A strange horse-race at the end of which, comes in the catch-poles masque. And after that the bankrouts banquet: vvhich done, the Diuell, falling sicke, makes his last will and testament, this present yeare. 1613. VVritten by Thomas Dekker.

A Strange Horse-Race , At the end of which , comes in The Catch-pols Masque . AND AFTER THAT The Bankrouts Banquet : Which done , the Diuell , falling sicke , makes his last will and Testament , this present yeare . 1613.

Aliquid latet , quod non patet .

Written by THOMAS DEKKER .

LONDON , Printed for Ioseph Hunt , and are to bee sold at his Shop in Bedlem , neere Moore-field Gate . 1613.

TO THE VERY WORTHY , IVDITIOVS AND VNDERSTANDING Gentleman , THOMAS WAL●HAL Esquire .

IF I put into your hands a homely peice of Worke ( neither so good as you deserue , nor so rich as I do wish it ) I must entreat you to blame the vanitie of our times which are so phantasticall , that they couet Stuffes , rather slight , to feede the eye with shew , then Substantiall for enduring . Let the Fashion be French it is no matter what the Cloth be . I haue therefo●●ot ( with the Sturgeon ) swomme against the streame ; But followed the Humorous Tides of this Age , and ( like Democritus ) haue falne a Laughing at the world , sithence it does nothing but mocke it selfe . But seeing no creature is so wise as man , nor any so foolish , my Wits haue heere beene at charges to feast either sort . A mixt Banquet of Sweete and Sowre , Fulsome , and Wholesome , Seria cum Iocis , stands furnished before them . In this Horse-Race there is no cheating , my Building ( as many Rich mens great houses ) is not onely to keepe Rats , and Spiders in it , but euery Roome ( though all be but meane ) hath some picture to delight you . The Plat-forme being narrow , I could raise no lofty Stories ; for when the Ditty is light , the Aire must not be Graue ; A Crow is not to build so high as an Eagle : as the Face of my Inuention was drawne , such I could not chose but proportion out the Body . Yet the Picture hath lost some of the Cullors I gaue it .

I know you loue to Reade , because you know to Censure ; Reade , this I pray as I writ it — ( willingly , ) and Censure , as I send it — ( in Loue ) Beare with the hard-fauourdnesse of the Title . The value of a Diamond is not lessened by the roughnesse when it is Vncut . It can bee no shame to gather a Violet , growing close to the ground . Had I better you should enioy it ; such as it is if you entertaine , I shall rest .

Most affectionately deuoted Yours , THOMAS DEKKER .

Not to the Readers : but to the Vnderstanders .

HE that writes , had need to haue the Art of a skilfull Cooke ; for there must be those Condimenta ( seasonings ) in his pen , which the other caries on his tongue : A thousand palats must bee pleased with a thousand sawces : and one hundred lines must content fi●e hundred dispositions . A hard taske : one sayes , it is too harsh another , too supple : another too triuiall : another too serious . The first reades , and mewes : the second reades , and railes : the third reades , and rackes me : the fourth reades , and rends me . He is tyed to a stake like a Beare to be baited that comes into Paules Church-yard to bee read . So that bare Readers ( I meane not threed-bare ) are not Lectores , but Lictores , they whip Bookes ( as Dionysius ▪ ●id boyes ) whereas to Vnderstanders , our libri , which we bring forth , are our Liberi ( the children of our braine ) and at such hands are as gently intreated , as at their parents : at the others , not .

The Titles of Bookes are like painted Chimnies in great Countrey-houses , make a shew a far off , and catch Trauellers eyes ; but comming nere them , neither cast they smoke , nor hath the house the heart to make you drinke . The Title of this booke is like a Iesters face , set ( howsoeuer he drawes it ) to beget mirth : but his ends are hid to himselfe , and those are to get money . Within is more then without ; you shall not finde the kirnell , vnlesse you both cracke and open the shell . Aliquid latet , quod non patet : Digge vnder the right tree , and it is ten to one but you take vp gold : for in this ( as in all other my former Nocturnis lucubrationibus ) I haue stroue to feed the mind , as well as the body : If one leafe make you laugh , the next settles your countenance . Tart meates go easily downe , being strewd with sugar : as musicke in Tauerns makes that wine go downe merily , till it confound vs , which ( if the Fidlers were not there ) would hardly be tasted . So for the sake of the sawce which I haue tempered for this dish , you may ( perhaps ) eate the meat , which otherwise you would not touch .

The maine plot of my building is a Moral labyrinth ; a weake thred guides you in and out : I will shew you how to enter , and how to passe through , and open all the Roomes , and all the priuate walkes , that when you come to them , you may know where you are : and these they be — Y●● will not ; I know it is more pleasure to finde out the conceitfull-deceits of a Paire of Tarriers , then to haue them discouered . That pleasure be yours , the Tarriers are mine . Fare-well .

The Contents of this Booke . A Strange Horse-race . Chariot-races . Foot-races . The Sunnes Race . The Moones Race . Races of winds and waters . Races of the Elements . Races of Vertues and Vices . A Masque of Catch-pols . Who are Catch-pols . The Diuels falling sicke . His Will and Legacies . His Recouery . His Dam brought to bed with two Children . Their Nursing . A Banquet of Bankrouts . The Comfit-makers inuectiue against Bankrouts .

A strange Horse-race .

THE first step into a Princes Court , treads not in the brauest roomes , but they are reached to , and ent●e● by ascensio●s , and degrées . This state and complement begetting more obseruance , delectation , astonishment , and reuerence : by the same 〈◊〉 ●●sser squares draw●● . For if you come into a Gold-smiths , or Lapidaries shop , and desire to buy the fairest Iewels ; the running Artizan tempts you first with slight ones , and then bewitcheth you with costlier , and ( for the vp-shot ) strike● your eye with admiration , by gazing at the best of all . So that 〈◊〉 man , ( how wretched soeuer ) can comparatiuely be miserable , because the pal●●e dame hand of Fortune can throw him to no basenesse and deiection so low , but hee shall fall vpon s●me other as low as himselfe . Euen likewise 〈◊〉 contrary par●● are there no obiects of triumph , ( a●●ashe● presentations , banquets , and such like ) how glorious soeuer of themselues , but may haue their splendor and dignity ●eightned by a comparatiue tra●●cing of things in the same rank● and qualitie .

Giue me leane therefore , first to make a flourish with my pen , and cleare the way , ( as a Fe●cer doth in a May-game ) for more roome , vntill the Masquers come in : so shall you know the cause of that cost , and the sumpt●●●snesse of the Banquet ; to which I wish no man to be too sawcy in pressing in , lest he pay more déere for his sweet 〈◊〉 ( the banquet being prepared in ●●ll ) then the ●●essing 〈…〉 of one Peacocke , and two Pheasants cost in one of the Kings of Tunis his Kitchin , which amounted to an hundred duckets . What talke I of an hundred duckets ? Nay , lest he be more peppered then those Masons , Bricke-layers , and Carpenters were , that builded those Pyramids in Egypt , during their worke ab●●● o●e of which Pliny brings in a ●●t of a 1800. Talents , that were laid out for Scallions , Onions , Garlicke , and Léekes onely , besides Bread and Cheese , which he scores not downe : for belike the Gypsey-Kings left that vnpaid .

But before either this Masque , or Suger-feast come marching in their true and most sw●●t state , I inuite you ( for variety ) to behold a Race , on ●●●t , and horse , with some triumphing in Chariots , after the Roman fashion : to set forth which of ours 〈◊〉 their thundring velocity , lightning-like violence , and earthquak●●● , ●●orrying , so liuely , that ( i● it were possible ) the noyse should make you mad , as the sight could make you merry : I will ( as I held it fit , before ) giue you seuerall pictures of Races , that in former Ages ran themselues out of breath● to the end that the now dead colours of the one● may set off the braue , fresh , and amazeable-starting pageantry of these our other . When the Romans were Lords ouer the world , and their Emperours maisters ouer them , no glory was wanting to illustrate their triumphes , after the 〈◊〉 of stronge Nations , nor any cost spared in popular presentations , to binde vnto them , and bewitch the hearts of their owne people , after their victorious returning home . Blondus de Roma Triumphante . Chariot Races for triumph . Tranquil . Suetonius . The manner of Roman Triumphes . Those that did triumph ▪ sate in Chariots guilded all 〈◊〉 , drawne sometimes by white horses ; so was Augustus : somtimes with Elephants , so was Pompey . To excell whom in that pride , Caesar had his Chariot of triumph drawne by forty Elephants : so●● haue béene drawne by Harts , and so was Aurelianus . In these Chariots , with the Emperours , sate their sonnes , as heires to their fathers glory ; and after them followed the Roman Souldiers , crowned with garlands , as partners in their Emperours honours . Before the Chariots we●● the Capti●●s , ( Kings , Quéenes , and others ) chained , the spoyles taken in warres , borne al●●● to despite them , and more to dignifie the Conquerour , pictures and countersets of all the Citties , Mountaines , Riuers and Battailes , from whence they came victors , were drawne in Ensignes to the liueliest portrature , all supported before the Triumpher . Cor. Tacit. lib. 2. annal. And in this last manner did Germanicus Caesar enter into Rome , in a triumphall Chariot , loden with fiue of his children , after the victories gotten against the Cherusie , Chatti , and Angrinari , with all other Nations inhabiting to the riuer Albis , as Corn. Tacit. sets downe in the second of his Annalles .

Now , lest these highest exaltations of Fortune should make their Emperours swell into too much insulence , and so into a scorning of their subiects ; the Souldiers themselues , yea and the common Plebeians that stood vpon 〈◊〉 so beh●ld these sights , would commonly ( in ha●e of such honours , and in abatement of such pride that might 〈…〉 Emperours ) as they march in all that pompe , ca●● b●●ter aspersions vpon them . As for example : When Ven●idius Ba●sus came home in a Parthian triumph , Qui Mulos frica●a● factus est Consul . the Souldiers aloud cryed out thus in mockery of him ; Behold , 〈…〉 la●ely rub'd horses heeles , is now your glorious 〈◊〉 . And at another time to the people thus : O you Citizens of Rome , keepe your wiues at home in your shops , Romani seruate vxores , Maechum calvum vobis adducimus . you are best for now we haue brought you your bald-pate Whore-maister , their Emperour hauing , at that time , more used of a peri●ing , then a Barber .

These beames of worldly felicity sh●● ab●●t ●he heads of their Princes : let vs now sée what pleasures the Roman people enioyed .

For them were built Theaters , In the Roman Theaters were alwaies their Scoenici Ludi , stage-playes . and Amphi theaters , in some of which might fit fourescore thousand people together ; the Theaters themselues being some of ●●one , some of wood , curiously adorned with columnes , and Images of their Emperours : some guilded all ouer , some mouing vpon whéeles , to avoyd the heate of the Sunne . All of them spacious , all sumptuous : In these they somtimes saw playes tragicall or comicall , Grecian musicke . with all sorts of musicke , Doricke , Chromaticke , soft and delicate , Lidian , Nypolydian mournfull , fit for Tragedies : and to these sorts of musicke they had all sorts of Dauncing ; And Hyporchema ( in time of a pestilence ) a daunce to Apollo in the Campe ; The Pyrichian , which was a daunce in Armour : In the Chamber ( as wee now haue ) dances , Plutarch . in Moralib . with wanton gesticulation . All which , as well Musicke as Daunces , they borrowed from the Greekes .

Trāquillus Suctonius . Then had they both in Circo , & Theatris , ( their Race and Theaters ) fights both on foot and horsebacke ; sometimes Man to Man , now and then Men and Beasts incountring together , three hundred Gladiators , or Sword-players , Sword-players . fighting at one time at sharpe , with equall number . In which pastimes Gordianus the Emperour , to feede the people to the full , consumed twelue dayes , euery dayes presentation ▪ varying from each other ; As sword-playing , 〈…〉 kindes , casting of Dartes and Speares , Sword-playing , Hunting , and the fighting of beast in the Roman Amphitheaters . Chariot-chaces , Huntings , and such like ; In one day to a hundred Fencers , thrusting out a hundred and fifty of the fiercest Lybian beasts ; in another a thousand , which they were to kill with their swords , or to hazard their owne liues : for he maintained a large and thicke wood , strongly defensible , in which ran two hundred wilde Harts , thirty vn-back'd fierce horses of Brittaine , a thousand sheepe , ten Roe-buckes , which he caused to be guilded all ouer ; thirty wilde Asses , a hundred and fifty wilde Boares , two hundred Ibices , and two hundred wilde Heluetian Goates : vpon all which he cryed hauocke to the people , to haue them torne in peeces in one solemne festiuall meeting .

Ludi Circenses , cuius ludi Originem . Virgil. lib. 5. describit The like did Philippus Arabs the Emperour , at two seuerall times ; the first at the celebration of the Circumcision Games ( so called of Circus , the place where they were performed ) At which time he turned out two and thirty Elephants , twenty Tygers , an hundred Hyenae● , one Rhynoceros , threescore tame Lyons , and ten curle-mained Lyons , ten Panthers , thirty Leopards , and ten fierce Horses to be cut in péeces .

The second time was at the celebration of those games , which were held but once in a hundred yeares ; and thereupon were called Ludi Seculares , ( of Seculum , an age of a man , which was then counted an hundred yeares ) their Solemnization being in honour of Apollo , and Diana . Against which day a Cryer went vp and downe the Citty of Rome , Venite ad Ludos quos nemo mortalem vidit , neque visurus est . with this note : Whosoeuer will see games , which no man aliue hath euer seene , nor any man liuing shal euer see more , now let them come . At which time , the Rites due to that Celebration béeing performed , and the people of Rome in infinite numbers assembled together , he caused to bee hunted ( besides the beasts before named , to as great or a greater number ) ten horned Elkes more , by no other persons , then by two thousand Fencers , armed onely with their Swords in their hands , the beasts running loose , madding and roaring vp and downe .

Thus haue you s●ene the Roman Emperours in their Chariots of Triumph , Vide Plin. Lib. 18. after which the people further rewarded them with Statues , or Images made to the life , some in massy gold , some in siluer , some in brasse , and some in marble , vpon which were insculped and richly cut out , all their Battailes , Conquests , and Triumphes : and besides these Statues ,

Aureis post-modum successerunt , Laureae : erantque & virtutis & honoris eiusdem praemia . Gellius .

Garlands giuen to the Romans .

The first sort of Runners were called Stadiodromi .

they had also at first Crownes of Gold sent them , and those were after changed to Garlands of Laurell , the honour of both being all one . The common people receiued after their combats , fights , victories , &c. ( to incite them likewise to hunt after ●ame , & military renowne ) wreathes & Coronets to adorne their temples . The horsemen and Charioters being by this time wearied , giue way for the infantery to come vp , and try how nimbly they be●tir their héeles . In which Races on foot , not onely the Romanes , but also the Greekes , Troians , Athenians , Macedonians , and many other Nations excelled for their incredible swiftnesse : I thinke the wilde Irish are be●t at it in these latter times . This kinde of exercise had three changes in it : For some , vpon whose heads the wagers were layd , stood breast-wise in a direct line , at a marke , and ran onely to a goale proposed and left there : The second sort were called Diaulodromi . others being at the goales end before their fellowes , wan no glory by it , vnlesse they could againe recouer the marke from which they first set forth .

The third sort were called Dolichodrmi . The third Race was to run and returne to and fro , from the marke to the goale , without intermission by the space of eight changes , and neuer vnder sixe : and he that could hold out his winde so long , to be first at the bounds where he began his race , carryed away both garland and prizes .

Races in heauen . My Muse could heere leaue running at Base thus vpon earth , and stretching her wings forth to a more noble expansion , soare aloft vp into the Celestiall Habitations , and from thence bring news , what race the Sun runs in his Zodiacall Circle , The Suns Race . where he sets out euery morning , and where he rests euery night : at what houses he stayes ( being 12 in number ) and how long he tarries , in what part of the world he shortens his Careeres , and in what part hee enlargeth it : his fires burning at all times alike , Sol fons lucu . but not alike in all places : by whose heate all Countries do propagate and bring forth blessings to their inhabitants ; but no Country can boast she possesseth all , because what one wants , another should supply , and so euery land to be beholden one to another : then to shew , that al-be-it he runs not in a perfect Orbicular Circle , but that sometimes he runs side-wise with an oblique carriage of his body , yet his course is constant : his horses , ( Pirois , Eous , Aethon , and Phlegon ) as they are foure in number , making foure great Stoppes , or Careeres in Heauen , which beget foure Changes , or foure Renouations of time vpon earth , 1 Spring . 2 Summer 3 Autum . 4 Winter . that is to say : the Vernall , Aestmall , Autumnall and Brumall , they kéeping euer their day ( like iust Debitors ) onely a few minutes difference . But so much reuerence do I owe to the Diuine study of the transcendently-learned Astronomer , that I lay downe heere this Buckler , knowing him most worthy to take it vp .

The 〈◊〉 Race . From tracing therefore any further the wheeles of this Illuminous Chariot , wherein the God of the day rides , our Protean Muse altering the shape of her course , a little lower could stand and discouer how the Queene of the night ( ●he Moone ) is , ( with a swifter whirling then the Sunne her brother ) whirled vp and downe in a coach of siluer , & there shew likewise , The Sun the cause of the Moones variable shapes . why sometimes ●he sits Horned , sometimes Halfe-faced , sometimes Full and perfectly Round : then , where that Light is locked vp that is taken from our sight ; and by what meanes , and how so quickely it is againe restored .

Then could I without helpe of her light , slip in a moment into the Seas , and saile onely by that Star , whose influence now guides my pen . There could I describe what warlike Races the Winds held with the Waters : The Race of the windes & the Waters . their Wrastling , Running , Retiring , and Chasing this way and that way , like two great Princes striuing for Superiority , and confounding , by their contention , not themselves , but those vnder them , Quicquid delirant Reges , plectuntur Achiui .

But because you shall not bee weary by being weather-beaten in Tempests : suppose the Windes haue spent their Malice ( like Rich-men , vndon by going to Law in defending vniust Actions ) But the Seas swell still vp by a Naturall pride which the Moone ( their Mistresse ) puts into them , The Sea flowes when the motion of the Moon is downewards and neerer to it . because their Nature being quarrellous , they rage ( like Roaring Boyes vpon the Land ) that they can fasten no opposite to go together ●i'th eares withall , the next they meete they instle , and that 's the Earth : there they purpose to begin another Race ; for their Wanes run ( like Mad-men out of Bedlam ) beyond their bounds vp into the Land , doing what they can to swallow it , and that shewes ( me-thinkes ) like an vnthrifty riotous Heire , washing away ( in Tauernes ) the possessions of his father , and his owne Patrimony , whilst the carefull old man seekes to keepe all within compasse ; as the walles of the Earth striue to hold the vnruly Waters within their owne dominions , and to bar them entrance into her owne , for all their bustling , and for all their billowes , we are now leap'd safe on shore .

Whilst thus I stand vpon the soft and vn-remoueable habitation of our great Grand-mother ( the Earth ) Another Race , The Race of the Elements in Mans body . is presented to mine eie , for I could heere describe , how the foure Elements , ( like so many wheeles in a Clocke ) are proportioned to more diuerse waies , and with strange turnings , yet all to meete in one delicate tune within Mans body , And then , 1 Earth . 2 Water . 3 Aire . 4 Fire . if any one of those foure Protectors , bée predominant aboue the other , and so set the rest together by the eares , how then the bloud hath his Race , and runnes into diseases , and the shortning of that Race is to stumble at Deaths Dore. Againe , if I should rifle this Treasure-house of liuing Creatures , and looke into the depth of it , I could bring you to those hidden Races of Minerals , The Race of Minerals . and Mettals , which the Sunne neuersees , yet can they not liue without him : there should you behold a Mine of Lead , The ambition of Lead . labouring to turne it selfe into Tynne , and so to rise to preferment ; but like a poore Man , that workes day and night to grow rich , hee striues with impossibilities , and is at the yeares end no better then at the biginning . The ambition of Tynne . There should you behold a Mine of Tynne , ( sister to Siluer ) vsing all the Art she can , to be transform'd into her sisters shape , and to carry a beauty as faire as her's ; but like a Rich Man , that hauing enough , and being well to liue , yet practiseth vnlaw●ull courses to encrease his state , Ambition of Siluer . as his , so her doings do seldome prosper : There likewise should you behold a Mine of Siluer , ambitiously aspiring to bee as glorious Gold : but she workes like an Alchimist , watches long , and looses her labour ; yea , though shee were able to passe through those twelue gates .

1 Calcination . Rip●●y● Chanon of 〈◊〉 . 2 Dissolution . 3 Separation . 4 Coniunction . 5 Putrifaction . 6 Congelation . 7 Cibation . 8 Sublimation . 9 Firmentation . 10 Exaltation . 11 Multiplication . 12 Proiection .

And so come to weare in a King , the very Phylosophers Stone , yet the triall of her beauty would bee when her painting came to the Touch ▪ Last of all , Gold hath no ambition . you should there likewise behold ( the eldest child of the Sunne ) A Mine of Gold , who being King of Mettals , neuer aspires to bee higher , because it knowes , there is none aboue him .

Touching Minerals of baser quality let vs not cast our eye vpon them , hauing enriched our Lading with the best ; hoyst now vp Sailes , therefore from hence and away ; for these Races ( if I should measure the shortest of them to his end ) would weary me too much , and appeare , yrkesomely , too long , like that iourney of Philippides , who ranne one thousand , two hundred and forty furlongs ( which makes 155 miles ) ( from Athens in Greece to Lacedemon ) in two daies , if Polyhistor lies not .

I could here be content after this weary Uoyage , round about the vast compasse of the world ( dispatcht , as you sée , by my Sea-chariots , within a little time , ) now to fire vp Herculean Pillars , and write vpon them Non vltra . But our Muse is ambitious , A fres● Race . and ( to her ) Non sufficit Orbis , she must on againe . For she hath one Race yet to Run , which ( for Antiquity ) is as Reuerend , ( for Persons ) as Renowned , ( for the Contention ) as Glorious , and ( for the Uictory ) as Memorable , as any that euer yet haue bene in the World .

It is ( because you shall weary your eyes with staring no longer ) A Race or Challenge betwixt the Uertues that dwell in the little world ( Man ) and the Uices to whom hee giues free entertainement ; Vertue & Vice run . they are all ready to present their Troupes , and to do their Deuoire : But before they enter the lists , ( some on horse-backe , some on foote , some in Chariots ) I will play the Herauld to marshall them in order , according to their quality and worth , and send them forth , marching in braue equipage before you .

Vertue is seldome mounted . Her picture . The Vertues are not Mounted , and haue Few Followers , they haue no Plumes , and so , no Pride ; their Attire is decent , sober , girt to them , and ciuill : their Faces graue , austere in very swéetenesse , swéete in austerity ; fairest when they are neerest ; louely a farre off , and all open ; vsed to no maske , their pace demure , maiestically-humble , constant and comely .

Vice is euer mounted . The Vices are Gallant Fellowes , they are Mounted , and haue no small Fooles to their Followers : they haue Plumes , like Estridges , and Perfumes like Muske-cats , ( so strong ) they are soone smelt out : for Attire , they carry Lordships on their backes , a Knights liuing in their Bréeches , & a Shop-kéepers wealth in a Hat-band , Garters , and Shoe-strings ; Their Faces light , Her picture . anticke , impudent , disdainefull , amorously bewitching , shadowed now & then , but not possible alwaies to be couered : As a Fools face can neuer be hid .

The Vertues will go sometimes from you ( when anon you see them ) but the Vices will still come with their Faces towards you , for if you looke narrowly vpon their backes , if they shew but them to you first , you will straight turne taile to them too , & no more care a pin for their company , vnlesse you be mad ; I will giue you an example of some of them , that carry their heads highest : thus ,

The backe part of Riot . The Hole i' th' Counter , is the Backe of Riot ; if a Prodigall lay there in Hunger and Cold , but fiue such moneth● no worse then the last great Frost was , in a deere yéere , and in a Plague-time when no body would come at him ; and this hée should suffer before hee bound himselfe for euer to his Mercer , being sure , else , to suffer it after-wards , I doe not thinke but my Gallant would loue a warme Freze Ierkin better then a saite of cut Sattin , and choose rather ( like a Horse ) to draw béere , then to weare rich trappings like an Asse , for which his bones pay so derrely , So

The backe part of drunkennesse . Head-ach is the Backe of Drunkennes : if the Head-ach would knocke our Coxcombs soundly , so soone as wee cry out Drawer in a Tauerne , we should neuer quarrel with the Watch , nor breake do 〈◊〉 Bandy-house windowes of mid-night .

But best sinnes , like the worst faces , are most and euer painted , and that 's the reason they so bewitch vs , for it is a good eye can see their deformity : Hearke ,

The Trumpets sown● , The Race beginnes . they are ready for the Lists : behold , they enter ; you perhaps ( that are but Standers-by ) may mistake them , and therefore I will describe them , as they either begin the Race or end it .

The first that r●ns , is Blasphemous Insolence , a Turke , ( for you must vnderstand , that of all Nations , some are at this Race ) he will be first , The charracter of a proud Turke . because he will be first ; his looks are full of Darings , his voyce thunders out Braues ; hee laies downe Threates insteed of Wagers , hee scornes to Wage any thing vpon an euen Lay , for if terror or tyrany can win it , he will haue All ; By his side comes his Surgeon ( called Infidelity ) the horse he rides on is swift Uengeance , his two Pages are Fyre and Sword .

A Christian Lady runs against him , her name Innocen● Humility , if she get to the 〈…〉 , she is promised a paire of wings , besides the pr●●e her looks are modest , her words few , to her-selfe ( as shee sets forth ) she praies , she has onely one Maid waites vpon her , called Sufferance ; they both run on foote : Sée , see , the Turke flies like a winged Dragon , the Christian flies too , like a D●ue , yet with no●●er speed ; ●h●e has now gotten the better way 〈◊〉 , and is gone beyond him , and sée ! Rage and Hast to disgrace her , in her spéed , The Turks owne vengeance prepar'd for others , confounds himselfe . haue cast him from his Horse ; his owne Horse kickes and tramples on the Maister . The Christian Lady runs in pitty to saue him : but he cursing Her , and calling onely vpon his owne Surgeon ( Infidelity ) shee ( for want of skill ) poisons his wound in steed of curing it ; he 's dead : his Surgeon rips his body , to search what was perished within him ( vpon so ●light a fully as she tearmes it ) and ( see ! ) his heart is turned into a Flint , Hungary ouer-run by the Turkes . Blacke , and Hardened as Marble ; & lying ●rown● in the bloud of a thousand poore Hungarians , yet all that could not ●often it . The Wager they ranne for was a Garland of Palme-trées held vp by a Lady at the Goales end ( whose name is Eternity ) and by her giuen to the Christian Conqueror , with the Wings , besides , which were promised her , if shee fainted not in her Race . When the whéeles of Desire are once set a going , the more weights you hang vpon them , the faster turne they about , for lo● all the Opponents in this Race-running haue done what they came for in a moment , whilst you were busy about the first Challenger and Defendant , so great was their Fernor : but I haue the Roll here of the persons and their names , and albe●t you haue lost the sight of them in Action , you shall not loose the sport of it in my Relation .

Prodigalities Race . The second that ran , and made the brauest show , was a yong Gallant , his name , Prodigallity , loued of many Ladies for his good gifts , and followed by many rich Citizens sons , who were preferd vnto him by their fathers Mony , he sat in a Chariot , The Character of a Prodigall . open on euery side , foure Horses drew him , ( Rashnesse , Luxury Folly , and Hanger-on ) his Coach-man being drunke , A Whore whipped him for-ward , and made all Fly ; at the backe of the Chariot , two leaped vp , & were drawne after him , viz: Beggery and a Foole , whose gesture of making mouthes and anticks faces was excellent sport to the spectators , he ran a swift and thundring pace , after him and close by him rid many Merchants , Mercers , and Silke-men , who had laid great Wagers on his head , but he gaue them all the slip ▪ and was before hand with them still .

Thrifts Race . The Defendant whom he challenged , was a polliticke Belgicke , his name , Hans-thrift ( a Dutchman ) vigilant in his course , suttle in laying his wager , prouident in not venturing too much , honest to pay his losses , industrious to get more ( twenty sundry waies ) if hee should happen to bee cheated of all ; his Horse was not so swift as sure , his Attire not curious , but rich & neate , they set out both together , but before Prodigallity came halfe way of his iourney , Thrift got the start of him , out-went , out-wearied , out-spent him , tother lost all , this won what the other lost .

Prodigality vpon this disgrace hid his head , Discontent the mother of Treason . 〈◊〉 incountring when , he went away , with a c●ue of Male-●ontents , they schooled him , and they spoyled him : for in a ho●e bloud hee presently grew desperate , and swore to vndertake ( for raising of his fortunes ) the plots of Treason , A malo in peius . to blow vp kingdomes , to murder ●ings , and to poyson Princes : But the Hang-man 〈◊〉ing their whispering , set vp a paire of gallowes in his way at which hee can ●●lt ▪ but , fell downe , brake his necke , and neuer since could kéepe any good quarter .

The third that same sneaking in was a 〈…〉 faced shotten-herring-bellied rascall , The Character of a Niggard . his nose ●r●pt as soone as he entred into the Race , whose ●●lth , because it would scoure , and so same so●e , hee wrapt vp in as filthy a hand-kercher : his apparrell was cut out of 6 or 7 religio●s , and as they turned , that turned : He stole one onely 〈◊〉 of fire from Prodigality , which hee to●● betwixt his hands to 〈◊〉 them : he had in his pocket ( to victuall him for this voyage ) two dried cobs of a red herring reserued by a ●●●●menger at the ●iege of Famagosta , & then afterward laid on a 〈◊〉 , and the 〈◊〉 of a 〈◊〉 that had 〈…〉 at the 〈◊〉 Indies . This Thing was a Vsurer , cald Niggardlinesse , he had no page , but two Brokers ( out of their loue to him , Hospitality pictured . hoping to get by it ) came along with him vpon their owne charge .

Against this wretch ( in braue 〈◊〉 ) 〈◊〉 ●orth 〈◊〉 did Lord ( that is now no 〈◊〉 for has 〈◊〉 place in the Countrey , & all the 〈◊〉 in it smoke● 〈…〉 his money as he spends the water that passeth to his house , it comes thither in great pipes , but it is all consumed in his kichin , his name Hospitality . It is a graue & reuerend counteneance ; he weares his bea●● 〈◊〉 of purpose , that the haires being white , & kill in his eie , he may 〈…〉 any thing vnworthy their honor : his app〈◊〉 for war●●●● , not brauery : if he thinke ill at any time , he presently think● wel : for iust vpon his breast he wears his Reprehension . As a iewel comprehends much treasure in a little roome ; and as that nut-shell held● all Homers Iliads smally written in a péece of Vellum . So , though the trée of his vertues grow high , and is laden with goodly fruit , yet the top-bough of all , and the fairest Apple of all he counteth his Hospitality : His bread was neuer too stale , his drinke was neuer sowre , no day in the yeare was to them that are hungry , A ●asting day , yet he ●bseru●s them all : Hee giues moderately euery houre , but in reuerence of one season in the yeare , all that come may fréely take .

Chaucer in the Franklins tale . And this is ( as the Booke doeth remember ) The cold frosty season of December : Phoebus waxed old , and hewed like Lato●● That afore in his hot Declination Shone as the burned gold , with streames bright , But now in Capri●●●●● adowne he light , Where is he shor●● full pale , I d●●● well seyne , The bitter frostes with the sleet and ●a●e Destroyed hath the greene in euery yerd , Ianus firteth by the fire with double ●erd , And drinketh of his Bugle-hor●● the wine , 〈…〉 the Brawne of the 〈…〉

The h●rse he sate vpon was gray and aged , like his maister , They that vphold hospitality are in these daies weake , because few . but weake by reason of yeares ; yet his heart good , and knew the way to many holy places , whither hee had 〈◊〉 carried 〈…〉 he should ●ncounter 〈…〉 an opposite as he saw stand brauing ; ●ee breathed a kinde of quicke fire in and out at his snoring nostrils in signe he had quickned his old courage , and that he wished to stand on ●● ground till this ●●●●ke were ended . Forward therefore both 〈◊〉 , Niggardlinesse & Hospitali●● 〈◊〉 . Hospitality had thou 〈…〉 and prai●es 〈◊〉 Niggardliness euery man laughed , euery man disdained him ; none clapped him on the backe , but his two trunch-men ( the Brokers ) the tother rode like a prince with all eyes throwne vpon him in admiration : but this poore 〈◊〉 ran as if a scar-crow had flowen : it was not a running , but a kinde of false scur●y Am●le , or rather Hobling , which put him into such a heate ( he neuer in all his life sweating before ) that hee melted all his tallow , which at the most was not able to make a pi●●ing Candle ; and so the snuffe of his life went out ●●inking . Before hee dyed , he gaue his keyes to the Brokers , and made them his heires , with charge to bury him there in the high-way , onely to saue charges , and to strip off his cloathes , which he made them sweare they should sell : Et hic finis priami , and with that word he lay as dead as a dogge . His heires performed his will , and going home me●●● , to share his wealth , which they knew to be infinite , they 〈◊〉 nothing in the house but two peny Halter : ( for all his money hee had buried vnder the earth in a field ) the sight of this struck cold to their hearts : and so ( séeing their owne Father ▪ as it were , had cozened them ) the Broke● went ●●th away like a cupple of Hounds from the dogge-house in a 〈◊〉 together , and lye buried at the grate which receiues the common Sewer in the midst of Hounds-ditch . Hospitality had the honour of the day , and went away : crowned with poore mens Benedictions .

The next Contenders that followed those 〈◊〉 an English Knight and a Spanish ▪ The Spaniard temperate in dyet , the English a glutton . the Don was a temperate and very little féeder , and no drinker , as all Spaniards are : the Knight had béene dub'd onely for his valour in that seruice : to it they went both , h●●●ed alike , manned 〈…〉 alike , the Spaniard not so gawdy , but more rich . Sir D●gonet had scarce set spurs to his Bucephalus , but with health● which he tooke out of euery commanders fist , drinking to his ●oone voyage , ●e fell sicke , & his horse both of the Scaggers , of which hee neuer recouered : A drunkards followers . hee had ( besides his Page ) some Voluntaries that attended him , that is to say , the drowsie and decayed Memory , the one filled his glasses , the other his Tobacco-pipes . Shortnesse of Life held his bridle , and helped him stil off . The Diego was a dapper fellow , of a frée minde and a faire , bounteous of his purse , but sparing in his Cups , as scorning to make his belly a wine●eller , therefore the more nimble ; and hauing nothing in him but fire , ( as the other nothing but the contrary Element ) hee flew before the winde like a gallant Pinnace vnder sayle , Plures occidit ●rapula , quam glad●us . and held out his Race to the end , leauing the English-man dead-drunke , in lesse then a quarter of the way .

Other Races . Then came in two by two , other Troopes , whose onsets , and ouer-throwes , honours , and disgraces , darings , and dauntings , merit an ample Chronicle , rather then an Abstract ; of all which the Braggadochio-vices still got the worst : the Vertues departing in Triumph , but not with any insulting . And thus the glory of this Race ended .

Now , as after the cleare streame hath glided away in his owne current , the bottome is muddy and troubled . And as I haue often s●ene , after the finishing of some worthy Tragedy , or Catastrophe in the open Theaters , that the Sceane after the Epilogue hath béene more blacke ( about a nasty bawdy Iigge ) then the most horrid Sceane in the Play was : The Stinkards speaking all things , yet noman vnderstanding any thing ; a mutiny being amongst them , yet none in danger : no tumult , and yet no quietnesse : no mischife begotten , and yet mischiefe borne : the swiftnesse of such a torrent , the more it ouerwhelmes , bréeding the more pleasure .

So after those Worthies and Conquerours had left the field , another Race was ready to begin , at which , though the persons in it were nothing equall to the former , yet the shoutes and noyse at these was as great , if not greater . They marched in no order , and that made them séeme comely ; Handsomenesse in them had beene a disgrace , the worse they shewed , the better they were liked : They could do nothing ill , because they could doe nothing well , and were therefore commended , because there was in them nothing commendable : Such praise as they brought , they caried away ; and this it was .

The first Troope that came thronging in , Belly-gods . were a company of braue staring fellowes , that looked like Flemings , for they were as fat as butter , and as plumpe in the face as Trumpeters are when their chéekes swell like bladders . No horses could bee hired for them : for ( as Gallants doe Citizens ) they were sure to breake their backes : they were all Foot-men therefore , and ran very heauily ( like men going to hanging ) because if they should fall , their bellies making them leape heauy , they were sure to breake their necekes . These termed themselues Epicures , Of Epicurus , from whom sprang that Sect. and all that heard them beléeued it : for their Guts was their God , their Heads , Hogsheads of wine , their Bodies , Cages for wild-fowle , and their Soules nothing else but the steame and breath of roasted Capons serued vp piping bot. These ran into a thousand mens Debts , but ran so farre one from another , ( for feare of breaking Ribbes if they had iustled ) that they would be sure neuer to run in any certaine danger .

The last Race they ran ( for you must know they had many ) was from a cry of Sergeants : yet in the end the Law ouer-tooke them , and after a long , sweaty , and troublesome Race , ouer-threw and layd them in the dust ; they dyed in prison , and were buryed in silence .

After them came in a pert Lawyer , A Lawyer and his conscience run . puffing and blowing ( one that for putting a wrench into the Lawes mouth , to force her to speake any thing , was pitched ouer the barre ) and hee can really : but with whom thinke you ? against this owne Conscience : but in the Race ( sweat and sweare , do what he could ) she gaue him the slip , tired him extreamely , and was still out of his reach the length of Gracious street , at the least ; yet the Lawyer was a goodly man , strong , and full of action , and his Conscience nohing in the world to speake of .

A Vicar . The next was one that should haue beene a scholler , and was indéed , and he ran horrible fast after foure Benefices all at one time , they held him nobly to it a long space ; but with much adoe hee got beyond them , and wonne what he ran for : Mary hee caught such an incurable cold ( by reason of his pursinesse ) that hes lost his voyce presently , and grew by degrees , so hoarse , that he neuer spake after to any great purpose , all his lights we●e so stopped .

A Taylor runs with Pride . At last comes skipping in a terse , spruise , neatified Capricious Taylor , new leaped from his Shop-boord , and the Diuill could not perswade him , but hee would runne with Pride , and with none else . Pride was for him , and tooke hold of him presently , Horses were offered to them both : No ( sayd the Taylor ) I will not bee set on Horfe-backe , I will not ride , nor be ridden : Pride scorned any courtesie more then he . To it they go then ; Pride got still before him , and he followed her at an ench like a mad-man , tooth and nayle . In the end hee had her at his backe : Pride then ( for anger that any should out-strip her ) made such extreame haste , that shee caught a fall . The Taylor ( hauing many gallant parts of a Gentleman about him ) looking aside , and seeing his Incounterer downe , came brauely to her , offering to take her vp , which she disdaining , allowed him a yard before her , which hee was content to take , and to it they go againe : Pride followed him close , and comming home vp to him , spyed her aduantage ( being neere the Races end ) and leaping forward , hit him full at the heart , and so ouerthrew him . Inraged at which , hee drew out a Spanish weapon , and would haue runne it through her ; shee put him by , and cut his combe , which so cut his heart ( to see a woman his confusion ) that hee was neuer his owne man afterward . But he sayd hee wrought his owne woe himselfe , and confest it was his owne seeking to meddle with her ; and therefore such bread as he brake , was but broken to him againe , yet swore ( if a man might beleeue him ) that though he sunke into hell for it , he would , at one time or other , sawce her .

This quarrell made peace ; for the vn-rauelling of this bottome , was the last thréed that ended all . You now see what voyage this ship of fooles ( in which these last were imbarked ) hath made . Heere cast they Anchor , and leap on Shore .

A preparation to the Masque ensuing , and the cause therof .

FAME , A newes spred . who hath as many tongues as there are mouthes in the world , hearing of the honourable defeature giuen by those worthy Champions to to their ignoble ( but insulting ) enemies , could not choose ( because shee is a woman , but pratile of it , in all places , and to all persons ; insomuch that the Courts of Kings rang of it Cities made bone-fires for it , the Country had almost broke all their bels about it : at euery Crosse it was proclaimed , at euery Market , one word went about the price of victuals , and flue about that : Barbers had neuer such vtterance of a newes , Booke-sellers sold more sheetes then Linnen-drapers ; Carriers could load their horses with no Packes but of This : No Ship went to Sea , but some part of the fraight was this victory : It was written of at home , dispersed in letters abroad , and sung to a new Tune euery where . Omitting these hither parts of Christendome , she ( Fame I meane ) taking her Trumpet ( because she is Times Herald ) flew with it ouer the Mediterranean-sea into Asia , first into Turkey , so to Caldaea , Persia , Hircania , Assiria , Armenia , and then getting vp higher ouer the Caspian sea , away shee poasted to the Tartars , and Cathayans , then to the Chynois , and other East Indians , so backe againe ouer the Arabian Sea , into Arabia Foelix : then crossing ouer Numidia , her next cut was into Barbary in Affrica , from thence downe to Noua Guinea ; and from thence crossing the Lyne into the Ethyopian sea , away swoopes shee by Brasill , and so beates her Wings in the West Indies , whose heate being ready to melt her , ( as the East Indies did before ) ouer the Lyne againe she scuds to Noua Hispania , & so to the Northward of America : then homeward through Florida , taking Virginea , Noua Francia , Norembega , and all those Septentrionall Countries in her passage , and so crossing the Deucalidonian sea , hauing beaten her selfe almost to death in proclaiming and trumpeting lowdly the News , she pantingly ariues where shee set forth , pruning and péecing vp her flagging and broken Wings .

The winds caching her breath in all kingdoms , through which she went , were as great with it as her selfe , & ready to burst vntill they were deliuered . Neuer was such puffing & blowing , such blustring & roaring , since they threw downe Babel : The naturall cause of an earth-quake . so that with their strugling who should cry out first , they were all brought a bed of it at one time : for all of them breaking by force into the bowels of the earth , and by that irrruption tearing her very foundation with an vniuersall earth-quake , the massy frame was cleft & riuen asunder , and so the terror of the report was by the wherrying winds shot ( as if with a thunder-bolt from heauen ) and neuer tarryed , or met any rub , till it burst open the Gates of infernall Erebus .

The Grand-Sophy of the Satanicall Synagogue , The Diuel put in feare when Good-men prosper . at the very sound of it belchd out a groane , the rebound of which ( like one bandogs whyning in Paris Garden , setting all the Kennels a barking ) left all the Stygian Hel-hounds in a most clamorous howling . The dismall consort hauing ( with a worse noise then the grating and crashing of Iron when it is a ●yling ) ended these Blacke Sants , & shooke their gastly heads foure or fiue times together , & with chaines ratling at their heeles , ( as if so many blacke Dogs of New-gate had beene mad in a Tauerne there ) ran bellowing All , about their Father of Mischiefe , to know what Qualme came ouer his stomake . He ( darting an eye vpon them , able to confound a thousand Coniurers in their owne Circles , ( though with a wet finger they could fetch vp a little Diuell ) and with an Vlulation , ( his chin almost bursting his breast-bone with a Nod ) from which , fum'd out a breath ( blacker then sea-coale smoake out of a Brew-house chimney ) which if their withered chaps had bin there , yawning to sucke it downe was of power to haue turned ten thousand old Beldams in Lapland into the rankest Witches ) Hee thus grumbled : Hel's vndone , Hels Army defeated . Why , yelped all the rest ? An Armada ( quoth he ) cannot saue vs , our Legions ( in the world next aboue vs ) are ouerthrowne by that Stigmaticall Virago Vertue : All those Battalions that warred vnder the cullors of our Red & fiery Dragon are debaushed : Suffer this bracke into our Acheronticke Territories ; & hotter Assassinations will euery day pel mel maule vs . Al about him cryed they would neuer endure it .

Whilst this indisgested mischiefe lay broyling on their stomackes , roome was made for an Intelligencer newly arriu'd vpon these stronds of Horror . It was one of those nimble Vmbratici Daemones , Paracelsus de gnomis . as inuisible as the Aire , & ( like Aire ) neuer out of our company , one of those Gnomi , whose part Theophrastus Paracelsus takes so terribly , prouing that whether we swmme , or are on land , or in the woods , or in houses , wee are still haunted with a spirit or two at least , neither hurtfull nor doing good , and such a One was This : Belial Belzebub of Barathrum , had lately employed this Purseuant of his about serious businesse ; Furies are H●ls Beadels , are three in number : Alecto , Tysiphone , and Maegera : to the number of those three Passions which carry vs headlong , viz. Anger , Couetousnesse , and Luxury . Lactantius de verae cultu . Blasphemy the dia els spittle . in which hauing done nothing , and dreading but sorry paiment for his labour , hee knew not how better to escape the Furies , then by forging some egregious lies , by the same Anuile , that all hell was now striking ( that 's to say , touching the late victorie of the Vertues ) and so to bee thought hee had spent all his time in that intelligence .

He therefore being tossed , ( the throng was so great ) vpon their glowing flesh-hookes , from one to one , till hee came before the grand Cacodemon , ( his Maister ) who sate in a chaire all on fire , downe fell my little spirit flat at his clouen feete : and then , the Captaine of Damnation , ( hauing first spit out foure or fiue Blasphemies , which one of his Gentlemen Ushers still trod out ) hee gnashed his teeth , and asked if the newes were current : it was replied , yes .

Nay ( cries this Goblin ) to vnclaspe a booke of my further trauels , let mee bee hung in chaines of yce ( as you are in fire , if I lie ) and bee bound to eate flakes in the Frozen Zone for a thousand yeares , if the Gloabe of the Terrestriall world bee not new Moulded , the Ball of it hath none of the Old Stuffing : not an inch of knauery can now bee had for loue or money , if you would giue a Million of Gold you cannot haue a Courtier in debt , if you would bestow a thousand pounds worth of Tobacco on a Souldier but to sweare a Garrison-oth , hee would die ere hee drunke it ; besides all Rich-men are liberall , Poore men not contentious , Beggars not drunke , Lawyers not couetous , rich heires not rietous , Cittizens not enuious , clownes most religious .

No more , 〈…〉 Tarrarian Tarmag●n● ▪ The ●●ther stop'd in his 〈◊〉 , and it was time , for this sa● Cannon , Schellum in Dutch , a Theife : Wasserhand a Fauning Cur , Names fitting for the Diuell . 〈◊〉 Schellum Wafferhand through both his broad sides . The fair of this Mile-stone had almost burst his heart , hee 〈◊〉 nothing but flashes of fire , spit nothing but flakes of 〈◊〉 , weep'd nothing but scoopes-full of scalding-water , for now he saw the Dilaceration of his owne Luciferan Kingdome . And the exaltation of his enemies ; out of his presence hee commanded all , They breake their Neckes for hast ; he hawle for Musicke , Ten thousand soules were presently set a yelling , hee tooke no pleasure in 't , Hee felft himselfe damnably heart-burnt , pan●ues worse then the tortures of euerlasting death fell vpon him , and no hope of his Recouery , which made an inerpressible howling in hell .

No Amendment being in him , hee cals for Physitions : not one would come neere him , they knew his payment too well , for Potecaries they were little enough , and cared not for his custome . He then ●ard out , for a cunning 〈◊〉 to make his Will , The Notary dwels in Helstreete in Paris . one was at his Elbow presently , 〈◊〉 he hugd in his armes , and cry'd out . Welcome my Sonne ; thou 〈…〉 euer bind mee vnto thee . Sr Satrapa● Satan , then 〈…〉 him Hee 's 〈…〉 and miserable estate , 〈…〉 desperate , 〈…〉 being vtterly giuen ouer , hee 〈◊〉 for him to 〈◊〉 his Last Will and Testament , and 〈◊〉 or Scriuano , begins , and galops as fast but then , as Monsieur Diabole 〈…〉 his chaps , The Will 〈◊〉 this .

The Diuels last Will and TESTAMENT .

The Diuill is Behemah , an Elephant for strength to ouercome and Dornschweyn , a Porcupine for quils , he shoots daily at our soules .

A Vayuode is a chiefe Ruler : an Attribute giuen to great Men in those parts of Morauia and Transalpine Hungary .

BEHEMAH Dornschweyn , Prince of all that lyes betwéene the East and the West , the North and the South ; Mighty both on the Sea , and on the Land , chiefe Uayuode of Usury , Symony , Bribery , Periury , Forgery , Tyrranny , Blasphemy , Calumny , &c. ( My Uassails and Deputies , with all their Petty Officers vnder them ) Patron of all that study the blacke and Negromanticke Arts ; Father of all the Roaring Boyes ; The Founder and Upholder of Paintings , Dawbings , Plaisterings , Pargettings , Purflings , Cerusings , Cementings , Wrinkle-fillings , and Botchings vp of old , decayed , and weather-beaten Faces ; being confounded , and tormented in euery limbe : but hauing my Memory and Wits fresh and liuely , doe make this my last Will and Testament in manner and forme following :

The Legacies . Inprimis , I will bequeath the World ( whereof I am Prince ) with all the Pleasures , Inticements , and Sorcerous Uanities thereof , to bee equally distributed amongst my Sons and Daughters ; To his children . and because ( of my owne knowledge ) I find very many of them , to be damnable and wicked , I lay vpon all such a fathers heauy curse ; not caring though they ha●g in hell , because they haue ran a villanous , impious , preposterous , and diuelish Race .

Item . A Legacy to Ladies . To all those Ladies , Gentlewoman , and Cittizens wiues , ( being set downe by their Names in my Black book ) to whose houses & company I haue bene welcome at mid-night , my Will is the they all , shall mou●ne .

Item . A Legacy to Vsurers . I further will and bequeath to my louing and deerest friends , the Usurers of this Citty , all such moneis as are now , or shall heereafter bee taken aboue the rate of 10 . i th hundred .

Item . A Legacy to Gallants , that follow him . My Will is , that euery Gentleman who serues mee , shall bee kept in his Chaine , yea ; the worst that hath followed mee , let him goe in a blacke s●●te of Durance .

Item . A Legacy to Puncks of the Cittie . Whereas , I haue many Base Daughters lurking about the Suburbs , I giue to them Carbuncles a peece , the biggest that 〈◊〉 be goten . And to those Matrons ( that for my sake haue bene euer déere to those my said Daughters ) I giue to each of them a bottle of the same Aqua-vitae , A Legacy to Baudes . whereof I my selfe drinke .

Item . A Legacy to Bankrouts . I giue my inuisible cloakes to all Bankrouts , because they made them , but to one Poet onely ( called Poet Comedy ) I giue my best inuisible Cloake , because it onely fits his shoulders better then mine 〈◊〉 , but chiefly for that hée will trim it vp well , and line it with Come not neere me , or stand off ; And because he is a ●lip of mine owne grafting , I likewise bequeath to him my best Slippers , to walke and play with his kéepers noses .

Item . A Legacy to Officers tha● loue him . I giue to all Officers that loue mee , a brace of my owne Angels to hang about their neckes , as a remembrance of mee .

A Legacy to Brokers . Item , my Wil is , that all the Brokers in Long-lane be sent to me with all spéed possible , because I haue much of them laid to pawne to me , which will , I know , neuer be redeemed , and what I giue to them shall bee in Hugger-Mugger ; and for their brethren ( the rest of their Iewish Tribe in the Synagogue of Houns-ditch ) let them be assured they shall not bee forgotten , because I heare they pray for mee howrely , I pitty these poore dispised soules , because if they should misse mee , I know what would become of them .

A Legacy for repairing the way to Tyburne . Item . I giue toward the mending of the High-waies , betweene New-gate and Tyburne , all the grauell that lies in the Kidneys , Reynes and Bladders , of Churles , Usures , Baudes , Harlots , and Whoore-maisters , and rather then those Grauel-pits , should grow scanty , I will that they bee supplied continually .

A Legacy to Iaylors . Item . I giue to all Iailors and Kéepers of prisons , to euery one of them , the soule of a Beare ( to bee rauenous ) the body of a Woolfe ( to be cr●●ll : ) the speech of a Dog ( to be churlish ; ) the Tallons of a ●ulture ( to bee griping , ) and my countenance to beare them out in their office , that they may looke like diuels vpon poore prisoners :

A Legacie to Roaring Boies . Item . My Will is , that if any Roaring Boy ( springing from my Race ) happen to be Stabd , swaggering , or swearing three-pil'd oathes in a Tauerne , or to bee kild in the quarrell of his Whoore ▪ let him bee fetched hither ( in my owne Name ) because heere he shall be both ●ookt too ▪ and prouided for .

A Legacie to the Diuels Ouer-seers . Lastly , I make and ordaint ( by this my last Will and Testament ) a common Barretour to bee my Executor ; and two Knights , who are my sworne seruants and are of the Post ; ( their Names and seruice being naild vpon Pillers in Westminster Pallace ) I make them , ( al-be-it they are pur-blind ) my Ouerseers , and for their paines therein , I will bequeath to each of them a great round Pearle , to be worne in their eyes , because I may be still in their sight , when I am gone from them .

And to testify that this is my last and onely Will which shall stand , I subscribe my Name vnto it , thereby Renouncing , Retracting , Reuocating , Disanulling , & quite Cancelling , all former Wils whatsoeuer by mee at any time or times made ; In witnesse whereof all the States Infernall ; Auernall , Acheronticke , Stygian , Phlegetonticke , and Peryphlegitonticke , haue likewise subscribed , in the yeare of our Ranging in the World , 5574.

Mounsieur Nouerint ( being a man , whose conditions were too well knowne ) had nothing said to him at this time , Although there be , Vestigia nulla retrorsa out of Hell , yet you must know hee had a conueiance for that purpose , to haue ingresse and egresse . because the Diuell was very bad , and had no stomacke to talke of old Reckonings ( for Vniuerse was in his debt ) but had his payment , and was glad he got away .

Now , as it often happens to rich Curmudgeons , that after they haue settled their estates on their death-beds , ( as they verily feare ) and that their wiues gape day and night to be widdowes , that from their husbands 〈◊〉 they may leape into a Coach and be Ladies , Rich mens false alarums . their sonnes and heires cursing as fast ( as the mothers pray ) vntill they great Capon-bell ring out , the daughters weeping ( when they know their portions ) onely because they are not marriageable , or if mariageble , because ere they mourne in blacke , they haue not Suiters to make them merry & the kindred as greedy ( for their parts ) to see the winding sheete laid out , that they may fetch their 〈◊〉 Legacies , & then ( oh terrible then ! ) the old Fox reuiues , fals to his sleepe , cals for his victuals , feeles himselfe mend , remembers his bags , cries out for his keies , seales vp his , mony ▪ no talk of a Wil , no hope of a Widdow , no sharing of his wealth ; Euen the selfe-same Pill tooke this Diego Daemonum , and recouered vpon it .

For all his children , acquaintance , and seruants , standing round about him , howling and ●rying for him , behold ! this howling of theirs made him almost o●t of his wits , that madnesse quickened his spirits , his spirits made him rowze vp himselfe , with that rowzing hee began to looke into what danger he was falne , and by looking into it , to deuise plots againe to raise it .

Heereupon , a Synode was called of all the subtillest and plaugiest prates in Hell , ( of which there are good store ) Magog Mammon , there discouers his disease , the cause of it , and the perill ; his feare is that his Kingdome would now bee sorely shaken , and his sorrowes , because all they should be sure to smart for it more then he himselfe , hee therefore craues their infernall counsell .

They sit , they confer , they consult , and from that consultation ( after many villanous proiects tosd on their hornes like dung vpon Pitch-forkes , and smelling worse ) this Aduice was hatched , and had fethers stucke on the backe , the rest were pluckt naked ; And this it it was , That Minotaure Polyphem ( the Sire of all those Whelpes barking thus in the Kennels of Hell ) should forth-with put fire into his old Bones , and fall to threshing of their Damme , to get more Hell-hounds , ( braue yong little Diuels ) whom hee may ( like Tumblers ) hoyst from one Fiends shoulder vp to another , and so pop them into the world : And they againe going to Bull , with other blacke Goblins , may ingender , what monsters they please to set all the world and all the people in it out of tune , and the worse Musicke they make , the more sport it is for him .

This Act was Filed vpon Record : most Uoyces carried it away ; the Councell flowed currant , the Court is adiourned , and the great Beglherby of Lymbo fals ho●ly to his businesse . Now you must vnderstand that the Diuell bring able to get children faster then any man else , had no sooner touched his old ●aplendian Gueneuora , but shee as speedily quickned ; and no sooner quickned , but was deliuered , and lay in , and had at this Litter or Burden , two twins .

Dabh ▪ Dabh , the Hyaena that digs dead men out of graues to deuoure them Aldip Alambat , is a rauenous or furious Woolfe ▪ Ingratitude , & Hypocrisy borne . Hypocrisyes cloake maker . Aldip Alambat , their father gaue them their names , the one was called Hypocrisie , the other Ingratitude . Hypocrisie was put to nurse to an Anabaptist of Amsterdam , but Ingratitude was brought vp at home . In a short time they battend , and were plunipe as fat Chop-bacons they were , and toward to practise any trickes that were shewed them .

So that béeing ripe for maisters , Hypocrisie was presently bounded a Puritane Taylor , by his Nurle , and did nothing but make Clokes of Religion for to weare , of a thousand colours . Hee ran away from the Taylor , and then dwelt with a Uizard maker , and there hee was the first who inuented the wearing of two faces vnder a hood . After this hee trauelled into Italy , and there learned to embrace with one arme , and stabbe with another to smile in your face 〈…〉 a ponyard in your bosome : to protest , and 〈◊〉 lye to sweare loue , yet hate mortality .

From Italy hee came into the Low-countries , where he would not talke , vnlesse hee dranke with him ▪ and-cast you Myn Leeuin Broder , with a full grasse , onely to ouer● reach you in your cups of your bargaine .

Out of Germany hee is againe come ouer into England , his lodging is not certaine : For ( like a whoore ) hee lyes euery where . Hée sometimes is at Court , and is there excéeding full of complement , The picture of an hypocrite . hee goes sometimes like a threed-bare Scholler , with lookes humble , as a Lambes , and as innocent , but his heart prouder then a Turkes to a Christians .

Hee hath a winning and bewitching presence , a sweete breath , a musicall voyce , and a warme soft hand . But it is dangerous to keepe company with him , Fistula dulce canit , &c. because he can alter himselfe into sundry shapes . In the Citty hee is a Dogge , and will fawne vpon you : In the fields hee is a Lyons Whelpe , and will play with you : In the Sea hee is a Mer-mayd , and will sing to you . But that fawning is but to reach at your throat : that playing is to get you into his pawes , and that singing is nothing else but to sink and confound you for euer .

This picture of Perdition ( Hypocrisie ) was not drawne so smoothly , so cunningly , and so enticingly , but his brother ( Ingratitude ) though there went but a paire of Sheares betweene them , Ingratitude pictured . was as vgly in shape , and as blacke in soule : hee was a Fiend in proportion , and a Fury in condition . It is a monster with many hands , but no eyes : It catcheth at any thing , but cannot see the party from whom it receiues . This is that follow made all the Diuels at first , and still supplyes their number continually .

Lethargiaest mentis alienatio & ●erum prope omnium obliuio . This is that Lethargy that makes vs forget our Maker , and neuer to thanke him for whatsoeuer he bestowes on vs : for no estate is content with his state . If wee are poore , wee curse : If rich , wee grumble it comes in no faster ; If hard-fauoured , wee enuy the beautifull ; If faire , it is our trée of damnation , and for money euery slaue climbes it .

Torped●aem pistem , siquis attgeril , torpent m●mbra . This is that Torpedo , which if we touch , a Numbnesse strikes all our ioynts , and wee haue no féeling one of another . This is hee which maketh one forget God and his country , the King and his kindred , only to please the great Diuell his father . He that this day hath beene comforted with thy ●●e , fed with thy bread , relieued with thy purse , and kept from being lowsie by thy linnen , to morrow will bée ready to set the same house on fi●● that hid him from cold , for thy bread to giue thee stories ; for the money thou lentest him , to sell thee ( like a Iudas , ) and for thy linnen , which wrapped him warme , glad to see thee in danger to goe naked ▪ Thus hast thou this Gorgon in his liuely colours : A Gorgon is a beast euer looking downeward , it eateth serpents , is scaly as a dragon , toothed as a swine : it hath wings to flye , the breath is venemous , the eyes fiery , and strike beholders dead . All which properties belong to the Diuell . Aesop. Fab. 5. because therefore that the odiousnesse of this beast , Ingratitude , should still be in our eye , God hath Hierogliphically figured it in many of his creatures .

The Viper is an Embleme of it , whose yong-ones gnaw out the belly in which they are bred . So is the Mule , whose panch being full with sucking , she kickes her dam. So is the Iuy , which kils that by which it climbes : and so is fire , which destroyes his nourisher .

The tongue of Ingratitude is the sting of that frozen Snake , which wounds the bosome that gaue it heate and life .

The hands of Ingratitude are those Tubbes full of holes , which the daughters of Da●au● fill vp with ●●ter in hell , and as fas● as it is 〈◊〉 in , it all rans out againe .

An ingratefull man therefore is not like Nero , Cantharidum succos , dante parente bibas . Ouid . in Ibim . that gathered flowers out of Ennius his heape of dung , but like the Cantharides that sucke● poyson out of the sweetest flower .

Not without great wisedome did that old Serpent , ( the Anchropophagiz de Satyr ) cloath his Hellish brood of his in human shapes : The Man-eating-monster . Anthropophagi were Scythians ( now Tartars ) so called for eating men , & drinking bloud in their sculs . Polyhistor . for you see how beneficiall their seruice may ●ee to him , and how maleuolent they are likely to be to man : for these are those Ichneumons that creepe in at our mouthes , and are not satisfied only first with deuouring what s within vs , and then to eate quite through our bodyes ▪ but the food which they lust after , is to rauen vpon the soule .

My purpose was ( when the grand Helea had gotten these two Furies with nine liues , onely to haue drawne the Curta●●es of her Childe-bed , in which shee lay in , and to haue she●●e no more but the well-fauoured faces of her 〈◊〉 of Monkyes ; But you see , from her withered T●●tes I haue brought them to their cradles , from the coadle 〈◊〉 thee to Nurse ; & from thence followed them till they were able to doe seruice in the world . How they haue sped , you heare , and how they are likely to prosper , you may iudge .

But you must thinke that there father , after hee had begun to digge ▪ and séeing his labours thr●●ie , would not so giue ouer :

Canidia a witch of whom Hor. writes .

Lamia a letcherous , spirit , that neuer takes rest . a spectre .

A Race of vnhapy children .

For the old Countesse Canidia , ( his wife ) being a teeming Lamia , after she was deliuered of the two first Lemures , ( Hypocrisie and Ingratitude ) did within short time after , bring forth others , as Schisme , Atheisme , Paganisme , Idiotisme , Apostacy , Impeniten●cy , Diffidence , Presumption , and a whole generation of such others : of whom the father needes not bee iealous that the Sorceresse their mother playd false with him , euery one of them 〈…〉 him in visage , and carrying in their bosomes his villanous conditions : For as he himselfe goes prowling vp and downe for his Prey , so do these take after him , and play their parts so well , that all Hell routes with ●●ughing , and rings with giuing them plaudits .

For these Furies haue in the Church bred Contentions , in Courts Irreligion , in the Ctity Prophanation ; in the Countrey ignorance of all goodnesse ; and in the World , a knowledge of the most flagicious Impieties .

At the birth of euery one these Monsters , were particular Triumphes , but aboue all the rest , one had the glory to be graced with a Masque , and it was at an vp-sitting , when the Gossips and many great States were there present .

It was a Morall Masque , The Masque . a Misticall Masque , and a Conceited , set out at the cost of certaine Catchpols , who were witty in the Inuention , liberall in the Expence , quicke in the Performance , and neate in the putting off .

The Masquers themselues were braue fellowes , The Masquer● bare-faced , not néeding , nor caring for any Uizards , ( their owne visages béeing good enough , because bad enough ) they were not ashamed of their doings . Euery one of them came in with some property in his right hand , Their Masquing apparrell . appliable to the name of a Catch-poll , and to the nature of the Catch-pols Masque : For one had a Fishermans Net , another an Angling rod , another a trée like a Lime-bush , another a Welsh-hooke , another a Mouse-trap ▪ another a handfull of Bryers , and such like : and euery one of these had ●●aite , and a Soule nibling at euery baite . In their left hands they held whips , vpon their heads they wore Anticke crownes of Feathers plucked from Rauens wings , Kites and Cormorants , ( béeing all Birds of Rapine and Catching : ) And on their bodyes loo●e Iackets of Wolues skinnes , with Bases to them of Uultures , whose heads hang dangling downe as low as their kn●es ; which made an excellent shew . Their legges were buttoned vp in Gamashes , made of Beares paw● , the naile● sticking out at full length .

They who supplyed the places of Torch-bearers ▪ The Torch-bearers . carryed no Torches , ( as in other Masqueries they doe ) but ( their armes being stript vp naked to their elbowes ) they griped ( in either hand ) a bundle of liuing Snakes , and Adde●s , which writhing about their wrists , spit wild fire and poyson together , and so made excellent sport to the assembly .

They had a Drum , Their Drum . after which they marched ( 〈◊〉 & two ) & that was made of an old Caudron , the head of it being couered with the skins of two flead Spanish Inquisitors , and a hole ( for vent ) beaten out at the very bottome : the Drum-stickes were the ●hin-bones of two Dutch-Free-booters : So that it sounded like a Switzers Ket●le-drum .

The Masquers Daunce . The Musicke strucke vp , and they daunced ; in their dauncing it was an admirable sight to behold , how the Soules that lay nibbling at the baites , did bobbe vp and downe : and still as they did bite , the whippes lashed them for their liquorishnesse . The swallowing of the baytes was ( to those Soules ) a pleasure , and their skipping to and fro , when they were whipped , made all Hell fall into a laughing . One of those baytes was Promotion , the second was Gold , the third Beauty , the fourth Reuenge , the fift a pipe of Tobacco : and such rotten stuffe were all the rest .

The Daunce was an infernall Irish-hay , full of mad and wilde changes , which ( with the Masquers ) vanished away as it came in , ( like vnto Agryppaes shadowes . )

Now because ( in naming this the Catch-pols Masque ) some squint-eyd Asse , ( thinking he can sée quite through a load of Mill-stones ) will goe about to perswade the credulous world , that I meane those Sergeants and Officers who sit at Counter●●ates . No , there is no such traine layd , no such powder , no such liustocke in my pen to giue fire : they are Boni & legaies homines , good fellowes , and honest men : ( that name of Catch-poll is spitefully stucke vpon them by a by-name : for to these Catch-pols , that are now vnder my fingers , doth it properly , naturally , and really belong , and to n●●● other .

If those two set of Counters compell a man to cast vp his Reckoning , what he owes , and how much hee is out , yet they catch no man , except the Law put them on , and it is their office . No , no , Paulo Maiora Canamus . Those Catch-pols whom we deale with , are of a larger stampe , of a richer mettall , and of a coine more currant . I will therefore first tell you what a Catch-poll is , and then you may easily picke out what those gallants are whom we call so .

A Catch-poll is one that doth both catch and poll : What a Catch-poll is . who is not content onely to haue the sheepe , but must sheare it too ; and not sheare it , but to draw bloud too . So then by this Etymology of the word , Their Species . any one that sinisterly wrests and serues Monopolies into his hands , to all his Coffers , ( though his owne conscience whispers in his eare , that hee beggers the Common-wealth ) and his Prince neuer the better for it : but the poore Subiects much the worse : Hee is a Grand Catch-poll .

Any one that takes Bribes , and holds the Scales of Iustice with an vn-euen hand , laying the rich mans cause ( be it neuer so bad ) in the heauy scale , and the poore mans ( be it neuer so good ) in the light one , hée is a Catch-poll .

A Pastor , that hauing a Flocke to féede , suffers them to breake into strange fields , lets them stray he cares not how ; be dragged away by the Wolfe , he regards not whither : séeth them sicke and diseased , and will not cure them ; hee is a Catch-poll .

So is a Lawyer , that fleas his C●●ent , and doth nothing else for him .

So is an 〈◊〉 man , if he rob the poore Widow , or friendlesse-forsaken Orphant .

So is a Soldier , that makes bloud , rapes , lust and violence his proper ends ; and not Gods quarrell , his Princes right , or the honour of his Country .

So is a Citizen , that cozens other men of their goods , and ●els bad ware in a blind shop , to honest Customers , of which they neuer are able to make the one halfe : yet if they breake their day , hee will let them rot in prison rather then release them .

And lastly , that Prentice , who robs his maister , and spends his substance vpon Harlots ; hée is a Catch-poll as egregious as the best .

Out of these Rankes were those Hot-shots ( the Masquers ) drawne , whom I leaue to double their Files by themselues , because I sée the Reare-ward comming vp , and I must likewise teach them their Postures .

THE BANKROVTS BANQVET .

WHAT is a Masque without a Banquet ? And what is a Banquet if it hee not serued vp in State ?

To heighten therefore the Solemnity of this Child-beds vp-sitting , as also to curry fauour , with the Blacke King of Neagers , ( their Lord and Maister ) Another crew , of as bo●ne Companions as the former , as fat in the purse and as lauish in spending , but more-carefull of beeing blazoned in the world , for what they did , and therefore all of them hiding their heades , laid their monies together , and presented a Strange , Rare , En●ious , and most Sumptuous Banquet , to Donzell Diauolo . Inuitng not onely himselfe , but also his new-deliuered Spouse ( Queene of the Grimme Tartars , the Trogto●●●●res , who eate Serpents , the foode of Diuels , the Cimerians , the Sodomites , and the Gomorrhaeans ) and with her , the great Diabolicall Conuenticle there assembled together .

To stoppe all these mouthes with Sugar-plumes , you must needs thinke , would aske a huge charge ; but they who vndertake the cost , respected not the expence , for they had not onely coyne of their owne enough , but they had shragd others too of theirs , and being hunted from corner to corner in the world , hither ( into the Iland of the Bermudes haunted as all men know with Hogs and Hobgoblings ) came they for shelter , Bermudes called the Iland of Diuels , by reason of the grunting of Swine , heard from thence to the Sea . for heere they know they are sure , from hence none dare fetch them ; they are called Bankrouts .

And because the Catch-pols proportiond out a Deuice responsible to their Name and Quality ; these Bankrouts , ( treading in the same steps of Ambition ) Martiald vp a Banquet , rellishing likewise of their name , carriage and condition . So that , although they had hooked into their hands , all sorts of Wares , Goods , Commodities , and Merchandize , out of the true Owners singers , and had laid them far enough from their r●ath ; yet would they serue this Banquet to the Table , neither in Plate , in Christall , in Chyna dishes , glasse or any other furniture , but in a Stuffe , deerer to them ( and more deere to others ) then any of the Mettals recited , For they to get wealth into their Fists , not makings feare . nor conscience to seale to any Parchements , in Sealed Dishes , therefore was their Banquet brought in . And thus the Bankrouts themselues ( to adde more State to the Ceremony ) come marching with their Suckets , &c. in order .

The Bankrouts banquet . First , the vpper end of the Table was such 〈◊〉 with the heauiest , costliest , and cunningst Bondes that could be got , Bondes , a binding meate . for loue , wit , or mony ; and they were heaped vp with Cynamon Comfits . ( Cynamon being an extreme Bynder ; ) and of this Banquetting Dish was such store , that it ran cleane through the Board .

Bils , binders too . Next , came in Bils Obligatory , ( a thousand in a cluster ) and they were filled with Conserues of Slowes , and other Stipticke sweete meates .

After these in most Iudiciall manner , and with great pompe and charge , Statutes dangerous meats . were Statutes serued vp : and they were laden with Candyed Ering●●s ▪ of purpose to put spirit into him that should eate of this dish , and to keepe him vp , because , if hee sinke or grow sicke with chewing downe or swallowing of Statute , he●es g●ne and little hope of recouery .

Iust in the taile of those , Defeysance confortable to the stomacke . were brought to the Table a goodly company of Defeazances , and they held delicate Flakes of White and Red Iellies , being both Restoratiue , and very loosing to the stomake , and good against those Binding and Restringent dishes , which came in first , at the vpper end of the Table this dish should haue bene serued vp , but it had a mischance .

After all this , Latitats no sweetnesse in them . a C●pias with a Latitat , went from one to one , but none touched those dishes , yet they were heaped full to the brim with Sugar-pellets , and cakes of Gynger-bread piled round about them ; Hot in the mouth and biting . But the Pellets when they were shot did scarce hit , and the Gynger so bit their tongues , and set their mouths in a heat , that none at the Table toucht them , but shifted them one from another .

At the last , Attachments appeared in their likenesse , Attachments a heady-drinke . and they were fild into bottels of Hypo●●as , and other strong Wines , able to lay hold of a 〈◊〉 , as suddenly as he laies hold of them , and to make him ( if hee drinke hard of them ) to bee carried away , and his good-night Land-lord .

Next those dishes , were brought in , a number of Outlaries , Outlaries are terrible Purges . thwackt with Purging-Comfits , for they are able to make a man flye ouer nine hedges .

And below them stood Iudgements , Iudgements lie heauy in the stomacke . full of newbakt Diet-bread , and therefore hard for the stomack● to disgest .

Executions a very sowre meate and vnwholsome . But close by them were placed Executions , which cloyed euery ones stomacke there ; for they were Tarts of of seuerall Fruites , stucke with Muske-comfits of purpose , to sweeten the mouth , if any should happen to lay his lippes to sowre a dish .

Ne exeat Regnum good to stay a running . The last Banquetting - 〈◊〉 ( saue one ) were Ne exeat Regnum , and those were heaped to the top with Annis-seed-comfits , being exceeding good to procure Long-winds , if a man haue a minde , or bee forced to Run his Country .

Protections wholesome & comfortable . The last of all were Protections , some larger then other ; and when these came in , a shoute was giuen , for all the Bankrouts slung vp their caps , and bid their Guests profaces , for now they saw their Cheere . In those Protections lay March-panes , which shewed like Bucklers , the long Orange-comfits standing vp like Pikes , & in the midst of euery March-pane a goodly swéet Castle , all the bottomes being thickely strewed with Careawaies . And this was the Bankrouts Sybariticall Banquer .

The queint casting of the dishes so brauely , all in wax was wondred at , the working , tempering , moulding , and fashioning of the Sweete-meates were commended , the conceipt of Furnishing the Table extolled , the cost well liked off , and the Bestowers , not reward with common thankes , for the Grand-Signior of the triple worse called the Bankrouts his White Sonnes , and swore a Damnable Oath , that hee himselfe would haue an Eye ouer them .

And so , after hee and his Bash●●● , had 〈◊〉 their guts , they rose , euery Officer being charged to looke to his place , that no more such 〈…〉 hils , that support his Kingdome , and with such lessons , they flye seuerall waies , swift , and as horrid as whi●lewindes . A musse being made amongst the poorer sort in Hell , of the sweete-meate-scraps , left after the Ban-quet .

The Feasters being dispersed , the maisters of the Feast , ( the Bankrouts ) held in a knot together : it was told them , there was beating at the gates to speake with them . All went to sée : and who was it but the Comfit-maker , that trusted them with his stuffe , and brought a bill of three-score and odde pounds , requesting to haue his money . His Pay-maisters told him this was no world to part from money , but to get as much as euery man could into his owne hands : other men did so , and so would they , their elders read them that lesson , and they must take it out . If he would take two shillings in the pound , they would pay him downe vpon the na●le : If not , they were resolued to try the vtmost , and therefore bid him go shake his eares .

The poore rotten-tooth'd Comfit-maker , et these out-of-tune notes , was ready to run out of his wits : Hee rapt at the gates , swore , cursed , and railed ; Are you m●● ( cryed he out ) or diuels ? Now shall I pay my Sugarmarchant : Now my Grocer● ▪ Now my Bakers ? Now my worke-men ▪ Now my Orange-women , if you pay me thus with slips ? Into halters slip you all ; you haue robbed me , vndone me , beggered me , and left nothing in my ship but one box of 〈◊〉 Almonds , and I would they were burning red-hot in your bellies too .

The more sowre his language was , the more sweet it was to them : for they did but laugh to heare him curse , and went their wayes : He séeing no remedy , swore hee would rattle all hell about their eares if they bod'd him off thus : And so betwéene scolding and whining , he thus tooke his peny-worths of them in words , though not in siluer . Men that are forc'd to break are to be pittied .

If ( fai● he ) you were poore , 〈◊〉 had it not , I would neuer aske you a peny , if you 〈◊〉 forced to breake by any 〈◊〉 ship-wracke at sea , or by the villany of Debitos on the land , or by the frownes of the world , or the falsenesse of seruants , I should pawne my shirt from my backe to releiue you ; but you burst vpon knauery , cheating and roguery .

An inuectiue against voluntary and cofening bankerouts . You that thus vndermine your owne estates , ( with other mens ) your selues , are like trées standing in your next neighbours ground , which you climbe in the darke , & gathering the fruit ( like théeues ) run away with it by Moone-shine . But if your states were weake for want of ability to pay , then are you those tree that ( in your owne ground ) are beaten with stormes , whose apples are shaken downe spitefully on the earth , and are deuoured by such Hoggish debters before the true Owners can come to take them vp and if so , you are to be pittied and releeued . You tell me you will breake : Their good name lost . do so , breake your neckes . But before you do so , make this account , that you are as bad as halfe hanged ; for you haue an ill , and a most abhominable name : try else .

Who is a Bankrout . A Bankrout , that is to say , a Banker-out : A Citizen that deales in mony , or had mony in Banke , or in stocke , He is out ( when he Breakes : ) But me thinkes hee is rather In. I sée no reason we should say , he breakes , there is more reason to cry out , He makes all whole , or hee makes vp his mouth , The life of a Bankrout . ( as you haue done with my plums ) or he gets the diuell and all . For what doe you , but lye grunting in your flyes , like Hogges , and sat your ribbes with fruits of other mens labours . In my opinion you should feare the bread you eate should choke you , because it is stolne ; the drinke you swallow should strange you , because you quaffe the bloud of honest housholders : and that the wine you carowse should dam you , because ( with it ) you mixe the teares of mothers , & the cries of children .

If a Rogue cut a purse , hee is hanged : if pilfer , hée is burnt in the hand : You are worse then Rogues ; for you cut many purses : The 〈◊〉 of a Bankrout . Nay , you cut many mens throats , you steale from the husband , his wealth : from the wise her dowry : from children their portions . So that ouer your heads hang the curses of Families : how then can you hope to prosper ? For to play the Bankrout , is to bid men to a Citty-rifling , where euery one puts in his money , and none wins but one , and that is the Bankrout .

If all the water in the Thames were inke , The villany of Bankrouts can not be expressed . and all the fethers vpon Swans backes were pens , and all the smoky sailes of westerne barges , were white paper , & all the Scriueners , all the Clarkes , all the Shoole-maisters , & all the Scholers in the kingdome were set a writing , and all the yeares of the world yet to come , were to be imploied only in that businesse : that inke would be spent , those pens grub'd close to the stumps , that paper scribled all ouer , those writers wearied , and that time worne out , before the shifts , legerdemaines , conueiances , reaches , fetches , ambushes , traines , and close vnder-minings of a Bankrout could to the life be set downe . This was the last winter-plum the sad Comfit-maker threw at their heads ; and so left them , and so I leaue them .

My Muse that art so merry , When wilt thou say th' art weary ? Neuer ( I know it ) neuer , This flight thou couldst keepe euer : Thy shapes which so do vary , Beyond thy bownds thee cary . Now plume thy ruffled wings , Hee 's hoarse who alwayes sings . Contigimus portum , quò mihicursus erat . FINIS .

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