Epigrams both pleasant and serious, written by that all-worthy knight, Sir Iohn Harrington: and neuer before printed

EPIGRAMS

To an ill Reader . THe verses , Sextus , thou dost read , are mine ; But with bad reading thou wilt make them thine .

In lectorem inuidum . WHo read's our verse with visage sowre & grim , I wish him enuy me , none enuy him .

Of Table friends . YOu thinke his faith is firme , his friendship stable , Whose first acquaintance grew but at your Table : He loues your venison , snytes , quailes , larkes , not you : Make me such fare , and take my friendship too .

The Author to his Wife , of partition . SOme Ladies with their Lords diuide their state , And liue so when they list , at seuerall rate ; But I 'le indure thee , Mall , on no condition , To sue with me a writ of such partition . Twice seuen yeares since , most solemnly I vowd , With all my worldly goods I thee endow'd , Then house , plate , stuffe , not part , but al is thine : Yet so , that thou , and they , and all are mine . Then let me go , and sue my writ of dotage , If I with thee part house , or close or cottage . For where this is my Lords , and that my Ladies , There some perhaps , thinke likewise of their babies .

Of Treason . TReason doth neuer prosper , what s the reason ? For if it prosper , none dare call it Treason .

Of the warres in Ireland . I Prais'd the speech , but cannot now abide it , That war is sweet , to those that haue not try'd it : For I haue proou'd it now , and plainely see 't , It is so sweet , it maketh all things sweet . At home Canarie wines and Greeke grew lothsome : Here milke is Nectar , water tasteth toothsom . There without bak't , rost , boyld , it is no cheere . Bisket we like , and Bonny Clabbo heere . There we complaine of one reare rosted chicke : Heere viler meat , worse cookt , ne're makes me sick . At home in silken sparuers , beds of Down , We scant can rest , but still tosse vp and downe : Heere I can sleepe , a saddle to my pillow , A hedge the Curtaine , Canopy a Willow . There if a child but cry , oh what a spite ! Heere we can brooke three larums in one night , There homely rooms , must be perfum'd with roses : Heere match and powder ne're offends our noses . There from a storme of raine we run like Pullets , Heere we stand fast against a showre of bullets . Lo then how greatly their opinions erre , That thinke there is no great delight in warre : But yet for this ( sweet warre ) I le be thy debter , I shall for euer loue my home the better ,

Of Women learned in the Tongues . YOu wisht me to a wife , faire , rich and young , That had the Latine , French and Spanish tongue . I thank't and told you I desir'd none such , And said , One Language may be tongue too much . Then loue I not the Iearned ? yes as my life ; A learned mistris , not a learned wife .

The Author to his Wife , of the twelue signes , how they gouerne . MArke heere ( my Mall ) how in this dozen lines , Thus placed are the twelue celestiall signes : And first the Ram beares rule in head and face , The stiffe-neckt Bull in necke doth hold his place : And Twins mine armes and hands do both imbrace . Then Cancer keepes the small ribs and the brest , And Leo backe and heart hath aye possest . Then Virgo claimes the entrailes and the panch , Libra the nauell , reynes and eyther hanch . Scorpio pretends power in the priuy parts . Both thighes are pierst with Sagitaries darts , Then Capricorn to knees his force doth send . Aquarius doth to legges his vertue lend . Pisces beneath vnto the feet descend . Thus each part is possest ; now tell me , Mall , Where lies thy part ? in which of these ? in all . In all ? content . Yet sure thou art more iealous Of Leo's part and Scorpio's , then their fellowes .

Against Swearing . IN elder times an ancient custome was , To sweare in weighty matters by the Masse . But when the Masse went downe ( as old men note ) They sware then , by the Crosse of this same grote . And when the Crosse was likewise held in scorne , Then by their faith , the common oth was sworne . Last hauing sworne away all faith and troth , Only God dam'n them is their common oth . Thus custome kept decorum by gradation , That losing Masse , Crosse , Faith , they find damnation .

Of little Pitty . WHen noble Essex , Blount and Danuers died , One saw them suffer that had heard thē tried : And sighing , said ; When such braue souldiers dye , Is 't not great pitty thinke you ? no , said I : There is no man of sense in all the city , Will say , 't is great , but rather little pitty .

A question of Lazarus soule , well answered . ONce on occasion two good friends of mine Did meet at meat , a Lawyer and Diuine ; Both hauing eaten well , to helpe disgestion , To the Diuine , the Lawyer put this question : When Lazarus in graue foure daies did stay , Where was his soule ? in heau'n or hell ? I pray ; Was it in hell ? thence no redemption is , And if in Heau'n , would Christ abate his blisse ? Sir ( said the Preacher ) for a short digression , First answer me one point of your profession . If Lazarus and his sonne had fall'n to strife , Whose was the land when he came back to life ? This later question mou'd them al to laughter : And so they dranke one to another after .

Of the games that haue beene in request at the Court . I Heard one make a pretty Obseruation , How games haue in the Court turn'd with the fashion , The first game was the best , when free from crime , The Courtly gamesters all were in their Prime : The second game was Post , vntill with posting They paid so fast , 't was time to leaue their bosting . Then thirdly follow'd heauing of the Maw , A game without Ciuility or Law , An odious play , and yet in Court oft seene , A sawcy knaue to trump both King and Queene . Then follow'd Lodam , hand to hand or quarter , At which some maids so ill did keepe the quarter , That vnexpected , in a short abode They could not cleanly beare away their lode . Now Nody followd next , as well it might , Although it should haue gone before of right . At which I saw , I name not any body , One neuer had the knaue , yet laid for Nody . The last game now in vse is Bankerout , Which will be plaid at still , I stand in doubt , Vntill Lauolta turne the wheele of time , And make it come about againe to Prime .

The Author to Queene Elizabeth in praise of her reading . FOr euer deare , for euer dreaded Prince , You read a verse of mine a little since , And so pronounst each word and euery letter , Your Gracious reading grac't my verse the better . Sith then your Highnes doth by gift exceeding , Make what you read , the better in your reading , Let my poore muse your paines thus farre importune , To leaue to read my verse , and read my fortune .

Of King Henries woing . VNto a stately great outlandish dame , A Messenger from our King Henry came , ( Henry of famous memory the eight ) To treat with her in matter of great waight ; As namely , how the King did seeke her marriage , Because of her great vertue and good carriage . She ( that had heard the King lou'd change of pasture ) Repli'd , I humbly thanke the King your Master , And would , ( such loue his fame in me hath bred , ) My body venter so , but not my head .

Two witty answers of Bishop Bonner . BOnner , that late had Bishop beene of London , Was bid by one , Good morrow Bishop quondam : He with the scoffe no whit put out of temper , Reply'd incontinent , Adieu knaue Semper . Another in such kind of scoffing speeches , Would beg his tippet , needs , to line his breeches . Not so ( quoth he ) but it may be thy hap , To haue a foolish head to line thy cap .

Of Lynus borrowing . LYnus came late to me sixe crownes to borrow , And sware God damn him , hee 'd repai't to morrow . I knew his word as current as his band , And straight I gaue to him three crownes in hand ; This I to giue , this he to take was willing , And thus he gaind , and I sau'd fifteene shilling .

A good answer of the Poet Dant to an Atheist . THe pleasant learn'd Italian Poet Dant , Hearing an Atheist at the Scriptures iest , Askt him in iest which was the greatest beast ? He simply said ; he thought an Elephant . Then Elephant ( quoth Dant ) it were commodious , That thou wouldst hold thy peace , or get thee hence , Breeding our Conscience scandall and offence With thy prophan'd speech , most vile and odious . Oh Italy , thou breedst but few such Dants , I would our England bred no Elephants .

Of Quintus almes . WHen Quintus walketh out into the street , As soon as with some beggar he doth meet , Ere that poore soule to aske his almes hath leisure , He first doth chafe & swear beyond all measure , And for the Beadle all about he sends , To beare him to Bride-well , so he pretends . The beggar quickly out of sight doth goe , Full glad in heart he hath escaped so . Then Quintus laughes , and thinks it is lesse charges , To sweare an oath or two , then giue a larges .

Of Marcus his drunken feasting . WHen Marcus makes ( as oft he doth ) a feast , The wine stil costs him more thē all the rest . Were water in this towne as deare as hay , His horses should not long at liuery stay . But tell me , is 't not a most foolish tricke , To drinke to others healths till thou be sicke ? Yet such the fashion is of Bacchus crue , To quaffe and bowze , vntill they belch and spue . Well , leaue it Marcus , else thy drinking health , Will prooue an eating to thy wit and wealth .

Of kissing the cheeke . Is 't for a grace ? or is 't for some dislike ? When others kisse with lip you giue the cheeke ; Some note it for a pride in your behauiour : But I would rather take it for a fauour ; For I to know my kindnesse and my loue , Will leaue both lippe and cheeke , to kisse your gloue . If with my reason you would be acquainted , Your glou's perfum'd , your lip and cheeke are painted .

Of kissing the foote . A Courtier , kind in speech , curst in condition , Finding his fault could be no longer hidden , Went to his friend to cleere his hard suspition , And fearing lest he might be more then chidden , Fell to a flattering and most base submission , Vowing to kisse his foote , if he were bidden . My foot ? ( said he ) that were too submisse : But three foot higher you deserue to kisse .

Of a sawcy Cator . A Cator had of late some wild foule bought , And when vnto his Master them he brought , Forthwith the Master smelling nigh the rump , Said , Out , thou knaue , these sauor of the pump . The man ( that was a rude and sawcy lout ) What sir , said he , smell you them thereabout ? Smel your faire Lady there , and by your fauor , You fortune may meet with a fulsome fauor .

Of a certaine Man . THere was ( not certain when ) a certain preacher , That neuer learn'd , and yet became a Teacher , Who hauing read in Latin thus a text Of erat quidam homo , much perplext , He seem'd the same with study great to scan In English thus ; there was a certaine man . But now ( quoth he ) good people , note you this , He saith there was , he doth not say there is : For in these daies of ours , it is most certaine , Of promise , oth , word , deed , no man is certaine : Yet by my text you see it comes to passe , That surely once a certaine man there was . But yet I thinke , in all your Bible no man Can find this text ; there was a certain woman .

Of Lesbia . OLd widow Lesbia , after husbands fiue , Yet feeleth Cupids flames in her reuiue . And now she takes a gallant youth & trim . Alas for her , nay , nay , alas for him .

The horne Cinque-apace . WHo wishes , hopes , and thinks , his wife is true To him one horne , or vnicorne is due . Who sees his wife play false , & will not spy it , He hath two hornes , and yet he may deny it . The man that can indure when all men scorne , And pardon open faults , hath treble horne ; Who brings fine Courtiers oft to see his bride , He hath one paire of hornes on either side . But he that sweares hee did so happy wiue , He can be none of these , let him haue fiue .

Of cursing Cuckolds . A Lord that talked late in way of scorne , Of some that ware inuisibly the horne , Said he could wish , and did ( as for his part ) All Cuckolds in the Thames , with all his heart . But straight a pleasant Knight reply'd to him , I hope your Lordship learned hath to swimme .

Of the pillars of the Church . IN old time they were the Churches pillars , That did excell in Learning and in piety , And were to youth examples of sobriety , Of Christs faire field the true and painfull tillers : But where are now the men of that society ? Are all those tillers dead ? those pillars broken ? No , God forbid such blasphemy be spoken ; I say , to stop the mouthes of all ill willers , Gods field hath harrowers still , his Church hath pillars .

Of Exchange . OLd Caius sold a wench , to buy a barke . Young Titus gaue the ship , to haue the slut . Who makes the better mart , now let vs mark , T'one goes to roue , the tother goes to rut .

Of Lesbias kissing craft . LEsbia with study found a meanes in th' end , In presence of her Lord to kisse her friend , Each of them kist by turnes a little Whelp , Transporting kisses thus by puppies helpe . And so her good old Lord she did beguile , Was not my Lord a puppy all the while ?

Of sixe sorts of Fasters . SIxe sorts of folks I find vse fasting daies , Abstinet . But of these sixe , the sixt I onely praise . The sicke man fasts , Aeger . because he cannot eat . The poore doth fast , Egens . Cupidus . Gula . because he hath no meat . The miser fasts , with mind to mend his store . The glutton , with intent to eat the more . The hypocrite , Simia . Virtus . thereby to seeme more holy . The vertuous , to preuent or punish folly . Now he that eateth fast , and drinks as fast , May match these fasters , any , but the last .

Of Cinna . PVre Sinna gets his wife a maiden cooke With red cheeks , yellow locks , & cheerfull looke . What might he meane hereby ? I hold my life , She dresseth flesh for him , not for his wife .

Of one that tooke thought for his wife . NO sooner Cinna's wife was dead and buried , But that with mourning much , & sorrow wearied , A Maid , a seruant of his wiues he wedded , And after he had boorded her and bedded , And in her mistres roome had fully plast her , His wiues old seruant waxed his new Master .

A rule for Play . LAy downe your stake at play , lay down your passion : A greedy gamester stil hath some mishap . To chafe at play , proceeds of foolish fashion . No man throws still the dice in fortunes lap .

Of a drunken Tobacconist . WHen Marcus hath carrowst March beere and sacke , And that his brains grow dizzy therwithal , Then of Tobacco he a pipe doth lacke , Of Trinidade in cane , in leafe , or ball , Which tane a little , he doth spit and smacke , Then laies him on his bed for feare to fall , And poore Tobacco beares the name of all . But that same pipe which Marcus braine did lade , Was of Medera , not of Trinidade .

Tristis es & foelix , sciat hoc fortuna . Caueto . To a Lady . FRoward yet fortunate ? if fortune knew it , Beleeue me , Madam , she would make you rue it .

The Author to his Wife . WHen I to thee my letters superscribe , Thus , To mine owne : Leda thereat doth gibe , And ask her why ? she saith because I flatter : But let her thinke so still , it makes no matter . If I doe flatter , only thou canst try , It me contents , to thinke I doe not lye . But let her husband write so , for my life , He flattereth himselfe more then his wife .

A Salisbury tale . FAire Sarum's Church , beside the stately tower , Hath many things in number aptly sorted , Answering the yeare , the month , weeke , day and hower , But aboue all ( as I haue heard reported , And to the view doth probably appeare ) A piller for each hower in all the yeere . Further , this Church of Sarum hath been found , To keepe in singing seruice so good forme , That most Cathedral Churches haue bin bound , Themselues ad vsum Sarum to conforme : I am no Cabalist to iudge by number , Yet that this Church is so with pillers filld , It seemes to me to be the lesser wonder , That Sarums Church is euery hower pilld . And sith the rest are bound to Sarums vse , What maruell if they taste of like abuse ?

How the Deuill cares Triers . THe Germans haue a by-word at this hower , In Tabliture by Painters skill exprest , That Sathan daily Fryers doth deuoure , Which in short time he doth so well disgest , That passing downe to his posterior parts , He souldiers thence vnto the world deliuers , And forth they come all arm'd with pikes and darts , With halberts , swords , and muskets and Calieuers : According to which Lutheran opinions , They that deuoure whole Churches and their rents , I meane these fauourites and courtly minions , Voyd sorts and castles in their excrements .

Of a blind Leacher . OF all this towne , old Codrus giues most credit , Who he ? alas poore soule that ere you sed it . What credit can he giue that is so poore ? Hee 's blind , yet makes he loue to euery whore .

Of a faire Shrew . FAire , rich , and young ? how rare is her perfection , Were it not mingled with one foule infection ? I meane , so proud a hart , so curst a tongue , As makes her seeme , nor faire , nor rich , nor young .

A Stratagem of a Tobacco pipe . VNto a gentle Gentlewomans chamber , A Pedler came ( her husband being thence ) To sell fine linnen , lawne , and musk , and amber ; She franke of fauour , sparing of expence , So bargain'd with him ere he parted thence ; That for ten yards of holland , fiue of lawne , To grant dishonest pleasures she was drawne . Next day the man , repenting of his cost , Did seeke some meanes to get him restitution , Or to be paid for that he there had lost . And thus he put the same in execution , He turnes to her with setled resolution , And in her husbands presence vnawares , He asketh fifty shillings for his wares . Her husband ( ignorant what cause had bred it ) Why wife , said he , had you so spent your store , You must with petty chapmen run on credit ? Now for mine honours sake doe so no more . No sir ( said she ) I meant it to restore : I tooke it of him only for a triall , And find it too high prized by a tyall . So neuer changing countenance she doth rise , With outward silence , inward anger choking , And going to her closet , she espies Tobacco in a Pipe yet newly smoking , She takes the pipe , her anger her proucking , And laps it in the linnen , comming backe , And so the Pedler puts it in his packe , And packs away , and ioyes that with this wile , He had regain'd his stuffe , yet gain'd his pleasure , But hauing walked scarcely halfe a mile , His pack did smoke , and smell so out of measure , That opening it , vnto his deepe displeasure , He found by that Tobacco pipe too late , The fiery force of feeble femall hate . And seeking then some remedy by Lawes , Vnto a neighbour-Iustice he complaines . But when the Iustice vnderstood the cause , In her examination taking paines , He found 't was but a fetch of womens braines : The cause dismist , he bids the man beware , To deale with women that can burn his ware .

Of Gods part . ONe that had farm'd a fat Impropriation , Vs'd to his neighbours often exhortation , To pay to him the tithes and profits duly , Affirming ( as he might affirme most truly ) How that the tithes are God Almighties part , And therefore they should pay 't with all their heart , But straight replyed one among the rest , ( One that had crost him oft , but neuer blest . ) It is Gods part indeed , whose goodnes gaue it ; But yet oft times we see the Deuill haue it .

Of Lalus symoniacall horse-coursing . PVre Lalus gat a benefice of late , Without offence of people , Church , or State ; Yea but aske eccho how he did come by it , Come buy it ? no with othes he will deny it . He nothing gaue direct , or indirectly . Fie , Lalus , now you tell vs a direct lye : Did not your Patron for an hundred pound , Sell you a horse was neither young nor sound , No Turke , no Courser , Barbary , nor Iennit ? Simony ? no , but I see mony in it . Well , if it were but so , the case is cleere ; The Benefice was cheape , the horse was deere . An addition to the same Epigram . PEter for Westminster , and Paul for London , Lament , for both your Churches wil be vndone , If Smithfield find a fetch forth of a stable , Lawes to delude , and Lords of Councell table .

The same in Latin by the Author . NEc populo infenso , nec ruptis legibus vllis , Lelus noster habet pingue sacerdotium , Unde sed hoc vênit , vaenit tibi personet eccho , Eccho , mi sodes , dicito an êmit , emit . Ilia ducentem , fractumque : senilibus annis Illi patronus vendit auarus equum , Aurea pro vetulo dat bis centena caballo , Cui nec Turca pater , nec patria Italia est : Ergo sacerdotium Regina pecunia donat , Magno equitat precio , praedicat exiguo . Addicio . Iam vos templorum properam sperate ruinam , Et tu Petre tui , tu quoque , Paule , tui Sordida fabrili si nata astutia campo , Legibus & sanctis patribus imposuit .

Of a lawfull Wife . AT end of three yeers sute of Law & strife , When Cannon Laws & common both command her , Sue wedded thee , now sue them for a slander , That dare deny she is thy lawfull wife .

Of a booke called the Gentle Craft . I Past this other day through Pauls Church-yard , And heard some read a booke , and reading laught , The title of the booke was gentle Craft . But when I markt the matter with regard , A new-sprung branch that in my mind did graft , And thus I said , Sirs , scorne not him that writ it : A gilded blade hath oft a dudgeon haft , And well I see , this writer roues a shaft Neere fairest marke , yet happily not hit it . For neuer was the like booke sould in Poules , If so with Gentle craft it could perswade Great Princes midst their pompe to learne a trade , Once in their liues to worke , to mend their soules .

Of bagge and baggage . A Man appointed , vpon losse of life , With bag and baggage at a time assign'd , To part a towne ; his foule vnweildy wife Desired him that she might stay behind . Nay ( quoth the man ) I le neuer be so kind , As venture life , for such an vgly hag That lookes both like a baggage and a bag .

Of a Womans kindnesse to her Husband . ONe that had liued long by lewdest shifts , Brought to the Court that Corne from cockle sifts , Starchamber that of Iustice is the mirror , Was senten'st there , and for the greater terrour , Adiudged , first to lye a yeere in fetters , Then burned in his forhead with two letters , And to disparage him with more disgrace , To slit his nose , the figure of his face . The prisoners wife with no dishonest mind , To shew her selfe vnto her husband kind , Sued humbly to the Lords , and would not cease , Some part of this sharp rigour to release . He was a man ( she said ) had seru'd in warre , What mercy would a Souldiers face so marre ? Thus much said she , but grauely they replied , It was great mercy that he thus was tried : His crimes deserue he should haue lost his life , And hang in chaines . Alas , reply'd the wife , If you disgrace him thus , you quite vndo him , Good my Lords hang him , pray be good vnto him .

Of Don Pedro . DOn Pedro neuer dines without red Deere ; If red Deere be his guests , grasse is his cheere . I but I meane , he hath it in his dish , And so haue I oft what I do not wish .

The Author to his Wife . MAll , once in pleasant company by chance , I wisht that you for company would dance , Which you refus'd , & said , your years require Now , Matron-like , both manners and attire . Well Mall , if needs thou wilt be Matron-like , Then trust to this , I will a Matron like : Yet so to you my loue may neuer lessen , As you for Church , house , bed , obserue this lesson . Sit in the Church as solemne as a Saint , No deed , word , thought , your due deuotion taint . Vaile ( if you will ) your head , your soule reueale To him , that onely wounded soules can heale . Be in my house as busie as a Bee , Hauing a sting for euery one but mee , Buzzing in euery corner , gathering hony . Let nothing waste , that costs or yeeldeth mony . And when thou seest my heart to mirth incline , The tongue , wit , bloud , warme with good cheere & wine : Then of sweet sports let no occasion scape , But be as wanton , toying as an ape .

Of Lelia . WHen louely Lelia was a tender girle , She hapt to be deflowred by an Earle ; Alas poore wench , she was to be excused , Such kindnesse oft is offered , seeld refused . But be not proud ; for she that is no Countesse , And yet lies with a Count , must make account this , All Countesses in honour her surmount , They haue , she had , an honourable Count .

Of a drunken Smith . I Heard that Smug the Smith , for ale and spice Sold all his tooles , and yet he kept his vice .

Of Lynus borrowing . WHen Lynus meetes me , after salutations , Curtesies , complements , and gratulations , He presseth me vnto the third deniall , To lend him twenty shillings , or a ryall : But with his curt'sies of his purpose fayling , He goes behind my backe cursing and railing . Foole , thy kind speeches cost not thee a penny , And more foole I , if they should cost me enuy .

Of Don Pedro . THe wise Ulisses loathing forren iarres , Faign'd himselfe madde , to keepe him from the wars : But our Don Pedro sees our Martiall schooles , Preferre , before Wise cowards , Valiant fooles : And fearing feigning mad will not suffice , To keepe him from the warres , feignes himselfe wise .

Of a Cuckold that had a chast wife . WHen the Triumuirs set their three mans song That stablished in Rome a hellish Trinity , Who all the towne , nay all the world did wrong , With killing friends , and kin of their affinity , By Tripartite Indenture parting Rome , As if for them the world had wanted roome : Plotina , Wife to one of that same hundred , Whom Anthony proscrib'd to lose their life , For beauty much , for loue to be more wondred , Sued for her spouse , and told she was his wife . The Tyrant pleas'd to see so braue a futer , Doth kisse her , and imbrace her , and salute her , And makes , ( nay mocks ) a loue too kind , too cruell , She must , to saue her husband from proscription , Graunt him one night , to weare his chiefest Iewell , And what he meant , he showd by lewd description , Vowing , except he might his pleasure haue , No meanes should serue , her husbands life to saue . Oh motion mouing thoughts , no thoughts , but thornes ! For he must dye whom she esteems most dearely , Or she her selfe subiect to thousand scornes ; Both feares to touch a noble matron neerely . Yet lo , an act performed by this woman , Worthy a woman , worthy more a Roman . To shew more then her selfe , she lou'd her spouse , She yeelds her body to this execution . Come , tyrant , come , performe thy damned vowes ; Her single hart hath doubled thy pollution ; Thou her pollute ? no foole , thou art beguiled , She in thy filthy lap lies vndefiled . Wonder of Matrons , of all wiues a mirrour , I le sweare with thee , thy husband weares no horne . But if this act conuince mine oath of errour , It is a precious one , an vnicorne . For ought I know by hearing , or by reading , This act Lucretia's death was farre exceeding .

Of Friendship . NEw friends are no friends ; how can that be true ? The oldest friends that are , were somtimes new .

Of Caius increase in his absence . WHile Caius doth remaine beyond the seas , And follows there some great important sute His lands bare neither otes , nor beanes , nor pease , But yet his wife beares faire and full grown fruit . What is the cause that brings his lands sterility , And his wiues fruitfulnes and great fertility ? His lands want occupiers to manure them , But she hath store , and knowes how to procure them .

Of a toothlesse Shrew . OLd Ellen had fowre teeth , as I remember , She cough't out two of thē the last December ; But this shrewd cough in her raignd so vnruly , She cought out tother two before t was Iuly . Now she may cough her heart out , for in sooth , The said shrewd cough hath left her ne're a tooth . But her curst tongue , wanting this common curbe , Doth more then erst the houshold all disturbe .

To Doctor Sharpe . LAte I tooke leaue of two right noble dames , And hasted to my wife as I protested : You will'd me stay a while , and thus you lested : You Sir , may please your Wife with Epigrams . Well said , t was Doctor-like , and sharply spoken , No friendship breaks , where iests so smooth are broken . But now you haue new orders tane of late , Those orders , which ( as you expound Saint Paul ) Are equall honourable vnto all ; I meane of marriage the holy state , I hope in Lent , when flesh growes out of date , You will , in stead of tother recreation , Be glad to please your wife with some Collation .

Of the Papists Feasts , and the Brownists Fasts . A Papist dwelling to a Brownist neere , Their seruants met , and vanted of their cheere . And first , the Papists man did make his bost , He had each festiuall both bak't and rost , And where ( said he ) your zealous sort allow , On Christmasse day it selfe to go to plow , We feast , and play , and walke , and talke , and slumber , Besides , our holy daies are more in number : As namely , we do keepe with great festiuity , Our Ladies , both assumption and natiuity ; S. Pauls conuersion , S. Iohns decollation , S. Lawrence broyld , S. Swithens moyst translation , S. Peters chaines , and how with Angels vision He brake the prison , quite without misprision . I grant , the tother said , you seeme more gainesome , But for your sport , you pay too deare a ransome . We like your feasts , your fastings bred our greeues , Your Lents , your Ember weekes and holy Eeues . But this coniunction I should greatly praise , The Brownists fasts , with Papists holy daies .

Of Milo the Glutton . MIlo with haste to cram his greedy gut , One of his thumbs vnto the bone had cut . Then straight , it noysed was about by some , That he had lost his stomacke with his thumbe . To which one said , No worse hap fall vnto him : But if a poore man finde it , t' will vndo him .

To a Wittoll Broker . I See thee fell swords , pistolls , clokes , and gownes , Doublets and hose , and they that pay thee crownes , Doe as t is reason , beare away thy ware , Which to supply , is thy continuall care . But thy wiues ware , a better rate doth hold , Which though it be to diuers daily sold , Yet lasteth all the yeare , and doth not finish , Nor doth the same ought lessen or diminish .

Of Fortune . FOrtune ( men say ) doth giue too much to many : But yet she neuer gaue enough to any .

Of deuotion and promotion . I Met a Lawyer at the Court this Lent , And asking what great cause him thither sent , He said , that mou'd with Doctor Androes fame , To heare him preach , he only thither came : But straight I wisht him softly in his eare , To find some other scuse , else some will sweare , Who to the Court come onely for deuotion , They in the Church pray only for promotion .

A good iest of a Crow . A Baron , and a Knight , one day were walking On Richmond green , and as they were in talking , A Crow , that lighted on the raile by Fortune , Stood beeking , and cry'd kaw with noise importune . This bird , the Baron said , doth you salute , Sir Knight , as if to you he had some sute . Not vnto me , the Knight reply'd in pleasance , T is to some Lord he makes so low obeysance .

Of a painted Lady . I Saw dame Leda's picture lately drawne , With haue about her cares , transparent Lawne , Her yuory paps , and euery other part , So lim'd vnto the life , by Painters art , That I that had beene long with her acquainted , Did think that both were quick , or both were painted .

Of Galla's gallantry . WHat is the cause our Galla is so gallant , Like ship in fairest wind , top & top gallant ? Hath shee of late bin courted by some Gallant ? No sure , how then ? Galla hath quaft a gallon .

In Cornutum . A Thais ? no , Diana thou didst wed : For she hath giuen to thee Acteons head .

The Author of himselfe . BEcause in this my selfe contenting vaine , To write so many toyes , I take some leasure , Friends sorrow , fearing I take too much paine , Foes enuy , swearing I take too much pleasure : I smile at both , and wish , to ease their griefe , That each with other would but change beleefe .

Of Swearing first . CIS , by this Candle , in my sleepe me-thought , One told me , of thy body thou wert nought . Good husband , he that told you lyed , she sed , And swearing , laid her hand vpon the bread . Then eat the bread ( quoth he ) that I may deeme That fancy false , which true to me did seeme . Nay sir ( said she ) the matter right to handle , Sith you sware first , you first must eat the candle .

Of Paulus a Flatterer . NO man more seruile , no man more submisse , Then to our Soueraigne Lady Paulus is . He doth extoll her speech , admire her feature , He calls himselfe her vassall , and her creature ; Thus while he daubs his speech with flatteries plaster , And calls himselfe her slaue , he growes our Master . Still getting what he list without controle , By singing this old song , re mi fa sol .

Of Lynus an ill ghest . ASke you what profit Kew to me doth yeeld ? This Lynus , there I shall see thee but seeld ; For where good ghests may take a cottage grateful ; There such as thou do make a palace hatefull .

Against Pius Quintus , that excommunicated Queene Elizabeth . ARe Kings your Foster Fathers , Queenes your nurses , Oh Roman Church ? Then why did Pius Quintus With Basan bulls ( not like one pius intus ) Lay on our sacred Prince vnhallowed curses ? It is not health of soules , but wealth of purses You seeke , by such your hell denouncing threats , Oppugning with your chaire , our Princes seats , Disturbing our sweet peace ; and that which worse is , You sucke out blood , and bite your nurses teats . Learne , learne , to aske your milke , for if you snatch it , The nurse must send your babes pap with a hatchet .

Of finding a here . A Gallant full of life , and void of eare , Asked his friend if he would find a hare ? He that for sleepe , more then such sports did care , Said , Goe your waies , and leaue me heere alone ; Let them find hares that lost them , I lost none .

Of Merit , and Demerit . A Knight , and valiant seruitor of late , Playn'd to a Lord and Countellor of state , That Captaines in these daies were not regarded , That onely Carpet Knights were well rewarded . For I , saith he , with all my hurts and maimes , Get not the recompence my merit claymes . Good cozen ( said the Lord ) the fault is yours , Which you impute vnto the higher powers . For where you should in Pater noster pray , Giue vnto vs , our dayly bread to day ; Your misdemeanors this petition needs , Our trespasses forgiue vs , and mis-deeds .

Of Paying . A Captaine late arriu'd from losse of Sluce , Hearing a friend of mine did him abuse , Vow'd hee would pay him , when hee met him next : Whereat my friend doth seeme no whit perplext , But praies the promise faile not of fulfilling , For three yeeres past , he lent him forty shilling .

Of Faustus Esquire . FAustus , for taking of a wrong possession , Was by a Iustice bound vnto the Session : The Cryer the Recognizance doth call , Faustus Esquire , come forth into the Hall . Out ( said the Iudge ) on all such foolish Cryers . Deuils are Carpenters , where such are Squiers .

Of Peleus friendship . WHen Peleus is brought vp to London streets , By Proces first to answer waighty sutes , Oh then how kind he is to all he meetes ! How friendly by their names he them salutes ! Then one shall haue a Colt of his best race , Another gets a warrant for a Bucke : Some deeper brib'd , according as their place May serue his turne , to worke or wish good lucke . But when his troubles all to end are brought By time , or friendly paines on his behalfe , Then straight ( as if he set vs all at nought ) His kindnes is not now so much by halfe . Sith then his suites in Law his friendship doubles , I for his friendships sake could wish him troubles .

Of inclosing a Common . A Lord , that purpos'd for his more auaile , To compasse in a Common with a rayle , Was reckoning with his friend about the cost And charge of euery reule , and euery post : But he ( that wisht his greedy humour crost ) Said , Sir , prouide you posts , and without fayling , Your neighbours round about will find you rayling .

The Author to his Wife of too much stomacke . LAte hauing beene a fishing at the Foord , And bringing home with me my dish of Trouts , Your mind that while , did cast some causelesse doubts : For while that meat was set vpon the boord , You sullen silent , fed your selfe with powts . I twise sent for you , but you sent me word , How that you had no stomacke to your meat . Well I fear'd more , your stomacke was too great .

Awitty choice of a country fellow . A Rich Lord had a poore Lout to his ghest , And hauing sumptuous fare , and costly drest , Caru'd him a wing of a most dainty bird ; Affirming seriously vpon his word , Those birds were sent him from his louing cosen , And were well worthy twenty markes a dozen . He that for such great dainties did not care , Said , I like well your Lordships courser fare : For I can eat your Beefe , Pig , Goose and Cony . But of such fare , giue me my share in mony .

To a great Magistrate , in Re and in Spe . THose that for Princes goods do take some paine ( Their goods to whom of right all pains we owe ) Seeke some reward for seruice good to gaine , Which oft their gracious goodnesse doth bestow : I for my trauell , beg not a reward , I beg lesse by a sillable , a Ward .

A comparison of a Booke , with Cheese . OLd Haywood writes , & proues in some degrees , That one may well compare a book with cheese ; At euery market some buy cheese to feed on , At euery mart some men buy bookes to reed on . All sorts eat cheese ; but how ? there is the question , The poore for food , the rich for good disgestion . All sorts read bookes , but why ? will you discerne ? The foole to laugh , the wiser sort to learne . The sight , taste , sent of cheese to some is hatefull , The sight , taste , sence of books to som's vngratefull . No cheese there was , that euer pleas'd all feeders , No booke there is , that euer lik't all readers .

In Balbum . BAlbus , of writers reckoning vp a rabble , Thinks that they are by him made honourable : And not vouchsafing me to name at all , He thinks that he hath greeu'd me to the gall . I galld ? no , simple fellow , thou art gulled , To thinke I weigh the praise of such a dull-head . Then learne to know this rule , ye enuious Elues , Bookes are not prais'd , except they praise themselues .

To beggers of Bookes . MY friend , you presse me very hard , my bookes of me you craue ; I haue none , but in Pauls Church-yard , for mony you may haue . But why should I my coyne bestow , such toyes as these to buy ? I am not such a foole I trow : forsooth no more am I.

In Paulum Athaium . PRoud Paulus led by Sadduces infection , Doth not beleeue the bodies resurrection , But holds them all in scorne and deepe derision , That talke of Saints or Angels apparision , And saith they are but fables all , and fansies Of Lunaticks or folks possest with frensies . I haue ( saith he ) trauelld both neere and farre , By land , by sea , in time of peace and warre , Yet neuer met I spirit , or ghost , or Elfe , Or ought ( as is the phrase ) worse then my self . Well , Paulus , this I now beleeue indeed , That who in all , or part , denyes his Creed ; Went he to sea , land , hell , I would agree , A Fiend worse then himselfe , he could not see .

Of double Fraud . A Fellow false , and to all fraud inured , In high Starchamber court was found periured , And by iust sentence iudg'd to lose his eares : A doome right fit for him that falsly sweares . Now on the Pillorie while he was pearching , The Gaoler busie for his eares was searching : But all in vaine , for there was not an eare , Onely the places hid with locks of haire . Thou knaue , said he , I will of thee complaine Vnto the Lords , for cousonage againe . Why so , said he ? their order me doth binde To lose mine eares , not you mine eares to finde .

The Hermapbrodite translated into English . WHen first my mother bare me in her womb , She went to make enquiry of the Gods , First of my birth , and after of my Tombe : All answer'd right , but all their words had ods . Phoebus affirm'd , a male child should be borne , Mars said , it should be femall , Iuno neither . Then I came forth , alas , to natures scorne , Hermaphrodite , as much as both together . Then for my death , Iuno foretold the sword , Phoebus affirmed drowning for my fate : Mars threatned hanging , each perform'd his word , As marke how all fell out in feuerall rate . A tree fast by a brooke I needs would clime , My sword fell out , and while no heed I tooke , My side fell on the point , and at that time My foot in boughes , my head hung in the brooke . So I being borne , nor male , nor female neither , Died drownd , and hang'd and wounded all together .

Of Titus a good fellow . A Boone companion Titus all his daies , And till his last , of pleasant wit and tongue , If he had heard a man his owne strength praise , Would tell what he would do when he was young . And hauing first , with oathes his speeches bound , Thus would he speake ; I would at twelue score pricks Haue shot all day an arrow of a pound , And shot the flight full forty score and sixe . I would haue ouerlifted all the Guard , Out-throwne them at the barre , the sledge , the stone , And him that is in wrestling held most hard , I would in open fields haue ouerthrowne . Then say some by , Was Titus ere so strong ? Who he ? the weakest man hundreds among ; Why tells he then such lies in serious sort , What he could doe ? nay sure , t is true , though sport : He saith not , that he could doe ; that were a fable : He saith , he would haue done , had he beene able . The Author to his Wife . YOur maid Brunetta you with newes acquaints , How Leda , ( whom , her husband wanting issue , Brought erst to Bath , our pilgrimage of Saints ) Weares her gowne veluet , kirtle , cloth of tissue , A figur'd Sattin petticote Carnation , With sixe gold parchment laces all in fashion , Yet neuer was Dame Leda nobler borne , Nor dranke in Gossips cup by Sou'eraigne sent , Nor euer was her Highnes woman sworne , Nor doth her husband much exceed in rent . Then Mall , be proud , that thou maist better wear them . And I more proud , thou better dost forbeare them .

Of Soothsaying . MIght Kings shun future mischiefe by fortelling , Then amongst Soothsayers 't were excellent dwelling : But if there be no meanes such harmes repelling , The knowledge makes the sorrow more excelling . But this , deare Soueraigne , me comfort doth , That of these Sooth-sayers , very few say sooth .

Of too high commendation in a meane person . A Scholler once , to win his Mistresse loue , Compar'd her to three Goddesses aboue , And said she had ( to giue her due desarts ) Iuno's , Minerua's , and faire Venus parts . Iuno so proud , and curst was of her tongue , All men misliked her both old and young . Pallas so foule , and grim was out of measure , That neither gods nor men in her took pleasure . Venus vnchast , that she strong Mars entises , With young Adonis , and with old Anchises . How think you , are these praises few or meane , Compared to a shrow , a slut , or queane ?

To a Lady that saith she is sure to be saued . SInce Leda knew that sure she was elected , She wears rich cloaths , fares well , and makes her bost Her corps the Temple of the holy Ghost , Must be more cherished , and more respected : But Leda liueth still to sinne subiected . Then tell her that her ghostly Father feares , Vnlesse she get a mind of more submission , And purge those corps with hyssop of contrition , And wash her sinfull soule with brinish teares , Though quailes she eat , though gold & peatls she weares , Yet sure she doth not with damn'd Core and Dathan , But feed , and clad a Synagogue of Sathan .

Of trusting a Captaine . AN Alderman , one of the better sort , And worthy member of our worthiest City ; Vnto whose Table diuers did resort , Himselfe of stomacke good , of answers witty , Was once requested by a Table friend , To lend an vnknowne Captaine twenty pound : The which , because he might the rather lend , He said he should become in statute bound . And this ( quoth he ) you need not doubt to take , For hee 's a man of late grown in good credit , And went about the world with Captain Drake . Out ( quoth the Alderman ) that ere you sed it , For forty pounds ? no nor for forty pence . His single bond I count not worth a chip : I say to you ( take not heereat offence , ) He that hath three whole yeares been in a ship , In famine , plagues , in stench , and storm , so rise , Cares not to lye in Ludgate all his life .

Of taking a Hare . VNto a Lawyer rich , a Client poore Came earely in the morning to his doore , And dancing long attendance in the place , At last he gat some counsell in his case ; For which the Lawyer look 't to haue beene paid : But thus at last the poore man to him said , I cannot giue a fee , my stat 's so bare : But will it please you , Sir , to take a hare ? He that tooke all that came , with all his heart , Said that he would , and take it in good part . Then must you runne apace ( good Sir ) quoth he : For she this morning quite outstripped me . He went his way , the hare was neuer taken . Was not the Lawyer taken , or mistaken ?

In Cornutum . WHat curld-pate youth is he that sitteth there So neere thy wife , and whispers in her eare , And takes her hand in his , & soft doth wring her , Sliding his ring still vp and downe her finger ? Sir , t is a Proctor , seene in both the Lawes , Retaind by her , in some important cause ; Prompt and discreet both in his speech and action , And doth her busines with great satisfaction . And thinkest thou so ? a horne plague on thy head : Art thou so like a foole , and wittoll ledde , To thinke he doth the businesse of thy wife ? He doth thy businesse , I dare lay my life .

A Tragicall Epigram . WHen doome of Peers & Iudges fore-appointed , By racking Lawes beyond all reach of reason , Had vnto death condemn'd a Queene anointed , And found , ( oh strange ! ) without allegeance , treason ; The axe that should haue done that execution , Shunn'd to cut off a head that had beene crowned . Our hangman lost his wonted resolution , To quell a Queene of noblenesse so renowned . Ah , is remorse in hangmen and in steele , When Peeres and Iudges no remorse can feele ? Grant Lord , that in this noble I le , a Queene Without a head , may neuer more be seene .

A good request of a Lawyer . A Pleasant Lawyer standing at the barre , The causes done , and day not passed farre : A Iudge to whom he had profest deuotion , Askt him in grace , if he would haue a motion : Yes Sir , quoth he , but short , and yet not small , That whereas now of Sarieants is a call , I wish ( as most of my profession doe ) That there might be a call of Clyents too : For sure it breeds vs Lawyers mickle cumber , Because of them we find so small a number .

Of reading Scriptures . THe sacred Scriptures treasure great affoords , To all of seuerall tongues , of sundry Realmes : For low and simple spirits shallow Foords , For high and learned Doctors deeper streames , In euery part so exquisitely made , An Elephant may swimme , a lambe may wade . Not that all should with barbarous audacity , Read what they list , and how they list expound , But each one suting to his weake capacity : For many great Scriptureans may be found , That cite Saint Paul at euery bench and boord , And haue Gods word , but haue not God the word .

Of Cinna . FIue yeares hath Cinna studied Genesis , And knowes not what in Principio is ; And greeu'd that he is graueld thus , he skips , Ore all the Bible , to th'Apocalips .

The Author to his wife , a rule for praying . MY deare , that in your closet for deuotion , To kindle in your brest some godly motion , You contemplate , and oft your eyes doe fixe On some Saints picture , or the Crucifixe ; T is not amisse , be it of stone or mettle , It serueth in thy mind good thoughts to settle ; Such images may serue thee as a booke , Whereon thou maist with godly reuerence looke , And thereby thy remembrance to acquaint , With life or death , or vertue of the Saint . Yet do I not allow thou kneele before it , Nor would I in no wise you should adore it . For as such things wel vs'd , are cleane and holy , So superstition soone may make it folly . All images are scorn'd and quite dishonoured , If the Prototype be not solely honoured . I keepe thy picture in a golden shrine , And I esteeme it well , because 't is thine ; But let me vse thy picture ne're so kindly , 't were little worth , if I vs'd thee vnkindly . Sith then , my deare , our heauenly Lord aboue Vouchsafeth vnto ours to like his loue : So let vs vse his picture , that therein , Against himselfe we do commit no sinne ; Nor let vs scorn such pictures , nor deride them , Like fooles , whose zeale mistaught , cannot abide them : But pray , our harts , by faith's eyes be made able To see , what mortall eyes see on a Table . A man would thinke , one did deserue a mocke , Should say , Oh heauenly Father , to a stocke ; Such a one were a stocke , I straight should gather , That would confesse a stocke to be her Father .

Poenitentia poenitenda : Of a penitent Fryer . BOund by his Church , and Trentin Catechisme , To vow of single life , a Cloystered Frier , Had got a swelling , call'd a Priapisme , Which seld is swag'd , but with a femall fire . The Leach ( as oftentimes Physitians vse ) To cure the corps , not caring for the soule , Prescribes a cordiall medicine from the Stewes . Which lewd prescript , the Patient did condole , Yet strong in Faith , and being loth to dye And knowing that extremes yeeld dispensation He is resolu'd , and doth the med'cine trie : Which being done , he made such lamentation , That diuers thought he was fall'n in despaire , And therefore for his confirmation praid . But when that they had ended quite their praier After long silence , thus to them he said : I waile not , that I thinke my fact so vicious , Nor am I in despaire : no , neuer doubt it ; But feeling femall flesh is so delicious , I waile , to thinke I liu'd so long without it .

Of a Cotsold Lyon . WHen harts obdurate make of sinne a habite , High-frowning Nemesis was wont to send Beares , Lyons , Wolues and Tygars , to this end To plague the place where such bad folks inhabite . Now , sith this sinne , in habit and in act Exceeds the sinne of euery former age , No maruell , Nemesis in her iust rage Doth like , or greater punishment exact . And for that cause , a cruell beast is sent , Not onely that deuours and spoiles his people , But pulls downe house and cottage , Church and steeple , Making the Widow mourne , Orphan lament . But will you know what beasts they be that keepe Such beastly rule , as ne're was seene before ? 't is neither Beare , nor Lyon , Bull , nor Bore , But beasts , then all these beasts more harmfull ; Sheepe . Lo then the mystery , from whence the name Of Cotfold Lyons , first to England came .

Of a picture with a Ferriman rowing in a tempest , with two Ladies in his boate , whereof he loued one , but she disdained him , and the other loued him , but he not her : now a voice came to his eare , that to saue his boate from being cast away , he must drowne one of the Ladies : in which perplexity hee speaketh these passions . IN troublous seas of loue , my tender bote , By Fates decree , is still tost vp and downe , Ready to sinke , and may no longer flote , Except of these two Damsells one I drowne . I would saue both : but ah , that may not be : I loue the tone , the tother loueth mee . Heere the vast waues are ready me to swallow . There danger is to strike vpon the shelfe . Doubtfull I swim between the deepe and shallow , To saue th'vngrate , and be vngrate my selfe . Thus seeme I by the eares to hold a wolfe , While faine I would eschue this gaping gulfe . But since loues actions guided are by passion , And quenching doth augment her burning fewell , Adieu , thou Nimph , deseruing most compassion , To merit mercy , I must shew me cruell . Aske you me why ? oh question out of season ! Loue neuer leisure hath to render reason .

The old mans choice . LEt soueraigne Reason , sitting at the sterne , And farre remouing all eyeblinding passion , Censure the due desert with iudgement cleere , And say , The cruell merit no compassion . Liue then , kind Nymph , and ioy we two together : Farewell th' vnkind , and all vnkind goe with her .

To one that writ a booke of Dancing . WHile you the Planets all do set to dancing , Beware such hap as to the Frier was chancing , Who preching in a pulpit old & rotten , Amongst some notes , most fit to be forgotten , In stead of better matter , thus he vants , To make all Saints , after his pipe to dance . But while himselfe be brauely there aduances , To act his speech with gesture ; lo it chances , Downe fals the Pulpit , sore the Frier was bruised : Neuer was Frier nor Pulpit more abused . So , though none feare the falling of those sparks , Which when they fall , 't will be good catching Larks : Yet this may fall , that while you dance and skip , With female Planets , so your foot may trip , That in your lofty Capreoll , and turne , Their motion may make your dimension burne .

Of two Welch Gentlemen . TWo Squires of Wales arriued at a towne , To seek their lodging when the sun was down ; And ( for the In-keeper his gates had locked ) In haste , like men of some account they knocked . The drowzy Chamberlaine doth aske who 's there ? They told , that Gentlemen of Wales they were . How many ( quoth the man ) are there of you ? They said , Heer 's Iohn ap Rees , ap Rise , ap Hew , And Nicholas ap Giles , ap Stephen , ap Dauy . Then Gentlemen , adieu ( quoth he ) God saue yee : Your worships might haue had a bed or twain . But how can that suffice so great a traine .

In Philautum . YOur verses please your Reader oft , you vaunt it : If you your selfe do read them oft , I grant it .

A happy mistake . WHen Roman Mutius had in countries quarrel , Killed the seruant to the Masters terror , He said , his eies deceyu'd with rich apparell , Had made his hand commit that happy error . Perhaps it is from hence the Prouerb springs , That knaues in Court goe oft as braue as Kings .

To an old Bachelour . YOu praise all women : well , let you alone , Who speakes so well of all , thinks well of none .

Of two that were married and vndone . AFond young couple , making haste to marry , Without their parents will , or friends consent , After one month their marriage did repent , And su'd vnto the Bishops Ordinary , That this their act so vndiscreetly done , Might by his more discretion be vndone . Vpon which motion he a while did pause : At length , he for their comforts to them said , It had been better ( friends ) that you had staid : But now you are so hampered in the Lawes , That I this knot may not vntye ( my sonne ) Yet I will grant you both shall be vndone .

Of a stale Commodity . IN Rome a Cryer had a wench to sell , Such as in common Stewes are wont to dwell ; His name , nor hers , I shall not need to tell . When he had held her long at little price , Thinking at last , some Chapman to entise , Hee takes her in his armes , as nothing nice , And on the lips he swap't her once or twice . What might he gaine ( thinke you ) by this deuice ? One that before had offred thirty shilling , To giue a third part , now seem'd much vnwilling .

Of Claudia . CLaudia , to saue a noble Romans blood , Was offred by some friends that wisht his good , A iewell of inestimable price ; But she would not be won by this deuice : For she did take his head , and leaue the iewell . Was Claudia now more couetous , or cruell ?

Of a Lady that desired more Curtesie , and lesse Purse . A Good old Lord did wed a faire young Lady , Of good complexion , and of comely stature , And ( for he was of kind and noble nature ) He lou'd to see her go so braue as may be . A pleasant Knight , one day was so presumptuous , To tell this Lord , in way of plaine simplicity : 't is you ( my Lord ) that haue this worlds felicity , That haue a Dame , so faire , so sweet , so sumptuous . Tush ( said the Lord ) but these same costly gownes , With Kertles , Carknets , plague me in such sort , That euery time I taste of Venus sport , I will be sworn , cost's me one hundred Crownes . Now fye , Sir ( said his wife ) where is your sence ? Although 't is true , yet say not so for shame : For I could wish , to cleere me of the blame , That each time cost you but an hundred pence .

A Scottish verse . ROb. Will . and Dauy , Keep well thy Pater noster and Aue : And if thou wilt the better speed , Gang no further then thy Creed : Say well , and doe none ill , And keepe thy selfe in safety still .

In commendation of a straw , written at the request of a great Lady , that ware a strawne Hat at the Court . I Vowd to write of none but matters serious , And lawfull vowes to breake , a great offence ; But yet , faire Ladies hests are so imperious , That with all Vowes , all Lawes they can dispence : Then yeelding to that all-commanding Law , My muse must tell some honour of a straw . Not of Iack Straw , with his rebellious crew , That set King , Realme , and Lawes at hab or nab , Whom Londons worthy Maior so brauely slew , With dudgeon daggers honourable stab , That his successors for that seruice loyall , Haue yet reward with blow of weapon royall . Nor will I prayse that fruitlesse straw or stubble , Which built vpon most precious stones foundation : When fiery trialls come , the builders trouble , Though some great builders build of such a fashion , To learned Androes , that much better can , I leaue that stubble , fire , and straw to scan . Now list I with Philosophers to range , In searching out , ( though I admire the reason ) How simpathising properties , most strange , Keepe contraries in straw , so long a season . Yee , snow , fruits , fish , moyst things , and dry and warme , Are long preseru'd in straw , with little harme . But let all Poets my remembrance wipe , From out their bookes of Fame , for euer during , If I forget to praise our oaten pipe , Such Musicke , to the Muses all procuring : That some learn'd eares preferr'd it haue before Both Orpharyon , Violl , Lute , Bandore . Now if we list more curiously examine , To search in straw some profitable points , Bread hath beene made of straw in time of famine , In cutting off the tender knotted ioynts : But yet remaines one praise of straw to tell , Which all the other praise doth farre excell . That straw , which men , and beasts , and fowles haue scorned , Hath beene by curious Art , and hand industrious So wrought , that it hath shadowed , yea adorned A head and face of beauty and birth illustrious . Now praise I ? no , I enuy now thy blisse , Ambitious straw , that so high placed is . What Architect this worke so strangely matcht ? An yuory house , dores , rubies , windowes touch A gilded roofe , with straw all ouerthatcht . Where shall pearle bide , when place of straw is such ? Now could I wish , alas , I wish too much , I might be straw-drawne to that liuely Tuch . But heerein we may learne a good example , That vertuous Industry their worth can raise , Whom slanderous tongues tread vnder foot and trample . This told my Muse ; and straight she went her waies : Which ( Lady ) if you seriously allow , It is no toy , nor haue I broke my vow . FINIS .