THat whereas we the Inhabitants of Silley being neither wise mens eldest sonnes , nor possessed of any great meanes whereby our witts and goodwilles should be held in contempt , have not hitherto dared for feare of derison to send forth handfulls of our affections in blacke and white , or to make our tedious protestations and Petitions as the Leatherbreeches in the severall Counties of England have done , though our intentions towards the King and Parliament are as cleare as classe , and more transparent than the obscure maligniry of those Countrey Annimalls and quarrelling Caveleires , men of great stomacks , better feeders than fighters : We therefore knowing that foolish modesty can never make us thrive in worldly favour , have ioyned all the strength of our wits together , and little enough to draw forth and discribe the face and picture of our sorrowes and grievances , and also in ample manner lay downe the substance of our desires . Shewing first that we being poore innocent creatures of the Island of Silley , that have no golden fleeces on our backes , whereby to tempt any iniuries , nor have any Lawyers amongst us to pole our estates , nor any swaggering friends and acquaintance that will bee ready to borrow money of us and never pay us againe , nor any detractors or backbiters to blast our reputation are like a people therefore much troubled in minde that wee should live unworthy of wrongs and iniuries , which are so common and frequent in England , that neither the King nor subiects can escape the sting of malicious tongues , whereas wee surfet with content , never fearing any thing , no not so much as a Sergeant as many Gentlemen doe in England . And now of late having understood by fisherboate that came from England of certaine discords arising betweene the King and Parliament , upon what ground and small reasons wee cannot apprehend , so that the whole land is like to be divided into fractions for picking quarrells in the Church-windowes , we smelling our danger a farre off , and out of a deare affection to our selves , esteeming our lives to bee presious in our estimation , doe therefore earnestly and hartily desire that we may dissemble our selves together in a posture of warre , and that we may have Bills , Bowes , Arrowes and Speares , and all kind of murdering engines sent unto us , whereby wee may according to our necessity arme our corporall bodyes , and if our enemies should appeare in field ( which we hartily wish they may never doe ) we may kill them seven miles before they come neere us , and moreover we desire that wee may have some redd terrible ill looking Uisard sent to us , together with a ship full of the strongest Garlike so that having put on those scarefull Vizards we may affright our enemies with our very lookes , and blow them away , with our strong sented stinking breaths .

As for Bishops we care not greatly whether there be any in England or no , for our constitution is not so hot that we can endure none , nor our affections so could , that we cannot permitt any , onely we humbly desire that all our Bishops may be spirituall Bakers , that they may make their bread of doctrine as gentle as Ginger Bread , so that old women may mumble it up as in old time they did their Pater Nost●rs , and we beseech these Ghostly Fathers that they would bee sure to fleece their Diocesses , and to put in some poore Scholler of Silley or some Silly Scholler to be their Curate in some Country village , and moreover that they would never straine their voyces to preach too much , and that never doing any good while they live , they may after their decease build a Colledge in one of the two Universities .

And moreover it is our humble desire that wee may be better acquainted with the new sects of Roundheads being so like to us the inhabitants of Silley , for all their doctrines , opinions and tenets which they maintaine doe all smell strong of the Isle of Silley , so that as the Papists doe fetch the derivation of their Church from Rome , surely the Brownist and these Roundheads had their originall from one that was borne in Silley , for is not their madde kinde of Preaching in Tubb● a silly Faction , are not their teaching against the backe of a ●haire and ignorant instructing at a Tables end all silley ●nventions , besides their short circumcised hayres makes them all looke like Sillyes , it is ourhumble petition therefore that they may all domineere in the city , and pull downe Ministers out of the Pulpit and never troubled by the King or Parliament , because it doth appeare by their mad actions , factions , and disturbances of the Common-wealth that they are a kin to the brethren to the brethren of Silley as well as of Scotland , and if they should lacke meanes , which I hope they will scorne to doe , the Silley Roundheads being willing to helpeone another , I would have such as be afflicted there to remove themselves , & not to fly over into new England , but unto the Isle of Silley , and I thinke it were a great happinesse to the Kingdome if all the Rounheads would leave England , and with one generall consent goe to inhabit in the Isle of Silley , that there they might exercise their silly R●●igious feates free from the censure of the world , and the trouble of the Common-wealth ; who doth wish them all hang'd on signe posts , we desire them therefore in this our Petition to pack up their tooles being tradesmen , and take with them their wives and children , and a Bible or two , and so the conduct of their revealing Spirit , passe over to inhabit in the Islland of Silley .

Humbly likewise beseeching that the King and Parliament would not be dogged one towards another , but concurre in affection and abominable love one to another , for discord doth bring forth nothing but murdering and Killing in kindnesse , and if our skinne be slasht and cut , who can mend it , or who can borrow another of his neighbour ? besides who would desire to have his eyes pushed out of his head with a musket bullet , or a peece of his skull sea●ed off with a Cannon bullet ? therefore we desire waking , dreaming , & thinking that there may be store of Pease as there hath beene alwaies in the Markets , and that wee may live in soft ease , and content without and trouble , but not a word of fighting , for we the Inhabitants of Silley are men of weake stomackes that doe hate Gunnes and Gunpowder , and therefore we are willing to bee undone upon any condition rather than to have our dearely beloved bodies suffer the hardnesse of the warres ; And therefore wee humbly beseech that howsoever discontents may arise , and some body may be offended , we name no body , yet in a holy and wholsome pitties of our bodies , we desire that the noyse of warres may be silenced , and peace generally throughout the land imbraced , and no noyse heard in our Ierusalem , but kitching Drums , that is chopping of pothearbs on sunday mornings , that so we may not be put into such feares & terrors to the spoyling of the witts of the Inhabitants of Silly , especially women of Silley or silly women , who neere use to pray or blesse themselves , but at the sudden report of warres .

As for Militia , t is a word we understand not , unlesse it be displayed in the proper colours of displeasing and offending in contending about this word , sye upon such words , Militia according to the interpretation and desire of the Isl●ders of Silley is to set our selves in a posture of eating like Hungarians , drinking Flemmings , and talking of Hull , Sir Iohn Hotham , Yorke , and the Prentices Resolution , which wee commend highly , and doe thinke that there are some of the Island of Silley that have as invinsible stomackes , whose knives nor swords would not be put up at the affront of a Barley pudding , nay it is kowne that wee men of Silley for want of knives have drawne our swords to open Oysters , what dare we doe then to make honour waite vpon us ? as she hath done some tymes upon the men of Silley or silley men , but in these times though we desire some what , we desire no honour we love our heads better then to have them fall off , for too much ripenesse of witt and dignity , and therefore we humbly desire that our Petition may be accounted as it is the unseasonable and unreasonable requests of the subiects of Silley . Now that you may never know the conclusion of what wee would obtaine , we wil commit the rest to the close custody of silence , and not write any thing more for feare it will be too much laught at , but t is no matter , t is usuall in these times for ignorance to deride wisedome , Coblers and Brownists to jeare Doctors , Rounheads to be wiser than square Caps , and conceited women to be Preachers , and fooles to bee farmers sonnes in despight of Aldermens heyres . We therefore the Inhabitants of Silley last of all desire , that none presume to reade this Petition unlesse hee beleeve that the Islanders of Silley will stand stiffe to all Declarations , Protestations , and Reformations as any of the Rounheads or Caveleires who are a thought wiser than we the Inhabitants of Silley .