughen .

Why then Sir quiontilian Shorthose , I will step into mistris Bride , and Widdow Mineuer , shall goe vpon M. Bridegroome .

Mineu.

No pardon , for by my truely Sir Vaughan , I le ha no dealings with any M. Bridegroomes .

Sir quin.

In widdow in , in honest knight in .

Sir Vaug.

I will vsher you mistris widdow .

Flash .

Light there for sir Vaughan ; your good Worship —

Sir Vaug.

Drinke that shilling Ma. Peeter Flash , in your guttes and belly .

Fla.

I le not drinke it downe sir , but I le turne it into that which shall run downe , oh merrily !

Exit Sir Vaughan . Enter Blunt , Crispinus , Demetrius , and others with Ladies , lights before them . Sir quin.

God morrow to these beauties , and Gentlemen , that haue Vshered this troope of Ladyes to my daughters wedding , welcome , welcome all ; musick ? nay then the bridegroome 's comming , where are these knaues heere ?

Flash .

All here sir .

Enter Terill , Sir Adam , Sir Vaughan , Celestine , Mineuer , and other Ladies and attendant . with lights . Teri.

God morrow Ladies and fayre troopes of gallants , that haue depos'd the drowzy King of sleep , to Crowne our traine with your rich presences , I salute you all ;

Each one share thanks from thanks in generall . Cris. God morrow M. Bride-groome , mistris Bride . Omnes . God morrow M. Bride groome . Ter. Gallants I shal intreate you to prepare , For Maskes and Reuels to defeate the night , Our Soueraigne will in person grace our marriage . Sir quin. What will the king be heer ? Ter. Father he will . Sir quin

Where be these knaues ? More Rose-mary and gloues , gloues , gloues : choose Gentlemen ; Ladyes put on soft skins vpon the skin of softer hands ; so , so : come mistris Bride take you your place , the olde men first , and then the Batchelors ; Maydes with the Bride , Widdows and wiues together , the priest 's at Church , t is time that we march thether

Ter.

Deare Blunt at our returne from Church , take paines to step to Horace , for our nuptiall songs ; now Father when you please .

Sir quin.

Agreed , set on , come good Sir Vaughan , must we lead the way ?

Sir Vau.

Peeter you goe too fast for Mistris pride : so , gingerly , gingerly ; I muse why Sir Adam Prickeshaft sticks so short behinde ?

Sir quin. He follows close , not too fast , holde vp knaues , Thus we lead youth to church , they vs to graues . Exeunt . Horrace sitting in a study behinde a Curtaine , a candle by him burning , bookes lying confusedly : to himselfe . Hor. To thee whose fore-head swels with Roses , Whose most haunted bower Giues life & sent to euery flower , Whose most adored name incloses , Things abstruse , deep and diuine , Whose yellow tresses shine , Bright as Eoan fire . O me thy Priest inspire . For I to thee and thine immortall name , In-in-in golden tunes , For I to thee and thine immortall name — In sacred raptures flowing , flowing , swimming , swimming : In sacred raptures swimming , Immortall name , game , dame , tame , lame , lame , lame , Pux , hath , shame , proclaime , oh — In Sacred raptures flowing , will proclaime , not — O me thy Priest inspyre ! For I to thee and thine immortall name , In flowing numbers fild with spright and flame , Good , good , in flowing numbers fild with spright & flame . Enter Asinius Bubo . Asini.

Horace , Horace , my sweet ningle , is alwayes in labour when I come , the nine Muses be his midwiues I pray Iupiter : Ningle .

Ho.

In flowing numbers fild with sprite and flame , To thee .

Asini.

To me ? I pledge thee sweet Ningle , by Bacchus quaffing boule , I thought th' adst drunke to me .

Hor.

It must haue been in the deuine lycour of Pernaessus , then in which , I know you would scarce haue pledg'd me , but come sweet roague , sit , sit , sit .

Asini.

Ouer head and eares yfaith ? I haue a sacke-full of newes for thee , thou shalt plague some of them , if God send vs life and health together .

Hor.

It s no matter , empty thy sacke anon , but come here first honest roague , come .

Asini.

I st good , I st good pure Helicon ha ?

Hor.

Dam me if t be not the best that euer came from me , if I haue any iudgement , looke sir , t is an Epithalamium for Sir Walter Terrels wedding , my braines haue giuen assault to it but this morning .

Asin.

Then I hope to see them flye out like gun-powder ere night .

Hor.

Nay good roague marke , for they are the best lynes that euer I drew .

Asin.

Heer 's the best leafe in England , but on , on , I le but tune this Pipe .

Hor.

Marke , to thee whose fore-head swels with Roses .

Asin.

O sweet , but will there be no exceptions taken , because fore-head and swelling comes together ?

Hor.

Push , away , away , it s proper , besides t is an elegancy to say the forehead swels .

Asin. Nay an 't be proper , let it stand for Gods loue . Hor. Whose most haunted bower , Giues life and sent to euery flower , Whose most adored name incloses , Things abstruse , deep and diuine . Whose yellow tresses shine , Bright as Eoan fire . Asini. O pure , rich , ther 's heate in this , on , on . Hor. Bright as Eoan fire , O me thy Priest inspire ! For I to thee and thine immortall name — marke this . In flowing numbers fild with spryte and flame . Asini. I mary , ther 's spryte and flame in this . Hor. A pox , a this Tobacco . Asin.

Wod this case were my last , if I did not marke , nay all 's one , I haue alwayes a consort of Pypes about me , myne Ingle is all fire and water ; I markt , by this Candle ( which is none of Gods Angels ) I remember , you started back at sprite and flame .

Hor. For I to thee and thine immortall name , In flowing numbers fild with sprite and flame , To thee Loues mightiest King , Himen ô Himen does our chaste Muse sing . Asin. Ther 's musicke in this ; Hor. Marke now deare Asinius . Let these virgins quickly see thee , Leading out the Bride , Though theyr blushing cheekes they hide , Yet with kisses will they fee thee , To vntye theyr Virgin zone , They grieue to lye alone . Asini.

So doe I by Venus .

Hor.

Yet with kisses wil they fee thee , my Muse has marcht ( deare roague ) no farder yet : but how i st ? how i st ? nay prethee good Asinius deale plainly , doe not flatter me , come , how ? —

Asin.

If I haue any iudgement :

Hor.

Nay look you Sir , and then follow a troope of other rich and labour'd conceipts , oh the end shall be admirable ! but how i st sweet Bubo , how , how ?

Asini.

If I haue any Iudgement , t is the best stuffe that euer dropt from thee .

Hor.

You ha seene my Acrosticks ?

Asi.

I le put vp my pypes and then I le see any thing .

Hor.

Th' ast a Coppy of mine Odes to , hast not Bubo ?

Asi.

Your odes ? O that which you spake by word a mouth at th' ordinary , when Musco the gull cryed Mew at it :

Hor.

A pox on him poore braineles Rooke : and you remember , I tolde him his wit lay at pawne with his new Sattin sute , and both would be lost , for not fetching home by a day .

Asi.

At which he would faine ha blusht but that his painted cheekes would not let him .

Hor.

Nay sirra the Palinode , which I meane to stitch to my Reuels , shall be the best and ingenious peece that euer I swet for ; stay roague , I le fat thy spleane and make it plumpe with laughter .

Asi.

Shall I ? fayth Ningle , shall I see thy secrets ?

Hor.

Puh my friends .

Asi.

But what fardle 's that ? what fardle 's that ?

Hor.

Fardle , away , t is my packet ; heere lyes intoomb'd the loues of Knights and Earles , heere t is , heere t is , heere t is , Sir Walter Terils letter to me , and my answere to him : I no sooner opened his letter , but there appeared to me three glorious Angels , whome I adorn'd , as subiectes doe their Soueraignes : the honest knight Angles for my acquaintance , with such golden baites — but why doost laugh my good roague ? how is my answere , prethee , how , how ?

Asi.

Answere , as God iudge me Ningle , for thy wit thou mayst answer any Iustice of peace in England I warrant ; thou writ'st in a most goodly big hand too , I like that , & readst as leageably as some that haue bin sau'd by their neck-verse .

Hor.

But how dost like the Kinghts inditing ?

Asi.

If I haue any iudgement ; a pox o' t , heer 's worshipfull lynes indeed , heer 's stuffe : but sirra Ningle , of what fashion is this knights wit , of what blocke ?

Asi.

Why you see ; wel , wel , an ordinary Ingenuity , a good wit for a knight , you know how , before God I am haunted with some the most pittyfull dry gallants .

Asini.

Troth so I think ; good peeces of lantskip , shew best a far off .

Hor.

I , I , I , excellent sumpter horses , carry good cloaths ; but honest roague , come , what news , what newes abroad ? I haue heard a the horses walking a' th top of Paules .

Asi.

Haye ? why then Captain Tucca rayles vpon you most preposterously behinde your backe , did you not heare him ?

Ho.

A pox vpon him : by the white & soft hand of Minerua , I le make him the most ridiculous : dam me if I bring not 's humor at h stage : & — scuruy lymping tongu'd captaine , poor greasie buffe lerkin , hang him : t is out of his Element to traduce me : I am too well ranckt Asinius to bee stab'd with his dudgion wit : sirra , I le compose an Epigram , vpon him , shall goe thus —

Asi.

Nay I ha more news , ther 's Crispinus & his Iorneyman Poet Demetrius Faninus too , they sweare they 'll bring your life & death vpon 'th stage like a Bricklayer in a play .

Hor.

Bubo they must presse more valiant wits than theyr own to do it : me at h stage ? ha , ha , I le starte thence poore copper-lace workmasters , that dare play me : I can bring ( & that they quake at ) a prepar'd troope of gallants , who for my sake shal distaste euery vnsalted line , in their fly-blowne Comedies

Asi.

Nay that 's certaine , i le bring 100. gallants of my ranke

Hor.

That same Crispinus is the silliest Dor , and Faninus the slightest cob-web-lawne perce of a Poet , oh God! Why should I care what euery Dor doth buz . Incredulous eares , it is a crowne to me . That the best iudgements can report me wrong'd .

Asi.

I am one of them that can report it :

Hor. I thinke but what they are , and am not moou'd . The one a light voluptuous Reueler , The other , a strange arrogating puffe , Both impudent , and arrogant enough . Asin.

S'lid do not Criticus Reuel in these lynes , ha Ningle ha ?

Knocking . Hor.

Yes , they 're mine owne .

Cris.

Horrace .

Dem.

Flaccus .

Cris.

Horrace , not vp yet ;

Hor.

Peace , tread softly , hyde my Paper ; who 's this so early ?

Some of my rookes , some of my guls ? Cris.

Horrace , Flaccus .

Hor.

Who 's there ? stray , treade softly : Wat Terill on my life : who 's there ? my gowne sweete roague , so , come vp , come in .

Enter Crispinus and Demetrius . Cris.

God morrow Horrace .

Hor.

O , God saue you gallants .

Cris.

Asinius Bubo well met .

Asin.

Nay I hope so Crispinus , yet I was sicke a quarter of a yeare a got of a vehement great tooth-atch : a pox o' t , it bit me vilye , as God same la I knew t was you by your knocking so soone as I saw you ; Demetrius Fannius , wil you take a whiffe this morning ? I haue tickling geare now , heer 's that will play with your nose , and a pype of mine owne scowring too .

Dem.

I , and a Hodgshead too of your owne , but that will neuer be scowred cleane I feare .

Asin.

I burnt my pype yesternight , and t was neuer vsde since , if you will t is at your seruice gallants , and Tobacco too , t is right pudding I can tell you ; a Lady or two , tooke a pype full or two at my hands , and praizde it for the Heauens , shall I fill Flannius ?

Dem. I thanke you good Asinius for your loue , I sildome take that Phisicke , t is enough Hauing so much foole to take him in snuffe . Hor. Good Bubo read some booke , and giue vs leaue — As.

Leaue haue you deare Ningle , marry for reading any book I le take my death vpon t ( as my Ningle sayes ) t is out of my Elemēt : no faith , euer since I felt one hit me i th teeth that the greatest Clarkes are not the wisest men , could I abide to goe to Schoole , I was at As in presenti and left there : yet because I le not be counted a worse foole then I am , I le turne ouer a new leafe .

Asinius reads and takes Tobacco . Hor. To see my fate , that when I dip my pen In distilde Roses , and doe striue to dreine , Out of myne Inke all gall ; that when I wey Each sillable I write or speake , because Mine enemies with sharpe and searching eye ; Looke through & through me , caruing my poore labours Like an Anotomy : Oh heauens to see , That when my lines are measur'd out as straight As euen Paralels , t is strange that still , Still some imagine they are drawne away . The error is not mine , but in theyr eye , That cannot take proportions . Cris. Horrace , Horrace , To stand within the shot of galling tongues , Proues not your gilt , for could we write on paper , Made of these turning leaues of heauen , the cloudes , Or speake with Angels tongues : yet wise men know , That some would shake the head , tho Saints should sing , Some snakes must hisse , because they reborne with stings . Hor. T is true . Cris. Doe we not see fooles laugh in heauen and mocke The Mákers workmanship ; be not you grieu'd If that which you molde faire , vpright and smooth , Be skrwed a wry , made crooked , lame and vile , By racking coments , and calumnious tongues , So to be bit it ranckles not : for innocence May with a feather brush off the foulest wrongs . But when your dastard wit will strike at men In corners , and in riddles folde the vices Of your best friends , you must not take to heart , If they take off all gilding from their pilles , And onely offer you the bitter Coare . Hor. Crispinus . Cri. Say that you haue not sworne vnto your Paper , To blot her white cheekes with her dregs and bottome Of your friends priuate vices : say you sweare Your loue and your aleageance to bright vertue Makes you descend so low , as to put on The Office of an Executioner , Onely to strike off the head of sinne , Where ere you finde it standing , Say you sweare ; And make damnation parcell of your oath , That when your lashing iestes make all men bleed ; Yet you whip none . Court , Citty , country , friends , Foes , all must smart alike ; yet Court , nor Citty , Nor foe , nor friend , dare winch at you ; great pitty . Dem. If you sweare , dam me Faninus , or Crispinus , Or to the law ( Our kingdomes golden chaine ) To Poets dam me , or to Players dam me , If I brand you , or you , tax you , scourge you : I wonder then , that of fiue hundred , foure hundred fiue , Should all point with their fingers in one instant At one and the same man ? Hor. Deare Faninus . Dem. Come , you cannot excuse it . Hor. Heare me , I can — Dem. You must daube on thicke collours then to hide it . Cris. We come like your Phisitions , to purge Your sicke and daungerous minde of her disease . Dem. In troth we doe , out of our loues we come , And not reuenge , but if you strike vs still , We must defend our reputations : Our pens shall like our swords be alwayes sheath'd , Vnlesse too much prouockt , Horace if then They draw bloud of you , blame vs not , we are men : Come , let thy Muse beare vp a smoother sayle , T is the easiest and the basest Arte to raile , Hor. Deliuer me your hands , I loue you both , As deare as my owne soule , prooue me , and when I shall traduce you , make me the scorne of men . Both . Enough , we are friends . Cri. What reads Asinius ? Asi.

By my troth heer 's an excellent comfortable booke , it 's most sweet reading in it .

Dem.

Why , what does it smell of Bubo ?

Asi.

Mas it smels of Rose-leaues a little too .

Hor.

Then it must needs be a sweet booke , he would faine perfume his ignorance .

Asi.

I warrant he had wit in him that pen'd it .

Cris.

T is good yet a foole will confesse truth .

Asi.

The whoorson made me meete with a hard stile in two or three places as I went ouer him .

Dem.

I beleeue thee , for they had need to be very lowe & easie Stiles of wit that thy braines goe ouer .

Enter Blunt and Tucca. Blun.

Wher 's this gallant ? Morrow Gentlemen : what 's , this deuise done yet Horace ?

Hor.

Gods so , what meane you to let this fellow dog you into my Chamber ?

Blun.

Oh , our honest Captayne , come , prethee let vs see .

Tuc.

Why you bastards of nine whoores , the Muses , why doe you walk heere in this gorgeous gallery of gallant inuentions , with that whooreson poore lyme & hayre-rascall ? why —

Cris.

O peace good Tucca , we are all sworne friends ,

Tuc.

Sworne , that Iudas yonder that walkes in Rug , will dub you Knights at h poste , if you serue vnder his band of oaths , the copper fact rascal wil for a good supper out sweare twelue dozen of graund Iuryes .

Blun.

A pox on t , not done yet , and bin about it three dayes ?

Hor.

By Iesu within this houre , saue you Captayne Tucca .

Tuc.

Dam thee , thou thin bearded Hermaphrodite , dam thee , I le saue my selfe for one I warrant thee , is this thy Tub Diogines ?

Hor.

Yes Captaine this is my poore lodging .

Asin.

Morrow Captaine Tucca , will you whiffe this morning ?

Tuc.

Art thou there goates pizzel ; no godamercy Caine I am for no whiffs I , come hether sheep-skin-weaueres s'foot thou lookst as though th' adst beg'd out of a Iayle : drawe , I meane not thy face ( for t is not worth drawing ) but drawe neere : this way , martch , follow your commaunder you scoundrell : So , thou must run of an errand for mee Mephostophiles .

Hor.

To doe you pleasure Captayne I will , but whether

Tuc.

To hell , thou knowst the way , to hell my fire and brimstone , to hell ; dost stare my Sarsent-head at Newgate ? dost gloate ? I le march through thy dunkirkes guts , for shooting iestes at me .

Hor.

Deare Captaine but one word .

Tuc.

Out bench-whistler out , i le not take thy word for a dagger Pye : you browne-bread-mouth stinker , i le teach thee to turne me into Bankes his horse , and to tell gentlemen I am a Iugler , and can shew trickes .

Hor.

Captaine Tucca , but halfe a word in your eare .

Tuc.

No you staru'd rascal , thou 't bite off mine eares then , you must haue three or foure suites of names , when like a lowsie Pediculous vermin th' ast but one suite to thy backe : you must be call'd Asper , and Criticus , and Horace , thy tytle 's longer a reading then the Stile a the big Turkes : Asper , Criticus , Quintus , Horatius , Flaccus .

Hor.

Captaine I know vpon what euen bases I stand , and therefore —

Tuc.

Bases ? wud the roague were but ready for me .

Blun.

Nay prethee deare Tucca , come you shall shake —

Tuc.

Not hands with great Hunkes there , not hands , but I le shake the gull-groper out of his tan'd skinne .

Crisp. & Deme.

For our sake Captaine , nay prethee holde .

Tuc.

Thou wrongst heere a good honest rascall Crispinus , and a poore varlet Demetrius Fanninus ( bretheren in thine owne trade of Poetry ) thou sayst Crispinus Sattin dublet is Reauel'd out heere , and that this penurious sneaker is out at elboes , goe two my good full mouth'd ban-dog , I le ha thee friends with both .

Hor.

With all my heart captaine Tucca , and with you too , I le laye my handes vnder your feete , to keepe them from aking .

Omnes .

Can you haue any more ?

Tuc.

Saist thou me so , olde Coale come ? doo 't then ; yet t is no matter neither , I le haue thee in league first with these two rowly powlies : they shal be thy Damons and thou their Pithyasse ; Crispinus shall giue thee an olde cast Sattin suite , and Demetrius shall write thee a Scene or two , in one of thy strong garlicke Comedies ; and thou shalt take the guilt of conscience for 't , and sweare t is thine owne olde lad , t is thine owne : thou neuer yet fels't into the hands of sattin , didst ?

Hor

Neuer Captaine I thanke God .

Tuc

Goe too , thou shalt now King Gorboduck , thou shalt , because I le ha thee damn'd , I le ha thee all in Sattin : Asper , Criticus , Quintus , Horatius , Flaccus , Crispinus shal doo 't , thou shalt doo 't , heyre apparant of Helicon , thou shalt doo 't .

Asi.

Mine Ingle weare an olde cast Sattin suite ?

Tuc.

I wafer-face your Ningle .

Asi.

If he carry the minde of a Gentleman , he 'll scorne it at 's heeles .

Tuc.

Mary muffe , my man a ginger-bread , wilt eate any small coale ?

Asi.

No Captaine , wod you should well know it , great coale shall not fill my bellie .

Tuc.

Scorne it , dost scorne to be arrested at one of his olde Suites ?

Hor.

No Captaine , I le weare any thing .

Tuc.

I know thou wilt , I know th' art an honest low minded Pigmey , for I ha seene thy shoulders lapt in a Plaiers old cast Cloake , like a Slie knaue as thou art : and when thou ranst mad for the death of Horatio : thou borrowedst a gowne of Roscius the Stager , ( that honest Nicodemus ) and sentst it home lowsie , didst not ? Responde , didst not ?

Blun.

So , so , no more of this , within this houre —

Hor.

If I can sound retreate to my wits , with whome this leader is in skirmish , I le end within this houre .

Tuc.

What wut end ? wut hang thy selfe now ? has he not writ Finis yet Iacke ? what will he bee fifteene weekes about this Cockatrices egge too ? has hee not cackeld yet ? not laide yet ?

Blum.

Not yet , hee sweares hee will within this houre .

Tuc.

His wittes are somewhat hard bound : the Puncke his Muse has sore labour ere the whoore bee deliuered : the poore saffron-cheeke Sun-burnt Gipsie wantes Phisicke ; giue the hungrie-face pudding-pye-eater ten Pilles : ten shillings my faire Angelica , they ' make his Muse as yare as a tumbler .

Blu.

He shall not want for money if hee le write .

Tuc.

Goe by Ieronimo , goe by ; and heere , drop the ten shillings into this Bason ; doe , drop , when Iackes hee shall call me his Moecenas : besides , I le dam vp 's Ouen-mouth for rayling at 's : So , i st right Iacke ? i st sterling ? fall off now to the vanward of yonder foure Stinkers , and aske alowde if wee shall goe ? the Knight shall defray Iacke , the Knight when it comes to Summa totalis , the Knyght , the Knight . —

Blu.

Well Gentlemen , we 'll leaue you , shall we goe Captaine ? good Horrace make some hast .

Hor.

I le put on wings .

Asin.

I neuer sawe mine Ingle so dasht in my life before .

Cris.

Yes once Asinius .

Asi.

Mas you say true , hee was dasht worse once going ( in a rainy day ) with a speech to 'th Tilt-yard , by Gods lyd has call'd him names , a dog would not put vp , that had any discreation .

Tuc.

Holde , holde vp thy hand , I ha seene the day thou didst not scorne to holde vp thy golles : ther 's a Souldiers Spur-royall , twelue pence : Stay , because I know thou canst not write without quick-siluer ; vp agen , this goll agen , I giue thee double presse-money : Stay , because I know thou hast a noble head , i le deuide my Crowne , ô royall Porrex , ther 's a teston more ; goe , thou and thy Muse munch , doe , munch ; come my deare Mandrake , if Skeldring fall not to decay , thou shalt florish : farewell my sweet Amadis de Gaule , farewell .

Hor.

Deare Captaine .

Tuc.

Come Iacke .

Dem.

Nay Captaine stay , we are of your band .

Tuc.

March faire then :

Cri.

Horace farewell , adue Asinius

Exeunt . Asi.

Ningle le ts goe to some tauerne , and dine together , for my stomacke rises at this scuruy leather Captaine .

Hor.

No , they haue choakt me with mine owne disgrace , Which ( fooles ) i le spit againe euen in your face .

Exeunt Enter Sir Quintilian Shorthose , Sir Adam , Sir Vaughan , Mineuer with seruingmen . Sir quinti.

Knaues , Varlets , what Lungis , giue me a dozen of stooles there .

Sir Vau.

Sesu plesse vs all in our fiue sences a peece , what meane yee sir Kintilian Sorthose to stand so much on a dozen stooles , heere be not preeches inuffe to hyde a dozen stooles , vnlesse you wisse some of vs preake his sinnes .

Sir quin.

I say sir Vaughan no shinne shal be broken heer : what lungis , a chayre with a stronge backe , and a soft bellie , great with childe ; with a cushion for this reuerend Lady .

Mineu.

God neuer gaue me the grace to be a Lady , yet I ha beene worshipt in my conscience to my face a thousand times , I cannot denye sir Vaughan , but that I haue all implements , belonging to the vocation of a Lady .

Sir Vaughan .

I trust mistris Mineuer you haue all a honest oman shud haue ?

Min.

Yes perdie , as my Coach , and my fan , and a man or two that serue my turne , and other things which I de bee loath euery one should see , because they shal not be common , I am in manner of a Lady in one point .

Sir Vaug.

I pray mistris Mineuers , let vs all see that point for our better vnderstanding .

Mi.

For I ha some things that were fetcht ( I am sure ) as farre as some of the Low Countries , and I payde sweetly for them too , and they tolde me they were good for Ladies .

Sir qui.

And much good do 't thy good heart faire widdow with them .

Min.

I am fayre enough to bee a Widdow , Sir Quintilian .

Sir Vaug.

In my soule and conscience , and well fauoured enough to be a Lady : heere is sir Quintilian Sorthose , and heere is sir Adam Prickshaft , a sentleman of a very good braine , and well headed : you see he shootes his bolt sildome , but when Adam le ts goe , he hits : and heere is sir Vaughan ap Rees , and I beleeue if God sud take vs all from his mercy , as I hope hee will not yet ; we all three loue you , at the bottome of our bellyes , and our hearts : and therefore mistris Mineuer , if you please , you shall be knighted by one of vs , whom you fall desire to put into your deuice and minde .

Min.

One I must haue sir Vaughan .

Sir quin.

And one of vs thou shalt haue widdow .

Min.

One I must haue , for now euery one seekes to crow ouer me .

Sir Vaug.

By Sesu and if I finde any crowing ouer you , & he were a cocke ( come out as farre as in Turkeys country ) t is possible to cut his combe off .

Min.

I muse why sir Adam Prickshaft flyes so farre from vs .

Sir Adam .

I am in a browne study , my deare , if loue should bee turned into a beast , what beast hee were fit to bee turned into .

Sir quinti.

I thinke Sir Adam an Asse , because of his bearing .

Min.

I thinke ( sauing your reuerence ) Sir Adam a puppy , for a dog is the most louing creature to a christian that is , vnles it be a childe .

Sir Ad.

No , I thinke if loue should bee turn'd away , and goe to serue any beast , it must bee an Ape , and my reason —

Sir Vaugh.

Sir Adam , an Ape ? ther 's no more reason in an Ape , than in a very plaine Monkey ; for an Ape has no tayle , but we all know , or t is our duty to know , loue has two tailes ; In my sudsment , if loue be a beast , that beast is a bunce of Reddis ; for a bunce of Reddis is wise meate without Mutton , and so is loue .

Mi.

Ther 's the yawning Captaine ( sauing your reuerence that has such a sore mouth ) would one day needes perswade me , that loue was a Rebato ; and his reason was ( sauing your reuerence ) that a Rebato was worne out with pinning too often ; and so he said loue was .

Sir Vaugh.

And Master Captaine Tucca sayd wisely too , loue is a Rebato indeede : a Rebato must be poaked ; now many women weare Rebatoes , and many that weare Rebatoes —

Sir Adam .

Must be poakt .

Sir Vau.

Sir Adam Prickshaft has hit the cloute

Musicke Sir qui.

The Musicke speakes to vs , we 'll haue a daunce before dinner .

Enter Sir Walter Terrill , Caelestine , Blunt , Crispinus , and Demetrius , euery one with a Lady . All . The King 's at hand . Ter. Father the King 's at hand . Musicke talke lowder , that thy siluer voice , May reach my Soueraignes eares . Sir Vaug.

I pray doe so , Musitions bestir your singers , that you may haue vs all by the eares .

Sir quin.

His Grace comes , a Hall varlets , where be my men ? blow , blow your colde Trumpets till they sweate ; tickle them till they sound agen .

Blun.

Best goe meete his Grace .

All .

Agreed .

Sir Vaug.

Pray all stand bare , as well men as women : Sir Adam is best you hide your head for feare your wise braines take key-colde : on afore Sir Kintilian ; Sentlemen fall in before the Ladyes , in seemely order and fashion ; so this is comeleye .

Enter Trumpets sounding , they goe to the doore , and meete the King and his Traine , and whilst the Trumpets sound the King is welcom'd , kisses the Bride , and honors the Bridegroome in dumbe shew . King . Nay if your pleasures shrinke at sight of vs , We shall repent this labour , Mistris Bride You that for speaking but one word to day , Must loose your head at night ; you that doe stand Taking your last leaue of virginity ; You that being well begun , must not be Maide : Winne you the Ladies , I the men will wooe , Our selfe will leade my blushing Bride with you . Sir Vaughan .

God blesse your Maiesty , and send you to be along King William Rufus ouer vs , when he sees his times & pleasures .

King .

Wee thanke you good Sir Vaughan , wee will take your meaning not your words .

Sir quint.

Lowde Musicke there .

Sir Vou.

I am glad , our Maiesty will take any thing at my hands ; my words trust in Sesu , are spoken betweene my soule and body together , and haue neither Felonies nor treasons about them , I hope .

Kin.

Good words Sir Vaughan , I prethee giue vs leaue .

Vaug.

Good words sir Vaughan ? that s by interpertation in english , you 'd best giue good words sir Vaughan : god and his Ansells blesse me , what ayles his maiestye to be so tedious and difficult in his right mindes now , I holde my life that file rascall-rymer Horace hath puzd and puzd aboue a hundred merie tales and lyce , into his great and princely eares : by god and he vse it , his being Phoebus priest cannot saue him , if hee were his Sapline too i de prease vpon his coxcomb : good lord blesse me out of his maiesties celler : King Williams , I hope t is none offences to make a supplication to god a mightie for your long life : for by shesu I haue no meaning in 't in all the world , vnles rascalls be here that will haue your grace take shalke for shee s , and vnlesse Horace has sent lyce to your maiesty .

King

Horace , what 's he sir Vaughan ?

Vaugh ;

As hard-fauourd a fellow as your maiestie has seene in a sommers day : he does pen , an 't please your grace , toyes that will not please your grace ; t is a Poet , we call them Bardes in our Countrie , singes ballads and rymes , and I was mightie jealous , that his Inke which is blacke and full of gall , had brought my name to your maiestie , and so lifted vp your hye and princely coller .

King

I neither know that Horace , nor mine anger , If as thou saist our high and princely choller Be vp , wee 'l tread it downe with daunces ; Ladies Loose not your men ; faire measures must be tread , When by so faire a dauncer you are lead .

Vaugh.

Mistris Miniuer :

Min

Perdie sir Vaughan I cannot dance .

Vaugh.

Perdie by this Miniuer cappe , and acording to his masesties leaue too , you sall be put in among theise Ladies , & daunce ere long I trest in god , the saking of the seetes .

They daunce a straine , and whilst the others keepe on , the King and Celestine stay . Kin. That turne faire Bride shews you must turne at night , In that sweet daunce which steales away delight . Cael. Then pleasure is a theife , a fit , a feauer : Kin. True , he 's the thiefe , but women the receiuer . Another change ; they fall in , the rest goe on . Kin. This change sweet Maide , saies you must change your life , As Virgins doe . Cael. Virgins nere change their life , She that is wiu'd a maide , is Maide and wife . Kin. But she that dyes a Maide ; — Cael. Thrice happy then . Kin. Leades Apes in hell . Cal. Better leade Apes then men . At this third change they end , and she meetes the King . Kin. Well met . Cael. T is ouertaken . Kin. Why faire sweet ? Cael. Women are ouertaken when they meete ; Kin. Your bloud speakes like a coward , Cael. It were good , If euery Maiden blush , had such a bloud . Kin. A coward bloud , why whom should maidens feare ? Cae. Men , were Maides cowards , they 'd not come so nere , My Lord the Measure 's done , I pleade my duetie . Kin. Onelie my heart takes measure of thy beautie . Sir quin. Now by my hose I sweare , that 's no deepe oath , This was a fine sweet earth-quake gentlie moou'd , By the soft winde of whispring Silkes : come Ladies , Whose ioynts are made out of the dauncing Orbes , Come , follow me , walke a colde measure now ; In the Brides Chamber ; your hot beautie's melt , Take euerie one her fan , giue them their places , And waue the Northerne winde vpon your faces . Celestine and all the Ladyes doing obeysance to the King , who onely kisses her , Exeunt , Short-hose manning them , the Gallants stand aloofe . Kin. Sir Walter Terrill . Ter. My confirmed Leige Ki. Beautie out of her bountie , thee hath lent , More then her owne with liberall extent . Ter. What meanes my Lord ? Kin. Thy Bride , thy choice , thy wife , She that is now thy fadom , thy new world , That brings thee people , and makes little subiects ; Kneele at thy feete , obay in euerie thing , So euerie Father is a priuate King . Ter. My Lord , her beauty is the poorest part , Chieflie her vertues did endowe my heart . Kin. Doe not back-bite her beauties , they all shine , Brighter on thee , because the beames are thine , To thee more faire , to others her two lips Shew like a parted Moone in thine Eclipse ; That glaunce , which louers mongst themselues deuise , Walkes as inuisible to other eies : Giue me thine eare . Cri. What meanes the King ? Dem. T is a quaint straine . Ter. My Lord . Kin. Thou darst not Wat . Ter. She is too course an obiect for the Court . Kin. Thou darst not Wat : let to night be to morrow , Ter. For shee 's not yet mine owne . Kin. Thou darst not Wat : Ter. My Lord I dare , but — King . But I see thou darst not . Ter. This night . King . Yea , this night , tush thy minde repaires not , The more thou talk'st of night , the more thou darst not ; Thus farre I tend , I wod but turne this spheare , Of Ladies eyes , and place it in the Court , Where thy faire Bride should for the Zodiacke shine , And euery Lady else sit for a signe . But all thy thoughts are yellow , thy sweet bloud Rebels , th' art iealous Wat ; thus with proude reuels To emmulate the masking firmament , Where Starres dance in the siluer Hall of heauen , Thy pleasure should be seasoned , and thy bed Relish thy Bride , But , but thou darst not Wat . Ter. My Loord I dare . Kin. Speake that agen . Ter. I dare . Kin. Agen kinde Wat , and then I know thou darst . Ter. I dare and will by that ioynt holy oath , Which she and I swore to the booke of heauen . This very day when the surueying Sunne , Riz like a witnes to her faith and mine , By all the loyalty that subiects owe To Maiesty , by that , by this , by both , I sweare to make a double guarded oath , This night vntainted by the touch of man , She shall a Virgin come . Kin. To Court ? Ter. To Court . I know I tooke a woman to my wife , And I know women to be earthly Moones , That neuer shine till night , I know they change Their Orbes ( their husbands ) and in sickish hearts , Steale to their sweete Endimions , to be cur'd With better Phisicke , sweeter dyet drinkes , Then home can minister : all this I know Yet know not all , but giue me leaue O King , To boast of mine , and saie that I know none ; I haue a woman but not such a one . Kin. Why , she 's confirmed in thee ; I now approoue her , If constant in thy thoughts who then can mooue her ? Enter Sir Quintilian . Sir qui. Wil t please your Highnes take your place within , The Ladies attend the Table . Kin. I goe good Knight ; Wat thy oath . Ter. My Lord , My oath 's my honour , my honour is my life , My oath is constant , so I hope my wife . Exeunt . Enter Horace in his true attyre , Asinius bearing his Cloake . Asi.

If you flye out Ningle , heer 's your Cloake ; I thinke it raines too .

Ho.

Hide my shoulders in 't .

Asi.

Troth so th' adst neede , for now thou art in thy Pee and Kue ; thou hast such a villanous broad backe , that I warrant th' art able to beare away any mans iettes in England .

Hor.

It 's well Sir , I ha strength to beare yours mee thinkes ; fore God you are growne a piece of a Critist , since you fell into my hands : ah little roague , your wit has pickt vp her crums prettie and well .

Asi.

Yes faith , I finde my wit a the mending hand Ningle ; troth I doe not thinke but to proceede Poetaster next Commencement , if I haue my grace perfectlie : euerie one that confer with me now , stop their nose in merriment and sweare I smell somewhat of Horace ; one calles me Horaces Ape , another Horaces Beagle , and such Poeticall names it passes . I was but at Barbers last day , and when he was rencing my face , did but crie out , fellow thou makst me Conniue too long , & sayes he sayes hyee , Master Asinius Bubo , you haue eene Horaces wordes as right as if he had spit them into your mouth .

Hor.

Well , away deare Asinius , deliuer this letter to the young Gallant Druso , he that fell so strongly in loue with mee yesternight .

Asin.

It 's a sweete Muske-cod , a pure spic'd-gull , by this feather I pittie his Ingenuities ; but hast writ all this since Ningle ? I know thou hast a good running head and thou listest .

Hor.

Foh come , your great belly'd wit must long for euery thing too ; why you Rooke , I haue a set of letters readie starcht to my hands , which to any fresh suited gallant that but newlie enters his name into my rowle , I send the next morning , ere his ten a clocke dreame has rize from him , onelie with claping my hand to 't , that my Nouice shall start , ho and his haire stand an end , when hee sees the sodaine flash of my writing ; what you prettie Diminitiue roague , we must haue false fiers to amaze these spangle babies , these true heires of Ma. Iustice Shallow .

Asi.

I wod alwaies haue thee sawce a foole thus .

Hor.

Away , and , stay : heere be Epigrams vpon Tucca , divulge these among the gallants ; as for Crispinus , that Crispin-asse and Fannius his Play-dresser ; who ( to make the Muses beleeue , their subiects eares were staru'd and that there was a dearth of Poesie ) cut an Innocent Moore i' th middle , to serue him in twice ; & when he had done , made Poules-worke of it , as for these Twynnes these Poet - apes :

Their Mimicke trickes shall serue With mirth to feast our Muse , whilst their owne starue . Asin.

Well Ningle I le trudge , but where 's the Randeuow ?

Hor.

Well thought off , marie at Sir Vaughans lodging the Welsh knight , I haue compos'd a loue-letter for the gallants worship , to his Rosamond : the second , Mistris Miniuer , because she does not thinke so soundly of his lame English as he could wish ; I ha gull'd his Knight-ship heere to his face , yet haue giuen charge to his wincking vnderstanding not to perceiue it : nay Gods so , away deare Bubo .

Asi.

I am gone .

Exit . Hor. The Muses birdes the Bees were hiu'd and fled , Vs in our cradle , there by prophecying ; That we to learned eares should sweetly sing , But to the vulger and adulterate braine , Should loath to prostitute our Virgin straine . No , our sharpe pen shall keep the world in awe , Horace thy Poesie , wormwood wreathes shall weare , We hunt not for mens loues but for their feare . Exit . Enter Sir Adam and Miniuer . Min.

O Sir Adam Prickshaft , you are a the bow hand wide , a long , yard I assure you : and as for Suitors , truelie they all goe downe with me , they haue all one flat answere .

Sir Adam .

All Widdow ? not all , let Sir Adam bee your first man still .

Enter Sir Quintilian . Sir quin. Widdow , art stolne from Table ? I Sir Adam , Are you my riuall ? well , flye faire y' are best ; The King 's exceeding merrie at the banquet , He makes the Bride blush with his merrie words That run into her eares ; ah he 's a wanton , Yet I dare trust her , had he twentie tongues , And euerie tongue a Stile of Maiestie , Now Widdow , let me tell thee in thine eare , I loue thee Widdow , by this ring ; nay weare it . Mineu. I le come in no rings pardie , I le take no golde . Sir Ada.

Harke in thine eare , take me , I am no golde .

Enter Sir Vaughan and Peter Flash . Sir Vau.

Master Peter Flash , I will grope about Sir Quintilian , for his terminations touching and considering you .

Flash .

I thanke your Worship , for I haue as good a stomacke to your Worship as a man could wish .

Sir Vau.

I hope in God a mightie , I shall fill your stomack Master Peter : What two vpon one Sentlemen ; Mistris Miniuer , much good doo 't you Sir Adam .

Sir quin.

Sir Vaughan , haue you din'd well Sir Vaughan ?

Sir Vau.

As good seere as would make any hungrie man ( and a were in the vilest prison in the world ) eate and hee had anie stomacke : One word Sir Quintilian in hugger mugger ; heere is a Sentleman of yours , Master Peter Flash , is desirous to haue his blew coate pul'd ouer his eares ; and —

Flash .

No Sir , my petition runs thus , that your worshippe would thrust mee out of doores , and that I may follow Sir Vaughan .

Sir Van.

I can tell you Master Flash , and you follow mee I goe verie fast , I thinke in my conscience , I am one of the lightest knights in England .

Flash .

It 's no matter Sir , the Flashes haue euer bin knowne to be quicke and light enough .

Sir quin.

Sir Vaughan , he shal follow you , he shall dog you good Sir Vaughan .

Enter Horace walking . Sir Vau.

Why then Peter Flash I will set my foure markes a yeare , and a blew coate vpon you .

Fla.

God a mercy to your worship , I hope you shall neuer repent for me .

Sir Vau

You beare the face of an honest man , for you blush passing well Peter , I will quench the flame out of your name , and you shall be christned Peter Salamander .

Peter Flash .

The name 's too good for me , I thanke your worship .

Sir Vau.

Are you come Master Horace , you sent mee the Coppie of your letters countenance , and I did write and read it ; your wittes truelie haue done verie valliantlie : t is a good inditements , you ha put in enough for her ha you not ?

Hor.

According to my instructions .

Sir Van.

T is passing well , I pray Master Horace walke a little beside your selfe , I will turne vpon you incontinent .

Sir quin.

What Gentleman is this in the Mandilian , a soldyer ?

Sir Vau.

No , tho he has a very bad face for a souldier , yet he has as desperate a wit as euer any Scholler went to cuffes for ; t is a Sentleman Poet , he has made rimes called Thalamimums , for M. Pridegroome , on vrd widdow .

Sir qui.

Is this he ? welcome Sir , you name ? pray you walke not so statelie , but be acquainted with me boldlie ; your name Sir ?

Hor.

Quintus , Horacius , Flaccus .

Sir Quint.

Good Master Flappus welcome .

He walkes vp and downe . Sir Vau.

Mistris Miniuer , one vrde in your corner heere ; I desire you to breake my armes heere , and read this Paper , you shall feele my mindes and affections in it , at full and at large .

Mini.

I le receiue no Loue libels perdy , but by word a mouth .

Sir Vaughan .

By Sesu t is no libell , for heere is my hand to it .

Mini.

I le ha no hand in it Sir Vaughan , I le not deale with you .

Sir Vau.

Why then widdow , I le tell you by word a mouth my deuices .

Mi.

Your deuices come not neere my mouth Sir Vaughan perdy , I was vpon a time in the way to marriage , but now I am turn'd a tother side , I ha sworne to leade a single and simple life .

Sir Adam .

She has answer'd you Sir Vaughan .

Sir Vau.

T is true , but at wrong weapons Sir Adam ; will you be an Asse Mistris Miniuers ?

Min.

If I be you shall not ride me .

Sir Vaug.

A simple life ! by Sesu t is the life of a foole , a simple life !

Sir qui.

How now Sir Vaughan ?

Sir Vaugh.

My braines has a little fine quawme come vnder it , and therefore Sir Adam , and Sir Quintilian , and mistris Miniuer caps God bo'y .

All .

Good Sir Vaughan .

Sir Vaugh.

Master Horace , your inuentions doe her no good in the Vniuersalities ; yet heere is two shillings for your wittes ; nay by Sesu you shall take it if 't were more : yonder bald Adams , is put my nose from his ioynt ; but Adam I will be euen to you : this is my cogitations , I will indite the Ladies & Miniuer caps to a dinner of Plumbes , and I shall desire you M. Horace , to speake or raile ; you can raile I hope in God a mighty .

Hor.

You meane to speake bitterlie :

Sir Vaughan .

Right , to spitte bitterly vpon baldnes , or the thinnes of haire ; you sall eate downe Plumbes to sweeten your mouth , and heere is a good Ansell to defend you : Peter Salamander follow me .

Flash .

With hue and crie and you will Sir .

Sir Vau.

Come M , Horace , I will goe pull out the Ladies .

Ho.

And I le set out my wits , Baldnes the Theame ? My words shall flow hye in a siluer streame .

Exeunt . Enter Tucca brushing off the crumbes . Tuc.

Wher 's my most costly and sumptuous Shorthose ?

Sir Quint.

Is the King risen from table Captaine Tucca ?

Tuc.

How ? risen ? no my noble Quintilian , kings are greater men then we Knights and Caualliers , and therefore must eate more then lesser persons ; Godamercy good Diues for these crummes : how now ? has not Frier Tucke din'd yet ? he falles so hard to that Oyster-pye yonder .

Sir quin

Oyster-pye Captaine ? ha ha , he loues her , and I loue her and feare both shall goe without her .

Tuc.

Dost loue her , my finest and first part of the Mirrour of Knighthood ? hange her she lookes like a bottle of ale , when the corke flyes out and the Ale fomes at mouth , shee lookes my good button-breech like the signe of Capricorne , or like Tiborne when it is couer'd with snow .

Sir quin.

All 's one for that , she has a vizard in a bagge , will make her looke like an Angell ; I wod I had her , vpon condition , I gaue thee this chaine manlie Tucca .

Tuc.

I ? saist thou so Friskin ? I haue her at h hip for some causes , I can sound her , she 'll come at my becke .

Sir quin.

Wod I could sound her too Noble commaunder .

Tuc.

Thou shalt doo 't ; that Lady at h Lake is thine Sir Tristram , lend mee thy chaine , doe , lend it , I le make her take it as a token , I le lincke her vnto thee ; and thou shalt weare her gloue in thy Worshipfull hatte like to a leather brooch ; Nay and thou mistrusts thy coller , be tyed in 't still .

Sir quin.

MIstrust Captaine no heere t is , giue it her if she 'll take it , or weare it thy selfe , if shee 'll take mee , I le watch him well enough too .

Tuc.

No more , I le shoote away yonder Prickshaft , and then belabour her , and flye you after yonder Cucko : dost heere me my noble Goldefinch : —

Sir qui.

No more .

Tuc.

How dost thou my smug Belimperia ? how dost thou ? hands off my little bald Derricke , hands off : harke hether Susanna , beware a these two wicked Elders , shall I speake well or ill of thee ?

Min.

Nay , eene as you please Captaine , it shal be at your choice .

Tuc.

Why well said , my nimble Short-hose .

Sir quin.

I heare her , I heare her .

Tuc.

Art angry father time ? art angrie because I tooke mother-Winter aside ? I le holde my life thou art strucke with Cupids Birde-bolt , my little prick shaft , art ? dost loue that mother Mumble-crust , dost thou ? dost long for that whim-wham ?

Sir Ada.

Wod I were as sure to lye with her , as to loue her .

Tuc.

Haue I found thee my learned Dunce , haue I found thee ? If I might ha my wil , thou shouldst not put thy spoone into that bumble-broth ( for indeede I de taste her my selfe ) no thou shouldst not ; yet if her beautie blinde thee , she 's thine , I can doo 't , thou heardst her say eene now , it should bee at my choice .

Sir Ada.

She did so , worke the match and I le bestow —

Tuc.

Not a silke point vpon mee , little Adam shee shall bee thy Eeue , for lesse then an Apple ; but send , bee wise , send her some token , shee 's greedie , shee shall take it , doe , send , thou shalt sticke in her ( Prickeshaft ) but fend .

Sir Adam .

Heer 's a purse of golde , thinke you that wil be accepted ?

Tuc.

Goe to , it shall bee accepted , and t were but siluer , when that Flea-bitten Short-hose steppes hence : vanish too , and let mee alone with my Grannam in Gutter-Lane there , and this purse of golde doe , let me alone .

Sir quint. The King , gods Lord , I doe forget the King ; Widdow , thinke on my wordes , I must be gone To waite his rising , I le returne anone . Sir Ad.

Stay Sir Quintilian , I le be a waiter too .

Sir quinti.

Widdow wee 'll trust that Captaine there with you .

Exeunt . Tuc.

Now , now , mother Bunch how dost thou ? what dost frowne Queene Gwyniuer ? dost wrinckle ? what made these paire of Shittle-cockes heere ? what doe they fumble for ? I le ha none of these Kites flutering about thy carks , for thou shalt bee my West Indyes , and none but trim Tucca shall discouer thee .

Min.

Discouer me ? discouer what thou canst of me .

Tuc.

What I can ? thou knowst what I can discouer , but I will not lay thee open to the world ,

Min

Lay me open to the world ?

Tuc.

No I will not my moldie decay'd Charing-crosse , I will not .

Mi.

Hang thee patch-pannell , I am none a thy Charing-crosse : I scorne to be Crosse to such a scab as thou makst thy selfe .

Tuc.

No , t is thou makst me so , my Long Meg a Westminster , thou breedst a scab , thou —

Min.

I ? dam thee filthie Captaine , dam thy selfe .

Tuc.

My little deuill a Dow-gate , I le dam thee , ( thou knowst my meaning ) I le dam thee vp ; my wide mouth at Bishops-gate .

Min.

Wod I might once come to that damming .

Tuc.

Why thou shalt , my sweet dame Annis a cleere thou shalt , for I le drowne my selfe in thee ; I , for thy loue , I le sinke , I , for thee .

Min.

So thou wilt I warrant , in thy abhominable sinnes ; Lord , Lord , howe many filthy wordes hast thou to answere for .

Tuc.

Name one Madge-owlet , name one , I le answer for none ; my words shall be foorth comming at all times , & shall answer for them selues ; my nimble Cat-a-mountaine : they shall Sislie Bum-trincket , for I le giue thee none but Suger-candie wordes , I will not Pusse : goody Tripe-wife , I will not .

Min.

Why dost call mee such horrible vngodlie names then ?

Tuc.

I le name thee no more Mother Red-cap vpon paine of death , if thou wilt Grimalkin , Maggot a-pye I will not .

Min.

Wod thou shouldst wel know , I am no Maggot , but a meere Gentlewoman borne .

Tu.

I know thou art a Gentle , and I le nibble at thee , thou shalt be my Cap-a-maintenance , & I le carrie my naked sword before thee , my reuerend Ladie Lettice-cap .

Mi.

Thou shalt carry no naked swords before me to fright me , thou —

Tuc

Go too , let not thy tongue play so hard at hot-cockles ; for , Gammer Gurton , I meane to bee thy needle , I loue thee , I loue thee , because thy teeth stand like the Arches vnder London Bridge , for thou 't not turne Satyre & bite thy husband ; No , come my little Cub , doe not scorne mee because I goe in Stag , in Buffe , heer 's veluet too ; thou seest I am worth thus much in bare veluet .

Min.

I scorne thee not , not I .

Tuc

I know thou dost not , thou shalt see that I could march with two or three hundred linkes before me , looke here what ? I could shew golde too , if that would tempt thee , but I will not make my selfe a Gold-smithes stall I ; I scorne to goe chain'd my Ladie at h Hospitall , I doe ; yet I will and must bee chain'd to thee .

Min.

To mee ? why Master Captaine , you know that I haue my choise of three or foure payre of Knights , and therefore haue small reason to flye out I know not how in a man of war .

Tuc.

A man a warre ? come thou knowst not what a worshipfull focation t is to be a Captaines wife : three or four payre of Knights ? why dost heare Ioane-a-bedlam , I le enter into bond to be dub'd by what day thou wilt , when the next action is layde vpon me , thou shalt be Ladified .

Min.

You know I am offered that by halfe a dozen .

Tuc.

Thou shalt little Miniuer , thou shalt , I le ha this frock turn'd into a foote-cloth ; and thou shalt be carted , drawne I meane , Coacht , Coacht , thou shalt ryde Iigga-Iogge ; a Hood shall flap vp and downe heere , and this shipskin-cap shall be put off .

Mini.

Nay perdie , I le put off my cap for no mans pleasure .

Tuc.

Wut thou be proude little Lucifer ? well , thou shalt goe how thou wilt Maide-marian ; come , busse thy little Anthony now , now , my cleane Cleopatria ; so , so , goe thy waies Alexis secrets , th' ast a breath as sweet as the Rose , that growes by the Beare-garden , as sweete as the proud'st heade a Garlicke in England : come , wut march in , to the Gentle folkes ?

Mini. Nay trulie Captaine you shall be my leader . Tuc. I say Mary Ambree , thou shalt march formost , Because I le marke how broad th' art in the heeles . Mini. Perdie , I will be set at h last for this time . Tuc. Why then come , we 'll walke arme in arme , As tho we were leading one another to Newgate . Enter Blunt , Crispinus , and Demetrius , with papers , laughing . Cri. Mine 's of a fashion , cut out quite from yours . Dem. Mine has the sharpest tooth , yonder he is . Blu. Captaine Tucca . All hold vp papers . Tuc. How now ? I cannot stand to read supplications now Cris. They 're bitter Epigrams compos'd on you By Horace . Dem. And disperst amongst the gallants In seuerall coppies , by Asinius Bubo . Tuc , By that liue Eele ? read , Lege Legito , read thou backe . Blu. Tucca's growne monstrous , how ? rich ? that I feare , He 's to be seene for money euery where . Tuc.

Why true , shall not I get in my debts , nay and the roague write no better I care not , farewell blacke Iacke farewell .

Cri. But Captaine , heer 's a nettle . Tuc. Sting me , doe . Cri. Tucca's exceeding tall and yet not hye , He fights with skill , but does most vilye lye . Tuc.

Right , for heere I lye now , open , open , to make my aduersarie come on ; and then Sir , heere am I in 's bosome : nay and this be the worst , I shal hug the poore honest face-maker , I le loue the little Atheist , when he writes after my commendation , another whip ? come yerke me .

Dem. Tucca will bite , how ? growne Satiricall , No , he bites tables , for he feedes on all . Tuc. The whoreson clouen-foote deuill in mans apparell lyes , There stood aboue forty dishes before me to day , That I nere toucht , because they were empty . Min. I am witnes young Gentlemen to that . Tuc.

Farewell stinckers , I smel thy meaning Screech-owle , I doe tho I stop my nose : and Sirra Poet , we 'll haue thee vntrust for this ; come , mother Mum-pudding , come .

Exeunt . Trumpets sound a florish , and then a sennate : Enter King with Calestine , Sir Walter Terrill , Sir Quintilian , Sir Adam , Blunt and other Ladies and attendants : whilst the Trumpets sound the King takes his leaue of the Bride-groome , and Sir Quintilian , and last of the Bride . Kin. My song of parting doth this burden beare ; A kisse the Ditty , and I set it heere . Your lips are well in tune , strung with delight , By this faire Bride remember soone at night : Sir Walter . Ter. My Leige Lord , we all attend , The time and place . Kin. Till then my leaue commend . They bring him to the doore : Enter at another doore Sir Vaughan . Sir Vau.

Ladies , I am to put a verie easie suite vpon you all , and to desire you to fill your little pellies at a dinner of plums behinde noone ; there be Suckets , and Marmilads , and Marchants , and other long white plummes that faine would kisse your delicate and sweet lippes ; I indite you all together , and you especially my Ladie Pride ; what doe you saie for your selles ? for I indite you all .

Cael.

I thanke you good Sir Vaughan , I will come .

Sir Vau.

Say Gentlewomen will you stand to me too ?

All .

Wee 'll sit with you sweet Sir Vaughan .

Sir Vau.

God a mightie plesse your faces , and make your peauties last , when wee are all dead and rotten : — you all will come .

1 Lady .

All will come .

Sir Vau.

Pray God that Horace bee in his right wittes to raile now .

Exit . Cris. Come Ladie , you shall be my dauncing guest . To treade the maze of musicke with the rest . Dem. I le lead you in . Dicach. A maze is like a doubt : T is easie to goe in , hard to get out . Blum. We follow close behinde . Philoca. That measure 's best . Now none markes vs , but we marke all the rest . Exeunt . Exeunt all sauing Sir Quintilian , Caelestine , and Sir Walter Terrill . Ter. Father , and you my Bride ; that name to day , Wife , comes not till to morrow : but omitting This enterchanging of Languages ; let vs thinke Vpon the King and night and call our spirits To a true reckoning ; first to Arme our wittes With compleat steele of Iudgement , and our tongs , With sound attillery of Phrases : then Our Bodies must bee motions ; moouing first What we speake : afterwards , our very knees Must humbly seeme to talke , and sute out speech ; For a true furnisht Cortyer hath such force , Though his tonge faints , his very legs discourse . Sir quin : Sonne Terrill , thou hast drawne his picture right , For hee 's noe full-made Courtier , nor well strung , That hath not euery ioynt stucke with a tongue . Daughter , if Ladies say , that is the Bride , that 's she , Gaze thou at none , for all will gaze at thee . Cael. Then , ô my father must I goe ? O my husband Shall I then goe ? O my selfe , will I goe ? Sir quin. You must . Ter. You shall . Cael. I will , but giue me leaue , To say I may not , nor I ought not , say not Still , I must goe , let me intreate I may not . Ter. You must and shall , I made a deede of gift , And gaue my oath vnto the King , I swore By thy true constancy . Cael. Then keep that word To sweare by , O let me be constant still . Ter. What shall I cancell faith , and breake my oath ? Cael. If breaking constancie thou breakst them both . Ter. Thy constancie no euill can pursue . Cael. I may be constant still , and yet not true . Ter. As how ? Cae. As thus , by violence detain'd , They may be constant still , that are constrain'd . Ter. Constrain'd ? that word weighs heauy , yet my oath Weighes downe that word ; the kinges thoughts are at oddes , They are not euen ballanst in his brest ; The King may play the man with me ; nay more , Kings may vsurpe ; my wife 's a woman ; yet T is more then I know yet , that know not her , If she should prooue mankinde , t were rare , fye , fye , See how I loose my selfe , amongst my thoughts , Thinking to finde my selfe ; my oath , my oath , Sir quin. I sweare another , let me see , by what , By my long stocking , and my narrow skirtes , Not made to sit vpon , she shall to Court . I haue a tricke , a charme . that shall lay downe The spirit of lust , and keep thee vndeflowred ; Thy husbands honor sau'd , and the hot King , Shall haue enough too . Come , a tricke , a charme . Exit . Cæl. God keep thy honour safe , my bloud from harme . Ter. Come , my sicke-minded Bride , I le teach thee how , To relish health a little : Taste this thought , That when mine eyes seru'd loues commission , Vpon thy beauties I did seise on them . To a Kings vse ; cure all thy griefe with this , That his great seale was grauen vpon this ring , And that I was but Steward to a King . Exeunt . A banquet set out : Enter Sir Vaughan , Horace , Asinius Bubo , Lady Petula , Dicache , Philocalia , Mistris Miniuer and Peter Flash . Sir Vaugh.

Ladies and Sentlemen , you are almost all welcome , to this sweet nuncions of Plums .

Dicach.

Almost all Sir Vaughan : why to which of vs are you so niggardly , that you cut her out but a peice of welcome .

Sir Vaugh.

My interpretations is that almost all are welcome , because I indited a brace or two more that is not come , I am sorrie my Ladie Pride is not among you .

Asi.

Slid , he makes hounds of vs Ningle , a brace quoth a ?

Sir Vaug.

Peter Salamanders draw out the pictures of all the ioynt stooles , & Ladies sit downe vpon their wodden faces .

Flash .

I warrant Sir , I le giue euerie one of them a good stoole .

Sir Vau.

Master Horace , Master Horace , when I pray to God , and desire in hipocritnes that bald Sir Adams were heer , then , then , then begin to make you railes at the pouertie and beggerly want of haire .

Hor.

Leaue it to my iudgement .

Sir Vau.

M. Bubo sit there , you and I wil thinke vpon our ends at the Tables : M. Horace , put your learned bodie into the midst of these Ladies ; so t is no matter to speake graces at nuncions , because we are all past grace since dinner .

Asini.

Mas I thanke my destinie I am not past grace , for by this hand full of Carrawaies , I could neuer abide to say grace .

Dica.

Mistris Miniuer , is not that innocent Gentleman a kinde of foole ?

Min.

Why doe you aske Madam ?

Dicach.

Nay for no harme , I aske because I thought you two had been of acquaintaine .

Min.

I thinke he 's within an Inch of a foole .

Dicach.

Madam Philocalia , you sit next that spare Gentleman , wod you heard what Mistris Miniuer saies of you .

Philo.

Why what saies she Madam Dicache .

Dica.

Nay nothing , but wishes you were married to that small timber'd gallant .

Philo.

Your wish and mine are twinnes , I will so too for Then I should be sure to lead a merrie life .

Asini.

Yes faith Ladie , I de make you laugh , my bolts now and then should be soone shot ; by these comfits , weed let all slide .

Petu.

He takes the sweetest oathes that euer I heard a gallant of his pitch sweare ; by these Comfits , & these Carrawaies , I warrant it does him good to sweare .

Asin. Yes faith t is meate and drinke to me . I am glad Ladie Petula ( by this Apple ) that they please you . Sir Vau.

Peter Salamanders wine , I beseech you Master Asinius Bubo , not to sweare so deeplie , for there comes no fruite of your oathes ; heere Ladies , I put you all into one corners together , you shall all drinke of one cup .

Asi.

Peter I prethee fill me out too .

Flash .

I de fling you out too and I might ha my will , a pox of all fooles .

Sir Vau.

Mistris Miniuers , pray bee lustie , wod Sir Adams Prickshaft stucke by you .

Hor.

Who , the balde Knight Sir Vaughan ?

Sir Vau

The same M. Horace , he that has but a remnant or parcell of haire , his crowne is clipt and par'd away ; me thinkes t is an excellent quallitie to bee balde ; for and there stucke a nose and two nyes in his pate , he might weare two faces vnder one hood .

Asi.

As God saue me la , if I might ha my will , I de rather be a balde Gentleman then a hairy ; for I am sure the best and tallest Yeomen in England haue balde heads : me thinkes haire is a scuruie lowsie commodity .

Hor.

Bubo , heerein you blaze your ignorance .

Sir Vau

Pray stop and fill your mouthes , and giue M. Horace all your eares .

Hor. For , if of all the bodies parts , the head Be the most royall : if discourse , wit , Iudgement , And all our vnderstanding faculties , Sit there in their high Court of Parliament , Enacting lawes to sway this humorous world : This little I le of Man : needes must that crowne , Which stands vpon this supreame head , he faire , And helde inualuable , and that crowne 's the Haire : The head that wants this honour stands awry , Is hare in name and in authority . Sir Vau. He meanes balde-pates mistris Miniuers . Hor. Haire , t is the roabe which curious nature weaues , To hang vpon the head : and does adorne , Our bodies in the first houre we are horne : God does bestow that garment : when we dye , That ( like a soft and silken Canopie ) Is still spred ouer vs ; in spight of death Our hayre growes in our graue , and that alone Lookes fresh , when all our other beauty 's gone . The excellence of Haire , in this shines cleere , That the foure Elements take pride to weare The fashion of it : when Fire most bright does burne , The flames to golden lockes doe striue to turne ; When her lasciuious armes the Water hurles , About the shoares wast , her sleeke head she curles : And rorid cloudes being suckt into the Ayre , When downe they melt , hangs like fine siluer hayre . You see the Earth ( whose head so oft it shorne ) Frighted to feele her lockes so rudely torne , Stands with her haire an end , and ( thus afraide ) Turnes euery haire to a greene naked blade . Besides , when ( strucke with griefe ) we long to dye , We spoile that most , which most does beautifie , We rend this Head-tyre off . I thus conclude , Cullors set cullors out ; our eyes iudge right , Of vice or vertue by their opposite : So , if faire haire to beauty ad such grace , Baldnes must needes be vgly , vile and base . Sir Vau.

True M. Horace , for a bald reason , is a reason that has no haires vpon 't , a scuruy scalded reason .

Mi.

By my truely I neuer thought you could ha pickt such strange things out of haire before .

Asini.

Nay my Ningle can tickle it , when hee comes too 't .

Min.

Troth I shall neuer bee enameld of a bare-headed man for this , what shift so euer I make .

Sir Vaug.

Then Mistris Miniuer S. Adams Prickshaft must not hit you ; Peter take vp all the cloathes at the table and the Plums .

Enter Tucca and his boy . Tuc.

Saue thee my little worshipfull Harper ; how doe yee my little cracknels ? how doe ye ?

Sir Vau.

Welcome M. Tucca , sit and shoote into your belly some Suger pellets .

Tuc

No , Godamercy Cadwallader , how doe you Horace ?

Ho.

Thankes good Captaine .

Tu.

Wher 's the Sering thou carriest about thee ? O haue I found thee my scowring-sticke ; what 's my name Bubo ?

Asini.

Wod I were hang'd if I can call you any names but Captaine and Tucca .

Tuc.

No Fye'st , my name 's Hamlet reuenge : thou hast been at Parris garden hast not ?

Hor.

Yes Captaine , I ha plaide Zulziman there .

Sir Vau.

Then M. Horace you plaide the part of an honest man .

Tuc.

Death of Hercules , he could neuer play that part well in 's life , no Fulkes you could not : thou call'st Demetrius Iorneyman Poet , but thou putst vp a Supplication to be a poore Iorneyman Player , and hadst beene still so , but that thou couldst not set a good face vpon 't : thou hast forgot how thou amblest ( in leather pilch ) by a play-wagon , in the high way , and took'st mad Ieronimoes part , to get seruice among the Mimickes : and when the Stagerites banisht thee into the I le of Dogs , thou turn'dst Ban-dog ( villanous Guy ) & euer since bitest , therefore I aske if th' ast been at Parris-garden , because thou hast such a good mouth ; thou baitst well , read , lege , saue thy selfe and read .

Hor.

Why Captaine these are Epigrams compos'd on you .

Tuc.

Goe not out Farding Candle , goe not out , for trusty Damboys now the deed is done , I le pledge this Epigram in wine , I le swallow it , I , yes .

Sir Vau.

God blesse vs , will be drunke with nittigrams now .

Tuc.

So , now arise sprite at h Buttry ; no Herring-bone I le not pull thee out , but arise deere Eccho rise , rise deuill or I le coniure thee vp .

Min.

Good Master Tucca le ts ha no coniuring heere .

Sir Vau.

Vddes bloud you scald gouty Captaine , why come you to set encombrances heere betweene the Ladies .

Tuc.

Be not so tart my precious Metheglin , be not ( my old whore a Babilon , sit fast . )

Min.

O Iesu it I know where abouts in London Babilon stands .

Tuc.

Feede and be fat my faire Calipolis , stir not my beauteous wriggle-tailes , I le disease none of you , I le take none of you vp , but onely this table-man , I must enter him into some filthy sincke point , I must .

Hor.

Captaine , you doe me wrong thus to disgrace me .

Tuc.

Thou thinkst thou maist be as sawcy with me as my Buffe Ierkin to sit vpon me , dost ?

Ho. Dam me , if euer I traduc'd your name , What imputation can you charge me with ? Sir Vau.

Sblud , I , what cōputations can you lay to his charge ? answer , or by Sesu I le canuas your coxcombe Tucky .

Min.

If they draw sweet hearts , let vs shift for our selues .

Tuc

My noble swaggerer , I wil not fall out with thee , I cannot my mad Cumrade , finde in my heart to shed thy bloud .

Sir Vau.

Cumrade by Sesu call me Cumrade againe , and i le Cumrade ye about the sinnes and shoulders ; ownds , what come you to smell out heere ? did you not dine and feede horribly well to day at dinner , but you come to munch heere , and giue vs winter-plummes ? I pray depart , goe marse , marse , marse out a doores .

Tuc.

Adew Sir Eglamour , adew Lute-stringe , Curtin-rod , Goose-quill ; heere , giue that full-nos'd Skinker , these rimes ; & harke , I le tagge my Codpeece point with thy legs , spout-pot I le empty thee .

Asin.

Dost threaten mee ? Gods lid I le binde thee to the good forbearing .

Sir Vau.

Will you amble Hobby-horse , will you trot and amble ?

Tuc.

Raw Artichocke I shall sauce thee .

Exit . Min.

I pray you Master Tucca , will you send me the fiue pound you borrowed on me ; O you cannot heare now , but I le make you heare me and feele me too in another place , to your shame I warrant you , thou shalt not conny-catch mee for fiue pounds ; he tooke it vp Sir Vaughan in your name , hee swore you sent for it to Mum withall , t was fiue pound in gold , as white as my kercher .

Sir Vaughan .

Ownds , fiue pound in my name to Mum about withall .

Min.

I , to Mum withall , but hee playes mum-budget with me .

Sir Vau.

Peter Salamander , tye vp your great and your little sword , by Sesu I le goe sing him while t is hot , I le beate fiue pound out of his leather pilch : Master Horace , let your wittes inhabite in your right places ; if I fall sansomely vpon the Widdow , I haue some cossens Garman at Court , shall beget you the reuersion of the Master of the Kings Reuels , or else be his Lord of Mis-rule nowe at Christmas : Come Ladyes , whoreson Stragling Captaine , I le pound him .

Exeunt . Manet Horace and Asinius . Hor.

How now ? what ail'st thou , that thou look'st so pale ?

Asin.

Nay nothing , but I am afraide the Welsh Knight has giuen me nothing but purging Comfits : this Captaine stickes pockily in my stomack ; read this scroule , he saies they 'r rimes , and bid me giue them you .

Hor.

Rimes t is a challenge sent to you .

Asin.

To me ?

Hor.

He saies heere you divulg'd my Epigrams .

Asin.

And for that dares he challenge me ?

Hor.

You see he dares but dare you answer him ?

Asin.

I dare answer his challenge , by word of mouth , or by writing , but I scorne to meete him , I hope he and I are not Paralels .

Hor. Deere Bubo , thou shalt answere him ; our credites Lye pawn'd vpon thy resolution , Thy vallor must redeeme them ; charge thy spirits , To waite more close , and neere thee : if he kill thee , I le not suruiue ; into one Lottery . We 'll cast our fates ; together liue and dye . Asi.

Content , I owe God a death , and if he will make mee pay 't against my will , I le say t is hard dealing .

Exeunt Enter Sir Adam , Tucca , with two pistols by his sides , his boy laden with swords and bucklers . Tuc.

Did Apolloes Freeze gowne watch man ( boy , dost heare Turkie-cockes tayle haue an eye behinde , least the enemie assault our Rere-ward ) on proceede Father Adam ; did that same tiranicall-tongu'd rag-a-muffin Horace , turne bald-pates out so naked ?

Sir Ad. He did , and whipt them so with nettles , that The Widdow swore that a bare-headed man , Should not man her : the Ladie Petula Was there , heard all , and tolde me this . Tuc. Goe too .

Thy golde was accepted , it was , and she shall bring thee into her Paradice , she shall small Adam , she shall .

Sir Ada.

But how ? but how Capten ?

Tuc.

Thus , goe , couer a table with sweet meates , let all the Gentlewomen , and that same Pasquils-mad-cap ( mother Bee there ) nibble , bid them bite : they will come to gobble downe Plummes ; then take vp that paire of Basket hiltes , with my commission , I meane Crispinus and Fannius ; charge one of them to take vp the Bucklers , against that hayre-monger Horace , and haue about or two , in defence of balde-pates : let them cracke euerie crowne that has haire on 't : goe , let them lift vp baldenes to the skie , and thou shalt see , t will turne Miniuers heart quite against the haire .

Sir Ada.

Excellent , why then M. Tucca —

Tuc.

Nay , whir , nymble Prickshaft ; whir , away , I goe vpon life and death , away , flie Scanderbag flie .

Exit . Enter Asinius Bubo , and Horace aloofe . Boy .

Arme Captaine , arme , arme , arme , the foe is come downe .

Tucca offers to shoot . Asi

Hold Capten Tucca holde , I am Bubo , & come to answer any thing you can lay to my charge .

Tuc.

What , dost summon a parlie my little Drum-sticke ? t is too late ; thou seest my red flag is hung out , I le fill thy guts with thine owne carrion carcas , and then eate them vp insteed of Sawsages .

Asin.

Vse me how you will ; I am resolute , for I ha made my Will .

Tuc.

Wilt fight Turke-a-ten-pence ? wilt fight then ?

Asini.

Thou shalt finde I le fight in a Godly quarrell , if I be once fir'd .

Tuc.

Thou shalt not want fire , I le ha thee burnt when thou wilt , my colde Cornelius : but come : Respice funem ; looke , thou seest ; open thy selfe my little Cutlers Shoppe , I challenge thee thou slender Gentleman , at foure sundrie weapons .

Asi.

Thy challenge was but at one , and I le answere but one .

Boy .

Thou shalt answer two , for thou shalt answer me and my Capten .

Tuc.

Well said Cockrell out-crowe him : art hardy noble Huon ? art Magnanimious ? licke-trencher ; looke , search , least some lye in ambush ; for this man at Armes , has paper in 's bellie , or some friend in a corner , or else hee durst not bee so cranke .

Boy .

Capten , Capten , Horace stands sneaking heere .

Tuc.

I smelt the foule-fisted Morter-treader , come my most damnable fastidious rascall , I haue a suite to both of you .

Asi.

O holde , most pittifull Captaine holde .

Hor.

Holde Capten , t is knowne that Horace is valliant , & a man of the sword .

Tuc.

A Gentleman or an honest Cittizen , shall not Sit in your pennie-bench Theaters , with his Squirrell by his side cracking nuttes ; nor sneake into a Tauerne with his Mermaid ; but he shall be Satyr'd , and Epigram'd vpon , and his humour must run vpo' th Stage : you 'll ha Euery Gentleman in 's humour , and Euery Gentleman out on 's humour : wee that are heades of Legions and Bandes , and feare none but these same shoulder-clappers , shall feare you , you Serpentine rascall .

Hor.

Honour'd Capten .

Tuc.

Art not famous enough yet , my mad Horastratus , for killing a Player , but thou must eate men aliue ? thy friends ? Sirra wilde-man , thy Patrons ? thou Anthropophagite , thy Mecaenasties ?

Hor. Captaine , I 'm sorry that you lay this wrong . So close vnto your heart : deare Captaine thinke I writ but of hot bloud , which ( now ) being colde , I could be pleas'd ( to please you ) to quaffe downe , The poyson'd Inke , in which I dipt your name . Tuc. Saist thou so , my Palinodicall rimester ? Hor. Hence forth I le rather breath out Soloecismes ( To doe which I de as soone speake blasphemie ) Than with my tongue or pen to wound your worth , Beleeue it noble Capten ; it to me Shall be a Crowne , to crowne your actes with praize , Out of your hate , your loue I le strong lie raize . Tuc.

I know now th' ast a number of these Quiddits to binde men to 'th peace : t is thy fashion to slirt Inke in euerie mans face ; and then to craule into his bosome , and damne thy selfe to wip 't off agen : yet to giue out abroad , that hee was glad to come to composition with thee : I know Monsieur Machiavell t is one a thy rules ; My long-heel'd Troglodite , I could make thine eares burne now , by dropping into them , all those hot oathes , to which , thy selfe gau'st voluntarie fire , ( when thou wast the man in the Moone ) that thou wouldst neuer squib out any new Salt-peter Iettes against honest Tucca , nor those Maligo-tasters , his Poetasters ; I could Cinocephalus , but I will not , yet thou knowst thou hast broke those oathes in print , my excellent infernall .

Ho.

Capten .

Tuc.

Nay I smell what breath is to come from thee , thy answer is , that there 's no faith to be helde with Heritickes & Infidels , and therfore thou swear'st anie thing : but come lend mee thy hand , thou and I hence forth will bee Alexander and Lodwicke , the Gemini : sworne brothers , thou shalt be Perithous and Tucca Theseus ; but I le leaue thee i th lurch , when thou mak'st thy voiage into hell : till then , Thine assuredly .

Hor.

With all my soule deare Capten .

Tuc.

Thou 'lt shoote thy quilles at mee , when my terrible backe 's turn'd for all this , wilt not Porcupine ? and bring me & my Heliconistes into thy Dialogues to make vs talke madlie , wut not Lucian ?

Hor.

Capten , if I doe —

Tuc.

Nay and thou dost , hornes of Lucifer , the Parcell-Poets shall Sue thy wrangling Muse , in the Court of Pernassus , and neuer leaue hunting her , till she pleade in Forma Pauperi : but I hope th' art more grace : come : friendes , clap handes t is a bargaine ; amiable Bubo , thy fist must walke too : so , I loue thee , now I see th' art a little Hercules , and wilt fight ; I le Sticke thee now in my companie like a sprig of Rosemary .

Enter Sir Reesap Vaughan and Peter Flash . Fla.

Draw Sir Rees he 's yonder shall I vpon him ?

Sir Vau.

Vpon him ? goe too , goe too Peter Salamander ; holde , in Gods name holde ; I will kill him to his face , because I meane he shall answer for it ; being an eye-witnes ; one vrde Capten Tucky .

Tuc.

I le giue thee ten thousand words and thou wilt , my little Thomas Thomasius .

Sir Uau

By Sesu , t is best you giue good vrdes too , least I beate out your tongue , and make your vrde nere to bee taken more ; doe you heare , fiue pounds , fiue pounds Tucky .

Tuc.

thou shalt ha fiue , and fiue , and fiue and thou wantst money my Iob .

Sir Vau.

Leaue your fetches and your fegaries , you tough leather-Ierkins ; leaue your quandaries , and trickes , and draw vpon me y' are best : you conny-catch Widdow Miniuer-caps for fiue pounds , and say t is for me to cry Mum , and make mee run vp and downe in dishonors , and discredites ; is 't not true , you winke-a-pipes rascall ? is not true ?

Tuc.

Right , true , guilty , I remember 't now ; for when I spake a good word to the Widdow for thee my young Sampson —

Sir Vau.

For fiue pounds you cheating scab , for 5. pounds , not for me .

Tuc.

For thee ô Caesar , for thee I tooke vp fiue pounds in golde , that lay in her lap , & said I de giue it thee as a token from her : I did it but to smell out how she stood affected to thee , to feele her ; I , and I know what she said , I know how I carried away the golde .

Sir Vau.

By Sesu , I ha not the mercy to fall vpon him now : M. Tucky , did widdow Miniuers part quietly from her golde , because you lyed , and said it was for me ?

Tuc.

Quietly , in peace , without grumbling ; made no noise , I know how I tempted her , in thy behalfe ; my little Trang do .

Sir Vau.

Capten Tucky , I will pay back her 5. l. ( vnles you be damn'd in lyes ) & hold you , I pray you pocket vp this ; by the crosse a this sword & dagger , Capten you shall take it .

Tuc.

Dost sweare by daggers ? nay then I le put vp more at thy hands then this .

Flash .

Is the fray done sir ?

Sir Vau.

Done Peter , put vp your smeeter .

Tuc.

Come hether , my soure-fac'd Poet ; fling away that beard-brush Bubo , casheere him and harke : Knight attend : So , that raw-head and bloudy-bones Sir Adam , has fee'd another brat ( of those nine common wenches ) to defend baldnes and to raile against haire : he 'll haue a fling at thee , my noble Cock-Sparrow .

Sir Vau.

At mee ? will hee fling the cudgels of his witte at mee ?

Tuc.

And at thy button-cap too ; but come , I le be your leader you shall stand , heare all , & not be seene ; cast off that blew coate away with that flawne , and follow , come :

Exit . Hor.

Bubo , we follow Captaine .

Sir Va

Peter , leaue comming behinde me , I pray any longer for you and I must part Peter .

Flash .

Sounds Sir , I hope you will not serue me so , to turne me away in this case .

Sir Vau.

Turne you into a fooles coate ; I meane I will go solus , or in solitaries alone ; ounds y- are best giue better words , or I le turne you away indeed ; where is Capten Tucky ? come Horace ; get you home Peter .

Flash .

I le home to your cost , and I can get into the Wine-Seller .

Exit . Hor.

Remember where to meete mee .

Asin.

Yes I le meete ; Tucca should ha found I dare meete .

Exit . Ho. Dare defend baldnes , which our conquering Muse Has beaten downe so flat ? Well , we will goe , And see what weapons theyr weake wittes doe bring ; If sharpe , we 'll spred a large and nobler wing ; Tucca , heere lyes thy Peace : warre roares agen ; My Swoord shall neuer cutte thee , but my pen . Exit . Enter Sir Adam , Crispinus , Fannius , Blunt , Miniuer , Petula , Philocalia and Dicace . Ladies , Thankes good Sir Adam . Sir Ada. Welcome red-cheekt Ladies , And welcome comely Widdow ; Gentlemen , Now that our sorry banquet is put by , From stealing more sweet kisses from your lips Walke in my garden : Ladyes let your eyes Shed life into these flowers by their bright beames , Sit , Sit heere 's a large bower , heere all may heare , Now good Crispinus let your praize begin . There , where it left off Baldnes . Cris. I shall winne . No praise , by praising that , which to depraue , All tongues are readie , and which none would haue . Bin. To prooue that best , by strong and armed reason , Whose part reason feares to take , cannot but prooue , Your wit 's fine temper , and from these win loue . Min I promise you has almost conuerted me , I pray bring forward your bald reasons M. Poet . Cri. Mistris you giue my Reasons proper names , For Arguments ( like Children ) should be like , The subiect that begets them ; I must striue To crowne Bald heades , therefore must baldlie thriue ; But be it as it can : To what before , Went arm'd at table , this force bring I more , If a Bare head ( being like a dead-mans scull ) Should beare vp no praise els but this , it sets Our end before our eyes ; should I dispaire , From giuing Baldnes higher place then haire ? Mini. Nay perdie , haire has the higher place . Cri. The goodliest & most glorious strange-built wonder , Which that great Architect hath made , is heauen ; For there he keepes his Court , It is his Kingdome , That 's his best Master-piece ; yet t is the roofe , And Seeling of the world : that may be cal'd The head or crowne of Earth , and yet that 's balde , All creatures in it balde ; the louely Sunne , Has a face sleeke as golde ; the full-cheekt Moone , As bright and smooth as siluer : nothing there Weares dangling lockes , but sometime blazing Starres , Whose flaming curles set realmes on fire with warres . Descend more low ; looke through mans fiue-folde sence , Of all , the Eye , beares greatest eminence ; And yet that 's balde , the haires that like a lace , Are sticht vnto the liddes , borrow those formes , Like Pent-houses to saue the eyes from stormes . Sir Adam . Right , well said . Cris. A head and face ore-growne with Shaggie drosse , O , t is an Orient pearle hid all in Mosse , But when the head 's all naked and vncrown'd , It is the worlds Globe , euen , smooth and round ; Baldnes is natures But , at which our life , Shootes her last Arrow : what man euer lead His age out with a staffe ; but had a head Bare and vncouer'd ? hee whose yeares doe rise , To their full height , yet not balde , is not wise . The Head is Wisedomes house , Haire but the thatch , Haire ? It 's the basest stubble ; in scorne of it , This Prouerbe sprung , he has more haire then wit : Marke you not in derision how we call , A head growne thicke with haire , Bush-naturall ? Min.

By your leaue ( Master Poet ) but that Bush-naturall , is one a the trimmest , and most intanglingst beautie in a woman .

Cris. Right , but beleeue this ( pardon me most faire ) You would haue much more wit , had you lesse haire : I could more wearie you to tell the proofes . ( As they passe by ) which fight on Baldnes side , Then were you taskt to number on a head , The haires : I know not how your thoughts are lead , On this strong Tower shall my opinion rest , Heades thicke of haire are good , but balde the best , Whilst this Paradox is in speaking , Tucca Enters with Sir Vaughan at one doore , and secretly placeth him : then Exit and brings in Horace muffled , placing him : Tucca sits among them . Tuc.

Th' art within a haire of it , my sweet Wit whether wilt thou ? my delicate Poeticall Furie , th' ast hit it to a haire .

Sir Vaughan steps out . Sir Vau.

By your fauour Master Tucky , his balde reasons are wide aboue two hayres , I besees you pardon mee Ladies , that I thrust in so malepartly among you , for I did but mych heere , and see how this cruell Poet did handle bald heades .

Sir Ad.

He gaue them but their due Sir Vaughan ; Widdow did he not ?

Mini.

By my faith he made more of a balde head , than euer I shall be able : he gaue them their due truely .

Sir Vaugh.

Nay vds bloud , their due is to bee a the right haire as I am , and that was not in his fingers to giue , but in God a Mighties : Well , I will hyre that humorous and fantasticall Poet Master Horace , to breake your balde pate Sir Adam .

Sir Ada.

Breake my balde pate ?

Tuc.

Dost heare my worshipfull block-head ?

Sir Vaug.

Patience Captaine Tucky , let me absolue him ; I meane he shal pricke , pricke your head or sconce a little with his goose-quils , for he shal make another Thalimum , or crossestickes , or some Polinoddyes , with a fewe Nappy-grams in them that shall lift vp haire , and set it an end , with his learned and harty commendations .

Hor.

This is excellent , all will come out now .

Dica.

That same Horace me thinkes has the most vngodly face , by my Fan ; it lookes for all the world , like a rotten russet Apple , when t is bruiz'd : It s better then a spoonefull of Sinamon water next my heart , for me to heare him speake ; hee soundes it so i' th nose , and talkes and randes for all the world , like the poore fellow vnder Ludgate : oh fye vpon him .

Min

By my troth sweet Ladies , it 's Cake and pudding to me , to see his face make faces , when hee reades his Songs and Sonnets .

Hor.

I le face some of you for this , when you shall not budge .

Tuc.

It s the stinckingst dung-farmer — foh vpon him .

Sir Vau.

Foh ? oundes you make him vrse than olde herring : foh ? by Sesu I thinke he 's as tidy , and as tall a Poet as euer drew out a long verse .

Tuc.

The best verse that euer I knew him hacke out , was his white necke-verse : noble Ap Rees thou wouldst scorne to laye thy lippes to his commendations , and thou smeldst him out as I doe , hee calles thee the burning Knight of the Salamander .

Sir Vaugh.

Right , Peter is my Salamander ; what of him ? but Peter is neuer burnt : howe now ? so , goe too now .

Tucca.

And sayes because thou Clipst the Kinges English .

Sir Vaughan .

Oundes mee ? that 's treason : clip ? horrible treasons , Sesu holde my handes ; clip ? he baites mouse-trappes for my life .

Tucca.

Right little Twinckler , right : hee sayes because thou speak'st no better , thou canst not keepe a good tongue in thy head .

Sir Vaug.

By God t is the best tongue , I can buy for loue or money .

Tuc.

He shootes at thee too Adam Bell , and his arrowes stickes heere ; he calles thee bald-pate .

Sir Vaugh.

Oundes make him prooue these intollerabilities .

Tuc.

And askes who shall carry the vineger-bottle : & then he rimes too 't , and sayes Prickshaft : nay Miniuer hee cromples thy Cap too ; and —

Cir.

Come Tucca , come , no more ; the man 's wel knowne , thou needst not paint him , whom does he not wrong ?

Tuc

Mary himselfe , the vglie Pope Boniface , pardons himselfe , and therefore my indgement is , that presently he bee had from hence , to his place of execution , and there bee Stab'd , Stab'd , Stab'd .

He stabs at him . Hor.

Oh gentlemen , I am slaine , oh slaue art hyt'd to murder me , to murder me , to murder me ?

Ladies .

Oh God!

Sir Vaugh.

Ounds Capten you haue put all Poetrie to the dint of sword , blow winde about him : Ladies for our Lordes sake you that haue smocks , teare off peeces , to shoote through his oundes : Is he dead and buried is he ? pull his nose , pinch , rub , rub , rub , rub .

Tu.

If he be not dead , looke heere ; I ha the Stab and pippin for him : if I had kil'd him , I could ha pleas'd the great foole with an Apple .

Cris. How now ? be well good Horace , heer 's no wound ; Y' are slaine by your owne feares ; how dost thou man ? Come , put thy heart into his place againe ; Thy out-side 's neither peir'st , nor In-side slaine . Sir Vau.

I am glad M. Horace , to see you walking .

Ho.

Gentlemen , I am blacke and blewe the breadth of a groate .

Tuc.

Breadth of a groate ? there 's a teston , hide thy infirmities , my scuruy Lazarus , doe , hide it , least it prooue a scab in time : hang thee desperation , hang thee , thou knowst I cannot be sharpe set against thee : looke , feele ( my light-vptailes all ) feele my weapon .

Mi.

O most pittifull as blunt as my great thumbe .

Sir Vau.

By Sesu , as blunt as a Welsh bag-pudding .

Tuc.

As blunt as the top of Poules ; t is not like thy Aloe , Cicatrine tongue , bitter : no , t is no stabber , but like thy goodly and glorious nose , blunt , blunt , blunt : dost roare bulchin ? dost roare ? th' ast a good rouncivall voice to cry Lanthorne & Candle-light .

Sir Vau.

Two vrds Horace about your eares : how chance it passes , that you bid God boygh to an honest trade of building Symneys , and laying downe Brickes , for a worse handicraftnes , to make nothing but railes ; your Muse leanes vpon nothing but filthy rotten railes , such as stand on Poules head , how chance ?

Hor.

Sir Vaughan .

Sir Va.

You lye sir varlet sir villaine , I am sir Salamanders , ounds , is my man Master Peter Salamanders face as vrse as mine ? Sentlemen , all and Ladies , and you say once or twice Amen , I will lap this little Silde , this Booby in his blankets agen .

Omnes . Agree'd , agree'd . Tuc.

A blanket , these crackt Venice glasses shall fill him out , they shall tosse him , holde fast wag tailes : so , come , in , take this bandy with the racket of patience , why when ? dost stampe mad Tamberlaine , dost stampe ? thou thinkst th' ast Morter vnder thy feete , dost ?

Ladies . Come , a bandy ho . Hor. O holde most sacred beauties . Sir Vau. Hold , silence , the puppet-teacher speakes . Ho. Sir Vaughan , noble Capten , Gentlemen , Crispinus , deare Demetrius ô redeeme me , Out of this infamous — by God by Iesu — Cri. Nay , sweare not so good Horace , now these Ladies , Are made your executioners : prepare , To suffer like a gallant , not a coward ; I le trie t' vnloose , their hands , impossible . Nay , womens vengeance are implacable . Hor.

Why , would you make me thus the ball of scorne ?

Tuc.

I le tell thee why , because th' ast entred Actions of assault and battery , against a companie of honourable and worshipfull Fathers of the law : you wrangling rascall , law is one of the pillers at h land , and if thou beest bound too 't ( as I hope thou shalt bee ) thou 't prooue a skip-lacke , thou 't be whipt . I le tell thee why , because thy sputtering chappes yelpe , that Arrogance , and impudence , and Ignoraunce , are the essentiall parts of a Courtier .

Sir Vau.

You remember Horace they will puncke , and pincke , and pumpe you , and they catch you by the coxcombe : on I pray , one lash , a little more .

Tuc.

I le tell thee why because thou cryest ptrooh at worshipfull Cittizens , and cal'it them Flat-caps , Cuckolds , and banckrupts , and modest and vertuous wiues punckes & cockatrices . I le tell thee why , because th' ast arraigned two Poets against all lawe and conscience ; and not content with that , hast turn'd them amongst a company of horrible blacke Fryers .

Sir Vau.

The same hand still , it is your owne another day , M. Horace , admonitions is good meate .

Tuc.

Thou art the true arraign'd Poet , and shouldst haue been hang'd , but for one of these part-takers , these charitable Copper-lac'd Christians , that fetcht thee out of Purgatory , ( Players I meane ) Theaterians pouch-mouth , Stage-walkers ; for this Poet , for this , thou must lye with these foure wenches , in that blancket , for this —

Hor. What could I doe , out of a iust reuenge , But bring them to the Stage ? they enuy me because I holde more worthy company . Deme Good Horace , no ; my cheekes doe blush for thine , As often as thou speakst so , where one true And nobly-vertuous spirit ; for thy best part Loues thee , I wish one ten , euen from my heart . I make account I put vp as deepe share In any good mans loue which thy worth earnes , As thou thy selfe ; we enuy not to see , Thy friends with Bayes to crowne thy Poesie . No , heere the gall lyes , we that know what stuffe Thy verie heart is made of ; know the stalke On which thy learning growes , and can giue life To thy ( once dying ) basenes ; yet must we Dance Antickes on your Paper . Hor. Fannius . Cri. This makes vs angry , but not enuious , No , were thy warpt soule , put in a new molde , I de weare thee as a Iewell set in golde . Sir Vau.

And Iewels Master Horace , must be hang'd you know .

Tuc.

Good Pagans , well said , they haue sowed vp that broken seame-rent lye of thine , that Demetrius is out at Elbowes , and Crispinus is falne out with Sattin heere , they haue ; but bloate-herring dost heare ?

Hor.

Yes honour'd Captaine , I haue eares at will .

Tuc.

I st not better be out at Elbowes , then to bee a bond-slaue , and to goe all in Parchment as thou dost ?

Horace .

Parchment Captaine ? t is Perpetuana I assure you .

Tuc.

My Perpetuall pantaloone true , but t is waxt ouer ; th' art made out of Wax ; thou must answere for this one day ; thy Muse is a hagler , and weares cloathes vpon best-be-trust : th' art great in some bodies books for this , thou knowst where ; thou wouldst bee out at Elbowes , and out at heeles too , but that thou layest about thee with a Bill for this , a Bill —

Ho.

I confesse Capten , I followed this suite hard .

Tuc.

I know thou didst , and therefore whilst we haue Hiren heere , speake my little dish-washers , a verdit Pissekitchins .

Omnes .

Blancket .

Sir Vau.

Holde I pray , holde , by Sesu I haue put vpon my heade , a fine deuice , to make you laugh , t is not your fooles Cap Master Horace , which you couer'd your Poetasters in , but a fine tricke , ha , ha is iumbling in my braine .

Tuc.

I le beate out thy braines , my whorson hansome dwarfe , but i le haue it out of thee .

Omnes .

What is it good Sir Vaughan ?

Sir Vau.

To conclude , t is after this manners , because Ma. Horace is ambition , and does conspire to bee more hye and tall , as God a mightie made him , wee 'll carry his terrible , person to Court , and there before his Masestie Dub , or what you call it , dip his Muse in some licour , and christen him , or dye him , into collours of a Poet .

Omnes .

Excellent .

Tuc.

Super Super-excellent Reuellers goe , proceede you Masters of Arte in kissing these wenches , and in daunces , bring you the quiuering Bride to Court , in a Maske , come Grumboll , thou shalt Mum with vs ; come , dogge mee skneakesbill .

Hor.

O thou my Muse !

Sir Vau.

Call vpon God a mighty , and no Muses , your Muse I warrant is otherwise occupied , there is no dealing with your Muse now , therefore I pray marse , marse , marse , oundes your Moose ?

Exeunt . Cri. We shal haue sport to see them ; come bright beauties , The Sunne stoops low , and whispers in our eares , To hasten on our Maske , let 's crowne this night , With choise composed wreathes of sweet delight . Exeunt . Enter Terrill and Caelestine sadly , Sir Quintllian stirring and migling a cup of wine . Ter. O Night , that Dyes the Firmament in blacke , And like a cloth of cloudes dost stretch thy limbes ; Vpon the windy Tenters of the Ayre : O thou that hang'st vpon the backe of Day , Like a long mourning gowne : thou that art made Without an eye , because thou shouldst not see A Louers Reuels : nor participate The Bride-groomes heauen ; ô heauen , to me a hell : I haue a hell in heauen , a blessed cursse ; All other Bride-groomes long for Night , and taxe The Day of lazie slouth ; call Time a Cripple , And say the houres limpe after him : but I Wish Night for euer banisht from the skie , Or that the Day would neuer sleepe : or Time , Were in a swound ; and all his little Houres , Could neuer lift him vp with their poore powers . Enter Caelestine . But backward runnes the course of my delight ; The day hath turn'd his backe , and it is night : This night will make vs odde ; day made vs eeuen , All else are damb'd in hel , but I in heauen . Cae. Let loose thy oath , so shall we still be eeuen . Ter. Then am I damb'd in hell , and not in heauen . Cael. Must I then goe t is easie to say no , Must is the King himselfe , and I must goe ; Shall I then goe ? that word is thine ; I shall , Is thy commaund : I goe because I shall ; Will I then goe ? I aske my selfe ; ô ill , King , saies I must ; you , I shall ; I , I will . Ter. Had I not sworne . Cael. Why didst thou sweare ? Ter. The King Sat heauy on my resolution , Till ( out of breath ) it panted out an oath . Cael. An oath ? why , what 's an oath ? t is but the smoake , Of flame & bloud ; the blister of the spirit , Which rizeth from the Steame of rage , the bubble That shootes vp to the tongue , and scaldes the voice , ( for oathes are burning words ) thou swor'st but one , T is frozen long agoe : if one be numbred , What Countrimen are they ? where doe they dwell , That speake naught else but oathes ? Ter. They 're men of hell . An oath ? why t is the trafficke of the soule , T is law within a man ; the seale of faith , The bond of euery conscience ; vnto whom , We set our thoughts like hands : yea , such a one I swore , and to the King : A King containes A thousand thousand ; when I swore to him , I swore to them ; the very haires that guard His head , will rise vp like sharpe witnesses Against my faith and loyalty : his eye Would straight condemne me : argue oathes no more , My oath is high , for to the King I swore . Enter Sir Quintilian with the cup . Cae. Must I betray my Chastity ? So long Cleane from the treason of rebelling lust ; O husband ! O my father ! if poore I , Must not liue chast , then let me chastly dye . Sir Quint. I , heer 's a charme shall keep thee chaste , come , come , Olde Time hath left vs but an houre to play Our parte ; begin the sceane , who shall speake first ? Oh , I , I play the King , and Kings speake first ; Daughter stand thou heere , thou Sonne Terrill there , O thou standst well thou lean'st against a poast , ( For thou 't be posted off I warrant thee : ) The King will hang a horne about thy necke , And make a poast of thee ; you stand well both , We neede no Prologue , the King entring first , He 's a most gracious Prologue : mary then For the Catastrophe , or Epilogue , Ther 's one in cloth of Siluer , which no doubt , Will please the hearers well , when he steps out ; His mouth is fil'd with words : see where he stands ; He 'll make them clap their eyes besides their hands . But to my part ; suppose who enters now , A King , whose eyes are set in Siluer ; one That blusheth golde , speakes Musicke dancing walkes , Now gathers neerer , takes thee by the hand , When straight thou thinkst , the very Orbe of heauen , Mooues round about thy fingers , then he speakes , Thus — thus — I know not how . Cael. Nor I to answer him . Sir Quint. No girle ? knowst thou not how to answer him ? Why then the field is lost , and he rides home , Like a great conquerour ; not answer him ? Out of thy part alread ? y foylde the Sceane ? Disranckt the lynes ? disarm'd the action ? Ter. Yes yes , true chastity is tongu'd so weake , T is ouer-come ere it know how to speake . Sir qui. Come , come , thou happy close of euery wrong , T is thou that canst dissolue the hardest doubt ; T is time for thee to speake , we are all out . Daughter , and you the man whom I call Sonne , I must confesse I made a deede of gift ; To heauen and you , and gaue my childe to both : When on my blessing I did charme her soule , In the white circle of true Chastity , Still to run true , till death : now Sir if not , She forfeyts my rich blessing , and is Fin'd With an eternall cursse ; then I tell you , She shall dye now , now whilst her soule is true . Ter. Dye ? Cael. I , I am deaths eccho . Sir quin. O my Sonne , I am her Father ; euery teare I shed , Is three score ten yeere olde ; I weepe and smile Two kinde of teares : I weepe that she must dye , I smile that she must dye a Virgin : thus We ioyfull men mocke teares , and teares mocke vs . Ter. What speakes that cup ? Sir quin. White wine and poison . Ter. Oh : That very name of poison , poisons me ; Thou Winter of a man , thou walking graue , Whose life is like a dying Taper : how Canst thou define a Louers labouring thoughts ? What Sent hast thou but death ? what taste but earth ? The breath that purles from thee , is like the Steame Of a new-open'd vault : I know thy drift , Because thou art trauelling to the land of Graues , Thou couetst company , and hether bringst , A health of poison to pledge death : a poison For this sweete spring ; this element is mine , This is the Ayre I breath ; corrupt it not ; This heauen is mine , I bought it with my soule , Of him that selles a heauen , to buy a soule . Sir quin. Well , let her goe ; she 's thine thou cal'st her thine , Thy Element , the Ayre thou breath'st ; thou knowst The Ayre thou breath'st is common , make her so : Perhaps thou 't say ; none but the King shall weare Thy night-gowne , she that laps thee warme with loue ; And that Kings are not common : Then to shew , By consequence he cannot make her so , Indeede she may promoote her shame and thine , And with your shames , speake a good word for mine : The King shining so cleare , and we so dim , Our darke disgraces will be seene through him . Imagine her the cup of thy moist life , What man would pledge a King in his owne wife ? Ter. She dyes : that sentence poisons her : O life ! What slaue would pledge a King in his owne wife ? Cael. Welcome , ô poyson phisicke against lust , Thou holesome medicine to a constant bloud ; Thou rare Apothecary that canst keepe , My chastity preseru'd , within this boxe ; Of tempting dust , this painted earthen pot , That stands vpon the stall of the white soule , To set the shop out like a flatterer , To draw the customers of Sinne : come , come , Thou art no poison , but a dyet-drinke , To moderate my bloud : White-innocent Wine , Art thou made guilty of my death ? oh no , For thou thy selfe art poison'd , take me hence , For Innocence , shall murder Innocence . Drinkes Ter. Holde , holde , thou shalt not dye , my Bride , my wife , O stop that speedy messenger of death ; O let him not run downe that narrow path , Which leades vnto thy heart ; nor carry newes To thy remoouing soule , that thou must dye . Cael. T is done already , the Spirituall Court , Is breaking vp ; all Offices discharg'd , My soule remooues from this weake standing house , Of fraile mortallity : Deare Father , blesse Me now and euer : Dearer Man farewell , I ioyntly take my leaue of thee and life , Goe , tell the King thou hast a constant wife . Ter. I had a constant wife , I le tell the King ; Vntill the King — what dost thou smile ? art thou A Father ? Sir quin. Yea smiles on my cheekes arise , To see how sweetly a true virgin dyes . Enter Blunt , Crispinus , Fannius , Philocalia , Dicache , Petula , lights before them . Cris. Sir Walter Terrill , gallants are all ready , Ter. All ready . Dem. Well said , come , come , wher 's the Bride ? Ter. She 's going to forbid the Banes agen . She 'll dye a maide : and see , she keeps her oath . All the men . Faire Caelestine ! Ladies . The Bride ! Ter. She that was faire , Whom I cal'd faire and Caelestine . Omnes . Dead ! Sir quin. Dead , sh 's deathes Bride , he hath her maidenhead . Cri. Sir Walter Terrill . Omnes . Tell vs how . Ter. All cease , The subiect that we treate of now is Peace , If you demaund how : I can tell : if why , Aske the King that ; he was the cause , not I . Let it suffice , she 's dead , she kept her vow , Aske the King why , and then I le tell you how : Nay giue your Reuels life , tho she be gone , To Court with all your preparation ; Leade on , and leade her on ; if any aske The mistery , say death presents a maske , Ring peales of Musicke , you are Louers belles , The losse of one heauen , brings a thousand hels . Exeunt . Enter an arm'd Sewer , after him the seruice of a Banquet : the King at another doore meetes them , they Exeunt . Kin. Why so , euen thus the Mercury of Heauen , Vshers th' ambrosiate banquet of the Gods , When a long traine of Angels in a ranke , Serue the first course , and bow their Christall knees , Before the Siluer table ; where Ioues page Sweet Ganimed filles Nectar : when the Gods . Drinke healthes to Kings , they pledge them ; none but Kings Dare pledge the Gods ; none but Gods drinke to Kings . Men of our house are we prepar'd ? Enter Seruants . Ser. My Leige , All waite the presence of the Bride . Kin. The Bride ? Yea , euery senceles thing , which she beholdes , Will looke on her agen , her eyes reflection , Will make the walles all eyes , with her perfection : Obserue me now , because of Maskes and Reuels , And many nuptiall ceremonies : Marke , This I create the Presence , heere the State , Our Kingdomes seate , shall sit in honours Pride , Like pleasures Queene , there will I place the Bride : Be gone , be speedy , let me see it done . Exeunt , A King in Loue , is Steward to himselfe , And neuer scornes the office , my selfe buy , All glances from the Market of her eye . Soft Musicke , chaire it set vnder a Canopie . Kin. Sound Musicke , thou sweet suiter to the ayre , Now wooe the ayre agen , this is the houre , Writ in the Calender of time , this houre , Musicke shall spend , the next and next the Bride ; Her tongue will read the Musicke-Lecture : Wat I loue thee Wat , because thou art not wise ; Not deep-read in the volume of a man , Thou neuer sawst a thought , poore soule thou thinkst , The heart and tongue is cut out of one peece , But th' art deceau'd , the world hath a false light , Fooles thinke t is day , when wise men know t is night . Enter Sir Quintilian . Sir quint. My Leige they 're come , a maske of gallants , Kin. Now — the spirit of Loue vshers my bloud . Sir quin. They come . The Watch-word in a Maske is the bolde Drum . Enter Blunt , Crispinus , Demetrius , Philocalia , Petula , Dicache , all maskt , two and two with lights like maskers : Caelestine in a chaire . Ter. All pleasures guard my King , I heere present , My oath vpon the knee of duety : knees Are made for Kings , they are the subiects Fees . King . Wat Terrill , th' art ill suited , ill made vp , In Sable collours , like a night peece dyed , Com'st thou the Prologue of a Maske in blacke ; Thy body is ill shapt ; a Bride-groome too ? Looke how the day is drest in Siluer cloth , Laide round about with golden Sunne-beames : so ( As white as heauen ) should a fresh Bride-groome goe . What ? Caelestine the Bride , in the same taske ? Nay then I see ther 's mistery in this maske . Prethee resolue me Wat ? Ter. My gracious Lord , That part is hers , she actes it ; onely I Present the Prologue , she the misterie . Kin. Come Bride , the Sceane of blushing entred first , Your cheekes are setled now , and past the worst ; Vnmasks her A mistery ? oh none plaies heere but death , This is deaths motion , motionles ; speake you , Flatter no longer ; thou her Bride-groome ; thou Her Father speake . Sir quint. Dead . Ter. Dead . Kin. How ? Sir quin. Poyson'd . King . And poyson'd ? What villaine durst blaspheme her beauties , or Prophane the cleare religion of her eyes . Ter. Now King I enter , now the Sceane is mine , My tongue is tipt with poison ; know who speakes , And looke into my thoughts ; I blush not King , To call thee Tyrant : death hath set my face , And made my bloud bolde ; heare me spirits of men , And place your eares vpon your hearts ; the day ( The fellow to this night ) saw her and me , Shake hands together : for the booke of heauen , Made vs eternall friends : thus , Man and Wife , This man of men ( the King ) what are not kings ? Was my chiefe guest , my royall guest , his Grace Grac'd all the Table , and did well become The vpper end , where sate my Bride : in briefe , He tainted her chaste eares ; she yet vnknowne , His breath was treason , tho his words were none . Treason to her and me , he dar'd me then , ( Vnder the couert of a flattering smile , ) To bring her where she is , not as she is , Aliue for lust , not dead for ( Chastity : The resolution of my soule , out-dar'd , ) I swore and taxt my faith with a sad oath ; Which I maintaine ; heere take her , she was mine , When she was liuing , but now dead , she 's thine . Kin. Doe not confound me quite ; for mine owne guilt , Speakes more within me then thy tongue containes ; Thy sorrow is my shame : yet heerein springs , ioy out of sorrow , boldnes on t of shame ; For I by this haue found , once in my life , A faithfull subiect , thou a constant wife . Cæl. A constant wife . Kin. Am I confounded twice ? Blasted with wonder . Ter. O delude we not . Thou art too true to liue agen , too faire To be my Caelestine , too constant farre To be a woman . Cael. Not to be thy wife , But first I pleade my duetie , and salute The world agen . Sir quin. My King , my Sonne , know all , I am an Actor in this misterie , And beare the chiefest part . The Father I , T was I that ministred to her chaste bloud , A true somniferous potion , which did steale Her thoughts to sleepe , and flattered her with death : I cal'd it a quick poison'd drug , to trie The Bride-groomes loue , and the Brides constancie . He in the passion of his loue did fight , A combat with affection ; so did both , She for the poison stroue , he for his oath : Thus like a happie Father , I haue won , A constant Daughter , and a louing Sonne . Kin. Mirrour of Maidens , wonder of thy name , I giue thee that art giuen , pure , chaste , the same Heere Wat : I would not part ( for the worlds pride ) So true a Bride-groome , and so chaste a Bride . Cri. My Leige , to wed a Comicall euent , To presupposed tragicke Argument : Vouchsafe to exercise your eyes , and see A humorous dreadfull Poet take degree . Kin. Dreadfull in his proportion or his pen ? Cris. In both , he calles himselfe the whip of men . Kin. If a cleare merrit stand vpon his praise , Reach him a Poets Crowne ( the honour'd Bayes ) But if he claime it , wanting right thereto , ( As many bastard Sonnes of Poesie doe ) Race downe his vsurpation to the ground . True Poets are with Arte and Nature Crown'd . But in what molde so ere this man bee east ; We make him thine Crispinus , wit and iudgement , Shine in thy numbers , and thy soule I know , Will not goe arm'd in passion gainst thy foe : Therefore be thou our selfe ; whilst our selfe sit , But as spectator of this Sceane of wit . Cri. Thankes royall Lord , for these high honors done , To me vnworthie , my mindes brightest fires Shall all consume themselues , in purest flame , On the Alter of your deare eternall name . Kin. Not vnder vs , but next vs take thy Seate , " Arts nourished by Kings make Kings more great , Vse thy Authority . Cris. Demetrius . Call in that selfe-creating Horace , bring Him and his shaddow foorth . Dem. Both shall appeare , " No black-tyed star must sticke in vertues Spheare . Enter Sir Vaughan . Sir Va.

Ounds did you see him , I pray let all his Masesties most excellent dogs , be set at liberties , and haue their freedoms to smell him out .

Dem.

Smell whom ?

Sir Vaugh.

Whom ? the Composer , the Prince of Poets , Horace , Horace , he 's departed : in Gods name and the Kinges I sarge you to ring it out from all our eares , for Horaces bodie is departed : Master hue and crie shall — God blesse King Williams , I crie you mercy and aske forgiuenes , for mine eyes did not finde in their hearts to looke vppon your Maiestie .

Kin.

What news with thee Sir Vaughan ?

Sir Vau.

Newes ? God t is as vrse newes as I can desire to bring about mee : our vnhansome-fac'd Poet does play at bo-peepes with your Grace , and cryes all-hidde as boyes doe .

Officers .

Stand by , roome there , backe , roome for the Poet .

Sir Va.

He 's reprehended and taken , by Sesu I reioyce very neere as much as if I had discouer'd a New-found Land , or the North and East Indies .

Enter Tucca , his boy after him with two pictures vnder his cloake , and a wreath of nettles : Horace and Bubo pul'd in by the hornes bound both like Satyres , Sir Adam following , Mistris Miniuer with him , wearing Tuccaes chaine . Tuc.

So , tug , tug , pull the mad Bull in by 'th hornes : So , baite one at that stake my place-mouth yelpers , and one at that stake Gurnets-head .

King .

What busie fellow 's this ?

Tuc.

Saue thee , my most gracious King a Harts saue thee , all hats and caps are thine , and therefore I vaile : for but to thee great Sultane Soliman , I scorne to be thus put off or to deliuer vp this sconce I wud .

Kin.

Sir Vaughan , what 's this iolly Captaines name ?

Sir Va.

Has a very sufficient name , and is a man has done God and his Country as good and as hot Seruice ( in conquering this vile Monster-Poet ) as euer did S. George his horsebacke about the Dragon .

Tuc.

I sweate for 't , but Tawsoone , holde thy tongue Mon du , if thou 't praise mee , doo 't behinde my backe : I am my weighty Soueraigne one of thy graines , thy valliant vassaile ; aske not what I am , but read , turne ouer , vnclaspe thy Chronicles : there thou shalt finde Buffe-Ierkin ; there read my points of war ; I am one a thy Mandilian-Leaders ; one that enters into thy royall bands for thee ; Pantilius Tucca ; one of thy Kingdomes chiefest quarrellers ; one a thy most faithfull — fy — fy — fy —

Sir Vau.

Drunkerds I holde my life .

Tuc.

No whirligig , one of his faithfull fighters ; thy drawer ô royall Tamor Cham .

Sir Vau.

Goe too , I pray Captaine Tucca , giue vs all leaue to doe our busines before the King .

Tuc.

With all my heart , shi , shi , shi shake that Beare-whelp when thou wut .

Sir Vau.

Horace and Bubo , pray send an answere into his Masesties eares , why you goe thus in Ouids Morter-Morphesis and strange fashions of apparrell .

Tuc.

Cur why ?

Asini.

My Lords , I was drawne into this beastly suite by head and shoulders onely for loue I bare to my Ningle .

Tuc.

Speake Ningle , thy mouth 's next , belch out , belch , why —

Hor. I did it to retyre me from the world ; And turne my Muse into a Timonist , Loathing the general Leprozie of Sinne , Which like a plague runs through the soules of men : I did it but to — Tu.

But to bite euery Motley-head vice by 'th nose , you did it Ningle to play the Bug-beare Satyre , & make a Campe royall of fashion-mongers quake at your paper Bullets ; you Nastie Tortois , you and your Itchy Poetry breake out like Christmas , but once a yeare , and then you keepe a Reuelling , & Araigning , & a Scratching of mens faces , as tho you were Tyber the long-tail'd Prince of Rattes , doe you ?

Cri.

Horace .

Sir Vaughan .

Silence , pray let all wordes be strangled , or held fast betweene your teeth .

Cri. Vnder controule of my dread Soueraigne , We are thy Iudges ; thou that didst Arraigne , Art now prepar'd for condemnation ; Should I but bid thy Muse stand to the Barre , Thy selfe against her wouldst giue euidence : For flat rebellion gainst the Sacred lawes , Of diuine Poesie : heerein most she mist , Thy pride and scorne made her turne Saterist , And not her loue to vertue ( as thou Preachest ) Or should we minister strong pilles to thee : What lumpes of hard and indigested stuffe , Of bitter Satirism , of Arrogance , Of Selfe-loue , of Detraction , of a blacke And stinging Insolence should we fetch vp ? But none of these , we giue thee what 's more fit , With stinging nettles Crowne his stinging wit . Tuc

Wel said my Poeticall huckster , now he 's in thy handling rate him , doe rate him well .

Hor.

O I beseech your Maiesty , rather then thus to be neted , I le ha my Satyres coate pull'd ouer mine eares , and bee turn'd out a the nine Muses Seruice .

Asin.

And I too , let mee be put to my shiftes with myne Ningle .

Sir Vau.

By Sesu so you shall M. Bubo ; flea off this hairie skin M. Horace , so , so , so , vntrusse , vntrusse .

Tuc.

His Poeticall wreath my dapper puncke-fetcher .

Hor.

Ooh —

Tu.

Nay your oohs , nor your Callin-oes cannot serue your turne ; your tongue you know is full of blisters with rayling , your face full of pockey-holes and pimples , with your fierie inuentions : and therefore to preserue your head from aking , this Biggin is yours , — nay by Sesu you shall bee a Poet , though not Lawrefyed , yet Nettlefyed , so :

Tuc.

Sirra stincker , thou' rt but vntruss'd now , I owe thee a whipping still , and I le pay it : I haue layde roddes in Pisse and Vineger for thee : It shall not bee the Whipping a' th Satyre , nor the Whipping of the blinde-Beare , but of a counterfeit lugler , that steales the name of Horace .

Kin.

How ? counterfeit ? does hee vsurpe that name ?

Sir Vau.

Yes indeede an t please your Grace , he does sup vp that abhominable name .

Tuc.

Hee does O King Cambises , hee does : thou hast no part of Horace in thee but 's name , and his damnable vices : thou hast such a terrible mouth , that thy beard 's afraide to peepe out ; but , looke heere you staring Leuiathan , heere 's the sweete visage of Horace ; looke perboylde-face , looke ; Horace had a trim long-beard , and a reasonable good face for a Poet , ( as faces goe now-a-dayes ) Horace did not skrue and wriggle himselfe into great Mens famyliarity , ( impudentlie ) as thou doest : nor weare the Badge of Gentlemens company , as thou doost thy Taffetie sleeues tackt too onely with some pointes of profit : No , Horace had not his face puncht full of Oylet-holes , like the couer of a warming-pan : Horace lou'd Poets well , and gaue Coxcombes to none but fooles ; but thou lou'st none , neither Wisemen nor fooles , but thy selfe : Horace was a goodly Corpulent Gentleman , and not so leane a hollow-cheekt Scrag as thou art : No , heere 's thee Coppy of thy countenance , by this will I learne to make a number of villanous faces more , and to looke scuruily vpon 'th world , as thou dost .

Cr.

Sir Vaughan will you minister their oath ?

Sir Vau.

Master Afinius Bubo , you shall sweare as little as you can , one oath shall damme vp your Innocent mouth .

Cris.

Any oath Sir , I le sweare any thing .

Sir Va.

You shall sweare by Phoebus ( who is your Poets good Lord and Master , ) that heere-after you will not hyre Horace , to giue you poesies for rings , or hand-kerchers , or kniues which you vnderstand not , nor to write your Loue-letters ; which you ( in turning of a hand ) set your markes vpon , as your owne : nor you shall not carry Lattin Poets about you , till you can write and read English at most ; and lastlye that you shall not call Horace your Ningle .

Cris.

By Phoebus I sweare all this , and as many oathes as you will , so I may trudge .

Sir Vau.

Trudge then , pay your legs for Fees , and bee dissarg'd .

Tuc.

Tprooth — runne Red-cap , ware hornes there .

Exit Asi. Sir Va.

Now Master Horace , you must be a more horrible swearer , for your oath must be ( like your wittes ) of many collours ; and like a Brokers booke of many parcels .

Tuc.

Read , read ; th' inuentory of his oath .

Hor.

I le sweare till my haire stands vpan end , to bee rid of this sting , oh this sting .

Sir Vau.

T is not your sting of conscience , is it ?

Tuc.

Vpon him : Inprimis .

Sir Vaugh.

Inprimis , you shall sweare by Phoebus and the halfe a score Muses lacking one : not to sweare to hang your selfe , if you thought any Man , Ooman or Silde , could write Playes and Rimes , as well-fauour'd ones as your selfe .

Tuc.

Well , sayd , hast brought him toth gallowes already ?

Sir Vaugh.

You shall sweare not to bumbast out a new Play , with the olde lynings of Iestes , stolne from the Temples Reuels .

Tuc.

To him olde Tango .

Sir Va.

Moreouer , you shall not sit in a Gallery , when your Comedies and Enterludes haue entred their Actions , and there make vile and bad faces at euerie lyne , to make Sentlemen haue an eye to you , and to make Players afraide to take your part .

Tuc.

Thou shalt be my Ningle for this .

Sir Vau

Besides you must for sweare to venter on the stage , when your Play is ended , and to exchange curtezies , and complements with Gallants in the Lordes roomes , to make all the house rise vp in Armes , and to cry that 's Horace , that 's he , that 's he , that 's he , that pennes and purges Humours and diseases .

Tuc.

There boy , agen .

Sir Vau.

Secondly , when you bid all your friends to the marriage of a poore couple , that is to say : your Wits and necessities , alias dictus , to the rifling of your Muse : alias , your Muses vp-sitting : alias a Poets Whitson-Ale ; you shall sweare that within three dayes after , you shall not abroad , in Booke-binders shops , brag that your Vize-royes or Tributorie-Kings , haue done homage to you , or paide quarterage .

Tuc.

I le busse thy head Holofernes .

Sir Vaugh.

Moreouer and Inprimis , when a Knight or Sentlemen of vrship , does giue you his passe-port , to trauaile in and out to his Company , and giues you money for Gods sake ; I trust in Sesu , you will sweare ( tooth and nayle ) not to make sealde and wry-mouth Iestes vpon his Knight-hood , will you not ?

Hor.

I neuer did it by Parnassus .

Tuc.

Wut sweare by Parnassus and lye too , Doctor Doddipol ?

Sir Va.

Thirdly , and last of all sauing one , when your Playes are misse-likt at Court , you shall not crye Mew like a Pusse-cat , and say you are glad you write out of the Courtiers Element .

Tuc.

Let the Element alone , t is out a thy reach .

Sir Vau.

In brieflynes , when you Sup in Tauernes , amongst your betters , you shall sweare not to dippe your Manners in too much sawce , nor at Table to fling Epigrams , Embleames , or Play-speeches about you ( lyke Hayle-stones ) to keepe you out of the terrible daunger of the Shot , vpon payne to fit at the vpper ende of the Table , a' th left hand of Carlo Buffon : sweare all this , by Apollo and the eight or nine Muses .

Hor.

By Apollo , Helicon , the Muses ( who march three and three in a rancke ) and by all that belongs to Pernassus , I sweare all this .

Tuc. Beare witnes . Cris. That fearefull wreath , this honour is your due , All Poets shall be Poet-Apes but you ; Thankes ( Learnings true Mecoenas , Poesies king ) Thankes for that gracious eare , which you haue lent , To this most tedious , most rude argument . Kin. Our spirits haue well been feasted ; he whose pen Drawes both corrupt , and cleare bloud from all men : ( Careles what veine he prickes ) let him not raue , When his owne fides are strucke , blowes , blowes , doe craue . Tuc.

Kings-truce , my noble Hearbe-a-grace ; my Princely sweet-William , a boone — Stay first , I st a match or no match , Lady Furniuall I st ?

Sir Ad. & Sir quint.

A match ?

Mini.

I , a match , since he hath hit the Mistris so often i' th fore-game , we 'll eene play out a rubbers .

Sir Ada

Take her for me .

Sir quin.

Take her for thy selfe , not for me .

Sir Vau.

Play out your rubbers in Gods name , by Sesu I le neuer boule more in your Alley , Iddow .

Sir Quint.

My Chaine .

Sir Adam

My Purse .

Tuc.

I le Chaine thee presently , and giue thee ten pound and a purse : a boone my Leige : — daunce ô my delicate Rufus , at my wedding with this reuerend Antiquary ; i st done ? wut thou ?

Kin.

He glue thee Kingly honour : Night and Sleepe ,

With silken Ribands would tye vp our eyes , But Mistris Bride , one measure shall be led , In scorne of Mid-nights hast , and then to bed . Exeunt .
Epilogus : Tucca.

GEntlemen , Gallants , and you my little Swaggerers that fight lowe : my tough hearts of Oake that stand too 't so valliantly , and are still within a yard of your Capten : Now the Trumpets ( that set men together by the eares ) haue left their Tantara-rag-boy , let 's part friends . I recant , beare witnes all you Gentle-folkes ( that walke i' th Galleries ) I recant the opinions which I helde of Courtiers , Ladies , & Cittizens , when once ( in an assembly of Friers ) I railde vpon them : that Hereticall Libertine Horace , taught me so to mouth it . Besides , t was when stiffe Tucca was a boy : t was not Tucca that railde and roar'd then , but the Deuill & his Angels : But now , Kings-truce , the Capten Summons a parlee , and deliuers himselfe and his prasing company into your hands , vpon what composition you wil . Are you pleas'd ? and I le dance Friskin for ioy , but if you be not , by 'th Lord I le see you all — heere for your two pence a peice agen , before I le loose your company . I know now some be come hyther with cheekes swolne as big with hisses , as if they had the tooth-ach : vds-foote , if I stood by them , I de bee so bold as — intreate them to hisse in another place . Are you aduiz'd what you doe when you hisse ? you blowe away Horaces reuenge : but if you set your hands and Seales to this , Horace will write against it , and you may haue more sport : he shall not loose his labour , he shall not turne his blanke verses into wast paper : No , my Poëtasters will not laugh at him , but will vntrusse him agen , and agen , and agen . I le tell you what you shall doe , cast your little Tucca into a Bell : doe , make a Bell of me , and be al you my clappers , vpon condition , wee may haue a lustie peale , this colde weather : I haue but two legs left me , and they are both yours : Good night my two penny Tenants God night .

FINIS .
Machine-generated castlist A20081-tucca 142 A20081-vaughan 118 A20081-horace 109 A20081-asinius 72 A20081-shorthose 66 A20081-king 51 A20081-miniver 50 A20081-terrill 47 A20081-crispinus 42 A20081-caelestine 27 A20081-flash 26 A20081-prickshaft 20 A20081-demetrius 19 A20081-blunt 12 A20081-unassigned 9 A20081-xxxx_2 9 A20081-xxxx_1 8 A20081-omnes 8 A20081-dicache 7 A20081-all 4 A20081-ladies 3 A20081-boy 3 A20081-philocalia 3 A20081-servant 1 A20081-both 1 A20081-petula 1 A20081-officers 1 A20081-all_men 1 A20081-1_lady 1
Textual Notes

The textual notes below aim at making textual corrections readable in their immediate context and facilitating access to the source text. A five-digit number preceded by 'A' or 'B' represents an EEBO-TCP filenumber. A notation like "6-b-2890" means "look for EEBO page image 6 of that text, word 289 on the right side of the double-page image." That reference is followed by the corrupt reading. A black dot stands for an unidentified letter, a black square for an unidentified punctuation mark, a diamond for a missing word, and the ellipsis for a short span of undefined length. The corrected reading is displayed as a keyword in context.

▪ recito cuiquam nisi Amicis idque coactus . Prickshast 5. Sir Adam Prickshaft . illo● Ipse ego quam dixi . — Qui se mir antur , in illos Virus habe : Nos hae nouimus esse nihil ●nce _WOrld , I was once resolu'd to bee round with thee , because Poetomachi● before thy Vniuersality ) of that terrible Poetomachia , lately commenc'd betweene Horace the second stalk'● serue them , but ( for want of Chopins ) haue stalk'd vpon Stages . bel●iu'd against him : It's likely , if he had not so beleiu'd , he had not bin so deceiu'd , for hee was 〈◊〉 so deceiu'd , for hee was answer'd at his owne weapon : And if before Apollo himselfe ( la●entable Inquisition should be taken touching this lamentable merry murdering of Innocent Poetry : all 〈◊〉 should be taken touching this lamentable merry murdering of Innocent Poetry : all mount 〈◊〉 I could heere ( euen with the feather of my pen ) wipe off other Sn●kes bee worne to the stumps : Enuy feede thy Snakes so fat with poyson till they burst : World poyso●●ill stumps : Enuy feede thy Snakes so fat with poyson till they burst : World , let all thy Adders decke● nose-gay , has crept in amongst these flowers to decke th'nuisible coarse of the Brides Maydenhead neuerlyes that's like a woman bitten wt fleas , it neuer lyes stil : fye vpont , what a miserable ●ye woman bitten wt fleas , it neuer lyes stil : fye vpont , what a miserable thing tis to be s●uingmen Shorthose with Peeter Flash and two or three seruingmen , with lights . M●neuer Widdow Mineuer . hee●s Sir Vaughan ap Rees , oh hee's crost twise , so , so , so , then all these m●ke a cup of burnt wine this morning , twill make you flye the better all the day after . ou● daughters wedding , in , in , in ; fellow put out thy torch , and put thy selfe into my buttery a●d Sir Vaughan and Widdow , Mineuer , welcome , welcome , a ●lights Mineuer , and other Ladies and attendant . 〈◊〉 lights . quassing ? I pledge thee sweet Ningle , by Bacchus quaffing boule , I thought th'adst drunke to me . y●aith Ouer head and eares yfaith ? I haue a sacke-full of newes for thee H●r. Hor. 〈◊〉 . Whose yellow tresses shine , Bright as Eoan fire . ●●ame . In flowing numbers fild with spryte and flame . Ho●. Hor. roagu● they fee thee , my Muse has marcht ( deare roague ) no farder yet : but how ist ? how ist ●arder , my Muse has marcht ( deare roague ) no farder yet : but how ist ? how ist ? nay prethee Asini●s but how ist ? how ist ? nay prethee good Asinius deale plainly , doe not flatter me , come the● Nay look you Sir , and then follow a troope of other rich and labour'd fai●e At which he would faine ha blusht but that his painted cheekes would ●uch knight Angles for my acquaintance , with such golden baites — but why doost laugh my good o●t If I haue any iudgement ; a pox o't , heer's worshipfull lynes indeed , heer's ●●ra worshipfull lynes indeed , heer's stuffe : but sirra Ningle , of what fashion is this knights block● what fashion is this knights wit , of what blocke ? a●●h abroad ? I haue heard a the horses walking a'th top of Paules . ▪ behinde your backe , did you not heare him ? humorath most ridiculous : dam me if I bring not's humor ath stage : & — scuruy lymping tongu'd captaine scu●uy me if I bring not's humor ath stage : & — scuruy lymping tongu'd captaine , poor greasie grea●ie — scuruy lymping tongu'd captaine , poor greasie buffe lerkin , hang him : tis out of his ●th valiant wits than theyr own to do it : me ath stage ? ha , ha , Ile starte thence poore ●●y-blowne shal distaste euery vnsalted line , in their fly-blowne Comedies that●s Nay that's certaine , ile bring 100. gallants of my ●●●●ptuous are , and am not moou'd . The one a light voluptuous Reueler , The other , a strange arrogating Cri●●cus S'lid do not Criticus Reuel in these lynes , ha Ningle ha ? so●tly Peace , tread softly , hyde my Paper ; who's this so early ? Flac●us Horrace , Flaccus . st●ay Who's there ? stray , treade softly : Wat Terill on my life o●t got of a vehement great tooth-atch : a pox o't , it bit me vilye , as God same la I knew vi●ye great tooth-atch : a pox o't , it bit me vilye , as God same la I knew twas you by your ● pox o't , it bit me vilye , as God same la I knew twas you by your knocking so soone 〈◊〉 I thanke you good Asinius for your loue , I sildome take that Phisicke fildome thanke you good Asinius for your loue , I sildome take that Phisicke , tis enough Hauing so ▪ Good Bubo read some booke , and giue vs leaue ▪ — leaue● Good Bubo read some booke ▪ and giue vs leaue▪ ▪ — eue● sayes ) tis out of my Elemēt : no faith , euer since I felt one hit me ith teeth that the present● abide to goe to Schoole , I was at As in presenti and left there : yet because Ile not be worle there : yet because Ile not be counted a worse foole then I am , Ile turne ouer a new leafe Asiniu● Asinius reads and takes Tobacco . 〈◊〉 Asinius reads and takes Tobacco . Tobaeco Asinius reads and takes Tobacco . ▪ Mine enemies with sharpe and searching eye ; Looke through & through me , caruing my heauen● caruing my poore labours Like an Anotomy : Oh heauens to see , That when my lines are measur'd aw●y still , Still some imagine they are drawne away . The error is not mine , but in theyr eye 〈◊〉 we write on paper , Made of these turning leaues of heauen , the cloudes , Or speake with ▪ the cloudes , Or speake with Angels tongues : yet wise men know , That some would sha●e sha●e tongues ▪ yet wise men know , That some would shake the head , tho Saints should sing , Some 〈…〉 head , tho Saints should sing , Some snakes must hisse , because they reborne with stings . 〈◊〉 Doe we not see fooles laugh in heauen and mocke The Mákers workmanship a●d crooked , lame and vile , By racking coments , and calumnious tongues , So to be bit it ranckles raukcles and calumnious tongues , So to be bit it ranckles not : for innocence May with a feather brush d●stard brush off the foulest wrongs . But when your dastard wit will strike at men In corners , and da●be You must daube on thicke collours then to hide it . o●t In troth we doe , out of our loues we come , And not reuenge , prou●●●● swords be alwayes sheath'd , Vnlesse too much prouockt , Horace if then They draw bloud of you 〈◊〉 alwayes sheath'd , Vnlesse too much prouockt , Horace if then They draw bloud of you , blame vs i● sheath'd , Vnlesse too much prouockt , Horace if then They draw bloud of you , blame vs not 〈◊〉 ? Morrow Gentlemen : what's , this deuise done yet Horace ? ga●le●y , why doe you walk heere in this gorgeous gallery of gallant inuentions , with that whooreson goda●ercy Art thou there goates pizzel ; no godamercy Caine I am for no whiffs I , come hether sheep-skin-weauer●s Caine I am for no whiffs I , come hether sheep-skin-weaueres s'foot thou lookst as though th'adst beg'd ●foote whiffs I , come hether sheep-skin-weaueres s'foot thou lookst as though th'adst beg'd out Sar●en●-head fire and brimstone , to hell ; dost stare my Sarsent-head at Newgate ? dost gloate ? Ile march through gl●ate dost stare my Sarsent-head at Newgate ? dost gloate ? Ile march through thy dunkirkes guts , 〈◊〉 Newgate ? dost gloate ? Ile march through thy dunkirkes guts , for shooting iestes at me . gu●s gloate ? Ile march through thy dunkirkes guts , for shooting iestes at me . Flacu●s : Asper , Criticus , Quintus , Horatius , Flaccus . hande● captaine Tucca , and with you too , Ile laye my handes vnder your feete , to keepe them from aking for and thou shalt take the guilt of conscience for't , and sweare tis thine owne olde lad , tis ●●and shalt take the guilt of conscience for't , and sweare tis thine owne olde lad , tis wa●er-fate I wafer-face your Ningle . As●. Asi. Suit●s scorne to be arrested at one of his olde Suites ? Iacke● shillings into this Bason ; doe , drop , when Iackes hee shall call me his Moecenas : besides Moecen●● drop , when Iackes hee shall call me his Moecenas : besides , Ile dam vp's Ouen-mouth for i●t dam vp's Ouen-mouth for rayling at's : So , ist right Iacke ? ist sterling ? fall off now vauward Iacke ? ist sterling ? fall off now to the vanward of yonder foure Stinkers , and aske alowde Ho●. Hor. quick-●●●uer because I know thou canst not write without quick-siluer ; vp agen , this goll agen , I giue thee d●e teston more ; goe , thou and thy Muse munch , doe , munch ; come my deare Mandrake , if Skeldring Exeun● Exeunt . ●auerne Ningle lets goe to some tauerne , and dine together , for my stomacke rises ▪ sir Vaughan no shinne shal be broken heer : what lungis , a chayre with a stronge backe belli● chayre with a stronge backe , and a soft bellie , great with childe ; with a cushion for Va●ghan face a thousand times , I cannot denye sir Vaughan , but that I haue all implements , belonging 〈…〉 Coach , and my fan , and a man or two that serue my turne , and other things which Ide bee loath Mi●● Mi. ●●ntilian fauoured enough to be a Lady : heere is sir Quintilian Sorthose , and heere is sir Adam Prickshaft C●elestine Enter Sir Walter Terrill , Caelestine , Blunt , Crispinus , and Demetrius , euery 〈◊〉 His Grace comes , a Hall varlets , where be my men ? blow , blow your colde 〈…〉 where be my men ? blow , blow your colde Trumpets till they sweate ; tickle them till they sound Be●t Best goe meete his Grace . ●he Sir Kintilian ; Sentlemen fall in before the Ladyes , in seemely order and fashion ; come●ye in seemely order and fashion ; so this is comeleye . ▪ You that for speaking but one word to day , Must loose your head at night ; you that s●the must not be Maide : Winne you the Ladies , I the men will wooe , Our selfe will leade Vau●han Good words Sir Vaughan , I prethee giue vs leaue . you●r Vaughan ? thats by interpertation in english , you'd best giue good words sir Vaughan : god and ly●e shalke for shees , and vnlesse Horace has sent lyce to your maiesty . sealous singes ballads and rymes , and I was mightie jealous , that his Inke which is blacke and full he●s True , he's the thiefe , but women the receiuer . pleale so nere , My Lord the Measure's done , I pleade my duetie . Celestin● Celestine and all the Ladyes doing obeysance to the th●m kisses her , Exeunt , Short-hose manning them , the Gallants stand aloofe . el●e should for the Zodiacke shine , And euery Lady else sit for a signe . But all thy thoughts are raine● Ningle , heer's your Cloake ; I thinke it raines too . ie●●es warrant th'art able to beare away any mans iettes in England . crum● little roague , your wit has pickt vp her crums prettie and well . ▪ he was rencing my face , did but crie out , fellow thou makst me 〈◊〉 too long , & sayes Bub● , & sayes he sayes hyee , Master Asinius Bubo , you haue eene Horaces wordes as right Drus● deliuer this letter to the young Gallant Druso , he that fell so strongly in loue with spic●d-gull It's a sweete Muske-cod , a pure spic'd-gull , by this feather I pittie his Ingenuities mu●● Foh come , your great belly'd wit must long for euery thing too ; why you Rooke R●oke wit must long for euery thing too ; why you Rooke , I haue a set of letters readie starcht Ma● these spangle babies , these true heires of Ma. Iustice Shallow . Ius●ice spangle babies , these true heires of Ma. Iustice Shallow . saw●● I wod alwaies haue thee sawce a foole thus . Poefie were staru'd and that there was a dearth of Poesie ) cut an Innocent Moore i'th middle , to 〈◊〉 of it , as for these Twynnes these Poet - apes : ●ame because she does not thinke so soundly of his lame English as he could wish ; I ha gull'd his ●ares there by prophecying ; That we to learned eares should sweetly sing , But to the vulger tesirous Sentleman of yours , Master Peter Flash , is desirous to haue his blew coate pul'd ouer his eares Iletreceiue Ile receiue no Loue libels perdy , but by word Va●. Sir Vau. ●all vpon baldnes , or the thinnes of haire ; you sall eate downe Plumbes to sweeten your mouth sump●uous Wher's my most costly and sumptuous Shorthose ▪ Sho●●hose● Wher's my most costly and sumptuous Shorthose ▪ ▪ Wher's my most costly and sumptuous Shorthose ? Cauallie●s kings are greater men then we Knights and Caualliers , and therefore must eate more then lesser herath I ? saist thou so Friskin ? I haue her ath hip for some causes , I can sound her she●ll ath hip for some causes , I can sound her , she'll come at my becke . hat●e shalt weare her gloue in thy Worshipfull hatte like to a leather brooch ; Nay and thou broo●h in thy Worshipfull hatte like to a leather brooch ; Nay and thou mistrusts thy coller , be ●●ill thou mistrusts thy coller , be tyed in't still . Mi●●rust MIstrust Captaine no heere tis , giue it her if she'll Il● No more , Ile shoote away yonder Prickshaft , and then a●d yonder Prickshaft , and then belabour her , and flye you after yonder Cucko : dost heere Gold●n●h after yonder Cucko : dost heere me my noble Goldefinch : — do● How dost thou my smug Belimperia ? how dost thou ●ll two wicked Elders , shall I speake well or ill of thee ? seud lesse then an Apple ; but send , bee wise , send her some token , shee's greedie , shee shall Gutter-Lan● too , and let mee alone with my Grannam in Gutter-Lane there , and this purse of golde doe , let Chari●g-crosse No I will not my moldie decay'd Charing-crosse , I will not . fcab my Long Meg a Westminster , thou breedst a scab , thou — Red●cap Ile name thee no more Mother Red-cap vpon paine of death , if thou wilt Grimalkin Maggo● paine of death , if thou wilt Grimalkin , Maggot a-pye I will not . bareveluet too ; thou seest I am worth thus much in bare veluet . ▪ into bond to be dub'd by what day thou wilt , when the next action is layde vpon me , ▪ I say Mary Ambree , thou shalt march formost , Because Ile marke Dem●trius Enter Blunt , Crispinus , and Demetrius , with papers , laughing . ●acke liue Eele ? read , Lege Legito , read thou backe . Ilye Right , for heere I lye now , open , open ▪ to make my aduersarie ▪ Right , for heere I lye now , open , open , to make my aduersarie come on ; and then ki●●e song of parting doth this burden beare ; A kisse the Ditty , and I set it heere . Your lips s●t burden beare ; A kisse the Ditty , and I set it heere . Your lips are well in tune , ▪ Ladies , I am to put a verie easie suite vpon you yo● I thanke you good Sir Vaughan , I will come . Sentlewomen Say Gentlewomen will you stand to me too ? ▪ I sweare another , let me see , by what , By my long stocking , and my narrow ▪ shall to Court . I haue a tricke , a charme . that shall lay downe The spirit of lust eno●gh honor sau'd , and the hot King , Shall haue enough too ▪ Come , a tricke , a charme . ▪ and the hot King , Shall haue enough too . Come , a tricke , a charme . Exit● Exit▪ ▪ ▪ Exit . Cae●. Cæl. g●iefe seise on them . To a Kings vse ; cure all thy griefe with this , That his great seale was grauen ● seale was grauen vpon this ring , And that I was but Steward to a King . Mi●tris Bubo , Lady Petula , Dicache , Philocalia , Mistris Miniuer and Peter Flash . ●●lash , Philocalia , Mistris Miniuer and Peter Flash . swe●t Sentlemen , you are almost all welcome , to this sweet nuncions of Plums . ●ir Almost all Sir Vaughan : why to which of vs are you so hipocrit●es Horace , when I pray to God , and desire in hipocritnes that bald Sir Adams were heer , then , then ra●les heer , then , then , then begin to make you railes at the pouertie and beggerly want of haire iudg●ment Leaue it to my iudgement . s●all nothing , but wishes you were married to that small timber'd gallant . wi●● Your wish and mine are twinnes , I will so too for Then I should be sure to lead s●re twinnes , I will so too for Then I should be sure to lead a merrie life . yo● Yes faith Ladie , Ide make you laugh , my bolts now and then should be com●its and then should be soone shot ; by these comfits , weed let all slide . S●r Sir Vau. S●r Sir Vau. S●r Sir Vau V●u Sir Vau As●. Asi. ▪ For , if of all the bodies parts , the head Be w●t head Be the most royall : if discourse , wit , Iudgement , And all our vnderstanding na●e wants this honour stands awry , Is hare in name and in authority . Hemeanes He meanes balde-pates mistris Miniuers . Mini●ers He meanes balde-pates mistris Miniuers . Cano●●● when we dye , That ( like a soft and silken Canopie ) Is still spred ouer vs ; in spight of ●n silken Canopie ) Is still spred ouer vs ; in spight of death Our hayre growes in our ●l●ere The excellence of Haire , in this shines cleere , That the foure Elements take pride to El●ments , in this shines cleere , That the foure Elements take pride to weare The fashion of it : 〈◊〉 The flames to golden lockes doe striue to turne ▪ When her lasciuious armes the Water hurles ▪ flames to golden lockes doe striue to turne ; When her lasciuious armes the Water hurles sho●ne You see the Earth ( whose head so oft it shorne ) Frighted to feele her lockes so rudely sorudely it shorne ) Frighted to feele her lockes so rudely torne , Stands with her haire an ●orne ) Frighted to feele her lockes so rudely torne , Stands with her haire an end , and ( thus afraid● Stands with her haire an end , and ( thus afraide ) Turnes euery haire to a greene naked blade gr●efe naked blade . Besides , when ( strucke with griefe ) we long to dye , We spoile that most , beau●●fie dye , We spoile that most , which most does beautifie , We rend this Head-tyre off . I thus conclude r●nd that most , which most does beautifie , We rend this Head-tyre off . I thus conclude , Cullors s●range truely I neuer thought you could ha pickt such strange things out of haire before . As●ni. Asini. S●r Sir Vaug. ye● thee my little worshipfull Harper ; how doe yee my little cracknels ? how doe ye ? yo●r Welcome M. Tucca , sit and shoote into your belly some Suger pellets . ▪ Stagerites banisht thee into the Ile of Dogs , thou turn'dst Ban-dog ( villanous Guy ) ba●tst because thou hast such a good mouth ; thou baitst well , read , lege , saue thy selfe and con●ure arise deere Eccho rise , rise deuill or Ile coniure thee vp . ●●●ge I , what cōputations can you lay to his charge ? answer , or by Sesu Ile canuas your coxcombe Se●u can you lay to his charge ? answer , or by Sesu Ile canuas your coxcombe Tucky . ▪ fall out with thee , I cannot my mad Cumrade , finde in my heart to shed thy bloud . h●ere to day at dinner , but you come to munch heere , and giue vs winter-plummes ? I pray depart th● your right places ; if I fall sansomely vpon the Widdow , I haue some cossens Garman at Court tho● How now ? what ail'st thou , that thou look'st so pale ? look'●t How now ? what ail'st thou , that thou look'st so pale ? paie ? what ail'st thou , that thou look'st so pale ? not●ing Nay nothing , but I am afraide the Welsh Knight has Rimes●tis Rimes tis a challenge sent to you . date I dare answer his challenge , by word of mouth wr●ting his challenge , by word of mouth , or by writing , but I scorne to meete him , I hope he no● scorne to meete him , I hope he and I are not Paralels . Para●els scorne to meete him , I hope he and I are not Paralels . cl●se them ; charge thy spirits , To waite more close , and neere thee : if he kill thee , Ile sur●iue and neere thee : if he kill thee , Ile not suruiue ; into one Lottery . We'll cast our fates Tu●kie-co●kes Freeze gowne watch man ( boy , dost heare Turkie-cockes tayle haue an eye behinde , least the enemie enemieassault Turkie-cockes tayle haue an eye behinde , least the enemie assault our Rere-ward ) on proceede Father 〈◊〉 an eye behinde , least the enemie assault our Rere-ward ) on proceede Father Adam ; did R●re-ward eye behinde , least the enemie assault our Rere-ward ) on proceede Father Adam ; did that same ●olde Ladie Petula Was there , heard all , and tolde me this . C●●spinus Basket hiltes , with my commission , I meane Crispinus and Fannius ; charge one of them to take l●t euerie crowne that has haire on't : goe , let them lift vp baldenes to the skie , and wh●r Nay , whir , nymble Prickshaft ; whir , away , I goe sho●t Tucca offers to shoot . ch●rge come to answer any thing you can lay to my charge . Respicefunem thou wilt , my colde Cornelius : but come : Respice funem ; looke , thou seest ; open thy selfe ●eest : but come : Respice funem ; looke , thou seest ; open thy selfe my little Cutlers Shoppe Gentlem●n Cutlers Shoppe , I challenge thee thou slender Gentleman , at foure sundrie weapons . ▪ Cockrell out-crowe him : art hardy noble Huon ? art Magnanimious ? licke-trencher ; looke ▪ vpon , and his humour must run vpo'th Stage : you'll ha Euery Gentleman in's humour , Eu●ry humour must run vpo'th Stage ▪ you'll ha Euery Gentleman in's humour , and Euery Gentleman ●ot Art not famous enough yet , my mad Horastratus , ea●e Horastratus , for killing a Player , but thou must eate men aliue ? thy friends ? Sirra wilde-man th● a Player , but thou must eate men aliue ? thy friends ? Sirra wilde-man , thy Patrons Mecaenas●●s thy Patrons ? thou Anthropophagite , thy Mecaenasties ? ●ut your heart : deare Captaine thinke I writ but of hot bloud , which ( now ) being colde po●son'd pleas'd ( to please you ) to quaffe downe , The poyson'd Inke , in which I dipt your name . S●l●ecismes Hence forth Ile rather breath out Soloecismes ( To doe which Ide as soone speake blasphemie th●ast I know now th'ast a number of these Quiddits to binde men 〈◊〉 know now th'ast a number of these Quiddits to binde men to'th peace : tis thy fashion 〈◊〉 binde men to'th peace : tis thy fashion to slirt Inke in euerie mans face ; and then to craule w●p●t into his bosome , and damne thy selfe to wip't off agen : yet to giue out abroad , that g●ue damne thy selfe to wip't off agen : yet to giue out abroad , that hee was glad to come to Mac●iauell to composition with thee : I know Monsieur Machiavell tis one a thy rules ; My long-heel'd Troglodite gau's● all those hot oathes , to which , thy selfe gau'st voluntarie ●●re , ( whē thou wast the man volun●●rie hot oathes , to which , thy selfe gau'st voluntarie ●●re , ( whē thou wast the man in the Moone ●●re , to which , thy selfe gau'st voluntarie fire , ( whē thou wast the man in the Moone Moon● voluntarie ●●re , ( whē thou wast the man in the Moone ) that thou wouldst neuer squib out any Salt-p●t●r that thou wouldst neuer squib out any new Salt-peter Iettes against honest Tucca , nor those Ie●●●● wouldst neuer squib out any new Salt-peter Iettes against honest Tucca , nor those Maligo-tasters Cino●●phal●s Maligo-tasters , his Poetasters ; I could Cinocephalus , but I will not , yet thou knowst thou wi●h answer is , that there's no faith to be helde with Heritickes & Infidels , and therfore thou m●e thou swear'st anie thing : but come lend mee thy hand , thou and I hence forth will bee G●mini forth will bee Alexander and Lodwicke , the Gemini : sworne brothers ▪ thou shalt be Perithous ▪ and Lodwicke , the Gemini : sworne brothers , thou shalt be Perithous and Tucca Theseus Peritho●s Gemini : sworne brothers ▪ thou shalt be Perithous and Tucca Theseus ; but Ile leaue thee ith b●t thou shalt be Perithous and Tucca Theseus ; but Ile leaue thee ith lurch , when thou mak'st ●le shalt be Perithous and Tucca Theseus ; but Ile leaue thee ith lurch , when thou mak'st ●th Perithous and Tucca Theseus ; but Ile leaue thee ith lurch , when thou mak'st thy voiage into ●hine●assure●ly mak'st thy voiage into hell : till then , Thine assuredly . shoo●● Thou'lt shoote thy quilles at mee , when my terrible backe's Parce●l-Poet● Nay and thou dost , hornes of Lucifer , the Parcell-Poets shall Sue thy wrangling Muse , in the Court P●uperi leaue hunting her , till she pleade in Forma Pauperi : but I hope th'art more grace : come : th'a●t she pleade in Forma Pauperi : but I hope th'art more grace : come : friendes , clap handes clap●h●ndes hope th'art more grace : come : friendes , clap handes tis a bargaine ; amiable Bubo , thy am●able : friendes , clap handes tis a bargaine ; amiable Bubo , thy fist must walke too : so , I ●ust tis a bargaine ; amiable Bubo , thy fist must walke too : so , I loue thee , now I see ●oo bargaine ; amiable Bubo , thy fist must walke too : so , I loue thee , now I see th'art a S●icke a little Hercules , and wilt fight ; Ile Sticke thee now in my companie like a sprig of ▪ Enter Sir Reesap Vaughan and Peter Flash . Sal●mander Vpon him ? goe too , goe too Peter Salamander ; holde , in Gods name holde ; I will kill i● face , because I meane he shall answer for it ; being an eye-witnes ; one vrde Capten Va● Sir Uau b●ate tis best you giue good vrdes too , least I beate out your tongue , and make your vrde nere Tuc▪ Tuc. ●hou thou shalt ha fiue , and fiue , and fiue and L●aue Leaue your fetches and your fegaries , you tough S●r Sir Vau. ●aid pounds in golde , that lay in her lap , & said Ide giue it thee as a token from her : I ▪ quietly from her golde , because you lyed , and said it was for me ? si● Is the fray done sir ? s●eeter Done Peter , put vp your smeeter . ●ling and to raile against haire : he'll haue a fling at thee , my noble Cock-Sparrow . ●ling At mee ? will hee fling the cudgels of his witte at mee ? ●t ? will hee fling the cudgels of his witte at mee ? button-c●p And at thy button-cap too ; but come , Ile be your leader you s●●aling Now that our sorry banquet is put by , From stealing more sweet kisses from your lips Walke in ▪ these flowers by their bright beames , Sit , Sit heere's a large bower , heere all may h●ere's flowers by their bright beames , Sit ▪ Sit heere's a large bower , heere all may heare , Now ▪ which to depraue , All tongues are readie , and which none would haue . ●p being like a dead-mans scull ) Should beare vp no praise els but this , it sets Our end Cr●. Cri. mo●t The goodliest & most glorious strange-built wonder , Which that Sel●●ng best Master-piece ; yet tis the roofe , And Seeling of the world : that may be cal'd The head gol●e ; the louely Sunne , Has a face sleeke as golde ; the full-cheekt Moone , As bright and brigh● sleeke as golde ; the full-cheekt Moone , As bright and smooth as siluer : nothing there Weares fla●ing lockes , but sometime blazing Starres , Whose flaming curles set realmes on fire with warres . se● sometime blazing Starres , Whose flaming curles set realmes on fire with warres . Descend more 〈◊〉 haires that like a lace , Are sticht vnto the liddes , borrow those formes , Like Pent-houses Ad●m Sir Adam . ▪ Right , well said . ●aid Right ▪ well said . ore-g●owne A head and face ore-growne with Shaggie drosse , O , tis an Orient ●ll pearle hid all in Mosse , But when the head's all naked and vncrown'd , It is the worlds Globe i● worlds Globe , euen , smooth and round ; 〈◊〉 is 〈…〉 which 〈…〉 , Shootes her last Arrow : 〈…〉 Globe , euen , smooth and round ; 〈◊〉 i● natures But, at which 〈…〉 , Shootes her last Arrow : what 〈…〉 euen , smooth and round ; 〈◊〉 i● 〈…〉 which our life , Shootes her last Arrow : what man euer 〈◊〉 her last Arrow : what man euer lead His age out with a staffe ; but had a head Bare and wi●e their full height , yet not balde , is not wise . The Head is Wisedomes house , Haire but 〈◊〉 not wise . The Head is Wisedomes house , Haire but the thatch , Haire ? It's the basest B●sh-naturall call , A head growne thicke with haire , Bush-naturall ? proo●●s haire : I could more wearie you to tell the proofes . ( As they passe by ) which fight on Baldnes b●st thicke of haire are good , but balde the best , Whil●t Whilst this Paradox is in speaking , Tucca Enters Ent●rs Whilst this Paradox is in speaking , Tucca Enters with Sir Vaughan at one doore , and secretly o●● speaking , Tucca Enters with Sir Vaughan at one doore , and secretly placeth him : then s●cretly Enters with Sir Vaughan at one doore , and secretly placeth him : then Exit and brings in Horace E●it one doore , and secretly placeth him : then Exit and brings in Horace muffled , placing him a●d doore , and secretly placeth him : then Exit and brings in Horace muffled , placing him : sw●●t Th'art within a haire of it , my sweet Wit whether wilt thou ? my delicate Poeticall whe●●●r Th'art within a haire of it , my sweet Wit whether wilt thou ? my delicate Poeticall Furie wil● within a haire of it , my sweet Wit whether wilt thou ? my delicate Poeticall Furie , th'ast tho● a haire of it , my sweet Wit whether wilt thou ? my delicate Poeticall Furie , th'ast hit th'a●t wilt thou ? my delicate Poeticall Furie , th'ast hit it to a haire . hee●e malepartly among you , for I did but mych heere , and see how this cruell Poet did handle Mi●i. Mini. crosse●tickes , for he shal make another Thalimum , or crossestickes , or some Polinoddyes , with a fewe Nappy-grams Va●. Sir Vau. horribl● Oundes mee● that's treason : clip ? horrible treasons , Sesu holde my handes ; clip ? Se●u that's treason : clip ? horrible treasons , Sesu holde my handes ; clip ? he baites mouse-trappes S●● Sir Vaugh. cromplesthy , and sayes Prickshaft : nay Miniuer hee cromples thy Cap too ; and — Po●e Mary himselfe , the vglie Pope Boniface , pardons himselfe , and therefore t●erefore vglie Pope Boniface , pardons himselfe , and therefore my indgement is , that presently he bee a● He stabs at him . s●●ue Oh gentlemen , I am slaine , oh slaue art hyt'd to murder me , to murder me , Ladi●s Ladies . ▪ sake you that haue smocks , teare off peeces , to shoote through his oundes : Is he dead he a●t feares ; how dost thou man ? Come , put thy heart into his place againe ; Thy out-side's neither h●● dost thou man ? Come , put thy heart into his place againe ; Thy out-side's neither peir'st ●laine out-side's neither peir'st , nor In-side slaine . Lazaru● teston , hide thy infirmities , my scuruy Lazarus , doe , hide it , least it prooue a scab a● O most pittifull as blunt as my great thumbe . 〈◊〉 O most pittifull as blunt as my great thumbe . ▪ tis not like thy Aloe , Cicatrine tongue , bitter : no ▪ tis no stabber ▪ but like ▪ thy Aloe , Cicatrine tongue ▪ bitter : no , tis no stabber ▪ but like thy goodly and s●abber , Cicatrine tongue ▪ bitter : no ▪ tis no stabber ▪ but like thy goodly and glorious nose ▪ Cicatrine tongue ▪ bitter : no ▪ tis no stabber , but like thy goodly and glorious nose , goodl● bitter : no ▪ tis no stabber ▪ but like thy goodly and glorious nose , blunt , blunt , blunt roun●iuall roare bulchin ? dost roare ? th'ast a good rouncivall voice to cry Lanthorne & Candle-light . S●r Sir Va●. Va●. Sir Vau. ch●nce Two vrds Horace about your eares : how chance it passes , that you bid God boygh to an b●yg● : how chance it passes , that you bid God boygh to an honest trade of building Symneys , ●one●t it passes , that you bid God boygh to an honest trade of building Symneys , and laying downe ▪ downe Brickes , for a worse handicraftnes , to make nothing but railes ; your Muse leanes rai●es worse handicraftnes ▪ to make nothing but railes ; your Muse leanes vpon nothing but filthy Mu●e handicraftnes ▪ to make nothing but railes ; your Muse leanes vpon nothing but filthy rotten railes ●ailes Muse leanes vpon nothing but filthy rotten railes , such as stand on Poules head , how chance s●r You lye sir varlet sir villaine , I am sir Salamanders ●●llaine You lye sir varlet sir villaine , I am sir Salamanders , ounds , is my man Omn●● Omnes . Agree'd , agree'd . fa●t fill him out , they shall tosse him , holde fast wag tailes : so , come , in , take this wag● him out , they shall tosse him , holde fast wag tailes : so , come , in , take this bandy tai●es out , they shall tosse him , holde fast wag tailes : so , come , in , take this bandy with flampe the racket of patience , why when ? dost stampe mad Tamberlaine , dost stampe ? thou thinkst Tambe●laine of patience , why when ? dost stampe mad Tamberlaine , dost stampe ? thou thinkst th'ast Morter do●t why when ? dost stampe mad Tamberlaine , dost stampe ? thou thinkst th'ast Morter vnder ●tampe when ? dost stampe mad Tamberlaine , dost stampe ? thou thinkst th'ast Morter vnder thy foote 〈◊〉 stampe ? thou thinkst th'ast Morter vnder thy feete , do●● ▪ do●● thou thinkst th'ast Morter vnder thy foote , dost ▪ ▪ thinkst th'ast Morter vnder thy foote , do●● ? L●●●es Ladies . ▪ Come , a bandy ho . ●andy Come ▪ a bandy ho . mo●t O holde most sacred beauties . ●●lence Hold , silence , the puppet-teacher speakes . puppet-teach●● Hold , silence , the puppet-teacher speakes . De●●et●●us noble Capten , Gentlemen , Crispinus , deare Demetrius ô redeeme me , Out of this infamous — by r●deeme Gentlemen , Crispinus , deare Demetrius ô redeeme me , Out of this infamous — by God by Iesu infamou● deare Demetrius ô redeeme me , Out of this infamous — by God by Iesu — l●su redeeme me , Out of this infamous — by God by Iesu — ex●●utioners Horace , now these Ladies , Are made your executioners : prepare , To suffer like a gallant , not galla●● executioners : prepare , To suffer like a gallant , not a coward ; Ile trie t'vnloose , their 〈◊〉 , their hands , impossible . Nay , womens vengeance are implacable . ar● hands , impossible . Nay , womens vengeance are implacable . th●a●t Ile tell thee why , because th'ast entred Actions of assault and battery , en●●ed Ile tell thee why , because th'ast entred Actions of assault and battery , against A●●lons Ile tell thee why , because th'ast entred Actions of assault and battery , against a companie ra●call worshipfull Fathers of the law : you wrangling rascall , law is one of the pillers ath land , and proo●e too't ( as I hope thou shalt bee ) thou't prooue a skip-lacke , thou't be whipt . Ile tell ●mpudence sputtering chappes yelpe , that Arrogance , and impudence , and Ignoraunce , are the essentiall parts ●ryest Ile tell thee why because thou cryest ptrooh at worshipfull Cittizens , and cal'it cal'●● cryest ptrooh at worshipfull Cittizens , and cal'it them Flat-caps , Cuckolds , and banckrupts Frye●s them amongst a company of horrible blacke Fryers . S●● Sir Vau. ha●d The same hand still , it is your owne another day , M. ▪ Players I meane ) Theaterians pouch-mouth , Stage-walkers ; for this Poet , for this D●me. Deme stuff● , heere the gall lyes , we that know what stuffe Thy verie heart is made of ; know the stalke m●de that know what stuffe Thy verie heart is made of ; know the stalke On which thy learning sta●ke stuffe Thy verie heart is made of ; know the stalke On which thy learning growes , and can giue li●e which thy learning growes , and can giue life To thy ( once dying ) basenes ; yet must ●a●nius Fannius . Cri●pinus , that Demetrius is out at Elbowes , and Crispinus is falne out with Sattin heere , they haue b●oate-herring falne out with Sattin heere , they haue ; but bloate-herring dost heare ? H●r. Hor. Hor●ce Horace . Pe●petuana Parchment Captaine ? tis Perpetuana I assure you . t●ue My Perpetuall pantaloone true , but tis waxt ouer ; th'art made out of ●●gler answere for this one day ; thy Muse is a hagler , and weares cloathes vpon best-be-trust ▪ th'art great in some bodies books for this , thou knowst where ; thou wouldst bee out lay●st Elbowes , and out at heeles too , but that thou layest about thee with a Bill for this , a Bill Si● Sir Vau. Se●u Holde I pray , holde , by Sesu I haue put vpon my heade , a fine deuice fi●e holde , by Sesu I haue put vpon my heade , a fine deuice , to make you laugh , tis not your ▪ and does conspire to bee more hye and tall , as God a mightie made him , wee'll carry migh●●e conspire to bee more hye and tall ▪ as God a mightie made him , wee'll carry his terrible , person ca●ry tall ▪ as God a mightie made him , wee'll carry his terrible , person to Court , and there Omne● Omnes . Exceilent Excellent . G●umboll quiuering Bride to Court , in a Maske , come Grumboll , thou shalt Mum with vs ; come , dogge de●ling warrant is otherwise occupied , there is no dealing with your Muse now , therefore I pray marse C●● Cri ▪ Ex●unt Exeunt . Te●●ill Enter Terrill and Caelestine sadly , Sir Quintllian stirring sad●y Enter Terrill and Caelestine sadly , Sir Quintllian stirring and migling a mig●●ng Caelestine sadly , Sir Quintllian stirring and migling a cup of wine . w●ne Quintllian stirring and migling a cup of wine . nigh● turn'd his backe , and it is night : This night will make vs odde ; day made vs eeuen , ▪ Let loose thy oath , so shall we still be eeuen . goe●tis Must I then goe tis easie to say no , Must is the King himselfe hims●lfe goe tis easie to say no , Must is the King himselfe , and I must goe ; Shall I then goe ? that resoluion The King Sat heauy on my resolution , Till ( out of breath ) it panted out an ●or to the tongue , and scaldes the voice , ( for oathes are burning words ) thou swor'st ●wor'st voice , ( for oathes are burning words ) thou swor'st but one , Tis frozen long agoe : if one ▪ Countrimen are they ? where doe they dwell , That speake naught else but oathes ? ●hey're they're men of hell . An oath ? why tis the trafficke s●ule . An oath ? why tis the trafficke of the soule , Tis law within a man ; the seale of faith Again●t head , will rise vp like sharpe witnesses Against my faith and loyalty : his eye VVould straight ●●raight Against my faith and loyalty : his eye VVould straight condemne me : argue oathes no more , My Chastit● Must I betray my Chastity ? So long Cleane from the treason of rebelling ●ather treason of rebelling lust ; O husband ! O my father ! if poore I , Must not liue chast , then ● lust ; O husband ! O my father ! if poore I , Must not liue chast , then let me chastly cha●ly poore I , Must not liue chast , then let me chastly dye . v● chaste , come , come , Olde Time hath left vs but an houre to play Our parte ; begin the part● Time hath left vs but an houre to play Our parte ; begin the sceane , who shall speake first b●gin left vs but an houre to play Our parte ; begin the sceane , who shall speake first ? Oh ●ceane but an houre to play Our parte ; begin the sceane , who shall speake first ? Oh , I , I play s●eake Our parte ; begin the sceane , who shall speake first ? Oh , I , I play the King , and Kings fir● , I , I play the King , and Kings speake first ; Daughter stand thou heere , thou Sonne I●an'st Terrill there , O thou standst well thou lean'st against a poast , ( For thou't be posted again●● there , O thou standst well thou lean'st against a poast , ( For thou't be posted off I warrant po●ed lean'st against a poast , ( For thou't be posted off I warrant thee : ) The King will hang ● against a poast , ( For thou't be posted off I warrant thee : ) The King will hang a horne ●ill be posted off I warrant thee : ) The King will hang a horne about thy necke , And make ●hy thee : ) The King will hang a horne about thy necke , And make a poast of thee ; you stand n●cke : ) The King will hang a horne about thy necke , And make a poast of thee ; you stand w●ll w●ll necke , And make a poast of thee ; you stand well both , VVe neede no Prologue , the King Cata●●rophe most gracious Prologue : mary then For the Catastrophe , or Epilogue , Ther's one in cloth of Siluer ▪ no doubt , VVill please the hearers well , when he steps out ; His mouth is fil'd with ▪ . But to my part ; suppose who enters now , A King , whose eyes are set in Siluer ; answe● No girle ? knowst thou not how to answer him ? VVhy then the field is lost , and ▪ poison , poisons me ; Thou Winter of a man , thou walking graue , Whose life is like Wha● thou define a Louers labouring thoughts ? What Sent hast thou but death ? what taste but ●lement : a poison For this sweete spring ; this element is mine , This is the Ayre I breath ; corrupt th●●e Well , let her goe ; she's thine thou cal'st her thine , Thy Element , the ▪ your shames , speake a good word for mine : The King shining so cleare , and we so dim dye● She dyes ▪ that sentence poisons her : O life ! What ▪ She dyes : that sentence poisons her : O life ! What ●●all painted earthen pot , That stands vpon the stall of the white soule , To set the shop out dy●s arise , To see how sweetly a true virgin dyes . Ent●r Enter Blunt , Crispinus , Fannius , Philocalia th●m Philocalia , Dicache , Petula , lights before them . Caeles●ine She that was faire , Whom I cal'd faire and Caelestine . ●hey : the King at another doore meetes them , they Exeunt . 〈◊〉 Why so , euen thus the Mercury of Heauen ▪ Vshers th'ambrosiate banquet of the Gods ▪ Why so , euen thus the Mercury of Heauen , Vshers th'ambrosiate banquet of the Gods E●ter Enter Seruants . S●ruants Enter Seruants . Wil● euery senceles thing , which she beholdes , Will looke on her agen , her eyes reflection Canopi● Soft Musicke , chaire it set vnder a Canopie . ▪ suiter to the ayre , Now wooe the ayre agen , this is the houre , Writ in the Calender ▪ My Leige they're come , a maske of gallants , a●l Demetrius , Philocalia , Petula , Dicache , all maskt , two and two with lights like maskers withlights Petula , Dicache , all maskt , two and two with lights like maskers : Caelestine in a chaire ma●kers all maskt , two and two with lights like maskers : Caelestine in a chaire . ▪ Wat Terrill , th'art ill suited , ill made vp , In Sable Vn●asks cheekes are setled now , and past the worst ; Vnmasks her A mistery ? oh none plaies heere but ▪ oath ; Which I maintaine ; heere take her , she was mine , When she was liuing , but ●oy sorrow is my shame : yet heerein springs , ioy out of sorrow , boldnes ont of shame ; For sham● springs , ioy out of sorrow , boldnes ont of shame ; For I by this haue found , once in my con●tant in my life , A faithfull subiect , thou a constant wife . Cae●. Cæl. ●rue Race downe his vsurpation to the ground . True Poets are with Arte and Nature Crown'd . 〈◊〉 Therefore be thou our selfe ; whilst our selfe sit , But as spectator of this Sceane of wit self●-creating Demetrius . Call in that selfe-creating Horace , bring Him and his shaddow foorth stickein shall appeare , " No black-tyed star must sticke in vertues Spheare . pu●'d and a wreath of nettles : Horace and Bubo pul'd in by the hornes bound both like Satyres th● of nettles : Horace and Bubo pul'd in by the hornes bound both like Satyres , Sir Adam do● a very sufficient name , and is a man has done God and his Country as good and as hot Seruice v●des Silence , pray let all wordes be strangled , or held fast betweene your Sat●rist mist , Thy pride and scorne made her turne Saterist , And not her loue to vertue ( as thou Preachest ver●ue her turne Saterist , And not her loue to vertue ( as thou Preachest ) Or should we minister Sa●irism of hard and indigested stuffe , Of bitter Satirism , of Arrogance , Of Selfe-loue , of Detraction Callin-●es Nay your oohs , nor your Callin-oes cannot serue your turne ; your tongue you 〈◊〉 for thee : It shall not bee the Whipping a'th Satyre , nor the Whipping of the blinde-Beare do●st Mens famyliarity , ( impudentlie ) as thou doest : nor weare the Badge of Gentlemens company Inpri●is Vpon him : Inprimis . ● you shall sweare by Phoebus and the halfe a score Muses lacking one ▪ not to sweare s●●re you shall sweare by Phoebus and the halfe a score Muses lacking one ▪ not to sweare to hang M●ses shall sweare by Phoebus and the halfe a score Muses lacking one ▪ not to sweare to hang your selfe ▪ Phoebus and the halfe a score Muses lacking one : not to sweare to hang your selfe , if you 〈◊〉 , Ooman or Silde , could write Playes and Rimes , as well-fauour'd ones as your selfe . well-fauo●●'d Silde , could write Playes and Rimes , as well-fauour'd ones as your selfe . ▪ Moreouer , you shall not sit in a Gallery , when your bussethy Ile busse thy head Holofernes . Mo●eouer Moreouer and Inprimis , when a Knight or Sentlemen Inpri●is Moreouer and Inprimis , when a Knight or Sentlemen of vrship , passe-p●●t or Sentlemen of vrship , does giue you his passe-port , to trauaile in and out to his Company lyetoo Wut sweare by Parnassus and lye too , Doctor Doddipol ? Tauer●es In brieflynes , when you Sup in Tauernes , amongst your betters , you shall sweare du● That fearefull wreath , this honour is your due , All Poets shall be Poet-Apes but you ; ●are Poesies king ) Thankes for that gracious eare , which you haue lent , To this most tedious 〈◊〉 out your rubbers in Gods name , by Sesu Ile neuer boule more in your Alley , Iddow . ●ut with this reuerend Antiquary ; ist done ? wut thou ? ▪ shall be led , In scorne of Mid-nights hast , and then to bed . Irailde , when once ( in an assembly of Friers ) I railde vpon them : that Hereticall Libertine Liber●●ne Friers ) I railde vpon them : that Hereticall Libertine Horace , taught me so to mouth it . Besides ta●ght them : that Hereticall Libertine Horace , taught me so to mouth it . Besides , twas when