THe sun had finished above half his course , and his Chariot having reached the descent of the World , rowled a little swifter then he would have had it . If his Horses had taken the advantage of the sloapiness of the way , they had ●nded the remaining portion of the day in less ●hen half a quarter of an hour ; But in stead of ●rawing with all their strength , they fell to cur●eting ; smelling a Sea-air which made them Neigh , and informed them that the Sea was not far of , where it is said their Master doth lye every night . To speak more intelligibly , it was between five and six ; when a Cart entred into the Market place of the City of Manse . This Cart was drawn by two yoak of very lean Oxen , conducted by a Mare that had a Foal , which Foal ran up and down about the Cart , like a little Fool as it was . The Cart was full of Trunks , Portmanteaux , and huge boundles of Painted Cloth , which made a kinde of Pyramid , upon the top whereof appeared a Damsel , habited partly Citizen , partly Country-Gentleman-like . A young man as poor in habit as rich in meen , marcht by the Carts side , he had a great patch on his face which cover'd one of his eyes and half his cheek , he carried a long Gun upon his shoulder , with which he had murthered several Pies , Jayes and Rooks , which made a kinde of Bandelier about his neck , at the end whereof hung a Hen and Goose by the heels , which shewd , as if they were the spoyls of some little War . Instead of a Hat , he wore onely a Night-cap , tackt about with garters of different colours ; and his head tyre was no doubt a Turban onely rough-drawn , which wanted the las● hand to finish it . His Doublet was a grey freez● coat , with a leather girt about his middle which he used also for a belt to carry his sword which was so long , that it was not to be managed without a Rest . He had short trunk hos● to which his stockins were drawn up and stitched , like those the Players use when they represent some Antient Hero , and his shoes were antique buskins , which the dirt had bemired u●to his ancles . An old man more regularly , though very ill cloathed , went along by his side . He carried a Base-Viol on his back , and because he stooped a little , he seem'd at a distance to be a Great Tortoise walking upon his hinder legs . Some Critick may perhaps quarel at this comparison , because of the disproportion betwixt a Man and a Tortoise ; but I mean of those overgrown Tortoises in the Indies ; and besides , I tye my self to no Authority but my own . But let us return to our Caravan . It passed before the Tennis Court at the sign of the Hind , and made a halt at the door , where a great many of the chiefest Citizens were assembled together . The novelty of the Freight , and the noise of the Rascally boys that were gathered about the Cart , caused those honourable Burgo-masters to cast their eyes upon our strangers . A Provost amongst the rest named Le Rappiniere , accosted them first , and asked with a kind of majesterial authority , What they were ? The young man , I lately told you of , without moving his Turban , because with one hand he held his Gun , and with the other his sword , least it should flap against his legs , told him ; They were French by Birth , Players by profession , that his Theatrical name was Destiny , his old Comrades Rancour , and the Gentlewoman that was roosting like a Hen in her Nest on the top of their bag and bagage , Cave . This fantastical name made some of the company smile , whereupon the young player added , that the name of Cave ought not to sound more ridiculously or harsh in a wise mans ear , then that of Mountain , Valley , Rose , or Thornel . The conversation ended with some Oaths and Cuffs , which were heard at the forepart of the Cart ; occasioned by a servant of the Tenis Court , who without any warning had beaten the Carter , because his lean Cattel had eaten very liberally of a truss of hay that lay at the door . The noise was appeased , and the good woman of the house , who loved Comedies better then Prayers or Sermon , out of her more then common generosity , told the Car-man he might let his beasts eat their fill . He willingly accepted her proffer , and while his Cattel were feeding the Authour repos'd himself , and studied what should be the subject of the second Chapter .

MOnsieur De la Rappiniere was , at that time the Jester , Drole or Buffoon of the City o● Manse . It is not one alone that can serve turn in Paris ; for they have one at least in every Ward . I my self , that now Write , might hav● had the dignity for the quarter I dwell in ; Bu● I have long since renounced all the Vanities o● this world , as those that know me well can justifie . To return to Monsieur De la Rappiniere , he soon renewed the conversation , which the scuffle had interrupted , and asked our young Player if their company were composed but of Mad. Cave Monsieur , Rancour , and himself ? Our company , replied he , is as full and compleat , as the Prince of Orange's , or the Duke of Espernons : But by a disgrace which hapned to us at Tours , where one of our hair-brain'd door-keepers kill'd one of our Governours Guard , we were forced to pack away in all hast , with one shoe off another on , in the equipage you see us . Those Soldiers have done as much at La Flesche , said La Rappiniere , St. Anthony's fire consume them , said the good woman , they are the cause we can have no Play Acted . That should be no hinderance replied the old Commedian , had we but the keys of our Chests to come at our Cloaths ; for we could undertake to please the Gentlemen of this Town four or five days , before we go to Alenzon , where the rest of our company is to Rendezvous . This answer made every one prick up his ears , La Rappiniere proffer'd an old gown of his Wives to Cave , and the Tennis Court woman two or three sutes of Cloaths she had in pawn to Destiny , and Rancour . But said one that was present , there are but three of you ; Puh ! says Rancour , I have Acted a Play my self alone , and have personated at the same time the King , the Queen , and the Ambassadour ; I spake very shrill and small when I acted the Queen , when I Acted the Ambassadour , I spake thorow the Nose , turning my self towards a Chair where I had placed my Crown ; and when I came to the Kings part , I ascended my Throne , put on my Crown , and assumed a kind of Gravity , with a bigger and more manly voice : and least you should doubt this , if you will but satisfie our Carter , and detray our charge , in our Inn ; furnish us but with your cloaths , you shall see us act before night yet ; or else we will go drink , by your leave , or fell our selves a little , because we have traveled a great journey this day already . The proposition pleased the company , but that Devil De la Rappiniere who was ever studying to do mischief , said , they needed no other habits ; but two suits belonging to a couple of young Citizens that were playing a se● at Tennis , since Madam Caves dress would serve for any person in a Play . No sooner said , but as soon done ; in less then half a quarter of an hour , the Players had drunk every one a dish or two , were Travesty'd and the company which was ere this encreased , having taken their places in an upper room , from behind a foul sheet , which was drawn aside , appears the Player Destiny , lying on a bed-mat , with a wicker basket for a Crown upon his head , rubbing his drowsie eyes , like one that is newly waked , and repeating Herod ; part in a sad tone , which begins thus ;

Injurious Ghost that troublest my Repose .

The Plaister which cover'd the one half of his face , did not hinder him from approving himself a most excellent Actor ; Madam Cave did wonderfully well in Mariana's , and Salomes parts ; and Rancour gave every one very great satisfaction in what he undertook , so that the Play went exceeding well , when the Devil who never sleeps , plaid his part too , and made the Tragedy end , not with the death of Mariana and Herods dispair ; but with a thousand sound blows , as many buffets , kicks beyond number , and infinite Oaths , and at last a good account of all taken upon examination by La Rappiniere , the most expert of mankind in such affairs .

IN all the subordinate Towns of this Kingdom , there is commonly a Tennis Court , where the idler sort of people flock together ; some to play , and others to look on or bet . In these places it is , where they curse and swear frequently , riming so richly on the name of God , there they spare neither friend nor foe in their discourse , murthering the reputation of their absent neighbours with their poisonous tongues ; they give quarter to none , but treat mankind like Turks and Heathens , every one being admitted to scoff and raillie , according to the Talent he is Master of . It is in one of these Tennis-courts , as I remember , that I left three Comical Persons , reciting Mariana before a Right Honourable Audience , of which la Rappiniere was chief ; at the same instant when Herod and Mariana were contending , the two young men , from whom they had taken the Sutes so freely , came into the Chamber in their Drawers , each having his Racket in hand . They had neglected their being rub'd , for hast to see the Comedy ; they soon knew their own clothes worn by Pherore and Herod , and the most cholerick of the two , turning towards the Marker : Son of a Bitch , said he , wherefore didst thou lend my clothes to that Puppet-player ? The poor fellow , knowing what a rugged Blade he was , replies with all humility , that it was not he . And who was it then , you Cuckold Squire , added he ? He durst not accuse la Rappiniere to his face , but he himself , who was the most insolent person in the World , rising a little out of his Chair , said , It was I , what have you to say to me ? That you are a Sot , replyed the other , giving him an unmerciful rap over the Pate with his Racket . La Rappiniere was so amazed with his being prevented by this blow , which was the advantage he ever used to take of others , that he remained immovable , either out of admiration , or because he was not yet heated enough in his Harness ; for he could not be easily provoked to venture his Carcase , though it were only at Cuffs ; and perhaps the Quarrel had ended there , if his Man , who had more spirit than the Master , had not fallen upon the Assailant with a smart blow on his face attended with all its circumstances , and followed it at random with a number of others . La Rappiniere set upon him in the Rear , and began to belabour him with all his might , as being most concern'd : A Kinsman of his Adversaries flies on la Rappiniere , after the same manner , he was engaged by a friend of la Rappinieres to make a diversion ; this last was assaulted by another , and he by another likewise : In the end , all in the Chamber were engaged , one swore , the other rail'd , and all scuffled bravely : The Woman of the house finding her houshold-stuff going to wrack , filled the Air with her pitiful out-cries ; to say the truth , they were all in danger of perishing with flinging of Chairs , and Forms , and giving Kicks and Cuffs , if some of the Magistrates of the Town , who were passing by with the Sheriff , had not come up at the Alarum . Some were of opinion to throw two or three Pales of Water among them , to cool their courage ; and this remedy might perhaps have proved effectual , had they not parted out of pure lassitude : Besides that two , Father Capucins moved with charity came upon the spot , and made , not a firm peace , but a kinde of Truce , in which interim they might treat without prejudice taking an account of either party . This Player Destiny behaved himself so stoutly ●t Fifty-cuffs , that the Fame of his Prowess remains yet fresh in the memory of those Citi●ens , according to the report of the two young Hectors , Authors of the Quarrel , with whom he was particularly engaged , and so shrewdly bang'd , as he did many others , that they were quickly forc'd to leave the Field . He lost the Plaister from his face during the Skirmish , which discovered a face , as handsome as the shape of his body . The bloody muzles were washed with cold water , the torn bands were changed , some at a plasmes were applyed , the rent clothes were stitched up , the houshold-stuff marshalled in due place , but not altogether so whole as in the beginning of the Fray . In fine , some moments after there remained no signes of any Combate , but only a little animosity was legible in their countenances . The poor Players went out a good while after with la Rappiniere , who would needs have the last word : As they went cross the Market , they were surrounded by seven or eight Bravo's , with Weapons in hand ; le Rappiniere as he was wont , grew very fearful , and had found cause form , had not Destiny most generously interpos'd and put by a Thrust which had run thorow him ; which nevertheless he could not so absolutely avoid , but he received a sleight wound in his Arm : He drew his Sword upon this , and in a very short time , forced two of theirs out of their hands , open'd one or two of their Skulls , sliced their Ears , and so Nobly defeated the Ambuscade of these Monsieurs , that al the Spectators protested they never saw so valiant a Champion . This routed Party , was set on la Rappiniere by two young Gallants ; one whereof had married his Sister , who began the Fray with his Racket : And it is very probable la Rappiniere had been spoil'd , had not fortune raised him this valiant Comedian for Desendour . This good turn somwhat softned his stony heart ; so that not enduring this poor scatter'd Remnant of a broken Company should be forced to quarter at an Inn , he invited them to his own house , where the Carter unloaded their Players trumpery , and return'd back to his native Village .

MIstress la Rappiniere received the Company with great civility , being a woman that submitted her self more freely than any other ; she was not ugly , though so lean and dry , that she never snuffed a Candle with her fingers end , but they took fire : I could relate a hundred rare stories , which I omit , as being too prolix . In half an hour the two women were so well acquainted , that they had no other Title , but my Dearest , and my Joy , at every turn . La Rappiniere , who was as full of vain-glory , as any finical Barber in the town , bid them at his first coming home , repair to the Kitching and Larder , and charge the Officers to hasten Supper . This was a pure Rodomontado , for besides an antient Groom that kept his Horse , he had no other servants but a young wench , and an old hobling Chair-woman as sickly as a decai'd Bitch . But his pride had a fall , by an accident that befel him : He ordinarily ate at the Inns upon other Prodigal young fools charges , and his Family at home so well regulated , they were reduced to Cabbige , and Pottage according to the custom of the Countrey ; desiring to appear like some body before his Guests , and regale them with extraordinaries , he thought to have convey'd some money to his man behind his back , wherewith to purchase a treat : But whether it were the servants , or the Masters fault , I know not how , the money falls gingling down upon the arm of his Chair where he sat , and from thence to the ground ; la Rappiniere look'd very blew upon it , his Wife blush'd , Rancour did not mind it , the servant swore , and Cave smil'd ; but as for Destiny , I cannot now tell what effect it wrought upon his spirit . Well — the money was gathered up again , and whilst the Supper was providing , they entred into conversation . La Rappiniere ask'd Destiny wherefore he disguised his face with a Plaister : He told him there was Reason enough , for being accidentally forc'd to make his escape in those uncouth clothes , he was willing to hide his face from the knowledge of his Enemies , by keeping it under that cloud . In the end , the Supper , such as it was , came in ; la Rappiniere drunk till he was fudled , and Rancour was up to the Hilts in the blood of Pacchus ; Destiny eat very soberly like a temporate man , Cave like a famish'd Player , and Mistress la Rappiniere as a woman that took advantage of the present opportunity ; that is to say , till she was over-gorg'd . Whilest afterwards the servants were feeding , and the beds making ready , la Rappiniere tired them with a thousand frivolous stories . Destiny lay alone in a little private Chamber , Cave with the young Wench in a by-closer , and Rancour I know not where , with the serving-man . They had all a great mind to sleep , some for weariness , the other with repletion ; and yet they slept but very little , so uncertain is every thing in this world . After her first slumber , Mistriss la Rappiniere had a mind to do that which no body could do for her , her Husband wak'd immediately after she was gone , though he were sufficiently drunk still , and finding he was left alone he called his Wife , but was not answered ; this bred a jealousie , his jealousie made him mad , and this madness made him rise in an instant . Going out of his Chamber , he hears somthing trampling just before him ; a while he steals after it : And in the midst of a little Entry , that led to Destiny's Chamber , he found himself so near the Party he traced , that he was ready to tread on the heels of it ; he thought to lay hands upon his Wife , and seizes upon it crying out , Ah you Whore ! But he grasp'd nothing but Air ; while his feet meeting a stumbling-block , down comes he with his Nose on the floor , where some sharp thing punch'd his breast so desperately ; That he bawl'd out Murther ! I am stabb'd ! still keeping hold of his Wives Lock , as he imagin'd , who was strugling to get away from underneath him . At his out-cries , curses and damnable oaths , all the house was in an uproar , and every one came to help him , just at the same moment ; the maid servant with a Candle , Rancour and the old groom in their nasty shirts ; Cave in a tatter'd morning coat ; Destiny with his naked tool in hand , and Mistris De la Rappiniere appear'd last of all , as much amazed as the rest , to behold her husband wrestling with a Goat , who suckled a litter of young Dog whelps in the house , whose Bitch-mother dyed in Labour . Never was mortal man so ashamed as La Rappiniere ; His VVife mistrusting the Jealousie of his crack'd brain , ask'd him , if he had lost his Wits ? He answer'd at randum , not knowing indeed what he said ; that he took the Goat for a Thief . Destiny soon smelt the business ; Every one returned to their Beds , and believ'd what their own fancy suggested of the adventure , and the Goat was lock'd up again with the Whelps .

RAncour came to the Inn little better than half drunk . Mrs. Rappinier's Maid who conducted him , desired the Hostess to have a bed made for him : A great purchase indeed , said the Landlady , if this be the best trade we must look for , good buoy Landlord ; i' faith you must seek your Rent elswhere : Hold your peace you Sot , replyed her Husband , Monsieur de la Rappiniere , does us too much Honour ; therefore provide the Gentleman a bed quickly . Marry come up , quoth she , but you must know where to find one first , there was but one to spare , and that is just now taken up by a good Merchant : The Merchant came in just at the nick of time , and having understood the cause of their Quarrel , proffer'd Rancour part of his bed ; whether it were that he had business with la Rappiniere , or that he were naturally obliging , for which Rancour gave him as many thanks as his barren civility could afford . The Merchant supp'd , mine Host kept him company , and Rancour was easily entreated to make up a third , and took off his Cups roundly at another mans cost . They discoursed of Taxes , railed against Excise-men , and undertook to govern the Kingdom , but were so ill Governors over themselves , and especially mine Host , that he drawes out his Purse , and calls for the Reckoning , forgetting he was eating Oats at his own Manger ; his Wife and her Maid seeing him in this pickle , pull'd him out by head and shoulders , and clapt him on a bed in his clothes Rancour told the Merchant he was much troubled with a difficulty of making water , and wa● therefore very sorry he should be forced to disturb him ; to which the Merchant replyed , tha● a Night was soon over . The bed stood in a corner of the Chamber , with one side close to the Wall ; Rancour gets in first , and takes up the further side , and the Merchant having laid himself outermost , Rancour desires he would help him to the Chamber-pot : And what do you intend to do with it , saies the Merchant ? I must contrive some way to set it by me , replies Rancour , for fear of troubling you too often in the N●ght : The Merchant freely proffered to reach it to him , upon all occasions ; to which Rancour seemed but unwillingly to consent , protesting it would grieve him to the heart to disturb him so much ; the Merchant fell asleep before he could make answer , and he was scarce thorowly so , but the malicious Player , who was of such a damned humour , he would willingly lose an eye of his own , to put out another mans , pulled the poor Merchant by the arm , crying out , Sir , O dear Sir : The Merchant not quite awake , askt him yawning , what is 't you desire ? Pray give me the Pot a little , said Rancour ; the other reache● to the Flore , and taking it up , gives it into Rancours hands , who seemingly strived to piss , and after a hundred proffers and trials , and as many oaths and mutterings between his teeth , not forgetting to bemoan and bewail himself , he returns the Pot to the Merchant , without one drop in it ; The Merchant sets it down in its place again , and gaping as wide as an oven for want of sleep , truly Sir , said he ; I pitty you very much , and immediately fell into a sound sleep again . Rancour lets him sleep on a pretty while , and when he heard him begin to snore as heartily , as if he had done nothing else all his life time ; the perfidious Rascal wakens him again , and calls for the Chamber pot as maliciously as he did the time before . The Merchant gives it him as orderly as at first ; Rancour holds it to the place out of which we use to piss , but with as little design to piss , as to let the Merchant rest in quiet : he cries out louder then before , and was twice as long not pissing , conjuring the Merchant not to trouble himself any more with reaching the Pot , telling him it was unreasonable , and he would make a shift to do it well enough himself : The poor man , who would at that time have given half his estate to have fetch'd out his sleep , drouzily told him , he might do as he pleased ; and set the pot down again . They bid each other good night very civilly , and the poor Merchant would have ventured a good wager , that he should now sleep as quietly as ever he did in his life : Rancour who knew what would happen , lets him fairly engage himself a while to a most sweet repose , and making no conscience of waking him , he lays his sharp elbow just upon the pit of his stomach , and throwing his whole body forwards , stretches his arme out of the bed , as we use to doe to take up any thing from the bed-side ; The Unfortunate Merchant start up awake , feeling himself almost stifled and prest to death , crying out horribly with an oath , O Sir you kill me ! Rancour replies with as much softness , as the other spake with passion : I beg your pardon , I was only going to reach the Pot. Ah! cri'd the other , I had rather watch'd the whole night and given it you my self , for you have done that to me , which I shall carry to my Grave . Rancour made him no answer , but pissed so copiously , and with so much strength , that this noise alone had been sufficient to have awaked the Merchant . He filled the Pot up to the brim , blessing god with a Phanitical Hipocrisie : The poor Merchant congratulated as well as he could the emptying of his bladder , and plentifull ejaculation of Urine , which made him promise himself an uninterrupted sleep , when the cursed Rancour making as if he would set down the pot again , let both it and the piss fall down upon the gentlemans Face , Beard , and Breast , crying out , Alas ! Sir , I entreat your pardon ; The Merchant made no return to his civility , for as soon as he felt himself pickled in that liquor , he rose up howling like a Fury , and bawling for a Candle . Rancour with a most cunning calmness , said , faith this is an unlucky accident ; but the Merchant continued his clamours . The Host , Hostess , Tapsters and Chambermaids , took the Alarum and came to them , the Merchant telling them they had brought him the Devil for a bed-fellow , called for a fire in another Room . They demanded what he ailed , but his anger was so unexpressible he gave no reply , but caught up his Cloaths and Portmanteau , and went into the Kitchen to dry himself , where he slept out the rest of the night on a bench by the fire-side : The Master of the House enquired of Rancour what the matter was , who told him with a counterfeit ingenuity : I cannot imagine what reason he should have to complain : but he started out of his sleep , and waked me at the same time with a hideous out-cry of murther , so that either some fearful dream disturbed him , or else he must needs be distracted , for he hath be-pissed the bed till it is all on float again ; the good woman felt the bed with her hand , and found it so true , that she swore by her maker she would make him pay for his nastiness : They wish'd Rancour a good night , who slept as quietly till morning , as if he had had the clearest conscience in the world and so recruited himself of the disturbance his Carcass had met with the precedent night at Rappinieres : He was rouzed somwhat earlier though then he intended , Rappinieres maid , calling him up in great hast , to come and speak with Doguin who was dying , and desired to see him before he left the world : He went not without some trouble , being puzled to guess what might be the occasion of this fellows sending for him at such a time , having had no acquaintance with him but the day before . But it proved onely a mistake of the maids , who hearing him inquire for the player , went for Rancour instead of Destiny ; who was just come into Doguins chamber before Rancour arrived , and had shut himself up with the Priest that had confessed him , who had informed Destiny that the sick party had somthing that concerned him to discover to him . He had not been thus in private with Doguin above the eighth part of an hour , but La Rappiniere returned home from the City , where he had been ever since break of day about business : At his coming he was informed his man was dying , it being impossible to stanch his blood , by reason a great vessel was cut asunder , and that he had requested to speak with Destiny the Comedian before his senses left him ; And hath he been with him ? demanded La Rappin●re somwhat started ; Answer was given , that they were lock'd up together in private . He was thunder struck at these words , and running to the Chamber door in a fury bounced at the door , where Doguin was giving up the Ghost , just as Destiny opened it to call some body to help the dying man then fallen into a trance - La Rappiniere asked him with a troubled countenance , what his foolish servant had to say to him ; I believe he raves , replied Destiny very coldly , for he beg'd a thousand pardons of me , and I never knew he had in the least offended ; but pray let some body be called to his assistance , for he is just dying ; they went to his bed side where he was gasping his last , which made La Rappiniere put on a more confident look then at his first approach ; Those that were not strangers to his temper thought it was only because , he perhaps owed him wages which would now be saved : But Destiny knew a more prevalent reason . Presently after two other persons came to the house , who were welcome to our Player as being of the same company , of whom we shall discourse more amply in the ensuing .