Woman's wit, or, The lady in fashion a comedy acted at the Theatre Royal by His Majesties servants / written by C. Cibber. Cibber, Colley, 1671-1757. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription B20356 of text R29656 in the English Short Title Catalog. Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 262KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 45 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2018 B20356 Wing C4283 ocm 11185027

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 eng eebo Woman's wit, or, The lady in fashion : a comedy acted at the Theatre Royal by His Majesties servants / written by C. Cibber. Cibber, Colley, 1671-1757. 1697 90 42130 106 0 0 0 0 0 25.16 C The rate of 25.16 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the C category of texts with between 10 and 35 defects per 10,000 words. 2014-04 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2014-07 Sampled and proofread 2014-07 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2015-03 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

WOMANS WIT : OR , The Lady in Fashion .

A COMEDY .

Acted at the Theatre Royal .

BY His MAJESTY'S SERVANTS .

Written by C. CIBBER .

— Careat successibus opto ; Quisquis ab Eventu , Facta notanda putat . Ovid .

LONDON , Printed for John Sturton , at the Middle-Temple-Gate , in Fleestreet , 1697.

PLAYS Lately Publish'd , Timoleon , or the Revolution , a Tragi-Comedy . The Roman Bride , a Tragedy . The Old Batchelor , a Comedy , by Mr. Congreve . Love's a Jest , by Mr. Motte●x . Printed for J. Sturton .

THE PREFACE .

THIS Play not having answer'd the Ends of my Writing it , the Reader I presume may reasonably expect that ( according to Custom ) I shou'd endeavour to demonstrate that they who dislik'd it are either Fools , or Poets : Now my sole dependance being the Judgment of an Audience , 't were madness in me to provoke ' em . And I may with more safety , and less trouble , perswade 'em into a good opinion of their sense , than my own . 't is dangerous to Quarrel with a whole Town , as 't is difficult to please 'em ; there is no Appealing to Apollo's Court , after an Illegal Sentence from them , their Will is Law , and 't is but reasonable it shou'd be so , since they pay for their Power .

I am willing to stand to my Prayer in my Prologue , and to acknowledge it has had a Favourable Fate : I intended ( but I had some considerable Hinderances , which the Reader shall know presently ) to have made the Town some amends in this Play for their Extraordinary Favours to my First : For I am so far from that vanity of thinking my self Considerable enough to have receiv'd any Prejudice from my Enemies , that I am ready to acknowledge 't was want of Merit in the Play , not understanding in its Audience , that made it meet with no Kinder Reception . All I propose is to lay down some Excuses why it is not more deserving . But tho' I am ready to confess its defects , yet I wou'd willingly be thought able to mend them . My first Hindrance was my want of time ; for rather than lose a Winter ( the Profits of my other being so considerable ) I forc'd my self to invent a Fable : Now my first was Spontaneous , and consequently more easie : The one was the Kindly Product of my Fancy , this of my Judgment : ( I mean of that little judgment I have ) That was a Cherry gather'd in July ; this was meerly ripned by Artifice in April , 't will hardly admit of a Dispute , which must of consequence have the more Natural and Pleasing Taste .

Another Hindrance was my too nice observation of Regularity ( which tho' I pretend not exactly to have follow'd , yet perhaps I am something nearer than most of our late Comedies ) the Scene never breaking in any Act but the Third , and then not to an unreasonable distance , nor without a necessitous Occasion : The time I think is obviously comprehended in five Hours . But this Confinement is a great Hinderance to Variety of Incidents , which provided they are natural after they are brought in , I think may very reasonably divert us , without observing that strictness . And tho' I am ready to grant that a good Play is much the better for being Regular , yet on the other side , it must be allow'd a Double Art and Labour to make it both Regular and Diverting , and of the two , truly I don't see but men of the greatest sense had rather have their Fancies pleas'd , than their judgment ; and I can't help Wishing , tho' too late , that I had given a looser Rein to the former .

Another inconvenience was , that during the time of my Writing the two first Acts , I was entertain'd in the New Theatre , and of course prepar'd my Characters to the taste of those Actors , and they having the two most Experienc'd , I might there ( without discouraging the People of this House ) have expected a more Masterly Performance . In the middle of my Writing the Third Act , not liking my Station there , I return'd again to the Theatre Royal , and was then forc'd , as far as I cou'd with nature , to confine the Business of my Persons to the Capacity of different people , and not to miss the Advantage of Mr. Doggett's Excellent Action ; I prepar'd a low Character , which ( tho' I dare not recommend it to the Reader ) I knew from him cou'd not fail of Diverting ; I have seen him Play with more success I own , but ne're saw any Man wear a truer face of Nature ; and indeed the two last Acts were much better perform'd than I cou'd have propos'd in that other House ; the difference is only this , had it been there I had propos'd some Scenes more of a Piece with the former Acts : But however , the performance of the whole was better than my Expectation from so thin , and I may add so uncertain a Company : For we are no more sure of the Honest Endeavours of some that are Honestly paid , than they are of Bread when they leave us : I was forc'd to Write to the Mouths of those I knew wou'd speak as well as they cou'd , and not think themselves above Instruction : Every one did their best , and I thank 'em : But however a Fort is in a very poor condition , that ( in a time of General War ) has but an handful of Raw young Fellows to maintain it .

PROLOGUE . MOST Authors , when their barren Labours fail , Still let their secret Vanity prevail ; And when they 're damn'd by you , turn Wits , and rail . 't is not , say they , our writing well or ill , But as the Town 's i' th' mood , of damning still ; Sense , Humour , Wit , and Plot , tho' ne'er so nice , All take the Tincture from their vain Caprice : Their weak Digestion , and their Sickly Tast , Nauseates this Hour , what feasted 'em the last . Our generous Soul now 's of another Mind , He thinks you are to Mercy well inclin'd ; Show you a Beauty , and you 'll soon be kind . Nor do you care from whence the Charmer springs , Let her soft Voice but please you while she sings . By blest Experience this our Author knows , Tho' from the Stage his humble Muse arose . Your Approbation was so kindly shown , It swell'd so high , — you swore 't was not his own . But tho' it were , you still thought fit to spare The Tree , for what it might hereafter bear ; Nor damn'd the Poet for the worthless Player . This Thought confirms him , if he fails you now , He must his Fate to want of Merit owe , And thinks the greatest Merit is in pleasing you . You 'll pay him well , if you approve the Feast , And you are sure best Judges of your Tast ; If he can please — You 'll hardly starve him by a spiteful Fast . H● hopes the best , but does your Judgments trust , O● save , or damn his Play , he 'll think you Just .
THE EPILOGUE . Spoken by Miss CROSS . YOUR Servant Gentlemen , I am come to try What I can do to save this Comedy : 't were hard shou'd a refusal be my hap , When all I ask , is but a harmless clap . A single Critick I 'd not fear to mawle , A Look wou'd soon make one his doom recall ; But what am I ( poor thing ) among you all ? Well! I 'm engag'd i' th' Cause , and must go through it ; You are but Men , and therefore I 'll pursue it . I've heard there are some Ladies of the Stage , That cock their Eyes , and dare a Criticks Rage : Now I wou'd fain by gentle softness move you ; Ah! Jesu ! — How a clap wou'd make me love you . Beaux will be kind , I see it in their Features , They are of such tender , melting Natures ; Look now ! Were ever seen such lovely Creatures ? Heaven's ! How their Smiles become ' em ! O! such Graces ! I 'll swear a Frown wou'd spoil their pretty Faces . Dear Sirs be kind , and let this Play but pass , We 'll stop at nothing to deserve the Grace , We 'll hang our Stage all round with Looking-Glass .
The Persons . MEN. Mr. Harland . Mr. Cibber . Mr. Penkethman . Mr. Powel . Mr. Dogget . Mr. Smeaton .  
WOMEN. Mrs. Powel . Mrs. Knight . Mrs. Rogers . Mrs. Cibber .   Mrs. Kent . Servants and Waiters .  

The Scene St. James's , and the Time of Action , Five Hours .

Womans Wit : OR , THE Lady in Fashion .
ACT I.
SCENE , An Anti-Chamber . Enter Longville , in his Night-Gown , his Valet waiting . Lon .

LAguerre !

La .

Sir !

Lon .

Is my Sister stirring ?

La .

I saw her in the Garden above an hour a●● Sir , I ●elieve she is now in her Closet .

Lon .

Leave word with her Woman I am alone , and when she comes out , desire to speak with her . ( Exit Laguerre . ) I have observed of late , she has lost her Gaity , is much alone , and last Night , when I informed her of my Lord Lovemore's Constancy to the Ungrateful Leonora , she exrpess'd a soft Concern , that seem'd to flow from somewhat more than common Pitty . 't would trouble me to know she lov'd a Man , who every moment begs that Pitty from another , she wants from him ; a Man whose Virtues are his Ruine , who never doing ill himself , thinks it the highest Crime to doubt the Conduct of his Mistress . I have often strove to wake him from his Lethargy , and am still resolv'd while there is hopes , never to give him o're , About this time I expect to hear from him — Who 's there ?

Re-enter Laguerre . La .

Sir , my Lady will wait on You .

Lon .

't is well ! has no one been to speak with me this Morning ?

La .

Only Mr. Pertwitt , Sir , the Author of the last new Play , he has left his Dedication , and says , he will Dine with you .

Lon .

The Devil 's in that Fellow , I find it 's as Dangerous to say a Civil thing to a Dull Poet , as to an old Lady : For they are equally sure to libel your Judgment , by telling the World , you like both their Face and Fancy : When he comes give him Ten Guineas , and let me hear no more of him

Enter a Footman . Foot .

Sir , here is a Letter for you .

Lon .

Who brought it ?

Foot .

A Servant from Madam Olivia .

Lon .

Bid him stay . Exit Footman .

( Reads )

" I sha●l be in Town about Three a Clock ( if my Lady Manlove can spare you ) you will know where to find Olivia .

Kensington , Wednesday Morning .

If my L●dy Manlove can spare me ! so , if she grudges another my Company , 't is a sign that she has a mind to it : I 'le appoint her a Meeting , and laugh at her groundless Jealously : Nay , I know she wont spare her self , when she reflects how fair a Declaration she has made me . Exit ,

Enter Emilia , ( sola ) Emi .

Neither Devotion , Honour , Reason , Patience , or Complaint , can stop the Feaver of my distempered Thoughts : Dispair , and Love , like double Poysons , swell my Soul , yet with alternate heat and cold refuse to kill , and spightfully support a wretched Being ! — Was ever Maid thus cruelly Persu'd by an unhappy Passion ! To see the Man ador'd still Prostrate at my Rival's Feet , while her dissembled Coyness but inflames him more ! — They talk of Men's Dispair ! their Racks , and Tortures ! those are Pleasures , to the Torments of a Womans secret Love ! for they have still the priviledge of Speech , of soft Complaints , and dying Murmurs : But we , ( hard Fate ! ) are ev'n Condemned by Natures Laws , to an eternal Secrecy . For Love can never break the Prison of a Virgins-Breast , while Modesty and rigid Honour are its Jaylors . O Lovemore ! Why wert thou Born to wrong thy self , and ruine me ?

Enter Longville . Lon .

Sister , good morrow ! I have a Present for you , ( gives her a Writing ) — Laguerre . give this Letter to the Servant below . Exit Laguerre

Emi .

What 's here ? Pray Brother , double the Favour , and without giving me the trouble of a tedious Perusal , let me know the Contents of it .

Lon .

't is your Portion , Sister .

Emi .

My Portion ?

Lon .

't is true , my Father left you to my care , and by his Will , gave you Ten Thousand Pound , Provided , my Consent were not wanting to your Marriage : Now , I know , there must be an uneasiness , where there is the least confinement : Therefore to free you from all doubt , and that your fear of my consent may no way check your Inclinations , I here resign my interest in your Fortune ; when you can find a Man , whose Merit challenges your Esteem , or whose faithful Passion claims your Pitty , be lavish in your Gratitude , and Crown his wishes with your Bed and Fortune .

Emi .

In every thing , you show your self the best and kindest Brother still : But yet , I hope , 't will not displease you , if I return your Present : Marriage is a dangerous Journey ; Love 's a blind Guide , and those that follow him , too often loose their way , No! when I Love , it shall be with security , your Opinion shall first Encourage and Protect me .

Lon

But Love Emilia , is a Tyrant Absolute , and never waits for sawcy Council : The time may come , when you will wish your Fortune at your own disposal ! D 'ee believe it impossible you shu'd ever Love ?

Emi .

Ha! I am betray'd ! his Words , his Looks have quite disarmed me ! ( aside . ) Why Brother do you ask so strange a Question , that I shu'd ever Love ! You know I am a Woman , not cruel in my Nature , and have a Heart , which when you advise me to dispose , I shall not rather dye than part with it .

Lon .

And are you sure , you have not ? Did you never Love , Emilia ?

Emi .

That word has ruined me ! Oh never let me see the Day again ! ( aside . )

Lon .

Ha! she is disorder'd ! Then my fears are true : ( aside . ) Why are you surpris'd ? I charge you with no Guilt , Emilia .

Emi .

O! I beg you ask no more . ( turns away )

Lon .

Ha! No more ! nay , then I must have all ! Dear Emilia , think me not a Faithless Guardian , that wou'd take a base advantage of thy Love : Look on me as I am thy careful Brother , that thinks his Life no longer useful , than in serving thee : Nay , ev'n in thy Love I 'll serve thee , and hope 't is in my power too : Come , lay aside thy Fears , and reason calmly with me .

Emi .

Reason with you ! Why do you wish me plung'd in Deeper Misery ? For Reason ever sets a wild Dispair before me .

Lon .

Do not indulge these Melancholy Thoughts ; name me the Man , that thus disturbs thee ?

Emi .

Then indeed , you will pitty me ! — I owe my weakness to your nearest Friend .

Lon .

I think , my Lord Lov●more is my nearest !

Emi .

Indeed , he b●st deserves that Happiness .

Lon .

But such a Friend will never make my Sister wretched

Emi .

Al●● ! His Love , which su●e out weighs his Friendship , aims ●very hour to me 〈◇〉 anothe● happy .

Lon .

H●●●●ve , Emil●a , is grounded on your Rival's Virtue , and judge your self , how wea●●s that Foundation .

Emi .

I grant she is inconstant , loose , and dangerous , as the Sand ; yet , his Eye , the false Optick of his Love , presents her as a fixt unshaken Rock whereon he vows to build his Happiness .

Lon .

But I shall shortly turn the Friendly end o' th' Tube , and draw her failings nearer to his view : Of which this very day , I have engag'd to give him a clear convincing Prospect .

Emi .

Which way ; I beg you let me know ; for 't were a second Happiness not to see him wretched .

Lon .

Thus it is — In a Dispute yesterday with my Lord , concerning Leonora , I urg'd his weakness home , and laid her falshood clear before him . At length , my Friendly Arguments brought him to this Conclusion . About an hour hence by his free Consent , I am to visit her , and have leave to feign my self her Lover , and urge my Passion with all the seeming tenderness that Friendship can inspire , and if my Art can drag from her , the least acknowledgement of Love for me : Or but an ungenerous Contempt of his unwearied Constancy , he vows , his deep Resentment shou'd for ever tear her from his Heart .

Emi .

It has a Face , indeed ; but how will my Lord be witness of her Falshood .

Lon .

I have already Brib'd her Servant , who is to place him where , unseen , he shall both hear , and see it all .

Emi .

There 's Danger in the Attempt : Be wary Brother , for shou'd her artful Eyes ensnare you too , then I were doubly wretched .

Lon .

Nourish no such Fear , Emilia , I have a treble Guard upon my Heart , the baseness of her Soul , my own Honour , and a Sisters Peace .

Enter Laguerre . Lag .

Sir , my Lord Lovemore !

Emi .

Farewel ! I 'll study to deserve your Care : I dare not stay ; excuse me , lest my Guilt betray me .

Enter Lord Lovemore .

Brother , your Servant , I 'll leave you to your Business .

L. Lov.

We have none of that Consequence , Madam , to be preferr'd to your Company .

Emi .

My Lord ! I beg you will excuse me : I am in haste , 't is Chappel-time .

L. Lov.

't were a Sacriledge unpardonable , Madam , to hinder your Devotion , a Universal Blessing to the World .

Emi .

My Lord , your Servant . Exit Emilia .

L. Lov.

Your Sister , Charles , is a very agreeable Woman ; why don't you look out a Match for her , you are her Guardian .

Lon .

I have her Fortune to dispose of , my Lord : But not her Inclination , when she has chosen , I am ready to pay down the Mony .

L. Lov.

Her Mony may raise many a false pretended Passion , and young Women seldom want a little hardned Vanity to stamp it into Currant Love .

Lon .

I hope , my Lord , in a little time to give you a very fair Proof of her Judgment .

L. Lov.

Prithee , let me understand you .

Lon .

't is yet an Infant secret , in a Day or two it may speak plainer ; in the mean time , my Lord , how stands your Resolution towards my Design upon Leonora ?

L. Lov.

Faith , Charles , I have yet some scruples , but as they rise , my Confidence in thy Friendship still removes 'em : What time do you propose to visit her ? ( Looking on his Watch )

Lon .

Now this Morning .

L. Lov.

You will be too late 't is within half an hour of Twelve .

Lon .

Time enough ! We shall find her at her Toilet till two , I 'll warrant you .

L. Lov.

That 's scarce time enough to set your Peruke : For I suppose you design to Comb her into Compliance . A First Rate Beaux at least ? Do you consider how much time is requir'd in the making such an Animal ?

Lon .

Half an hour does it as well as half a score , Man .

L. Lov.

You wou'd be of another Opinion , if you were at my Lord Tiffle-Tops Levee .

Lon .

No , no! 't is not that his Lordship has occasion to employ half the the Morning at his Glass : But the soft Rogue can't part with his own Dear Image under six hours Admiration : For a powder'd Wig is as soon put on , as an Uncomb'd one : 't is not a fine Coat , but Affectation that makes a Fop : and that you know is a kind of Surtout , a Man may slip it over his Cloaths .

L. Lov.

Then you think a little Affectation will certainly Recommend you .

Lon .

Take the Boxes round upon the full third Day of a Favour'd Poet , you 'll scarce find three Beauties will allow you a Gentleman without it : I never knew your fine set up Woman of Quality , that did not spend three parts of her Life in studying the Art of Je-ne-scais-Quoyity !

Ld. Lov.

Well , I yet hope you are mistaken in Leonora : What you call Affectation , to me has always been the Height of Breeding , a Modest Freedom , an Agreeable Gayity , and an Invincible Coldness .

Lon .

I am sorry my Lord your Disease is so desperate , that nothing but the Exposing her can Cure you : For I own 't is much against my Nature to Triumph o're a Womans Weakness : But if Women are Weak , who shall Trust ' em ? And if I see my Friend in Danger , shall not I show the Snare prepar'd for him ?

Ld. Lov.

't was thus I had Excus'd you to my self before : But do you believe her false through Weakness , or Design ?

Lon .

O she wants no Wit , my Lord .

Ld. Lov.

How then do you propose to win her by an affected Passion , when my Sincerity cannot move her ?

Lon .

Your Sincerity never will my Lord : She is light by Nature , hates a Man that Preaches Virtue by Example , and shows the bareness of her Principles by the firmness of his own ; She loves a Wretch that Joyns with her in Vanity , your Gay Unthinking Spark , by the Comparison of whose Nonsense she admires her own Wit : Beside , I have some Reason to believe she likes me .

Ld. Lov.

What Reason ?

Lon .

By her publickly declaring an Aversion to me .

Ld. Lov.

She will not deny it to your Face I warrant you .

Enter a Footman . Foot .

Sir , my Lady Manlove is in a Chair below , and desires to know if you have any Company with you ?

Lon .

Though I am loath to trust my Person with her , I wou'd be civil to the Mother of your Mistress , my Lord : Desire her Ladyship to walk up , and tell her I am alone : It won't be amiss first to expose the Mothers Character ▪ ( aside ) This is the third Visit I have had from her this week , my Lord .

Lord Lov.

How came you so intimate ?

Lon .

One day unfortunately commending the fulness of her Eye , or so , she cou'd not rest till she had taken me aside to ask me , if my Designs were Honourable ? And ever since she is eternally labouring to convince me , that she has no real Aversion to Matrimony .

Ld. Lov.

You see what 't is to be Complaisant , Charles .

Lon .

If you step into that Closet my Lord , perhaps you may over-hear something that will surprize you ; however , your time won't be lost , there lyes a Milton upon the Table .

Ld. Lov.

You 'll oblige me .

Lon .

Here she comes ! away my Lord . [ Ld Lov. goes into the Closet . ]

Enter Lady Man-love . Lon .

Madam ! Your most humble Servant , this is an unexpected Favour .

L Ma.

Why a Favour Sir ! D 'ee think I 'll ever grant a Favour to any Man . I 'll swear we Women of Quality had need live lock'd up in a Closet , if we wou'd avoid Scandal . Can't one pay an harmeless Visit , but you must immediately conclude one designs you a Favour , I vow to Gad I came with a design to b● , a Favour o● you .

Lon .

't is a Favour Madam , that you will make use on me :

L. Ma.

Use you ? Really Sir , I don't understand you ? What do you mean ? — But come ! — To let you see I dare relye upon my own Conduct , — Come Sir , I will venture to sit down by you .

Lon .

Oh! Mad●m , you honour me . ●●ey sit .

L. Mar.

Well! Mr. Longville , you little think what a secret Busi●●●s I have to Communicate to you ! I hope we are private ! Pray let us be private , and I will lay it open to you .

Lon .

— ( to Laguerre ) Wait without ! — Now ! M●dam !

L. Man .

You must know Sir , that I came to advise with you about ! — about a — I 'll swear Mr. Longville , you look mighty well to day !

Lon .

— That might be said more justly of your Ladyship , Madam !

L. Man .

O Lord ! I ! Oh! Jesu ! I am all in a Flame ! such a Colour ! Prithee do but feel my pulse a little ! — So if I can but get into Discourse with him , I may save my Business for another Visit to Morrow . aside .

Lon .

They are very high indeed Mad●m ; but you look the better for it .

L. Man .

Is 't possible ! well ! Mr. Longville , I am inclin'd in real Charity , to encourage all your Offers , if it were only to keep you from ill Women ; for I know there are some so ravenous of you , that they follow you to your Chamber in a Morning , and have the Confidence to force themselves upon you ; Now Dear sweet Mr. Longville , don't encourage these confident Creatures : Let me beg it of you for your own sake . — pressing his hand .

Lon .

So ! I fi●d no Woman sees an ugly Face in her own Glass . aside .

L. Ma.

I 'll swear I cou'd find in my Heart to visit you every Morning , meerly to prevent those wicked Creatures having their ends of you .

Lon .

That were too great a trouble ! No! Madam I have an admirable way to avoid 'em : Shall I show you how I wou'd use such a Woman ? I ask your Pardon , Madam , but supposing you were such a one !

L. Man .

Oh! foh ! I hate to act an odious Part : holding his hand .

Lon .

Why , you can't miss it , Madam , you need but sit as you do ! — Now Madam , squ●eze my hand a little .

L. Man .

O! Jesu ! I cou'd not do it for the Universe ! lets it go suddenly .

Lon .

Then I must suppose you had done it , Madam , upon which I flatly , tell her that —

L. Man .

Pish ( Rises ) Lord ! What care I what you tell her : If you will let me tell you my Business , say so !

Lon .

( Walking after her . ) I say , Madam , I tell her , that my Inclinations lye elsewhere ; that she flings away her time ; that her Fondness is more disagreeable than her Person ; that I wonder at her impudence in taking Civility for Love : That she is ugly without Exception , Coy without Coldness , in Love without Hope , Nice without Offers , Wanton without Youth , Kind without Courtship , and Craving without Conscience .

L. Man .

Well! Well! have you done yet ? — Pish !

Lon .

That her keeping Company is Design , that her Designs are Man , that her Man is Every body ; that Nobody is hers ; that her Charms are quite exhausted , and Time writes upon her Fore-head , — Pray Remember the Poor !

L. Man .

Prithee ! What a Humour 's this ?

Lon .

That her Modesty is more painted than her Face , and both so much , that no Man can see e●ther of them .

L. Ma.

Mr. Longville !

Lon .

That her Company is worse then Sickness ; and that I had as lieve be visited by the Small Pox .

L. Man .

Pish ! Will you never ha' done ?

Lon .

That in short she is so detestable , that ev'n the Pleasure of Revenge cou'd not raise me to give her a Clap . The Devil 's in 't if this won't undeceive her ! aside .

L. Man .

I don 't understand him ! Sure , he can't mean all this to me ! I find I must tell him my Business to put him out of this Humour ! Prithee , Mr. Longville sit down a little , I want some of your Advice Man ; Lord ! you have quite tir'd your self !

Lon .

Now , Madam , your Commands ! they sit .

L Man .

I suppose Sir you are not ignorant of my Lord Lovemores Passion for my Daughter : Now Sir he being your particular Friend , and I having a particular Inclination to serve any one that is your Friend , Mr. Longville , I have resolv'd to make my Daughter Marry my Lord out of Hand ; and have contriv'd a way to make her sole Heiress of my Husbands Estate .

Lon .

This is obliging , Madam ; But how can it be while you have a Son living ?

L. Man .

Ah! don't call him my Son Mr. Longville , Education can't Polish him ! he is of such a slovenly Nature , he is fit for nothing but a Clergyman : Now you must know all my Family being Catholicks , I have a Mind to make a Priest of him , and have accordingly provided him a Governour to go with him to St. Omers : Then Sir I being his Guardian , and having the Estate all in my own Hands —

Lon .

Will take care it shall never come to his . ( aside . ) But why a Priest , Madam ?

L. Man .

To prevent his Marrying Man , and then his Estate comes of Course to my Daughter , and so to my Lord , and his Heirs . — Beside , one is not sure of his getting safe to St. Omers !

Lon .

Inhumane Devil ! A Priest ! Death ! She is going to Ship him to Barbadoes ! ( aside . ) Well Madam ! Wherein can I be serviceable to you ?

L. Ma

You ! Why you can — you can — Lord ! Can you do one no Kindness d' ye think ? Let me see !

Lon .

Not the Kindness you think on ; Death ! How she 's puzzled for a Pretence for her Visit ? aside .

L. Man .

Pish ! — O Gad ! I had like to have forgot ! you must know my Business hither was to get you to — to — to a ! O! to perswade the Boy to go .

Lon .

So ! Now she has found it . aside .

L. Man .

Now Dear Mr. Longville , ( pressing his Hand ) Let me beg of you to use all means possible to perswade him ; for I know the Boy will do any thing at your bidding .

Lon .

Well Madam , I 'll use my Interest to serve you — in your kind . aside .

L. Man .

Wil● you give me your Word , and Honour ?

Lon .

Both , to have my hand agen . aside .

L. Man .

Nay ! but you must give me your hand upon 't !

Lon .

Why you have it , you have it , Madam !

L. Man .

Pshah ! but you don't give it me heartily !

Lon .

Humh ! She will have a squeeze , I find . ( aside . ) There Madam , 't is heartily .

Enter Laguerre . Lag .

Sir , Young Mr. Rakish desires to speak with you , immediately .

Lon .

At last I am deliver'd . ( aside . ) — Bid him walk up .

L. Man .

O! Jesu ! Mr. Longville ! I wou'd not be seen for the Universe .

Lon .

O! you need not , Madam , here 's a back way .

L. Man .

Well! but my Dear Charles , when shall I see you about this Business ?

Lon .

In a quarter of an hour , Madam , at your own House : I have some private Business with your Daughter : When I have dispatch'd it , I am at your Service . ( Pressing her to go . )

L. Man .

Well! I have the prettiest Closet to show you Mr. Longville ! — I 'll swear I have no mind to leave you yet : Can't I step in there , till he is gone , a little ? ( offering towards the Closet )

Lon .

The Devil ! ( aside . ) Madam , upon my Honour , I will but Dress and wait upon you . Here he comes ! away Madam !

L. Man

Well! Adieu , my Dear , dear , dear Creature ! Ex. L. Man .

Lon .

Come my Lord now I 'll release you .

Enter Lord Lovemore .

Did you hear us ?

Ld. Lov.

Yes , and am amaz'd ! Prithee ! What does she mean by St. Omers , and her Son , it can't be real ?

Lon .

Too sure my Lord , I have heard of it before .

Ld. Lov.

I am sorry she shou'd make me her Pretence for so base an Action ! How shall we prevent it ?

Lon .

That I will undertake : But first I will let you see your Mistress has a Hand in 't . ( aside . ) Laguerre ! My Cloaths !

Enter Young Rakish . Lon .

How now Jack ! What 's the Matter ?

Y. Ra .

O! Charles I am undone , if you don't stand by me ! my Father 's just at my Heels — my Lord your humble Servant .

Ld. Lov.

Poor Jack ! What hast thou done to him now Man !

Y. Ra .

Done my Lord ? Pox take him : only nothing but a piece of Justice ; for the old Rogue had the Conscience last Night to offer to Cheat me of Fifty Pound , tho' he knew 't was all I had in the World , and in return , I very fairly nick'd him of Five Hundred upon the square .

Ld. Lov.

Prithee how was it ?

Y. Ra .

Why you must know , my Lord , he wou'd ha' put the Doctor upon me , and Communicated his Design to Ned Friendly , who immediately told me of it ; upon which ( unknown to him ) I flung away the Doctor , and clapt into the Box a Pair of True Mathematicks : Fortune was on my side , and in less then two Hours I fairly nickt him of Five Hundred Pound .

Ld. Lov.

Well! and what wou'd the old Gentleman have ?

Y. R.

When the Business was over , Ned laught at him , and told him what I had done ; upon which he whip'd out his Sword , and in a great Passion swore , if I did not refund the Money , he wou'd disenherit me before to Morrow Morning .

Ld. Lov.

What Answer did you make him ?

Y. R.

Why faith , e'vn took no notice of him : but very fairly slunk away to his Goldsmith , and to hasten his paying the Money , politickly told him , I had just killed a Man : Egad the inhumane Son of a Whore took hold of the Opportunity , and made me pay Fifteen p●r Cent. for Expedition .

Lon .

The rest you secur'd in Specie , I suppose !

Y. Ra .

Ay! ay! here it is , all in Gold , my Boy ! Prithee , Dear Charles , secure it for me ; as for my Life , which I know he will pursue , I 'll venture to defend that my self .

Enter a Footman to young Rakish . Foot .

Sir , your Father 's just coming up ! one of the Servants ignorantly told him you were in the House , and he immediately drew his Sword , and has search'd every Room below for you .

Y. Ra .

Ounds ! the Money ! the Money , Charles !

Lon

There ! into that Closet ; and take the Key on the inside , till we have appeas'd him . Young Rakish goes into the C●o●et . Laguerre , lock up this . Gives him the Money .

Enter Major Rakish with his Sword drawn , he searches the Room . Maj.

Where is this Rogue ! This Villain ! This sharping Dog ?

Lon .

Why how now Major ! What in a Passion Man ?

Lon . & Ld. Lov.

Ha! ha ! ha ! What 's the matter Major ? ha ! ha ! he !

Maj.

No! no! nothing but Murder , nothing but Murder shall satisfie me .

L. Lov.

What is it you look for Major ?

Maj.

Only a High-way-man , my Lord , was not he here with you just now ?

L. Lov.

A High-way-man with us Sir !

Maj.

One that is in the Road to the High-way ; do you know Jack Rakish , my Lord !

L. Lov.

I knew him for a very honest fellow Sir .

Maj.

— Why I got him — That very Dog did I get .

L. Lov.

I don 't question that Sir .

Maj.

But you wou'd Sir , if you knew how he has serv'd me — Nothing vexes me , but that I can't swear a Robbery against the Dog ; for then a Man might have had some hopes of the forty Pound upon his Conviction .

L. Lov.

Fye ! Major , you shou'd give him a better Allowance , that his Necessity might not force him to such Extremity !

Maj.

Allowance ! a Dog ! has not Nature given him a strong Back ? let him live by that ; let him turn Beau , and live upon tick ; let him lye with his Laundress , get in with his Semstress , help his Taylor to Custom , Dine with me , Bilk his Lodging , — and now and then sharp a Play in the side Box .

L. Lov.

This I know he is very often forc'd to do : But Faith . Major , it don't answer the Character of a Gentleman .

Maj.

A Gentleman ! O●nds ! don't I see fifty there every day , that have no Income but their Wits , and yet have very good Cloaths upon their Backs !

L. Lov.

And carry all they have upon their Backs ! Come , come , you must allow better Man .

Maj.

Allow him ! What a Pox ! Don't I allow to D●ink , and Whore , and Fight , and Roar where he pleases , provided he keeps me Company — the Devil a stroke else — I co'd — I will have my share , while I live old Boy — No! no! Old Jack must come in for a bit of Wickedness by the By , or so — must take Care of old Jack ! — old Jack must be taken care of — Allow him Quotha ' ! What a Pox ! must the silly Dog needs be a Buble ? Can't he take the Pleasure of Lewdness without the Folly of paying for 't ? Ods bu'd I sometimes break half a dozen Commandments in a day , and it ne'er costs me a Farthing .

Ld. Lov.

Say you so , Major ? Faith I wou'd advise you to publish your Receipt , it may Reform most of our young Fellows about Town .

Maj.

How do you mean Reform ! ha ! Old Politick of the World ?

L. Lov.

Why look ye ! if we cou'd once lessen the Charge of Lewdness , you long-liv'd niggardly Fathers wou'd certainly take it up ; and Vice wou'd look so nauseous in Sixty odd , that one , and twenty wou'd grow asham'd on 't .

Maj.

But , Sir , my Son is not ash●m'd o' his Vice , and I 'd have you to know I am a — a very lew'd old Fellow ! But I don't pay for 't , I don't pay for 't , like a raw Inns of Court Beau , that is just set up for Iniquity .

L. Lov.

Prithee , Major , how do you Manage your Pleasures , that you say they cost you nothing ?

Maj.

I 'll tell you , my Lord , I 'll tell you how I spent the day before Yesterday : I got up , and Din'd with Sir Bartholomew Bumper , Drank my two Bottles and half with him by five a Clock — Then call'd in at the Play ( Impudence my Ticket ) pick'd up a Parson's Wife , gave her the Remains of an old Clap , and so pawn'd her at Phillip's for three pints of Spirit of Clary : — After this I call'd in at the Rose , found three or four young strong Dogs damnable Hungry , sent a Porter for a slice of Sir Bartholomew's Brawn , drank my two Bottles more , call'd for a Bill , Brawn paid old Jacks Club , old Jack reels into a Coach , Bilks him , slips to Bed , wakes in five hours with a steddy Hand , and no aking Head , by the Lord Harry .

L. Love .

Well said , Major !

Maj.

There 's management for you ! Why cou'd not my Dog-Rogue of a Son do this ? He wants a thousand Pound with a Pox to him ! Odsbu'd I lose time , I must ferret the Dog — Hey ! where abouts a●e you ? Soho ! Jayl bird ! looks about .

Y. R.

( Peeping . ) Igad I had as good show my self , while I have a Friend or two to stand by me . He steals behind the Major , and walks softly after him .

Lon . & L. Lov.

Ha! ha ! ha !

Maj.

Unconscionable Rogue , a thousand Pound at one Clap ! aside .

Lon .

Why you that spend no Money Major , methinks shou'd have no occasion for it : But was it a full thousand Pound , say you ?

Maj.

Umh ! not a full thousand Pound : Look ye I won't lye neither : But may I never more hear the Dear Glugg , Glugg of a full Flask , if it was not above eight hundred .

Y. R.

That 's a Lye ! Claps him on the back .

Maj.

O Dog ! Villain ! Rogue ! Sirrah , How dare you look me in the Face ? Draw ! Draw ! Rascal ! They hold him .

Y. Ra .

Yes Sir ! Draws , and stands on his Guard .

Maj.

What you will Murder me in cool Blood ! will you Dog !

Y. R.

Yes Sir ! I believe I shall : For I don't find my self angry yet .

Maj.

Why Sirrah ! Newgate ! am not I your Father , ha !

Y. R.

Look you Sir ! if you are my Father , I draw in Obedience to your Commands ; if not , upon my Enemy — stand off .

Maj.

Now have not I one word to say to him — This Impudence melts my very Soul — There 's a Look ! There 's a Forehead ! There 's Brass for you ! The Rogue wou'd make an admirable Player in the old House ; Od b'ud ! I have more mind to kiss him , then to be angry by half — Well! Sirrah ! What have you to say for your self ?

Y. Ra .

Nay , first old Gentleman ! Let s hear what you have to say against me ?

Maj.

Have you not Bit me , my Dear Son ?

Y. Ra .

Have you not starv'd me my Dear Dad ?

Maj.

Have not I lov'd you — you yound Dog ?

Y. Ra .

Have not I return'd it , old Hock !

Maj.

Have you return'd it — Sawce !

Y. Ra .

Yes Sir ! By this generous Confidence in your Love , in taking the freedom to win your Five Hundred Pound , well knowing that so Trivial Summ cou'd not hurt me in your Favour .

Maj.

Umh ! Here 's a Rogue ! — Well! and so ! you think I will forgive you !

Y. Ra .

Dam mee ! Sir , who dares say to the contrary ?

Maj.

Ah! the Rogue has me now ! That Look has quite dissolv'd me ; Odsb'ud I can no more ressist him , than a Patenteè can a pretty Wench , when she demands an unconscionable Sallery in the Play-house . Well! I must forgive you then ! humh !

Y. Ra .

I knew you wou'd , or else I had ne'er nick'd you .

Maj.

Why look you Sir , then ev'n set your Heart at rest : For before these Gentlemen , I solemnly declare that — that — I do forgive you , upon Condition .

Y. Ra .

What Condition ?

Maj.

Uumh ! That I have my Money agen !

Y. Ra .

The Devil !

Lon .

Come Gentlemen , you shall leave the Conditions to me ; my Lord and I have just an hours Business together ; I 'll bring the Money with me to Lockets . between one and two ; where we 'll Dine , and set all to rights agen !

Maj.

Say no more my little Charles , I 'll go before , and bespeak Dinner ! But hark you , had not you as good let me take the Money along with me ?

Y. Ra .

I barr that old Gentleman ! no! no! Possession is eleven Points in the Law !

Maj.

A rare Look that ! — it 's a good Look ! — the Dog has a good Look !

Y. Ra .

Come , Old Jack ! let 's you and I take a whet of Racy Canary before they come — My Lord , your Humble Servant ; by Charles .

Maj.

Hold ! hold ! my little Jacky , not too fast — Cede Majoribus .

( Pulls Young Rakish back , and goes out before him . ) L. Lov.

A Pleasant Couple these !

Lon .

Ay , and only Pleasant , when they are Coupled .

L. Lov.

Right ! they are like the two Parts of a Drunken Song , very indiff●rent Musick , unless you hear 'em both together .

Lon .

But now and then they may be endur'd the better to relish the Harmony of a Refin'd Conversation . Come , my Lord , now for Leonora .

L. Lov.

You remember the Conditions , if you fail in your Attempt , you are never to speak against he● more .

Lon .

Agreed : if I succeed , the consequence will reward me .

L. Lov.

You see Charles how fond I am of being still your Friend , that I dare hazard all my Happiness in Leonora , meerly to satisfie your Jealousie , not my own .

Lon .

You wou'd be Jealous too my Lord , were you less a Lover , and I more favourable ; were I less your Friend : 't is my Care of you that makes me Jealous ; and the Generosity of your Love , that will not let you doubt your Leonora .

When Beauty gives the Lover warm desire , Love d●ives him blind and headlong to the Fire ; But Jealous Friendship does his Pow●r Despise ; Awakes his Reason , and uns●als his Eyes . Exeunt .
The End of the First Act.
ACT . II .
SCENE , Lady Manloves House . Leonora at her Toilet , her Woman D●essing her . Leo .

TRiffle !

Tri .

Madam !

Leo .

Let 's see this Mornings Letters .

Tri .

There are only these half Dozen Madam .

Leo .

No more ! Barbarity ! This 't is to go to Hyde-Park upon a Windy Day , when a well Dress'd Gentleman can't stir abroad : The Beaus were ●orc't to take shelter in the Play-House I suppose : I was a Fool , I did not go thither , I might have made ten times the Havock in the side Boxes .

Tri .

Your Ladyship's being out of Humour with the Exchange Woman , for Shaping your Ruffles so Odiously , I am afraid made you a little too reserv'd Madam .

Leo .

Prithee ! Was there a Fop in the whole Ring , that had not a side Glass from me ! Nay , ev'n that Insensible Wretch Longville , watcht the Circulation of my Chariot with an unusual Assiduity . The Humility of his Bow has given me some hopes of Revenging the Affront he put upon me last Week .

Tri .

O Dear , Madam ! I always took him for a well Bred Gentleman ! Cou'd he Affront your Ladyship ?

Leo .

O in the grossest manner ! He sate two whole Hours alone with me in my Dressing Room , and was as far from making me any offers of Love or Gall antry , as if I had been his Mother .

Tri .

Perhaps your Ladyship gave him no Encourag●ment Madam .

Leo .

Quite contrary ! I Languisht in my Glass , laid my Neck bare , Smil'd on him , talkt of Love , made him draw on my Gloves , tye on my Necklace ; nay , take my Dormouse out of my very Bosom : But all in vain , he did it with all the coldness of a Brother , no more mov'd than if he had been my Husband . O he Tortur'd me so I could not bear him !

Tri .

I am affraid Madam , by this Uneasiness your Ladyship likes him ?

Leo .

No Fool ! But 't were an uneasiness not to have him like me .

Tri .

You know Madam , he 's Engag'd to Olivia , and I am confident can have no good meaning any where else .

Leo .

His meaning cou'd do me no Prejudice ; let him be once my Lover , I 'll soon lead him into the Road of Honour .

Tri .

I suppose Madam , your Ladyship wou'd not have him Travel as far as Marriage .

Leo .

Marriage ! No , no! This Face is not to be flung away upon a Husband yet : I Love as your great Generals Fight , not for Peace , but Glory : Marriage is a m●er Cessation of Arms : When I can hold out no longer I am secure of an Honourable Retreat in my Lord Lovemore : The Reputation of his Sense , and his six Years Constancy , sufficiently satisfies the World , that I am not at a loss for a Husband .

Tri .

Your Ladyship has a very working Brain Madam , you were Born to Conquer .

Leo .

And Bred so too ! I began my little Wars of Love before Th●rteen , heav'd my Breasts at Twelve , and entertain'd my Train of Dangling Beaux with all the Affected Coldness of One and Twenty : Nay , ev'n then had a Soul so sensible of Glory , I Fought my three Duels a Week , Kill'd now and then my Man , and as one fell , was still designing on another .

Tri .

For Heavens sake , Madam , Did your Ladyship use to Fight Duels ,

Leo .

Stupid Creature ! 't was Leonora Fought : Her Eyes inflam'd the Combat , she drew the Sword secure of Conquest ; for both the Victor , and the Victim were Leonora's still .

Tri .

Madam , my Lady Manlove .

Enter Lady Manlove . L. Ma.

Good morrow Child , What not Dress'd yet ?

Leo .

I am just Ready , Madam , has your Ladyship been Abroad ?

L. Man .

Ay , I have been with Father Benodic about your Brother Joh●ny . He will be here this Afternoon : And just as I had left him , whom shou'd I meet coming out of his Lodgings but Mr. Longville . — He s●ys , he has some Private Business with you , Child : He will be here in a moment : Prithee make what haste you can with him , that I may talk with him further about your Brothers Journey . — I long to have the Dear Creature in Private again . ( Aside . )

Leo .

I 'll observe you , Madam , I will soon Dispatch him .

L. Man .

Prithee do Child , in the mean time I 'll go a●d prepare your Brother . ( Exit L Man . )

Leo .

Some Private Business with me ! — Nay then . — ( she Prides , and se●s her self in her Glass . ) Oh Jesu ! This is a frightful Head ! Here Triffle ! Fetch me that with the Blew Knts. ( Takes off her Commode . ) — D' ye hear ! my Crimson Gown and Petticoat . — O! I can't contain my self ! Methinks I see him at my Feet ! Dispairing ! Dying ! Breathing out his last Complaint of Love ! — Why don't you stir you senseless Creature ! Hold ! hold ! Stay a little ! Lay down the Head ! Go you and wait below , to give me notice of his coming . And d' ye hear , send Lettice to Dress me in the next Room , here he may Surprize me . — Go ! go ! Make haste Lump ! For my Revenge is more Impatient than another's Love . ( She runs off bare-headed , her Gown loose about her , &c. ) Exit Triffle at the other Door : And then —

Enter Lettice , who in haste takes up the Things , and follows Leonora ; after which , Enter Triffle , with Lord Lovemore , and Longville . Lon .

Where 's your Lady ?

Tri .

Hearing you were to be here , Sir , she went immediately into the next Room to change her Dress .

Lon .

D' ye hear that , my Lord ?

L. Lov.

Is her Decency a Fault ?

Lon .

Her Design is .

L. Lov.

Prithee no more , I am Impatient till thou hast prov'd thy self a Mad-man . — Come ! Where 's my Post ?

Tri .

Here my Lord , in this Avenue . — There 's a Door upon your Right Hand , that leads you to the Back Stairs .

Lon .

When I pull out my Handkercher , let that be your Cue to go round , and come in at this Door , as tho' you knew nothing of what had past .

L. Lov.

I shall observe you , Sir .

Lon .

Be sure ! Whatever you hear , don't let your Resentment Discover you before your time : For shou'd she find you overheard her , she will certainly face you down , she knew of your being there , and that she receiv'd me kindly only to Revenge your Affronting Jealousie .

L. Lov.

Humh ! ( Smilling . ) you are mighty Cautious — I give you my Honour to observe your Directions .

Lon .

Follow Triffle , my Lord , [ She places L. Lovemore unseen . ] Here , Child , there 's another Purse for thy good Service : Let your Lady know I am here . — [ Exit Triffle . ] — So ! Now for a little Scandalous Railery upon your Top-Beauties of Quality to Recommend my Judgment in her : Let me see ! Which will be my best way to deliver my Passion ? — Pox I need not study set Speeches : For she has so much of the Coquet in her , that you can no more fall from the Discourse of Love in her Company , than you can be Raised to Act it in her Mothers : My Design has hitherto been so Prosperous , I can hardly think Success will fail me now . — Beside the Liberty of my Friend draws the Curtain to my Sisters Hopes . — But , see ! She is here !

Enter Leonora new Drest . Leo .

Lord ! — Mr. Longville ! What Accident has Blest us with your good Company ? For unless some extraordinary Business brings you , you are no more to be seen , than a Lawyer in Term-time .

Lon .

O! Madam ! My Life 's an eternal Term , Love's my Cause , and you are my Judge .

Leo .

Poor Wretch ! I have him now ! ( Aside . ) I shall be glad to be of Counsel for you .

Lon .

To tell you the Truth , Madam , 't was a little of your Advice I now came for : For my Cause is coming on this very Moment : Gad take me it has cost me the Lord nows what to Qualifie me for the Bar of Love : I am resolved now to make my Appearance ! Have you perceived no Alteration in me , Madam , these two Days ?

Leo .

I 'll swear , I think I have ! Won't you sit , Mr. Longville .

Lon .

Hey ! who 's there ?

Enter a Footman to Longville .

Bid the Coach-man go home and — let five of my Men wait me at Chaves's , you only below , I am in Private . — Hey ! let 'em all stay , I 'd have the World know where I pay my Devoir . ( Bows . )

Leo .

Well , I swear , Mr. Longville , nothing speaks a Gentleman more than his Equipage , the whole Ring Yesterday took notice of your Chariot . Ah! Jesu ! Such a lolling easie Air ! Then the Six clean Creatures that Drew it had their Mains and Tails so finely Curl'd and Powder'd , that their very motion gave a new born sweetness to the Ev'ning .

Lon .

Do you know , Madam , that the great Du●ch Beau , Minheer Van Powderback offer'd me a Hundred Guineas for a Brace of their Tails , to make him a Peruke .

Leo .

Let me Dye ! But you are a second Phaeton ! This Equipage and Chariot , were enough to set the whole Beau Mond on Fire ! Jesu ! 't is not Ten Days ago , since you were the strangest Rough Creature , always in a Plain Coat : But two Horses to your Coach , a single Footman behind it , and scarce Powder enough in your Perriwig to whiten the inside of it .

Lon .

Ha! ha ! Gad take me , Madam , your Ladiship has hit me .

Leo .

But Jesu ! who is this Powerful Beauty , that has wrought this Wonderous Alteration ?

Lon .

Your Ladiship is very intimate with her : Can't you Guess her Madam ?

Leo .

O Sir ! 't were hard to do that among so many Beauties , as this Town affords .

Lon .

Beauties ! ha ! ha ! Pray Madam , do me the Favour to name one of those things y●u call Beauties ? That a Gentleman can bear the Thoughts on ?

Leo .

O! Fie ! Mr. Longville ! there 's a World of ' em ! What do you think of my Lady Slattern Pinchit ? She is an Heiress , understands the Management of a Family to a Miracle , and I'vow has really a great deal of Wit .

Lon .

Ha! ha ! ha ! my Lady Slattern Pinchit ! I must confess she has Two Thousand Pound a Year to Recommend her Nauseous Houswifry , which is enough to turn ones Stomach ! Pray , Madam , let me give you an account of a Visit I made her , at her Lodgings at the Bath last Summer .

Leo .

O Filthy Irish Creature , the very Apprehension of it gives me the Vapours : For Heav'ns sake no more !

Lon .

Nay Gad , Madam , it 's worth your Hearing : You must know I had a mind to surprize her : When I was got up Stairs I Bolted into her B●d-Chamber , where I found my Prudent Lady , and her Couzen , Bare-headed at Dinner — upon the Remains of a Cold Leg of Lamb , and Cucumbers !

Leo .

O! my Soul !

Lon .

The sight of me drove them immediately into the Closet , from whence they curs'd , and storm'd at me through the Key-hole , worse than if I had caught them Naked : In the mean time I took a view of her Chamber , and found under her Chair half a Bottle of Bristol-milk , upon the seat of it lay her Garters , and a Pair of Green Worsted Stockings , and upon the Back of it hung a Daub'd Diaper Napkin above an Inch thick of Pomatum .

Leo .

Insuppo●table !

Lon .

Upon her Toilet lay the Overplus of her Complexion , in the Print of three Re● Fingers upon the corner of a Callico Nightrail .

Leo .

O! I shall Die !

Lon .

Upon the Chest of Drawers lay a Pair of old Slippers , with a Dirty Suit of N ght cloaths , a Pound of Butter , and a Raw Phillet of Veal wrapt in the Tayl of her Bathing Smock .

Leo .

A● ! ●queling out .

Lo● .

I'gad , Madam , if you are no better at Pointing me out a Conquest , I shall ev'n be forc'd to attack your Ladyship .

Le .

O Jesu ! I 'll name all the Town first ! Not but I believe I may stop at Fine Mrs. Cour●ly , she that my Lord Cou'd-n'●-brook fought about .

Lon .

I 'll commend her to see how she will take it . [ Aside . ] She is very Handsome , Madam , and all the World allows her a Woman of Extraordinary Breeding !

Leo .

Do they so Sir ! Nay I 'll swear I can't blame you , really she is very much a Gentlewoman ! so Easie ! so Free ! so agreeable and good Humour'd ! I vow to Gad my Lady Censure , and I were ready to fall out about her , she says she is the most Affected Piece , that ever cross'd the Drawing-Room , one of her sideling Curt'sys turns her Stomack .

Lon .

Why Faith , Madam , as my Lady says , now and then she does screw her self confoundedly .

Leo .

O the most intollerable , vain Fantastick Creature breathing ; the Duce take me Mr. Longville , if she had ●ot the confidence to report that Sir John Lovewell was kill'd upon her account ?

Lon .

Ridiculous ! all the World knows , Madam , he fell a Victim to your Eyes ! S' Death ! how loth she is to lose the Glory of a Man's Murther ! Aside .

L. Lov.

( Behind . ) What does he Fool with me ? Is this the worst of her he can show me ? Women are all censorious : But now it may be complaisance to him , that makes her so : I will have patience ; for shu'd I interrupt him , there wu'd be no end of his idle Jealousies .

Lon .

Still wide , Madam , the Lady I mean is one whose sense , and Beauty , ev'n envious Wit can find no fault in .

Leo .

Jesu ! Mr. Longville , this is a Complement to the whole Sex to believe there can be such a Woman : I 'll swear I wou'd give the World to know her .

Lon .

Will you hear me , Madam , if I name her ? have I your word , it shall not ma●e you leave the Room .

Leo .

Prith●e , why shu'd you think that ? You don't intend to conjure with her N●me , I hope .

Lon .

No , Madam , I only dread the Magick of her Eyes !

Leo .

●esu ! what makes you so Grave ?

Lon .

't were an Insolence unpardonable , Madam , to see a Malefactor Merry at the Bar .

Leo .

What do you mean ?

Lon .

To take my Trial , Madam , for the crime of Love ; Therefore I claim the Promise of your Counsel ; and beg to know if it were possible for a Lover to make his Passion grateful to you , in what manner wu'd you most willingly receive it ? Deliver'd with a gay Assurance between Jest and Earnest , or with a Rough Downright Bluntness ; or else with all the Passionate Submissive Vows , that Love and Truth cou'd teach him ?

Leo .

Your own Reason will resolve you . A real Passion can't be Jested with , and your Rough Lover is a Brute : No! I own 't is Tenderness , and sost Complaint , a Dying look , Heart-breaking sighs , and Tears alone cou'd move my nature to a Relenting Pity .

Lon .

So ! now she has instructed me ! I shall go on with a good Assurance ! [ Aside . ] You cou'd not sure despise a Lover so complaining . ( Sighs . )

Leo .

Nature it self abhors so Barbarous a Thought .

Lon .

Then give me leave to kneel before you .

L. Lov.

Ha! This is to the purpose . ( Behind . )

Leo .

The Fool 's undone ! Ruin'd past Redemption ! Jesu ! Prithee rise !

Lon .

Not tell you assure me , that you believe me serious .

Leo .

Well! — a — Rise ! I dare do that , while you are sitting . ( They sit . )

L. Lov.

Confusion ! she rejects him not . ( Behind . )

Leo .

I 'll vow you surprize me , Mr. Longville ! I never dream't of love from you !

Lon .

My Lord Lovemore , Madam , being long my Friend before he was my Rival , oblig'd me to conceal my Passion from the world , and you : Nay so sacred was my Friendship , that ev'n opportunity , which Madam , our Intimacy has often given me , cou'd not hitherto betray me to a guilty Glance . — But now the violence of my love forces me to confess my Soul , to sacrifice that Friend , and curse him by the name of Rival : Therefore in spite of Bonds , ( Kneeling . ) to you I offer up my heart , and shou'd his Interposing Vows but rob me of a smile of yours , his life 's the Sacrifice I 'll make to your Mistaken Charity .

Leo .

Fy ! Mr. Longville , this to me ! Lord ! what do you mean ?

Lon .

What the Devil shall I say now ? ( Aside )

L. Lov.

So tame at the Discovery ! ( Behind . )

Lon .

In Pity , Madam , think me real , and if you have already blest him with the Rich Treasure of your conquer'd Heart , be at least so generously cruel to confirm the truth of it to a miserable despairing Wretch , and from this moment my Passion shall be dumb , and trouble you no more .

L. Lov.

Ha! I am Tortur'd with my Fears . ( Behind . )

Leo .

( aside . ) Well is there any Rapture like the glory of a Prostrate Lover ? Now to raise his Giddy Hopes , while like his shadow I still fly before him , seem always near , yet never to be o're taken . — Pray rise !

Lon .

Never while my Rival stands before me in your Favour .

Leo .

Jesu ! sure you are not in Earnest .

Lon .

Your coldness , Madam , tells me indeed you wou'd not have me so . — Nay then my Rival has your Heart , and you in Generous Pity to my Love , wou'd fain conceal it — ( Rises . ) — No Madam , there 's no● but this to chose , that since I can't be yours to be no more . — Madam ! Farewell . ( Unbuttens himself . ) May you be happy in my Rival's Love . — His life I wou'd not , dare not touch because 't is dear to you — But th●● I sacrifice my own . ( Offering to Draw . )

Leo .

Ah! for Heavens sake what do you mean ? ( Holds Him . )

Lon .

To trouble you no more . ( Strugling . )

Leo .

Lord ! I hope you won't offer any mischief ! hear me but speak !

Lon .

You have said too much already : Pray let me die in quiet . S'Death will she hinder me , or no ? ( Aside . )

Leo .

O dear Mr. Longville don't talk of dying ! Jesu ! if he shu'd kill himself here he wou d all spoil my Floor : Beside I shall loose the Pleasure of fooling him . [ aside ] — Pray give me your Sword !

Lon .

Madam , Despair , and life are Insupportable .

Leo .

Hold ! O hold ! — You have touch'd my soul so tenderly , that with a thousand Burning Blushes I must intreat you live , if Hope can save you : O! never let the fear of any Rival shock your Hopes , and least my Lord Lovemore , his Person , and his Grave Behaviour were ever my Aversion , had not my Mothers Commands forbad me I had long ago inform'd him so .

Lon .

Surprizing Comfort .

L. Lov.

Pernicious Jilt . ( Behind . )

Lon .

't was reported , Madam , ' twu'd have suddenly been a Match between you .

Leo .

What he may report I know not : But when I marry him , assure your self it shall be when I despair of any one else . — A dull constant Ass born to hear the Burthen of a slighted love . A lump of Lime only to be fir'd with cold Water . — Think no more of him , had I not vow'd a single life , your Merit above the world wu'd charm me into Marriage . But since that Blessing is deny'd me , let me at least live happy in your Friendship .

L. Lov.

By Heav'n her very words to me . [ Behind . ]

Lon .

Now ! I have enough ! ( Drops his Handkercher . ) Friendships too cold a Clime , our Mutual Happiness can never flourish there : No! Madam , 't is only loves warm Soil that ripens all the Blooming joys of life , and makes that life , but one Eternal Harvest .

L. Lov.

So close ! I want Patience .

Lord Lovemore comes Foreward .

Madam , your Humble Servant !

Leo .

Ah — ! ( Shricking . ) I 'll swear my Lord you frighted me .

Lon .

I don 't like his coming in that way .

L. Lov.

I thought , Madam , Mr. Longville of all Mankind had been your Aversion , and that nothing but his being my friend cou'd make you endure the sight of him , I hope you think better of him now , Madam .

Leo .

What Devil brought him to surprize us in the only Guilty Minute . Nay I must confess my Lord , I did not think him so unpleasing , while he was your Advocate .

L. Lov.

O! then he was Kneeling for me all this while !

Leo .

Umh ! — a — ay! my Lord ! ( Faultring . ) Jesu ! you don't think it was upon his own account ! This was a lucky Turn .

Lon .

How she fastens her self in the Noose . ( Aside . )

L. Lov.

Methinks , Madam , he over-did his Part ! To Press his Arguments in melting Kisses upon your Snowy hand , those were too warm for Friendship .

Leo .

O' my soul he 's jealous , Mr. Longville ! ha ! ha !

L. Lov.

I ne're was jealous : I found you false before you gave me leave to doubt you .

Leo .

You are serious , my Lord ! ( Affecting a Surprize . )

L. Lov.

Had you been ever so with me , I had not found my self your Fool so late : shu'd I talk with you I shu'd still appear your Fool : For no one sure can part eternally ( as I must now ) with the hopes of his desir'd Happiness , without a Painful Thought ; and I am loth to expose my weakness : I shall not aggravate your Wrongs to me : But leave your Conscience to condemn you : — Farewell for ever ; and since my Truth , and Honour , are so ill rewarded , may henceforth none but Fools , and Villains Kneel before you . Going .

Leo .

Stay , my Lord ! — I must not lose him so : For I know the Town will never tell his story to my advantage . ( Aside . )

L. Lov.

My Love shall never call me back , good manners may . ( Aside . ) — Your Commands , Madam .

Leo .

My Lord , you may be in an Error , and I hope have more Generosity than to condemn me unheard , therefore —

Lon .

Hold , Madam ! I find your drift , and faith 't were too Barbarous , shu'd I betray you to a farther guilt by suffering you to excuse what you have already shown . No! Madam , my ends are Answer'd , and now 't is time the Jest shu'd go no farther .

Leo .

What do you mean ?

Lon .

To throw aside the mask of love , and show a Bare-faced Friendship , and to tell you , that I never lov'd you , ne're admir'd you , nay always had an ill opinion of you : that I was jealous of your affected coldness to my Friend , and therefore feign'd my self his Rival ; that you with Artificial Blushes have approv'd my Passion , and seemingly ( for I ne're thought you real yet to any one ) plac'd me nearest to your heart : where Heav'n knows I never wisht my self , I only search'd it for a Friend , and faith , Madam , had I found him there , I had retir'd with joy , I ask your Pardon for my Intrusion into your Favour , Madam .

Leo .

Confusion ! Trick'd ! betray'd ! caught in the very snare that I had lay'd for him ! Now the Malicious Town will Triumph !

Lon .

May my Lord go , Madam !

Leo .

My Lord , this usage ill becomes your Honour , or my Quality ; as for the insolence of your Friend , I cu'd expect no better from a Rejected Lover .

L. Lov.

I saw no great signs of his Despair , Madam : But to satisfie you better , I have over-heard every word you have said this half hour .

Leo .

Then I am betray'd indeed ! That Devil Longville has rescued him from Ruine : Confound 'em both , I shall never dare to show my Face agen !

walks disorder'd Lon .

Really , Madam , I can't blame the Judgment of your Belle-Passion : For Gallantry , Equipage , and Grandieur , are prev●iling Orators . — Hey ! let my Men wait all without , I 'd have the World know where I pay my Devoir .

Leo .

Fellow ! scornfully .

Lon .

Madam !

Leo .

Sir I have nothing to say to you ! Pray be gone .

Lon .

Why in such a Passion , Madam !

Leo .

Lightning blast thee .

Lon .

Take not a Womans Anger ill ! Turns short , and sings .

Leo .

Curse of my Treacherous Folly , that urg'd me to believe his Passion Real — O that it were ! Ha! Can't it be made to seem so ? — A sudden thought revives me !

L. Lov.

Well! Madam , I ask your Pardon for consenting to the Extravagance of my Friends Attempt : But if you have a Thought that can condemn me for 't , now freely give it Breath : For after this you 'll never see me more .

Leo .

My Lord you know this Apology is needless : I only desire to speak a word with Mr. Longville before he goes . smiling .

Lon .

Me ! Madam ! with all my heart . they go together .

Leo .

( To her self . ) Now Assist me all the subtilty of Woman ! — If there 's a spark of Love remaining in that Bosom , ( pointing to Lrd. Lovemore . ) lend me a Smile to light it into Jealousie ! What tho' his Flame be out , I have seen a dying Taper kindled with its own Smoak ! — O! to make him burn agen , and work a brave Revenge upon this Wretch , this poor Extinguisher !

Lon .

Madam ! I have not heard you say very much all this while !

Leo .

Come a little this way ! shee seems familiar with him .

Lon .

What the Devil has she got in her Head now !

L. Lov.

Ha! I don't like that whispering ! S'Death she smiles on him !

Leo .

( Aloud ) Never fear that ! if he offers to draw , my Servants will part you before there can be any Mischief .

Lon .

S'Death ! I don 't understand you ; hark you , Madam !

Leo .

I know my Dear , what you mean ; I will tell him all my self .

Lon .

Ounds ! my Dear !

Leo .

Prithee ! Ridiculous ! — Why shou'd we conceal it longer ! Both he , and the World must know it in a little time .

Lon .

S'Death ! She racks me !

L. Lov.

And me ! aside .

Leo .

Come ! I am weary of my odious part : Beside , my Lord has no Reason to take it ill of you , since , as you own , he only wanted a Pretence to leave me for another .

L. Lov.

Unheard of Treachery ! aside .

Lon .

I find Madam , you are designing me a Kindness , and Faith 't were pity to baulk this fit of your good Nature . Pray go on , Madam , Methinks I wou'd fain have my Lord satisfied — What a Jilt you are . aside .

Leo .

Nay , I am resolv'd he shall know all — In short , my Lord , what you over heard there , was his particular Request to me to give you a Pretence for leaving me , and at the same time to conceal his real Passion , by feigning a feign'd one to me ; and since I find , my Lord , that you have been long engag'd elsewhere , I tell you this to let you see I have been before hand with you .

L. Lev .

Confusion ! he has been my secret Rival ! Sure Hell n●'er form'd so close an Artifice ! aside .

Lon .

Ah! Dear Madam , I am oblig'd to you : But faith this won't do : Your humble Servant — Come my Lord !

L. Lov.

No Sir ! don't think it shall : Tho' I have been this Ladies Ass , I will be yours no longer : I don't wonder now you thought her false to me !

Lon .

My Lord ! amaz'd .

Leo .

Fye ! Mr. Longville , no more of this ! The Farce is over now , and I can't bear any thing from you , that looks so like indifference .

Lon .

Confound your Kindness !

Leo .

Nay I vow I ask your Pardon ! And since I find you are so unwilling to Reveal it , 't is not gon so far , but we may blind him still : 't is but your seeming to use me ill again : Now begin to rail at me !

Lon .

Stupendious Impudence !

L. Lov.

Insinuating Slave ! aside .

Leo .

So ! so ! very well I 'll swear ! ha ! ha ! ha !

Lon .

Fury ! Monster !

Leo .

Better yet ! O! I shall dye !

Lon .

Harpy ! Fiend ! Devil !

Leo .

Admirably well acted , I 'll swear — so now take up a little .

Lon .

I shall observe you , Madam !

L. Lov.

So soon Instructed Sir ! aside .

Lon .

I find there is no Remedy but Patience ! the more I strive , the faster I am entangled — my Lord I must confess I cannot wonder at your Amazement . But as a Token of my Innocence — offering his Sword to Ld. Lovemore .

Leo .

Be sure you keep your Countenance . aloud in his Ear .

L. Lov.

S' Death ! am I become your sport !

Lon .

Exquisite Devil ! Astonish'd .

L. Lov.

No Sir , keep your Sword ! You may have occasion for it — Farewell — Exit Ld. Lovemore , hastily ,

Lon .

Confusion ! he is undone ! I've ruin'd both my self , and him ! Something must be thought on speedily .

Leonora looks gravely on Longville , and on a sudden burst into a loud Laughter . Leo .

Ha! ha ! ha ! he !

Lon .

Very well ! Your Tune may be chang'd , Madam , my Wits won't be idle .

Leo .

Wit ! from thee ! I shall as soon dread it from a Country Parson : Go Sir , to your Friend , he 'll thank you for the Pains you 've taken , and certainly admire your Wit ! ha ! ha ! ha !

Lon .

Damn her she has unman'd me , almost work'd me to the Thoughts of a Revenge . muses .

Leo

Ha! I see my Mother coming ! I 'll set her upon him to heighten my Triumph .

Enter Lady Manlove . L. Man .

Well Child , have you done with Mr. Longville yet ?

Leo .

O Madam the saddest Accident ! Poor Mr. Longvi le's Distracted ! Look how he Chaffes and Frowns ! His Fit 's upon him now ! He abuses ev'ry one he speaks to , has almost frighted me out of my Wits .

L. Man .

I 'll swear I thought his Behaviour this Morning was a little strange ; good lack ! Can't you guess at the Occasion Child .

Leo .

I don 't know what to think , Madam , but my Lord Lovemore tells me you are the occasion , he says he has never been right since your Ladiship protested against a second Marriage . — Dear Madam ; won't you speak to him ?

L. Man .

Lord ! that ever my rashness shu'd be the occasion of such a Misfortune ! How wild he looks !

Lon .

( To Himself . ) To what a plunge am I reduc'd ? I am not only in danger of forfeiting his Friendship : But of his loosiing himself agen to her : My Life ! my Friend ! my Honour , all 's in danger : For shu'd he challenge me , my Innocence will not let me answer him ! If I refuse , the World may think it fear . Shu'd I fight , and Fortune put his life into my Power , ev'n the Gift of that were not enough to clear my Honour ; for in his heart he 'll think me still a Villain .

L. Man .

Well! I can hold no longer ; the poor man raves . ( Weeps . )

Leo .

It works as I cu'd wish . ( Aside . )

Lon .

S' Death ! the very thought on 't makes me mad !

L. Man .

If you love my life , Mr. Longville , let me know that thought , or I shall run m●d too ? ( Takes hold on him . )

Lon .

Confusion ! am I fallen into her Clutches !

L. Man .

D●a● Mr. Longville don't be thus frighted : For I had rather break a Thousand Vows , than see you in this condition : All the World shan't perswade me : For I am now resolv'd to marry you .

Lon .

Hark you , Madam , who puts you upon this ?

L. Man .

Lord ! wh — wh — why do you stare so ? [ Trembling . ]

Lon .

To hear a Woman of your years talk thus : Pray , Madam , how old are you ?

L. Man .

Why do you talk so wildly ?

Lon .

I say , Madam , how old are you ?

L. Man .

Nay dear Sir , don't let my Age discourage you : For I hope still to be the Mother of many a dear child , provided I deserve for 'em by your Reasonable Endeavours .

Lon .

Let me tell you , Madam , you are now big with a false Conception , and will certainly miscarry of it . ( Going . )

L. Man .

O I can't part with you , while you have a thought that wrongs my Honour . ( Holds Him . )

Lon .

That 's impossible ! thy Face protects it : Age and Ugliness lye intrencht in thy hollow Cheeks , and bid defiance to all scandal : yet thou art every day displaying thy Colours of White and Red , to make the World believe thou art in action still . — Come ! come ! Madam , you had as good give over beating up for Voluntiers : For the Devil a Man will you raise to starve in those Winter Quarters . Exit .

Leo .

Ha! Gone ! I am afraid , Madam , this Madness is affected : I really believe , because I refus'd his Addresses , he was resolv'd to be reveng'd by affronting your Ladiship and me .

L. Man .

How ! His Addresses ! Nay then I 'll be reveng'd ! Olivia shall revenge me : For I will go , and tell her of it immediately .

Leo .

O! Madam , I have such a story of him for your Ladiships Ear .

L. Man .

Prithee ! let 's in , and have it at Dinner . Exit Lady Manlove .

Leo .

What a malicious Devil is this Longville ? To rob me in one minute of the Pride of all my Conquests . Why let him go ! I have still the Glory of a Brave Revenge to Boast ! Perhaps his life may pay for 't : If all the Devils in our Sex can ruin him , it shall ! An unform'd Mischief lyes rowling in my thoughts , and tells me I shall Triumph ! That Men shu'd ever match their Wit with ours ! What but a Woman cu'd thus fool'd his treacherous Friend , and a Resenting Lover ? Lovers or not , we still defye Their Boasted sense ! But when they love , what Slaves , what Wretches do we make ' em ? How easie 't is to look 'em into ruin ?

If they wrong us , we seek a Brave Revenge , When we are frail , we make the Injur'd Cringe , Our Eyes prevail , when sullen Reason's deaf , Our Tears perswade 'em , — and the Fools believe ; While false , we Lordlike reign , and only find , 't is being true , that ruins Woman-kind . Exit .
The End of the Second ACT .
ACT III .
The Scene a Dining-Room in Longville's House . Enter Olivia , and Emilia . Emil .

PRithee , my Dear think better of him .

Oliv .

I never shall ! he won't give me leave to do it — If he valued me , or took any Pleasure in my Commands , he wu'd take less in my Lady Manlove's Company , he lives there I think .

Emi .

Bless me , can you be jealous of him with a stale Widow , he is no younger Brother , my Dear !

Oli .

He is a Man , consequently a thing that 's vain , and loves to be admir'd .

Emi .

There are such Out-cast Fops indeed , who rather , than not be lik'd at all will take up with the Common Favours of an old Lady . But I can't think my Brother so necessitous a Lover , having already merited the good opinion of my Dear Olivia ; nay I must believe he merits it , or you wou'd not so often have confess'd it .

Oli .

I am not asham'd to own my self in an Error .

Emi .

Your greatest Error is your Doubting him : Come ! you shall think better of him , 't will oblige your Friend : I am in Pain while you are thus severe to him : Have I no Power ? Dear Olivia .

Oli .

Kind Emilia ! I cannot think thou wou'dst use that Power , did not thy Brother's Innocence persuade thee : O! I cou'd devour thee for thy Generous Faith to him . [ Kisses her . ] And if I love him well 't is for his tender care of thee .

Emi .

He loves me best , in loving you so faithfully : Indeed he loves you . I am sure he does : For he has taught me hitherto , to avoid most Womens Friendship : But when I mention'd you ! O! How he press'd me to my applauded Choice , and charm'd me with your Vertues .

Oli .

This from a Friend assures me to be happy : But is he not to bl●me my Dear ?

Emi .

Take it on my word not now : 't is a Business of Concern , that keeps him there , I want time to tell you what : Have but a little Patience and his return will satisfie you : Prithee be Good Humour'd , he won't be long I am sure ! Here 's the Harpsicord to Divert us in the mean time . Come ! I will have a Lesson .

Oli .

Prithee , I can't Play . [ Uneasie . ]

Emi .

Nay , I won't Court you , but make you ! There ! There ! Gentlewoman . [ Pulls her to the Harpsicord ]

Oli .

Lord ! I am n 't in Humour now . — Prithee ! Can't you send to my Lady Manlove's .

Emi .

Humh ! I find she sticks in your Stomach still . — Who 's there ?

Enter a Servant .

Step to my Lady Manlove's in the Pellmell , and tell my Brother here is a Lady stays for him , — make hast . Exit Servant .

[ Olivia smiles on Emilia , and begins to Play . ] Emi .

O! have I put you in Tune , Madam .

[ The Tune ended Emilia says . ] Emi .

Nay , nay , you shan't give over so ! I will have a Song too .

Oli .

Nay if I sing —

Emi .

If you don't , I shall be very angry , Madam .

[ Olivia Sings . ] Tell me , Belinda , Prithee do , ( The Wanton Caelia said . ) Since you 'll allow no Lover true , ( Inform a tender Maid . ) Are not we Women Fools than to be so ? Belinda smiling thus the Sex betray'd . Men have their Arts , and we have Eyes , We both believe , and both tell lyes ; Tho' they a Thousand Hearts pursue , We love to wound as many too . Yet still with Virtue ! virtue ! keep a Pother , We look ! we love ! We like ! we leave ! We both deceive ! And thus are Fools to one another .
Oli .

What is not this Fellow come back yet ? Well! I am out of Patience .

Emi .

Prithee what time did you appoint my Brother , that you are so uneasie ?

Oli .

I sent him word to meet me at my Father's at three this Afternoon , where I find he has neither been , or left any word for me .

Emi .

Why what a Clock do you take it to be now ?

Oli .

Past the Hour I am sure : 't was after two before I came from Kensington .

Emi .

To see how slowly hours move with Absent Lovers : Now my Watch wants above ten Minutes of Two .

Oliv .

I don 't know , I am sure it 's past Three by my Inclination .

Emi .

Prithee set it back a little : But see here is the Messenger : Now I suppose , you may let it go as it will .

Re-enter the Servant .

Did you see my Brother ?

Serv .

No , Madam , he has not been there this Half-hour .

Oli .

And don't they know whither he went .

Serv .

No , Madam : But my Lady Manlove desires to speak with your Ladiship , and bid me tell you , that perhaps she can satisfie you ; if your Ladiship stays here long she will wait upon you .

Oli .

No! no! I 'll go to her , she will be an Hour a setting her self out : Come my Dear will you go along with me : Well , I am sure I shall hear no good of him .

Emi .

Perhaps not , if my Lady Manlove has any thing to say of him . But however I will bear you Company : How did you come , my Dear ?

Oli .

O prithee make haste , my Coach will carry us . Exeunt .

The Scene Changes to Locket's in the Street . Enter Lord Lovemore in a Chair . L. Lov. to the Chairman .

HOld ! — ( To his Servant . ) step into Locket's , and enquire if Mr. Longville be there . — Don't say I wou'd speak with him .

Exit Servant and Returns . Serv .

He is not there , my Lord , but they expect him every Minute .

L. Lov.

Set me down . — There . Gives them Money .

Chair .

God bless your Honour . Exit Chairmen .

( Lord Lovemore goes to the Door . ) L. Lov.

If he comes this way I am sure of him . — But I am not sure of my Revenge in so publick a Place . — Let me see how shall I manage him . ( Muses . )

Major Rakish appears in the Bellcony Smoaking . Ma.

A Hey ! Dog ! Son of a Whore ! some more Wine here , Quick .

( One speaks within Ringing a Bell . ) Within .

Here Tom ! Dick ! speak there ! — Coming Sir .

Ma.

Who 's that , my Lord Lovemore ! Od's-heart we have stay'd this Hour for you ! Where 's Charles , Man ? where 's Charles ?

L. Lov.

He won't be long , I wait for him : We 'll be with with you presently .

Ma.

Prithee make haste , Odsbud the Rarest Haunch of Venison , and Colliflowers — A Hey ! Dinner there . ( Exit Major . )

L. Lov.

I have thought on 't ! there I shall be sure of him . Hey ! Waiter !

Enter a Waiter . L. Lov.

Have you e're a Back-Room empty ?

Wait .

Yes , my Lord , you may have the Lion .

L. Lov.

When Mr. Longville comes : Be sure you show us there . — ( Exit Waiter . )

How Basely has this Man betray'd me , had he like a Generous Friend to me confess'd himself my Rival , I then had only griev'd to have found him so , and thought that Leonora's Charms were irresistible : But like a Traytor thus to throw a foul Aspersion on my Love , secretly to insinuate that I am false to her ! O 't is the Basest lowest act of Groveling Treachery ! Had he ten thousand lives I wou'd serve 'em all to my Revenge . Ha! he is here , I 'll take him while my Resentment's warm .

Longville Alights from another Chair . Lon .

I am glad to find you here , my Lord , I wou'd fain speak with you .

L. Lov.

Come , let 's walk up ; we are stay'd for .

( Within . ) Welcome Sir ! Please to walk this way Gentlemen .

The Scene changes to a Back-Room in the House . A Waiter shows in Lord Lovemore , and Longville , and Exit . Lord Lovemore claps too the Door , and locks it . Lon .

HA ! so sudden ! Nay then 't was well that I prepar'd my self .

L. Lov.

You guess my meaning Sir ?

Lon .

I apprehend your Error , and it grieves me .

L. Lov.

Dost thou not blush ?

Lon .

For what ? because a Woman has out-witted me ? If so my Lord , your self shou'd change your Colour .

L. Lov.

I find thou art grown an hardned Villain .

Lon .

When your amazing Jealousy's my Judge , the worst of Villains . My Reason is in Health , and construes nothing ill from a distemper'd Friend .

L. Lov.

Have I not Reason to be sick of thee ?

Lon .

Thus far you have : When as a Friend I offer'd you a Cordial for the Infection of Leonoras Eyes : She in Revenge perswades you 't is a Poison : I cannot blame your Fears : But till you find the Poison work , believe me still your Friend .

L. Lov.

So Artful , Sir ! You wou'd have me Respit my Revenge till you have fixt my Leonora , Married , and Enjoy'd her ! Confusion ! Didst think I wou'd resign her tamely to thy Arms ? Monster no! Thou ne'er shalt Triumph there till thou hast made thy way through me — Draw — And if thou hast any Title to her Heart , dispute it like a Man : For I am now resolv'd , but one of us shall live to claim it .

Lon .

By Heav'n you are on the brink of Ruine , hear me : but — you know it is not fear that holds my Arm.

L. Lov.

't is worse ! Thy close designing Craft ; Thy Aim is still to Cheat me with a pretended Friendship ! No more ! I will not give thee time to form a new Evasion : Therefore Draw ; for I have sworn to satisfie my Revenge , and Injur'd Love .

Lon .

What if I renounce all Claim to Leonora , or bind my self by solemn Contract never to speak , think of , or see her more .

L. Lov.

So Tame ! No! Even this is not enough to save thy Life : For tho' thy despicable Baseness now prompts thee to forswear thy Love , yet still thy foul Detraction has for ever Ruin'd mine . Leonora thinks me false , and only in Revenge has favour'd thee : I slight thee as a Rival : But as a Villain am resolv'd to end Thee — Guard thy Life .

Lon .

Give me but an hours Time to prove your Error ; Nay , but a Moment now ! Hear me but speak !

L. Lov.

Draw , or I 'll nail thee to the Ground !

Lon .

Nay then ! — By Heav'n I will be heard ,

Presents a Pistol . L. Lov.

Ha! What means the Villain !

Lon .

Stir not as you prize your Life — And now I 'll own my self a Villain ! I mean for my betraying Leonora , had not you been blind to your scorn : For though I knew her false , I took too base a way to prove her so : Nothing cou'd excuse me but the height of Friendship ! Were what I have done presented on a Stage , all generous Souls wou'd hate me for the part I have acted : But since my good Intention is so ill rewarded by your ungrateful Jealousie , I here retort the Villain back ; and in defiance of thy Rage , thus Arm a Madmans Frenzy .

[ Offers him another Pistol . ]

I wou'd answer with my Sword , but , as you know , being disabled by a late Wound in my Arm , I thought if you were resolv'd on Death , this was the surer way too for one of us to find him : Now make your choice my Lord .

L. Lov. takes one . L. Lov.

Now ! thou art a worthy Rival ! No more , but Both retire ; and then advancing , as our Fate directs us , never let us meet agen . They Advance from each end of the Room , and fire on one another ; Lon . Falls .

Lon .

Now Leonora's Yours ! Fly my Lord , and save your self .

L. Lov.

No! I have kill'd thee bravely , therefore will not fly : Thy Life was forfeited to thy breach of Friendship ; and tho' the Law has no regard to an honourable Revenge , yet there 's a higher Power that controuls its Rigour , where I am sure so just an Action will have Mercy .

( Within . ) Open the Door there ! Open the Door .

L. Lov.

Who are you ?

Y. Ra .

Friends , my Lord ! your Friends .

( Within . ) Hey ! A Lever there ! Let 's break it open .

L. Lov.

You shall not need . ( Unlocks the Door ) Now Gentlemen you may enter .

Enter the Major , Y. Rakish , a Gentleman , and several People of the House . Maj.

Why how now my Lord ! What the Devil have you more Stomack to a brace of Bullets , than a good slice of Venison ? A Pox on your forc'd Meat , odsbu'd I don't like it . — Why what 's the matter Man ?

Y. Ra .

Ha! Longville Wounded !

Gent .

Pray my Lord , how came this ?

L. Lov.

That you shall know another time ; let it suffice I own my self the Man , that Kill'd him ; I Glory in the action , and will answer it to the Law . — Pray Gentlemen keep out the Crowd , for I wou'd not give Fools a Holyday before my time .

Maj.

Clear the Room there ! — You Dog ! Run for a Surgeon quickly , — let 's see , what is there no Hopes ? Here ! here ! Jacky help him up a little — ( They set him in a Chair . ) — What a Devil is he quite gone ! Plague on 't , now must I go to Law with his Executors for my Five hundred Pound : why , what an Unfortunate Son of a Whore wert thou to leave it in his Hands .

Y. Ra .

Any Hands , but yours dear Daddy . Ha! he stirs .

Ma.

Ah! Dear Charles , the Five hundred Pound ! What hast thou done with it ? speak ! speak ! my dear Boy , where is 't ?

Y. Ra .

S' Death , Sir , is that a Question to ask a Dying Man ?

Ma.

It is too much Money , Sir , for a Dying Man to run away with .

Gent .

Here , some fair Water there .

Lon .

( Rising . ) I am oblig'd to you for your Care , Gentlemen : But at present there is no occasion for it .

Ma.

What a Devil does he walk before he is Dead ?

Y. Ra .

Why how now Charles ! Alive agen , and unhurt ! How is 't ?

L. Lov.

Ha! what Devil has instructed him thus to baffle my Revenge ?

Lon .

And now my Lord , I 'll prove my self agen your Friend : I fear'd your Jealousie wou'd break into some Extravagance ; and to deceive its Rage , took care to Arm you with an Unloaded Pistol : I knew the Noise wou'd bring in People to prevent a sudden Mischief , and give me time to clear my Innocence ; which if I now don't convince you of in an Hour , Dare me to the field , if I refuse you then , think me a Villain still , and Post me for a Coward . — If you believe I speak this out of fear my Lord , you wrong your Conscience : For I have giv'n Proof , when your occasions call'd me , that I esteem'd my Honour more than Life

L. Lov.

I own it true , and 't is that thought encourages me to embrace the Offer , in the mean time I will struggle with my Reason to believe thee Innocent .

Maj.

Look you , my Lord ! Tho' I know nothing at all of this Business , yet I know Charles is a very Honest Fellow , and I 'll stand by him . If he must have occasion for a second , Odsbu'd old Dick's his Humble Servant . ( Claps Lon . on the Back . )

Y Ra

Nay then , Sir , little Jacky's oblig'd in Honour to be my Lord's .

Maj.

Well said , Wickedness ! There 's an Ingenious Dog ! now , rather than be out of mischief , will he fight with his own Father .

Y. Ra .

Why saith Old Gentleman , you have liv'd out of all Conscience , and unless I make an Hole in your Lungs , I find I shall never make one in your Estate .

Maj.

It 's a Good Lad ! — Why thou wilt have a Thousand Pound a Year , my little Jacky , if thou art not Hang'd before I die .

Enter a Waiter . Wait .

Gentlemen ! your Dinner is upon the Table .

Maj.

Come , come , walk in my Lord , I am resolv'd to see you Friends agen ,

L Lov.

I shall be glad of an Occasion , Sir .

Lon .

Fear not , my Lord , my Honour is engag'd to give it you . Exeunt .

The Scene Changes to Lady Manlove's House . Enter Triffle and Lettice . Trif .

WEll Lettice , this is a Rare Family we live in : For what between the Amours of my Lady Leonora , and the over-fondness of her Mother my Lady Manlove , we are in a very fair way of making our Fortunes .

Lett .

Nay , for my Part , I have no reason to complain : For if I have but a mind to a particular suit of Knots , or a Gown of my Ladies , 't is but commending her Complexion in a quite contrary colour , and the Business is done ; and if you have but a new Intrigue to entertain her with , her Souls your own . O law ! did I never tell you how she serv'd an Amorous Book of Major Rakish's t'other day .

Trif .

No Prithee ! how was it ?

Lett .

Why you must know , last Week she Borrow'd a French Novel of him , and being told there was one deadly smutty Page in it , she very discreetly beg'd him to double it down , that she might be sure to avoid it : But when she gave him the Book agen , that poor Page was more Thumb'd and blurr'd , than the beginning of a School boys Accidence .

Trif .

Ha! ha ! and no doubt but she took more Pains to get it by heart . But hark you Lettice , now you talk of a School-boy , how stands you Affair with my Lady's Son , Mass Johnny ?

Lett .

O in a very fair way , I can assure you : He pretends to comply with his Mother's Design in going to St. Omers : But I know it 's only his cunning to try whether or no I shall be concern'd to part with him : Now I am unwilling to loose him by being too foreward , and am resolv'd to drive things to an extremity before I consent to marry him .

Tri .

How ! to Marry him , why I thought you only design'd to make a Fool of him .

Lett .

Why that 's making an Husband of him I think : O Dear , here come's my Lady , I 'll tell you more anon . Exeunt .

Enter a Gentleman with Olivia , Emilia , and Lady Manlove . Gent .

( to Olivia . ) What I have told you , Madam , is word for word , as I had it from Mr. Longville's own mouth ; Well , Ladies I have perform'd my Duty , and now must beg your Pardon ; I left him at Locket's , and promis'd him to return immediately .

L. Ma.

Cousin , Your Servant .

Oli .

Sir , I thank you , I am glad you have eas'd us of our Fear .

Gent .

Madam , Your Humble Servant . Exit Gent .

Emi .

Now , my Dear , I hope you are satisfied of my Brother's Truth .

Oli .

It seems my Lord is not yet satisfied of his Friendship .

Emi .

But you hear he has engag'd to convince him of it in an hour .

Oliv .

When he does that , I shall know how to settle my Opinion .

Enter to them Leonora . Leo .

Ladies , Your Servant : I hope you have heard Mr. Longville is alive still .

Emi .

Yes , Madam , and I hope will live to give a Proof very shortly both of his Love and Friendship .

Leo .

As for his Friendship that I can't answer for : But I confess I have no reason to complain of him as a Lover .

Oli .

How , Madam !

Emi .

You have no reason to complain of him as a Lover !

L. Ma.

O Dear Ladies ! Is that such News to you ? Well I find of all People your near Relations never trust one another with their Love-secrets .

Emi .

This Insolence is insupportable ! ( Aside . ) Pray , Madam , what Proof has my Brother ever given of his love to you ?

Leo .

Nay I can't swear , that he has given any certain Proof , for now a days Men offer Marriage , as their Interest directs them , not their love .

Oli .

I see Women are more vain , than Men are false : Now , Madam , I am concern'd , and I must tell you , you are the last of Womankind cou'd make me so far jealous of Mr. Longville : I know the Race of Man wou'd fall , were only he and you alive to raise it .

Leo .

I see Vanity , Madam , is a raging Vice among our Sex , and when it meets with a Disappointment , it knaws it self to Envy . [ Scornfully . ]

Oli .

Yes , and Revenge too Madam , which I find is now your aim for Mr. Longville's disappointing you of my Lord Lovemore .

Leo .

All Happiness , Madam , is Opinion ; believe he loves you , and you are happy still .

Oli .

No , Madam , let Opinion be your security , I will be contented with Demonstration : Were there no other way to satisfie my Lord Lovemore's Jealousie , I wou'd Marry him this very Minute ,

Emi .

( to Leo ) Dear Madam , say all the provoking Things you can to make her pursue that Resolution , if it be but to heighten your own Triumph !

Leo .

●ow Madam ! Marry him this very Minute ? Why sure you wou'd nor ravish him : For I can never believe he will consent to it .

Oli .

You are not the first Lady , Madam , that has mistaken Good Manners for Love .

Leo .

Nor he the first Man , Madam , that has conceal'd his love with Good manners : Look you , Madam , not that I am fond of Publishing my Conquest : But if you will give me leave I will write to him this very Minute , and you shall judge what Interest I have in him by his Answer .

Oli .

You had as good let it alone , Madam , it 's ten to one but he disappoints you agen .

Leo .

However , Madam , you will give me leave to try my Power , [ Smiling ] Some Pens and Paper there .

Oli .

What are you going to do , Madam !

Leo .

To write to Mr. Longville , Madam .

Oli .

[ Pausing . ] — I declare it she provokes me ! — And dare you let me see what you write , Madam ?

Leo .

Freely , Madam , if you 'll give your self the Trouble .

Oli .

P'shah ! — Well! Madam ! Pray give me leave to write to him too ?

Leo .

All the reason in the world , Madam .

Oli .

I am amaz'd ! why , Madam , will you write to him ?

Leo .

With your Permission , Madam .

Oli .

Sure I don't understand you ! I mean to Mr. Longville !

Leo .

Ay! ay! to Mr. Charles Longville this Ladies Brother , I will write to him to meet me within half an Hour , at Mrs. Siams , the Indian-House here in St. James's Street , and for both our satisfactions , do you appoint him in another Place at the very same time .

Enter a Servant with Pens and Paper . Oli .

So Positive ! This to convince you Madam . Sits to write .

Emi .

[ to Leo . ] I don 't know what your meaning may be : But I am sure , Madam , my Brother will be oblig'd to you for his Happiness : You 'll gain him more in one minute , as her Pretended Rival , than half an age of love cou'd purchase him .

Leo .

[ Aside ] Poor easie Fool ! His Happiness ! no his Ruin , or my Wit shall fail me . [ Sits to Write . ]

Emi .

[ to L. Ma. ] Methinks , Madam , this is a very odd undertaking for a couple of Ladies to draw two several Bills upon a Gentlemans Heart , and both payable at sight : 't is well if he don't prove a true Banker , and make them wait his leisure for the Payment .

L. Ma.

O Madam ! the Fund of love is never so low , young men have always a little running Cash to supply a present occasion .

Emi .

Ay Madam , but one had as good be without it . It is commonly upon very hard Conditions .

L. Ma.

I 'll swear , Madam , there you are in the Right : For now a days a Woman can no more expect to receive a Billetdeux in Honourable love , than a Bill of Exchange in all Ready Money .

Emi .

Ay Madam ! You see what ill Women , and Clippers have brought us to !

L. Ma.

Nay , Madam , don't lay the Fault upon us Poor Women : For to my knowledge 't is the false men , that offer their Base love .

Emi .

But the Women — take it , Madam .

L. Man .

Not all of 'em , Madam , as you wou'd say your self , if you knew what severe Repulses I have given young Mr. Rakish ; Nay , I can assure you the Old Gentleman , the Major too has made his Attempts : Well , Madam ! If I thought you wou'd be secret I cou'd tell you more too .

Emi .

Than I desire to know I find ! [ aside . ] if you please , Madam , another time . Well — have you done , Ladies ?

Leo .

Yes , Madam ! I have finish'd mine .

Oli .

I have but two words more — So !

Leo .

Now , Madam , if you please we will read ' em .

( Leonora Reads her Letter . )

My Resolution still holds of meeting you in half an Hour ( accor - to your first Appointment . ) at Mrs. Siams , Dear Mr. Longville be careful of my Lord Lovemore , whom you will find it hard to over-reach a second time : While he is deluded nothing can disturb the Happiness of your

LEONORA . Emi .

Phooh ! She 'll never send this Letter . — Come my Dear , Now let 's hear yours .

Olivia Reads .

The Town is in a very scandalous Story concerning your Quarrel with my Lord Lovemore : Pray let me see you at my Fathers in half an Hour : For I am impatient till I know the real Truth : Fail not a Minute , as you Prize the Quiet of Your

OLIVIA . Emi .

The Quiet of your Olivia ! Nothing but Death I am sure will hinder him from obeying so kind a Summons .

Leo .

Very well ! If you 'll give me leave , Madam , I will Seal it for you .

Oli .

O! I won't trouble you Madam .

Leo .

No Trouble Madam : Pray oblige me . ( Oli . gives Leo . the Letter . ) Have you your Seal about you Madam ! ( to L. Man . )

L. Man .

I must know your Design . [ aside . ] Ay Child !

L Man . pretends to be some time feeling for her Seal . Leo .

[ softly to L. Man . ] Now , Madam , do you keep them in Discourse a little , while I alter one word in her Letter .

L. Man .

Ha! What word ?

Leo .

Instead of her Fathers , I will put in Mrs. Siams , the very same Place Mr. Longville is to meet at .

L. Man .

Admirable ! But what will you do with your own Letter ?

Leo .

That I will take care by a pretended Mistake shall come to my Lord Lovemores Hands . Ask no more Questions , Madam ; give me the Seal quickly .

L. Man .

O! Now I have found it ! — There Child . ( Aloud )

[ L. Man . gives Leo . the Seal , and goes to the Ladies ; while they seem to talk , Leo . alters the Letter , and seals it . ] Leo .

There 's your Letter , Madam . to Olivia .

Oli .

Who 's there ?

Enter a Servant to Olivia .

Here ! step to Lockets , and give this Letter to Mr. Longville ! If you don't find me here , bring me an answer to my Fathers .

( Leo . offering to seal her own Letter . ) Oli .

Hold ! Madam , once more for my Satisfaction , let me see if this be the same Letter you show'd me ?

Leo .

The Consequence wou'd have convinc'd you , Madam ; but I can't blame you for believing your Eyes .

Oli .

't is the same . [ she returns it to Leo . who seals it . ) Pray let me see you send it however .

Leo .

Within there !

Enter a Servant to Leo .

Run with this to Mr. Longville at Lockets . ( he is going ) De 'e hear ! — stay below till farther Order . softly .

It requires no Answer , make haste agen . aloud .

Oli .

Emilia ! are you not amaz'd ? You see she has sent the Letter ! He will not meet her sure !

Emi .

I know not what to think !

Oli .

Wou'd I had never sent him mine : I begin to fear her now .

Emi .

Don't let her see you do , I am as impatient of the Event , as thou art .

Oli .

Dear Emilia , go with me to my Fathers , I am in a thousand fears , and dare not trust my self alone .

Emi .

Ladies your Servant .

Leo .

Your Servant , Madam .

L. Ma.

Dear Ladies , your most Essential humble Servant .

Leo .

Triffle . Exeunt .

Enter Triffle . Tri .

Madam .

Leo .

Look me out a Hood , and Scarf , and Mask , and bid Sam . come to me .

Tri .

Yes Madam .

L. Man

[ aside . ] I am resolv'd to Encourage her in this Design , because it forwards my Revenge upon Mr. Longville , for slighting the Advances I made him . — Well , my Dear , while you are pursuing this Affair , I 'll take care to dispatch your Brother Johnny ; when he is once dispos'd of , let me alone to manage the Estate ; the sturdy Oaks shall bow their Head , I 'll make 'em know their Mistress . Exit .

Re-enter the Servant to Leo . Leo .

Have you my Letter ?

Ser .

Yes Madam .

Leo .

Go to Lockets , and send it up to my Lord Lovemore by a Waiter : If my Lord questions you about it , face him down you bid the fellow give it to Mr. Longville . Exit . Ser . I think my Project cannot fail : For by my Lords Resentment , or Olivias Jealousie , any way my Ends are answered : It has all the various Motions of a Clock , and Points me to the Day , the Hour , nay the very Minute of Revenge . Exit .

The Scene Changes to Lockets : Lord Lovemore , Longville , the Major , his Son , and a Gentleman are Drinking at a Table . Ma.

ODsbu'd my Lord , you are not Merry : I am sure Charles is a very honest Fellow : But you don't look as if you were heartily reconcil'd to h●m : Pox o' these handsome young Jades , they are good for nothing but to put People out of Humour .

L. Lov.

You mistake me Sir , I am never Merry : And to satisfie you that I am not our of Humour , Pray Sir , lend me the Flask ! Come , Sir , ( to Lon . ) to a right Understanding between us .

Lon .

I thank you , my Lord : I don't like this Ceremony .

Enter a Waiter , with Olivias Servant at the Door . Wait .

Is Mr. Longville here , Gentlemen ?

Lon .

Ay! Who wou'd speak with me ?

Wait .

A Footman waits at the Door , Sir .

Foot .

Sir , I have a Letter for you .

Lon .

Ha! From Olivia ! [ Reads ] um ! — um ! — Let me see you at Mr. Siams in half an Hour — Humh ! How comes she to Fancy that Place — Um ! — Um ! — Fail not , as you prize the Quiet of your — Olivia . — So kind ! This is Fortunate ! If I can perswade her in this Humour to make me some Acknowledgment before my Lord : Sure ! That must convince him of my Innocence . ( He whispers the Footman , who goes out . ) Gentlemen , I must ask your Pardon : I have a little urgent Business fallen out ! — And now my Lord I propose in less than an Hour , to give you the satisfaction I promis'd you .

L. Lov.

Where shall I find you ?

Lon .

If you please , my Lord , at my own House .

L. Lov.

I 'll not fail . Walks apart .

Lon .

Come , Gentlemen , I 'll make the Venison mine . There !

( Throws down two Guineas . ) Y. Ra .

O Fye ! Charles ! Your Club is not half this , by no means .

Ma.

Let 's see ! let 's see ! ( snatching 'em out of Y. Ra . Hand . ) What is 't ? Two Guineas ! Odsheart , this is too much of all Conscience ! Why ! What dost thou mean ?

Lon .

Gentlemen , I brought you hither !

Ma.

( Pausing . ) Well! — a — I 'll pay your Club , Charles : Don't forget to ask me for the Overplus .

Puts 'em into his Pocket . Y. Ra .

Humh ! If he does Sir , you will put him in mind on 't , I suppose .

Ma.

Why what 's that to you , Sawce ! What have you to say to it ?

Y. Ra .

Nay Sir , nothing at all , not I : The Guineas are good Guineas , and in my Opinion , they are in very good Hands too .

Ma.

What you have a mind to finger 'em , have you ? Brass ! Humh !

Y. Ra .

No Sir , I seldom meddle under five Hundred .

Ma.

Odso ! that 's true , my little Jacky ! Charles ! the Five Hundred Pound , you forgot that my dear Boy .

Lon .

I ask your Pardon Major : But I have lest it below : ( to a Waiter . ) Bid your Master send me up that Money I gave him .

Exit Waiter : Y. Ra .

Pshah ! you need not give your self that trouble , Charles , I have no great occasion for it now .

Ma.

Humh ! That 's true agen , my little Jacky ! But you know a Body wou'd be sure 't is safe ! Humh !

The Waiter Returns , and gives the Money to Longville . Lon .

( to the Gent . ) Dear Ned I must engage you to be Trustee : If the Major won't come to composition , keep it till I see you agen : My Lord your Humble Servant , Gentlemen I am yours . Exit .

Ma

O that 's well ! but Prithee Ned , let 's see , if it be right , my dear Boy .

Offering to take it from the Gent . Y. Ra . pulls him by the Sleeve . Y. Ra .

Hark you Sir ! I am considering what will be my best way to dispose of this Money .

Ma.

Humh ! Dispose of it didst thou say ! Newgate ! Humh !

Y. Ra .

Ay , Sir , for you know these are very good times to improve ready Money in !

Ma.

Ay , and impudence too , my little Jacky : For now a days if a Man have but a good Brazen Face , it does not signifie whether he has any Money in his Pocket , or no .

Y. Ra .

Why therefore , Sir , I consider'd 't was no great Matter how little you carried about you .

Ma.

It 's a good Lady ! Hark you ! Jacky ! — Was you never out of Countenance ?

Y. Ra .

Humh ! Yes Sir , for you sometimes , as last night , when you cheated me of my fifty Guineas .

Ma.

That Face will get the Dog an Estate in time . — Well! then thou hast a mind to improve this Money Jacky ?

Y. Ra .

Ay , Sir , if you wou'd but put me into a way .

Ma.

Why so , I will my little Jacky , I 'll tell thee what thou shalt do with it presently , let 's see ! what is all in Gold !

( Offering towards it Y. Ra . steps bofore him . ) Y. Ra .

O! you need not trouble your self to look upon it , Sir , it 's all Gold to my Knowledge .

Gent .

Come ! Faith Major to make an end of the Business you shall ev'n divide it , that is give your Son one half in hand , and ( as a careful Father ought ) lay up the other , till his occasions call for it .

Ma.

Ay! — That is give him all , and take the rest to my self ! Why really if it were not for a little scandal , a Sharper is a very good Trade , I see .

Y. Ra .

What 's that you say , Sir ? Dammee ! A Sharper ! I suppose you have a mind to tilt for it ?

Ma.

I shou'd make a very Poor Dog of thee Jacky , if it were to be decided that way : that 's a good look , however . ( Aside . )

Y. Ra .

If you think so , Sir , I wou'd have you try .

Ma.

Say'st thou so my little Jacky ? with all my heart — Odsbu'd I have a trick to over-reach the Dog ( Aside . ) Look ye Ned ! Lay the Money fairly upon Table . — Now draw Jacky Scabbard , and all , my Dear Boy : For I wou'd not willingly thrust a sword into my own Bowells . I 'll only show thee what old Jack cou'd do upon occasion ; Judgment my Lord .

Lord Lovem .

How now , Major , what Fencing upon a Full Stomach ?

Y. Ra .

Only Exchanging a Thrust , or two , my Lord , for a little Money .

Ma.

Ay! ay! For every Thrust I receive , thou shalt have an Hundred Pound , Jacky , but if I disarm thee not one Farthing .

Y Ra .

Done ! Sir ,

Ma.

Done ! my little Jacky .

Gent .

Well! Gentlemen are you agree'd ? shall it be decided this way ?

Y. Ra .

Ay! ay! Sir , we are agreed ! Come old Gentleman !

Ma.

Look you my Lord ! Here 's my Guard ! Here I stand ! and there 's my Hat , ( Throws it by . ) you are ready Jacky ?

Y. R.

Ay , Sir ! come on !

Ma.

And there 's my Wig you Dog : [ Flings it in his face , and disarms him . ]

Y. Ra .

S'Death and Hell ! Sir ! you don't think I 'll take this ?

The Major draws his Sword , and seizes the Money . Ma.

Tum ! Tum ! dum , &c. ( Sings carelesly . )

Young Rakish .

Dammee ! Sir , I expect fair Play for the Money .

Ma.

Tum ! Tum ! dum . Keeping him off with his Sword .

Y. Ra .

Judgment ! Gentlemen is this Fair ?

L. L.

Faith Jack all that I can say to the Business is — that the Old Gentleman has been too hard for thee .

Gent .

Nay you were Disarm'd that 's certain .

Ma.

( Looking his Son in the Face . ) Tum ! Tum ! dum ! &c.

( Pockets the Money . ) Y. Ra .

Here ! Waiter , what 's to pay ? ( Out of Humour . )

Ma.

A Bill here for the Gentleman ! Sir , my Humble Service to you .

Y. Ra .

Sir , I don't care for Drinking .

Enter a Waiter , with a Bill , and a Letter . Wait .

Here 's a Letter for your Lordship .

L. Lov.

Who brought it ?

Wait .

A Footman below , my Lord .

L. Lov.

Bid him stay . — ( Exit L. Lov. )

Ma.

Here you , stay and take your Reckoning , whose Money 's this ?

Gent .

It 's my Lord Lovemore's , Sir , and there 's mine

Ma.

Why how now Jacky ? What Melancholy ! I find thou art a true Englishman , always dull at the Payment of a Reckoning . — Well! Hang-dog in consideration of some late Misfortunes , I don't much care if I Treat thee to Day . — There . —

( Exit Waiter . )

Tum ! Tum ! dum ! ( Going away Singing . )

Y. Rak .

So ! I find he is resolv'd to carry off the Money ! S'Death , I 'll try if I can bully him into Composition : — Hark you , Sir , if you are not in extraordinary haste , may I beg the Favour to know whither you are a going ?

Ma.

Why do'st thou ask my Dear Smock-face ?

Y. Ra .

Because , Sir , I have some Reason to believe it may be to my Lady Manlove's , and let me tell you , Sir , it won't be convenient : For I am going thither . ( Surlily . )

Ma.

( Pausing . ) Hast thou nothing else to say to me ? Brass ! Humh !

Y. Ra .

If you do go , Sir , Perhaps you may repent it : For in Plain Terms — I shall not care to see you there .

Ma

Very Good !

Y. Ra .

You will disturb us , Sir . —

Ma.

Disturb you ! Humh !

Y. Ra .

Then I shall grow angry , Sir . —

Ma.

Shalt thou !

Y. Ra .

I hear , Sir , you make Pretences there . —

Ma.

Do'st thou !

Y. Ra .

And I advise you as a Friend to give 'em o're .

Ma.

( Pausing . ) Say no more , my little Jacky . ( Going . )

Y. Ra .

Sir , I have a great deal more to say . ( Stays him )

Ma.

Say it .

Y. Ra .

Why then , Sir , I won't bear a Rival in my Love .

Ma.

Is this all ? is this all ? You dear Blushing Rogue you ?

( Pinching his Cheek . ) Y. Ra .

In short , Sir , I find your Good Nature , and my Fortune are so very low , that I am resolv'd to Marry her .

Ma.

To Marry her ? very Good ! — Now , but upon condition I will give thee back this five Hundred Pound , Thou wilt renounce all claim to her , is not it so my little Jacky ? Come ! speak , you dear Rogue .

Y. Ra .

Why look you , Sir , in consideration , that you are my Father , — and a Gentleman , that I have a Kindness for , make it a Thousand Pound , and I 'll have no more to say to her .

Ma.

A Thousand Pound , my little Jacky ? — Wilt thou ' ba●e me nothing ?

Y. Ra .

I am always at a Word , Sir .

Ma.

At a word , my little Jackey ! Nay , then , for a quiet Life d 'ee see , I will give thee — I will give thee — let me see ! What shall I give thee ? — I 'll give thee ! I will give thee — ( Pauses . ) The Devil a groat , my little Jackey .

Exit Ma. & Gent . Y. Ra .

So ! Now may I go hang my self : — 'S Death ! is there no way to be reveng'd of this old Fellow ? — Ha! — Igad my Lady Manlove has given me Incouragement ! Her Joynture's worth two Thousand Pound a Year , beside the Guardianship of her Son . Let me see ! Here 's Revenge , a good Estate , Marriage , and an old Woman all together in one Dish : Now to consult my Stomack a little ! Revenge is a pretty hollow Bit , that 's the Truth on 't , and two Thousand Pound a Year is well enough for a young Fellow to piddle upon : But then agen , Marriage is Hell , and an old Woman the Devil . — Humh ! Igad , and so is any Woman after a Months Possession . Pox on 't , I 'll ev'n humour my good Fortune , and pursue her , and so dear Daddy look to your Hits : Old ! why so : much the better ! wou'd she were Fourscore ! For Igad upon second Thoughts , when a Man is to be noos'd , who the Devil wou'd complain to be ty'd up in a rotten Halter . Exit .

Re-enter Lord Lovemore with the Letter open . L. Lov.

Confusion ! Is this the Proof he gives me of his Innocence ? But I 'll not leave a Thought unsatisfied . Here ! Waiter .

Enter a Waiter .

Where 's the Fellow , that brought this Letter ?

Wait .

He is here , my Lord .

Enter Leonora's Servant . L. Lov.

Come hither Friend , to whom had you Orders to give this Letter ?

Ser .

What Letter , my Lord !

L. Lov.

Why this Letter from your Lady .

Ser .

O dear , I brought a Letter to Mr. Longville , I hope your Lordship has not open'd it .

L. Lov.

This Fellow told me , 't was for me .

Ser .

O Lord I am undone ! As I hope to be sav'd , my Lord , I only ask'd if your Lordship was here : Because my Lady charg'd me not to give it Mr. Longville before your Lordship : Why did not I bid you give the Letter to Mr. Longville ?

to the Waiter . Wait .

I beg your Pardon , my Lord , I understood him your Lordship .

Ser .

O dear ! I shall be turn'd away ! Pray , my Lord let me have the Letter again , I 'll try to seal it ! O! I am ruin'd , what shall I do ?

L. Lov.

Fear not , I will take care of thee , it requires no Answer . Exeunt . Ha! There 's yet another Proof behind , she tells him here she will meet him at Mrs. Siams , according to his first Appointment . There will I wait for him : If he keeps his word ! — If ! Why do I doubt it ? Does not every Circumstance convince me that he will ? O there is no security in Man ! Here might the World expect that I shou'd curse my Stars , and raging vow Revenge : But I ( so soft is my relenting Nature ) cou'd weep to see how Men can damn themselves : But what 's impossible to Womans Eyes ? Had he not lov'd , he might have still been Honest : For he has given me Proof , in Danger and Distress , both of his Courage and Fidelity : But now with one infectious Glance of a resistless Woman , his tainted Soul breaks out in an ungrateful Villain , and a Coward .

Men may a thousand ways their Virtue prove , Yet still be counterfeit , when touch'd with Love . Exit .
The End of the Third Act.
ACT . IV .
The Scene , Lady Manloves House . Enter Lady Manlove , and Father Benedic . F. Ben .

MAdam vat you tellà me abote your Son , is one ver ' glorieuse Action : You sall ' avè your Revard in the toder Varle : For vidout doubte de best vay to dispose of your shile is to pote ' im in de vay to Heav'n .

L. Man .

Why truly Father , I always had Inclination to the Church : But you must know Sir , I found my Son Johnny had naturally a quick Wit , therefore I knew a good Education wou'd spoil my Design : Now Sir , that nothing might be wanting on my side , I have taken care to breed him at a private Country School ; and notwithstanding the natural dulness of his Master , I gave him a particular Charge to keep him in Ignorance : For I all along design'd him for a Churchman .

F. Ben .

O! Dat is vel , Madam ! Ma foy ! Sometime d'Ignorance in de Priestè is ver necessarie to support de Cause of de Shursh : Vor ven de Paisant see dat de Preistè doe himsel of b'leive All de Mysterie of de Religion , den de Paisant vil b'leivà too . Botè ven de Priest be Vise Man , neider de Prieste nor de Paisant beleiva noting at all .

L. Man .

Indeed , Father , 't is a great Misfortune to the Church , that the wicked Layity can't be confin'd from believing according to their erroneous Reason .

F. Ben .

O! you say ver vel , Madam ! Ma foy it vu'd be moch great deal better for de Shursh , if dey hade no Raison at all ! Vell ! but Madame vere is your Sone ?

L. Man .

He is making himself ready for his Journey : Pray Sir , let me beg of you to use your utmost Authority : For you 'll find him a stubborn Creature , and very hard to be kept under .

F. Ben .

Me warr ' , Madame ! lette me alone , lette me alone .

L. Man .

Really Sir I am almost asham'd to give you all this Trouble ! Pray accept of these fifty Pieces , as an Earnest of my Acknowledgments .

F. Ben .

Ah! Fi ! Madame , de Shurch no take de Money .

L. Man .

Nay , dear Sir , I won't be refus'd .

F. Ben .

Umh ! Vell ! Madame , if you please mee vill byy your Sonè some Bookà ( takes the Purse . ) Vere is he , Madamè , vere is he ?

L. Man .

Putting on his Boots below Sir : The young Rogue is so fond of being on Horseback , that nothing will serve him but riding Post to Harwich .

F. Ben .

Dat is vell , Madame , me vill goe putte on my Bootà too .

L. Man .

Dear Sir , I am afraid , that riding so hard will Discompose you .

F. Ben .

O! Madame ! Note at all ! Ven de Prieste doe undertake to Promote de Cause of de Shursh , he always goe vip , and spurr , vip , and Spurr , like de Diable . — Adieu Madam . Exeunt severally .

Enter Mass Johnny ready dress'd for his Journey , and Lettice following him in Tears . Mass Johnny ,

What doest thee dangle after me for ?

Lett .

Well Squire , I knew the Time , when you wou'd ha' been glad that I wou'd ha' follow'd you : But I find now you never lov'd me . Cryes .

M. J.

It 's a Lye ! — I did love you , so I did ! — and so I do still .

Lett .

And can you have the Heart to leave me then ?

M. J.

Remember the back Closet up two pair of Stairs , young Gentlewoman — Yaah ! you cou'd squall lowder then , when I did but offer to see , whether you Garter'd above Knee , or no .

Lett .

Why I don't Garter above Knee , you may feel here then ? sobbing .

M. J.

What do I care ? I won't feel there , I 'll feel which way I please , or I won't stay .

Lett .

No Squire ! You are mistaken in me , I am not such a one neither , I 'll die before I 'll be your Whore .

M. J.

And I will be Hang'd , before I will be your Fool . — Why Dick ! why doest not get the Horses ready ?

Lett .

You shall not leave me then . — She hangs upon his Arm. If you will stay , I will be kinder to you : Do but try me , till to morrow : I won't cry out no more , indeed now : You shall tye my Garter , where you please , if you won't go .

M. J.

Will you let 's Buss you then ? ( Surlily . )

Lett .

Yes ! in a civil way . ( Kisses her . )

M. J.

Well! But will you Promise to love me now ? and be free with a Body ?

Lett .

I 'll love you , as long as I live , if you won't leave me . ( crys . )

M. J.

Well! well ! what do you whawle for ?

Lett .

I am sure ' twu'd break my heart to part with you ! Pray , dear Squire don't go !

M. J.

What d' ye keep such a Baaling for ? I tell you , I won't go . — Let 's Buss you agen .

Lady Manlove seeing them , stops at the Door . L. Man .

What 's here ? my young Rogue , and that Impudent Quean in close Conference ? — I 'll observe ' em .

M. J.

But will you promise to Marry me to Day , if I won't go ?

L. Ma.

So ! ( Aside . )

Lett .

Marry you ! ay! Poor Fool ! You may be sure on 't . ( Aside . ) But won't you forsake me then , and use me ill ?

M. J.

I tell you , I won't use you ill , you Fool you .

L. Ma.

O! I han't Patience , the Rogue 's just Ruining my Design ! — Why , how now , Sirrah ! what are you doing there ? — and you Mrs. Flirt ! I 'll teach you to Debauch my Son ! I will you Stinking Jade you .

M. J.

What d 'ee strike her far , Mother ? what d 'ee strike her far ? You shan't strike her no more . Inter posing .

L. Ma.

How ! Sirrah ! shall not strike her ? you Sawcy Rogue ! I will fell you to the Ground .

M. J.

Wu'll yee ? — I 'll try that — [ He holds her Hands . ] Now strike me to the Ground ? Can't you ? ●et's see you strike me now ? [ They struggle . ]

Lett

[ Aside . ] What an Unfortunate Discovery was this ? to be caught just as we had agreed upon Articles : But however I don't fear him , for I know he will Marry me now , if it be only to contradict his Mother — Dear Squire don't anger my Lady so ! Pray , Sir , let go .

M. J.

Why , if she will be quiet , with all my Heart , I don't meddle with her . [ ●ets go his hold ]

L. Ma.

O! O! the Rogue has sprain'd my Arms , I shall not be able to stir 'em this Twelve Month .

Lett .

I am glad to hear that ; Then I shall have a Cessation of Double-Fists this Twelve-Month .

M. J.

Look you , Mother , I am sorry for 't , I did not design you no harm , not I : But why shou'd you offer to strike the Poor Girl so ?

L. M.

Sirrah , what 's that to you , how dare you justifie her ?

M. J.

Why may be I have a Kindness for her , what then ! and look ye , Mother , to tell you the Truth , indeed I do think you ought to be acquainted with the Business , you must know I — I design to marry her .

L. M.

And dare you tell me this to my Face , Sirrah ?

M. J :

Why how shou'd I tell it you behind your Back :

L. M :

Sirrah ! How dare you think of such a Thing ? You Jackanapes !

M. J.

Don't 'ee caal me Names , Mother , Don't 'ee caal me Names : But if I do think on 't how can I help it ? And Pray why shou'd not I think on 't as well , as you ? I suppose you thought of a Husband , and why shou'd not I think of a Wife ? You have had your swinge already ! Ico'd my Vather was noa Flincher , was not I born of your Body pray , and why shou'd not I get some Body upon some Body else's Body ?

L. M.

Was ever heard such Impudence ! Sirrah ! I shall turn over a new leaf with you : Your Governour shall know , what a wicked Rogue you are ! I 'll make him fley your Back-side for you !

M. J.

I don 't believe you will ! Ico'd , an' he meddles with me , I may chance to lay him upon his Back : He fley my Backside ! He ! Kiss — won't he ?

L. M.

So Sir ! this is very fine Language !

M. J.

Lettice , do you slip away into my Chamber , and I will come to you presently — Exit Lettice .

Enter Father Benedic Booted , &c. L. M.

O Father ! I am glad you are come , your Pupill here , my Son Johnny , has been making Love to one of my Impudent Maids , tells me to my Face , he will marry her , he won't go his Journey not he !

F. Ben .

Lettá me alone ; lettá me alone ; Come , come , Madam , ' is bettre to give him de good vard : — How you do , Young Gentleman ; ' ow you do ? me fall be ver ' Glade to 'ave de care of you .

M. J.

Ay , and you had best have a care of me .

F. Ben .

You no feara dat ; Dat is ver' vell : Now you be one good shile . ( Pats him on the Head . )

M. J.

What d' yee Tap me o th' Head for . ( Surlily . )

F. Ben .

O! mee lose you , Maitre Jeanny , mee lofe you .

Chucks his Chin . M. J.

Let my Chin alone wu'll yee ? Strikes away his Hand .

F. Ben .

Vat you mean ! strikea mee ! Vat you mean ? mee sall 'ave de Vip for you .

M. J.

Who 's that you will have the Whip for ? You Loggerhead you ? Who will you have the Whip for , ha !

Doubling his Fist . F. Ben .

Loggerhate ! Jernie Bleu ! Vat is dat Loggerhate ?

M. J.

You may go look ! it 's such a Fool as you are .

F. Ben .

De Fool ! a ha ! me onderstanda dat ver' vell ! you callá mee de Fool ! Humh !

M. J.

Why don't you hear I do Dunderpate ?

F. Ben .

Dunderpate ! Je vous Prie , Madame , vat is dat Dunderpate ?

L. Ma.

O! a very Scurrilous Name , Sir , won't you break his Head for 't ?

F. Ben .

O! lettá me alone , Madam : Ecoutes , Maitre Jeanny : Vat vill you say , if vor de Loggerhate , vor de Fool , and vor de Dunderpate , me sall give you , one , two , tree slap of d' Shops . Maitre Jeanny , Humh ?

M. J.

Why I say if you give me such another word , I may chance to wipe you crass the Jaws ?

F. Ben .

Ver ' vell ! vere is de Reverance you 'ave vor my Personne ?

M. J.

O Lord Sir ! I do Sir-reverence your Person .

F. Ben .

Allons , dono askà me de Pardonne , askà me de Pardonne .

M. J.

Ask your Pardon for what ? for what ? Can you tell you Owle you ? Ask your Pardon — Here give the poor Boy his Hat ! — There ! Now I ask your Pardon —

He strikes off his Hat , and Periwig , and discovers the Circle upon the Priests Head . M. J.

( staring upon him ) A hey ! What a dickens have we got here ?

F. Ben

Ah! Que Grande Malheure ! vat sall me doe ? Il à Decouver in a Couronne .

L. Man .

Undone ! Ruin'd ! I shall never get the Rogue to go now .

M. J.

( to F. B. ) Pray Sir , What Trade are you ?

L. Man .

He is no Trade Sirrah : But a Civil sober Gentleman , that I have prevail'd with to be your Governour .

M. J.

He my Governour ! What to make a Papish of me ? Look you Mother , as for Religion d' ye see ? Truly — I can't well say what I am of : But Ico'd this I know , that I won't be a Papish ; It 's a hard Case , if a Man must go to the Devil , he shan't take out his Sins in what sort of Wickedness he pleases : For my part I 'll e'en go the way of the Flesh , I am resolv'd the Spirit shall not carry me , Ico'd I won't be Priest-ridden thither : Not but I believe this same Gentleman knows the Road as well as a Dover Post-horse : But I am not so hot upon that Journey , and so I will pull off my Boots , d 'ee see . — Tall ! lall ! lall ! ( He sits down to pull off his Boots , and sings . )

L. Man .

You impudent young Rascal ! How dare you offer to pull off your Cloaths ? Sirrah ! I 'll have your Bones broken , I 'll make you change your Tune .

M. J.

No! you shan't ! Tall , lall , lall !

L. Man .

You sawcy Rogue ! do you laugh in my Face ! I 'll whip your Eyes out . She offers to take F. Benedics Whip .

F. Ben .

No trouble your self , Madame ! letta me alone ! — ( to M. J. ) Allons ! pote on your Boote , Maitre Jeanny !

M. J.

( looking in his Face . ) Tall , lall , lall !

F. Ben .

Vat is dat ta , la , la , la ! Me say pote on your Boote !

Smacks his Whip . M. J.

Ay , it 's no matter for that , I won't change my Tune ! Tall , lall , lall .

L. Man .

Hold Father , don't be too severe : I find there is no Dealing with him ; we must even try what fair Words will do .

F. Ben .

Ma Foy ! Madam — me beleiva dat is de best vay .

L. Man .

Johnny ! My dear Johnny don't be so wilful ! Prithee mind what I say to thee .

M. J.

Why ay , Mother , now your Note 's alter'd d' ye see , I don't care if I do change my Tune .

L. Man .

Now thou art a dear Child ! Come , that 's my good Boy , prithee put on thy Boots agen ; see ! Here 's Mony for thee : Thou shalt have every thing thou canst ask for .

M. J.

( aside . ) Say you so : Ico'd then I 'll serve you a rare Trick : That Money will buy Lettice a pure Topping to her Wedding Cloaths . Why look you Mother ! Because you give me good words now , if you 'll give me that Purse , d' ye see ! and make Vather Baald Pate walk down stairs , I will put 'em on agen .

L. Man .

But will you promise me to go your Journey too ?

M. J.

Pooh ! I will , I tell you . — Why don't he go ?

( He sits upon the Floor to put on his Boots . ) L. Man .

Dear Father , don't let us cross him in this good Humour : Pray be gone .

F. Ben .

Vid all mine ' art , Madame , Maitre Jeanney me be your ver ' humble Servant . ( exit . )

L. Man .

Why dost thou sit upon the Floor Johnny ?

M. J.

Pooh ! What does it signifie ? — Where 's the Purse , Mother ?

L. Man .

That 's a good Child : Put on the t'other Boot , and thou shalt have it .

M. J.

Pshah ! — Why there ' t is ! — You see what 't is to be Civil to a Body . — So ! Now give's the Money .

While she talks to him , he steals a Gimlet out of his Pocket , and fastens her Gown to the Floor . L. Man .

Well , but will you promise to get on Horseback , as soon as you have it ?

M. J.

What d' ye think I wou'd tell you a Lye , Mother , and look you in the Face o' this Manner ?

L. Man .

That 's my dear Boy , there 't is to do what thou wilt with .

M. J.

( Rises and pulls off his Boots agen . ) Tall , lall , lall !

L. Man .

How now ! What does the Fool mean ?

M. J.

No Fool , no Fool Mother .

L. Man .

You wicked Villain , I 'll — ( Offering towards him , she is held by her Gown . ) Ha! What 's here ! Hark you Sirrah ! Rogue ! What 's the meaning of this ?

M. J.

Why , that 's because you shou'd not follow me ! Look you , Mother , always tye a mad Bull to a Stàke ! tall , lall ! — and there 's my Tune agen for you now . Tall , lall , lall !

Exit singing . L. Man .

Was ever Woman plagu'd with such a stubborn Rascal ? What shall I do — ( endeavouring to free her self . ) O! how the Rogue has ramm'd it in ? — Who 's within there ? If I live I 'll be reveng'd ! I 'll marry the lewdest Fellow about Town , nay the most notorious Rogue of a Lawyer , but I 'll keep his Estate from him .

Enter a Servant . Serv .

Major Rakish , Madam , and his Son desire to speak with you .

L. Ma.

They cou'd not take me in a Better Time , neither of 'em shall want Encouragement ; Here , Prithee undo this .

Serv .

O Dear , Madam , this is Master Johnny's Gimlet , I am sure , it is the very same , that he tackt Mrs. Triffle , and Parson Waggish together with .

L. M.

Where is the Rogue ? did you see him ?

Serv .

Yes , Madam , he just now put Mrs. Lettice into an Hackney-Coach .

L. Ma.

And did he go with her ?

Serv .

No , Madam , he is some-where about the House .

L. Ma.

If he offers to go out , be sure you Dog him , and bring word immediately . — Go , bid the Gentlemen walk up .

Serv .

They are here , Madam . [ Exit Servant . ]

Enter the Major , and Young Rakish . Maj.

Madam , your most Humble Servant : Odsbu'd ! It is a Month since I kiss'd your Ladiships Hands . ( Offering towards her Y. Ra . steps before him . )

Y. Ra .

It 's an Age , Madam , since I did ; therefore , as a long absent lover , ought to do it first . ( Catches her Hand . )

L. M.

O Dear , Sir , I 'll swear you Hurt me .

Y. Ra .

Can there be harm in such a Tender Grasp of Love ? Madam , your Raging Charms bound like a Rowling Deluge o're my Soul , and choak me with Excess of Passion ! Ah! the very Pangs of Death are on me , I beat and struggle like a Drowning wretch for life , and these my last Convulsions .

Maj.

Uumh ! ( Aside . )

L. Ma.

( Aside . ) Well , I really believe I might have satisfaction enough in such an Husband , without considering the Pleasure of Revenge .

Y. Ra .

( to Maj. ) Will you make it a Thousand Pound , Sir ?

Maj.

' Oones you Dog , I 'll lay your Head upon both your Shoulders . ( Apart to Y. Rakish . )

Y. Ra .

( Turning quick to L. Ma. ) O take me to that Healing Bosom , wrap me in the warm folds of Love , feed me with the Balmy Sweets , that flourish there , give me new life , and nurse me to an Infant Dotage .

L. Ma.

( Aside . ) O! I shall Faint , I am not able to contain my self !

Maj.

[ Softly to Y. Rak . ] Jacky , Thou shalt have an Hundred Guineas , Prithee , let her alone , my Dear Boy .

Y. Ra .

[ Starting back he jostles the Maj. ] Where am I ? Sure 't is Elysium ! For Mortal Flesh , cou'd never feed so high , I surfeit with Delight : my Soul 's all over Bliss : my Ravisht Senses ake with Pleasure , and I grow faint with Gazing .

[ Throws himself on her Bosom . ] L. Ma.

O I die : I die : [ Aside . ]

Maj.

Jacky , my Dear Jacky , thou shalt have five Hundred Pound .

Y. Ra .

Thus let us ever live ; thus blest with one Perpetual Round of Circling Pleasure , still Fainting with Excess of Love , and waking still to new Reviving Joys .

Maj.

' Ounds , how the Rogue has dissolv'd her ?

Y. Ra .

You see , Sir , what Posture my Affairs are in : Nothing but a Thousand Pound can forbid the Banes .

Maj.

Say'st thou so my little Jacky ? [ Steps between 'em , and Draws . ] Then there lies your way , down Stairs Dog : go , get you gone , Sirrah .

L. Ma.

Ah , for Heav'ns sake , what do you mean ?

[ Holds the Major . ] Y. Ra .

O don't be frighted , Madam , I 'll tell you the Business — You must know , Madam , there is a Young Lady here in the Pallmall , of a Prodigious Fortune , whom it seems my Father here , positively designs I shall marry , or he will disinherit me ; and so let him , Madam , if he pleases , for my part , I confess my Soul , and Blood , Madam , are intirely Devoted to your Ladiship ; and if I were to die upon the spot , Madam , I solemnly declare , Madam , I wou'd not renounce one tittle of that Etern●l Passion I have avow'd for your Ladiship's most inde●●b●● Perfections . [ Bowes , and Ogles her . ]

Maj.

Umh ! [ Astonisht . ]

L. Ma.

O Fye ! Sir , This is most inhumane to force your only Son to marry one he can't love : Come , Sir , for my sake spare him : Pray put up your Sword .

Maj.

Well , Madam , for your sake d 'ee see I — I will sheath my Indignation : But by the Pleasure of Drinking all this is a more Notorious lye than ever came out of the mouth of an Irish Evidence : — But now , Madam , to the Business I came for : Look you , Madam , if you and I make a match , d' yee see ; you must expect every ten Months for the first seven years Twins , Madam , — I always get Twins — That whelp's a Twin , Madam , and the Product of my Juvenile Recreations .

[ Young Rakish all this while makes Love in dumb shew behind the Major's Back . ] L. M.

Let me die ! But this is Irresistibly Persuasive .

Maj.

I am very Proud , Madam , your Ladiship likes what I say to you .

L. Ma.

Well , I swear , Sir , you have such a way — and such a Son .

Maj.

Madam , I have a Thousand Pound a year clear Estate ; no Children in the world but this Boy here , I shall drink him dead in a Fortnight , and then , Madam , after my death the Thousand Pound a year's your own for ever : How say you , Madam , do you like of it ?

L. Ma.

Ay , Sir , But now let me hear your Sons Proposals .

Maj.

Pshah ! a Beggar ! a Poor Dog , Madam .

Y. Ra .

Madam , 't is true , I have not one Groat in the World , have no hopes of any thing : For the very moment that I marry you , I am sure to be disinherited : Madam , as a Friend , I beg you to believe this true , for I cou'd sooner die , than cheat you with a Pretended Fortune . [ Kneels . ] But if the Raging Violence of an Humble Passion have any Merit in the Eyes of Virtue , then strow your Pity here , and raise me with a kind Reviving Hope .

Maj.

What a Tongue the Dog has ? ( Aside . )

L. Ma.

O Dear , Sir , Pray rise .

Maj.

Pshah , Madam , words ; words ! meer air ; Odsbu'd , I have an Argument in my Pocket , that uses to convince a Woman sooner than all the Poetical Raptures in Christendom . Look you , Madam , the only certain Proof of a Lovers Passion is , when he parts with his Money : [ Takes out a Purse . ] Therefore , as an Earnest of my Affection , give me leave to lay this five hundred Pound at your Feet .

Y. Ra .

Which when you marry , Sir , you know , will be your own agen .

Maj.

Hold your Peace , Sirrah : There , Madam , dispose of it at you please . [ Gives it into her Hand . ]

L. Ma.

O Dear , Major , this is an Extravagant Piece of Gallantry ! — Jesu ! How heavy it is — Pray , Sir , do me the Favour to hold it for me : Gives it Yo Ra .

Y. Ra .

( Leering upon the Major . ) — Tum ! Tum ! Dum !

( Sings , and walks about . ) Ma.

I must murther the Dog ! I must murther him . ( aside . ) Oones ! Madam ! I cou'd have held it for you .

Y. Ra .

( Aside . ) But not so fast , as I shall . — Tum ! Tum ! Dum !

Ma.

I was in hopes , Madam , you wou'd have made a Better use of the Money !

L. Ma.

O Dear , Sir , can I express my Concern for you , a better way , than by being kind to your Children .

Ma.

Ay , Madam , but not to my Rival .

Y. Ra .

Ha! Igad a good thought comes into my Head : look you , Sir , if you 'l give me leave to speak a word or two in private with this Lady , I will immediately convince you , that in her disposing of this Money she has had no other Consideration than your Interest .

L. Ma.

What can he mean ? [ Aside . ]

Ma.

Why thi● might be done Jacky , if I cou'd but persuade my self to trust thee .

Y. Ra .

Why , Sir , you shall not trust me out of your sight .

Ma.

Humh ! say'st thou so , my little Jacky ? Nay , then I do give thee leave .

Y. Ra .

Madam , if you please — Takes her to one side o' th' Stage .

Enter Mass Johnny Behind . M. Jo .

So ! Lettice is safe enough now , and I co'd let 'um lock me up an' they can . — Hey day ! who have we here ? — I find my Mother has a Colt's Tooth left yet , I warrant these are a couple of Suitors now ! — Ico'd , I will put in with 'um — Sir , your Servant : [ To the Major . ] What don't 'ee know me ?

Ma.

Know thee ? Prithee who art thou ?

M. Jo .

Who bee I — why I bee — I bee — I co'd I don't know what to tell him , not I — why I be Mother's Zon , don't 'ee zee what I bee .

Ma.

Ay my Dear Lad , I see very plainly what thou art : But want to know who thou art ? Who is thy Father , Child ?

M. Jo .

Who ? — I have ne're a Vather at all . — But I believe I shall have shortly : For I see my Mother there is providing for herself .

Ma.

How ! thy Mother ? What! is thy Name Johnny ?

M. Jo .

May be it is — What then .

Ma.

Why then very shortly thou wilt be my Son-in-Law .

M Jo .

May be not — That 's as I shall like you , may be .

Ma.

Odsbu'd , you young Rogue , I 'll Buss you into Good Humour . [ The Major offers to Kiss him , and he struggles . ]

M Jo .

Let me alone , be quiet , w●'ll yee ? You sha'nt Buss me . [ Kisses him . ] Ptah — [ Spits . ] — What a Plague do you Slaver one so for ? You my Vather in Law ? Yes , so you shall ; Ico'd I 'll do your Business .

L. Ma.

[ To Y. Ra . ] Why really , Sir , if this be true , I must needs own he is a very Barbarous man to use his only Son at this Rate : If you think I can serve you by Farthering this Innocent Revenge , Sir , you may command me .

M. Jo .

Hark you , Mother .

L. Ma.

O you wicked Rogue , are you there ?

M. J.

Lord , don't 'ee be angry , Mother , I come to talk with you about Business .

Y. Ra .

O pray , Madam , give the Young Gentleman leave to speak however .

M. Jo .

A good sort of a Civil Gentleman ; I may chance to do him a Kindness for this , I 'll assure you , Sir , I will , if I can . I am Good Natur'd enough , when People are Civil to me .

L. Ma.

Well , what have you to say , Sirrah ?

M. Jo .

Say , — why I understand that this Old Soldier here , is a Sutor to you , and to tell you the Truth , I don't like him : He is a strange Hurly-Burly sort of a man , he has Buss'd and Slaver'd me here , whether I wou'd or no , and has Prickled my Face , till my Eyes are all of a water .

L. Ma.

You Sawcy Rogue is this your Business ? Know then Sirrah , that this Gentleman shall be your Father-in-Law , if he pleases : Come , Sir , if you dare trust your self alone with me , I have something to propose to you from your Son , that very nearly concerns the Happiness of us both !

Maj.

Odsbu'd ! Madam , you over-joy me ! But has that Dear Dog put in a word for me at last then ? has he ? Jacky ! Thou Dear Son of an Happy Dog of a Father : Buss me you Whelp , you Dear Bastard ! Buss me — Od ! I will remember thee for this my little Jacky ! Odsbu'd I will !

( Exit with L. Man . ) Y. Ra .

I shall give you cause I believe .

M. Jo .

Lord ! Sir ! How can you let him Slaver you so ! Don't it make your Nose tingle ! Odsfish ! he is gone away with my Mother too ! — Shall I fetch her Back agen , Sir ? Ico'd , an' you say the word I 'll do 't .

Y. Ra .

No! No Squire let him alone , he will be little the better for 't . — A good sort of an impudent Face this Young Dog has , he may be useful , I 'll strike in with him . ( Aside . )

M. Jo .

Pray , Sir , been't you a Suitor to my Mother ?

Y. Ra

Ay Squire ! What do you think of me for a Father-n-Law ?

M. J.

Ico'd I like you very well ! Better by half than that Old Soldier . What a Duce do you let him take her aside so for ?

Y. Ra .

O! it 's a Design I have in my Head , Squire .

M. Jo .

Ay Sr ; But do you know what Design she may have in her Hea● look you , Sir , I mean you well , I wu'd not have you trust her too far neither , Ico'd you don't know her , Sir , you don't know her .

Y. Ra .

Well! Squire , I am oblig'd to you for your Good meaning , and in return will acquaint you with my Design upon that Old Soldier .

M. Jo .

Aye !

Y. Ra .

You must know then . —

M. Jo .

But hark you , Sir ; Pray by the way who is that Old Soldier ?

Y. Ra .

Only my Father , Sir .

M. Jo .

Hoh ! hoh ! Ico'd then I find you eare no more for your Father , than I do for my Mother . Well Sir , but pray go on .

Y. Ra .

About an hour hence , Squire , I shall privately marry your Mother , who in the mean time , by my Allowance is to flatter the Old Gentleman with the same Hopes , and ( to revenge a severe Quarrel I have to him ) is to appoint him a meeting ( just when our Marriage is over ) at a Friends House of mine , where I shall have a Publick Opportunity to laugh at his Disappointment , and invite him to my Wedding Supper .

M. Jo .

Ico'd , that 's well enough ! O Dear Sir , shall not I beg the Favour of you to get the Parson to do me a small Job too ? Od ! I have a Tight young Girl here hard by that I have a main mind to be married to ! — Sir — won't you speak a word to him to tack us together a little ?

Y. Ra .

How Squire ! to tack you together ! whom have you advis'd with in this Business ? Who is it , you have a mind to marry ? are you sure she is fit for a Wife ?

M. J.

I don 't know Sir , but I am sure she is fit for an Husband .

Y. Ra .

Ha! Igad ! there can be no harm in tying the Young Rogue of a Slipknot ! This was a lucky Discovery , something may be made on 't . ( Asid ) Well! Squire , I 'll do all I can to serve you .

M Jo .

O Dear Sir ! I am mainly oblig'd to you .

Y. Ra .

Nay , I won't only lend you my Parson , but my Money too : Nay , my very Cloths ; Igad I will make a Gentleman of you .

M. Jo .

Wu'll , ye Sir ? O law ! ( Overjoy'd . ) Ico'd t●en my Mother shall make a Fool of me no longer — Sir , ●s I hope to be to be married , I had rather call you Vather , t●at any man in Cursendome .

Y. Ra .

P'sha ! Pox ! I 'll be a Brother to the ●an : ( Hugs him ) Prithee call me honest Jack , we 'll Smoak an● Whore , and Roar , and take a Bottle together .

M. J.

Is your Name Jahn ? why my Name 's Jahn too ! Odszooks ! that 's brave , honest Jahn ! How is 't Boy ? Dammee . ( struts .

Y. Ra .

Why that 's well said , Boy ! Igad ! thou swear'st like a Gentleman already . — Come , my little Rake ! Now let 's take one cheering Flask before the Parson does his Business ; then get Drunk , break Windows , mawle the Watch , and Bed our new married Wives in the Round-house .

M. J.

Ho! Boys ! God a marcy Brother-Father-in-Law . Exeunt .

Enter Olivia , Emilia , and Leonora . Triffle putting on her Hood and Scarf . Oli .

There you mistake me Madam , 't is my Amazement , not my Jealousie , that brought me hither : I own I do wonder why Mr. Longville shou'd disappoint me : But never can suspect his Honour . Speak to her Emilia , for I want Temper to conceal my Fears . ( aside to Emi . )

Leo .

Call a Chair there . ( to a Servant . )

Emi .

Then you will go Madam ?

Leo .

I am preparing for it , Madam .

Em.

One serious Question more , and I have done , Madam : Do you really expect to meet my Brother at Mrs. Siams ?

Leo .

Jesu ! Madam I can't imagine why you shou'd question that , after this Lady has confess'd he has already disappointed her : But to satisfie you , he expects me this very Moment , he is now at Mrs. Siams , — or my Servant lyes , that dogg'd him . ( aside . ) Look you Madam , I don't desire you to believe one word I say : But if this Lady and you will give your selves the trouble to go thither , I fancy you will find him there .

Em.

Insupportable . ( aside . ) Really Madam , you have an Admirable Talent .

Leo .

I hope Madam , I have not been guilty of any ill Breeding .

Em.

O fye ! Madam , all that you do is with a very Court-like Air : You are resolv'd to stand it out I see .

Leo .

W●at is 't you mean , Madam ?

Em.

I mean , the groundless Jealousies your Malice now wou'd raise between my Brother , and this Lady — He love you ! You will as soon perswade me you deserve it , Madam I know , that in ' ●is Soul he scorns you .

Leo .

Not so much as I scorn Revenge ; I dare say , had I been fond of a Triumph , Madam , I might have had it in a Publick Wedding . ( Mr. Longville offer'd it . ) But out of Friendship to this Lady , and your self , I have been content to marry him in Private . I 'll out-face this obstinate Devil , tho' I forfeit my Revenge for 't . ( Aside . )

Em.

How Madam , my Brother married to you ! to you ?

Leo .

To me this Morning , Madam , Sister I may say . ( Mildly . )

Em.

Sister ! ( Angryly . )

Enter a Servant . Ser .

Here 's a Chair Madam .

Leo .

Ladies your Servant , I shall expect you at Mistriss Siam's . Exit .

Ol.

Why , have I lived to see this Day ? Oh , I am despicable now ! I shall be pointed at ; the publick Merriment of malicious Tongues : Thou wer 't my Friend Emilia ; why didst thou not tell me of my Weakness , that I was Credulous , Conceited , vainly Fond to think my Easie Love cou'd fix the Faithless Temper of a Man . But thou alas ! wer 't soft believing Woman , like me unskill'd in Injuries : Therefore in fear of none , easily deceiv'd by every show of guil'd Virtue ; married ! perfidious Man .

Em.

Believe it not Olivia ! Come ! we 'll follow Leonora : let his own words , nor hers condemn him .

Ol.

You wou'd not have me see him sure !

Em.

I wou'd not have you punish him unheard : For , oh ! I know his Innocence , tho' now o'er-cast , will shortly break these sullen Clouds , and gild you with a smiling Joy : Alas ! my dear Jealousie's the Disease of Love , a Pain — Which first , or last all Lovers must endure : But none can speak the Joys , that wait the Cure . Exeunt .

The End of the Fourth Act.
ACT . V.
The Scene , an Indian House . Longville is discovered looking on his Watch . Lon

I Wonder why Olivia comes not , the Time 's expir'd , and I am unwilling to fail in my Promise to my Lord Lovemore , who I know will be upon the Rack till I have perform'd it : But I 'll have patience ; For I am sure her Generosity , tho' late will furnish me with an Occasion . — Come ! Mrs. Siam , what new Indian Toys have you ? ( He goes to the Counter . )

Enter Leonora Mask'd at a Distance . Leo .

Longville , here first ! 't is , as I cou'd wish ! — hark ! I hear some body stealing up stairs ! [ She looks out . ] Ha! muffl'd in a Cloak ! O! for a Glimpse of him ! — My Lord Lovemore , as I live ! his Disguise tells me what he comes for , and I hope mine will help me to answer his Expectation : My first Care must be , by some seeming Accident to let him know me : my next to tell this Wretch ( who must not know me ) some formal Story , that may oblige him to make such Answers as may reasonably incline my Lord to think himself the Subject of our Discourse .

[ She goes to Longville , and talks with him in her Mask . ] Enter Lord Lovemore in a Cloak . L. Lov.

So Punctual ! Ha! that must be Leonora 't is her stature ! ( Leonora turns back , pretending to wipe her Face , and gives Lord Lovemore a sight of it ) By Heav'n 't is she ! — I saw her Face ! — Wu'd I had never seen it ! — Or cu'd but Dream agen the Promis'd Raptures of her Virtue : For there was Pleasure in the Vision , infinitely surpassing what we taste in any waking joy : O! there is no Happiness but in Eternal sleep ! Ha! [ Observing Lon and Leo . ] Do I not sleep ? Rather let me think , that this is all a Dream ! 't is liker far , Amazing ! Incoherent , and Unnatural ! — I find I am but a stranger to the World , another man perhaps wou'd wonder at my Amazement ! Suppose I shu'd surprize him now i th' very act of Falshood ? Will he not sink into the Earth with shame ? must not his Conscience burn him up with Blushes ? I shu'd resent this Usage , and I will ; But , as a brave man ought , Despise him for his Treachery , and forgive it all ! Nay more ! I 'll do a Friends last Duty , and wound him with the tenderness of my Resentment : But stay ! — lay hold on all Advantages ! something may be gather'd from their Discourse — I 'll observe ' em . ( Lon . comes forward with Leo . )

Lon .

( Aside . ) Who the Devil can this be , that is so fond of Acquainting me with her Circumstances ?

Leo .

Then you advise me as a Friend never to see him more ?

L. Lov.

Ha! It must be me they talk of . ( Aside . )

Lon .

I suppose , Madam , you can't expect to be Extraordinary well us'd if you do .

Leo .

Why , I am sure he loves me still .

L. Lov.

I hope not , Madam . ( Aside . )

Leo .

Hang it I believe my best way to silence his Resentment , will be to write him a Civil Letter to acknowledg the severity of my Revenge , and beg him for his own sake never to see me more .

L. Lov.

For my own sake , that I never will . ( Aside . )

Lon .

P'sha ! Damn her Revenge , what is 't to me ?

Leo .

What think you of it ?

Lon .

O the best thing in the World , Madam , I 'd advise you to step into the next Room , and do it immediately .

( Pressing her to go . ) Leo .

Well! you will peruse it for me ?

Lon .

Ay! ay! any thing to serve you

Leo .

( Aside . ) With your Throat : I hope , Sir , you have endanger'd it to serve me : I 'll step aside , and let the Mischief work , I see it lowring yonder in that Brow . Leonora retires .

L. Lov.

I 'll surprize him now , while Leonora is withdrawn : Not knowing that I have seen her Face , possibly he will swear it was no she he talkt with ! — Are you at leisure , Sir .

Lon .

My Lord Lovemore !

L. Lov.

What is 't you start at ?

Lon .

To see you here , in this Disguise ! you frown , my Lord !

L. Lov.

Fye ! that were to confess my Anger : Doest thou think thy self beneath it ? I smile upon thee .

Lon .

I understand you not .

L. Lov.

When saw you Leonora ?

Lon .

This Morning , I am not asham'd to mention it : But why shou'd that disturb you now ? I thought an Hours time was given me to clear my self , it is not yet expir'd my Lord .

L. Lov.

I can't think you 'l keep your word with me .

Lon .

I don 't use to forfeit it , nor do I think it I shall , if no Misfortune cross me .

L. Lov.

Has Leonora told you so ?

Lon .

Explain your self .

L. Lov.

If you were that Enemy you have profess'd your self to Leonora , I cannot think at such a time as this , you wou'd meet her here .

Lon .

Who dares affirm it ?

L. Lov.

I saw her here , this moment saw her here with you .

Lon .

Then she was here with me , when I saw her not , — next time , my Lord have better Proof e're you condemn so near a Friend as I am ; you saw perhaps a Woman talk with me in a Mask , who I believe might know me : For she seem'd fond of making me her confident , I listned to her till her impertinence had quite tir'd my curiosity : And this Woman I suppose your Jealousie has taken for Leonora .

L. Lov.

Whom did you take her for ?

Lon .

A stranger ! I know her not , nor ever care to see her more .

L. Lov.

Ha! take heed ! for if I prove thee in a lye , it will be then dishonourable to talk with thee .

Lon .

Speak lower : while we are unheard , my Friendship teaches me to bear , but my impatient honour will be justified .

L. Lov.

Honour ! Doest thou not blush to name it ?

Lon .

My Lord , it is not well to bear thus far upon my Friendship , if you wu'd have me think your meaning honest , I do demand a Reason for this Usage .

L. Lov.

( Amazing . ) But that I cannot give my Eyes the lye , I shu'd my self believe thee wrong'd : But to confound thee in one word , give me a living reason , why I see thee here .

Long .

I came to meet Olivia here , by her own Appointment .

L. Lov.

S'Death and Hell ; you will not tell me 't was Olivia you now talkt with !

Lon .

I mean it not , Olivia has not yet been here .

L. Lov.

Why then are you here so Early ?

Lon .

Because Olivia charg'd me , as I priz'd her Quiet , not to fail a minute : Besides the time has been expir'd almost this half Hour .

L. Lov.

Confusion ! why is not she here then ?

Lon .

Have a moments Patience , and I 'll send to her to know the reason , in the mean time , my Lord —

L. Lov.

Away ! now thou condemn'st thy self , thy dull Invention's tir'd , and thou wants time to give it breath .

Lon .

This from another man wou'd urge me to a fatal Answer : By Heav'n now I wou'd not have you credit me ! No! go on ! be obstinate , believe the grossest things of me your Malice can suggest , I will not offer more to clear my self till Demonstration shakes her head , and makes you blush for these unfriendly wrongs .

L. Lov.

( Pausing . ) I know not why I shu'd : But a resistless Curiosity tempts me to see how far thou wilt drive this : Prithee be sincere , by Heav'n if there 's yet a way in nature left to clear thy Innocence : I here engage my Honour , as far as mortal Patience can to wait the issue .

Lon .

Had you said this sooner , some words my Lord , might have been spar'd between us : But I have done , Olivia now shall speak for me ; her Presence shall convince you where I have given my heart : That Leonora ever had my scorn , as now , I hope she has yours .

L. Lov.

Thou talk'st with such a calm indifference , I dare not yet resolve where I shall fix my Thoughts .

Lon .

No matter where my Lord , let 'em Rove , a moments . Patience will recall ' em .

L. Lov.

I am satisfied . [ They part . ]

Re-enter Leonora Behind . Leo .

O! I cou'd run mad , that subtle Devil has talkt him into Reason . What can it be that stays Olivia thus ? — Were she here , her Resentment wu'd confirm his Jealousie , and bring the mischief to perfection . Ha! Fortune sends her to my Wish ! Now to prepare her .

Enter Olivia , and Emilia : ( Leonora stops them at the Door . ) L. Lov.

Ha! Olivia here too ? what can this mean ?

Leo .

( to Olivia . ) There he is , Madam .

Oliv .

O! Emilia help me .

Leo .

Now Ladies I hope you are satisfied , what Interest I have in Mr. Longville .

Emi .

't is impossible ! I 'll not believe it scarce shu'd he himself confess it ; this is some Trick ! he is impos'd on ! wrong'd ! basely wrong'd , I am sure 't will prove so .

Oliv .

Excuse him not Emilia ! I 'll shut my self from all the World , and never see the face of Friend agen . ( Going . )

Emi .

Be not too Rash , Dear Olivia , hear him speak first : If he is not able then to clear himself , may all the Punishments his Perjury deserves be mine , if I not joyn with thee to hate and scorn him .

Leo .

Ay! Madam ! Pray stay to examine him however , not that it will be to any Purpose , for to my knowledge he will deny our Appointment , or that he has so much as seen me here .

Emi .

Nay then I must believe he has not , Madam ; I 'll have the Truth from him Emi . goes to Lon and Oli . turns away in tears .

Leo .

( aside . ) Poor harmless Thing , how it frets ; I have rais'd her to my Ends. Now let her go on , while I stand by and laugh to see her forward my Revenge .

L. Lov.

( aside . ) When will my Distraction end ! Emilia thinks her Brother wrong'd ! Olivia weeps to see him Perjur'd ! I prov'd him guilty ! And yet he starts to hear himself accus'd , while Leonora leaves him unconcern'd : I dare not leave him till these Contradictions are Unravell'd .

Lon .

What Riddle 's this , Emilia ?

Emi .

How Brother a Riddle ! Indeed I griev'd at first to find you here ! But now cou'd weep to see you justifie your Crime .

Lon .

Away — this Mirth 's unpleasing now , where 's Olivia ? ( He leaves her . )

Leo .

( to Emi . aside . ) Is not your Ladiship well ? Madam , will you please to make use of my Spirits ?

Emi .

Fury !

Leo .

Your Ladiship's Humble Servant , Madam .

Lon .

( to Oliv . ) If either may , Madam , I have most reason to complain : For I have expected you here this Half-hour .

Oli .

Me ! Did you expect me here ?

Lon .

Not with such Displeasure in your Eyes , I must confess , Madam : But I have with great impatience waited here for your Commands .

Oliv .

You dare not justifie it ?

Lon .

You cannot doubt it , Madam ,

Oliv .

This Audacious Insolence is beyond Resentment , from you it strikes my Thoughts with Horror !

Lon .

This Anger , Madam , is a Double Rack , while you conceal the Crime , that has deserv'd it .

Oliv .

Is then the Repetition of your Guilt so pleasing ? Base Man ! why did you send so fair an Answer to my Letter , when at the s●me time you had resolv'd to meet another Woman here ? Was it not enough to wrong me by an abhor'd Abjurance of your Vows : But you must Barbarously expose me to the Triumph of an insulting Rival !

Lon .

Madam , you confound me , what Rival ?

Oliv .

Away ! I have heard , and seen too much already ; Reputation bids me fly you now , Farewell Ungrateful Wretch , and may the shameful memory of my wrongs lye Rooted in your ●eart for ever .

Lon .

Yet stay , and hear me .

Oliv .

Never .

L. Lov.

Hold , Madam ! before you go , give me leave to ingraft my wrongs with yours .

Leo .

( aside . ) It ripens now !

Emi .

Ha! My Lord Lovemore here ! This must be Combination : But I am resolv'd to find the Truth before we part : Tho' ev'n my Brothers guilt , or what 's yet worse , her hateful Triumph shu'd confound me . ( Aside . )

( Emi . locks the Door , unseen , and takes out the Key . ) Lon .

I read Resentment in your Eyes , my Lord : Out with it ! For while Amazement makes me tame , I can bear it all .

L. Lov.

Madam ! ( to Oliv . ) to justifie that Resentment , or to clear the Sacred Honour of a Friend , I beg you faithfully wou'd resolve me one Question : Was it by your desire , or commands , that Mr. Longville came to meet you here ?

Oli .

So far from that , my Lord , that 't is the only Place on Earth , I wisht he might avoid .

L. Lov.

Now , Sir ! If my Jealousie has wrong'd you , let it appear before this Lady , if not from this Moment let Eternal Enmity divide us .

Leo .

( Aside . ) Ha! ha ! ha ! Poor Soul he is Dumb ! Now my Revenge is perfect , and so poor ! easie ! cheated ! Jealous Fools ! Farewell ! ( She offers to steal out , and finds the Door last . ) Ha! the Door lockt ! Confusion ! I am betray'd ! some Devil has counterplotted me ; shou'd Longville know me my Revenge is lost : No matter I am above his Anger , and am still secure in this , I 'll bravely face 'em to the last . ( Aside . )

Lon .

One word more my Lord , and I submit : But since my future Peace depends upon your Answer , I beg you wou'd directly give it me , without the least Enquiry , on what Assurance I demand it .

L. Lov.

I 'll answer you .

Lon .

Then give me instantly an honest Proof , that you have seen me here with Leonora ?

L. Lov.

Hell ! and Furies ! Is this your Question ?

Lon .

Nay , my Lord , your Promise .

L. Lov.

't is true , and there 's my Answer . ( Pointing to Leo . )

Lon .

There ! how ! where , my Lord ?

L. Lov.

Why there ! there ! Leonora's there ! That 's she .

( Leo . Unmasks . ) Lon .

( Amaz'd ! ) Ha! — Nay then ! There 's the Devil has bewitcht us all .

L. Lov.

What can this Amazement mean ?

Em.

Why are you surpriz'd Brother ? Did not you know that was Leonora .

Lon .

— Not I ! by all my Hopes of Happiness ! I took her for a stranger , and as such have ignorantly convers'd with her : —

Em.

Now Olivia !

L. Lov.

Ha!

Ol.

I am amaz'd ! what can this mean ?

Lon .

That this Lady , I presume , can best inform us : Madam , I confess , I ought not to expect a Favour from you : But yet there 's something might be done for both our Honours .

Leo .

Sir , I have nothing to say to you .

Lon .

Madam , I scorn the low Revenge of a publick Triumph : But for your own sake hear me : I freely own for all you have done to me . I have given you a severe Occasion : But yet I hope the World , and you will pardon me : I knew you lov'd my Friend , and griev'd that nothing but my exposing you never cou'd wean him from your Eyes : Now since every Circumstance convinces me , that those Aspersions I now lie under are but the Continuance of your just Revenge , if you 'll but clear my Honour by a generous Acknowledgment of what you have done to ruine me ; you bind us all to an Eternal Secrecy , and me in any Honourable Command to serve you with my Life .

Em.

Dear Madam , cannot this Goodness move you to an Act so just ; nay , and so Glorious too for you ? For no one sure can hear your Story told , but must confess your Wit inimitable , and your Revenge uncommon : No Tongue can speak its Praise like yours , whose Art first rais'd it to such a Wondrous Height .

Leo .

Madam , I read your secret Triumph in your Eyes : But I am above your little Spleen .

Em.

Madam you wrong my Thoughts , what I askt of you , I was ready to receive as a real Obligation .

Leo .

Then , Madam , expect none from me .

Lon .

Nay , then Madam , we must talk on Equal Terms ; Now , my Lord hear me .

Em.

Hold Brother , first let me speak : You are the suspected Criminal , and thus I charge you . — About Two a Clock this Afternoon Olivia , and I visited my Lady Manlove , where we had a full Account from a Gentleman , of your late Quarrel with my Lord Lovemore : Leonora smil'd at our Intelligence , and to our Amazement , wou'd perswade us , that you were really my Lord's Rival in her Love ; adding withal , that you had lately offer'd Marriage to her : Nay , and to give us a more convincing Proof of it ; she desir'd , that we wou'd see her write to you , which she did , and show'd us the Letter , wherein she appointed you a Meeting in half an Hour , here , at Mrs. Siam's . — Olivia , more out of a sportive Curiosity , than to satisfie any jealous Thought , begg'd the same Liberty , and she likewise appointed you to meet her in the same half Hour at her Father's .

Lon .

Ha!

Em.

The Letters both were sent : But our Amazement yet continues : Olivia is disappointed , and we have found you here with Leonora : Now , you are free to answer .

Lon .

Then Truth 's in Labour of my Innocence , and thus she is deliver'd , there 's my Answer . ( He produces Olivia's Letter . )

Ol.

Ha! what 's here , my Lord , Emilia ! see , here 's the Witchcraft that has wrong'd us all ! my Hand counterfeited by Leonora in my own Letter ! see ! she has blotted out my Father's , and interlin'd Mrs. Siams , the very same Place that she had appointed him her self .

L. Lov.

What have I done ? my shame confounds me ! How shall I dare to meet him ? ( Aside . )

Ol.

But hold ! there 's one thing yet unanswer'd , if there were no Intimacy between you , and Leonora ? What Encouragement cou'd she have to write to you ? What Answer did you send to her Appointment ?

Lon .

By all that 's Sacred , I had no other Letter from Leonora , nor any Appointment whatsoever .

L. Lov.

No , Madam , here I am bound to speak , he never had that Letter , by a pretended Mistake I find it came to me , meerly to keep my frantick Jealousie awake ; That brought me hither . ( shows the Letter . )

Ol.

Emilia ! Now I am happy .

Em.

O let me embrace my Brother ! At this Discovery nothing but Tears , or Madness can express my Joy .

Lon .

My dear Emilia !

Leo .

( Aside . ) — Lightning part ' em .

Ol.

But pray , my Lord , how cou'd you expect to find Mr. Longville here , when you knew he had not receiv'd the Letter , wherein Leonora had appointed him ?

L. Lov.

't was written with such malitious Art , it left no room for Doubt : For here she says , she will meet him at Mrs. Siams , according to his first Appointment : I thought a second Needless to a secret Lover , which now with shame I own , I then believ'd him .

Lon .

Nay , then your Jealousie was just my Lord : By Heav'n I cannot blame you now : But since your Temper is recover'd , I beg you wou'd confess your Fears , and give me every Jealous Thought , that wrongs my Honour .

( Emilia unlocks the Door . ) L. Lov.

By Heav'n , by this dear Embrace I have lost 'em all : O Charles ! if thou hast yet one glowing Spark of Friendship in thy Heart , pity me , for those unwilling Injuries I have done thee , can'st thou forgive me ?

Lon .

Not while you ask Forgiveness , that 's a Fault I can never pardon .

L. Lov.

Wilt thou forget ' em ?

Lon .

Why do you remind me of ' em ?

Em.

( To Leo . ) The Door is open Madam !

Leo .

Distruction seize ' em ! Now my last Hopes of him are lost : I have nothing lest to hide my swelling Heart ; but to affect Indifference .

L. Lov.

Methinks I have not atton'd thy Injur'd Friendship , till I have confess'd before the faithless Leonora , that I am hers no more . — Now , Madam —

Leo .

Now , my Lord , are you going to tell me , you have lately discover'd a Secret , that all the Town has known these six Years , which is , that I never car'd one Farthing for you .

L. Lov.

This Obligation , Madam , was unnecessary , I needed not this Wit to work me to Indifference .

Leo .

Nor , I , your Indifference to make me angry , your whole Sex is an Eternal Subject for my Spleen : How many wretched Fops have I daily at my Feet , who think themselves much nearer to my Heart , than you : Nay , had you not view'd me with anothers Eyes , you still had been my Slave , your Love had liv'd on Air , and languisht in an endless Hope : But I confess you bravely this may boast ; Of all the Fools , that knew me to their Cost , You are the First , that e'er my Eyes have lost Ex. Leo .

L. Lov.

How easily are Men deceiv'd in Love ? There 's not a Vice now reigning in this Woman , but what appear'd to me the happy Conduct of un-erring Virtue : But now the false Lethargick Dream is o'er , at last I have thrown the Reins on Reason's Neck , and have out-stripp'd the lagging Mischief far behind me : But here 's the careful Guide , that lead me to the Goal ! O! Charles ! How have I wrong'd thy Friendship , ev'n to the H●z●rd of thy Life , and Honour ? The Crime still hangs upon my faultring Tongue , and Silence speaks my Shame .

Lon .

This is too much , my Lord , but if you needs will over-pay the trifling Debt , let me direct your Friendship here . [ Turning to Olivia . ] I have a starving Heart , that long has been this Ladie's Prisoner , here you may exert your Charity : For I perceive I owe her more , than faithful Love can pay .

L Lov.

( To Oli . ) When Lovers are so poor in Merit , Madam , Beauty shou'd pass an Act of Grace , and take the Moiety , that Nature lends us .

Ol.

My Lord , I see no want of Merit in Mr. Longville . There needs no more to recommend his Cause : And since he has so severely prov'd himself your Friend , I 'll make it not his Interest to deceive me . — Mr. Longville , if in those few Years you have talkt to me of Love , I have been too slow in my Returns , impute it not to an insensible neglect : For I have long studied , tho' unable , to repay it : And I perceive your Merit 's swoll'n so high , that I am bound in Prudence now to check the Debt , and let it run no farther , your Conduct has deserv'd my Heart , nor do I dare with-hold it longer , lest I shou'd repent hereafter , that it was given so late .

Lon .

This Goodness is above the Reach of Mortal Virtue , it speaks Divinity , and like the Blessings we receive from Heav'n shou'd only be return'd in silent Adoration .

[ Kneels and Kisses her Hand . ] Ol.

Rise , Sir , from this Moment I am yours .

Em.

Now , dear Olivia , you are mine too , the Name of Sister binds us ever .

L. Lov.

This is as it shou'd be , and while my Friend is so , I must be Happy .

Lon .

( Aside to Emi . ) And now Emilia , there is a Blooming Hope for thee , which time can only ripen : Mean while intrust thy heart with me , and be assur'd thou ne're shalt Blush , when I think fit to part with it .

Emi .

This is beyond a Brother's love : Words are but empty Thanks : My Future Conduct best will speak my Gratitude .

Lon .

Thy Past has well deserv'd my Friendship : — But no more ! Here is Company .

Enter Young Rakish . Y. Ra .

Hah ! Dear Charles I am Glad I have found you , my Lord , your Humble Servant , I have brought a rare Piece of Diversion along with me .

Lon

It never cou'd be more welcome ; for all you see here are Friends .

Y. Ra .

I am glad to hear it : But if you were not , I wu'd engage to make you laugh .

Lon .

What 's the Business ?

Y. Ra .

Only my Father , and I , that 's all .

L. Lov.

Why truly that's enough to make one laugh at any time .

Oli .

O Dear , is this the Gentleman , that is so free with his Father ?

Y. Ra .

No , Madam ; But I am the Son of a Father , that is very free with me , the Soul of me , my Pleasures I mean , of all the Vices this Town affords , ( and thank Heaven it 's pretty well stockt ) I can't keep one to my self for him ; He out-does me at my own Weapon , he out-drinks me , out-whores me , out-swears me , out-lyes me , out-wits me , and ( which I 'll never forgive him ) he — out-lives me too .

Oli .

Why shu'd you wish for his Death ! Does not he allow you ?

Y. Ra .

Yes , Madam , all manner of wickedness : But the Devil a Farthing to purchase it .

Oli .

How can you live without Money ?

Y. Ra .

Faith I begin to be weary of it , and have this very Hour laid a Design to bring the Old Gentleman to a Reasonable composition : I have Rivall'd him in my Lady Manlove , Elbow'd him out of her Favour , and have at last squeez'd him out of five hundred Pound provided I renounce all Title to her Inclinations .

Lon .

And have you done it ?

Y. Ra .

For ought he knows I have , and for ought she knows I have not ; in short , I neither design to quit the Lady , nor to keep her any longer , than she serves my turn .

L. Lov.

How so Man ?

Y. Ra .

She is now below with my Father choosing her Wedding-Gown , have a little Patience , and the Farce will begin .

Lon .

But hark you , Jack ! have you taken care of her Son , as I desir'd you ? I hope he is not gone to St. Omers ?

Y. Ra .

No , no , I have spoil'd him for that Journey , I have Married him .

Lon .

How ?

Y. Ra .

No harm , I 'll warrant you : see ! here comes my Father , pray observe us — you 'll all stand by me upon occasion ?

Omnes .

All ! all !

Y. Ra .

A word with you , Charles . [ They Whisper . ]

Enter the Major , with Lady Manlove . Maj.

Wish me Joy Charles ! Wish me Joy ! — Hah ! my little Lovemore too ! Give me thy Hand my Dear Boy ! Wish me Joy my Lad !

L. Lov.

Joy ! Of what Major ?

Maj.

Of a rare Fleshly Feather-bed , you Wag , and two Thousand Pound a Year to wallow in — Odsbu'd she 's a Soucer .

Lon .

Leave it to me . ( ●o Y. Ra . )

L. Ma.

Ladies , your Servant , I protest I little thought to find so much Good Company upon such a Fortunate Occasion .

Emi .

Mayn't we know the Occasion , Madam .

L. Ma.

I 'll swear , Madam , it 's such a Critical Point I don't know whether my Modesty will be able to go through with the Discovery .

Y. Ra .

If you please to give me leave , Madam , I will help you out a little .

Maj.

Ay! ay! tell 'em my little Jacky .

Y. R.

Well , Ladies , now we are all together , the short of the Business is this : This Noble Lady here generously considering my Sufferings under the Tyranny of an Unnatural Father , and being sensible that by reason of my Indefatigable love to her , I was in a perpetual danger of being disinherited , has out of her abundant Goodness piously consented to revenge me of the said Unnatural Father , by this Publick Disappointment of his Hopes , having to his utter confusion already taken to her loving Husband the Individual Person of me his lawfully Begotten Son — John Rakish .

Maj.

Humh ! What is all this ? Do you know , Madam ? What the Devil is it ?

L. Ma.

All truth , Sir , to my knowledg , the whole truth , and nothing but the truth , so take me , John Rakish Giving him her hand .

Maj.

Oones , and Hell ! I 'll chine that Dog to the Navel . Draws .

Lon .

O by no means , Major , Prithee put up your Sword , you 'll frighten the Ladies .

Maj.

Prithee Dear Charles let me come at him : O! He is a Bitter Dog ! I can't bear him . Trembling with Passion .

Lon .

Psha ! Psha ! Prithee be Pacified , if he must be run through the Guts , he will deserve it an hour hence , as well as now : Besides , I wu'd have you hear what he can say for himself : you know he does not use to be Tongue-tied upon these occasions .

Maj.

Odsbu'd ! and that 's true , my little Charles ! I will hear the Dog , I will hear him , — and if I am trick'd , I am satisfied I shall have the Pleasure of half a douzen rare impudent Faces , from the unrighteous Bastard to back his Roguery however . — Come hither Jacky .

Y. Ra .

Well , Sir !

Maj

Ay! That 's the look ! Hark you Iron-face ! Art not thou . Perjur'd Rogue ? Doest not thou expect to be split and broild upon the Devil's Gridiron .

Y. Ra .

I don 't apprehend you , Sir .

Maj.

Didst not thou promise Dog ! to renounce all Claim to that Lady , provided I wou'd quit my Title to the five hundred Pound ?

Y. Ra .

Ay , Sir ! But I remember what Pains you took at Locket's to day to Cheat me of it : Chaw upon that , and then tell me whether you can blame me for what I have done ?

Ma.

O! not in the least , my Dear Hell-face ! Thou hast oblig'd me to the last degree by Marrying this Lady here : The least I can do now is to settle my Estate upon thee , which thou shalt have with a vengeance , that is to say I will instantly make love to her Daughter , offer her my whole Estate for a Joynture , cut off the Intail , get a whole litter of Children , and disinherit you , you Dog !

Y. R.

Look you , Sir , there I forbid the Banes , that Lady is now my Daughter , and I will not have my Family disgrac'd , by admitting such a notorious Rakehell for my Son-in-Law : In short , your pretences are utterly against my content , and I positively declare you never shall have my Blessing .

Maj.

What a Cross Old Fellow this is now ! Oones ! I 'd give five thousand Pound to make the Whelp my Father-in-law .

Y. R.

Come ! come ! Sir , for a Great deal less Money , you shall still make this Lady my Mother in-law .

Maj.

Ha! say'st thou , my little Jacky ! why art thou not Married thou Dear Dog , art thou not Married , Ha! speak ?

Y. Ra .

So far from it , Sir , that upon condition you will immediately sign this Paper , which will intitle me to four hundred Pound a year during life , and at your Decease the rest of your Estate , I am willing this very moment to resign the Lady ●o you .

L. Ma.

Base Man ! you won't offer to sell me ?

Y. Ra .

Don't you trouble your self , Madam , I 'le warrant you . And to satisfie you , that my meaning 's honest , the Writing is so Drawn , that unless you actually do Marry the Lady you are not oblig'd to give me a Groat .

Maj.

Say'st thou so , my little Jacky ? [ He peruses the Paper . ]

L. Ma.

Audacious Villain ! have you serv'd me thus : I will be reveng'd . — Here Major ! ( Gives him her Hand . ) upon condition you never do give that Villain a Groat , I will Marry you this very moment Gratis : Nay do but engage to disinherit him before to Morrow Morning , and I h●re immediately promise you six thousand Pound in ready Gold and Jewels , to satisfie any Extravagance you shall think fit .

Y. Ra .

So !

Ma.

Disinherit , Madam ! Odsbu'd your Ladiships too merciful ! An Audacious Rogue ! to think I cou'd be such a Villain to wrong a Lady , Madam , of your unspotted Virtue ! Ounds ! I never heard such an impudent Proposal since I was born ! — Madam ! If he were now at the Gallows with the Knot under his left Ear ; nay , if the Word were given for the Cart to drive away , Blood ! and Brimstone ! I wou'd not part with Eighteen Pence to Reprieve him .

L. Ma.

On that Condition I am intir●ly yours

Ma.

Ounds ! Madam , I 'll ruin him within this halt Hour , I 'll drive your Revenge quite through his Soul ; nay , I 'll send for the two Mischief-makers of the Nation , the Parson and the Lawyer , and make them clinch it on the other side .

Lon .

What the Devil ! shall we do now , Jack ! was ever such a Disappointment ?

Y. Ra .

Faith ! Charles she has out trumpt me that's the truth on 't : But I cant't lose all Man , I have Pain in my Hand still ?

Lon .

What do you mean ?

Y. Ra .

Her Son ! her Son , Boy the Rogue has chosen me for his Guardian ; He will be here presently , I 'll manage him to fetch her about I warrant you .

Lon .

Igad that 's lucky , I am glad you are sure of a Trick to save your self at last , in the mean time Jack try what a Court-Card will do , play your Impudence upon them .

Y. Ra .

Mum !

L. Ma.

Now Devil I am reveng'd of you .

Y. Ra .

I fancy not , Madam , — I suppose your Ladiship does not know these are the Writings of your Son Johnny's Estate , by him the said Johnny this very day stoln , out of your Cabinet : which because I am his Guardian , I will thus re put into my Pocket .

L. Ma.

Monster ! you his Guardian ?

Y. Ra .

At your Service , Madam .

L. M.

You dare not tell me so ?

Y. Ra .

O! I have a great deal more to tell you , Madam , I must ha●e a Thousand Pounds out of your Hands to morrow Morning , to put him and his Wife into an handsome Equipage .

L. Ma.

His Wife !

Y. Ra .

His Wife , Madam — she has had as good an Education as your Ladyships Service cou'd afford . — Lettice I think her Name is .

L. Ma.

Undone ! Undone !

Ma.

Ha! Madam ! What 's the matter now ?

L. Ma.

O! My Child's ruin'd for ever !

Y. Ra .

That 's as you please , Madam .

L. M●n .

What says the Monster ?

Y. Ra .

That your Son , Madam , shall not be ruin'd ; provided you will promise me not to Marry that old Fellow there , unless he signs my Settlement . In short , Madam , upon that Condition , I will not only resign your Son , and his Fortune into your Hands again ; but will likewise engage to find a lawful Expedie t to disanul his Marriage too ; which if you don't immediately comply with me shall be an eternal Secre● : So ev'n let him squander away his Estate as he pleases , I 'll make a shift to glean a handsome livelyhood out on 't I warrant you .

Emi .

Nay , Madam , this is a very generous Proposal : Now if your Son's ruin'd , you are the occasion of it .

Ol.

We all intreat for him .

L. Man .

Madam , I beseech you don't name it : I 'll not believe a word he says , I dare swear this is all sham , a poor Pretence o●ly to get his Ends of me .

Ma.

Oones , Madam ! You have nick'd it : But if it were true , let me alone to manage him , I know him by Experience : Why , the Dog had the Impudence t'other day to ask me to lend him Fifty Pound , and in less than a quarter of an hour I brought him down to three and six Pence .

L. Ma.

No! no! Devil ! I will hear of nothing but Revenge . aside to Y. Ra .

Y. Ra .

Nay then , Madam , it 's time for me to provide for my self ; here comes one I an● ure will stand by me .

Enter Mass Johnny with Lettice , and a Gentleman in a Parsons Habit . M. J.

Tall , lall , lall ! ( singing . ) A hey ! Where 's Brother Father-in Law ?

Y. Ra .

Hah ! my little sprig of Lewdness , how doest thou ?

M. Joh .

How do I ? why I am Married Boy ! How shou'd I do ?

Y. Ra .

Give you Joy , Madam ! ( Saluting Lettice . )

L. Ma.

What do I see ? Undone ! Ruin'd !

Maj.

Humh ! the Parson there too ! Nay then Mischief is not far off .

M. Jo .

Well! but hark you John ! how do my Mother , and you agree , what been't you Married yet ?

Y. Ra .

O Lord ! Squire , no! nor am not like to be ; she is just going to be Married to my Father .

M. J.

Icod I thought as much ! Did not I tell you , you did not know her ? Did not I tell you so ? look you Jahn there are two things she never kept in all her life , that is — a Fast day , and a promise ! to my certain knowledge , her word is but wind , and Icod she no more values to break one , than t'other .

Y. Ra .

Well Squire ! it shall never trouble me , as long as I suffer upon your account : For to tell you the truth , the real occasion of her Discarding me was my Friendly Promotion of your Marriage : But there 's a very easie way to reward my service , which is that upon condition my Father will sign this Writing , you will generously condescend to choose him for your Guardian .

M. Jo .

I 'll do 't an'twere ten times more to serve you : let s see the Writings , I 'll do 't Icod .

Y. Ra .

There Sir ! ( Gives him the Writings . )

M. Jo .

( to the Maj. ) Look you Sir ! You Mr. — Mr. Jahn's Vather here , I don't know what your Name is not I : But if you think fit d' yee see ! to sign this Paper , I 'll make you my Guardian . — That 's all I have to say to you , — so take , and look it over .

Maj.

Let 's see it my Dear Lad .

Y. Ra .

Madam , I am sensible a word from you wou'd finish the Business , if you will stand my Friend I am still ready to disanull your Son's Marriage .

[ Aside to Lady Manlove . ] L. Ma.

Alas ! Heav'n knows I wou'd do it were there but a Possibility of your making your words true .

Y. Ra .

Madam ! This Gentleman's Word and Honour shall be your Security .

Lon .

Madam , I will engage for him .

L. Lov.

And I.

Em. & Ol.

And all of us .

L. Ma.

Well! I find it 's in vain to contend with him : Therefore Dear Major , sign it immediately , and from this moment all I have is yours .

M●j .

O Madam ! a word from you wou'd make me do ten times more ; for the six Thousand Pound in ready Gold , and Jewels , runs in my Head confoundedly , I long to be at it : And as for Jacky , I reckon within four or five days I shall nick off this Annuity again at the Groom Porters ; and so have at him . ( He signs the Writing . ) — So ! there Charles , ( Gives it to Longville . ) You are engag'd to see him perform Articles 〈◇〉 she keeps his word , much good may do him .

Y. Ra .

Come Squire , are you contented this Gentleman shall Marry your Mother , and be your Guardian ?

M. Jo .

Yes I be ! — and so let him take my Writings , and pray don't ' ce Cheat me now ! It 's for Jahn's sake I tell you that .

Y. Ra .

Well , Madam , now to dissipate your Fears , in one word I must acquaint you , that your Son Johnny , and my Brother Elect , is not Married .

L. Ma.

How not Married ! you over joy me , Sir , make it appear , and you shall never want a Friend in me .

M. Jo .

What a Devil makes you raise such a Lye now ?

Y. Ra .

Prithee my Dear Squire don't interrupt us .

M. J.

I will ' terrupt you then , what do you shove me for ? I be Married , so I bee ! yes I bee ! I bee ! ( Raising his Voice . )

Y. Ra .

Silence ! Come Mrs. Lettice , pray satisfie my Lady , and this Good Company concerning your suspected Marriage with this young Gentleman .

M. Jo .

Ay , ay , do , let her speak , withal my heart Icod ! see ! who will Prove the Lyar Mr. Jahn .

Lett .

Well Squire ! since I must speak then , I declare before my Lady , and this Good Company , that I neither am your Wife , nor ever will be .

Y. Ra .

Now Sir , what say you .

M. Jo .

I say she lyes — she is my Wife , and you know it well enough , and the Parson knows it too : What a Rope did I give him two Crown Pieces for !

Maj.

Ounds ! I don 't know what to make of this Business : One says ay! and t'other says no ; Prithee Dear Domine put us out of our Pain , come Answer to the Question , are they Married , or not ?

Gent .

I must confess , Sir , at your Son's Request , I did Mumble over a Parcel of Words , that satisfied the young Squire , as well as if they had been Canonical : But to convince yon , that it was not in my Power to injure him that way , I am no Parson : But his Humble Servant and Kinsman Ned Friendly .

( Throws off his Gown . ) L. Man .

Mr. Friendly ! Dear Sir , this was kindly done of you .

Lett .

Madam , upon my Knees I beg your Ladyship Pardon , I must confess I had like to have married my young Master , had not Mr. Rakish's Care prevented it : But he soon convinc'd me , what an uneasie Life I must have expected from your Ladyship , and the rest of his Relations : But to satisfie you , Madam , That I never intend to have any Thoughts of him as long as I live , Mr. Rakish has been pleas'd to give me his Bond to pay me Forty Pound a Year during Life , provided I immediately leave the Town , and go and live with my Friends in the Country , which I faithfully promise your Ladiship to perform to Morrow Morning ; and so dear Squire farewell ! Pray wish me a good Journey , as I do you a better Wife , and many happy days .

M. Jo .

( half crying . ) What will you leave me now ? Are these your Tricks ? Pray give me my Purse agen , since you won't Marry me , young Gentlewoman , you shall have no fine Cloaths , I 'll tell you that ! Give me my Pa●●● wull ye ?

L. Ma.

Sirrah , let her alone , That Purse you Purloyn'd from me , and she shall keep it : Nay , to reward her Honesty , I 'll present her with this Ring , as an earnest of my future Kindness .

Lett .

I humbly thank your Ladyship .

M. J.

What! And so I am to be cheated out of my Money too ! This is all long of you — Mr. Jahn ! ( crys . )

Y. Ra

Come ! come ! Squire don't be troubled , when you want Money , come to me ; in the mean time hark you in your Ear : I have as pretty a young Wench in my Eye for you — She will be in Town in two or three days — Mum !

M. J.

P●●a ! What do I care for a Wench ! If I can't have her , when I have a mind to it ! Here I thought to have had such a Night on 't now ! and now the Parson has said Grace , you tell me I shall go to Dinner a Month hence .

Y. Ra .

Why then , to stay your Stomack , go with me to the last Act of the Play , and I 'll show you one that ne'r deny'd a Man twice in her Life .

M. J.

Ay so you say ! But I warrant she will pluck me by the Hair , if I offer to meddle with her .

Y. Ra .

Come ! Come ! I will stand your Friend , observe what I say to your Mother — Madam , your Son is sensible of his Error , and desires your Ladyship will take him into Favour agen . And from this time he has promis'd never to disobey you .

M. J.

No! no more I won't indeed Mother , if you will but let me go with Mr. Jahn to see the Play to Night ?

L. Ma.

Well be Obedient for the future , and no reasonable freedom shall be deny'd you .

M. J.

O Lord ! Thank you dear Mother , Icod I am glad we are Friends agen ! Lord ! I am so glad ! — Won't ' e buss me Mother . Kisses .

Y. Ra

So ! Now I hope we are all Friends .

Lon .

Well Majo● ! Are you satisfied that your Son has Perform'd his Articles ? Shall I deliver him the Writing ?

L. Lov.

O! By all means ! Upon my word Major he has deserv'd it .

Maj.

Why the Dog has done something for 't , that 's the Truth on 't . Tho' I will lay fifty Pound , I have seven to four upon it , before to morrow Morning .

Y. Ra .

Well Sir ! ( to the Maj. ) Now I wish you Joy ; and thank you for my Settlement , tho' it 's an hundred to one but the World will think you have given it me because you coud not help it .

Maj.

Ay! And I warrant Jackey , they will be apt to say too , that thou art as well satisfied as if I had given it thee with a good Will .

Y. Ra .

Ay Sir ! People will out with their bold Truths now and then ; but come Gentlemen , How shall we dispose of our selves this Afternoon ? What think you of the Play ?

Lon .

With all my Heart ! And after that , I beg my House may Entertain us ; where we 'll reflect at leisure upon the happy Changes in our Fortune : But Yours , and Mine , my Lord , are owing both to the successess Wit of one inveterate Woman : From whence we may observe , that Virtue ever is the secret Care of Providence : Had Leonora been less my Enemy , I never cou'd have prov'd my self so near a Friend : Her plotted Injuries to me , are now my Glory , and her own Dishonor : And may the blest Event this Truth Record , That Good a●d Evil Actions are their own Reward .

FINIS .