HOW now Snap-short , What out of your Ladys Lodgings at this time o' th Night ? I 'le teach the best French Cur of you all to come as a SPY into our Quarters at this unseasonable hour : What do you think your LADY is able to protect you ad secula seculorum ? No , Sir , so long as I have an English Tooth in my Head they shall make bold to salute your French Ears , and in as rugged a manner as ever Don Quixot handled the Windmills : and so have at you —

How now Tutty , Meddle with me , if you dare ; I protest if you do , I will cry out TREASON ! What assault me in Court ? Be gar me see your English Love and Affection : but what have you to say to me , speak your mind , for , if it comes to blows , We have French enough to Eate you .

Eat me , you French Scundrel ! Sirrah , you are a French pocky Rascal : and , tell your Lady from me , She is no better than the Devil can make her : before I would be a Dog to such a piece of monstrous Ingratitude , I protest , Snapshort , I would cut my own head off . My Lady is a good Common-wealths woman : Yours cares not if she be ruin'd to buoy her up amongst those troublesome Seas of Distruction which are raised to involve us in ruin : and indeed Ruine and she are so near akin , that she is out of her Element unless she be there .

Come , Tutty , neither you , nor any of that Ladys Retinue durst affront me after this manner , were not my Lady a French Lady and a Romanist : But she may live , and I too , to see your Ladies Tail set up an end once more upon a Dung-hill .

You French Scundrel , inconsiderable , pregmatical , rustical , diabolical , musty , susty , rusty Puppy : You see my Lady's Tail set up as formerly ? Sirrah , I would have you know , had it not been more out of my Ladies Intercession than out of respect to your Ladys Deserts , the grievance of the Nation had long agoe been Exposed to publick View .

Come , Tutty , I see you can Bark , but dare not Bite , I am sure my Lady has Charms sufficient left her to controul another gus Kingdom than such as we are , a parcel of pury inconsiderable Lap-dogs , who dare hardly bark , but the whole world is ready to go together by the Ears . Such is the wretched condition of these miserable times .

And such is the Condition of these miserable times ( as you call them ) is still like to continue so long as your Mistriss is suffered thus to reign in her Roguery , were she more modest , it would never grumble in my gizard , but being so peremptory , vexes every vein of my heart . But Murder will out at last : Come , Snap-short , My Lady never yet to make her own private Gains endeavored the Ruine of the Nation .

And prethee , Tutty , who did ? For you seem to reflect upon my Lady : but for all your English brave Alls and Bragg●●●cio Tricks , you shall never make me believe your Lady exceeds mine in point of Honour . A Lady undo a Nation ? This I dare boldly say ; If she undo a Nation , It s only to advance another : And this Brother Tutty holds good with the Scripture too , why was Joseph sent into Aegypt , but ●o help his Brethren in time of Dearth .

I● time of Dearth , Snap short , let me tell you without offence , Your Lady is one of Pharaoh's lean Kine , she has almost devour'd a Kingdom : and yet her starv'd Carcass would get a sick man an Appetite to look upon it : for she looks so ill favoured by sharp Countenance , that I protest when I saw her last ; I would have given one of my Legs to have sav'd my Body ; for she look'd so hungry , as if she would have Chopt me up at one mouthful : However I am more afraid of her than you : I am apt to believe , you cannot swallow a Kingdom , nor me neither , so soon as she can : and , if I be not Mis-informd , she can make Guinny-Pies as well as any Lady in England , though it be a French Receipt : And , let me tell you , That there s no Frenchman of them all ; of any Repute , at Court , but has tasted the sweet favor of English Gold , which I pray God may be dissolv'd in a real Vengance Pasty .

Come , Turty , you are a Rascal to abuse a Lady whom you know was , not long a go one of the Primum Mobile's of the Kingdom , however , Me-thinks 't is strange , your open-arse Lady , who came lately from selling ripe Oranges and Lemmons about the streets , and now being advanc'd to a R 〈◇〉 Bed , should be so forgetful of her former Mechanick Condition , as to kick up her wanton heels against a person whose Extraction is so high , That it would puzzle a good Poet , ●ay a good Herald to give an absolute Description of her Pedigree , derived from these Three Remarkable Judges of Hell , Eachus , Minos and Rhadamanthus .

And truly Snap-short , I wish her no other harm than barely this , seeing you have so liberally described her Pedigree , That she might be immediately sent to her Relations : I am confident my Lady will bare a considerable share of her Charges and accompany her part of the way : but she has other Business than to go too far on the Road : Besides she has more Discretion than to go to the utmost Stage , meerly for this Reason , lest having but small Acquaintance , and being much more short of Money than your French Lady , she should be left in the Lurch , and Pawnd to Lucifer as a Pledg for your Mistresses Honesty , which she cannot truly justify .

Ha , Tutty , now you and I piss both in a Quill , I confess , I dare no more vindicate my Ladies Honesty than you dare your Ladies : For , this I believe , My Ladie 's a Whore of the greater Magnitude : And , in spite of your Teeth , will carry a greater Luster than any English Lady whatsoever : Though in your own Court , if French Dogs , Ladies and Catholiques be not sufficient to put you all to a Non-plus : I will never bark in the praise of France more .

Come , you French Scundrel , have at you tooth and nail , before I will see my Lady abused , or any of your Factious Tribe thus to reign in your Roguery : I will make no more to cut your Catholiques Throat and spill your wolfish blood , than you did in Queen Marie's daies to burn us : your French Dogs , Ladies and Catholicks have more Command at Court ? Give me leave to tell you , you lye , if you deny it : And if any thing raise my Ladyes Fortune ; Let me tell you , 't is , her being a Protestant , who shall be protected , when your French Romish Bitch shall be pull'd Limb from Limb without starving her , as her Predecessor Jane Shore was starv'd not many Ages before .

Come Tutty , my French Lady will find favour , when your English Madam will be glad to return to her old Function , it is not 10000 l. per annum will last your Lady ad infinitum , my Lady has taken the wisest course , who has Transported forty times , the sum , and intends to follow it soon after her self .

And good riddance of her by my Troth , when the salt Bitches leave the Kingdom , it s more than probable the Romish Woolf-Doggs will follow them , and then what a happy Kingdom shall we have , let the whole World judge ; but I am apt to believe , my Antagonist Snap-short , that your Lady rather makes provision for the Entertainment of her French Monarch , than for her Departure : yet let me tell you , let him come when he will , I will for once hazard my Life like the Old Roman Geese , rather than betray the Capital for I am resolved to Bark Louder , than ever they squeald , and if possible will prevent those hidden M●schiefs though they lay them as deep as Hell , I have a quick Nose for scent , and as sharp claws , as the best of them all , then do what you dare for I Vow by the Honour of my Lady , I will Ruine you sooner or later .

Ha , good Tutty , rather than my Lady should be ruined , I will perswade her to turn Protestant too , I am confident she will do any thing to serve her own Interest .

But Snapshort let me tell you that a French Whore will never make a good Protestant Lady , for if she should turn Protestant , and make a Whore of Religion , as she has of her Body , the whole World w●uld set a mark upon her for a notorious Murtherer both of Religion , Honesty and common Reason , and when she comes into France , her own Native Country , she must expect to be pelted like an Owl in an Ivy-Bush .

But Tutty you mistake the Case , my Lady has an Absolution and Dispensation from his Holiness for all her Villanies that either are or may be committed during her life , though she should live to the Age of Methuselah , it seems you have called me inconfiderable Cur , but I wish you had but a Gizard long enough to apprehend my Ladies Designs ; you mistake the Case , if you imagine she came out barely to be a Whore ; in short , she came for a Spy to betray both Kingdoms Interest . Do you not remember Alexander the Great had a brace of notorious Whores , sent over purposely upon the like occasion ; but he had so many Guts in his Brains , not only to perceive the Intreague , but likewise a timely prevention to avoid the same .