Others made ready Bows , Slings , Cross-bows , Pellets , Catapults , Migrames or Fire-balls , Firebrands , Balists , Scorpions , and other such Warlike Engines , expugnatorie , and destructive to the Hellepolists .

They sharpned and prepared Spears , Staves , Pikes , Brown Bills , Halberts , Long Hooks , Lances , Zagages , Quarterstaves , Eelspears , Partisans , Troutstaves , Clubs , Battle-axes , Maces , Darts , Dartlets , Glaves , Javelins , Javelots , and Trunchions .

They set Edges upon Cimeters , Cutlasses , Badelans , Back-swords , Tucks , Rapiers , Bayonets , Arrow-heads , Dags , Daggers , Mandousians , Poigniards , Whinyards , Knives , Skenes , Sables , Chipping Knives , and Raillons .

Every Man exercis'd his Weapon , every Man scowred off the Rust from his natural Hanger : Nor was there a Woman amongst them ( tho' never so reserv'd or old ) who made not her Harnish to be well furbished ; as you know the Corinthian Women of old were reputed very couragious Combatants .

Diogenes seeing them all so warm at work , and himself not employed by the Magistrates in any business whatsoever , he did very seriously ( for many days together , without speaking one Word ) consider , and contemplate the Countenance of his Fellow-Citizens .

Then on a sudden , as if he had been roused up and inspired by a Martial Spirit , he girded his Cloak , scarf-ways , about his Left Arm , tucked up his Sleeves to the Elbow , trussed himself like a Clown gathering Apples , and giving to one of his old Acquaintance his Wallet , Books , and Opistrographs , away went he out of Town towards a little Hill or Promontory of Corinth called Cranie ; and there on the Strand , a pretty level place , did he roul his Jolly Tub , which serv'd him for an House to shelter him from the Injuries of the Weather : The●e , I say , in a great Vehemency of Spirit , did he turn it , veer it , wheel it , whirl it , frisk it , jumble it , shuffle it , huddle it , tumble it , hurry it , joult it , justle it , overthrow it , evert it , invert it , subvert it , overturn it , beat it , thwack it , bump it , batter it , knock it , thrust it , push it , jert it , shock it , shake it , toss it , throw it , overthrow it up-side down , topsiturvy , arsiturvy , tread it , trample it , stamp it , tap it , ting it , ring it , tingle it , towl it , sound it , resound it , stop it , shut it , unbung it , close it , unstopple it . And then again in a mighty bustle he bandy'd it , slubber'd it , hack'd it , whitled it , way'd it , darted it , hurled it , stagger'd it , reel'd it , swing'd it , brangled it , totter'd it , lifted it , heaved it , transformed it , transfigur'd it , transpos'd it , transplaced it , reared it , raised it , hoised it , washed it , dighted it , cleansed it , rinced it , nailed it , setled it , fastned it , shackled it , fetter'd it , level'd it , block'd it , tugg'd it , tew'd it , carry'd it , bedash'd it , beray'd it , parch'd it , mounted it , broach'd it , nick'd it , notch'd it , bespatter'd it , deck'd it , adorn'd it , trimmed it , garnished it , gaged it , furnish'd it , boar'd it , pierc'd it , trap'd it , rumbled it , slid it down the Hill , and precipitated it from the very height of the Cranie ; then from the foot to the top ( like another Sisyphus with his Stone ) bore it up again , and every way so bang'd it and belabour'd it , that it was ten thousand to one he had not struck the bottom of it out .

Which when one of his Friends had seen , and asked him why he did so toil his Body , perplex his Spirit , and torment his Tub ? The Philosopher's Answer was , That not being employed in any other Charge by the Republick , he thought it expedient to thunder and storm it so tempestuously upon his Tub , that amongst a People so fervently busie , and earnest at work , he alone might not seem a loytering Slug and lasie Fellow . To the same purpose may I say of my self ,

For perceiving no Account to be made of me towards the Discharge of a Trust of any great Concernment , and considering that through all the parts of this most noble Kingdom of France , both on this and on the other side of the Mountains , every one is most diligently exercised and busied ; some in the fortifying of their own Native Country , for its Defence ; others , in the repulsing of their Enemies by an Offensive War ; and all this with a Policy so excellent , and such admirable Order , so manifestly profitable for the future , whereby France shall have its Frontiers most magnifically enlarged , and the Frenches assured of a long and well-grounded Peace , that very little withholds me from the Opinion of good Heraclitus , which affirmeth War to be the Father of all good things ; and therefore do I believe that War is in Latin called Bellum , not by Antiphrasis , as some Patchers of old rusty Latin would have us to think ; because in War there is little Beauty to be seen , but absolutely and simply ; for that in War appeareth all that is good and graceful , and that by the Wars is purged out all manner of Wickedness and Deformity . For Proof whereof the wise and pacifick Solomon could no better represent the unspeakable Perfection of the Divine Wisdom , than by comparing it to the due disposure and ranking of an Army in Battel Array , well provided and ordered .

Therefore by reason of my Weakness and Inability , being reputed by my Compatriots unfit for the Offensive part of Warfare ; and on the other side , being no way employed in matter of the Defensive , although it had been but to carry Burthens , fill Ditches , or break Clods , either whereof had been to me indifferent , I held it not a little disgraceful to be only an Idle Spectator of so many valorous , eloquent and warlike Persons , who in the view and sight of all Europe act this notable Interlude or Tragicomedy , and not make some Effort towards the Performance of this , nothing at all remains for me to be done . In my Opinion , little Honour is due to such as are meer Lookers on , liberal of their Eyes , and of their Purse parsimonious ; who conceal their Crowns , and hide their Silver ; scratching their Head with one Finger like grumbling Puppies , gaping at the Flies like Tithe Calves ; clapping down their Ears like Arcadian Asses at the Melody of Musicians , who with their very Countenances in the depth of silence express their Consent to the Prosopopeie .

Having made this Choice and Election , it seemed to me that my Exercise therein would be neither unprofitable nor troublesom to any , whilst I should thus set agoing my Diogenical Tub , which is all that is left me safe from the Shipwrack of my former Misfortunes .

At this dingle dangle wagging of my Tub , what would you have me to do ? By the Virgin that tucks up her Sleeve , I know not as yet : Stay a little till I suck up a Draught of this Bottle , it is my true and only Helicon ; it is my Caballine Fountain ; it is my sole Entousiasm . Drinking thus I meditate , discourse , resolve and conclude . After that the Epilogue is made , I laugh , I write , I compose , and drink again . Cynius drinking wrote , and wriing drank . Aschylus ( if Plutarch in his Symposiaes merit any Faith ) drank composing , and drinking composed . Homer never wrote fasting , and Cato never wrote till after he had drunk . These Passages I have brought before you , to the end you may not say that I live without the Example of Men well praised , and better ▪ prised . It is good and fresh enough , even ( as if you would say ) it is entring upon the Second Degree . God the good God Sabaoth ( that is to say , the God of Armies ) be praised for it eternally . If you after the same manner would take one great Draught , or two little ones , whilst you have your Gown about you . I truly find no kind of Inconveniency in it , provided you send up to God for all some small scantling of Thanks .

Since then my Luck or Destiny is such as you have heard , for it is not for every body to go to Corinth , I am fully resolved to be so little idle and unprofitable , that I will set my self to serve the one and the other sort of People , amongst the Diggers , Pioniers and Rampire-builders , I will do as did Neptune and Apollo at Troy under Laomedon , or as did Renault of Mountauban in his latter days : I will serve the Masons , I 'll set on the Pot to boyl for the Bricklayers ; and whilst the minced Meat is making ready at the sound of my small Pipe , I 'll measure the Muzzle of the musing Dotards . Thus did Amphion with the Melody of his Harp , found , build and finish the great and renowned City of Thebes .

PAntagruel having wholly s●bdued the Land of Dypsodie , transported thereunto a Colony of Utopians , to the number of 9876543210 Men , besides the Women and little Children , Artificers of all Trades , and Professors of all Sciences ; to people , cultivate and improve that Country , which otherways was ill inhabited , and in the greatest part thereof but a meer Desert and Wilderness ; and did transport them so much for the excessive multitude of Men and Women which were in Utopia , multiplied ( for number ) like Grashoppers upon the face of the Land . You understand well enough , nor is it needful further to explain it to you , that the Utopian Men had so rank and fruitful Genetories , and that the Utopian Women carryed Matrixes so ample , so glutonous , so tenaciously retentive , and so Architectonically cellulated , that at the end of every Ninth Month Seven Children at the least ( what Male what Female ) were brought forth by every Married Woman , in imitation of the People of Israel in Egypt , if Anthony de Lira be to be trusted . Nor yet was this Transplantation made so much for the Fertility of the Soil , the Wholsomness of the Air , or Commodity of the Country of Dypsodie , as to retain that Rebellious People within the bounds of their Duty and Obedience , by this new Transport of his ancient and most faithful Subjects , who from all time out of mind , never knew , acknowledged , owned or served any other Soveraign Lord but him ; and who likewise from the very instant of their Birth , as soon as they were entred into this World , had , with the Milk of their Mothers and Nurses , sucked in the Sweetness , Humanity and Mildness of his Government , to which they were all of them so nourished and habituated , that there was nothing surer , than that they would sooner abandon their Lives , than swerve from this singular and primitive Obedience naturally due to their Prince , whithersoever they should be dispersed or removed .

WHilst Pantagruel was giving Order for the Government of all Dypsodie , he assigned to Panurge the Lairdship of Salmygoudin , which was yearly worth 6789106789 Ryals of certain Rent , besides the uncertain Revenue of the Locusts and Periwinkles , amounting one year with another to the value of 435768 , or 2435769 French Crowns of Berry . Sometimes it did amount to 1230554321 Seraphs when it was a good Year , and that Locusts and Periwinkles were in request ; but that was not every Year .

Now his Worship , the new Laird , husbanded this his Estate so providently well and prudently , that in less than fourteen days he wasted and dilapidated all the certain and uncertain Revenue of his Lairdship for three whole Years : Yet did not he properly dilapidate it , as you might say , in founding of Monasteries , building of Churches , erecting of Colledges , and setting up of Hospitals , or casting his Bacon-Flitches to the Dogs ; but spent it in a thousand little Banquets and jolly Collations , keeping open House for all Comers and Goers ; yea , to all good Fellows , young Girls , and pretty Wenches ; felling Timber , burning the great Logs for the Sale of the Ashes , borrowing Money before-hand , buying dear , selling cheap , and eating his Corn ( as it were ) whilst it was but Grass .

Pantagruel being advertised of this his Lavishness , was in good sooth no way offended at the matter , angry nor sorry ; for I once told you , and again tell it you , that he was the best , little , great Goodman that ever girded a Sword to his Side ; he took all things in good part , and interpreted every Action to the best Sence : He never vexed nor disquieted himself with the least pretence of Dislike to any thing ; because he knew that he must have most grosly abandoned the Divine Mansion of Reason , if he had permitted his Mind to be never so little grieved , afflicted or altered at any occasion whatsoever . For all the Goods that the Heaven covereth , and that the Earth containeth in all their Dimensions of Heighth , Depth , Breadth and Length , are not of so much worth , as that we should for them disturb or disorder our Affections , trouble or perplex our Senses or Spirits .

He drew only Panurge aside , and then making to him a sweet Remonstrance and mild Admonition , very gently represented before him in strong Arguments , That if he should continue in such an unthrifty course of living , and not become a better Mesnagier , it would prove altogether impossible for him , or at least hughly difficult at any time to make him rich . Rich ! answered Panurge , Have you fixed your Thoughts there ? Have you undertaken the Task to enrich me in this World ? Set your Mind to live merrily in the Name of God and good Folks , let no other Cark nor Care be harboured within the Sacro sanctified Domicile of your Celestial Brain . May the Calmness and Tranquility thereof be never incommodated with , or over-shadowed by any frowning Clouds of sullen Imaginations and displeasing Annoyance . For if you live joyful , meery , jocund and glad , I cannot be but rich enough . Every body cries up thrift , thrift , and good Husbandry ; but many speak of Robin Hood that never shot in his Bow ; and talk of that Vertue of Mesnagery , who know not what belong to it . It is by me that they must be advised . From me therefore take this Advertisement and Information , that what is imputed to me for a Vice , hath been done in imitation of the University and Parliament of Paris , places in which is to be found the true Spring and Source of the lively Idea of Pantheology , and all manner of Justice . Let him be counted an Heretick that doubteth thereof , and doth not firmly believe it : Yet they in one day eat up their Bishop , or the Revenue of the Bishoprick ( is it not all one ) for a whole year ; yea , sometimes for two . This is done on the day he makes his Entry , and is installed : Nor is there any place for an Excuse ; for he cannot avoid it , unless he would be houted at and stoned for his Parsimony .

It hath been also esteemed an act flowing from the Habit of the Four Cardinal Vertues . Of Prudence in borrowing Money before-hand ; for none knows what may fall out ; who is able to tell if the World shall last yet three years ? But although it should continue longer , is there any Man so foolish , as to have the Confidence to promise himself three years ?

Of Commutative Iustice , in buying dear ( I say upon trust ) and selling good cheap , ( that is , for ready Money ) what says Cato in his Book of Husbandry to this purpose ? The Father of a Family ( says he ) must be a perpetual Seller ; by which means it is impossible but that at last he shall become rich , if he have of vendible Ware enough still ready for sale .

Of Distributive Iustice it doth partake , in giving Entertainment to good ( remark good ) and gentle Fellows , whom Fortune had Shipwrack'd ( like Ulysse : ) upon the Rock of a hungry Stomach without provision of Sustenance : And likewise to the good ( remark the good ) and young Wenches : For according to the Sentence of Hippocrates , Youth is impatient of Hunger , chiefly if it be vigorous , lively , frolick , brisk , stirring and bouncing ; which wanton Lasses willingly and heartily devote themselves to the pleasure of Honest Men ; and are in so far both Platonick and Ciceronian , that they do a●knowledge their being born into this World , not to be for themselves alone , but that in their proper Persons their Acquaintance may claim one share , and their Friends another .

The Vertue of Fortitude appears therein by the cutting down and overthrowing of the great Trees , like a second Mil● making Havock of the dark Forests , which did serve only to furnish Dens , Caves , and Shelter to Wolves , wild Boars and Foxes ; and afford Receptacles , withdrawing Corners and Refuges to Robbers , Thieves and Murtherers ; lurking holes and sculking places for Cut-throat Assassinators ; secret obscure Shops for Coiners of false money , and safe Retreats for Hereticks , laying them even and level with the plain Champian Fields and pleasant Heathy Ground , at the sound of the Hau-bois and Bagpipes playing , reeks with the high and stately Timber , and preparing Seats and Benches for the Eve of the dreadful day of Judgment .

I gave thereby proof of my Temperance in eating my Corn whilst it was but Grass , like an Hermit feeding upon Sallets and Roots , that so affranchising my self from the Yoak of sensual Appetites to the utter disclaiming of their Sovereignty , I might the better reserve somewhat in store , for the relief of the lame , blind , cripple , maimed , needy , poor and wanting Wretches .