The first Qualification of a Wheedle , a Good Genius ; adorn'd with Real or Counterfeit Learning , or Languages acquired by Travel .

IT is not to be call'd in question , that no man is more capable of all manner of business , than he , who having good natural parts , is indued also with a competent stock of Learning , guilt over with forreign speculation and experience .

A good Genius is able to do much of it self , but it will act wonders , when Learning , Language , and Experience are inoculated therein . Wit alone , though natural , yet if active , and acute , can apparel it self with more variable delightful colours , and suit it self with more pleasant resemblances , than the Polypus , or Chamaeleon ; yet still Learning ought to be the fewel to the fire of this wit ; for , if it wants the feeding , it will eat out , and consume it self .

Moreover if this good Genius be not frequently practised with men , and brush'd over with ingenious conversation , it will become so soil'd , and dustv , that little shall appear in it legible , but the Characters of Ignorance , and Rusticity .

Excellent parts without Learning , may be said to be in Ore , unwrought , untry'd , which Letters , Time and Experience fashion and refine . Such a man so qualified hath good metal in the inside , though rough , which only wants scowring , and pollishing without ; and he that hath these roughet parts made smooth , and filed , out-vies all other splendors of this world , and is the greatest benefit to the Universe , and Himself .

Such a person whose natural and acquired parts contend for ptiority in excellence , scorns these his better parts should play the Bawd to any base action , or that they should Pimp for him by an ignoble Wheedle , or Insinuation for preferment : He is happy enough already in what he enjoys ; and his happiness is the greater in this , that he cannot be dispossess'd of what he holds in Capite , which gives him so great a satisfaction in the contemplation of that perfection he hath brought it to by his indefatigable study and industry , that no worldly honour or advancement can raise him to an higher pitch of contentment .

It is the Pretender to Learning ( having an indifferent Genius ) of whom I shall discourse , which is the first qualification of our Wheedle ; a Fellow , who must so well act the part of a Scholar-Mountebank , that his Art may prove other mens delusions . He must be trick'd up in all the accoutrements of Learning , having the terms of Art of most Sciences , and his mouth stuft with variety of Sentences , ( like a Juglers with small Ribbonds of several colours ) collected from Classical Authors , as well Poetical as Historical , which he may disgorge upon all occasions to the admiration of the Non-intelligent . And the better to perswade some , that he is a very contemplative man , and a profound Scholar , when he walks it is near some publick place , where he may be seen with a Book in his hand ; if in the Church , he hath a Greek Testament , or Hebrew Bible in his Pocket , which he will not trouble himself to open , unless he observe some stander by look over him .

In Company , more learned than himself , he hath the wit to hold his tongue ; for though he hath no real Learning , yet he hath so much cunning not to let the World know it , to avoid being laugh'd at for an Insignifico ; thus this poor Devil fools himself most , by endeavouring to cheat others ; for he conceits nothing in Learning , but the opinion , which he endeavours to purchase without it ; whereas did he rightly understand himself , he might with less labour cure his ignorance , than go about to conceal it .

To the intent he may pre-possess his Auditors with a good opinion of him , he is still citing for himself , That a Candle should not be hid under a Bushel , and for his part he will be sure not to hide his own , though it be but a Snuff , or Rush-Candle .

Some good parts we will allow him to have , of whom he is over-sensible , and is no Niggard in displaying them to advantage ; like a Lottery , that shows more than belongs properly to the Master , and is like it to in this , that nothing parts from it , or him , but that the Trumpet sounds , fill'd with the breath of vanity and vain-glory .

By these Artifices , viz. Terms of Art , scraps of Latine , and scrapings from ingenious Company , he hopes to gain a splendid reputation in the world ; he is a great Plagiary of Tavern , and Dramatick wit , which he useth to bring in upon such and such hints ; he crowds his memory with new Songs , witty Sayings , and far fercht A-la-mode words , and seldom fails of an opportunity to wind them in .

These are his accomplishments , which ( with the good Armour of his face , which is Cannon proof , for he is dash'd out of any thing , sooner than countenance ) he hopes will bring him into the acquaintance of a great many , and Great men too . With whomsoever he gets acquainted he Registers their Names , Lodgings , and Habitations , least he should lose the least hope of doing himself a kindness ; for that end he carries a Table book in his Pocket , in which he writes every days advantageous promise made him , or whatsoever observations he made of any mans words , or actions , which may tend to the future benefit of himself , or friend , if it be possible for him to entertain a friendship for any person .

He carefully observes duely , and seasonably to perform his visits or attendance ; and thus at last Preferment stumbles on him , not so much for desert , but because he is still in the way . The third branch of this first ( and threefold ) qualification of our Wheedle is Travel , with the profits attending .

St. Augustine calls this world a great book , ( then Men are the Epitome's ) and certainly none study these books so much as the Traveller . They who never stir from home , can hardly be said to have read a leaf of the greater , and are in a manner as ignorant as that Taunton woman , who having never been a mile out of the place of her Nativity , and being married to one living about twenty miles from that place , as she travel'd to her new home , still cry'd out , John , John , What do'st mean to do ? carry me to the worlds end ? Bringing her home with much adoe , he told her ( according to the best of his knowledge ) that the world was a hundred times , at least , as wide , and large as the ground they had rid over ; to which she reply'd , John , If thou wer 't not my Husband , chud zay , thou art a greater Lyar than the world thou talk'st on .

'T is true , a man may read men at home , but if he go no farther , he shall never have the reputation of a man generally read , but be like that dull fellow in Pliny , who could never learn to count above five . Homer sets forth Vlisses , as the wisest of all the Grecians , because he had travel'd much , and had seen Multorum hominum mores , & Vrbes : thus Seneca saith , Imperitum est animal homo , & sine magna experientia rerum , si circumscribatur Natalis soli sui fine . Man is a raw unskilful animal , and void of experience , who is still confin'd within the narrow limits of his own Country .

As Travel furnisheth man with universal knowledge , so it acquaints him with hardship , and so adapts him to indure patiently whatever mean condition perverse fortune hath thrown upon him , till his own wit by Services , and insinuation shall redeem him from that slavery , and place him to his better satisfaction . It was an excellent saying of Seneca ; Malo tibi male esse , quam molliter ; I had rather thou shouldst be sick , than soft . It is reported that the Coral Tree is neither red , nor hard , till taken from its Maritine habitation ; nor can man , in my opinion , make the best advantage of his knowledge , till he hath in some manner imitated the Romans , in putting out their Children to be Nursed by Lacedemonian women , till they were three years old , then they were removed to their Unckles , till seven , or ten , then they sent them to Tuscany to be instructed in Religion , and at last into Greece to study Philosophy .

Now what greater advantage can accrue to him that would live meerly by his wits , than diversity of tongues , by which he shall understand , and be understood , nay and beloved by all Nations ? This advantage travel produceth , in that it doth in some manner take off that aborigenal curse the Confusion of Tongues , which is such a curse indeed , that it makes men who are of one kind , and made to be sociable , so strangely to fly one another , that as an eminent Father of the Church said , A man had rather be with his dog , than with a man whose language he understands not . Nay , this diversity of languages makes a wise man pass for a fool in a strange Country , and a fool to pass for a wise man , when he speaks that language perfectly to them who understand it but in part , or who have but some small glimmering light to lead them into the depth thereof . This makes the poor wandring Exotick thrive indifferently where e're he comes , and Monsieurs services courted for the French Tongue , though he hath neither wit not person to render him more acceptable , though ragged ; this soon metamorphoseth him into the garb of the times , and by a narrow inspection you shall find it his Imprimis , and all the Items ; whose fantastical cringes to Ladies are his daily study , and only devotions ; and though born with the art of talking idly , yet some female French admirers love him the better for it , being by that the more suitable to their company . My own experience informs me this ; for I knew a Gentlewoman of good quality , who would not admit of the caresses and courtship of her Lover in English , and could not prove succesful in his love , till he made his addresses in a foreign Dialect . Nay , such is the love and respect we bear all Trades-men what-ever , who speak any other Language than our own , or go under the notion of Out-landish , that we desert our own Countrey-men , though every way as ingenuous in any Art or Mystery , to follow them , which is the general and just complaint of thousand of Artificers in the City , and through the whole Kingdom .

We may farther understand the advantages of knowing and speaking more Languages than our own from the general Itch , which possesseth the better sort of people to be acquainted with them ; so that now adays you cannot come into any mix'd Company , where a Pantaloon , or habit a la mode , endeavours to hide the imperfection of its Master , but that you must imagine Babel is revived ; for every one endeavours to gloss his slender parts by those Languages , he hath learned by Travail , or otherwise ; some snuffling out the French , others blustring out the Dutch , as if they intended to blow their Cheeks into Bag-pipes ; whilst others are endeavouring to make the lofty High-Dutch to pass for Greek amongst the Ignorant . Now he that can best suit any Language that is spoke in Society , by his good proficiency therein , is sure to make a conquest of one heart at least ; if withall he apply himself to his wonted flattery , by possessing the speaker ( though what he delivers be imperfect in sence , for want of words , as well as in pronunciation ) that he speaks the Language like a Native : This ( though false applause ) oftentimes so swells him , causing him to look so high that he cannot see the hand of Mr. Wheedle , who by this means , most certainly and securely picks his Pocket .

And here I cannot omit the relation , how one was soundly basted for his arrogance and ignorance upon the like account ; This Gentleman was a Grammar Frenchman , who was flatter'd by his Wheedling Master , that he had made a wonderful , and more than common proficiency in the French Tongue , for so short a time ; this unmerĭted praise did not only melt the Money in Monsieur English his Pocket , but likewise prompted , and emboldned him to engage with all French Discourses he hapned to meet with , glorying in that courtly embellishment ; it hapned unfortunately that he fell into some Company , where was a Gentleman born in France , who could speak little or no English , but speaking all together his Mother tongue , he was applauded by this talkative Fop ( not knowing justly what Countryman he was ) in these words , Monsieur ma foy vous parlez Francois comme un Naturel : which is , you speak French like a Natural : intending to say , you speak French like a Native of France ; Monsieur at first , and second time took little notice of it , but the other persisting in that abusive Encomium , in a very great passion , call'd him Bougre , Jean Foutre , and I know not what beside , and not satisfied with that he did so beat and kick him , that he could neither speak French or English for half an hour after .

The French have a significant Proverb to this purpose , Parlez bien , ou parlez rien , speak well , or dont speak at all ; which is somewhat like the Irish , Aber began , aber ghemah ; Speak a little , and speak it well ; this caution our Wheedle ought to take special notice of ; for if he do not , instead of advancing his reputation , he may either lessen or destroy it . Wherefore if he speak to the judicious , let him speak nothing but what is proper , and if prest in a discourse beyond his ability , there are twenty slights by which he may shift his neck out of the collar , by his humble submission , acknowledging his insufficiency to proceed farther ; and by this yielding a conquest to others , he may probably gain an absolute victory over their hearts , or at least he shall have the title of a modest man conferr'd upon him .

Though the Italian and Spanish are elegant Languages , and very useful in the building up a structure of Knowledge , yet the French is more generally entertained by our Gentry , who had need to have good lungs ; for a long sentence seems by the pronunciation to be but one word : it is my opinion , by a long converse among them one might understand them by the gestures of their body , and motion of their fingers , as well as by their tongue , they abound so much in both whilst they are discoursing ; but as for the gentile shrug , ( as they call it ) it may be mistaken by the Scotch for a lousie remove .

To conclude , besides the aforesaid profits which attend a Traveller , it makes most affairs succesful he takes in hand ; it enricheth him with a world of experimental knowledg ; it makes him an hardy and knowing Souldier ; it enables him to be a spye in all companies ; for by pretending ignorance in the Language they speak , and mingling with them , he finds out their designs , and can cross or cherish them as he thinks it may tend to his advantage .

Lastly , it makes him welcome to all men , sought after by his betters , and listned to with admiration by his inferiors , especially if he have the glib faculty of sliding over his relations and reports , and thus whilst he lugs them by the ears , he hath full hold of their hearts , which by prudence he may form to the assistance of his necessity , or most important affairs .

The second Qualification of a Wheedle , Reservation .

THE Pilot that steers him steddy in the turbulent Sea of worldly business , and with safety too , amidst the most subtil practices and contrivances of men , is his reservation , concealing himself from the knowledg of others , whilst he is most busily employed in the knowledg of other mens affairs . He is like a cunning Gamester , who whilst he prudently conceals his own Game , he hath an eye of his own prying into his adversaries hand , or another employed to that purpose , by a stander by , his Confident . Shewing of Cards before they come to be plaid , occasions not only loss to him that so imprudently doth it , but also to those whose interest is twisted and engaged with his ; by keeping close his hand , as at Put , he makes you believe his Game is better than it is ; for without boldness you will seldom win at that sport , putting boldly many times at a ( careless ) six , or seven , when the adversary , by that confidence , believes it a Duce , or Tray , and not daring to see it , is a loser thereby : thus his good clothes are his Coat-cards , which he will give you a glimpse of , that you may suspect his hand is better furnished than it is , but fearing the loss of his designed success will permit you to inspect no farther .

He holds this as an undeniable maxim , that no wise man will put confidence in him , who at any rate will discover himself , and fearing from hence , that he may be left to himself , void of advice in the necessity of his affairs , he will keep his mouth close shut , though he hazard a drowning within , for want of opening the fludgate of his body to give some vent to that ocean of liquor he drank , for the glibber carrying on some notable design . If he discourse any thing , it shall be about matters indifferent ; and if he pretend to tell you a secret , engaging you to silence , it is only to try your trust , for it is so well contrived , he matters not what man hears it .

I have often been ready to laugh out-right when I have seen him affronted or abused with expressions more than civil : in bridling of his Cholerick just resentment ; Oh how he hath chew'd upon the bit ; flesh and blood would not swallow those words ; those bitter Pills the stomach rifes against ; yet prudence made him do it , though he prick'd his chops , like the Asse eating thistles : reason told him he could not do amiss in hiding the resentment of such affronts and offences ; because it gave him not only the better means of revenge , if the matter deserved it , but also to prevent a further provocation , lest he who hath offended him , should bury him in greater mischiefs , thereby to disenable him for ever from prosecuting a revenge . Not but that he knows there are some occasions wherein silence would be suspected ; for where a great offence is committed , and the person suffering is silent , any rational man will look upon him either as a sensless lump of stupidity , or that his anger is only stop'd for the present , that it may break out with greater violence in the execution of its vengance : wherefore he will sometimes express his displeasure , but in such a manner , that the lightness of the complaint may make him believe , that for the future , the remembrance of it shall be obliterated , and no revenge shall ensue hereafter .

Whatever he hears material , he treasures up in his breast , and is hardly induced to make any one the Secretary of his intelligence : He never communicates any thing of that stock , but when he sees a palpable advantage will accrue thereby ; for if he discover any thing said , or is to be done to the injury or great prejudice of his supposed Friend , he does it only to insinuate himself into Credit and Confidence , and when the report is found true , if he be a grateful man , he cannot go without reward .

Sometimes he finds it necessary to separate two , by forging Lyes one against the other , so subtilly contrived , that by circumstances they shall believe them real truths : This he does by pretending a real Friendship to both , and no prejudice to either , till he hath made the wounds of their Friendship incurable , and then is his time to step in , and supply the place of him he lately dispossest .

More shall be said hereafter , in what particular cases this reserved humour stands him most in stead ; and therefore I shall pass to the next Member , which is Dissimulation , none of the least requisite Qualifications of a Wheedle .