❧ Here beginneth the mirrour of Mirth , and pleasant conceites . ¶ Of a Querister that sange the Countertennor in the Church of S. Hyllaris at Poytiers , that compared the Chanons to their pottages .

IN the Churche of S. Hyllaris at Poytiers , sometimes there was a singing man , that sang the Countertennor , who , for that he was a verie good fellowe , and would drinke hard , as commonly such men will doe , was welbeloued amongst the Chanons , and they called him oftentimes to dinner and to supper . And because of the familiar acquaintance that hee had with them , it séemed to him , that there was none of them all , but that sought and desired his furtherance . By reason whereof , hee would say first to one , and then to an other : Sir , you knowe howe longe time it is since I first serued in this Church , it is nowe high tyme that I might hereafter be prouided for , I pray you speak for me when you are together in your Chappell Court , I require no great thing , althogh you my maisters haue great liuinges , I would be content with one of the least . His request was wel taken and allowed of them all , being seuerall , which gaue him a good aunswere , saying , that it was reason he should be remembred : and althogh the Chappell Court wil not consider of thée , rather then thou shouldest want , we will giue thée part of ours : this this said they to him , when they were alone . Wel , at all their going in , and comming out of the Chappel Court , he gaue attendaunce , desiring them to remember him : and they did aunswere him with one voice , saying : stay a while , and thou shalt not be forgotten , but shalte haue the first place that is vacant . But when yt came to the pinch , there was alwayes some excuse ; eyther that the benefice was too great , and therfore one of the Maisters had it : or that it was too litle , and therfore he should haue a better : or that they were constrayned to giue it to one of their brethrens kinsmen , but without faile hee should the next that did fall . And with these wordes they kepte off this singing man , so that the time went away , and he serued still without any reward . And in the mean while he gaue alwaies some present ( according to his slender abilitie ) to them whom he knew might giue their voices in the Chappel Court , as the first new fruites he could buy : somtimes Chickens , somtimes Pidgeons , Rabbets , Partridges , and such like , according to the season : which the poore singing man bought , either at the market , or at the Poulters , making them beléeue , that they coste him nothing , and they tooke alwayes that which was giuen them . In the end , this Querister perceiuing himselfe neuer the néerer , nor one whit the better , but that hee loste his time , his money , & his paynes , determined to make no longer suite , but studied to shewe them what opinion he had of them . And to bringe this to passe , he founde the meanes to gather fiue or sixe Crowns together : and during the time that he was prouiding them ( for it required time ) he began to make more account of my maisters the Channons then before , and to vse himselfe more soberlie . And when he espied time conuenient , hee came to the chéefest amongst them , and prayed them one after an other , to dine with him the nexte Sonday following at his house , saying vnto them , that in 9. or 10. yeares that he had bene in their seruice , he could doo no lesse , then to bestowe one dinner of them , and hee would entertayne them , though not so well as they were worthie , yet according to his power , in the best maner that he might , or coulde deuise . They promised him one after an other to come together . But they were not so negligent , but that euerie one of them made their prouision at home againe the day appointed , fearing to haue a slender Dinner of this singing mans prouision , giuing better credite to his woordes , then to his kitchin . At the houre and time set downe , ech of them sent their owne ordinarie prouision to his house , and he said vnto them : My frends , my maysters and yours dooth me great wronge , are they afrayde they shall not be well vsed ? they néede not send their dinner hither , for I haue prouided meat for them , I thanke God : but he tooke all that came , and put all together in a great Pot , that he had prouided of purpose in a corner of the kitchin . At the laste came the Channons to Dinner , & sat downe in order , according to their dignities . This singing man , at the first let before them their pottage , that he had put together in the great Pot , but God knoweth in what order : for one had sent a Capon in stued broth , another Saffron broth , another Chickins in white broth , an other powderd béefe and turneps , an other a legge of mutton in herbe pottage , some sent their meate sodden , and some rosted . When the Channons sawe this kinde of seruice , they had no stomackes to eate , but tarried ech man to see when their owne prouision woulde come in , not thinking that it was on the Table before them . The Querister or singing man , wente to and fro very busie , as one that was carefull to sée them well serued , beholding alwayes their countenaunces that sat at the table . The first seruice béeing somewhat too longe , they could forbeare no longer , but said vnto him : I pray thée take away these pottages , and giue vs those that we sente hyther . These are yours said he . Ours saide they ? that they are not . Yes truely quoth he , they are : saying to one here is your turnups , to an other , here is your stued broth , to an other , here is your herbe pottage , to an other , here is your white broth , and to an other , these are your Saffron pottage : then they began ech man to know his owne pottage , and to behold one an other Now truely , saide they , we were neuer thus vsed , but is this the order to feast the Channons ? now the Deuill take all , I thought this foole would mocke vs . Then spake an other saying , I had the best pottage that was eate of this seauen yeares : And I said an other , had well prouided for my dinner : And my heart gaue me said the fourth , that it had béene better to haue dined at home . When the singing man had giuen eare a while vnto their talke , he said : My maisters , if all your pottages were so good as ye faine they were , howe can it bee possible , that they should become naught in so short a time ? I haue kept them by the fire close couered , what could I haue done better to them ? Yea mary , saide they , but where diddest thou learne to put them thus together ? thou mighst well know , that they would not bee good béeing thus mixed . Well then said hee , I perceiue that which is good by it selfe alone , is naught béeing mixed with other things . Now truely said he , I must néeds beléeue you , if it be but by your selues my Maisters : for when ye be ech one alone by your selues , ther is nothing better then yee are , you promise then mountaines , but when you are together in your Chappel Court , then are ye like to your pottages . Then they vnderstood wel what he meant . Ha well said they , we perceiue nowe to what end this thy dooing was , thou hast good cause to be considered : but in the meane time , shal we not dine ? Yes that you shall sayd he , better then you are worthie . Then hee brought them other meate that he had prepared , & set yt before them , where with they were pleased . When they had well dyned , they went away , & concluded from that time foorth that hee shoulde bee prouided for , the which was done . And thus his inuention and deuise of pottages , did preuaile more , then all his requests and importunate suites before time .

¶ Of one that sang the Countertennor at Reymes , who was a singing man , a Pickard , and a Mayster of Art .

THere was a singing man that did belonge to our Ladies Church at Reymes , which is the Countrey of Champeny , who had a singular good voice to singe the Countertennor , but he was a man giuen verie much to vice , for there escaped no day wherin he did not commit some follie : with one he would fighte , with an other quarrell , a common gamester at Cardes and Dice , always at the Tauerne with his pretie wenches , of whome complaintes came daily to the Chappell Court , before the Channons and maisters , & they would often times warn him of his faults , reproouing & threatning him , sometimes openly , sometimes secretly , and he would promisse euerie time to amend , and to become an honest man : but when they were turned , and g●ne out of sight , & that the wine had gotten Sir Iohn by the braine , then began he his old pranks . Now the Channons were constrained to beare with him for twoo causes : the one was , because he sange passing well : the other because hee was put to them by an Archdeacon of the Church , vnto whom they bare such reuerence , that they would not open the mans faultes vnto him , thinking belike that he had known them aswell as they , and that he did reproue him for them ( as in déede he did , when he knew thereof ) but hee knewe not the one halfe of this faultes . It came to passe vppon a time , that this singing man committed an offence so haineus , that the Channons were constrained of force to declare it to the Archdeacon , shewing him that for his sake they had put vp manie greeuous offences at his handes : but now , seeing he vsed himself worse and worse , béeing in a maner past remedy , they could no longer forbeare to hold their peace . Hee hath ( said they ) this night so beaten a Priest , that he shal not be able to singe Masse againe this twoo Monethes : if it had not béene for the looue of you , we wold haue forbidden him our church long ago , but for that we sée in him no remedie , we pray you not to bee offended with vs for that we doo informe you thereof . The Archdeacon aunswered them that they had done well , & that he himselfe would take order therin . And incontinently he sente for the singing man , who feared that there was some matter against him , for hee knewe well it was not to giue him a Benefice , neuerthelesse he went , and was no sooner gone in , but Maister Archdeacon began to sing to him an other maner of lesson then Mattins . Come hither saide hee , thou knowest , how often those of this Church haue borne with thy insolencie and naughtie life , therefore auoide , and get the hence , and sée that thou sée my face no more : I will not hereafter bee reprooued for suche a leude Iauell as thou art , for there is no amendment in thée : but if I shoulde serue thée according to thy desertes , I should make thee fast bread and water , this twelue monethes . Ye néed not aske if the singing man was cut on the heade : not withstanding , he was not so calmed , but that he made his answere directlie , and saide : Sir , doe you that are so well séene in men , maruell though I am not wise : you know Sir , that I am a singing man , a Packard , and a Mayster of Arte. The Archdeacon at this sodaine answere , could not tell whether to laughe , or to be angrie , notwithstanding he turned it to the beste . For he asswaged by little and little his anger , béeing prouoked to doe , as the Byshop of Courtisan did , who forgaue a Priest that had gotten fiue Nunnes with childe , to whom he was ghostlie Father . For béeing called before the Byshop , and verie straightlie examined thereof , iesting out the matter , aunswered thus : Demine , quinque tal●ntae tradists mihi , ecce alia quinque superlucratus sum : which is as much as to say : Lord , thou gauest me fiue tallentes , beholde nowe I haue gained other fiue . A Pickard hath alwaies his head néere his cappe : A singing man hath alwaies some mynimes in his braine : A Maister of Art is so full of Ergos , that it forceth not to talke with him . And truely , when these thrée good quallities take hold of anie man , it is no maruel though he haue a light head , but rather to woonder at the contrarie .

¶ Of three Sisters newly marryed , that did eche of of them make a good answere to their husbands the first night of their wedding .

IN the Cuntrey of Aniou there was in times past a Gentleman , that was riche , and of a good stocke , but he was somewhat subiect to his pleasure . This Gentleman had thrée Daughters , that were fayre and well nurtured , and of suche age and yeares , that the yongest might well ynough resist the violence of a man . It happened so , that they were without a Mother : and because their Father was yet of lustie yeares , he vsed still his old customes , which were , to kéepe a good house , and to entertaine and receiue merry and pleasant company , where the order was , to play , to daunce , to reuell , and to make good cheare . And for that he was negligent , & not carefull in the ordering of his house , and ouerséeing of his houshold , his Daughters had opportunitie , leysure , & libertie ynough , to talke and laugh with young Gentlemen : whose talke I warrant you , was not how to make cheape corne , neither concerning the gouernaunce of the publicke welth , as the sequele showes . Also their father on his parte , played the Louer as well as others , which made the yong Gentlewomen the more boulder to loue and to be beloued , for as the old Cockes crow , the yong-ones learne . And they hauing gentle heartes , knowing that they were Gentlewomen of a good house , thought it a thinge verie vngratefull , and full of reproche , to be belooued , and not to looue againe . These reasons therefore considered , béeing all thráe of them prayed , entertayned , looued , and followed euerie daie , and houre , at length they suffered themselues to be taken and snared in looue , taking suche compassion on their paramours , that they spared not so pleasure them , in whatsoeuer they did demaund . At which play and sport they sped so wel , that the marks and signes began to appeare : for the eldest daughter ( beeing somewhat more forward then the reste ) was greatly abashed , because there was no waye to kéepe it secrete : for in a house where the mother is missing , there is small regard of the daughters doinges : or at the least , if there happen a mischaunce , they know wayes and remedies to preuent it . But the Maiden knowing no waie to hide this from her Father , determined to make him priuie to her secret practises : which , when he vnderstood , he was at the first verie sorie and greatlie displeased , but he dispaired not , for that hee was of that stampe of men , that tooke not thinges to the heart . And to say the truth , what néed a man torment and vexe himselfe for a thing , when it is done ? it is but rather to make it worse . Wel , he sente his Daughter into the Countrey , three or foure miles off , to an Aunt that she had , vnder colour of sickenesse , because that by the counsaile of the Phisitions , the change of the ayre was very good for her , tarrying there vntill she was dliuered with child But as it is commonlie séene , one misfortune falleth vppon an others necke : for as his eldest Daughter had in a maner dispatched her businesse , and emptied her bellie , the second Sister was also sped . The Father perceiuing this , said : I sée that my Daughters would not that the world should be lefte desolate . And vpon this euent ( doubting belike the worst ) he came to his youngest daughter , who was not yet with childe , but she had done her good will in the matter to her power : Well Daughter said he , he to doest & thou ? hast not thou followed thy e●der afters steps ? The young Damsell began to chaunged colour , and to blush , which the Father tooke for open confession . Verie well saide he , God sende vs good lucke , and keepe vs from euill : yet neuerthelesse , he thought it his time to prouide for his affairs , and therefore he determined to marrie his thrée Daughters . But here was the mischéefe , he knew not to whom : for , to offer them to his neighbours it was in vaine , because their doinges in his house was knowen , or at the least suspected . On the other side , to marrie them to those that had abused his Daughters , was a thinge that could not wel be done , for it may be ech of them had more then one . And if peraduenture there was but one man that had done the déed , ye know few men will put their trust in one that will so willingly lay her legges open , before she know who shall be her husband . And for these considerations , the Father thought it more expedient and necessary , to séeke his sonnes in Lawe further from home . And as those men which of nature are pleasant and marie , and looue to frequent company , are happy and fortunate in their doinges : euen so , this gentleman fayled not of his purpose , to find out that which he sought for , which was in the Countrey of Bryttaine , where hée was well knowen , aswell for the name of his house , as for the landes and gooddes he had in that countrey , not far from the Towne of Nantes : by means whereof , he had good occasion to make his iourney thither . To conclude , when hée was in the said countrey , aswel by frends that he made , as through himself , he preferred the mariage of his thrée Daughters : to which the Bryttaines gaue some eare , so that there was choise ynough . But amongst all the rest , there was one Gentleman of Bryttaine who was rich , & of a good stocke , the which had thrée sonnes of good yeres , and well made like men , good dauncers , cleane legged , well footed , and excellent at all games , whose lyke was not to bee sad in all the whose Countrey , whereof this Gentleman was verie glad . And becaue the prolonging of the time was not best , hée concluded the match with the Father of these youngmen , that his thrée Sonnes should marrie his thrée Daughters , and that one Bridal should serve for all : that is , they should all thrée be marryed on one day . And to bring this to passe , the thrée brethren prepared them selues with all spéed to depart into Aniou , with the Gentleman father of three daughters . Now you must note , that although they were Bryttaines , there was not one of the thrée but knew fashions : for they had played youthfull prankes with the Brittanish Maydes , which are of a good inclination that waye , as the talke goeth . But to our matter . When they were come to the Gentlemans house , they beheld the countenances of the thrée Gentlewomen , euery one his , and founde them all fresh , faire and pleasaunt , and also wise and well spoken . Wel , the mariage was concluded , & al things prepared : But she night before the wedding should be , the Father called his three Daughters aside into a chamber , and said vnto them these woordes : Ye know what fault you haue al thrée committed , and what paine you haue put me vnto : if I had beene of the nature of these rigorous cruell & heard hearted fathers , I had cast you off , and you shoulde neuer haue enioied any of my goods : but for my part you see , I had rather redresse thinges that are amisse , then to put you to shame , & my self in perpetuall trouble through your follies . I haue here brought for ech of you a husband , therefore prepare your selues to make muche of them & cherishe them , and plucke vp good heartes , you shall haue no harme : If they happen to perceiue or spie anie thinge by any of you , to your owne perill bee it , neuerthelesse you haue as yet done than no offence . And therfore hencefoorth take héede to your selues , and gouerne your selues so , that there may be found no fault in your doings , and I promise you for my parte , that I will both forget and forgiue all faults past . And besides all this , I assure you , she that can giue vnto her Husband the best aunswere to please him the first night , beeing in bed together , shoulde haue for her part two hundreth Crownes more then the others : now therefore go your wayes , and remember my woordes . After these wholesome admonitions , he wente to bed , and his Daughters also , being nothing obliuious in this matter . The Brydal day was the nexte morrow , they went to the Church , and were maryed earlie in the Morning . There was great cheare , with dauncing and leaping about the house : which beeing paste , the heddes were made , wherein the Brides were brauely laid , vnto whom their husbands shortly after came , what time the eldest sporting with his new bedfellow , and féeling her bellie verie lancke , merely put foorth these spéeches : I doubt my beloued , the birds be fled and gone : vnto whom she presently replied , keepe you then in the nest . The second sisters husband handling her , feeling her bellie hard and round , began thus : how now Wise , the barne is alreadie full : beate then at the gate quoth thee . The thirde sisters husband in sporting himselfe in like sort , and finding his wife skilfull in the game , presently spoke in this maner : I perceiue the way was beaten before : the damsell aunswered , you maye the better finde the path . The night beeing past , and the day come , they came all three before their father , & declared vnto him , what had chaunced , and what was their aunswers : now , would I know to which of the thrée he ought to giue the CC. Crownes : If therefore your skill be so good , declare the truth of this difficult matter .

¶ Of a certain man in Pickardy , that withdrew his wife from her disordinate loue , through the admonition that he gaue her in the presence of her parents .

THere was in times past a Kinge in Fraunce , whose name we do not well know , & although we did , yet shoulde it bée secrete , because of this matter whereof we meane to speake . Neuerthelesse it is saide that he was a good Kinge , and worthie of the Crowne , he would bende his eare to heare the talke as well of the poore as of the rich , for thereby he vnderstood the truth of things , which cannot bée so wel when one goeth by heare say : but to the purpose . This good king , would walke thorow the countreyes of his kingdome , and many times would go into the Citties and Townes in a disguised garment , to vnderstande the trueth and order of thinges . Vppon a day he thought to visite the countrey of Pickardy in his royall person : notwithstanding , vsing many times his accustomed priuatnes , béeing at Soyssons , he sent for the chéefest of the towne , and caused them to sit downe with him at his Table , in token of great curtesie , requesting them very gently , to rehearse and tel some stories , eyther merie tales , or such as were graue and sad . Amongst others , there was one that began to declare to the King this story following . And it like your grace saide he , it came to passe not longe since in one of the townes of Pickardy , that a certaine Iustice , who liueth yet , buryed his wife , after they had liued together a good season . And because he lyked so well the first , he had a desire to marble the second time , and tooke to wife a Mayden fresh and faire , & come of a good kindred yet notwithstanding , she was not equall to him eyther in goods , or in quallities : for he was of good yeares , and halfe spent , and she in the floure of her youth wanton , and full of pleasure , so that hee was not able to satisfy her youth according to her desire : for when she began to haue a litle tast of the ioyes and pleasures of this world , she felt quickly , that her husband did but set her a longing . And although hée gaue her good entertainment aswell in her apparell , in faire woordes , and showing to her a merie countenaunce , neuerthelesse , all this serued but to set fire in the ●ow , so that at the laste it flamed out in suche sorte , that she determined with her selfe , to borrow of some other that which her Husband wanted to performe . At the last , she found out a newe Louer , with whom she vsed her pleasure for a time : but not contente with him , shee got an other , and then an other , so that in short time she had such a company , that they hindred one an other , comming in vnto her bothe at lawfull and vnlawfull houres , to take their pleasure on her : by which meanes , she had layde aside the remembraunce of her honour , geuing her selfe wholy to her lust and pleasure . In the mean time her husband knew nothing , or at the least if he did , he armed himselfe with patience , being content to beare the penaunce of his owne follie , because that his yeares being more then halfe spent , he had so vnaduisedly taken to wyfe a mayd of so young and tender yeares . Well , this traine continued so long , till it was commonly talked on in the towne , & in euerie mans mouth : wherewith his frendes were gréeued so sore , that one of them could not refraine , but came and told him thereof , declaring vnto him the rumor & noyse that was spred abroad , so that if he did not prouide a remedie , he would giue occasion vnto all the world to thinke that he was content withall : and in the end all his frendes would despise and forsake his company , and he should be abhorred of all honest men . When he vnderstood the talke of his frend , hée made a signe of gret displeasure and sorow , as one that knew nothing thereof , & promised to sée a remedy therein with as much spéed as was possible : but when he was alone by him selfe , he thought it was a thinge out of his power to remedie , but that the shame would continue & remaine still : and he thought his wife should of her selfe in respect of him , and of her honour , call backe her follie and beware : otherwise , all the strong walles , boltes , and lockes , would not holde her in , nor staye her disordinate affection . Furthermore , he reasoned with himselfe , that he béeing a man sober and wise , ought not to set his care towardes the bridling of a vayne and euil giuen woman , the which thing kept him from searching out the trueth , of the matter too rashly . Notwithstanding , for that hee woulde not séeme as one not carefull of his domesticall affaires , the which was esteemed of all men must dishonest and wicked , he bethought him on a remedie , which he thought aboue all others was most expedient and necessary . The remedie was this : hee determined to buy a house which ioyned to his backeside , and of two he purposed to make one , saying , that hee would haue a going in and out at his backside , as well as at the streete side . Which deuise was sp●edilie finished , & a doore was made in the secretest place that might be : vnto which he caused to be made half a dossen of keies , & he forgat not to make a gallerie verie proper for the goers & commers . These thinge béeing thus prepared , he appointed a day to haue all his Wiues principal and chiefe parents and kindred to dinner , and not one of his owne kindred at that time : he gaue them good entertainment , and made them great cheare . After Dinner was done , before anie of them did rise from the Table , he began to speake vnto them these wordes following in the presence of his Wife : My maysters and Gentlewomen all , that are here presente , you know how long it is since I married your kinswoman , that sitteth here by me , I haue had nowe time & leysure to consider , that it was not to me she ought to haue béen married , because the match betwene her & me was not equall : but when a thinge is done , that may not bee vndone , we must be content to tarrie the end . Then turning himself towards his wife , he said vnto her : wife , I haue not long since suffered rebukes , through your naughty and euyll gouernment , the which hath greeued me at the heart . It hath bene shewed me , that there commeth hither young-men at all houres of the day to kéepe you companie , truly , it is a thing greatly to your dishonour & mine , which if I had perceiued before now , I would haue prouided a remedy for : but yet it is better late than neuer . I pray you speake vnto those that frequent your company , that here after they may come to you in more secret maner , which they may the better do , because of a doore on the backside , which I caused to be made for them , of which doore here are halfe a dossen keies for you , to giue to ech of your louers one , and if there be not keyes enough , I will cause more to bee made , for the Smith is at our commaundement : and bid them so to part the time of their méeting , as may be most profitable bothe for them and you : for if you will not abstaine from sinne and euill doing , at the least do it so secretly , that the worlde haue no occasion to speake of the same , to your shame and mine . When the younge Wife had heard the talke that her Husband had made vnto her in the presence of her parentes & fréends , she began to be ashamed of her doinges , and remembred with her selfe the wrong and iniurie that she had done to her Husband , to the dishonour of him , her selfe , and her kindred : so that that then she had suche remorse of conscience , that from that time forward , shee shut the gate against all her Louers , and forsooke all her disordinate affections , and vnlawfull pleasures , and afterward liued with her husband like an honest and vertuous Wife , in all honour , and contentation of them both . When the King had heard this story , he was desirous to know who was the partie , saying : now by the faith of a Gentleman , he is one of the pacientst men in my kingdome , he wold sure doo some vertuous act , séeing he is indued with such patience . And at the very same time the King made him his generall Attorney in Pickardy . As for me , if I knew the name of this honest man , I would giue him immortall praise : but time hath done great wronge to hide his name , that deserued well to be placed in the Chronicles , yea , to haue bene canonized . For he was a verie Martyr in this worlde , and I beléeue he is happie in the worlde to come .

¶ Of a Norman that went to Rome , who prouided Lattin to carrie to the Pope , and howe he helped himselfe therewith .

THere was vppon a tyme a Norman , who perceyuing that Priests liued the best and easiest life in the worlde , after his wife was deade , had a desire to become one of the Church , but he could write & reade verie little . Neuerthelesse , hauing heard say that money made all , and estéeming him selfe to be as like a man , as many of the priests of his parish , he came to one of his familiar frendes , and brake his minde vnto him , asking his counsell howe to vse and gouerne , him selfe in this matter . Who , after much talke had betwene them , did comfort him , and said , that if he would haue his matters well brought to passe , it were best for him to goe to Rome , for he shoulde haue some what to doe to bee made Priest at the Byshops hand , that was his ordinary , who was verie circumspect in admitting Priests , and giuing them their Significauit : But the Pope , that was troubled with many other thinges , would make no regarde of his ignorance , but would admit him with all spéed . More ouer , in so dooing he should sée the Countrey , and at his returne , beeing known to be priested at the Popes hands , there were none , but woulde doe him honour and woorship , and that in a shorte time he should get a great Benefice , and become a very rich man . The Norman found this talke good , and agreable to his mind , but he had this blot of conscience , that he could speake no Latin , and declared it vnto his counseller , saying : Yea mary , but when that I shall come before the Pope , what language shall I speake ? he doth not vnderstand the Norman spéech , nor I can speake no Lattin , how shall I do then ? As for that said his frend , thou néedest not to stay : for when thou art a Priest , it is inough for thée to know a Masse of Requiem , our Ladies Masse , and a Masse of the holy Ghost , the which thou maiest learn quickly after thy returne . But for to speake vnto the Pope , I wil teach the thrée Latin woordes , so well placed , that when thou hast saide them before him , he shall thynke thée to be a profounde & learned Clarke . The Norman was very glad to heare these tidinges , so that he would in all hast knowe what were these three wordes . Frend , saide his Counseller so soone as thou art come before the Pope , thou shalt fall downe on thy knées saying : Salue sancte pater : then hee will aske thée in Lattin , Vnde es tu ? that is to say , Of whence arte thou ? Thou shalt aunswere him , De Normania : then hee will aske thee , Vbi sunt literae tuae ? thou shalte say to him , In manica mea : and presently without any delay , he will commaund thou shalt be dispatched , and then shalt thou come thy waies . This Norman was neuer so iocund and merrie as nowe , so that he remained fifteene or twentie daies with his frend , to learne those thrée Lattin words : and when he thought hee had learned them well , he prepared himselfe to take his iourney to Rome . And by the way he did nothing but repeate his Lattin : Salue sancte pater : De Normania : In mansca , meo : but I thinke verely he said it so often , and with such great affection , that he forgat the first word , Salue sancte pater : and to sée the lucke of it , he was wel forward on his way . If the Norman was troubled , truely it was no maruell : for he knewe not to what Saint to make his vow , to recouer again his wordes : and he thought with himself , to come before the Pope without them was in vaine : and also hee thought , that it was not possible for him to find a man , that could so faith fully instruct and teach him , on the frend of his owne parish from whence he came . Neuer was man so sorie , as this poore man was , vntil it chaunced vpon a Saturday in the morning , that hee wente into a Church to praye , whereas he vnderstood they began to sing a Masse of our Lady in note , Salue sancta parens , whereunto the Norman gaue eare : now God be praised and our blessed Lady , saide he , here are good tidinges . Neuer was man so glad as hee , & he caused the woords to be repeated by a clarke that was there , kéeping them so well in memorie , that hee forgat them no more , and thus set forward on his way with his Lattin , Salue sancta parens : thinking himself the better that euer he was borne . At length he iourneyed so far , that he came to Rome . And you must note , that in those daies it was not so daungerous to speake with the Pope , as it is now . Well , when he was come thither , he was had in before the Pope , where he forgat not his reuerence vpon his knées , saying vnto him , Salue sancta parens . The Pope said vnto him , Ego non sum mater Christs : the Norman aunswered , De Normacia . The Pope behold him , and saide : Demonium habes ? In manicae meo , aunswered the Norman : and with that he put his hande into his sléeue to pull out his letters . The Pope began to be afrayde , thinking hee would haue pulled the Deuill out of his sléeue : but when he perceiued that they were letters , he asked him again , Quid petis ? But the Norman could goe no further , for he was at the end of his lesson , so that he answered nothing at all to the Pope . In the end , when that certaine of his owne nation perceiued what Countrey man hee was , they began to question with him in his owne language : whom he gaue to vnderstand & knowe , that he had learned but a litle Lattin in his countrey for his owne prouision , and that he knew much good , but he vnderstood not the way how to vse it .