THey are generally a Sealand : there is not such a marish in the world that is flat . They are an universal quagmire ; epitomised , a green-cheese in pickle : such an Aequilibrian of earth and water , that a strong earthquake would shake them into a Chaos : they are the ingredients of a black pudding , and want onely stirring , else you would have more bread then greets : then have you no way to make it serve for any thing , but to spread it under Zona Torrida , and so dry it for Turfes . It is an excellent place for despairing lovers , for each corner affords them Willow ; but if Justice should condemn one to be hanged on any other Tree , he might live long and confident . It is the but tock of the world , full of veines and blood ; but no bones . Had St Stephen been condemned there to be stoned , he might have lived still ; for ( unless it be in their paved Townes ) gold is more plentiful than stone . It is a singular place to fat monkies for there are spiders as bigg as shrimps , and ( I think ) as many . You may travel the Countrey without a guide , for you cannot go out of the rode without hazard of drowning . A King that hated crowding , might have run away without staying for his Vsher , for he can go no whither but his way is made before him . Had they Cities as big as their walls , Rome were but a bauble to them . Twenty miles are nothing to be hurried over in one of their waggons ; where , if the Voerman be sober , you travel safe , But descending from thence , you must have better faith then Peter had , or you sink immediately , if your way be not his : thus it hangs in the water , and at the approach of the waggon , it will shake as if it were aguestricken . The Duke D' Alva taxing the tenth penny , frighted it into a Palsy , which all the Mountebanks it had bred and had , knew not how to cure . They do some things which seem wonders ; for they fish for fire in the waters , which they catch in nets , and transport to land in their boats , where they spread it smooth , as a Mercer doth his Velvet when he rooks an Heir of eighteen . Thus being in a meddow , you would suppose it a cantle of green-cheese , spread over with black butter . Their ordinary Pack-horses are fram'd of wood , carrying their bridles in their tayles , and their burdens in their bellies , and a strong wind and stiffe gale are the spurs that make them speedy . They dress their meat with aqua coelestis ; for their water springs are not like ours , from the earth , but come to them as Manna to the Israelites , from heaven . the Elements here are at variance , the subtile overflow the grosser , the fire consuming the earth , and the ayr the waters ; for they burn Turfs , and drain their grounds with Wind-mils , as if the Collick were a remedy for the Stone . The land they have is kept as neat as a Courtiers beard , and they have a method in mowing . It is so interveyned with waters and rivers , that it is impossible to make a Common amongst them . Even the Brownists are here at a stand . The poor are never complained of for breaking of hedges ; surely had the men of Gotham lived here , they would have studied some other prison for the Cuckow . Their ditches they frame as they list , and distinguish them into noecks , as my Lord Majors Cook doth his custards : they clense them often , but it is as Physicians give their potions , more to catch the fish , then cast out the mud . Though their country be that of the main , yet every house stands as it were an Iland , and that ( though a Boor dwell in it ) looks as smug as a Lady new-painted . A gallants masquing suit fits not more neatly than a thatcht cottage of many yeers wearing : if you finde it dry , it is embraced with vines , and if lower seated , it is onely a close harbour within a plump of Willowes , and pleasant enough , as long as the dog-daies last ; but they overpast , you must practise wading or swimming ; or remain prisoner till the Spring ; onely a hard frost with the help of sledges , may release you . The Bridge to this is an outlandish planck , with a box of stones to poise it with , like a Quintin ; which with the least help , turns round like a Heads-man , and when the master is over , stands drawn , and then he is in his Castle ; 't is sure his fear that makes him suspicious ; therefore that he may see who enters , his window is ever over his dore ; But it may be to shew his Pedigree ; for ( though his Ancestors were never known ) their Armes are there , which in spite of the Herald , shall bear their atchievements with the helmet of a Baron at least ; marry the field perhaps shall be charged with baskets , to shew his Fathers trade pourtrayed . When you are entred , the first thing you shall encounter is a looking-glass , the next , the Vessels marshalld about the house like watchmen , all as near , as if they were in a Ladies Cabinet ; for ( unless it be themselves ) none of Gods creatures lose any of their native beauty there . Their houses ( especially in the Cities ) are the best eye-beauties in the Countrie , and in cost and sightliness , far exceed our English , wanting onely their magnificence ; Their lineing are richer too , than their out-sides , not in hangings , but Pictures , which the poorest there are furnished with : Not a Sowter but hath his toies for ornament : were the knacks of all their houses set together , there were not such a Bartholomew-fayr in Europe . Their Artists ( for these are as rare as thought ) for they can paint a fat-Hen in her fethers , and if you want their language , you may learn a great deal on the Signe-posts ; what they are , they ever write under them ; in that onely they deal plainly , and by this device , hang more honestie than they keep . Their rooms are but several hand-boxes , wherein you must either swallow your spittle , or blush when you see a Mopp brought in . Their beds are no other then Land-cabbins , high enough to need a Ladder or stairs ; once up , you are walled in with wainscot ; and that is good discretion , to avoid the making wills every night , for once falling out , will break your neck perfectlie . But if you die in it , you leave your friends this comfort , that you died in clean linnen . Whatsoever their estates be , their linnen must be fine ; therefore from Amsterdam they have banisht Sea-coal ; and least it should soil their buildings , of which the Statelier sort are oft sententious , and in their fronts carrie some conceit of the Author . Their houses they keep cleaner than their bodies , and their bodies than their souls . Go to one , you shall finde the Andirons shut up in Network ; at a second , the warming pan muffled up in Italian cut-work ; at a third , the skimmer laid in Cambrick . For their propension to Venery , 't is true , their women are not so readie at a spurt ; for neither are they so generally bred to it , nor are their men such linnen lifters . Idleness and Courtship have not banished honesty thence . They tattle much , and do less , yet their blood runs high , and their veins are full , which argues strength ; and if the Court turn them Gallants , they will take up the custom of entertaining Ladies : and having once done it , I believe they will be notable : for I have heard they trade more for love than money , but 't is for the trick , not the man : and therefore when they like the labour , they will reward the workman : otherwise their gross feeding and clownish education hath spoyled them from being nobly minded . But I give you this on bare report , experience not having made me wise . They are generally boerish , yet may be bred Statesmen , none of them being so nice of Conscience , but they can turn out Religion , to let in Policie . Their Countrie is their God they worship , war their heaven , peace their hel , and the crosse Spanjard their Devil , Custom is their Law , and Will their Reason : you may sooner convert a Jew , than make an ordinary Dutchman yeild to arguments that cross him . An old Fryer is sooner turned Puritan , than a Waggoner perswaded not to bait twice in nine miles . His soul is compos'd of English beer , and his body of pickled herring , which renders him costive and testie : these two with a little butter are the ingredients of a meer Dutchman , which a voyage to the East-Indies , by the heat of the Aequinoctial consolidates . If you see him fat , he hath been cooped in a root-yard , and that hath blubberd him . For their conditions , they are churlish , and ( without doubt ) very ancient : for they were bred before manners were in fashion . They should make good Justices , for they neither respect persons nor apparel . A Boer in his butter-slopps shall be equally entertain'd with a Courtier in his bravery . They are seldom deceived , for they trust no body ; so by consequence they are better to hold a Fort than win it , yet they can do both . Trust them you must if you travel ; for , to call for a bill to them , is to dive into a Wasps nest . Complement is an idleness they were never trayn'd up in ; and it is their happiness that the Court hath not stoln away their minds : Their being Saylors and Souldiers , hath marr'd two parts already ; and if they be bathed once in Court-oyle , they are painted trap-dores , and shall suffer the Jews to build a City where Harlem-mere is , then cosen them of it . They shall abuse a stranger for nothing , and after a few base terms , scratch one another to a Carbonadoe , as they flea Rochetts . Nothing can quiet them but money and liberty , which having gotten , they abuse both ; but if you tell them so , you awake their fury ; and you may sooner calme the Sea , than conjure that into compasse again . They are all in a manner Aquatills , and therefore the Spanjards call them water-dogs . I agree not with them , yet I think they can catch a duck assoon . They love none but such as do for them ; and when their turne is served , neglect them . They have no friends but their kinred , which meet at every wedding-feast , like Tribes among themselves . All that help them not , they hold Popish ; and think it a piece of honestie to raile against the King of Spain . Their shipping is their Babel they boast of , for the glory of their Nation ; it is ( indeed ) wonderful , and they will have it so . But , we may well hope , they will never be potent by Land , lest they shew us how doggedlie they can insult where they get the masterie . Their Navies are the scourge of Spain , and pills wherewith they purge the Indies . Nature hath not bred them so active by Land as others ; but at Sea they are Water-Devills , and attempt things incredible . Their Ships lie like high woods in winter ; and if you view them on the North side , you will freeze : for they ride so thick , that through them you can see no Sun . Sailors with them , are as common as beggars with us . They can rail , swear , juggle , steal , and be lowsie alike ; but to examine the rest , a gleeke of their knaves are worth a mourmeval of ours . All of them are Sea-men born , and like Froggs can live on land or water . Not a thresher amongst them , but can handle an Oare , steer a Boat , raise a mast , and ken you over the roughest passage . Their Government is Democratical , and there had need be many Rulers over such a rabble of rude ones . Tell them of a King , and they will cut your throat in earnest ; the very Name imports servitude ; they spite it more then a Jew doth Bacon , or a Wood-man , old-age . None among them hath any authoritie by inheritance ; that were the way to parcell out the Countrie into Families . They are all chosen , as we chuse Aldermen , more for their wealth than their wit , which they so over-affect , that mijn Heer shall pass the street like an old Ape , without a tail after him ; and if they may be had cheap , shall daube his faced gown with a stiver-worth of pickled herring , which himself shall carrie home in a string . The common voice hath given him pre-eminence , and he loathes it , living as when he was a Boer : but , if pardon be granted for what is past , they are about to think it time to learn more civilitie . Their Justice is strickt , if it cross not policie ; but rather than hinder trassique , they will tolerate any thing . There is not such a Denne of subtle Foxes as Amsterdam , there you may be what beast you please , so you push not the State with your horns . It is an Universitie of all opinions , which grow in it confusedlie ; as stocks in Norway , without order or pruning . If you be not setled in your Religion , you may there trie all , and at last take what you list . The Papists there must not Masse it publicklie , not because it is most hated , but because the Spaniard abridgeth the Protestant ; and they had rather shew a little spleen , than not cry quittance with the Enemie : This is their warrant , which they retaliate justlie ; and for this reason , rather then the Dunkerks shall want hanging , Amsterdam , which hath none of her owne , will borrow a Hangman of Harlem . In their Families they are all Equalls , and you have no way to finde the Master and Mistris , unless it be in bed together ; It may be those are they , otherwise Maulkin will prate as much , laugh as loud , and fit on her tail as well as her Mistris . Had Logicians lived there first , father and Son had not so long passed for Relatives , they are there whollie Individualls , for no demonstrance of dutie or authoritie can distinguish them ; as if they had been created together , and not successivelie born : the Mother bidding her Daughter good-night , and kissing her , is a punctual blessing . Your man shall be malepertlie saucie , and you must not strike him ; if you do , he shall complain to the States , and have recompence . It is a dainty place to please boyes in , for the father will bargain with the schoolmaster not to whip him , if he do , he will revenge him with his knife , and have law for it . Their apparel is civil enough , and good enough , but very uncomely ; usually it hath more stuffe than shape : onely womens Trinkets are commodious in winter , but 't is pitty they have not the wit to leave them off when Summer comes . Some of their women would have good faces , if they did not marre them in the making . Men and Women are starched so blue , that when they grow old , you would verily think , you saw old winter standing up to the neck in a barrel of blue starch . The men are tolerably clad , unless they encline to the Sea-fashion , and then their slops yawn at the knees , as if they were about unmercifully to devour their shanks . They are far from going naked ; for , of a whole woman you can see but a piece of her face as for her hands , they shew her to be a shrewd labourer , which you shall alwaies finde , as it were in recompence , laden with rings , to the cracking of their fingers : and she will rather want meat , than a Cart-rope of silver , hung with keyes . Their gownes are fit to hide great bellies ; but they make them show so unhandsome , that men do not care to get them . Marry this you shall ever finde to their commendations , their smocks are ever whiter then their skins , much cleaner , and far sweeter . They railat us for our various change of habit , but plead for their owne more earnestly than lay-Catholicks for their faith , which they resolve to keep , because their Ancestors lived and died in it . For their dyet , they eat much , and spend little ; when they send out a fleet to the East-Indies , they live three moneths on the Offalis , which here would surfet a swine . In their houses , roots and stock-fish are staple commodities . At their feasts when they have flesh , they have the art to keep it hot , as long as our fleet-lane cooks do incasell'd Porke . To a Feast they come readily , but once set , you must have patience , for they are longer eating their meat , than we in dressing it : You conclude Supper betimes , if you get away by day-break . It is a piece of good manners ( if there be any ) to carry away a piece of Apple-pie in your pocket ; their time they spend in eating well , drinking much , and prating most .

In this progress you have seen somwhat of their evids ; now observe them . Solomon tells us of four things very small , but full of wisdom ; the Pismire , the Conie , the Spider , and the Grasho per , and they are all for providence . They are the Pismires of the world , who having nothing but what the grass yeilds them , are ( yet ) for all provisions become the store-house of Christendom . They are frugal to the saving of Egg-shels , and maintain for a maxime , that many an old thing mended , will last longer than a new . Their Cities are their mole-hills , whence their ships and fly-boats creep and return , laden for winter with store . For dwelling in rocks , they are Comes ; where have you under heaven , such impregnable Fortifications , where Art beautifies Nature , and Art makes Nature invincible ? Indeed herein they differ ; the Conies finde rocks , and they make them ; and , as if they would invert Moses miracles , they ●aile them in the bosome of the waves of Bemsters land , where within these eighteen yeers ; Ships furrowed the pathless Ocean , the peaceful plow embowells the fruitful earth . For war they are Grashoppers ; for they go out without Kings . There is not in Europe , such a Schoole of martiall discipline . For Industry , they are Spiders ; and live in the Palaces of Kings : None have the like inteligence . Their marchants are this day the greatest in the Universe . What Nation is it , where-into they have not insinuated themselves ? nay , which they have not Anatomiz'd and discovered the intricate veins of it ? All they doe , is with such labour , as it seems to be extracted out of their own bowells : and by them we may learn , that no rain fructifies like the dew of sweat . You would think ( being with them ) you were in old Israel ; for there is not a beggar amongst them : if he be unable , he findes an Hospitall ; if he would depart , hee shall have mony for his Convoy ; if stay , he shall have work . And , lest you should _____ in fruitless mourning , their burials end by two of the clock . Even their Bedlam is a place so curiously kept , that a Lord might live in it : Their Hospitall might lodge a Lady ; their Bridewell a Gentlewoman , and their common prison a rich Citizen : But , for a poore man , it is the best refuge ; for , he that cast him in , must keep him there . Even their dwelling is a miracle : for , they live lower than the very Fish in the Lap of their floods , and incirculed in their watery camps , they seem like the Israelites passing the Red Sea . Their Walls wall them in : and if they open their Sluces , they drownd their enemies . Againe , they are the Indian rats , gnawing the bowels of the Spanish Crocodiles , into which they got when they gaped to swallow them : they are the Serpents , wrethed about the leggs of that Elephant his almost invincible innumerable Kingly titles , they are the Sword-fish under the Whale : they are the war of that great Empire which increased in Isabella , and when Charles the fifth was at the full . They are the Glass wherein Kings may see , that nothing makes am ore desparate rebellion , than Prerogatives too far urged ; that oppression is to heat an iron , till it burn your hand ; that an extream taxation , is to steal away the honey , till the Bees leave the hive ; that their own tyrannie is the greatest enemie to their estate : that a desire of being too absolute , is to press a thorn that will prick you ; that to debarr an Estate of ancient priviledges , is to make a stream more violent by stopping it ; that unjust policie is to shoot ( as they did at Ostend ) into the mouth of a charged Canon , and to have two bullets returned for one ; that admonitions of a dying man are too serious to be neglected .

To conclude , the Countrey it self , is a moated Castle keeping two of the richest jewels in the world in it , the Queen of Bohemia , and the Princess of Orange . The people are all Jews of the New Testament and in fine have changed nothing but the Law for the Gospel .