FInding my self involved by several Votes and Orders of this present Parliament , and also in the execution of the same , with those who plotted and designed the late Kings Death , and with others who were His Judges ; I think my self bound in duty and thankfulness unto God , and by all obligations to my self , Family , Posterity , and Relations , to set forth a true Narrative of all things concerning my self , and all my actings in that sad business ; and I shall not make Lies a refuge , because I have hope in the God of truth .

During that long time of fourteen years I served in the last Parliament , I was never of any Juncto or Cabal , indeed I did ever professedly decline it ; I never knew of any business , ( except perhaps by hear-say ) relating to those sad distractions between the King and Parliament , until they came to be opened in the House ; I never knew of the intention of bringing the King to Westminster , till he was brought , much less did I know that the end of His bringing was to take away his life ; I never knew of that intention , ( except what my own fears might suggest unto me ) until the Bill was brought into the House to Erect an High Court of Justice ( as it was called ) for His Tryal ; and therefore I was much perplexed and astonished when it was read ; when the Bill was committed , I was not of the Committee , ( though it was numerous ) nor was I ever at that Committee , ( though it sate very publickly in the Speakers Lodgings : ) when the Committee had order to bring in Names for Judges , my Name was not put in till after the Amendments were reported , and upon a second Commitment ; and then upon an unhappy occasion , passing through the Speakers Chambers , ( when the Committee was not sitting ) I saw two or three Members ( whose Names I well remember ) were in consultation at the Table , and as I passed by them , one of them said , this Gentlemans Name is not inserted , and called to me and said , Sir , you must make one in this great business ; I flatly gave my denyal , and said , I could not serve them in it ; it was replyed , that with my good favour I must take my share : after the Bill was passed , and the Judges summoned to meet in the Painted Chamber , by express Order of the House all were injoyned to attend : And thus through weakness and fear I was insnared .

I shall forbear to mention many passages betwixt my self and other Members , at several times when I met with them , ( because I fear to be over tedious ) though they would much make for my clearing ; and therefore I do now humbly come to relate my own demeanour the last day the King appeared at the Court .

When the Court was sate , and the King brought , the President told him , that he had been charged with Treason , Perjury , Murther , and other high Crimes committed against the People of this Nation , and that he had refused to give an answer to the Charge , demurring to the Jurisdiction of the Court ; That he had been told the Court was satisfied of their own Jurisdiction , and that He was not to be the Judge of it ; and that He had had several dayes given him for consideration ; and that this was the last day the Court would demand of Him , whether He would answer to the Charge or not ; if not , the Court would take the whole Charge , Pro Confesso , and would proceed to Judgment ; ( or words to this effect . ) The King ( with such undaunted composedness and wisdom , as I never beheld in man ) made answer to this effect ; That He could not acknowledge the Jurisdiction of the Court , He acknowledged they had power enough indeed , but where is your authority ? yet said He , because I see you are ready to give a Sentence , and that such a Sentence may sooner be repented of , than revoked ; and that the peace of the Nation may so much depend upon it . I think sit to let you know , that I desire to speak with my Parliament , for I have something to offer unto them which will be satisfactory [ to you all ] and will be for the present Settlement of the Nation . The President regarded not these gracious expressions , but told Him , he could take no notice of any thing He said , save only to demand once again , whether He would answer to His Charge or not .

Then the King ( not in passion ) but with the greatest earnestness of affection , desired the Court , that they would once more consider of it ; for said He , you may live to repent of such a Sentence ; and therefore desired they would withdraw but for half an hour ; or said He , if that be too much trouble for you , I will withdraw , ( and passionately moved his body . )

The President was not affected with all this , but commanded the Clerk to read the Sentence ; God knows I lie not , my heart was ready to burst within me ; and as it fell out , sitting on the seat next to Crumwel , he perceived some discomposure in me , and turned to me and said , What ailes thee , art thou mad , canst thou not sit still and bequiet ? I answered , quiet ? no sir , I cannot be quiet ; and then I presently stood up , and with an audible voyce said , My Lord President , I am not satisfied to give my consent to this Sentence , but have reasons to offer to you against it ; and therefore I desire the Court may adjourn to hear me . Then the President stood up and said , nay , if any Member of the Court be unsatisfied , then the Court must adjourn , and accordingly did adjourn into the inner Court of Wards .

When the Court was sate there , ( all but Members , and some Officers being turned out ) I was called by Crumwel to give an Account why I had put this trouble and disturbance upon the Court ? I answered , ( and so near as possibly I can , after so great an clapse of time , I will set down my very Syllabical expressions : ) My Lord President , I should have been very glad , that his Majesty would have condescended to these expressions long before this time ; I say , I should have been glad of it , both for His own sake and for ours ; But sir , to me they are not too late , but welcome now , for sir , God knows I desire not the Kings death , but His life ; all that I thirst after , is the Settlement of the Nation in peace ; His Majesty now doth offer it , and in order to it desires to speak with His Parliament ; should you give Sentence of Death upon Him , before you have acquainted the Parliament with His offers , in my humble opinion , your case will be much altered , and you will do the greatest Action upon the greatest disadvantage imaginable , and I know not how ever you will be able to answer it .

Crumwel in some scornful wrath stood up and answered me , ( so near as I can remember in these words ) My Lord President , you see what weighty Reasons this Gentleman hath produced , that should move him to put this trouble upon you ; surely this Gentleman doth not know , he hath to deal with the hardest hearted man upon the earth ; however sir , it is not the single opinion of one peevish tenacious man , that must sway the Court , nor deter them from their duty in so great a business ; and I wish his Conscience doth not tell him ( what ever he pretends of dissatisfaction ) that he only would save his old Master ; Therefore sir , I pray you lose no more time , but return to the Court and do your duty .

Not one soul would second me nor speak one word , yet I knew divers by name ; Sir John Bourcher , Mr. Dixwel , Mr. Love , Mr. Waite , and some others were much unsatisfied , yet durst not speak ; But on the contrary divers Members took their turns with me in private discourse ; Crumwel himself whispered me in the ear , and said , by this and Mr. Fries business he was satisfied . I aimed at nothing but making a mutiny in the Army , and cutting of throats ; Another told me the Generations to come would have cause to curse my actings ; and another ( which sunk deepest of all ) told me , that if I were in my wits I would never have done this , seeing I was before ( as indeed I was ) acquainted , that the King to save his life , would make these offers , but it would be as much as my life were worth to make any disturbance ; And besides said he , it is not in the power of man , no of this Parliament to save his life , for the whole Army are resolved , that if there be but any check or demur in giving judgment , they will immediately fall upon him and hew him to peices , and the House it self will not be out of danger .

To those whose height would permit me to speak and make replies , I told them , to me it was evident , the Parliament expected some such offers from the King , why else did they make that order , ( that upon any emergency which could not be thought of , that the Court should immediately acquaint the House therewith : and there was such an order entred and to be seen in the Books , if he ( who in appearance ) ordered all matters , hath not torn that order out , as I have heard he hath done all the rest of the proceedings ; and inferred , what greater emergencies could be , than that the King demurred to the Jurisdiction of the Court , and yet desired to speak with the Parliament , and offered to do that which would be satisfaction to all , especially seeing ( as was pretended ) that his denying to do such things , was the ground which forc'd such a proceeding with him . And so without any more debate they returned to the Court , and I left them , and went into the Speakers Chamber , and there with tears eased my heart . The effect and substance of this narration is true , and so neer as I can remember the very words and circumstances , and it was so notorious and publick , that I hope God will stirr up some worthy persons ( though I have been careless not doing the same in design ) to attest the truth of the chief parts hereof ; but for any thing else relating to that business , I utterly deny and protest against it , nor did I ever give them one meeting more , but wholly from that time deserted them , though I was often Summoned to meet them in the Painted-Chamber ; and I hope persons of so great wisdome and goodness , will suffer compassions to rise within them , and will look back unto those times wherein it was criminal for a man but to whisper a word of respect to His Majesty ; and my very subsistance was by an Office upon which I had laid out almost my whole Estate : And as this relation shews I am but a weak imprudent man , yet I did what I could , I did my best , I could do no more : I was single , I was alone , only I ought not to have been there at all ; I acknowledge my self to have highly offended and need pardon , and do humbly and professedly lay hold on His sacred Majesties gratious pardon ; and humbly implore the high and honourable Parliaments Pardon also . I did not only forbear , but abhorred to buy one penniworth of the Kings Goods , or one foot of His Lands , though it 's known I had as much or more opportunity than any other man , and perhaps more temptations ●o have allured me than most other men had ; I have neither taken advantage nor grown rich , nor have had remuneration or allowances for any Parliamentory services or imployments , as many others had , though it is well known what burthens have been laid upon me : the truth of this will be found , when Books and Treasuries shall be searched into ; I may truly say , I have wore out my self , lost my Office , robbed my relations , and ●ow am ruined ; and my Estate when searched into , will not be found as perhaps may be supposed ; I have a poor Wife big with child , and eight children besides , and most of them very small , who already are forc'd to live upon charity , all my Estate being siezed on ; I was the only Member in the House that was prevailed with , to deliver Mr. Loves Wifes Petition for saving of his life , and so managedit , that the House devided upon the question , and lost it but by three voyces ; & I did not a little contribute to the saving of the lives of Mr. Jackson , and Mr. Jenkins , Ministers , who were in Mr. Loves condition ; I have not been cruel to any , I hope God will incline the hearts of His sacred Majesty , and the High Court of Parliament , to be merciful to me and mine .