Epigrames Serued out in 52. seuerall dishes for euery man to tast without surfeting. By I.C. Gent.

Epigrames .

1. THere s an out-landish man now newly landed , With rare inuen●●ons , rich conceited tires : From Court vnto the Citty he is bandied , To shew his wares which suddainely inspires . The inconstant fancie of the foolish buyers , The price is great , therefore the wares the better , Halfe on 't downe paid , halfe on 't remaine his debtor And this superfluous waste exp●nce in spending , Makes Courtiers euer borrowing , neuer lending . Yet Ladies best speed when thy spend most of all For spend they nere so much their wastes still small .

2 THis straunger now is sent for to the Cittie , Where he does shew some relique of a fashion : A great ruffe rare , a little one that 's pretty , Another excelent with alteration . The Citty Damsels giue more and pay better : That I conclude your Citties wastes are greater .

3 PHilo is iealious a●d to his wife would proue , That in a little iealousie dwels much loue : Which in her eare so often he did crie , That she at last began to edefie . And said deare husband henceforth I will be : More ielous ouer you then you of me . Which he likt well and wisht it would be so : And now with lesse mistrust from home doth go . The whilst some friend steps in then doth she feare , And still is iealous Philo thou art neare .

4. A Madbraine vickar in a desperate moode , Would sometimes sweare to play at dice was good And he himselfe would venter many a crowne , Amongst his best parishoners in the Towne . The vicar lost , yet knew no reason why : Vnlesse there were quick-siluer in the Die . The Die was broake , quick-siluer there was none , Yet was the vickars siluer quickly gone .

8 WHat Gallant 's this atir'd all in blacke , It is no Cour●ier sure , nor what do you lacke , Some ordinary Gallant ten to one , That liueth idly here about the Towne , What is it he , I know him t is a Gull , That s conicatcht by euery scuruy trull , His father 's lately dead and he is heire , Of large possessions and reuenues faire , I haue heard some say , great Lordships to him fall , Yet this I am sure his maners are but small .

9. ANother Gallant who was light of heele , Would take vpon him for to runne with any , For he had run round about fortunes wheele , And neuer yet was he out run by any , He ran , and ran , some twenty yeares together , And neuer lookt behinde him , till he met , A Seriant at the shoulder , clad in leather , Then he perceiu'd how he had runne in debt , And now began to stay , yet he must on , En'e faire and softly vnto prison .

10. VArius the traueller who doth not know , That has bin fu●ther than any map can show , O● ventious Drak● , Haukins , or Forbisher ; None ere receiu'd like grace of the Emperor , The Sophi● & he sworne brothers , t was his lot , To drinke carouse in Solymans owne pot , Yet here he staid not long , but still went on , To take acquaintance of great Prastor Iohn , Where he was welcome and it was his chance , To kisse his empresse , and with his daughter dance , His lies are monstrous great , and yet but young , Gargantua sure was father of his Tounge .

11 A Pretty Creature of the lightest fashion , Was early once inuited to a marriage , Before the Cocke had giuen l●st relation , Of the worlds beauty burner on his carriage , Vp she was got , and got vnto her Truncke , Wherein complexions were that better'd natures , The very Daffa-downe-dilly of a Puncke , Besides her Art puts downe Venetian features , But now , either because of hast , or want of light , Painted her face all red and her lips whight .

12 WHo er'e will go vnto the presse may see , The hated Fathers of vilde balladrie , One sings in his base note the Riuer Thames , Shal sound the famous memory of noble king Iames Another sayes that he will to his death , Sing the renowned worthinesse of sweet Elizabeth , So runnes their verse in such disordered straine , And with them dare great maiesty prophane , Some dare do this , some other humbly craues , For helpe of spirits in their sleeping graues , As he that calde to Shakespeare , Iohnson , Greene , To write of their dead noble Queene , But he that made the Ballads of oh hone , Did wondrous well to whet the buyer on , These fellowes are the slaunderers of the time , Make ryming hatefull through their bastard rime . But were I made a iudge in poetry , They all should burne for their vilde heresie .

13. CLodio some for thy feather take thee for a horse All for an Asse if thou but once discourse .

14 WHen Gatra died great store of wealth was found In cofers , truncks , great chests , & leather bags , In cubberds , hampers , and vaults vnder ground , Iewels wrapt vp ( in pollicie ) with rags . Some say he got more then the begger did , That was so ritch and excellent at the trade , Others thinke deuils mong'st his Angels hid , Who vp to the necke in Common-wealth did wade He was no Marchant beater of the burse , Nor neuer pleading at the barre did braule , Yet he found meanes to bumbast out his purse , For many say he got the deuill and all , Well say he did , it seemes he let him goe , But now the diuell has him he le not do so .

An Epita . HEre lyes the man who dyed in paine , Yet would haue liu'd to haue dyed againe ,

Of Stone the Iester . 15 LOoke at what time Pomgranets do wax scant , At the same time Stone witty iests doth want , Then gainst Paules pillers or some other post , He leanes to finde his chapman whole giue most . 〈◊〉 oftentimes and others muse at it , ●o great a head should haue so little wit , The miracles not so great the iest once knowne , Who i' st would looke for wit in any Stone .

16 I Gaue Coxhead more title to his name , And cal'd him Coxcombe for his greater fame , But he was angry , was he not a mome ? Who euer saw Coxhead without a Combe .

17 CLogo is knighted , but he knowes not by whom , Sayes t was by a fine man and in a fine roome , Well fare his wife yet , who is not such a babie , But knowes what foole it was made her a Lady .

18 IF any man looke but on Dabus wife , He is straight a Cuckolde he dares lay his life , But if one talke with her then it is so , Though all the sooth-sayers in the Towne say no , But if you kisse her ay then he is vp in blood , And sweares she beares two faces vnder one hoode .

19 ALl Sims valour consists in his Tounge , He swore full mouth'd oathes , He 'd pocket vp no wrong , When we that were with him , Beleft him soone . For wrongfully he did pocket vp , A guilt siluer spoone .

20 VNconstant Fortune partiall in thy guifts , Who puts poore gentle men vnto their shifts , And crossest them , and them vncrosse againe , For to be crost you know is a hellish paine , But to be vncrost , why ti 's ten times worse , To haue more siluer on the sword then purse .

21 WHy is base Nemius iudged to be ritch , Because he lookes so grim and weares seale rings , Or cause he buyes commodities of Fish , Of Cheese , of Butter and such other things , Or is t because he talkes of Bondes and Billes , Of Leases , and of morgaging of Land , Of Lordships , Mannors , and of making willes , Of many paunes that lie vpon his hand , Or is 't because like a great Alderman , He weares a gown lac't round , laid down with furre , Or miser like a pouch where neuer man , Could thrust his finger but this Island curre . All these are signes that he is not belyed , And yet he has ten thousand markes beside .

22 MOunsir Montaingnis to the Tailor owes , Some forty shillings for his swaggering hose , Taylor for mony came , Mounsir was ill , Could not endure to looke vpon his bill , The Taylor seeing that did him this grace , To leaue his bill behinde but brought a mace .

23 IF any man of monsters chance to talke , Or big boand Giants that this land did walke , Cacus steps forth and telles you of his Sire , And his long may-pole legs which reached higher , Then strong imagination will giue leaue , Or probability of truth receiue , T' is but to signifie vnto this age , His monstrous birth and high borne parentage ,

28. LAis all of deformity is compact , Splay-footed beetle-brow'd , crook't-backe , I ask't her how it came she answers all , When she was yong by an vnhappy fall : But Lais , Lais , you might auoyded well , The fall you had which made your belly swell .

29 IAnus the ritch fat vsurer desird , To be a knight and yet was loath to giue , The compleate summe which of him was requird , And once a yeare a feast while he did liue . Ambition yet gaue couetousnes a blow , That stroke two hundred pounds out of his purse , But of his knighthood such great charge doth grow That he repents of what he did disburse , And wisely now his knighthood doth compare , To pickle herring or tough martlemas beife , ( Which being eaten not for common faire ) Though it be ready bought yet playes the theefe , meaning as those salt meates do steale down drinke So doth his knight-hood steale away his chinke .

30 A Foole saith Clinius euery one would make him I thinke they haue don 't for so al men take him Ti 's marle they will offer being so common a rule , For him himselfe , to make himselfe a foole .

31 LOrd what a colle there was to be a Lady , By mistris Wood been a gentlewoman , Wife to yong Hary holdfast , Knight that may be , Nay will be , though his fathers but a yeoman Madnes has ceas'd on his wiues troubled braine , Because the present time she was no Lady , He seekes to comfort her and ease her paine , She does not like this shall be nor this may be , Shall Maulkin milke-maide her high words exalt , In euery place before me I abhorre it , Whose fresh gentillity was pickt from malt , What reason law or conscience haue you for it , Away he went in hast , home knighted came , And she was turnd from a mad dame to madam .

23 FVrius a louer was , and had louing fits , He lou'd so madly that he lost his wits , Nay he lost nought yet grant I he was mad , How could he loose that which he neuer had .

33 WHen Muske & Ciuet two nere kinsmen meete , Each other in the middle I le of Paules , Straight they incounter with embraces sweete , From head vnto the foote each other falles , Thei le daunce a galliard out in complement , And chaine each other to the bosome fast , Then say their prayers in curtsie and repent , The negligence that hath betweene them past , Then breath a while , without a word make stay . Salute a fresh againe and so away .

34. A Curious Gallant chanc't to haue a sight , Of these slight Epigrames first infancie , Who Pedunt wise did tax them ( not for spight ) Of their lame harsh vnmeasurd quantities , They halt not so to lie vpon the parish , As much to say vpon the Printers hand , The hole hath promised the lame to cherish , But now he findes two Adiectiues to stand , Ioyned together that small fault or none , One Adiectiue can neuer stand alone ,

An Epitath vpon Singer . DEath was so bolde his dayes to shorten , Who altogether liu'd by fortune .

35 SYlla hath many parts that blase her fame , All do not know her that know her name , She Makes a Lute speake in his airy voice , Will force sad melanchollies selfe reioyce , The Syrens tunes bewitching Trauailer , Themselues would be bewitcht should they here her Daunces without compare , paints best in Towne , Yet for all this I know one puts her downe .

36 A Worthy Lady of great eminence , Who holds all borrowed beauty in disdaine , Out of whose wisedome shines her excellence , The Muses are attendant on her traine , And they doe her and she doth them sustaine , Her acute iudgement did vouchsafe to reede , An Epigrame which this Booke doth containe , And pai'd in words what she will pay in deed , ( For Ladies nere make promises in vaine ) Were so much giuen for one is t not a fall , That for a Tester ( Reader ) thou hast all .

Aenigma . THe Court hath got the Citty with Childe , Which well hath cost their purse , The Country with it is be guild , With whom it is at nurse .

THere is a thing which barkes not , yet doth bite , Worse then the wildest beast A ( )

37 PHrigio lay bed-rid now lies in his graue , Look't like a spittleman and worse diseased , His wife fresh , lusty , stately , gallant , braue , Yet the same sicknes was on her encreased , Which she brock't well , and made not such a doe , As you did Phrigio yet lay bed-rid to .

An Epita . HEre lies he knowne to his furd Cloake , Liu'd like the Salamander by fire and smoake .

38 MVn has a wife but knowes not how to vse her , And yet he knowes too wel how to abuse her .

39 FIcus was fat in body and in purse , And vnto Sea is gone himselfe to purge , Some fifteene hunderd markes he did disburse , To receiue three for one , a tempting scourge , To whip my Gallant vp the surging seas , And daunce to Venice with a whistling winde , There to euacuate for stomachs ease , The home-bred crudities his flesh did bind , Of him we haue not heard vnto this day , That I beleeue he 's purged all away .

40. SEignior Tobacco that braue Caualier , Came swaggering from the Tauerne here & there From wall to kennell , from kennell to the wall , Was not land roome enough for him to saile , At last he meetes a Dray-man with his carte , And much good sport there was ere they did part , For about wine and beare they did discourse , Yet he knew not the Brewer from his horse .

41 A Country man who had some suite belike . ( With a blacke box downe pendant at his side ) Walking from Westminster the stones did strike , With his naild shooes that euery step did slide , So came he making legs vp Ludgate hill , And lookt as if he 'd eate what he had seene , At last he Ludgate spied and then stood still , Gaping vpon the picture of the Queene , The prisoner gan his cry , then he for feare , Started and askt if there the Lyons were .

42 SIslie reports Angels appeare to her , And comforts her in all extremity , Nay and besides they do presse neare to her , Promising aide in great'st calamity , But this you must suppose they come in night , For Sislies Angels neuer came in sight .

43 SYlla can play on any instrument , Yet neuer doth she worke her owne content , The reason is so they that know her say , Because she giues her minde too much to play .

44 CAius thus complements at dinner , sir will you sit By Iesus Christ I will not eate a bit , Vntill you come , but straight doth call for beare , Then by your fauour sir , please you be here , What wine do you drinke to aske he le neuer misse , But he le be sure you shall drinke none of his .

45. A Wondrous thing , olde Phiro goes a woing , To shew himselfe a Maid , longs to be doing .

46 PHantastique Pedants say these Poets are , The vainest fellowes that liue vpon the earth , In Platoes Common-wealth they banish'd were , For ther 's no musicke in them nor no mirth , But what s the reason they thus Poets blame , Because their dearth of wit requires the same .

Epita . HEre lies an Astronomer that studied by the rule Dyed because the Starres allotted him a foole .

47 I Talkt with Iulia in good modest phraise , But she my meanings and my words dispraise , And in a coynesse thus replies to me , I am not her you take me sir to be , Well Iulia , i le beleeue what you haue said , But i le be sworne I tooke you for a maide .

48 CLinius misdoubtes himselfe , sayes that all men , Doe ride and play vpon him now and then , Fie Clinius fie , neuer make such strife , Better they play on you then on your wife .

49 LVcius protesteth his loue blinded sight , Sees in the darke best by his mistris light , Or his light mistris , and it well may be , For light Owles , do by Owle-light clearest see .

50 WHen Dicke a letter to his ritch vncle writ , He superscrib'd it to the R. worshipfull , Now I knew what he meant and smild at it , To thinke how he would gul the kings leige people He would haue writ the word right out at large , But that he thought was not his vnckles due , Yet I vpon me too kt for his discharge , To make it ritch and that I am sure was true , Iudge where I wrong'd him now , or did't on spight When I am sure he would haue had it right .

51. FIcus hath lost his nose , but knowes , not how , And that seems strange to euery one that knows it , My thinkes I see it written in his brow , How , wherefore , and the cause that he did lose it , To tell you true Ficus I this suppose , T was some French Caniball bit of your nose .

52 ANtonio Flora stabd good reason why , He being a Souldier she gaue him the lie , And yet the desperate wench would nere refraine , To giue it him till she was stabd againe .

An Epigrame vpon a Booke intituled the three Sisters , to a new Straine . STraind he not hard ( thinke you ) that straind such sence , From the three Sisters in their difference , To deale with Widdow , Wife , and Maid was paine , That it was marl'e he did not ouerstraine . REader I know not how I haue pleas'd thy mind , With these rude Epigrams harsh vnrefind , But if they be not drest vnto thy taste , Then blame the Cooke for making too much hast , I le ner'e make promise to remaine thy debter , But if thou likst them not , would thou hadst better .

FINIS .