Dead and alive This ditty out of Glocestershire was sent to London, for to have it put in print, therefore draw neer and listen into this. it doth concern a man that did amiss, and so to shun the anger of his wife, he thought with poyson for to end his life but in the stead of poyson he drunk sack, for which his wife did soundly pay his back to the tune of, Old flesh.

Dead and Alive . This Ditty out of Glocestershire was sent To London , for to have it put in print , Therefore draw neer and listen unto this , It doth concern a man that did amiss , And so to shun the anger of his wife , He thought with poyson for to end his life But in the stead of poyson he drunk Sack , For which his wife did soundly pay his back To the Tune of , Old flesh .

woodcut of three gentlemen around a table

THere was a shaving Royster as I heard many tell , In Michael Deans fair Forrest in Glostershire did dwell , Some call'd him William Wiseman but in that they were to blame . Some call'd him Leonard Lack-wit but that was not his name , His name was Simple Simon , as it is well approv'd . and amongst his friends & kinsfolks he dearly was belov'd , He capored and vapored , and liv'd a merry life . But yet good man at all times he could not rule his wife . His wife she was a woman that loved a cup of Sack And she would tipple soundly behind her husbands back , A bottle she had gotten that would hold two quarts or more , Well fill'd with wine , she hang'd it behind her Chamber door , And she told unto her husband , that it was poyson strong , And bade him not to touch it for fear of doing wrong , If thou drink but one drop on 't , quoth she , 't will cost thy life , Therefore in time take héed , and be ruled by thy wife . This Simons wife had plenty of fatting Hogs and Pigs , With Géese , Ducks , Hens , & Turkies that laid great store of eggs Both Shéep and such like Cattel fine Ews , and pretty Lambs , Which up and down the Forrest did féed , and suck their Dams , She put trust to her husband , to look unto them all , To kéep them safe from danger , now mark what did befall , He did his best indeavour to shun all kind of strife , And yet through st●ange misfortune he could not please his wife . One morning she sent him to field to kéep her sheep , And charg'd him to be watchful , and take heed he did not sleep , A piece of bread and but●er she gave him in his hand , Whereby she made him promise to do as she did command , But see what happened to him , when he came to the field , He fell asleep while Foxes three of his Lambs had kill'd , This bred a great dissention , and raised a world of strife , Till Simon for his fault had beg'd pardon of his wife .

The second part to the same Tune .

woodcut of gentlewoman

woodcut of praying man

woodcut of gentleman with sword ANother day she sent him her Ducks and Geese to tend And charged him on her blessing he should no more offend , Her Goslings and her Chickens with him she put in trust , Who took a stick and told them , so they we●e twenty ●ust , But a woful chance befell to poor Simon before night , For seven of his best Chickens , were took prisoners by the Kite , This vext him , and it made him half weary of his life , For he knew not what answer to make unto his wife , Next morning when that Simon was sent to milk the Cow , Another strange mis-hap there was done him by the Sow , For whilst that he was driving the little Pigs away , The Sow came into the dary-house and swig'd up all the whey , The Cheese out of the Cheese-fat she did both tear and hail , And so threw down the Cream-pot and made an end of all , Whereby she burst her belly , and so she lost her life , And poor Simon knew not what answer to make unto his wife . when 's wife came in the daryhouse and saw what there was done A strong and fierce encounter she presently begun . She pull'd him by the ears , and she wrung him by the nose , And she kickt him on the belly , while the tears run down his hose . And she vowed to be revenged before to morrow day For all her brood of Chickens which the Kite had carried away Poor Simon stood amazed being weary of his life , For he good man was tired with his unruly wife . For when that he perceived his wife in such a rage Not knowing how nor which way her fury to asswage , He cunningly got from her , and to the Chamber went . Thinking himself to poyson , for that was his intent , So comming to the Bottle which ● spake of before . He thought it to be poyson which hung behind the door . He vow'd to drink i● all up and end his wretched life Rather than live in thraldome , with such a cursed wife . So opening of a window which stood towards the South He took the Bottle of Sack and set it to his mouth , Now will I drink this poyson quoth he with all my heart , So that the first draught he drank on 't he swallow d near a quart ▪ The second time that he set the bottle to his snout , He never left off swigging till he had suckt all out , Which done he fel down backward like one bereft of life , Crying out , I now am poysoned by means of my curst wife . Quoth he , I féel the poyson now run through every vain , It rumbles in my belly , and it tickles in my brain , It wambles in my stomack , and it malifies my heart It pierceth through my members , and yet I feel no smart , Would all that have curst wives , would example take hereby , For I die as swéet a death sure , as ever man did dye , 't is better with such poyson to end a wretched life , Than to live and be tormented with such a wicked wife . Now sée what followed after , his wife by chance did walk , And comming by the window , she heard her Simon talk And thinking on her bottle , she up the stairs did run , And came into the Chamber to sée what he had done . When as she saw her husband lying drunk upon his back And the bottle lying by him but never a drop of Sack I am poysoned I am poysoned quoth he long of my wife I hope I shall be at quiet , now I have lost my life . Pox take you are you poysoned quoth she I now will strive And do my best indeavour to make you run alive With that a quill of powder she blew up in his nose Then like a man turn'd frantick he presently arose So down the stairs he run straight into the open stréet With hooping and with hallowing to all that he did meet . And with a loud voice cryed out I am raised from death to life By vertue of a powder that was given me by my wi●e . Some folks that did behold him were in a grievous fear For seeing of a mad man they durst not come him near He leaped and he skipped thorow fair and thorow foul Whilst the people gaz'd upon hin like Pyes upon an Owl His wife she followed after thorow thick and thorow thin And with a basting cudgel she soundly badg'd his skin And thus poor Simon cryed out , I am raised from death to life , By vertue of a powder ●●at was given me by my w●se . At last a friend of Simons which was to him some kin By fair and kind perswasions open'd door and let him in He sent for Simons wife , and so made them both good friends , Who kindly kist each other , and so all discord ends . The neighbours all rejoiced to see them thus agree'd And like a loving couple to bed they went with speed . No doubt but simple Simon that night well pleased his wif● For ever since that time , he hath lived a quiet life .

FINIS . L. P.