Thus he procéeded on his intended iourney , and after hee had gone twenty miles or thereabouts , he began to finde a fainting in himselfe , and felt his guts shrinke together like burnt parchment , yet he tooke as good courage as necessity vseth to driue men to , in such a case , and ere long , by good hap he espied not farre off , a very fayre new built house , with many goodly turrets and battlements , and whole clusters of chimneyes more then néede required , for that he could not see any vse of those that were néedfull , in regard there was not any Tobacco stirring amongst them , which argued there was but little good fellowship : therefore his heart waxed cold ; yet he went and knockt at the gate , but all in vaine : for there was not any within to giue him answere , but onely Spyders : for all the Rats and Mice were eyther gone , or else staru'd with that extreame dearth .

It fortuned , as he was thus standing at the gate , a husbandman of a néere neighbouring village , came by and asked the Fayry Champion what he would haue there . Sir , qd. the Fayry Champion , I am a traueller without money , and altogether without any acquaintance , but onely Hunger and Thirst , & this place afarre off promised reliefe to such wantfull trauellers as I am . O Zur ( quoth the husbandman ) the see how you ma be desseyu'd : but come and goe along with me , to such vittles as old Madge my wife has puruided vor my dinner , and c ham suer yée shall be welcome to hur with all hur heart . Sir ( quoth the Fayry Champion ) I rest much bound to your loue , and will imbrace your kind offer to go along with you .

But I pray , sir , tell me : what Gentleman owes this faire house where you found me knocking ? ( quoth the husbandman ) Zuerly sur , he is no Gentleman , vor he is a Knight , and my Londlord too , mary , and now both he and my Londlady lye in the zitty , a vollowing a lawing matters , and they zay a haz zitch an intercate troubling vowle zute , t is a shame to zee it , and that it is great chance whether a conere get out on 't or no : vor a has not bene here in our countrey this tweluemoneth and more , burlady , come the time : but I wudd to God a were here vor me , vor we miste a great deale of good cheare , and dauncing , and sport at Kursmas , zince my old Lond-lord his vather dyed . Well , God rest his zoule , vor a was the best hondler of a long whip in all our countrey : nay I may tell you , a has not left his mate behind him : and cham zore a veard we zhall nere ha zuch another man as he was , vor a wud be zo yarly vp a mornings to vother his zhéepe himzelfe , as t was wondervull : and Lord , a wud tell zich a company of old vables , a mon wudd be the better to be in his company . Chée ha heard him zay , that his vather turn'd him out a doores when a was a little boy , to zéeke his vortunes , with one poore single groat , all in three Hapences , in his purse : but by my vaith chée know not how a got it : but c ham zuer a dyed a mizerable rich mon.

I wonder ( quoth the Fayry Champion ) much , that your Land-lord being no Gentleman , could come to be a Knight ! ( quoth the Husbandman ) Chee ha oftentimes heard him zay , that it cost him well and vanordly vor it , I may tell you .

When the Fayry Champion vnderstood , there were more wayes then one to attaine to a Knightship , he held himselfe in the most fortunatest place of the earth ; for in the Fayry land they onely haue it by desert : & on the sudden he grew to such an excéeding height of ambition , that with all haste he would be gone , and to that purpose tooke leaue of the Husbandman , who ( as it appeared ) was high Constable of the hundred , by reason he went to the parish Clarke , & caused him to make a passe for the security of Tom Pheander the Fayry Champion in his trauels , wherein he charged all the petty Constables within the hamlets of his hundred , to ayde and resist the Fayry Champion against any one whatsoeuer , that should séeme to stay , defend , or any way distribute him in his iourney , but suffer him to passe quietly without any of their tolerations .

And although the Pasport was written by the hand of an old Wood-hen , ( one would haue thought ) if Hennes had had hands , yet the countenance of a Magistrates hand at it bore it out , & made it carry meate in the mouth . So he thanked him for all his good chéere and much kindnes , and departed in pursute of the fortunes he aymed at , which was to be a Knight at the least .

When he began to come néere the heart of the Iland , hée heard of the rich and flourishing City of Moropolis ; thitherward he repayred with what expedition he could deuise , and drawing within sight of it , he met in the way a proper tall trading Gentlewoman , set out after the finest fashion of new deuices , with a white loose body in a straight blacke Gowne , hooped about with the flexible bones of a slender Whale : the crowne of her Cap was so déepe in band , that it durst not scarce peepe out to be seene : her Maske came downe to the tippe of her nose , and her chin tyed vp with a lac'd clout ( or handkercher , ) as if shee were iawe-falne .

Her obsequious Vsher , was a little leane fellow , with a fayre smooth cloake , whose fine threed was not ashamed to shew it selfe to the vttermost : by his side he wore a long sword , which was so quarrelsome , that it would draw vpon any thing it me withall : for the chape was worne out in drawing on the ground , not much vnlike a Munkey going vpright on his hinder legges , drawing his tayle after him .

This Sir Pandarus , was vshering his Lumpe of foode and rayment , For he had no wages . three Miles from the City , towards the diseased broken Chambers in a Brothell , to giue méeting with the wise profuse first fruits ( or heyre ) of a rich Broker , whose extorting Intrest money did so trouble the Vse of his memory , at the very last houre of his death , that he dyed without bequeathing the least sparke of wit to his soone , amongst his great patrimony ; for he had not the time to remember the least Colledge of poore Schollers , nor the meanest Hospitall of diseased people .

This parcell of Sinne , going towards the place of action , to meete her Money-Paramour , had an Izeland dogge newly shorne , which was going along with her , and being in the fields , the dog fetch 't his courses to and againe afarre off , so that she was fearefull of losing him , and with a loud shrill voice , she called him by the name of Lyon . Which the Fayry Champion hearing , and withall séeing the dog runne towards her , he thought she had cryed out to saue her from the Lyon , and therefore drew his sword , and spéedily ranne to ayde the ouerpressed virgin , according to the othe and office of an arrant Knight .

And comming to her , he sayd , Feare not , fayre Swéeting , the outrage of this cruell rauening beast : for I will keepe you from any euill whatsoeuer may betyde you , that hereafter , Historyographers shal , Romanlike , stuffe out my valiant acts , with the bumbast of their perpetuall Inkhornes .

The dog comming néere her , began to leape and fawne , and lickt her hand : which the Fayry Champion seeing , sayd , Now do I well perceiue , that you are a most spotlesse miraculous mayde : for that you are armed with the armour of pure honesty , against the insatiety of this all-deuouring Caniball .

Although he spoke seriously to his owne vnderstanding , thinking indéed it had bin a Lyon : yet she ( who scorned the name of a mayd at those yeres ) thought ( as well she might ) that he had laughed her to scorne , & derided her with scoffes ; and therefore with her hand , she suddenly basht him on the lips , that the very bloud sprang from his teeth : which flirt he accepted as a token of great fauour from her bounteous fist , and with his handkercher spung'd the blood from his mouth , which he sayd he would kéepe as a perpetuall remembrance , giuen by the hand of a faire vertuous virgin . With which spéeches she grew so excéeding angry , and was so highly incensed against him , that she commanded Sir Panderus to set vpon him with his long sword : which he refused to doe , being daunted with the feare of hauing his profession questioned .

The Fayry Champion séeing there were no further aduentures , fitting the worths of a Knight errant , he quietly departs , & addresses himselfe into that much renowned City of Moropolis , where he purposed to spend some time about the City , to learne a generous carriage of himselfe : and , for that he would auoyde to be déemed an Intelligencer to some forrayne State , he altogether abandoned Ord'naryes , and Tauernes , and would not at any time séeme to intrude himselfe into the company of those that vnderstood much , but tooke a Poeticall Sculler , ( whose swift Muse borrowed the Poets pretty Nagge Pegasus to ride poste : and comming short of his Iourney , Mariners seldome good Horse-men . he brought him home pittyfully Spur-gal'd ) and so crost the water to visit the Beares , and Puppet playes , the tall Dutchman , the woman Tumbler , the dead skin of a strange liuing Fish , the Calfe with two heads , whose two mouthes had deuoured more hay , then his one stomacke could disgest , so that it lyes yet in his belly as fresh , as when he first eate it , without putrifaction , as may be seene . Hee likewise noted a very strange thing , which was , a Blind man led through euery street of Moropolis by a staffe , which had eaten so much Garlicke , that he could follow it by the smell . And truely , many more great obseruations he had gotten from amongst the Motion-mongers of Niniuy and Babylon , so that now hee had sufficient experience to mayntayne an argument by Parrattisme after dinner or supper , with such ord'nary company , as vse to make great talke of their small trauels .

And now hauing furnished himselfe with some reasonable store of coyne , which he had wonne at the excellent , and most ingenious games of Pigeon-holes , and Trap , he put his fortunes on towards the Morotopian Court , where it pleased the Pages of the Nobility to do him much fauour , and the Ladyes to grace him with the honour of Knightshéepe .

For which he was ( Anabaptistically ) created or nominated ( at thyrty yéeres of age ) Sir Tom Pheander , the Mayden Knight , or Fayry Champion , otherwise , The Knight of the Sun , otherwise , The Knight of the Burning Pestle . And but that he was most notoriously knowne to be a meere naturall subiect , the mutiplicity of his names & additions might haue brought him in suspition , to be apprehended for some seducing Spye , or at least , a Knight of the Poste .

When the Fayry Quéene vnderstood by the inuisible Attendant , which shée sent with him in his trauels , of his grace in Court with Lords , his sometimes desired company of Ladyes , and the generall loue and laughter of his iollity , and Naturall conceits from the vulgar ,

She foorthwith prouided him a rich Coate-armour inchaunted , which had these propertyes : that whatsoeuer he was ( at any time ) that put it on his backe , should not néede to feare any terryble thing whatsoeuer , vnder the degree of a Crabtrée Cudgell , & whensoeuer he should looke in a glasse , with the Helmet on his head , he should be instantly so wise , that he should be for that time alwayes opposite to a foole .

This Coate-armour was of a singular proofe , checkerd Motley , Vert and Argent , party per Pale , ribd with rowes of Gules and Or ▪ from the very Gorget to the skirts . The Helmet was of the same , on which was a deuice of foure faces , resembling the foure windes . In the midst of those faces were rays'd little mounts , appearing like Noses , on which stood pretty conceited Windmills , which in the going made as pleasant a sound , as curious Fawlcons Bells . On the Crest was aduaunced the Necke , Head , & Combe , of a bloudy crested Cocke , betokening true valour euen after death .

This complete Coate-armour was committed by the Fayry Queene vnto the trust and care of Madame Moriana ( a Fayry Lady ) to be with all spéedy expedition conuayde to her worthy merry Champion , the ( now ) Knight of the Sunne .

Madame Moriana séemed to hasten , and with all possible spéed dispatched messengers with the greatest expedition that might be , and ( Lady-like ) made a goodly shew of that shee neuer purpos'd , giuing the Messenger direction to hasten to the Morotopian Court , and there enquire after one Sir Archmoriander Dunce-ll dell Cinthya , the Knight of the Moone , her Knight , to whom true reason had farre ingag'd her loue and due respect , in fréeing her from the outrage of Andromago a monstrous , strong and terrible little Gyant : and thus it was .

Madame Moriana , vpon a time , walking in an euening ( as the custome is in Fayry Land ) downe in a greene valley , wherein Nature had seated a most pleasant Groue , so fit for priuate recreation and delightful excercise that Arte it selfe could not deuise a more curious frame : thither she often walked without neglect , or missing the least minute of her accustomed houre , who ( by her often recourse thither ) was espied by Andromago , a mighty huge and chollericke Pigmey Gyant . He was a full halfe yard broad betwixt the eyes , and almost eightéene ynches by the rule ( wanting but the breadth of a super-fine wyer ) from the crowne to the héele , and the rest of his body proportionable accordingly .

This monstrous grim-looking Gyant , knowing Moriana's vsuall houres of resort to the Groue , ambushed himselfe in a very great Thicket , ( in the middle way ) growing on the side of a high cloud-pearcing Mole-hill .

The fashion of the countrey is , that the Nobles and Gentry of ancient houses , haue their Armes portrayed in a small Escuchion , which they euermore beare before them , to the end they may be knowne from priuate persons , and that the thronging multitude may giue way , when they approach neere ; whereas otherwise , they could not haue that due respect which belongs to them , in regard it is a warlike nation , and subiect to Insurrections : THerefore for that they may be euer in a readynes vpon any domestick warre , all go ready arm'd with Maskes and Mufflers .

Now had Andromago the Gyant , with his Fawchion , lopt downe the great arme of an Eglentine trée , where hee ( Salisberry playne like ) looked through , to sée the passing by of Moriana , whom at length he espyed comming alone afarre off , towards her wonted place of recreation . And drawing néere within the apprehension of his eye , he was well assured it was she , and knew her by the Escuchion she caryed before her , wherein was charged in chiefe , a halfe Moone Gules , in a iagged cloud Sables , and the lower ( or backe ) charge was , thrée Drops Or , vnder a Fess Argent . This coate she gaue , which was the most ancientst in al the Fayry Land , and euer continued hereditary to the heyres female of that house .

When she was come néere the Thicket , Andromago watched his fit opportunity , and suddenly rushed out like a Snake from a hedge , leaping thirty ynches by the rod , and caught her in his armes , and with very ioy of his prey , ror'd like a Bull of eight dayes old , This hideous yell so affrighted the poore Lady , that she was euer after troubled with a kind of Falling sicknesse . So leading her along as his prisoner , towards a Castle he had not farre off , which was double grated with huge Iron barres , not much vnlike the mighty strong Baracadoed windowes of a monstrous ouergrowne Mouse-trap : wherein he had imprisoned many ancient tooth-wanting Ladyes , and fed them with nothing but hard candied sweete-meates , and the sowrest iuyce of the sweetest Grape .

It was Sr. Archmorianders good hap , to take his way through the Fayry Land , homewards from his trauels , who had bene amongst the barbarous Brasillians , to sée the fashion of the countrey , & also to learne the nature of the people , by a most happy chance , he met the poore captiu'd Lady , led by the hand of his vgly Monster , who was néere as high as the Ladyes girdle , which compast her delicate waste seuen times , besides the knot .

The sudden appearance of the Gyant to Sir Archmoriander ( for he had neuer séene in all his trauels and aduentures the like creature before ) stroke him into such a shaking palsey , that he could very hardly stand still on his legs , Hee would haue bin gone . yet he tooke an indifferent strong heart , and addressed himselfe towards the Gyant , with a swéete quauering voice , saying :

Thou most monstrous and huge diminitiue of nature , which hast alwayes bene an enemy to Ladyes , I aduise thée surrender thy prisoner into my hands , or else by the light of this marshall hand , thou shalt well vnderstand the price of her : for thou hast done her such skuruy paltry wrongs , as thy weake state cannot counteruayle to make her satisfaction ; for reason induces my worthy selfe to wey both your causes in my vpright ballance of vnequity .

Andromago staring at Sir Archmoriander , like a wild Goose , ready to fly vpon , sayd , Thou foolish Knight , thinkest thou I will so easily part with the thing I haue so long stood and wayted for ? No ; I aduise thée be gone , or else I will wyther thy very face , and confound thy smelling sence with my breath : for I scorne to stand to thy vnequall Chaundlers weights .

The Gyants threats could not discourage Sir Archmoriander one iot more then he was before , ( although surely the Giants breath was very strong , by reason he was so short wasted , and his two ends were so néere neighbours , that their friendshipp were alike , and the one did participate the others strength and sauour ) But Sir Archmoriander well backt with hope to winne the Ladyes fauour , and his affection to iustice , made him looke so néere to his busines in hand , as an old purblinde Purblind men are good husbands , and looke neere to their busines . Counceller ( or rather concealer ) whose veluet Ierkin is sufficient to make a Iustice of peace without a commission , that will not suffer the smallest caracter of a fault to runne at randome vnpunished : but binds it fast in recognizance , to receiue eyther corporall or pecunier punishment . Euen so he consideratly bare in mind the execution of some seuers iustice vpon a homicide , and with warme courage betooke him to his sword ; which Andromago perceiuing , he likewise prouided to defend himselfe against his aduerse Assaylant .

Sir Archmoriander , in the first encounter , had made an end of the fight before they began , but that ( being mad with fury ) he mist the Gyant , and runne the poynt of his sword into the ground . Andromago ( léering like a Sargeant ) espyed that aduantage ( seeing him tugging to pull it foorth againe ) omitted no time , but aduanc'd his club , and with one blow pasht Sir Archmorianders head all into a lumpe : which euer after looked like a Beetle : so that afterwards , when he came to be drest , the Surgeons opinion was , that he was very likely to carry that marke to his graue .

But Sir Archmoriander recouered himselfe so well as he could , and turned about as swift as a Windmill sayle in a hot Summers day , ( with strong agility of body , and resolution withall , to giue a finall period to the battayle ) and most valiantly vntrussed his poynts , put off his Doublet , snatcht vp his breeches by the sides , and with his sword cut off the Gyants right hand , so that it onely hung by the very bare bone and sinewes .

With this blow , Andromagoes Club fell out of his hand : which Sir Archmoriander suddenly tooke aduantage of by closing with him ▪ and with a nimble strength threw him flat on the earth with as much facility , as if the Gyant had bene a childe of two yéeres old .

The Lady Moriana standing by all the time of the fight , perplexed with an extreame feare of danger , and now séeing a hope of victory attend her Champion , shée began to take comfort in a pretty Medley , betweene weeping and laughing .

Sir Archmoriander hauing gotten Andromago vnder him , lay vpon him with such a heauy weight , and pressed him so sore , that till then , Archmoriander lay very heauy vpon the little Gyant . Andromago felt not Sir Archmorianders heauy displeasure fall vpon him : which caused Andromago to cry out to the Lady , for pardon , and craued mercy of Sir Archmoriander , with a great shew of sorrow , for the excéeding iniurious wrongs offered to the Lady , and the heauy vnsufferable iniuryes intended against Sir Archmoriander : All which was now fallen vpon himselfe , and the burden did much bruise his conscience .

Upon this submission , with penitency for his faults , Sir Archmoriander most honourably ( befitting his worth ) cut off his head , & set it on his doublet brest ( where a button was lost in this fray ) wearing it in token of his valour and victory , and so set him at liberty to go whither he would .

Sir Archmoriander hauing thus freed the Lady Moriana from the outrage of Andromago , hee went to comfort her , who was then suddenly falne into a déepe passion of sadnes .

Swéete Madam ( quoth he ) you see your dangerous enemy héere lye slaine : therefore , fayre Lady , I much scorne your thoughts should be possest with any future feare . Let me be the example of your courage , to take a strong heart , and valiantly beare vp your Escuchion and Armes without feare : for vnder your coate will I fight , whilest I can sland or breathe : for nature hath taught man to be an agent euen to brute Animals , much more to fayre Ladyes , as for example : The heauy Oxe , hee lightens with the Goade ; the sullen Horse , he quickens with the spurre ; and the Melancholy dull Lady , he stirrs vp to mirth , with the pricke of witty inuention from a good brayne .

At these pretty Similes Moriana smiled , and bid him knéele downe , taking his sword , which was yet bloudy with cutting the Gyants throate , and layd it on his shoulder , bidding him rise vp , Sir Archmoriander , otherwise , Dunce-ll dell Cinthya her Knight of the Moone , ( dubbing him in the ordure of the Escuchion she bore , and intitling him by her halfe Moone ) which bargayne he seal'd with his lips , Not on the Escuchion , on the backe of her hand , with a smacking impression , and kindly sayd , Fare you well , sweete Lady , and so departed .

This well deserued affection from Moriana to Sir Archmoriander , possest him with the Armour , which of right belong'd to the Knight of the Sunne , when he ( as many Gallants vse ) neglected not the least opportunity that occasion could minister , to crake and bragge of his Mistris fauours most , when ( if truth had béene knowne ) they least concern'd him .

Sir Tom Pheander , For he was euer a great dreamer of Fayry busines . the Knight of the Sunne , had a vision , wherein he had intelligence of a Coate-armour , that was sent vnto him by the Fayry Queene , which Coate-armour was likewise shewed to him in this dreame , whereof he tooke especiall obseruation for the markes and tokens , so that hee could not fayle in the challenging of it .

It was likewise told him in this vision , that Moriana , a Fayry Lady , had most trecherously betrayde it into the hands of the Knight of the Moone , who wrongfully delaynde it from him .

This vision put the Knight of the Sunne into such a passion of anger , that like a foolish mad man he tore his hayre , and vowed a reuenge against the Knight of the Moone , which he should be well assured to heare of , and hastens with all spéed towards the Court , to sée whether he could méete with his iniurious aduersary .

That very morning the Knight of the Moone was ready armed in the Knight of the Sunnes armour , and almost vpon taking horse , to ryde abroad for some strange aduentures , euen at the instant , when the Knight of the Sunne came to Court .

And méeting the Knight of the Moone , he was well assured ( calling his memory to aduise , and summoning the remembrance of the markes ) that it was his armour : therefore he stept to the Knight of the Moone , and sayd ,

Sir Knight , my simple opinion cannot iudge any of your actions lesse then abominable honest , yet this Coate-armour ( and clapt him on the shoulder ) belongs to me , although you most ignobly detayne it from mee , yet I am sure t is my right , and by Cockes and Combes ( the badge of my honour ) I looke to haue it .

The Knight of the Moone , thinking that he had strucken him in earnest , most valiantly blurted out his tongue , and bade him come by it how he could .

This now likely to grow to a dangerous quarrell , the freinds of both parts vsed their mediations , and perswaded them to haue the matter put to arbitterment , and not fight , or go to lawe like brabbling fooles , which arrest one another for Moone-shine in water : and so with much adoe they both yéelded to haue the matter decided by two indifferent honest men . Not too honest by no meanes .

So they were both bound , each to other in generall acquittances of a hundred pounds a péece : and the Knight of the Moone vnarm'd himselfe , and deliuered the Coate-armour and Helmet , ( as he was inioyned ) into the custody of the Arbitrators then chosen , which were two Headborrowes of a Hamlet neere adioyning to the City Moropolis :

These Headborrowes being altogether vnskilfull in deciding controuersies of such nature , retaynde a common Lawyer , as an Vmpeere to assist them .

The Lawyer , when he had séene the Coate-armour , tooke a very great liking to it , insomuch that he purpos'd to giue the two Knights satisfaction by money , and kéepe the Armour to himselfe , if it would fit his body ( although his conscience told him it belong'd but to one , yet he would please both parties to serue his owne turne . So putting it on to try the fitnes , he felt it giue him such a shrewde pinch in the Gues , ( by reason it was too little ) that he could neuer after graze any where , but on bare Commons .

So the Lawyer séeing his purpose preuented by misfortune , and no benefit like to rise towards himselfe , he would take no further paynes in the busines , but left it to the discretion of the two Headborrowes : who now hauing the whole and absolute power of determining the cause , and withall the Coate-armour in their owne hands , they made no great haste to beate their heads together about an award , but ( like subtill Foxes ) made good vse of the Armour for the most part of their whole yéere , to Watch and Ward in , and ( hauing learned a tricke of the Lawyer , ) fed the two Knights with delayes , till their owne turnes were serued , and in the end , ( because neyther of them could write or read ) they return'd an Ignoramus .