Poetaster or The arraignment as it hath beene sundry times priuately acted in the Blacke Friers, by the children of her Maiesties Chappell. Composed, by Ben. Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription B14290 of text S109365 in the English Short Title CatalogTextual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 231 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 54 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2018 B14290 STC 14781 ESTC S109365 99845015 99845015 173153 2240892434

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 Early English books online text creation partnership. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 2, no. B14290) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 173153) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 757:21) Poetaster or The arraignment as it hath beene sundry times priuately acted in the Blacke Friers, by the children of her Maiesties Chappell. Composed, by Ben. Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [98] p. Printed [by R. Bradock] for M. L[ownes] and are to be sould in Saint Dunstans Church-yarde, London : 1602. Printer's and publisher's names from STC. Signatures: A-M⁴ N² (-N2). Reproduction of the original in the British Library. eng eebo Poetaster or The arraignment : as it hath beene sundry times priuately acted in the Blacke Friers, by the children of her Maiesties Chappell. Composed n/a 1602 107 34826 8 0 0 0 0 0 2.31 B The rate of 2.31 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. 2014-01 Assigned for keying and markup 2014-01 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2014-02 Sampled and proofread 2014-02 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2014-03 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

POETASTER Or The Arraignment : As it hath beene sundry times priuately acted in the Blacke Friers , by the children of her Maiesties Chappell .

Composed , by Ben. Iohnson .

Et mihi de nullo fama rubore placet .

LONDON Printed for M. L. and are to be sould in Saint Dunstans Church-yarde . 1602.

THE PERSONS THAT ACT. 1. Augustus Caesar . 2. Mecaenas . 3. Mar. Ouid. 4. Cor. Gallus . 5. Propertius . 6. Fu. Aristius . 7. Pub. Ouid. 8. Virgill . 9. Horace . 10. Tucca. 11. Lupus . 12. Crispinus . 13. Hermogenes . 14. De. Fannius . 15. Albius . 16. Minos . 17. Histrio . 18. Pyrgus . 19. Lictor . 20. Iulia. 21. Cytheris . 22. Plautia . 23. Chloë . 24. Maydes . Ad Lectorem . Ludimus innocuis verbis , hoc iuro potentis Per Genium Famae , Castalidumque gregem : Perque tuas aures , magni mihi numinis instar , Lector , inhumana liber ab Inuidia ,
LIVOR LIght , I salute thee ; but with wounded nerues : Wishing thy golden splendor , pitchy darknesse . What s here ? Th' arraignment ? I : This , this is it , That our sunke eyes haue wak't for , all this while : Here will be subiect for my Snakes and me . Cling to my necke and wrists my louing Wormes ; And cast you round , in soft , and amorous foulds , Till I doe bid , vncurle : Then , breake your knots ; Shoote out your selues at length , as your forc't stings Would hide them selues within his malic't sides , To whom I shall apply you . Stay : the shine Of this assembly here offends my sight , I le darken that first , and out-face their grace . Wonder not if I stare : These fifteene weekes ( So long as since the Plot was but an Embrion ) Haue I , with burning lights , mixt vigilant thoughts , In expectation of this hated Play : To which ( at last ) I am arriu'd as Prologue . Nor would I , you should looke for other lookes , Gesture , or complement from me , then what Th' infected bulke of Enuie can afford : For I am risse here with a couetous Hope , To blast your pleasures , and destroy your sports , With wrestings , Comments , applications , Spie-like suggestions , priuy whisperings , And thousand such promooting sleights as these . Marke , how I will begin : The Scene is , ha ? Rome ? Rome ? and Rome ? Cracke eystrings , and your balls Drop into earth ; let me be euer blind . I am preuented ; All my hopes are crost , Checkt , and abated ; fie , a freezing sweate Flowes foorth at all my Pores , my Entrailes burne : What should I doe ? Rome : Rome ? O my vext soule , How might I force this to the present state ? Are there no Players here ? no Poet-Apes , That come with Basiliskes eyes , whose forked tongues Are steept in venome , as their harts in gall ? Either of these would helpe me ; they could wrest , Peruert , and poyson all they heare , or see , With senselesse glosses , and allusions . Now if you be good Diuels , fly me not . You know what deare , and ample faculties I haue endowed you with : I le lend you more . Here , take my Snakes among you ; come , and eate , And while the squeez diuice flowes in your blacke iawes , Helpe me to damne the Author : Spit it foorth Vpon his lines , and shew your rustie teeth At euery word , or accent : or else choose Out of my longest vipers , to sticke downe In your deepe throates ; and let the heads come foorth At your ranke mouthes ; that he may see you armd With triple malice , to hisse , sting , and teare His worke , and him : to forge , and then declame , Traduce , corrupt , apply , enforme , suggest ; O , these are gifts wherein your soules are blest . What ? doe you hide your selues ? will none appeare ? None answere ? What , doth this calme troupe affright you ? Nay then I doe despaire : Downe , sinke againe . This trauaile is all lost with my dead hopes . If in such bosomes , Spight haue left to dwell , Enuie is not on earth , nor scarse in hell ,
PROLOGVS . STAY Monster : ere thou sinke , thus on thy heade Set wee our boulder foote ; with which we tread Thy malice into earth : So Spight should die ; Despis'd and scornd by noble industry . If any muse why I salute the Stage , An armed Prologue ; know 't is a dangerous age : Wherein , who writes , had neede present his Scenes Fortie fold proofe against the coniuring meanes Of base Detractors , and illiterate Apes , That fill vp roomes in faire and formall shapes . 'Gainst these , haue we put on this forc't defense : Whereof the Allegory and hid sense Is , that a well erected Confidence Can fright their pride , and laugh their follie hence . Here now , put case our Author should once more Sweare that his Play were good ; he doth implore , You would not argue him of Arrogance ; How ere that common Spawne of Ignorance , Our Fry of Writers , may beslime his fame , And giue his action that adulterate name . Such full blowne vanity he more doth loath Then base deiection ; There 's a meane twixt both : Which with a constant firmenesse he pursues , As one that knowes the strength of his owne Muse . And this he hopes all free soules will allowe : Others that take it with a rugged browe , Their moodes he rather pities , then enuies : His minde it is aboue their iniuries .
ACTVS PRIMVS .
SCENA PRIMA . Ouid , Luscus . Ouid.

THEN , when this bodie fals in funerall fire , My name shall liue , and my best part aspire . It shall goe so .

Lus .

Young master , Master Ouid , do you heare ? Gods a me ! away with your songs and sonets ; and on with your gowne and Cappe , quickly : here , here , your Father will bee a man of this roome presently . Come , nay , nay , nay , nay , be briefe . These verses too , a poyson on 'hem , I cannot abide 'hem , they make me readie to cast , by the bankes of Helicon . Nay looke , what a rascally vntoward thing this Poetry is ; I could teare 'hem now .

Ouid.

Giue mee , how neere 's my Father ?

Lus .

Hart a'man : get a lawe booke in your hand , I will not answere you else . Why so : now there 's some formalitie in you ; By Ioue , & three or foure of the Gods more , I am right of myne olde masters humour for that ; this villanous Poetry will vndoe you , by the Welkin .

Ouid.

What , hast thou buskins on , Luscus , that thou swear'st so tragically and high ?

Lus .

No : but I haue bootes on sir , and so ha's your father too by this time : for he call'd for 'hem , ere I came from the lodging .

Ouid.

Why ? was he no readier ?

Lus .

O no ; and there was the mad skeldring Captaine , with the veluet armes , readie to lay holde on him as he comes down : hee that presses euery man hee meetes , with an oath , to lend him money , and cries ; Thou must doo 't old boy , as thou art a man , a man of worshippe .

Ouid.

Who ? Pantilius Tucca ?

Lu.

I , hee : and I met little master Lupus the Tribune , going thither too .

Ouid.

Nay , and he be vnder their arrest , I may ( with safetie enough ) reade ouer my Elegy , before he come .

Lus .

Gods a mee ! what 'll you doe ? why , yong master , you are not Castalian mad , lunatike , frantike , desperate ? ha ?

Ouid.

What ailest thou , Luscus ?

Lus .

God be with you sir , I le leaue you to your Poeticall fancies and furies . I le not be guilty , I.

Exit . Ouid.

Be not , good ignorance : I 'm glad th' art gone : For thus alone , our Eare shall better iudge The hastie errors of our morning Muse .

ENVIE , why twitst thou me , Ouid. Lib. 1. Amo. Ele. 15. my Time 's spent ill ? And call'st my verse , fruites of an idle quill ? Or that ( vnlike the line from whence I sprong ) Wars dustie honors I pursue not young ? Or that I studie not the taedious lawes ; And prostitute my voice in euery cause ? Thy scope is mortall ; mine eternall Fame , Which through the world shall euer chaunt my name . Homer will liue , whil'st Tenedos stands , and I de , Or to the sea , fleete Simoïs doth slide : And so shall Hesiod too , while vines doe beare , Or crooked sickles crop the ripened eare . Callimachus , though in Inuention lowe , Shall still be sung , since he in Arte doth flowe . No losse shall come to Sophocles proud vaine , With Sunne and Moone Aratus shall remaine . Whil'st Slaues be false , Fathers hard , & Bauds be whorish , Whilst Harlots flatter , shall Menander florish . Ennius , though rude , and Accius high-reard straine , A fresh applause in euery age shall gaine . Of Varro's name , what eare shall not be tolde ? Of Iasons Argo ? and the Fleece of golde ? Then , shall Lucretius lofty numbers die , When Earth , and Seas in fire and flames shall frye . Titirus , Tillage , Aeney shall be read , Whil'st Rome of all the conquer'd world is head . Till Cupids fires be out , and his bowe broken , Thy verses ( neate Tibullus ) shall be spoken . Our Gallus shall be knowne from East to West : So shall Lycoris , whome he now loues best . The suffring Plough-share or the Flint may weares But heauenly Poësie no death can feare . Kings shall giue place to it , and kingly showes , The bankes ore which gold-bearing Tagus flowes . Kneele hindes to trash : me let bright Phoebus swell , With cups full flowing from the Muses Well . The frost-drad Myrtle shall impale my heade , And of sad louers I le be often read . " Enuie , the liuing , not the deade , doth bite . " For after death all men receiue their right . Then when this bodie fals in funera'l fire , My name shall liue , and my best part aspire .
SCENA SECVNDA . Ouid senior , Ouid Iunior , Luscus , Tucca , Lupus , Pyrgus . Ouid sen.

YOVR name shall liue indeede sir ; your say true : but how infamously , how scorn'd and contemn'd in the eyes and eares of the best and grauest Romanes , that you think not on : you neuer so much as dreame of that . Are these the fruits of all my Trauaile & Expenses ? is this the Scope and Aime of thy studies ? are these the hopeful courses , wherwith I haue so long flattered my expectation from thee ? Verses ? Poetry ? Ouid , whome I thought to see the Pleader , become Ouid the Play-maker ?

Ouid Iun.

No Sir .

Ouid sen.

Yes Sir . I heare of a Tragedie of yours comming foorth for the common Players there , call'd Medea . By my housholde gods , if I come to the acting of it , I le adde one tragicke parte , more then is yet expected , to it : beleeue me when I promise it . What ? shal I haue my son a Stager now ? an Enghle for Players ? a Gull ? a Rooke ? a Shot-clog ? to make suppers , and bee laught at ? Publius , I wil set thee on the funeral pile first .

Ouid Iun.

Sir , I beseech you to haue patience .

Lus .

Nay , this t is to haue your eares damm'd vp to good counsell . I did augure all this to him afore hand , without poring into an oxes paunch for the matter , and yet he would not be scrupulous .

Tucc.

How now , good man slaue ? what , Rowle Powle ? all riuals , Rascal ? why my Knight of worshippe , do'st heare ? Are these thy best proiectes ? is this thy desseignes and thy discipline , to suffer knaues to be competitors with Commaunders and Gentmen ? are we paralels , rascall ? are we paralels ?

Ouid sen.

Sirrah , goe get my horses readie . You 'll still be prating .

Tucca.

Doe , you perpetuall Stinkard , doe : goe , talke to Tapsters and Ostlers you slaue : they are i' your element , go : here be the Emperours captaines , you Raggamussin Rascal ; and not your Comrades .

Lup.

Indeede , Sir Marcus Ouid , these Players are an idle Generation , & doe much harme in a State , corrupt young gentrie very much , I knowe it : I haue not been a Tribune thus long and obseru'd nothing : besides , they will robbe vs , vs , that are Magistrates , of our respect , bring vs vpon their Stages , & make vs ridiculous to the Plebeians ; they will play you , or me , the wisest men they can come by still ; me : onely to bring vs in contempt with the vulgar , and make vs cheape .

Tucca.

Th' art in the right , my venerable Cropshin , they wil indeede : the tongue of the Oracle neuer twangd truer . Your Courtier cannot kisse his mistresse Slippers , in quiet , for 'hem , nor your white innocent Gallant pawne his reuelling suit , to make his Punque a supper . An honest decayed Commaunder , cannot skelder , cheat , nor be seene in a baudie house , but he shal be straight in one of their wormewod Comedies . They are growne licentious , the Rogues ; Libertines , flat Libertines . They forget they are i' the Statute , the Rascals , they are blazond there , there they are trickt , they and their Pedigrees : they neede no other Heralds Iwisse .

Ouid se .

Me thinkes if nothing else , yet this alone ; the verie reading of the publike Edictes should fright thee from Commerce with them ; and giue thee distaste enough of their actions . But this betrayes what a Student you are : this argues your proficiencie in the Law .

Ouid Iu. They wrong me sir , and doe abuse you more , That blowe your eares with these vntrue reports . I am not knowne vnto the open Stage , Nor doe I trafique in their Theaters . Indeede , I doe acknowledge , at request Of some neare friends , and honorable Romaines , I haue begunne a Poeme of that nature . Ouid se .

You haue sir , a Poeme ? and where is 't ? that 's the Law you studie .

Ouid Iun.

Cornelius Gallus borrowed it to reade .

Ouid se .

Cornelius Gallus ? Ther 's another gallant , too , hath drunke of the same poyson : and Tibullus and Propertius . But these are Gentlemen of meanes , and Reuenewes now . Thou art a yonger brother , and hast nothing , but thy bare exhibition : which I protest shall be bare indeede , if thou forsake not these vnprofitable by-courses , and that timely too . Name me a profest Poet , that his Poetry did euer afford him so much as a competencie . I , your God of Poets there ( whom all of you admire and reuerence so much ) Homer , he whose worm-eaten Statue must not be spewd against , but with hallowed lips and groueling adoration , what was he ? what was he ?

Tuc.

Marry he tell thee old Swaggrer ; He was a poore blind riming Rascal , that liu'd obscurely vp and down in Boothes & Tap-houses , and scarce euer made a good meale in his sleepe , the whorson hungry begger .

Ouid sen.

He sayes well . Nay I knowe this nettles you now : but answere mee ; Is' t not true ? Is' t not true ? You 'll tell mee his name shal liue , & that now ( being deade ) his workes haue eternised him , and made him diuine : but coulde this diuinitie feede him while he liued , could his name feast him ?

Tuc.

Thou speak'st sentences , olde Bias.

Ouid sen.

Well , the day growes olde , gentlemen , and I must leaue you . Publius , if thou wilt hould my fauour , abandon these idle fruitlesse studies that so traduce thee . Send Ianus home his backe face againe , and looke onely forward to the Law : Intend that . I will alowe thee , what shal suit thee in the ranke of Gentlemen , and maintaine thy societie with the best : & vnder these conditions , I leaue thee . My blessings light vpon thee , if thou respect them : if not , mine eyes may droppe for thee , but thine owne heart will ake for it selfe ; and so farewell . What , are my horses come ?

Lus .

Yes Sir , they are at the gate without .

Ouid sen ,

That 's well . Asinius Lupus , a word . Captaine , I shall take my leaue of you ?

Tuc.

No , my little knight Errant , dispatch with Caualier Cothurnus there ; I 'le attend thee , I.

Lus .

To borrowe some ten Drachmes , I knowe his Proiecte .

Ouid sen.

Sir you shall make mee beholding to you . Now Captaine Tucca , what say you ?

Tuc.

Why , what should I say ? or what can I say , my most Magnanimous Mirror of Knighthood ? Shold I say thou art rich ? or that thou art honorable ? or wise ? or valiant ? or learned ? or liberall ? Why , thou art all these , and thou-knowest it ( my noble Lucullus ) thou knowest it : come , be not ashamed of thy vertues , olde Stumpe . Honour 's a good brooch to weare in a mans hat , at all times . Thou art the man of warres Mecaenas , knight . Why shouldst not thou bee grac't then by them , as well as he is by his Poets ? How now my Carier , what newes ?

Lus .

The boy has stayed within for his cue , this halfe howre .

Tuc.

Come , doe not whisper to me , but speake it out . what , it is no treason against the State , I hope , is 't ?

Lus .

Yes , against the state of my masters purse .

Pyr.

Sir , Agrippa desires you to forbeare him till the next weeke : his Moyles are not yet come vp .

Tuc.

His Moyles ? now the Bots , the Spauin , and the Glanders , and some dosen diseases more , light on him , & his Moyles . What ha' they the Yellowes , his Moyles , that they come no faster ? or are they fowndred ? ha ? his Moyles ha' the Staggers belike : ha' they ?

Pyr.

O no Sir : then your tongue might be suspected for one of his Moyles .

Tuc.

He owes me almost a Talent , and he thinks to beare it away with his Moyles , does hee ? Sirrah , you , Nut-cracker : goe your waies to him againe , and tell him I must ha' money , I : I cannot eate stones and Turues , say . What , wil he clem me and my followers ? Aske him and he will clem mee : doe , goe . Hee would haue me fry my Ierkin , would he ? Away Setter , away . Yet stay , my little tumbler : the Knight shall supply now : I will not trouble him , I cannot be importunate , I : I cannot bee impudent .

Pyr.

Alas sir no : you are the most maidenly blushing creature vpon the earth .

Tuc.

Do'st thou heare , my little Six and fiftie , or thereabouts ? Thou art not to learne the humours and trickes of that old bald Cheater , Time : thou hadst not this chaine for nothing . Men of worth haue their Chymara's , as wel as other creatures : and they doe see monsters , sometimes : they doe , they doe .

Pyrg .

Better cheape then hee shall see you , I warrant him .

Tuc.

Thou must let mee haue six , six , Drachmes , I mean , Old boy ; thou shalt do it : I tel thee , Old boy , thou shalt , and in priuate too , dost thou see ? Goe , walke off : there , there . Six is the sum . Thy sonn 's a gallant Sparke , and must not be put out of a suddaine : come hither , Callimachus . Thy Father tels me thou art too Poeticall , Slaue : thou must not be so : thou must leaue them , yoong Nouice ; thou must : They are a sort of poore starued Rascalles ; that are euer wrapt vp in foule linnen : and can boast of nothing but a leane visage , peering out of a seam-rent suite ; the very Emblemes of Beggery . No : dost heare ? turne Lawyer , Thou shalt be my Solicitor : T is right olde boy , I st ?

Ouid sen.

You were best tell it Captaine .

Tuc.

No : fare thou well mine honest Knight , and thou olde Beauer , Pray thee Knight , when thou commest to towne , see me at my lodging , visite me some times : Thou shalt be welcome olde boy : doe not balke me good Swaggrer ; Ioue keepe thy chaine from pawning : goe thy waies : if thou lacke money I le lend thee some : I 'le leaue thee to thy horse , now ; Adue .

Ouid sen.

Farwell good Captaine .

Tuc.

Boy , you can haue but halfe a share now , boy . Exit .

Ouid sen.

T is a strange boldnes , that accompanies this fellow : Come .

Ouid.

I le giue attendance on you , to your horse , Sir ; Please you . —

Ouid sen.

No : keepe your chamber , and fall to your studies ; doe so : the Gods of Rome blesse thee .

Exeunt . Ouid. And giue me stomacke to digest this law ; That should haue followed sure , had I beene hee . O sacred Poësy , thou spirit of Arts , The soule of Science , and the Queene of Soules , What prophane violence , almost sacriledge , Hath here beene offered thy Diuinities ! Hmh ! that thine owne guiltlesse Pouerty should arme Prodigious Ignorance to wound thee thus ! For thence , is all their force of Argument Drawne foorth against thee ; or from the abuse Of thy great powers in Adultrate braines ; When , would men learne but to distinguish spirits , And set true difference twixt those iaded wits , That runne a broken pase for common hire , And the high Raptures of a happy soule , Borne on the winges of her immortall thought , That kickes at earth with a disdainefull heele , And beates at Heauen gates with her bright hooues ; They would not then with such distorted faces , And dudgeon Censures stab at Poesy : They would admire bright knowledge , and their minds Should nere descend on so vnworthy obiects , As Gould or Titles : they would dread farre more , To be thought ignorant , then be knowne poore . " The time was once , when wit drownd wealth : but now , " Your onely Barbarism's , to haue wit , and want . " No matter now in vertue who excells , " He , that hath coyne , hath all perfection else .
SCENA TERTIA. Tibullus . Ouid. Tibull .

Ouid ?

Ouid.

Whose there ? Come in .

Tibull .

Good morrow Lawyer .

Ouid.

Good morrow ( deare Tibullus ) welcome : sit downe .

Tibullus . Not I. what : so hard at it ? Let s see , What s here ? Numa in Decimo nono ? Ouid.

Pray thee away .

Tibullus . If thrice in field , a man vanquish his foe , T is after in his choice to serue , or no. How now Ouid ! Law cases in verse ? Ouid.

In troth , I know not : they runne from my Penne Vnwittingly , if they be verse . What 's the newes abroad ?

Tibullus .

Off with this gowne , I come to haue thee walke .

Ouid. No , good Tibullus ; I 'm not now in case . Pray thee let me alone . Tibullus . How ? not in case ! S'light thou' rt in too much case , by all this Law . Ouid. Troth , if I liue , I will new dresse the Law , In sprightly Poesyes Acoutrements . Tibull . The hell thou wilt . what , turne Law into verse ? Thy father has schoold thee I see . Here , read that same . Ther 's subiect for you : and if I mistake not , A Supersedeas to your Melancholy . Ouid.

How ! subscrib'd Iulia ! O my life , my Heauen !

Tibull .

Is the Mood chang'd ?

Ouid. Musique of wit ! Note for th' harmonious Spheares ! Celestiall Accents , how you rauish me ! Tibull .

What is it , Ouid ?

Ouid.

That I must meete my Iulia , the Princesse Iulia.

Tibullus .

Where ?

Ouid.

Why at Hart , I haue forgot : my passion so transports me .

Tibull . I le saue your paines : it is at Albius house , The Iewellers , where the faire Eycoris lies . Ouid.

Who ? Cytheris , Cornelius Gallus Loue ?

Tibull .

I , hee le be there too , and my Plautia .

Ouid.

And why not your Delia ?

Tibull .

Yes , and your Corinna .

Ouid. True ; but my sweete Tibullus , keepe that secret : I would not , for all Rome , it should be thought I vaile bright Iulia vnderneath that name : Iulia , the Gem , and Iewell of my soule , That takes her honours from the goulden Sky , As beauty doth all Lustre , from her Eye . The Ayre respires the pure Elyzium sweetes , In which she breathes : and from her lookes descend , The glories of the Summer . Heauen she is , Prais'd in her selfe aboue all praise : and he , Which heares her speake , would sweare the Tune-full Orbes Turnd in his Zenith onely . Tibull .

Publius , thou 'lt loose thy selfe .

Ouid. O , in no Labyrinth , can I safelier erre , Then when I loose my selfe in praysing her . Hence Law , and welcome , Muses ; though not rich , Yet are you pleasing : let 's be reconcilde , And new made one . Hence foorth , I promise faith , And all my serious howres to spend with you : With you , whose Musicke striketh on my hart , And with bewitching Tones steals foorth my spirit , In Iulias name ; Faire Iulia , Iulias Loue Shall be a Law , and that sweete Law I 'le study , The Law , and Arte of sacred Iulias Loue : All other obiects will but Abiects proue . Tibull .

Come , we shall haue thee as passionate , as Propertius , anon .

Ouid.

O , how does my Sextus ?

Tibull .

Faith , full of sorrow , for his Cynthias death .

Ouid.

What , still ?

Tibull . Still , and still more , his grieues doe grow vpon him , As doe his howres . Neuer did I know An vnderstanding spirit so take to hart The common worke of Fate . Ouid. O my Tibullus , Let vs not blame him : for against such chaunces , The hartiest strife of vertue is not proofe . We may read Constancy and Fortitude , To other soules : but had our selues beene strooke With the like Planet ; had our Loues ( like his ) Beene rauisht from vs , by iniurious death , And in the height , and heat of our best daies , It would haue crackt our sinnewes , shrunke our vaines , And made our very hart strings iarre , like his . Come , let 's goe take him foorth , and prooue , if Mirth , Or Company will but abate his passion . Tibullus .

Content , and I implore the Gods it may . Exeunt .

Finis Actus Primi .
ACTVS SECVNDVS .
SCENA PRIMA . Albius . Crispinus . Chloë . Maydes . Cytheris . Albius ,

MAster Crispinus , you are welcome ; Pray' , vse a stoole Sir . Your Cosen Cytheris , will come downe presently . We are so busie for the receceauing of these Courtiers here , that I can scarce be a minute with my selfe , for thinking of them ; Pray you sit Sir , Pray you sit Sir .

Crispinus .

I am very well Sir . Nere trust me , but you are most delicatly seated here , full of sweete delight and blandishment ; An excellent ayre , An excellent Ayre .

Albius .

I Sir , t is a pretty ayre : These Courtiers runne in my minde still ; I must looke out : for Iupiters sake sit Sir , or please you walke into the Garden . Ther 's a Garden on the backside .

Crispinus .

I am most strenuously well , I thanke you Sir .

Albius .

Much good doe you Sir . Exit .

Chloë .

Come , bring those Perfumes forward a little ; and strew some Roses , and Violets here ; Fie , here be roomes sauor the most pittifully ranke that euer I felt : I cry the Gods mercy , my Husband 's in the winde of vs .

Albius .

Why this is good , Excellent , Excellent : well said my sweete Chloë . Trim vp your house most obsequiously .

Chloë .

For Vulcanes sake , breath some where else ; in troth you ouercome our Perfumes exceedingly , you are to predominant .

Albius .

Heare but my Opinion , sweete Wife .

Chloë .

A pinne for your Pinnion . In sinceritie , if you be thus fulsome to me in euery thing , I 'le be diuorc't ; Gods my body ! you know what you were , before I married you ; I was a Gentlewoman borne , I : I lost all my friends to be a Citizens wife ; because I heard indeed , they kept their wiues as fine as Ladies ; and that we might rule our husbands , like Ladies ; and doe what we listed : doe you thinke I would haue married you else ?

Albius .

I acknowledge , sweete wife : she speakes the best of any woman in Italy , and moues as mightily : which makes me , I had rather she should make Bumpes on my head , as big as my two fingers , then I would offend her : But sweete wife —

Chloë .

Yet againe ? I' st not grace inough for you , that I call you Husband , and you call me wife : but you must still be poking me , against my will to things ?

Albius .

But you know wife ; here are the greatest Ladies , and Gallantst Gentlemen of Rome , to be enterteyn'd in our house now : and I would faine aduise thee , to entertaine them in the best sort , yfaith wife .

Chloë .

In sinceritie , did you euer heare a man talke so Idly ? You would seeme to be Master ? You would haue your spoke in my cart ? you would aduise me to Entertaine Ladies , and Gentlemen ? bicause you canne marshall your Packneedles , Horsecombes , Hobby-horses , and Wall-Candlesticks in your ware house better then I ; therefore you can tell how to Entertaine Ladies , and Gentlefolkes better then I ?

Albius .

O my sweete wife , vpbraid me not with that : " Gaine sauours sweetely from any thing ; He that respects to get , must relish all commodities alike ; and admit no difference betwixt Oade , and Frankincense ; or the most pretious Balsamum , and a Tarre-barrell .

Chloë .

Mary fough : You sell snuffers to , if you be remembred , but I pray you let me buy them out of your hand ; for I tell you true , I take it highly in snuffe , to learne how to Entertaine Gentlefolkes , of you , at these yeeres , I faith : Alas man ; there was not a Gentleman came to your house i' your tother Wiues time , I hope ? nor a Lady ? nor Musique ? nor Masques , Nor you , nor your house were so much as spoken of , before I disbast my selfe , from my Hood and my Fartingall , to these Bumrowles , and your Whale-bone Bodies .

Albius .

Looke here , my sweete Wife ; I am Mum , my deare Mumma , my Balsamum , my Sperma Cete , & my verry Citty of — she has the most best , true , faeminine wit in Rome .

Crisp .

I haue heard so Sir ; and doe most vehemently desire to participate the knowledge of her faire Features .

Albius .

Ah , peace ; you shall heare more anon ; be not seene yet ; I pray you ; not yet ; obserue . Exit .

Chloë .

S'body , giue Husbands the head a little more , and they 'll be nothing but Head shortly ; what s he there ?

Mayde .

1. I know not forsooth :

Mayde .

2. Who would you speake with Sir ?

Crisp .

I would speake with my Cosen Cytheris .

Mayde .

Hee is one forsooth would speake with his Cosen Cytheris .

Chloë .

Is she your Cosen Sir ?

Crisp .

Yes in truth for sooth , for fault of a better .

Chloë .

She is a Gentlewoman ?

Crisp .

Or else , she should not be my Cosen , I assure you ;

Chloë .

Are you a Gentleman borne ?

Crisp .

That I am Lady ; you shall see mine Armes , if 't please you .

Chloë .

No , your legges doe sufficiently shew you are a Gentleman borne Sir : for a man borne vpon little legges , is alwaies a Gentleman borne .

Crisp .

Yet , I pray you , vouchsafe the sight of my armes , Mistresse ; for I beare them about me , to haue h'em seene : my name is Crispinus , or Cri-spinas indeede ; which is well exprest in my armes , a Face crying in chiefe ; and beneath it a bloody Toe , betweene three Thornes Pungent .

Chloë .

Then you are welcome Sir ; now you are a Gentleman borne , I can finde in my hart to welcome you : for I am a Gentlewoman borne too ; and will beare my head high enough , though t were my fortune to marry a Flat-cappe .

Albius .

Deare wife be not angry .

Chloë .

God's my passion !

Albius .

Heare me but one thing ; let not your maides set Cushions in the Parlor windowes ; nor in the dining Chamber windowes ; nor vpon stooles , in either of them in any case ; for t is Tauerne like ; but lay them one vpon an other , in some out Roome , or corner of the dining Chamber .

Chloë .

Goe , goe , meddle with your Bed-chamber onely , or rather with your Bed in your Chamber , onely ; or rather with your Wife in your Bed onely ; or on my faith , I le not be pleas'd with you onely .

Albius .

Looke here , my deare Wife , entertaine that Gentleman kindly , I pre' thee ; — Mum. Exit .

Chloë .

Goe , I need your instructions indeede ; Anger me no more , I aduise you . Citi-sin quotha' ! shee s a Wise Gentlewoman yfaith , will marry her selfe to the Synne of the Citty .

Albius .

But this time , and no more ( by heauen ) Wife : hang no pictures in the Hall , nor in the dining Chamber , in any case , but in the Gallery onely , for t is not Courtly else , on my word , Wife .

Chloë .

'Spretious , neuer haue don !

Albius .

Wife . Exit .

Chloë .

Doe I not be are a reasonable corrigible hand ouer him , Crispinus ?

Crisp .

By this hand Lady , you hold a most sweete hand ouer him .

Albius .

And then for the great gilt Andyrons ?

Chloë .

Againe ! would the Andyrons were in your great guts , for me .

Albius .

I doe vanish , Wife . Exit .

Chloë .

How shall I doe , Master Crispinus ? here will be all the brauest Ladies in Court presently , to see your Cosen Cytheris : O the Gods ! how might I behaue my selfe now , as to entertaine them most Courtly ?

Crisp .

Marry Lady , if you will entertaine them most Courtly , you must doe thus : as soone as euer , your maide , or your man brings you word they are come , you must say , A pox on hem ; what do they here ? And yet when they come , speak them as faire , & giue them the kindest welcome in wordes , that can be .

Chlo.

Is that the fashion of Courtiers , Crispinus ?

Crisp.

I assure you , it is Ladie , I haue obseru'd it .

Chl.

For your Pox Sir , it is easily hit vpon ; but , 't is not so easie to speake faire after , me thinks ?

Alb.

O Wife , the Coaches are come , on my word , a number of Coaches and Courtiers .

Chlo.

A pox on them : what doe they here ?

Alb.

How now wife ! wouldst thou not haue them come ?

Chlo.

Come ? come , you are a foole , you : He knowes not the tricke on 't . Cal Cytheris I pray you : and good master Crispinus , you can obserue , you say ; let me intreate you for all the Ladies behauiors , Iewels , Iestes , and Attyres , that you marking as well as I , we may put both our markes togither , when they are gone , and confer of them .

Crisp.

I warrant you Sweet Ladie ; let me alone to obserue , till I turne my selfe to nothing but obseruation . God morrow cosen Cytheris .

Cyth .

Welcome kinde cosen . What , are they come ?

Alb.

I , your friend Cornelius Gallus , Ouid , Tibullus , Propertius , with Iulia the Emperors daughter , and the Ladie Plautia are lighted at the dore ; and with them Hermogenes Tigellius , the excellent Musitian .

Cyth .

Come , let vs goe meete them Chloë .

Chlo.

Obserue Chrispinus .

Cri.

At a haires breadth Ladie , I warrant you .

SCENA SECVNDA . Gallus , Ouid , Tibullus , Propertius , Hermogenes , Iulia. Plautia , Cytheris , Chloë , Albius , Crispinus . Gall.

Health to the louely Chloë : you must pardon me Mistris , that I preferre this faire Gentlewoman .

Cith .

I pardon , and praise you for it , Sir ; and I beseech your Excellence , receiue her beauties into your Knowledge and Fauour .

Iul.

Cytheris , she hath Fauour , & behauiour , that commands as much of mee ; and sweete Chloë , know I doe exceedingly loue you , & that I wil approue in any grace my father the Emperour may shewe you . Is this your husband ?

Alb.

For fault . of a better , if it please your Highnesse .

Chl.

Gods my life ! how he shames mee !

Cyth .

Not a whit Chloë , they all thinke you politicke , and wittie ; wise women chuse not husbands for the Eye , Merit , or Byrth ; but wealth , and Soueraignty .

Ouid.

Sir , we all come to gratulate , for the good report of you .

Tibull .

And would be glad to deserue your loue , Sir .

Alb.

My wife will answere you all , gentlemen ; I le come to you againe presently . Exit .

Plaut.

You haue chosen you a most faire companion here , Cytheris ; and a very faire house .

Cith .

To both which , you and all my friends , are very welcome Plautia .

Chlo.

With all my heart , I assure your Ladishippe .

Plau.

Thanks , sweete Mistresse Chloë .

Iul.

You must needes come to Court Ladie yfaith , and there be sure your welcome shall be as great to vs .

Ouid.

She will well deserue it Madam . I see , euen in her lookes , Gentry , and generall worthinesse .

Tibull .

I haue not seene a more certaine Character of an exlent disposition .

Alb.

Wife .

Chl.

O , they doe so commend me here , the Courtiers ! what 's the matter now ?

Alb.

For the banquet , sweete wife .

Chl.

Yes ; and I must needs come to Court ; and be welcome , the Princesse saies . Exit

Gal.

Ouid and Tibullus , you may be bolde to welcome your Mistresses here .

Ouid.

We finde it so Sir .

Tibull .

And thanke Cornelius Gallus .

Ouid.

Nay , my sweete Sextus , infaith thou art not sociable ,

Prop. Infaith I am not Publius ; nor I cannot . Sick mindes are like sick men that burne with Feauers , Who when they drinke , please but a lingring taste , And after beare a more impatient fit . Pray , let me leaue you ; I offend you all , And my selfe most . Gal.

Stay sweete Propertius .

Tibull . You yeeld to much vnto your grieues , and Fate , Which neuer hurtes , but when we say it hurts vs . Prop. O peace Tibullus ; your Philosophie Lends you to rough a hand to search my wounds . Speake they of griefes , that know to sigh and grieue ; The free and vnconstrained Spirit feeles No weight of my oppression . Exit . Ouid. Worthie Romane ! Me thinks I taste his misery ; and could Sit downe , and chide at his malignant Starres : Iul.

Me thinkes I loue him , that he loues so truely .

Cyth .

This is the perfect'st loue , liues after death .

Gal.

Such is the constant ground of vertue still .

Plau.

It puts on an inseperable face .

Chl.

Haue you markt euery thinge , Crispinus ?

Cri.

Euery thing , I , warrant you

Chl.

What Gentlemen are these ? doe you know them ?

Crisp .

I , they are Poets , Ladie .

Chl.

Poets ? they did not talke of me since I went , did they ?

Crisp .

O yes , and extold your perfections to the heauens .

Chl.

Now in sincerity , they be the finest kind of men , that euer I knew ; Poets ? Could not one get the Emperor to make my husband a Poet , thinke you ?

Crisp .

No Ladie , t is Loue , and Beauty make Poets : & since you like Poets so well , your Loue , and Beauties shall make me a Poet.

Chl.

What shall they ? and such a one as these ?

Crisp .

I , and a better than these : I would be sory else .

Chl.

And shall your lookes change ? and your Haire change ? and all , like these ?

Crisp.

Why , a man may be a Poet , and yet not change his Haire , Ladie .

Chlo.

Well , we shall see your cunning : yet if you can change your Haire , I pray : do .

Alb.

Ladies , and Lordings , there 's a slight Banquet staies within for you , please you drawe nere and accost it .

Iulia.

We thanke you good Albius : but when shall wee see those excellent Iewels you are commended to haue ?

Alb.

At your Ladishippes seruice . I got that speach by seeing a Play last day , and it did me some grace now : I see , 't is good to collect sometimes ; I le frequent these Playes more then I haue done , now I come to be familiar with Courtiers .

Gal.

Why how now Hermogenes ? what ailest thou trow ?

Her .

A little melancholy , let mee alone , pray thee .

Gal.

Melancholy ! how so ?

Her .

With ryding : a plague on all Coaches for me .

Chlo.

Is that hard fauourd Gentleman a Poet too ; Cytheris ?

Cyth .

No ; this is Hermogenes ; as humorous as a Poet though : he is a Musitian .

Chlo.

A Musitian ? then he can sing .

Cyth .

That he can excellently ; did you neuer heare him ?

Clo.

O no : will he be intreated , thinke you ?

Cyth .

I know not . Friend , Mistresse Chloe would faine heare Hermogenes sing : are you interested in him ?

Gal.

No doubt , his owne Humanitie will commaund him so farre , to the satisfaction of so faire a beauty ; but , rather than faile , wee le all be suiters to him .

Her .

‛ Cannot sing .

Gall.

Pray thee Hermogenes .

Her .

‛ Cannot sing .

Gal.

For honour of this Gentlewoman , to whose house , I know thou maist be euer welcome .

Clo.

That he shall in trueth sir , if he can sing .

Ouid.

What 's that ?

Gal.

This Gentlewoman is woing Hermogeues for a song .

Ouid.

A song ? Come , he shall not deny her . Hermogenes ?

Herm.

‛ Cannot sing .

Gal.

No , the Ladies must doe it , he stayes but to haue their thankes acknowledg'd as a debt to his cunning .

Iul.

That shall not want : our selfe will be the first shall promise to pay him more then thankes , vpon a fauour so worthily vouchsaf't .

Herm.

Thanke you Madame ; but ' will not sing .

Tibull .

Tut , the onely way to winne him , is to abstaine from intreating him .

Crisp .

Doe you loue singing , Ladie ?

Chl.

O , passingly .

Crisp .

Intreat the Ladies , to intreat me to sing then , I beseech you .

Chl.

I beseech your Grace intreat this Gentleman to sing .

Iul.

That we will Chloë ; can he sing excellently ?

Chl.

I thinke so Madam : for he intreated me , to intreat you , to intreat him to sing .

Crisp .

Heauen and earth ! would you tell that ?

Iul.

Good Sir , let s intreat you to vse your voice .

Crisp .

Alas Madam , I cannot in trueth .

Plau.

The Gentlemans is modest : I warrant you , he singes excellently .

Ouid.

Hermogenes cleare your throate : I see by him , heer 's a Gentleman will worthily chalenge you .

Crisp.

Not I sir , I le chalenge no man .

Tibul.

That 's your modestie sir : but we , out of an assurance of your excellency , chalenge him in your behalfe .

Crisp .

I thanke you Gentlemen , I le doe my best .

Her .

Let that best be good , sir , you were best .

Gal.

O , this contention is excellent . What is 't you sing Sir ?

Crisp.

If I freely may discouer , &c. Sir , I 'le sing that .

Ouid. One of your owne compositions , Hermogenes . He offers you vantage enough . Crisp .

Nay truely Gentlemen , I le chalenge no man — : I can sing but one staffe of the Dittie neither .

Gal.

The better : Hermogenes himselfe will bee intreated to sing the other .

CANTVS . IF I freely may discouer , What woulde please mee in my Louer : I woulde haue her faire , and wittie , Sauouring more of Court , then Citie ; A little proude , but full of pitie : Light and Humorous in her toying , Oft building hopes , and soone destroying , Long , but sweete in the enioying , Neither too easie , nor to harde : All extreames I would haue barde . Gal.

Beleeue me Sir , you sing most excellently .

Ouid.

If there were a praise aboue Excellence , the Gentleman highly deserues it .

Her .

Sir , all this doth not yet make me enuy you : for I know I sing better then you .

Tibull .

Attend Hermogenes now .

2 Shee should be allowed her Passions , So they were but vs'd as fashions ; Sometimes froward , and then frowning , Sometimes sickish , and then swowning , Euery fit , with change , still crowning . Purely Ielous , I would haue her , Then onely constant when I craue her . T is a vertue should not saue her . Thus , nor her Delicates would cloy mee , Neither her peeuishnesse annoy mee . Iul.

Nay Hermogenes , your merit hath long since beene both knowne , and admir'd of vs .

Her .

You shall heare me sing another : now will I beginne .

Gal.

Wee shall doe this Gentlemans Banquet too much wrong , that staies for vs , Ladies :

Iul.

T is true : and well thought on , Cornelius Gallus .

Her .

Why 't is but a short Ayre , 't will be done presently , pray stay ; strike Musique .

Ouid.

No , good Hermogenes : we 'll end this difference within .

Iul.

'T is the common disease of all your Musitians , that they knowe no meane , to be intreated , either to begin , or ende .

Alb.

Please you leade the way , Gentles ?

Omnes .

Thankes good Albius . Exeunt

Alb.

O , what a charme of thankes was here put vpon me ! O Ioue , what a setting forth it is to a man , to haue may Courtiers com to his house ! Sweetly was it said of a good old Houskeeper ; I had rather want meate , then want Ghests : specially , if they be Courtly Ghests . For neuer trust me , if one of their good legges made in a house , be not worth all the good cheare , a man can make them . He that would haue fine Ghestes , let him haue a fine Wife ; he that would haue a fine Wife , let him come to mee .

Crisp.

By your kinde leaue , Master Albius .

Alb.

What , you are not gone , Master Crispine ?

Crisp.

Yes faith , I haue a desseigne drawes me hence : pray' Sir , fashion me an excuse to the Ladies .

Alb.

Will you not stay ? & see the Iewels , sir ? I pray you stay .

Crisp.

Not for a Million Sir , now ; Let it suffice , I must relinquish ; and so in a word , please you to expiate this Complement .

Alb.

Mum. Exit .

Crisp.

I le presently goe and Enghle some Broker , for a Poets Gowne , and bespeake a Gyrland : and then Ieweller , looke to your best Iewel yfaith . Exit .

Finis Actus Secundi .
ACTVS TERTIVS .
SCENA PRIMA . Horace , Crispinus . Hor.

HMH ? Hor. Lib. 1. Sat. 9. yes ; I will begin an Ode so ; & it shall bee to Mecoenas .

Cris.

'Slid yonder s Horace : they say hee 's an Excellent Poet : Mecoenas loues him . I le fal into his acquaintance , if I can ; I thinke hee bee composing , as hee goes i' the streete ●ha ? t is a good humor , and hee bee : I le compose too .

Hor. Swell mee a bowle with lustie wine , Till I may see the plumpe Lyaeus swim Aboue the brim : I drinke , as I would wright ; In flowing measure , fild with Flame , & spright . Crisp.

Sweete Horace ! Minerua , and the Muses stand auspicious to thy desseignes . How far'st thou sweete man ? Frolicke ? rich ? gallant ? ha ?

Hor. Not greatly gallant , Sir : like my fortunes ; well . I 'm bold to take my leaue Sir , you 'ld naught else Sir , wold you ? Crisp.

Troth no ; but I could wish thou didst know vs , Horace ; we are a Scholer , I assure thee .

Hor.

A Scholer Sir ? I shall be couetous of your faire knowledge .

Crisp.

Gramercy good Horace ; Nay , we are newe turn'd Poet too , which is more ; and a Satyrist too , which is more then that : I write iust in thy vaine , I. I am for your Odes or your Sermons , or any thing indeede ; wee are a Gentleman besides : our name is Rufus Laberius Crispinus ; we are a pretty Stoicke too .

Hor.

To the proportion of your beard , I thinke it sir .

Crisp.

By Phoebus , here 's a most neate fine streete ; is 't not ? I protest to thee , I am enamord of this streete now , more then of halfe the streetes of Rome , againe ; t is so polite , and terse : Ther 's the front of a Building now . I study Architecture too : if euer I should build , I 'de haue a house iust of that Prospectiue .

Horace .

Doubtlesse , this Gallants tongue has a good turne , when he sleepes .

Crisp .

I doe make verses , when I come in such a streete as this : O your Citty-Ladies , you shall ha 'hem sit in euery shop like the Muses , — offring you the Castalian Deawes , and the Thespian Liquors , to as many as haue but the sweete grace and Audacitie to — sip of their lips . Did you neuer heare any of my verses ?

Horace .

No Sir ; but I am in some feare , I must , now .

Crisp .

I le tell thee some ( if I can but recouer 'hem ) I compos'd e'en now of a veluet cap , I fawa Iewellers wife wear ; who indeede was a Iewell her selfe : I prefer that kind of Tire now ; What 's thy opinion Horace ?

Horace .

With your siluer Bodkin , it does well , Sir .

Crisp .

I cannot tell , but it stirs me more then all your Court Curles , or your Spangles , or your Trickes ; I affect not these high Gable ends , these Tuscan tops , nor your Coronets , nor your Arches , nor your Pyramid's ; giue me a fine sweete — little veluet Cap , with a Bodkin ; as you say : and a Mushrome , for all your other Ornatures .

Horace .

I st not possible to make an escape from him ?

Crisp .

I haue remitted my verses all this while , I thinke I haforgot 'hem .

Horace .

Here s hee , could wish you had else .

Crisp .

Pray Ioue , I can intreat 'hem of my Memory .

Horace .

You put your Memory to too much trouble , Sir .

Crisp .

No , sweete Horace , we must not ha' thee thinke so .

Horace . I cry you mercy ; then , they are my Eares That must be tortur'd ; well , you must haue patience , Eares . Crisp .

Pray thee Horace , obserue .

Horace .

Yes Sir : your Sattin sleeue begins to fret at the Rug that is vnderneath it , I doe obserue ; And your ample Veluet hose are not without euident staines of a hot disposition Naturally .

Crisp.

O , — I le dye them into another Colour , at pleasure : how many yards of Veluet dost thou thinke they conteyne ?

Horace . 'Hart ! I haue put him now in a fresh way To vex me more : Faith Sir , your Mercers booke Will tell you with more patience , then I can ; For I am crost , and so 's not that , I thinke . Crisp .

'Slight ; these Verses haue lost me againe : I shall not inuite 'hem to minde now .

Horace . Racke not your thoughts , good Sir ; rather , defer it To a new Time ; I le meete you at your lodging , Or where you please : Till then , Ioue keepe you Sir . Crisp .

Nay gentle , Horace , stay : I haue it , now .

Horace .

Yes Sir . Apollo , Hermes , Iupiter , looke downe vpon me .

Crisp . Rich was thy hap , Sweete Veluet Cap. There to be placed ; Where thy smooth blacke , sleeke white may smacke , And both be graced .

White , is there vsurpt for her brow ; her forehead : and then sleeke , as the Paralell to smooth that went before . A kind of Paranomasy , or Agnomination : doe you conceaue Sir ?

Horace .

Excellent . Troth Sir , I must be abrupt , & leaue you .

Crisp .

Why , what haste hast thou ? pray thee stay a little : thou shalt not goe yet , by Phoebus .

Horace .

I shall not ? what remedy ? Fie , how I sweate with suffering .

Crisp .

And then —

Horace .

Pray Sir , giue me leaue to wipe my face a little .

Crisp .

Yes , doe , good Horace :

Horace . Thanke you Sir . ‛ Death ! must craue his leaue to pisse anon ; Or that I may goe hence with halfe my teeth , I am in some such feare : This Tyranny Is strange ; to take mine Eares vp by Commission , ( Whether I will or no ) and make them stalls To his lewd Soloecismes , and woorded trash . Happy the bold Bolanus , now , I say ; Romes Common Buffon : His free Impudence Would , long ere this , haue cald this fellow ; Foole ; And ranke , and tedious Foole , and haue slung iests As hard as stones , till he had pelted him Out of the place : whil'st my tame Modesty Suffers my Wit be made a solemne Asse To beare his Fopperies . — Crisp .

Horace , thou art miserably affected to be gone , I see But — Pray thee , let s proue , to enioy thee awhile : Thou hast no businesse , I assure me : Whether is thy iourney directed ? ha ?

Horace .

Sir , I am going to visit a Friend , that 's sicke .

Crisp .

A Friend ? What s he ? doe not I know him ?

Horace .

No Sir , you doe not know him ; and 't is not the worse for him .

Crisp .

What 's his Name ? wher 's he lodg'd ?

Horace .

Where , I shall be fearefull to drawe you out of your way , Sir ; a great way hence ; Pray sir , let 's part .

Crisp .

Nay , but where i st ? I pray thee say .

Horace .

On the farre side of all Tyber yonder , by Caesars Gardens .

Crisp .

O , that 's my course directly ; I am for you . Come , goe : why standst thou ?

Horace .

Yes Sir : marry the Plague is in that part of the Citty ; I had almost forgot to tell you , Sir .

Crisp .

Fow : It 's no matter , I feare no Pestilence , I ha' not offended Phoebus .

Horace . I haue , it seemes ; or else this heauy scourge Could nere haue lighted on me . — Crisp .

Come , along .

Horace .

I am to goe downe some halfe mile , this way , Sir , first ; to speake with his Phisitian : And from thence to his Apothecary , where I shall stay the mixing of diuers drugges —

Crisp .

Why , it s all one . I haue nothing to doe , and I looue not to be idle ; I le beare thee company . How call'st thou the Pothecary ?

Horace . O , that I knew a Name would fright him now . Rhadamanthus Sir : Ther 's one so cald , is a iust Iudge in hell ; And doth inflict strange vengeance on all those , That ( here on earth ) torment poore patient spirits . Crisp .

He dwells at the Three Furies , by Ianus Temple ?

Horace .

Your Apothecary does , Sir .

Crisp .

Hart , I owe him Money for sweete meats , and he has laid to arrest me , I heare : but —

Horace .

Sir , I haue made a most solemne vow : I will neuer Bayle any man .

Crisp .

Well then , I le sweare , and speake him faire , if the worst come . But his Name is Minos , not Rhadamanthus , Horace .

Horace .

That may be Sir : I but guest at his name by his Signe . But your Minos is a Iudge to , Sir ?

Crisp .

I protest to thee Horace ( doe but tast me once , ) if I doe know my selfe , and mine owne vertues truely , thou wilt not make that esteeme of Varius , or Virgill , or Tibullus , or any of 'hem in deed , as now in thy Ignorance thou dost ; which I am content to forgiue : I would faine see which of these could pen more Verses in a day , or with more facility then I ; or that could court his Mistres , kisse her hand , make better sport with her Fanne , or her Dogge ?

Horace .

I can not Bayle you yet , Sir .

Crisp .

Or that could moue his body more gracefully ? or Dance better ? you shoo'd see me , were it not i' the street .

Horace .

Nor yet .

Crisp .

Why , I haue beene a Reueller , and at my cloth of siluer Sute , and my long stocking , in my Time , and will be againe —

Horace .

If you may be trusted , Sir .

Crisp .

And then for my singing , Hermogenes him selfe Enuies me ; that is your onely Master of Musique you haue in Rome .

Horace .

Is your Mother liuing , Sir ?

Crisp .

Au : Conuert thy thoughts to somewhat else , I pray thee .

Horace .

You haue much of the Mother in you , Sir : your Father is dead ?

Crisp .

I , I thanke Ioue , and my Grand-father to , and all my kinsfolkes , and well compos'd in their Graues .

Horace . The more their happinesse ; that rest in peace , Free from th' aboundant torture of thy tongue ; Would I were with them too . Crisp .

What 's that , Horace ?

Horace . I now remember me , Sir , of a sad fate A Cunning woman , on Sabella sung , When in her Vrne , she cast my destiny , I being but a Child . Crisp .

What was 't , I pray thee ?

Horace . She tould me , I should surely neuer perish By Famine , Poyson , or the Enemies sword ; The Hecticke Feuer , Cough , or Pleurisy , Should neuer hurt me ; nor the tardy Goute : But in my Time , I should be once surpriz'd , By a strong tedious Talker , that should vex And almost bring me to Consumption . Therefore ( if I were wise ) she warnd me shunne All such long-winded Monsters , as my bane ; For if I could but scape that one Discourser , I might ( no doubt ) prooue an ould aged man . By your leaue Sir ? Crisp .

Tut , tut : abandon , this idle humor , 't is nothing but Melancholy . Fore Ioue , now I thinke out , I am to appeare in Court here , to answere to one that has me in suite : sweete Horace goe with me ; this is my howre : if I neglect it , the Law proceedes against me : Thou art familiar with these thinges ; pray thee , if thou louest me , goe .

Horace . Now let me die Sir , if I know your Lawes ; Or haue the power , to stand halfe so long In their ( _____ ) Courts , as while a Case is Argued . Besides , you know Sir where I am to goe , and the Necessity . — Crisp .

T is true : —

Horace .

I hope the howre of my release be come : He will ( vpon this Consideration ) discharge me sure .

Crisp .

Troth , I am doubtfull , what I may best doe ; whether to leaue thee , or my affaires , Horace ?

Horace .

O Iupiter , me Sir ; me , by any meanes : I beseech you , me , Sir .

Crisp .

No faith , I le venture those now ; Thou shalt see I loue thee , come Horace .

Horace .

Nay then , I am desperate : I follow you Sir . 'T is hard contending with a man that ouercomes thus .

Crisp .

And how deales Mecoenas with thee ? Liberally ? Ha ? Is he open handed ? bountifull ?

Horace .

Hee 's still himselfe , Sir .

Crisp .

Troth Horace , thou art exceeding happy in thy Friends and Acquaintance ; they are all most choise spirits , and of the first ranke of Romanes : I doe not know that Poet , I protest , ha's vsd his Fortune more prosperously then thou hast . If thou would'st bring me knowne to Mecoenas , I should second thy desert well ; Thou shouldst find a good sure Assistance of me : One that would speake all good of thee in thy Absence , and be content with the next Place , not enuying thy Reputation with thy Patron . Let me not liue , but I thinke thou and I ( in a small time ) should lift them all out of Fauor , both Virgill , Varius , and the best of them ; and enioy him wholly to our selues .

Horace . Gods , You doe know it , I can hold no longer ; This Brize hath prickt my Patience : Sir , your Silkenesse Clearely mistakes Mecoenas ; and his house ; To thinke , there breaths a Spirit beneath his Roofe , Subiect vnto those poore affections Of vnder-mining Enuy , and Detraction , Moodes , onely proper to base groueling minds : That Place is not in Rome , I dare affirme , More pure , or free , from such low common Euils . There 's no man greeu'd , that this is thought more Rich , Or this more Learned ; Ech man hath his Place , And to his merit , his reward of Grace : Which with a mutuall loue they all embrace . Crisp .

You report a wonder ! t is scarce credible , this .

Horace .

I am no Torturer , to enforce you to beleeue it , but t is so .

Crisp .

Why , this enflames me with a more ardent desire to be his , then before : but , I doubt I shall find the entrance to his Familiarity , somewhat more then difficult , Horace .

Horace .

Tut , you 'le conquer him , as you haue done me ; There 's no standing out against you Sir , I see that . Either your Importunacy , or the Intimation of your good Parts ; or —

Crisp .

Nay , I 'le bribe his Porter , and the Groomes of his Chamber ; make his doores open to me that way first : and then , I 'le obserue my times . Say , he should extrude me his house to day ; shall I therefore desist , or let fall my suite to morrow ? No : I 'le attend him , follow him , meete him i' the streete , the high waies , runne by his Coach , neuer leaue him . What ? " Man hath nothing giuen him , in this life , without much Labor .

Horace . And Impudence . Archer of Heauen ; Phoebus take thy Bowe And with a full drawne shaft , nayle to the earth This Python ; that I may yet runne hence , and liue : Or Brawny Hercules , doe thou come downe ; And ( though thou mak'st it vp thy thirteenth labor ) Rescue me from this Hydra of discourse here .
SCENA SECVNDA . Aristius . Horace . Crispinus . Aristius .

Horace . Well met .

Horace . O welcome my Redeemer . Aristius , as thou louest me , Ransome me . Aristius .

What aylst thou , man ?

Horace . ‛ Death , I am seazd on here By a Land - Remora , I cannot stirr ; Not moue , but as he please . Crisp .

Wilt thou goe , Horace ?

Horace . 'Hart ! He cleaues to me like Alcides shirt , Tearing my Flesh , and Sinne wes ; ô I ha' beene vext And tortur'd with him , worse then forty Feauers . For Ioues sake , find some meanes , to take me from him . Arist.

Yes , I will : but I 'le goe first , and tell Mecoenas .

Crisp .

Come , shall we goe ?

Arist.

The iest will make his eyes runne , yfaith .

Horace .

Nay , Aristius ?

Arist.

Farewell , Horace .

Horace .

Death ! will a'leaue me ? Fuscus Aristius , doe you heare ? Gods of Rome , you said you had somewhat to say to me in priuate .

Arist.

I , but I see , you are now imployd with that Gentleman : 't were sinne to trouble you . I 'le take some fitter opportunity , adue .

Exit . Horace . Mischiefe , and torment ! O my Soule , and Hart , How are you Crampt with anguish ! Death it selfe Brings not the like Conuulsion . O this day , That euer I should viewe thy tedious face ? Crisp .

Horace , what Passion ? what Humours this ?

Horace . Away , good Prodigy , afflictme not . A Friend , and mocke me thus ! neuer was man So left vnder the Axe — how now .
SCENA TERTIA. Minos , Lictors , Crispinus , Horace . Minos .

THat 's he , in the imbrodered hat , there , with the Ash colourd Fether : his name is Liberius Crispinus .

Lict.

Liberius Crispinus ; I arrest you in the Emperors name .

Crisp.

Me Sir ? doe you arrest mee ?

Lict.

I Sir , at the suite of Master Minos the Apothecary .

Hor.

Thankes , greate Apollo : I will not slippe thy fauour offered me in my escape , for my fortunes .

Exit . Crisp.

Master Minos ? I know no Master Minos . Where 's Horace ? Horace ? Horace ?

Min.

Sir , doe not you knowe mee ?

Crisp.

O yes ; I knowe you , Master Minos : ' cry you mercie . But Horace ? Gods 'Slid , is he gone ?

Min.

I , and so would you too , if you knewe how . Officer looke to him .

Crisp.

Doe you heare , Master Minos ? pray' let 's be vs'd like a man of our owne fashion . By Ianus and Iupiter , I meant to haue payed you next weeke , euery Drachme . Seeke not to ecclipse my reputation thus vulgarly .

Min.

Sir , your oathes cannot serue you ; you knowe I haue forborne you long .

Crisp.

I am conscious of it , Sir . Nay , I beseech you , Gentlemen , doe not exhale me thus ; remember 't is but for sweete meates —

Lict.

Sweete meate must haue sower sauce , Sir . Come along .

Crisp.

Sweete Master Minos : I am forfeited to eternall disgrace , if you doe not commiserate . Good officer bee not so officious .

SCENA QVARTA . Tucca , Pyrgus , Minos , Lictors , Crispinus , Histrio , Demetrius , Tuc.

Why how now , my good brace of Blood-hounds ? whether doe you dragge the Gent'man ? you Mungrelles , you Curres , you Bandogges , wee are Captaine Tucca , that talke to you , you inhumane Pilchers .

Min.

Sir , he is their prisoner .

Tuc.

Their Pestilence . What are you , sir ?

Min.

A Citizen of Rome , sir .

Tuc.

Then you are not farre distant from a Foole , sir .

Min.

A Pothecary , sir .

Tuc.

I knewe that was not a Phisitian ; fough : out of my Nostrils , thou stinkst of Lotium , & the Syrringe ; away Quack-saluer ; Follower , my sworde .

Pyr.

Here , noble Leader , you le do no harme with it : I le trust you .

Tuc.

Doe you heare , You , Goodman slaue ? Hooke , Ramme , Rogue , Catchpole , loose the Gent'man , or by my veluet armes —

Lict.

What will you doe , sir ?

Tuc.

Kisse thy hande , my honourable actiue Varlet : & imbrace thee , thus .

Pyr.

O Patient Metamorphosis !

Tuc.

My sworde , my tall Rascall .

Lict.

Nay , softe sir ; Some wiser then some .

Tuc.

What ? and a Wit to ? By Pluto , thou must be cherished , Slaue ; here s three Drachmes for thee : hold .

Pyr.

There 's halfe his Lendings gone .

Tuc.

Giue mee .

Lict.

No sir , your first word shall stand : I le holde all .

Tuc.

Nay , but Rogue :

Lict.

You would make a rescue of our prisoner , Sir , you ?

Tuc.

I , a rescue ? away inhumane Varlet . Come , come ; I neuer relish aboue one Iest at most ; doe not disgeste me : Sirra , do not . Rogue , I tell thee , Rogue , doe not .

Lict.

How sir ? Rogue ?

Tuc.

I , why ; thou art not angry Rascall ? art thou ?

Lict.

I cannot tell sir , I am little better , vpon these termes .

Tu ,

Ha! Gods & Feinds ! why dost hear ? Rogue , Thou , giue me thy hand ; I say vnto thee , thy hand : Rogue . what ? dost not thou know mee ? not me , Rogue ? not Captaine Tucca , Rogue ?

Min.

Come : pra' surrender the Gentleman his sword , Officer ; we 'll haue no fighting here .

Tuc.

What 's thy name ?

Min.

Minos , an 't please you .

Tucca.

Minos ? come hyther , Minos ; Thou art a wise Fellowe it seemes : Let me talke with thee .

Crisp .

Was euer wretch so wretched , as vnfortunate I ?

Tuc.

Thou art one of the Centum-viri , Old boy , art ' not ?

Min.

Noe indeede , Master Captaine .

Tucca.

Goe to , thou shallt be then : I le ha' thee one , Minos . Take my sworde from those Rascalles , dost thou see ? Goe , do it ; I cannot attempt with patience . What does this Gentleman owe thee , little Minos ?

Min.

Fourescore Sesterties , sir .

Tuc.

What ? no more ? Come , thou shalt release him , Minos : what , I le be his Bayle , thou shalt take my worde , Old boy , and Casheere these Furies : thou shalt do 't , I say thou shalt , little Minos , thou shalt .

Crisp.

Yes , and as I am a Gentleman and a Reueller , I le make a peece of Poetry and absolue all , within these fiue daies .

Tuc.

Come , Minos is not to learne how to vse a Gent'man of qualitie , I know ; My sworde : If he pay thee not , I will , and I must , old boy . Thou shalt be my Pothecary too : ha'st good Eringo's , Minos ?

Min.

The best in Rome , sir .

Tuc.

Goe too , then Vermine , knowe the house .

Pyr.

I warrant you Collonell .

Tucc.

For this Gentleman , Minos ?

Min.

I le take your word , Captaine .

Tuc.

Thou hast it , my sword .

Min.

Yes sir : but you must discharge the arrest , Master Crispinus .

Tuc.

How , Minos ? looke in the Gentlemans face , and but reade his silence . Pay , pay ; 't is honour , Minos .

Crisp.

By Ioue , sweete Captaine , you do most infinitely endeare , and oblige me to you .

Tuc.

Tut , I cannot complement , by Mars ; but Iupiter loue me , as I loue good wordes , & good cloathes , and there 's an end . Thou shalt giue my boy that girdle & hangers , when thou hast worne them a little more .

Crisp .

O Iupiter ! Captaine , he ' shall haue them now , presently ; Please you to be acceptiue , young Gentleman .

Pyrg .

Yes sir , feare not ; I shall accept : I haue a prettie foolish humor of taking , if you knewe all .

Tuc.

Not now , you shall not take , boy .

Crisp.

By my truth , and earnest , but a'shal Captaine , by your leaue .

Tuc.

Nay , and a ' sweare by his trueth , take it boy : doe not make a Gentleman forsworne .

Lict.

Well sir , there is your sworde ; but thanke Master Minos : you had not carried it as you doe , else .

Tuc.

Minos is iust , and you are knaues , and —

Lic .

What say you sir ?

Tuc.

Passe on , my good Scoundrell , passe on , I honour thee : But , that I hate to haue Action with such base Rogues as these ; you should ha' scene me vnrip their noses now , and haue sent 'hem to the next Barbers , to stitching : for , doe you see ? I am a man of Humor , and I doe loue the Varlettes , the honest Varlets ; they haue Wit , and Valor , and are indeede good profitable — Arrant Rogues , as any liue in an Empire . Doest thou hear , Poetaster ? second me . Stand vp ; Minos , close , gather , yet ; so . Sir , ( thou shalt haue a quarter share , be resolute ) you shal at my request take Minos by the hand here : little Minos , I will haue it so ; All friends , and a health ; Be not inexorable : and thou shalt impart the wine , Old boy , thou shalt do 't , little Minos , thou shalt : make vs pay it in our Physicke . What ? wee must liue and honour the Gods sometimes ; now Bacchus , now Comus , now Priapus ; euery God a little . What 's hee , that stalkes by , there ? Boy , Pyrgus , you were best let him passe , Sirrah ; do Leueret , let him passe , doe .

Pyr.

T is a Player , sir .

Tuc.

A Player ? Call him , call the lowsie slaue hither ; what'l hee saile by , and not once strike , or vaile to a Man of warre ? ha ? doe you heare ? you , Player , Rogue , Stalker , come back here : No respect to Men of worshippe , you slaue ? What , you are proude , you Rascall , are you proude ? ha ? you growe rich , doe you ? and purchase ? you haue Fortune & the good yeere on your side , you Stinkard ? you haue ? you haue ?

Hist.

Nay , sweete Captaine , be confinde to some reason ; I protest . I sawe you not , sir .

Tuc.

You did not ? where was your fight , Oedipus ? you walke with Hares eyes , doe you ? I le ha' 'hem glas'd , Rogue ; and you say the worde , they shall be glaz'd for you : Come , we must haue you turne Fiddler againe , slaue , ' get a Base Violin at your backe , and march in a Tawnie Coate , with one sleeue , to Goose-faire , and then you 'll knowe vs ; you 'll see vs then ; you will , Gulch , you will ? Then ; wil't please your worshippe to haue any Musicke , Captaine ?

Hist

Nay , good Captaine .

Tucca.

What ? doe you laugh , Howleglas ? death , you perstemptuous Varlet , I am none of your fellowes ; I haue commaunded a hundred and fiftie such Rogues , I.

1. Pyr.

I , and most of that hundred and fiftie haue been leaders of a Legion .

Hist.

If I haue exhibited wrong , I 'le tender satisfaction , Captaine .

Tuc.

Say'st thou so , honest Vermine ? Giue me thy hand , thou shalt make vs a supper one of these nights .

Hist.

When you please , by Ioue , Captaine , most willingly .

Tuc.

Doest thou sweare ? To morrowe then ; say , and holde slaue . There are some of you Players honest Gent'man-like Scoundrels : A man may skelder yee , now and than , of halfe a dozen shillinges , or so . Doest thou not know that Caprichio there ?

Hist.

No , I assure you , Captaine .

Tuc.

Goe , and be acquainted with him , then ; hee is a Gent'man , parcell - Poet , you slaue : his Father was a man of worship , I tell thee : goe , he pens high , loftie , in a newe stalking straine ; bigger then halfe the Rimers i' the towne againe : he was borne to fill thy mouth , Minotaurus ; he was : he will teach thee to teare and rand , Rascall ; to him : cherish his Muse ; goe : thou hast fortie , fortie ; shillings , I meane , Stinkard ; giue him in earnest ; doe : hee shall write for thee , slaue . If hee penne for thee once , thou shalt not neede to trauell , with thy pumpes full of grauell , any more , after a blinde Iade and a Hamper .

Histrio .

Troth , I thinke I ha' not so much about mee , Captaine .

Tuc.

It 's no matter : giue him what thou hast : Paunch , I 'le giue my word for the rest : though it lack a shilling or two , it skilles not : Go , thou art an honest Twentie i' the hundred ; I 'le ha' the Statute repeal'd for thee , Minos : I must tel thee , Minos , thou hast deiected yon'Gent'mans spirit exceedingly : do'st obserue ? do'st note , little Minos ?

Min.

Yes sir .

Tuc.

Goe to then , raise ; recouer ; do ; suffer him not to droop , in prospect of a Player , a Rogue , a Stager : put twentie into his hand ; twentie ; Drachmes , I meane , and let no bodie see : goe , doe it ; the worke shall commend it selfe : be Minos : I 'le pay .

Min.

Yes forsooth , Captaine .

2. Pyr.

Doe not wee serue a notable Sharke ?

Tuc.

And what newe Playes haue you now a foote , sirrah ? ha ? I would faine come with my Cockatrice one day , and see a Play ; if I knewe when there were a good baudie one : but they say , you ha' nothing but Humours , Reuels , and Satyres , that girde , and fart at the time , you slaue .

Histrio .

No , I assure you Captaine , not wee . They are on the other side of Tyber : wee haue as much Ribaldry in our Plaies , as can bee , as you would wish , Captaine : All the sinners , i' the Suburbes , come , and applaud our Action , daily .

Tucca.

I heare , you 'll bring mee o' the Stage there ; you 'll play mee , they say : I shall bee presented by a sorte of Copper-lac't Scoundrels of you : Death of Pluto , and you Stage mee , Stinkard ; your Mansions shall sweate for 't , your Tabernacles , Varlettes : your Globes : and your Tryumphes .

Hist.

Not wee , by Phoebus , Captaine : doe not doe vs imputation without desert .

Tucca.

I woo not , my good two pennie Rascall : reach me thy neufe . Do'st heare ? What wilt thou giue me a weeke , for my brace of Beagles , here , my little Point-trussers ? you shall ha 'them Act among yee . Sirrah , you , pronounce . Thou shalt heare him speake , in King Darius dolefull straine .

1. Pyr. O dolefull daies ! O direfull deadly dumpe ! O wicked world ! and worldly wickednesse ! How can I hold my fist from crying thumpe , In rue of this right rascall wretchednesse ! Tuc.

In an amorous vaine now , sirrah ; peace .

1. Pyr. O , she is wilder , and more hard , withall , Then Beast or Birde , or Tree , or stonie wall . Yet might she loue mee , to vpreare her state : I , but perhaps , shee hopes some nobler Mate . Yet might she loue me , to content her Sire : I , but her reason masters her desire . Yet might she loue me as her beauties thrall : I , but I feare , she cannot loue at all . Tuc.

Now the orrible fierce Souldier , you Sirrah .

1. Pyr. What ? will I braue thee ? I , and beard thee too . A Romane spirit scornes to beare a braine , So full of base Pusillanimitie . Demet.

Histrio , Excellent .

Tuc.

Nay , thou shall see that , shall rauish thee anon : prick vp thine eares , Stinkard : the Ghost , Boyes .

1. Pyr.

Vindicta .

2. Pyr.

Timoria .

1. Pyr.

Vindicta .

2. Pyr.

Timoria .

1. Pyr.

Veni .

2. Pyr.

Veni .

Tuc.

Now , thunder , sirrah , you , the rumbling Player .

1. Pyr.

I , but some bodie must cry murder , then , in a small voice .

Tucca.

Your fellowe Sharer , there shall do 't ; Cry Sirrah , cry .

1. Pyr.

Murder , murder .

2. Pyr.

Who cals out murder ? Ladie , was it you ?

Demet.

Histrio . O admirable good , I protest .

Tucc.

Sirrah , Boy , brace your drumme a little straighter , and doe the t'other fellowe there , hee in the — what sha' call him — and yet , stay too .

2. Pyr. Nay , and thou dalliest , then I am thy Foe , And Feare shall force , what Friendship cannot winne ; Thy Death shall bury what thy life conceales , Villaine ! thou diest , for more respecting her , than me . 1. Pyrgus .

O , stay my Lord .

2. Pyrgus . Yet speake the truth , and I will guerdon thee : But if thou dally once againe , thou diest . Tucca.

Enough of this , Boy .

2. Pyrg .

Why then lament therefore : damn'd be thy Guts vnto King Plutoes hell , and Princely Erebus ; for Sparrowes must haue food .

Histrio .

'Pray , sweete Captaine , let one of them doe a little of a Lady .

Tucca.

O! he will make thee eternally enamourd of him there : doe Sirrah ; doe : 't will allay your fellowes Fury a little .

1. Pyrgus . Master , mocke on : the scorne thou giuest me , Pray Ioue some Lady may returne on thee : 2. Pyrgus ,

No : you shall see me doe the Moore : Master , lend me your scarfe a little .

Tucca.

Here , 't is at thy seruice , Boy :

2. Pyrgus .

You , Master Minos , harke hither a little . Exeunt .

Tucca.

How do'st like him ? art not rapt ? art not tickled now ? do'st not applaud , Rascall ? do'st not applaud ?

Histrio .

Yes : what will you aske for 'hem a weeke , Captaine ?

Tuc.

No you mangonizing slaue , I will not part from 'hem : you 'll sell 'hem for Enghles you ; let 's ha' good cheare to morrow night at supper , Stalker , and then wee 'll talke , good Capon , & Plouer , do you hear , Sirrah ? & do not bring your eating Plaier with you there ; I cannot away with him : He will eate a legge of mutton , while I am in my porridge , the leane Poluphagus , his belly is like Barathrum , he lookes like a Midwife in Mans apparrell , the slaue ; nor the villanous-out-of-tune Fidler O Enobarbus , bring not him . What hast thou there ? six and thirty ? ha ?

Hist.

No , here 's all I haue ( Captaine ) some fiue and twenty . 'Pray Sir , will you present , & accommodate it vnto the Gentleman : for mine owne part , I am a meere stranger to his Humour : besides , I haue some businesse inuites me hence , with Master Asinius Lupus , the Tribune .

Tucca.

Well : goe thy waies ; pursue thy Proiects , let me alone with this Desseigne : my Poëtaster shall make thee a Play , & thou shalt be a man of good parts , in it . But stay , let me see : Doe not bring your Father AEsope , your Polititian ; vnlesse you can ramme vp his mouth with Cloues : the slaue smells ranker then some sixteene Dung-hilles , and is seuenteene times more rotten : Mary , you may bring Friskin , my Zany : Hee 's a good skipping Swaggerer ; and your fat Foole there , my Mango , bring him too : but let him not begge Rapiers , nor scarfes in his ouer-familiar playing face , nor roare out his barren bold Iestes , with a tormenting Laughter , betweene drunke and dry . Doe you heare , Rascall ? Giue him warning , Admonition , to forsake his sawcy glauering Grace , and his goggle Eye : it does not become him , Sirrah : tell him so .

Histrio .

Yes Captaine : Iupiter , and the rest of the Gods confine your moderne delights , without disgust .

Tuc.

Stay : thou shalt see the Moore , ere thou goest : what 's he , with the halfe Armes there , that salutes vs out of his cloake , like a Motion ? ha ?

Histrio .

O Sir , his dubblet 's a little decayed ; he is otherwise a very simple honest fellow , Sir : one Demetrius , a dresser of Playes about the towne , here ; we haue hir'd him to abuse Horace , and bring him in , in a Play , with all his Gallants : as , Tibullus , Mecoenas , Cornelius Gallus , and the rest .

Tuc.

And : why so , Stinkard ?

Histrio .

O , it will get vs a huge deale of money ( Captaine ) and we haue neede on 't ; for this Winter ha's made vs all poorer , then so many staru'd Snakes : No body comes at vs ; not a Gentleman , nor a —

Tuc.

But , you know nothing by him ; doe you , to make a Play of ?

Histrio .

Faith , not much , Captaine : but our Author will deuise inough :

Tuc.

Why , my Parnassus , here , shall helpe him , if thou wilt : Can thy Author doe it impudently enough ?

Hist.

O , I warrant you , Captaine : and spitefully inough too ; he ha's one of the most ouerflowing villanous wits , in Rome . He will slander any man that breathes ; If he disgust him .

Tucca.

I 'le know the poore , egregious , nitty Rascall , and he haue such commendable Qualities , I 'le cherish him : stay ; here comes the Tartar ; I 'le make a gathering for him ; I : a Purse , and put the poore slaue in fresh ragges ; tell him so , to comfort him : well said Boy .

2. Pyrg . Where art thou Boy ? where is Calipolis ? Fight earth quakes , in the entrailes of the earth , And Easterne whirle-windes in the hellish shades : Some foule contagion of th' infected heauens Blast all the trees ; and in their cursed tops The dismall night-rauen and tragicke Owle Breed , and become fore-runners of my fall . Tucca.

Well , now fare thee well , my honest Penny-biter : Commend me to seuen Shares and a halfe : and remember to morrow : if you lacke a seruice , you shall play in my name , Rascalls ; but you shall buy your owne cloth : and I 'le ha' two shares for my Countenance : let thy Author stay with me .

Demetr .

Yes , Sir .

Tucca.

'T was well done little Minos : thou didst stalke well : for-giue me that I said thou stunkst , Minos : 't was the sauour of a Poet , I met sweating in the streete , hanges yet in my nostrills :

Crisp .

Who ? Horace ?

Tucca.

I ; he , do'st thou know him ?

Crisp .

O , he forsooke me most barbarously , I protest .

Tucca.

Hang him fusty Satyre ; he smells all Goate ; he carries a Ram , vnder his Arme-holes , the slaue : I am the worse when I see him . Did not Minos impart ?

Crisp .

Yes , here 's twenty Drachmes , he did conuey .

Tucca.

Well said , keepe 'hem , wee ll share anon ; come little Minos .

Crisp .

Faith Captaine , I 'le be bould to shew you a Mistres of mine , a Iewellers Wife , a Gallant , as we goe along .

Tuc.

There spoke my Genius . Minos , some of thy Eringoes , little Minos ; send : come hither Parnassus . I must ha thee familiar with my little Locust , here ; t is a good Vermine they say . Exeunt .

Finis Actus Tertij .
ACTVS QVARTVS .
SCENA PRIMA . Chloë . Cytheris . Chloë .

BVT sweete Lady , say : am I well inough attir'd for the Court , in sadnesse ?

Cytheris .

Well inough ? excellent well , sweete

Chloë .

This straight-bodied Citty attire ( I can tell you ) will stirre a Courtiers blood , more , then the finest loose Sackes the Ladies vse to be put in ; and then you are as well Iewelld as any of them ; your Ruffe , and linnen about you , is much more pure then theirs : And for your beauty , I can tell you , there 's many of them would defie the Painter , if they could change with you . Marry , the worst is , you must looke to be enuied , and endure a few Court-frumps for it .

Chloë .

O God! Madam , I shall buy them too cheape : Giue me my Muffe , and my Dogge there . And will the Ladies be any thing familiar with me , thinke you ?

Cytheris .

O Hercules ! Why , you shall see 'hem flocke about you with their puffe wings , and aske you , where you bought your Lawne ? and what you paid for it ? Who starches you ? and entreat you to helpe 'hem to some pure Landresses , out of the City .

Chloë .

O , Cupid ! Giue me my Fanne , and my Masque too : And wil the Lords , and the Poets there , vse one well too , Lady ?

Cytheris .

Doubt not of that : you shall haue kisses from them , goe pit-pat , pit-pat , pit-pat , vpon your Lips , as thicke as stones out of slings , at the assault of a Citty . And then your 〈…〉 the 〈◊〉 of 〈…〉 that you cannot 〈…〉 your head ( if you would ) in three Winters after .

Chloë .

Thanke you , sweete Lady . O Heauen ! And how must one behaue her selfe amongst 'hem ? you know all .

Cytheris .

Faith , impudently inough , Mistresse Chloë , & well inough . Cary not too much vnder-thought betwixt your selfe and them ; nor your Citty mannerly word ( forsooth ) vse it not too often in any Case ; but plaine I , Madam ; and No , Madam : Nor neuer say , your Lordship , nor your Honor ; but , you , and you my Lord , and my Lady : the other , they count too simple , and minsitiue . And though they desire to kisse Heauen with their Titles , yet they will count them fooles that giue them too humbly .

Chloë .

O intollerable Iupiter ! By my troth Lady , I would not for a world , but you had lyen in my house : and i'faith you shall not pay a farthing , for your boord ; nor your Chambers .

Cytheris .

O sweete Mistresse Chloë !

Chloë .

I faith , you shall not Lady ; nay good Lady , doe not offer it .

SCENA SECVNDA . Cor. Gallus , Tibullus , Cytheris , Chloë . Cor. Gallus .

Come , where be these Ladies ? By your leaue , bright Starres ; this Gentleman and I are come to man you to Court : where your late kind Entertainment is now to be requited with a Heauenly Banquet .

Cytheris .

A Heauenly Banquet , Gallus ?

Cor. Gallus .

No lesse , my deare , Cytheris .

Tibullus .

That were not strange , Lady , if the Epithete were onely giuen for the Company inuited thither ; your selfe , and this faire Gentlewoman .

Chloë .

Are we inuited to Court , Sir ?

Tibull .

You are Lady , by the great Princesse Iulia ; who longs to greet you with any fauours , that may worthily make you an often Courtier .

Chloë .

In sincerity , I thanke her , Sir . You haue a Coach ? ha' you not ?

Tibull .

The Princesse hath sent her owne , Lady .

Chloë .

O Venus ! that 's well : I doe long to ride in a Coach most vehemently :

Cytheris .

But sweete Gallus , pray you , resolue me , why you giue that heauenly praise , to this earthly Banquet ?

Cor. Gallus .

Because ( Cytheris ) it must be celebrated by the heauenly powers : All the Gods , and Goddesses will be there ; to two of which , you two must be exalted .

Chloë .

A pretty fiction in truth .

Cytheris .

A fiction indeed Chloë , and fit , for the fit of a Poet.

Cor. Gallus .

Why , Cytheris , may not Poets ( from whose diuine spirits , all the honors of the Gods haue beene deduc't ) intreat so much honor of the Gods , to haue their diuine presence at a Poëticall Banquet ?

Cytheris .

Suppose that no fiction : yet , where are your Habilities to make vs two Goddesses , at your Feast ?

Cor. Gallus .

Who knowes not ( Cytheris ) that the sacred breath of a true Poet , can blow any vertuous Humanity , vp to Deity ?

Tibull .

To tell you the femall truth ( which is the simple truth ) Ladies ; and to shew that Poets ( in spight of the world ) are able to Deify them selues : At this Banquet , to which you are inuited , we intend to assume the figures of the Gods ; and to giue our seuerall Loues the Formes of Goddesses . Ouid , will be Iupiter : the Princesse Iulia , Iuno : Gallus here Apollo ; you Cytheris , Pallas : I will be Bacchus , and my Loue Plautia , Ceres . And to install you , and your Husband , faire Chloë , in honors , equall with ours ; you shall be a Goddesse , and your Husband a God .

Chloë .

A God ? ô my God!

Tibullus .

A God ; but a lame God , Lady : for he shall be Vulcan , and you Venus . And this will make our Banquet no lesse then heauenly .

Chloë .

In sincerity , it will be sugred . Good Ioue , what a pretty foolish thing it is to be a Poet ! But harke you , sweete Cytheris ; could they not possibly leaue out my Husband ? me thinkes a Bodies Husband do's not so well at Court ; A bodies Friend , or so : But Husband , 't is like your Clog to your Marmaset , for all the world , and the heauens .

Cytheris .

Tut ; neuer feare , Chloë : your Husband will be left without in the Lobby , or the great Chamber ; when you shall be put in , i' the Closet , by this Lord , and by that Lady .

Chloë .

Nay , then I am certified : he shall goe .

SCENA TERTIA. Horace , Albius , Crispinus , Tucca , Demetrius , Gallus , Tibullus , Cytheris , Chloë . Gallus .

Horace ! Welcom .

Horace .

Gentlemen , heare you the newes ?

Tibullus .

What newes , my Quintus ?

Horace . Our melancholike Friend , Propertius , Hath clos'd him selfe , vp , in his Cynthias Tombe ; And will by no intreaties be drawne thence . Albius .

May , good Master Crispinus ; Pray you bring neere the Gentleman .

Horace .

Crispinus ? Hide me , good Gallus ; Tibullus shelter me .

Crispinus .

Make your approach , sweete Captaine .

Tibullus .

What meanes this , Horace ?

Horace .

I am surpriz'd againe ; Farewell .

Gallus .

Stay , Horace .

Horace .

What , and be tir'd on , by yond' Vulture ? No : Phoebus defend me . Exit .

Tibullus . 'Slight ! I hold my life , This same is he met him in Via sacra . Gallus .

Troth , 't is like enough . This Act of Propertius relisheth very strange , with me .

Tucca.

By thy leaue , my neat Scoundrell : what , is this the mad Boy you talk't on ?

Crispiaus .

I : this is Master Albius , Captaine .

Tucca.

Giue me thy hand , Agamemnon ; we heare abroad , thou art the Hector of Citizens : what sayest thou ? are we welcome to thee , noble Pyrrhus ?

Albius .

Welcome , Captaine ? by Ioue and all the Gods i' the Capitoll .

Tucca.

No more , we conceaue thee . Which of these is thy Wedlocke , Menelaus ? thy Hellen ? thy Lucrece ? that we may doe her honor ; mad Bay ?

Crisp .

She i' the little veluet Cap , Sir ; is my Mistres .

Albius .

For fault of a better , Sir .

Tucca.

A better , prophane Rascall ? I cry thee mercy ( my good Scroile ) was 't thou ?

Albius .

No harme , Captaine .

Tucca.

Shee is a Venus , a Vesta , a Melpomene : Come hither Penelope ; what 's thy name , Iris ?

Chloë .

My name is Chloë , Sir ; I am a Gentlewoman .

Tucca.

Thou art in merit to be an Empresse ( Chloë ) for an Eye , and a Lip ; thou hast an Emperors Nose : kisse me againe : 't is a vertuous Punque , So. Before Ioue , the Gods were a sort of Goslinges , when they suffred so sweete a breath , to perfume the bed of a stinkard : thou hadst ill fortune , Thisbe ; the Fates were infatuate ; they were , Punque ; they were .

Chloë .

That 's sure , Sir ; let me craue your Name , I pray you , Sir .

Tucca.

I am know'n by the Name of Captaine Tucca , Punque : the noble Romane , Punque : a Gent'man , and a Commaunder , Punque .

Chloë .

In good time : a Gentleman , and a Commaunder ? that 's as good as a Poet ?

Crisp .

A prety instrument : It 's my Cosen Cytheris Viole , this : i st not ?

Cytheris .

Nay , play Cosen ; it wants but such a voice , and hand , to grace it , as yours is .

Crisp .

Alas Cosen , you are merily inspir'd .

Cytheris .

'Pray you play , if you loue me .

Crisp.

Yes cosin : you knowe , I doe not hate you .

Tibull .

A most subtil wench ! How she hath bayted him with a Viole yonder , for a songe !

Crisp.

Cosin , 'pray you call Mistresse Chloë ; she shall heare an Essay of my Poetry .

Tuc.

I 'le call her . Come hither Cocatrice : here 's one , will set thee vp , my sweet Punque ; set thee vp .

Chl.

Are you a Puet , so soone , Sir ?

Alb.

Wife : mum .

CANTVS . LOVE is blinde , and a want on ; In the whole worlde , there is scant● none such another : No , not his Mother . He hath pluckt her Doues , and Sparrowes , To fether his sharpe Arrowes , And alone preuaileth , Whilst sicke Venus waileth . But if Cypris once recouer The wag ; it shall behoue her To looke better to him : Or she will vndoe him . Alb.

O , most odoriferous Musicke !

Tuc.

A , ha ; Stinkard . Another Orpheus , you slaue , another Orpheus ; an Arion , riding on the backe of a Dolphin , Rascall .

Gall.

Haue you a Copie of this Dittie , Sir ?

Crisp.

Master Albius ha's .

Alb.

I , but in trueth , they are my Wiues Verses ; I must not shewe 'hem .

Tuc.

Shewe 'hem Bankerupt , shew 'hem ; they haue salt in 'hem , and will brooke the ayre , Stinkard .

Gal.

How ? to his bright mistresse , Canidia ?

Crisp.

I , sir , that 's but a borrowed name ; as Ouids Corinna , or Propertius his Cynthia , or your Nemesis , or Delia , Tibullus .

Gall.

It 's the name of Horace his Witch , as I remember .

Tib.

Why ? the Ditt'i 's all borrowed ; 't is Horaces : hang him Plagiary .

Tuc.

How ? he borrowe of Horace ? he shall pawne himselfe to ten Brokers , first . Doe you heare , Poëtasters ? I knowe you to be Knightes , and men of worshippe . Hee shall write with Horace , for a Talent : and let Mecoenas and his whole Colledge of Critickes take his part : thou shalt do 't young Phoebus : thou shalt , Phaeton ; thou shalt .

Demet.

Alas , sir , Horace ? he is a meere spunge ; nothing but Humours and Obseruation ; he goes vp and down sucking from euery societie ; and when he comes home , squeazes himselfe dry againe . I knowe him , I.

Tuc.

Thou sayest true , my poore Poeticall Furie , he will pen all he knowes . A sharpe thorny-tooth'd Satyricall Rascall , flye him ; He carries Haye in his horne ; he will sooner loose his best friend , then his least Ieast . What he once drops vpon paper , against a man , liues eternally to vpbraide him in the mouth of euery slaue Tankerd-bearer , or Water-man : not a Baud , or a boy that comes from the bake house , but shall point at him : 't is all Dogge , and Scorpion ; hee carries poyson in his teeth , and a sting in his taile ; fough . Bodie of Ioue ! I 'le haue the slaue whipt one of these daies for his Satyres , and his Humours , by one casheer'd Clarke , or another .

Crisp.

We 'll vndertake him , Captaine .

Demet.

I , and tickle him i'faith , for his Arrogancie , and his impudence , in commending his owne thinges : and for his translating : I can trace him i'faith : ô , he is the most open fellowe , liuing ; I had as lieue as a newe Suite , I were at it .

Fuc.

Say no more then , but doe it : 't is the onely way to get thee a newe suite : sting him , my little Neufts ; I 'le giue you instructions : I 'le be your Intelligencer , wee 'll all ioyne , and hange vpon him like so many horseleaches : the Players and all . Wee shall suppe togither soone ; and then wee le conspire , i'-faith .

Gall.

O , that Horace had stayed still , here .

Tib.

So would not I : for both these would haue turn'd Pythagoreans then .

Gall.

What , mute ?

Tib.

I , as fishes i'faith : come Ladies , shall wee goe ?

Cyth .

Wee await you , sir . But Mistresse Chloë askes , if you haue not a God to spare , for this Gentleman .

Gall.

Who , Captaine Tucca ?

Cyth .

I ; hee .

Gall.

Yes , if wee can inuite him along , he shall be Mars .

Chloë .

Ha's Mars any thing to doe with Venus ?

Tibull .

O , most of all , Ladie .

Chloë .

Nay , then I pray' let him be inuited : and what shall Crispinus be ?

Tib.

Mercury , Mistresse Chloë .

Chloë .

Mercury ? that 's a Poet ? is 't ?

Gall.

No Ladie ; but somewhat enclyning that way : hee is a Herald at Armes .

Chloë .

A Herald at Armes ? good : and Mercury ? pretty : he ha's to doe with Venus too ?

Tibull .

A little , with her face , Ladie ; or so .

Chloë .

'T is verie well ; pray' let 's goe , I long to bee at it .

Cyth .

Gentlemen , shall wee pray your companies along ?

Crisp.

You shall not onely pray , but preuaile , Ladie . Come , sweete Captaine .

Tuc.

Yes , I follow ; but thou must not talke of this now , my little Bankeroupt .

Alb.

Captaine , looke here : mum .

Demet.

I 'le goe write , sir .

Tucc.

Doe , doe : stay ; there 's a Drachme , to purchase Ginger-bread , for thy Muse .

Execunt .
SCENA QVARTA . Lupus , Histrio , Lictor , Minos , Mecoenas , Horace . Lup.

Come , let vs talke here ; here wee may be priuate : shut the dore , Lictor . You are a Player , you say .

Hist.

I , and 't please your worshippe .

Lup.

Good : and how are you able to giue this intelligence ?

Hist.

Mary Sir , they directed a Letter to mee , and my fellow Sharers .

Lupus .

Speake lower ; you are not now i' your Theater , Stager my sword Knaue . They directed a letter to you , and your fellow-Sharers : forward .

Hist.

Yes , sir ; to hyre some of our Properties ; as a Scepter , and a Crowne , for Ioue ; and a Caduceus , for Mercury : and a Petasus —

Lupus .

Caduceus ? and Petasus ? Let mee see your Letter . This is a Coniuration ; a Conspiracy , this . Quickly , on with my Buskins : I 'le act a Tragedy , i'faith . Will nothing but our Gods , serue these Poets to prophane ? dispatch . Player , I thanke thee . The Emperour shal take knowledge of thy good seruice . Who 's there now ? Looke knaue . A Crowne , and a Scepter ? this is good : Rebellion , now ?

Lictor .

'T is your Pothecary , sir , Master Minos .

Lupus .

What tell'st thou mee of Pothecaries , Knaue ? Tell him , I haue affaires of State , in hand ; I can talke to no Pothecaries , now . _____ Heart of mee ! Stay the Pothecary there .

You shall see , I haue fish't out a cunning piece of Plot now ; They haue had some intelligence , that their Proiect is discouer'd , and now haue they dealt with my Pothecary , to poyson mee ; t is so ; knowing , that I meant to take Physick to day : As sure as Death , 't is there . Iupiter , I thanke thee , that thou hast yet made mee so much of a Polititian . You are welcome , sir ; Take the potion from him there ; I haue an Antidote more then you wote of , Sir ; Throw it on the ground there : So. Now fetch in the Dogge ; And yet wee cannot tarry to try Experiments , now : Arrest him , you shall goe with mee , sir ; I 'le tickle you Pothecary ; I 'le giue you a Glyster , i'faith . Haue I the Letter ? I : 't is here . Come , your Fasces , Lictors : The halfe pikes , & the Halberds , take them downe from the Lares , there ; Player , assist mee .

Mecae .

Whether now , Asinius Lupus , with this Armory ?

Lup.

I cannot talke now ; I charge you assist mee : Treason , Treason ,

Hor.

How ? Treason ?

Lup.

I : if you loue the Emperour , and the State , followe me .

Exeunt .
SCENA QVINTA . Ouid , Iulia , Gallus , Cytheris , Tibullus , Plautia , Albius , Chloë , Tucca , Crispinus Hermogenes , Pyrgus . Ouid.

Gods , and goddesses , take your seuerall seates . Now , Mercury , mooue your Caduceus , and in Iupiters name commaunde silence .

Crisp.

In the name of Iupiter ; Silence .

Her .

The Crier of the Court hath too clarified a voice .

Pall.

Peace Momus .

Ouid.

Oh , he is the god of Reprehension ; let him alone . 'T is his office . Mercury , goe forward ; and proclaime after Phoebus , our high pleasure , to all the Deities that shall partake this high Banquet .

Crisp.

Yes , Sir .

Gal. The great God , Iupiter , Of his licentious goodnesse , Willing to make this Feast , no Fast From any manner of Pleasure ; Nor to bind any God or Goddesse , To be any thing the more God , or Goddesse , for their names : He giues them all free Licence , To speak no wiser , then persons of baser Titles ; And to be nothing better , then common Men , or Women . And therefore no God Shal need to keep himself more strictly to his Goddesse , Then any man do's to his wife . Nor any Goddesse Shall need to keepe herselfe more strictly to her God , Then any woman do's to her Husband . But , since it is no part of wisdome , In these daies , to come into Bonds ; It shall be lawfull for euery Louer , To breake louing oathes , To change their Louers , & make loue to others , As the heate of euery ones Bloode , And the spirit of our Nectar shall inspire . And Iupiter saue Iupiter . Crisp. The great , &c. Of his , &c. Willing , &c. From any , &c. Nor to , &c. To bee , &c. He giues , &c. To speak , &c. And to , &c. And ther. &c. Shal need , &c. Then any , &c. Nor any , &c. Shall need , &c. Then any , &c. But , since , &c. In these . It shall , &c. To breake , &c. To change , &c. As the , &c. And the , &c. And Iupi. &c. Tib.

So : now we may play the Fooles , by Authoritie .

Herm.

To play the foole by Authoritie , is wisdome .

Iul.

Away with your Mattery Sentences , Momus ; they are to graue , and wise , for this meeting .

Ouid.

Mercury , giue our Ieaster a stoole , let him sit by ; and reach him of our Cates.

Tuc.

Do'st heare , Mad Iupiter ? We 'll haue it enacted ; He , that speaks the first wise word , shall be made Cuckold . What sayst thou ? Is' t not a good Motion ?

Ouid.

Deities , are you all agreed ?

Omnes .

Agreed , great Iupiter .

Alb.

I haue read in a Booke , that to play the Foole wisely , is high wisdome .

Gall.

How now , Vulcan ! will you be the first Wizard ?

Ouid.

Take his wife , Mars ; & make him Cuckold , quickly .

Tucc.

Come , Cocatrice .

Chl.

No : let me alone with him , Iupiter : I 'le make you take heede , sir , while you liue againe ; if there be twelue in a companie , that you be not the wisest of 'hem .

Alb.

No more I will not indeede , wife , hereafter ; I 'le be here : mum .

Ouid.

Fill vs a bowle of Nectar , Ganymede : we will drinke to our daughter Venus .

Gall.

Looke to your wife , Vulcan : Iupiter begins to Court her .

Tibull .

Nay , let Mars looke to it : Vulcan must do as Venus doe's , beare .

Tuc.

Sirrah , Boy : Catamite . Looke you play Ganymede well now , you slaue : Doe not spill your Nectar ; Carry your Cuppe euen : so . You should haue rubd your Face , with whites of Egges , you Rascall ; till your Browes had shone like our sootie brothers here , as sleeke as a Horne-booke : or ha'steept your lips in wine , till you made 'hem so Plumpe , that Iuno might haue beene Iealous of 'hem . Punque , kisse mee , Punque .

Ouid.

Here daughter Venus , I drinke to thee .

Chloë

‛ Thanke you , good Father Iupiter .

Tucca.

Why , Mother Iuno ! Gods and Fiends ! what , wilt thou suffer this ocular Temptation ?

Tib.

Mars is enrag'd ; he lookes bigge , and begins to stut , for anger .

Her .

Well plaide , Captaine Mars .

Tuc.

Well said , Minstrell Momus : I must put you in ? must I ? When will you be in good fooling of your selfe , Fidler ? neuer ?

Her .

O , 't is our fashion , to be silent , when there is a better Foole in place , euer .

Tuc.

‛ Thanke you , Rascall .

Ouid.

Fill to our daughter Venus , Ganymede ; who fils her father with affection .

Iul.

Wilt thou be raunging , Iupiter , before my face ?

Ouid.

Why not , Iuno ? why should Iupiter , stand in awe of thy Face , Iuno ?

Iul.

Because it is thy wiues Face , Iupiter .

Ouid.

What , shall a Husband be afraid of his wiues Face ? will shee paint it so horribly ? Wee are a King , Cotqueane ; and wee will raigne in our pleasures ; & we will cudgell thee to death , if thou finde fault with vs .

Iul.

I will finde fault with thee , King Cuckold-maker : what , shall the King of Gods turne the King of Good fellowes , and haue no Fellow in wickednesse ? This makes our Poëts , that knowe our Prophanenesse , liue as prophane , as wee : By my God-head , Iupiter ; I will ioyne with all the other Gods , here ; binde thee hand and foote ; throwe thee downe into earth ; and make a poore Poët of thee , if thou abuse me thus .

Gall.

A good smart-tongu'd Goddesse ; a right Iuno .

Ouid.

Iuno , wee will cudgell thee , Iuno : wee tolde thee so yesterday , when thou wert iealous of vs , for Thetis .

Pyr.

Nay , to day she had me in Inquisition too .

Tuc.

Well saide , my fine Phrygian Fry , informe , informe . Giue mee some wine , King of Heralds ; I may drinke to my Cocatrice .

Ouid.

No more , Ganymede ; wee will cudgell thee , Iuuo : By Styx , we will .

Iul.

i s well ; Gods may growe impudent in Iniquitie , and they must not be tolde of it .

Ouid.

Yea , wee will knocke our Chinne against our Brest ; and shake thee out of Olimpus , into an Oyster-boate , for thy scoulding .

Iul.

Your Nose is not long enough to doe it , Iupiter ; if all thy Strumpets , thou hast among the Starres tooke thy part . And there is neuer a Star in thy Forehead , but shal be a Horne , if thou persist to abuse mee ,

Crisp.

A good Ieast , I faith .

Ouid.

We tell thee , thou angerst vs , Cotqueane ; and we will thunder thee in peeces , for thy Cotqueanity : we will lay this City desolate , and flat as this hand , for thy offences . These two fingers are the Walls of it ; these within , the People ; which People , shall be all throwne downe thus , and nothing left standing in this Citty , but these walls .

Crispinus .

Another good Iest .

Albius .

O , my hammers , and my Cyclops ! this Boy fils not wine enough , to make vs kind enough , to one another ;

Tucca.

Nor thou hast not collied thy face enough , Stinkard .

Albius .

I 'le ply the table with Nectar , and make them friends .

Her .

Heauen is like to haue but a lame Skinker , then .

Albius .

" Wine , and good Liuers , make true louers : I 'le sentence them togither . Here Father : here Mother : for shame , drinke your selues drunke , and forget this dissention : you two should cling togither , before our faces , and giue vs example of Vnity .

Gallus .

O , excellently spoken , Vulcan , on the sodaine !

Tibull .

Iupiter , may doe well to preferre his Tongue to some office , for his Eloquence .

Tucca.

His Tongue shall be Gent'man Vsher to his Wit , and still goe before it .

Alb.

An excellent fit office .

Crisp .

I , and an excellent good ieast , besides :

Herm.

What , haue you hired Mercury , to cry your ieastes you make ?

Ouid.

Momus , you are enuious :

Tucca.

Why , you whoreson block-head , 't is your only blocke of witte in fashion ( now adaies ) to applaud other folkes ieastes .

Herm.

True : with those that are not Artificers them selues . Vulcan , you nod ; and the mirth of the feast droopes .

Pyrgus .

He ha's fild Nectar so long , till his braine swimmes in it .

Gallus .

What , doe we nod , fellow Gods ? sound Musicke , and let vs startle our spirits with a song .

Tucca.

Doe , Apollo : thou art a good Musitian .

Gallus .

What saies Iupiter ?

Ouid.

Ha ? ha ?

Gallus .

A Song .

Ouid.

Why , doe , doe , sing :

Plautia .

Bacchus , what say you ?

Tibullus .

Ceres ?

Plautia .

But , to this song ?

Tibullus .

Sing , for my part .

Iulia.

Your belly weighes downe your head , Bacehus : here 's a song toward .

Tibullus .

Begin , Vulcan .

Albius .

What else ? what else ?

Tucca.

Say , Iupiter .

Ouid.

Mercury .

Crispinus .

I , say , say .

CANTVS . WAKE ; our mirth beginnes to die : Quicken it with tunes , and wine : Raise your notes ; you 're out : fie , fie ; This Drouzinesse is an ill signe . We banish him the Queere of Gods , That droopes agen : Then all are men , For here 's not one , but nods . Ouid.

I like not this sodaine and generall heauinesse , amongst our Godheads : 'T is somewhat ominous . Apollo , Command vs lowder Musicke , and let Mercury , and Momus contend to please , and reuiue our senses .

CANTVS . Her . THEN , in a free and lofty strayne , Our broken tunes we thus repaire ; Cris. And we answere them againe , Running diuision on the panting Ayre : Ambo . To celebrate this Feast of Sense , As free from Scandall , as Offense . Her .

Here is Beauty , for the Eye ;

Cris.

For the Eare , sweete Melody ;

Her .

Ambrosiack Odours , for the smell ;

Cris.

Delicious Nectar , for the Taste ;

Ambo For the Touch , a Ladies Waste ; Which doth all the rest excell . Ouid.

I : This hath wak't vs . Mercury , our Herald ; Goe from our selfe the great God Iupiter , to the great Emperour , Augustus Caesar : And command him , from vs ( of whose Bounty he hath receaued his Sir-name , Augustus ) that for a Thanke-offring to our Beneficence , he presently Sacrifice as a Dish to this Banquet , his beautifull and wanton Daughter Iulia : She 's a curst Queane , tell him ; and plaies the scould behind his backe : Therefore let her be Sacrific'd . Commaund him this , Mercury , in our high name of Iupiter Altitonans .

Iulia.

Stay , Feather-footed Mercury ; and tell Augustus , from vs , the great Iuno Saturnia ; if he thinke it hard to doe , as Iupiter hath commanded him , and Sacrifice his Daughter , that he had better to doe so tenne times , then suffer her to loue the well-nos'd Poet , Ouid ; whom he shall doe well to whip , or cause to be whipt , about the Capitoll , for soothing her , in her Follies .

SCENA SEXTA . Caesar , Mecoenas , Horace , Lupus , Histrio , Minos , Lictors , Ouid , Gallus , Tibullus , Tucca , Crispinus , Albius , Hermogenes , Pyrgus , Iulia , Cytheris , Plautia , Chloë . Caesar . What sight is this ? Mecoenas , Horace , say ; Haue we our senses ? Doe we heare ? and see ? Or , are these but Imaginary obiects Drawne by our Phantasie ? Why , speake you not ? Let vs doe Sacrifice ? Are they the Gods ? Reuerence : Amaze : and Fury fight in me . What ? Doe they kneele ? Nay , then I see t is true I thought impossible : ô impious sight ! Let me diuert mine eyes ; the very thought Euerts my Soule , with Passion : Looke not Man . There is a Panther , whose vnnaturall eyes Will strike thee dead : turne then ; and dye on her With her owne death . Mecoenas .

Horace . What meanes imperiall Caesar ?

Caesar .

What , would you haue me let the Strumpet liue , That , for this Pageaunt , earnes so many deathes ?

Tucca.

Boy , slinke Boy .

Pyrgus .

'Pray Iupiter , we be not follow'd by the sent , Master .

Exeunt . Caesar .

Say , Sir , what are you ?

Albius .

I play Vulcan , Sir .

Caesar .

But , what are you , Sir ?

Albius .

Your Citizen , and Ieweller , Sir .

Caesar .

And what are you , Dame ?

Chloë .

I play Venus , forsooth .

Caesar .

I aske not , what you play ? but , what you are ?

Chloë .

Your Citizen , and Iewellers wife , Sir :

Caesar .

And you , good Sir ?

Crispinus .

Your Geutleman , parcell - Poet , Sir .

Caesar . O , that prophaned Name ! And are these seemely company for thee , Degenerate Monster ? all the rest I know ; And hate all knowledge , for their hatefull sakes . Are you , that first the Deities inspir'd With skill of their high Natures , and their Powers , The first Abusers of their vse-full light ; Prophaning thus their Dignities , in their formes ; And making them like you , but counterfeites ? O , who shall follow Vertue , and embrace her , When her false bosome is found nought but Aire ? And yet , of those embraces , Centaures spring , That warre with humane Peace , and poyson Men. Who shall , with greater comforts , comprehend Her vnseene being , and her excellence ; When you , that teach , and should eternize her , Liue , as she were no Law vnto your liues : Nor liu'd her selfe , but with your idle breathes ? If you thinke Gods but fain'd , and Vertue painted , Know , we sustaine an actuall residence ; And , with the Title of an Emperour , Retaine his spirit , and imperiall power : By which ( in imposition too remisse , Licentious Naso , for thy violent wronge , In soothing the declin'd Affections Of my base Daughter , ) I exile thy feete From all approach , to our imperiall Court , On paine of death : and thy misgotten Loue Commit to patronage of Iron doores ; Since her soft-harted Sire cannot containe her . Mecoenas .

O , good my Lord ; forgiue : be like the Gods :

Horace .

Let royall Bounty ( Caesar ) mediate .

Caesar . There is no Bounty to be shewed to such , As haue no reall goodnes : Bountie is A spice of Vertue : and what vertuous Act Can take effect on them , that haue no power Of equall habitude to apprehend it ; But liue in worship of that Idole Vice . As if there were no Vertue , but in shade Of stronge imagination , meerely enforc't ? This shewes , their Knowledge is meere Ignorance ; Their farre fetcht Dignity of soule , a Fancy ; And all their square pretext of Grauity A meere vaine Glory : hence : away with 'hem . I will preferre for knowledge , none , but such As rule their liues by it , and can becalme All Sea of Humour , with the marble trident Of their strong spirits : Others fight below With Gnats , and shadowes ; Others nothing know . Exeunt .
SCENA SEPTIMA . Tucca , Crispinus , Pyrgus , Horace , Mecoenas , Lupus , Histrio . Tucca.

What 's become of my little Punque , Venus ; and the poult-foote Stinkard , her Husband ? ha ?

Crisp .

O , they are rid home i' the Coach , as fast as the wheeles can runne .

Tucca.

God Iupiter is banisht , I heare : and his Cockatrice , Iuno , lockt vp : ' Hart ; and and all the Poetry in Parnassus get me to be a Player againe , I 'le fell 'hem my share for six pence . But this is Humours ; Horace , that Goat-footed enuious Slaue : hee 's turn'd fawne now ; an Informer , the Rogue : 't is he has betraid vs all ; Did you not see him , with the Emperour , crouching ?

Crisp .

Yes .

Tucca.

Well , follow me . Thou shalt libell , and I 'le cudgell the Rascall . Boy , pronide me a Trunchion ; Reuenge shall gratulate him , Tam Marti , quam Mercurio .

Pyrgus .

I , but Master ; take heed how you giue this out , Horace is a Man of the Sword .

Crisp .

'T is true , in troth : they say , hee 's valiant .

Tucca.

Valiant ? so is mine Arse : Gods , and Fiendes ? I 'le blow him into aire , when I meete him next : He dares not fight with a puck-fist .

Pyrgus .

Master , here he comes .

Tucca.

Where ? Iupiter saue thee , my good Poet ; my Prophet ; my Noble Horace . I scorne to beate the Rogue i' the Court ; and I saluted him , thus faire , bicause he should suspect nothing , the Rascall ; Come ; wee 'll goe see how forward our Iourneyman is toward the vntrussing of him .

Crisp .

Doe you heare , Captaine ? I 'le write nothing in it but Innocence : because I may sweare I am Innocent . Exeunt .

Horace .

Nay , why pursue you not the Emperour for your reward , now ; Lupus ?

Mecoenas . Stay , Asinius ; you , and your Stager , and your band of Lictors : I hope your seruice merits more respect , Then thus , without a thankes , to be sent hence ? Histrio . Well , well , ieast on , ieast on . Horace . Thou base vnworthy Groome . ( Lupus . ) I 't is good . Was this the Treason ? this , the dangerous plot , Thy clamorous tongue so bellowed through the Court ? Hadst thou no other Proiect to encrease Thy Grace with Caesar , but this Wooluish traine ; To pray vpon the life of innocent Mirth , And harmelesse pleasures , bred , of noble wit ? Away : I loath thy presence : Such as thou , They are the Moathes , and Scarabbes of a State ; The Bane of Kingdomes ; and the dregges of Courts : Who ( to endeer themselues to any 'mploiement ) Care not , whose fame they blast ; whose life they endanger : And vnder a disguis'd , and cobweb Masque Of loue , vnto their Soueraigne , vomit foorth Their owne prodigious malice ; and pretending To be the Props , and Columnes of his safety , The Guardes vnto his Person , and his Peace , Disturbe it most , with their false Lapwing cries . Lupus . Good . Caesar shall know of this ; beleeue it . Exeunt . Mecoenas . Caesar doth know it ( Wolfe ) and to his knowledge , He will ( I hope ) reward your base Endeuours . " Princes that will but heare , or giue accesse " To such officious Spies , can nere be safe : " They take in poyson , with an open Eare , " And free from Danger , become slaues to Feare . Exeunt .
SCENA OCTAVA . Ouid. Ouid. Banisht the Court ? Let me be banisht life ; Since the chiefe end of Life is there concluded : Within the Court , is all the Kingdome bounded ; And as her sacred Spheare doth comprehend Ten thousand times so much , as so much Place In any part of all the Empire else ; So euery Body , moouing in her Spheare , Containes ten thousand times asmuch in him , As any other , her choice Orbe excludes . As in a circle , a Magitian , then Is safe , against the Spirit , he excites ; But out of it , is subiect to his rage , And looseth all the vertue of his Art : So I , exil'd the circle of the Court , Loose all the good gifts , that in it I ioy'd . " No Vertue currant is , but with her stamp : " Nor no Vice vitious , blaunch't with her white hand . The Court 's the Abstract of all Romes desert ; And my deare Inlia , the Abstract of the Court. Mee thinkes , now I come neare her , I respire Some aire , of that late comfort , I receau'd : And while the Euening , with her modest vaile , Giues leaue to such poore Shadowes as my selfe , To steale abroad ; I , like a hart-lesse Ghost , Without the liuing Bodie of my Loue , Will here walke , and attend her : For I knowe , Not farre from hence , she is imprisoned , And hopes , of her strict Guardian , to bribe So much admittance , as to speake to mee , And cheere my fainting spirits , with her breath .
SCENA NONA . Iulia , Ouid. Iul. Ouid ? my Loue ? Ouid. Here , heauenly Iulia. Iul. Here ? and not here ? O , how that worde doth play With both our Fortunes , differing , like our selues , Both one ; and yet diuided , as oppos'd ? I High , thou Lowe : ô , this our plight of Place Doubly presents the two lets of our Loue , Locall and ceremoniall Height , and Lownesse : Both waies , I am too high ; and thou , too lowe . Our Mindes are euen , yet : ô , why should our Bodies , That are their slaues , be so without their rule ? I 'le cast my selfe downe to thee ; If I die , I 'le euer liue with thee : no height of Birth , Of Place , of Dutie , or of cruell Power , Shall keepe mee from thee ; should my Father locke This bodie vp within a Tombe of Brasse , Yet I 'le be with thee : If the Formes , I holde Now in my Soule , be made one substance with it ; That Soule immortall ; and the same 't is now : Death cannot raze th' affectes , she now retaineth : And then , may shee be any where she will . The soules of Parents rule not Childrens soules , When Death sets both in their dissolu'd estates : Then is no Childe , nor Father : then Eternitie Frees all , from any temporall respect . I come , my Ouid ; take me in thine armes : And let me breath my soule into thy breast . Ouid. O , stay my Loue : the hopes thou do'st conceiue Of thy quicke Death , and of thy future Life , Are not autenticall . Thou choosest Death , So thou might'st ioy thy Loue , in th' other Life . But knowe ( my princely Loue ) when thou art dead , Thou onely must suruiue in perfect soule ; And in the soule , are no Affections : We poure out our Affections with our Bloode ; And with our Bloods affections ; fade our Loues . " No life hath Loue in such sweete state , as this ; " No Essence is so deare to moodie Sense , " As Flesh , and Bloode ; whose Quintessence is Sense . " Beautie , composd of Blood , and Flesh , moues more , " And is more plausible to Blood , and Flesh : " Then Spirituall Beautie can be to the Spirit . Such Apprehension , as wee haue in Dreames ( When Sleepe , the bond of Senses , locks them vp ) Such shall we haue , when Death destroyes them quite . If Loue be then thy Obiect , change not life , Liue high , and happie still : I still belowe , Close with my Fortunes , in thy height , shall ioy . Iul. Ay me , that Vertue , whose braue Eagles winges With euery stroake , blowe Starres , in burning Heauen ; Should like a Swallowe ( praying toward stormes ) Fly close to earth : and with an eager plume Pursue those Obiectes , which none els can see , But seeme to all the world , the emptie Aire . Thus thou ( poore Ouid ) and all vertuous men Must pray like Swallowes , on inuisible foode ; Pursuing Flies , or nothing : and thus Loue , And euery worldly Fancie , is transpos'd , By worldly Tyranny , to what plight it list . O , Father ; since thou gau'st me not my Minde , Striue not to rule it : Take , but what thou gau'st To thy disposure , thy Affections Rule not in me ; I must beare all my griefes , Let me vse all my pleasures : " Vertuous Loue Was neuer scandall to a Goddesse state . But hee 's inflexible ; and , my deare Loue , Thy life may chance be shortned , by the length Of my vnwilling speaches to depart . Farewell , sweete Life : though thou be yet exil'd , Th' officious Court , enioy mee amply still : My Soule , in this my breath , enters thine Eares , And on this Turrets , Floore , will I lye deade , Till wee may meete againe ; in this proud Height , I kneele beneath thee in my prostrate Loue , And kisse the happie sands , that kisse thy feete . " Great Ioue submits a Scepter , to a Cell ; " And Louers , ere they part , will meete in Hell . Ouid. Farewell all companie ; and if I could All light with thee : Helles shade should hide my browes , Till thy deare Beauties beames redeem'd my vowes . Iul. Ouid ; my Loue : alas , may we not stay A little longer ( think'st thou ) vndescern'd ? Ouid. For thine owne good , faire Goddesse , doe not stay : Who would ingage a Firmament of fires Shining in thee , for me , a falling Starre ? Be gon , sweete Life-bloode : if I should descerne Thy selfe but toucht , for my sake , I should die . Iul. I will be gone then ; and not Heauen it selfe , Shall drawe me backe . Ouid. Yet Iulia , if thou wilt , A little longer stay . Iul. I am content . Ouid. O mightie Ouid ! what the sway of Heauen Could not retire , my breath hath turned back . Iul. Who shall goe first , my Loue ? my passionate Eyes Will not endure to see thee turne from mee . Ouid. If thou goe first , my soule will follow thee . Iul. Then wee must stay . Ouid. Aye me ; there is no stay In amorous pleasures : if both stay , both die . I heare thy father ; hence my Deitie . Exit Iulia. Feare forgeth soundes in my deluded eares ; I did not heare him : I am mad with Loue . There is no Spirit , vnder heauen , that workes With such illusion ; yet such witchcraft kill mee , Ere a sound minde , without it , saue my life . Here , on my knees , I worshippe the blest Place That held my Goddesse ; and the louing Aire , That clos'd her bodie in his silken armes : Vaine Ouid ; kneele not to the Place , nor Ayre ; Shee 's in thy hart : Rise then , and worshippe there . " The truest wisdome sillie men can haue , " Is dotage , on the follies of their flesh . Exit .
Finis Actus Quarti .
ACTVS QVINTVS .
SCENA PRIMA . Cesar , Mecoenas , Pallus , Tibullus , Horace , Equites Ro. Ces. WE , that haue conquer'd stil , to saue the conquer'd , And lou'd to make inflictions feard , not felt ; Grieu'd to reprooue , and ioyfull to reward , More proud of Reconcilement , then Reuenge , Resume into the late state of our Loue , Worthy Cornelius Gallus , and Tibullus : You both are Knightes ; and you , Cornelius , A Souldier of Renowne ; and the first Prouost , That euer let our Romane Eagles fly On swarthy Egypt , quarried with her spoyles . Yet ( not to beare colde Formes , nor mens out-termes , Without the inward fires , and Liues of men ) You both haue Vertues , shining through your Shapes ; To shewe , your Titles are not writ on Postes , Or hollow Statues , which the best men are , Without Promethean stuffings reacht from Heauen . Sweete Poësies sacred Gyrlands crowne your Knighthoodes : Which is , of all the Faculties on Earth , The most abstract , and perfect ; if shee be True borne , and nurst with all the Sciences ; She can so mould Rome , and her Monuments , Within the liquid Marble of her Lines , That they shall stand fresh , and miraculous , Euen , when they mixe with innouating dust : In her sweete streames shall our braue Romane spirits Chace , and swimme after Death , with their choyse deedes Shining on their white shoulders ; and therein Shall Tyber , and our famous Riuers fall With such attraction , that th' ambitious Line Of the round World shall to her Center shrinke , To heare their Musicke : And for these high Parts , Cesar shall reuerence the Pierian Artes . Mecoe. Your Maiesties high Grace to Poësie , Shall stand 'gainst all the dull detractions Of leaden Soules ; who ( for the vaine assumings Of some , quite worthlesse of her soueraigne wreaths ) Conteine her worthiest Prophets in contempt . Gal. Happie is Rome of all Earths other States , To haue so true , and great a president , For her inferiour spirits to imitate , As Caesar is ; who addeth to the Sunne , Influence , and lustre ; in encreasing thus His inspirations , kindling fire in vs . Hor. Phoebus himselfe shall kneele at Caesars Shrine , And deck it with Bay Gyrlands deaw'd with Wine , To quite the worship Caesar does to him : Where other Princes , hoysted to their thrones By Fortunes passionate and disordered power , Sit in their height , like Clouds , before the Sunne , Hindring his comforts ; and ( by their excesse Of cold in Vertue , and crosse heate in Vice ) Thunder and tempest , on those learned heads , Whom Caesar with such Honour doth aduance . Tibul. All humane businesse , Fortune doth command Without all order ; and with her blinde hand , Shee , blinde , bestowes blinde gifts ; that still haue nurst They see not who , nor how , but still , the worst . Caesar . Caesar , for his Rule , and for so much stuffe As Fortune puts in his hand , shall dispose it ( As if his Hand had eyes , and soule , in it ) With worth and iudgement . " Hands , that part with gifts , " Or will restraine their vse , without desert ; " Or with a misery , numm'd to Vertues right , " Worke , as they had no Soule to gouerne them , " And quite reiect her ; seuering their Estates " From humane order . Whosoeuer can , " And will not cherish Vertue , is no man . Eques . Virgill is now at hand , imperiall Caesar . Caesar . Romes Honour is at hand then . Fetch a chaire , And set it on our right hand ; where 't is fit , Romes Honour , and our owne , should euer sit . Now he is come out of Campania , I doubt not he hath finisht all his AEneids , Which , like another Soule , I long t' enioy . What thinke you three , of Virgill , Gentlemen , ( That are of his profession , though rankt higher ) Or Horace , what saist thou , that art the poorest , And likeliest to enuye , or to detract ? Hor. Caesar speakes after common men , in this , To make a difference of me , for my poorenesse : As if the filth of Pouertie sunke as deepe Into a knowing spirit , as the Bane Of riches doth , into an ignorant soule . No Caesar ; they be path-lesse , moorish minds , That being once made rotten with the dung Of damned Riches , euer after sinke Beneath the steppes of any Villany . But Knowledge is the Nectar , that keepes sweete A perfect Soule euen in this Graue of sinne ; And for my Soule , it is as free , as Caesars : For , what I knowe is due , I 'le giue to all . " He that detracts , or enuies vertuous Merit , " Is still the couetous , and the ignorant spirit . Caesar . Thanks Horace , for thy free , and holsome sharpnesse : Which pleaseth Caesar more , then seruile fawnes . " A flatterd Prince soone turnes the Prince of Fooles . And for thy sake , wee 'll put no difference more 'Twixt Knights , and Knightly spirits , for being poore . Say then , lou'd Horace , thy true thought of Virgill . Hor. I iudge him of a rectified spirit , By many reuolutions of discourse ( In his bright reasons influence ) refin'd From all the tartarous Moodes of common Men ; Bearing the Nature , and similitude Of a right heauenly Bodie ; most seuere In fashion , and collection of himselfe ; And then as cleare , and confident , as Ioue . Gal. And yet so chast , and tender is his Eare , In suffering in any Syllable to passe , That , he thinkes , may become the honour'd name Of Issue to his so examin'd selfe ; That all the lasting fruites of his full merit In his owne Poemes , he doth still distaste : As if his mindes Peece , which he stroue to paint , Could not with fleshly Pensils haue her right . Tibul. But , to approue his workes of Soueraigne worth , This Obseruation ( me thinkes ) more then serues : And is not vulgar . That , which hee hath writ , Is with such iudgement , labour'd , and distill'd Through all the needefull vses of our liues , That could a man remember but his Lines , He should not touch at any serious point , But he might breath his spirit out of him . Caesar . You meane , he might repeat part of his workes , As fit for any conference , he can vse ? Tib. Trew , Royall Caesar . Caesar . 'T is worthily obseru'd : And a most worthie vertue in his workes . What thinks , Materiall Horace , of his learning ? Hor. His Learning labours not the Schoole-like Glosse , That most consists in Ecchoing Wordes , and Termes , And soonest wins a man an Empty name ; Nor any long , or far-fetcht Circumstance , Wrapt in the curious General'ties of Artes : But a direct , and Analyticke Summe Of all the worth and first effectes of Artes . And for his Poësie , 't is so ramm'd with Life , That it shall gather strength of Life , with being ; And liue hereafter , more admir'd , then now . Caesar . This one consent , in all your doomes of him , And mutuall Loues of all your seuerall merits , Argues a truth of merit in you all .
SCENA SECVNDA . Caesar , Virgill , Mecoenas , Gallus , Tibullus , Horace , Equites Ro. Caesar . See , here comes Virgill ; we will rise and greet him : Welcome to Caesar , Virgill . Caesar , and Virgill Shall differ but in sound ; to Caesar , Virgill ( Of his expressed Greatnesse ) shall be made A second Sir-name ; and to Virgill , Caesar . Where are thy Famous Aeneids ? doe vs grace To let vs see , and surfet on their sight . Virgill . Worthlesse they are of Caesars gracious Eyes , If they were perfect ; much more , with their wants ; Which yet are more , then my Time could supply : And , could great Caesars expectation Be satisfied with any other seruice , I would not shew them . Caesar . Virgill is too modest ; Or seekes , in vaine , to make our longings more . Shew them , sweete Virgill . Virgill . Then , in such due feare , As fits Presenters of great works , to Caesar , I humbly shew them : Caesar . Let vs now behold A humane Soule made visible in life ; And more refulgent in a senselesse paper , Then in the sensuall Complement of Kings . Read , read , thy selfe , deare Virgill , let not me Prophane one accent , with an vntun'd tongue : " Best matter , badly showne , shewes worse , then bad . See then , this Chayre , of Purpose set for thee To reade thy Poeme in : Refuse it not . " Vertue , without presumption , place may take " Aboue best Kings , whom onely she should make . Virgill . It will be thought a thing ridiculous To present Eyes , and to all future times A grosse vntruth ; that any Poet ( void Of Birth , or wealth , or Temporall dignity ) Should , with decorum , transcend Caesars Chayre . " Poore Vertue rais'd , high birth and wealth set vnder , " Crosseth Heauens courses , and makes worldlings wonder . Caesar . The course of Heauen , and Fate it selfe , in this Will Caesar crosse ; much more all worldly Custome . Horace . " Custome , in course of Honour , euer erres : " And they are best , whom Fortune least preferres . Caesar . Horace hath ( but more strictly ) spoke our thoughts . The vast rude swinge of generall Confluence Is , in particular ends , exempt from sense : And therefore Reason ( which in right should be The speciall Rector of all Harmony ) Shall shew we are a man , distinct by it , From those that Custome rapteth in her preasse . Ascend then Virgill : and where first by Chaunce We here haue turnd thy Booke , doe thou first read . Virgill . Great Caesar hath his will : I will ascend . 'T were simple iniury to his free hand , That sweeps the Cobwebs , from vnused Vertue , And makes her shine proportiond , to her worth , To be more nice to entertaine his Grace ; Then he is choyse , and liberall to afford it . Caesar . Gentlemen of our Chamber , guard the Doores , And let none enter . Peace . Beginne , good Virgill . Virgill . Meane while , Vir. lib. 4. Aeneid . the Skies gan thunder ; and in tayle Of that , fell powring stormes of sleete , and hayle : The Tyrian Lords , and Troian youth , each where With Venus Dardane * * Iulus . Nephew , now , in feare Seeke out for seuerall shelter through the Plaine ; Whil'st Flouds come rowling from the Hills amaine . Dido a Caue , The Troian * * Aeneas . Prince the same Lighted vpon ; There , Earth , and Heauens great * * Iuno . Dame That hath the charge of Mariage , first gaue signe Vnto this Contract ; Fier , and Ayre did shine , As guilty of the Match ; and from the Hill , The Nymphes , withshriekings , doe the Region fill . Here first began their Bane ; This Day was ground Of all their Ills : For now , nor Rumours sound , Nor nice respect of State mooues Dido ought ; Her Loue , no longer now , by stealth is sought : She calls this Wedlocke , and with that faire Name Couers her fault . Forthwith the Bruit , and Fame , Through all the greatest . Lybian Tawnes , is gone ; Fame , a fleete Euill , then which is swifter none : That moouing growes , and flying gathers strength ; Little at first , and fearefull ; but at length . She dares attempt the Skies , and stalking proud With feete on Ground , her Head doth pearce a Cloud . This Child , our Parent Earth , stird vp with spight Of all the Gods , brought foorth ; and , as some wright , She was last sister of that Giant * * Coens . Encleadus , &c. Race That thought to scale Ioues Court ; right swift of Pase , And swifter , far , of Wing . A Monster vast , And dreadfull : Looke , how many Plumes are plac't On her huge Corps , so many waking Eyes Sticke vnderneath : and ( which may stranger rise In the Report ) as many Tongues she beares , As many Mouthes , as many listning Eares . Nightly , in midst of all the Heauen , she flies , And through the Earths darke shadow , shrieking , cries ; Nor doe her Eyes once bend , to tast sweete sleepe : By Day , on tops of Houses , she doth keepe , Or on high Towers ; and doth thence affright Cities , and Townes of most conspicuous site ; As couetous she is of Tales , and Lies , As prodigall of Truth : This Monster , &c.
SCENA TERTIA. Lupus , Tucca , Crispinus , Demetrius , Histrio , Lictors , Caesar , Virgill , Mecoenas , Gallus , Tibullus , Horace , Equites Ro. Lupus .

Come , follow me , assist me , second me : where 's the Emperour ?

Eques 1.

Sir , you must pardon vs .

Eques 2.

Caesar is priuate now , you may not enter .

Tucca.

Not Enter ? Charge 'hem , vpon their Allegeance , Cropshin .

Eques 1.

We haue a charge to the contrary , Sir .

Lupus . I pronounce you all Traytors , horrible Traytors : What ? Doe you know my Affaires ? I haue Matter of danger , and state , to impart to Caesar . Caesar .

What , noyse is there ? who 's that , names Caesar ?

Lupus .

A Friend to Caesar . One that for Caesars good would speake with Caesar .

Caesar .

Who is 't ? looke , Cornelius .

Eques 1.

Asinius Lupus .

Caesar . O , bid the turbulent Informer hence ; We haue no vacant Eare , now , to receiue The vnseasond fruits of his officious tongue . Mecoenas .

You must auoid him there .

Lupus .

I coniure thee ; as thou art Caesar , or respect'st thine owne safety ; or the safety of the state , Caesar : Heare me , speake with me , Caesar : 't is no common busines , I come about ; but such as , being neglected , may concerne the life of Caesar .

Caesar .

The life of Caesar ? Let him Enter . Virgill , keepe thy Seate .

Equites .

Beare backe there : whether will you ? keepe backe .

Tuc.

By thy leaue good man Vsher : mend thy Periwig , so .

Lupus .

Lay hold on Horace there ; and on Mecoenas , Lictors . Romanes , offer no rescue , vpon your Allegeance : Read royall Caesar ; I 'le tickle you , Satyre .

Tucca.

He will , Humors , he will : He will squeeze you , Poet Puckfist .

Lupus .

I 'le Lop you off , for an vnprofitable braunch , you Satyricall Varlet .

Tucca.

I , and Epaminondas your Patron , here , with his flaggon Chayne ; Come , resigne : Though 't were your great Graund-fathers , the Law ha's made it mine now , Sir . Looke to him , my party-colourd Rascalls ; Looke to him .

Caesar .

What is this , Asinius Lupus ? I vnderstand it not .

Lupus .

Not vnderstand it ? A Libell , Caesar . A dangerous , seditious Libell . A Libell in Picture .

Caesar .

A Libell ?

Lupus .

I , I found it in this Horace his study ; in Mecoenas his house , here ; I challenge the penalty of the Lawes against 'hem .

Tucca.

I , and remember to begge their Land betimes ; before some of these hungry Court-hounds sent it out .

Caesar .

Shew it to Horace : Aske him , if he know it .

Lupus .

Know it ? His hand is at it , Caesar .

Caesar .

Then 't is no Libell .

Horace .

It is the imperfect Body of an Embleme , Caesar , I began for Mecoenas .

Lupus .

An Embleme ? right : That 's Greeke for a Libell . Doe but marke , how Confident he is .

Horace . A Iust man cannot feare , thou foolish Tribune ; Not , though the Malice of traducing Tongues , The open vastnesse of a Tyrants Eare , The senselesse Rigor of the wrested Lawes , Or the red Eyes of strain'd Authority Should , in a point , meete all to take his life : His Innocence is Armour 'gainst all these . Lupus .

Innocence ? ô Impudence ! Let me see , Let me see . Is not here an Eagle ? And is not that Eagle meant by Caesar ? ha ? Do's not Caesar giue the Eagle ? Answere me ; what sayst thou ?

Tucca.

Hast thou any Euasion , Stinkard ?

Lupus .

Now hee 's turn'd dumbe . I 'le tickle you , Satyre .

Horace .

Pish . Ha , ha :

Lupus .

Dost thou pish me ? Giue me my Long sword .

Horace .

With reuerence to great Caesar , worthy Romanes , Obserue but this ridiculous Commenter :

The Soule to my Deuise , was in this Distich . Thus , oft , the base and rauenous multitude Suruiue , to share the spoyles of Fortitude : Which in this Body , I haue figur'd here ; A VVLTVRE — Lupus .

A Vulture ? I ; now , 't is a Vulture . O , abhominable ! Monstrous ! Monstrous ! ha's not your Vulture a Beake ? ha's it not Legges ? and Tallons ? and Wings ? and Fethers ?

Tucca.

Touch him , old Buskins .

Horace .

And therefore must it be an Eagle ?

Mecoenas .

Respect him not , good Horace : Say your Deuise .

Horace .

A VVLTVRE and a WOLFE —

Lupus .

A Wolfe ? Good . That 's I ; I am the Wolfe : My name 's Lupus ; I am meant by the Wolfe . On , on ; A Vulture , and a Wolfe —

Horace .

Praying vpon the Carcasse of an ASSE —

Lupus .

An Asse ? Good still : That 's I , too . I am the Asse . You meane me by the Asse .

Mecoenas .

'Pray thee , leaue braying then .

Horace .

If you will needs take it , I cannot with Modestie giue it from you .

Mecoenas . But , by that Beast , the old Aegyptians Were wont to Figure in their Hieroglyphicks , Patience , Frugality , and Fortitude ; For none of which , we can suspect you , Tribune . Caesar .

Who was it , Lupus , that inform'd you first , This should be meant by vs ? or was 't your Comment ?

Lupus .

No , Caesar : A Player gaue me the first light of it , indeede .

Tucca.

I , an honest Sycophant-like Slaue , and a Politician , besides .

Caesar .

Where is that Player ?

Tucca.

He is without , here .

Caesar .

Call him in .

Tucca.

Call in the Player , there ; Master Aesope , call him .

Equites .

Player ? where is the Player ? Beare backe ; None , but the Player , enter .

Tucca.

Yes : this Gent'man , and his Achates must .

Crisp .

'Pray you , Master Vsher ; wee 'll stand close , here .

Tucca.

'T is a Gent'man of Qualitie , this ; though he be somewhat out of Clothes , I tell yee . Come Aesope : hast a Bay leafe i' thy mouth ? Well said ; be not out , Stinkard . Thou shalt haue a Monopoly of playing , confirm'd to thee and thy Couey , vnder the Emperours broad Seale , for this seruice .

Caesar .

Is this he ?

Lupus .

I , Caesar : this is he .

Caesar . Let him be whipt . Lictors , Goe , take him hence . And Lupus , for your fierce Credulity , One fit him with a paire of larger Eares : 'T is Caesars Doome , and must not be reuok't . We hate , to haue our Court , and Peace disturb'd With these quotidian Clamours . See it done . Lupus .

Caesar .

Caesar .

Gag him , we may haue his silence .

Virgill . Caesar hath done like Caesar . Fayre , and Iust Is his Award , against these brainelesse Creatures . 'T is not the wholsome sharpe Morality , Or modest anger of a Satyricke Spirit , That hurts , or wounds the body of a State ; But the sinister Application Of the malitious , ignorant , and base Interpreter ; who will distort , and straine The generall Scope and purpose of an Author , To his particular , and priuate spleene . Caesar . We knowe it , our deare Virgill ; and esteeme it A most dishonest practise , in that man , Will seeme too wittie in anothers worke . What would Cornelius Gallus , and Tibullus ? Tuc.

Nay , but as thou art a man , do'st heare ? a man of worshippe ; and honorable : Hold , here , take thy chaine againe : Resume , mad Mecoenas . What ? do'st thou thinke , I meant t' haue kept it , old Boy ? No ; I did it but to fright thee , I : to try how thou would'st take it . What ? will I turne Sharke , vpon my Friends ? or my friends Friends ? I scorn it with my three Soules . Come ; I loue Bully Horace , as well as thou do'st , I : 't is an honest Hieroglyphick . Giue me thy wrist Helicon . Do'st thou thinke , I 'le second ere a Rhinoceros of them all , against thee ? ha ? or thy noble Hippocrene , here ? I 'le turne Stager first , and be whipt too ; do'st thou see , Bully ?

Caesar . You haue your will of Caesar ; vse it Romanes . Virgill shall be your Praetor ; and our selfe Will here fit by , Spectator of your sports ; And thinke it no impeach of Royalty . Our Eare is now too much prophan'd ( ( Graue Maro ) With these distasts , to take thy sacred Lines : Put vp thy Booke , till both the Time and wee Be fitted with more hallowed circumstance For the receiuing so diuine a Labour . Proceede with your desseigne . Mecoe.

Gall. Tib. Thanks to great Caesar .

Gall.

Tibullus , drawe you the Inditement then , whil'st Horace arrests them , on the Statute of Calumny : Mecoenas , and I will take our places here ; Lictors , assist him .

Horace .

I am the worst Accuser , vnder Heauen .

Gallus .

Tut , you must do 't : 'T will be noble Mirth .

Horace .

I take no knowledge , that they doe maligne me .

Tibullus .

I , but the world takes knowledge .

Horace .

‛ Would the World knew How hartily I wish , A Foole should hate me .

Tucca.

Body of Iupiter ! What ? Will they arraigne my briske Poëtaster , and his poore Iourneyman , ha ? Would I were abroad skeldring for Twopence , so I were out of this Labyrinth againe : I doe feele my selfe turne Stinkard already . But I must set the best Face I haue , vpon 't now : well said , my diuine , deft Horace ; bring the whorson detracting Slaues to the Barre , doe ; Make 'hem hold vp their spread Golls ; I 'le giue in Euidence for thee , if thou wilt . Take courage Crispinus ; Would thy man had a cleane band .

Crispinus .

What must we doe , Captaine ?

Tucca.

Thou shalt see anon : Doe not make Diuision with thy Legges , so .

Caesar .

What 's he , Horace ?

Horace .

I only know him for a Motion , Caesar .

Tucca.

I am one of thy Commanders , Caesar ; A man of Seruice , and Action ; My Name is Pantilius Tucca : I haue seru'd i' thy Warres against Marke Antony ; I.

Caesar .

Doe you know him , Cornelius ?

Gallus

Hee 's one , that hath had the Mustring , or Conuoy of a Company , now , and then ; I neuer noted him by any other Imployment .

Caesar .

We will obserue him better .

Tibullus .

Lictor , proclaime Silence , in the Court.

Lictor .

In the name of Caesar , Silence .

Tibullus .

Let the Parties , the Accuser , and the Accused , present them selues .

Lictor .

The Accuser , and the Accused ; Present your selues in Court.

Crisp.

Demet. Here.

Virg.

Reade the Inditement .

Tibul.

Rufus Laberius Crispinus , and Demetrius Fannius , hold vp your hands . You are , before this time , toyntly and seuerally indited ; and here presently to be arraigned , vpon the Statute of Calumny , or Lex Remmia ( The one by the name of Rufus Laberius Crispinus , aliàs Crispinas , Poētaster , and Plagiary : the other by the name of Demetrius Fannius , Play-dresser & Plagiary ) That you ( not hauing the feare of Phoebus or his shafts , before your eyes ) contrary to the peace of our liege Lord , Augustus Caesar , his Crowne and dignitie , and against the forme of a Statute in that case made , and prouided ; haue most ignorantly , foolishly , and ( more like your selues ) malitiously gone about to depraue , and calumniate the Person and writings of Quintus Horatius Flaccus , here present , Poet , and Priest to the Muses : and to that end haue mutually conspir'd , and plotted , at sundry times , as by seuerall meanes , and in sundry places , for the better accomplishing your base and Enuious purpose ; taxing him , falsely , of Sefe loue , Arrogancy , Impudence , Rayling , filching by Translation , &c. Of all which Calumnies , and euery of them in manner and forme aforesaid , what answere you ? Are you Guiltie , or not Guilty ?

Tuc.

Not Guilty , say .

Crisp.

Dem. Not Guilty .

Tibullus .

How will you be tryed ?

Tuc.

By the Romane Gods , and the noblest Romanes .

Crisp.

Dem. By the Romane Gods , and the noblest Romans .

Virg. Here fits Mecoenas , and Cornelius Gallus ; Are you contented to be tryed by these ? Tucca.

I ; So the noble Captaine may be ioyn'd with them in Commission ; say .

Crisp .

Dem. I ; so the noble Captaine may bee ioyn'd with them in Commission .

Virgill .

What saies the Plaintife .

Hor.

I am content .

Virg.

Captaine , then take your Place .

Tuc.

Alas , my worshipfull Praetor ! 't is more of thy Gent'nesse , then of my deseruing , Iwusse . But , since it hath pleas'd the Court to make choyce of my Wisdome , and Grauitie , Come my Calumnious Varlets ; Let 's heare you talke for your selues now , an howre or two . What can you say ? Make a noyse . Act , Act.

Virg. Stay ; turne , & take an Oath first . Youshall sweare , By Thunder-darting Ioue , the King of Gods ; And by the Genius of Augustus Caesar ; By your owne white , and vncorrupted Soules ; And the deepe reuerence of our Romane Iustice ; To iudge this Case , with Truth and Equitie : As bound , by your Religion , and your Lawes . Now reade the Euidence : But first demaund Of either Prisoner , if that Writ be theirs . Tib.

Shew this vnto Crispinus . Is it yours ?

Tuc.

Say I. what ? dost thou stand vpon it , Pimpe ? Doe not deny thine owne Minerua ; thy Pallas ; the Issue of thy Braine .

Crisp .

Yes , it is mine .

Tibull .

Shewe that vnto Demetrius . Is it yours ?

Demet.

It is .

Tuc.

There 's a Father , will not deny his owne Bastard , now , I warrant thee .

Virg.

Reade them alowd .

Tibul. Rampe vp , my Genius ; be not Retrograde : But boldly nominate a Spade , a Spade . What , shall thy Lubricall and glibbery Muse Liue , as she were defunct , like Punque in Stewes ? ( Tucca. Excellent . ) Alas ! That , were no moderne Consequence , To haue cothurnall Buskins frighted hence . No ; teach thy Incubus to Poetize , And throwe abroad thy spurious Snotteries , Vpon that puft-vp Lumpe of Barmy froth , ( Tucca. Ah , ha ! ) Or Clumsy Chil-blain'd Iudgement ; that , with Oath , Magnificates his Merit ; and bespaules The conscious Time , with humorous Fome ; & brawles , As if his Organons of Sense would crack The sinewes of my Patience . Breake his Back , O Poëts all and some : For now wee list Of strenuous Venge-ance to clutch the fist . Subscri . Cris: aliàs , Innocence . Tuc.

I mary , this was written like a Hercules in Poetry , now .

Caesar .

Excellently well threatned .

Virgill .

I , and as strangely worded , Caesar .

Caesar .

We obserue it .

Virgill .

The other , now .

Tucca.

This 's a fellow of a good prodigall tongue too ; this 'll doe well .

Tibull . Our Muse is in minde for th' vntrussing a Poet : I slip by his Name ; for most men doe know it : A Critick , that al the world bescumbers With Satyricall Humors , and Lyricall Numbers : ( Tucca. Art thou there , Boy ? ) And for the most part , himselfe doth aduance With much selfe-loue , and more Arrogance : ( Tucca. Good : Againe . ) And ( but that I would not be thought a Prater ) I could tell you , he were a Translater . I knowe the Authors from whence he ha's stole , And could trace him too , but that I vnderstand 'hem not full and whole . ( Tucca. That line is broke loose from all his fellowes ; chainehim vp shorter , doe . ) The best note I can giue you to knowe him by , Is , that he keepes Gallants company ; Whome I would wish , in time should him feare , Least after they buy Repentance too deare . Subscri . De. Fannius . Tuc.

Well said . This carries Palme with it .

Horace . And why , thou Motley Gull ? why should they feare ? When hast thou knowne vs wrong , or taxe a Friend ? I dare thy malice , to betray it . Speake . Now thou curlst vp , thou poore and nasty Snake ; And shrinkst thy poysnous head into thy Bosome : Out Viper ; thou that eat'st thy Parents , hence . Rather , such speckled Creatures , as thy selfe , Should be eschew'd , and shund : such , as will bite And gnaw their absent Friends , not cure their Fame ; Catch at the loosest Laughters , and affect To be thought Iesters ; such , as can deuise Things neuer seene , or heard , t' impayre mens Names , And gratifie their credulous Aduersaries ; Will carry Tales ; doe basest offices ; Cherish diuided Fiers ; and increase New Flames , out of old Embers ; will reueale Each secret that 's committed to their Trust : These be blacke Slaues ; Romanes , take heede of these . Tucca. Thou twangst right , little Horace ; they be indeed : A couple of Chap-falne Curres . Come , Wee of the Bench , Let 's rise to the Vrne , and condemne 'hem , quickly . Virgill . Before you goe together ( worthy Romanes ) We are to tender our Opinion ; And giue you those Instructions , that may adde Vnto your euen Iudgement in the Cause ; Which thus we doe Commence : First , you must know That where there is a true , andperfect Merit , There can be no Deiection ; and the Scorne Of humble Basenesse , oftentimes , so workes In a high Soule vpon the grosser Spirit ; That to his bleared , and offended Sense , There seemes a hideous Fault blaz'd in the Obiect ; When only the Disease is in his Eyes . Here-hence it comes , our Horace now stands taxt Of Impudence , Selfe-loue , and Arrogance , By these , who share no merit in themselues ; And therefore , thinke his Portion is as small . For they , from their owne guilt , assure their Soules , If they should confidently praise their workes , In them it would appeare Inflation ; Which , in a full , and well-digested man , Cannot receiue that foule abusiue name , But the faire Title of Erection . And , for his trewe vse of translating Men , It still hath beene a worke of as much Palme In clearest Iudgements , as t' inuent , or make . His sharpnesse , that is most excusable ; As being forc't out of a suffering Vertue , Oppressed with the Licence of the Time : And howsoeuer Fooles , or Ierking Pedants , Players , or such like Buffonary wits , May with their beggerly , and barren trash , Tickle base vulgar eares , in their despight ; This ( like Ioues Thunder ) shall their pride controule . " The honest Satyre hath the happiest Soule . Now , Romanes , you haue heard our thoughts . Withdrawe , when you please . Tibul.

Remoue the Accused from the Barre .

Tucca.

Who holdes the Vrne to vs ? ha ? Feare nothing : I 'le quitte you , mine honest pittifull Stinkards . I 'le do 't .

Crisp.

Captaine , you shall eternally girt me to you , as I am Generous .

Tucca.

Goe to .

Caesar .

Tibullus , let there bee a case of Vizardes priuately prouided : wee haue founde a Subiect to bestowe them on .

Tibull .

It shall be done , Caesar .

Caesar .

Here be wordes , Horace , able to bastinado a mans Eares .

Hor. I. Please it great Caesar , I haue Pils about mee ( Mixt with the whitest kinde of Ellebore ) Would giue him a light vomite ; that should purge His Braine , and Stomack of those tumorous heates : Might I haue leaue to minister vnto him . Caesar . O! be as Aesculapius , Gentle Horace ; You shall haue leaue , and he shall be your Patient . Virgill , vse your Authoritie , commaund him forth . Virg. Caesar is carefull of your health , Crispinus ; And hath himselfe chose a Phistian To minister vnto you : take his Pils . Hor. They are somewhat bitter , but wholsome ; Take another , yet ; so : Stand by , they 'll worke anone . Tibull . Romanes , returne to your seuerall seates : Lictors , Bring forward the Vrne ; and set the Accused at the Barre . Tucca.

Quickly , you Whorson Egregious Varlettes ; Come forwarde . What ? shall wee sit all day vpon you ? you make no more haste , now , than a Begger vpon Pattins : or a Phisitian to a Patient that ha's no money , you Pilchers .

Tibull .

Rufus Laberius Crispinus , and Demetrius Fannius , holde vp your handes . You haue ( according to the Romane Custome ) put your selues vpon Tryall to the Vrne , for diuers and sundry Calumnies , whereof , you haue before this time beene indited , and are now presently arraigned : Prepare your selues to harken to the verdict of your Tryers . Caius Cilnius Mecoenas pronounceth you , by this hand-writing , Guiltie . Corneli .

Tuc. Gallus , Guiltie . Pantilius Tucca — us Parcell Guiltie ; I. Demet. He meanes himselfe : for it was he indeede , Suborn'd vs to the Calumny . Tuc.

I , you whorson Cantharides ? was 't I ?

Demet.

I appeale to your conscience , Captaine .

Tib.

Then , you confesse it , now .

Demet.

I doe , and craue the mercie of the Court.

Tib.

What saith Crispinus ?

Crisp.

O , the Captaine , the Captaine .

Hor.

My Physicke begins to worke with my Patient , I see .

Virg.

Captaine ; stand forth and answere .

Tuc.

Hold thy peace , Poet Praetor : I appeale from thee , to Caesar , I. Doe me right , Royall Caesar .

Caesar . Mary , and I will , Sir . Lictors , gag him : And put a case of vizards o're his head , That he may looke Bi-fronted , as he speakes . Tuc.

Gods , and Fiends . Caesar ! thou wilt not Caesar ? wilt thou ? Away , you whorson Vultures ; away . You thinke I am a deade Corps now ; because Caesar is dispos'd to iest with a man of Marke , or so . Holde your hook't talons out of my flesh , you inhumane Gorboduckes . Goe to , do 't . What ? will the Royall Augustus cast away a Gent'man of worshippe , a Captaine , and a Commaunder ; for a couple of condemn'd Caitiue Calumnious Cargo's ?

Caesar .

Dispatch , Lictors .

Tucca.

Caesar .

Caesar .

Forward , Tibullus .

Virg.

Demaund , what cause they had to maligne Horace .

Demet.

In troth , no great cause , not I ; I must confesse : but that he kept better companie ( for the most part ) then I : and that better Men lou'd him , then lou'd me : and that his writings thriu'd better then mine , and were better lik't & grac't : Nothing else .

Virg.

Thus , enuious Soules repine at others good .

Hor. If this be all ; faith , I forgiue thee freely . Enuie me still ; so long as Virgill loues me , Gallus , Tibullus , and the best-best Caesar , My deare Mecoenas ; while these , with many more ( Whose names I wisely slip ) shall think me worthy Their honour'd and ador'd Society , And read , and loue , prooue , and applaud my Poemes ; I would not wish but such as you should spight them . Crisp.

O.

Tib.

How now , Crispinus ?

Crisp.

O , I am sicke .

Hor.

A Bason , a Bason , quickly ; our Physicke works . Faint not , man .

Crisp.

O — Retrograde — Reciprocall — Incubus .

Caesar .

What 's that , Horace ?

Hor.

Retrograde , Reciprocall , and Incubus are come vp .

Gall.

Thanks be to Iupiter .

Crisp.

O — Glibbery — Lubricall — Defunct — O —

Hor.

Well said : here 's some store .

Virg.

What are they ?

Hor.

Glibbery , Lubricall , and Defunct .

Gall.

O , they came vp easie .

Crisp.

O — O —

Tibull .

What 's that ?

Hor.

Nothing , yet .

Crisp.

Magnificate .

Mecoe.

Magnificate ? that came vp somewhat hard .

Hor.

I. What cheare , Crispinus ?

Crisp.

O , I shall cast vp my — Spurious — Snotteries —

Hor.

Good . Againe .

Crisp.

Chilblaind — O — O — Clumsie —

Hor.

That Clumsie stucke terribly .

Mecoe.

What 's all that , Horace ?

Hor.

Spurious , Snotteries , Chilblain'd , Clumsie .

Tibull .

O Iupiter !

Gall.

Who would haue thought , there should ha' been such a deale of filth in a Poet ?

Crisp.

O — Barmy Froth !

Caesar .

What 's that ?

Crisp.

— Puffy — Inflate — Turgidous — Ventosity .

Horace .

Barmy Froth , Puffy , Inflate , Turgidous , and Ventosity are come vp .

Tibullus .

O , terrible , windy words !

Gallus .

A signe of a windy Braine .

Crispinus .

O — Oblatrant — Obcaecate — Furibund — Fatuate — Strenuous . —

Horace .

Heer 's a deale : Oblatrant , Obcaecate , Furibund , Fatuate , Strenuous .

Caesar .

Now , all 's come vp , I trow . What a Tumult he had in his Belly !

Horace .

No : there 's the often Conscious behind , still .

Crispinus .

O — Conscious .

Horace .

It 's come vp , thankes to Apollo , and Aesculapius : Yet , there 's another ; you were best take a Pill more ?

Crispinus .

O , no : O — O — O — O.

Horace .

Force your selfe then , a little with your Finger .

Crispinus .

O — O — Prorumped .

Tibullus .

Prorumped ? What a noyse it made ! as if his Spirit would haue Prorumpt with it .

Crispinus .

O — O — O.

Virgill .

Helpe him : it stickes strangely , what euer it is .

Crispinus .

O — Clutcht .

Horace .

Now it 's come : Clutcht .

Caesar .

Clucht ? It 's well , that 's come vp . It had but a narrow Passage .

Crispinus .

O —

Virgill .

Againe , hold him : hold his head there .

Crisp .

Tropologicall — Anagogicall — Loquacity — Pinnosity .

Horace .

How now , Crispinus ?

Crispinus .

O — Obstupefact .

Tibullus .

Nay : that are all we , I assure you .

Horace .

How doe you feele your selfe ?

Crispinus .

Pretty , and well , I thanke you .

Virgill . These Pilles can but restore him for a Time ; Not cure him quite of such a Malady , Caught by so many surfets ; which haue fild His Blood , and Braine , thus full of Crudities : 'T is necessary , therefore , he obserue A strict and holsome Diet. Looke , you take Each morning , of old Catoes Principles A good draught , next your heart ; that walke vpon , Till it be well digested : Then come home , And taste a piece of Terence ; sucke his Phrase In steede of Licorice ; and , at any hand , Shun Plautus , and old Ennius : They are meates Too harsh for a weake Stomacke . Vse to read ( But not without a Tutor ) the best Greekes : As Orpheus , Musaeus , Pindarus , Hesiod , Callimachus , and Theocrite , High Homer ; but beware of Lycophron : He is too darke , and dangerous a Dish . You must not hunt for wild , out-landish Termes , To stuffe out a peculiar Dialect ; But let your Matter runne before your Words : And if , at any time , you chaunce to meete Some Gallo-Belgick Phrase , you shall not straight Racke your poore Verse to giue it entertainement ; But let it passe : and doe not thinke your selfe Much damnified , if you doe leaue it out ; When , nor your Vnderstanding , nor the Sense Could well receiue it . This faire Abstinence , In time , will render you more sound , and Cleare ; And this haue I prescrib'd to you , in place Of a strict Sentence : which till he performe , Attire him in that Robe . And hence-forth , learne To beare your selfe more humbly ; not to swell , Or breath your insolent , and idle Spight , On him , whose Laughter , can your worst affright . Tibullus .

Take him away .

Crispinus .

Iupiter guard Caesar .

Virgill . And , for a weeke , or two , see him lockt vp In some darke Place , remoou'd from Company : He will talke idly else after his Physicke . Now , to you , Sir : Th' Extremity of Law Awards you to be branded in the front , For this your Calumny ; But , since it pleaseth Horace ( the Party wrongd ) t' intreat , of Caesar , A Mitigation of that iuster Doome ; With Caesars tongue , thus we pronounce your sentence . Demetrius Fannius , thou shalt here put on That Coate , and Cap ; and hencefoorth , thinke thy selfe No other , then they make thee : vow to weare them In euery Faire , and Generous Assembly , Till the best sort of Minds shall take to knowledge As well thy satisfaction , as thy wrongs . Horace . Only ( Graue Praetor ) here , in open Court , I craue the Oath , for good Behauiour , May be administred vnto them both . Virgill .

Horace , it shall : Tibullus , giue it them .

Tibullus .

Rufus Laberius Crispinus , and Demetrius Fannius , Lay your hands on your hearts . You shall here solemnely contest , and sweare ; That neuer ( after this instant ) either , at Booke-sellers Stalls , in Tauernes , Two-penny Roomes , ' Tiring-houses , Noble-mens Buttryes , Puisne's Chambers ( the best , and farthest Places , where you are admitted to come ) you shall once offer , or dare ( thereby to endeare your selfe the more to any Player , Enghle , or guilty Gull , in your Company ) to maligne , traduce , or detract the Person , or Writings of Quintus Horatius Flaccus ; or any other Eminent Man , transcending you in Merit , whom your Enuy shall finde cause to worke vpon , either , for that , or for keeping him selfe in better Acquaintance , or enioying better Friends : Or if ( transported by any sodaine and desperate Resolution ) you doe ; That then , you shall not vnder the Bastoun , or in the next Presence , being an honorable Assembly of his Fauourers , be brought as voluntary Gent: to vndertake the forswearing of it . Neither shall you at any time ( ambitiously , affecting the Title of the Vntrussers , or Whippers of the Age ) suffer the Itch of writing to ouer-run your performance in Libel ; vpon paine of being taken vp for Lepers , in Wit , and ( loosing both your Time , and your Papers ) be irrecouerably forfeyted to the Hospitall of Fooles . So helpe you our Romane Gods , and the Genius of great Caesar .

Virgill .

So : now dissolue the Court.

Hor. Tib. Gall. Mec. Vir. And thankes to Caesar , That thus hath exercis'd his Patience . Caesar . We haue , indeed , you worthiest friends of Caesar . It is the Bane , and Torment of our Eares , To heare the discords of those Iangling Rimers , That , with their bad and scandalous Practises , Bring all true Arts , and learning in Contempt . But let not your high thoughts descend so lowe , As these despised Obiects ; Let them fall , With their flat groueling Soules : Be you your selues . And as with our best fauours you stand crownd : So let your mutuall loues be still renownd . Enuy will dwell , where there is want of Merit , Though the deseruing man should cracke his Spirit . CANTVS . BLVSH , Folly , Blush : here 's none that feares The wagging of an Asses Eares , Although a Wooluish case he weares . Detraction is but Basenesse Varlet ; And Apes are Apes , though cloth'd in Scarlet . Finis Actus quinti & vltimi . Exeunt . Rumpatur , quisquis rumpitur inuidia .
❧ To the Reader .

HERE ( Reader ) in place of the Epilogue , was meant to thee an Apology from the Author , with his reasons for the publishing of this booke : but ( since he is no lesse restrain'd , then thou depriu'd of it , by Authoritie ) hee praies thee to thinke charitably of what thou hast read , till thou maist heare him speake what hee hath written .

FINIS .