AFTER such a multitude of signal good Services performed by my redoubted hand , so many Heros vanquished , so many distressed Ladies put out of their pain ; Labours undertook beyond the skill of Dun , or courage of Hercules , Monsters subdued more mischievous than ever Saint George fought with , or Sir John Mandevil wrote of ; after so many Traytors barr'd from telling of Tales , ( no small Obligation to their Friends and Accomplices left behind ) so many happy Divorces legally made between the howling Spouse and the smiling Husband , the wry-neckt Husband and the well-pleased Spouse , dissolving a Westminster Wedding with the laudable Ceremony of White-Gloves , and a Hempen Collar for Mourning ; after these and a thousand other meritorious Atchievments , shall the famous , the well-known , the redoutable , the dreadful Squire Ketch , Death's Harbinger , Pluto's Van-courrier , Vice-roy of Fate , and sole Monarch of the Triple Throne , now tamely be Catch-pol'd , Nabb'd , spirited , Shoulder-dabb'd , Enchanted , Lavender'd , and laid up in pickle in one of the Devil's Pepper-boxes ? Shall I that have made out so many Habeas Corpus's not returnable till Doomsday ; put so many hundreds to the Grand Out-lawry , which all the Justice-splitters between Chancery-lane and Hell are never able to reverse ; now truckle to the Jurisdiction of a Rascally sneaking Bum and his Captains . How durst the Varlets , knowing their own merits , attach my venerable person , without dreading Revenge , when Justice ere long shall submit them to my mercy ? Lies it not in the power of my Art to cure all Diseases , of which our impudent Quacks , in their lying Bills , only pretend the Remedy ? Have not I the undoubted Faculty of turning those into very handsome , well-favour'd Gentlemen in pittying Ladies Eyes , who all their lives were counted most ugly Rogues , before they came into my Clutches ? Nay , is not R●me beholding to my pains for many of her Saints , who must obtain from me a Certificate of their Merits , and get a passport from my Office , before the Pope , with all his Infallibility , will venture to Canonize them ? And is it not a thousand pities a person of such Quality and Endowments should wither in a loathsome hole amongst Bankrupts and Tatterdemallions , converse with louzy Pump-suckers , or be made free of the Worshipful Company of Peggmakers , when there are so many notable brave Fellows abroad that need and deserve his most intimate acquaintance ? I shall never forget the Affronts put upon me by those saucy Companions in my late Captivity ; the jeers , the flouts , the thumps , and base usages I received from them : and why all this ? because , forsooth , I was the Hangman ; as if the Grand Executioner of Justice , that has done many a Gentleman a Courtesie , and hopes in due time to converse with others , were not Company good enough for such Raggamushins ? But that which most of all vext my Guts , was the cause of my being impounded , and the unlucky time of it : The first was that ill favoured Crime , Suspition of Debt , which I hate for my part beyond all the seven deadly Sins ; for most other Offences bring some Grist to my Mill , but what shall I get by Folks running into other peoples Books ? 't is true your subtile Bankrupts , that crack for thousands , and , like Nine-pins tip down half a dozen honest depending Tradesmen , crushing them , their Wives and Children , to the third and fourth Generation , with their fall , are in my simple Opinion as mischievous Vermine , as he that Mins a bung , or plays the Man-midwife to a big-bellyed Portmanteau on the high Pad ; yet still give me the lofty generous Villain , that cries , The more danger the more honour ; and will rather fright than wheadle Folks out of their Pence : Were it not for such high mettled Lads , what should poor Jack do for Coats , Cravats , and Perriwigs : But it was not only Debt , but on a most pitiful score too ; had it been for Nappy Bub , or flaming Kill-Devil , I could have been content to have suffered a short Martyrdom ; but to be charged with two and twenty Pounds , and odd Farthings , for Milk , Oh abominable ! The World sure will scandalize me for a Milk-sop , and think I fed like an old Brittain , on nothing but Cows-baubby , drink only Whey like a Swine , or stuff my Guts every day with Fools , White-pot , and Custard .

Then as to the Time , the Critical Time , not a long Vacation , but full Term , an opportunity for business under the most propitious Influences , for people of my profession , that had been known in the memory of Man ; to be taken off from ones Employment in such a juncture fretted me so , that I was ready to bestow on my self a Cast of my Office .

Alas ! How many Crosses and Casualties are we poor Tradesmen lyable to ? There have , within this twelve Monthes , above twenty dyed in my Debt , having never a Shirt on : Then a Burghlary was committed upon my Shop , and two of the principal Apartments of that ancient Edifice stoln away . Nay of late , because there began to be some small springlings of a Trade , the Rope-maker began to turn Extortioner , and swore he would raise the price of Halters ; and a Rascally Popish Priest , that promised me five pound for some Relicks of a late Martyr , is run into Flanders , and left me in the lurch . But thank my Stars , I am got out of Limbo , and thought fit to signifie so much to the world , that all persons of Quality that have occasion to make use of me , may know where to find me : I hope I shall weather all my troubles , there shortly begins a Grand Mart in the Old-Bayly , and other Customers are coming on apace ; If things fadge right , I doubt not but before Midsomer to have twenty Guinnies with an Apprentice , and , in a Calesh of my own , wait upon my well-beloved Sons in a Cart or Sledg , when they perform their last Pilgrimage to TYBURN .