Scarron's city romance made English.

THE CITY ROMANCE .

I Sing the Amours and Adventures of certain Citizens of Paris of both Sexes , and though it may seem strange that I sing having no Skill in Musick ; yet Romances being Poems in Prose , I should do ill by any other Exordium to deviate from the examples of my Masters . For since old Virgil sung Aeneas and his Arms , and Tasso of Poetical Memory distinguished his Work into Canto's , their Successors ( not a jot better Musicians than my self ) have still repeated the same Tune , and begun with the same Note . But I will extend my imitation no farther , nor fall to invoke the Muses , as all Poets use at the beginning of their Work , thinking it so necessary that they adventure not on the least Sonnet without a Prayer , to which their Deities are but seldom propitious . I will omit many other Poetical circumstances , and not flea the Eel by beginning at the Tail ; like those that think to excel and surprise by such a representing an adventure . This usually engages them in a confusion , that ends not till some charitable Squire or Waiting Gentlewoman comes to illustrate what hath passed , by the discovery or surprisal of what tends to understanding the History .

Instead of deceiving you by such vain subtleties , I will honestly and plainly tell you some little Tales or Gallantries happened amongst Persons that are neither Hero's nor Heroines , that neither defeat Armies nor subdue Kingdoms , but being honest People of an ordinary condition , fairly jogge on the High-way . Some of them shall be handsom , others ill-favoured , some wise , others foolish , and of these I think the greater number : Notwithstanding which such as conceive they are better qualified , may in them contemplate themselves , and profit by examples of follies from which they judge they are the most remote . To avoid the over-worn paths which others have beaten , the Scene of my Romance shall be moveable , sometimes in one Quarter of the Town , sometimes in another . I will begin with that which hath most of the City commonly called Place Maubert .

An Author less faithful and more desirous to appear eloquent would be very loath to omit a magnificent description of this place . His Encomium should begin with its Name 's Original , telling you it was made famous by that renowned Doctor Albertus Magnus , who taught there ; that of old it was called , The Place of Master Albert , and by corruption of time , Place Maubert ; and if he occasionally writ the Life of its renown'd Godfather , he was not the first that made a digression as far from the purpose . After this it should be stately built , more or less , according to the expence his fancy resolv'd on : the design of the Place Royal would not at all satisfie him , and it must be at least as fair as that where the Carrowsels had wont to be made in the Gallant and Romantick City of Grenada . Do not imagine he would describe it as really it is , a Triangular Place , encompast with mean houses for reception of Tradesmen , he would hang himself but he would make it a Square , and turn all the Stalls into Galleries or Porches , the Windows into Balconies , and Posts into Marble Pillars . But when he came to describe the Carmelites Church , Architecture should freely display it self , perhaps not a little to its prejudice , He would present you a Temple beautiful as Diana's of Ephesus , supported by 100 Corinthian Pillars , fill all the Niches with Statues made by Phidias or Praxiteles , and adorn them with Histories in Embossed Figures . The Altar should be Jasper or Porphyry , and if it came in his head the whole Edifice ; for in the Countrey of Romances , the preciousest Ston● cost no more than rubbish , Neither would h● fail of bedecking ●his Description with Metopes ▪ Trigliphes , Volutes , Stilobates , and other uncouth Terms he had found in the Tables of Vitruvius or Vignoles , so to perswade many of his Skill in Architecture . This makes Authors so itch after such Descriptions , that they omit no occasion of making them , nay drag them in headlong , and to lodge some Vagabond or Pirat , that carries all he is worth about him , build a Pallace fairer than the Louvre or Seraglio .

Thanks to my sincerity I am without any care of this , and though all these things might with little charge be afforded to set out the Stage , had rather present you this piece without pomp or splendor , and as was usual of old with a simple Tapistry for all Ornament ; so that I will not so much as give you the fashion of the Church , though considerable enough , but leave such as know it not , to go at their pleasure to view it , or else build it in their imagination in such a manner as best likes them . All that I think necessary to acquaint you with , is that it is the Center of the City Gallantry , and very much frequented , because of the liberty allowed there . Hither about Noon come Bevies of Ladies , whose Mothers within ten years wore Chaperons , the certain Mark and distinction of Citizens ; but these they have gradually so often pared , they are at last vanished . I shall not need to tell you there come also Gallants of the same stamp , the consequence is too natural ; every one hath her Train of these , greater or lesser according as her Beauty or Fortune is attractive .

One solemn Holyday this Assembly was more numerous then usually , and besides the Devout , Lovers of Musick were invited by a consent of 24 Violins : others flocked to hear an Eloquent Preacher . This was an Abbot without any Abbey , that is , a Son of a good Family in Orders , one of which commonly carries that Title .

His Surplice was laced , neatly folded and starched , his Beard turned up with Irons , his Hair very much frizled to appear the shorter , and he affected a kind of lisping , that his Tone might be more taking . He thought the Excellency of his Sermon was to be valued by the Price of the Pews , and he used all possible industry to invite Auditory , such especially as would come in Coaches . He sent to all his Acquaintance to desire their presence , and dispersed Tickets like the Players .

A fair Maid who was that day to be Collectress for the Poor , attracted many , and all Gallants that pretended to her favor , flocked thither expresly to present her some considerable piece ; this manner of Collecting being the touch-stone of Maids Beauties and Mens Affections : He that presents most is thought to love most , and She that collects the greatest Sum is held the fairest ; in so much that as formerly Gentlemen justified their Mistrisses Beauty with the Lance in Rest against all Opposers ; so in later times the City proof is for the Mistriss to appear with a Bason in her hand against all Rivals .

The Collectress was indeed fair , and had she not been City born and bred , might have been very agreeable to a Man of Quality . Expect not yet that I give you her description , as is usual on such occasions , for when I have told you she was tall and slender , quick and rolling Eyes , flaxen Hair , naturally curled , and many other particulars of her Person , you will not for all that know her ; nor that she was perfectly beautiful : for she might have had Warts , Pushes , or Pockholes , witness many Hero's and Heroines handsom in Paper and masked in a Romance , that are very ill-favored in flesh and blood . I could with greater ease have acquitted my self of this , by giving you her Picture at the beginning of the Book , if the Stationer would have been at the charge , and it would have been no less necessary than the Figures of Battels , Temples , and Navies , that signifie nothing but to raise the price of Books ; yet I blame them not , lest I be taxed to reprehend that which is most valuable in our Modern Authors .

I return to my fair Collectress , and for her sake pass by ( at least till a fitter opportunity ) all such other Adventures as that day happened in the great Assembly of such as were listed under the Standard of Gallantry . This Maid was then in all her glory , bedecked to the utmost possibility , her Head dressed by a Waiting-Gentlewoman of the Neighbourhood , that had immediately learned of one that belonged to the Court . She had not only borrowed Jewels but a Lackey also that carried up her Train ; and though this exceeded her quality , she was glad to make use of the occasion , to satisfie her vanity ; nothing being liable to exception that is done to advantage the Church and Charity : she was led by her Fathers Head-Clerk , as well for necessity as Ostentation ; for how could she otherwise have traversed the Church on Chairs and Benches ? at least without the activity of a Rope-Dancer .

All these Advantages tended well to the Churches profit , but before I leave her , I must needs acquaint you she was very young , it being essential to the History , as also that she had much of innocence , good nature , or simplicity ; which of these 3 excellent Qualities it was , I shall not point out , your selves may judge by the consequents .

At this Solemnity was present an Amphibious Animal , that was in the Mornings an Advocate , and in the Afternoons a Courtier ; in the Fore-noons he went in his Gown to the Hall , either to plead or listen , and in the Evenings as fine as he knew how to make himself , courted Ladies . He was one of those young Students that in spite of their Birth and Education , will pass for Gallants ; and when they fancy themselves to be drest a la mode , and contemn or rally their Kindred , imagine they have acquired a degree of elevation above their equals . You could not have known him after a change of habit ; His Hair which he wore short when he went a Mornings to the Hall , was in the Evenings covered with a fair Flaxen Periwig , most frequently visited by a Comb that was oftner in his hand than his Pocket . His Hat bore so great respect to it , it durst hardly touch it ; His Head and Shoulders were alwayes well powdred , his Ribbons abundant , and his Linnen richly laced ; but what most set him out , was , that he had luckily a Wart on his Cheek , that gave him an honest pretence to wear a Black Patch : in a word he was so fine , that a Countrey Gentleman would have made him his Pattern to dress by : but I did ill to say he was not then to be known , his Meen , Gesture , Countenance , and Discourse sufficiently discovered him ; for these are not so easily shifted as Suits of Clothes , and his Grimaces and Affectations made evident that he imitated Courtiers onely in what they are defective and ridiculous . This may by the way be said of all that imitate in what kind soever .

As soon as he cast his Eyes of Javota , for that is the Name of the Charitable Collectress , he fell desperately in love , which was not very extraordinary to him that was an universal Inamorado ; yet at this time Love bent his Bow more strongly , or drew his Arrow more home , so that it pierced his Heart beyond what was usual . I cannot precisely describe the motions of his heart at the approach of this Beauty ( for no body then felt his Pulse ) but this I can assure you , that that day he made a solemn Vow to serve her ; for which immediately after a happy occasion presented . A little Clerk that sat near him , extreamly malicious and enraged against Javota , because she had taken the Key of the Wine Cellar from a Maid Servant that used to draw him Wine , observing how proud she seemed to have filled her Bason with Gold and Silver , drew a handful of Farthings from his Pocket , and with them bespattred her Bason , to affront her by covering over the Pieces she so much gloried in ; the Collectress blushed , and with her Finger put aside as well as she could that Copper Mony , which for all her address appeared too plainly : Then Nicodemus ( for so the new Inamorado was called ) presenting her a Pistol , pretended to desire Silver for it , but he took nothing away but the Farthings , making her a free Present of the rest .

This new manner of Courtship was very well observed by Javota , rejoyced her heart , and perswaded her she had a real Obligation to him ; on which accompt coming out of the Church , she suffered him to accost her with a Complement he had been studying all the time of the Sermon . The occasion was very favorable , for Javota never went abroad without her Mother , who kept her so reserv'd , she suffered her not to speak to a Man either at home or abroad ; Access had not otherwise been very difficult to him , for as Javota was an Attorneys Daughter and Nicodemus an Advocate , their qualities had so neer an Affinity and Sympathy , that Familiarity was as easily made between them , as between a Chaplain and a Waiting Gentlewoman .

At his first coming up , as a most refined Complement , he told her , Madam , With the advantages of so great Merit and Beauty , you must needs have made a happy Collection . Alas Sir , answered Javota , with great simplicity , Excuse me , I have been counting it with the Parson , and find but Sixty four Livres five Sous , and Mistriss Henriette a while ago gathered Fourscore ; it is true indeed that she collected all the while the Prayers of 40 hours lasted , and in a Church where the beautifullest Paradice was exposed that hath yet been seen . When I speak of the good success of your Collection , said Nicodemus , I mean not only the Almes you have acquired for the poor of the Church , but the profit you have made to your self . Sir , replied Javota , I assure you I made not any , there was not a Farthing more than I told you , can you imagine I would use deceit on such an occasion ? I mean neither Gold nor Silver , ( replied Nicodemus ) but that all persons that gave you their Alms , at the same time presented their Hearts . I know not , returned Javota , what you mean by hearts , but I found not one in the Bason . I mean ( said Nicodemus ) that there was not any to whom you presented your self , that at the sight of so great Beauty , made not a Vow to love and serve you , on that account presenting you his heart : For what concerns my self , I found it impossible to refuse you mine . Javota innocently replied , Well Sir , If you gave it me , I immediately prayed God to restore it you . What , said Nicodemus , somewhat angry , must I that am so serious , be rallied , and the most passionate of all your servants be used thus ? At this Javota blushing , answered , Consider Sir what you say , I am an honest Maid , and have no Servants , my Mother hath forbid me to have any . I have not said any thing ( replied Nicodemus ) that can justly offend you , and my passion for you is pure and chaste , and tends to a legitimate pretence . By this Sir it seems you would marry me , said Javota , to which purpose you must apply your self to my Father and Mother ; neither do I know what portion they will give me . We are not yet come so far ( quoth Nicodemus ) I must first have some testimony of your esteem , and know whether you accept of my service . Sir ( said Javota ) I can very well serve my self , and do all that is necessary to it .

This City Reply disarmed our Gallant , who pretended to court in a lofty stile , and would certainly have been very prodigal of complements , had he met one that understood them . He was not a little surprized that at his first proffers of service , he was entertained as a serious Woer ; but he had little reason , for it is the ordinary defect of Maids of this condition , to take a Man to be in love with them on the least expression of Civility ; and as soon as in love , bound to go to the Parson and marry , or at least to be contracted before Friends . They understand not those secret and charming Intelligences , which pass part of our youth with so great delight , and are not inconsistent with the severest vertue : They are not sollicitous to make a perfect discovery of the good or evil qualities of such as offer their service , nor know how on the foundations of esteem to raise a Superstructure of Love or Friendship . Their fear of living and dying Maids , makes them immediately grasp at what is substantial , and blindly catch at him that makes the first overture . And this is the cause of the great difference between Courtiers and Citizens ; for the Gentry making an open Profession of Gallantry , and used to the Converse of Ladies from their Infancy , form a certain habit of Civility and Courtship that lasts all their lives : whereas the Vulgar never acquire that free and becoming Aire , nor ever study that Art of pleasing , which cannot be learned but amongst Ladies , nor till civilized by some tender p●ssion . They make not love but by the by , and with constraint , aiming immediately at Marriage . Neither is it strange that all the ●est of their lives they have a clownish and refractory 〈…〉 , which is a burthen to their Family , and odious to all that frequent them . Our piece of a Courtier pretended to make love very formally , loath to omit any one of the Ceremonies he had learned in his Books ; for he had commenced Master of Art in Cyrus and Clelia ; he resolved therefore to write Letters , give treats , and what is worst of all make Verses ; but what possibility is there of playing a good set at Tennice with one that alwayes strikes under Line .

As soon as he had brought his Mistriss to her Door , with a low Curtsie she took her leave , telling him she must go and look after Houshold Affairs , and that her Mother would chide , if she saw her talking with Men ; he was therefore forced to with-draw , though with resolution speedily to give her a Visit . But it seemed very difficult to get entrance into the House , for none was received that had not business , and they admitted no farther than the Attorneys study ; for if any came to ask for Javota , the Mother immediately went to Door with What business have you with my Daughter ? Necessity therefore obliged Nicodemus to seek acquaintance with Vollichou Javota's Father , which was not very difficult , he already knowing his Person , having seen him in the Court where he was Attorney , and where Nicodemus sometime pleaded . He went therefore to him with pretence of consulting about something that was difficult in practice , and afterwards told him he should be Attorney to one of his Clients , which though he performed , it brought him no farther than the Study : the Womens appartment being as inaccessible to him as if it had been a Seraglio : he therefore beat his brains for some invention to get nearer , and at last pretended he had a Warren in the Countrey , from whence they sent him excellent Rabbets , of which he would present Vollichou a Couple , and come and eat them with him ; imagining that at least at Dinner he should have a sight of the Mother and Daughter : he therefore caused a Couple to be bought at the Polterers , but it was but Money thrown away , not because they were tame Rabbets ( for the Attorney liked them well enough ) but because they got him not a sight of his Mistriss , who that day dined not in publick ; perhaps because not drest , or employed about some Houshold Affair ; he therefore designed yet farther , and agreed with Vollichou upon a Game at Bowls , which is the greatest kindness you can do an Attorney , and the most powerful Adamant to draw him out of his Study . This quickly made them great friends , which was very much forwarded by Nicodemus his suffering him to win his Money ; the last Game was for a Capon to be immediately eaten at the Attorneys .

It was not till the fourth or fifth Capon , that Nicodemus had the pleasure of seeing his Mistriss at Table with him , and this lasted not long , for she came not till a good while after Dinner began , rose when the Cheese came , folding her Napkin , and carrying away her Trencher her self . Neither did she speak a word during the whole Meal , nor scarcely lift up her Eyes , with extraordinary modesty making appear that she knew how to practise all that is to be learned in the Sententiae Pueriles . Immediately after she shut her self up in a Chamber with her Mother , to work on some Lace or Tapestry . In a word , there never was Maid with whom it was so difficult to enter into Conversation ; for at home she was kept very strait , and abroad she never went without her Mother : so that had not the accident of the Collection given her a moments liberty , and to go home alone , Nicodemus had never met an opportunity of accosting her . His acquaintance with Vollichou was in a manner useless , yet it augmented daily , but to understand its foundations the better , it will not be amiss to give a Character of this Attorney .

He was a thick short fellow beginning to be grey , and of the same age with his Night-Cap , he had grown old with it under a greasie and flapping Hat , that had covered more Knaveries than could be contained in a hundred other Heads , and under a hundred other Night-Caps ; for petty fogging had seized on the Corps of this little man as the Devil does on one that is possest . But they were certainly much too blame that used to say the Devil would have him ; they ought rather to have called him Damning than Damned ; since he effectually either damned or undid all he had to do with , whether his Clients or adverse Parties . His mouth was wide , no little advantage to one that gets his living by bawling , and whose best quality is to have able Lungs ; his Eyes were penetrating , and his Ear so quick , it could distinguish the chinking of Ten Groats Five hundred Paces off ; he had a most nimble wit , alwayes provided he imploied it not in what was honest . None was ever more assiduous , not to serve but rob his Clients . He looked on other mens Estates as Cats on a Bird in a Cage , when dancing about it , they watch how they may lay their Paws upon it . He yet sometimes seemed very generous , and if he met a poor man ignorant of business , would cry out aloud he would draw his Declaration gratis , but before he obtained any effect of it , he was sure to pay double . He had a natural antipathy against the truth , so that never any , though to his advantage , durst come near him , for fear of being contradicted .

You may easily judge that with these rare Endowments he could not fail of becomming rich , and withal infamous , which caused a wit once to say very pertinently ▪ That all he had was unjustly gotten , his reputation excepted . This he himself would sometimes agree to , but with assurance that he was very much altered , and to invite Nicodemus to walk in the paths of Vertue , he once told him that in the one year he had lived honestly he got more than in ten others when he played the Knave ; and perhaps he might truly enough say this , for the Fines with which some of his Cheats had been punished , cost him very dear .

You see here what Vollichou was , who came at last to be so decryed , the Hangman himself whose Attorney he had been , renounced him as unworthy to serve him ; Judge now whether Nicodemus , that was not very avaritious , but extreamly amorous , might not easily gain the good opinion of one so greedy ; he pleaded his Causes for little or nothing , accepting a small yearly Stipend ; he presented , treated , and used all endeavors to gain his Friendship ; but one particular humor rendred them inseparable , which was , that Nicodemus was a great Speaker of Sentences , high and lofty expressions , and Vollichou no less of Proverbs and Clinches , and in these applauding one another , their Conversation was very divertive .

But although this great acquaintance began to give Nicodemus free access to the House , it signified little towards entertaining Javota , for as soon as he appeared , she either went into another Chamber , or if she stayed , spoke not one word , so respective she was in her Mothers presence ; who never was from her . He was forced therefore to declare himself a Suitor , that he might get opportunity to speak to her with freedom . He was not a little encouraged to pretend to make her his Wife , because an Attorneys Daughter is a very suitable match for an Advocate ; for Vollichou was rich , and had very good practice , which might better be called his Trade , since he sold his Clients . On the other side he would not have a Son in Law of any other Profession . He cared not to have him handsom , neat , or gallant , provided he were industrious and thrifty : neither did he so highly value Javota's beauties , as to expect by it to make her a Fortune ; in this perhaps he was not without reason , and they that make a state of it , are oftentimes deceived , and the fortunes Maids of this quality acquire by advantage of their beauty , usually end in the prosecution of the Relations of the Youngman they have inveigled , and a Divorce themselves sue for , when they find they are married to a ruined Coxcomb .

This favorable inclination caused Nicodemus ( importuned also by his love ) to make a free declaration to Javota's Father , and a precise demand of Marriage ; who receiving the proposal with all the civility a man of his humor was capable , made an exact inquiry into Nicodemus his Estate , whether it were not incumbred , and if he were free from Debts and Diseases . All the apparent difficulty was , that the Bridegroom was too handsom , too spruce and courtly ; for to say truth , that which pleaseth people of fashion , thwarts most these Graybeards . He said the time that was spent in so neat dressing was lost , and might be better imployed in engrossing , and that such a Suit of Cloths cost Twenty Fees : Notwithstanding all which , the good opinion he had entertained of Nicodemus , effaced the dislikes , and becoming indulgent in what concerned him , he said , That Youth must have its Course , but supposing that extended no farther then to the getting a Wife , he doubted not in three Moneths to see him as very a sloven as himself .

At last having examined the Inventory and all the Evidences of his Estate , formed and disputed all the Articles of Marriage , and signed the Contract , Nicodemus was permitted to visit his Mistriss with a little more liberty , that is at the far end of the Chamber in her Mothers presence , who was the while imployed at her Needle . But this lasted not long , for Vollichou caused all things to be prepared to contract them , and withal the Bains to be asked in the Church .

I am afraid there is not any Reader ( be he never so courteous ) but will cry out here is a pitiful Romancer . This Story is neither long nor intricate , and a Wedding resolved already , which is not wont to be till the 10th Volume ; but I beg his pardon for cutting short , and riding post to the conclusion , and think him not a little obliged to me for freeing him from the impatience that torments many Readers to see an Amorous History last so long , without being able to divine the conclusion ; yet he may please to observe that many things fall between the Cup and Lip : and this Wedding is not in such forwardness as he imagines .

It is now in my power to form here a Heroine that shall be stollen away , as often as I have a mind to write Volumns : for it is a very ordinary misfortune to Hero's , when they think they have their Mistrisses in their Arms , to embrace only a Cloud , and feed themselves with wind like unhappy Ixion , whilst one of their Comrades carries her away in spite of their teeth .

But since I intend not here to make ostentation of deluding Scenes , and have promised you a true History , I will ingeniously confess , that this Wedding was prevented only by an opposal at asking the Bains , in name of a certain Maid called Lucrece , who pretended to have had a promise of Marriage from Nicodemus . This intirely lost him in the good opinion of Javota's Parents , who looked on him as debaucht , in such manner that they would no longer either see or suffer him . To tell you from whence this opposition proceeded ( for which methinks you have a curiosity ) we must go a little higher , and give you another History , but whilest I relate it , forget not that I have already told you ; for you will hereafter have occasion for it .

The History of the CITY LVCRECE .

THis Lucrece , which I call of the City , to distinguish her from that Roman that stabbed her self , and was of a very different humor , was a tall handsom Maid , that wanted neither wit nor spirit , but abounded in vanity . 'T was pity she had not been bred at Court or amongst Persons of Quality , which would have freed her from many affectations that wronged her good parts , and too clearly made evident the place of her Education .

She was Daughter of a Register of the Chancery , and left very young with little portion , to the Conduct of an Aunt , an Advocates Wife of the Third Order , I mean that was neither eminent nor altogether without practice : This good man , more laborious than learned , was all day shut up in his Study , where he got his living by drawing Writings , but slightly paid for , and knew not all that passed in his House : His Wife was so good a huswife , she would have maundred two dayes for wasting a Candles end , or throwing away a Match before it had been lighted at both ends ; but on the other side she was a great Gamester , frequenting the world , as she used to express it , though it was properly no more but to see many faces . After Dinner Cards and Tables were produced , and immediately a great many young people of all conditions , resorted thither more to see Lucrece than to divert Mrs Advocate . When she won , she affected to appear liberal , sending for a Tart and Puff-paste , which with some Sweet-Meats made in the House , gave a Treat to the Company .

This served instead of Supper to her self and Niece , and sometimes also to her Husband , though he never tasted it ; for she forgot to provide for him , when she her self was not hungry . On this accompt she passed amongst the Neighbourhood for very splendid : her house-keeping was much cried up , and I heard a Clerks Wife that lived thereabouts , say in choler , None it seems may pretend to Magnificence , but Mrs Advocate .

Lucrece then was bred in a Family thus ordered , a dangerous Post for a Maid that is necessitous , and on that account obliged to suffer all sort of Gallants . Her heart must have been frost-nailed to have gone firm in so slippery a road . All her fortune was built on the Charms and Conquests of her Eyes , a very slender and feeble foundation , that seems only to make old Maids , and to marry them by a Suit in the Arches .

She yet carried the Garb of one of Quality , though as I have said , her portion was little or rather nothing at all ; and she was reported to have Fifteen thousand Crowns .

On which supposition though false Lucrece built high expectations , and if an Advocate were propounded as a Husband for her , Fie , she would cry out , I hate these Gown and Pen and Ink-horn Men. She pretended to a Knight or at least an Esquire , and her Charms drew many Servants , for a House that keeps an honourable Academy of Gaming , keeps one also of Love , which is at first very honest , but afterwards no more than needs must ; this puts me in mind of what was once said by a good fellow , That to do so , is little less than to hang out a Bush to publish there is some excellent piece ready to be set abroach .

They came , as I told you , more to see Lucrece than to play , yet there was a necessity of playing , that they migbt see her . Some having played a while gave their Cards to another to hold , whilest they courted her ; others went her Aunts halves ; she also went halves with some others that engaged to play : but having put her forces in order , she went up and down the Hall entertaining the Company , and knew so well how to content them all , by affording each a share of her Conversation , that you would have thought she had regulated her discourse by the Hour-Glass .

She made no small profit by play , having her share of what was won , but never participating in any loss . Nothing pleased her so much as when certain Coxcombs fell into her hands , that think it an excellent Complement to let Ladies win their Money : by such an honourable way to possess them of the Presents they intend to make them . This was a great mistake of old , with which ( thanks be to heaven ) Courtiers and Gallants are now no more abused . It is true that crafty Wenches are very well pleased to win at play , but looking on that effect which they attribute to their own skill or good fortune as Conquest , they do not think themselves in the least obliged to the poor Fool that loseth his money , but call him their Cully , and never give him over till they have plucked his last feather ; and it is then too late to go to work with some other Gallantry ; for they never esteem a man that hath played the Fool , though to their advantage . And indeed to what purpose so much Ceremony ? is it not better to play ones best , and neither excuse nor over-see any thing ; and if we be minded to present them , do it without circumstance or disguise . Do any of them refuse or send back what is presented them , this may possibly have been done in the dayes of old when they knew not how to live ; but if we improve at the rate we have done lately , for my part I bylieve we shall ere long make direct bargains , and say I send you such a present for such a favour , and demand security ; for to speak seriously Women are deceitful . But while I talk of Gaming , I have almost forgot Lucrece , who above all other Gallants loved those that used to play for discretions ; for if she lost , she paid with some ribbon , and if she won , expected Jewels . She was clothed with nothing else but the good fortune of Play , or folly of her Servants . The Silk Stockings on her Legs were a discretion , her Ribbon and Gloves another discretion ; her Whiske of Point de Gennes another .

In a word , from head to foot she was all discretion . But she played so long for discretions , that at last she lost her own , as you will hear anon : I give you notice betimes , because I design nor to surprize you , as some malicious Authors are wont to do , who aime at nothing else .

Amongst the many Lovers , whose youthful fervor adored Lucrece , was a young Lord , but to say Lord signifies little , without adding 40 , 50 , or 60 thousand Livres a year ; for there are so many of these of late Editions , and Forreign and Exotick Impression , that they are little considerable , unless with their Lordships they make us acquainted with their Revenue , as one did that styled bimself Lord of Twenty hundred thousand Crowns . This never yet gave in any accompt , but he lived high , with daily change of Clothes , Feathers , and Ribbons , which in Paris are commonly the best testimonies of Persons of Quality , though to speak seriously , not a little deceitful . He had seen Lucrece in the Church , I had almost said that I have described , whither he went on the Solemn Day I told you of , on what account I know not , but certainly on any , rather than to say his Prayers . As soon as he saw her he was charmed , and as soon as she went out , sent his Page to enquire after her , but before his Pages return he was made acquainted with all by the Sexton , that drives away Dogs and lets Pews ; but makes greater profit by understanding the Intrigues of all the Women of the Parish , than by both the other Trades . A Half Crown Piece therefore got my Lord the Name , Dwelling , and Quality of Lucrece , with her Aunts , and their usual imployments , and Names of the most of those that frequented them ; with many other particulars , that could not have been learned of a private Family without much time ; which makes appear that such as are so governed , begin to be publick . Being very discreet , he studied how to find some body to introduce him , for want of which , he resolved to make use of the pretence of Play , the great Passpartout that admits into such Companies . But as it fell out , he stood in need of none of these , for passing next day in his Coach through the Street where Lucrece dwelt , he perceived her at the door , whither her impatience to have received no Visit , drew her : and as she heard the noise of a Coach , she turned her head that way , thinking it was some body coming to her . The Lord placed himself in the Boot , the more conveniently to salute and enter discourse with her . ; and an unfortunate accident was but too favorable : an Ostlers Boy galloping a Horse that he pricked with a rusty Spur fastened to his left Shoe , the Street being narrow and the Kennel broad , covered the Coach , the Lord and Lady with dirt . The Lord was about to swear , but respect of the fair Sex restrained him ; he would have sent after , but the Trooper was so well mounted they could do him no hurt , unless they shot him flying : he therefore alighted all dirty as he was , to comfort Lucrece , and at his first approach told her , Madam , I have been punished for my temerity in approaching too near to behold you , but I am not so much troubled to see my self in this condition , as that you partake of this dirty present . Lucrece out of countenance to see her self so accoutred , or perhaps because she had no Complement ready on so unexpected an accident , could say no more , but civilly offer him the Hall to make himself clean , or tarry in while he sent for shift , and then took her leave and went to change her own Linnen ; she quickly returned with other Clothes , and it was occasion of no little pride to a person of her condition , to make appear she had variety , and could so suddenly produce a Whiske of Point of Sedan instead of that of Genoua she left off .

The first thing the Lord did , was to send his Page home in all haste , to bring him another Suit and other Linnen , hoping they would let him have some Chamber where he might shift himself . But the Page comes back sweating , to tell him that his Valet de Chambre had carried away the Key of the Wardrobe , and that after he had dressed his Lord a Mornings , he used not to return till Night , as those Loiterers use to do , whose Masters leave them to drink and play , for want of other business ; imagining it would derogate from their greatness to imploy a Servant in more than one Office . He had therefore no remedy but patience , which could not yet prevent him from condemning his little sore-sight , that he had not taken along in his Coach in a Band-Box another Suit of Linnen , since his Coachman was so provident to carry Hammer and Nails , to fasten his Horse-shoes or mend any thing that might be broken about the Wheel . But he could do no more at that time than place himself in the darkest corner of the Hall , and against the light to conceal his wounds as well as was possible . He hath sworn since ( though that is not it that obliges us to believe him , for he sometimes swore vainly enough ; but I have met some Professors of Gallantry that told me it was very possible ) that amongst all his amorous Adventures , he never suffered greater vexation nor more bitter resentment , then to be fain to appear in so bad a posture the first time he saw his Mistriss . Notwithstanding the violence of his love often pressed him to declare his passion , and that he found favorable occasions for it , he put up all his Complements , and imagining the spots on his Clothes were stains to his honour , became extreamly mortified ; like a Peacock that looking on his feet , immediately le ts fall his Train .

To increase his misfortune , he was no sooner seated , but there came in a great many Maids of Lucrece Neighbourhood , of whom some were her friends , others not ; for all flocked thither as to a General Rendezvous of Gallantry , there to seek Husbands , as others go to the Intelligence Office to enquire for Lackeys or Valets de Chambre's ; some sat down to Cards with young Men that were newly come in , others prated with Lucrece .

Not knowing the Lord , they took him for some pitiful Countrey Gentleman , and so used him , for City Dames as well as Court Ladies , have got the trick of rallying these ; and here they failed not to give every one her Attaque . It must be confessed , says one , this Gentleman is very well drest to day , for he wants no Black-patches ; But , said another , is it the fashion to wear them upon Linnen ; the third added , Though possibly he forgot to take Holy Water this Morning , somebody hath had the charity to be sprinkle him : and the last , a bold Gossip , replied , Alas , all this will be nothing but a little dust at Midsummer .

The Lord at first suffered all these wipes , which are very common ones , with a great deal of patience , and pressed by conscience of his guilt , durst not justifie himself against an accusation that so evidently convinced him . But they at last provoked him so far , he could not avoid a Reply . I perceive well ( Ladies ) said he , you will put a necessity upon me of defending Slovens , but I know not how I shall acquit my self in it , having hitherto very little meditated on that subject , because I thought I should never have occasion for it on my own account , nor had not , but for the misfortune lately happened to me . You will be the less partial ( replied Lucrece ) if you have so little interest in the Cause , and oblige a great many persons , if you plead it well . I am not of a Profession , said the Lord , to plead or make Apologies , but such an occasion presenting for it , I must tell you that I think it very strange that in most companies men are neither respected nor scarcely suffered , unless all about them be curious and proper even to excess ; nay sometimes unless rich and magnificent . Mens merits are not at all examined , and judgement is made of them only by their outsides , and by qualifications that may at all times be taken up at the Mercers and Lacemen . Tbis is very true , said one , and Paris is so full of dirt it is impossible to escape it .

I have to day found by experience ( said the Lord ) that it is hard to do so , since my Coach could not secure me ; and I must needs approve of their opinion , that maintain that such as are curious , ought to use Sedans . The old Proverb , which to express one that is so , says he , Looks as if he came out of a Box , is now a days verified ; and perhaps gave occasion for these portable Boxes .

But , said the City Dame ( again interrupting him ) every one cannot pay for them , the Porters exact and are too chargeable . Once when it rained I would have been carried to Nostre Dame , and they asked a Crown . It is true , said the Lord , the charge is great , and cannot be born by such as are in low or mean conditions , as most persons of merit are ; who by reason of this are confined to the Visits of their Neighbours only , as in little Cities , and cannot enjoy the advantages Paris would otherwise afford them ; for here we might select a handsome society of the best qualified persons , did not chance and business scatter them into several very distant Quarters .

It is not long since a Gallant made me a very pleasant complaint on such an accident , He went , he said , from the Fauxbourgs St. Germain , intending for the Marais de Temple , with pure Linnen and a neat Suit , his Galloches very streight and the day fair ; he most successfully saved himself from dirt by the favor of Shops and Alleys , into which he very judiciously retreated at the least noise of Horse or Coach At last ; thanks to his adress , and the many compasses he had taken to pick out the fairest way , he came near the desired Haven , when a poor Ass , that went modestly enough his grand Paw , and probably meant no mischief , set his foot in a hole , and almost the only hole in the Street , and dashed him as plentifully as could have been done by the boundingst Horse that is ridden to the great Saddle ; upon this he durst not continue his design , but lapping himself up in his Cloak , very discontentedly returned to his Lodging . Thus he was unfortunately bereaved of the pleasure he expected in his Visit , and they which were to receive it , of the satisfaction of his entertainment . This accident gave him such an aversion for remote Visits , that he hath lost all the acquaintnce he had out of his own Quarter . Your friend ( said Lucrece ) was a little too scrupulous , had he done well , he should have thought it sufficient at his first entrance to have made an excuse in behalf of dirty Stockings , an invective against the Government of the City and the Scavenger , with a word of imprecation against the hypocritical Ass , that was the occasion of the scandal : This sure had been sufficient to have secured him against all reproach . Methinks ( interrupted Hippolita ( who was a pretender to wit , and began the first raillery ) he did very discreetly to go back , else had any of my humor been in the company , he had certainly been attacqued . Why ( said Lucrece ) was he in any fault ? Have you not observed his many precautions ? What shall his time and pains in sheltring himself in so many Shops and Alleys signifie nothing ? No , said Hippolita , nothing , why did he not take a Sedan ? You enquire not , said the Lord , Whether he had wherewithal to pay for one ; but you are not single in your humor , and I foresee if the luxury of the times goes forward , some great Persons , after the examples of those that have founded Chairs for Professors of Divinity , Physick , and Mathematicks , will charitably bequeath a Revenue to establish Sedans to carry Gallants cleanlily unto their Mistrisses Alcoves , and in a condition to be admitted into good company . Such an Establishment , said Lucrece , would be admirable , and no less commendable than those other for the encouragement of Learning , but it would cost a great deal , because of the many pretenders to Gallantry .

This Establishment , replied the Lord , will not be so soon made , and I rather wish than expect it for that Ladies sake ( pointing to Hippolita , whose Name he knew not ) that she may not meet any more such dis-satisfactions as at present . The Lord seemed to speak this with some animositie , vexed that she had first began to rally him ; and to be quit , added somewhat briskly , I could yet allow Women of Quality , who have magnificent Apartments , and converse with none but such as are brave , thus difficultly to suffer other persons , but I think it strange that City Wives imitate them , they which go a Mornings to Market in liquord Shoes , wrapped up in their Scarfs , and on Houshold occasions admit high Shoes into their Chambers , to the no little pains of the Maids arm that rubs the floor ; that these I say should be nicer than all others is insufferable .

Certainly , said Lucrece , the Gentleman hath a great deal of reason , and for a Courtier admirably understands the people of the Town : I know some persons ( and they are not far off ) very hard to be satisfied in this particular , and I think would better like a man that spoke ten impertinencies in their company , then that had the least irregularity in his Clothes

But , said Hippolita , do you then approve of those Virtuoso's , that under pretence of internal Endowments , altogether neglect the exterior . For example we have in our Neighbourhood a Lawyer very rich and no less covetous , that wears a Night Cap down to his Chin , and , had he the Ears of Midas , deep enough to cover them ; another that goes ever in a thread-bare Cloak ; would you excuse persons so sordid and extravagant , or deny good company the pleasure of laughing at them ?

I do not , said the Lord , think that any ever approved such affectations , but on the contrary look with contempt and indignation on all formal Pedants ; whose Cloaths are as ridiculous as their Manners ; we ought yet to be favorable to such Persons of Merit as employing themselves better , have not time to think of dressing ; not that I would excuse those that out of avarice or negligence go still in a posture like enough to make those sick that look upon them ; these are extremities equally blameable : but how many are there that notwithstanding their care in dressing and concealing their poverty , cannot prevent its appearing in some flapping Hat , broken Stocking , or other wound , for which fortune alone is to be blamed . You have reason , said Lucrece , and I have alwayes opposed such niceties , wishing it were sufficient to go decently ; but variety and magnificence are also required , for now a-dayes Men every where take place according to their Cloaths , and their merits are valued by the depth of their Laced Bands . This must be granted , said Hippolita , and as I think reasonably enough , for how can you judge of a Man that comes into company , but by his outside ? If his Cloaths be rich , he is taken for a Person of Quality , well born and bred , and consequently that hath worth . This I could allow you , said the Lord , if Strangers only were so used , and excuse the honour done to a Rascal , that under favour of his good Cloaths , passes for a Person of Quality , the honour being paid to the worth that is supposed to be in him ; but they which are best known , are so dealt with , and many Women judge of Men only by their variety of Suits , Feathers , and Ribbons . Coming from a Ball or Visit , I have heard them thus entertain one another , What an excellent Set of Ribbons my Lord had on ? I never saw a richer : and Sir Thomas had a new Stuff I have not seen before , that was very pretty : another said , That great slovenly Squire goes like a Bearherd , he dares not change his Clothes sure , for fear no body should know him ; yet it sometimes happens that the slovenly Squire falls fowl and beats the rich trimming worn by a Coward , and that he that wears the fine Stuff talks like a Coxcomb . Nay one Lady was so silly , that she commended the extravagance of a Gallant , that to mourn for the death of his Mistriss , trimmed a Suit with Black and White Ribbons , with Death-heads and Tears figured upon them , in such a manner as Churches use to be hung at Funerals . I think , said Lucrece , he may more properly be said to have mourned for his reason that was dead . And you are in the right , said the Lord , but half mourning would have been sufficient , it being so long since it departed . This is very pleasant , said Lucrece , and more than I expected from a Courtier , and one that by his Meen seems to be curious and magnificent .

I must acknowledge , said the Lord , that my quality obliges me to expence in Clothes , because the humor of the times requires it , and that I may not be taken for morose or covetous , I follow Fashions and sometimes invent them : but this is contrary to my inclination , and I had much rather divert such fond disbursements into liberalities to Persons of Merit that stand in need of them : and the excess of these things I have ever blamed , pitying such as fall into the hands of Noble Criticks in Gallantry , that abound in idleness , and can discourse of nothing else ; by these we are examined from head to foot , like as Malefactors at the Bar , and what care so ever we have taken to adjust our selves , they most certainly condemn us . I have been often engaged in Conferences about such trifles , where many most ridiculous questions have been controverted very seriously . I one day saw a Coxcomb attacqued on this accompt , one Lady told him his Band was ill put on , another that it was not well starched , a third justified the fault to be in the cutting ; but he defended himself bravely , by telling them it was made by the Kings Semstress , that had a Crown a-piece for the Fashion . At the Name alone of this Lady , Sentence passed in favour of the Band ; I say Lady , at which you ought not to wonder , for the age is so fertil in Ladies , that the Title hath been acquired by common Players , Makers of Periwiggs ; and Cutters of Black-patches . That authority , said Lucrece , was conclusive , and the question no longer problematical ; and it must be granted that the Band is the most difficult and important of all Ornaments , and first discovers whether a man be a just ; therefore too much care and time cannot be emploied about it : as I have heard of a great Lawyers Wife that was an hour every Morning putting on her Cuffs , and publickly maintained they could not be well put on sooner . After the examination of this Band ( said the Lord ) they fell upon Pantaloons , and considered whether they had too many folds behind or before , and in this also opinions varied ; at last they came to Silk Stockings , and this was argued a very new and considerable controversie , not yet decided by any Author , whether they do best drawn strait or plaited on the Calf of the Leg. After two hours spent in such ridiculous entertainment , perceiving they intended to examine all the rest article by article , and line by line , as if it had been a reckoning ; I broke off and withdrew , and they adjourend , appointing another day to go on with the rest : for the determination of a Case so important required several Sessions .

You rally so handsomely ( said Lucrece ) the persons you dislike , one had need be very careful what they say . I have too great respect ( replied the Lord ) for all that comes from so fair lips , and have observed in you conceptions so just , and remote from all we have rallied , that you have nothing to apprehend on that accompt . Indeed , said Lucrece , I do not approve our entertaining our selves with such trifles , nor the being so punctual as to little defaults , methinks it is enough , if we be so habited , that we give no general disgust . Besides I know that what care soever can be taken , especially by such as are not Courtiers , something will still be objected ; for Fashions changing daily , and the dayes not being marked in Almanacks like Holydayes , it is necessary to have intelligence and Spies at Court , to give notice of the varieties that happen every moment .

You have a great deal of reason , replied the Lord , and the difficulty intimated by you is almost invincible , without erecting an Office of Modes or at least publishing a Gazette , which in form of a Journal should acquaint the world with what is new . This design ( said Hippolita ) is excellent , and I believe more of these Gazets would be sold than of the other .

Since you please your self with such designs , said the Lord , I will acquaint you with an admirable one I heard propounded a while ago by a Lawyer that sought some Patentee to joyn with him .

And wonder not that I have correspondence with this sort of men , and sometimes make use of their terms ; two troublesome Suits , by obliging me to frequent them , have taught me ( to my cost ) more than I cared for learning . He told me it were very necessary to the Kingdoms good , to establish a great Council of Modes , and that it would be easie enough to provide it with Officers : for Councellors of Modes might plentifully be found amongst Mercers , Drapers , and Exchange-men ; and amongst Taylors Attorneys of Modes , who should fit them for hearing and make their reports . Judges should be chosen amongst the vaniest and extravagantest Courtiers of both Sexes , who should justifie or condemn , and give all authority and credit : there should also be Messengers of Modes , to disperse them thorow the Kingdom ; and last of all Censors of Modes , who ought to be very disoreet persons to limit their extravagances ; for example not to suffer Hats to rise as high and pointed as Sugar-loaves , nor fall as flat as Pancakes ; which is much to be apprehended , whilest every man raises or depresses them in emulation of his Neighbor , according to the ebbes and flows of the Mode of Hats .

They should also endeavor a reformation of Clothes , with all necessary Decries , as of Ribbons that formerly crept up as high as our Pockets ; Regulations of all differences that might concern the Jurisdiction , should be kept in the Office , and a Puppet of the newest Mode made like a Jackalent , to be communicated to the several Shires . All Taylors should be obliged to these Models , no less than Carpenters and Bricklayers to those of the Houses they undertake to build . There should hang up in the Office a Table , in which all Fashions , with the circumstances and regulations , should be specified , with the lengths of Cotes , Breeches and Sleeves , qualities of Stuffs , Trimmings , Laces , and other Ornaments . This would be no small advantage to the publick , and prevent Dutchmen or Countrey-Gentlemen , that bestow a great deal of money to make themselves fine , from failing in their design , notwithstanding their consultations with all manner of Tradesmen for clearing difficulties . For it often happens , that if the Suit be well , it is not so with the Hat or Stockings , and the poor Gallants live alwayes in ignorance and incertainty ; whereas then if they doubted ( for example ) whether their Hats were handsome , they had no more to do , but to carry them to the Mode Office , to have them gaged and measured as Pecks and Bushels are at the Town-House . Being thus examined from head to foot , and taking out an authentick Certificate , their consciences might be at rest , and their honour secure against the reproaches of the most critical Ladies .

It is great pity ( said Lucrece ) that you joyned not with the Inventor of this Monopoly , you would have made it very profitable , I believe there are many Officers in the Kingdome less useful , and Laws less necessary then would be ordained by them . And I have heard wise men say , That there are Countries in the World , where there are Justices , expressly , for regulation of Clothes , but not being Book-learned , I cannot tell you where they lie .

Lucrece had scarcely made an end , when her Aunt broke her game , and the box she had in her hand , in anger , at an ambs ace , she threw very unhappily : This also broke the Discourse , for , she came with a great Cry , to publish the misfortune which she lamented with as pathetical expressions , as if it had endangered the safety of the State .

This disordered our little Cabal , some of which , in Civility joyned in the invective against the unlucky ambs ace that came uncalled for , others comforted her , by representing Fortunes Inconstancy , and promising her 2 sices another time . The Lord , the mean while , that waited for an opportunity to be gone , took leave of Lucrece : not without telling her in private , that he hoped to waite on her the next day in better equipage , and begged leave to continue his Visits . But at his going he was very near suffering by the like accident as at his arrival . For Ostlers are very frequent in that quarter . He could no more beat this then the former , because this also rid away , but his page revenged him , and not being so reasoable in his Answer as his Master , discharged it on another Ostler that was on foot hard by the gate , and when the fellow cryed out , Hold , Sir , I dash no body , answered , no matter , This is for those thou hast dash'd , and wilt dash hereafter : A very remarkable equity , [ to the shame of our Suburb Justices . ]

As soon as the Lord was in his Coach , the footmen , following his and the pages examples , ( animated against dashers of the Kings free-born Subjects ) fell upon certain Carmen , that seemed as hasty as extraordinary Posts , the great Carts threw a great stone , that was loose , from the pavement , and hit one of the Carmen , that was got up in his Cart , such a blow on the reins , as mighgt have broken anothers back , while the Clown did no more , but shake his head , and looking over his shoulder , bid him kiss — and so whipping on , was soon out of reach of the broken pavement . The Lord came next day to see Lucrece in an equipage that made apparent it was not for himself he made the Apology of the preceeding day .

I take this to have been the Visit in which he discoved his Passion , but will not positively affirm it , it is possible he did it not till some of the dayes following . For both these Lovers were very discreet , and mentioned not their amours but with great Caution . It is very unlucky for this History , that neither Lucrece had a friend in whom she confided , nor the Lord any Squire , to give us the particular terms of of their most private discourse . These use not to be wanting to Hero's and Heroines , for how otherwise , can their adventures be written , and fill so many vast Volumnes : how can their greatest secrets , and , almost , their thoughts be made publick ? how else get we Copies of all their Love-letters , and Verses , with the rest that is necessary to the contrivance of an Intrigue ? Our Lovers kept no such officers , so that all their Concerns cannot be told you : Neither did I gather , what I have written , from any one person , whose Memory must needs have fallen very short of retaining all passages ; but I have gotten a little here , and a little there , and , to confess the truth , added something my self . Nevertheless , if you be extreamly desirous to know the manner of laying open such Passions , I can point you out enough , in Amadis , Astrea , the grand Cyrus , and other Romances ; that I have neither time nor Intention to transcribe and steal , as most Authours doe , that make use of the Inventions of such as write before them : nay , I will not give my self the trouble of quoting the Books and pages , for you cannot miss them , what part soever of those Volumnes you accidentally open : but you will finde still the same thing , and , as it is enough to set down the first word of the Burthen of the Song with an &c. It is also so now , to tell you that our Lord was in love with Lucrece , &c. you may easily guess , and adde what he said , or at least might have said , or at least might have said to charme her .

All that is incumbent on me , is to acquaint you with the success of his Love , for , I take for granted , you will be curious to know whether Lucrece was kinde or cruel , since one of these is as probable as the other .

Know then , that the Lord made great Advances in little time : yet it was neither his wit nor good meen that won her , though he was one of the most accomplished Gentlemen of France , of the most charming appearance , and amorous temper ; but these were not the things that made the greatest impressison , for though she had a value for so good parts , she resolved , never to ingage her heart but in order to establishing her fortune . The Lord was therefore forced to make more Promises then he intended to perform , as much a person of honour as he pretended himself : for what is there that a Lover wounded to the heart , will make difficulty to promise : and what engagement will a Gentleman make scruple of breaking , rather then dishonour himself by an unworthy alliance ? He made his first approaches to her good opinion by liberality , and sometimes letting her win his mony , yet in such a manner , as she might perceive , it was not sillily , nor for want of Understanding the game ; then he came to down right Presents , which ( though proud enough ) she made no difficulty of receiving , for she abounded not in wealth , so much as in vanity : she affected to live high , which her own fortune could not maintain . Treats and Promises of Pleasure , the high wayes by which the honour of citie Virgins posts away , were very frequent , but not yet conclusive , and Lucrece bestow'd but insignificant favours , which the Lord yet was fain to accept as current mony , but in the end his Passion so far prevailed , that he gave her a promise of Marriage , written and signed with his blood , to make it more authentick : this is one of the most effectual mines for overthrowing a poor maids honour . Few hold it out when this playes , and Lucrece defended hers , no better then others had done before her , but gave up her faith and affection to the Lord . There was ever after this a perfect understanding between them , yet without coming to the highest of Engagements , each of them was flattered with pleasing hopes , the Lord of possessing his Mistress , and Lucrece of being a Lady . But this satisfyed not our Impatient Lover , his Passion was too violent for a longer expectation of the greatest favour . Yet there was an invincible obstacle against the making good his Promise of Marriage , though he had intended it . He was under age , and had a Mother and Uncle that possessed great estates , on which the grandeur of his family depended . Neither of these would ever have given consent , so that he should have hazarded a disinheriting , or at least to see his marriage made null . He therefore pressed Lucrece closer , and at last lighted on a favorable Opportunity , at one of those mischievous takings of the Air , they so often used

Do not yet believe that Lucrece ever went without her Aunt , and some other maids her Neighbours , accompanied by their Mothers : but good women think their Daughters safe enough , as long as they go out a doores with them , and return in the same manner . This yet is a trap in which many have been c●ught . For the Country still affords something of Liberty , spies being there less frequent , and wayes more open for going astray , so that one cannot long want an opportunity of giving a Mistress a green Gown , as much the Critical minute as when her smock is over her ears . Adde to this that Courtiers never sterve for fear of calling for what they want , and take advantages upon City lasses , they durst not attempt against great persons , whose qualities oblige them to respect . To make short , our Assailant so often summoned the place , and pressed it so close , that he one day surprised it unguarded , and far from assistance ; for her Aunt was then busie at an important game at Tic-tac .

Lucrece thus yielded ; I am sorry to tell it ; but it is very true : and for her honours sake , wish , I could let you know the pathetical expressions of her Lover ; which had that success , which all he had to that time used , failed of .

I believe the saffron on his face was very effectual , for Melancholy had made him very yallow ; and am of opinion he pulled a Stilletto out of his Pocket to pierce his heart , in her presence , when he found he could not die of Love . He neglected not to put her in mind of the Promise of Marriage he had given her , and of abundance of others to confirm it . But the worst is , none of these things can be known , because all passed in private : nevertheless they are very advantagious towards the discharge of the Lady : and you ought to believe he pressed hard , Lucrece being a Virtuous maid , that had a great respect of her honour , of which , I suppose , you are already sensible , if you have observed how long she held out , though , if you consider the manner of her breeding , you may perhaps imagine her a slight Sconce , that might be stormed very easily : Whatever you fancy , she was more careful of establishing her fortune , then setling her Love .

She went not about , immediately , to carry the Lord to a Scrivener or Parson , who might probably have been talkative enough to divulge the business , and so given occasion to the Lords Relations to break it off . She thought earnest ought to be laid down , before matters came so farre , and that it was better for her to hazard something , then miss an opportunity of making herself a great Lady . It cannot be said to be the fault of Lucrece , if ●he Lord kept not his word , which she had been told , was inviolable amongst persons of honour : and truely there were very many that did not blame her , because themselves had been caught in the like manner ▪ This love lasted a while with more familiarity then formerly , and without any memorable Accident , for the Lord had no Rival to dispute against him the place he had gained , or that gave his Mistress false intellig●nce to his prejudice : There was neither Picture , watch , nor Bracelet of hair suprised or lost , nor that passed into other hands : no absence , nor malicious report of death or inconstancy , all which are the most necessary and common Materials that build the Intrigues of Romances . Inventions that have been presented in so many formes , and so often turned and patched they can no longer be made use of .

I can , therefore , tell you no more of this Story , and though I were never so curious , all I could inform my self of would be only this , how many Turkies had been eaten at St. Cloud , how many dishes of strawberries and cherries in May , at Vaugizard , because the Bills of these Collations are yet to be found in the Inns where they were made , though they were sometime before discharged by the Lord , who was so good a pay-master , it derogated from his Nobility . They also carryed themselves so discreetly , that none could discover any privacy more then formerly : all this yet prevented not some persons of an Inferiour ranck from courting Lucrece , yet with something of respect for the Lord .

They watched their Advantage in his absence , and as soon as he came , gave way to him : For you know , Noblemen are something terrible to Citizens , and on that account injure many maids by frighting away Suiters which might be very convenient for them .

Lucrece had accustomed her servant to permit her to receive all comers , as before , which she did after her fault with greater freedom , because remorse of Conscience made her apprehend it to be more publick then indeed it was , & though she flattered herself with hopes of being a Lady , yet while the thing was not done , ( nothing being so certain but it may fail ) she was willing to keep others on her hand , to have recourse to , in case of necessity . Besides this , it is natural to women to love to be courted by persons of all conditions , though they have neither esteem nor affection for them .

In this reserve of Gallants , sufficiently numerous , Nicodemus made one , he was a great complimenter , and , as I have already said , a universal Inamorado , but in this amour he ingaged so farre , that one day , having laid open his Passion with all the Rhetorick he could possibly find out , Lucrece told him , she gave no credit to his words , and must have more authentick testimonies ; he answered very seriously she should have them in what kind soever she desired , and she referrred the choice to himself ▪ Nicodemus , then to make evidence he would alwayes love her , told her he would immediately give her a promise in writing , she laughed and defied him : and Nicodemus soon after expresly retiring unto an Anti chamber , brought a promise of Marriage , and put it into her hands ; she took it , but still continued her rallerie , and to slight it , wrapped in it a China Orange she had in her hand ; yet she neglected not to lay it up very carefully afterwards , that it might be useful when occasion presented , if to no other purpose , yet to shew she once had a servant .

All this passed before Nicodemus engaged with Javota , and a while after it happened that a Proctor called Villeflattin , a friend and Neighbour of Lucrece's Uncle coming to see him found him in his Chamber by the fire side , Lucrece was then , by chance , looking in a Cabinet of hers that stood in the same Chamber : & as it is usual with old men to ask maids when they are to be married , this was the Proctors first Complement . Well Mistress , saies he , when shall we dance at your Wedding , I know not when , answered Lucrece , smiling , but this I am sure of , it needs not be deferred for want of Servants : look you here is a promise of marriage were I pleased to accept it ; with that she shewed him a paper folded up , which was the Promise she had accidentally lighted on ▪ which yet she did not much value , for she grounded all her hopes on that of the Lord , which she was too cunning once to mention . The Proctor read the other , and told her , he knew the person that had subscribed it , and that he was rich , but added no farther commendation , as thinking that word contained ●ll th●t could be said . He asked if the Promise were reciprocal , and whether she had given another ? Lucrece without affirming or denying , still answered fooling : but he seriously recommended to her the care of it , offering his service on that occasion , and to make an exact inquiry after Nicodemus estate .

A few dayes after , it happened that Villeflattin met Vollichou Javota's father , and being of his old Acquaintance , Vollichou told him of his daughters approaching wedding : Villeflattin immediately wished him joy , saying it was well done to marry her young , that Maids were as difficult to be kept as Treasure , and that a father is never at quiet till he is no longer responsible for their freaks , and their husbands obliged to take care of them . That Javota was , questionless , very discreet , but the times were so corrupt , and youth so deboist , there was no more scruple made of surprising an innocent Virgin , then of drinking a glass of water . After other discourses of the like nature , which I purposely omit , not for want of Information , ( for I have heard them a thousand times ) he asked whom he had chosen to his Alliance , and when the Wedding was to be solemnised . Vollichou replyed , the Banes had been already asked at St. Nicholas and St. Severine the parishes of both parties ▪ that they were to be contracted within two dayes , and that Nicodemus was to be his Son in Law . How ? ( said Villeflattin ) I have heard he was to have Mistris Lucrece our Neighbour ? I have seen , read , and had in my hand a Promise of Marriage to that purpose , authentickly signed by him . You very much surprise me ( said Vollichou ) and , I beseech you , Inform me better , and tell me whether — and then without concluding , left him hastily , crying out , Who calls Vollichou ? This was a certain Sollicitor that brought a small Client , they would not let go up stairs .

His avarice that permitted him not to neglect the least gain , suffered him not to consider that he abandoned a very important affair for another that was possibly of no moment , as indeed it was not . As soon as he got quit from it , he returned to seek Villeflattin , to ask him if he remembred in what terms the Promise of Marriage expressed it self , since it seemed he had it in his hands : but he was gone , for being a great servant of Lucrece and her Relations , observing the abrupt departure of Vollichou , he thought he made all that haste to acquaint his Wife and Daughter how they were abused , and that another party had got a Promise of Marriage of Nicodemus . Indeed he thought he went to strike up the Match immediately , before any opposition could be made ; lest he came short in a business that was really advantageous to him .

This made him on his own head ( without ever speaking to Lucrece , or to her Uncle or Aunt ) for fear of losing time , to put a stop to this Wedding with the Curates both of St. Nicholas and St. Severin : Besides all which , he obtained from the Official a Prohibition of the Bains , and gave notice of this both to the Curates and Vollichou , for he knew not Nicodemus's Lodging . About 3 Afternoon he came sweating to tell Lucrece he had News for her , that she was not a little beholding to him ; that he had neither eat nor drank that day , but continually ran up and down to serve her . After many such Prologues he related his rancounter with Vollichou , and all the exploits he had afterwards performed .

Lucrece was very much surprized at this Story , and her Cheeks were died with a blush deeper than ever before . Her thanks to this Proctor were , That he had indeed served her with great zeal , since he had not taken time to mention the business to her Aunt or Vncle , that for her own part she had little inclination to marry Nicodemus ; especially to force him to it by Law . Ah! said the Proctor , we must make such vain youth ; know what it is to deceive honest maids , we have his hand , and he shall at least pay costs and damages ; let me alone to deal with him : so reiterating , I have neither eat nor drank to day , I will see you again ; he shut the Chamber door and went down stairs , nay he double locked it , for fear they should follow to bring him back .

Lucrece , whom by good chance he had found alone , was not a little perplexed , her Lord was gone a while before , and had left behind him Pledges of his Love ; for she had lately discovered a certain indisposition , that threatned quickly to spoil the neat shape of her body : this had obliged her to press him to marry ; but when she so earnestly conjured him , that he knew not how to excuse himself , he received an Order from the Court to go to his Regiment ; which he obeyed , though with a seeming regret , and not without many protestations of returning speedily to make good his promise . Well , away he went , but the time he prefixed for coming back I know not certainly , but this I am sure of , he is not yet come . Lucrece writ him many Letters , but received no Answer ; and then , though too late , perceived she had been abused ; and the more to confirm her in this opinion , she could not find the Promise of Marriage he had given her ; nor yet imagine how she had lost it , considering her care in locking it in her Cabinet : Thus it happened ,

The Lords passion having been a little allayed by fruition , he reflected on the folly he should be guilty of if he made good his promise to Lucrece . Besides the disparaging his Family , by a mis ▪ becoming Alliance , he apprehended all his Relations incensed against him , would deprive him of those Inheritances , without which he could not support the lustre of his birth ; and on the other side he was sensible that if Lucrece sued him on accompt of the Promise of Marriage , it would be a bad business ; for besides that such Suits ever leave behind them some blemishes to the honour of a Man of Quality , because they publickly reproach him with infidelity and breach of promise , their events are doubtful , and how happily soever one ge●s quit of them they are very costly ; he resolved by Stratagem to free himself from the difficulty in which too violent an affection had engaged him .

To this purpose , he one day carried his Mistriss to St. Germains Fair , and telling her he would present her the richest Ebony Cabinet that was to be found there , desired her to chuse it and bargain for it her self ; she did both , and over and above gave him thanks for his liberality . The Lord would needs undertake the care of sending it home , but first secretly ordered double Keys to be made , of which he kept one himself , and sent the other with the Cabinet to Lucrece .

She had no sooner received this Present , but she put in it all that she had greatest esteem for ; and amongst the rest the Lords Promise of Marriage .

A little before his Journey , he went to Lucrece's Lodging , when he was sure she was not at home , and familiarly entring , as he had wont to do , and pretending some important occasion of speaking with her , desired to stay for her in her Chamber . He was soon left alone there , and then with the Key he had reserved to himself , opened the Cabinet , and finding the Promise , carried it away . Lucrece at her return perceived nothing , nay she discovered not the theft , till a little before the Action Villeflattin entred against Nicodemus , and never once suspected the Lord . But his absence continuing , without writing to her , and the Promise of Marriage being lost , she no longer doubted his infidelity . She had no other comfort at the time of this affliction , but more carefully to cherish her other Conquests . Now it being very important for her to marry before that which it so highly concerned her to conceal , discovered it self ; she began to be less troubled at her Neighbours indiscreet zeal in getting her a Husband in spight of her teeth , by the way of Justice .

She therefore patiently attended the success of that affair , reasoning thus , That if she got the better of it , she got also a Husband , of which she stood in great need ; and if the worst , she might say , as was true , she approved not that proceeding , and that it was commenced without her consent ; which she thought sufficient to secure her honour . Neither had she any time to consider , for the Proctors precipitation having already given sufficient occasion to the world to rally and censure , she must necessarily expect the conclusion . Villeflattin returning at night , asked her for the Promise . Shame having as yet not suffered her to take any resolution , she pretended she had mislaid , and possibly lost it . That would be very fine , said he .

But tell me freely , have no other privacies passed between you , hath there been no copulation ? Speak boldly , for this may be material to your Suit ; on such occasions we must not be scrupulous , least we repent , when our Allegations cannot be received .

Lucrece blushed at this with so inexpressible disorder , she knew not how to make any reply ; and the surprize of this downright expression , made her acknowledge her misfortune ; to which by his manner of proceeding , she guessed he was not a stranger : she therefore besought him to mediate with her Uncle and Aunt for her pardon . Villeflattin supposed she blushed , because he had too abruptly questioned her about a business , of which he ought to have sought information more discreetly ; and without any farther pressure commended her modesty : Be as wise for the future ( said he ) as you have been hitherto , and leave the care of this to me .

In the mean time Nicodemus , that knew nothing of these new accidents , went that very Evening to visit his true Mistriss Javota , wherewith clean Linnen and Hair curled and powdred , he arrived in a Sedan , very jocund , turning up his Mustachio's and singing a new air . He found the Mother and Daughter in the Hall , imploied very Citizen-like , in fitting Linnen to compleat the Packet of the Contracted Maid . Their cold Reception somewhat surprized him , but taking hint for his discourse from the work they were about , My good Mother-in-law , said he , your Daughter is not a little obliged to you , for questionless you work for her ; to which the other abruptly answered , Yes Sir , for her , but in that you are little concerned ; you are extreamly confident to come any more hither , after the affront you have done us : but know my Daughter is young and cannot want a Husband , neither will we commence a Suit in Doctors Commons to get a Son-in-law . Go your wayes to your other Mistriss , to whom you have promised Marriage , we will not be the occasions of her dishonour . Nicodemus much surprized , swore he was engaged to none but her Daughter . As if ( said she ) we had not wherewithal to convince him ; Go up Juliana and bring down the Paper on the Mantle-tree of the Chimney , and then we shall see how he will look on it . When it was brought , Do I speak without Book , said she . Nicodemus almost swounded in reading it , for knowing Lucrece so well , he could not imagine her Pride would have condescended to sue a Husband . He remembred she received the Promise rallying , and without grounding any hope or design of Marriage on it : and indeed she had not to that time ever mentioned it ; so that he thought this was not produced by her order : and therefore told his Mother-in-law , This is a trick put upon me by my enimies , but if this be all , I will to morrow bring you a Renunciation of this taken before a Notary .

I have nothing to do , said she , with Notaries nor Renunciations , and will not give my Daughter to a Debauchee and Courter of the Eleven thousand Virgins ; I must have one that will make a good Husband and mind getting his living .

Nicodemus , that found no great satisfaction in all this , and besides impatient till he might know from whence the cause of it proceeded , took his leave quickly after : he was not bold enough to salute his Mistriss at parting , after the manner of declared Lovers , and Javota thought it sufficient to make him a silent Courtsy ; but as she arose , she let fall a Bottom of Threed and her Cissars , that lay in her lap : Nicodemus cast himself headlong at her feet to take them up ; Javota thought it manners to stoop and prevent him , and in this they both so well timed their motions , that their Fore-heads knocked with such violence , each retained a bump . Nicodemus stark mad at such a misfortune , hasted away , and not taking notice of a lame Cupboard that was behind him , gave it such a justle , that he caused to fall from it a fair China Vessel , which ( there being no more of them in the House ) was esteemed almost equal to the only Daughter . This made the Mother fall to downright scolding , and him to his Millions of pardons and excuses ; and gathering up the pieces , by them to take his measures for sending such another : but going apace , with new shoes , on a floor very well rubb'd , and so as it ought to be , in order to Javota's being contracted , his foot slipt , and he ( as usually in such accidents , we seek help of what is next us ) caught hold of the Tassels of the Strings of a Looking-Glass , which the weight of his body breaking , Nicodemus and the Looking-Glass fell together ; but the Looking-Glass got greatest mischief , for it was broken into a thousand pieces , and Nicodemus escaped with two or three contusions , not very considerable . The Attorney's Wife cried out lowder than ever , What have we to do with this House-breaker , this universal destruction ; and went about to drive him away with a Broom-staffe . Nicodemus , strangely in disorder , got to the door , but being extreamly angry , opened it with such violence , it struck against a Theorbo a Neighbour had set against the Wall , and broke it in pieces : It was no small happiness to him that it was Night , for otherwise the scolding of Mrs. Attorney , would have raised an Hue and Cry of Boys to have followed him . Well , away he went , alike inflamed with shame and rage , and it being too late to do any thing that Night , resolved in the Morning to visit Lucrece .

In the Morning then , that he might make his Visit handsomely , he called for his best Suit of Laced Linnen , which was brought him the Band excepting , for that was missing ; he sent his man to fech it at the Laundresses , but she answered she had it not . Nicodemus , that was a good thrifty Student , sought it himself amongst all his Linnen , both fowl and clean ; and at last found as well what he sought as what he sought not : but you are first to understand that this Laundress washed also for the Family where Lucrece lived , and was very well acquainted there ; amongst his fowl Linnen he found a Smock in some places died in grain , and pleasantly asked , If it belonged to Mrs. Lucrece ? Goody Laundress answered with a great deal of innocence , No by my faith Sir , Mrs Lucrece is now the cleanliest Maid in Paris , this Three Moneths day I have not seen the least spot in her Linnen , but she puts it off in a manner as white as she puts it on . Well , but how does she , said Nicodemus ? Alas , good Gentlewoman , said the Laundress , not well : when I go thither a Mornings , I find her so strangely troubled with Vomitings , Qualms , and Pains at her Heart and Stomack , she cannot endure to be laced ; yet she never complains , and so carefully conceals her indisposition , it is not known to any of the Family . In the Afternoons she entertains company , as if she ailed nothing , and is truly the best and patientest creature alive .

Nicodemus very well observed the simplicity of these words , and instead of his Visit to Lucrece , went to a Doctor , and one of his Brothers of the Barre , suspecting the truth and more than the whole truth ; for he conceited that Lucrece's relations had set on foot this Action , to oblige him to marry her , as a remedy for her rising Belly : he supposed also , that to excuse her fault , she had informed them he had deceived her , with that promise of Marriage he had foolishly given her . His friends , with whom he advised , told him ( and he ought to have known it himself , it being a point of his Profession ) his Cause was bad , that a Maid got with Child , on account of a Promise of Marriage , would be sooner believed by the Justice than he ; and that none of his Oaths could ever destroy the presumption that it was his work . Besides all which , Lucrece was handsom , and on that account had many Friends in Court , that could make her prevail , were her Cause never so bad : and yet more , she seemed so discreet , and was so crafty , that though her Gallantry were notorious , she could not be convicted of any misdemeanor . For these reasons he resolved to quit himself of this Affair , before it became too publick , cost what it would ; for he conceived , that as soon as he had allayed this storm , and annulled the opposal , he should easily strike in again with the Parents of Javota , with whom he was desperately in love ; and certainly had this been known , it would have cost him very dear . He therefore cunningly imployed some time by friends to deal under-hand with Lncrece's Uncle , not daring to go to him in person . And this he effected by means of an acquaintance of Villeflattins , the Plenipotentiary and Director General of this Affair , that gave a willing ear to his Proposals .

Lucrece in the mean time was extreamly afflicted , she continually apprehended her misfortunes becoming publick , and perceiving there was no more hope of the Lord , resolved to take advantage of the affair , chance and the Proctors rashess had presented ; and that which made her the rather give consent , was , that she had once listned to a Consultation of the same kind held at her Uncles , where the business was concluded in favour of a Maid in the like Agony . She therefore took her Promise of Marriage , with intention to shew it her Uncle , beg his Pardon , and oblige him to repair her honour . But alas she had at that very instant two strange reluctances , one of discovering her fault , the other of accusing an innocent , which yet was very necessary on this occasion .

Thrice went she up to her Uncles Chamber , and thrice came down again without saying any thing , but at last returning with a better resolution , she began , Good Vncle , but immediarely repenting to have begun , concluded ; and when her Uncle demanded , What she would have ? asked , If he had not seen her Cissars which she left on the Table ? but after many wheelings she at last charged home . Vncle , said she , I am desirous to acquaint you with a certain affair , in which I beseech you to be favorable to me . But she had no sooner begun to explain her self , and withal to blush , but her Uncle was called down about busines that required haste ; down he therefore went , and a while after sent for his Cloak and Gloves . Lucrece thought her self very fortunate not to have then begun the recital of her adventure , in which she would have been very sorry to have been interrupted . This Uncle was sent for by Villeflattin , to acquaint him with the business he prosecuted without the others knowledge , and at his own meer and proper motion , because of his extraordinary care of all the interests of that Family . The good man was much surprized a● the News , and thought it very strange his Niece had never said any thing of it to him : but he was more surprized , when Villeflattin having acquainted him with what he had done , told him the Suit was at an end if he pleased : That great damages and advantages were offered , and that Nicodemus's Solliciter had been at his House , and proffered to give Lucrece Two thousand Crowns ready down , provided the business might be made an end of . That he had told him Nicodemus did not at all distrust his Cause , nor of being able to prove theirs ill grounded ; but that he was desirous to remove the jealousie it gave the Parents of Javota , whom he was about to marry : and more especially because the time in which Weddings were permitted , being near expiring , he was loath to suffer delays . In a word , that he sacrificed this money to his satisfaction , and to prevent loss of that most precious time ; and in another conjuncture would not have done it . Villeflattin who had been promised a handsom gratuity , knew so well how to cajole the good old man , he brought him to an acceptance of the Proposal , not without menaces that in case of delay , the proffer would be revoked the next day , and then they must go to Law in earnest . But that which moved him more , was Villeflattins celling him that Lucrece could not find her Promise of Marriage , for want whereof they should quickly be non-suited ; wishing him also to consider that Lucrece pretending to no more but a simple Promise , and a Solemn Contract having been made with Javota , the Law would afford only Costs and Damages , which seldom amount to any thing considerable , and depend meerly on the humor of the Judges .

A Conference therefore was agreed on , in which it was not necessary that Lucrece should be a Speaker , being under age and having an Uncle that very well understood her interests . He accepted there the Two thousand Crowns , which stood him in good stead afterwards , and went presently with the good News to Lucrece , and Villeflattin bawled it out as soon as he came at her door , Did I not tell you , said he , I would get you Costs and Damages ? here I have brought you Two thousand Crowns , yet had not the Promise of Marriage in my hands ; imagine what that might have produced , had you not lost it : might you have had you will , all had come to nothing ; Chuse whether you will thank me or no , but I do little less than give you this Money . Lucrece surpriz'd at the Complement , and more at the conclusion than beginning of the Suit , answered in such a manner as expressed a generous contempt of riches , pretending she would not out live it , and that she had disapproved the whole proceeding : She thanked him nevertheless for his good will , and that very night sent him a summe of money as a reward for the pains he had taken , which he generously refused ; and next day made him a Present of thrice the value , which he courteously received , Lucrece was now no longer concerned to publish her secret indisposition , but to find new inventions for concealing it , which she did , as you shall know hereafter : but it is best to let her rest a while , it being incivil to be too long troublesome to a Maid that is with-child .

Nicodemus very glad to have thus purchased his quiet went immediately to Javota's Father , yet not before he had pacified her Mother , by sending her another Looking-Glass , another Theorbo , and another China Vessel ; but Vellichou received him not so cheerfully as he expected , not much valuing the renunciation of the opposal ; and under pretence that he which had been guilty of one folly , might probably have committed many other , demanded time to make enquiry , and therefore would have the Wedding deferred , which Nicodemus was fain to suffer , yet not without regret of the money he had paid in hope of being suddenly married . This yet was not the reason of Vollichou's delay , but because a day or two before a more advantageous Match had been propounded for his Daughter , and that he might have ( as he called it ) two Strings to his Bow , and if he could engage with the more wealthy , immediately break off with the other .

The other Gallant propounded for Javota was also an Advocate , or at least one that went to the Hall in a Bar Gown , though the only time he ever appeared there was when he took his Oath to observe the Rules , and the truth is he observed them very well , for the never had occasion to break them . In twenty years he never missed the Hall one Morning in Term time , yet no body ever took his Council , imploied him to draw a Bill , or plead : but instead of these he walked still up and down the Hall very busie in discoursing false News and erroneous Politicks , censuring the Government , amongst such other idle persons , as take upon them to be State Controllers , Officers in great request , and which I wonder are not taxed in the Subsidy-Book ; in the Afternoons he went to hear Lectures , Mountebanks , and to all other Publick Diversions that cost nothing : for avarice had an absolute dominion over him , and was a quality he derived from his Father ( who was a Haberdasher ) with his inheritance . He was grown very rich by sparing his Money , and very grave by sparing his Beard ; his Name was John Bedou , short of stature and grey , somewhat flat-nosed and broad-shouldered . His Chamber was a Cabinet of Antiquities , not in regard of any particular Curiosities , but of all its Furniture . His Table and Cupboard were ingraven with ancient Figures , so tender and delicate ( I mean the Table and Cupboard ) it would have been impossible for them to have suffered removal , without packeting in Cotton or Straw , like Earthen Ware . His Stools and Hangings were several pieces , every one of them so considerable it had not its fellow . Over his Chimney were placed two or three Fire Arms , which had rusted there ever since the time of the League . At the Beam went cross his Roof hung Cages of Birds taught by himself to sing and whistle .

But the only thing in which he pretended to be profusive , was a Library consisting of Choice Books , for he was very careful to select such as were cheapest . The several Tomes of one and the same Author , were of different Volumes , Impressions , and Bindings , and ever imperfect .

He avoided to come in good company , out of apprehension it might cost him Money , and broke off from a Soceity , where was very good discourse , that might have been instructive to him , because at the years end he should have paid Half a Crown for some small conveniences , and to a poor man that made clean the room . He thought this present too excessive , but was willing to give Sixpence , which with no small pains , and having turned his Pocket , encombred with many other Trinkets , he at last drew out , and amongst the rest a good handful of Crums of Bread , which made some rally him , and say he had on purpose put these amongst his Money , to keep it from rusting , as Knives seldom ussd are kept bright in bran : this rupture was satisfactory enough to the Company , for they perceived his Brain was like a Pumice Stone , and could not possibly be polished .

He wanted not yet some good qualities , for he was chaste and sober in an eminent degree , and no less possessed of all thrifty vertues . He was very bashful , which might have become him had he been young . He could not look on a woman without blushing like a Cherubim , and he was so very shamefaced , that still whilest he talked to one he looked on another , playing with his Buttons or Bandstrings ; sometimes gnawing his Gloves , and scratching where it itched not ; in a word , he had not the least assurance in his Meen . His Clothes were no less ridiculous than it , they were Memorials of all Modes that had ever been in vogue in France . His Hat and Head were alike pointed ; his Shoes flat , and the soles as even as the Floor : He never approved Fashions , but when little Bands , little Skirts , and Strait Breeches were in use ; these because they spared Stuff , he was very Opiniator in adhering to ; his Hair was fat , though his Face was lean ; and his Beard and Eyebrows very well grown , considering how slenderly they were fed .

It was pity a Plant so excellent and singular in its kind , produced no Ciens , he therefore spoke of marrying , or rather some body else spoke of it for him ; for he was a man to marry as Princes use to do , by an Ambassador ; as greatness obliges those , so did bashfulness him . In order yet to this , he had a mind to play the Gallant , and to visit now and then his Neighbors , and that so friendlily , that they supped together on Sunday and Holyday Nights , every one sending in his Dish ; where it once pleasantly happened there came in eight Shoulders of Mutton from eight several Families , that made up the Company . But his greatest expence was at the Carneval , when he as well as the rest , feasted in his turn .

I must needs tell a little Story that happened at one of these neighbourly good Fellowships , a Scrivenors Wife used to lock up her Bread after she had cut some slices for her Prentices and Maids Suppers , and one Night feasting amongst her Neighbours , had forgotten to leave them out their Luncheons , so that an Apprentise was deputed to go to her for the Key of the Cupboard , who demanded it aloud amongst all the Company . She blushed , but knew not how to refuse it ; but when she came home , soundly reprehended his indiscretion , expresly forbidding him any more to ask her for the Key of the Cupboard when she was in Company ; he forgot not this , and when afterwards the like default of memory happened to her , publickly told her , Mistriss , Since you will not have me ask for the Key of the Cupboard , pray be pleased to open it your self ; and then called in the Porter that brought it on his back . : a while after a small incident of the Kitchin gave another occasion for laughter . A Barber of the Knot , that pretended great skil in Sauces , undertook to make a Salmegoudis ; but having set in on ashes a little too hot , melted the brims of the dish just so much as to make it fit to trim withal .

These rancounters happened very luckily for Bedout at his house , giving occasion for its being talked on .

This frequent good cheer made him resolve to marry in earnest , he therefore began to trick up himself , got his Hat blockt and glazed , powdered his Locks and put on Cuffs and Garters .

He also fell'd the timber of his Beard and Underwood of his Eyebrows , and after much pains became less hideous than before . A Cousin of his , that was a Neighbour of Javota's Parents , propounded this Advocate , all whose Charmes were un●●r Lock and Key , as a Husband for her : She quickly brought the Father and Mother to condescend , because she assured them he was rich , that he would make an excellent Husband , and neither spend his own nor his Wives fortune . But Vollichou being a great formalist , said , he must see the particulars of his Estate , and desired a Memorial .

This Bedout absolutely refused , under pretence of danger of being raised in the Subsidy-Book to avoid which he had formerly absented himself Six Moneths ; that they which levied it had spies every where , and getting sight of his Memorial , might renew their prosecution ▪ He therefore thought it enough to say , He would produce as much as should be laid down with the Maid proposed for him . His Estate being real , and consisting in houses in the City and Suburbs , Lorenca ( for that was his Cosins Name ) prevailed so far that formality was no longer insisted on ; but she found much more difficulty in bringing him and the Mistriss she designed him to meet , and see how they liked each other ; for Bedout still evaded all appointments , saying there was no haste of that , for he would not chuse a Wife for her beauty , that it was time enough to see her when the business was concluded on , and that he never questioned be what she would , but he should like her ; But what if she likes not you , said Lorenca ? Bedou replied , An honest Woman ought to have no eyes for the defects of her husband . Notwithstanding these brutalities the business went on , and so far , that Lorenca resolved , fall back fall edge , to bring them together : She therefore invited her Cosin to her house on a certain day , when she knew Mrs. Vollichou with her Daughter were to visit her . He came , not distructing the ambush laid for him , and after a while seeing two Women that he knew not enter , blushed , and was out of countenance , and would by all means be gone ; but Lorenca laying hold on his arm , said , Stay Cosin , Fortune is not a little favorable to you to day , here is your future Wife and Mother in Law ; this put him yet more out of countenance , but stay he must : so he made two legs , one to the right the other to the left , to each of them one ; leaving it to his Cosin , because Mistris of the house , to speak for him .

Being seated not far from Javota , having put his Hat under his arm and rubbed his hands ; after a competent silence , you may suppose to consider what he should say , he thus began the conversation ; Well Mistriss , Are you she I have been spoken to about ? Javota with her wonted innocence answered , I know not whether you have been spoken to about me , but I know very well that I have not been spoken to about you . How , said he , do they pretend to marry you without your knowledge ? I cannot tell , said she . But what would you say , quoth he , in case a Marriage were propounded to you ? I would say nothing , replied Javota . That , said Bedou aloud ( thinking he was witty ) were to my advantage ; for our Laws in formal terms declare , That silence gives consent . I know not your Laws , quoth she , nor any other but those of my Father and Mother . But , said he , if they should command you to love a Lad like me , would you do it ? No , said Javota , for Maids ought not to love Men. I mean , said Bedout , if he were your Husband . That , said she , will not be yet , and a great deal of water will pass under the Bridge before that time . The good Mother , that had a mind to this match , as thinking it very advantageous , struck in and said , I pray Sir give no great regard to her discourse , she is young , and so innocent it comes near simplicity . Say not so Mistriss , replied Bedou , she is your Daughter , and must needs resemble you ; for my own part I have ever thought it best to take a Wife that is very young , for before she hath acquired habits , one may fashion her as he lists . The Mother immediately said , My Daughter hath been ever vertuously brought up , and I will deliver her to her Husband a good Huswife , from morning to night her eyes are never off her work . Javota then demanded , What must I work after I am married ? I thought when I came to be Mistriss , I should have no more to do , but please my self , go abroad and make Visits ? If it be so , I had as live continue as I am , to what purpose is Marriage ? Lorenca very subtilly and maliciously told her , No , no , Mistriss , be not afraid , my Cosin is a braver man than you take him for , he hath wherewithal to maintain you gallantly , without your giving your self any care or trouble ; you will live easily and pleasantly , all the Fore-noons you may sleep , and all the Afternoons play at Cards or make Visits ; if you be at home at Dinner and Supper it is sufficient . You have no Letter of Attorney to authorise you to say this , quoth Bedou , somewhat in choler : A Husband marries a Wife , that she may be his Companion , and guide his house ; and instead of huswifing his goods , shall she squander them ? the wealth of Croesus were not sufficient for this . I must deal freely , I would have a Wife after my own fashion , that should please her self in nothing but looking on her Husband . You extreamly confine her pleasures , said Lorenca . But , said Bedou , I will prove by infinite authorities that this ought to be so ; with that he began to blunder out a hundred follies and pendantries , when very luckily for him a Collation was brought into the Hall , that interrupted this ridiculous Entertainment .

The only Gallantry he attempted that day , was to pare an Apple for his Mistriss , which having almost finished , it slipt thorow his Fingers and sugared it self on the Floor ; he took it up with a Fork , blew upon it , and wiped it a little , and then offered it her ; telling her as many fools use to do , That he begged a thousand pardons Javota sillily answered , Sir , I can give you none , because I have none . After other the like discourses and like adventures , the Visit ended . Bedou adventured to bring his Mistriss home , and in the way still took the Wall , not out of pride you must imagine nor incivility , but ignorance : very excusable in one that was but a Novice in the Art of Squiring , and that never was in possibility of such a fault before . He was no sooner gone , but Javota said to her Mother , Good God , Mother , I cannot abide this man : who answered , Peace little Baggage , you understand not your own good .

Bedou in his way home called at his Cosins , who asked , What he said of so pretty a Maid ? and he replied , He found no fault but that she was too pretty : and as timerous persons are ever distrustful and jealous , acknowledged , That if she happened to be his Wife , he should have a great deal of trouble to look after her . But the power of Beauty making sensible impressions on the most rude and savage , he was smitten , and besought his Cosin to continue her endeavours to bring this Marriage to a speedy effect . In the mean time he hoped to approve himself a better Courtier in his Closet , by writing to his Mistriss something premeditated , than in a personal and ex tempore speaking to her ; because his bashfulness many times interrupted his Expressions . He went to work therefore very seriously , and after he had scribled Nonsense enough to make a Love-Letter and writ it out fair in Gilt Paper , and sealed it , very neatly bound about with Silk ( a curiosity he had never made use of before ) gave it to a Porter worthy of such an employment : who being charged to deliver it into Mrs Javota's own hands , did that , but no more ; for he told her nothing , neither whence it came nor who it was for : neither did she ask any thing but Whether the Poste were paid ? and so immediately carried it up to her Father , to whom she conceived it was directed ; for she had often received Letters for him , but never any for her self : so that she never minded the Superscription , though I will not positively affirm it had one . Vollichou opened and read it smiling at his Daughters simplicity , and admiring the incomparable wit of him he designed for his Son-in-law , with the magnificence and singularity of his Stile . The Porter therefore came back without any answer , and being unable to give any account how his Embassy had been received ; Bedou resolved to go in person . Had he gone alone , he had peradventure fared no better than Nicodemus ; but of this there was little danger , and it was no small testimony of the violence of his passion , that he durst adventure , though so well and securely convoyed : he therefore besought his Cosin to return Mrs Vollichou her Visit , and to accept of him for her Gentleman-Usher . Lorenca was over-joyed to serve him in this , and that her Cosin was so much altered , not imagining he would ever have had the confidence to visit his Mistriss . She was very well received both by Mother and Daughter , and for her sake Bedou also . Being less fine than Nicodemus , and having nothing of the meen of a dangerous Cajoller , Mrs Vollichou did not at all apprehend leaving him with her Daughter , whilest she chatted with Lorenca , who had purposely drawn her aside , to favour the attempts of this Lover . Bedou impatient to learn the success of his great effort of wit , amongst his first Complements asked Javota , What she thought of his Letter , and why she returned no answer ? She coolly replied . She saw no Letter but one for her Father , which she gave him , and he would answer by the Post . I speak not of that , said he , but of one I sent to day by a Porter to your self . To me , cried out Javota , all amazed , do Maids receive Letters ? Are not Letters written about business ? Besides , from whom should it come ? I took the boldness to send it , said Bedou . You , said she , you are not in the Countrey ; do you take me for such a Fool , that I know not that Letters are brought from a great way off by Posts and Carriers ? We receive many daily , and my Father as often complains of the Portage . Besides , to what purpose were it to write to me ? Can you not as well , when you come hither , tell me what you have to say to me , without sending ? Bedou , that thought his Letter incomparable , and expected infinite commendations , caught hold of her words ; Since therefore ( said he ) you are desirous to know the contents of my Letter , I will read it to you , for I have kept a Copy , and then took out of his Pocket what he read in the following terms .

LOVE-LETTER TO Mrs. JAVOTA . Madam ,

ACting by the privity and authority of your Parents , who have given me hopes of entring into their Alliance , I do not conceive it to be beyond the bounds of good Manners to address you these Lines , which shall serve as a Declaration . I offer you by them a heart pick and span new , pure and clean , and like Virgin Parchment , on which your Picture may be fairly drawn ; it never having been blurred by any other Cifer or Portrait . But why said I Parchment , it is rather a Copper Plate , where your Eyes have engraven your fair Effigies ; on which having cast the Aqua fortis of your Rigors , it hath been most profoundly incised ; which I shall manifest to you by such proofs as you please to accept of . In recompence of this O how happy were I could I see mine own imprinted on yours . But to extend my Allegory no farther , would to God our two hearts under the Press of Matrimony , might receive so fair Characters they might be bound up in one Volume with indissolvable Nerves , and both of them dwell together in the same Closet , there to enjoy the happiness of a private tranquillity : a happiness wished to you now and ever , by

Your most humble and most affectionate future Husband JOHN BEDOV .

After Javota had very seriously listned to this Letter , and understood nothing of it , she thought it to be for want of attention , and therefore prayed Bedou to read it again , which he did very willingly , taking this to be a token of the excellency of the Piece ; but when he came to the word Allegory she interrupted with a loud cry , O heavens , what a great abominable word is this ! is there no mischief in it ? and when he went about to interpret it , she cried , No , no , I will not know it , it is sufficient my Mother hath alwayes forbidden me to hear such gross words ; and then without minding him any more , went to her Mother ; so that Bedou for want of other imployment was fain to help Javota to pick Wool .

Whilest this lasted Madam Vellichou extreamly tormented poor Lorenca , who had wit and knew the world . She had already lamented the care and trouble brought with Children , and the difficulty of getting good Maids ; she had asked if she knew ere a good one , because she had resolved to turn hers away ; not without accusing her of all her faults , and regretting the good qualities of her she had before . She had also complained of the charge of House-keeping , and excessive price of Victualls , bringing it still in as the burthen of her Song , That a Family hath a very wide throat , and sometimes that it is a Gulph and an Abiss . But Lorenca to change this home-spun talk , began to mention some Women of the Neighbourhood , and amongst the rest an Exchequer mans Wife , that lived over against her . Name her not to me , cried Mrs Vollichou , she is a proud Minx I cannot endure ; she hath twice given me occasions of exception , which I will never forgive her . Lorenca enquiring after the quality of these injuries , found they were because the Exchequeress had not visited Mrs Vollichou when she lay in , nor invited her at Christmass . Whilest Lorenca laughed at this pleasant resentment , Vollichou came into the Chamber , He had been deboshing all day , at a Play and the Tavern , where one of his Clients had treated him . His satisfaction to have saved a Meal , joyned to the fumes of the Wine , made him frolick above what was usual , and this was the reason he shut not himself up in his Study to write till Midnight , as he used to do . He was scarce entred , wben panting and extreamly transported , he said , he had been at the finest Play that was ever seen , and there was such a Crowd it was hard to get in : He said , There were many Printers , or Fellows that got their living by the Press . This Clinch was not understood at first , but he explained it , telling them he meant Cut-purses , and that a Watch had been lost in the Crowd . Lorenca asked what Piece had been acted . I will tell you , said he , thus the Case stood , One called Cinna , plotted to kill an Emperour , and to that purpose made a League offensive and defensive with another called M●●imus ; but it chanced that a certain Quidam , discovered the secret ; a Lady occasioned the whole intrigue , and spoke the finest Sentences imaginable . There was also an Emperour in a Chair , before whom those Gallants pleaded admirably , and with very good arguments , the Piece is full of Intrigues that would ravish you ; for conclusion , the Emperour signs their Pardons , and they remain as good Friends as Pigs in litter . It is pity , said Lorenca , you are not employed to write Prologues , you would take admirably , in opening the Plot of a Tragedy .

The arrival of Nicodemus interrupted them , whom Vellichou , by reason of the good humor he was in , received better than he had wont , though in his heart he intended to break with him ; waiting only till some of his vanities gave the occasion ; neither could he well be refused access to his Mistriss , as long as his Engagement with her ( I mean his Contract ) was in being .

As soon as this Lover had made his Legs , he said to Mrs Vollichou , Have you not given me a General Amnesty of all that is past ? What would you be at , replied she very briskly with your Amnesty ? I mean , said Nicodemus , that I hope that you have drowned all my faults in the River of Oblivion , and what prejudice soever I have been occasion of I am ready to make reparation .

That is not it troubles me , quoth Mrs Vollichou , but because you are debosht and naught . The Husband also addressing himself to Nicodemus , said , I will take care you be examined , for I am told you live ill . Nicodemus went about to justifie himself , swearing , He was never guilty of any Crime , when Lorenca seeing Vollichou swoln with laughter , thus interpreted the Quibble I perceive well , said she , by Mr. Vollichou's Meen that he reproaches you for not keeping a good house . He may when he please come and make experience of the contrary ; for whensoever he will do me that honour , I will entertain him to his satisfaction . Well , said Vollichou , I take you at your word , I will dine with you to morrow and bring wherewithal to eat . There will be no need of that , said Nicodemus , the Market is good , and I will not let you starve . Lorenca interpreted the second smile of Vollichou as she had done the former ; It is not , said she , that he intends to carry any thing to adde to your Table ; but the meaning is , he will carry his teeth the instruments wherewith he eats . In good time , said Nicodemus , I will expect you to morrow with your friend : this he said , pointing at Bedou , whom he had seen at the Hall , and thought had come along with Vollichou , not once imagining him to be his Rival . Bedou thanked him , but told him he was one that loved not to be chargeable to his friends without occasion . Well , said Vollichou , I will stand for both , I will eat for him and my self . Brag not of your eating , said Nicodemus , lest the common reproach of Attorneys touch you , which is , That you are great devourers . There is little ground for that , quoth Vollichou , for our Trade is very much fallen . It is true , said Bedou , an Attorneys Fee is but small , but they have so many tricks to augment and cause it to be reiterated , it amounts to vast sums ; I wonder they are suffered , for many of them have raised great fortunes in very little time . Bedou went about to moralize very abundantly on the abuses of Attorneys , for on such occasions he was a great discourser , though dumb on those of Gallantry . When Nicodemus , that left no stone unrolled to bring Javota into the conversation , seeing her divide a Bottom of Yarn , said very poetically , Methinks I behold one of the Three fatal Sisters dividing the Thred of Life , and my Destiny intirely depending on you , it seems to be mine own ; which gives me every moment apprehension least your disdain cut it off . I understand you not , said Javota , I have no destiny in my hands , nor any thing but a Bottom of Worsted for my Tapestry . How , said Nicodemus , do you not design to cause me to die a thousand times over , by those cruel delays that retard my felicity ; for when I look on the Tapistry in your hand , methinks it is Penelope's Web. I know not , replied Javota , how your Penelope's Webs are woven , neither have I ever seen any of them to be sold in Paris .

Mrs. Vollichou , who had an ear to this discourse , interposed , By my faith all this is to little purpose , I will prevent your gaining ground till I have made other enquiries . See , said her Husband , she is yet no farther than the Examiners Office , but I care not if she pass thorow all the Courts , provided she avoid the Common Pleas.

Sir , replied Lorenca , your Wife is too much a Woman of honour , to give you any distrust on that account . I believe so , said Vollichou , but these thrifty Huswifes are much to be doubted of , who get their Husbands Crests without paying Fees to the Heralds .

You would have been very famous in the time of the Old Testament ( said Nicodemus ) you speak all by Figures . His words , then replied Bedou , are not to be taken but in a Tropological sense .

I have , said Lorenca , long admired his manner of speaking , he hath certainly a Dictionary of Quibbles , which he hath gotten by heart , he could not else be so prodigal of them . I know many more , quoth Vollichou , for which I take no money ; and went about to be very profuse of them , had not a little Child come to his Sister Javota , to acquaint her aloud with some pressing necessities . The conversation was interrupted by this , and and had been so , had it been a hundred times more serious . For it is the Custom of such People to have their Children evermore in their eyes , to make them the chief subjects of their discourse , to admire their follies , and swallow their ordures . Little Toinon was immediately commended for his cleanliness , and on that accompt promised a fine thing ; after which Mrs Vollichou entertained Mrs Lorenca with no other discourse but of her Son ; and thought it not enough to talk only of him , but also commended another that was yet at the Brest ; saying , It spoke without teaching , and very eloquently .

Toinon in the mean time entred the Hall like a Trooper , that is , with a Hobby-horse between his Legs , and Vollichou putting a Broom-stick between his , met him ; and this Nicodemus was pleased to call a tilting .

Lorenca could not hold from laughing at Vollichou's folly , but Bedou remonstrated she was in the wrong to except against that action , and that if she had read Plutarch , she would have understood that Agesilaus was once surprised in the same posture , who instead of excusing himself , only desired those that had seen it , not to censure him till they had Children of their own . Lorenca made only this answer . That nothing could be done but an example of it might be found in Antiquity ; and her discretion alone prevented her laughing at Vollichou to his face : yet within her self she could not but reflect on the fondness of those that in the best company thus cokes their Children , and think to be excused by alledging their paternal affection , as if there were not time enough to satisfie it in their private Families , and as if the rest of the company , not obliged by the same affection , could have a share in that diversion : a folly which hath no other excuse but the example alledged by Bedou very impertinently ; for Agesilaus pleased himself in that manner only in private , and was out of countenance when surpized in the Action .

The rest of this Visit was passed over in the like fopperies , so that Lorenca very weary rose up and took her Cosin with her . Neither might Nicodemus tarry any longer , because Mrs Vollichou was going to bed , and alwayes used to lay the Key under her Pillow . These two Lovers made very many other Visits no less ridiculous , but I have troubled my self too long already with their repetition .

Nicodemus his business all this while fell from bad to wonse , and Bedou's grew better and better , not that he had any greater share in his Mistriss favor ; for Javota had an equal indifference or rather aversion for them both ; but because Vollichou found Bedou had a better estate and less vanity and folly than Nicodemus , he therefore in himself fully determined to marry her to Bedou , without once consulting his Daughter , deferring to sign Articles only till dis-engaged from Nicodemus ; with whom he hoped suddenly to break off .

There being now no question but Javota should be quickly married , since she was in hand with two Servants ; they began to allow her something more liberty than before . A Dancing Master came to fashion her , and for this they made choice of him that taught the cheapest : and her Mother would especially have her learn the Cinque Pace and Sellingers Round , which had been danced at her Wedding , and were in her opinion excellent above all others . They also permitted her to go into company , but not beyond the Neighbourhood ; for they would not trust her out of their sight . Lorenca who made one in one of the best of these Societies , introduced her . She was well received on accompt of her beauty , notwithstanding her innocence and simplicity ; for a fair Person gives great lustre to an Assembly of Women . Most of the parties that composed it , were ambitious to be reckoned amongst the Wits and the Gallants , and not any one of them that made not her self remarkable by some particular Character .

Their Meetings were at Angelica's , a Person of great worth , who ( I know not on what occasion ) had engaged amongst them . She would not yet be new christned , nor take upon her any other Romantick Name ( as the fashion is ) than her own , for Angelica is as passable in Verse and Prose as any other , and as eminent both in History and Fable ) She had learned some Languages and read all manner of good Books , but she concealed this as if it had been a Crime . She was not ambitious of making Parade of her Conceptions , which were ever very rationall , yet almost ever contradicted ; for the number of knowing Persons being weakest in that Assembly , she was still cast by plurality of Voices : on accompt of which she used to compare her self to Cassandra , that was never believed when she spake truth . A Kinswoman of hers was the true reverse of this Medal . She was Daughter to a Paymaster of the Army , who to speak more properly ought rather to be called Receiver , for the other part he executed very remisly . Her true Name was Philipote , but her Romantick one Hippolita , which is the Anagram of the other ; no inconsiderable good fortune for a pretended Heroine , when the Letters of her Christian Name afford a Romantick one . She affected to appear knowing with most insupportable Pedantry . One of her Suitors taught her Latin , another Italian , a third Chiromancy , a fourth to make Verses , so that she had in a manner as many Masters as Servants .

In this Company were persons of several qualifications , but the most accomplished was called Philalethe , a passionate Admirer of the Beauties and Vertues of Angelica , and that used all means possible to gain her good opinion . On the other side a certain Author called Charoselles made one , he had gained some reputation in his youth , but was then so cried down , there was not any Stationer that would print what he writ . Instead of this he gave himself the satisfaction of reading , or at least attempting to read his Works in all Companies , and — but fair and softly , should I go particularly to all his qualities , and those of the other Personages , I should make too long a Digression , and too long delay the Wedding we are providing for . To be short , there met daily at Angilica's very good Company , who sometime controverted Questions of much Curiosity , and endeavoured to imitate all that passes in the rich Alcoves of Ladies of the highest Order .

On the day of Javota's admittance into this Company , it was but thin , and not so tumultuous as usually . It happened also that the entertainment was sublime and agreeable , to which though Javota contributed only by her presence , it will not be amiss to insert here a part , which she listned to with most remarkable attention . To make this Digression excusable , whilst it lasts , imagine if you please that it happens here as in other Romances , that Javota is gone to Sea , that a Storm casts her on a forrain Shore , or that some Ravisher hath carried her to parts so remote , we cannot in a long time hear from her .

After the first Complements , with which the simplest usually come off well enough , since they for the most part consist only in a low Reverence and a Gallimaufry pronounced between the teeth , in such manner that nothing of it can he heard ; Hippolita that pleased her self only in learned Discourses , soon diverted them from the Vulgar Entertinaments of ordinary Visits ; and she blamed Lorenca for having begun to talk of the News of the Town and Neighbourhood ; telling her , that smells of the Visit of a Woman that lies in , and the tattle of Gossips ; that in good Companies Books only and high Notions were to be admitted . She immediately fell on the Jacket of certain poor Authors , who are ever the first that suffer by these Virtuosa's , when their critical humor possesses them . Assure your selves they were then paid home , but excuse me that I silently pass over this Conversation ; for I dare not name any Author that is alive , who would probably accuse me of all that was then spoken , though without my abetting . It were to little purpose ( in my excuse ) to disapprove all the Sentences that had been given against them , the very mentioning them would be looked on as a Capital Crime . They would use me worse than an Historian or Gazettier , who are not obliged to justifie all the passages they relate . Besides that , these Gallants are so quickly moved , that the least raillery or faint commendation puts them in heat , and makes them your irreconcilable enemies ; after which they are mute as to all the renown they before bestowed upon you : and this to the great prejudice of the Stationer that is concerned in the Vent of a Book . I have too great respect for them , to use them as some Writers do , who speaking of them only invert their Names , hash or anagrammatize them , which is to little purpose ; for if the Names be well disguised , the Discourse is obscure , without force or ornament or at least can please but very few ; and if they be discoverable ( as they almost ever are ) to what purpose serves the disguise ; Readers usually finding wayes to get the Key : besides that , sometimes Pilferers of honour make false ones . I will not therefore speak a word to particulars , but only of what was said in general , at which none can take exceptions , if he be not of a very cross humor , or have a Conscience very much burthened . They first of all expatiated on Poems and Romances , and talked much of the Institution of a Poet , and wayes of becoming an Author , and acquiring repute in the World .

There is nothing I so passionately desire ( said Hippolita amongst the rest ) as to be able to make a Book , it is the only thing I envy Men for , who make so many : I imagine they derive the faculty to do it from the advantage of their Sex . There is no need ( answered Angelica ) to desire to be of another Sex on that account , our own hath in all ages produced such Compositons as Men have envied . That is true , said Lorenca , but they which write well conceal it as if it were a crime , and they which write ill are the scorn and Table-talk of the World ; so that amongst which soever our merit ranges us , there accrues no great glory . For my part , said Philalethe ( who was the Gallant Man I spoke of ) I am not of this opinion , and hold that they which conceal their knowledge , merit double honour , because they joyn modesty to ability ; neither are the others without some praise , for their endeavors to raise themselves above their Sex , in despite of its weakness . And I , said Charose les , if ever it were in my power , would forbid ●ll Women coming in print , neither would I ever ●●ffer their Books to be licenced : for the trifling Poetry and Romances they give us , so exhaust the Stationers money , they have not wherewithal to print Grave Authors , that treat of History and Philosophy : this hath very sensibly moved me , and extreamly wrongs all Writers of a fertil vain ; of which I can speak by experience . Sir , It seems to me ( said Pancrace , another Gentleman that was there accidentally ) your interest obliges to speak , but let us consider that though many Romances and Poems are printed , many other Voluminous Authors both in Verse and Prose are not left out ; so that the merit of those the Stationers refuse , may be civilly enough questioned . If that were all , replied Hippolita , I would not be a jot troubled , for a Stationer that lets me out Romances , would desire nothing more than to print for me , particularly because I aske no money ; for scarce any of them ever refuse Copies that are freely given : besides I have so many friends and so strong a Cabal , I can give them security for the sale . That which you have mentioned last is most advantageous for Printing and Selling Books , and my bad fortune is to be imputed to the want of it alone . At my first coming into the World , I unluckily began to satyrize , and so incensed all Authors :

Were I to begin again — You would speak favorably of all , said Lorenca ( who had known him long ) and that would be the worse for you ; for that is a thing so unusual , it were a miracle if it took . Well , said Charoselles , I will no more lament what is passed , since it is not to be recalled , but I resolve to publish my Treatise of the Grand Cabal , which shall discover the Cheats of many of those admired Authors that carry their heads the highest , and prove them to be very Pick-locks of Reputaton ; more worthy to be punished than they which carry false Dice and cut Purses , and will find means to get it printed in spite of the Stationers , though I give it away to some of the Authors that have brought up a fashion of Adopting Books .

It is true , said Angelica , that Friends and a Cabal have oftentimes served to give Men reputation , but that lasted no longer than they had the modesty and discretion to conceal their Works ; for as soon as they have given them to the Publick , that hath been impartial , and all reputation that had no solid foundations , fell to the ground . I was in a mortal fear ( added Pancrace ) lest you would have quoted some example , that might have engaged us in a quarrel , I mean not one of those in which I know very well how to comport my self with honour .

But , said Philalethe , will not you reckon in the same rank those which make Verses to be placed at the beginning of Bocks , Prefaces , and Comments ; for these applaud till they are weary , without offending in the least the Authors modesty . Yes , said Charoselles , and it is a very good design so to beg fame ; not but that there may be knavery in it , for an Author will sometimes borrow a Name of a friend , or suppose a Romantick one , and under it be very lavish in his own commendations . Amongst friends , I may tell you , I have practised this with very good success , and under a borrowed Name as Commentator to my owne Work , burnt incense to my self till I was weary .

Be this as it may ( said Hippolita ) I could never understand how it is possible to make those huge Volumes , with concatenation of so many intrigues and accidents . I have a hundred times undertaken to make a Romance , but could never bring it about for Songs , Epigrams , and other small pieces ; it is sufficiently known I acquit my self as well as another , and that I can make as many as I please . Take notice , said Charoselles , here is another way to arrive easily at reputation in this wretched Age , where we mind nothing but trifles ; nothing else is valued , nothing else sells , whilest the sublimest thoughts and noblest conceptions still lie upon our hands .

It seems then , said Angelica , you are of that opinion that take Madrigals to be the first steps to renown , and great Poems the first towards disgrace . 'T is possible , added Pancrace , but how can such trifles give any honour ? You mention not their main advantage ( added Lorenca ) which is to be se to Tunes . That certainly is the reason ( cried Charoselles ) that all these small Poets court the best Musicians , who never make Airs to any Verses but those of their Favorites ; for if they should they would have a great deal of work . It cannot be denied , said Philalethes , but this invention is very good , for by this means their Verses are sung by the greatest Beauties of the Court ; after which they are famous thorow the World : besides that the goodness of the Tune , like Paint , deceives and dazles ; and I have heard many things commended when sung , that written had neither rime nor reason . I compare them , said he , to those ill shaped Images , which covered over with Glass , pass for admirable in a Closet . And I , said Pancrace , to a Droget Suit , which the humor of some great Person hath enriched with Embroidery . This puts me in mind , said Lorenca , of a man I have seen at the Court of a great Princess , that get a high reputation by that harmonious trifle : he had worded many Songs , and pretended to have very sublime fancies , and indeed they were above all understanding ; but without this never produced two lines that were not hist at . I admire at it ( said Hippolita ) for Court Poets , have ever their Trains of Applauders .

Either his Book was very bad or he had few friends . That was it I looked for ( said Charoselles ) and I hold that there is nothing more necessary to the reputation of a Poet , than either to frequent the Court or to have been bred there ; for a Town-wit is little considerable . I would have him have access to all Alcoves , Assemblies and Academies of Gallantry , with a Mecenas of eminent quality to protect him , and make his Works considerable , and that in so high a manner that men should be forced to commend them whether they would or no , and not to make their Court without doing it . I would have him write to the greatest Lords for the Maids of Honour , and on all Adventures of the Cabinet ; counterfeit himself to be in love , under some borrowed Name , or in a Romance : but the highest of his fortune were to write a Maske , Play , or Epick Poem , above which Poets have nothing to aspire to .

I cannot deny , said Angelica , but all these inventions , especially the countenance and authority of a great Person are very advantageous ; for three Quarters of the World judge of Books without ever looking on them , and are of the opinion of him that first censures them , as Sheep still follow their Leader . You many adde , said Phila-lethes , that many talk so long contrary to their judgement , that they lose it , and at last approve of that they with very great reason at first condemned ; because they have been so many times obliged to speak favorably of it , out of other considerations . I my self ( said Pancrace ) knew once a Court Poet very much esteemed ; because Men sometimes made their fortunes by commending his Verses , as by bad Verses had before made his own . I know him also , said Hippolita , and find he was not esteemed without reason , for amongst all Poets such as enjoy Wealth and Honour have my Vote , and for those that have so much , they can keep Coaches , I think it insolence to censure their Works . To be born rich , will as soon raise a Poet to renown , as the Natural Genius so much talked of , and which hath caused it to be said Orators may be bred , but Poets must be born . And for my part I would advise any that had a mind to be of this Trade , to sell all to purchase one of these Chariots of Honour : To say truth , Poets or Musicians Coaches ( for both these we daily behold ) cost no much ; nay I know a Lords , whose Furniture cost but Four Pounds , and had the misfortune to be mired in the blowings of some body's Nose ; neither is the keeping it any great matter , such Gallants usually living no other Mens charges , whether in Town or Countrey , sometimes with one , sometimes with another . Alas , interrupted Charoselles , this Discourse is to no purpose ; I long kept a Coach to this very end , likely enough ( as you know ) to pass for an Authors Coach , yet my Credit is lost amongst these damned Stationers , that will print no more of my Works .

I can give you good counsel , said Lorenca , and that is to deliver loose Pieces to such as make Collections , who suffer nothing to escape them . The good give value to the bad , as false Money passes when mixed amongst that which is current . This invention I thought of , answered Charoselles , with a great sigh , but it would serve but one time , for after they had refused a whole Book of mine , having bashed it small , and presented it in Episodes and Fragments , I indeed got the Volume , though all my own , to be printed , under the Title of A Collection of Pieces of several Authors ; yet the Stationer at last unluckily discovered the trick , and reproached me with its lying on his hands . I wonder at that , answered Philalethes , for Collections have formerly sold well . It is true , they are a little decryed of late , in that particular like Wine good for nothing when it runs low , though excellent , when first set a-broach . But ( said Hippolita ) do you not find that these Collections make us famous very easily and at small charge ? Many Authors are no otherwise known . I have a good mind to do the like , and can find Odes and Elegies enough to print in my Name , which if it be necessary , I will prefix to them . I think , said Angelica , this may serve at least for an Essay to-wards reputation ; for if the Pieces we adventure upon take , the glory is our own securely ; if they fail we are quit for dis-avowing them , or saying , They were taken from us by stealth , and never made by us with intention to publish .

I acknowledge , said Pancrace , that such as have reputation , and whose Works have gained the approbation of Cabinets and Alcoves , have preserved this in Collections ; but I find not that such as were formerly obscure have had any great success by them ; for which reason very few Qualified Persons have set their Names to them . I was the other day , said Philalethes , Spectator of a difference that will very well confirm what you say , and this was in the Shop of one of the greatest Printers of Collections ; A well qualified Person , that would not pass for a declared Author , threatned to beat him for having printed some Verses of Gallantry in his Name , and placing it in the Catalogue of Authors at the beginning of the Book , which he had posted at the Corners of Streets . The Stationer in a lamentable tone , nay really weeping , said , Alas , Sir , the condition of us poor Stationers is very miserable , and we are strangeiy put to it , to give content to Authors ; but just now went one from hence , that threatned me no less than you have done , because I put not his Name to a Song , and saying this , he shewed him the Song , which was the worst piece in the Book .

See the difference of humors , said Lorenca , it had been very pleasant if these two Gallants had put their designs in execution at one and the same time . For my part , said Charoselles , I cannot condemn those that seek glory this way , for in Poetry ( which you know I have alwayes considered as a trifle ) I have observed the worst Traffick is to deal in gross , I mean to print ones Works all together , and make a Volume ; it is a better Method to vent them by parcels , and give them out piece by piece , as Men use to do by Rattles and Windwills to please Children . Your Maxime is sufficiently confirmed by experience , said Angelica , for we have know Authors whose small Pieces have acquired as much or more glory than Volumes published at once by others , and that effectually , were of greater merit . Wonder not at that , said Philalethes , the impatient humor of our Nation is tired with long Works ; and this is remarkable , in that such as have in their hands Book of Poetry , will sooner read a Sonnet than an Elegy , and an Epigram than a Sonnet : and if a Book contain onely Epigrams , those of four or six Verses shall be read sooner than tose of a dozen .

I am very glad , said Hippolita , that small Pieces are better esteemed in France than great ones , for for Madrigals I can make themas I list , as I said before ; for there belongs no more to it , but to find out a smooth line or two and there is an end : whereas it is hard to come by conceits for Epigrams and Verses of State for Sonnets . But , said Charoselles , all this is not enough to make small pieces , to take they must suit the times , I mean the Mode , and for quicker dispatch in the sale , the Subject must be choice , as on the death of my Ladies little Dog , her Parret , or some other great Adventure happend in the gallant and poetical Vniverse .

For my part , replied Hippolita , above all other I love Distichs , because they are commonly ex tempore , which I judge to be the most certain token of wit . You are not alone in your opinion , said Angelica , I have know many Women so besotted on these ex tempories , they have preferred them to the perfectest Works and most studious endeavours . I am not of the opinion of those Ladies ( Charoselles briskly replied ) and I know no certainer sign of reprobation in what relates to Poetry , than to be taken with such things , for they which are best at them , are only gay and sportive persons , nay sometimes such as are mad are happy enough in them ; whereas a true esteem belongs only to Pieces wrought with mature deliberations , where Art and Nature unite . Not but that the greatest Wits may sometimes produce Gallantries on the sudden , but it must be done very discreetly , or otherwise they expose themselves to strange absurdities , as almost all sudden Wits sometimes do . Adde to this , said Philalethes , that no ware is vended that is more deceitful ; for as at Gaming Ordinaries men often cheat with false Dice , no less is done in Academies with Extempories , and some take those to have newly seen the light that indeed are old and weather beaten .

This is true , said Pancrace , and I have known a certain pleasant fellow , well enough looked upon in the World , that never went without Pocket Ex tempories , and had provided so many on several Subjects , that he had large Common Places . He usually carried along with him some one , with whom he corresponded , by whose assistance he diverted the discourse to several Subjects , and so drew people into straits , where he had laid some Ex temporie ambush , and then the Gallant fell on and defeated the bravest Champions of Wit , not without the admiration of the Company .

I am glad , said Lorenca , to be informed of the deceits that are committed , because in any such things be hereafter presented me , I shall desire attestations of honest and honourable Persons , that they were made in their presence without fraud or covin . I ( said Angelica ) never applauded such Pieces , for this were to sell reputation at a very low rate , which I reserve for polite and serious Works , particularly for Sonnets ; which are ( as one of my good friends calls them ) the Master-pieces of Poetry , and the most Noble of all Poems .

You will not often be in a condition to be lavish of of them ( added Charoselles ) for it requires a great stock of wit to be successful in them ; neither do many profess the making them , and even they for one good one give us a hundred that are bad . I have seen so many bad ones , said Pancrace , I am perswaded the greatest part of them are such , and unless some understanding person assure me of their goodness , I cannot find in my heart to read them . I have ( said Philalethes ) been long sensible of the difficulty to make good ones , and seen eminent Poets that have acquired glory by great Poems , whose reputations have fallen in some Sonnet .

Now you speak of Sonnets ( said Javota , who had till then been silent ) I have a very good one about me , which a Client of my Fathers left in his Study . Pancrace besought her to oblige them with the reading it , and adding grace to it . I beg of you to excuse me , said Javota , for it is so long so long , so long , it would give you too great interruption . How , said Hippolita , is so much time necessary to the reading 14 lines ? In the mean while Javota took out of her Pocket a little Book stitched in Marble Paper , containing an entire Poem ; it was called , The Metamorophosis of the Eyes of Phillis into Stars .

The Company could not forbear laughing at this simplicity , Hippolita burst out ; at which , Javota blushing , said , How are not these Verses ? I am sure my fatehr told me they were . Yes questionless , answered Pancrace . Well , said Javota , and are not Sonnets Verses , why all this laughing ? The laughing increased , till Angelica in civility broke it off , and went to Javota to make excuses , and help her out of her confusion ; which she effected by many reiterated caresses . Pancrace also joyned with her , and employed himself very heartily : he had already entered into a particular conersation with Javota , to whom from the first he had an extraordinary inclination . But they were now interrupted by a great Cry of Hippolita , What have we here ? said she , I must needs see what it contains : and this she spoke on occasion of a Roll of Paper fallen out of Angelica's Pocket as she arose suddenly . Angelica very civilly desired her to restore it , reproaching her for prying into her secrets . Secrets , said Hippolita , use not to be so voluminous , it is certainly some piece of Gallantry , the pleasure of which you must not engrosse to your self . At least let me see the Title , which as soon as she had read , she cried out yet lowder , You were the most disobliging person in the world , would you deprive so good company of the diversion of a Piece , whose Title promises so fairly . However you shall not deny me to take it home and read it : Do your worst , I claim my share , said Charoselles , and my opinion is that it be read here , and in requital I will read you another composition of my own , twice as long , that perhaps shall never be printed .

Philalethes that knew the humor of Charoselles , trembled to hear the Company thus threatned , and least the effect might fellow , joyned with Angelica to oppose Hipp●lita's obsti●●●● , saying ▪ It would ●e too tedious to read it , and that their time might be passed more agreeably in discourse he told them moreover , That he had seen the Piece , and that it merited not the attention of so good company . This seeming neglect made them conceive it was of his making , and that he had given it Angelica , for their correspondence was not unknown ; besides that he was too discreet so publickly to slight the Works of another . This redoubled Hippolita's curiosity , which at last prevailed over Angelica's resistance , and taking them one after the other by the Arm , she obliged them to sit down in their former places ; then addressing her self to Philalethes , she told him , Your punishment for endeavoring to deprive us of this Piece , shall be to read it , which will also free you from the displeasure of hearing me read it ill ; for I question not but you are the Author . Philalethes taking the Papers , very civilly told her , I renounce the honour you impute to me of the composure , but readily accept that of obeying you ; and then began to read as follows .

A TALE of CUPID Run away from his MOTHER .

LIttle Cupid was ever an incorrigible Brat , cockered and humored by his too indulgent Mother . The whole Celestial Court complained of him , Juno , that he suffered her not to enjoy her Husband two dayes together ; Diana , that he debauched all her Nymphs , Minerva indeed was unattempted by him , for she understood not raillery ; Venus often threatned to whip him , but did it not , though to make good her menaces , she steeped twigs of Mirtle in Vinegar , which did nor a little terrife him . But when she went about to correct him , he still sheltered himself by favor of the Graces , who would gladly have hidden him under their Coats , had they not been naked . But one day , when she was in a cross humor ( I know not whether upon the News of the Death of Adonis ) she resolved to pay him in good earnest ; and her Graces having forsaken her by reason of her Melancholy , be found not his womed Sanctuary . He had been then in a bad condition , without the usual recourse of Children , who run from their Mothers to their Grand-mothers : he therefore cast himself headlong into the arms of Thetis , that was not far off , and lost no time in stripping , because he goes alwayes naked ; his Wings serving him instead of Oars , he soon arrived at her Crystal Pallace ; where seeing him weep , she began to cokes him , and ( as those good old Women are wont to do , that applaud all the fopperies of their Grand-children ) gave him Sugar Plums . He liked his entertainment so well , that he tarried long , but unable to give over his old wonts , so inflamed the Fishes ( till that time naturally cold ) with the Fire of Love , that they soon became the most Prolifick Animals , in such a manner , that Thetis Kingdom is now so populous , that did not her Subject ( like Wolves and Poets ) devour one another , though the Plains of the Ocean are so extreamly vast , she could neither feed nor quarter them . Had he done no more , the mischief had not yet been great ; though we reckon in his enflaming the Sirens , who are the Singing Women of that Court , Persons of that Profession being usually Libertines ; but he attacqued the Nereides themselves , who are the Princesses and Ladies of Honour to the Maritime Queen . He became extreamly scandalous , when he fell on the most discreet of them all ( whose Name my respects for her shall conceal ) for he caused her to be debauched by the Treasurer of Neptune's Cockle-shels

These Lovers had little satisfaction in the design of their Amours , the difficulty of executing them being so great ; for the Palaces of Thetis and the Nereides being built of Crystal , and that of the most transparent , nothing could be done in them , but what was visible to the Tritons , that are Neptune's J●nisaries ; they were therefore necessitated to appoint a Rendezvous hard by Carybdis , where there is a fall of Water into a Gulfe , so dangerous that very few dare pass it ; but they could not do their business with so little noise but the Dogs that Scilla bred hard by ( for thereabouts is Neptune's Kennel ) over-heard them : as soon as one of these barked the rest followed , and the Musick not only awakened Scilla , but a jealous Triton that slept by her side . She was presently inquisitive after the cause of this Alarm , supposing her Dogs barked at Theeves that came to steal the Treasures she had amassed at several Shipwracks , which usually happen in her Dominion . These unfortunate Lovers were in this manner taken in the act , the poor Nereid was much out of countenance , and became redder than a Lobster and muter than a Carp ; now as mean Officers evermore envy the greater , and seek to raise themselves on their ruin , this Triton that had villainous teeth , and much resembled an over-grown Pike , was glad of an occasion to snap at the Treasurer of the Cockle-shels ; he therefore divulged so long this Adventure , that at last it came to the Ears of Thetis , and so highly inraged her , that she began to roar and frown in such a manner that all Navigators suffered by it . She condemned the Nereid to be shut up during life in a Prison of Ice at the bottom of the Baltick Sea , and the Seducer in the Shell of a Snail , where he since absconds , never daring to shew his horns , unless at the end of a Storm ; for the little Incendiary that had caused the disorder , Thetis resolved immediately to punish him , and caused a handful of Coral Branches to be gathered to whip him soundly ; for Coral whilest in the Sea is supple as Ozier , and neither hard nor red till it comes into the air : this is averred by Pliny , whom , if you be learned , you will not refuse to own as a creditable Author . Cupid was then in as great danger as ever , and saw many Crabs who are the Catch-poles of that Countrey , ready to seise him ; but he slipt from them like an Eel , being extreamly active and nimble ( especially at evasions ) and got to the Shore out of the power of his rigorous Grand-mother . He was yet in a Countrey where he was not unknown , if he would have discovered himself , for it belonged to Cibele the Mother of the Deities , his Great great Grand-Mother , but she being old , wrinckled , and crooked , and her head dressed with Towns and Castles , the sight of her frighted him ; besides fear of the Rod which he had escaped , being the Capital Punishment of Children , gave him a distruct of all his Relations ; he resolved therefore to conceal himself , in order to which he thought best to retire to the Cottages of certain Shepherds he saw thereabouts : they received him well and charitably gave him a Suit of Clothes , which because he was naked they thought he stood in need of , for they understood not the heat of his Constitution . I know not whether apprehension of punishment had made him wiser , or whither he commiserated the ignorance of his Hosts , but he comported himself amongst them very modestly , without either malice or circumvencion ; and , in recompence of their charitable entertainment , taught them the Art of Love : for if you have not already learned it , be pleased that I tell you that till this time Love was not known to men , who made all addresses like Beasts only by natural instinct , and in order to generation . This Noble Passion that insinuates into hearts , gives them so high satisfactions , and unites souls sooner than bodies , was yet a stranger in the world , the Deitres having reserved it to themselves as a more delicate morsel . It is granted on all hands that Shepherds were the first that tasted its pleasures , and it ought not to seem strange that they have recorded them with so much Eloquence , having had such a School-Master .

As all things are perfecter and less corrupt , whilest nearer their Originals , so the first Loves were with all purity and vertue imaginable . That Deity so well ordered his Arrows , that the Flames were ever mutual in the hearts of Shepherds and Shepherdesses , desires of pleasing only possessed them , their affections were reciprocal and fidelities inviolable ; there were no Complaints of Cruelty or Rigor , because no unjust desires , neither any regret or sorrow , because Vice had no share . In a word this was Loves Golden Age.

But having passed some time here he grew weary of solitude , and curious of knowing what passed in the World , which his youth had not till then permitted him to visit , and therefore resolved to go to a Neighbouring Town , where because it was great and fair , he resided , till acquainted with it . The first thing he did was to see a service , and wonder not that this Divinity desended so low , for slavery is his Element . Chance first of all engaged him with a Woman not unhandsome , but whose Physiognomy promised much simplicity : her Hair was flaxen and her Complexion fair but faint , her Eyes grey but dull , her Stature tall but heavy ; and if these things may be tolerated , otherwise handsom and agreeable : her Name was Laudora , and she had a general indifference for all the World ; she expressed a certain contempt , which yet was not the effect of Pride , but of a flegmatick temper that made men despair . In a word , she was so neglective of all , that it was very apparent she took nothing to heart . Cupid had not lived long with her before he attempted the same thing he had done amongst the Shepherds , being unwilling to discontinue his Archery , the only quality that makes him considerable ; he made several shot with a little Pocker Bow , but at first rather for sport than out of design , as Children use to play with Trunks . One day taking from the ground one of the Arrows he had shot at Laudore , he perceived the point turned ; nothing vexes this little Rebel like resistance , which caused him obstinately to resolve to be revenged on this insensibility : he took therefore some of his sharpest Arrows , and , whilest she was in good company , shot several right at her heart : but it was miraculous to behold that they had no other effect against this heart of Diamond , than Balls against the Walls of a Tennis-Court ; yet in their reboundings wounded those that were near . These used all imaginable endeavors , that she which was the cause of their mischief might share in it ; but nothing had success : all Designs and all Gallantries were expelled by her rigor . But at last there came into the company a certain Man neither handsom not ill-favored ; his face promised much honesty , and no less stupidity ; he was tall and slender , but weak and stooping ; his gate unequal , his mouth wide , his hair long and uncurled like hemp .

Behind this Gallant Cupid one day posted himself to attaque his Rebel , he had no intention to do a favour to one he had but little kindness for , it was rather to put a trick on him , and make him serve as an object of the shaft that glanced from Laudora .

At that very instant the indifference of the Lady vanished , and she had an inexpressible inclination for this Man ; to such a degree that she was ready to discover her passion , had not her Sexes modesty restrained her : but at last she found an opportunity to give vent to the secret without much difficulty , because they were daily together ; he almost at the same time had the like inclinations for her ; perhaps one of the ineffectual Arrows of which we spoke before , fell on his great toe , and its venom insensibly reached the heart : in a word , they loved , but with so slack a fire , there was no appearance of it either by sighs or complaints , yet never were any hearts more firmly united . All the addresses which in other encounters pretend to inspire love , were here insignificant , they though it enough to court by glances , and scarce ever made use of words ; and the most serious employment of this silly Amour was to tred on one anothers toe , or look on one another without laughing .

Cupid liked not this manner of proceeding , nor that they were so indifferent in an affair that so many person of quality take to be very important ; his inclination tending to be serviceable to all he wounds , he was troubled to be useless of these Lovers , and his airy Complexion suffered him not to be long idle , he therefore reflected on the wound he had made , for ( to give him but his due ) he can play the Philosopher when he pleases , and argues well , especially when his Eyes are uncieled : he then perceived he was mistaken , in attributing to himself the honour of this defeat , and acknowledged it belonged to chance alone , that had given a meeting to two persons , whose faces and humors had so much of resemblance and sympathy , they seemed born for each other ; and from this concluded that for the future many Crimes might be imputed to him of which he should be innocent . Shame of effecting nothing at last caused him to seek his discharge ; which was not hard to be obtained of Masters that could so easily spare him .

After this he engaged himself in service of a Lady much given to reading , with her be at first very much pleased himself , because he hoped to learn many secrets , and not to want employment .

This Lady , whose Name was Polymathia , had not inherited so much Beauty , but her Deformity exceeded it , and I am unwilling to give a full description of her , lest I distaste such Readers as are of a queasie stomack : neitehr is it possible for any Lady to pretend both to Beauty and Science , for much reading takes from the lustre of their Eyes , and the delicacy of their Complexion decayes , if they pass not their time idlely and voluptuously : besides that it is very hard for them to spare any hour of the day for Study , which is all of it scarcely sufficient to dress and paint themselves . But Polymathia's wit was incomparable , and she spoke so well that she must needs have charmed all Ears had she not affrighted all Eyes . She was skilled in Philosophy and the sublimest Arts , and these she had accommodated to the gust of Persons of Quality , retaining nothing that savors of the Pedantry of the Schools . Her admirable Compositions both in Verse an Prose invited to her the most eminent and elegant of her time : Love would not here let his Quiver be useless , yet forbore a while , because his Mistrisses excellent Conceptions of Vertue and Temperance , made him despair of success , orconquering that rigor she so much gloried in : he had also some respect for the Philosophy that seconded her , not without reason apprehending to be severely handled by it : he also made some conscience of the ill office he shold do her by inspiring her with love not being confident of his power to raise a passion for her in any heart , unless he sought it amongst the blind : he resolved therefore first of all to try what he could do with some of the Virtuoso's that frequented her , but it was to no purpose , his Arrows falling with as little effect as if shot against Wooll-sacks ; but that which most enraged him , was the dissimulation of those Rabbies ( for there is not any Deity , how fabulous soever , but is infinitely offended by hypocrisie ) who thought it not enough to admire her wit , but would also seem taken with her beauty , and their impudence went so high to qualifie her with Sun , Moon , and Aurore in the Letters and Verses they sent her . They which had only seen her in this false Mirror , and flattering Draught , would never have known her : for to speak truth , all her resemblance of the Sun was the Yellow Jaundies , and of the Moon the inequality of her Cheeks , with as little of Aurora excepting the Carnation of her Nose . Alas how are poor Readers abused by Poets that pretend to sincerity , if they take their Verses literally . They form beautiful Idea's of Chimerical Persons , that have no resemblance of the Originals . And when we find , My brave Cassandra , take me not to be A Myrmidon or Hect'ring Dolope . He that reads this , supposeth it to point at a Thalestris or Penthisile● , though the brave Cassandra was really no other than a Bouncing Hostess , that kept a Victualling-House in the Suburbs . But let a Maid be never so deformed , the most Hyperbolical Commendations never offend her , neither will she ever believe her self to be rallied , though she accuse people of doing it .

In this she will never gainsay any one , unless by a false modesty . Let her understanding be never so clear-sighted , she will not be convinced of her defects , or if she be , oppose some good quality against them ; and so well cast up her reckoning , that she will at last find Charms more than sufficient to inspire love . Cupid as blind as he is fancied , discovered that notwithstanding all these fained G●llantries , none was touched to the quick ; for not any of his Arrows were bloody , and became therefore more opiniator in his design , swearing some body should pay for it . After many attempts and employing his Quiver , till he wanted as well Wood to maks Arrows , as Steel to head them ; he was fain at last to make use of Polymathia's Pen-Knife , whose Pens became eloquent , as soon as touched by this enchanted Steel .

A shot made with this , luckily hit a wit very worthy of her , and so fit to be coupled with her , that had they been placed in two adjoyning Niches , the Symmetry would have been admirable : His Stature was low , but a Bunch that grew on one of his Shouldiers , rose very high ; h●s Leg , were of unequal bigness , he was blind of one Eye , and saw but ill with the other , all its lustre consisting in a Scarlet Border certainly in grain , since the water that incessantly distilled upon it , could not decay it : But if his Body gave distaste his wit charmed . He would have succeeded admirably in Spanish Courtship , which is practised onely by night , for darkness would have been very favorable to him . The heart of this hard-favored wit was no sooner wounded , but Elegies , Sonnets , and Madrigals flew about without number ; never was there a fertiler vein , or more inflamed Genius : never so great profusion of tender passions in rhime : but that which is more than usuul , is , that then all dissimulation vanished , all the Charms and Graces he at first put in his Verses onely as Poetical Fictions , he afterwards inserted in good earnest , and believed in his conscience that his Mistriss was a true Sun and a true Aurora : and though her wit alone gave the first fire to this love , the tender Hero was so dazled with its lustre , he could no longer discern any imperfection in her body , having no less passion for it . I cannot tell whether Love made two wounds with one Arrow , or whether Polymathia were touched with the Poetical Points of her Lover ; but she loved reciprocally , and did wisely not to let an occasion slip , she could scarcely ever have hoped to recover . She was no more niggard than he , either of Verse or Prose , and disguised Cupid then wanted not employment , nor occasions to exercise his Legs . He had no sooner carried a Letter , but he was sent again with Verses ; and if he unfortunately obtained an ex tempore Answer , a Reply was dispatched with no less diligence : and in this skirmish of Reputation our Lovers were as nimble with their Ex tempore's as the best Gamesters with their Tennis-balls . I will neither relate the continuance nor conclusion of their Loves , that lasted long with equal violence , but all the profit accrued to such Stationers as print Collections of amorous and tender Pieces , who made many Volumes . Other Tradesmen got nothing by them , no Jewels nor other Curiosities , all Presents were made in Paper . He neither gave her Ball nor Musick , but an infinite number of Verses for Balls , and of Rimes to be set to Tunes : but that which is most admirable and contrary to the humor of the times , there was neither Treat nor Collation ; they took the Air pure and simple , without making any Inne-keepers the better either in their Credit or Estate . Cupid had been hitherto fed with slender and course Diet , but I shall tell you how he became lickorish . One day , whilest his enamored Mistriss sought solitude in a little Grove , where she entrusted many sighs and transports to the discretion of the Air and Eccho ; he keeping at a distance , accidentally lighted on the Page of a great Lady , at that time treated in a Pleasure-House near the Wood : no acquaintance being sooner made than that of Dogs and Lackeys ( in which I comprehended all that wear Liveries ) Love and the Page were quickly familiar : his new Comrade carried him to see the great Feast provided for his Lady , and both of them satisfied themselves with what was left . Cupid was well pleased with Bisks and Pheasants , which put him in mind of Nectar and Ambrosia ; but that which he liked best , was a Dish of Early Pease , that cost more money than an Acre of the ground they had been sown in . His good cheer and confidence in what his Comrade told him , debauched him , and he made no difficulty of entring himself in the service of that Lady , who as soon as she saw him , entertained him to carry up her Train . Thus he left his Virtuosa Mistriss , without ever bidding her adieu ; she was much troubled that no body had been bound for his truth , that she might have made them pay the value of certain Verses the little Thief carried away , of which she had no Copy .

His new Mistriss carressed him , endeavoring by all inventions imaginable to make him fine ; she gave him certain Trowses , with which the modester Painters , that are loth to draw him naked , still apparel him . How dangerous soever he was esteemed before , all was nothing compared to the mischief he did when clothed . Archilaide , that was his Ladies Name , was perfectly accomplished ; for besides an eminent Beauty , her Birth gave her a certain Majestick Air , much to her advantage over those whose well-shaped Bodies might otherwise have equalled her : Incence and Adoration were lawful Tributes paid freely to her Merit . Love that had been bred in a place where such Presents were continually received , almost thought he was gotten into his own Countrey , and extreamly pleased himself in this Court , though unknown and in disguise . He observed what profound respect many Illustrious Personages paid to that visible Divinity he disdained not to serve . But after his continuance a while , one thing displeased him , on account of his pretence that in all places of his residence , there ought to be something of equality and agreeable correspondence ; for here was nothing of it , they that waited on Archelaide , not daring to raise their eyes to her , no not in admiration of her ; and her natural disdain deprived them of all the confidence their merit might justly have allowed them : this was the greatest occasion that moved Love to attempt a Rock , whose Pride extended to the Skies ; for his Honour invites him to Illustrious Conquests , and to taming the most rebellious hearts . In the mean time , like an experienced Captain , before he raised his Battery , he went himself to view the ground ; his divinity gave him great advantages for doing this , for by its Prerogative he dives to the bottom of hearts , and discovers the greatest secrets : visiting that of Archelaide , he was not a little surprised to see that Nature had already effected what he designed , and so well disposed all materials , that the least spark of his Torch must needs raise a Conflagration able to reduce all to ashes . He was desirous immediately to redress the mischief he had done , but found no remedy more ready than to discharge new Arrows on those that approached her , that they might flock to assist her , by extinguishing her flames . All Persons of quality , wit , or good meen immediately offered their service , but still with respects and submissions scarce imanable . What courage soever Love inspired into the hearts he mastered , none amongst them durst declare his love , nor use the least tender expression : they were Mutes , that durst hardly suffer their eyes to speak for them , and that in such a manner stifled their fighs they were imperceptible to the quickest ear : they were prepossessed by a Maxime damned as heretical in Loves School , That we are to wait in expectation of those favors from Ladies of Quality , that we may demand of others . But the Wretches languished long in these hopes ; Archelaide was so jealous of her honour , and naturally so proud , she would have died a thousand times rather than complained in the least : She thought it degenerous to cast her eyes on any that were below her , with whom this would in some manner have equalized her , and encouraged them to a loss of respect ; she therefore placed a surly Porter at her Gate , to keep our all Plunderers of that Vertue and Honour she entrusted to him ; but the misfortune was , there was no body to keep out the Porter , whom she sometimes called to her assistance in pressing necessities , to drive away the secret discontents occasioned by solitude . The Houshold Spie , to whom nothing that is contrary to honour is concealed , one day discovered the intrigue of this Adventure , and made himself know to her with all those Beauties that raised the Curiosity of Psyche . He bitterly reproached her of the wrong she did all the Empire of Love , by distrusting so many Persons of Quality , as languished for her , and committing her honour to the discretion of a Clownish Servant : He made her sensible she deserved not to enjoy the sweets that are to be found in this Nobl Passion , and at last threatned to be revenged by leaving her , and publishing her Story : He swore also by his Torch , that since Honour had put this trick upon him , he would be revenged ; that he would ever after be his professed Enemy , and force him from all places where he should chance to meet him . Archelaide that took this Apparition for a Dream , rubbed her Eyes as if she had slept , and instead of the Deity she thought to have seen , finding only her Page , picked a quarrel with him , and ordered the Master of her Horse to whip him : but Love and the Page suddenly vanished , and she finding the menace of abandoning her made good , doubted no more of her Vision . She made such use of this that she forsook the World , and retired to a solitude far from Palaces and Porters , where she hath since lived very modestly and reserved .

Though Love was troubled at this affront , he would not so soon forsake the Earth , where he thought he might learn something . He got into the service of a Woman called Poliphile , of indifferent Wit and Beauty ; at this first coming , that he might gain her good will , he acquired her many Servants with his usual arms ; this extreamly pleased her , for though she passed amongst her Neighbours for very discreet , she heard not without commiseration the sighs of those that languished for her : in short , she was of those that may be called gallant Platonicks , a race that hath lately extreamly multipilied . He never suffered so much as under this last Mistriss , though she clothed him at first very handsomely , in a Livery well laced and trimmed with Ribbands of three Colours , and gave him as a Sirname Grideline . Her greatest delight was to wear rich Cloths , in which her Curiosity extended to Excess . She was never sensible of the dullness of her wit , unless when it came short in the invention of new Fashions ; this admirably set off her indifferent Beauty , but her most powerful Charms were an extraordinary Civility and Complacency for new Comers , and the like to retain those she doubted might forsake her . On the other side she seemed very severe , to such as she thought she had engaged so fast , there was no danger of their escaping her fetters . There never was any Woman so greedy of hearts ; all Colours and all Shapes pleased her , the faire , the brown , the witty , the dull , the Courtier , the Citizen , were all welcome , neither did she care of whom , so she made a Conquest . Her greatest satisfaction was to breave a Mistriss of her Servant , and her highest displeasure to lose the least of her own ; yet she made great difference in her treating her Cajolers : for she it was that first made the distinction between Courtiers and Countrey Gentlemen , and gave precedence to Lace and Feathers .

She had a particular esteem for rich trimmings and heads newly powdered , she would yet receive well the plainest that lent her Romances and new Poems : the rich Clown that gave her Musick and carried her to Plays , was still wellcome : and in order to more Customers , certain dayes of the week were destined to receive Gallants in her Alcove , as there are for Markets in Publick Places . Her new servant , as hath been said , got her many Victories , and never had more frequent occasions to use his Bow , it is no wonder he aims now so right at a heart , having practised her so frequently .

All the wounded had recourse to Poliphile for remedy , whose Caresses gave them hopes of Cure , but she dealt with them like dangerous Surgeons , who dressing a small wound , with Causticks and Incisions , make it great and dangerous : so she with Flatteries cast Oil and their Fire , and impoisoned that she pretended to heal . Neither did Love neglect to revenge them , by shooting many Arrows at the heart of Poliphile , but he was amazed to see that the most of them only raced the skin , and if they at any time made deeper wounds , they were closed by next day , as if the Powder of Sympathy had been applied to them : But it was worse , when he found out that Poliphile , not satisfied with the Beauties impareted to her by Heaven , borrowed others : he was then a Stranger to Disguise and Artifice , knowing neither Paint , Pomade , Black Patches , nor false Looks ; so that having at night seen his Mistriss go to Bed with Black Hair , he knew her not next day when she more Flaxen : and seeing her face covered with Black Patches , thought they served to hide Pimples or Sratches . But Love had not long continued in this School , before he got experience , and became as bad as the worst . Her Cupid inspired not the Lady , but the Lady instructed Cupid . Here he learned all the mischiefs he hath since been guilty of , to forswear and betray , whereas before he was very honest , and spoke not but from his heart ; he then became so proud and fantastical , it was afterwards impossible to govern him any longer . He would no more be pacified with Sugar-Plums or Ginger Bread , but must have Ragousts and Partridges : They no longer presented him Whistles or Rattles , he must have Boxes of Diamonds and Cup-boards of Plate . In a word , nothing was more corrupt , and this House became a dangerous Shelf to the Liberties and Fortunes of all that approached it . In the mean time , by means of the addresses Poliphile made use of to conceal her Game , she passed for a Person of Honour , yet exercised all manner of Excations and Tyrannies . This lasted a while , and new Cullies still appearing on the Stage , how could she ever think the time tedious , or want new diversions . Amongst the rest , Balls and Dancings especially pleased Poliphile , yet not more than they now adayes all Women , whom they so transport , that we may justly say if the Harp once freed some from evil spirits , the Fiddle now possesses many with them . At last she engaged her self so far , that notwithstanding her inconstancy , she lost her liberty , and became desperately in love with a Dancing-Master . The Deformity and abject Meen of this Fellow , might in all probability have taken away the delight she had to see him move his Legs so dexterously ; he yet got possession of her heart , whilest many Persons that excelled him in Wit , Meen , adn Quality , were amused with chat and other insignificant favors . Love was so enraged at this injustice , that he searched his Quiver for one of his poisoned Arrows , with which of old he made his Metamorphosis , and with it struck Poliphile's dear Fidler , the nimbleness of his feet could not save him , and from a Dancing-Master he was turned into a Baboon , retaining still all the activity and all the deformity . This Babbon fell afterwards into the hands of a Jugler , that called him Fagotin , and infinitely amazed Coxcombs to see hi dance on the Ropes ; for they could not imagint his had been his Trade , nor that he had been a Man , a Lover , a Fidler , and a Dancing Master .

After this trick Love thought himself unsafe with his Mistriss , and left her like the other , without taking leave ; being well clothed , he was not long without a new service . Poleone liked him , especially because his Clothes were new , and would cost her nothing on that accompt in a good while . He was willing to serve her though she was but a Semstriss , because of her City gravity , which seemed very remote from the vanity that had so often disgusted him . This Womans exquisite beauty made amends for the stupidity remarkable in her Face , and covered over her gross ignorance in all things but prizing and selling her Ware ; Love also a while forgot he had been a Page and Lackey , and borrowing a little the humor of an Apprentice , lived very quietly : but soon after he took again those Arms he knew so well how to handle , and made many wounds in the hearts of such as his Mistrises Beauty attracted to her Shop . It was to little purpose for these Gallants to accost her with Complements , to all which she was deaf , or rather the dulness of her wit prevented her Answer ; yet Cupid spared her not , but could never pierce her Heart whilest he used Arrows headed with Steel . One day when a solemn Mass was intended , he found some provided for it that were headed with Silver ; these had a miraculous effect on her heart , that was impenetrable to all others : and at once conjured up in her the Passions of Love and Interest , though probably the last predominated before , and was only re-kindled to serve the other : for though it must be acknowledged that Poleone was amorous , it cannot be added of Celadon , Hilas , or Silvander , but of Mankind in general : Then it was that many Customers bought the Semstress with the Linnen , and this was the first Arrow that had the good success to joyn profit and pleasure . Cupid desirous to imitate his Mistriss , as Children ape Men , had quickly the like inclinations ; he that had never fingered money , but to purcase some slight toyes , had his Eyes now ever fixed on the Counter , and was much more pleased with the sight of Gold than Silver , and hearing his Mistriss complain that she was often cozened , by receiving clipped or false Money , learned by her example to weigh and examine the Pieces ; and to this purpose disfurnished his Quiver of half his Arrows , to make place for a pair of Gold Weights , a Chamber-Maid of his acquaintance having let him understand that they which mediate ought to share in the profit ; at last he became so curious , he would use no Arrows but such as were headed with Gold or Silver ; and with these he never missed the Mark.

Thus Mercenary Love is become so much infashion , that from the Lady to the Milk-Maid money takes place , and the Proverb that was first invented for the Switzers , may be better applied here , No Money no Woman . With this the Great Solymans and Mustapha's in Magnificent Alcoves , and on Embroidered Cushions now-a-dayes court all manner of Beauties ; whilest such as are rich only in Wit and Person , stay without , making Addresses to the Waiting-Woman or Chamber-Maid , nay sometiems to the Kitchin-Maid , that they may have their amorous repasts at a reasonable price . At that time Sonnets , Madrigals , and Letters were cried down like antiquated Coin , and whole Dozens of them scarce worth a Cardecu . This caused many to become Bankrupts , for formerly with was the price of the heart and affection , whilest the ignorant with all their Treasure purchased onely the Body , by no other manner of Commerce than is usual in the Pig-Market ; in which too there is this advantage , that the King hath his Officers to take care the Beasts that are sold be found and marchantable ; which establishment is not in the Traffick of Love , though it were there a great deal more necessary : but the vengeance of Heaven hath at length taken upon it to punish this dishonest Trade , and Bacchus become the grand Enemy of Women , since he abandoned Ariadne to court the Bottle , hath brought from the Indies an Infection to poison that cursed Generation that introduced Mercenary Love . This so suddenly and furiously spred it self , that whoever was guilt of this corrupt Love escaped not the just punishment of that Crime . Little Cupid had his part , for eating and drinking ( as the quality of Servant obliged him ) of that which his Mistriss had left , he sucked a little of that Venom , which by degrees insinuating into his Veins , covered his Skin with Seabs and Blotches .

Venus at last troubled at his long absence , resolved to seek him by Sea and Land , and to that purpose sent to her Dove-House , which is her Stable , for two Coach Pigeons , which she caused to be harnessed , and so in her Car ( the Poets must be security for the verity of this ) cut the Air with incredible swiftness ; and at last arrived in Holland : where she found her Son amongst a Religious Sect that then began to appear in that Countrey . She scarcely knew him , as well because he wanted the Ensigns of his Dominion , as that he was strangely disfigured . She ran to him , and embracing him with a Mothers tenderness , to humor him as she had wont , offered him a Paper of Sweet-Meats ; but he laughed at this , and shewed her Bags full of Gold and Silver , to let her understand the great Treasure he had amassed . And indeed one cannot imagine how to wish a vaster fortune , than the Money that passes to and fro in the Commerce of Love . Having told her all his Adventures , he could not conceal the unfortunate Condition to which he was reduced ; which yet was well enough perceived by her , she having had former experience of such accidents .

She carried him immediately to Aesculapius , whom she earnestly besought to cure him ; but he durst not undertake it alone , not with all the exquisite Medicines of the Indies , the Place from whence the Distemper is derived : and was fain to call another Deity to his assistance . Mercury at last undertook and recovered him , not without many torments ; by them to revenge himself for the often Journeys Jupiter had caused him to make to his Mistrisses on his occasion . As soon as he was well , the Goddess brought him home , where she hath held him short , and more exactly observed his Comportment . It is true he hat been much reclaimed , so that since they have no more threatned him with the Rod but Mercury . This hath had greater effect with him , than all the admonitions and menaces of his Governors . Since this he hath had a mortal aversion for all Mercenary Affections , and publickly sworn by his Bow and Quiver , never to interpose more , but instead of employing his Arrows , entirely withdraw his assistance , as soon as Money and Presents are made use of . He reserves his favors only for tender and passionate Lovers , and those Noble and refined SOuls , that solely adore Beauty , Wit , and Vertue , all three the Off-spring of Heaven : Others that have byassed and sordid designs , he abandons to remorse and torments , refusing anylonger to own them as Subjects of his Empire .

The Continuation of the History of JAVOTA .

THis as soon as read , had a general applause , Charoselles only dissenting ; who thought nothing good but what he writh himself : though hemight probably have been seconded by Hippolita , who never failed of censuring right or wrong : but perceiving that the examination of this Piece , if he were once engaged , might last and hinder the design he had to read another of his own , he desired Angelica to lend him those sheets to take a copy of them . His design was to have them printed , and cause some of his own , which he would add , to pass by being countenanced by them . Angelica told him she durst not take that liberty , because the Piece was not hers . I will give you one of mine for it , ( said Charoselles ) which I will instantly read , as I promised . This word having caused Philalethes to tremble , he arose to take his leave ; Angelica rose also to pay him some civilities , and the rest of the Company did the like ; which made Charoselles mad to see himself so prevented : for it was late , and no possibility of perswading any body to sit down again . Some little discourse passed standing and apart , especially between Javota and Pancrace , who from that time devoted himself intirely to her service ; his Love not being very Platonick , his admiration for her Beauty , freed him from all the disgust the coming short of her wit might have given him .

He made her many Complements and high Expressions , and she smiled at them all , but answered none , till he assured her with a great Oath that he was her servant , and besought her to believe it . She replied very innocently , God Sir , Say not so ; there are but two persons in the world that ever told me that , and for those I have a mortal aversion and hatred ; you are too handsome to do like them . How then Madam , ( said he ) have you had some servants that have come short in their respects , by a too confident declaring their love ? No indeed Sir ( said Javota ) they declared it only to my Father and Mother , whose promises to marry me each of them assured they had obtained : What they have done to me , I know not , but I cannot abide them .

If you have hitherto had servants that so much displeased you ( said the Gentleman ) it follows not that all others are like them ; since they are not worthy of you , seek such as are more accomplished . I will not have any servants , said Javota , neither if I had any , did I know what to say to them , nor what to do with them . Is it ( said Pancrace ) because it is impossible to find occasions of serving you ? No , said Javota , and you if you pleased might do me a kindness ; but I dare not name it , for fear you should deny me . How Madam , said he , ( raising his voice a little ) can there be any thing too difficult for me to accomplish for your sake ? It is not very difficult ( answered Javota ) and if you will promise me to do it , I will tell it you . I do not only promise it ( replied Pancrace very suddenly ) but swear it to you by all that is dearest to me in the world ; nay I wish it difficulty , that its performance may give you the certainer proof of the passion I have for your service : Since you thus assure me ( said Javota ) I must confess that having latelyheard you speak such excellent things , when you discoursed with the Ladies , I would beg of you to lend me the Book you learned them in ; for I am ashamed of saying nothing , yet know not what to say : Would to God I could get the receipt that helps those Ladies to talk so well ; if I could find their Book , I would con it , till I talked faster than they . Pancrace was amazed at her extream simplicity , and told her , There was no one Book that contained all that was necessary to conversation , where every one discoursed according to the Subject that presented it self , and the conceptions that came into their heads . I thought , said Javota , you would make a secret of it , as if I knew not the contrary : when my Mother speaks of Mrs Philopotte , who hath talked so much to day , she says she hat ever a Book in her hand , is as learned as a Doctor , but knows not how to take one stitch with her Needle , that I shold be sure not to imitate her , and that a young man that wanted a Wife , if he would be advised by her , shold seck another : but let her say what she pleases , could I come at her Book , I would get it all by heart .

Pancrace perceiving her inclination for reading , and that she had till then been brought up in perfect ignorance , thought he had lit on an excellent occasion to do her service , by sending her some Books ; he therefore began to commend her , and in some sort to grant that may things spoken in conversation , are taken out of Books , though not word for word : that they open the fancy , and enrich it with Idea's , from whence discourse is derived , and he promised to send her some that very night ; beleeching her to believe that his most violent passion was to do her service . As this Protestation ended , Lorenca , who had brought Javota thither , came to tell her it was time to go home , where she was by that time expected ; so that with a very low Courtsie she took leave of the Company ; who having a while discoursed of her Beauty and Simplicity , at last parted .

Javota coming home , could not forbear expressing her satisfaction to have been so good Company , and to have seen something of the world , she ordered an old servant that had been her Nurse , and consequently was one she put confidence in , to receive the Books when they came , and hide them under her Bed , lest they might be found in her Trunck , which her Mother often visited . The Books came quickly after , and they were the Five Tomes of Astrea ; she ran immediately to her Chamber , and shut her self up there , and fell a reading night and day , so earnestly , she neglected her Meat and Drink , and when she was spoken to go about her ordinary work , she pretended her self sick ; that she had not closed her eyes all night : and indeed they seemed heavy , which was probably the effect of her continual reading . She profited much in little time , and something very pleasant happened to her .

As it is natural to us at mentioning some body we do not know , though the person be fabulous , to frame in our thoughts an accidental Idea , that hath a resemblance of some of our acquaintance ; so Javota , contemplating Celadon , who was the Hero of her Romance , fancied him to be of the same shape and just such another as Pancrace , whom she liked much better than any of her other acquaintance ; and Astrea being described perfectly fair , she presently thought her self like her ; for this is a point in which the discreetest Women may flatter themselves . All that Ceiadon said to Astrea , was therefore taken as if Pancrace had spoken it to her , and all that Astrea said to Celadon , she imagined she said to Pancrace . Was he not very happy to have so brave an interceder ( without his knowledge ) to court for him in his absence ; and whose addresses were so effectual , that Javota insensibly took in the poison , that made her desperately in love with him . To speak seriously , this accident ought not to appear too improbable ; for Maids of strict and private Education , at their first coming into the world , and the company of men , are apt to take fire at the first proposal of love that is made them by one that is handsom : for the two Sexes being formed each for other , their inclinations to each other are very attractive : not unlike a Spring , when wound up , being in a forced posture , returns with greater vigor , when it finds liberty . The should therefore be governed with much moderation , and allowed some freedom , whilest the respect of an over-looking eye inspires modesty and banishes licentiousness .

It is no otherwise with reading , if a Maid that is curious be forbidden it , she will fall violently upon it , and her danger be much the greater , because making use of Books without choice and judgement , she may lite on some that will immediately corrupt her : amongst such I cannot but reckon Astrea , for the more naturally he expresses the passions of love , the ore powerfully they insinuate into young hearts , and with them an imperceptible poison , that seises the Vitals before any Antidote can be received . Neitehr is it like those other Romances that contain only the Loves of Princes and Potentates , which bearing no proportion with ordinary people , never move them , nor raise in them any desire of imitation .

It is not strange that Javota ( brought up in obscurity , without any reading to fashion her thoughts or acquaint them with the Passions of Love ) fell on this Precipice , on which all others that are educated like her , will also fall . No occasion could oblige her to lay aside her Romance , unless a Visit to Angelica . She sought all occasions of this , and begged of her Neighbours to call her as they went by , and get leave for her of her Mother . Pancrace was also very frequently there , because he could no where else get a sight of his Mistriss . He admired at the progression she had made in a few dayes reading , and at the improvement of her wit .

She was no longer silent , but began to take her share of the Conversation , and to make appear that her simplicity , was not an effect of incapacity , but of want of Education and knowledge of the World .

He wondered yet more , that the work he had begun , went so well forward , when he found that he had a place in her heart ; for though she fashioned her self on Astrea's Model , and imitated all ehr actions and discourses , nay designed to be as rigorous to Pancrace , as that Shepherdess was to Celadon ; she nevertheles came short in experience and addresto conceal her thought , so that Pancrace easily discovered them , and to comply with her according to the Stile of her Romance acted very well the part of an unfortunate Lover , complaining of her cruelty , with all the transports and grievances of the most passionate languishers ; which was very pleasing to Javota , desirous to be courted in manner and form according to the Book that had charmed her . As soon as he discovered where she lay open , he drew great advantages from it . He himself began once again to read over Astrea , and so well studied it , that he admirably personated Celadon , and took that Name upon him , seeing it was acceptable to his Mistriss ; she in like manner taking that of Astrea . In a word , they so well imitated that History , it seemed they had a mind to act it over again , at least if it was ever acted , The Adventure of Alexis excepted , which they could not act . Pancrace sent her other Romances , which she read no less greedily night and day , and made so good use of her time , that she quickly became one of the nimblest Cacklers of the Parish .

Her Father and Mother observed well this change in her manner of life , and admired at her improvement by frequenting company . It seemed to them she grew too knowing , and they lamented her as little better than undone , and for fear she should grow worse , resolved to marry her at Shrovetide . All their present trouble was to weigh well the two parties they had on their hands . They had engaged with the first , but the second as I have told you , was much more advantageous . Her Mother could not endure Nicodemus since the adventure of the Looking-Glass and Theorbo , and the Father had been discontented since the opposal made in behalf of Lucrece , though the Lover thought he had very well accommodated the business by the reparation he had made , and the discharge he had brought . All that now remained , was to find a pretence for breaking with him and treating with Bedou , and his fol●y quickly gave them an occasion ; which though very sleight , they neglected not to lay hold on .

He came one day to visit his Mistriss very gay and pleasant , and shewing her a great deal of Gold , told her he was the happiest person in the world , and that he had won Six hundred Pistols at Dice : Mr. Vollichou and his Wife naturally avaritious , cheered by the lustre of that noble Mettal ( without any farther consideration congratulated his good luck , and wanted not much of wishing him married to their Daughter , as Fortunes Darling : but an Uncle of Javota's a grave and judicious Clergy-man , remonstrated that as he had then won Six hundred Pistols , so change turning the next day , he might lose a thousand : That he would not advise them to an Alliance with a Gamester , that in a moment might be quit of their Daughters Portion , besides that few inclined to play , took the care they ought of their Family and Profession ; if therefore they were minded to break off with him , they ought not to let slip so handsom an occasion . To compleat the misfortune . Villeflattin meeting Vollichou the next day , asked how his Daughters Wedding came on , and without staying for an Answer , told him , We have plucked good Feathers from our Goose ( meaning Nicodemus ) I have procured Mrs Lucrece consderable damages and advantages as I undertook ; When I concern my self for my friends , I never fail . He afterwards told him all he had done ; and that he had gotten his Client Two thousand Crowns , on account alone of Nicodemus his fear to stand out the Suit .

Vollichou took Nicodemus to be either very deboist or very prodigal , because he made his peace with Lucrece at so dear a rate , and imagined the occasion to be greater than indeed it was . This made him swear a breach , of which he gave some testimonies to Nicodemus that very night , who would not give over for all that . He caused it to be confirmed by Javota her self , who very heartily made him a frank declaration that she would never be his Wife , to which though her friends should compell her , she should never either love or endure him . Then he perceived it was impossible to row on ; since both wind and tide were against him ; if he obstinately pressed forward what could he get but horns ? and if he went to law , the issue was uncertain .

It is true he could keep Javota bound up , but himself would be no less so ; which would hinder him from seeking his fortune and providing otherwise . To make short , after two or three dayes irresolution he advised with his friends and not with his love , which soon after vanished ; for love is not so opiniatre in a City head as in an Heroick heart ; they go on and off very frequently and easily ; Interest and Wedding regulate alone their passions , whilest fidelity , proof against rigor , age , and absence , belongs only to Fabulous and Romantick Persons : Nicodemus therefore resolved to give back the Ar●●cles that had been signed , which both parties either tore or burned . I have not been precisely informed of this circumstance , therefore possibly both one and the other ; for the Winter was not so far spent , but it may be probable they talked by the fires side . Notwithstanding all this , he took a handsome leave , with protestations of his service , which were but little regarded ; and all that remained to him , was only a regret to have lost his time , money , and pains after two several Mistrisses He is now at liberty to furnish matter for some other History of a like nature , and I believe he will not come any more on the Stage ; that which may not surprise you , suppose him to be slain , murthered , or massacred by some misfortune ; which might easily be effected by an Author less conscientious .

As soon as Vollichou had broken with Nicodemus , he made haste to strike up with John Bedou ; propounding Articles which were more contested than the first Contract : for though Nicodemus was a Coxcomb , he was esteemed of great ability in the Pleading Hall , where those qualities are not inconsistent ; on which account though he was not so rich as his rival , they made not so many difficulties with him as with John Bedou , though more wealthy , incapable of employment : they thought it just , that this man by advantageous settlements on his Wife , should make amends for his ill meen and little capacity : but he that calculated on other Principles , was not pleased with such a reckoning ; and if he had followed his natura● inclination , would have bargained for a Wife no otherwise than for a piece of Cloth : but little Cupid interposed and shot him home , in which very moment he was extreamly altered , and as there is no prodigality equal to that of covetous persons , when some other passion isw prevalent ; he suffered them to lead him by the Nose , and condescended to more than was required of him . The day for signing the Contract wai then appointed , friends invited , and what is worst of all , a Banquet provided . The Articles were consented to , and immediately signed by the future Bridegroom ; but when Javota was to sign , her Father that had altogether depended on her filial obedience , and had acquainted her with very little of the business , was strangely surprised to see her refuse to subscribe .

At first he thought a becoming modesty restrained her , or that ceremoniously she would not sign till some body else had done it ; but at last after many remonstrances and home pressures , she answered very pertly , That she gave her Parents thanks for the pains they had taken in providing her a Husband , but she humbly conceived that choice ought to be left to her own eyes , which were not so dull but they might invite variety of objects ; that she came not short of merit to hope for a Person of Quality that wore a Sword , and had not that City Air she so mortally abhorred ; that she despaired not of wearing a Velvet Gown , nor of keeping Coach and Lackeys , and in order to this , quoted the examples of three or four Maids that had made fortunes by their Beauties and married Persons of Quality . Otherwise she was young , and would continue still a Maid , in hope to do better , and that at the worst she doubted not of meeting another manner of man than Gaffer Bedou , whom she called Wretched Advocate of unfortunate Causes .

This Answer amazed all the Company , it being little expected from a Maid that had till then lived so innocently and in so great submission to the will of her Parents ; but all this courage derived it self from her love to Pancrace , before which all Engagements were indifferent to her .

Vollichou looking on her with a fury that made him almost speechless , cried out , How now young impudence , who hath taught you this ? You have learned it without douht since you haunted Mrs Angelica : Truly it becomes you well to fashion your self after the model of a Maid that hath Fifty thousand Crowns portion : Some Youngster hath cajolled you , you must have a Gallant , that after he hath spent his own fortune , will make no bones of yours . T is well , t is well , I know how to teach such fond Wenches obedience , by that time you have been half a year shut up in a Nunnery , we shall have other language from you ; you are a foolish inconsiderate Girle to put this affront upon us ; Get out of my sight , and immediately truss up you baggage and be gone .

As soon as his transport gave him a little respite , he made his excuse to the Company and pretended Bridegroom , for the interruption of this Wedding . He began by a long Declamation against the unhappiness of youth , that understood not its own good . Ah! said he , ( I am sure very near if not in these proper terms ) how the present Age is corrupted ? See Gentlemen , the extravagance of youth , and small authority of Parents ov●r their children . I have not forgot how I lived under my deceased Father ( heaven rest his Soul ) we were seven Sons all of us wearing Beards ; but the boldest durst neither spit nor cough in his presence ; his least word made all the house tremble . It would have been fine , if I who was the eldest , and married not till Forty , if I , I say , had contradicted his will , or gone about to argue with him ; O I should have been accoutred bravely and rotted in a Jail or Bridewell . Vollichou was but in the beginning of his Declamation against the incorrigible manners of youth , when his Wife interrupting him , said , Alas , Sweetheart , It is but too true that the world is strangely corrupted ; when I was young , Maids were so demure , the boldest durst not look upon a Man ; we observed all the precepts of youths behaviour ; neither would our modesty permit us to speak one word at Table , where we folded up our Napkin and arose before the Cheese . If any of us had eaten Sparagus or Hartichoaks , she would have been pointed at ; but now-a-dayes Maids are almost as impudent as Court Pages . This comes of giving them so much liberty ; whilest I kept Javota by me at her Wheel and Needle she was a harmless innocent ; but since she hath haunted Mrs Angelica , amongst powdered Periwiggs and embrichered Wastcoats , all her good Education hath been perverted ; O how I repent to have let the reins so loose .

Lorenca that was invited to this Ceremony , and though a Citizen , understood the world , as I have told you , then began and said , Though you have a mind to blame your Daughter , you ought not on account of it to accuse her frequenting of Mrs Angelica , whither many Persons of Parts and Quality resort , yet comport themselves so modestly and discreetly , it may be called a true School of Honour and Vertue ; and possibly a Maid that is conscious to her self of Beauty , is excusable , if so precious an endowment of heaven charm her heart , and augment that vanity so natural to our Sex . At our first frequenting the world , we soon discern a certain air much more agreeable than that of persons that live obscurely . It should not therefore seem strange , if a young Maid that hath addresses made to her , is unwilling to precipitate any thing in order to so considerable an Engagement ; and patiently wait till her Merit provides her some good opportunity . I shall rather accuse my Cosins bad fortune , and manner of his proceeding , not at all , guided by my advice . Instead of acting the Lover a few dayes , he would immediately play the Husband . The good graces of a Mistriss are to be gained by Visits and Services , and not entirely due to paternal respect and obedience . But above all , if he had perceived in her any aversion for him , he ought to have avoided the shame of so solemn a refusal .

You have reason , said Prudentius , ( this was the Uncle I told you of ) when you say it is convenient that such as are to be married together , have first of all some conversation , that they may get some knowledge of the humors of the persons with whom they are ever after to live ; but have not the least appearance of it , when you go about to excuse the procedure of my Niece , not only in that she waited for so unseasonable a conjuncture to declare her self , but because she did not intirely submit to the choice made by her Parents . They know what is fit for her better than she does her self , and her refusal is the more ridiculous , because grounded on a fond hope that is very unlikely ever to have effect , to find a Lord that will marry her for merit . A Maid that makes a fortune by her Beauty , is a dangerous example , hundreds will grow old in expectation of the like , if nothing worse happen to them , and their honour escape shipwrack . Many times such as seek to catch some Person of Quality are caught themselves , and often with sorrow , and sometimes with shame , see him escape they thought fast in their Net . All things considered , what cause hath my Niece to complain , since she hath been presented with a Party equal to her , and a rich Husband , of the condition of all her Relations .

You have hit the Nail on the head ( said John Bedou , whom the shame of this affront , and his natural bashfulness , had till then kept silent ) for it is certain that the happiest Matches are between equals , and you Mr Dean that understand Latine , are acquainted with this excellent Sentence , Si tu vis nubere nube pari . Nothing is more blame-worthy , than the ambition to raise our fortune by a Match , and I cannot therefore sufficiently commend a Law established amongst the Chineses , which obliges every man to be of his Fathers Calling . Now although our Government comes short of the wisdom of theirs , yet I admire Mrs Javota hath not regulated her desires conformably to it . She is possibly in the right , when she judges me unequal to her in merit , and her refusal shall not take off my inclination to render her all manner of service . One Obligation I am sure I have to her , that she will probably prevent me from marrying while I live ; for I will here freely acknowledge that that which hath hitherto given me the greatest aversion for it , is the many follies one is obliged to in the troublesome approaches towards it ; which neither suit with my condition nor Genius . My intention was to have married my self after the same manner I have seen many other honest men do , that think it enough to see their Mistriss in such a Pew , or near such a Pillar of a Church , and give her there a dumb Visit , to satisfie themselves that she is neither lame nor crooked ; neither can this be well pretended to till all Articles of the Contract are agreed on with her Parents : all other ceremonies are meerly useless . I have seen many carried on in such a manner , with so good success , that I thought this could have had no other ; but since I have been deceived , I will comfort my self with Seneca and Petrarch , or Mr De la Serre , whom I will expresly read before I sleep .

Let us no longer examine , said Vellichou , in what manner Marriages ought to be treated on , because it brings the Paternal authority in question , but though I cannot teach my Daughter obedience , let me yet testifie my displeasure , that this business is not effected with you ; for your Physiognomy promises good husbandry , and good success at the Bar if you can get Clients . I thought to have helped you to practice my self , and to make this appear , I have in my Study set aside the Papers belonging to a Cause I intended for you to plead one of these Mornings ▪ It is an Appeal from a Sentence given by the Provest of Vaugirard or his Lieutenant , in which you may spout Latine and spew Greek ; and thus going on , instead of making him complements and excuses , which were no more than necessary to comfort him after the affront he had received , he made a tedious repetition of that Cause , with all matter of fact and points of Law , as punctually as if he would have pleaded it himself . Whilest one thus laid the Law , and the other listned to him , Prudentius , Mrs Vollichou , and Lorenca continued the discourse they had begun , and the other Guests in little Cabals did the like in other places of the Hall , about what had happened , all to the prejudice of miserable Bedou ; and the occasion of breaking off his and Vollichou's Discourse , was also to his prejudice ; for a Banquet , or at least part of one , brought from his house , then entred . An old Servant Maid that understood her Master well , seeing the Treaty of Marriage broken off , was very diligent to send back as much of it as possibly she could , serving in only what would not keep . The Banquet being ended , after many City Complements , some including Complaints , others Repinings , others Excuses , and others Thanks , the Company parted . As for John Bedou , after great variety of thoughts had agitated his Brain , cooled by his Affront , he resolved upon the point to render thanks to his good Angel , that had preserved him from horns , which he naturally apprehended , especially in an occasion where the danger of having them was very imminent ; and did not much less regret the spending his Banquet , than the losing his Mistriss .

Next morning betimes , as well to punish Javota's disobedience , as to seclude her from the world , which they thought was a School of Vanity to her , she was put out to board amongst certain Nuns , that had lately settled themselves in one of the Suburbs of Paris ; neither was this done without many repriments and reproaches of her fault , mixt with terrible menaces to shut her up till she grew wiser . But alas , this was a silly expedient in order to her amendment , this was out of the Frying Pan into the Fire , for although those good Sisters live themselves with all imaginable vertue , yet having nothing else to subsist upon , they are fain to receive indifferently all manner of Boarders . All Women that have a mind to go to law with their Husbands , or conceal the irregularity of their lives , or other disasters , are received , and in like manner all Maids , whether they would avoid the prosecutions of Gallants , or wait to snap some of them . Such of them as have experience , and understand all the turnings and windings of the world , instruct the young innocents that their ill fate brings thither ; who undergo a Noviciate of Gallantry , when it is expected they pass thorow one of Religion . In a word , in what concerns these Boarders , there is no other reformation then that of the Grate , which yet signifies nothing to such of them as have liberty to go abroad thrice a Week to look after their affairs ; besides that there are Parlors in this Nunnery every day so full of company , that places are still retained in them before-hand , as in the Play-houses .

Javota quickly gave her Lover notice of the place of her imprisonment , and you need not ask if he went thither every day ; when he went abroad , his Sedan-men never asked which way , for to go thither , became a natural motion to him : he could not have wished a place more to his purpose , for here he could singly entertain his Mistriss , and as long as he pleased ; whereas before he saw her but seldom and that in company , where they were continually interrupted . He had now time enough to give her thanks for the generous act she did for his sake , and to laugh at the confusion of his unfortunate and ridiculous Rival ; whose words and actions entertained them long . He had time also to let her know , that his passion augmented daily , and give her such testimonies of it , that never two persons were more firmly united . When he was forced to leave her , he left her Books to entertain her amorous fancies , so that between the Parlors and that pleasant Study , she passed her time with great content . When her Mother visited her , she wondred that the place she had confined her to as a punishment and prison , did not at all alter her , nor inspire her with such thoughts as she desired . Seven or eight Moneths being thus passed over , ( and Javota having read all Romances and Books of Gallantry that were in vogue , for she began to be knowing in them , and could not endure bad ones , which would have held her play to eternity . ) Idleness made her Melancholy , and she began to be sensible of her want of liberty ; in this humor she writ to her Parents , to desire them to release her . This they consented to , conditionally that she signed the Contract of Marriage with Advocate Bedou , who they thought was still at their devotion ; but they were out in their reckoning , she refused liberty on those terms , and after many intreaties and some kind of menaces , at last despair , or more truly her passion for Pancrace , made her condescend to his Proposal of stealing her away .

I do not hold it necessary to give you here particularly all his passionate expressions and arguments to win her to this , no more than the vertuous resistances made by Javota , with the Combats between Love and Honour in her Heart : for you are little versed in Romances , if your memory ( be it never so bad ) retain not twenty or thirty of them . These use to be so common , that I have known some , that to express how much of a History they had read , would say , I am at the eighth stealing away the Lady , instead of I am at the Eighth Tome . Nay Authors that make no more , are to be esteemed very discreet , for some bring them in not onely in every Tome , but every Book , at every Digression or Tale. The greatest Orator or Poet in the World , let him be never so inventive , can tell you nothing in this kind , that you have not heard a hundred times before . In some the Proposal is only made and refused , in others condescended to : to them therefore I refer you if you will take the pains to seek them out , and I am sorry for your sakes that those sorts of Books have no Indexes , like many others , that are neither so big nor so often read . You may interlarde this with such as best pleases you , and s●it best with the subject . I thought once to have ordered the Stationer to have left here some empty sheets , for the more convenient reception of that you make choice of ; this would have been satisfactory to all manner of persons : for some will blame me for passing over matters so important , without giving them their circumstances ; and others say that to write a Romance without such Combats of Passion , which are the best things in them , is as if in the Description of a City one should omit its Palaces and Temples : but another more hasty , and willing to rid a great deal of ground in a little time , will be glad of epitomising .

To return to my subject , I freely acknowledge that the reason why I have not written the Combat between Love and Honour in Javota's Heart , is because I have no particular Memorials of it ; it is therefore in your choice to have a good or bad opinion of her . I write no Morals , but a History only , and am not obliged to justifie her ; neither hath she paid me for it , as Historians , men desire should be favorable to them , are wont to be paid .

All that I could learn of it is , that she was easily gotten away by help of a Ladder of Cords applied to the Garden Walls which were low ; for the good Nuns had lately bought it of a poor Gardener , whose Cabages ( not so hard to be kept by much as Virgins ) they well enough secured . give occasion to any admirable event in the prosecution of it ; but it jumps with a wicked Custom that hath been long predominant in Romances , all whose Personages are very liable to meet accidentally in remote Countries , how contrary wayes soever they have taken , or how different soever their designs have been . This serves for something , at least to save a new description to such as are so very exact in making them , of all the places they mention ; as Authors that intend large Volumes , blowing them up as Butchers do their Meat : besides that , such rancounters give a Connection to the Piece , which without them would be much dislocated . The truth is , that these two Adventurers in Gallantry made a great friendship , and they were my heart and my dear the first day , giving each other relations of their Adventures , but not with too great sincerity .

But they had no long time to cultivate this , for after Lucrece had received two or three Visits at the Grate , by such as published the truth of her reformation , and being cloistered , she privately left the House on pretence of Sickness ; liberally bestowing on the Nuns all her first Quarters Pension , which she had advanced that she might have no difference with them . She had a very particular care to make the Porteress her friend by Presents , that she might tell all that enquired after her , that she was still in the Cloister , and for this had pretences plausible enough , as that she desired to avoid the importunities of many Visits , to the disturbance of her devotions , to avoid which she had abandoned the world . She also both by word of mouth and letter besought all her friends to let her be at quiet in her Cloister , and not recall to her mind the vanities she had renounced .

There is nothing more easie than to oblige godly people to tell lies , if to a pious end ; and the poor Porteress that was very silly , had not consideration to remember that Lucrece might have secured her self against this inconvenience well enough in the Cloister , by telling such as enquired after her , sometimes that she was not well , sometimes retired , sometimes praying , sometimes meditating ; but no body being concerned to dive to the bottom of this business , all went away mistrusting nothing .

When she left this , she went to a retirement of another nature at a Midwives of experimented discretion , who very secretly brought her abed , and undertook to provide for the Child . To conclude , after a full eclipse of a year and a half , Lucrece entred into another Nunnery , better rented and more austere than the former . After she had been there a few dayes in great privacy , she began by little and litle to discover to her neighbors and acquaintance this new Monastery , and pretended to have changed because she had not her health in the other , and doubted the air was bad ; sometimes she very devoutly added , that there was too great liberty ; that she liked not to see the Parlors filled with people of all conditions and sexes ; acknowledging that she had sometimes caused her self to be denied , to avoid that disorder . This strangely edified all that heard her , particularly those that knew her former inclinations for the world . She put on likewise a white Vail , and though a Boarder , did all duties of a Nun , and underwent a kind of Essay of a Noviciate , more austere than that which was effectually gone thorow in the year of Probation . Her works of supererogation and over-stretched devotion , gave her suddenly such a reputation of Vertue , that all the Nuns admired her at home , and the Governors of the House published it abroad ; so as the news came to Mrs Lorenca , who frequented that Nunnery , because an acquaintance of hers had lately taken that Order . After she had well informed her self of the condition of this new Boarder , she thought she would make an excellent Wife for her Cosin Bedou , whom she intended to marry at what rate soever . For after he had lost his Mistriss , and that not without shame , she had often heard him rail at the impudence of the Maids of these times ; Javota having discovered so much , notwithstanding the solitary and severe education of her youth : which had caused him to take a solemn Oath that he would never marry , unless he lited on a Wife that came out of some strict Nunnery : She therefore propounded to him this new example of Vertue , and he was very attentive to her . There seemed no other difficulty in the business , but how to get Lucrece out of the Nunnery , and to obtain a thing so contrary to her manifest Vocation to a Religious Life . Lorenca so ordered matters , that when she went to see the Nun of her acquaintance . she prayed her to bring Lucrece with her to the Grate .

At that place Bedou was obliged to little Courtship , on accompt of which he went very resolutely ; but he thought it enough to be a silent Auditor , and was ravished with Lucrece's excellent Morals on the Miseries of this transitory life , and transcendencies of a retirement , which she concluded in prayers for strength sufficient to support the austerities of her Order . He neither spoke of Love nor Marriage , which he durst hardly mention to those that lived in the world ; yet had a great mind to do both of them : for as her Wit and Beauty smote him , her Modesty and Vertue charmed him : he therfore besought his Cosin , whom he knew to be dexterous , to cause it to be motioned ; and she could imagine no better way of doing it , than by the Governors of the House . I cannot tell by what pretence or cunning she concerned them in his interests , but they wrought very effectually , according to his desires , yet not without trouble , for Lucrece was a long time deaf to all their Proposals , but she would have been very sorry , should they have given them over . She sometimes doubted least these were temptations , whereby heaven sought to try whether she were constant in her good designs , and then faining an assurance in the quality of those that made them , desired time to pray for inspiration how to dispose of her self .

As soon as she seemed half convinced , she began to be sick , and to desire Dispensations from Fasting and other Religious Duties , and to seem too weak for that Cloisteral Life . She then pretended she would change to some Order more remiss , and gave not over , till it was sufficiently remonstrated to her , that it was as acceptable to heaven to live in the world , cherishing her Husband and bringing up her Children vertuously ; in fine , they resolved her for Marriage , with no less difficulty than a Malefactor is prepared to die .

Lorenca quickly sent her Cosin the News , who immediately laid hold on the occasion , and was so proud to have ( as he thought ) deboshed a Nun , that he never contested the Articles of Marriage , nor made any great inquiry after her Portion , satisfied with the common report of the Cloister , that she was very rich ; thinking it impossible for Religious Persons to lie or believe rashly . Besides this , she was so cunning , that she bought all manner of Houshold-stuff for a Family , for which she paid only a third in ready money ; easily getting credit for the remainder . In this she very advantageously laid out the Two thousand Crowns she had received of Nicodemus , which seemed a great deal more ; and it being a fond Custom , now-a-dayes , to spend in Houshold-stuff , Presents , and Charge of the Wedding , half a Wives Portion , and sometimes all of it , it was no slight bait to catch Bedou , that he should save that Charge : but that which most pleased him , was a desire signified that the business might be done without Ceremony , and that his Mistriss , to keep out of bad Air , might go no farther than from the Nunnery to the Church , and from thence to her Husbands house , who thought he had lited on the Flower of Virginity . This crafty Wench did like Fowlers , that hang a Bird in a Cage with a Tr●p in it to catch another , for the Grate and Nunnery served only in order to get a Husband . How they lived together , whether well or ill , you may one day know , if a Fashion comes up of writing the Lives of Married Women .

But now I am afraid the Reader expects the Latter Part of this Book should be the Continuation of the former , and necessarily depend upon it ; in which he extreamly mistak●s : I would therefore wish him to disabuse himself betimes , and know that this linking intrigues one within another , may be very becoming and heroick in Fabulous Poems , where one may clip and cut at his pleasure ; it is easie to bumbast them with different Fancies , tacked together with Romantick Thred , according to the Genius or humor of the Inventor : but it is not not so with this most faithful Relation , to which I only give form , without any alteration of the matter . It is made up of little St●ries and Adventures happened 〈◊〉 several Quarters of the Town , that have nothing 〈…〉 ; which yet I draw as near one 〈…〉 but leave the care of their 〈◊〉 to him that 〈◊〉 the Book . Take them therefore , if thou pleasest , for distinct Stories , and require neither observation of time nor place , nor one Hero predominant thorow the whole Piece . Neither expect that I marry all my Actors and Actresses at the conclusion ; where it is usual to celebrate as many Weddings as at a Carnaval : for some of them perhaps after having long made love may resolve to live single ; others may marry privately , without thy knowledge or mine . Neither will I oblige my self to bring nothing on the Stage but Love , I shall also give you Stories of Law and Contention , and in a word all other Passions , that agitate City hearts , may according to occasion present themselves ; and if thou findest not the great regularity thou lookest for , know the fault is not in the Work but Title . Call it no longer Romance , and as a Relation of particular Adventures , it will no longer offend thee . Chance rather than design , may bring together the Persons already nominated , witness Charoselles , who first of all presents himself to my memory , of whose humor I have already given a small taste , and whose description I have expresly reserved for this place . If thou hast any curiosity for it , thou needest do no more but read on .

The History of CHARROSELLES , COLLANTINA , and BELASTE .

CHarroselles would not be counted an Author , though it was the only commendable quality he had , and that alone made him known in the world . I cannot tell whether remorse of conscience for the faults of his youth , made him take this Title as an injury , but he would pass for nothing besides Gentleman , as if these two qualities were inconsistent : though it was not above ten years since his Father died an Attorney , yet from the time he was able to keep a certain thing like a Coach , drawn by two Skeletons of Horses , and continually covered with dust or dirt , he had taken on himself this quality . His Pegasus's ( for so they must be called , whilest they served this Nurse-Child of Parnassus ) were not at all puffed up by their honour , nor carried their heads any higher than when they drew the Plough in the fertil Plains of Aubervilliers . Their Master treated them as tenderly as Children of a good Family , never keeping them out late a-nights , nor over-loading them ; nay he almost equalized them to Bucephalus , they never drawing any but their Alexander ; for he was almost continually alone in his Coach , not that he loved not company , but his Nose was unsociable : the boldest durst never do an injury to his Nose , so vindicative it was and ready to return . This Nose ( in the mean time ) appeared every where , and there were but few places in Paris , where it was not known . The Title of Eminence of right appertained to it , and it ever wore Scarlet ; and though probably designed for a Colossus , was bestowed on a Man but short of Stature , yet Nature had been no Niggard to the little Fellow , for what wanted in height , was sufficiently required in thickness ; so that he had flesh enough , but cast in an irregular Mould . His Hair was extreamly unbecoming , and it was questionless his Head the Poetical Painter designed , when he said ,

Bristles instead of Hairs arise Like stands of Pikes stiff , pointed , greasie , To separate which none can devise ; The Elflock Knots are so uneasie : And Combs unable to pass through , His Fingers still that office do .

And indeed he never combed it but with his Fingers , which was his usual posture in all Companies . His Skin was grained like Spanish Leather , and its Olive Colour embroidered by Scarlet Buttons , that very frequently pierced it . In a word , he had the true meen of a Satyr ; his Mouth opened wide , and his Teeth were no less sharp , excellent qualifications for Biting ; a fond Laughter was very usual with him , of which I know not the reason , unless to shew his Teeth , to snap at all he met . His goggle Eyes jutted out like Bay Windows , that they might look every way .

There never was known a Man more envious or il-spoken , nothing pleased him , and had he been called to Council at the Creation , we should have seen things very unlike what they are at present . He was the greatest reformer to the worse that ever had been known ; and continually spoiled what he busied himself to mend . There never met any Assembly of Vertuous or Illustrious Persons , but he decried it ; and the better to disguise his Malice , by way of Encomium ; like those dangerous Beasts , that while they fawn , either scratch or bite us . The Fame of other Men was insupportable to him , and whatever they published that took , tormented him . Judge then , if in France , where excellent Wits abound , he was not sufficiently plagued . His Natural Vanity was strangely puffed up by some reputation acquired in his youth , by little Works , that had a passable Vent ; but this was very unlucky to the poor Stationers , who were caught with the Bait : for as soon as he forsook the Stile that alone suited with his Genius , and began to write seriously , he set out many Volumes that were never read by any but the Corrector of the Printing-House . These proved so fatal to the Stationers , that he broke almost the whole Company .

He presents all he meets with Catalogues of Books he hath ready for the Press , and boasts of Fifty Manuscripts he offers to set out , if he could find any Printer charitable enough to undo himself for the Publick ; but meeting none that will sacrifice any more Paper to his renown , he hath lit on an admirable invention ; which is to write a Satyr against some known Author or Book that takes , supposing its novelty or malice will make it sell ; but he lets not the Stationer have it , without adding some of his serious Pieces . These excellent qualities acquire him good store of enemies , at which he is little concerned , for he hates all Mankind ; and no body is so ungrateful as not to requite him . Were this a fabulous History , I should be very much troubled to fit him with Adventures , for he never made love , but were it a proper phrase to say , made hate , that should be the term by which I would express the employment of his whole life . He never entred into friendship with any , but broke immediately , and that which lasted longest was with a Maid of an humor very like his own ; she was a Serjeants Daughter , conceived in law , and brought forth in contention ; born under so unfortunate a Planet , she spent her whole life in pleading . She had a general aversion for all but her interest ; the vanity of going fine , so natural to her Sex , was one of her aversions . She was very temperate , except when she ate or drank at the charge of others ; and her Chastity , of which she was eminently possessed , was Vertue by force , because she could never agree with any body . She had no Concupiscence but for other Mens Estates ; neither , to speak the truth of her , did she much envy any but those that were litigious : for she had not so great satisfaction in any thing given her , as in what she conquered at the Pens point . She cast an envious eye on those infinite Sheets of Paper she saw tacked together in the Six Clerks Office , and sometimes asked poor Clients that solicited them , if they were to be sold ; as Horse-Coursers use to enquire after Horses that are rid to watering .

She was very yellow and lean , with repining at her bad fortune , and a second cause of this was the good fortune of others : for her greatest delight was to give other people vexation , and she was never so much pleased with the advantages she acquired , as with the mischiefs she did . Her thin and light bulk was very advantageous to such a trotting up and down as was necessary to her solicitations ; for she ridded more ground every day than a Foot-Post . Her diligence and activity were admirable , she was earlier than Aurora , and apprehended walking a-nights no more than an Hobgolin . Her address in cajoling Clerks and complementing their Masters , was rare , as well as her patience , in suffering their repulses and cross humors , all qualities very necessary to the perfection of one that solicites . I must needs acquaint you with some tricks of her youth , which gave fair hopes of what she proved afterwards . Her Mother when she was with-child of her , dreamt she was brought a-bed of a Harpy , and it was visible in her countenance there was something of such a Monster . When she lay in her Cradle , instead of a Coral , they gave her her Fathers Ink-Horn with which she was strangely pleased ; rubbing her Gums with the end of it , to ease the pain of her Teeth , that then began to come forth . When she grew a little bigger , she made Babies of green Bags , and instead of spinning , learned to twist Parchment for the fastening together the Sheets of Declarations . Her admirable Genius for Pettifogging , began more especially to appear when she went to Shool ; for she could read Bonds and Bills , how ill soever written , sooner than her Psalter , though printed .

These excellent Endowments in time rendered her the scourge of her Neighbours , and as terrible as a Countrey Attorney to Plow-jobbers . I will pass by part of her life , without relating many famous atchievements that I take not to be to our purpose ; because before her knowledge of our Heroick Censor . This acquaintance was made in the busie Hall , neither could it well have been made any where else : there she daily solicited , and Charroselles then followed a Suit against his Stationer , on account of a seifure of Books , in which he had satyrized some body that endeavoured to prevent their distribution : Nothing is more natural to Clients than to relate their Cases to each other , their acquaintance is soon made , and they never want matter to hold up the conversation .

Collantina ( for that is the Name of the Pleading Damosel ) first of all asked his business , and Charoselles immediately satisfied her , by a long account of his Suit , and when he had done , in requital asked who was her adverse party ? My adverse party , said she , alas I have a great many . How , said he , do you plead against a Corporation , or many persons concerned in one affair . Nothing less , said Collantina , but I have all manner of Suits against all manner of persons ; that I now come about contains an excellent Point of Law , and deserves to be well attended to ; it cost me but an hundred Crowns , and I have already made it worth me above an hundred Pound . These last words were over-heard by a Gascoign Gentleman that was near them , who swearing a great Oath , cried , What did you give an hundred Crowns for a Law Suit ? I have two you shall have for nothing . That is not to be refused , said the Lady , however I will follow them for you , and it shall go hard if I get not something by them . And to give Authority to what she had said , she began to tell him some of her exploits : She had not advanced far , when the Register came out of his Office ; after whom the Gascoign made haste , without bidding her farewell : she had also done the like , but that her Story intirely took by her thoughts ; and taxed not the Gascoign of incivility : for they which sollicite , are wont thus abruptly to break off all Complements or Conversations in which they are engaged . Charroselles would likewise have followed the Register ; but Collantina held him by the Cloak , to make him hear out the Story of her Suit ; the subject of which was pleasant enough , but the length tedious . Were I one of those that feed on Romances , I mean that live by the Books they write ; I had here an excellent occasion of enlarging the Volume and cheating the Stationer that should buy it by the sheet . But not having any such design , I will silently pass over this conversation , and only tell you that the most complaisant Person in the world never gave a patienter Audience than Charroselles at first : but when he thought himself quit , he found , to his no little astonishment , that the Lady converted the conclusion of her Suit into a transition . All this , said she , is nothing in comparison of another I have on a difficult Question of Custom , which I will relate to you , and desire your opinion . I have already consulted it with three Advocates , of whom the first told me I , the second No , and the the third , He would consider . I have sped better , by taking the opinion of some sensible and rational person , as you seem to be , than of all those great Quoters of Presidents and Statutes . Tickled by this little flattery , he could not avoid to afford as flattering an Audience ; yet not without an impatient stamping and frequent interruptions : but as a River whose course hath been separated by an Edifice whose foundations are laid in the middle of it , as soon as rejoyned becomes more impetuous ; so these interruptions augmented the violent torrent of Collantina's words : but at last her discourse and her Auditors patience came to an end ; neither did she then call to mind the advice she had desired of him , but made use of the same Rhetorical Figure as before , to pass uninterrupted to the recital of another affair . But the higher powers interposed , and a very dark night came on , so that much against her will she was forced to give over , promising to tell the rest at their next meeting . Her Countenance and Gesture sufficiently discovered her dissatisfaction , and doubtlesly in her heart she often exclaimed , O night ! Jealous night ! with no less vehement imprecations than Lovers use against Aurora , when she ravishes their Mistrisses from between their arms . Her pleasures therefore ceased in order to so necessary a separation , yet they omitted not some Complements , with promises of service and reciprocal solicitations in their affairs . Collantina being most earnest , desired of Charroselles a Petition to carry to a Judge , in whom she said she had a great interest ; he gave it her gladly , offering to do her the like office when occasion presented . She took hold of it at that instant , and drawing from her Pocket a great bundle of different Petitions , with a List of all the Courts of Justice , enquired whether he knew any of the Judges ; he asked in what Court her business depended , she told him in all . Charoselles took the List , and read it by the light of a Candle that was on a Stall , and marked two who he said were his intimate friends , over whom he had an absolute power . Two or three others he marked , in whom he said some of his acquaintance had great interest ; making use of the ordinary terms of such as promise to recommend affairs : This man is yours , This shall be brought about for you , The other I 'll answer for ; and all with as great assurance as if they had the Suffrages of those Magistrates in their Pockets : he took therefore all the Petitions to present or cause them to be presented ; but did neither , no more than many others that undertake them , only to furnish their Privies , which is no less than felony against the Privies of Magistrates . But Charroselles was excusable in this , in regard he made conscience of his Vow never to do good to any body .

Collantina was not satisfied with all these courteous offers , but continuing still in the ordinary stile of Pleaders that seek recommendations to Judges in a long succession of generations , even to the tenth degree of Kindred and Alliance , asked Charroselles whether he could give her any address to get access with some other of them . He took again the List , and found many with whom he could do her this good Office ; and amongst others marking one with his Nail , said , I am acquainted with his Vnder-Clerk , by whose means I can recommend your business to the Vpper-Clerk , and by him to the Master . This way of going to work , said she , is none of the worst . Marking another , he told her , My Sister-in-law was God-Mother to a Child of his Nurses eldest Son , and that way I can present a Petition . Neither is this to be neglected , said Collantina , Servants have sometimes greater influence over their Masters , than their Relations or other Persons of Quality . But now it comes in my head , are you acquainted with any Huntsman ? I have to do with one that is a great Lover of sport , and Huntsman and Huntsman are hail fellow well met . I would gladly have such a one mention me to him in the field .

After this she named another , of whose assistance she stood in need . This man , said he , is very devout , and if you know any of the bare-footed Carmelites , you need not doubt ; for I have been told that a Friar that belongs to that Cloister , absolutely governs him ; I know not his Name , but the good Friars are still ready to assist one another . Alas , said Collantina sighing , I have not the least acquaintance in the world amongst them . But hold a little , said Charroselles , I know a recollect Friar about Lyons , whom I have heard say he had a younger Brother in that Cloister ; he will find out some body of that Order , or of another , which imports not , to do your business .

Charroselles would then have bidden her adiew , but she kept up close , nominating another Judge , and desiring the like favor she had done before ; That man , said he , pretends to Gallantry , is very civil to the fair Sex , and you need not doubt a favorable Audience , if you go to him accompanied by one that is handsom . Ah , ah , cried she , I am acquainted with a Waiting-Gentle-woman , whose beauty is cried up thorow the whole Parish , I am confident she will not refuse to go along with me ; for lately at Christning a Child , she was partner with an Attorneys Clerk I sometimes employ . Charroselles again bid her adiew , and she again stopped him and said , I will name but one more , tell me whether you know any of his friends ? Many , replied he , and that are so very intimately . For Gods sake then name them , said she . They are called Guinnees , said he , and going in company , easily obtain whatsoever they pretend to . You are very pleasant ( said she ) I would not willingly depend on such reports , and malice often exclaims without grounds , neither can there be a Judge so just , but the Client that is overthrown , will taxe him of having been corrupted either by friends or money ; yet such reports are seldom true .

This raillery was useful to Charroselles , who otherwise should never have escaped Thus at last they parted , but not without protestations of meeting again ; each of them going to grope out their Lodging in the dark , which often happens to those that sollicite . Charroselles coming home very weary , sat down to Supper with his Sister and Brother-in-law , that was a Doctor of Physick , with whom he boarded ; and told them part of the adventures of the day , and the discourse he had held with a Maid so extraordinary . All of them admired the humor of those that go to Law , and agreed that such are not a little favored of heaven , as are free from the two great follies of Clients , one of which is the being so importunate in seeking to make friends to Judges ; and the other so impertinent in putting their Cases , and advising about them with all they meet . For my part , said Lambertin ( this was the Name of the Brother-in-law ) I admire why recommendations are so earnestly sought , since they signifie so little ; neither do I wonder they are so much slighted , since they are often made by persons very remote . Adde ( said Charroselles ) that they are made very negligently , and in a manner that so clearly discovers them to be only formal , they signifie no more than Bills pasted on Posts , to publish the Skill and Lodging of some Emperick . For such as present Breviates , said Lambertin , they are more pardonable ; for these giving hints of the affair , may be to some purpose ; but the mischief is , Judges receive so many of them , that to read them all , would be the business of their whole lives ; so that ordinarily their destiny is to accompany Petitions in the House of Office . That ( said Charroselles ) is sometimes the cause of their good fortune ; for if the Judge happen to be costive , he may pass his time in reading them all the while he is in labour : and I believe as a Lover would think himself very happy to know when his Mistriss's Smock is over her ears and the love fit upon her ; a Client were no less so , to know the dayes of the Judges constipation .

I cannot deny ( replied Lambertin ) that they which seek to inform their Judges of their Cases , in what manner soever , are very excusable ; but they which employ their time to importune a stranger with an account of a tedious Law-suit ; in which he hath no interest , cannot he so ; nay it sometimes happens , that after all , he that hath listned comprehends nothing , not only by reason of the intricacy of the business , but because the Client omits many circumstances very necessary to make it understood ; for he himself having his head full of its notions , imagines others to be as well instructed : but what is worst of all , the Counsel he demands cannot be to purpose , for the ignorant can give no pertinent resolution ; and such as are knowing , will see his Writings and Evidences before they determine any thing . Neither are only such as go to Law alone thus frantick , all whom they frequent have a spice of it , and cannot avoid falling into the like fault ; of which I had lately a pleasant experience ▪ in an adventure with which I will briefly acquaint you .

One of the mighty Gown Men once expressing an inclination for entering into a near friendship with me , earnestly pressed me to give him a Visit , which I did one Sunday Morning : as soon as he had notice I was there , he sent to desire me to tarry a while in his Hall , whilest in another Room he received the solicitations of one of his Friends of Quality . After a long hour he came to me with a great deal of civility , and his first Complement was his sorrow to have made me stay so long : to excuse himself , he told me he had been engaged with a very great Person , that came to recommend to him a business of much discussion , and in which were many considerable Points of Law : after which he began to repeat it to me with all its circumstances and every particular the Party concerned had acquainted him with : in this he spent a long hour , and as he concluded the Bell rung to Prayers , and he not having been at Mass , there was a necessity of our separation without farther discourse . Judge now what advantage or satisfaction either of us received in this Visit .

After Supper , Charroselles being a Man of Letters , went up to his Closet , where the first thing he did , was to look over his Collection , for he daily writ down all the remarkable Sayings he heard in company , and afterwards made his advantage of them , by seizing them as his own ; sometimes making entire Volumes of them , and otherwhile venting them in other Companies .

He had reaped that day a plentiful harvest , which he will without question fashion into a History , and publish with the first-fruits of his Pen.

He failed not within a while after to visit Collantina , and their strange sympathy in wronging their Neighbours , caused them to enter into a great friendship , I cannot say , nor correspondence , but familiarity as much as you please .

At his first Visit , and immediately after his first Complement , Charroselles was desirous to treat her with the productions of his fertil Brain , and shew her the Catalogue of his Works ; but Collantina interrupted him , and would first of all shew him the Breviates of her Suits .

After this he pretended to read to her a Satyr against Lawyers , in which the misery of Clients was set out at large ; but she would first of all read an Information against a pretended Gentleman that bore a Coat of Arms belonged not to him , and for usurping the quality of Esquire . Perceiving it in vain to expect a long Audience , he presented her a Sonnet , which he told her was a Master-piece in Poetry . Now you talk of Master-pieces , replied she , let me shew you a Conveyance .

He thought he should have better success by producing some little Stanza , in which he said a Lover made a Declaration to his Mistriss . For Declarations , cried she , I have one very well drawn up , and of three hundred Articles not one hath been marked as defective . Not a jot discountenanced , he very earnestly besought her to hear him read an Epistle . She instantly answered , she understood not Latine , not believing they were any other Epistles than those that are read in Churches before the Gospels ; but Charroselles , that he might be better understood , told her it was a Letter . For Letters , ( replied Collantina ) I have of all sorts , and I will shew you some in form of Petitions . When he found it impossible to obtain Audience , he drew a printed Book out of his Pocket , that contained a little Novel , which he presented her , on condition she should read it that night . She would not be ingrateful , and immediately gave him a huge Indenture on the same terms . At last , I know not whether obliged by night , or on some other interruption they parted , as I suppose extreamly satisfied to have plagued each other .

Charroselles being destitute of no b●d quality , you may swear was very opiniastre , and therefore positively resolved to make Collantina hear some of his Works and ( since that day had proved so unfortunate ) to make use of a Stratagem . He therefore plotted to get her on a sudden to walk out of Town , reasoning this within himself , reading then some of my pieces , she cannot possibly interrupt me to shew me other papers , because she will not have them about her : but alas ! how weak and deceitful is humane fore-sight ! when he had gotten her into the plain field , ignorant of his design , and therefore not likely to have any defensive arms , he offered to read to her an Episode , or small History , interwoven in a certain Romance ▪ which was as he told her full of intricacies . Truly , said Collantina , it must be so indeed , if it abound more with them than one of my Bills ; and with that drew from under her Coats a Roll of 55 Sheets of Paper , very closely written , and not as in Countries where Clients pay by the Sheet . I will read it to you , said she , before I give it my Attorney , who is to enter it too morrow ; I broughs it purposely to leave it with him as I go home : you that are a Wit may get advantage by it , for it contains matter enough to make a Romance .

Since the Law of Nature have so ordained , that what is weak must give place to what is more strong , it was necessary the Episode should yield to the Chancery Bill , as a Pigmy to a Giant ; Charroselles therefore was reduced to a necessity of hearing her , or rather to suffer her to read , and the mean time made this reflexion within himself . Am not I the most unfortunate of Mortals , to have so often sweat and waked to compose excellent Pieces , and am yet reduced not only to an impossibility of presenting them to the publick , because the accursed Stationers refuse to print them , but also of finding some one that hath the civility to hear them read in private ; I fear I shall at last be compelled to do like those unfortunate Lovers , that recite their Adventures to Woods and Rocks ; and after the example of a venerable Bede , preach to a heap of Stones . Did I yet meet the repulses only of Criticks , that approved nothing but what they write themselves , it were to be borne more easily ; but to suffer thus from a vulgar person , not capable of discerning the defects of my Works ( could it be supposed they had any ) and from whom I ought to expect the highest applauses : this , this is too far beyond all patience .

Collantina all this while read on , and often interrupted our disconsolate Authors sad Meditations , pushing him with her Elbow , and saying , Do you not admire how well my Attorney hath worded this ? You shall see by and by something of the contrary party , and judge how short it comes . She also often asked what he thought of it , and he that had sworn never to commend any thing , and ought himself to be commended that he would not be perjured on this occasion , in the terms of a Pedant , of which he had not a little the humor ; told her , I find nothing in it nisi verba & voces .

Collantina became a-dry with so long reading , which with the heat of the weather obliged this small Pretender to Gallantry to offer her a Collation , of which she accepted . The Cloth was no sooner laid , but the Lady began to poize the Bread in her hand ; and to find fault that it was not weight , and threaten to have the Baker punished . This difference , with the thrift of him that gave the Treat , caused them to fare very ill , but the worst was when the reckoning came to be paid , Charroselles arguing every particle with the Hoste ; in this he was very loud , and at last seconded by Collantina , who resolved to have more than her share in that dispute : she her self therefore took the Counters , and wrangled on every point , even on those that had been already passed by Charroselles . She said it was not the value of the thing that moved her , but that she would not suffer such exactions ; and though we must believe this to be done by others out of avarice , we may allow it in her only to have pleased her self by contesting . But at last Charroselles became liberal by force , got free of this trouble , to the no little displeasure of Collantina , to see him pass by so excellent an occasion of a Suit .

Our poor Author , who got not so much as commendations for all his Charges , sought many other occasions in his Visits to Collantina , of reading something to her , but she ever stood upon her guard : not that she had any aversion for his Works , but because she had so many other Papers to read that pleased her better . One day amongst the rest , after several unsuccessful attempts , he grew so mad , that he resolved to bind her , and put a Gag in her Mouth to be revenged , and preach to her at his leisure ; when a new occasion of a Suit interposed .

I know not what wa● the subject of their discourse , when the Lady told him , Now I think on it , I have a request to you , and would borrow a small Piece that is in the Study of your deceased Father . Do you then ( said Charroselles ) want any Books of War or Knight Errantry , I have the Fortifications of Errart , Fri●●● , de Ville , and Marolois , the Engines of John Battista Porta , and Solomon de Caux ; the Treatises of Phurinel and la Colombiere ; by these to perswade her his Father had been a great Soldier . None of these ( said she ) it is but a Paper that I want . I have divers , said he , and some very curious , all that was written during the League , and against the Government , Le Divorce Satirique , La Ruelle mal assortie , La Confession de Sonci , and many other . Neither any of these ( replied Collantina ) but the Copy of a certain Sentence , which will be a good President in one of my Suits ; and as I have been told ▪ was pronounced in a Cause to which your Father was Attorney . Do you speak this ( said Charroselles ) to affront me ? Do you not know that I am a Gentleman ? That I have Fi●● thousand Livres a year , a Coach , two 〈…〉 and a Valet de Chambre , and can 〈…〉 me to be the Son of an Attorney ? What if I should ( said Collantina ) I conceive it not any injury , for I take an Attorney to be every jot as good as a Gentleman . I have a hundred reasons for this , one especially , very decisive to the advantage of Attorneys ; for the richest Gentleman could never yet undo the poorest Attorney ; and there is no Attorney so poor but hath undon many rich Gentleman . Without giving him time to interrupt her , she that admirably understood the Hall and all that related to it , to make appear she talked not at random , named the Solicitor and Serjeants he employed , the Clerks that had lived with him , and Tipling House where he used to drink his Mornings Draught , with so many other particulars , that Charroselles convinced and confounded at this reproach , knew not to what to have recourse , but to his impudence , and bravely maintained all to be false .

It seems then , said Collantina , I have lied , and in that very instant blows on the face were reciprocally and respectively given . She struck first , and cried out Murther first , and though she got the fewest blows , complained the loudest , Poor Charroselles was only on the defensive , and though he was not at all restrained by respect of the Sex ( for he had not any either for Sex or Age ) the advantage was not on his side ; for he had not been used to cuff but bite . But it was pleasant above all the rest , that amongst the Neighbours that came in to part them , was the Brother of Collantina , that had inherited the Office of Serjeant . Though he loved her very well , he would not concern himself to part the Combatants , who embraced each other not a jot amorously ; but charging those that came in to bear witness , began to write what passed , and the faster they fought , the faster he writ . Our unfortunate Author was at last fain to take to his heels , all the Neighbourhood falling upon him , and reducing him to as sad a condition as a Bird without feathers . When the Serjeant would have sent for a Constable , his Sister was very angry , bidding him meddle with his business , that she was well enough versed in Law to understand how to undo her adversary , and that she would reserve to her self alone the honour of beginning and carrying on the action of Battery .

Going before a Justice , she in an instant gave in whole Volumes of Informations , and then was most evidently made out the saying of a certain Spanish Author , That nothing grows so fast , nor so much , as a Crime under the Pen of a Justices Clerk . She quickly got a Warrant for his Commitment , and because she had no wounds , rubbed her Armes with Black-lead , and afterwards caused a Surgeon to lay on a Plaister , giving in evidence of certain knotty Contusions , which obtained two Sentences of Eighty Livres damages each of them .

Charroselles , that had nothing in him of a Pleader , but that which served him to inveigh against certain Authors , to avoid going to prison , was fain to absent himself some dayes , and lie concealed at a friends house in the Countrey ; where his only consolation was to discharge his Choler upon Paper , and fence with the Arms of his Profession : he therefore wrote a Satyr against Collantina , and the flowing of his Gall extended to all her Sex . He searched his Common Places for all that is severe to Women , and at last formed a Catalogue of all the bad Women of ancient times , comparing them to his adversary , and to her alone imputing all their Crimes . He painted her much more horrible than Megera , Alecto , or Tysiphon . But in the highest raving of his invective , he called to mind that all would be lost , because the Stationers would no more print this Work , than many others of his they had refused ; he therefore resolved , that he might no longer write to no purpose , to advise with them before he began . In this he pretended to imitate many Authors the Stationers Pensioners , that eat their Corn in the Blade ; I mean , that agree for a Book , when they have nothing of it done but the Title , and the price of it being advanced by them , go to the Tavern and spend it , where they also compose with a flying Pen , and that so long , till the Stationers are sometimes fain to redeem them ; the reckoning amounting higher than the price of the Work .

He writ to all that he knew , sending them the design of the intended Piece ; desiring to know if they would print it : but the Stationers , still sick of their bad success , sent him word flat and plain , that they would print nothing of his , till he had recompenced their former losses ; this put him in such a rage , that he had torn all he had written , had not his paternal affection prevented 〈◊〉 ; it yet made him give over his design : but his fury against Collantina not at all allayed , he resolved of ●●me lesser invective against ●●r , which he would distribute in manuscri●●●●mongst his acquaintance ; but because Prose could not handsomely be confined within narrow limits ▪ he attempted Verses , though with so strange an aversion for Poetry , that in the utmost endeavor of his whole life , he could never handsomly couple a pair of Rhimes : but his passion at last mounted so high it became Poetick Fury ; and as of old the Son of Croesus born dumb , by a violent emotion , to advertise his Father his life was in danger , got his Tongue at liberty ; so Charroselles transported by rage ag●inst Collantina , in despight of his incapacity for Verse , made this Epigram against her :

Thou walking Pillar of the Inns-a-Court , Thou Soul condemn'd to eternal Pettyfogging , Pleased with contention , as if 't were a sport , To wrangling Normandy forthwith be jogging , There sue thy fatal Stars litigious Bitch , Decreed to be a Beggar and a Witch .

Though this be a pitiful Epigram , it may pass from a man that made his first Essay , and he sent it to all his friends ; but it was lucky for him it came not into Collantina's hands : for she would certainly have entred an action , on accompt of a Defamatory Libel . Well by this he thought himself sufficiently ●evenged ( poetically you must understand ) for every man hath his peculiar way of vengeance : Authors by Verses , Scrivenors by Parchments , and Lawyers by Vexatious Informations . A while after Charroselles ( I know not by what good fortune ) grew acquainted with an Attorney of the Kings Bench , famous in his P●of●ssion , a worthy Antagonist of Collantina and her Brother the Serjeant , and able to make head against them both . This man fitted him with another sort of revenge of his mode . He entred an Action of Battery , and brought in as Witnesses Charroselles two Lackeys , their names and qualities disguised , and in other habit● 〈◊〉 found also a Surgeon that made a report to his purpose , and in an inferiour Court obtained a Sentence that gave great damages , out of jealousie of its jurisdiction ; so that the Serjeant who was comprehended in them as well as his Sister , was fain a while to absent himself : but after many Querks of Law they were all dismist without any damages or reparations ; sharing the blows and charges amongst them .

Now Reader it is fit for thee to understand , that it was written in the Book of Fate , or at least in the obstinate Brain of Collantina , as little subject to change , that she should never be married , unless to a man that had gotten the better of her in a Law Suit ; as Atalanta would yield to no Lover that had not first out-run her : and though Cbarroselles had not an entire Victory , yet it happened here as in those antient Combats of Knights Errant , which ceased after reciprocal testimonies of Courage , without an entire defeat on either side ; so that we shall not see that aversion which usually follows Law-Suits ; this having served to reunite and give them reciprocal esteem for each other . Collantina , especially , who thought her self invincible in this manner of Combat , admired the Hero that had held her play , and began to think him worthy of her ; but see here a Rival or rather another Pleader , comes in to part them .

I must not omit the description of a Person so extraordinary , He was one that by the secret disposal of Providence unknown to men , had obtained a considerable Place of Judicature .

To let you understand his Capacity , know he was born in Perigort , a younger Brother ( if his word might be taken ) of an antient Family , that had admirably subsisted , and caused to subsist very long the Thatched Roof of its Hereditary Cottage .

Poverty rather than Courage , made him a Soldier , and blind fortune afterwards raised him to be a Trooper , and brought him to Paris , mounted ( as skilful and inquisitive Naturalists assure us ) on a Horse , but such as considered only his height , making , and spirit , took him for a poor Ass . The first Market-day he was sold to a Gardener for Twenty Crowns , which was very lucky ; for else worse than Saturn that devours his Children , he must have eaten his own Head . The Lackey that followed this Horse ( for Lackey I must call him ) was very suitable to his height and merit ; he was a bearded Pigmy , famous at tripping up heels , and sticking pins in buttocks , and in a word , malicious enough to have been a Page , had he been born a Gentleman ; ever supposing Gentry necessary to those Gallants . His temperance was very remarkable , out-doing those that fast with Bread and Water , for he lived on Water and Acorns . If the Proverb , Like Man , like Master , be to be justified ; you may fancy ( most Courteous Reader , methinks it is a long while since I apostrophised ) the Master whose Character you questionless expect , I give you , and you shall have at least some slight touches .

He was as ugly as one would wish , if it be so that ugliness can be wished for ; but I am not the first that hath used this manner of expression : His mouth was wide , a sign he loved to talk to his own Ears , that were likewise large , certain testimonies of the excellency of his wit ; his Teeth were alternatively placed in his Gums , like Battlements on the Walls of an old Castle , his Tongue was thick and dry like a Neats-Tongue , and no less smoked , by the daily vapor of a dozen Pipes of Tobaco ; his Eyes were little , dull , and hollow ; his Nose and Forehead very prominent ; his Hair Black and Sweaty ; his Beard Red and dry ; one of his Shoulders commanded the other , as a Mountain does a little Hill ; and his Statute was as short as his Understanding . In a word , his Physiognomy had all bad qualities , unless to bely him . Valiant he must needs be said to be from Head to Foot , and this he especially manifested by his Heels and Jaws . Ill fortune followed him so close in the Army , that in twenty Campania's he got not so much as had been left him by his Father ( to express less is impossible ) so that he was forced to seek a subsistance at Paris , that proved his best Winter Quarter .

His mind was very worthy his Body , and though it appeared not in its lustre , unless on the Bench , some sparks of it yet may discover his Character . He enquired what the Brazen Horse on the New Bridge was made of , and they which perceived his simplicity , perswaded him , that Fisher-men came in the night to steal hairs out of its tail to make Lines to angle with . A Friar one day speaking of the Holy Inquisition , he said , It was a great mistake to call it holy , it having no day in the Almanack . Walking once in the Thuilleries , some of the Company wondring why that Garden was called so , he told them that in former times there had been a King of France called Tuile , that gave it his Name ; was not this to be very knowing in the History of his Countrey ? Yet I believe he had as much reason as that other Etymologist , that derived Salade from Saladin . He was so skillful in forain Governments , that he used to say , The Dog of Venice and Sapire of Persia , instead of the Doge and Sophie .

His Apothegms would be many , were a Colliction made of them , and might serve for a Supplement to the Book of Sieur Gaulard , having much of the same Genius . Notwithstanding these ridiculous qualities both of Mind and Body , Fortune elevated this Monky to sit on the Bench , as Mountebanks do by the like Animals to make the People sport ; and he became a Justice , which degree , that would have been an honour to another , was the shame of Belastre ; for so this ridiculous Magistrate was called . He acquired his Commission by recommendation of one of quality , to whom he was little known . There is nothing of which great Persons are so prodigal as of recommendations , since they can no wayes more easily recompence real services , than by words and complements : but nothing having been here merited , and some body informing of the small capacity of the pretender , sufficiently discovered by his Physiognomy , all had been spoiled , had he not inveigled a Widdow , who thought it no small honour to marry a Magistrate , and was so mad for a Husband she would have sought one in the East-Indies ; this Woman also engaged her Mother a great Doctress , famous for her Intrigues and Posted Papers . Her Prate more than Skill had acquired her Reputation for curing certain Diseases of the Scrotum , and amongst others she drest or rather cheated a Judges Son , whom her false reputation had gotten under her cure . This Judge was very eminent , and had no other weakness , but to be too much swayed by his Children , by whom he was insatuated . Belastre's Wife therefore besought her Mother , the Mother her Patient , the Patient his Father , who thus surprized , signed a Certificate in favor of Belastre , without ever reading it : by this he attested him to be a Gentleman , and of good life ; nay one article said something of his ability : after this it was easie for him to obtain many more Certificates , all men erring by example , and as in a Dance following him that leads . After so many authentick testimonies , he could not chuse but take , though he became afterwards as famous for ignorance as others have been for knowledge .

He gave outt , hat providence above had miraculously advanced him , and the Parson of the Parish was not wanting to publish this in his Sermons , deceived by his pretended zeal .

He sometimes endeavoured to justifie himself by the example of a Butcher of Lions , chosen Sheriff , who when the Governour of the Town admired how he could perform it , not knowing how to write and read , answered , Well though I cannot read and write , I can score .

One testimony of his excellent capacity , which he gave before he was made a Justice , must not be omitted ; he was one day walking in the great Hall amongst Officers of the Army that bought Books , and he , that he might not be singular , willing to do the like , asked the Stationer for one ; who desired to know what Book he sought , whether in Folio or Quarto . Belastre ignorant of those terms of Art , had not known what to have said , had not some body pointed to a Volume ; he then answered he would have a great Book ; the Stationer asked , whether of History , Philosophy , or some other Science ? Belastre replied , that was not very material , only he had occasion for a Book . But ( persisted the Stationer ) that you may not lay out your Money in vain , tell me to what purpose you would make use of it . Belastre presently replied , To press my Bands . He understood so little his place , that one citing the Law of the Twelve Tables , he cried out , O what good House-keepers were the Romans !

Such was the Genius of this Personage , and his very Meen did not a little divert all that knew him ; extreamly pleased not only in considering his Cloaths but comportment . He walked the Streets with the state and gravity of a Welsh Judge , and when he was upon the Bench , had usually his Clerk very near to prompt him . He was a most worthy subject of satyr and publick raillery , but that was not his greatest misfortune , for he could make a better shift against the girds of Authors , than against the Actions of Collantina , who very unluckily for him had a Cause determined before him , importing only 10 Groats ; in which not obtaining satisfaction , she threatned him on the very Bench , and at last found out something owing by him to one of her relations . Though she had no interest in the affair , she put her self at the head of those that prosecuted him but faintly , because of his Office , with so many tricks and devices as confounded the poor man , that quickly saw two unjust Sentences given against him .

She was perfect in the skill of such Generals as carry the War into other Countreys , and make their Troops subsist there ; for Belastre's Adversaries and Creditors paid her Contribution , and his Friends much more ; for she could serve on either side as readily as Switzers , and her fidelity still ceased with her Pension : but a Suit of five years dependance , made ignorant Belastre so expert , that he became as famous a common Barretter as any in France , which Trade he could not fail of learning in Collantina's School . By often frequenting Attorneys and Advocates , he learned some Terms of Law , and by that time he knew a dozen , thought himself Master of the whole Intrigue : it happened on this accompt to him , as I have often observed it to do to many others ; for be it Gentleman or Yeoman that once takes to Law , they find a sweetness in it , that draws them on as long as life or fortune supports them : so that these prove the most dangerous adversaries ; whereas they which understand the Trade , are the backwardest to plead ; and forwardest to agree . He sometimes got the better of Collantina , for like the Parthians he fought retiring , which does very well with Defendants , and such as are in possession of the thing contested ; and she was fain to lay down all Charges by advance , which she could not alwayes do , because her Contributions failed , though her patience was invincible . Notwithstanding all animosities , Belastre now and then visited her , some thought in order to an agreement , but they which knew her , knew also she was a great enemy to Treaties , and that to speak to her of peace , was to encourage war. He indeed pretended the exercice of that Christian Vertue that commands to love our enemies , for though his conscience reproached him with the unjust possession of other mens goods , he seemed very devout , two contrarieties that have of late very often agreed in one and the same subject .

As for Collantina , had she avoided all Visits but of her friends , she must have lived in a perpetual solitude ; she was therefore necessitated to receive the little agreeable applications of this adversary : and fortune , that endeavored all means of making him ridiculous , smote him with the love of this person , whom he must needs have adored without a Rival , had it not been for the obstinacy of Charroselles , who went on the more zealously , not so much out of affection , as in spight of this new Inamorado .

I shall not break the Rule I have prescribed to myself , neither to steal , nor repeat those things that are found in Romances over and over , though , I report the declaration of love made by Belastre to Collantina , because it is very extraordinary , neither , in how many Visits he again reiterated what he had so often told her . Madam , I come hither in pursuit of your love , not to seek truce or peace . On the latter account you would not be at all welcome ( Mr. Justice ) cried Collantina . But , to make appear to you ( continued Belastre ) that I will obey the Scripture , which oblieges us to love our enemies ; having no body that is more so , than you , I must love you more than all others . Good Mr. Justice ( replied Collantina ) you ought not to call me your enemy , but adverse party ; and , if you can be contented that we may ever go to Law , we shall be ever friends . I must acknowledge that some small thought of revenge made me begin this Suit , but I continue it only out of a natural affection to Law ; and am in some sort obliged to you , for this occasion of visiting the Papers I neglected ; where I found so fertil grounds for a Suit , that hath so well improved under my hands . For my part ( said Belastre ) I must confess that this Suit , at first , very much afflicted me , but now that I have learned the quirks of Law , thanks to you and heaven , I am highly pleased in it , and find we sympathzie , our inclinations being equal . All that I am troubled at , is that my difference is not against some other person , being so much inclined to all that pleases you , that I would gladly acknowledge a Judgement to you . Have a care of that ( good Mr. Justice , said Collantina hastily ) for your best way of pleasing me , is to hold out against me to all extremity . We will begin at the lowest Court , and from thence appeal to higher , till we come to the Kings-Bench . I am like Gentlemen that fight , and hold him that acknowledges a Judgement , or that does not plead , Non est factum , to be as infamous as he that in a Duel begs his life at the first sight of his blood . I confess this manner of proceeding is new , and may be surprizing , but they which wonder at it , may seek its causes in fate , that hath endowed me after a very extraordinary manner . Well then ( said Belastre ) since I may sue you without displeasing you , I will bring an Indictment against your eyes , that have committed Murther and Rape , and doubt not of their condemnation with all costs and damages . Now ( replied Collantina ) you speak elegantly of Love , and please me better than a certain Author that often importunes me , and talks out of Ovids Metamorphosis . But tell me , Mr. Justice , how come you by all this ? since you are reported to be perfectly ignorant in your Charge . I know a great deal more , said Belastre , for my Commission so inspires me , that my Brother in-law tells me he can hardly know me , and that I have the very Genius of Magistracy . This is a word I do not well understand , but I assure you that many times I determine business better than I expected ; witness a Warrant I once was surprized in signing , which though point-blank contrary to what I intended , was confirmed by the Court. Observe how heaven seconds those it inspires , and believe no longer those Calumniators that call me ignorant . Truly , Mr. Justice , said Collantina , you are not the first that hath been famous in our Laws , without Greek , Latin , or any other good Letters , take courage , and assure your self you will learn more by pleading against me , than if you had studied seven years in the Inns of Court .

An Attorneys Clerk entred , as she spake this , whose quality being so considerable to her , that to entertain him , she would have broken off discourse with a King ; she quitted Belastre to caress and question this little Bag-carrier , Whether he had taken out such an Order ? Whether entred such an Action ? with the general state of all her affairs ; and this lasted so long , that Belastre , otherwise very patient , was fain to quit her without bidding adieu .

As soon as he came home , finding he had been so happy by two or three terms of Law to have pleased Collantina , he set himself to write an amorous Letter in that Stile , neither did he believe any other could be more charming or agreeable ; for usually we most esteem the things we lateliest learned : and certainly there could not be found a more Modern Practitioner . The subject of this he took from an imprisonment imposed upon him by an Order Collantina had procured for recovery of a Fine . He sought in the Terms of the Law , which lay constantly on his Table , for the most extravagant and barbarous words , as School-boys make use of Textor's Epithites , and having composed a Letter very little worth , and as little intelligible , had recourse to his Clerk , who expunging almost all , renued it in the following terms .

Belastre's Letter to Collantina . Madam ,

IF I complain against your rigors , it is not for having imprisoned me , but that in contempt of Sentences for my enlargement , your Charms have over and above decreed against my heart ; which having notice of it , hath voluntarily rendered it self in the Jail of your Merit : it will not appeal from that Decree , nor petition for Prohibitions against Proceeding ; but on the contrary submits to all that you please to impose upon it : if you will not rather , admitting its Justifications , seal the pardon of my temerity , out of consideration that the Case is very pardonable ; and that if I offended you , it was only in defence of my heart : to which purpose making all protestations that are to be made , particularly to be whilest I live

Your most humble and most patient Servant BELASTRE .

Having finished this Letter , he looked on the stile as admirable , applauding himself as if it had been his own composition , because he had put in two or three terms of Law , which gave his Clerk hints of drawing it up ; and as soon as he had written it over fair , sent it to Collantina . I cannot precisely tell you what impression this made on her thoughts , since there was no spie to give relation , a great misfortune , and very extraordinary : for at the reception of such a Letter there ought , according to rule , to have been some body that observed all words and changes of countenance , most sincere testimonies of Ladies thoughts ; and that discover them sometimes very indiscreetly . But there happened a greater misfortune , that the Answer ( for she hath since acknowledged that she answered ) was lost , because having no Lackey , she put her Letter in one of the Boxes for the receipt of Post-Letters , with two-pence , the immediate cause of most unhappy influences on all Letters that are paid for before-hand .

If we may yet make conjectures on the success of this Letter , the stile was very pleasing to Collantina , as extreamly sutable to her Genius ; augmenting her esteem for Belastre , and causing her to judge him worthy of a more smart prosecution , which she indeed performed : for she changed the old Proverb , That they which love well , correct well ; to , They which love well , prosecute well . Belastre for his part pressed on , omitting no occasion of complementing and courting Collantina , I mean without prejudice of his rights and pretences . He sent her the best that was to be had at Bakers and Victuallers , presents that accrued to the Exercrise of his Function . He caused place to be made for her at the Sessions and Executions , and at last apeing Gallants , who ( whethet Poets or not ) suppose they cannot make love without making Verses , being extreamly addicted to Formalities , would not neglect one that is thought essential ; but not being so foolish on the sudden as to go about to make them on his own head , nor knowing how else to come by them , not having right expresly to command any to make them for him , nor wherewithal to buy them ; ( these being Priviledges that belong only to great and wealthy persons ) he found a middle expedient , to take out of some printed Book , those he thought fittest for his purpose , a litttle disfiguring them , that they might pass for his own more securely ; and because his theft would be the more discoverable , if he made it upon any of those Modern Authors are daily read by every body , he was careful to seek out the ancientest Poets that could be found : Guess now by what he judged whether an Author were Ancient or Modern ; for he neither knew the time they lived in , nor yet their Stile or Name : he therefore went to the New-Bridge , amongst the Sellers of Old Books , and there chose such as he found most greasie and dogs-ear'd ; supposing them of greatest antiquity .

There he one day lit on a Theophile with all those marks , and bought it at twice what it was worth , thinking he had made an excellent Bargain , and cheated the Stationer . After tumbling it up and down , he drew some extracts from it , which if they related to love , he without farther consideration took to be admirable ; some of these he sent to Collantina , after he had corrected and ordered them at his pleasure ; that is , corrupted and spoiled them . He that carried them , was commanded to say he saw them made on a sudden , and that Belastre had not time to pollish them .

Though Collantina understood nothing at all of Poetry , she yet put a high esteem on those he sent her ; not as good or yet as bad , but because made for her sake : for such women , be they never so foolish and ignorant , are more elevated by these , than Persons of Quality , that are wont to receive them : she therefore shewed them as great rarites to all that visited her , even from her Attorney to her Laundress ; but she expected that Charroselles should prove their greatest admirer . As soon as she saw him , she ran with them in her hand to meet him ( who immediately became pale , as fearing a Sub-poena ) and suddenly cried , Could you have imagined Verses should have been made in my commendations ? look here , though you that make Books never had the wit to write any thing for me .

Charroselles muttered between his teeth a kind of Complement it would have been hard to decipher , and received the Papers trembling ; apprehending to suffer more in reading these Verses , than had they contained Law French in Court-hand . He immediately fore-saw it would cost him commendations , constantly exacted by all that present their Verses to be read , and this was to him an insupportable punishment ; but he came off better cheap , for as soon as he cast his eyes upon them , he discovered the theft , and told Collantina they were Theophile's , and that they fooled her , that went about to perswade her they were made expresly for her ; and for conviction brought her the printed Book , which Collantina received with a great deal of joy ; not faling to affront poor Belastre the next time he came to see her : telling him as soon as he entred , that she had gotten a definitive Sentence she would produce against him . Belastre , that no more doubted of being discovered , than if he had robbed amongst the Antipodes , thought she spoke of her Suit ; and answered he would move for an Appeal : but Collantina to disabuse him , told him she spoke of the Verses he had sent her ; and added , Truly Sir , you have reason to say that Verses cost no pains , since you find them ready made . Belastre , that expected infinite thanks , was strangely surprized at this raillery ; yet no less confident than a Knight of the Post , desperately swore he made them expresly for her . But what will you lay , ( replied Collantina ) that I do not shew you them printed in this Book ? All that you please ( said Belastre ) who observing the Book she had in her hand was new bound , never doubted it could be the same with his own , which he took to be very old . A Wager having been made for a Collation , the Book was opened in the place of the theft , marked by a great turning down the leaf : which no less surprized Belastre , than had his Confession been divulged . He enquired then the Name of him that could discover so great a secret , and being told it was his Rival , accused him of Magick ; he really thought it must be either a Witch or Devil , that could discover a thing so much concealed : for ( argued he ) either this man hath read all the Books in the world , and can say them by heart ; or he cannot have seen mine , which is the oldest that can be found . A little after this ridiculous reasoning ( common enough among the ignorant ) having paid his Wager , he took leave ; and to be revenged on his Rival , went to Council to know how to draw up a Bill of Indictment against a Conjurer . They told him he must first of all have a witness . Well , said he , where may I find one , I will send my Constables to fetch him ? This made all that were present laugh , but he added in choler , Why are not Witnesses Officers , they shall do their duty , or I will lay them by the heels ? The laughter was redoubled , and Belastre persisting , said , Do you think I am so ignorant , to believe that in France , where the Government is exact , and Officers so abundant , I shall want such as are necessary towards indicting a Conjurer ? but for all his choler , he was fain to defer his revenge to another occasion .

That he might for the time to come avoid the like affront , and repair that he had received , he resolved ( cost what it would ) to make some Verses on his own head ; which as soon as he had once attempted , he thought it impossible not to make them ; this is a Disease may very fitly be compared to the Gout or Gravel , of which whoever hath one fit , is never free all the rest of his life . He was very much troubled to discover what were their materials , and having tumbled over many Books , chance brought before him a certain passage , where a certain Poet admired how he came to make so good Verses , having never drunk of Hipocrene ; the resemblance of the Name made him take this for Hipocras , and sent to the Tavern to bespeak some Hipocras to make Verses with , and was laughed at for his labour ; but he added , If you have none , make it purposely for me , and I will pay you though it cost a Crown a Pint. Another time , having read that towards making excellent Verses it was necessary to be in fury , to tear ones Hairs and bite ones Nails , he practised this very exactly . He gnawed his Nails till he fetched Blood , pulled of his Hair till he was almost bald , and put himself into such a Choler , ( for he understood no other fury ) that his young Clerks became great Sufferers , and long carried the Marks of his Poetical Vein on their Shoulders . At last he had recourse to his Head-Clerk , who also dabbled in Poetry and made Verses ( wretched ones you may imagine ) and a little before had caused a Pastoral of his composing to be acted in his Chamber , on a Stage made of Boards and Barrel Heads , adorned with his Bed Curtains and two pieces of striped Stuff . Th●s man taught him how to scan Verses on his Fingers , which he before measured with a Pair of Compasses ; for he could not conceive that any thing more went to making Verses , than to draw words into files , as he had seen soldiers placed at Countrey Trainings .

This brave Tutor also told him there were Rimes Masculine and Feminine , at which Belastre exclaimed with admiration do Verses then ingender like Animals ? At last after some Moneths Apprentiship , and scribbling as much Paper as a scrupulous Maker of Anagrams , he framed three Coplets , not without as much sweating as one that had played four sets of six at Tennice .

He had also heard that to make good Verses , one must get the favour of the Muses ; to whom all great Poets applied themselves , and marked four lines of Virgil , which his Clerk said were the invocation of the Aeneids , and having conned them , recited them still as devout Oraisons , every time he went to work . Having ( as he imagined ) so good success in his design , after a hundred applauses to himself ( for the most ignorant are still the most satisfied in their own productions ) he went with this Master-piece in his Pocket to visit Collantina , where he entred with a strange confidence to efface his late affront ; crying , I defie you to prove these Verses stollen , for all the Books in the World have no-nothing like them ; not that I care for pretending my self an Author or a Wit , but to let you see that when I have a mind to it , I can make Verses like a Gentleman .

Charroselles was come in a little before very unfortunately for him , and hearing him name these Verses trouble some to all knowing Persons , never considering whether he had a rational Antagonist immediately cried out , What do you mean by making Verses like a Gentleman ? such wretched as tire all the world ? Belastre ventured to reply , he meant Verses made by Gentlemen out of Gallantry alone , without understanding the Rules of Poetry , or ever having read , or made it their Profession , Why the Devil do they meddle in it , if it be not their profession ? said Charroselles ( something in heat ) Will any body excuse a Mason that makes a bad Kettle ? or a Smith a bad Slipper ? because they belong not to their Profession ? Would not all the world laugh to see a Lawyer that makes no Profession of Courage , go on to the assault of a Breach , and there shew himself a Coward ? I have no less contempt for Gentlemen , that pretending to acquire esteem amongst Ladies , neglect Arms , Tiltings , and Riding the Great Horse , and affect to be thought Wits or Poets ; yet millions of wretched Verses pass under this specious Title of En Cavalier , that justle away all the good and take their places . How many Ladies are there that slight passionate and excellent Poems , made by some man of parts with all imaginable industry , and admire the trumpery of a Pen no smoother than that of Erra Pater or Nostred●mus . O Muses ! if it be so that your assistance is necessary to Lovers , why suffer you those that dawbe and disfigure you , to be favored by your Meditations and your dearest Children to be ordinarily slighted ?

This Enthusiasme had extreamly transported Charroselles , for his invectives were ever long , ( though he had no great interest in this , seldom making any Verses ) had not Collantines impatience interrupted him ; saying aloud , Without more preambles let us see the Verses you talk of , be they good or bad , since made in my praise , they must needs please me . Belastre would not wait for a second intreaty , nor defer the applauses he expected ; he therefore read such Verses as I am ashamed to insert here with the same gravity he used to give order for a Mittimus .

Fair Eyes , fair Mouth , fair Nose , Since 'gainst your actions I expose My Heart , it hath a Megrim tane , Numm'd by the frost of your disdain .

In my opinion , said Charroselles , these Verses have more of the Pettifogger than the Gentleman , I am sure they have nothing of the Physician ; for none of them will displace the Megrim , which is a disease of the Head , to reduce it to the Heart : but go on ,

So skilfully y' attacque a heart That although mine were no less hard Than the Horse on the New Bridge , you would it move , ( Had I a dosen ) with your love .

Your first , said Charroselles , is a kind of a Welsh Rime , which you may mend by being a little bold with the pronunciation of heart and hard ; but one of the next Verses is too long . That , said Belastre , may easily be remedied ; for writing the letters of the long Verse a little closer , and of the short ones wider , they may be made equal . I should never have thought of this , said Charroselles , and all the help I could have imagined , had been by the Syncope of the Ancients . Is not Syncope a Disease , cried Belastre , what hath it to do with Verses ?

Charroselles admired all , and was strangely surprized , when he perceived the Author , though so bad a Poet , was yet better grounded in rime than reason ; and made more solecisms than limping Verses . He wondred at his simplicity , and asked whether he had ever made any before . Belastre , told him many , which he had not had leisure to write fair . Charroselles said , This then is but a fragment . Belastre replied , I know not , but pray tell me how many Verses go to a fragment ? The laughter at this was greater than ever , which was no sooner over , than Belastre greedy of the reward of his labour , asked what they thought of his Verses , or ( to speak more properly ) exacted their approbation . Charroselles told him , Truly Sir , your Verses are on the Greek fashion , which admitted many Poetical Licences , and I take you to be more than a Doctor ; for I have sometimes heard , that a Bachelor is one that learns , and a Doctor that forgets ; now , you that have forget all , are somesomthing above it . But to return to your Verses , they are very extraordinary , I never saw any like them ; and I doubt not but you will write incomparably , if you have often such rhapsodies . Ha , said Belastre , I would gladly know the Rules of a Rhapsody , is it possible that I have made one by chance ?

Charroselles smiling at this , insensibly took occasion of declaiming against all the Authors he knew ; so that there was not any good or bad but passed under his censure , without considering whether he spoke to persons capable of that entertainment . But I will purposely omit all , he said , for to repeat the detractions of others , is little less than detraction .

The conclusion was , that Collantina , who had long been silent , whilest he talked of these Authors , of which she knew not one , resolved at last , whatever came on it , to speak of Verses , and said , For my part , I think no Verses better than those of the misery of Clerks that write for two pence a sheet ; the conceits are good , and the subject very pleasant . If Clerks , said Charroselles , be as wretched as those Verses , I pity them ; yet they deserve it not alone , Solicitors deserve part , and Clients a great deal more ; and indeed , all that are concerned in that accursed Mystery . Why say you so , quoth Collantina , Yeomen and Tradesmens Sons , that are once admitted into the Inns-a-Court , and perhaps maintain themselves there seven year on the score , quicky after possess themselves of fair Houses and Land , on which they get Judgments with inconsiderable charges , and all that while live splendidly , unless prevented by avarice rather than poverty . I question not ( replied Charroselles ) but their gain is great , but doubt extreamly whether it be honest , besides that , it is a sad employment to be alwayes poring on Papers of so displeasing a stile , and to raise all ones fortunes on the ruin and blood of poor people . Let those poor people ●●ok to that ( said Collantina ) why , if poor , do they go to Law , unless well grounded ? Grounded or not grounded ( replied Charroselles ) all are alike ruined : witness an Emblem I once saw of the Law , where he that had lost his cause was stark naked , he that won it , had indeed a Coat on , but so torn and thred-bare , it might have been taken for a Net ; the Councellors and Attorneys had three or four Coats one over another .

You are very bold ( said Belastre angrily ) thus to cry down our Profession , had I a Constable here , I would lay you by the heels . I cry it down ( said Charroselles ) less than Attorneys and Advocates themselves ; because they never plead on their own occasion , no more than Physicians take Physick . One of my Friends this very Morning told me that he never had but one Law Suit , of which he got the better with costs and damages ; but he found at last by woful experience , that if he had at first abandoned the debt he sued for , it had been a great deal better for him .

This was his Case , A hundred Pistols were owing him by a bad Debtor , Proprietor of a House worth about Four hundred ; he put his Mortgage into an Atterneys hand , who having an Antagonist as very a Knave as himself , so well bandied the business between them , that the Suit at last cost Fifty Pistols more than the House was worth .

He made me a particular complaint on his Bill of Charges , which much troubled him , and seemed very ridiculous ; for one Order was reckoned for five or six times : for a Breviate , for Council , for an Assignation , for a Copy of it , for presenting it , &c. which made him imagine himself in the Italian Play-house , where Scaramouchio acting an Host , reckoned first for his Capon , then for him that fed it , then for him that cut it , then for him that larded it , for Wood , Fire , Spit , &c. Truly , said Collantina , these things can be no otherwise , since it is the ancient Custom that they should be thus .

Charroselles then ( who had been forced to learn the Art of Pleading to his cost in his Suit against Collantina ) said , Will you not therefore grant that pleading is a cursed employment ? Since Clients are customarily exposed to so many cheats ? You ought to distinguish , said the Lady , such indeed as plead out of necessity , and are obliged to be Defendants , are usually poor and come a great way off , but with voluntary Pleaders , who attacque out of Gallantry it is not so ; for these are redoubtable to all manner of persons , and can plague them all , which you cannot but allow me to be the greatest pleasure in the world , and that with a Bill one may do more mischief than with a Satyr . Their adverse parties are still fain to redeem themselves from their vexations with money , or abandoning part of what is contested ; so that how bad soever their cause be , if they can but spin it out in length , they get by it .

Your speaking of those that take pleasure in pleading ( interrupted Charroselles ) puts me in mind of a rancounter I had the other day at the Hall . I met there a Countrey Gentleman that having given a Box on the Ear to an Attorney one of his Neighbours , was terribly prosecuted , and at last condemned in great costs and damages ; I heard one of his Countreymen say , Well Battista , so it seems this Cudgel-Attorney was called , thou hast lost thy Suit . What then , said he , I can have another when I please . The laughter caused by this , made some enquire the grounds of the Suit , and at last grant that nothing was more easie than to obtain such Suits ; but that it was not the way to grow rich .

I speak not of such kind of Suits ( then said Collantina ) God bless us from them , nothing is so dangerous as to be Defendant in Criminal Affairs ; but I mean such litigious ones as may be bought good cheap of necessitous and ignorant persons ; by this Trade I have long subsisted , and complain not . I have already undone by it seven good Yeomen and four Families of substantial Citizens , besides that , I have three Gentlemen now in my clutches , and doubt not but by divine assistance to reduce them all to beggery . Collantina then began to relate her exploits as well in gross as particular , and had not so soon given over without Belastre's interruption ; who said , Without going any farther you have given me sufficient proofs of your skill , and have been long vexations to me on a pretence on which there is not a farthing due . How ( cried Collantina in choler ) do you owe me nothing ? Have you the impudence to justifie this ? I shall make you see the contrary , and refer my self to this Gentleman , pointing to Charroselles : they then both of them attempted to relate the several Suits they had against each other before Charroselles ; as if he had been their competent Judge : and both talked at one and the same time , pleaded , argued , and contested ; neither of them giving ear to the other .

It is very usual with Clients to make the first man they meet their Judge , to plead their Cause before him , and take his opinion , yet not definitive ; so that though I had extended this interposed Story a great deal farther , I had done no wrong to probability ; but it would have been pleasant only to the Auditors , and not a jot so to the relator . They had scarcely agreed who should speak first ( for this point was long debated ) when some body knocked at the door , which proved Belastre's Clerk ; who came to him to Collantina's , knowing he was there , to get him to sign the Copy of an Inventory he had newly taken ; besides which , he had under his arms a large green Bag of many Papers specified in the Inventory , and deposited in the Office to secure the Fees of the Officers . His arrival made a truce between the two pleading parties , and after a short private Audience of Belastre , this Clark called Volaterran , gave the Inventory to be signed by this Venerable Magistrate . Charroselles that had an Oar in every bodys Boat , was curious to see it , and stooping down on pretence of one of his Gloves , read this Inscription endorsed upon it , Mithophilact's Inventory . How , cried he out , Is poor Mithophilacte dead ? he that hath been so famous in Paris , as well for his manner of living as his Works ? I am confident he hath left many Curiosities behind him . If you have a mind to see them , said the Clerk very civilly ( contrary to the Custom of such Cattle ) this Inventory I have drawn up is very exact . You could not do me a greater pleasure ( said Charroselles . ) Nor me , added Collantina . Belastre was also willing to hear read a piece he was to sign , thinking it might in some sort recommend him to Collantina , so that he not only praised their curiosity , but by vertue of his authority over the Clerk , commanded him to give them satisfaction . The Clerk obeying , sate down , and the rest of them having done the like , after silence made , read as follows .

Mithopilacts Inventory .

IN the year 1670 , — I beseech you , said Charroselles , pass over these insignificant formalities . How , cried Collantina , Insignificant ! you mistake , nothing is more essential .

I should grant that ( replied Charroselles ) if a Bill were to be drawn up , or a Sentence to be given , but all our curiosity at present being to take cognisance of the Goods and Chattels of Mithophilacte , it were but time and talk cast away . This prevailed to the grief of Belastre , that took no little pleasure in circumstances .

First of all a Bed , in which the party deceased then lay , made up of three Planks upon two Tressels , a Mattress , with an old Valese , that served for a Bolster , with a Counterpain of Striped Staff .

Item , Two Matted Chairs , with a limping Couch covered with Dornix .

Also a Firre Chest , on which we found our Seals unviolated , and in it only the Papers hereafter mentioned .

For Gods sake , said Charroselles , let us make haste to these Papers , which I only desire to see , expecting amongst them something excellent . The rest of his Moveables we may very well judge of by what hath appeared already , and it is evident enough that poor Mithophilact died extreamly necessitous . I no longer wonder that he was so unwilling to be visited , and so careful to conceal his Lodging from his most intimate friends ; to whom it was as indiscoverable as the fountains of Nile , and expecting no less misery through the whole Inventory ; Good Mr Scrivener dispatch , and fall to the List of his Papers , since the Companies curiosity aims at nothing else . This was done as soon as said , and Vellaterran having skipped over several leaves , thus continued ,

First of all the Testament or Last Will of the Deceased , dated the 13th April — For Gods sake , once again , said Charroselles , we have nothing to do with dates , let us only hear the Legacies , and pass by the Preamble , with those flourishes of Scrivenors , that serve for nothing but to waste Parchment . The Clerk then took the Will in his hand , and hastily mumbling over two or three sheets of formalities , began with a more intelligible voice to read the following clauses :

Imprimis , For what concerns my Funeral , I leave the care of it to the Landlord of the House where I shall depart , not doubting but his courtesie would have obliged him to it , though I had not made it my request .

Item , To all poor Authors that shall attend my corps , I give and bequeath one printed Copy of a Book written by me , intituled , The Poets Daily Exercise , in which they shall find a most admirable example of constancy in supporting hunger and misery , with a most zealous Prayer composed by me in their behalf ; that rich men may have greater compassion on their condition than they ever had on mine .

I also give and bequeath to Claude Catharinet my best friend and second self , my Almanack of Dinzers , containing the Names and Dwellings of all my acquaintance ; with observations made by me of the blind side of Great Persons , the better to flatter and screw my self into their good opinions , as also into those of their Porters and Stewards : hoping that by help of this Work he may get a subsistance , as I have hitherto done .

Item , To all my pretended Maecena's I give and bequeath a free discharge of all that may be owing to me by them , for Incense burnt in Dedicatory Epistles , Panegyricks , Epithalamiums , and Sonnets , or in any other manner whatsoever ; being no wayes desirous that their souls should be tormented in the world to come , as probably they will be , for having kept back the Salary so justly due to me . I do no less in behalf of the wicked Stationers , that have eaten the fruit of my labours , and under whom I have so extreamly suffered , since I lay at their mercy .

Item , I give and bequeath to George Soulas , formerly my Servant and Amanuensis , but now by a frequent fingring my Works , become my Comrade and Brother in Apollo , as well in consideration of the Wages I owe him , as out of pure liberality , all the remainder of my Works and Papers , as well printed as to be printed ; with all such profits as can be recovered of Comedians , Stationers , and all other persons to whom he shall present or dedicate them : yet upon condition ( and under penalty of revocation ) that he cause these Manuscripts to be printed in my Name , not his own , without robbing me of the honour may from thence accrue ; as I know some pilfering Authors have formerly practised .

Item , I constitute and appoint John Freyar Stationer to be the Executor of this my Last Will and Testament , in consideration whereof I require of George Soulas , the sole inheritor of my Works , when he shall print any of them , to give him preference before all others ; in recompence of the loss he hath sustained , by the decried Pieces of mine he hath printed which would not sell , &c.

Really , then said Charroselles , I had a great esteem for poor Mithophilact , but I am not pleased that he courts these small Stationers . It is sufficiently known how they stand upon their terms , when Copies are offered them . They accept none but those of a certain Cabal they fancy , and these at their own price ; for though others were thrown at their heads , they would not bestow the printing them .

You have above a hundred times made me this complaint of your Stationers ( said Collantina ) why would you have them print your Books , if they cannot hope to sell them ? Why do you not print them at your own charge , like a certain Author I have heard talk on , that hath a Thousand pounds worth lying on his hands . Were I you , I would rather sell my Coach and Horses to purchase glory , since you are so hungry after it ; or why do you not rather give over all Baubles of Philosophical , Romantick , and Historick Compositions , and write Tenures and Law Cases ; these are the Books that sell , and of which Stationers are no less greedy than of Geneva Bibles . But , I beseech you , let us quit this Subject , for I perceive you desire to reply with a tedious complaint . Since the company hath a curiosity to see these Papers , let us pass to Conveyances and Settlements of Land and Houses , which are the considerable points of an Inventory :

Of these things ( said Belastre ) we have not found any , only many Actions for Passive Debts , neither does the rest of the Inventory contain any thing but Manuscripts ▪ which one of the heirs required us to put into it ; that he might procure them to be delivered to him : since as he says , the deceased so bequeathed them . These are the only things we desire , replied Charroselles , and these I believe are the Legacies to George Soulas , you have heard of : I beseech you let us make haste to look over this Catalogue . I am against it , said Collantina , and first of all require one Article of the Will to be explained , Concerning the Almanack of Dinners left to Catharinet , and which it says is sufficient for him to subsist upon .

Content ( answered Belastre ) I will cause my Clerk to seek it , for I very well remember I put it in the Inventory . I shall have much ado to find it now , replied Volaterran , for it contains not above five or six leaves , and is amongst a great many other Papers , but I can tell you the substance of it , having considered it very attentively . This Almanack of Dinners is made in form of a Table divided into Columns , and contains a List of all that keep Open Houses in Paris ; as also of all other acquaintances of the deceased , with whom he used to dine . It is divided into Moneths , Weeks , and Dayes , just like an Almanack , assigning Meals on certain Dayes at the Tables of certain Great Persons . On Monday at such a Lords , on Tuesday at such a Bishops , thus he subsisted the whole year , and in case of necessity , if all failed , had recourse to a Gaming Ordinary and munificence of a lucky hand .

This , said Charroselles , gives us sufficient light of the whole Piece , and without seeing any more I could very well write a Comment on it ; for I am afraid it resembles an Almanack in nothing so much as Fasting Dayes , of which I belive it contains more than are commnanded by the Church . And in place of the Prognosticks that are wont to accompany every Moon , I suppose it fit to write here very often , Great Famine , Dearth of Friends , House-keeping broke up ; Predictions more infallible than Lillies . I conceive he might also have composed an Historical Almanack of Feasts and Weddings , where he had been , and marked all his good and bad dayes in such a Calendar .

This man ( said Collantina ) was certainly in a most wretched condition , since he could not live without sharking , which is in my mind below the meanest employment , and unworthy of him that can otherwise obtain bread and water . That consequence is not good , quoth Charroselles . I know Lords and others of plentiful fortunes , that make not the least scruple of being habitual Sharks at certain good Tables ; and our poor Mithophilact often complained of this disorder : For ( said he ) those men , under pretence of capacity or experience in the Legend of Sauces , and exquisite Pallates , think it belongs to them as their due to censure the best Tables , who cannot obtain an opinion of curious and delicate , without their approbation . This so far transported him and others , that they called such persons sacrilegious , for eating up the bread of the poor . I yet hold him excusable , who went not out of Epicurism but necessity : for in what other manner can an Author that hath no revenue live ? It is to little purpose for him to labour night and day at the Stationers mercy , from whom he shall scarce get water for his hands .

Once I saw poor Mithophilact in great trouble , he was quarrelling near the Colledge of Sorbon with another Author , who amongst many injuricus speeches , called him , Glories Almesman , which he went up and down begging from foor to door ; these last words were over-heard by one of the Beadles that had order to carry all beggars to Bridewell ; who with his fellows immediately seised on him , being ragged enough to justifie him of that profession : and I had much ado to perswade them to let him go . But at last I effected it , remonstrating to them that his Profession of a Poet naturally of it self carried him to Bridewell , or at best an Hospital , and that therefore there needed no other Beadle than his ill fate to convay him . I could tell you very many other pleasant Stories of him , but my impatience fore-seeing this Catalogue of Books , will not permit it . Then Volate●●●● , who perceived by a nod of Belastre's head , that he desired immediate satisfaction , continued to read .

Catalogue of the Books of Mithophilact .

A Masiados or Gauleidos , A Poem Heroick Comick , containing the Actions , Sayings , and Prowesses of Amadis de Gaul and other Noble Knights . Divided into 24 Volumes , every Volume into 24 Canto's , every Canto into 24 Chapters ; a Work of 1724800 Verses , besides the Arguments .

The Perpetual Motion , or Project of an Vniversal Romance . Divided into as many Tomes as the Stationer is wiling to pay for .

Poetical Lamentation of an Author , on a loss at removing House . Of 14000 Sonnets , besides Stanza's , Epigrams , and other Pieces .

I was present ( said Charroselles ) when this hapned , and never saw Author more dejected than he at the News of this accident . I endeavored to comfort him as much as possible , according to my small talent ; and being told by the Porter that carried the Papers , that they were lost somewhere about the New Market , I assured Mit●ophilact they had been taken up by some Butter-woman , to whom they were most necessary , and that he had no more to do but buy as many Pounds of Butter as he had lost Sheets , toward recovery of every one of his pieces . By my faith , said Belastre , this is a very malicious Consolation , and very suitable to your Genius , as you say ; but cause not the Clerk , whom I have ordered to go on , to lose time . Volaterran therefore began to read in the same tone he had begun .

A Discourse of the Principles of Poetry , or an Introduction to Libertinism .

The Grand Register of Follies , in which are contained all that are committed in this vast Kingdom , by an Alphabetical Order .

This ( interrupted Charroselles ) is a brave design , I thought upon it before him , and had gone thorow with it , if I had not fallen into the ill opinion of the Stationers ; for it suits my Genius exceedingly . I have often conferred with the deceased about it , who told me he intended 30 Volumes , every one as big as the Book of Martyrs , or Perkins Works . But indeed I still fore-told him , let him be never so laborious , nay , though he devoted his whole life to the Work , he would leave it imperfect . But excuse ( said he ) this interruption , and go on . Volaterran then continued .

A Poetical Dictionary , or Collection of Words proper for Verses , as Charms , Arrows , Darts , Flames , Incomparable Beauty ; Wonder of Nature , and the like ; with a Preface , demonstrating that there are not above thirty words in which consists the Poetical Leaven that puffs up Poems and Romances to infinity .

A Comment on the Book of Roger the Dane , 〈◊〉 which by explication of the Moral , Allegorical , Anagogical , Mithological , and Aenigmatical Sense , appears , that all things that are or ever were , are contained in it ; with the Secrets of the Philosophers Stone , much clearlier than in Argenis , the Dream of Poliphile the Cosmopolite , or any other . Dedicated to the Overseers of Bedlam .

A Treatise of Chiromancy , for the hands of Apes , a Work neither seen nor once imagined before .

A horrible imprecation against Thersander , who first of all taught the Author to make Verses , or a Paraphrase on this Text , Hinc mihi prima mali labes .

Rubricology , or the Art of Inventing Titles ; Demonstrating , That a handsome Title is the best Broker to make a Book sell .

Certain Orations and Arguments pronounced at Stationers Hall , at a Consultation about printing several Books that had been presented , with judgement upon them ; Midas sitting President : where the French Cook and Gardener were received , and several good Authors both Ancient and Modern rejected

Advice and Memorial to the Kings Attorney , to draw a Patent for Incorporating Poets and Authors amongst other Trades of the City ; treating of the strange abuses crept into these Professions ; that they ought therefore to be regulated by a Master and Wardens , as other bodies that are less considerable .

Of Dedications of Books , with all Questions that may arise about them .

I beseech you ( cried out Charroselles very hastily ) let us read no more , how pleasing soever ; but fall on this in particular , for I have often heard it spoken of ; besides that the Subject is new , and very necessary to Authors .

I would gladly satisfie your curiosity , said the Clerk , but in what time ( think you ) is it possible to read over these Four Volumes ? I believe Twelve long Vacations were not sufficient . Obstinate Charroselles nevertheless would have some read , from which he said doubtless they should derive advantage . The Clerk all the while turning over the Leaves , replied , I will give you such satisfaction as my time permits , and read you such heads as seem most considerable .