CHAP. I. How Pantagruel arriv'd at the Ringing Island , and of the noise that we heard .

PUrsuing our Voyage , we sail'd three days without discovering any thing ; on the fourth we made Land . Our Pilot told us , That it was the Ringing Island , and indeed we heard a kind of a confus'd and often-repeated Noise , that seem'd to us at a great distance not unlike the sound of great , middle-siz'd and little Bells rung all at once as 't is customary at Paris , Tours , Gergeau , Nantes , and elsewhere on high Holidays ; and the nearer we came to the Land , the louder we heard that Jangling .

Some of us doubted that this was the Dodonoan Kettles , or the Portico call'd Heptaphone in Olympia , or the Eternal humming of the Colossus rais'd on Memnon's Tomb in Thebes of Egypt , or the horrid Din that us'd formerly to be heard about a Tomb at Lipara , one of the Eolian Islands . But this did not square with Chorography .

I don't know , said Pantagruel , but that some swarms of Bees here abouts may be taking a Ramble in the Air , and so the Neighbourhood make this dingle dangle with Pans , Kettles , and Basons , the Co●ibanting Cimbals of Cybele , Grand-Mother of the gods , to call them back . Let 's harken ! when we were nearer , among the everlasting Ringing , we heard the indefatigable Singing ( as we thought ) of some Men. For this Reason , before we offer'd to Land on the Ringing Island , Pantagruel was of opinion that we should go in the Pinnace to a small Rock , near which we discover'd an Hermitage , and a little Garden . There we found a diminutive old Hermit , whose name was Braguibus , born at Glenay . He gave us a full Account of all the Jangling , and regal'd us after a strange sort of a fashion ; four live-long-days , did he make us fast , assuring us , That we should not be admitted into the Ringing Island otherwise , because 't was then one of the four Fasting , or Ember-Weeks . As I love my Belly , quoth Panurge , I by no means understand this Riddle ; methinks , this should rather be one of the four Windy-weeks , for while we fast , we are only puff'd up with wind . Pray now , good Father Hermit , have not you here some other pastime besides Fasting ; methinks 't is somewhat of the leanest , we might well enough be without so many Palace-holidays , and those fasting Times of yours . In my Donatus , quoth Fryar Ihon , I could find yet but three Times or Tenses , the Preterit , the Present , and the Future , doubtless here the fourth ought to be a work of Supererogation . That Time or Tense , said Epistemon , is Aorist , deriv'd from the Preterimperfect Tense of the Greeks , admitted in War , and odd Cases : Patience per force , is a Remedy for a Mad dog . Saith the Hermit , 't is as I told you , fatal to go against this , whoever does it , is a rank Heretick , and wants nothing but Fire and Faggot , that 's certain . To deal plainly with you , my dear Pater , cri'd Panurge , being at Sea , I much more fear being wet , than being warm , and being drown'd than being burnt .

Well , however , let us fast a God's Name ; yet I have fasted so long , that it has quite undermin'd my Flesh , and I fear that at last , the Bastions of this Bodily Fort of mine will fall to ruin . Besides , I am much more affraid of vexing you in this same Trade of Fasting , for the Devil a bit I understand any thing in it , and it becomes me very scurvily , as several People have told me , and I am apt to believe them . For my part , I have no great Stomach to Fasting ; for alas , 't is as easy as pissing a Bed , and a Trade of which any body may set up , there needs no Tools . I am much more inclin'd not to fast for the future ; for to do so , there 's some Stock requir'd , and some Tools are set a work . No matter , since you are so stedfast , and have us fast , let 's fast as fast as we can , and then breakfast in the name of Famine ; now we are come to these esurial idle Days . I vow , I had quite put them out of my head long ago . If we must fast , said Pantagruel , I see no other Remedy but to get rid of it as soon as we can , as we would out of a bad way . I 'll in that space of time somewhat look over my Papers , and examine whether the Marine Study be as good as ours at Land . For Plato , to describe a silly , raw , ignorant Fellow , compares him to those that are bred on Ship-board , as we would do to one bred up in a Barrel , who never saw any thing but through the Bunghole .

To tell you the short and long of the matter , our Fasting was most hideous and terrible ; for , the first day we fasted at Fisticuffs , the second at Cudgels , the third at Sharps , and the fourth at Blood and Wounds ; such was the Order of the Fairies .

CHAP. II. How the Ringing Island had been inhabited by the Siticines , who were become Birds .

HAving fasted as aforesaid , the Hermit gave us a Letter for one whom he call'd Albiam Camar , Master Aedituus of the Ringing Island ; but Panurge greeting him , call'd him , Master Antitus . He was a little quear old Fellow , bald pated , with a Snout whereat you might easily have lighted a Card-match , and a Phiz as red as a Cardinal's Cap. He made us all very wellcome , upon the Hermits Recommendation , hearing that we had fasted , as I have told you .

When we had well-stuff'd our Puddings , he gave us an Account of what was Remarkable in the Island ; affirming , That it had been at first inhabited by the Siticines , but that according to the course o● Nature , as all things , you know , are subject to change , they were become Birds .

There I had a full Account of all that Atteius Capito , Paulus Marcellus , A. Gellius , Atheneus , Suidas , Ammonius and others had writ of the Siticines , and Sicinnists ; and then we thought we might as easily believe the Transmutations of Nectimene , Progne , Itys , Alcyone , Antigone , Tereus , and other Birds . Nor did we think it more reasonable to doubt of the Transmogrification of the Macrobian Children into Swans , or that of the Men of Pallene in Thrace into Birds , as soon as they have bath'd themselves in the Tritonie Lake . After this the Devil a word we could get out of him but of Birds and Cages .

The Cages were spacious , costly , magnificent , and of an admirable Architecture . The Birds were large , fine , and neat accordingly ; looking as like the men in my Country , as one Pea do's like another ; for they eat and drank like men , muted like men , endued or digested like men , farted like men , but stunk like Devils , slept , bill'd and trod their Females like men , but somewhat oftener ; in short , had you seen and examin'd 'em from Top to Toe , you would have laid your head to a Turnip , that they had been meer men . However , they were nothing less , as Master Aedituus told us ; assuring us at the same time , that they were neither Secular nor Layick ; and ' truth is , the diversity of their Feathers and Plumes , did not a little puzzle us ..

Some of them were all over as white as Swans , others as black as Crows , many as grey as Owls , others black and white like Magpyes , some all red like Red-birds , and others purple and white like some Pigeons . He call'd the Males , Clerghawks , Monkhawks , Priesthawks , Abbothawks , Bishhawks , Cardinhawks , and one , Popehawk , who is a Species by himself . He call'd the Females , Clergkites , Nunkites , Priestkites , Abbesskites , Bishkites , Cardinkites , and Popekites .

However , said he , as Hornets and Drones , will get among the Bees , and there do nothing but buzz , eat and spoil every thing , so , for these last Three hundred Years , a vast Swarm of Bigottello's flockt I don 't know how among these goodly Birds every fifth full Moon , and have bemuted , beray'd , and conskited the whole Island . They are so hard-favour'd and monstrous , that none can abide 'em . For their wry Necks make a figure like a crooked Billet ; their Paws are hairy like those of rough-footed Pigeons , their Claws and Pounces , belly and breech like those of the Stymphalid Harpies . Nor is it possible to root them out , for if you get rid of one , strait four and twenty new ones fly thither .

There had been need of another Monster-hunter , such as was Hercules , for Fryar Jhon had like to have run distracted about it , so much he was nettled and puzzled in the matter . As for the good Pantagruel , he was e'en serv'd as was Messer - Priapus , contemplating the Sacrifices of Ceres , for want of Skin .

CHAP. III. How there is but one Popehawk in the Ringing Island .

WE then ask'd Master Aedituus why there was but one Popehawk among such numbers of venerable Birds , multiply'd in all their Species ? He answer'd , that such was the first Institution and fatal destiny of the Stars . That the Clerghawks begot the Priesthawks and Monkhaws , without carnal Copulation , as some Bees are born of a young Bull. The Priesthawks beget the Bishhawks , the Bishhawks the stately Cardinhawks , and the stately Cardinhawks , if they live long enough , at last come to be Popehawk .

Of this last kind , there never is more than one at a time , as in a Beehive there is but one King , and in the World is but one Sun .

When the Popehawk dies , another arises in his stead out of the whole Brood of Cardinhawks , that is , as you must understand it all along , without carnal Copulation . So that there is in that Species an individual Unity , with a perpetuity of Succession , neither more nor less than in the Arabian Phoenix .

'T is true , that about Two thousand seven hundred and sixty Moons ago , two Popehawks were seen upon the Face of the Earth ; but then you never saw in your lives such a woful Rout and Hurly-burly as was all over this Island . For all these same Birds did so peck , clapperclaw and maul one another all that time , that there was the Devil and all to do , and the Island was in a fair way of being left without Inhabitants . Some stood up for this Popehawk , some for t'other . Some , struck with a dumness , were as mute as so many Fishes ; the Devil a Note was to be got out of them , Part of the merry Bells here were as silent as if they had lost their Tongues , I mean their Clappers .

During these troublesome Times , they call'd to their Assistance the Emperours , Kings , Dukes , Earls , Barons , and Commonwealths of the World that live on t'other side the water ; nor was this Schism and Sedition at an end , till one of them died , and the Plurality was reduc'd to Unity .

We then ask'd what mov'd those Birds to be thus continually chanting and singing ? he answer'd , that it was the Bells that hang'd on the Tops of their Cages . Then he said to us , Will you have me make these Monkhawks whom you see bardocucullated with a Bag , such as you use to still Brandy , sing like any Wood-Larks ? Pray do , said we . He then gave half a dozen pulls to a little Rope , which caus'd a diminitive Bell to give so many Ting-tings , and presently a parcel of Monkhawks ran to him as if the Devil had drove'em , and fell a singing like mad .

Pray Master , cry'd Panurge , if I also rang this Bell , could I make those other Birds yonder with red-herring-colour'd Feathers sing ? Ay , marry would you , return'd Aedituus . With this Panurge hang'd himself ( by the hands , I mean ) at the Bell-Rope's end , and no sooner made it speak , but those smoak'd Birds hy'd them thither , and began to lift up their voices , and make a sort of an untowardly hoarse noise , which I grudge to call singing . Aedituus indeed told us , that they fed on nothing but Fish , like the Herns and Cormorants of the World , and that they were a fifth kind of Cucullati newly stamp'd .

He added , that he had been told by Robert Valbringue , who lately pass'd that way in his Return from Africa , that a sixth kind was to fly hither out of hand , which he call'd Capushawks , more grum , vinegar-fac'd , brainsick , froward , and loathsome , than any kind whatsoever in the whole Island . Africa , said Pantagruel , still uses to produce some new and monstrous Thing .

CHAP. IV. How the Birds of the Ringing Island were all Passengers .

SInce you have told us , said Pantagruel , how the Popehawk is begot by the Cardinhawks , the Cardinhawks by the Bishhawks , and the Bishhawks by the Priesthawks , and the Priesthawks by the Clerghawks , I would gladly know whence you have these same Clerghawks . They are all of them Passengers , return'd Aedituus , and come hither from t'other world ; part out of a vast Countrey , call'd Want-o-bread , the rest out of another toward the West , which they stile , Too-many-of-'em . From these two Countries flock hither every year , whole Legions of these Clerghawks , leaving their Fathers , Mothers , Friends and Relations .

This happens when there are too many Children , whether Male or Female , in some good Family of the latter Countrey ; insomuch that the House would come to nothing , if the Paternal Estate were shar'd among them all ; ( as Reason requires , Nature directs , and God commands . ) For this cause Parents use to rid themselves of that Inconveniency by packing off the Younger Fry , and forcing them to seek their Fortune in this Isle Bossart , ( Crooked Island . ) I suppose he means I' Isle Bouchart , near Chinon , cry'd Panurge . No , reply'd t'other , I mean Bossart ( Crooked ) ; for there is not one in ten among them , but is either crooked , crippled , blinking , limping , ill-favour'd , deform'd , or an unprofitable load to the earth .

'T was quite otherwise among the Heathens , said Pantagruel , when they us'd to receive a Maiden among the number of Vestals ; for Leo Antistius affirms that it was absolutely forbidden to admit a Virgin into that Order , if she had any Vice in her Soul , or Defect in her Body , tho it were but the smallest Spot on any part of it . I can hardly believe , continued Edituus , that their Dams on t'other side the water go Nine Months with them ; for they cannot endure them Nine Years , nay scarce Seven , sometimes in the House : But by putting only a Shirt over the other Cloaths of the Young Urchins , and lopping off I don't well know how many Hairs from their Crowns , mumbling certain apostrophis'd and expiatory words , they visibly , openly , and plainly , by a Pythagorical Metempsychosis , without the least hurt , transmogrify them into such Birds as you now see ; much after the fashion of the Egyptian Heathens , who us'd to constitute their Isiacs , by shaving them , and making them put on certain Linostoles , or Surplices . However , I don't know , my good Friends , but that these She-things , whether Clergkites , Monkites , and Abbesskites ( that should not ) instead of singing some plaisant Verses and Charisters , such as us'd to be sung to Oromasis by Zoroaster's Institution , may be bellowing out such Catarates and Scythropys , ( curs'd , lamentable , and wretched Imprecations ) as were usually offer'd to the Arimanian Daemon ; being thus in Devotion for their kind Friends and Relations , that transform'd them into Birds , whether when they were Maids , or Thornbacks , in their Prime , or at their last Prayers .

But the greatest number of our Birds come out of Want-o-Bread , which tho a barren Countrey , where the days are of a most tedious lingring length , overstocks this whole Island with the lower Class of Birds . For hither fly the Assaphis that inhabit that Land , either when they are in danger of passing their time scurvily for want of Belly-timber , being unable , or what 's more likely , unwilling to take heart of grace , and follow some honest lawful calling , or too proud-hearted and lazy to go to service in some sober Family . The same is done by your frantick Inamoradoes , who when cross'd in their wild Desires , grow stark-staring mad , and chuse this Life suggested to them by their despair , too cowardly to make them swing like their Brother Iphis of doleful Memory . There is another sort , that is , your Goal-birds , who having done some Rogue 's Trick , or other heinous Villany , and being sought up and down to be truss'd up , and made to ride the Two or Three-legg'd Mare that groans for them , warily scour off , and come here to save their Bacon : Because all these sorts of Birds are here provided for , and grow in an instant as fat as Hogs , tho they came as lean as Rakes : For having the Benefit of the Clergy , they are as safe as Thieves in a Mill , within this Sanctuary .

But , ask'd Pantagruel , Do these Birds never return to the world where they wer● hatch'd ? Some do , answer'd Aedituus ● formerly very few , very seldom , very late and very unwillingly . However , find some certain Ecclypses , by the vertue o● the Coelestial Constellations , a great Crows of them fled back to the world . Nor d● we fret or vex our selves a jot about it ; for those that stay , wisely sing , The fewer the better Cheer ; and all those that fly away first , cast off their Feathers here among these Nettles and Bryars .

Accordingly we found some thrown by there ; and as we look'd up and down we chanc'd to light on what some people will hardly thank us for having discover'd ; and thereby hangs a Tale.

CHAP. V. Of the dumb Knighthawks of the Ringing Island .

THese Words were scarce out of his mouth , when some Five and twenty or Thirty Birds flew towards us : They were of a Hue and Feather like which we had not yet seen any thing in the whole Island . Their Plumes were as changeable as the Skin of the Chamelion , and the Flower of Tripolion , or Tenerion . They had all under the Left Wing a Mark like two Diameters dividing a Circle into equal parts , or ( if you had rather have it so ) like a Perpendicular Linefalling on a Right Line . The Marks which each of them bore , were much of the same shape , but of different Colours ; for some were White , others Green , some Red , others Purple , and some Blue . Who are those , ask'd Panurge , and how do you call them ? They are Mongrels , quoth Aedituus .

We call them Knighthawks , and they have a great number of rich Commanderies , ( fat Livings ) in your World . Good your Worship , said I , make them give us a Song , an 't please you , that we may know how they sing . They scorn your words , cry'd Aedituus , they are none of your Singing Birds ; but to make amends , they feed as much as the best two of them all . Pray , where are their Hens , where are their Females , said I ? They have none , answer'd Aedituus . How comes it to pass then , ask'd Panurge , that they are thus bescabb'd , bescurf'd , all embroider'd o're the Phiz with Carbuncles , Pushes , and Pockroyals ; Some of which undermine the handles of their Faces . This same Fashionable and Illustrious Disease , quoth Aedituus , is common among that kind of Birds , because they are pretty apt to be tost on the Salt Deep .

He then acquainted us with the occasion of their coming . This , next to us , said he , looks so wistfully upon you , to see whether he may not find among your Company a stately gawdy kind of huge dreadful Birds of Prey , which yet are so untoward , that they ne're could be brought to the Lure , nor to Perch on the Glove . They tell us that there are such in your World , and that some of them have goodly Garters below the knee with an Inscription about them , which condemns him ( qui mal y pense ) who shall think ill of it , to be bewray'd and conskited . Others are said to wear the Devil in a string before their Paunches ; and others a Ram's skin . All that 's true enough , good Master Aedituus , quoth Panurge , but we have not the honour to be acquainted with their Knight-ships .

Come on , cry'd Aedituus in a merry mood , we have had Chat enough o' Conscience ! let 's e'en go Drink , — and Eat , quoth Panurge : Eat , reply'd Aedituus , and Drink bravely old Boy ; Twist like Plough-jobbers , and Swill like Tinkers , Pull away and save Tide ; for nothing is so dear or precious as Time , therefore we 'll be sure to put it to a good use .

He would fain have carried us first to bathe in the Bagnio's of the Cardinhawks , which are goodly delicious places , and have us lick'd over with precious Ointments by the Alyptes , alias Rubbers , as soon as we should come out of the Bath . But Pantagruel told him , that he could Drink but too much without that : He then led us into a spacious delicate Refectuary , or Fratrie-room , and told us , Braguibus the Hermit , made you Fast Four day . together ; now , contrarywise , I 'll make you Eat and Drink of the Best , Four days through stitch before you budge from this place . But hark-ye-me , cry'd Panurge , mayn't we take a Nap in the mean time ? Ay , ay , answer'd Aedituus , that 's as you shall think good , for he that Sleeps , Drinks . Good Lord ! how we liv'd ! what good Bub ! what dainty Cheer ! Oh what an honest Cod was this same Aedituus !

CHAP. VI. How the Birds are cramm'd in the Ringing Island .

PAntagruel look'd I don 't know howish , and seem'd not very well pleas'd with the Four days Junketting which Aedituus enjoyn'd us . Aedituus , who soon found it out , said to him , you know , Sir , that seven days before Winter , and seven days after , there is no Storm at Sea : For then the Elements are still , out of respect for the Halcyons , or Kingfishers , Birds sacred to Thetis , which then lay their Eggs and hatch their Young near the Shoar . Now here the Sea makes it self amends for this long Calm ; and whenever some Foreigners come hither , it grows Boisterous and Stormy for four days together . We can give no other reason for it , but that it is a piece of its Civility , that those who come among us may stay whether they will or no , and be copiously Feasted all the while with the incomes of the Ringing . Therefore pray don't think your time lost , for willing , nilling , you 'll be forc'd to stay ; unless you are resolv'd to encounter Juno , Neptune , Doris , Aeolus and his Fluster-blusters ; and in short , all the pack of ill-natur'd lefthanded Godlings and Vejoves . Do but resolve to be cheary , and fall to briskly .

After we had pretty well staid our stomachs with some tight snatches , Fryer Ihon said to Edituus , For ought I see , you have none but a parcel of Birds and Cages in this Island of yours , and the Devil-a-bit of one of them all that sets his hand to the Plough , or Tills the Land , whose Fat he devours : Their whole Business is to be frolick , to chirp it , to whistle it , to warble it , tos'ing it , and roar it merrily night and day ; Pray then , if I may be so bold , Whence comes this Plenty and Overflowing of all dainty Bits and good Things which we see among you ? From all the other World , return'd Aedituus , if you except some part of the Northern Regions , who of late years have stirr'd up the Jakes ; Mum ! they may chance e're long to rue the day they did so ; their Cows shall have Porrage , and their Dogs Oats ; there will be work made among them , that there will : Come , a Fig for 't , let 's Drink , — But pray what Countreymen are you ? Tourain is our Countrey , answer'd Panurge ; Cod so , cry'd Aedituus , you were not then hatch'd of an ill Bird , I 'll say that for you , since the blessed Tourain is your Mother . For from thence there comes hither every year such a vast store of good Things , that we were told by some folks of the Place that happen'd to touch at this Island , that your Duke of Tourain's Income will not afford him to Eat his Belly-full of Beans and Beacon [ a good Dish spoil'd between Moses and Pythagoras ] because his Predecessors have been more than liberal to these most holy Birds of ours , that we might here munch it , twist it , cram it , gorge it , craw it , riot it , junket it , and tickle it off , stuffing our Puddings with dainty Pheasants , Partridges , Pullets with Eggs , Fat Capons of Loudunois , and all sorts of Venison and Wild Foul. Come Box it about , Tope on my Friends . Pray do but see yon jolly Birds that are Perch'd together , how Fat , how Plump , and in good Case , they look with the Income that Tourain yields us ! And in faith they Sing rarely for their good Founders , that 's the truth on 't . You never saw any Arcadian Birds mumble more fair●y than they do over a Dish , when they see these two gilt Battoons , or when I Ring for them these great Bells that you see above their Cages . Drink on , Sirs , whip it away , verily Friends 't is very fine Drinking to day , and so 't is every day o' the week ; thenDrink on , Toss it about ; here 's to you with all my Soul , you are most heartily Welcome : Never spare it , I pray you , fear not we should ever want good Bub , and Belly-Timber ; for , look here , though the Sky were of Brass , and the Earth of Iron , we should not want wherewithal to stuff the Gut , though they were to continue so Seven or Eight years longer than the Famine in Egypt . Let us then with Brotherly Love and Charity refresh our selves here with the Creature .

Woons , man , cry'd Panurge , what a rare time you have on 't in this World ! Pshaw , return'd Aedituus , this is nothing to what we shall have in t'other : The Elizian Fields will be the least that can fall to our Lot . Come , in the mean time let 's Drink here , come here 's to thee old Fuddlecap .

Your first Siticines , said I , were superlatively wise , in devising thus a means for you to compass whatever all men naturally covet so much , and so few or ( to speak more properly ) none can enjoy together ; I mean , a Paradice in this Life , and another in the next ; sure you were Born wrapt in your Mother's smickits . O happy Creatures ! O more than men ! Would I had the luck to fare like you .