Epigrams and satyres: made by Richard Middleton of Yorke gentleman

EPIGRAMS and Satyres : Made by Richard Middleton of Yorke Gentleman .

Veritas odium parit . Stantifirmè , nullus lapsus .

LONDON , Printed by NICHOIAS OKES for IOSEPH HARISON dwelling at the signe of the Grey-hound in Pater Noster-Row . 1608.

To the Gentleman of condigne desert William Bellasses . TO patron more then truth hath here set forth And art in these insuing Epigrams Shall iustifie , I 'le not desire your worth ; My merit shal not cringe with bended hams To craue the censure of obstreperous tongues , To comprobate m'inulcerd innocence : What I haue writ imputed are no wrongs , But vnto such whose furie I 'le not dispence , Mildly to iudge or at the least dissemble , To attribute each Histerologie Vnto themselues and at surmises tremble , Iudging to be what they 'r not fit to be : For application now is growne a trade , And by construction , best the worst is made . But if you deeme my stile too petulant , ( Outstripping th'limits of chast modesty ) Or think mine elate verse too insolent , ( Shrouding great mens crimes in dishonestie . ) Thinke that the passion to describe the error Of such apparant mischiefe , sweld in time , To a deformed Chaos , makes a terror In patientst breasts , much more in Satyres Ryme ; Therefore I draine the sinewes of inuention , To further length , then reason would admit , Yet rightly iudge my muse no reprehension , Can iustly merit ( so the best thinke fit ) Yet this I 'me bold , and will auerre it true To saie , my verse onely hath forme from you . RICHARD MIDDLETON .

EPIGRAMS . Ad Lectorem . IVdge as thou list , I do not craue thy fauor , To please my selfe , I haue imployd my labor . Yet if thou 'lt curteously thinke well of this , A second Booke shall mend , the first 's amisse . In Campalum . CAmpalus scornes my verse ; and what care I ? I scorne him too , if he scorne Poetrie . In Ebrium . NOw do I wish that the Aegyptians order Might be obserued in our drunke disorder , That euery one might be inioynd to tie Vpon his head some bird or stinguing flie , Who with her biting or her musicke making Might keepe the drousie drunkard still awaking . For Ebrius lately drinking custome kept , Till drunke he fell i' the streets , and there he slept . In Promum . AS this world goes ther 's none are Gentlemen , But those who are inricht with the earths treasure ; The time hath brought Promus to honor then For he gets store of wealth by liquid measure . Marrie his gentrie stands in his apparell , And that 's drawne from the Ale-stand and beare barrell . I loue no lasse but Nany . In Moechos . IF from these words mens thoughts did not dissent , Each with his owne , full well would rest content : But when they sing , I loue no lasse but Nany , Their meaning is , they scorne not to loue any . In Mercatorem . MErcator turned bancke'rupt of late , But t was in policie to vphold his state : For had he payd his creditors their due ( As by his bonds he was bound to deale true ) His wealth might cofferd be in a small roome , Or else himselfe laide low in earthly tombe ; But by forswearing he did purchase store , And by his vsurie , still augments it more . T is a damn'd time when villaines periurie , Begins their states and stands with vsurie . In Longatum . LOngato amorous in his Maias eie Praied her for a spurt of venerie , Consenting she his art'rizde strunt he drew , And to'es venereous game he hastily flew . Hastily begun ; but th'end was not in haste : For two long houres Longato spent in waste Ere the distilling ardor of his reines , Bedewd his Maias lust in satiate veines . In Eundem . MAias forsake Longatoes profred loue , For drunke of late , he swore no womand kinde , Should him vnto lasciuious habit moue : And then the drunk-proud-foole , waxed so kinde He like a Catamite , kist all men about him , While they laught at his follie and did flout him . In Eundem . LOngato is growne stout , I cannot blame him , For two houres lustfull combate cannot tame him . But he is proud I guesse the reason whie , His sundrie Punques manage his brauerie , For not the bare fees of a purseuant Maintaine his riot ; no his saliant . Insulting pace hath other pathes in store , And tracts his gaines from many a common whore . In Eundem . MAias faire sonne , charm'd Argus hundred eies , But proud Longato charmes not Maias thighes . For worse then Argus eies they 'le still be waking Till eies , thighes , lust , do fall a sleepe with shaking . In Eundem . LOogato'es proude , he scornes to drinke with me , I 'le be proud too , I scorne to write of thee . In Causidicum . TWo neighbors dwelling both within one towne , At discord fell about a patched groune . And were so wilfull bent no friends aduice , Should end their suit , but onely lawes deuice . Intending thus to worke each others end , They commence suit and toward London wend Trauailing along , one of them haps to finde A nutte shckt off the tree by Autumnes winde . The other seeing him stoope to the ground , Cride halfe of that , his neighbour there had found , Which he denide , and said , though t were a strawe Ere he would giue him halfe heele tri'te by lawe . But at the last , th agreed he shoud haue it To whom after aduice the Lawyer gaue it ; The nutte was kept vnshalde : and on they goe : Vnto the lawyer , whom in briefe they showe How by the way they found a nutte , and hee Should hau 't to whom his worship would decree ; The laweyr cald to see the nutte , ( and as These neigbours told the matter that did passe ) The craftie Lawyer crackt the shell in twaine Eate vp the kernell ; and in pleasant vaine , Vnto each of these clients that hop'de well He distributed equall halfe a shell . This being done seeing they were deluded , They greeu'd in minde , and twix't themselues concluded ; To leaue the lawe : for though they tooke all paines Causidicus would sure haue all the gaines ; For by this action they did vnderstand The profits of their suits came to his hand . Then taking leaue of him meriely they said , This casting deed of yours , wise hath vs made ; The kernell you haue eate , and the shell nowe ( A fitt fee for your cause ) we giue to you . Come neighbour wee 'le be friends , our suits are ended A nutte is better lost then money spended . Were Lawyers still vs'd thus , they might weare gownes As totterd third-bare , as Friers shauen crownes . In Debanum . FOure-eid Debanus with surueying care Lookes earnestly at a rebellious haire , Intending to correct th'insultnig growth Of that rebellions branch , when in good sooth , The Gentleman with two eies on the stoole , Perceiues foure-ei'd Debanus is a foole , To let his owne affect swimme in high tide ; To drowne himselfe in a presumptuous pride . In Maiam . MAia of late is turned Polititian , And Laticero an Arithmetician ; In her erected front none can espie The littlest type of her dishonestie . Yet Laticero ( who knowes well her guise ) Counts sixty times hath beene betweene her thighes . And from himselfe by one can multiply , With twentie she hath vs'de lusts propertie . Thus Maia cannot keep her selfe to one ; But lies with any ere she lie alone . In Eandem . MAia doth sweare shee 'le be no more a punke , But when she swore so , surely she was drunke ; Shee 's maried to a priest ( most tall of limme ) What will she be when she doth cuckold him ? In Oenophilum . FLat pancht Oenophilus doth affect my rime , And thinkes them not much diffrent from the time . But know you how he got his cens'ring wit ? From the wine hogshead he exhausted it . In Vaginiam . VAginius changeth good points into bad , Such as his friends do wish he neuer had ; His trade he changeth into idlenes , Humilitie into disdainefulnes : Ciuility to prodigality , And to disorder his formality . So that of all points that himselfe hath made , He keepes not one point to maintaine his trade : That if he turne not from his loitery , Hee 'le turne himselfe to 'th point of beggerie . In Puriam . AT cards and dice Puria could neuer win , Therefore she loues no game but blunt pushpin . In Parcum & Prodigum . A Braule did grow twixt parcall vsurie And profuse riot , void of strangurie , Th' one termd retentiue vice , frugalitie : The other his gentlemans qualitie . Words grew so hot , that neither each forbeares , But closely fall together by the eares ; Old father pukfist , knits his arteries , First strikes , then railes on Riots villanies . Prodigus againe , sweares by the thing not euill , Ere he turne vsurer he will turne a deuill . But had I there beene vmpeer in the fray , The Diuell should then , haue Vsurie snatcht away . In Belum . BElus the iustice knight is verie wise , And in his iudgments , words and acts precise , In causes of huge moment and import ; He 'le not presume to deale in any sort : As leuying our Monarchs subsidies Taxes , tenthes , fifteenes and such seruices ; But hee 's the fittest man in knightly-rage To make a seruant content with her wage : Which if she should refuse , this is his way , He doth command she sit in stockes all day . Thus Belus ( wisely ) in small faults doth prie , And let s great matters of the law slip by . But the truth is , Belus hath so small wit , That for small matters , he is onely fit . In Eundem . BElus hath purchased store of landes of late , Now let him purchase wit to stusse his pate . In Eundem . Had Ieroboam liued in these daies , Intending to erect Idolatrie , Two golden calues in Bethel he might raise , Without expenses of kis treasurie . And male and female framed in their kind , So huge a paire a man can hardly finde . More honoured in the countrie for their goodes , Then Ieroboams calues in Bethel woodes . In Conitium . INto a brothell house Conitius turned , But he came home after his pricke was burned . In Eundem . COmitius like a common hunted fox , Is craftie now , since he possest the pox , And sweares hee 'le vse his wife and go no more , Into the hot concauitie of a whore . Trust him who list , not I , let him forsweare'em He can as well be hanged as forbeare'em In Salternum . SKipiacke Salternus in his mysterie . Is verie proud through peoples flatterie And dauncing well he likewise thinkes his sense Can manage matters of huge consequence : Therefore he apts his tongue to talke as round , As he doth frame his legges to musickes sound . But trust me by good proofe , his talke is such As plainly shewes he loues to talke too much . In Tunacum . TUnacus bad a feast , but stole away , And left his bidden guestes the shot to pay . In Eundem . O Hatefull ! Tunachus in his proud state , Esteemes them abiects whose vnworthy fate , Hath throwne them lowe , and in a scornd disdaine , Thinkes God cannot reare vp their state againe ; Thou worst of earth , and worst of the earths nought , Bane to thy state , for fostering such a thought : Thinkes thou thy basenes ( shrouded in proud weedes ) Appeares not to the world by thy loath'd deedes ? Assure they selfe they do , and thy blunt pen ( That makes thee swagger , so mongst gentlemen ) Maintaines not thy proud state : for who so lookes Shall find thee fettred in the mercers bookes . In Theosiluum . ANd whither is she fled ? or in what place Hath pure Religion coupt her selfe from men ? That now she dare not manifest her face , But like a shadow comes and goes agen ? I shadow like she comes and therefore dead : For seeming pietie hath vsurpt her stead . Suruey the doctrine of the learndst diuines , And if their actions with their fawes agree , Religion then those heauenly breastes confines ; And from all publike scandall euer free . Ah! but their liues are euill , and yet we dare not Speake what we know , yet truth must speake and spare not . DId Theosiluus in his house reteine , A modest matrone chastfully appearing ? And was she not let bloud in such a veine That Theosiluus his discredit fearing , Would in connubio iungere this maid Vnto his man , who bobd her as t' was said ? BVt ( wisdome ) he refus'd ; thus ruminating If sociali lecto I adioine This others tried stuffe , some will be prating It was in conscience , cause the fact was mine . No I refuse her , time it selfe shall trie , Who was the author of this bastardie . THis ( wit ) the man cleared a huge suspition , Of the supposed crime ; then iudge I pray , How nere the master was to lusts condition ; Being in the house no other males but they . Yet the most earn'st professors of the truth , May somtime swarue , and play a tricke of youth ; Then Theosiluus be not dismaid a whit , Lust made th'offence , though thou bear'st blame for it . In Torrum . CAuse Torrus wants a beard , at the first sight , A man supposd him an hermaphrodite : Admiring that his statures corpulencie , Should of beard-haires , haue such great indigencie . Yet though he want his beard I knew time when , That Torrus bearded twentie proper men . In Vesicanum . WHat 's he ? who ? you great man so corpulent , That he may seeme to beare the firmament vpon his shoulders ; Oh let him alone , He once was counted vertuous and knowne : For gentle , courtuous and affable , That few to him might haue beene comparable . But since that damned fiend Longatoes pride Possest his breast all vertue set aside , Learning abandond , he falles now a bouzing , And hath no other ioy but in carouzing : So that thereby this credit he hath won Grosse as a hog to be , round as a tun . In Macrum . MAacer plaies well at bowles , but he hath lost As much as twentie vniust pardons cost . In Macrum . MAcer is leane , yet fats himselfe with gold , What he vniustly doth is not controld : He sues a pardon for a murthrers life , The strangler of her husband ( accurst wife ) And hangs the pilfring theefe whom pouerty Drew headlong into thefts enormity . Gold she gaue Macer , said she would amend , Words , he gaue Macer , brought him to his end . Iustice farewell , Iniustice I imbrace thee , I will turne statesman , all I can I 'le grace thee . In Flaminios . FAire plants most like good fruit to haue brought forth , Had not your pride diminished your worth ; Yet though your wealth and statures be so high , Your pride doth merit lasting infamie . In Histrionanum . WHat seruice Histrionanus goes about , T is for his masters credit out of doubt : If he and all his raggamuffins sect , Out of the ssumme of cities rogue select , In the high time of Sermon do frequent His maisters cellers , and incontinent Gulpe vp a hogshead of fresh double beare ( That some to beare themselues do stand in feare ) Yet Histrionanus doubteth not to say , T is his lords credit they go drunke away . Nay if he harbour with a whore all night , T is his Lords credit he will sweare outright . Thus while his masters credit he would win ; He wrackes his owne , for none will credit him . In Fabritium . HIs Sire a drunken smith his trade began , And yet his sonne must be a gentleman . Fabritius I could well endure thy name , So thou hadst vertue to confirme the same . But ( las ! ) what gentrie can there rest in thee , When base affects iumpe best with thy degree ? In Virunam . TRust me Viruna , I am greeu'd at thee , Thou wouldst so wilfull lose thy memorie , To exempt none at all from a whores name , When thou hast oft beene branded with the shame . But ( if I do not iudge amisse ) I deeme , As th' art thy selfe , others thou dost esteeme . In Nosyrum . WHen one trade failes Nosyrus doth begin , To vse another for his gaine therein . As first the taylors nimming occupation He hath abandond ; and in derogation Of that fooles loftie trade , he hath betooke Himselfe a broker ; in each merchants booke Hee 's registred to take vp sundrie wares ; For gentlemen ( wherein he wants no shares : ) For by his intercourse betweene them both ; Both he deceiues , or else he would be loath . And his last trade , an office must be cald , Is catching men , a Sergeant hee 's instald . Now would I know if any man can tell , For which of these sinnes must he go to hell , Stealing , deceit , or wilfull periurie , In Tailers , Brokers , or in Sergeants fee . In Eundem . IF Tailers , Brokers , Sergeants trades should faile , What would Nosyrus do to get his liuing ? Or in what office might he best preuaile , For his most gaine , that men might still be giuing ? Then this I guesse ( if he do not abhorre it ) To turne promoter hee 's a fit man for it . In the three last we may finde as much euill , As seuerall temptations in the deuill . As dangerous to this our common wealth , As Aconitum to a sound mans health . In Glabreum . GLabreus of late lay with a common whore , But now he sweares , hee 'le iogge wit her no more : Cause to his labour she did adde this mead , That time by time his haire fell from his head . In Eundem . GLabreus , in age , thou needes not feare haires fall ; For happy thou in youth thou lost it all . In Causidicum & Medicum . CAusidicus hast thou no eies to see , Pompilia reuell in her luxurie ? Shall Medicus vsurpe thy nuptiall bed : And plant brow-antlers on thy secure head ? Shall the dumbe trees on Helicons greene bankes , Beare record thou art randg'd in cuckolds ranckes ? By a slim'd veniall ? for shaine abhorre him , None but lasciuious appetites cares for him . But do as th'wilt , wer 't my case as t is thine , ' Should giue no glysters more to me nor mine . In eosdem . THe Lawyer and Physition do agree Almost both one in liuings sympathie ; The one by peoples pride , strife and disdaine , Th' other by riotous surfets gets his gaine . But in this case they both iumpe without strife , That they both lodge with one lasciuious wife . In Dollabellam . SIgnior Pancrates in his sapience , Saith this word Pulchritude is no eloquence . Now to approue my rime in making verses , A tale of Dollabella he rehearses . He saith Dollabella is so big , And so imbost with fat of swine and pig , That he cannot with hands superiors Remoue the excrements from his posteriors . Therefore Pancrates said , this fat grosse hog , Is still associate with a little dog ; who when his master walkes to Aiax seat , T'auoid the superfluity of his meat , Duely attends ( said he ) and is so kinde , Lickes with his tongue the excrements behinde But if his dogge be absent , what is then ? He will not call his maides or seruing men ; To spunge the place ; but ( in a cunning kind ) A stake hard by the priuie you shall finde Couered with cloth , standing some halfe yeard high , Whereon he purges his concauity : And stooping downe towards the stifned stake , With cloth thereon his taile he cleane doth make . This did Pancrates say , then blame not me , I made but th'rime , let him the author be . In Messalum . IF thatt he Spartanes law had beene in quest ( A naked man a naked maide possest , That each by others eie might choose their loue , And to the sight limbes correspondence proue ) Then had not Messalus beene so beguild To wed a woman seuen moneths gon with child . And to haue hornes the first day he was wed , Of that times growth clapt close vnto his head . In Foeneratorem . OLd Foenerator is so miserable , That with his vsurie he will keep no table : But all day long scouring his swords from rust , He gnawes the sinewes of some offell crust . Marrie t is proper to himselfe , for he gnawes Th'artries of men by his extorting lawes . That if he leaue not gnawing , t is in doubt The fiend will gnaw his bones , within and out . In Fraudento . FRaudento is retired from the warre , Honorable much without a wound or searre ? Marrie his tatterd clothes he came home in , Witnes d th'indur'd the skirmishes for him . In Eundem . GO to Marcella now , and let her know What a great change trauaile hath brought thee too In learning cleane conueiance and much more Skilfull to runne , then thou wast heretofore . And bid her not mistrust to go with thee ; But haue an eye the prentise doe not see . In Tertiam . TErtia doth call me base and so is she , None but base pride scornes honourd poetrie : She 'le not dispence forsooth at all with me Thought she my verse wrapt her in infamy : Yet greatly feares my Lintius sighted muse Should spie the fault she commonly doth vse . And troth she need not feare me t' is well seene , Long from her husband she di●●oynd hath beene . In Spuriam . IN this proud age a nettle-bush ( spruce lasse ) Bastard by nature's maried to an asse . Now let the Genelogist calculate . How much the offspring will degenerate . Ad Lectorem . IF any thinke that he who writ this verse , Is clog'd with more faults then he can rehearse , Gain'st any of them whom his exasprat pen Hath sleightly toucht , let them know this in men : Ther 's emulating spirits that enuie The prospering height of others dignitie ; And yet mistake me not , I meane not them That by condigne desert aduance their fame . Macerated enuie scarce speakes ill of those , Whom vertues selfe with honour doth inclose . But when the muck-hill rascall ouerspread With heapes of vice on his presumptuous head , Dons such a vizard t' out face villanie , And sets defiance at blacke infamie , Thinking his greatnes can out swai's offence , T is he , with whom my muse will not dispence . Then let all such as know their faults herein , Refraine their common appetite of sinne : For let them thinke no credit they shall get , By blaming th'author in reuealing it . And in conclusion thus ; ( excepting none ) Mend each of you your selues , and hee 'le mend one . FINIS .

Times Metamorphosis .

Made by Richard Middleton .

Imprinted at London 1608.

TIMES METAMORPHOSIS . OR Tempora mutantur & nos mutamur in illis . OVID thy writ is true ; times changed then , But much more now amongst this race of men . Are not times chang'd when Caius progeny Can flash it out in courtlike gallantrie , Sweare , but precisely , talke demurely too ? Not as his pleading father wont to doo , To make his ieering voice sound in the eares Of 's clients , iudges ; no , Equestre feares To attempt ought , vnworthy the degree Of his new knight-hood , staine to gentrie . But is 't not strange his thoughts should so aspire To put in execution his desire Euen in the birth of his minoritie To mount himselfe in pride and iollity . And closely with his two associates ; Adioyne themselues in company of states , And by insinuation purchase that Which some as they vnworthily haue got ? Equestro , th' art a knight , I l'e not conceale it , But many men coniecture thou didst steale it . Th' art chang'd with time , and time doth change with thee Thy knighthoodes old , time alter that degree ; For now a man of better worth then thou , Would rather l●ue as his then thou art now , Cause such as thou dishonorest that name , Whilome an honour , now a publique shame . Our worthy poets ( Inginers of wit ) Pourtray these knights in colours ; what for fit ? But to be represented on a stage By the shanke buskind actors , who presage , A death of gentlemen , plentie of knights ; Fit for the stewes , but farre vnfit for fights . Time changes ho ! when lisping ●asoim Is turn'd venerian lasciuious ; Sequestring often his expected sight , From company of 's wife louely delight , And riot with a Senators choyce loue , Swagger whole nights : Cassius do not disproue This axiome , which Phocylides writ thus , Veneris nouitas , auget dedocus . Doest thou blush Casaius ? then I will forbeare To whip thee further : for I do not feare But there is hope in thee , thou wilt amend : When all thy losse is knowne that thou didst spend . What ? sinstering Syluio , thou art chang'd with time : An therefore subiect to a criticke rime . But thou art sad , what is the matter man , Thou art so tug'd with greefe and woe began ? Is it because thy Giant is inclos'd In Barathrum t'imprisonment expos'd ? ●et that not grieue thee , thou wilt keepe thy lands Aswell as Briareus with his hundred hands . So thou but keep thy two hands from the dice , Body from drabs , faith follow mine aduice . What grinning now ? then I haue angred thee ; What not ? O then I spie the knauerie . Thy iealous wife is growne suspitious , And feeles thou art not so luxurious Toward her selfe as thou wert wont to be : And therefore Hic & vbique followes thee . Now I haue hit it , there s the bitter gall That makes thee , drunkard , beast and prodigall . Mounsieur Liberio how hath time changed you ? You are not at Ierusalem or now , But by your swartie visage , French aspect ( According to a vulgar intellect ) You haue saluted tawnie Africa , Or beene in confines of faire Syria . How do the Pagans now in Palestine ? You cannot tell , beyond France transalpine You did not march ; O now I smell a fox , France to hot , and there you caught the — There you lay sicke , and at your backe returning Of wonders did you tell , not of your burning And gaue it out at euery ordinarie Thou wouldst be maried to a votarie . For which deserts ( meriting all mens praise ) Thou wert d●●d knight ( a scandall in these daies . ) How hast thou paid the Costermongers lasse For codlings , and thy fruit ? ha● you guld asle Leaue off thy ●eering , she must needes haue money , Follow him wench ( hath watko ) in the coney . Hee 'le pay thee all , or else hee 'le pawne his raiment . But th'wench is sent away without her paiment . Fie , fie , Liberio , thou hadst ill respect , To vndertake what thou couldst not effect . But time may change thy minde and thou maist hem With measuring pace , earthly Ierusalem . PUlchrius , th' art chang'd a lad but yesterday , Clad in a homely suit of russet gray : Vailing thy bonnet to thy fathers groome , Doing obeysance to each seruile clowne ; But now , crept into Lords affinitie : And linked in a noble progenie . And since your mariage in that worthy state , Your pristine equals you disdaine with hate . Dost thou start Pulchrius ? do not slinke away , Hearke what th'apothecaries man doth say , Nay , pray you slay . I iudge that by his looke , Th' art deeply fetterd in his masters booke . Good morrow to your worship Pulchrius , Here is a note but not contagious Vnto your worships state , where you may know What for Tobacco , what for pipes you owe . What is the summe ? twentie four shillings sir , ' Zblood , but a trifle , how you keepe a stir : I 'le pay you all , be it as much and more . Pu●chrius for shame discharge this ancient score . How , can you not the vigor of your purse , Cannot so large a quantitie disburse . Then I percen●e by thee , the best may want , Money with 〈◇〉 as beggers is as 〈◇〉 . BArbato , I salute thee , how dost man ? What silent , mute , or sullen ? I do scan , Thine adle-headed braine is studying About precisenesse , or else versifying . Why dost thou weare this beard ? each common iade Can iest at it ; sh'art I do thinke t' was made To stop the entrals of some empty Cushion , Therfore snapt off , t' is cleane worn out offashion But thou dost thinke it shewes thy grauity , And actuates thy skill in poetry . A Poet said I ? I haue heard it often , That thou didst scandalize some Gentlewomen . Making a catalogue to describe their natures And dim the vertues of those choicest creatures . How fare our London Poets ? thou wast there , But smallest profit came vnto thy share : Thou couldst not frame the leuell of thy sense To architect their verse ; therefore from thence Thou camst to Yorke , and liuest as thou was , A selfe-conceited foole , a silly asse . Th' art chang'd with time , & I may iudge with it , The grauest Beardmen haue not greatest wit . HOw hath time chang'd Siguior Collegio , Mounsieur precision Academico . That he is glewd to his apparell so , One knowes not whether he doth stand or go : He neuer walkes without a speciall grace . Obserued in decorum of his pace . And by 's behauiour one may well espie , Collegio doth intend to sanctifie Th' exterior shew ; therefore to his estate , He ioines Barbato his assotiate . In the Cathedral middle spacious walke , These two must often commune there & talke : But what their conference is , that know not I , Yet I may guesse , to some conformity It tends , of outward action in behauiour How to salute with the most easiest labour As thus to bend , t'oncouer mutter words , That sense to them , no sound to vs affords : Or ( which more liklier is ) how to get glory , And good-esteeme of men , by seeming holy . Wherein if these precisions should haue praise , Time must needs change as odious to these daies . Luscus th' art chang'd , thy voice ( me thinke ) is changing , By haunting femals , and by often ranging Into their forests ; Yorke can witnesse rightly , To what Saints shrine thou paies deuotion nightly . For thee I scorne my eternizing pen , Should range thee in this rancke of gentlemen : But that I meane to shew by verse and art , What a proud foole , a painted asse thou art , The base dependant of a noble man , If he can purchase but an old satten suit In 's owne surmise hee 's straight a gentleman But his opinion I can well confute : For Robert Greene doth say and wisely scan , A veluet slop makes not a Gentleman . Then this dependant wheresoer'e he passes , shall be esteem'd amongst the rancke of asses . I Marry Sir , what Sapientio ? How hath time changed you , that thus you go Clad in these costly suites ? not answere me ? Then I perceiue th' art proud , O loath'd degree , When that which nature did prouide To cloath vs with , should be the meanes of pride ! So haue I seene a muck-hill ouerspread With tapestry , whereon a Prince should tread : The tapestrie remou'd , t was then perceiu'd To be a muck-hill , and mens sights deceiu'd Like thee Apolloes image once was clad With raiment , iewels , which the Tyrant had . Yelipped Dionysius ; O saith he , This garment is too much to warme for thee , In the estiuall of a sultring heat : So wert thou stripped of thy garments neat , And cloath'd as thou deserud'st , then as it was Th'wouldst look most like an image of cold brasse : Num , sensles , dumbe , without accomplishment , Not meet to weare such proud accoustrement . Art thou oblidg'd in duty , to some trull , Thou 'lt change thy selfe to such a seruile gull , To weare a nitty looke of sulphred haire , And let it spread and dandle in the aire ? For shame scorcht off like Dionysius , Let not the Barber see so monsterous , Sovgly a deformity in man , That beares the title of a Christian . I pray thee speake , what wearst it for ? I see Thou hast surueid the English History Of our S. George and Beuis ; and because These two did dam and stop the greedy mawes Of Lions , with the fleeces of their haire It therefore seemes in immitating care , Thou dost allude to them ; O foolish vaine : When thou wilt make that habit a disdaine , Which God gaue man for his chiefe ornament , Making him image of his gouernment . Then change it , cut it off , for it may eath , Grow to such length , as may choak vp thy breath . IAno is chang'd from a Christmas stage , Whereon he plaid a Louer that in rage Did stab himselfe , vnto a husband now , Pressing a palme , and making it to bow : T' is knowne , although a palme supprest with waight , Laid flat vpon the ground , and nere so straight ; Yet the more prest , the more it yeelds againe , Still mounting vpward ; This is Zanoes paine : Let him waigh nere so heauy , this palme bow , Iearkes vpward still , Zano thou must allow This Axiome : thou wilt presse the palm so long , Thou l't weak thy selfe , & make the bow more strong . Art thou at leasure Zano ? prethee then Tell how thou stolist thy wife : these gentlemen Would gladly heare it : and you be so scornfull , I wish thy gadding wife may make thee hornful . Trust her not Zano , she may chance deceiue thee And as she ran with thee , like she may leaue thee . I do much feare continuance of affect , Grounded vpon no worth modest respect , But on a womans lustfull appetite , Heat of luxurious bloud affection light , That on nights prospect of spruce Zanoes play , Should make her loue him so to run away With this transformed counterfait . Strange age , When women choose their husbands on the stage : But time hath wrought this change , by this we proue . Women as men , brooke no delay in loue . KInseman to Englands King , the eleuenth by name , After Brutes landing on this chalkie frame Of Albions Isle ( founder of Leicester towne ) How canst thou frame thy selfe vnto the gowne , And flat-cap ; come demonstrat now some case , T'wixt Iohn an oake , and Iohn at stile , your place Or wit at lest cannot resolue this doubt Who enters next in taile , lease date being out ? Pardon . Centurio , a mistaking sinne , I tooke you for a student of Graies Inne . But I haue chang'd my minde , no student now , A Gentleman transformd , I know not how . This sable sute of rash semblable cloake , Keepes no fit method , with a rapiers stroake . What so soone chang'd and all vpon my words ? T is well your state such change of sutes affords . Now maiest thou reuell with Mauritius loue , Absent and present , and yet neuer proue The subiect to a Poets lacerating In a blancke verse ; since thy degenerating Is now conformable , strut with a stedfast ham , And scorne the drenching of an Epigram . TIme changeth yet , behold Ridentius The Poet that hath been so fabulous Vnto the people ; sir why did y'imploy , Your Cambridge wits vpon so base a toy , As were the Commedy , and Tragedy , Which the spectators iudge most worthily To be your folly ? but your fluent wit , Could not containe it selfe within the limit Of his circumference , then in verity , It belched out the dregs of Poetry . Tut feare not man , be not discouraged , Had but thy seuerall plaies be managed With skilfull actors , they had beene thy praise , Where now they 'r mention'd vnto thy disgrace . Calumnious spirits who maligne thy worth Are those that do diuulge thy follies forth . Scandals are common now , opprobrious tongues Are bufied still to charge best men with wrongs . Come let s consult , shall we not haue a place 'Gainst Christs natiuity ? tut man say not nay Let not thy learned nurse be silent most When it should gaine the credit it hath lost Let stupid wits coope vp their patched verse , Let time obscure their works , no tongue rehearse The Stanzaes of their forc'd inuention , But thine late subiect vnto reprehension . Discharge from thy free cell , tut let 'em flee , Worse then they were , in faith they cannot be . There were some libels cast to scandalize ( Fetcht from the dungeon of a bare deuise ) Thy workes inuention and thine apish action To raile vpon ; these were the giddy fashion Of spirits turbulent , that thought to raise A cloud , to dim the sun-shine of thy praise . There was another schedule writ , but more , Much more surpassing those that went before . Then the'xpert Souldier trained to the wars Doth the vnskilfull . I had a sight out now if my memory Faile not my meaning , heres the mystery . Kisaes new fashions , Kisus cal'd may be : For th●asse that writ it , is a reeling Babie : He and the actors of this Comedy Do spill their Barmy wits in soppery : But t is no matter how the Scene doth passe , Th'actors are asses , and the author asse , After the Scene is laught at in the hall , The booke would serue stop mustard pots withall : For in this stile , no method is or sense , Thereforet ' is tedious to the Audience . GRaccius th' art chang'd indeed , and t is not strange , In thee to see so often wauering change . First priuate man , next a faire Ladies spouze , Supposed Moechus wandering curre to rouze The tamest Deere , next turning Caualeere To swagger , carp , confure , raile , domineere In euery ordinary , and from his loud pheere To sequester himselfe oft in the yeere . Graccius how art thou chang'd since she is dead With whom vnworthy thou didst couch in bed ? Marry vnto the Tyrants brazen bull Of Agrigentine , which being crammed full Of humane corps , did roare with such a maine , As though it sensles felt , yet felt no paine : So thou full gorg'd with wine , begins to brall In scornd disdaine , and fearelesly to call This man a leaden asse , and this a dolt , This a most simple gull , this a wild colt . And with such calling speeches , scurrill iests , Thou makest musick at their solemnst fests : But would the Gentiles be aduis'd by me , They should so canuas thy scurrillity , That thou durst neuer once presume to name An honest spirit to a publike shame : But they are wiser , knowing when th' art full With cups of wine , to bellow like the Bull . A Great change , behold Calphurnius , The Poet that hath beene ridiculous For 's misbehauiour ; how now man , what newes ? What stir in Ireland ? do the kerne refuse To become subiect , do the rugged slaues Continue ( as they wont ) rebellious knaues ? Prethee recite , or let thy muse relate , Thou bearst a register , within this pate Of pristine acts : they say that thou canst write , Much like a Poet critike , and indite Most Clearkly ; I'S t not true ? Most true indeed : I thanke m'inspiring Genius , for a need , I le summon vp the subiect of my wit , And inact wonders with a ryming fit . Faith mad-caps , if I do vncase my pen To write the basest subiects ; what will then Insue ? I 'le dim the brightnesse of the skie With pithy verses of my poetry . But I am mute , let other Poets rage , I keep my studies for a publike stage : Yet must my wit conteine it selfe in bounds , Lest ( Acteon-like ) it feed his owne deaths hounds . T is well ( Calphurnius ) I see thou art wise , Thou 'lt not diuulge th'ingenious mysteries Mongst guls , these iron-witted Plebeians , These rustike animals Stercorians . Conteine thy selfe , let not each seruile swaine Hug thee within his armes , and drink the gaine . Leaue but thy guzling , and abandon pots , Thou 'lt make an hundred of our Poets sots . Trust me Calphurnius I affect thee much , And if thou prou'st me , thou shalt find me touch . Duely vse company apt for thy degree : And all thy fault shall rest conceald for me . TIme Changeth still , and we are chang'd with time : And I haue chang'd the methode of my time To a more generall Criticke ; who can containe His patientst wit , within a silent straine , That sees Pandulphoes pride , Attourneies gowne , Waue with the wanton wind , himselfe a clowne , Swadled in selfe opinion , but in sense , ( If brought to proofe ) an infant ? get thee hence Pigmey-attourney , actor , Christmas plaier , I scorne to seat thee in my verses chaire . But what is he of such a brazen sense , Obiect opinion , duld with his offence . That sees and duely markes the vacillation Of Stadius mind , his vsury transmigration ? Fuluius lasciuious habit , pride and gesture ? Licinus periury ? Tatius pilfred vesture ? Pharmachus fain'd deuotion , fond precisenesse ? Pantalias lux'ry , and admired nicenesse ? Her fie , nay fie , away , what do you meane ? Thinke you my state , shal warrant me a Queane ? Who would not thinke that sees Flaminius brauling ? Quintius reuolted ? and Tarquinius falling From true religion : but that heauens great frame , Should scatter thunderbolts to ding the same Vnto eternall darknesse ? or that the earth Should euen haue swallowed all these at their birth : Who with their seuerall crimes are so wrapt in By times swift change , Sin is with them no Sin . I hate m'aspiring muse should once descend , To marke the base imploiment , or attend To character th'umors of Foenor Son , Strutting Fraudento ; whose impression , Is so far discrepant from medesty : As it is next to pride and foolery . I scorne to write of euery . Lawyers lad , Who like some of our new dubd Knights are clad And let with such presumption in the street , They 'le not vaile bonnet to the best they meet . Great change of time : O times impurity , When such base slaues assume gentility ! Yet for their pride & that doth bring thē loathing They 'r Aesops apes , trickt vp in costly cloathing Mongst whom being taught to daunce , maske , walke vpright , Wherein the lookers on tooke great delight . A learned Philosopher did scatter nuts , Then they left dauncing , fell to feed their guts : So these base off-springs , asses in their gestures , Painted like Apes , and images in their vestures , Do what they can , sweeten themselues with fumes . They 're but blacke crowes deckt with the peacocks plumes . ANd now at last , times Metamorphosis Concords now with my rymes Antiphrasis . A Satyr lately , now in mildie stile , I meditate and muse , and musing smile , To think how th'readers will conceit my verse , Wherein Paraphrased I do rehearse Times obiects , men in times conformity , Chang'd into villanous enormity . Saith one , he lackes his wits , and wants his senses To write of nothing , but of mens offences . O , saith another , he is too too plaine , He doth not vse a criticke Poets vaine : He describes men too large ; the third doth say , Then why should we , his harsh inuectiues way ? And troth , the last opinion in my sense Deserues best praise , why shold men take offence ? To read their owne intemprate vice portraide , When others to their teeth their faults vpbraid : But euery man will haue a seuerall censure , To wrest my verses with a false coniecture : 'Gainst the intention : No iudicious spirits , I enuy no man , or maligne their merits . Such bitter stinging gall was neuer mixt With purenesse of my stile : nor haue I fixt My humble muse , vpon so high a pin , That it should scourge the world , publish all 's sin This I protest , ( and I will stand vnto it ) T was no malignant fury made me do it : But t' was the reuolutions of these times , And mens retrogradians made these Rimes . FINIS .