RELIGION .

THe first thing to be confidered , is Religion . It must be the chief Object of your Thoughts , since it would be a vain thing to direct your Behaviour in the World , and forget that which you are to have towards him who made it .

In a strict sense , it is the only thing necessary : you must take it into your Mind , and from thence throw it into your Heart , where you are to embrace it so close as never to lose the Possession of it . But then it is necessary to distinguish between the Reality and the Pretence .

Religion doth not consist in believing the Legend of the Nursery , where Children with their Milk are fed with the Tales of Witches , Hobgoblings , Prophecies , and Miracles . We suck in so greedily these early Mistakes , that our riper Vnderstanding hath much ado to cleanse our Minds from this kind of Trash : The Stories are so entertaining , that we do not only believe them , but relate them ; which makes the discovery of the Truth somewhat grievous , when it makes us lose such a Field of Impertinence , where we might have diverted our selves , besides the throwing some shame upon us for having ever received them . This is making the World a Jest , and imputing to God Almighty , That the Province he assigneth to the Devil , is to play at Blindmans-busf , and shew Tricks with Mankind ; and is so far from being Religion , that it is not Sense , and hath right only to be call'd that kind of Devotion , of which Ignorance is the undoubted Mother , without competition or dispute . These Mistakes are therefore to be left off with your Hanging sleeves ; and you ought to be as much out of countenance to be found with them about you , as to be seen playing with Babies at an Age when other things are expected from you .

The next thing to be observ'd to you , is , That Religion doth as little consist in loud Answers and devout Convulsions at Church , or Praying in an extraordinary manner . Some Ladies are so extream stirring at Church , that one would swear the Worm in their Conscience made them so unquiet . Others will have such a Divided Face between a Devout Goggle and an Inviting Glance , that the unnatural Mixture maketh even the best Looks to be at that time ridiculous . These affected Appearances are ever suspected , like very strong Perfumes , which are generally thought no very good Symptoms in those that make use of them . Let your earnestness therefore be reserv'd for your Closet , where you may have God Almighty to your self : In Publick be still and calm , neither undecently Careless , nor Affected in the other Extream .

It is not true Devotion , to put on an angry Zeal against those who may be of a differing Persuasion . Partiality to our selves makes us often mistake it for a Duty , to fall hard upon others in that case ; and being push'd on by Self-conceit , we strike without mercy , believing that the Wounds we give are Meritorious , and that we are fighting God Almighty's Quarrel ; when the truth is , we are only setting out our selves . Our Devotion too often breaketh out into that Shape which most agreeth with our particular Temper . The Cholerick grow into a hardned Severity against all who dissent from them ; snatch at all the Texts of Scripture that suit with their Complexion ; and because God's Wrath was some time kindled , they conclude , That Anger is a Divine Vertue ; and are so far ●rom imagining their ill natur'd Zeal requireth an Apology , that they value themselves upon it , and triumph in it . Others , whose Nature is more Credulous than ordinary , admit no Bounds or Measure to it ; they grow as proud of extending their Faith , as Princes are of enlarging their Dominions ; not considering that our Faith , like our Stomach , is capable of being over-charg'd ; and that as the last is destroy'd by taking in more than it can digest , so our Reason may be extinguish'd by oppressing it with the weight of too many strange things ; especially if we are forbidden to chew what we are commanded to swallow . The Melancholy and the Sullen are apt to place a great part of their Religion in dejected or ill-humour'd Looks , putting on an unsociable Face , and declaiming against the Innocent Entertainments of Life , with as much sharpness as they could bestow upon the greatest Crimes . This generally is only a Vizard , there is seldom any thing real in it . No other thing is the better for being Sowre ; and it would be hard that Religion should be so , which is the best of things . In the mean time it may be said with truth , That this surly kind of Devotion hath perhaps done little less hurt in the World , by frighting , than the most scandalous Examples have done by infecting it .

Having told you , in these few Instances , to which many more might be added , what is not true Religion ; it is time to describe to you , what is so . The ordinary Definitions of it are no more like it , than the common Sign-posts are like the Princes they would represent . The unskilful Dawbers in all Ages have generally laid on such ill Colours , and drawn such harsh Lines , that the Beauty of it is not easily to be discerned : They have put in all the forbiddng Features that can be thought of ; and in the first place , have made it an irreconcilable Enemy to Nature ; when , in reality , they are not only Friends , but Twins , born together at the same time ; and it is doing violence to them both , to go about to have them separated . Nothing is so kind and so inviting as true and unsophisticated Religion : Instead of imposing unnecessary Burdens upon our Nature , it easeth us of the greater weight of our Passions and Mistakes : Instead of subduing us with Rigour , it redeemeth us from the Slavery we are in to our selves , who are the most severe Masters , whilst we are under the Usurpation of our Appetites let loose and not restrain'd .

Religion is a chearful thing , so far from being always at Cuffs with Good Humour , that it is inseparably united to it . Nothing unpleasant belongs to it , though the Spiritual Cooks have done their unskilful part to give an ill Relish to it . A wise Epicure would be Religious for the sake of Pleasure ; Good Sense is the Foundation of both ; and he is a Bungler who aimeth at true Luxury , but where they are join'd .

Religion is exalted Reason , refin'd and sisted from the grosser parts of it : It dwelleth in the upper Region of the Mind , where there are fewest Clouds or Mists to darken or offend it : It is both the Foundation and the Crown of all Vertues : It is Morality improv'd and rais'd to its height , by being carried nearer Heaven , the only place where Perfection resideth . It cleanseth the Vnderstanding , and brusheth off the Earth that hangeth about our Souls . It doth not want the Hopes and the Terrors which are made use of to support it ; neither ought it to descend to the borrowing any Argument out of it self , since there we may find every thing that should invite us . If we were to be hired to Religion , it is able to out-bid the corrupted World , with all it can offer to us , being so much the Richer of the two , in every thing where Reason is admitted to be a Judge of the Value .

Since this is so , it is worth your pains to make Religion your choice , and not make use of it only as a Refuge . There are Ladies , who finding by the too visible decay of their good Looks , that they can shine no more by that Light , put on the Varnish of an affected Devotion , to keep up some kind of Figure in the World . They take Sanctuary in the Church , when they are pursued by growing Contempt which will not be stopt , but followeth them to the Altar . Such late penitence is only a disguise for the tormenting grief of being no more handsome . That is the killing thought which draweth the sighs and tears , that appear outwardly to be applied to a better end .

There are many who have an Aguish Devotion , Hot and Cold Fits , long Intermissions , and violent Raptures . This unevenness is by all means to be avoided . Let your method be a steady course of good Life , that may run like a smooth Stream , and be a perpetual Spring to furnish to the continued Exercise of Vertue . Your Devotion may be earnest , but it must be unconstrained ; and like other Duties , you must make it your Pleasure too , or else it will have very little efficacy . By this Rule you may best judge of your own Heart . Whilst those Duties are Joys , it is an Evidence of their being sincere ; but when they are a Penance , it is a sign that your Nature maketh some resistance ; and whilst that lasteth , you can never be entirely secure of your self .

If you are often unquiet , and too nearly touch'd by the cross Accidents of Life , your Devotion is not of the right Standard there is too much Allay in it . That which is right and unmixt , taketh away the Sting of every thing that would trouble you : It is like a healing Balm , that extinguisheth the sharpness of the Bloud ; so this softeneth and dissolveth the Anguish of the Mind . A devout Mind hath the Privilege of being free from Passions , as some Climates are from all venomous kind of Creatures . It will raise you above the little Vexations to which others for want of it , will be expos'd , and bring you to a Temper , not of stupid Indifference , but of such a wise Resignation , that you may live in the World , so as it may hang about you like a loose Garment , and not tied too close to you .

Take heed of running into that common Error , of applying God's Judgments upon particular Occasions . Our Weights and Measures are not competent to make the Distribution either of his Mercy or his Justice : He hath thrown a Veil over these things , which makes it not only an Impertinence , but a kind of Sacrilege , for us to give Sentence in them without his Commission .

As to your particular Faith , keep to the Religion that is grown up with you , both as it is the bed in it self , and that the reason of staying in it upon that Ground is somewhat stronger for your Sex , than it will perhaps be allow'd to be for ours ; in respect that the Voluminous enquiries into the Truth , by Reading , are less expected from you . The Best of Books will be direction enough to you not to change ; and whilst you are fix'd and sufficiently confirm'd in your own Mind , you will do best to keep vain Doubts and Scruples at such a distance that they may give you no disquiet .

Let me recommend to you a Method of being rightly inform'd , which can never fail : It is in short this . Get Vnderstanding , and practise Vertue And if you are ●o Blessed as to have those for your Share , it is not surer that there is a God , than it is , that by him all Necessary Truths will be revealed to you .

HVSBAND .

THAT which challengeth the place in your Thoughts , is how to live with a Husband . And though that is so large a Word , that few Rules can be fix'd to it which are unchangeable , the Methods being as various as the several Tempers of Men to which they must be suited ; yet I cannot omit some General Observations , which , with the help of your own may the better direct you in the part of your Life upon which your Happiness most dependeth .

It is one of the Disadvantages belonging to your Sex , that young Women are seldom permitted to make their own Choice ; their Friends Care and Experience are thought safer Guides to them , than their own Fancies ; and their Modesty often forbiddeth them to refuse when their Parents recommend , though their inward Consent may not entirely go along with it . In this case there remaineth nothing for them to do , but to endeavour to make that easie which falleth to their Lot , and by a wise use of every thing they may dislike in a Husband ▪ turn that by degrees to be very supportable , which , if neglected , might in time beget an Aversion .

You must first lay it down for a Foundation in general ▪ That there is Inequality in the Sexes , and that for the better Oeconomy of the World , the Men , who were to be the Law-givers , had the larger share of Reason bestow'd upon them ; by which means your Sex is the better prepar'd for the Compliance that is necessary for the better performance of those Duties which teem to be most properly assign'd to it . This looks a little uncourtly at the first appearance ; but upon Examination it will be found , that Nature is so far from being unjust to you , that she is partial on our side . She hath made you such large Amends by other Advantages , for the seeming Injustice of the first Distribution , that the Right of Complaining is come over to our Sex . You have it in your power not only to free your selves , but to subdue your Masters , and without violence throw both their Natural and Legal Authority . at your Feet . We are made of differing Tempers , that our Defects may the better be mutually supplied : Your Sex wanteth our Reason for your Conduct , and our Strength for your Protection : Ours wanteth your Gentleness to soften , and to entertain us . The first part of our Life is a good deal subjected to you in the Nursery , where you Reign without Competition , and by that means have the advantage of giving the first Impressions . Afterwards you have stronger Influences , which , well manag'd , have more force in your behalf , than all our Privileges and Jurisdictions can pre●end to have against you . You have more strength in your Looks , than we have in our Laws , and more power by your Tears , than we have by our Arguments .

It is true , that the Laws of Marriage , run in a harsher stile towards your Sex . Obey is an ungenteel word , and less easie to be digested , by making such an unkind distinction in the Words of the Contract , and so very unsuitable to the excess of Good Manners , which generally goes before it . Besides , the universality of the Rule seemeth to be a Grievance , and it appeareth reasonable , that there might be an Exemption for extraordinary Women , from ordinary Rules , to take away the just Exception that lieth against the false measure of general Equality .

It may be alledged by the Counsel retained by your Sex , that as there is in all other Laws , an Appeal from the Letter to the Equity , in Cases that require it ▪ It is as reasonable , that some Court of a larger . Jurisdiction might be erected , where some Wives might resort and plead specially . And in such instances where Nature is so kind , as to raise them above the level of their own Sex , they might have Relief , and obtain a Mitigation in their own particular , of a Sentence which was given generally against Woman kind . The causes of Separation are now so very course , that few are confident enough to buy their Liberty at the price of having their Modesty so exposed . And for disparity of Minds , which above all other things requireth a Remedy , the Laws have made no provision ; so little refin'd are numbers of Men , by whom they are compil'd . This and a great deal more might be said to give a colour to the Complaint .

But the Answer to it , in short is , That the Institution of Marriage is too sacred to admit a Liberty of objecting to it ; That the supposition of yours being the weaker Sex , having without all doubt a good Foundation , maketh it reasonable to subject it to the Masculine Dominion ; That no Rule can be so perfect , as not to admit some Exceptions ; But the Law presumeth there would be so few found in this Case , who would have a sufficient Right to such a Privilege , that it is safer some Injustice should be conniv'd at in a very few Instances , than to break into an Establishment , upon which the Order of Humane Society doth so much depend .

You are therefore to make your best of what is settled by Law and Custom , and not vainly imagine , that it will be changed for your sake . But that you may not be discouraged , as if you lay under the weight of an incurable Grievance , you are to know , that by a wise and dexterous Conduct , it will be in your power to relieve your self from any thing that looketh like a disadvantage in it . For your better direction , I will give a hint of the most ordinary Causes of Dissatisfaction between Man and Wife , that you may be able by such a Warning to live so upon your Guard , that when you shall be married , you may know how to cure your Husband 's Mistakes , and to prevent your own .

First then , you are to consider , you live in a time which hath rendred some kind of Frailties so habitual , that they lay claim to large Grains of Allowance . The World in this is somewhat unequal , and our Sex seemeth to play the Tyrant in distinguishing partially for our selves , by making that in the utmost degree Criminal in the Woman , which in a Man passeth under a much gentler Censure . The Root and the Excuse of this Injustice is the Preservation of Families from any Mixture which may bring a Blemish to them : And whilst the Point of Honour continues to be so plac'd , it seems unavoidable to give your Sex , the greater share of the Penalty . But if in this it lieth under any Disadvantage , you are more than recompens'd , by having the Honour of Families in your keeping . The Consideration so great a Trust must give you , maketh full amends ; and this Power the World hath lodged in you , can hardly fail to restrain the Severity of an ill Husband , and to improve the Kindness and Esteem of a good one . This being so , remember , That next to the danger , of committing the Fault your self , the greatest is that of seeing it in your Husband . Do not seem to look or hear that way : If he is a Man of Sense , he will reclaim himself ; the Folly of it , is of it self sufficient to cure him : if he is not so , he will be provok'd , but not reform'd . To expostulate in these Cases , looketh like declaring War , and preparing Reprisals ; which to a thinking Husband would be a dangerous Reflexion . Besides , it is so course a Reason which will be assign'd for a Lady 's too great Warmth upon such an occasion , that Modesty no less than Prudence ought to restrain her ; since such an undecent Complaint makes a Wife much more ridiculous , than the Injury that provoketh her to it . But it is yet worse , and more unskilful , to blaze it in the World , expecting it should rise up in Arms to take her part : Whereas she will find , it can have no other Effect , than that she will be served up in all Companies , as the reigning Jest at that time ; and will continue to be the common Entertainment , till she is rescu'd by some newer Folly that cometh upon the Stage , and driveth her away from it . The Impertinence of such Methods is so plain , that it doth not deserve the pains of being laid open . Be assur'd , that in these Cases your Discretion and Silence will be the most prevailing Reproof . An affected Ignorance , which is seldom a Vertue , is a great one here : And when your Husband seeth how unwill●ng you are to be uneasie , there is no stronger Argument to perswade him not to be unjust to you . Besides , it will naturally make him more yielding in other things : And whether it be to cover or redeem his Offence , you may have the good Effects of it whilst it lasteth , and all that while have the most reasonable Ground that can be , of presuming , such a Behaviour will at last entirely convert him . There is nothing so glorious to a Wife , as a Victory so gain'd : A Man so reclaim'd , is for ever after subjected to her Vertue ; and her bearing for a time , is more than rewarded by a Triumph that will continue as long as her Life .

The next thing I will suppose , is , That your Husband may love Wine more than is convenient . It will be granted , That though there are Vices of a deeper dye , there are none that have greater Deformity than this , when it is not restrain'd : But with all this , the same Custom which is the more to be lamented for its being so general , should make it less uneasie to every one in particular who is to suffer by the Effects of it : So that in the first place , it will be no new thing if you should have a Drunkard for your Husband ; and there is by too frequent Examples evidence enough , that such a thing may happen , and yet a Wife may live too without being miserable . Self-love dictateth aggravating words to every thing we feel ; Ruine and Misery are the Terms we apply to whatever we do not like , forgetting the Mixture allotted to us by the Condition of Human Life , by which it is not intended we should be quite exempt from trouble . It is fair , if we can escape such a degree of it as would oppress us , and enjoy so much of the pleasant part as may lessen the ill taste of such things as are unwelcome to us . Every thing hath two Sides , and for our own ease we ought to direct our Thoughts to that which may be least liable to exception . To sall upon the worst side of a Drunkard , giveth so unpleasant a prospect , that it is not possible to dwell upon it . Let us pass then to the more favourable part , as far as a Wife is concern'd in it .

I am tempted to say ( if the Irregularity of the Expression could in strictness be justified ) That a Wife is to thank God her Husband hath Faults . Mark the seeming Paradox my Dear , for your own Instruction , it being intended no further . A Husband without Faults is a dangerous Observer ; he hath an Eye so piercing , and seeth every thing so plain , that it is expos'd to his full Censure . And though I will not doubt but that your Vertue will disappoint the sharpest Enquiries ; yet few Women can bear the having all they say or do represented in the clear Glass of an Understanding without Faults . Nothing softneth the Arrogance of our Nature , like a Mixture of some Frailties . It is by them we are best told , that we must not strike too hard upon others , because we our selves do so often deserve Blows : They pull our Rage by the Sleeve , and whisper Gentleness to us in our Censures , even when they are rightly applied . The Faults and Passions of Husbands bring them down to you , and make them content to live upon less unequal Terms , than Faultless Men would be willing to stoop to ; so haughty is Mankind till humbled by common Weaknesses and Defects , which in our corrupted State contribute more towards the reconciling us to one another , than all the Precepts of the Philosophers and Divines . So that where the Errors of our Nature make amends for the Disadvantages of yours it is more your part to make use of the Benefit , than to quarrel at the Fault .

Thus in case a Drunken Husband should fall to your share , if you will be wise and patient , his Wine shall be of your side ; it will throw a Veil over your Mistakes , and will set out and improve every thing you do , that he is pleased with . Others will like him less , and by that means he may perhaps like you the more . When after having dined too well , he is received at home without a Storm , or so much as a reproaching Look , the Wine will naturally work out all in Kindeness , which a Wife must encourage , let it be wrapped up in never so much Impertinence . On the other side it would boil up into Rage , if the mistaken Wife should treat him roughly , like a certain thing called a kind Shrew , than which the World , with all its Plenty , cannot shew a more Senseless , ill-bred , forbidding Creature . Consider , that where the Man will give such frequent Intermissions of the use of his Reason , the Wife insensibly getteth a Right of Governing in the Vacancy , and that raiseth her Character and Credit in the Family , to a higher pitch than perhaps could be done under a sober Husband , who never putteth himself into an Incapacity of holding the Reins . If these are not intire Consolations , at least they are Remedies to some Degree . They cannot make Drunkenness a Vertue , nor a Husband given to it a Felicity ; but you will do your self no ill office in the endeavouring , by these means , to make the best of such a Lot , in case it should happen to be yours , and by the help of a wise Observation , to make that very supportable , which would otherwise be a Load that would oppress you .

The next Case I will put is that your Husband may be Cholerick or Ill-humour'd . To this it may be said , That passionate Men generally make amends at the Foot of the Account . Such a Man , if he is angry one day without any Sense , will the next day be as kind without any Reason . So that by marking how the Wheels of such a Man's Head are used to move , you may easily bring over all his Passion to your Party . Instead of being struck down by his Thunder , you shall direct it where and upon whom you shall think it best applied . Thus are the strongest Poisons turn'd to the best Remedies ; but then there must be Art in it , and a skilful Hand , else the least bungling maketh it mortal . There is a great deal of nice Care requisite to deal with a Man of this Complexion . Choler proceedeth from Pride , and maketh a Man so partial to himself that he swelleth against Contradiction ; and thinketh he is lessened if he is opposed . You must in this Case take heed of increasing the Storm by an unwary Word , or kindling the Fire whilst the Wind is in a Corner which may blow it in your Face : You are dextrously to yield every thing till he beginneth to cool , and then by slow degrees you may rise and gain upon him : Your Gentleness well timed , will , like a Charm , dispel his Anger ill placed ; a kind Smile will reclaim , when a shrill pettish Answer would provoke him ; rather than fail upon such occasions , when other Remedies are too weak , a little Flattery may be admitted , which by being necessary , will cease to be Criminal .

If Ill. Humour and Sullenness , and not open and sudden Heat is his Disease , there is a way of treating that too , so as to make it a Grievance to be endured . In order to if , you are first to know , that naturally good Sense hath a mixture of surly in it : and there being so much Folly in the World , and for the Most part so triumphant , it giveth frequent Temptations to raise the Spleen of Men who think right . Therefore that which may generally be call'd Ill-Humour , is not always a Fault ; it becometh one when either it is wrong applied , or that it is continued too long , when it is not so : For this Reason you must not too hastily fix an ill name upon that which may perhaps not deserve it ; and though the Case should be , that your Husband might too sowerly resent any thing he disliketh , it may so happen , that more Blame shall belong to your Mistake , than to his Ill-Humour . If a Husband behaveth himself sometimes with an Indifference that a Wife may think offensive , she is in the wrong to put the worst sence upon it , if by any Means it will admit a better . Some Wives will call it Ill-humour if their Husbands change their Style from that which they used whilst they made their first Addresses to them : Others will allow no Intermission or Abatement in the Expressions of Kindness to them , not enough distinguishing Times , and forgetting that it is impossible for Men to keep themselves up all their Lives to the height of some extravagant Moments . A Man may at some times be less careful in little things , without any cold or disobliging Reason for it ; as a Wife may be too expecting in smaller matters , without drawing upon her-self the inference of being unkind . And if your Husband should be really sullen , and have such frequent Fits , as might take away the excuse of it , it concerneth you to have an Eye prepared to discern the first Appearances of Cloudy Weather , and to watch when the Fit goeth off , which seldom lasteth long if it is let alone . But whilst the Mind is sore , every thing galleth it , and that maketh it necessary to let the Black Humour begin to spend it self ▪ before you come in and venture to undertake it .

If in the Lottery of the World you should draw a Covetous Husband , I confess it will not make you proud of your good Luck ; yet even such a one may be endured too , though there are few Passions more untractable than that of Avarice . You must first take care that your Definition of Avarice may not be a Mistake . You are to examine every Circumstance of your Husband's Fortune , and weigh the Reason of every thing you expect from him before you have right to pronounce that sentence . The Complaint is now so general against all Husbands , that it giveth great suspicion of its being often ill-grounded ; it is impossible they should all deserve that Censure , and therefore it is certain , that it is many times misapplied . He that spareth in every thing is an inexcusable Niggard ; he that spareth in nothing is as inexcusable a Madman . The mean is , to spare in what is least necessary , to lay out more liberally in what is most required in our several circumstances . Yet this will not always satisfie . There are Wives who are impatient of the Rules of Oecomomy , and are apt to call their Husband's Kindness in question , if any other measure is put to their expence than that of their own Fancy . Be sure to avoid this dangerous Error , such a partiality to your Self ▪ which is so offensive to an understanding Man , that he will very ill bear a Wife's giving her self such an injurious preference to all the Family , and whatever belongeth to it .

But to admit the worst , and that your Husband is really a Close-handed Wretch , you must in this , as in other Cases , endeavour to make it less afflicting to you ; and first you must observe seasonable hours of speaking . When you offer any thing in opposition to this reigning Humour , a third hand and a wise Friend , may often prevail more than you will be allowed to do in your own Cause . Sometimes you are dexterously to go along with him in things , where you see that the niggardly part of his Mind is most predominant , by which you will have the better opportunity of perswading him in things where he may be more indifferent . Our Passions are very unequal , and are apt to be raised or lessened , according as they work upon different Objects ; they are not to be stopped or restrained in those things where our Mind is more particularly engaged . In other matters they are more tractable , and will sometimes give Reason a hearing , and admit a fair Dispute . More than that , there are few Men , even in this instance of Ava●ice , so intirely abandoned to it , that at some hours , and upon some occasions , will not forget their natures , and for that time turn Prodigal . The same Man who will grudge himself what is necessary , let his Pride be raised and he shall be profuse ; at another time his Anger shall have the same effect ; a fit of Vanity , Ambition , and sometimes of Kindness , shall open and inlarge his narrow Mind ; a Dose of Wine will work upon this tough humor , and for the time dissolve it . Your busness must be , if this Case happeneth , to watch these critical moments , and not let one of them slip without making your advantage of it ; and a Wife may be said to want skill , if by these means she is not able to secure her self in a good measure against the Inconveniences this scurvy quality in a Husband might bring upon her , except he should be such an incurable Monster , as I hope will never fall to your share .

The last supposition I will make , is , That your Husband should be weak and incompetent to make use of the Privileges that belong to him . It will be yielded , that such a one leaveth room for a great many Objections . But God Almighty seldom sendeth a Grievance without a Remedy , or at least such a Mitigation as taketh away a great part of the sting , and the smart of it . To make such a Misfortune less heavy you are first to bring to your Observation , That a Wife very often maketh better Figure , for her Husband 's making no great one : And there seemeth to be little reason , why the same Lady that chuseth a Waiting-Woman with worse Looks , may not be content with a Husband with less Wit ; the Argument being equal from the advantage of the Comparison . If you will be more ashamed in some Cases , of such a Husband , you will be less afraid than you would perhaps be of a wise one . His Vnseasonable Weakness may no doubt sometimes grieve you , but then set against this , that it giveth you the Dominion , i● you will make the right use of it . It is next to his being dead , in which Case the Wife hath right to Administer ; therefore be sure , if you have such an Idiot , that none , except your self , may have the benefit of the forfeiture ; Such a Fool is a dangerous Beast , if others have the keeping of him ; and you must be very undexterous if when your Husband shall resolve to be an Ass , you do not take care he may be your Ass . But you must go skilfully about it and above all things , take heed of distinguishing in publick , what kind of Husband he is : Your inward thoughts must not hinder the outward payment of the consideration that is due to him : Your slighting him in Company , besides that it would , to a discerning By stander , give too great encouragement for the making nearer applications to you , is in it self such an undecent way of assuming , that it may provoke the tame Creature to break loose , and to shew his Dominion for his Credit , which he was content to forget for his Ease . In short , the surest and the most approved method will be to do like a wise Minister to an easie Prince ; first give him the Orders you afterwards receive from him .

With all this , that which you are to pray for , is a Wise Husband , one that by knowing how to be a Master , for that very reason will not let you feel the weight of it ; one whose Authority is so soften'd by his Kindness , that it giveth you ease without abridging your Liberty ; one that will return so much tenderness for your Just Esteem of him , that you will never want power , though you will seldom care to use it . Such a Husband is as much above all the other Kinds of them , as a rational subjection to a Prince , great in himself , is to be preferr'd before the disquiet and uneasiness of Vnlimited Liberty .

Before I leave this Head , I must add a little concerning your Behaviour to your Husband's Friends , which requireth the most refined part of your Understanding to acquit your self well of it . You are to study how to live with them with more care than you are to apply to any other part of your Life ; especially at first , that you may not stumble at the first setting out . The Family into which you are grafted will generally be apt to expect , that like a Stranger in a Foreign Country , you should conform to their Methods , and not bring in a new Model by your own Authority The Friends in such a Case are tempted to rise up in Arms as against an unlawful Invasion , so that you are with the utmost Caution to avoid the least appearances of any thing of this Kind . And that you may with less difficulty afterwards give your Directions , be sure at first to receive them from your Husband's Friends . Gain them to you by early applying to them , and they will be so satisfied , that as nothing is more thankful than Pride , when it is complied with , they will strive which of them shall most recommend you ; and when they have helped you to take Root in your Husband 's good Opinion , you will have less dependence upon theirs , though you must not neglect any reasonable means of preserving it . You are to consider , that a Man govern'd by his Friends , is very easily inflamed by them ; and that one who is not so , will yet for his own sake expect to have them consider'd . It is easily improved to a point of Honour in a Husband , not to have his Relations neglected ; and nothing is more dangerous , than to raise an Objection , which is grounded upon Pride : It is the most stubborn and lasting Passion we are subject to , and where it is the first cause of the War , it is very hard to make a secure Peace . Your Caution in this is of the last importance to you .

And that you may the better succeed in it , carry a strict Eye upon the Impertinence of your Servants ; take heed that their Ill-humour may not engage you to take Exceptions , or their too much assuming i● small matters , raise Consequences which may bring you under great Disadvantage . Remember that in the case of a Royal Bride , those about her are generally so far suspected to bring in a Foreign Interest , that in most Countries they are insensibly reduced to a very small number , and those of so low a Figure , that it doth not admit the being Jealous of them . In little and in the Proportion , this may be the Case of every New married Woman , and therefore it may be more adviseable for you , to gain the Servants you find in a Family , than to tie your self too fast to those you carry into it .

You are not to overlook these small Reflections , because they may appear low and inconsiderable ; for it may be said , that as the greatest streams are made up of the small drops at the head of the Springs from whence they are derived , so the greater circumstances of your Life , will be in some degree directed by these seeming trifles , which having the advantage of being the first acts of it , have a greater effect than singly in their own nature they could pretend to .

I will conclude this Article with my Advice , That you would , as much as Nature will give you leave , endeavour to forget the great Indulgence you have found at home . After such a gentle Discipline as you have been under , every thing you dislike will seem the harsher to you . The tenderness we have had for you , My Dear , is of another nature , peculiar to kind Parents , and differing from that which you will meet wi●h first in any Family into which you shall be transplanted ; and yet they may be very kind too , and afford no justifiable reason to you to complain . You must not be frighted with the first Appearances of a differing Scene ; for when you are used to it , you may like the House you go to , better than that you left ; and your Husband's Kindness will have so much advantage of ours , that we shall yield 〈◊〉 all Competition , and as well as we love you , be very well contented to Surrender to such a Rival .