VErily ; sincerely ; In the presence of God and Man ; as I am a Minister of the Gospel , and Saviour of the Nation ; I think I must leave the Town . In verbo Sacerdotis , Our affairs go down the wind extremely . The Pope , Priests and Jesuits , joyn'd to the French-Pensioners , Yorkists , Court-Magistrates , and Church of England-men , have so stupify'd the people , that none ( ( except some politick Citizens ) ) but can quietly go to bed , without searching their bed-straw for Fire-balls , or so much as dreaming their Throats will be cut with Consecrated Knives , their Brains knock'd out with Black-Bills , and their Wives and Children transported to Compostella by Spanish Pilgrims , before morning .

The time was , when we could have Imprison'd , Hang'd drawn and Quarter'd , whom we pleas'd , though never so Innocent , and for what We pleas'd , though never so impossible or absurd , by Our meer breath and kiss of a Book ; not a Man , from the highest to the lowest , daring openly so much as to question Our Veracity , under pain of forfeiting his Reputation , and Fortune , if not his Life , by the force of Our Affidavit .

But ( alass ! ) The case is alter'd ; Either the Devil , or King of Poland or Both , ( I will not be positive ) have left us in the lurch ; Every one sees through Us ; Nay , ( So help me God ) stick not , in plain terms , to call us , bloody perjur'd Villain ; Monster of Nature ; plague of Our Conntry ; Detestation of Heaven , and Horrour of Man-kind . Well , there will come a Parliament , and then —

And then , or before , we shall doubtless receive a Reward proportionable to our merit . Prithee what can we hope from any honest Assembly ? We have shamefully abus'd the Authority of the Nation ; We have sacrilegiously violated all Divine and Humane Laws ; We have provok'd both God and Man to the utmost Vengeance . What can we rely on ? 't is a wonder the very Earth doth not open , and swallow Us alive . We have long abjur'd all Goodness ; We have strugl'd hard with something within us , to shake off and abolish the dreadful Sentiments and Belief of a Deity , a Judge , an Eternity , engraven in our Soul , 't is true , ( alass ! ) we have found those Characters indeleble . Our Sacriledge ; Our Lusts ; Our innumerable Villanies , in despight of our hearts , pursue us . The Blood of Innocents ; The Cries of Orphans ; The hideous guilt of blackest Crimes flie in our face , cleave to our very Entrails , and whether we will or no , render us in a manner Devils to our selves : And happy it were , if ( like true Fiends ) we only carried Hell in our Bosoms ; But our Folly hath at last betray'd us to publick Infamy ; As thou say'st , Every one now sees through us : And like Cursed Cain , we bear about us Marks for all humane Creatures to know us by . In short , The Gallows groans for us , and it is Thou hast utterly ruin'd both Thy self and Me .

Let us a while debate the matter seriously : What a strange height of arrogance was it in thee , to swear Me Doctor of Salamanca ? as if thou hadst on purpose design'd to render my Stupidity and Ignorance a Testimony of Perjury . Why , thou know'st I was never at Salamanca in all my life ; nor doth that famous See the Attestation of the Doctors of Salamanca cited by the Observator . University use to admit of such Blockheads as Me to so high a Degree . Thou might'st have remembred whil'st I was at St. Omers , the very Boys derided me for my sottish Dulness ; Yet I , forsooth , must be Doctor of Salamanca . Hadst thou sworn me Muphti to the Emperour of Morocco , it might have strengthned my Evidence against Mr. Elliot : But ( alass ! ) neither my Learning nor Behaviour hath any coherence with a Christian-Clergy-man . What could this sham of thine conduce to our Invention of the Plot ? Thou might'st easily have forseen , thy folly herein would make us ridiculous to the Scholars and Students of Oxford and Cambridge : Nay , thou could'st not imagine but that the long Gown and Scarf would give people an occasion to enquire more narrowly into our scandalous Life . What canst thou say for thy self ? Art not asham'd to let thy Pride thus over-run thy Wit ? Now must I ( scorn'd and rejected by all men of Learning and Honesty ) turn Holder-forth , and exercise my Letchery , Riot , Forgery and Impudence in a short Cassock at Carolina , and this too at an under , rate , and all through thy Doctorship Sir-Reverence ,

But it is like the rest of thy tricks : Thy arrogance is such , thou canst not contain thy self within any limits or compass . Who but a Mad-man would have fallen foul upon his best Friends ? Thou hast vomited out thy spleen , in despight ( as I may say ) of Truth , Sense , Gratitude , and good Manners , upon the very Persons that first created and supported thee in the Title and Profit of the King's Evidence . By my troth , I begin to suspect the Devil hath got so entire a possession of thy Heart and Mouth , thou art longer thine own Master . What if our present Patrons the Whigs should forsake us ; Or what if They themselves should miscarry ( as is much to be feared they will ) in their Design of a Commonwealth ? What course wilt thou take ? Whither wilt thou go ? Scotland is now clear of the Cargilites , and Ireland is already over-stock'd with the loathsom V rmin of our Trade : Nor is there a Nation in Europe , whom the rancour of thy Calumny hath not provok'd to execute Justice on Thee . See therefore to what thou art come : For my part , I tell thee plainly , if I be forc'd to extremeties , I will follow the example of my Fore-father Judas , and Hang my self .

Thou think'st now to silence me , by crying Rogue first ; but that will not do : Since thou art so hot , I am resolv'd thou shalt hear of some of thy miscarriages . Come , answer me directly , there is no shuffling or lying will serve the turn between Thee and Me ; Hadst thou not the best advice Dr. Tonge and others could afford thee , towards the cunning Contrivance of our Plot at Lambeth in August 1678 ? was it nor again and again modell'd and revis'd by Persons of a higher station ? was ever Bear-whelp lick'd over with greater diligence , to bring it into shape ? hadst thou not all the Assistance and Encouragement thy very Heart could wish ? Did not the Papists lie under a manifest prejudice ? were they not despoiled of all ways or means of vindicating their Innocence , otherwise than by a ( morally impossible ) Proof of a Negative ? In fine , was there any thing left to thee , but bare Swearing and Impudence ? Notwithstanding all which advantages helps , props and instructions , what shame and confusion hath thy rashness and exorbitance brought upon our heads ! Thou hast foisted into our Evidence such incredible Fables , such gross and palpable Contradictions , such enormous obvions Forgeries , such absolute Impossibilities such irreconcilable Circumstances , such impracticable Chymoera's , such heaps of Non-sence and Absurdities , that the whole World , Papists , Protestants , Friends and Foes , cry out upon Us , with amazement and horrour .

For instance : How unluckily hast thou tim'd thy Plot ! How untowardly circumstanc'd it ! See Staffords Mem . The whole body of Roman Catholicks , amongst whom , many at least are acknowledg'd and experienc'd by the best of Protestants to be men of Worth , Prudence , Virtue , and unblemish'd Reputation : These must be engag'd by Vows and Sacraments in a Design so Black and Execrable , that God and Nature abhor to think on it : They must hazard their Estates , their Families , their Bodies , their Souls , their All , in an Enterprize so desperate and sottish , that none but Mad-men would Attempt it , and nothing less than a Miracle could effect it ; And this too at a time when they had no reason or motive to seek a change ; They must kill the King , by whose merciful Indulgence they liv'd in peace . They must wade through Bloud , to an uncertain Liberty which they already sufficiently enjoyed . They must overthrow the Government , for the Re-establishing of which , they so frankly and unanimously , in the late Wars , exposed their Lives and Fortunes . How could'st thou imagine these monstrous Impostuers should long find credit ?

Then again , what Persons and Parties hast thou muster'd into Thy Plot ? Those very Narrat Nobelmen , who , above almost all others , had signaliz'd their Loyalty in the Service and Defence both of This and the late King ; and who now , through Age and Infirmities , were retir'd from publick business , and weary of the World ; These must be the grand actors in thy Roguish Conspiracy . Why man , suppose these Peers had been really engag'd in a Trayterous Design : Ibidem . who can believe that they would descend so low as to converse with , much less reveal deep and dangerous Secrets to such Scoundrels as Thee ? Indeed being , as thou wert , wholly ignorant both of the Affairs and true Genius of any Roman Catholick of worth , thou hast been so preposterously rash and stupid , as to impose upon several Persons several Offices and Dignities directly Opposite and Repugnant to their several Qualifications . One , Narrat . because he could seldom go , stand , or feed himself , must be a General ; Others , because they had never seen a Battel , or Armed Campaign , must be Lieutenant , Major , and Commissary-Generals ; A Third , because an ill Accomptant , must be general Pay-master ; Some again , because they were never train'd up in Warfare , nor so much as ever trail'd a Pike , must be Captains , Colonels , and chief Commanders Stafford's Tryal . Nay , the Jesuits , a regular sort of Popish Clergy , they must sign , seal and deliver Commissions for Military Imployments ; And though all men of Reading , Travel or Sense know the Josuits to be by their Vow and institute incapable of Prelacy , yet must They likewise ( together with others whose Talents entitled them to nothing but their Beads ) be enrolled in the List of thy English Bishops . o Ibidem . How is it possible these gross Fopperies of thine should not at last come out ? This it is to attempt a Villany , and want Brains to accomplish it .

What tell'st thou me of mistiming , misplacing , and wrong circumstancing of things , contrary to known Practice , Vows , and Institutes ? Didst not thou positively swear , That At their several Commitments . Mr. Gowen Mr. Preston , and others , known by all their Neighbours to be ancient House-keepers and Married-men ; Didst not thou , I say , swear , in express contradiction to the acknowledged Practice , and Laws of the Church of Rome , That they were Priests ; And that thou hadst seen them say Mass , administer the Sacraments , &c. in the publick Chappels ; Didst thou not also swear , That John Smith ( likewise a Married-man ) was a Lay brother of the Order of the Politiciani , Narrat ( an Order in the Moon , out of which this strange Lay-brother dropt down hither ; for all the world knows there is no such Order in the Roman Church . ) By a like contrivance thou mad'st Ibidem . Twelve Benedictine Monks , Canons of Windsor , whom thou might'st as wisely have made Knights of the Garter .

And now thou putst me in mind of preposterous Timing , Naming and Circumstancing : Irelands Tryal . Could'st thou find none whereon to fix the Murther of the King , but harmless Pickering ; a man so remarkably Meek and Innoffensive , he would not have killed a Mouse ; A Man who was never so hardy as to let off a Pistol , or handle any other weapon than his Needle ; He ( forsooth ) must be the Person design'd for the desperate horrid Action of Killing His Majesty , by the loud shot of a large Gun ; In the open day ; In the midst of His Courtiers ; In the publick Park . This grand Engineer , on whose Military Skill and Artifice depended the whole Machine of the Plot , had indeed a Silver Bullet ( in complaisance , it seems to the King ) but was still at a loss in his other Implements for the Fact ; Sometimes the Flint of his Gun was loose ; Sometimes there was no Powder in the Pan ; and so he continually missed his aim , for which he must ( like a School-boy ) be whipt , and lastly , have Thirty Thousand Masses , ( when he was Hang'd ) said for his Hire . Is not this pleasant matter to be brought before an High Court of Justice , against the Life of an Innocent ?

Such-another of thy Inventions is that of Coleman's Tryal . Sir George Wakeman's Poysoning , and the four Ruffians Wakem's Tryal . stabbing the King . Sir George must have 15000 l. in all , and 5000 l. in hand for his share ; but the Gentlemen-Russians ( tho' most of them Persons of Quality ) could only be allowed each Twenty Guineys , sent them by Coleman to Windsor

And here also mark how palpably thou hast betray'd thy own Roguery . Thou positively swor'st , Thou never wast Staff's Tryal . Really a Roman Catholick , but only feign'd thy self to be so , on purpose to discover Popish Intrigues , and by that means Save His Majesty from otherways inevitable Death and Destruction ; Yet ( see thy prodigious Impudence ! See Stafford's Memoirs . at the same time , and with the same breath , thou ownedst thou wert conscious for above a year together of the daily Attempts made by Groves and Pickering to shoot the King ; Thou hourly expectedst for several Months the horrid effects of Sir George Wakeman's Poison ; Thou wert privy to the design'd Assassination at Windsor ; Thou knew'st the Ruffians were actually upon the place , and ready for the Villany ; Thou sawst the Guineys sent them for their Encouragement , and every moment waitedst to her the fatal Blow was given : Nevertheless thy Watchful Eye , Loyal Care , Holy Zeal and Tender Conscience would not let thee make a Discovery , though ( thou said'st ) thou knew'st for certain , the Gun was already even at the King's Breast ; the Cup of Poison at his Lip , and the Daggers almost at his very Heart : Yet thou never criedst out , Murther upon the Lord's Anointed ; never calledst for immediate Succour ; never warnedst the King of His eminent Danger ; never divertedst the Impending Mischief , nor so much as opendst thy mouth to disclose any of these horrid Treasons , until such time as the King might have been kill'd a thousand times over . What can judicious Persons think of this ? Will they not say , Had thy Stories been true , thou might'st and ought'st to have taken the Criminals with their Tools about them : To have caused Pickering with his Gun , and the Ruffians with their Daggers in their hands , to be seized ; Thus thou had'st discharged a good Conscience ; Sav'd the King's Life , and given some proof of thy prodigious Evidence : But , as matters stand , thou hast demonstratively convinc'd the world , Thou art either an Execrable Villain , in Swearing such things , or worse , in so long concealing them .

There was a necessity for me to nominate some particular persons , else those who modell'd our Plot for us , could not have put it into right shape ; and I not knowing any body amongst the Papists likely to commit such horrid Crimes , named at random those who first came to my mind . But Thou , as if on purpose to make all Europe , by the knowledge of its own Innocence , experimental Witnesses of thy Perjury , hast Impeach'd by whole-sale , and pronounced Universally Guilty of the PLOT , most or all Roman Catholicks , Narr . both Princes and People , not only of England , Scotland and Ireland , but also of France , Italy , Spain , Portugal , Germany , Flanders , &c. ( an Affront and Scandal to almost all Christendom . Now tell me , Is it possible that any in their senses should long believe , Staffords Memoirs . that amongst so many Thousands of both Sexes , of several Nations , of different Interests , of all sorts , states and conditions , as must necessarily have been privy to , and Partners in thy pretended Massacres , Treasons and Villanies , none should have any remorse for so Bloudy , so Unnatural and Detestable a Wickedness ; None Worth , Wit or Grace to reveal it ; No intervening Accident ; No conviction of Judgment ; No levity of Mind ; No change of Religion ; No Temporal Advantage ; No Friendship , or Relation ; No disagreement of Parties , happen to detect it , for divers years together , till at last Thou , and after Thee , thy other Companions , Bedloe , Dugdale , Dangerfield , &c. ( the Scum and Refuse of Mankind , rak'd out of Goals , Whipt , Pillory'd , and one way or other branded with Infamy , ) made this grand discovery , ( good Men ! ) out of tenderness of Conscience ? Is it possible , I say , that any in their Senses should believe this ?

Then , to second these incredible Lies with greater , thou inventedst huge formidable Armies , composed of Narr . 20000 Presbyterian Scots ; 40000 Wild Irish ; 20000 English Papists , substantial Fighting Men , in the very City of London ; a proportionable number in other Counties , the Total , by Computation , amounting to a matter of Two or Three hundred Thousand , Horse , Foot and Dragoons , some above , some under ground , ( besides Spanish Pilgrims , Ibid . French , Flemish , and other Foreign Confederates ) equipped and ready , most of them within 24 Ibid . hours , and all of them within less than ten days time , for immediate Service . These vast Swarms ( thou tell'st us ) were provided with correspondent Stores of Ibid . 5 Jes . Try . Ammunition , Weapons , Black-Bills , Fire-Balls , Granadoe-shells , Daggers , Screw'd-Guns , Mortar pieces , &c. Now then thou could'st not imagine but that the King's Officers , ( unless diverted by the Incredibility of thy Fables ) would make diligent search where these Millions of Men , and Mountains of Magazines were : And that , not finding , either by thy directions , or their own scrutiny , the least Foot-steps of any such thing , it must needs bring an unavoidable confusion to our Evidence ; Especially seeing all men knew it was impossible these huge Armies and Armouries could be invisibly dispers'd , or convey'd away , upon so sudden and unexpected a Discovery , made in the very nick of time when ( thou pretendedst ) they were to have been used .

Well , and was thy Impudence less , when thou expresly sworest thou hadst seen Stafford's Memoirs . some Hundreds , and deliver'dst with thine own hands not a few , of Commissions for all Military-Offices , as , Narr . Generals , Adjutant , Advocate-Generals , &c. Divers Patents granted for Dignities of State , as Ibid . Chancellor , Treasurer , &c. all Signed and Sealed ( O Ridiculous ! ) by the General of the Jesuits : Many Bulls and Briefs for Ecclesiastical Preferments , and numberless Volumes of Letters and Pacquets , containing Damnable Treasons , of all which thou knew'st the exact Dates , and could'st tell , when , and where read , to , and from whom writ and directed ; Not only so , but thou could'st recite upon thy Fingers-ends the express words of almost every Letter . Nay , thou hadst the confidence ( though a Leud , Beggarly , Cashier'd Blockhead , and a Vagabond ) to affirm thou hadst a Coleman's Tryal . Patent of thy own , authorizing thee to be a Grand Councellor in Civil , Military , and Ecclesiastical Affairs .

Now , could'st thou not fore-see the Papists would incessantly cry out [ Stafford's Memoirs . Let him produce One single Commission , One Patent , Bull , Brief , or so much as a Scrip of Paper , signed as he pretends ; Let him bring some Umbrage of Reason or Argument , distinct from his Bare Swearing ; 5 Jesuits Tryal . There were many Thousands of Letters , together with several Bonds , Bills and Writings , for considerable Sums of Money , seized on a sudden in the Chambers and Closets of the Conspirators : Now , if these Men were not surprized , Why did they not save their Indentures and Treasures ? But , if they were , How could they preserve their Treasonable Papers ?

The Plotters , ( if what Oates swears be True ) were not very Cantious , or shie of their Secrets : And indeed it is wholly Impossible , in such a Conjuncture of Circumstances , such a Multiplicity of Commissions , Bulls , Letters , &c. but some Original Writing should be extant , and forth-coming .

Why did not this Oates , this Man of Trust and Intrigue , produce at least That Coleman's Tryal . Patent he said he had to be of the Grand Consult ? It would have been of mighty Force to strengthen his Testimony . Why did he not immediately carry to the King , Councel , or some Magistrate , whilst it was in his Custody , That Damnable Paper or 5 Jesuits Tryal . Instrument drawn up ( as he said ) at the White-Horse-Tavern , wherein the Confederates stood engag'd to pursue the Murther of the King ? Which Paper , he saith , He himself carried from Club to Club : And saw , and procur'd it to be sign'd by each respective Conspirator under his own hand . This would have been an Undeniable Evidence ; Especially , produc'd by a Person who made it his business to discover a Plot , and save the King's Life . ] But because ( as thou well know'st ) there was not any thing of Truth in what thou swor'st , nor by consequence could be any thing of solid Proof to make it out : the conclusion at last , though after much mischief and Blood-shed , must needs be Fatal to us Both .

Were not thy Chymoera's as absurd , and in all points as pernicious to us as Mine ? Didst thou not in express terms swear , the Jesuits became True-Protestant-Holders-forth , and preach'd Sedition and Treason in Presbyterian Conventicles ? Never fore-seeing or regarding , that when the Government had once found out our Impostures , and accordingly discarded us , the Presbyterians were of all others most likely to become ( as now they are ) our main Support and Defence . Mark the effects of thy Rashness herein ; These very Conventicles are now search'd , as the Nests of Jesuits , and Nurseries of Rebellion ; Our present Friends disturb'd in their Religious Cheats , and their real Designs , Associations , and Treacheries , discover'd and prevented , through thy Shams and Fictions .

Nay , on my Conscience , ( if I had any ) a body would suspect thou thy self art a Conventicling Emissary of the Jesuits , set on by them , on purpose to embroil the Three Kingdoms , to fix an Infamy upon the face of Justice , and render the Mame of Protestant odious to all Nations .

Such another Foppery was that of thy swearing , The Jesuits Narra . had 60000 l. a year , and 100000 l. in bank , out of which they made 50 l. per cent Interest ; And that they practiced in London the Trades of Merchants , Tobacconists , Goldsmiths , Scriv'ners , &c. which Trades they engrossed to themselves and Partners in so high a degree , as to gain an exact estimate of the Riches and Strength of the whole Nation . Now , into what a strange praemunire hast thou here brought the City ? If the Jesuits can , and do ( as thou saist ) upon occasion profess themselves Presbyterians , and at the same time likewise exercise the above-named beneficial Trades : Who knows but all , or most of the Presbyterian Merchants , Scriv'ners and Goldsmiths in London , ( for Example , Bethel , Player , Pilkington , Ward , Wilmore , ) are really Jesuits ? Why may not the King ( if He will believe thy Testimony ) upon just grounds seize on the Persons and Effects of all the Presbyterian Citizens , ( who now maintain Thee ) as suspected Traytors , and Managers of the Plot ? Especially , seeing thou swor'st a Dangerous Matter , ( though a Lie at both ends ) That there were as many Ibid . Papists in London , as might suffice to cut the Throats of 100000 Protestants in it . Now , where and how should people imagine these invisible Swarms of Papists could he shrowded and hid , if not under the masque of Protestant Dissenters ? And indeed , no mortal Man can can give a Reason why thy present Patrons the Dissenters are not Papists and Jesuits now , as well as they were when ( according to thy Evidence ) They Preface to the Narrat . brought His late Sacred Majesty's Head to the Block .

Why might not I turn the Presbyterians into Jesuits , as well as thou hast metamorphosed the same Jesuits into Fifth-Monarchy-men ? The Religion and Interest of the Jesuits are much consonant to the One as the Other ; The probability of Complotting dangerous Intrigues ; The Trust and Fidelity in keeping each others Secrets ; The advantage to be gain'd by Success , ( to wit , mutual Destruction ) are likewise the same . Yet thou positively swor'st , That Narra . Mr. Strange , Grey , and other Jesuits , meeting with one Green , and Eight more Fifth-Monarchy-men , at Puddle-Dock , and first closing together in Doctrinal Points , they at length combined in a Damnable Contrivance of Firing the City . And mark thy notable Policy here ; These Fire-Merchants ( as thou call'st them ) must be assisted by 50 or 60 Irish , and several French , ( besides the above-mention'd Jesuitical Trades-men , who thus became Incendiaries to their own Houses , ) They must be furnished with Magazines of monstrous Fire-works in Ibid , Granadoe-shells , and Thousands of Fire-balls , of which 700 were made use on , ( though no Reliques or Footsteps of any such Machines or Balls , upon sedulous enquiry , ever had been , or could be produced . ) During the Conflagration , multitudes of Men and Women , ( privy to the Secret ) must be employed to ransack and plunder the City , and carry the Spoil of Ibid . Cloth , Plate , Boxes and Bundles , into certain Ware-houses in Wild-street and Somerset-house , ( though no such Persons were ever discovered , nor any such Goods or Ware-houses ever known . ) Amongst other Booties , they got at one clap , and of one Man , no less than Ibid . 1000 ●haracts of Diamonds , which were afterwards sold for 3500 l. ( though none ever yet either complained he lost , or owned he had any such Jewels . )

But all this while ( as the Devil would have it . ) thou never remembredst what thou hadst immediately before expresly sworn , ( viz. ) That the main Drift and Design of the Ibid . Jesuits and Fifth-monarchymen in burning the City , was , during the Combustion , to Murder the King , and make a general Insurrection . Now , who will believe the Jesuits would busie themselves , and imploy multitudes of the their Proselytes in pilfering of Cloaths , Boxes and Lumber , just in the very nick of time , when they were to kill the King ; to rise in open Rebellion ; to cut all the Protestants Throats ; to enslave Three Nations , and manage an Army of at least Two or Three hundred Thousand Men .

Moreover , if the Jesuits intended to kill the King , &c. How came they to let slip so favourable an advantage ? Why did they let fall their Design ? A body would think They could never hope for a fairer opportunity . The City was burning ; Its Government relaxed ; The People all in consternation ; The King amongst them ; and nothing seem'd wanting to compleat their Enterprize : Yet after all , no Murder , no Treason , no Rebellion , no Disturbance ensued . What will wise Men from hence conclude , but that the Fire it self was an effect of God's Judgment ; And the pretended Murder , Treason , Rebellion , &c. the meer product of thy Villanous Brain ?

But I put a Salvo to that Objection , by saying , Narrat The Jesuits were not then secure of the Duke , who about that time was but a well-wisher to them . Besides , They seeing the King so industrious in extinguishing the Fire , could not find in their hearts to kill him .

Worse and worse ; Why should the Jesuits attempt a Design before they were ready for it ? Why should they begin an Enterprize which they already knew ought not to be pursued ? Did the Jesuits set fire to the City , and in the midst of the Flames bethink themselves whether the Duke were secure to them , and whether they had taken right measures , or no ? Oh! but They could not find in their hearts to kill the King , when they saw him so busie in putting out the Fire . Mark the inconsistence of thy Perjuries . Didst thou not frequently swear , That the Jesuits accounted it an high Act of Virtue , and meritorious of Heaven , to murder an Heretick , especially the King ? That they determined , without Pity or Remorse , to cut the Throats of all , even the most Innocent Protestants in England , Scotland and Ireland ? That they used to Consecrate Swords , Knives and Daggers for such purposes ? That they looked upon the King as a Ibid . Bastard , and Traytor to the Pope , and chief obstacle to their Pretences ? That therefore they encourag'd and hir'd some to shoot Him , some to poison Him , some to stab Him , & c ? And lastly , That they fir'd the City on purpose to gain an opportunity to take him off , ( as thou term'dst it . ) But now , when these merciless Jesuits had him in their Clutches , ready for the Slaughter , and all their Confederates waiting for the Blow : just then ( O miracle ! ) comes a qualm of tenderness upon them , and they could not find in their hearts to kill him . Why ? Because he endeavoured to quench the Fire which they themselves had kindled , on purpose to destroy him . This is fine stuff , is it not think'st thou ? and a worthy Subject for an Inscription on the Monument .

If my Sham of the Papists Firing the City was absurd and incredible , Thy Figments of Firing Southwark , and Burning the Navy , Narra . were no less ridiculous and non-sensical ; So there 's a double Rowland for thy Oliver . And now give ear to other matters of the same Leaven : Didst thou not swear , That one Narr . John Smith , a Porter or Letter-Carrier , ( a fit Person for a Minister of State ) gave Intelligence to the King of France , of all our King's Intrigues and Policies ; How he stood affected for Peace or War , and what daily passed in the Cabinet Councel , ( whereby surely this State-Interloper engrossed all the Trade from the French-Pensioners ) for which also he had ( as a Reward proportionable to the Grandeur and Importance of his Office ) no less than 500 l. per annum ? Dist thou not likewise swear , It was plotted by the Jesuits , Ibid . The Emperour should be told , That the King of England ( abounding in Money ) had sent under-hand great Sums to the Hungarian Rebels to go on ( as an encouragement , it seems , for his own Subjects to do the like , ) in their Rebelion ; And that a Latine-Letter , importing thus much , was sent by a Lay-Brother , ( a proper Embassador ) to the Emperour ? Didst thou not moreover swear , That Twelve Ibid . English Jesuits were sent into Holland , ( because the Flemish Jesuits were not so well known , and capable of acting Treason in their own Country ) to inform the Dutch ( those States being wholly guided and influenced by the said Jesuits ) That the Prince of Orange would make himself King over them . Besides , —

Stop a little , and take some of thy own Farces along with thee . Did thou not swear , That one Single Jesuit , and he a * Spaniard , had promised 10000 l. ( which doubtless he never had , nor could procure ) for an hire to those that would kill our King ? And that a French Jesuit also ( out of a transport of Zeal ) had given before-hand the like impossible Sum for the same end ? These Jesuits , especially Strangers , are wonderful Prodigals of their money .

Again , Didst thou not swear , That a certain Narrat . Drummer had Ten Royals of Eight , for carrying some Treasonable Lettes from St. Omers to Paris ? And one Ibidem . Armstrong a Jesuit had allowed 200 l. for the like Portage from Valadolid to Madrid ? ( though both these Countries were Catholicks , and thou saidst ) Coufederate in the Plot . ) Yet , at the same time , thou affirmedst , These , and innumerable others , the like , or worse Letters , containing in exprss terms the blackest Crimes of Murder and Treason , were daily sent from London to St. Omers , Paris , Madrid , &c. Ibid . and from thence also to London , and so up and down England , ( though a Protestant Country , and designed Scene of the Tragedy ) by the Common-Post , some for Two-pence , and others at most for Eight-pence apiece . Nay , the Jesuits were so careless of their Treasonable Letters , as to Ibid . carry them about in their Pockets , and drop them in their Walks and Divertisements . Was it not pity , that Thou , their Cabinet-Councellor ( forsooth ) and then also imperceptibly to them , contriving a Discovery , could'st never find , steal , intercept , or discover so much as One of these almost every where obvious Letters ? What Inferences , think'st thou , will Intelligent Persons make from these on all sides so inconsistent Fables ?

Why dost thou object to me the Incongruities of filling the Post-Offices ; and stuffing mens Chambers and Pockets with invisible Letters of Treason ? Thou hast made the Jesuits as lavish of their Tongues , as I have of their Pens . Didst thou not swear , That these Jesuits ( sottish stupid Jesuits ! ) were so regardless of their own Interest ; so Mad , Bewich'd , and Infatuated , as to Preach Ibid . in publick Sermons , before a Company of Boys , ( who seldom keep Secrets , and who might some of them , at least , for any thing they knew , in time become Protestants , and tell all , ) That Charles Stuart is no Lawful King , but a Bastard , come of a Spurious Race ; And that His Father was a black Scotch-man , and not King Charles I. Stafford's Tryal . And that His Majesty's Religion entituled Him to nothing but sudden Death and Destruction ? Nay , thou affirmedst , the Jesuits were so strangely Impertinent and Non-sensical , as that , notwithstanding they were certain of one anothers knowledge to the contrary , yet , discoursing privately among themselves , they would often , to no manner of purpose , positively averr , Narr . That Charles I. was not King James's Son , but a Bastard , begotten on the Body of Ann of Denmark by her Tayler ; And that this present King was also a Bastard , and endeavoured to rule by the Sword .

At this rate also thou swor'st . That Narra . one Blundel a Jesuit was dignify'd with a Patent of a wonderful Tenor ; First , constituting him Ordinary at Newgate : his Office there being to Retrieve condemned Thieves and Rogues from the Gallows , on purpose to make them Fellow-Conspirators , and Managers , ( for want of Papists willing and apt to such Exercises ) in burning of Houses , cutting of Throats , and the like wicked and mischievous Designs ; Secondly , authorizing him to keep several Catechistical Schools in the City of London : where , instead of receiving , he was to Ibid . give Money , ( a Jesuitical Craft ) to Parents , ( being Protestvnts , for Papists surely needed not to be brib'd ) to permit them to teach their Children the Popish Secret of Treason against the Life and Interest of the King .

Again , thou imprudently swor'st , That , notwithstanding Mr. Whitebread was assuredly inform'd that thou hadst made , both Ibid . to the King and a Minister of State , an ample Discovery of all the Plotters Bloody Designs ; Yet Whitebread , Instead of running away himself , or advising others his Confederates to do so , Ibid . ordered thee ( for sureness to find him ) to come to his Chamber ; and there the pettish old Man ( as if he had a mind to hang Himself and Friends , by irritating one at whose Mercy they lay , and who had already abandoned them , ) fell on chiding and beating thee , ( poor Child ) giving thee three blows with his Cane , and a box on the Ear ; After which , ( O Wonderful ! ) this Whitebread and his Companions still continued so supinely negligent of their own Safety , so regardless of the Affront given , and what might follow this Bastinadoe : that they not only remained in their several Lodgings , ( when a body would think it had been more than high time to have betaken themselves to their heels ) but one of them , two days after , doubtless to help out thy Information ) told thee , Ibid . Coniers was gone to Windsor to stab the King . Are not these likely Stories ?

But then , for thy quaint Devices of C. R. R. C. Black-boy , Apple-tree-Will , Barley-broth , Mum , Chocolat , Order of Magpies , Firebals of Sheeps Fat , Tormentilio's , and Tewxbury-Mustard-balls : These indeed are so Sublime Notions , such Quintessences of Wit and Art , that nothing under the Degree of Doctor of Salamanca could either invent or understand them .